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Back when I was a baby lawyer, I used to work in a courthouse and had to wear a suit every day. I didn’t mind it much in the winter, but the summer was another story. It was impossible to keep my suits from getting sweaty, and it was unrealistic to dry clean them after every wear.
I don’t wear suits as often anymore but still do for court. Back when Banana Republic began selling their Washable Italian Wool-Blend Blazer, I immediately ordered one, along with matching pants. Since that first iteration, they’ve expanded their cuts and colors, but I am partial to the Classic Fit. While I often wear it as a traditional suit, I’ve worn just the blazer with a pair of jeans for an elevated Casual Friday look.
The navy looks pretty close to the one I have, and if I ever find myself in need of more blazers, I would definitely add the black one to my collection. As with many of Banana Republic’s blazers, the Classic Fit comes in a range of sizes as well as petite, regular, and tall.
The blazer is on sale for $99 and is available in navy and black in regular sizes 0–20, petite sizes 00–14, and tall sizes 2–16. Classic-Fit Washable Italian Wool-Blend Blazer
P.S. Here are some matching pants options, also on sale, in regular and petite sizing: Logan Trouser-Fit Washable Wool Blend Pant, Avery Straight-Fit Washable Wool-Blend Ankle Pant, Ryan Slim Straight-Fit Washable Italian Wool-Blend Pant, Curvy Ryan Slim Straight-Fit Washable Wool-Blend Pant.
Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
See some of our latest articles on CorporetteMoms:
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anon says
Hello Moms Community,
I am newly pregnant with my first child and am looking for suggestions as what books you found most informative and helpful to you in navigating pregnancy and motherhood for the first time. If you also have any advice you wish you knew about being pregnant or a new mom, I would welcome that, as well.
Thank you!
Boston Legal Eagle says
Congratulations! I love this site for any questions I have on child rearing, so definitely suggest you stick around here!
I liked Emily Oster’s Expecting Better for pregnancy. I know there is some debate about her overall messaging, but I like that it’s more of a risk based assessment that allows you to weigh the risks and decide for yourself which “rules” to follow. For babies – “Happiest Baby on the Block,” “Bringing up Bebe,” “Baby 411” (I think that’s what it’s called, more of a reference for all questions) and “Cribsheet” (again Oster).
I’m a Type A rule follower but I’ve learned that with kids, there is no one right way to do anything, which is both terrifying and freeing. You can have general ideas about how you’ll parent but once the baby is here, you’ll need to adjust and that’s ok.
Anon says
I didn’t read a ton of pregnancy books, but I think Happiest Baby on the Block is kind of the universal one that men and women recommended to me, and is fairly practical. There is a video if you and your husband both want to check the box on that one easily.
For general pregnancy, I found the “Lucie’s List” emails the most helpful and easiest to digest vs. most books.
Lily says
I liked the Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy, and Happiest Baby on the Block.
Try to exercise throughout pregnancy once you feel up to it. I didn’t with my first, and haven’t now (second pregnancy) either, and definitely regretted it. It’s so easy to indulge in desserts, carbs, etc. while pregnant but just remember that as easy as it is to gain the weight, it’s much harder to take off (unless you are genetically blessed, as some are).
Anon says
Congratulations! I don’t think you need to read a ton if you don’t want to. I skimmed the Mayo Clinic guide but mostly got all the info I needed at doctors’ appointments and from friends. A lot of people love Expecting Better, which does a statistical analysis of risk and explains that many of the traditionally prohibited things aren’t actually all that risky, but I found the book kind of off-putting and not useful unless you’re specifically looking for permission to drink and eat sushi. For parenthood, the only book I read was Heading Home with Your Newborn which was pretty useful but could have been condensed into a much shorter book. If you have even limited experience with babies you probably don’t need to read it, but I’d literally never held an infant until I had my own child and so it was useful for learning super basic things like you have to support a newborn’s neck. I took some classes at the hospital too (which I guess might not be an option now because of covid?) but I didn’t find them useful at all and the breastfeeding class was downright offensive. I wanted to, and did, nurse, but I did not appreciate being lectured for 3 hours about how evil formula is and how any mom who uses it is harming herself and her baby.
anonamama says
Congrats! This is a trove of great advice and insight. Here are some book recs I liked as a FTM:
Pregnancy: What No One Tells You
Baby Care: Moms on Call, Happiest Baby on the Block, Healthy Sleep Habits/Healthy Child, Wonder Weeks
Returning to Work: The Fifth Trimester
Anonanonanon says
This board is a very valuable resource and one of the few civil and supportive places left on the internet, so stick around! We’re much nicer than the main board :-)
I liked Expecting Better as well, which was recommended here. I didn’t necessarily reach the same conclusions as her, but I thought it was a good read!
I also liked “Balance is a crock sleep is for the weak” when I was pregnant with my second. It had some small “nuggets” of very valuable information. For example, the tip to keep a cooler in your trunk and grab groceries on your lunch break!
My only advice is it is perfectly OK not to enjoy every moment of it. Even if you tried for years to get pregnant and this is the most wanted child on Earth, there is nothing wrong with not enjoying pregnancy.
Anonanonanon says
I also encourage you to read a book called Lactivism. It looks at the very pro-breast feeding movement in the US and some of its impact on society. I’m not against it, obviously, but it was such a fascinating read!
I also like fedisbetter.org, it has some helpful guides for making sure your baby is truly drinking enough when they’re a newborn. Hospitals push nursing so hard that it is sometimes to the baby’s detriment.
Anon says
Congrats! My favorite books were the pregnancy book by the Mayo Clinic and the AAP’s book, Caring for Your Baby and Young Child. There are lots of bad nursing books out there, I anti-recommend the Nursing Mother’s Companion. In addition to this s!te, I also found reddit helpful (like if you’re due in September, you would want to join the September2021Bumpers forum)
AwayEmily says
For sleep: The Good Sleeper is indispensable (and pretty short). I also second the recommendation for Lactivism, regardless of whether you want to/can breastfeed.
Anon says
My advice is that you will hear that many of the things that make your life easier — pacifiers, daycare, formula, co-sleeping (or not), swings, bouncers, etc – are bad for the baby. Remember that YOUR mental health, happiness and well-being are also important for the baby. If you need help to function, take it and don’t look back. The fact that you are on this board asking for advice tells me already that you will be a thoughtful and good mom. Take care of yourself.
Anon says
+1 million.
Anon. says
This.
Anonymous says
The biggest thing I’ve taken away…go with your gut and common sense. I wish I’d adopted that strategy from the moment I found out I was pregnant rather than when kiddo hit about 2.
Anon says
i found books about pregnancy to be a waste of time. my doctor told me what i need to know. i was more interested in books about actually raising the child and sleep! so i read Babywise, Bringing Up Bebe, How to Not Hate Your Husband After Kids and watched the Happiest Baby on the Block Video. DH also read or skimmed these books as well. I would’ve read Returning to Work: The Fifth Trimester, but it came out like as I was pregnant.
Anon says
I loved How to Not Hate Your Husband after kids. I listened to it on audio. I “read” it when I think my kids were more like 2-3, I’m not sure I would have found it as helpful pregnant when it was too early to know what our issues would be or how he was or was not helpful with the actual kid. Maybe around a year or a little before would be a sweet spot.
Pogo says
Kellymom has a lot of good resources, I would read that over a book, especially once baby is born I want a 2-min blog post vs a book I need to search through to find the answer!
Anon says
Counterpoint: I hate Kelly Mom and think it has a lot of lactivist lies. It made me feel way way worse when I was struggling to breastfeed.
Anon says
+1
Anonymous says
+2. I wasn’t a fan of that site as someone with low supply.
