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Kids grow fast — it’s like they eat clothes and shoes for breakfast. I’m always eternally grateful to my fellow parent friends who generously share their kids’ outgrown clothes and shoes.
One such friend gave me two pairs of lightly used ikiki toddler shoes — they’re fabulous! We have the pirate one and dragon one. My son’s favorite part is that they squeak every time he takes a proper step (no more tiptoeing!). I like the squeaks because I can keep track of him. (If you find the squeaking annoying, you just slide a little button and it turns it off.)
These roomy, lightweight, and flexible shoes also accommodate braces and orthotics (and they sell single shoes too).
The shoes available in sizes 2–13 and are $29.95 each (save 10% when you buy two pairs).
Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
See some of our latest articles on CorporetteMoms:
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Pogo says
Here’s a little cute kid story to start the day – apparently when husband was dropping LO off this morning, he spotted a friend from his class and was SO excited, ran over to him and was like, “[Friend]!! This is my daddy, is that your daddy??”. With COVID we haven’t really seen or met most of his friends, so it was really cute to hear about them interacting and how excited he was to ‘introduce’ his buddy to DH.
Cb says
Aww, that’s so sweet! Such nice introductions. We just got a video of a nursery kid saying to T “You’re my best friend, you should come over to my house!” And T saying “I’ll come over for your birthday party but we have to wait until the germs go away!” Oh my little old man…
My husband is finishing work a bit early today and will pick him up. T asked how many chimes he should listen out for, normally Daddy gets there 20 minutes after 5 chimes, but today it’ll be 4.
No Face says
Yesterday at pickup, a little girl shouted “I love you! Bye!” to my daughter. It was very touching and sweet, particularly because this is the first year my autistic daughter has been able to relate to peers at all.
Eddie Bauer Sale says
Eddie Bauer has additional 60% off clearance, including a well reviewed skort down to $20.
Anon says
Okay I need a check if this is normal behavior or not. So my 4.5 year old has just started to be very unpleasant, for lack of a better term. Like, getting up in the morning and getting dressed is a huge battle. She makes horrible screeching noises to express her upset feelings with being asked to put her coat on, get out of bed, not push, etc. She is perfectly capable of speaking in full, complex sentences. She sometimes escalates to pinching, pushing, etc. with the little one, me and my husband. Frankly, she’s just not very nice to be around. I’ve tried to take the approach of all feelings are valid, but all behavior is not acceptable. So, this ends up being me putting her in her bedroom because I can’t have someone who is physically hurting people around. She then has a huge tantrum, screaming, etc. Once she’s calmed down (a couple minutes), we talk about things, but she has very little interest in this. And nothing seems to change. I really do a pretty good job of being calm (though I’m not perfect on account of being a human). The flip side is that on her own, she is generally very pleasant. I try to spend an afternoon with her solo every week and she’s a delight to be around. She’s curious and bright and agreeable and it is just a joy to hang out with her. Small things don’t trip her up when it’s the two of us. Her daycare also reports that she is a wonderful kid, no tantrums, no physical violence. When I describe the behavior I’m seeing at home, they look at me like I have a second head. So, is this just a phase? Any suggestions?
iifknew says
i could have written this. My daughter turns 4 next month and she’s acting like this A LOT too. no good advice, though in my case I think it may be related to giving up nap / night waking despite all our best efforts. We had such a good thing going for a few months, thought we were past the threenager phase. So so difficult.
Boston Legal Eagle says
How old is the little one? I’ve found that my 5 year old is a lot more pleasant and agreeable when it’s just him and one parent too, without little brother (who’s now way more independent and into “his” things) trying to take his toys or otherwise competing for attention. I’ve heard nothing bad from his daycare either, but I see pushing or hitting between the siblings, which I think is pretty common, but you’re right we try not to allow the behavior while accepting the feelings.
It sounds pretty normal to me, based on my anecdotal experience with my kids. Kids are usually “worse” with parents because ideally they feel safe there and able to express all of their negative emotions.
AwayEmily says
I agree — when we’re 1-on-1 my kids (5 and 3) are lovely, and honestly they’re pretty good when it’s just the two of them playing and I’m in the other room, but once it’s the three of us, their screech dials get turned up to 100. I think navigating sibling dynamics — and in particular the parent-sibling-sibling triangle — is really challenging for kids and a lot of emotions end up coming out.
I don’t have a solution for this. The things that make it slightly better are plenty of 1-on-1 time and a ton of over-communication about each step of the routine (for example, on the car ride home from daycare I narrate exactly what is going to happen when we arrive home — “we’ll get home, then take off our shoes, and then we can sit on the couch for awhile and read our new library books while you have a snack”). Basically when my kids are in sensitive mode, anything unpredictable will trip them up so I try to make things as predictable as possible.
Anonymous says
Is she getting enough sleep? Is she just not a morning person?
