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I think I mentioned here previously that I did not have a fancy maternity wardrobe. The majority of it arrived in black garbage bags and was on its third or fourth round of wearers. However, I have a casual office environment and work in a more casual-leaning court system. (I see lawyers in open-toed shoes while in court.) As with non-maternity clothing, I thought that you could definitely tell both in the fit and the quality when clothes were inexpensive. These pants are expensive at $188, but if you need to be formal at work, or even have the clothing philosophy of “fewer, better things,” then these maternity pants look like a worthwhile investment. Stiletto Pants On the more affordable side are these pants from A Pea in the Pod (one, two). Building a maternity wardrobe for work? Check out our page with more suggestions along both classic and trendy/seasonal lines. This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anon says
First day back at work from maternity leave number three. Please send me all the good vibes! This feels like the hardest yet – I feel like the bar for me to be away from my kids every baby has just gotten higher. And it feels like a lot leaving others in charge of my three kids under 5!
LadyNFS says
Good vibes! It is a lot, and that’s OK. You got this, Mama!
ElisaR says
good luck, sending you positive vibes today!
Spirograph says
Good vibes from me, too. I’ve been there, and it is a lot, but you’ve got this. :)
Anonymous says
This was me last year! Mine are now 6,3, and just turned 1. The only thing that kept me going last year was “in 2 years this will be stable! In 2 years no more diapers! In2 years everyone will sleep through the night!” Then it was 18 months. Now it’s only a year or so til no more diapers and everyone (mostly) sleeps through the night and I threw my bre@st pump away ancouple weeks ago and it was glorious.
Ash. says
I currently work full time (8 to 5 M-F), and my kids are in daycare full time as well. My daughter is entering kindergarten in the fall, so I need to sign up for after-school care for her. However, I’m also considering requesting to drop my hours down to part-time (8 to 3), so I can pick her up from school and just to free up more time generally. However, part of me also thinks I should just continue to work full time through her first semester of elementary school and see how it works out.
I guess I’m just looking for you all to confirm — I should go ahead and sign her up for full-time after school care for the fall semester at this point, rather than asking to drop down to part time now, before I’ve even experienced how the school year plays out, right?
Anonymous says
Right!
Minnie says
If it were me, I would continue to work my normal schedule for at least the first semester. You don’t even know exactly how this new schedule is going to play out, and it might turn out that the after-care thing goes super smoothly. There’s no point in wasting personal capital on something that turns out to be a non-issue. If, after a semester, it seems like working 8-3 would be a help, you can ask about it then. But at this point you don’t even have the data to determine if this is the right choice.
Ash. says
Yes, what you’re saying definitely makes sense. I also feel like asking to go part-time would seem more reasonable if I at least tried a full-time semester of elementary school — then I could go to my boss partway through or at the end of the semester and explain that while I’ve tried to make it work, I’ve found that I need to transition to a part-time schedule if that’s something the company could support (or however I’d frame it ). And I’d have an additional six months at the company under my belt at that point, so some additional capital/goodwill built up there, too.
On the other hand, maybe the decision of whether to let me work part-time will have nothing to do with whether I “tried” not to have to, or whether I’ve built up another few months’ of credibility, and will be solely based on whether they think they can get the value they need from me in two fewer hours a day, and the effect they anticipate it having on others at the company — whether the decision is made in July or December.
Anonymous says
Yes! It is much easier to drop afterschool later. You could also try an afterschool sitter instead of aftercare if you can afford it, which might give you more flexibility and free up your time some.
Anon says
I’ll be the voice of dissent – if you can afford it (financially) there’s really no downside to going 9-3 now. Even if your daughter ends up doing afterschool activities or wanting to participate in school aftercare some days, you’ll still enjoy having extra time on your hands to get chores done, etc., so you can have more quality time in the evenings. I think it may also depend on the quality of aftercare and how comfortable you feel with your child participating in that – in my affluent area, the moms either stay home or hire part time nannies and the official school aftercare is only for the lowest income families and is really low quality (they use the TV for babysitting, etc). Our daycare/preschool (full-time, infant to pre-K) was wonderful and this felt like a giant step backwards that I didn’t want to take. I went to a 9-3 schedule when my daughter was 3.5, largely in anticipation of her starting kindergarten, and it’s been a great decision (she’s entering second grade this fall).
Ash. says
This is exactly the dilemma I’m having, thank you for putting it into words so well! I could definitely use the extra time, and that’s the primary reason for my wanting to drop down to part time — the quality of the after school program we’d be enrolling in is excellent, I have no concerns there. And we can definitely afford for me to go part-time.
If I could snap my fingers now and make it so I was working part-time (without having the awkward conversation with my boss and potential for rejection), even with the pay cut, I would do it. So, that being the case, I sort of ask myself, what am I waiting for? Just to see if I can make it work for another six months? I’m sure I can, but is that really what I *want*?
And this may all be a moot point if my boss says, no, sorry, we don’t envision your role as a part-time role and that’s not going to ever be possible. At which point I’m no worse off than I am now, and I have the data to know whether I need to start looking for another job that may offer that flexibility, if ultimately I decide I want/need it.
NYCer says
After reading this, I would say go ahead and ask now. It sounds like the only thing holding you back is the (potentially) awkward conversation with your boss, and that is going to be there whether you ask now or after the first semester.
Anonymous says
Plus, it will just weigh on your for six months which sucks. I am all about having difficult conversations sooner than later/
Anonanonanon says
Does the after school program also cover “Teacher Workdays”, Snow closures, pre-planned early dismissal, christmas break, etc? If so, definitely sign up and keep it. You’ll need coverage for those things even if you go part-time. I’m not sure what kind of job you have, but even if you’re part-time is there still a risk you could be asked to stay late occasionally? It will probably go a long way for your image if you’re able to stay late once in a while to pitch in when it really counts. We pay for a before/after school program that covers 6:30 AM- 6:30 PM, and even though I usually pick my son up before 5, it’s worth the peace of mind.
Spirograph says
This.
There are a lot of factors here, including how much you like your job, and whether you’re using kindergarten as an “excuse” to go part-time when you want to do that for other reasons. The aftercare program at our school registers month to month, and I think you can cancel up to a week before the months starts. You select which days of the week you need care and pay accordingly. It even allows drop in days. It’s *really* flexible and awesome. If yours is similar, I’d reserve my spot with aftercare, then ask boss about part time and say your timing on when to start is flexible (if it is). You can always adjust your aftercare registration/use as needed later.
Anonymous says
These are good points. I don’t have any advice per se but I will just throw it out there that my kindergartener LOVED going to after care this year. I was worried that he would be overtired after a long day at school but he enjoyed playing with his best friend and doing the creative games / crafts that his program offers.
Strategy mom says
Trying to reduce time spent blow drying my hair in the morning…I have a very slight natural wave. Any favorite product to enhance the wave? If I can get a little more wave going on, I think I can make it look like a ‘thing’ vs sloppy lol. My children are very supportive…blow dryer interrupts Daniel Tiger every morning
Anonymous says
I just started using DevaCurl WAVE MAKER ™ Touchable Texture Whip and really like it. It’s made my barely-wavy hair wavy enough where I no longer blow dry. I don’t like DevaCurl’s shampoo and conditioner, but the product works well for me.
Anon says
I just go for the sloppy look, although other people tell me my hair looks great, so maybe it’s a trend? I typically put it up in a high bun while I get ready, and then take it down in the car to finish drying during my commute – gives me lift at the roots and helps with the wave. A lot of the creams require heat to set unfortunately, so make sure you’re using one specifically intended for air dry. The pureology hydrate air dry cream is the best I’ve found, but it’s not great. My next attempt might be the curl cream that young house love recommends.
Emily S. says
Bumble and bumble Surf leave in: similar to the Don’t Blow It Styler (which I also really like.) I have lots of very thick hair with a wave, and hardly ever blow dry it because it takes too long. The Surf leave in is very light and creates bouncy but defined big waves.