Anonymous says
I think if you’ve established your breasfeeding relationship and determined that it is for you, you’ll like Kellymom. It answers a lot of small random questions about breastfeeding, which is helpful. If you’re struggling to breastfeed and/or it is not for you, you will not like Kellymom. But I think the same can be said of most breastfeeding resources.
Anonymous says
I actually found Kellymom super helpful when I was struggling with nursing my twins. Info on paced bottled feeding from Kellymom was key. I also found Kellymom to be more working mom friendly than other BF resources as there was lots of info on managing pumping/back to work.
Katala says
This. Kellymom was useful for pulling up info on specific issues (mastitis is one I recall in particular) and has great advice on pumping. I didn’t read it until a few months in when BFing was well established but I could see it being offputting if you’re struggling at the beginning.
Pogo says
Oh wow I had no idea it was so divisive! I mostly just google stuff like “how long can I leave b-milk out” or “how to fix plugged duct” or “baby is screaming at me what do I do” (kidding but not really) and find Kellymom comes up a lot. I find it helpful personally but feel free to ignore if not!
Spirograph says
Congratulations! I hope that we’ll have normalish social interaction again soon because the things that were most helpful for me were not books, but people. It’s invaluable to just have people in a similar situation to talk to, and I found those communities in my prenatal yoga class, and then the moms group through the hospital where I delivered. Yoga teacher was a birth doula, and the moms group’s official meetings were led by a nurse. Both were incredibly patient and reassuring, and all the pregnant women / new moms could commiserate with each other, swap stories, reassure each other that we’re normal and not alone in whatever fear, discomfort, troubles etc in a safe and welcoming space. It was lovely, and so nice to have a little social circle on maternity leave to get together for walks or just an adult to talk to during the day.
Anonymous says
For books I liked What to Expect When You’re Expecting, Natural Hospital Birth, The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding, The Happiest Baby on the Block by Harvey Karp, The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley, Babes in the Woods. For websites I liked Dr. Jack Newman’s BF site, Kellymom, and the Canadian Pediatric Association info website (in Canada, I assume something similar exists in US). For non-reading stuff I recommend a birth doula and a post-partum doula especially as you probably can’t avail of most in-person mommy support groups.
I liked babywearing, rooming in at home (new rec. in US but standard in Canada for 10+ years), some co-sleeping, rearfacing stroller at older ages (British PH recommendation), baby-led weaning. Many of these were based on a lazy mom approach (BF meant I didn’t need to bring bottles, rooming-in meant not getting out of bed to nurse at night, BLW meant no making special baby food etc).
You do you. There’s no right or wrong way to do most of this mom stuff. And it’s okay to change your mind or figure it out as you go – like I wasn’t into babywearing on my first or third babies but wore#2 basically all the time. 3rd baby I wore mostly as a toddler I think?
Anonymous says
Adding that the “lazy mom approach” is different for every mom. If I could go back and do it all over, I would have formula-fed from day 1 because that would have been easier for me. I did not do BLW because I had a ravenous baby velociraptor who was much happier when full of purees. Co-sleeping was too stressful and difficult for me even to consider, although some people find it convenient. Etc., etc.
Anon says
+1
Anon says
+1 to it’s very individual. For me, combo feeding felt like the easiest approach because I could leave the house without bottles but I didn’t have to wake for every middle of the night feeding. Likewise purees felt easier than BLW because we used storebought puree and you can’t buy strips of avocado or whatever. And we moved baby out of our room at 6 months (with pediatrician’s blessing) because she was a noisy sleeper and I couldn’t get any sleep with her grunting and squawking right next to me, and sometimes I accidentally woke her up. We all slept way better once we were in separate rooms. Just do what works for you and your baby!
Anon 11:42 says
So true that the child themselves drives a lot of what works. We ended up with BLW after trying purees and finding that our oldest was still always trying to grab food from our plates. She just wanted to chew! Even now she doesn’t care much for softer foods like puddings or apple sauce.
Anonymous says
For my $0.02 – i hated What to Expect When You are Expecting. I found links to high reputable science based websites the best way to answer specific pregnancy questions, along with maternal health clinic. (I used: UK NHS site / Canadian Provincial Health Authorities (Alberta Health and BC Health have good websites or John Hopkins.)
CONGRATULATIONS.
Anonymous says
Rooming in was recommended in the US when I had my first baby 7.5 years ago, so it must have been recommended for at least 8 years here.
Anonymous says
I thought APA juts changed the recommendation to have baby sleep in the room with the parents for the first year about one or two years ago? I remember because there were a lot of people discussing it here who followed the ‘back to sleep’ recommendation but chose not to follow the new recommendation.
I’m not referring to rooming in while at the hospital, that’s been around for decades. I referenced rooming in at home.
Anon says
Nah it’s older than that. I had a baby 3 years ago and they told us to put her in our room. It didn’t feel like it was a brand new recommendation since it was in all the books I read.
Doodles says
I liked the Mayo Clinic guide for pregnancy. I also liked Bringing Up Bebe, especially about food issues. I read Happiest Baby on the Block and found it pointless. Just watch the video. Expecting Better was an interesting read, even if you don’t agree with all her conclusions.
I also liked Kelly Mom for breastfeeding info. But I basically Googled my questions and often ended up on her site. If you end up breastfeeding, try joining a support group. It was informative at first and then became a good social group. I went weekly for almost 6 month and am still close with several women from that group three years ago. I tried the virtual meetings with my second one this year. They were informative but not the same social benefit. For the social benefit, try seeing if there’s a Stroller Strides class near you. I went to outdoor workouts while on leave this summer and really enjoyed the workout and safe socializing.
My second child has a protein intolerance so I’m breastfeeding but have given up dairy and other products. I found it helpful to join some facebook groups for these issues. Not sure I would have stuck with breastfeeding for 7+ months now if not for the virtual support group and the facebook resources. So I encourage you to do your best to find support online/virtually because it’s definitely isolating to have a newborn in a pandemic (although hoping we’ll be on the other side of things by the time you’re due and this advice will be moot!)
anon says
I liked what to expect when you’re expecting, though I know many don’t. I also liked Emily Oster’s book. I spent some time reading sleep training books and felt like it was a waste. You don’t know what kind of sleeper you’ll have. Alternatively, if you use social media, following some of the accounts on there like taking cara babies is a good way to absorb the content in these books without reading them.
Realist says
I haven’t seen my favorite book listed yet. I really liked Baby 411 and pretty sure I referenced that book way more than any others after the baby was born. My other advice would be to find a way to connect with other new moms after your baby is born. Most cities will have a class or group that will meet. Ask the nurses at the hospital or find a Facebook group of moms to find out where to go, but make sure you get connected to other new moms to support each other in those first few postpartum weeks.
OP says
Thank you all for your kind words and advice! I really appreciate the time taken to respond to my question.
ATLien says
I will have to look into some of these BR pant recommendations, as I’m on the hunt for business casual work pants. I’m tired of wearing jeans so want to step it up, but I would still like to be comfortable. Does anyone have any favorites available at Nordstrom? I have two gift cards there to use up so would love to find something there if possible. I’m short, hippy (thanks kids), and have somewhat muscular legs so skinny ankle pants are usually the most flattering. Would also love to find something that comes in navy as I wear that more than black. Thanks!
Anonanonanon says
Don’t know about Nordstrom, but as a pear myself, the Sloan (I can’t remember if they come in curvy or not) pants from BR were my go-to. They’re slim ankle pants.
ATLien says
Thanks! I haven’t bought pants from BR in a while but will look.
Redux says
Not a Nordstrom rec, but I really like the Gap skinny ankle pants for something that is better than jeans but not full on slacks. I have them in navy and black and have re-uppped a couple of times when I need a new pair.