Can you have her pick out her clothes at night, make breakfast requests (set out cereal or a bowl for yogurt or whatever) and do most of the “mental” work the night before? Then wake her up, tell her you’ll get the one year old ready and let her stay in bed for fifteen or twenty minutes.
I used to babysit a little boy in college. He was about three and he COULD NOT talk for about twenty minutes after waking up from his nap. He was an adorable chatty kid, but the transition from sleep to awake was rough on him.
anon. says
Yes, try this. My 4.5 year old son is NOT a morning person. We have a really strong routine in the morning where his clothes are picked out, and when he gets to the kitchen his breakfast and milk are ready to go. It takes about 30 seconds of prep by me, but it’s eased a lot of his screams which I think were hunger and general “I do not like being awake” related.
Anonymous says
+1. I’d also hand her a cup of milk to drink during those 15-20 minutes in bed.
Spirograph says
My daughter does this, still, at age 6, when she’s in a Mood. The inhuman squawking/screeching noises are awful. Extra 1:1 attention seems to help, but otherwise I have no advice. only sympathy.
anon says
Have you tried a sticker chart or something like that to reward positive behavior (like getting through the morning without screeching, no fusses during the day – this works better if you know there are triggers or times)? Some kind of actions have consequences thing. Also agree with streamlining the wake up process if that’s a trigger. Can she sleep in her school clothes?
Also, maybe talk to her at some time that’s not in the moment or right after about why what she’s doing isn’t working?
Having said all that, I don’t think this is unusual (but super frustrating) and you might just try a bunch of things until she moves out of that phase of her life.
Anonymous says
This sounds in the realm of normal to me. 3 and 4 year olds are just the worst. And worse behavior at home is also really normal – I used to work at an afterschool program and was shocked at what the kids did once their parents arrived to pick them up.
Anon says
I thought things were supposed to get better at 4. Sounds like 2 3 and 4 are all tough. Does 5 get any better?
Katala says
Depends on the kid. My oldest was very easy until around 4.5, which was shortly before the pandemic hit which could definitely have an impact, and now at 6 he’s still having a hard time with emotional regulation. His brother was difficult all the way until about 3.5, with more up and down periods, and now at 4 is pretty delightful although still just more difficult, stubborn and spirited than his brother. I think it’s probably rare to have a kid that’s really tough all the way through 5, but it’s normal to have tough periods during all of those ages (and older!).
Anonymous says
+1 depends on the kid. My youngest was an unmitigated delight until a couple months ago when he hit 4.5 and turned into a demanding little sassypants. The older ones had phases from 2 onward.
Anonymous says
Yeah I think it depends on the kid, and they all have different phases. My son was the peak annoying for me at 4, but I know a lot of people had more trouble with their 3 year olds. He still had his moments when he was 5 but it felt gradually easier. He wasn’t really given to BIG FEELINGS but was more of a whiner, which drove me nuts — some of this depends on what pushes your personal buttons too.
Also, it sounds like OP’s daughter is great a lot of the time, but has periods of being completely unreasonable. That seems like typical preschool behavior.
Take all of this with a grain of salt – my son is almost 9 now and I’ve forgotten a lot. Somewhere along the way it got better!
Anon says
I think the conventional wisdom is that 2-4 are all really hard and 5 is a lot easier. So far 4 has been much better than 3 for us, but she’s not yet 4.5 so quite possibly will turn into a monster soon.
Anonymous says
I could have written this except my kid is 5.5, although it’s been a problem for… almost a year now? It’s so hard and I don’t have a perfect way of handling yet. Usually it involves one of us taking him to a separate space to chill. Even that isn’t really working lately, though, and I’m really struggling with how to handle.
New job says
Has anyone here made the jump from law firm to in-house? Did you use a recruiter, and if so, how did you find the recruiter? Did you apply to a job post, and if so, where was the post? I need a new job but feel like I have no idea where to start. Would having a LinkedIn profile help? (I don’t have one.) I’m in Chicago, in case that is relevant. Thank you for any and all thoughts. Job searching is so daunting.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I went from a law firm to an in house position (different from my current one) about 7 years ago. For that position, I did just apply to a LinkedIn posting and was able to get it, but in house tends to be a little trickier, especially in a smaller market, where it helps to have an “in” with the company. For my most recent position, I did use a recruiter who placed a lot of candidates with my particular company, so I think that helped get my resume seen.
I would encourage you to get a LinkedIn account anyway to keep up with your connections. The recruiter I mentioned is actually someone I found through LinkedIn (he messaged me).
Anon says
I’m in house and applied on linkedin. At my organization, it doesn’t matter if you have an “in” – they actually pride themselves on casting a wider net.
Definitely make a linkedin profile! Mine doesn’t have details on every position but shows my work history and education for sure!
anon in house says
I talked to recruiters, who were largely useless. While i ended up getting my job through a random job post on indeed, I truly feel that was just luck. Far more people get in house jobs by working their network. I had so many leads that way (and another offer which I declined due to salary too low).