Pogo says
+1 use a sea salt texturizer. I use “not your mother’s beach babe” spray. And scrunch.
However, I’ll also add this counterpoint – can you only do a blowout 2x a week and either stretch it, or style your hair up 1-2 other days? You are a hero for doing a blowout every single morning!
octagon says
I was you until I splashed out for the Dyson hair dryer. Cut my drying time by more than half.
June says
I got a body wave perm for the summer to make my hair super low maintenance and increase wave and texture. It works for my hair because its fine and thin, but if you have thick or frizz prone hair it may create too much poof. Anyway, I found tigi curls rock cream really increases the curl, like too much for me. I use Paul Mitchell sugar twist texture cream for slight wave enhancement.
drpepperesq says
Related question to aftercare- In my town, once a child starts kindergarten, the aftercare program is at the YMCA. this means the kids have to take a bus from kindergarten to the YMCA. in your opinions, is kindergarten too young for a kid to be bussed to a separate aftercare location? i have the option of sending my kid to the daycare, which has a kindergarten, so there’s still early drop off and later pickup in one location. pro- all care and school in one location, con- cost. thoughts?
Anon says
Take a bus…alone? Or ride on a bus with a bunch of other kids and a couple teachers? The former would make me uncomfortable, the latter is completely fine.
drpepperesq says
i am assuming there will be a bunch of other children who are riding the bus all together to go to aftercare, and i am also assuming there’s some sort of representative/caretaker who is riding the bus with them.
Anon says
That seems completely fine to me, and not different from any daycare that picks the kids up at school. The one question I would ask is how old the drivers are – sometimes after school workers are really young and I’m not sure I’d be comfortable with a teenage driver transporting my kids.
Anon says
Though maybe I misinterpreted this. If it’s an actual bus (vs a daycare style van) then Im sure they’d have an adult bus driver.
Ash. says
What is the difference in cost? To me, one-location pickup and drop off is a huge benefit. Also, is your child already familiar with the daycare and having a good experience there?
This is of course my random anecdotal experience from 25 (!) years ago, but I did not like the YMCA day cares I went to as a child. Because they are extremely low cost, the other children there were of a different SES from the children I actually went to school with, and it made for a bad cultural fit and my feeling isolated. Consider whether your child might experience the same thing. Sometimes things cost more because they actually are better quality.
Eek says
Counterpoint, of course, being that it can be good for a kid to get to know kids of a different SES. If the care itself is bad that is one thing, but the fact that the kids are poorer than those they go to school with doesn’t seem like a problem to me.
Redux says
Groan.
Eek says
Why groan? I wasn’t trying to be groan-worthy. I went to elementary school with a lot of extremely poor kids and I think it was really good for me.
Redux says
This was a reply to the comment above yours. I’m with you here.
EB0220 says
The one question I would have is whether the bus makes a bunch of stops. Our Y does this in reverse with camp. The kids go to the main Y for camp and then are bused to the school for regular aftercare for the rest of the day. The bus does a loop of a few different schools and that was hard for my Kindergartner. If it goes straight from school to Y it’s probably fine. There should be plenty of other kids on the bus. And to give you another anecodote, my kid generally likes Y because at least a handful of her school buddies go to aftercare and camp.
Spirograph says
This is no different from a school bus, right? It’s just that the school bus is going to the YMCA instead of your house. In our school district, some kids (incl kindergarteners) are bussed to other schools for before/aftercare since not every elementary school has a program. There is also an aftercare program at the YMCA that has a bus straight from the school. I’ve seen both in action and they are very well-manged. The first day of school is dicey because the adults don’t know the kids and where they go yet, and the kids are hopeless. But, you send your kid to school wearing a big index card that says their name and where they’re supposed to go after school, and by the end of the week everyone has it figured out.
That said, I’d pick whichever works best for you, logistically. If the daycare is more convenient than the YMCA, I’d pick that regardless of cost.
CHL says
My kindergartner did this 3 days a week this year (small bus with after school counselor circled 3 elementary schools to take to aftercare.) The school had a very organized process and after a week of getting used to it he did great. I think he looked out the window or at a book he brought with and it was actually some good down time. It was really good.
Anonymous says
It’s totally fine. My preference is actual school with certified teachers, which around here daycares dont usually have.
anon says
My kids are in the school where all the other kids in the district are bused for the after-school program. My kids get so annoyed because all the kids who ride the bus home or to other programs are dealt with first, and they have to wait around until the other kids arrive from the other schools. I thought that it was such a perk to be at the “home base” but they disagree! Basically, don’t sweat it.
drpepperesq says
really appreciate all of this input. thank you!
anon. says
This is a very unimportant question. I’ve never been happy with my diaper bag/ backpack situation. I feel like I’ve tried everything. I like having a crossbody option, and I like nylon or canvas for washability. Would the OMG be too big/ bulky for this? I don’t really NEED it for work. Thanks.
Anonymous says
How much stuff do you have with you? I have given up on diaper bags and just throw 2 diapers and a travel pack of wipes in my purse.
anon. says
I have a pad with diapers and wipes and also (for older kid out of diapers) a separate pouch stocked with games for restaurants and snacks. It all fits in one large eagle creek pouch. I transfer the pouch between my work bag and weekend bag, but I *hate* my weekend bag situations! I don’t know why! I feel like there’s a unicorn out there I’m missing.
Cb says
I think it would be way too big! I only carry a diaper bag on my half day off and on weekends but was driving myself nuts switching things back and forth. I recently bought a canvas bag from ikea (like a small, vertical messenger bag) and it works great. I have a small fold up changing pad (which honestly, I never actually use), cloth diapers and wet bags, a small pouch with change of clothes, and a plastic wipes container. It gets refilled when I get home (because you should never forget cloth diapers…) and is ready to go.
Anon says
It probably depends on your lifestyle, but we live in suburbia and are never very far from our car, so I’ve actually never carried a true diaper bag. I put a couple pouches, a spare diaper and wipes in whatever purse I’m carrying, and then our real diaper bag (with a spare outfit, changing pad, toys, sunscreen, sippy cup and way more snacks, diapers and wipes) lives in our car.
Emily S. says
I’ve given in to never having one perfect bag. I have a larger Skip Hop Diaper bag and a smaller Lands’ End daytripper diaper bag that we use on the weekends and I carry a Lands’ End canvas tote during the week. I recently switched from a wristlet to a small crossbody purse that I throw in the diaper bag on the weekends and in the canvas bag during the week. (Bc I also bring a book, utensils, planner, business cards, etc. to work every day.) The clutch that carries phone, money, and keys that you can transfer to bag to bag has been the best solution to an imperfect system for me. (I realize this in no way answers your question about the OMG. Sorry!)
Clementine says
I think the OMG is too big for this.
I’m really happy with my setup. We have a Skip Hop Diaper Clutch which I put wipes, a couple diapers and a small wet bag (Just in case) in. I also have a ziploc with a change of kids’ clothes and a ziploc with food stuffs (e.g., formula, a bottle, bib, wash cloth, and snacks if needed).
Generally, we use a Fjallraven Kanken backpack. We just throw in the diaper clutch and the two ziplocs. Depending on what we’re doing, sunblock usually lives in that bag as does a couple sticker books, some teethers, etc.
Sometimes I just throw similar stuff in a regular zip top canvas tote bag (I think I got it at Home Goods), but the key is just to have big organized bags/pouches that you can grab and go with.
Pogo says
I have the OMG for work, and it would be way too big for a diaper bag. It is actually a bit big for work, but I like that I can put my lunch in there and still zip it up, or pack carry-on stuff when I’m travelling.
Anonanonanon says
I got one of the le tote diaper bag insert organizer things and never looked back. It fits in a longchamp bag, kate spade bag, etc. for easy organization, but you can take it out if you want to use that back as a purse.
ALC says
How did y’all deal with working in the last few weeks of pregnancy? Apart from being tired all the time, I’m also having trouble determining how to plan my last weeks of work. For instance, should I plan to be available to prep for and attend a big meeting in Week 38? Or should I try to hand that over to someone else, with the risk that I’m still around then and won’t have anything to do?