ATLien says
Thanks! I’ll check them out.
ElisaR says
i find BR pants don’t fit me properly. I have an average waist, a larger bum and muscular legs that are average length. Somebody on here recommended Rag and Bone Simone pants and they are pretty great. But they are pricey (they do go on sale) and rather form-fitting. I also bought some Boden pants at Nordstrom that I like (full length not ankle but I”m sure they have that fit too). I’m contemplating buying the Kut from Kloth corduroys for a tiny step above jeans. they are now on sale for $50. Last recs I have from Nordstrom are Eileen Fisher or Nic and Zoe. Nic and Zoe are pull on and fit quite nicely. man I shop too much.
ATLien says
Thanks for all of the suggestions!
Amama says
I just got a pair of Wit & Wisdom black ankle pants from Nordstrom that are super comfy – work appropriate but stretchy! They are called the “Ab-solution High Waist Trousers”
https://www.nordstrom.com/s/wit-wisdom-ab-solution-high-waist-trousers-regular-petite/5825994
ATLien says
Thanks! Wish they came in navy, but I’ve realized that’s hard to find compared to black.
Leatty says
When could your infants fall asleep by themselves? My 4 month old started daycare this week, and it has not been going well because he isn’t napping. He’s normally a super happy and easy-going baby, but all bets are off if he is overtired. He doesn’t know how to fall asleep on his own, and his daycare teacher (who has 30 years of experience) is beside herself because he won’t nap and constantly cries. I explained to her that he didn’t know how to fall asleep by himself, and gave her tips on getting him to sleep (all of which require him to be held). I know it isn’t feasible for her to rock him to sleep for every nap since she has 3 other babies to care for, but I don’t think it is that unusual for a 4 month old to need help falling asleep. I told her that we would start sleep training him soon, but that he’s been too young for us to do it prior to him starting. She seemed surprised, and said that many of the babies she has cared for have been able to fall asleep by themselves at an earlier age. That hasn’t been true of either of my kids, but maybe my kids are difficult?
Relatedly, how do you sleep train a baby who has older siblings? With my oldest, we did cry it out at 5 months (Ferber method just made her REALLY angry), but their rooms are next to each other, and there’s no way my 3 year old will stay in her room while he’s crying. She also tends to cry if he cries (and vice versa), so sleep training just seems like it will be a nightmare. Tips? Suggestions?
Anon says
At 4 months old I was still feeding or rocking my kid to sleep! Commiseration. The first day care we went to had a horrible nap setup, the crib area wasn’t dark or quiet enough and napping was awful. We switched and he napped perfectly at the new one.
Anonymous says
I have 3 kids. Baby 1 fell asleep on her own at like…3 weeks. Maybe 4. I’m sure I noted it in her baby book.
Baby 3 was more like 3-4 months and needed a couple pats on the back, bounces in a bouncer, or shhhhhh snuggles.
Baby2 is 5 years old and STILL at struggles to fall asleep on her own. I had to nurse her to sleep and she would only nap ON me. She never really napped at daycare. She’d stay awake until she dropped down too physically tired to fight anymore, then as soon as her body would recover (20 min?) she’d get up and fight nap again. It was a hot hot mess.
Anonymous says
Eh, he’s 3 days into daycare. Even if he could get himself to sleep, it’s so exciting and new to be around other babies! in a different crib! etc. My kid would only nap in his swing for probably the first 5-6 months, but would sleep fine in his crib at night. So we gave ourselves permission to do what he needed at home and let him figure out his own nap routine with daycare. Pretty soon, he was too big for the swing and able to do all sleep in the crib.
Little Monkey says
I am honestly surprised that your daycare teacher expects a 4 months old to fall asleep by himself. 4 months is JUST at the cusp of being “allowed” to sleep train and I would have guessed that most babies that age do not fall asleep in their own.
Can she baby wear him?
I cannot believe that this is the first time she has had to deal with this.
Leatty says
That’s how I feel! I think of my baby as being a really easy baby, so I can’t imagine how she hasn’t dealt with a fussier baby before.
Unfortunately, I don’t think they would allow her to babywear him. They don’t even allow babies to be swaddled without a doctor’s note. At home, he uses the Magic Merlin and he sleeps 8-10 hours without waking overnight, so I’m definitely not taking him out of that to make it easier for them. Ugh. I hope he adjusts soon.
Anonymous says
Get a doctor’s note and use the magic merlin for naps at daycare.
Anon says
Yeah this seems like a really obvious first step.
Anon says
My daughter fell asleep on her own (in the sense that we didn’t need to rock her or do anything to get her to fall asleep) from day 1, and could self-soothe herself back to sleep by about 6 weeks old, but I always thought that was unusually early. I don’t think your son is out of the normal range. I also think it’s kind of weird for the teacher to refuse to rock him,e specially at that young age. There were definitely babies in my daughter’s infant-toddler classroom who were rocked to sleep for every nap, and her classroom didn’t have any infants younger than 6 months.
AnonATL says
The only reason my 5 month old falls asleep independently is from sleep training at 12 weeks. We sleep trained early and got lucky for a few reasons: he learned to suck his thumb at that age, and he’s a hefty boy (apparently weight helps with sleeping through the night and napping)
Even considering we have sleep trained so that he can fall asleep independently, daycare naps are still occasionally only 30 minutes long or he really struggles to nap. There are days he comes home very tired and cranky.
Hang in there. I’m sure daycare will have him whipped into shape in no time. Or he will just grow out of it like babies always seem to.
Anonanonanon says
I, blissfully, am past remembering at what point either of my children could fall asleep by themselves. However, I find it hard to believe that after 30 years of experience this is the first time she’s encountered a baby that needs some soothing to fall asleep. Please don’t let her make you feel bad or stress you out.
I don’t know how big your house is, can one parent “camp” or “slumber party” with the older one somewhere else in the house while y’all spend a few nights on sleep training? You’re both going to be exhausted because I’m assuming that will be a lot of excitement for 3 year old and they won’t sleep well, either, but maybe it will be less distressing than hearing sibling cry?
avocado says
Some babies just aren’t into naps. As an infant, my daughter would only nap when held or in motion. She didn’t nap in her crib at all in the infant room at day care, but she would sometimes catch a catnap when it was her turn to be held or in the car on the way home. The transition to the toddler room at 1 year magically solved the nap issues at day care, but she still wasn’t great at napping at home and dropped weekend naps completely before age 2. The upside of this was that she was a great sleeper at night.
Day care should not be trying to enforce crib napping with a resistant infant. A day care teacher with 30 years’ experience should know how to handle a crying baby better than anyone.
Anonymous says
If he’s getting overtired, he needs the naps though. I also have kids who were great night sleepers and stopped napping ridiculously early but they could function fine without and didn’t seem overtired.
avocado says
Every baby is overtired at the end of day 2 of day care.
Anonymous says
I have a three month old and am following with interest as he’s about to start daycare and is nursed (usually) or rocked (less frequently but we’re working on it!) to sleep. I have found the Taking Cara Babies 3-4 month class super helpful for moving toward lower intervention sleep.
Anon says
maybe i just got lucky, but i had twins, and both babies kind of fell asleep on their own most of the time from day 1 bc i couldn’t rock both to sleep at the same time. they were also premies and had to be woken to eat initially. if they were having trouble with a nap i’d put them in the now forbidden rock n play or swing or rock them, but they took most of their naps from day 1 in their bassinets. that being said, i imagine that if they had gone to daycare, it would’ve been a huge adjustment and probably would’ve thrown them off a bit as they adjusted.
