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AIMS paging Swaddling Problems says
Saw your post late yesterday but there is swaddle that lets baby have her arms up. I was very confused by it but it’s actually super easy to use and some kids prefer it. Is called the love to dream or something like that. Worth a shot!
Cb says
The Love to Dream – so good for a baby with a strong startle reflex! Giving that up was a total struggle.
Anonymous says
And I wanted to second the Merlin sleep sack, which squashes the startle but lets them move intentionally.
HSAL says
We used that one too – my kid was able to get her hands up at the top of the Woombie to chew on them and we went to the Love to Dream convertible/transition after that. The arm pockets zip off when you’re ready to start letting their arms free. Big fan over here.
lsw says
That swaddle changed our life!
Swaddling problems (OP) says
Thank you (to everyone)! I posted a longer reply but it didn’t thread correctly so it’s way down at the bottom. Short version – one arm out worked great last night!
Cb says
I did a toy refresh at TJMaxx and IKEA last week and apparently hit it out of the park with the stackable cardboard alphabet boxes, house shape sorter, sensory ball, and tambourine. His one true love remains the hand-me-down singing flashing monstrosity but alas…He isn’t crawling yet so current hobbies are tracking the roomba, plotting the cat’s capture, and waving at anyone who passes by our house.
We’re pretty minimalist on the toy front but I want to make sure he’s appropriately engaged. Is there anything else I should be thinking about for a 9.5 month old or in the coming months? What have your babies enjoyed?
Anonymous says
Blocks – By around 12 months they’ll want to knock them down. We’re also minimalist on the toy front though and my daughter loves playing with anything that isn’t a toy, mainly, toilet paper
Pogo says
Mine loves to open and close doors. We have the V Tech Sit to Stand walker which is also a singing flashing monstrosity, but it has a door he can open and close. He’s obsessed with it.
I’ve contemplated making a “busy board” from hardware store stuff. I think he’d be really into that.
Cb says
Ooh, that’d be cool. I’m headed to the states with baby so maybe a good project for my husband whilst we’re away.
Cate says
do you have the vtech sit to stand walker? is that the singing flashing monstrosity? if not, buy it. There’s a reason it has NINE THOUSAND positive reviews on amazon, and you’re just at the right age for it.
also, my kids both played with it and were early walkers. i never worried about them not learning to walk because of it.
Link to follow! And sorry, I think you were hoping for more non-annoying toys!
Cate says
https://www.amazon.com/VTech-Stand-Learning-Frustration-Packaging/dp/B0053X62GK
Cb says
I’ve got one of the pretentious Scandi wooden ones but he definitely does prefer the annoying light up one when we go to the play cafe.
Pogo says
Ha, that’s the one I reference above. DH and I wander around humming “welcome to our learning farm we have lots to show” unconsciously now.
Clementine says
We’ve got lots to show you! Shapes and colors, music too! There’s so much to play!
…Stuff of nightmares.
It’s cool, the batteries ran out (hallelujah!) but my FIL said to me, ‘Hey! So I noticed those batteries were dead so I replaced them with some long life ones.’ …I almost cried.
GCA says
That song is burned into my brain.
Don’t worry. I swear grandparents do this to torture us. Kiddo’s grandparents have given us a bunch of singing flashing horrors so far, including a faux soccer ball and a bunch of other busy-board type toys.
Anonymous says
We have a rule that battery-operated toys live at the other parent’s house (perks of divorce) or are ONLY played with outside. If they want to play with them inside, the batteries come out. Of course, this is tough before the kids are like 3 years old.
Anon says
I almost find it comforting in a way. When I hear that going, I know she’s happily engaged, not trying to tear the books off the shelves, eat every stray piece of paper she can find, trying to climb her way out of her playpen, unplugging or chewing on the cord of every electronic item she can find, etc.
HSAL says
That thing was my nemesis. God I hated it so much.
Anonymous says
All kids love it, all parents hate it. Mine played with those creaking peekaboo doors until I thought I’d lose my mind.
Anonymous says
About 10 mo my son got obsessed with cars (still going strong years later), so some kind of car or truck might be a hit. A little later, maybe in a year, pretend food started to get a LOT of use.
ElisaR says
5 months post partum so maybe I need to cut myself some slack, but I STILL look pregnant. And somebody asked me when I’m due yesterday. After my first baby I lost the weight pretty easily within 2 months I would say. This time it’s just not going away. I am 40 and not really working out bc I’m still waking at night to b*feed the baby and I also have 2 year old. . . . . anybody have any advice for me? (I know I know I just need to make time for myself to work out and eat like a bird but anything else?)
anon says
There was NPR coverage last year of exercises to do for diastasis recti. It involves about 10 minutes of seated exercise per daily to suck in your belly. Maybe it was in my head, but I felt like it worked on my twin tummy. You should be able to find it on google.
ElisaR says
thank you
Anon in NYC says
Yes, I would check to see if you have diastasis recti before jumping back into exercise!
For me, lack of sleep/exhaustion and stress are basically the top 2 things that make me gain weight / bloat / not lose weight. Also, dairy (I developed a weird reaction to it in my 30s). With a 2 year old and a 5 month old, I’m pretty sure you’re exhausted and stressed daily. So, those could be contributing factors here.
Also, maybe get some blood work done to check your thyroid level. I needed to take synthroid during my pregnancy but then was able to come off it a few months post-partum. Maybe your thyroid is just overtaxed right now!
Pogo says
Per my doctor I don’t have DR but I still feel like I pooch more than I should. Weirdly, I fit into all my pre-preg clothes despite still holding on to 10lbs. I think I lost muscle because I haven’t been working out as much, but now that the weather is better I’m juuuust getting back into it.
That’s all to say, PP bodies are weird and I say, do what makes you feel good in your body (work out, eat a little healthier) and try not to focus on how you look. No bikinis for me this summer, and at work I tend to wear skinny ankle pants and flowy tops with a structured blazer to draw attention away from the pooch. In fitted stuff I definitely think I still look pregnant.
Anonymous says
“eat like a bird” isn’t realistic. But small changes to your eating habits might not be that hard. The three easiest things that made the biggest difference for me were:
1. paying attention to portion sizes – I switched to scoop my pasta serving with a cup measure and ate the first cup at the table before going back for seconds instead of automatically serving myself two cups of pasta all the time.