Anon says
I felt like I “knew” I was going overdue since my mom delivered me at 43 (!) weeks, so I planned on working until my scheduled induction at 41 weeks, and indeed that’s what happened. I did work from home a lot the last few weeks (with boss’s approval) and from weeks 39-41 was definitely just wrapping things up, transitioning and not putting in a full 40 hours.
38 weeks is still relatively early, I would definitely plan to attend the big meeting – worst case, someone else will cover.
Anonanonanon says
Plan to be available and prep, but also prep someone else to cover. I left the last couple of weeks pretty open, by that point my purpose was to be around to answer questions from the people I had prepped.
Quail says
Well, I delivered at 37 weeks 5 days with my first, so I wouldn’t count 100% on being there. Is there a way to have someone on backup so you can still attend if you are around, but that you can transition seamlessly if baby comes prior to the meeting?
If it makes you more comfortable to hand it over, hand it over – everyone will understand. But if you want to participate, just have a backup person in place.
Anonymous says
I planned for projects to be complete by my due date. I wanted stuff to do and really it kept my mind off things. Yes plenty of people deliver at 37 weeks, but statistically you are most likely to deliver somewhere between 39 weeks and the end of your 40th week. I would just plan on being at the meeting and have a backup. It feels like a big deal but people go on maternity leave or have family emergencies all the time. I had to remind myself I wasn’t the first and my team was well-versed on dealing with an absent coworker.
Anon says
I acted under the assumption I’d be out starting at 37 weeks in terms of having a memo setting out project status, ccing people on all emails, etc. I planned to be gone later but had briefing meetings for coverage in week 36. And everyone was super appreciative when baby arrived at 37 weeks 1 day! So plan and hope for later but be prepared for earlier – it def helped build some goodwill for me.
CCLA says
Yeah, this is what I did. I started a running memo (really a table/outline) of various matters, status, deadlines, contacts, etc., and made sure there was at least one other person at the firm who had been introduced to the client and was either involved or aware of the background and able to jump in relying on said memo. Everyone who was taking over a matter for me had access to a copy of the memo, which I updated every few days (or daily toward the end). I started the process around 34 weeks, but it wasn’t really go-time ready until about 36 weeks. Came in very handy as kiddos came at 39 and 38!
Minnie says
This is exactly what I did. My OB had set an induction deadline (about ten days past my due date), and I operated under the belief that I would be working until then (which I did!). At the close of every day, I would update my memo stating where projects were, matters I expected to come up/address the next day, and any changes to key contacts for the folks who would be covering for me. I printed it off and left it on my desk every night. I was glad I didn’t clear work off my desk too early or I would have been anxiously twiddling my thumbs for the last two weeks of my pregnancy, which doesn’t sound long but felt like an eternity at the time.
Cb says
Recommendation for your am coffee break: The cut article about a Brooklyn preschool
buffybot says
Oooooof, that was A LOT. Equal parts:
1) grateful that my family is priced out of that kind of school experience (plus, have not put my son on any waitlists for preschools so we will take what we can get in a year or so, I guess?) and
2) wondering whether we should move to, like, Raleigh NC or rural Montana or really anywhere but here.
But on that subject, does anyone have any great resource recommendations for how to approach the nightmare that is both public and private school in NYC/Brooklyn?
Anonymous says
Insideschools and http://www.nycschoolhelp.com/
Anonymous says
PS – if you are not trying to get into an exclusive private elementary school, no one cares where your kid goes to preschool (except you and your kid). In NYC, public elementary school placement is determined almost exclusively by where you live.
Anon says
This looks great – any recs for a service like this in Manhattan or Queens? This lady seems to be Brooklyn specific but I’d love someone like this in my hood.
Anon says
Thanks for sharing, Cb! I live on the West Coast, but in an expensive area, and am so glad that my kids’ wonderful preschool hasn’t had anything like this. Interesting read, though.
fsa surplus says
What do you buy if you have extra FSA money? Pending some unforeseen medical issue, it looks like we will have a large surplus this year. I stocked up on band aids in a prior year so I’m good there. I’d like to stock up on sunscreen but it looks like my fed FSA program may require a rx in order to reimburse. Since we may have several hundred dollars left (ooofff!), I’m curious if there are some big ticket items people have purchased with their FSA money (other than b pumps).
Anonymous says
Can you do OTC allergy meds? Those can get pretty expensive.
Ash. says
Also interested in hearing about this.
My understanding was also that for OTC items like Bandaids, you still need a “prescription” from a doctor recommending that you buy those items — you can’t just spend a ton of money on Bandaids and Dayquil and get FSA reimbursement. Is that understanding accurate or no? I’m sure most pediatricians are happy to write up an RX for basic home health supplies, but it does seem annoying to have to go through the extra step of getting it.
One big ticket item we’ve used FSA dollars for are glasses. I’m not a glasses-wearer, but my understanding is that you can always use additional pairs. And to use up the money, you can get fancy designer frames.
Anon says
+1 Glasses and contacts are the big ticket FSA items for most people I know.
Spirograph says
+1 for glasses and even prescription sunglasses. If dental isn’t covered in your health plan, maybe switch your cleaning schedule.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I was able to buy lots of personal care items at the fsa store online directly with my fsa card. I’ve seen sunscreen sold on there, not sure if you need a prescription, but you can try. Contact lens drops are a big one for me, along with all sorts of baby thermometers/tylenol/ointments.
ElisaR says
i wasn’t able to spend mine – the rules have become so stringent that I was able to refill one vitamin and my prescription shampoo and that was it. How did you get bandaids covered? I couldn’t figure anything like that out.
fsa surplus says
OP here. I bought a variety of bandaids on the fsa store website a year or two ago. We have a fed FSA plan managed by ADP. I uploaded my email order confirmation with my reimbursement request and they paid it. I know we have to have a rx for any OTC meds (pain relief, allergy, etc.). I tried to do that once and it was a royal pain so I buy those out of pocket and forego reimbursement. We bought a lot of contacts for H last year and will probably buy some more at year end if we need to. The fsa store lists sunscreen as eligible, but my plan materials imply a rx is required. I may test it and do a small order. Trying to decide how much to put in our fsa account year is going to be hard. We usually near max it out and spend almost all of it on co pay reimbursements. I usually develop some ailment during the year that eats it up. Thankfully, we’ve all been super healthy this year. Not a bad problem to have. If it must be use it or lose it, I wish the money could at least roll over from year to year.
SG says
Ours is through PayFlex and they have a direct link to Walgreens and a filter for FSA approved items. We bought nice ear thermometer and extra covers, c*ndoms, a coupe first aid kits (cars, grandparents, kitchen, upstairs, basement etc.). Also agree with prescription sunglasses and extra glasses.
Link to follow.
SG says
https://www.walgreens.com/topic/fsa/shop_fsa.jsp
Pogo says
While the rules have changed, you can still use FSA money for anything with a prescription. ANYTHING. My husband gets his doctor to write a rx for various vitamins and supplements which help w/ his chronic illness. I get mine to write a rx for therapeutic massages (thanks, sports injuries and pregnancy). Think about what healthcare items you spend on and discuss with your doctor – they are usually very understanding if the services/meds/devices really are helping a medical condition you have been dx with.
Anon says
Prescription massages!? How did I not know this was a thing?
Ash. says
You must not watch Seinfeld. ;)
Anon says
It’s a thing, but I’m skeptical. My doc Rx’d me once monthly massages after I went in complaining of chest pain. They determined it was musculoskeletal and not cardiac, and likely tied to the insane knotting and tension in my back. I haven’t actually used the Rx yet (again… will they really cover it?!) but YES, prescribing them is in fact a thing!
Anonanonanon says
Does it have to be an actual prescription, or can the doctor put “Take tylenol” in their discharge instructions/visit summary? Do you upload the prescription somewhere? We just got the HSA card in the mail and my husband doesn’t remember registering for it and needless to say we have no idea how it works.