Anonymous says
I’m very surprised by the responses. Pretty much everyone I know put their kids, whether twins or not, down for naps and night “drowsy but awake” from the very beginning. I feel like there’s been a huge push for that in the last decade or so; I know my ped really talked that sleep strategy up and told us not to rock the baby as a routine. Of course I knew there were some kids that can’t fall asleep on their own and need more help, but I thought it was a relatively small minority.
Anonymous says
Everybody tries “drowsy but awake” at first, but that doesn’t work with all babies at all times of day. It worked with mine at night, but not during the day.
anon says
This is not at all my experience! My kids were pretty great sleepers and at bedtime we could put them down fully awake and they’d go right to sleep, but a) that was not true for naps and b) that was true for 1 out of the dozen or so friends I talk to regularly who have kids the same age. Especially for naps, I think kids having difficulty falling asleep on their own is pretty common.
Anonymous says
Even after we sleep trained at night – he would wake up multiple times at night and cry (and eventually put himself back to sleep) despite continued night feedings at specific times. He wouldn’t nap in crib from fully awake until almost a year old. (i literally cannot think of a single afternoon nap he had that didn’t start with nurse / drive / walk in stroller / lying on me for all of maternity leave). At daycare i believe he was rocked.
Anonymous says
I was told to do this, but the joys of holding my babies though all their newborn naps and soaking up all the cuddles I could outweighed for me.
Anon says
Well aren’t you just the perfect mother.
Anon says
totally fine to do this…but then you don’t get to complain when your kid can’t fall asleep on their own (and this comment is not directed specifically at this poster, but more in general).
Anonymous says
1107 here. Agreed, 1117. It’s definitely a trade-off.
Anonymous says
Sorry? Who made you the arbiter of what other women ‘get’ to do? It’s a totally legitimate and normal choice to want to co-sleep or snuggle with baby for naps while on maternity leave and then struggle with or ask for suggestions on how to transition that to daycare naps on return to work. Just because it wasn’t want you chose, doesn’t mean other women don’t get to ask for help with what they want.
Anon says
Anonymous at 11:30. People can obviously do whatever they want, but sometimes (not always) a kid’s issue with something is perpetuated by a parent (and i myself am totally guilty of this). like if you give your kid candy with every meal and then complain that your kid always wants candy…well of course your kid always wants candy. i am so NOT the perfect parent, and definitely sometimes give in in the moment because it is the easier thing to do in the moment (like let my kid watch an extra episode of tv), but that choice does have consequences
Zzzzz says
I did this with my first and I don’t regret it at all. It worked for us and I am glad I soaked up those cuddles. You don’t have to apologize for holding your newborn to sleep and I don’t understand the negative comments.
With my second we did Taking Cara Babies approach out of necessity since we also had a toddler. That was absolutely the right decision for us the second time around and I don’t regret it either.
There’s a lot of pressure these days to sleep train and to do it early so I think it’s helpful to hear that not everyone does that. It’s fine to sleep train, it’s fine not to.
Anonymous says
At Anon 11:54 – so if someone does what works for them at a particular time, and they want to try something different when the baby is a different age, they can’t ask for help here? That’s not what this group is about. They don’t just have to ‘live with the consequences’ as some kind of weird punishment that you mete out where they are not allowed to ask for help?
We are all making the best choices we can at the time. Perpetuating myths like if you don’t put the baby down drowsy they will never learn to sleep on their own is unhelpful mom guilting. Maybe focus on helping the person who is asking for help and not on telling them what they should have done 4 months ago and telling them they can’t ask for help now.
Anonymous says
This. Mine usually just fell asleep after nursing and then I put them in swaddle/crib.
Anonymous says
Your day care is bad sorry. She should be able to deal with this, it’s completely normal and expected.
AnotherAnon says
A gentler version of this, but yes. 1) this is her problem to solve, not yours. 2) She has 30 years’ experience and is “beside herself” after two days? She needs to chill. Your baby may not ever nap well at day care, but it’s impossible for anyone but your baby’s caregiver to fix this on day three. I’d do a lot of “that sounds hard, I’m sorry” and ignore. I repeat: this is not your problem to solve.
GCA says
It doesn’t seem unusual for a 4 month old not to fall asleep on their own yet. And less than a week into daycare, they’re still getting used to the routine. Both my kids started daycare right around 3+ months or 4 months, and each was super overtired / had to be held and rocked for a couple weeks or so while they figured out how to fall asleep at daycare. Experienced daycare teachers should have seen. It. All. and know how to deal with most situations. I might be a bit concerned that they are understaffed during Covid (eg if they cannot have floaters).
Anonymous says
I am in the exact same boat with my 4-month-old. Aside from a few random blissful weeks spread through my maternity leave, she’s been a terrible sleeper. She was doing much better right before starting daycare, but her naps are back to being short and all over the place. Her teacher is aware of what her “ideal” schedule was like at home and trying to encourage her to get back towards that, but I’ve said that I’d be open to hearing suggestions about what we can be doing at home so that I don’t pick up an overtired and hangry baby every evening (obviously with the understanding that babies are constantly changing, so her “ideal” schedule might be something different next week). Basically, she has baby FOMO right now and is too interested in watching the two other babies in her room to see what they’re up to – she’s like this at home, too. If anyone else is awake, she thinks she’s missing a party.
And I’ve gotten “drowsy but awake” to work exactly twice.
Spirograph says
With the caveat that I literally don’t remember this very much now that my youngest is 4 (maybe take comfort in the fact that it ends and becomes a distant memory?!), it’s super kid-dependent. I’m sure your daycare teacher is right that many babies she’s cared for have been able to nap fine without being held by 3-4 months, but I’m equally sure this is not the first baby she’s had that wouldn’t nap easily, and it’s not fair of her to present it to you like it’s a failure of you or your baby, or even your problem to solve. You can do the drowsy but awake thing, you can do “le pause” from Bringing Up Bebe, but so much is out of your control. I held my babies for naps at least half the time when I was on maternity leave; it just wasn’t my priority to nap-train them. They all learned eventually. It’s only been a week at daycare, your baby and his teacher will figure it out.
For sleep training, if your room is farther away from the baby’s, maybe put the older kid in there to start the night and transfer once both are asleep. Sleep training the baby was a non-issue for the older siblings in my house, but it sounds like your daughter might be more sympathetic. It’s worth a try to just talk to her about it: sometimes babies cry when they’re trying to go to sleep. He’s ok, I’m taking care of him just like I took care of you when you were a baby. You can sleep in my big bed if it’s too noisy for you to fall asleep, etc etc.
Anon says
My 4 month old absolutely could not fall asleep on his own at daycare for the first month or more. He fell asleep on his own at home, but the activity levels and different environment made it impossible. I think it is 100% reasonable to expect an infant child care provider to help an infant that young fall asleep.
Pogo says
I forgot we have same aged kiddos! I too do not know how we will sleep train #2 with #1 still napping at daycare and thus refusing to settle for sleep until 8:30-9 most nights, and being a light sleeper who typically wakes for all the night wakings already (and their rooms aren’t even directly sharing a wall!).
My 2 cents: I worked really hard w/ #1 to train him so this would not be an issue. I could get him to soothe himself to sleep quite a bit. He never napped more than 45min once he hit the 4mo regression until about 6mo of age. Night sleep was cr@p during that time too. I tried everything except TCB (I think it wasn’t as big back then?). Daycare rolled with it and by 6 months he had consolidated to the 2 naps she had the other babies on (prior to that he would do 45min catnaps).