2. keeping less junkfood in the house – if I was tempted to overdo it, it was more like 4 slices of toast drenched in honey instead of a whole huge bag of doritos.
3. trying to treat myself as well as I treat my kids – I would often make the extra effort to slice up fruit/veg for them but not myself so I tried to make sure I chopped up extra fruit and veggie for myself when I was making things for them
And it does get easier. Give yourself some time, it’s early days yet.
anne-on says
Love your last point – I said something similar to my husband the other day, I would never feed my kid the way I feed myself. So why aren’t I taking the extra time to make sure I have fruits/veggies at every meal, very few ‘junky’ treats, lots of water, etc? I’m still trying to make sure to frame it that way ‘take care of yourself so you can be a better mom’ and so far it is helping me make the extra effort to take my vitamins, eat more whole foods and drink more water daily.
Pogo says
Same! I might as well take the time to cut up extra fruit and veggies for myself to snack on.
ifiknew says
it took me a year to lose all the baby weight. 4 months PP, i had 10-13 pounds extra, I held on to 5-7 pounds at 9 months and now 2 weeks away from 12 months, i’ve got 2 pounds left. Hugs, hang in there, it will come off if you keep making healthy choices.
Get a fitbit, I don’t work out and I try to watch what I eat, but I dont have the energy to really do much, but my fitbit motivates me to move around.
P says
+1 I’m 10 months post partum from my second pregnancy, and I’m still dropping the weight. I’ve seen a big difference in the last 4 months or so. Don’t give up hope yet. It’s definitely harder the second tie around, though. I’m actually not sure I’ve lost much weight in the last six months, but I look less pregnant, if that makes sense. Parenting two under 3 is also really, really hard — and it gets easier.
ElisaR says
Thanks everyone…. one more question. is the DR something I talk to my OBGYN about or regular doctor? Confession: I haven’t had a doctor since I was a kid
AnonInBigLaw says
Either one. I’d ask your OBGYN and get a referral to PT for Diastis Recti.
Anon says
Just commiseration here. It’s ok! I still have weight to lose but look the same 8 months postpartum. I’ve been asked twice in the last 3 weeks when the baby is due. I also ran a marathon 3 weeks ago and eat clean at least 80% of the time. For some of us, this our bodies and that’s OK!!
Cb says
In the UK, we have a large blue folder that we bring to every appointment whilst pregnant. No one ever really references it but they continue to add mysterious paperwork to it and then take it away from you once you’re delivered. God help you if you show up at an appointment without said blue folder or little red book (for the baby).
Anonymous says
Where do the divorced/single professional women with kids hang out online? I don’t know anyone in that position IRL and it would be nice to have an online community. I’m trying to avoid FB but will do it if necessary.
EB0220 says
Seems like the Reddit Working Moms facebook group has a good number of divorced/single working moms.
NewMomAnon says
I have no idea, but let me know if you find one! There is a sub-community of them here…but otherwise, I spend a lot of time on FB after kiddo is in bed.
OP says
Thanks guys. I’m sad that I can’t find a community like that – some days reading about all the husband problems when you are on your own is a bit too much like reading pregnancy complaints when you are dealing with infertility.
Pogo says
We just use a regular manila folder…. I assume this one has specific sections outlined for you or something?
We have a separate folder for baby stuff instructions and baby stuff warranty/registration – in case something gets recalled. I also put all the extra hardware for securing stuff to the wall inside labeled envelopes and kept them in generally the same area of the office until we needed them (though really you might as well do it when you install the furniture).
avocado says
We just integrated baby folders into our regular filing system. We added a folder for baby gear warranties and manuals next to the non-baby warranties and manuals, created a new folder for baby health records (day care health forms, immunization records, etc.), and filed EOBs from the insurance company with ours. Most of the papers we got at the hospital and the doctor’s office were junk and got recycled immediately.
Teacher gifts says
I want to spend $10-15 on my toddler’s 2 daycare teachers. What’s the best option:
Coffee GC- either Dunkin, Starbucks, or a local place. Not sure they are coffee drinkers but these places have other stuff…
Amazon GC- $10 and $15 are weird denominations and I think I’d have to buy online and print since I’ve only seen $25 in the store.
Cash?
Other?
avocado says
Target.
Anonymous says
Yeah, when in doubt: Target.
anne-on says
+1, or Michaels – my mom was ALWAYS spending her own $$ on school supplies and Michaels runs some really awesome coupons/promos for markers/paper/etc.
Em says
I did Starbucks only because there isn’t a Target nearby.
AwayEmily says
CASH FOREVER! Plus a really nice heartfelt card.
AlsoAnon says
What’s your favorite meal delivery service? A friend’s foster daughter returned to her bio family last week and we’ve set up a MealTrain for her family. Since I work and have a 14 month old, I’m planning to just send them something delicious and local. But I’m an Old: my idea of meal delivery is ordering Dominos. Help!
Anon says
A geographic area or city would be helpful to know. Otherwise, you’ll get generic responses like Chinese, Thai, Jimmy Johns, and advice to call local restaurants to see if they deliver.
AlsoAnon says
H-town! They live in Katy. I decided to go with Ubereats on the rec of a friend. It was pretty easy. Thanks!
Anonymous says
With Postmates / Task rabbit, basically any restaurant that has a take-0ut option can be delivered. So whatever is delicious and local is fair game!
Hugs to your friend, both in thanks for providing a loving foster home, and to get her through what’s probably an incredibly tough transition “losing” her foster daughter.
Double Stroller Update says
Update: I ended up buying a new Bob double on sale.
You guys had such great feedback- especially about the resale value. One of the things I realized is that where I live, the Bob would have better resale than the Thule just because of the demand for the brand where I live. I had called around and good condition used Bob Doubles were between 350 and 400 and selling immediately so nobody had them used.
The straw that broke the camel’s back was when I was chatting with a friend and said, ‘Ugh – talk me out of buying a really expensive double stroller) to which she replied – ‘I absolutely won’t. I think that if it makes your life even slightly easier, you should do it.’
So I did.
Pogo says
yay! Happy jogging :)
Edna Mazur says
Love your friend. I’d say the same to my friends. Should start saying it to myself…
Anon says
Love that!! I applied the cost per use theory to my brand new Double BOB , and it’s one of the best baby items we purchased.