Pogo says
I have always submitted either a prescription on an actual rx pad OR a letter on their practice letterhead which states the frequency/duration/amount of what they’re “prescribing”. I don’t think discharge notes would count, unfortunately.
I submit on our benefits portal, the same place you submit receipts. So if it’s something not covered unless there is a Rx, I submit both and the portal allows that. Our benefits administrator keeps the Rx or letter on file until it expires, so I only have to submit once if I’m going to monthly massages or acupuncture or something.
If a dentist or doctor advises anyone in our family to take something OTC I just ask for the Rx to be sent to the pharmacy. That way it bills insurance automatically (which often covers it even if OTC) and then I don’t have to separately submit anything to FSA – I just use the card and I’m all set. Examples include Vit D or fluoride drops for kiddo, Tylenol after a root canal, etc.
Anonanonanon says
Hmmm. We have Kaiser Permanente, so there’s never a physical prescription than we take anywhere since it automatically goes to the Kaiser pharmacy. They do put “Prescribed this visit” as part of the discharge paperwork though, and I’ve always wondered why they listed OTC stuff there, but now I know!
Ms B says
If I had an FSA again, I would get new retainers to prevent any further tooth movement, as well as a couple more pairs of reading glasses to keep in all the places and a derm Rx for good mineral sunscreen and this RetinA mixture that a local place compounds.
If you have really big dollars, The Hubs used his to get Lasik.
Bad sleepers? says
Looking for commiseration more than actual sleep advice (as nothing works!) – Has anyone had an older baby (8-12 month range) become a terrible sleeper? My son slept great when he was younger but now it’s tons of night wake ups, short naps, and ridiculously early mornings. I feel guilty that he’s not getting enough sleep – although he isn’t grumpy and doesn’t seem tired (unlike me). And just generally I feel like I’m failing at this one essential part of parenting.
Meanwhile, I can’t seem to get away from parents who want to tell me all about how their baby this age sleeps 11 hours a night and takes 2 hour naps twice a day. Am I really the only one with a kid this age who can’t get sleep issues figured out?
RR says
My son regressed closer to 2. It was miserable. He was tired, we were tired. We tried all the options short of CIO, and then we just did CIO again (we’d done it quickly and easily at 7 months). It was a rough first night, but he greeted us with a smile the next morning and it resolved the problem.
Anon says
How long has this been going on? It might just be a short phase you need to power through. My now 17 month old has been a great sleeper from birth, but months 7-9 were really rough with lots and lots of night wake-ups and short naps (thankfully she’s never been an early riser). In hindsight, it was a combination of cutting teeth (she got her 8 front teeth all at once during those two months), starting to really eat solids and having gas from that, and probably also learning to crawl. We’ve obviously had a rough night here and there since then due to illness or teeth, but we’ve never had any sustained period of sleep disruption like that since.
Cb says
Some kids just aren’t awesome sleepers and they are perfectly healthy and happy. My son didn’t consistently sleep through the night until I weaned him at 18 months and didn’t fall asleep on his own until we did a final round of CIO at 20 months. He never napped for longer than 60 minutes until he was a year. At nearly 2, he sleeps about 11 hours and takes a 1-2 hour nap.
Anonymous says
Some kids just need less sleep. One of my twins has slept an hour less than his brother since he was born. He was also ready to go from three naps to two naps and then two naps to one nap earlier than his brother.
Hang in there. Summer time is always tough for sleep when the sun is up for so long. We used ‘the no cry sleep solution’ by Pantley with success. Blackout curtains, sleepy music not white noise, and tylenol when necessary for teething. I like tylenol over advil at night because I find advil wakes them up more (advil for daytime though).
Anon says
My child is a terrible sleeper, despite every sleep training method (including CIO) known to mankind and tried multiple times over the now years, except for month 5 and months 17-21 during which she blessedly slept all night long and in her own bed. At 23 months now, she typically wakes up sobbing once a night (somewhere between 4-6 hours after she falls asleep), at which point, in the spirit of most sleep for the most number of people, we go get her from her gated room and let her sleep with us for another 4-5 hours. Once a week or so she will surprise us and stay in her bed for 7-9 hours and there is much rejoicing, but no determinable correlation as to what caused such a miracle. Everyone I know is a child of a perfect sleeper who just had to do 10 minutes of CIO a night (my child will go for 3+ hours of gut-wrenching sobbing), so I hear ya – but there are others of us out there with little gremlins!
Anonymous says
10-14 months was by far the worst for our kiddo for sleep. We moved when she was 10 months, and we always just blamed it on that. Looking back and seeing how quickly she adjusts when we are OOT and all, I don’t think it was the move and was a regression and/or teething. And kiddo only napped on weekends – rarely at daycare.
Anonymous says
Ours got worse at 9 months to 12m, then she regressed horribly around 14m due to 4 molars PLUS moving plus daycare change. We put up with it for 4 months until we were at our wits end and did Ferber at 18m. Worked like a charm after 3 days. Heard horror stories but she only cried for 30 mins the first night. For the past year she’s slept like a rock at night for 12hrs plus 1.5hr nap every day.
Pogo says
Just chiming in to say I have another non-textbook sleeper in terms of CIO. It was not one night of 30min of crying and then nothing – it was a solid 1.5w of serious work after our regression at 4-6mo. And consistently since then there have been many, many times we’ve had to CIO due to regressions (travel, mostly, or schedule disruptions/overtiredness). It never gets easier, but I find that being consistent helps my sanity (I know in advance how I plan to handle wakeups/refusals to go to sleep) – but as you see above, for some that means knowing they’ll bring kiddo into bed with them and that’s OK too! You have to find whatever maximizes sleep for your family, and don’t get hung up on the fact that you never permanently “trained” kiddo.
Running says
I need some encouragement. I went for a walk with DD (14 mos) yesterday and ended up jogging for about 5-10 mins. It felt so good. I’m achy this morning but it’s good achy – I’m reminded that certain muscle groups exist and have been inactive for far too long.
I used to run a fair amount – have a few half marathons under my belt and countless 5 and 10ks. I’m not fast – I average 10:30 miles probably. Before yesterday I don’t think I had jogged since before I became pregnant about this time in 2017. I feel like we finally have a routine that maybe.. just maybe would allow me to get out and jog in the mornings for 30-45 mins. That, plus the slower pace of work this summer… I think I can do it? It would require waking up at 5 am, which I used to do on the regular, so that would be a readjustment. I definitely need new running shoes so I could head out to my local running store to get fit for them.
Tell me I can do this? I’m still 20 lbs above pre-pregnancy weight (which was an all-time low for me) and the jogging felt so heavy. I’m a little afraid to start and find out that I don’t have it in me anymore. I know how to train so I don’t need C25k… just some confidence, which I haven’t had in a very long time. Has anyone else made a successful come back post baby? A little sliver of me is like why bother because we’re going to start trying for #2 sometime soon-ish (within 12 months) and it will all go to h e l l again, but I also know that’s not logical.
Minnie says
Are we the same person?? I was a very strident runner before I got pregnant with my now-18 m.o. (I still AM a strident runner, but I was before, too!) During my pregnancy, I ran up until a day past my due date, which I think helped me retain some fitness…but after an emergency c-section, I struggled with getting my fitness back.
I didn’t run at all for the first two months post-partum. Now, I’m up to about 75% of my peak pre-baby mileage (that would be maintenance mileage, not marathon training mileage). The reason I’m not back at 100% is a time issue rather than a fitness issue. I used to be out the door every day by 5:05 am–now I run after work while I’m waiting to do childcare pickup, and I just don’t have enough time to log as many miles. Plus I no longer run on the weekends because I value that time to rest!
Trust me, you really CAN do it, even if it feels impossible and weird. The most difficult thing for me has been running with the extra weight–I’m still trying to lose the last 15 pounds, and it makes a MASSIVE difference to how running feels. I suggest trying out a range of new shoes–your old model may not work as well as it used to, just because your body has changed in a number of ways. Fortunately, there is no rush! Running will always be there for you. My advice is to just try to get back in the habit. Even if you don’t go very far on your first day…or second day…or thirtieth day, just putting the time back on your calendar is the most important thing.
