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Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
anon for this says
I know with our democracy collapsing this is a first world problem, but due to space constraints we have to find a spot 2 days/week for one of our kids (they both go to a small in-home, so it doesn’t really matter which kid, but they can’t both be there on those 2 days). With COVID everybody is space-constrained even the larger centers. I almost want to give up and find a nanny in case we go full lockdown again, but DH feels like nanny is riskier? also as he pointed out, “it can’t get any worse, the hospitals are full, if they haven’t locked down by now they won’t”.
I want to be annoyed with our provider for putting us in this position (she took on a PT kid before our second was born) but I know she is just trying to survive after being shut down more than half the year. Why is everything so hard.
Clementine says
I don’t have an answer, but just reiterate what somebody told me recently on here:
“There’s no perfect choice. It’s just a buffet of crummy choices that you have to choose from.’
Anonymous says
I think having a nanny is less risky than sending your kids to 2 different daycare centers where they will be exposed to 2 different groups of families and staff, plus all of their contacts. The nanny is one person, with all of his/her contacts. Am I missing something? I totally understand not wanting to have a nanny for other reasons, but I don’t get the risk calculus.
OP says
Right? I’m with you. But he says because the centers have all these protocols and they can’t mix classes it isn’t as bad. I don’t know what to think, I’m just sick of having to constantly re-evaluate everything. Remember when you could just wake up in the morning and drive to work, drop the kids off and not worry about anything except like, doing your actual job?
Anonymous says
Even if classes aren’t mixing, how is it safer for each kid to have close contact with several other people instead of just one? That makes zero sense.
Is either of you working from home? I’d consider keeping one kid home those two days and trading off child care duties instead of going to another center.
Anonymous says
Then tell him to find a day care who can take both kids 5 days a week.
Anonymous says
Even with all the protocols, there are still multiple people caring for your child at a daycare centre. If you only need 2 days a week, you actually might find a university student attending classes online and looking to find a low risk job like nannying for one family part-time. I imagine a lot of students usually work restaurant/retail jobs and those are off table in most places now so it may actually be easier to find a part-time nanny vs full time nanny.
Anon says
I work at a university and would not recommend a college student if you’re at all concerned about Covid. 20% of our student body got Covid in the fall semester, which is a much higher rate than the general population, and the overwhelming majority were asymptomatic and going to work/class when they tested positive.
Anonymous says
I’m in Canada so I forget that some universities in the States are doing in-person classes. None of our universities went back in person, even in provinces that don’t have community spread but I don’t see how the risk is much higher if you are selective – someone doing online classes, no roommates and no other job.
Anon says
Because 18-22 year olds don’t have fully-developed brains and are incredibly unlikely to get seriously ill from Covid, many of them are not taking the virus seriously. Bars are packed in college towns across the US. You can try to screen for someone who has a more cautious attitude, but I don’t know that it’s something you can really determine from a brief interview.
Anonymous says
Fewer contacts but also fewer protocols like masks and travel restrictions. You could require these things of a nanny, but most people don’t, from what I’ve seen. Admittedly, I come from the perspective of having had a really bad nanny experience (years ago) with someone who lied to us multiple times, but I also think there’s a level of trustworthiness that comes with having a daycare center that vets its employees. Most daycare teachers have been working at the center for years or decades and really don’t want to get fired, but a lot of nannies seem to have the attitude that if things don’t work out with one family they’ll just find another one immediately (which is probably true, especially right now),. I know multiple people who’ve had to let nannies go for breaking Covid rules around things like travel. It just seems hard to know if a brand new nanny is trustworthy or not, whereas a daycare center employee has been vetted by the center and the center director “manages” them so you don’t have to.