When I say use your network I mean this:
Definitely get a Linked in and friend all sorts of people from your high school friends to current and former colleagues. Pay for premium. Then you can see contacts of your contacts. I had a former coworker who was a contact with a lot of people at X company. When a job post came up from X company I asked my friend if he wouldn’t mind sending my resume to his contacts and ask if they wouldn’t mind forwarding to the person doing the hiring. I got 4-5 interviews and 1 offer from this approach.
I also combed through my contacts and took people who had jobs I wanted to lunch or coffee. I paid (unless they were in gov’t, then I made it coffee, gov’t folk often can’t accept a meal/gift). I asked them for ideas about who to make the move, contacts, etc. That way these people knew I was looking. A couple of them made me aware of jobs.
This is a tough one, but a lot of law firms are supportive of people moving in house especially if they are associates they don’t think are going to make it rain. I was being pushed out as a non-equity partner when my firm management changed (I saw the writing on the way, there was no deadline or anything) but I had a lot of good relationships with lawyers there and I was honest that I was thinking to make the switch. They WANT to help you because they think you will throw business their way. I let people know I was looking. A few of them offered to put me in touch with XYZ person and I followed up on those leads. You have to know your own firm tho, would this be able to be done discreetly or be held against you.
I kept a notebook where I tracked contacts I made, things I did each day. I tried to do 3 job things a week be it a coffee “date”, job application, or whatever. It took me about 6 months to get my current job (which I love btw).
Pogo says
Random aside, but it’s so interesting to me that some people don’t have LinkedIn accounts! I feel like it’s huge in my industry. I also use it several times a day to check someone’s work history or title or how they know someone. But I do a lot of business development, so I’m probably an exception there.
Daycare hours says
Does your daycare ask you to specify certain hours that you will drop off and pick up your child? I understand they want this information for staffing purposes, but one of the things I really like about daycare is the flexibility of being able to vary our schedule as needed.
Anonymous says
What kind of magical place would let you drop off a kid whenever?
Our daycare had drop off by eight or don’t show up at all policy. (unless you had a doctors appointment).
Anon says
Seriously? Ours never cared as long as you picked them up by the time they closed.
ElisaR says
same
Anon. says
Same
Katala says
This. We drop off whenever and pick up whenever, we do try to avoid naptime. I think there were windows at our first daycare years ago, like open – 10am and 3pm – close or something like that, but they didn’t ask families to narrow it down more than that. And I always figure that’s a polite request, if I show up asking for my kid at noon are they going to hold him hostage? I doubt it. I suppose they could refuse to take him if it was late, but that would normally be for an appointment or something and it was fine to just let them know the couple of times that happened.
Anon says
Same, pre-COVID. (In COVID we actually do have strict drop off and pick up times, but hopefully that won’t last forever).
As someone noted, doing either in the middle of nap is the one time that I’m sure is not viewed kindly for obvious reasons.
CCLA says
Same. I can’t wait for less strict windows (and longer hours!) to return. Now we have strict 30-minute (dropoff) and 15-minute (pickup) windows. Even now in COVID times though they do accommodate things like early outs when we’re going somewhere for the weekend, they just need us to let them know we’ll be arriving early (and ask that it’s not during nap time). That’s been nice as a few times we’ve driven for a weekend getaway we send the kids to school in the AM while we pack up then get them at lunchtime and go.
Anon says
Same. One of the teachers in the infant room used to give us grief for sometimes dropping DD off at 9:30 but officially the policy was drop off whenever, pickup before closing time. With Covid you have to drop off by 9:15 unless you give them advance notice and it has to be a good reason (doctor etc). I cannot imagine a place where you have to drop off by eight – my kid regularly sleeps past eight!
Anon says
I asked a question about this a couple years back and was very surprised by how many people seemed to think it was unreasonable to expect flexibility within the hours you’ve paid for. Our daycare is run by a university and almost all children have at least one parent on the faculty, so they’re very flexible with arrivals and departures, especially during the summer. During Covid, they have a rule that parents can’t show up between 9:30 and 3, because that’s when children have their masks off to eat and sleep, but beyond that it’s still flexible. I do let them know if I’ll be getting her at 3:30 or something like that, but if I decide to get her at a few minutes early or drop off a few minutes late, I don’t generally contact them in advance. A rule that required kids to be there by eight would be a non-starter. My daughter is dropped off between 8:45 and 9 most days and is frequently the first one there, even with the Covid era rule about being there by 9:30.
Anon says
We have to drop our kid off by 10 am. He usually arrives at 9:30 and gets picked up a bit after 5.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Pre Covid, we paid for a certain amount of hours coverage. So we did 10.5 hours I think – we did 7:30am-5:30pm typically, but were able to come a little later or drop of earlier, as long as it was within the 10.5 hours. Other options were 9 hours, 10 hours and 11 hours I believe.
Now, we’re limited to either 7:30am-4:30pm or 8:00am-5:00pm. We do the latter and we were told to be there by 5 or else we would be charged. In the mornings, we have some leeway, but generally drop off a little after 8.