Also, I try to use that mentality for other things – I hate all the random kid crap that we feel pressured to buy, but I’ve started to let go a little for things that make life easier. For example, both my kids like to have a water bottle with them at all times, day and night. We kept losing tops and lids, and my husband and I were going crazy trying to track down pieces to make the kids water each morning and right before bed. So, I just bought a whole bunch. and now, they get them in Easter baskets, Christmas stockings, etc. Was it extra plastic? Yes. Did it make life exponentially easier on an every day basis? Yes. Done. We did the same with binkies.
On Older Dads says
Saw this post yesterday but didn’t have time to respond. DH’s dad was 41 when DH was born. DH’s mom was 32.
There are pros: DH’s dad took an early retirement package when DH was 8 and did a lot of SAH/parental coverage stuff (drive DH to Private school for a decade, ran boyscout troops, etc) while MIL worked. Also, they were financially much better off than my parents, who had me at 25/26. My dad had a teenager when he turned 40; FIL had a newborn! FIL was also the oldest dads, so their “couple friends” were much younger and have kept FIL mentally and physically young. He’s 78 now but looks and acts closer to 65.
Cons:
– FIL is 78. Even if he lives to 85, his oldest grandkid will be 9. He doesn’t like to fly or travel much anymore, so we don’t see him unless we fly to him (MIL comes to visit much more often). He’s also a generation older than my parents- he could be my dad’s dad. It makes for odd dynamics in managing grandparent expectations. He is much more the
-DH is an only child because of FIL’s age- he didn’t want to deal with another kid, and MIL was pushing 35 in the early 80s.
Anon says
I got y’all beat. My dad was 45 when I was born and 52! when my brother was born. My mom was 34/35 for me and 41/42 for my brother. I think having kids later in life really kept my parents younger. No one would ever guess my dad was 81 and my mom 70. My parents health didn’t really start to be an issue until about 2 years ago. Now it is harder for them to travel to us so we have to do most of the traveling to them. My dad may not be alive for grandkids – though my family has crazy longevity. Lots of relatives made it to 100. He legit doesn’t consider himself old yet and balks at doing “senior” things like anything sponsored by the town senior center. I have to remind him that most senior discounts start at 65 and some at 55. It’s ok to be a senior.
As a random funny aside, when my dad had just turned 65, he was out walking his dog late at night and some teenagers were out causing trouble, egging houses and mailboxes. They drove by my dad and threw a bunch of eggs at him. He came back and called the police because he figured they were likely drunk and were messing with people’s property. We lived in a small town with not much to do. They caught the kids and charged them with ELDER ABUSE since my dad was over 65. He was first so insulted that he qualified as an elder under the statute. Second, he didn’t want those kids to have such a serious charge hanging over their heads for life. He thought they’d get PC’d for the night or charged with disturbing the peace or something. He convinced the prosecutor to reduce the charges and the kids got community service.
Choosing a Guardian says
DH and I are writing a will and choosing a guardian for our soon to arrive twins. DH would like to choose MIL (his mom), who is single and 63. I would like to choose my brother and SIL, who are late 40s and 50. MIL is currently in good health, with minor back problems (nothing major, just normal for someone in her 60s). I think she is too old to take on single parenting of 2 kids, whether its toddlers in her 60s or teens in her late 70s, given that we have another option of a younger couple who shares our values (as does MIL). DH thinks that my brother and SIL already have enough on their plate with their own kids.
I think some of where DH is coming from is wanting his family vs mine (though we get along well with both), so I’m not sure he’s thinking clearly about it (and maybe subconsciously I’m doing the same), but he just seems to disagree that MIL is too old to be the best choice. Am I being unreasonable?
Anon2 says
This is hard. My husband and I still haven’t made a choice and we have two kids ( know, I know..) On one hand, you can always revise your will as kids and adults age. However, because you’re having twins, it might be especially hard for your MIL. One (older) adult to two babies sounds super rough! For that reason alone I would lean towards your brother and SIL. Plus, sounds like their kids could help out, too. Just make sure you have sufficient life insurance that your brother could use for the good of the whole family (bigger house, etc) if needed.
Cb says
I don’t think you’re unreasonable at all. My parents are only just 60 and they still aren’t my choice of guardian. My husband’s siblings are older and I’m an only so we ended up choosing my husband’s second cousin which is a weird choice but makes sense for our family – we’re close friends, they have kids 5-7 years older than ours and parent in a way that we’d be comfortable with if the worst happens.
Anonymous says
You are being unreasonable, in that you conveniently believe your brother is obviously the best choice and his mother is not. She is not too old! She sounds completely capable of doing this. Do your husband the courtesy of acknowledging you have two good options, which is true, and go from there.
avocado says
I think OP is wise to be thinking towards the future. My husband’s stepmother is in her 70s and is just about the liveliest, most active, healthiest person of that age I have ever met, and I still can’t imagine her raising a teen over the next few years. What happens if grandma needs a hip replacement at age 75 and is alone with two 12-year-old? What happens if dementia slowly starts to develop when the kids are 18? Even though many people live successfully on their own into their 80s or 90s, many others don’t, and living on one’s own is a lot less demanding than parenting.
J says
Although many of us here are so lucky that our parents and/or in-laws would take our children in a heartbeat, I also feel like it is a bit unfair to them. They paid their child-rearing dues and should have the freedom that “the golden years” can provide.
Anon says
We have a rule that we don’t use our parents for life planning purposes. So beneficiaries, executors, and guardians are all siblings or friends. The idea is that we don’t want our kids to lose their caregivers or advisors twice in life, we want someone who would ideally be our age and live as long as we would.
We picked a long list of siblings and friends as guardians, and put them in order. We specifically name the grandparents as being involved – I don’t remember the wording, but something like “Our wish is that both sets of grandparents would remain closely involved in the children’s lives, serving as mentors, support, and a link to family history, as far as is deemed practical by the guardians.” The idea is that taking on two more kids is taxing for any family, so there would be additional grandparents that should be babysitters and help pick up after school and buy new clothes and whatever other help would be needed. We obviously talked to all the siblings/ friends/ parents involved so they understand this plan and what it means. Siblings know they’ll have extra help if they need it, and parents know they’ll still be closely involved with the kids no matter who is the guardian.