Anonymous says
I don’t agree with this line of reasoning. In our community, day care providers and teachers are complaining about the risks they’re exposed to at work, then traveling and having unmasked gatherings in their homes. They are not at all worried about losing their jobs for their off-duty behavior or for being quarantined and unable to work. An individual day care worker isn’t automatically any more trustworthy than a nanny. In ordinary times, when “reliability” means consistent coverage, a day care center is more reliable because if one employee flakes there are others to take up the slack. With COVID, if one employee or family flouts the rules you’re exposed.
Anon says
I see repeated teacher bashing here. Not all teachers are as you describe. I have a lot of trust in my center’s teachers and their handling of COVID.
Anonymous says
Well, this is how all of my friends who are teachers are behaving. I wouldn’t call it teacher bashing, just telling the truth. I don’t know if I can still be friends with them when this is all over.
This is how the dozen or so health care workers who live on my street are behaving as well.
anon says
Possibly the only good thing about the current situation is that it’s much easier to supervise a nanny right now if you are working from home. Mine is within earshot unless she’s taking the kid for a walk. There’s little room for shenanigans.
Anonymous says
My husband and I actually worked from home a lot in before times, which is how we found out our nanny wasn’t trustworthy. I guess if we’d been office workers we might have remained blissfully ignorant for longer, but that doesn’t bring me a lot of comfort.
anne-on says
I agree with you that having a nanny is less risky (plus she can do things for you like kid laundry and meal prep!). If you are looking to swap just also take into account that it is really hard to find a nanny right now, especially if you are looking for an full time adult and not a college kid. We snagged someone by sheer luck for part time hours but we contacted 3 agencies in our area (and my work’s employee assistance program) over the summer when the au pair ban happened and every one of them let us know it’s really competitive right now.
Anonymous says
We could not find on-the-books help in my city at any price we could actually pay and then we’d still have to deal with us being the backup if the nanny got sick / got exposed / quit, so it was largely theoretical to get a nanny but so is me being a swimsuit model.
I know a nurse practitioner who retired early to help her children out with childcare and these are kids with good jobs, so they should theoretically have options and yet they don’t.
Anonymous says
I’d find a new day care all together! Finding a spot 2 days a week is so hard. Move both your kids.
Anonymous says
This is what I would do too.
anon says
This is where I land, too. And, OP, I know that’s probably asking the impossible right now, and I’m sorry you’re in this situation.
Alternatively, could you find a sitter (not a full-on nanny) for two days a week?
anon says
I agree—find a new daycare for both. Or, a nanny for the other days would be fine.
In my part of California, kids are only permitted to go to one group activity/program in person apart from k-12 school, so kids in daycare can only go to to one daycare and no other programs or group activities. I thought this was the rule throughout California.
Anonymous says
This is also what I would do.
Anonymous says
I don’t have a lot of insight into nanny vs daycare but I think your husband is wrong that things can’t get worse. Hospitals are right at the cusp of being full, which is bad but nowhere near as bad as having five times as many Covid patients as hospital beds, which is likely to happen once the UK variant really catches on here. Everyone I know in epidemiology/public health is expecting a full national lockdown by March. I hope and pray that childcare including daycare will be exempt from that but we’ll see.
Anonymous says
There is evidence that kids spread the new variant more efficiently than the original strain, so I’m not hopeful.
Anonymous says
Yeah, but people distinguish between school and daycare. I expect schools to close for sure, but think there’s at least some chance daycares will stay open since they’re deemed much more essential.
Anon says
Why are they expecting this? The vaccine will have been rolling out for three months, there will be more vaccine options…I realize the vaccine rollout has been a debacle, but surely it will help some? Is it because of the new strain? (Serious question, not debating your insight…I am due with #3 in April)
Anonymous says
Yes, because of the new strain which is much more infectious and seems to infect young children as much as teens and adults, which the current strain does not. I hope the vaccine rollout will improve but I’m not optimistic. My state announced how many doses they’re getting per week, and by the end of January we’re only going to have enough vaccine on hand to vaccinate about 10% of the population with one dose, or 5% of the population with two doses (and that’s assuming 100% of the vaccine we get is administered, and so far there’s been a big lag in that). So unless something changes dramatically, the impact of the vaccines will be minimal for a very long time.
anon says
We have a nanny who lives in our guest room most of the time (with occasional visits to her nuclear family). If you have a spare room, you may find someone who is willing to join your bubble. It’s not perfect, but it seems much lower risk than any version of daycare.