I agree w/ others in being surprised daycare is not rolling with it. Anyway, since I spent so much effort on #1 and basically he figured it out himself/needed to grow into it/daycare lady is magic, I am not obsessing about #2. Sometimes he puts himself down (with crying), most times we have to help him (nursing, rocking or if I somehow have the time, TCB’s SITBACK… it’s a great theory, but it takes me 10 min of standing there with my hand on his chest to get him to sleep and with the 3yo running around it aint happening).
Anon456 says
Lol wut? How does she handle sleep regressions and whatnot? it seems like it’s her issue and not yours. You help get your kiddo to sleep by rocking as you say – GOOD. Keep it up if that’s what you want to do. That might mean your baby sleeps less at daycare if that’s not available to him, but for a daycare teacher to be “beside herself” and complaining about a baby’s sleeping that has been in her care for no more than 2.5 days boggles my brain.
Anonanonanon says
Brag time!
Proud of myself- finally got all of my grades from my first semester of part-time law school. Made it out with an A+, A, and B. I’ll take that for law school on top of working a pandemic response and two kids!!
Honestly, I would not have been mature enough to do law school straight out of undergrad. I think in some ways it is much easier as a busy adult with a job who understands (1) yes, you’re tired. everyone is tired. I’d be tired even if I wasn’t doing this. (2) you just have to plow through sometimes and (3) you can’t ever give everything 100% at once, every day is a new balancing act, and that’s OK. It’s probably less stressful when you already have an established career and don’t feel like everything is riding on this.
Anon says
that’s amazing! congrats!
avocado says
Congratulations! You are a rock star!
I had my daughter during law/grad school and worked part-time while attending school full-time and commuting 2 hours a day, so I can totally relate to the juggling act. I agree that life experience gives some perspective. What did push me over the edge was the “extracurricular” stuff–moot court and law review. Having hyperemesis during the cite-check semester of 2L year was one of the low points of my entire life. I pulled out of the moot court tournament and decided not to go out for law review ed board and have never regretted either decision. Maybe I would have had regrets if I’d tried to pursue a federal appellate clerkship or an academic career, but coming from a non-HYS school those really weren’t in the cards anyway. Know your limits and respect them.
No Face says
That’s amazing!
ATLien says
Congrats!! That’s amazing.
ElisaR says
well done! (clap clap)
Anonymous says
This is great, congrats! I found PT law school + FT job hard enough without kids and a pandemic. Nice work.
Audrey III says
nice work!! Those look a lot like my first semester 1L grades, and I was an immature straight through kid with no other responsibilities — HUGEST Congratulations!!
Anonanonanon says
Thanks, all! Appreciate the support!
Anon says
My 3 year old is in full time daycare and loves going to school, but I feel like she doesn’t have an appropriate level of interest in kids her age. For example, this morning, her classmate ran up to our car saying her name over and over again and she just totally ignored the other kid – no “hi” (even when I prompted her), no wave, no nothing. The other kid seemed so disappointed they couldn’t get my daughter’s attention and I felt so bad. She’s not yet at the age where kids have specific friendships and some kids get excluded, but she will be soon, right? Any tips for working on this kind of stuff with her? Social skills don’t come naturally to anyone in our family and I feel like I would have benefited from more support in that area when I was young, but of course I want to do it gently and not make her feel like there’s something wrong with her.
Anonymous says
My 3 year old was EXACTLY the same way- I often saw her ignore her friend’s greetings. I worried a bit too, but frankly it resolved itself as she got older. We do remind her and prompt her to respond to greetings, and I get the sense that her teachers at school do as well. If she’s in daycare, she is already getting plenty of socialization, so I wouldn’t worry about it too much. If it makes you feel better you can do some role-play with her in the car “ok, when your friend says hi to you, what do you do?” We trusted that if it was really a problem, daycare would flag for us- you could also ask them what they think for some assurance.
Anon says
Thanks, this makes me feel a lot better!
Anonymous says
My three year old is the same. Other parents are constantly telling us “we have heard so much about A” whereas we have never even heard the names of their kids. (I am finally seeing the other kids because we have to line up outside at drop off). Children run up to him saying hi and he says nothing / doesn’t acknowledge them. He does seem to have made 2 little friends that he plays with (and talks about).
If we are at the park he will also fixate on watching other children play (to the point that it is kind of weird), but won’t participate.
I was shocked at our teacher interview that he went almost a month barely saying a word at pre-school (he literally talks non-stop at home).
Tips to get kiddos out of their shell?
Anon says
I think “we’ve heard so much about A” is sometimes just a line. I’ve used it when I’m trying to open up a conversation with another parent and get to know them and their family. So I wouldn’t read too much into that.
Anonymous says
oh phew!! (i admit i lie and say it back to parents too even though i only know kids name because i heard them use it)
Boston Legal Eagle says
Not sure if this is helpful, but as the mom of a kid who yells hi to everyone at drop off and pick up, some of whom don’t respond, I’ll tell you that I don’t think he takes it too personally when they don’t respond! Some kids are just shyer (I was one). She may prefer to play one on one with certain kids at daycare, or very small groups.
Pogo says
+1 Also, kids are just different, like adults. Some are extroverts and some aren’t. Mine is an extrovert who loves to talk to other kiddos and he has no issues when they ignore him. I also worried he was overwhelming a younger kid at daycare and I told him “You know, [friend] is only 2 so he doesn’t have as many words, please be nice to him” and LO responded to me “Mommy, he has LOTs of words!”
Anonymous says
I think you’re conflating two issues.
Issue one: is my three year old interacting in a developmentally appropriate way with her peers? You’re talking about one data point- ignoring a child running up to the car (wildly unsafe why is this happening)- ok but she’s in a car, not in play mode, with her mom. Have you asked her teachers about this? I’d start there.
Issue two: your anxiety about friendships and popularity.
Anon says
The other child was on a sidewalk near our parked car; it wasn’t unsafe. Yes, this is just one data point, but it seems to be part of a larger pattern. I don’t really feel like I have anxiety about this issue beyond the fact that I’m a first time parent who probably overthinks everything, but fwiw, my husband (who generally think about all aspects of child development approximately a thousand times less than I do) has also noticed and commented to me that it doesn’t seem normal.
Anonymous says
Ok, then I think you talk to her pediatrician.
Anonanonanon says
Fwiw my son’s interactions with his peers were always different when he knew I was watching vs when he didn’t realize I was. Now that he’s older I recognize he is someone who likes to compartmentalize his life a lot, and it seemed like he always (and still does?) felt awkward with his school world and home world colliding. Might be worth asking the daycare teacher if she is like that all day.
Anonymous says
Talk to her teachers and ask if she is still doing parallel play (playing near other kids on similar activities) or if she is playing/engaging with the other kids. In the 3 year old room, my kids definitely had ‘friends’ – particular kids they liked to play with and particular favorite activities. When you ask her who she played with that day or what her favorite thing was, what does she say?
Anon says
Our last teacher conference was in October. They did mention that she plays alone a fair amount, but they didn’t seem too concerned about it. They said she participates very actively in things like group time. I’ll make sure to ask them for more info at the next conference.
I do ask her about her day but I get a lot of vague answers like “What did you do do today? Play. Who did you play with? My friends.” If I ask leading questions like “did you play with X? did you go in the sandbox?” she will answer them but I feel like I’m interrogating her so I usually avoid it. Sometimes she volunteers information about school but it’s usually something random. She’s not especially verbal which is probably part of it (I’m not worried about her verbal skills or anything, she seems very much within the range of normal, but I know plenty of kids her age who talk much more fluidly).
Anonanonanon says
Again, my son was exactly like this, it felt like a full-on interrogation to get anything out of him. Yet, as he got older, parents who volunteered in the classroom commented how great he was, kids invited him to birthday parties and play dates, etc. Teachers said he has a lot of friends and he even got in trouble for talking to his friends too much fairly frequently in early elementary. Yet, in front of us, he acts like he can’t see a kid from school if they say hi. Teachers will say things like “so and so’s mom really wants your contact info because (her kid) wants to zoom with (your kid), I’m sure you know they were inseparable before covid!” and it will be some kid whose name I’ve never heard in my life.