Anonymous says
One daycare we looked at did (you had a 9 hour window of care, and had to commit to a pickup and drop off time). The one we went with did not- you could drop off and pick up your kid whenever, although of course they did prefer that you not do it in the middle of nap or meals, and if you were going to drop off or pick up outside of the normal windows, to let them know.
Spirograph says
I think you’re understanding it correctly — they need to plan for staffing, but they’re not going to refuse entry or kick your child out if he or she is there outside of the hours you’ve mentioned. My daycare is open something like 6:30-6:30, but our normal hours are 8:30-5:00. If I were going to start bringing my child at 6:30 on a regular basis I would let them know that change as a courtesy. But if I just needed to do it once, I wouldn’t worry about it.
At the beginning of this school year, they tried to have “assigned drop-off times” in like a 10 min window to stagger the crowd. I pushed back and I think a lot of other parents must have, as well, because that didn’t last long at all.
Anonymous says
Our day care wanted to know when your child would be there for staffing purposes, but if you paid for full-time care you were entitled to drop your child off at opening time and pick up right before closing. They did ask that you avoid picking up or dropping off during meals or nap if at all possible, and for preschool ages they liked the kids to be there by circle time.
Walnut says
State regulations might dictate how long a child can be at the center.
Anon says
Daycare prefers that children arrive by morning snack, because it’s easier for the children to integrate into the day’s play that way. We’re asked to specify on sign in sheet when we’re picking up, but I think that might be a licensing requirement. I think it’s helpful for them to know so they can tell the child what to expect and prepare the child (ie, not engage them in a new, super cool activity just as the parent is expected to pick up).
It’s all based on what they see as working best for the children. They’re not strict on it if the family’s schedule varies sometimes, though.
Anon says
+1 Our teachers have mentioned wanting the kids there by morning snack too. It’s not a big deal if you occasionally want to bring them later, but they wouldn’t have wanted a kid being dropped off consistently at 11 am. And I get why – kids do benefit from routines and I understand why it’s disruptive to have a child arrive mid-day. Pick up times were totally flexible pre-Covid though – at that point if the child’s routine is disrupted it’s the parents problem :)
Anonanonanon says
Our new one did and it really bugged me to be honest. We just made it clear that we work unpredictable jobs and that, while we always aim to pick up our kid as soon as we can, if they require a firm answer, that firm answer will be “by closing.” We are paying for care to be available during the hours provided.
Anonanonanon says
That being said, ours is part preschool part daycare, meaning there is “instruction time” from 830-1 and we do not interfere with that unless there is a doctor’s appointment
Food for babies says
My youngest is 9 months old and I need to start packing solids for daycare. We have been sending purées and just doing solids at home, but he’s starting to be over the purées. The problem is I have no idea what to send. What packs easily and does not need to be refrigerated or reheated that a 9 month old can eat?
anon. says
Sunbutter on tortillas or thin sliced bread cut into small pieces (easier to do if you refrigerate after making the sandwich and before cutting), cut fruit, canned or steamed yourself carrots, cheese quesadillas cut in small pieces (see earlier note on refrigerating before attempting to cut small), edamame, black beans
anonymommy says
We did bentgo box + icepack. They eat “lunch” early so I wasn’t too worried about it getting too warm. Some ideas — avocados, diced fruits, frozen peas (my kids love these, and it’s so easy!), slices of sweet potatoes (roast, saute with broth, or even mash — I add cinnamon or savory spices), yogurt with applesauce or jam mixed in. Also highly recommend Feeding Littles on IG/website. Wish I’d seen them sooner because it has some great ideas and put my mind at ease about solids.
TheElms says
All types of beans (kidney, black beans, pinto beans), roast vegetables (sweet potato, carrot, parsnip, cherrios, puffs, frozen peas and carrots, frozen corn, frozen lima beans, thin slices of cheese, apples/pears cut into matchsticks, blueberries cut in half, grapes cut in quarters, scrambled egg or frittata, cut up vegetable burger, fusilli pasta cut in half, toast with cream cheese. We had a lunch bag that we kept in the freezer so the ice packs were built in. Or we packed something not frozen with something frozen in a regular bag and that worked too. Both thawed by lunch. For sandwiches and other things you are trying to cut small sometimes its easier with scissors.
CCLA says
This looks a lot like our list. After the first month or two we stopped slicing blueberries unless they were massive, and just squished them which was faster. Get a grape quarterer from oxo, we have two b/c we use them so much even now with preschoolers!
CCLA says
Also along the lines of the scissors suggestion above, consider a pizza slicer for cutting things like sandwiches into small bites.
Anonymous says
Maybe check out the cookbook Start Fresh by Tyler Florence. I really loved the way the book increased textures through time for the first year.