Anonymous says
I love daycares, and my youngest is in one (and my other two have gone to them) but I think the answer here is a nanny if you can find one. Even if where you are isn’t surging (which it is), you are bound to have one daycare or the other close or partially close rooms due to quarantine. It’s a numbers game. 2 kids at 2 places in rooms of ?10? kids each just ups the risk of one kid’s classroom being exposed and needing to quarantine. It’s a huge pain.
We are in MA and my daughters has been back at daycare since September. They have class sizes of <10 and no mixing of teachers or kids. They've had to close rooms (not the whole center) at least twice due to exposure, which means that the entire room full of kids has to be quarantined. Double extra fun is when you factor siblings in (my toddler cannot reasonably be quarantined from the rest of our family, so *we all* got to stay home until she waited the requisite time and got a neg test). In the fall the kids spent as much time as possible outside. if you are somewhere where it snows, expect the kids to be indoors a lot more–which only adds to the risk.
Aside from that, two dropoffs/pickups is a huge hassle. I do it daily (well, 2-3x a week due to hybrid learning) since I have kids in a daycare, elem, and preschool).
Also, how old are your kids? In our daycare kids 3 and over MUST wear masks, and it's "advised" for kids 2-3 (there's a room of kids 15 months-2.9 so obviously the 15 month olds are not wearing masks).
Anon says
Just as anecdata the other way, we’ve been back to daycare since July with no room closures. Our center has 100 kids and 40 staff. Our area has an above average number of cases but isn’t a super hot spot.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I’m jinxing myself but I’m also in MA and so far no closures in daycare due to Covid. The kids are sent home for every cough/other random virus symptom, so we’ve had them home for about a week at a time for 4 separate weeks so far.
If your kids are young enough and you can afford it, OP, I’d go with a nanny. We went with daycare for many reasons, one of which is that I want my older one with other kids. Or switch them both to one center.
OP says
thanks all. You’ve given me a lot to think about. Just so downtrodden today. I agree in theory I’d love to just move them both but many places are already close to capacity (because capacity is reduced) so I do think I want to keep the baby with the current caregiver. I do love her personally and she was great working with us during the first lockdown, but this is pretty frustrating that she just threw this at us. I also just don’t feel like hiring a nanny, but it is what it is.
Anon says
I am pregnant and work as an in-house attorney in a fairly senior role. I’ve told my manager and my direct reports that I am pregnant, but I have not told my clients. I am sure they will be happy for me and that I am 100% overthinking this, but I am worried about reassuring them about coverage while I am out on maternity leave since my role is very specialized. Anyone have experience telling their clients about their pregnancy? I am working on my plan, but would really welcome any advice based on your experiences. Also, at what point in your pregnancy did you disclose to your clients?
Also, if you had direct reports when you went out on maternity leave, how did you handle your direct reports? Were you still in contact with them during your leave?
Anonymous says
Whether or not it’s technically allowed, you should not be in contact with anyone from work while on maternity leave, unless it’s in a purely social capacity. In a senior role, it’s your responsibility to set the example.
Anonymous says
Yea this. You should not be in contact with your direct reports more than like wishing them a happy birthday or accepting their congrats on the baby.
anon says
+1
Anon says
I was senior and had direct reports. We had one social lunch so they could meet the baby (pre-COVID). And we checked in for 30 minutes the week before I returned. That was it. My boss approve their leave and did other admin stuff. They are all professionals and managed their workload without me (I did leave extensive lists of what needed to be done by week, because that is how I am).
anon says
I haven’t done this, but I’d expect internal clients to be very understanding. They are used to people going to maternity leave and are used to HR guidelines. I’d just let them know the support plan matter of factly. .