Anon says
Good to know, thanks! Kids are so funny.
Anonymous says
We go around the dinner table every night and each say our best and hardest thing. DH and I take turns so it’s not an inquisition on the kids. We started in the daycare years but at 6 and 9 they are so used to it that they will remind us if we forget to do it or sometimes they won’t tell us something ‘because they are saving it to tell everyone at dinner’.
Anon says
This is the most low stakes question ever and obviously the answer is “do whatever” but I am genuinely curious what other people do:
The Carter’s outfits that come with pants and one short sleeve, one long sleeve onesie. Are those two onesies meant to be worn at the same time like undershirt/shirt or are the meant to be exchanged and/ or paired with a sweaters?
Anonymous says
I never layered two onesies at once. I just used the short sleeve ones in warmer weather (or with a heavy sleepsack) and the long-sleeved ones in colder weather.
Anon says
I don’t think two onesies are meant to be worn at the same time, but if there’s a short sleeve onesie and a long sleeve shirt I think they are meant to be worn together. Or at least that’s what I do. :)
Anonymous says
I never put two snap-under-diaper things on my kid at the same time. They’re meant to be two separate shirts worn in different days, each with the matching pants.
AnonATL says
Whenever we get those outfit packs, we pick whichever top is seasonally appropriate. So right now, he’s only wearing the long sleeve ones. It’s part of the reason I’ve mostly stopped buying those sets. By the time he grows out of them, he more than likely has only ever worn one of the tops.
ElisaR says
i never did 2 onesies at once…. i think they are just so you have options.
Anon says
These things are confusing. What about sets that come with a short sleeve onesie and a t shirt. I feel like If it’s warm enough for short sleeves two layers defeat the purpose but just the t shirt will leave the diaper too loose..
strategymom says
My 5 year old son is a major negative nancy (or has frequent bouts where his negative thinking totally takes over). For example, daily disappointments can send him in a total spiral and become bigger than they are. I know some of this is normal, but we’re at the beyond normal point. I’m sure some of it will prove to be a helpful trait down the road (maybe??) but for now, I need parenting tricks to help him gain perspective and help him learn to think more positively. We do daily gratitude after prayers (2 years in and still hard for him) and I’m a big @drbeckyathome fan and try to help him feel heard and seen vs. dismissing his feelings, but I need more wisdom on how i help him when something goes wrong and he wants to play the blame game or spiral. Whatever the opposite of growth mindset is is where we are :) Any books or advice? Seems like the transition post holidays has been hard for him too! Thanks!
Anonymous says
If it’s really severe, parenting tricks might not be enough. I would consider talking to the pediatrician about the possibility of an evaluation for anxiety or even ADHD–rejection sensitive dysphoria is a hallmark of ADHD.
Anonymous says
This. My ADHD son generally has a disconnect sometimes between reality (my parents love me and want me to be happy, but the rule is that I’m not allowed to play videogames after dinner) and overreaction to disappointment, “NO ONE RESPECTS ME AND MY LIFE IS TERRIBLE!” There are tons of good books and youtube videos on ADHD and strategies to parent children with it if you want to learn more. Russell Barkley is one of the leading experts, and ADDitude is a good website to get started.
anon says
+1. This describes how my son (diagnosed w/ADHD at age 8) behaves when he’s spiraling. I love Dr. Becky, too, but there could be a bigger reason this keeps happening.
op says
Thanks everyone! We talked to a doc and she thought it was too early for an ADHD diagnosis, but it didn’t occur to me that these could be related!
Anonymous says
Talk to his pediatrician
Anon says
i’m worried i’m raising spoiled kids. there is a lot of time between the holidays (Hanukkah for us) and bdays (late spring/early summer) and so far they are young enough that they don’t really know to expect a gift for every night of the holiday, so I returned some of the gifts, and only gave two because they can’t play with so many new things at the same time. this leaves me with enough remaining gifts to give them 1-2 every month until their birthday. and this is assuming my MIL doesn’t send them more stuff between now and then (which she will). I can’t really return any additional gifts or give them away. is it better to just give them all at once over the holidays so it doesn’t seem like they get something new all the time, or to spread them out?
Anon says
I forget if I read this here or in a book, but it really resonated with me: “spoiled” isn’t about how much stuff your kids have, it’s about how they behave. If they are throwing a tantrum because they didn’t get enough presents or turning up their noses at the cheaper presents, I think you have reason to be concerned. But I don’t think you have to worry just because they have a lot of stuff.
That said, my gut instinct is that it’s better to give gifts only at holidays, even if it’s a lot of gifts all at once, then to give gifts for no reason at random times, and that’s what we do. Hanukkah was ridiculous this year between friends and family and my kid finally being old enough that she was a lot of fun to shop for. She got multiple gifts every night, which felt so absurd to me. But I think giving her a weekly present for several months would be worse because it’s setting up the expectation that gifts are a regular part of life and not just something that happens at special times like Hanukkah.
Anon says
thanks. at first i didnt want to give them all at once because i do a lot of solo parenting and sometimes want something to pull out on a rainy day and i thought they might appreciate each one more if they didn’t get a million things at the same time, but maybe that is better for next time
Anon says
I think you can kind of have it both ways, at least for little kids. You can give all the gifts at Hanukkah so they’re not unwrapping presents at any other time of year, but then you can sort of put them out of the way and introduce them gradually later on. We definitely have Hanukkah presents that haven’t been played with at all yet that will be brought out on random teacher workdays.
Katala says
Could you get the benefit of this (which I think is a great idea) by letting them open all presents at the holiday, and stashing away all but the most popular few items? Then you can pull out something “new” and say “remember this cool toy you got for Hanukkah? Let’s play with this!” which would hopefully have the same effect. I find my kids forget about stuff they haven’t played with in a while and we can refresh the new-toy excitement even if it’s something they’ve played with before.
Anonymous says
+1 to all of this. Being spoiled isn’t just about how they behave in relation to stuff, either. It’s about whether they can do things for themselves, deal with adversity, and generally act like human beings.
Anonymous says
That was my initial parenting thought, but kid’s birthday is in February so that would mean we could never give him anything from February to December. Sometimes it’s fun to get your kid something you think they’d enjoy, you know?
Anonanonanon says
Personally, with the pandemic, I think rules bend a bit and I’m team spread it out for that reason. Normally I would not be, but right now it is really helpful to be able to do that
Redux says
In our family, all kids’ birthdays fall in December and January, on either side of Christmas, which is a crush of activity and treats, and cake and presents (and frankly, I resent it. My kingdom for a June birthday with an easy outdoor party in a park!), and then we are a birthday and major holiday desert for the next ten months of the year. I definitely mete out presents throughout the year that would otherwise be saved for a birthday if my children had birthdays any other time of the year (can you hear the resentment in my voice? last birthday of the season is next week. almost there!). I have tended to make the random presents about something and not just because (e.g., “I’m so proud of you for [making your bed every day/ helping your brother in the mornings/ other random thing that is not obviously rewarded with a gift] here is a pack of squirt guns”] so it doesn’t just fall out of thin air, though I’m sure there are reasons that’s not ideal either. I’m just trying to get by, y’all!
OP says
on the flip side, i’m nervous bc my kids are going to be the youngest in their class
Anonymous says
Don’t be. It is great to be the youngest in the class. The ones who are redshirted get soooo bored.