Everlong says
Yes, you can do it! I could have written this post. I came back to running after babies, two times and both with c-sections. I ran a marathon 7 months postpartum with my second and was still 15-20 pounds heavier than my pre-pregnancy weight. Even with a ton of running, I didn’t lose the weight until long after my second baby turned 1. I’m not sure where that whole “it’ll take you 9 months to lose it” crap comes in because it took me more like 18 months and that’s with a good balance of diet and exercise.
Listen to your body and embrace whatever pace gets you out the door. I know it’s hard, but try not to compare pre-baby you to current you. Current you is a mom! 5am is hard but the benefits outweigh the burden. You’ll feel better after running for 30-45 minutes than you would from that extra 30-45 minutes of sleep. Yes, get yourself to the running store and get new shoes for the new you.
For what’s it’s worth, I eventually hired a running coach out of curiosity of what I could do with proper training post-baby. I have set PRs in all distances except the marathon (for now) and I feel better than ever. You can do this. And my kids are 2 and 4. ;)
Happy to be a cheerleader for you! You got this!
Anonymous says
This was me last year! Mine are now 6,3, and just turned 1. The only thing that kept me going last year was “in 2 years this will be stable! In 2 years no more diapers! In2 years everyone will sleep through the night!” Then it was 18 months. Now it’s only a year or so til no more diapers and everyone (mostly) sleeps through the night and I threw my bre@st pump away ancouple weeks ago and it was glorious.
octagon says
You can do it! Check to see if there’s a local chapter of Moms Run This Town in your area, if you want company for any runs. Just be kind to yourself as you get back into it.
Anonymous says
You can do it! And even if you were going to try to get pregnant sooner it wouldn’t be wasted. This is something to make you feel good, and it’s good for your physical and mental health! And only good things will come from starting out a pregnancy healthy/strong so it’s not a waste at all.
Anonymous says
I’m much slower than you and never did a single race, but I definitely got back into shape post baby. I didn’t get really consistent until my son was 2.5, but I’m now in great shape. Still slow, still a little overweight, but my resting heart rate is insane.
IHeartBacon says
I am not a runner so I can’t comment on making a successful return to running after a baby, but I have eyes and my eyes re-read your opening paragraph twice and all I can say is: DO IT! I can tell just by the way you wrote your opening paragraph that you really enjoyed your short run, and even if you don’t get back to your pre-baby running status, I expect that you will enjoy running again. Do it for no other reason than because you love it, and you’ll be ahead of the game! Good luck!
ThirdJen says
You absolutely can do this. From one running mama to another: DO IT!!
Anon says
Me!! DD had a string of medical events – nothing earth shattering but a few hospital stays for bad croup, stomach bug/dehydration, ear infections that would not end, etc. I’m convinced that disruption and constant cuddles while perpetually sick caused her regression. It began in November (7 months) and lasted through end of January/early Feb (11ish months). We finally did CIO. It took about 4-5 nights but worked wonders and we’re in the clear. We were never anti-CIO, but the constant illness is why we couldn’t bring ourselves to make our sick infant also cry for hours and nights on end.
Anon for this says
My spouse is amazing but his job means that he’s physically not present for a lot of time. I am so drained and exhausted from my full time job, keeping the kids alive and healthy, trying to clean, and just attempting to be a happy, functional human.
A friend has a spouse whose job has similar demands. She’s working 2 days per week. For the first time in my life, I am so jealous.
I am lucky that I like my job, they want to promote me, and I definitely have a unicorn schedule where I can work a straight 8-4 with limited need to monitor email/manage crises after hours.
Guys… I’m coming off that blissful 4 day weekend and just keep thinking how nice it would be to be home with the kids more…
ElisaR says
i could have written this. it’s just hard. i feel like i don’t he right to complain because i have it pretty good but i would LOVE to have my spouse do a drop off or a pick up. it’s hard keeping all the balls up in the air at the same time.
Anonymous says
Could you to hire help to clean your house, do some or all of your laundry, prepare some or all of your meals and watch your kids one afternoon/evening a week so you can get some alone time? I think that would do a lot to break up the grind, and make the time you spend at home quality family time rather than homemaking time.
So Anon says
It is truly exhausting to do all the things on your own! I had the same feelings about wanting to see my kids, but I sent them off to camp and am working from home today. I am sitting near a window and just heard a neighbor mom yell “Danny! Knock. It. Off!” And then I was pleased that my kids are at camp, my contracts don’t talk back to me or ask me for endless snacks/drinks/entertainment.
shortperson says
hire help with all of the cleaning and some of the childcare.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I’ll echo everyone else and say that it is really really hard to try to do everything on your own. Everyone needs help, especially if your spouse is not available. And just keep in mind that if you were home more, you’d probably have to do more of the chores and be the default parent most of the time, and have less money for hiring help. I’m not sure that it would be a blissful experience like a holiday weekend is, but that’s just me. We have biweekly cleaners, outsource laundry and some food, and it really allows us to spend the weekends focused on the kids and gives us some pockets of free time for ourselves as well.
OP says
Thank you.
I do have somebody who comes in monthly, it’s more the little stuff – dishes, the neverending cycle of cleaning the kitchen, putting away the laundry before the baby or toddler manage to destroy everything.
This fall, older kid will be in a 3-K program with more ‘school’ hours. I’m planning on getting a sitter (we’re less than 1 mile from a college with a big education and early childhood program) to do pickup and play with him at home until the end of the workday.
Anonymous says
Monthly is not often enough!! Go weekly, and have that include washing and changing sheets and towels. Then during the week your only kitchen cleaning is dishes and stuff the kids drop on the floor, and you never have to clean a bathroom beyond active mess. Don’t vacuum or sweep ever, unless there has been an incident. It doesn’t fix everything but is a major major help for me.
Anon says
We go every other week, because the mad scramble clean for the cleaners so I know where all my stuff is is too exhausting for every week. But definitely agree that once a month is not enough for toddlers if you have the budget for it!
Anon for this says
I hear this. This is me. And it doesn’t get easier as they get older. I have a housekeeper who does the big cleaning but the scheduling, shuttling, activities, school work, feeding, cleaning up after said feeding and all the dog – oh the dog! – suck up all my time. Plus I work.
I took last week off bc I didn’t have child care and it was so much easier only worrying about one major thing (kids) than two (kids + job).
Anon says
I have to say that the transitions are also so hard for me between vacations and back to the grind! it’s almost easier to not think about the contrast! If you like your job otherwise and have the funds, definitely consider a mothers helper. We have an 8th grade girl who will help with kids, but also tidying up, dog stuff, folding laundry. We also have an afterschool person who comes a little early and cooks for kids, does a Sunbasket meal for us and then does pick up so I arrive home to fed and generally happy children. Or if you want to go part-time, try it!
Anon for this says
Anon vent/advice request: just finished up a long weekend with my spouse’s family. There are two preschool kids in the family – my kid, and one cousin. A little over a year apart in age. The rest of the family lives in the same town and see each other often, and the grandparents do a lot of childcare. When we were all together, the grandparents still focused on the other kid despite not seeing my kid that often. (Maybe 3-4 times a year). My kid is now old enough to notice, and the kid asked me a few times why grandma was with cousin and not my kid. And kid was imitating the (younger) cousin’s actions in a clear attempt to get attention that was going to cousin.
To top things off, I’m due with a baby this fall and the grandparents just committed to taking care of cousin right around my due date – the discussion was had in front of me. We live far enough away that I wouldn’t count on family help for watching my kid during the delivery, but close enough that they could easily come to the hospital to meet the new baby. It just hurts a lot to basically watch my kid get ignored when the grandparents see the cousin all the time, and then to have the disparity of family support emphasized with no acknowledgment that maybe grandparents would want to come see our new baby soon after the birth. We wouldn’t expect them to stay and help out, though it would be nice – we just know we can’t count on them, even though the other family counts on them practically every week.