Anonymous says
I think some of these are questions for your manager. Ask them who will cover for you and be prepared with that information when you tell your clients. Your manager will also tell you how to handle direct reports. You might not be allowed to really work at all based on how your company handles maternity leave, including managing your direct reports.
Don’t be nervous – I was shocked at how excited people were for me when I was expecting. People at my office I rarely talked to would stop by to be excited with me. It was a pleasant surprise.
Boston Legal Eagle says
People are completely used to people going out on maternity/paternity leave. They just need to know who will cover for you. Set up a coverage plan with your manager and go from there. I’ve been on both sides at my latest company – my former boss went on leave, leaving me as the lead, with some allocation of work to other teams and outside counsel support, and then I went on leave, and she had a part time person help. Do NOT contact your reports while on leave – my company temporarily switches all reports to the next person in the chain for management purposes, so there’s nothing you should need to deal with.
Pogo says
Yes, in my org your direct reports’ requests or notices go automatically to your manager when you’re on leave (or if you don’t respond to something within 5 days regardless for that matter). I wouldn’t worry about them.
As far as coverage, I did a lot of work for this leave in developing a delegation plan. I gave access on all of my documents to my manager. I noted who to contact for what on my out of office (and it was tweaked for internal vs external).
Anon says
I just finished reading “Here’s the Plan” which discusses how to handle this type of situation, and I think you would benefit from reading. You do not need to manage your direct reports while you are gone. You may be pleasantly surprised to find how much they can do without you. “Here’s the Plan” recommends using leave as an exercise to find out what functions you actually need to do yourself and what can be delegated in order to optimize time.
anon says
Who else is reeling from some horrible conversations with their older kids about yesterday’s events? I am so heartbroken. None of my explanations made sense because the whole situation is crazy (although utterly predictable given the past four years). I’m scared, my kid is scared, and I cannot make this better, other than being a safe person to whom he can express himself. I feel like I kept repeating — this is not normal, this is not how it’s supposed to work — and of course he wants to know why nobody is stopping this from happening. And I have no answer. Because our Republican lawmakers are pieces of sh!t who are only denouncing this stuff at the 11th hour, after egging on this behavior for the past four years? Because Pence hasn’t had the good sense to invoke the 25th already?
Anonymous says
How old are your kids? My oldest is 8 and I did not let her watch the news. We also live in MA, where we are so blue it hurts sometimes, but we have a Republican governor. I would 100% not say “our Republican lawmakers are pieces of sh!t” not only because I believe that not to be true across the board, but mostly because that’s for my kid to determine on their own.
I would focus on the legislative checks and balances- what is in place to make sure things like this don’t happen? What could have gone wrong? How are ways you can take action? What are some other historically similar events and how did they end up?
Anonymous says
Huh I’m comfortable teaching my kids that people who are hateful are bad. So like no not all republicans but yes most of them.
Anon says
I don’t generally talk about “bad people” but I emphasize they make bad, evil choices, as determined by XYZ benchmarks. And I use a variety of other adjectives. I guess I don’t agree with writing off people so simply (especially those we don’t know personally). It takes more nuance and complexity to see people as more than just the sum of their choices, but I want my kids to have that mindset. (Same reason I don’t want my kids to see people in prison as “bad people”.)
anon says
No, of course I didn’t opine on the spineless lawmakers. That was going through my head in the background, though.
Kids are 6 and 11. The 6-year-old was oblivious. The 11-year-old has not seen any images (that I’m aware of), but knew something had happened based on conversations at school.
Anonymous says
what is in place to make sure things like this don’t happen? – nothing apparently, there’s video of the CP opened the gates for the terrorists.
By historically similar events do you mean when the British burnt down the Capitol in 1814? Cause that’s all I could come up with.