Anon in NYC says
I don’t think either of you are being unreasonable. I can see how, from his point of view, your brother and SIL have their own kids. Who can really say that your kids will be loved and cherished as much as their own? But he KNOWS that his mom will love the heck out of your kids, and maybe he thinks that that will compensate for not being as young. And I can absolutely understand your concerns about how she would handle two active kids – I don’t think my mother in law could do it (even though she would love the heck out of my kid).
The good thing here, is that none of this is irrevocable. There are compromises.
Clementine says
This is always so hard.
I’ll share that my husband and I are the designated guardians for a friend’s kids. They had a situation where his mother would really have wanted to be designated but physically isn’t able whereas her side of the family has very different values and parenting styles (think: like, RADICALLY different) that gave them pause.
One of the major things is to make sure that you both feel okay with what this looks like… you can also change it in the future if the circumstances change.
NewMomAnon says
I’m going to throw another wrinkle in your decision making – where do brother and SIL live? It might not matter with tiny babies, but if MIL would be able to move into your house and provide semi-continuity (same school, same friends circle, same extracurriculars) in case of loss of parents, I would add that to the list of considerations. And these are hard conversations! Make sure you’re both thinking about it and listening to each other. You don’t need to make a quick decision; you need to make a good decision.
FWIW, I don’t think your MIL is automatically too old. I also don’t think age should be the only deciding factor. When I selected guardians, I thought really hard about who would be most likely to maintain a relationship with the other side of kiddo’s family, who would be least likely to have a career derailed by becoming a guardian suddenly, who had expressed interest (so important!) and had been a part of my pregnancy and kiddo’s life. As she gets older, I expect our named guardian may change too.
And then we both got significant life insurance policies with kiddo as beneficiary to make sure we were protecting her and her guardians if something happened. I also separated physical guardianship from the named trustee of her trust if there was a life insurance payout; I knew our chosen guardian would take really good care of her personal development, but I didn’t trust that they would be as generous with payments for education and later asset building as I wanted.
Choosing a Guardian says
Thanks for all the thoughtful responses so far. We plan to have sufficient life insurance to cover all kid costs and more. Brother and SIL live in our town and I would hope MIL would be willing to move here if kids were old enough to have friends etc. My family invites MIL to every holiday and family birthday, so I’m confident she would stay in their lives and hope she would do the same with my family if she was guardian.
Fwiw, wrt my feelings on age, my parents are both living, but I don’t think should be guardians because they are 70. They are in extremely good health (better than MIL). Everyone is shocked at how old they are and I can’t keep up with my dad when we go on hikes or bike rides together. But when they’ve watched their grandkids for a week at a time, I know they find it tiring and that will only get harder as they get older.
Anonymous says
I think you are right to be cautious about 63 being too old long term. It would be devastating for your children to lose you and then lose their guardian before they are adults. You need to pick someone who can be their parent for 20 years after you pass.
I have twins, they are a lot of work. At the baby stage it’s not as bad but keeping up with two 4 year old little boys is exhausting for even active parents, let alone grandparents. My 70 year old MIL skis and hikes regularly and still need breaks for naps when she comes to visit. My mid 60s parents were wiped by a week of watching our kids even though were in daycare full time.
It’s not that she will be 63 when the babies are born, it’s that she will be 73 when they are 10 years old and 80 when they are graduating high school. Managing two teenagers when you are between the ages of 75-80 is no small feat and your kids need someone who will support them as they tranisition to college, not someone who they may have to be worried about arranging elder care for.
Anonymous says
I think its unreasonable to think 63 is too old if she is in good mental and physical health. We just named my 66 and 68 year old parents as guardians for our newborn. We didn’t really have other good options (I’m an only and I really don’t want my child with my unpleasant sister in-law — my daughter would certainly have kind of a strange upbringing if she’s raised by 70-something grandparents but they will love her fiercely and that kind of outweighs everything else imo.) My retired parents have also agreed to move into our home in the event we both die, so she will have the stability of staying in the same house and school district. My SIL obviously couldn’t do that since she has her own career that requires her to live in a different city.
Anon says
Also having twins. My husband’s mother just turned 60 and is healthy but our attorney still suggested we go with someone younger. I realize you never know what will happen to anyone in life, but if her health were to change, we decided we don’t want our kids to have to transition twice and deal with losing their primary caregiver twice. Granted i might feel differently if my parents were an option, but despite being around the same age, they have not lucked out in the health department.
Paging Gestational Diabetes from yesterday says
So I did wind up with GD with my twin pregnancy (way more common with those). If you do end up with it, it is likely VERY manageable with diet. Taking my blood sugar 3x a day was lightly annoying. Dealing with it was mostly just spreading carbs out thinly throughout the day and really upping protein. So for breakfast I was eating three eggs scrambled with basil cheese and tomatoes and one mini donut for my 10 carbs or whatever I was allowed then. I also really embraced what I called the “night steak”– if I was out of carbs for the day and still hungry at night, I just ate a big steak with horseradish sauce. It was annoying because I wanted a Krispy Kreme but that’s about as bad as it got. And frankly, it kept me from gaining a lot of weight; despite the twins I only gained around 30 pounds (though they were early). So hopefully some diet and exercise changes now mean you won’t be dealing with it, but if you wind up with it, it’s not the worst. I had the world’s toughest pregnancy and it was basically my “favorite” of the complications.
NewMomAnon says
“Night steak” sounds amazing, tbh.
Anon in NYC says
omg YES
Paging Gestational Diabetes from yesterday says
It was a delight– or as much as a delight as not eating a Krispy Kreme can be. At 9pm every night I’d start singing “Workin’ on my night steeeeeak” a la Liz Lemon and her Night Cheese. Also FWIW as soon as those babies came out I ate, by my count, 20 donuts in the next 14 days. GD goes away right when they’re born (it’s placenta-caused).
H13 says
Thank you for all the help and advice re: menstrual cups earlier in the week. Using and loving it! And quickly becoming an evangelist.
How do you store yours?
Anonymous says
I really enjoyed the white house correspondents dinner this year – I thought Michelle Wolf was hilarious. Well she has a short clip called ‘making a human’ (link in reply) and it’s hysterical. I’ll post the link in reply – I think you ladies would get a kick out of it. Happy Thursday!