But little kids don’t care about whether a food should be warm or cold. So things like cut up fish sticks, turkey meatballs, lightly seasoned ground beef crumbles, cut up bits of cheese all work for proteins. Vegetables like beans, corn, edamame, leftover smushed cooked veggies like sweet potato/carrots/broccoli/green beans. Cut up and smushed bits of fruit (depending on the fruit! I’d cut up strawberries, but smush blueberries.) Pasta shapes they can pick up (we liked tri-color rotini). Crackers if your kid is good with them, or bits of whole grain toast or cereal if you think they need a carb.
My kid was underweight so she had smushed avocado and torn up bits of croissant for a lot of lunches.
Anon says
This may be a better question for the main board. For those of you who send kids to sleepaway camp, what was the first summer you sent them? I have a rising first grader, trying to decide if we think about doing a short camp stay next summer.
I also know several popular camps and I’m honestly at a loss to figure out where I’d send her! I don’t think I want to send her with all her school friends, so who knows!
anon says
following with interest because 1) my rising first grader is obsessed with the concept of “camp” and claims she wants to go, and 2) she goes nuts at home in the summer and I would also like her to go, but 3) I have a hard time judging if she’s actually ready or if it would be better to wait a few more years.
Spirograph says
By next summer, do you mean the one coming up, or the one after 1st grade? Is this her idea or yours? I sent my rising 1st grader in the summer of 2019 to a “try out camp” 2 night session at our local YMCA’s sleepaway camp. He was apprehensive, and although he put on a brave face, I am not sure he enjoyed it overall. It’s very kid-dependent though. I’m almost certain my daughter, who will be a rising 1st grader this summer, would be thrilled to go to sleepaway camp. Son would probably be ok this summer, too. (I’m not going to push it this year due to covid, but I’m willing to consider it if either of them ask.)
avocado says
I agree that at this age the kid needs to be really excited about camp. I wouldn’t push a reluctant kid to try camp until age 10 or so.
Previous experience with outdoor day camp and with family camping is helpful for young campers, too. The outdoor day camp routine tends to be similar to the overnight camp routine, and kids who are already used to campground bathhouses have an easier time with the camp shower and toothbrushing situation.
Pogo says
Um and the outhouses!!! Having to poop in a latrine was so traumatic to 10 year old me. lol.
Anon says
I went for the first time for a month as a riding 4th grader. There was a bunk of rising 2nd graders and rising 3rd graders. My BFF and one of my colleagues both have rising 3rd graders this summer and that seems to be a popular time to start (and this is in two different areas of the country). There are camp consultants – I’m pretty you don’t pay them but they get paid by the camps. I agree about not sending with all school friends.it’s nice for kids to have a separate outlet
Anon says
There was a thread here not too long ago on this and I think the general consensus was even 7 is a little young for sleepaway camp but could be doable for a short stay.
Anonymous says
Summer after grade 2 and they went to a 2 night camp for kids 7-9 not a full week. Did a full week summer after grade three. I think it depends very much on not just grade but age. There’s a big difference between a January born kid who has finished first grade and a November born kid who has finished first grade. Same year in school but almost a year difference in age/maturity. Also kid specific. One of my twins is very good with potty accidents since he was trained at age 3. The other regularly wakes up a couple minutes too late and needs a wet wipe and new pj bottoms (but not usually new sheets) right up to age 6.
So Anon says
I believe I generated the discussion a while back about when to send a kiddo to summer camp. I decided to send my rising third grader to sleep away camp this summer for two weeks. She is so incredibly excited, and there will be 20 other girls finishing first or second grade in her bunk. A bunch of the camps in New England have shorter stints of a week or two for first time at sleep away summer camp. I researched a bunch of different camps and found one that met her dietary restrictions, interests and that I agreed with the philosophy. I know that she is a bit young, and I am confident that she will do great. Also, I will fully acknowledge that part of this is my sanity too. After a year plus of single parenting during a pandemic, I am desperate for a few nights of sleep. (Her older brother is going to a camp for autistic kids at the same time.)
avocado says
Oh, wow, both kids at camp at the same time? Enjoy your well-deserved break!
OP says
I think like it sounds like rising third grade is a popular time! I actually don’t want to rush it with my oldest as she’s a total homebody, so that sounds good to me!
I’m mostly wondering if I send her somewhere for just a few nights to get used to the idea next summer. Probably depends where we choose. Ughhh. I went to the same camp as my older cousins which made it easy and was nice for me (but not school friends). She has some older cousins, but they’re quite a bit older and second cousins, so it’s a little more distant.
Thanks all! And good for you So Anon!
Spirograph says
I replied above and my son did one of those shorter duration camps. On reflection, I’m not sure it helped. I think if he had been there longer, it’s possible he would have settled in and enjoyed himself. A couple nights was enough time to be homesick, not enough time to get over the hump. (Or he might have just been sad for a whole week! We’ll never know!)
Anon says
Yeah I think a week is the right length for the first time. If the kid hasn’t settled in by the end of a week, they’re not going to and better to get them then than have them be sad all summer. But I think if it’s just 3 days, many kids who would settle in eventually are still unhappy.