My kids walked in on me watching the news coverage yesterday. When I told them where it was happening, they said they don’t want to go to the Disney in Florida anymore, that we should go back to the one in France instead because the US is too scary. They’ve been asking for weeks when Trump leaves. At 6 and 9 they are too young to remember Obama. Trump represents the US for them and a lot of their friends.
Anon says
your post made me cry. our kids should not be scared of going to school or disneyworld in Florida
AwayEmily says
My oldest is 5 and she has not seen any of the news/images, but heard my husband and me talking over breakfast. She’s already aware of who Trump is and we’ve discussed why he makes so many bad choices (in particular, how his parents treated him when he was young). She also knows he lost, and that he doesn’t like to lose and is very mad about it and tried to cheat. So, we told her that some people who support him tried to stop Biden from becoming President by breaking into the place where votes are counted, and it was scary, and Trump didn’t tell them to stop. And that their attempt didn’t work, and Biden will be President. This is probably too dumbed-down for an older kid but it worked for her.
And yeah,I agree with your larger point. This is horrifying and I wish more than anything I could tell her that Trump and the people who support him are the only ones who feel this way, and the rest of Republican elected officials think that Trump’s cheating is wrong….but, well, I can’t tell them that.
Jeffiner says
Our 5 year old overheard me and my husband talking about the woman who was shot. DD’s asking lots of questions, and we’re probably over-simplifying it, but we just keep saying she was breaking into a building and the police shot her. We’re also making sure to say she wasn’t a bad woman, but she just made bad choices, and its still sad that she died. The “why did they shoot her instead of arresting her?” question is harder for me to answer, as it seemed yesterday the police didn’t use enough force when they used too much force with the BLM protests.
Anonymous says
You’re a better person than me. My 2 year old calls Trump “the bad man.”
Jeffiner says
Nana and Grandpa (my in-laws) are Trump supporters. My daughter actually calls Trump “the meany mayor” but we’re trying to gently break that habit so she won’t say it in front of her grandparents.
Anonymous says
Why?
Anon says
maybe she should and it would help wake them up
Pogo says
When my niece and nephew have said stuff like this in front of my in-laws they have legit started arguing with an 8 year old about politics. I would not recommend.
Anonymous says
My in-laws are Trump supporters and my dad is a Trump apologist. My kids remark that Trump is a bad guy every time his name comes up, but we don’t see those grandparents often and luckily it hasn’t happened in front of them yet. I’ve let it go other than to occasionally ask them why they think that. I’m pretty happy they will tell me “he’s not respectful,” “he lies, and lying is wrong,” “he tries to make people mad at each other rather than helping them work together” rather than specific policy stuff. Because while I do disagree with most of his policy decisions, that is separate from why I think he’s a bad human being.
Anon says
My kids are 5 and 7. We’ve had lots of talks about world events, so they have *some* context for yesterday. We talked about how Trump was so mad that he lost, he tried to cheat and even encouraged other people to cheat, and then yesterday some of his supporters tried to break our country’s rules and keep him as president. This makes us sad, it makes a lot of people sad, and it shouldn’t happen. But we have to be extra careful to watch for people who try to break rules, even people in charge, and make sure to stand up for what’s right. They were scared and sad, I was scared and sad, but this morning my 7 year old actually said “Mom thanks for being here. It makes me feel better to know you’ll always tell us the truth.” So that was my gold star for the year.
As they ask more questions, we’ll start to connect this to white supremacy and our prior talks on how people used to think black people shouldn’t be in charge and we’re working hard to change that but some people still think it, but that gave them enough background for one day. But I’m white and I’m raising white kids. It’s 100% my duty to make sure they’re part of the solution and don’t end up spouting nonsense on FB one day like so many of my relatives and hometown friends. Some of the posts yesterday were the final straw in already tenuous relationships, and I’ll have to figure out how to talk through that with my kids too at some point. This is definitely going to be an ongoing conversation for our entire lives.