Anonymous says
Michelle Wolf – https://youtu.be/kYBmHEFJLAs
Anonymous says
The nighr steak comment just made me laugh out loud at my desk. I looooove steak when I was preggo (formee vegetarian)
Anon says
How did you and your partner split night duty when your baby wasn’t sleeping through the night? I did 100% of it while I was on maternity leave, but now that I’m back at work, dealing with all of our 5 month old’s night wakings/feedings is killing me. She’s EBF, as of now, and her night wakings are super inconsistent (sometimes she’s up once, sometimes it’s 3 times/night).
Pogo says
DH took anything before midnight and I took anything after. We had a super rough four month regression and this was the only thing that saved me. I would sleep far away from baby with earplugs in from 9-12 to get three solid hours and then I’d move upstairs for the rest of the night. Mine was only silenced by the b00b and so DH basically dealt with a screaming gremlin for anywhere from 20 min to 2 hours before my time was up.
This arrangement worked for us because I like to go to bed early and DH doesn’t. He really liked getting a solid chunk of sleep from 12-5 whereas I liked the 9-12. When we got down to 2 predictable wakeups I just powered through – he would nurse quickly and fall back asleep, and I didn’t notice being any sleepier the next day.
AIMS says
Same boat and mostly I did them all because of the whole EBF thing. Pumping an extra bottle so he could do it was just too much trouble for me, although I have friends who went this route. On rough nights, he might go get the baby and bring baby back to crib but mostly I just did it (and some nights it was just easier to let baby co-sleep). BUT – and this is essential – on weekends I sleep in and he deals with kids all morning. Also, before my kids started going to bed early, I would go to bed first and leave him to deal with them until midnight or so. This also helped because if I could get even an hour or two of sleep early on, it was easier to deal with the wakings. And it all gets easier when they don’t need to eat as much. Then it’s actually better to have dad wake up with them and get them back to sleep because you’re not there to nurse them and it’s easier to break that habit when they have the non-lactating parent to soothe them back to sleep.
Anonymous says
I got the advice that it was easier to trade nights than to trade wakeups. That said, if you are EBF, would you have enough supply to give your husband bottles on “his” nights? Or would it be easier on you to wake up, pump, and go back to sleep, with husband doing the actual feeding/jostling/singing/soothing part? I exclusively pumped (twins) so it was easier for me on that front than nursing would have been. I think the extreme staggering people mentioned above sounds like a great suggestion if you don’t want to do bottles.
AIMS says
I think this varies with the person/baby but I find it much easier to nurse than to pump so waking up to pump would be worse for me, not better. Also, I pump just enough at work for the next day of being away from baby and generally don’t want to pump at home so supply would be an issue. Obviously you can work around it easily but this was/is easier for me. Plus, maybe its just luck, but my kids both fall asleep easily after nursing and both stopped pooping at night very quickly so diaper changes were only necessary for about 2 months, while I was on ML. In other words, there really isn’t much to do other than pick up baby, nurse, and put back to bed. If we were to do a bottle, I think it would actually be worse because you have to go warm up the bottle and baby would be crying which would wake me up much more, whereas now I hear him stir, I take him to bed, nurse him, put him back and am asleep 10-15 min later. On any nights when baby is up longer than that, obviously we share and more often than not, he deals with it.
Pogo says
There is no way I would pump in the middle of the night. Vastly easier for me to just feed the baby.
Anonymous says
Maybe I’m a b!tch but I made my husband get up with me for all of them – he would change her diaper, I would feed and then he would rock her back to sleep. She learned to self-soothe around 6 weeks and no longer needed to be rocked to sleep but that was also around the time she started sleeping in 7-8 hour stretches. Also EBF. I would definitely not be ok with doing 100% – if you’re working I assume you’re pumping, and he should be taking half the night feedings with a bottle.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Me too. We were both up with our son from the beginning – husband to change diaper, me to nurse, both of us rocking him to sleep, and that didn’t really change when my husband went back to work, nor when I went back and he stayed home for a few weeks after my leave. Big caveat that our son was a good sleeper from early on and we didn’t have too many wake-ups past 3 months or so. We still both got up for random illness wake-ups though.
Redux says
Oh, me too. For our first, he basically did everything that didn’t require a boob. He got up, pattered over to the baby, picked her up, brought her to me in the bed, I nursed, then he changed her and put her back to sleep. Every time. She was a good sleeper from about 8 weeks on.
Our second was not as good of a sleeper so early, so we did shifts and bottle feeding. I would nurse the baby and go to bed around 8:30. DH was on duty from then until 2am. DH would feed the baby from milk I pumped earlier in day, usually just after midnight, then put him back to sleep. Then, my shift started around 2am or whenever the baby woke up again. This arrangement was difficult because I had to pump a couple times a day to get enough for an overnight feed, but ultimately it worked well for me to have a solid night’s uninterrupted sleep.
Anon says
We are at 9 months, child still wakes 1-3x, and yes, I do 95+% of the night wakeups because often times the only thing that will soothe her is nursing (yes we tried to sleep train, no it didn’t work, I can’t imagine where she got her stubbornness to scream for 6+ hours straight from). There is no way I would add an extra pumping session just so DH could give her a bottle, I hate pumping that much. I just handle the night wakeups and sometimes if her nightly gas is super bad, she ends up co-sleeping with us. Last night was amazing in that I got home late, she went down for the night at 11:30, woke up at 3:30 with gas and hungry, and then went back down by 4 to sleep until 8 and all of that was in the crib (first full night in the crib for a few weeks (9 month sleep regression I think), usually she starts in the crib but doesn’t last there). I feel like wonder woman today because I got 2 4-hour chunks. My husband needs A LOT more sleep than I do to be functional, so we just make it work that way. If I am up with her for more than an hour or co-sleeping doesn’t resolve the screaming, then I wake him up and he deals with a screaming gremlin for a few hours while I try to sleep through it. If he is still awake (he has some insomnia issues himself) and hears her while I am sleeping, he will attempt to soothe her (often unsuccessfully). Relics from our days of colic I suppose. I just remind myself that she will sleep when she’s ready (and likely not a minute before).
Anonymous says
During materity leave: I got up M/T/W/TH nights, DH got up F/S/Su nights.
After maternity leave: I get up M/W/F nights, DH gets up T/TH/Sat nights. We alternate Sunday nights.
I BF’d so on the nights DH got up, he would bring baby to me in bed, I nursed while sidelying, he dealt with any diapers changes/settling back to sleep (walking the floor/rocking) if necessary.