Do I say something? Try to get over it? What do I tell my kid if kid notices the disparity again?
Anon says
No, I wouldn’t say anything. It’s incredibly normal for grandparents to be closer to a child they see more often, and it may have more to do with their relationship with your husband and his sister/brother than the kids. I think you’re kind of overreacting about the due date childcare thing – this may be cultural, but I actually think it would be really presumptuous of in-laws to assume they’re coming to the hospital without an express invitation, so if you haven’t invited them I think you have no reason to be hurt about this.
As for what to say to your kid, I think it depends on how old and what they’re asking. If a 3 year old is saying they want to play with grandma, I think the response is “Grandma’s busy with __ right now, let’s look at these cool blocks.” If a 7 year old is asking you “why does Grandma play with ___ more than me?” than that might merit a more in-depth conversation (privately).
Anon for this says
Thanks for this. I acknowledge that pregnancy hormones may be contributing to my sensitivity around this issue :) I will let the grandparents know that we would love to have them visit as soon as baby is born if they want, though it would be unusual in our culture to not visit in the hospital if family lives within driving distance. We did not live within driving distance when the first was born, and there was much upset on the grandparents’ side that they would not make it to see the baby right away.
As for kid, let’s say it’s the latter situation – my kid’s not 7, but was basically asking the second question.
Anonymous says
I have sort of the same situation. Honestly, we try to deal with it by planning time with my siblings without grandparents (like going for a hike), and then separate time from kid with grandparents so kid gets 100% of the attention. It’s a hard dynamic when the grandparents are used to taking care of one side as they tend to default to the familiar dynamic. Older people tend to get set in their ways and don’t always see the favoritism. We have tough issues on both sides with oldest daughter being favored by both grandmothers over the younger male grandkids. I’ve also had to expressly address it by saying things like ‘oldest daughter can’t have another sleepover until each of the boys have had a turn because it’s not fair to them otherwise’. So you need a combination of managing around it via what events you chose when you spend time together and also via expressly addressing it. I find expressly addressing things works better when it is in relation to a specific past or future situation vs. a general complaint.
Anon for this says
Thanks. They definitely don’t see the favoritism, and I know it’s not intentional, but a matter of comfort because they see the cousin so often (and are in a caregiver role with cousin). But I worry that long-term this will affect kid’s relationship with them and his cousin. Next time something like this comes up I will expressly address it (or have spouse do it because its their family).
Anonymous says
Sorry, this hurts. It sounds like they spend a lot of time with cousin so they are naturally more comfortable together. It’s hard to break into that kind of dynamic, but the onus is on the grandparents to make you and your child feel included and welcome. Did you remind anyone of your due date when that conversation was happening in front of you? It is totally possible they didn’t realize that it was at the same time. I know that hurts in its own way, but you can’t expect anyone except you and your spouse to know your due date off the top of their head. I’m sure they know it’s going to be a fall baby, and maybe the right month, but more specific than that is questionable even for people who are trying and mean well.
This is your spouse’s family, so I wouldn’t say anything directly. It’s spouse’s job to bring it up with the grandparents, and I think he or she should. I don’t think they mean to be hurtful, so gently calling it to their attention will hopefully do the trick: Hey, kid was hoping to spend a little more special one-on-one time with you this weekend, he felt like he was playing second-fiddle to cousin. Can we come visit just-us sometime soon? Also, just want to make sure you know we are hoping you’ll come meet baby #2 in October, so pencil us in now!
Anon for this says
Thanks. I didn’t bring it up – I probably should have. I just didn’t want to come across as needy, but you are obviously right that they wouldn’t remember the specific date or even time of the month. I know intellectually that they aren’t intentionally excluding my kid, but I had kind of hoped that now that kid was older and more interactive – and because the lead-up to this trip was filled with expressions of how much they were looking forward to seeing kid now that kid was the grandparents “favorite age” – that they would not go back to the old patterns that have accompanies our other family time together. But it’s hard to break into the comfortable circle they all have.
I think I will have spouse reach out gently to remind them of the due date and invite them. I am 99% sure spouse would not want to say anything. Part of this is as the daughter-in-law, I feel like it’s a rejection of me that ends up hurting my kid, whereas spouse doesn’t have a particularly close relationship with their parents (I manage almost all communications/plans – gendered cultural expectations) and so doesn’t care as much. Though spouse does care that kid feels hurt/excluded.
Should probably get some actual work done today – just thinking about this is upsetting me again. Stupid pregnancy hormones. :P
Anonymous says
Well if spouse wants y’all to have a better relationship with his parents, it starts with him
Anon for this says
Yup, totally agree. This conversation is really making me realize that. This is also a spouse-and-his-family-of-origin-dynamic issue and nothing I do, as opposed to him addressing it, is going to help.
rosie says
IMO it’s weird for the lead-up to be how they’re looking forward to spending the time now that your kid is their “favorite age” versus just they’re looking forward to seeing your how your kid has grown or something more neutral/less self-centered.
I agree your spouse needs to handle this with their parents and sibling(s).
Anonymous says
Agreed. It’s like when my mom tells me she doesn’t like newborns and I’m like Cool, so glad you offer to help but secretly don’t like babies?
Ash. says
I think the explanation — both in reality, and to your kid is, “Grandma spends lots of time with X when they are at home, and we live further away, so they know each other better.” That way your kid at least knows it’s absolutely nothing to do with them personally.
You might also have your husband talk to them about it, once, in case they’re unaware of how things are coming off, so they can be more conscious. “Hey, mom, I know you’re closer to Halle, but when we’re on vacation can you make sure to include Ted, too? I think he was feeling a little left out.”
Same deal with the birth of your child — why not just say, “We’d really like you all to be able to visit when Cooper is born, do you think you’ll be able to?” They may be under the impression you don’t care, or may in fact be planning to visit, even if it’s not obvious to you how it would work. I think it’s important to communicate before the fact when people aren’t meeting your expectations, to at least give them the opportunity to do so, rather than assuming they would know what you want and are just consciously disregarding it.
Big picture, for you, is you will have to make peace with the fact that the grandparents are more involved and invested in the lives of the other family that lives closer. That’s just reality, no one is at fault. And it’s okay to wish you had close, involved grandparents and to mourn the fact that you don’t. But try to accept it and realize that while the image of the super-involved grandparents is pretty pervasive in our culture, it’s not the reality for MANY (most?) families. You probably can’t change it, so you need to make peace with it as best you can.
Anon for this says
You are totally right that I need to be clearer about my expectations on visiting after the birth.
On the big picture, I am usually totally fine with the differing levels of involvement – I always remind myself that the convenience of having family around and providing a lot of childcare would come with drawbacks as well (differences in discipline, etc.). Plus, it’s just the way it is, and short of moving to their hometown it’s become clear that that won’t change. We’ve invited them to visit for longer periods, or to help us out during school breaks, and they decline. I think I just have to get over my expectation that they will be active and involved with my kid when they do visit us, or we visit them (even though I think that’s a totally reasonable expectation of the grandparent/child relationship) because I can’t control other people. And then explain to my child that the grandma and cousin know each other better. I like that explanation because the kid is shy around people until he gets to know them better.
My hope is too that someday we can just drop the kid off at the grandparents’ house for a few days.
Anonymous says
That’s really hard. I’d also be hurt for the sake of my child. I definitely think it’s up to your husband to take the lead on this one since it’s his parents.
We have a similar dynamic since my in-laws and SIL live in the same town, but we do not. My In-laws have actually limited the amount of time they allow SIL and kids to come over when we are visiting so they can spend time with us and our child. SIL’s kids tend to get jealous of my child and then act up/need a lot of care. We all still spend time together but it’s not the entire time we’re there. SIL will also visit us on her own with the kids so they get cousin time in without grandparents. And grandparents visit without Cousins in tow.