Redux says
Gold star indeed! You sound like a great mom. These conversations are so hard and so critical, especially for white families, as you note.
Spirograph says
Yes, and PP, how great that your daughter expressed her appreciation to you like that. You’re clearly doing a lot of things right with her!
Anonymous says
Also struggling with how to explain this. My 6 year old was oblivious, my 8 year old had many questions. We don’t usually have the news on with kids around, so she saw and heard more than she’s used to. Given my younger was tantrumming at the time, we explained that people who voted for Trump (and Trump) didn’t like to lose and were having a giant tantrum. But that never gets you what you want. And the country is based on voting and the peaceful transfer of power. We had to turn off the tv when the violence was compared to wartime. (And start playing kid movie soundtracks.)
Spirograph says
Me! That was a conversation I didn’t think I would ever need to have, and I’m so sad that I did.
My kids are 4, and in K and 2nd grade, and while I didn’t let them watch the news, they heard a snippet on the radio and we talked about it at dinner last night because I wanted to control the message. We told them this isn’t normal, people made some really bad choices, and Trump and some of his supporters have done a lot of bad things that damage what America is supposed to stand for. We’ve previously talked with them about the election, and how Trump is being a sore loser and lying to trick people into thinking that he won when he didn’t. And now because he lied, all these people listened to him and made bad choices, and that was very, very wrong and irresponsible of everyone. This is why it’s important to check your sources and not believe everything you hear, especially on the internet (this is a theme in our house anyway).
We went to DC often in the Before Times, so the kids recognize the Capitol building, know that that’s where Congress makes the laws, and that it’s an important place representing America and democracy. They had a lot of questions about why people wanted to “battle,” and why they wouldn’t listen to the police, and why the police shot that woman, and whether their aunt who lives in DC is safe, and whether we are safe since we live just outside the city. My oldest has a lot more questions that I told him we can talk more about today. Our overall message is that we are safe, our families are safe, and there are good people in the government and all over the country who are working hard to make sure that America is something we can be proud of, and we need to make sure that we are among them and making good choices, too. It’s OK to disagree, but it is not OK to fight and break things.
Anonymous says
I was living in Moscow and 6 years old during the 1991 coup. My mom says I was hysterical and terrified that the tanks would come to our house, and she told me that we weren’t important enough for that. I don’t remember any of this. Your kids will be ok!
Boston Legal Eagle says
Hi twin – same! (although slightly younger) I don’t mean to downplay anyone’s feelings right now, because the situation is awful and should not be normalized, but kids are remarkably resilient. All of you who are having the important conversations with kids, and letting them know the difficult history of this country are doing great. Unfortunately, terrible crises will keep coming up (how can you possibly explain Sandy Hook?), and this is an ongoing conversation we’ll need to have.
Anonymous says
After reading yesterday’s comments on getting babies down to sleep, I’m wondering if anyone has tips for me. We are absolutely struggling to get my 2 month old daughter down to sleep for the night. We put her down drowsy but awake for naps and half the time she falls asleep on her own, other times we will have to give her some pats and try putting her back down once or twice. But nighttime is absolutely miserable and can take hours at times. I know she is tired. We were somewhat successfully following Moms on Call guidance and she responded well for a few days and then began clusterfeeding for hours every night and now we just can’t get her down. Once down, she sleeps well and only wakes once or so to eat and goes back down easily after. Would appreciate anyone’s experiences because I want to pull my hair out.
Anonymous says
If you’re open to giving a bottle of formula or pumped milk before bed, I would try that. My kid could not go to sleep at night unless she had a full belly and the cluster-feeding suggests to me that she might not be getting as much food as she would like.
Anonymous says
I usually clusterfed from about 6-9pm. Usually just parked myself in front of the tv and watched a movie low volume and fed baby with cat naps on the BF pillow in between. Then had DH bring me the swaddle, swaddled and fed her swaddled for the last feed, then put her down once she was fed to sleep. For a successful transfer to crib, keeping my hand on her chest for like a full minute or two after putting her down, then very slowly removing usually worked.