So Anon says
I asked the director about a shorter stay. She indicated that it takes kids a few days to get acclimated and a few days to wind down to the end of camp. If kids only stay one week, there is no time to really enjoy the camp and get in the grove.
Anon says
I did not grow up with the concept of sleepaway camp (I think the super religious people in my town did a week at bible camp or something, but it wasn’t the norm) so coming from that perspective, what are you trying to get from camp? If it’s to encourage independence and making friends, I feel like rising third grade is when they have a good chance of confidence and a better experience, if it stays around 7 days or less. If it’s to immerse in a non-dominant culture or reinforce religious teachings, those likely start earlier. And then the longer the camp, the older they should be to have a better chance of a good experience.
avocado says
My daughter went to sleepaway camp for the first time as a 6-year-old rising second grader. She absolutely loved it and was disappointed when it was time to go home.
One thing to watch out for is outdoor camps that don’t have a truly wilderness-y environment. Some Girl Scout camps in particular tend to be located in weird semi-rural areas instead of in the mountains, and to have cabins that are more like cinderblock sheds or old houses than actual camp cabins. My daughter attended one camp like this and did not enjoy it nearly so much as the more rustic camps, and I had the same reaction to this type of camp as a kid. On the other end of the spectrum, my daughter really likes camps that are held on college campuses where the kids get to live in the dorms and pretend to be college students. She started attending college sports camps at age 8. I think the youngest kid there was 7.
For very young first-time campers, a one-week session works well. It’s long enough that if they take a day or two to really settle in, there are still a few days left to have fun, but short enough that the end is always in sight.
Pogo says
That’s so interesting – I grew up going to Girl Scout camp and it was very much in the mountains and we slept in tents (on raised platforms). I think it was really good for me to have the “roughing it” element forced on me at a young age.
Anonymous says
This. Sleeping in tents was my favorite part of Girl Scout camp.
avocado says
I have seen many Girl Scout camps and there is a lot of variety. Where I grew up the camps were in the mountains, but some of them did have old houses as camp buildings. I remember being so angry when my Brownie troop got assigned to stay in a house instead of cabins. On the other hand, one camp had no cabins at all and we slept on cots outdoors. Where we live now, most councils’ camps are on farmland.
Anon says
I think there’s a difference between when you allow an enthusiastic kid to go and when you push a reluctant kid into going. I would say 7/rising 2nd grade for the former but not before 9 or 10 for the latter. My daughter is younger but has a very cautious personality and is always hesitant about new things (especially without us there) so I expect we’ll have to sort of push her into trying camp and I can’t see us doing that before she’s 9 and finished third grade. My husband went to a Jewish outdoorsy camp about 3 hours from our house and we plan to send her to the same one at least once. If she hates it, we won’t make her go back but she usually loves things once she’s pushed into trying them.
Anon says
My daughter is nearly 4. We are starting to try for a second kid but a lot of her friends have little siblings. She keeps saying to me “I want to be a big sister, can we have a baby?” and it’s just stabbing me in the heart (the reasons we delayed so long we’re dealing with family health issues that occupied a lot of energy and we wanted to get through before trying to add a kid). I don’t know that there’s anything to be done other than let myself feel sad we don’t have a baby yet and hope for the best, but appreciate any ideas.
Anon says
Don’t project your own heartbreak on your child – I’m sure she wants a sibling, but she probably asks for many things that you are unable to give her right this minute. Since she doesn’t understand the full picture, she is not nearly as heartbroken as you are. You can point out her friends who don’t have younger siblings yet. Best wishes.
Anon says
+1. I also think little kids just say things without much thought behind it. When your kid mentions this it might be a passing observation that most families have 2+ kids than a genuine desire for a baby sibling. I’m an only child and never wished for a sibling. I hope you can have a second child since you want one, but don’t worry about your kid – she will be fine.
Anonymous says
+1. Also an only child, and I only ever wished for an older sibling, never a younger one.
Anon says
Secondary infertility struggles here trying for No. 2 (DD is almost 4 as well). Part of what DH reminds me when I’m feeling blue about it is that we personally will be better parents for having waited, even if the waiting was not by choice. DD is starting to be very self-sufficient now, and it would have been a madhouse trying to handle her as a toddler (she is a lot) with a newborn as well, given our personalities, jobs and other responsibilities. Plus having a newborn during COVID (we had a miscarriage just before it started) would have been really really hard, so maybe there is a plan for us out there. My next youngest sister and I are 4 years apart as well, so I also remind myself that it theoretically would be similar to when I was growing up (which had more pluses than minuses).
AwayEmily says
Definitely. There are costs to having kids close together that I was just unaware of. Mine 22 months apart and those first two years were brutal. Neither my husband nor I loves the newborn stage and dealing with that plus a toddler — wow. I mean, I know either way has its ups and downs, but my sister’s two kids are 5 years apart and I feel like she really got to enjoy both of her kids’ baby/toddlerhood in a way I did not. I mean, I’m glad we have the kids we have (who isn’t?) but from a parent-mental-health perspective I think bigger gaps can be the way to go.