Anon for this says
Thanks for the support. Having separate time would make a big difference – will definitely make sure that’s on the agenda next time we visit them.
AwayEmily says
I don’t have any advice but wanted to offer some sympathy. We had the exact same situation over Christmas. My SIL’s son is five months older than my son, but they live an hour away and we live across the country. My MIL does lots of child care for them, etc. And so we not only got the “spending way more time with the close-by kid” thing, but also a “direct comparison” thing where my son always came up short (probably because he was 9 months old at the time and his cousin was 14 months, but of course my MIL thinks of them as “the same age” and thus my son is just behind on everything. eye roll.). We are going away with them for a week next week and I’m already dreading it all happening again.
Anyway, this is all by way of saying that I totally get what a crappy feeling it is — even when you understand the reason and understand that it’s not malicious, it’s still hard to see, and I can imagine even harder when your kid really WANTS his grandma’s attention.
Anonymous says
5 months is a HUGE difference until they’re like 4 or 5. Even then it can make a difference!!
Anon says
Yeah 5 months was over half your son’s life at that point! It’s crazy to compare them.
Eek says
I’m so glad I’m not the only one in this situation. We have this on both sides of grandparents and it makes me really sad. We aren’t even that far away, but the obvious favoritism is hard to handle.
Anon for this says
Ugh! That is terrible. As my kid is older, it goes the other way sometimes (which also makes me uncomfortable) but there is also comparison. I really think in my case it’s just making conversation about kids, and the relevant kid grandma has to discuss is the cousin. It’s like she forgets that we aren’t peers and the two kids are actually in the same relationship to her.
I hope your situation gets better and you can have a fun week despite this. It’s stressful on top of the regular family “vacation” stress and I wish it wasn’t or I could just get over it.
Anonymous says
Did you invite your parents to come right after the birth?
Anon for this says
My father lives much farther away, and so made plans to travel to us a few weeks after the due date to be on the safe side. He and his wife also will not be staying for an extended period to help. They checked with us and then made these plans after we announced the pregnancy, and this is basically what they did when our first was born. My mother passed before my first was born.
Anonymous says
I would give your in-laws the benefit of a doubt and hope they have good (and not purposefully exclusionary) intentions. Your spouse needs to say something! “Mom and Dad, we love you and want to spend time everyone when we’re in town. You may not notice it but sometimes you would revert to your normal everyday patterns/routines with Cousin and exclude our Kid as a result, which hurts his/her feelings. Can you be sure both kiddos are getting equal attention from their Beloved Grandparents when we’re visiting?”
Same thing totally happened to us—SIL lives in same town as my in-laws and receives lots of childcare while we’re a plane ride away. My husband said something to his folks; they were completely cool about the conversation (they weren’t aware they were paying less attention to our kiddo) and have been so much better about being aware and inclusive of both grandkids when we visit. They also have increased their visits to us so our kiddo can have the undivided grandparent time too.
Daycare choice... says
We are trying to sort out daycare choices and hoping to get some thoughts or angles thT i’m Not thinking about-
My son is 2.5 and we were just informed that a spot has open up for him at Daycare #1 for September. Meanwhile he is on the waitlist for Daycare #2. Daycare #2 was our first choice- our first kid went there and we really loved it. Both places have preschool ciricculum so I know this will be where my son will be until kindergarten.
Daycare #1- walking distance from our house (less than ten minutes) and all meals provided. Though $200 more a month.
Daycare #2 – they have an infant room, and we are expecting a third, so there is a possibility of only having to do one pickup/drop off (though no guarantees because the waitlist is long). Larger facility and more diverse student body, including special needs children. About a ten minute drive from home – so still close, but not walking distance. Tends to be a high turnover with teachers,though.
I guess writing that out, the only thing I really love about #1 is that it is walking distance from home. And the currently have an opening. It is also potentially less drama than #2. #2 has a very active parent body, which doesn’t see the case with #1. But i’m wondering if proximity and not having to pack lunch is enough of a game changer? Or if we should wait it out for school #2? We do want to move my son out of his small in-home daycare soon- he is receiving services for speech delay and one of the things our therapist says is that being with more children will help him a lot.
Ugh! We are slow decision makers. i’m sure either school is fine, but it feels like such a big decision.
Anonymous says
I would take the offered spot at #1, then make a decision on #2 if and when a spot opens up. You might just love #1.
ElisaR says
I wouldn’t discount the meals that come with #1. That along with walking sound like serious plusses. Packing lunches and snacks at 9pm each night is my least favorite chore of the day.
Boston Legal Eagle says
This. We are switching our kids to a daycare that provides all meals with our upcoming move and this was one of the biggest selling points for me. Packing the lunches and snacks now takes up a lot of my time and mental energy in the morning and I’m excited to get that off my to-dos.
Anonymous says
I would go with #1 – all meals provided is huge. Plus I love an excuse to get in a walk outside every day.
Anon says
I think I’m in the minority, but I actually dislike that our daycare provides food and would much rather send our own. What they provide isn’t complete junk but they include a bread product at every meal/snack and invariably that’s all my child eats. It causes short term health issues (constipation) and also probably isn’t the greatest thing long term.
That said, I tend to agree that if the spot at #1 is open now, you take it and move to #2 if/when a spot opens. I don’t think moving daycare is that big a deal.
rosie says
You also should be able to find out what the provided food is like, right? I would feel the same as you in the situation you described, but I know that some facilities may be more health-conscious. I would love not packing food for my kid but know that they’re providing a varied, healthy diet (and maybe with some peer pressure to try stuff if everyone is eating the same thing…but I don’t know if that’s just an urban legend :)).
Anon says
To be clear, I don’t think my daycare serves an exceptionally unhealthy menu, at least relative to other daycares in our (Midwestern) state – it’s the highest rated and most expensive daycare in our area, the breads are whole grains and every meal includes protein, dairy, fruit and veggies too. My kid just won’t eat anything except the bread. Peer pressure definitely doesn’t work on every kid, and I wouldn’t want teachers telling her she has to eat veggies in order to eat the bread, since that’s not how we approach feeding at home.
Anonymous says
Daycare 2. He has special needs and they’re used to that.
Anonymous says
I don’t think ‘speech delayed’ at this age counts as special needs. Daycare can be very helpful in speech for kids who have been at a childcare situation with a limited number of people and thus less speech exposure. Just being at a daycare provides lots more speech exposure.
Anon says
Yeah, +1. Also, it’s not a special need that requires the daycare teachers to do anything or have any special training. At most, they just have to accommodate an outside speech therapist visiting and pulling this kid out at a certain time. I think of “special needs” as requiring the teachers to have additional strategies for teaching or managing the child, which they don’t.
Anon says
It’s not that kids who are home with a parent or nanny don’t hear a lot of words. But they have a caregiver at their beck and call, anticipating all their needs, and so they don’t have to develop expressive language to communicate their needs. Going to daycare can help with an expressive language delay, but not a receptive language delay. At least that’s what our ped said.
Anon says
This is sort of off-topic, but I would definitely encourage you to start daycare as soon as possible if your son is speech delayed. My daughter never went to early intervention and was never formally diagnosed with a delay, but she was behind on a lot of milestones, and had a HUGE leap (verbally, physically and socially) the first month after starting daycare and basically got completely caught up on everything. It could be coincidence but I don’t think it was.
OP says
Oh that is good to hear and keep in mind. Thanks for sharing!
OP says
Thanks for the comments/ perspective- it’s helpful. I think folks are right that we should be thinking in terms of the choice “right now” as opposed to obsessing about the “right choice” maybe in the future.
Lily says
Can I get a gut check as to whether this is normal? I have read all the books and blogs but it’s honestly hard to retain everything when life is so hectic these days. Our kid is 7 months old and basically will only eat fruit purees (she’ll eat the kind with veggies only if it includes apple or pear or some other sweet fruit). She doesn’t like plain baby oatmeal, plain yogurt (can’t really blame her to be honest!) and will not eat anything chunky like scrambled egg (even if I tear it into tiny tiny pieces). She did sort of gnaw on a piece of bread crust yesterday. I’m also terrified of choking so when she was gumming the bread and a small piece broke off into her mouth, I felt panicked.