Anonymous says
+1. Mine went through a stage of cluster-feeding from 9 p.m. to 1 a.m. It lasted several weeks. I found it easier just to stay up holding her until she was done eating instead of trying to put her down in between feedings. After the last feeding she’d sleep all the way through until morning.
Anonymous says
This was also my experience. The cluster feeding sounds like a PITA but I didn’t mind chilling in front of a movie for a few hours if it got me a solid night of sleep.
Pogo says
+1 Hate to say it, but at 2 months, this is peak evening screaming/clusterfeeding. It will (most likely) pass and be a distant memory soon.
anon says
Cluster-feeding says to me that this is a temporary (normal) problem, and that your efforts at working on sleep will start working again once it passes. There’s things you can do to lighten the load on you, like trying formula at night, but it will probably get better on its own in a few days or weeks regardless of what you do.
AwayEmily says
what worked for us…
With my first, we bounced her on an exercise ball for ~20 minutes until she passed out.
With my second, after a month trying to unsuccessfully bounce, rock, and walk him to sleep we discovered that he actually just wanted to be put in his crib, cry for a minute, and then go to sleep (this was not sleep training, though we did sleep train our kids eventually — that was just what he preferred as a little baby).
AnotherAnon says
Two months is sooooo little. I bet you’re exhausted too. I think I put mine to sleep in his swing at that age (swaddled), then transferred him to his crib after an HOUR of solid sleep in the swing. I do not think you should do that, but yeah I remember it taking hours for him to solidly go to sleep. And he’s a good sleeper! Try full belly, swaddle, and just keep on keeping on. It will get better! My only other suggestion is make sure she’s not overtired. Like, she probably needs to go to bed at 6PM and then dream fed and put back to bed around 10 or 11? I’m probably not even remembering that correctly but hopefully you know what I mean.
OP says
Thanks all!!! I worked hard to pump to increase supply which seemed to help the clusterfeeding and she seems to be slowing down on that. She used to seem like AwayEmily’s second kid and need to cry a bit before going to sleep as our efforts to calm her before bed don’t work much if she’s already been fed, but now nothing works, even letting her cry some. Anyways just hearing similar struggles is helpful and yes so so tired.
AnonATL says
When we had a few nights like these, I would usually bottle feed him until comatose while in the swaddle and then very gently put him down.
Some nights even that didn’t work and I would bedshare for an hour or two and then move him into the crib once he was good and asleep. There were just some nights he was extra clingy and needed the snuggles despite a full belly. On bedsharing nights, I’d kick my husband out to the guest room so it was just me and baby in the queen bed with all the bedding pushed far away. I didn’t sleep great those nights, but we at least got some sleep.
I know it doesn’t feel like it now, but this phase will pass before you know it. As I mentioned on the thread yesterday, my son is 5 months and puts himself to sleep every night now and for most naps.
AnonATL says
ETA I know two months is right about the time swaddling becomes dangerous due to rolling. We had good success with the nested bean as a transition. I know some people swear by the Merlin (there are strict size minimums) or the zipadee swaddle.
TheElms says
I think a really full belly helps (or at least it helped my daughter), so we did a bottle of pumped milk at night given by dad. We started that around this time because I was just done after a day of caring for a baby by myself and desperately needed a break. When are you trying to put you baby down for the night? My kid at that age didn’t want to go to sleep for her long stretch until around 9pm, so we did the bottle with her already in a swaddle around 8:30pm/9pm and then put her in her crib. Trying earlier would have gotten us nowhere because she was a night owl from the start and still is.
Anonymous says
Yes, consider the possibility that you have a night owl. The usual advice is that if the baby is fighting sleep you should put her to bed even earlier, but some babies are truly wired for later sleep.