Parent ‘off duty’ sleeps with eye mask and ear plugs. Baby monitor goes on the side of the bed of ‘on duty’ parent. If baby was awake more than 3 continuous hours or 5 hours total, we could tag in the other parent.
J says
For about the first week of baby’s life, we both got up. We were both very anxious first time parents, and it made both of us feel better. Then hubby went back to work, and I mostly just got up during the week. She was only up 2-3 times for about half an hour. It wasn’t bad, especially because I had a ton of adrenaline/hormones/anxiety and wasn’t sleeping well anyway. I would still nurse her during the weekend nights, but hubby would do everything else – change diaper and get her back to sleep. It looked like she’d be getting up twice a night when I went back to work, so we figured I’d nurse her both times and one time hubby would do everything else, and one time I’d do everything else. But our daughter dropped to one night feed within a few days of me going back to work. So it was mainly me. I really didn’t mind, though.
As she got older and would wake up because she lost her paci or illness or whatever, he would get up and tell me to sleep. He has more than paid me back for my nighttime nursing efforts in the early days by rocking her for hours in the middle of the night when she had ear infections, stomach flu, etc. So even though I put in a lot of night hours in the newborn stage, over her lifetime it has been even.
J says
PS – just read your post more closely. If it is inconsistent, I’d start sending your partner in if she hasn’t been asleep long and doesn’t otherwise seem to be going through a growth spurt. As long as your pediatrician agrees, at 5 months, it is probably an okay time to start letting baby know that not every night waking results in mom and/or nursing. If baby won’t calm down, then nurse. But baby might just need a little love and will settle back to sleep without you.
P says
+1.
Swaddling problems (OP) says
Thank you! I have a Love to Dream (should have mentioned that) but it’s a medium & summer weight and she’s still under 10 lbs so I think it’s too big/light to stop her startle reflex. I should get a small in the normal weight.
Last night I put her in a normal swaddle with one arm out and she slept 7.5 hrs! (Of course I didn’t get all 7 hrs of sleep bc I kept waking up wondering what was happening.) So that seems to be working for now. My Ped also recommended a Merlins sleeper so I am planning to get one once she’s big enough for them. Thanks for all the suggestions!
Anonymous says
I was the one that seconded Merlin above– FWIW, I don’t think my daughter was 10 pounds yet when we started using the sleep suit on her. She was a teensy teensy preemie and it SWALLOWED her– like her arms did not stick out the arm holes and her feet were nowhere close– but the head hole wasn’t so big that she’d work herself down and smother, so it worked great. You might try getting the small now and having the ped check that it’s safe.
Anon says
4 months back at work, still pumping and BFing my 9 month old, and I helped lead a team of lawyers to get a nearly billion dollar deal to signing this week. So proud of myself. And grateful there wasn’t any “mommy-tracking” at work. And so ready for some sleep, which my non-sleep-trainable child just laughed at. But there you go.
Anonymous says
go, you!!!!
lsw says
You’re kicking @$$!
Pogo says
I love this feeling!! you rock.
AwayEmily says
WOO that is amazing.
Anonymous says
My 5 month old hates being read to. At first we thought it was just coincidence that she’d cry when we were reading to her and the tears were because she was hungry or wet or whatever, but it’s been going on long enough now (several months) that it seems it’s really the reading she’s objecting to. She’s otherwise a happy baby who seems to be developing normally and she loves her activity mat, her mobile over her crib and having “conversations” with us (she babbles, we talk). We have tried all different times of day and positions (her on her activity mat, in the crib, on our laps, etc.) but within a minute of starting a book she is tears 90% of the time. Can anyone reassure me this is normal or give me advice about what to do? I absolutely loved reading as a kid and although my husband is borderline dyslexic and had issues reading himself, he loved being read to. I don’t want to just give up on reading to her, but I also hate doing something that makes her cry.
Anon says
Reading *just* because interesting at 8.5 months for us. And the book better be less than 5 pages. The Llama Llama board books are her favorite (we have nighty night and easter egg) but pretty much anything else engenders instant fussing.
Anonymous says
Totally normal. That is so young – allow yourself to not worry about this for at least 12 more months.
lsw says
We really tried to make reading happen for so long and I was feeling much like you! I am a lifelong reader (so is my husband) and I was freaking out a little. For my son, he just had zero interest, and would not be still. At all. He would hit the book away. If he was swaddled he would just squirm and squirm. I pictured myself being this parent who would read to my child daily from birth until they kicked me out of their room. Fast forward to now, and my son LOVES reading. It happened so gradually I can’t tell you exactly when, but it has become part of the night time routine, and he loves to “read” books by himself, too.
For the interim, what if you just held her and either recited a book/poem from memory, or just told her a story? I started to hold my son and sing to him instead of books for a while. Now I actually miss the singing, because he wants to go straight from reading in the chair to taking the book to his crib for further reading on his own.
Anonymous says
Just give it some time. Books were totally overstimulating for our baby at bedtime until sometime later than 5 mo.
Anon says
Have you tried cloth books or touch and feel books? My kids liked those around the 6-9 month mark, but didn’t really start liking board books until they were closer to a year.
Anonymous says
cloth books, books with flaps to play with in daytime
books before bed starting at like age 2
FTMinFL says
I’m sure this is no help, but my grandmother told me that books are for eating until about 18 months. My kids were exposed to chewable board books early and we looked at the pictures for as long as they had the attention span with zero pressure. Enjoyable for me and them! The older one likes to be read to now and the younger is still in the book eating phase. Five months is really young, so don’t put too much pressure on yourself or the situation for now!
Anon says
5 months is reeeeally young. I didn’t really get into reading with my kids (where everyone was paying attention) until a year? with my first it may have been earlier? just give her books to gnaw on as playthings right now and maybe she’ll get used to them.
This will not be the thing that makes or breaks your kid’s reading future.
Also what books are you doing? Sandra Boynton? Lift the flaps? Definitely don’t try things like Dr. Seuss at this age, they really aren’t old enough.
P says
I really don’t understand the idea behind reading to babies. It starts becoming interesting somewhere in the 7-12 month range, as far as I can tell. DD started to enjoy Where’s Spot (highly recommend) at about 7 months, whereas DS is just starting to get into it at 10 months. And by “reading,” I of course mean lifting the flap to see the animal. Don’t even bother before that! It’s not worth making a negative association with reading. It’s completely a developmental thing that they’ll grow into. Spend the time looking into your babies’ face and talking to her — SO much more important for her brain development at this point than reading a book, seriously!!