Are we way behind on this whole eating thing? She just doesn’t seem interested in food at all. I know our window to introduce flavors and textures is rapidly closing (I read that after 12 months it’s much harder) and I really don’t want to condemn her to a childhood of being a picky eater.
Also, my husband thinks I give up too easily when she refuses something, but I’m not going to pry her mouth open! And I don’t want to get to the point where she’s upset and crying because we keep offering food and she doesn’t want to eat it.
Thanks in advance for any advice or commiseration!
Anon says
Her behavior is well within the realm of normal, but, to be blunt, I think you sound excessively paranoid about choking. If you avoid the official choking hazards, the odds that she will choke are incredibly small. Gumming a strip of bread is a great thing for her to be doing at this age. If the piece that breaks off is small enough to go down whole, it will, otherwise she will gag/vomit and get it out.
The window of when you can introduce new stuff is not set in stone as ending at 12 months (for my kid, the dramatic change in attitude toward new foods came more like 16 months), but it’s good to have her eating finger food before her first birthday. For a data point, my kid only ate fruit purees and plain yogurt until about 8 months, when she developed a crude pincer grasp and started eating small bites of pretty much everything we ate (favorites including fish, chicken, roasted vegetables and pretty much all fruit). When she was 16 months she started rejecting almost everything except bread, yogurt and cheese so I think some degree of pickiness and favoring bland foods is inevitable no matter what they eat as infants.
Anon says
You’re doing fine! We didn’t even start offering solid food until almost 7 months, and our son is a great eater now. I think it’s too soon to worry. Just keep offering her a variety of foods and don’t stress if she doesn’t eat it at this age.
Pogo says
I think that “window” and picky eater thing is a myth. My son ate everything from 6-15mos and then became a normal picky toddler. The fact that he loved green beans at 8mos does nothing for him now. So I definitely wouldn’t worry about that!
Anonanonanon says
^This. I think they get pickier after 12 months regardless of how much they were exposed to before then. Toddlers are just picky.
ElisaR says
totally agree Pogo!
Anonymous says
thanks to both of you for your comments! We’ll keep offering her a variety of foods and I will try to chill about the choking issue. I was a super picky eater as a kid (now I’m a normal eater, albeit vegetarian) so I want to make sure I don’t somehow transfer that to her.
Anon says
Try the Feeding Littles online course. It’s baby lead weaning based, but I think it’ll help you be more confident about the choking, and also feel less pressure about feeding in general. 7 months is still early and you have plenty of time, you’re doing fine.
Anonymous says
Stop offering fruit for now or offer just once a day. Just chop up whatever you are eating into small pieces and let her pick it up and try it from her tray. Add salt to adult meals at the table vs. when cooking as they can’t have much salt under age 1.
Anonymous says
Picky eating is not at all within your control as a parent. Even if you do everything “right,” it’s quite possible that your child will love all food until she’s 2 or 2.5 years old and then suddenly decide she hates everything but chicken nuggets and buttered noodles. Don’t stress, and just keep offering a variety of foods for her to play with and taste.
Anonymous says
She’s only 7 months old! You aren’t behind. I do suggest you chill on the choking issue…we did more baby led weaning and DD was gnawing on soft pasta and shredded chicken around 7-8 months. Veggies we had success with we’re really soft peas, roasted carrots (like from pot roast), roasted broccoli torn into tiny pieces. Try adding fruit purée to her baby oatmeal or just give her over cooked adult oatmeal with fruit purée mixed it. It helped she could feed herself with her hands and let her enjoy eating. Super messy but oh well. You don’t need to pry her mouth open if she doesn’t like something, but introduce it over and over and over. It took my daughter until she was 2 to like yogurt or Mac and cheese, but she loved like Indian food from the beginning so it’s not like she was picky. We just continually offer and say “ok, maybe another time”.
IHeartBacon says
“It helped she could feed herself with her hands and let her enjoy eating. Super messy but oh well.”
Agreed. There is something about the baby putting the food in her own mouth — no matter how messy it ends up — that sometimes makes the food more palatable. Your baby probably doesn’t have a pincer grasp yet, but she likely can grab food with her fist and bring it to her own mouth. If you are spoon-feeding her or giving her pouches, try just laying out some food on her high chair tray and let her grab at it. As for your fear of her choking, as long as it it’s all pea-sized, it should be fine.
Anonymous says
Are you offering fruit purées from the pouch or from a bowl/jar with a spoon? I think eating from pouches do not teach babies all the necessary eating skills (opening mouth, tasting food, closing mouth to swallow) that prepare for chewing and eating textured food later…The closed environment of sucking from a pouch does not introduce air into the mouth to let the palate/taste buds experience all the food flavors nuances.
no tickling says
Thoughts on how to allow a toddler to set physical boundaries? My 2-yo daughter is very comfortable telling people that she knows “I don’t like that” if we are tickling her or in her space, etc. We were just with a bunch of relatives, and she was super shy. My uncle who has met her a few times but isn’t someone she really knows was tickling her. I couldn’t tell if she was ok w/it or not — she was just kind of looking at him and not saying anything.
Thoughts on what to do in this kind of situation? Am I worrying over nothing? Should I have proactively checked in with her to see if she was ok w/it? Should I have just told him to stop?
Anonymous says
Was she enjoying the tickling? If she looked like she wasn’t enjoying it I would’ve just told him to stop. Or I guess you could’ve asked in the moment if she was ok? I think it’s wonderful people are teaching young children about consent, but also I think we can overreact and overthink these things sometimes.
AnonLaywer says
Anyone know where to find professionally-appropriate maternity clothes in a size 16/XL? Everything I’m finding that seems truly professional stops at a size 14 or L. I ended up ordering a Stitch Fix and a Trunk Club shipment just to see if they can come up with anything but I’m feeling kind of stymied looking online (and people on other boards think things like rompers are professional). I work at home most of the time but I’m a lawyer and have some in-person events coming up – I was thinking dresses and a blazer I can wear open would be best, but am open to other ideas.
anon says
I’m that size and have had luck with seraphine or isabelle oliver pieces. Also with old navy, but the quality isn’t great.
AnonLaywer says
Hmm, Seraphine and Isabelle Oliver both seemed to stop at 14 when I looked. Do they run large?
AnonLaywer says
It looks like Seraphine goes up to UK Size 18 on the UK site and US Size 14 on the US site. Annoying but I guess I could pay shipping from the UK . . . .
Anonymous says
UK size 18 is equal to US size 14
AnonLaywer says
My friend who lives in the UK said more like a size 16 (there’s a two size difference in the smaller sizes, like 4 –> 8 but then it levels out at a one-size difference) . . . but I’m sure it varies from brands to brand. I’m not sure it’s worth risking international shipping on though.
Anon says
For me they ran small. I had best luck with Gap, Old Navy and Macy’s, and desperately coveted all the “fancy” maternity brands that didn’t sell my size.
Anonymous says
Did you look at loft maternity for tops?
Talking sh*t says
Anyone have an older (school age) kid with chronic constipation?
My almost 6 year old has been battling intermittent stomach pain for almost 2 years now. We’ve seen the ped and the pedi GI. They’ve ruled out all the really bad/serious stuff and when she takes a daily laxative her stomach doesn’t hurt and things, ah, flow normally.
If she doesn’t take it (I’m the one that forgets), in a few days it starts hurting again. She always has a bowel movement but it’s just that her system doesn’t keep up pace with her ingestion.
Curious for those who have been there if/when they outgrew it?
My kid eats tons of fiber, is super active, and well hydrated.
Lbbaby says
Has anybody here used the Doona Car Seat/Stroller? I’m intrigued but don’t know anybody that actually has it. My main concerns are weight, I’m petite and not particularly strong. We mostly drive and plan to take walks around the neighborhood, no city walking. We travel by plane a good amount.