Anonymous says
Especially as infants. My DD had a 9 or 10 pm bedtime as an infant, which my friends found insane, but she seemed to be wired that way. Plus, if the baby is only going to give you an 8 hour stretch of sleep, it’s nice for it overlap with normal adult nighttime hours as opposed to something weird like 6 pm to 2 am. Once my daughter was sleeping 12 hours without waking, which I think happened around 6 or 7 months, then we were able to transition to a more standard bedtime like 7:30. Now as a 3 year old she has an insanely early bedtime for her age (6:30 pm) but that’s because she’s high sleep needs and quit naps early and going to sleep that early is the only way for her to get enough sleep.
Anon says
My kid is still a night owl at 3. As an infant we would put her down for the night at 10 or 11. As a now three year old she goes down around 9 or 10 and gets up around 8 or 9, depending on whether it was a preschool day (back when we had preschool, sigh). They are (apparently) rare, but once you figure it out, life is so much easier.
Anonymous says
I have one of these kids. I get an insane amount of judgment for it. I have to remind myself how much nicer it is to have a kid who goes happily to bed and stays asleep all night because I am respecting her sleep needs instead of dogmatically insisting on an early bedtime that results in bedtime battles and multiple wakings.
Anon says
Mine, too. We were a solid 9/9:30 bedtime family until my kids both dropped naps this fall (3 and 5)…and even now they aren’t in bed until 8:30. “Extra early” bedtime for us is 8. But I’m also not a morning person so I wouldn’t want it any other way. Our kids are never up before 7 am, and stay in their rooms until 7:30.
I think to some extent it’s how the child is wired, but family culture also plays a role (as they get older and you establish routines).
Anonymous says
Is she overtired when you’re trying to put her down? Have you tried an earlier bedtime?
I agree that two months is too young for a good routine. It’s basically a crapshoot and all about survival.
OP says
I usually start trying to put her down around 9ish. I might test out an earlier or later time and see how that works.
So Anon says
My youngest is 7 (2nd grade) is going through one of her super clingy phases. She wants my undivided attention all of the time, to the point that she will try and talk to me through the bathroom door. I remember her going through these phases in the past, but it has been a while (maybe a few years and since before her Dad and I divorced). I am really struggling with the intensity of her need to be with/next to/physically touching me if possible at all times when she and I are in the same house. She goes to school 2 days per week and has an outdoor program one other day, and the rest of time we are in the same house. I spent intense 1×1 time with her last weekend, and she emerged from the weekend with an even greater need to be with me. Any advice? Commiseration? Anything?
anon says
Mostly commiseration. My 6-year-old has been more clingy than usual lately, and I chalk it up to all the weirdness in our lives and the world right now. They’re anxious, too. I try to recharge when I can, but it’s really, really hard.
Anonymous says
Reading on the couch together is how I deal with this in my youngest. Usually we each sit on one end and sort of snuggle our legs together under a blanket and read our books. Meets his need for physical connection but I don’t get as overwhelmed because my headspace is in my book. If he doesn’t want to read but I don’t have the mental energy for mental engagement vs. physical contact, I’ll usually allow Ipad with headphones.
Anon says
Commiseration. My 5 and 7 are super clingy lately. I just told my DH that I feel like I’m back in the toddler stage where I was “touched out” by the end of every day. I absolutely know it’s driven by all the uncertainty in their world right now – moms (or dads) are their safe space and being by us gives them comfort when everything else is so confusing and scary and weird.
I don’t have advice. We’re trying to have DH physically rough house with them for a bit when school is done. (Loud sword fights, chasing around the basement, play-wrestling, etc.) A physical way to get out their stress and work through feelings and just get some full body movement in their days. It seems to be helping slightly, more so that it gives me ~30 minutes to breath in the middle of the afternoon, but I don’t know if it’s making enough of an impact?
Anonymous says
At 7, she is old enough to learn about respecting other people’s boundaries. That won’t help with the constant need for attention, but you can absolutely tell her when you don’t want to be touched. It’s a good lesson for her to learn.