Anon says
Would you mind elaborating on those costs? We’ll end up with ~ 2 years between our 1st and 2nd (and likely between our 2nd and 3rd), and don’t want to space things out more for age reasons (mine – I’ll be 42/43 when #2 is born). We’re committed but I like going into things as informed as possible!! I hear/read that 2 under 2 is “a lot”, early years are chaos/a blur, etc., and I don’t think anyone is exaggerating, but I also don’t know exactly what they’re talking about or what to prepare for.
Anon says
Not PP, but isn’t it kind of obvious? 2 year olds are so much needier than 4 year olds, so adding a newborn into the mix with a 2 year old is going to be much harder because you have to deal with 2 kids who need near-constant attention from you. Whereas a 4 year old is a lot more independent, and although you obviously don’t want to ignore your older kid, you can interact with them in a more hands-off way than you can interact with a 2 year old. For example, you can talk to them while they build with legos and you nurse the baby nearby or whatever. Also, a 4 year old can meaningfully help with the baby somewhat – I mean you can’t just give them the baby and take a break, but they can actually help you and reduce the time it takes to do certain things, whereas a 2 year old’s “help” would require constant supervision and just make everything take longer.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I didn’t have 2 under 2 but mine are 2.5 years apart and I felt it. It’s just the sense of constantly being needed and trying to take care of a toddler who is in a difficult stage and needs a lot of hands on attention, and who is also experiencing a huge shift in his/her world with a sibling, while ALSO taking care of a newborn. It’s constant. I don’t think I quite appreciated how little 2.5 really is. And I also feel like I missed out on a lot of my older one’s age 2 (especially some of the sweet moments – the initial talking!) because I was pregnant or had a newborn. I feel so much differently with my youngest’s age 2, despite also dealing with the tantrums.
So, of course, like AwayEmily said, I love my second kiddo and couldn’t imagine life without him now, but taking care of kids so close in age is pretty overwhelming, at least for me.
Anon says
Not who you are responding to, and I personally like having mine so close together (less than 2 years) for a lot of reasons, but just to answer your question as someone a few years out:
For me, dealing with them both in public when I was by myself when they were really little was by far the most stressful thing that kind of required a lot of logistic planning. Because the less than 2 year old is still doing really unsafe things and can’t be logically reasoned with, but you also have this baby now, so you can’t always chase after or pick up the older one when they are close to being in unsafe situations. Even getting everyone out of the car required pre-thought (get out the baby first so the two year old can’t take off while you’re doing that!). Our double stroller was a life saver to have them both locked down, there was a good chunk of time where I would even drag it out just to go right across a street to pick up the older one from preschool because one time I didn’t, I was holding the baby, and the older one decided to lay down in the middle of the crosswalk halfway across the busyish street and I couldn’t just pick him up because I was holding baby. He wasn’t in danger – all cars were stopped since we were crossing anyway, but it felt like 1,000 eyes were boring into me – it was just one of those panic mom moments you remember of like, WTF do I do now? It worked out somehow, but just things like that. I have a few of those I still remember. Things that say, with my 5 year old now, would never happen if I had a baby.
Sleep and temperament were luckily not huge issues for us (as may be the issues for two close together for some), and I didn’t mind having two diapers to deal with – I actually preferred to do that all at once as much as possible.
Anonymous says
Mine are 2years 4 months apart, and I feel like even those extra months made it easier than the true 2 under 2. What was hard for us was things like getting two kids to nap/go to bed especially as I solo parent a lot (DH has a big job). I felt like I was always feeding someone or cleaning up or changing diapers. I literally lost a lot of weight because I did not have time to eat/drink enough water during those first few months. The 2 yo may be able to play independently a bit, but my 4yo can actually be left safely in her room for 30 mins at a time entertaining herself with barbies. I am lucky that my first is a VERY easy child but we still had chaotic moments like the poster above. One time we got home from the playground and the newborn was screaming to be fed. The 2yo got her one and only random nosebleed of her life at that exact moment. I had to nurse a baby and try to get the 2yo to stand still so we didn’t get blood all over our house at the same time. Just stuff like that happens constantly like for the the first year haha. I can laugh about it now but the first 6 months were brutal. Not to add in if you have a 2yo who isn’t a good sleeper or something (thankfully ours was). Also, our DD dropped her nap a few months after DD was born. It’s hard to keep a 2yo quiet while baby naps.
Anon says
The two-year-old will probably test a lot of boundaries and, having a newborn, you will have limited time, patience and energy to deal with the toddler in a productive way. My first two are 25 months apart and I really struggled to parent or even like my older one – he was a rascal, and I expected way too much from him as the “older” kid. He was also really rough with the baby and I had to be super vigilant because he was basically a baby himself. Janet Lansbury was very helpful through that whole first year.