Rainbow Hair says
Yup, my kid did not care about being read to at all at that age, and now at 3.5 she attempts to recite books while turning the pages: “uhh, the pup is up in a cup. ummm balls falling on a wall. NO PAT NO DON’T SIT ON THAT!”
She went through phases, too, around 14 months where she could be read to all day. Like my husband would sit in the middle of the room and she’d toddle to the book case, bring him a book, he’d read it, she’d toddle back for another… for hours, seriously. And then phases where again, she was pretty meh on the whole thing. So fear not!
I think it’s good to surround them with language, singing and talking and reciting poems and such, but in my experience it’s fine if they aren’t into reading.
Anon says
Just found out I’m delivering my twins tomorrow (I’m 35 weeks and a few days). One thing left on my to do list was figuring out some kind of baby book system or app to keep track of milestones. I visited my parents earlier in my pregnancy and really enjoyed looking back at my baby book, but I figure these days maybe there is a more advanced version. (I realize this is a slightly crazy thing to be thinking about the day before i deliver but I’ve been in the hospital since yesterday bc at first i was going to deliver yesterday and I’m already overwhelmed/over emotional and trying to distract myself a bit with something more fun)
Anon says
My mom bought me a baby book. I have filled out *maybe* one page of it. I just keep the milestone instagram posts, etc. and will backfill with the appropriate comments (likely on my next maternity leave?). I figure at least the information is codied in social media. If I kept my kid off of social media, then I’d probably be in a world of hurt.
Anonymous says
This is not distracting or fun but for my twins, born at 34 weeks, we used… a cute notebook with two columns (one for each baby). I will transfer them over in to something cuter like a scrapbook at some point, but I just really wanted to write stuff down in the moment on the date without putting a bunch of pressure on myself to like stick a photo in or decorate or something! And I wanted to keep track of what WE considered milestones, not what would have been normal for other babies, so for example, I put preemie stuff in too– not sure how yours will do that early, but our son needed some ventilator help for a few days, so coming off the ventilator, then off the CPAP, etc. went on the list. Also if you want something to shop for, they make those little milestone signs/stickers too– I got monthly stickers to stick on their onesies for one-month, two-month, etc. pictures, and they make preemie ones too if you have any NICU milestones.
One thing that I think was fun to get also, so you might want to waste time shopping around for them, were clear plastic christmas ornaments with a large enough hole at the top that I could put their hospital stuff into it. My mom got some for me for Christmas last year and they were BRILLIANT. I could stuff in their little hospital hats and the bracelets with their names on them. Otherwise those things would be rotting in my basement till the end of time.
So sorry, this doesn’t totally answer your question, but congratulations! Twins are the best! I’m sorry this part has been stressful, but yay distraction shopping!
Anonymous says
This is not distracting or fun but for my twins, born at 34 weeks, we used… a cute notebook with two columns (one for each baby). I will transfer them over in to something cuter like a scrapbook at some point, but I just really wanted to write stuff down in the moment on the date without putting a bunch of pressure on myself to like stick a photo in or decorate or something! And I wanted to keep track of what WE considered milestones, not what would have been normal for other babies, so for example, I put preemie stuff in too– not sure how yours will do that early, but our son needed some ventilator help for a few days, so coming off the ventilator, then off the CPAP, etc. went on the list. Also if you want something to shop for, they make those little milestone signs/stickers too– I got monthly stickers to stick on their onesies for one-month, two-month, etc. pictures, and they make preemie ones too if you have any NICU milestones.
One thing that I think was fun to get also, so you might want to waste time shopping around for them, were clear plastic christmas ornaments with a large enough hole at the top that I could put their hospital stuff into it. My mom got some for me for Christmas last year and they were BRILLIANT. I could stuff in their little hospital hats and the bracelets with their names on them. Otherwise those things would be rotting in my basement till the end of time.
Other fun things to shop for: matching preemie outfits? I got some that closed with magnets and they were amazeballs.
So sorry, this doesn’t totally answer your question, but congratulations! Twins are the best! I’m sorry this part has been stressful, but yay distraction shopping!
CM says
OMG Love the idea of the ornaments for the hospital stuff! We had a December baby and the handprint ornament we tried was an absolute failure and her hospital stuff is just sitting around at the moment. Thank you!!
AIMS says
This is genius!
Anon says
I started making ornaments out of all kinds of stuff that just sits in a memory box otherwise. Tassels from my graduations, cocktail napkin from our wedding, champagne cork from some special event, it’s a great way to see your special stuff at least once/year!
Anon says
Maybe unorthodox, but I’m using Google Photo albums. I tried to do a baby book for my first, but it was a miserable failure because I never filled out any of it. I realized I was taking pictures of every milestone, so I started saving them in a Google Photo album called “Kiddo Baby Book”. My original thought was I’d go back and use those to fill out the baby book, but now I’m thinking I’ll just use Shutterfly to make a book that way. I figure worst case, I’ll just need to add the dates to the photos but the pre-made books have lots of places to add text so I don’t think it will be that hard.
Anonymous says
We do the Google Photo too, and also find it to be a great way to share pics with family in a controlled way.
Anonymous says
I make a “one second” video for each of my kids to record everyday moments and use BabyConnect for recording milestones.
AwayEmily says
I can’t say enough good things about Chatbooks. It automatically turns all the photos you “favorite” on your phone into a book (sends you a new one when it gets to 60 photos — I usually get a new book about every 3 months). If you wanted to also make it a “milestone” book you could add captions either in the app or in writing after the book arrives.
shortperson says
i love amy krouse’s baby book. if you are not crafty and do not have a lot of free time but want something you can use for 10 minutes once every couple of months, it’s perfect.
PregAnon says
Did you have a doula at your birth? I’m hoping to have a natural birth and have a midwife, so a doula seems like something I’d go for too. My husband is great and will be a good coach, but sometimes gets a little overwhelmed. Even at our prenatal appointments, I notice him kind of spacing out through all the info. So I think a doula would be a great advocate. On the other hand, it’s a really personal and intimate moment for us. Will it be weird for someone else to be there too?