Anon says
It really depends on the kid. For academically-inclined kids, youngest is generally good. I was the youngest and was still really bored in school. Being the oldest would have been a disaster from an academic standpoint, but I was too physically and socially immature to skip a grade. But I know several people who had a really hard time with youngest kids, including one family that ended up having a kid repeat a grade so he could be the oldest.
Anonanonanon says
I don’t know, I was academically inclined/in advanced classes/etc. but was the youngest and really reared its head around 4th grade in terms of maturity and behavior. Noticed the same with my son who is on the young side for his grade as well, 4th grade was a difficult year.
Anonymous says
All the birthdays in our family fall around the holiday season too. Our Easter baskets are on the elaborate end for this reason. We also do half-cakes on half-birthdays. I’ve more than once suggested moving birthday gifts to the half-birthdays, but that suggestion is always rejected. A friend gives her kids seasonally themed end-of-school and back-to-school gifts, which is a nice way to spread out the stuff.
Anon says
If you’re going to distribute them throughout the year I like the idea of tying it to good behavior. We have January/February kid birthdays too and then I always do little treats for Valentine’s Day and the first snow (cheesy I know, but my parents did these things and I have fond memories of it) so it ends up being a LOT in the space of a couple months.
Anonanonanon says
My mom always gave us new PJs for Valentine’s day and I remember it fondly. She also had a pan that she used to make heart-shaped mini muffins (from mix, but it felt special!) I want to start something similar for my kids, but we already do PJs and a book for Christmas Eve so I don’t know what we’d do!
Anonymous says
My parents (translation: mom ;)) always gave us a new outfit for Valentine’s Day. Once it became a tradition, we got to go shopping for it with her. And it was typically a more expensive outfit than we usually wore. I’ve been doing this with my kiddo, too. But I’ll still pick it out this year. If we could go out shopping, I’d let her pick it.
anon says
I agree with the poster above that spoiled is more about behavior, but a couple of thoughts: our kids open all their gifts at once but can only open one or two new things a day (or per week, once school starts). Also, they have to write thank you cards (ideally before opening a gift although sometimes it slips), which I think also helps them connect the present to the gift.
I also like spreading them out because sometimes you need to pull out something as a surprise. And that’s totally ok as long as they aren’t demanding/expecting it.
OP says
i totally plan on having them write thank you notes once they are older. they are currently 2.5. part of the reason i also thought about spreading it out was so they could connect a bit more which gift was from who since we dont live near any of our family. but yes i am concerned they are starting to expect it so ill work on that
Anon says
Your kids won’t be spoiled because you don’t make them write thank you notes at 2.5, but it’s totally possible to involve them in the thank you note writing process at this age if you want. Have them dictate the note to you (with you supplementing as necessary) and “sign” it with a crayon scribble.
SC says
I agree that “spoiled” is about expectations and behavior/reactions to expectations, not quantity of stuff.
In terms of number of toys, I think some scarcity leads to creativity. When my son was little, I rotated toys so that he had fewer choices at one time. Since about 3.5, he has known exactly what he has and when he got it and who gave it to him, and he has no interest in a formal rotation. So, I leaned toward only giving gifts at birthdays and holidays, which are spaced out for Kiddo, and in between, he had to use some creativity to figure out boredom.
The pandemic changed things for us. Kiddo’s birthday is in April, so he got a big influx of toys right in the middle of lockdown, which was great. And we spent a lot more on his birthday than usual because he didn’t have a party, and we were stuck inside with the same toys. Between birthday and Christmas, and especially before school started, I definitely spent money (about $75/month) on new books, coloring books, art supplies, a PBS Kids subscription, an ABC Mouse subscription, outdoor/sports equipment, etc. It was more than I would have spent on “stuff,” but we also weren’t able to go to the zoo, children’s museum, aquarium, etc. (We had memberships to those places, but we usually spent up to $50 per outing on parking, meals, the train ride at the zoo, etc.) The extra spending slowed down in the fall, but I think that was a combination of in-person school (toys at home are fun again), our weather cooling down so there was more to do on weekends (parks, hikes, camping trip), and the lead-up to Christmas, more than any intentional parenting on my part.
stressed mom says
Any advice on private school application for kindergarten? This year is expected to be extra competitive and I don’t have many friends who have gone through it before. Favorite things you highlighted in your essays? Writing an essay on my goals for my child’s education and I feel like there are so many directions I could go in. Ways to let a school know you’re really interested without seeming desperate?
Oof feel your pain says
Agh, I don’t know that essay really matters. If you know current parents and it’s the type of school where it matters, easiest way to let the school know you’re interested is have other parents write a letter on your behalf or make a phone call. If you don’t have those connections, don’t worry about it – if you do have them, I’d guess now might be the time to use them (note for our school I don’t think they get an underqualified kid in, but they do indicate parent interest and future family involvement, which can only help).
One thing I’ll say is that in my city it’s next year that’s going to be ultra competitive, and this year should be easier. A lot of people had to make the decision whether to apply before the vaccine was available and if they were a birthday that could swing either year, chose to hold back. It’s unprecedented how many kids are doing a bridge year at DS’s preschool. I’d be genuinely surprised if this year is extra competitive given the pandemic wasn’t happening when people were choosing to go to kinder last year, unless the decision dates in your city are way different. My friend with a difficult boy testing right now is DELIGHTED. Also they don’t have to do group test but just a one on one interview, which eliminates something that can be a major dealbreaker for kids. My kid is at one of those ultra competitive schools mentioned the other day though – it may vary city by city.
Biggest thing I noticed when we tested was that the kids from her preschool that didn’t get in were the ones she described as acting out. I think teacher recs mattered a lot for our school. So make sure kiddo is behaving and paying attention at the school they are at now! This may seem obvious but was a bit of an eye opener for me when the actual admissions came out.
Also hang in there – this is super stressful.
Anonymous says
No child is “under qualified” for kindergarten.
Anon says
Right??? I cannot imagine sending my child to a school that thinks there are kids who are under-qualified for kindergarten. It’s not Harvard!
Anonymous says
Perhaps she means “not rich enough?”
Earlier poster says
Eh, didn’t score high enough on the WPPSI. Which they will totally find out if you prepped for because they ask the kids when you’re not there, another piece of advice I have! Underqualified for my kid’s school also means badly behaved/bad classroom etiquette.
Hopefully this is actually helpful.
Anonymous says
Nope all it means is congrats to you on choosing an exclusionary school
Earlier Poster (often post under Cate) says
OP, good luck. This site used to be nice. I’ve tried to be helpful. There is apparently no room for parents of kids who go to private school here. If there is testing and admissions for kindergarten, it is what it is. It makes me so sad to have lost one of the only places I like on the internet. I’m sorry if the word “underqualified” offended parents on here.
Does anyone have suggestions for other sites for mom support out there? With a pandemic, two full time jobs and three kids under 6, I need help sometimes. I also don’t need to feel bad about myself for having chosen private kindergarten or tried to help someone else going through that process – or have implied there could be qualifications I suppose.
This site has made me tear up twice in the past six months and that’s twice too many. I’ll miss y’all.
Anonymous says
You teared up over this? Sorry. Pull it together.
Spirograph says
Oh, be nice. “Underqualified” might not have been the most PC word, but “kindergarten readiness” is a thing that even public schools test for if your kids on the bubble age-wise, and is an explicit goal for many, many preschools. Are there private schools that are “exclusionary?” sure, but let’s please assume good intentions. There’s no need to make moral judgements about people who choose to send their children to a private school, and there’s nothing wrong with people who make that choice being invested in the admissions process/requirements.
Cate, I’m sorry people piled on your comment; I knew what you meant and wasn’t offended by it.