Around 2.5 and 4.5 it got easier and I love their age gap now – they play together well and have the same interests. Even still, I purposely waited longer to have #3 – there’s about a 3.5 year age gap and it is MUCH EASIER. (Still, now that I’ve had some breathing room, I’ll prob aim for a 2.5-2.75 year gap with #4)
AwayEmily says
Yes, like a couple people said — it was just so intense both logistically and emotionally, especially when you are one parent with two kids (my partner was away for most weekdays). Going to the bathroom, going upstairs, getting in and out of the car, etc. Once a kid turns 3 they will mostly do the things you ask them to do, and do them in a safe way. But you can’t consistently count on a 2yo to climb up the stairs safely, wait on the sidewalk while you put the baby in the car, not plunge headfirst off the couch while you are changing the baby’s diaper, stay occupied with an activity for more than 20 seconds, etc. And on top of this constant vigilance around safety/logistics, you are ALSO dealing with super intense emotions for everyone involved. The baby is, y’know, a baby, the toddler is dealing with suddenly not having her parents’ full attention, and you’re postpartum and then also feeling overwhelmed (and nobody is giving you the emotional or logistical support they gave you with the first baby because it’s your second and they assume everything is under control). It’s exhausting, and in many ways it gets worse again once the baby is mobile. It got a lot easier once the oldest turned 3-ish. In terms of practical advice, invest in a large playpen and get used to a lot of crying.
ariana says
When I was around that age I wanted a puppy or a baby. I really would have been completely fine with either. I ended up getting a sister, 2 years later, but really would have been fine with the puppy or with neither.
Anonymous says
Agreed. At this age, a request for a sibling is very similar to a request for a puppy. It’s something kid thinks would be cute and fun in the moment, but they have no idea what the long term implications would be.
I’m an only and my parents say I never asked for a sibling as a young kid, but I think the fact that I had a SAHM and didn’t go to daycare is probably a factor. I never liked babies until I had my own (I confidently assured my parents for years they would never have a grandchild) and by the time I was old enough to understand the full significance of a sibling, I really did not want one. I have an only child too and she goes to daycare and loves babies so I expect she’ll ask for a baby at some point but it I don’t think it’s indicative of something that will be a deep lifelong trauma when it doesn’t happen. She’s already asked why she doesn’t have a sibling and happily accepted our answer that families come in all different shapes and sizes.
I do think to the extent you can minimize your feelings of sadness around your kid, it’s a good thing. The only onlies I know who were sad about it were kids whose parents desperately wanted a second and couldn’t conceive, and who shared that sense of loss with their child. One of my friends prayed every night for a sibling with her parents (and never got one) and I think that’s kind of a messed up thing to do to a kid. The people I know who were onlies by choice or whose parents did a better job hiding their feelings were much happier.
Anon says
Thanks for the kind words. It’s not that I feel bad for my daughter, it’s really that her questions make me feel bad for me. Wanting a baby and not having one is very hard for me, even though the reasons are good and I am glad we didn’t try before we were ready.
Anon says
As the poster working through secondary infertility above, I guess I would just say it’s OK (probably even normal) to feel bad? I know it’s not mature of me, but I indulge in a little rage at the universe every time I see a big sister or big brother announcement (1st pregnancies don’t bother me). I’ve been known to cry in the shower after every failed test. Give yourself the grace to feel your feelings, and then let them go (don’t ruminate). And I’ve gotten my feelings out, I go hug and snuggle my daughter and try to appreciate the good things I do have, because she won’t be little for long.
anon says
I went through the secondary infertility struggle, and I completely agree with this advice! For a long time, I could barely stand to hear about second, third, and fourth pregnancies. Especially unplanned ones. First-time pregnancies didn’t bother me the same way. It’s just really hard emotionally, it’s really hard to explain to people who haven’t been there, and the guilt trips I gave myself did not help one bit. You can love the heck out of the kid you have and still feel like someone is missing. Big hugs to you both.
Anonymous says
At least you’re going to try. I was very clear that I wanted kids plural. And after having a baby my husband said no he didn’t want a second.
I swing between broken hearted sadness and blind rage.
Anonymous says
I’m sorry you’re hurting, but this really isn’t a helpful or kind thing to say to someone struggling with infertility. The flipside of your statement is that at least you have the biological ability to have kids and you’re making a choice to forego a second child to stay in your marriage. Someone with infertility doesn’t have that choice to make.
Are you the one who posted about this a while ago? I’ve been thinking about you and hoped your story had a happier ending. Hugs.
Anonymous says
OP is not struggling with infertility. OP thoughtfully delayed her second child because of family issues and is sad about it. Her situation is more similar to mine than her situation is to infertility. But her situation is temporary.
And yes, I’ve chosen not to blow up my daughter’s life because the chances of me finding another partner and having a baby in a very short timeframe is unlikely.