Anonymous says
Yes! I loved my doula. Great to have experienced support. Midwife is more focused on the medical aspects and doula can support you while DH goes to the bathroom, eats supper or if he gets overwhelmed. They are also great about suggesting different ways to address pain relief if you are hoping to avoid an epidural.
Look for someone with training/certification (e.g. DONA International) who also does postpartum care. Post-partum doulas will assist up to 3 months after the birth. Look for someone who is open to a range of interventions and generally aligned with your views.
Anonymous says
Yep, loved our doula and used her for two natural births. As far as the “personal intimate moment”– you’ll have a team of doctors, nurses and, depending where you’re delivering, med students, around anyway. FWIW, ours was very helpful during active labor but once it got to the pushing baby out part, she took a step back and it was the charge nurse who ran things.
avocado says
It will not be weird at all to have a doula in the room. After all, there will be doctors and nurses you’ve never even met before.
I hired a doula for reasons similar to yours. My husband will blindly accept anything a doctor tells him without any questions or critical thinking, and I am very much the opposite. I wanted someone in the room whose only concern was me and my well-being, someone who could be observant and pick up on things my husband might not notice, someone who could get him to analyze the situation and consider my preferences if something went wrong. We ended up choosing a doula who had previously been an L&D nurse at our hospital and had a great relationship with the staff. She was able to convince the nursing staff to grant my perfectly reasonable requests that they didn’t want to bother with (e.g., laboring in the tub). She also caught a nurse who tried to give me narcotics when I had specifically declined. She told my husband exactly what to do and helped him to be a more effective support for me, instead of the nuisance he could easily have been. The doula was a big investment for us at the time, but absolutely worth every penny.
I echo the suggestions to find a trained and certified doula and one whose views are generally compatible with yours. Also find out if there’s a way to get to know your doula better outside of the standard pre-labor meetings. Our doula was a Lamaze instructor, so we took her class. Her backup taught prenatal yoga, and many clients would take that class.
ElisaR says
i had my heart set on a natural childbirth and it wasn’t in the cards…..but I am still glad I did 8 wks of childbirth classes (classes were given by my doula) and had my doula on call. I don’t ever hear of anybody regretting having a doula. She can advocate for you in a way your husband won’t be able to – and she may help that natural childbirth happen …. I loved my doula even though I didn’t have a traditional delivery. It’s not weird to have somebody there…. there will be lots of people there besides you and your husband. Doctors, nurses, medical staff…. it’s not likely a doula would feel intrusive.
Rainbow Hair says
I regret having a doula!
I know I’m the odd one out. Mine was just useless, didn’t show up until I had been in labor at the hospital for a long time, clearly gave up on me (that is, gave up on my having an unmedicated birth, and then on v@ginal delivery), and contributed to my feeling pretty darn lousy about the whole birth thing for a good long time. Huge waste of money. I’m embarrassed now when I think of the money we spent. :-/
Anonymous says
i stand corrected!
J says
I didn’t have a doula, but would echo the comments that it wouldn’t have been weird to have someone else in the room. Also, there’s something about pregnancy/labor/childbirth that really makes you lose all modesty anyway.
Pogo says
Doula was some of the best money I ever spent. She took notes, took pictures, kept on top of everything logistical while husband could just be by my side 100%. When you deliver there will be minimum 3 other people there anyway (the midwife or OB, the nurse, and the baby nurse) so what’s one more? My doula and husband traded off who would go nap or get food so I was never alone.
Even something like going to get my clothes out of my bag when I got out of the tub – I was approaching transition and would not let go of DH’s hand. It took both of them to get me standing up and in my clothes. Sure, a nurse *might* have been available to help, but it was super nice not to have to call one. She also fetched me popsicles, refilled my water, and would ask questions of the staff I wouldn’t have thought to ask.
I also have to say the pictures are so special. She caught some beautiful moments of just me and baby and DH that of course no one else would have captured! I don’t remember anyone else in the moment but the three of us – doula and nurses were super lowkey, unobtrusive. It’s their job to be and they’re used to it.
AwayEmily says
I did NOT have a doula and kind of wish I had — I wanted an epidural with my second and didn’t end up getting one because of my nurse’s incompetence (she was a lovely person but really new). I am pretty sure a doula would have caught what was going on (ie, THAT I WAS IN TRANSITION) and made them hurry the f up with the needle.
G says
I had a doula and a vaginal birth without pain medication (I won’t say natural since I was on Pitocin due to my water breaking 5+ weeks early and labor not really getting going on its own). My goal was to go as natural as possible so it was emotional for me to have to be hooked up to so many machines and get so many medications (steroids, antibiotics, pitocin, fluids, who knows what else honestly…) but my doula and midwife were KEY to my getting through it and feeling great about my birth story. My doula was way more prepared for my birth than me or my husband and came with snacks, vaseline for my lips, scented oils to help me stay calm and focused, ideas for new positions when I would get restless, support when my husband really needed a rest, and just all around amazing support and encouragement. Also, don’t underestimate the value of the doula before/after your birth. I had two pre-birth meetings, one to talk about the birth and the other to talk about what to be prepared for after, and then two post-partum meetings just to check in on how we were doing and answer any baby questions (like a lesson on how to tie my Solly wrap and get baby into it!). She’s also available by text for any random questions. It was money well spent and I’d definitely hire a doula again and as soon as we made it through the birth my husband completely understood why it was so great to have one (he was highly skeptical when I decided I wanted one).
Good luck!
mofare says
We are considering switching our 2-year-old from a traditional daycare center (Goddard) to a Montessori-based toddler program closer to home. We have a “meet and greet” scheduled at the Montessori school next week. What questions should I be prepared to ask? How can I know if Montessori might be a good fit for her? One of my hesitations is going from a class with 18 kids to a summer program with only 4 kids – I feel that she might be bored. Is this an unfounded concern?
ElisaR says
My 2 year old is at a Goddard school right now too and I have been contemplating the same thing – curious to hear what people say
Anon in NYC says
My daughter went to a Bright Horizons for 2 years and is now in a Montessori-inspired preschool. There are a lot of variations on Montessori these days, so I think you’ll definitely want find out how strictly they follow the Montessori principles. Also, is 4 students the set classroom size or are they enrolling students on a rolling basis? I think whether your kid will be bored with only 3 other kids depends on your child – my kid loooooves lots of teacher attention.