Anon says
When someone indicates they are struggling, and that mean comments are making them cry, can I gently suggest it might not be super caring to reply with…. a mean comment? For no reason?
Sorry Cate, that you are struggling.
Strategy Mom says
Let me know if you find it – I hate all the snark. So unnecessary. I don’t understand the trolling/judgement and where it comes from.
op says
Thank you – this is all great advice! I am definitely overthinking the essays!
Anonymous says
There’s an essay component? Oh my goodness. Our application had online text fields asking things like that, but I didn’t feel the need to write more than a few sentences. I’d check the mission and values statement on the school’s website and make sure you’re aligned. Our Montessori school is big on environmentalism, diversity and inclusion, so we (truthfully) just said something like “we want our child to grow to be curious, love learning, have respect and compassion for the Earth and all who inhabit it, and be a responsible and engaged member of the community.” How long does this essay need to be? I’d be tempted to go full five paragraph theme on them if you need to expound at length. :)
Anonymous says
My friend applied to these schools in Manhattan. They had no family connections to the schools here. It was all about whether the parents had the right manners/class markers. She got her hair done the day before so it looked great but not too perfect, wore her “jury selection” suit to the interviews “because I’m going straight to work after” and her kid was in “casual wear” from Jacadi (current season) with a fresh haircut and pigtails. They got in everywhere they applied.
Anon says
Wow, this is so wild to me… like something out of Gossip Girl! Our preschool in the Midwest is competitive for our area but nothing like this. Officially it’s like a normal daycare with a waitlist, but unofficially they don’t always go in order and give priority to families they like. But fortunately it’s not about wealth or appearance. I think they want families who will be low drama but will also be involved in the school. I dropped a lot of hints during our tour about how we’d like to volunteer in the classroom, chaperone field trips, serve on the PTA etc. and we got called off the waitlist the next day despite them previously telling us we were way down on the list.
Anon says
Our school accepts 10% of kinder applicants. They sort of hate snobs though, there’s another private school known for taking those families. I think there are a lot of gross generalizations happening here. If these schools went only by wealth, there are far more wealthy families then there are spaces. My kids’ school has a huge percentage kids of doctors, which are not the wealthiest population they could be drawing from.
Anon says
yup, i went to preschool and started elementary school in Manhattan and the stories my mom has about my interviews are hilarious. i started preschool the fall after i turned 2, so around 1.75 i guess i was being schlepped to ‘interviews’ and my parents were being asked about my best attributes and what i would contribute to the classroom.
Jeffiner says
I applied last year to two exclusive private schools in my city. My daughter got accepted to one and rejected by the other. I honestly can’t remember what I put in my essays – something about how I liked that my daughter would be in a community, because the schools had projects where kids K-12 all work together. (Of course with the pandemic, they are all podded and do nothing together. Ha!) Her daycare teacher highlighted that we give our daughter a lot of “experiences” like travel or taking her to events in the city.
After the group interviews, my daughter wouldn’t give us any details about what went on, but she did like one school and dislike the other. We also felt more comfortable when we talked to the admissions office at one school over the other, and the feeling must have been mutual because the school we all liked is the one that accepted her. We did do the practice tests with her to prepare her for that portion.
I don’t know what it was that made her school accept her. She did not learn to read in pre-K, and scored low on that portion of the test. But the school said she showed a “readiness” to learn, like she knew left to right progression of words, and scored well on other sections.
Spirograph says
Congrats! I am so impressed that you’re tackling law school in pandemic life with kids. Way to go!
lunch rut says
Our daycare’s Covid rules still include ‘no heating food’ and I’m kind of in a rut. It’s been many variations of cheese + crackers for our 16mo. I may get ambitious and make pasta salad. Anyone have some no-heat lunch ideas for this age?
Anon says
Sandwiches, bagels with cream cheese or nut butter, yogurt, fruit, veggies if he will eat them. My kid also likes cold pizza and mac and cheese even though most adults would want to reheat them, so you could try just serving your regular foods cold.
anon says
Yeah, we just sent whatever leftovers we had and my kids would eat them cold. Worth trying!
Anonymous says
Can you do a thermos? My kids love black beans and refried beans, and if I heat them in the morning they are still warm by lunch as far as I know (the kids haven’t complained, at least).
Anonymous says
Cook chicken breasts in the crock pot and send little cubed pieces of chicken. It’s better cold than reheated, anyway. (I have huge chicken texture issues!)
AnotherAnon says
My kid likes to eat the same thing every day so I send: half a pb+jelly sandwich, fruit slices (pear or apple, usually), and a vegetable, just depending on what we have: broccoli with ranch, bell pepper with ranch, carrots, etc. I will sometimes throw in a cookie or something. That’s my formula. +1 to sending cold leftovers.
Anonymous says
Can you send warm food in a thermos? That opens up a lot more options like pancakes (cut into strips) or pasta etc.
ElisaR says
ooh good idea.
Anonymous says
Get an omiebox lunch box. I warm the thermos part with hot water from the kettle while I reheat dinner leftovers, then pour out the water and fill the thermos. So many more options than just sending things cold.
OP says
I should have added – it’s all disposable ware, only! no lunch boxes or containers. looking up the omibox for later!! this rule should be one of the first to expire, knowing what we know now, right??? thanks ladies!
Anon says
I think some daycares are starting to relax some of the rules that seem more archaic now. I posted the other day but my daycare finally did away with the rule that we have to wash the kids’ bedding daily. They’re still using disposable cutlery for mealtimes though. Hopefully you’ll be able to send it a real lunchbox soon!
Anon says
i’m not sure whether to laugh or cry at the fact that we have ‘archaic’ pandemic daycare rules
Another anon says
I caught that earlier this week and was very happy for you! Like–genuinely! I found myself thinking of it when I’d wash daycare bedding, thinking how ridiculous! What a relief.
Anonymous says
I wonder if the requirement for disposable packaging and cutlery is so the teachers don’t have to pack the germy dishes back up to send home? Much easier to sweep it all into the trash.
Pogo says
Mine likes a frozen waffle (which unfreezes by lunchtime) with cream cheese. Also great bc it’s nut-free.
Anonymous says
My 5 year old is suddenly interested in superheroes, notably Spider-Man and captain America. I know nothing of this world (he picked this up at daycare) but would like to engage his interests on this. Any suggestions for books with these characters that aren’t too scary? He’s a pretty sensitive kid.
Anon says
There’s lots of like “early reader” type spiderman and avengers books that are super not scary – basically just saying like “spiderman was bit by a spider! spiderman fights crime.” not interesting, but, not scary haha.
anon says
I think there are lego versions too.
Anonymous says
I have liked the five minute stories collection for this kind of thing. There is a Spiderman one, and several Avengers ones, which would have Spiderman and Captain America.
Anon says
Second the rec’s above for early readers and Lego SuperHero books. There are a million and they’re all very very tame. The World of Reading series gets a lot of play in our house, most notably “This is Black Panther” “This is Captain Marvel” and “Tricky Trouble”. I’m certain they also have “This is Spiderman” and “This is Captain America”
Check out “Marvel Super Heros Adventures: Mighty Marvels” and “Buggin Out” and “To Wakanda and Beyond”. They’re my 5 year old’s current favorites, and not too terribly scary.
He really enjoys the picture books “Bedtime for Batman” and “Good Morning Superman”. There’s also a Marvel “look and find” series.
We also have gotten a lot of mileage out of the “DC Super Heroes Little Library” board books set. They don’t have Spiderman or Captain America, but they do have a ton of preschool/kindergarten topics in super hero format. Those are his favorite to take to bed and “read” on his own with a flashlight.
Anonymous says
Test. all my posts seem to be going into moderation today and I don’t understand it….