CorporetteMoms

Updated: Nov 1, 2018 80 Comments · by

Washable Wednesday: Short Sleeve Pintuck Printed Soft Blouse

Machine-Washable Work Clothes· Recent Recs

This post may contain affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

A Short Sleeve Pintuck Printed Soft Blouse.If you’re looking for something slightly fancier than a t-shirt but don’t want to sacrifice washability and softness, check out these pintuck blouses from Lands’ End. They’re well-reviewed, and both the product description and reviewers note how “exceptionally soft” they are — and how easily they wash and tumble dry. The printed version comes in three colors for $38 (sizes 2-18); there’s a very similar non-pintucked solid version that comes in three colors in regular, petite, and plus sizes for $38-$43. Short Sleeve Pintuck Printed Soft Blouse

Sales of note for 12.5.23…

(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)

Kid/Family Sales

  • Crate&kids – Free shipping sitewide; up to 50% off toy + gift event; free monogramming for a limited time only (order by 12/15)
  • J.Crew Crewcuts – 40% off your purchase with code
  • Pottery Barn Kids – Up to 50% off toys, furniture & gifts
  • Graco – Holiday savings up to 35% off; sign up for texts for 20% off full-price item
  • Walmart – Up to 25% off top baby gifts; big savings on Delta, Graco, VTech, Fisher-Price & more

See some of our latest articles on CorporetteMoms:

Click here to see our top posts!

And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!

Comments

  1. Meg Murry says

    Ooh, I feel like this checks almost all the boxes of something I’ve been looking for – a shirt that is dressier than a t-shirt that isn’t a sweater, a pattern that isn’t floral, something that wears like a t-shirt but with a little bit of interest. The polyester is the only thing that is holding me back a little – but I think this might go in my “save for later” list at Lands End. I only wish the prints came in plus sizes, as I am right on the border there between whether a plus size or the largest straight size fits me better.

    Oh, and clicking through the “you might also like” lead me to the “Women’s Short Sleeve Knot Neck Ruched Top” – which doesn’t check the pattern box, but does check the “more interesting than a t-shirt but hopefully wears and washes like a t-shirt” box. Hmmm …. added to cart, maybe I’ll order it once I’m off my temporary shopping ban.

    • CPA Lady says

      Agree, I really like this top too. And not all polyester is created equal. I’m a cotton fan-girl, but I have a few poly tops that are pretty great– I especially appreciate that they don’t really wrinkle. This looks like a top that old navy would make in that awful rayon fabric they’re so obsessed with right now. I would buy it because it’s cute, and then it would instantly shrink, wrinkle, and get weirdly misshapen…

      • JayJay says

        Can I just AMEN that Old Navy needs to find a new fabric to be obsessed with? I cannot keep the wrinkles out of these tops that are otherwise perfect for me.

    • PhilanthropyGirl says

      Agreed – so pretty. The gray and the ivory are both lovely. I’m in a similar size conundrum, but don’t care for the plus size without the pintucking.

    • Coach Laura says

      Is this tunic length or regular? It looks long which I think might be good.

  2. Still deciding on a name says

    Toddler boy gift idea: https://www.amazon.com/Oball-Go-Grippers-Car-Carrier/dp/B01CGM3K88
    Got a free box of samples from this product line through a friend of a friend and the whole Oball go grippers line is really wonderful. It’s literally a brand new line, so I think I’m the only person who has reviewed it on Amazon. The prices are great and they are well made and our new favorite toy and favorite 1st birthday gift (I’d say the age range is 1.5-3 or 4). Thought I’d mention for folks who are pulling together holiday gift ideas! I’m sure girls who are into cars would like too (feeling guilty that my intro is so gender specific ;) but I only have boys).

  3. Anonymous says

    Anyone own luluroe leggings? Are they amazing? I keep reading good things. How do I buy them?

    • avocado says

      It is one of those MLM things.

      Zella at Nordstrom are amazing. Always quite affordable at the Anniversary Sale.

    • Em says

      Let me start by saying that I hate MLM things and usually refuse to buy them on principle. However, one of my friends (who oddly has a successful, professional career by day) started selling them. Originally I was super judgey about it and refused to try them, but after hearing how amazing they were from so many people, I agreed to buy a pair. And yes, they are that amazing. I was very skeptical of the “one-size-fits-all” but they honest to God look good on all body types (that I have seen so far). My Mom is recovering from a medical scare and is down to 98 pounds and the same leggings that look awesome on her also look awesome on me at a 175 lb extreme pair and my sister at a 190 lb apple. Don’t ask me how they do this because I have no idea. All their leggings are only $25, I believe. They are so incredibly soft and they are very opaque so you don’t have to worry about them being see-through. I don’t know how you buy them unless you know someone who sells them, although I have seen them at fall festival/farmers market things before. The inventory process is sort of weird, so the selection can be limited if you want something normal looking like black or gray (they specialize in crazy colorful prints which don’t really work for my lifestyle).

      • Anon says

        BIG drawback for Lularoe is that since it’s an MLM, they make returns super hard. You have to pay postage on your return which is for me half of what I paid. I would rather buy from Nordstrom or any other online retailer that has an easy return policy.

    • pockets says

      My friend sells them so I have a few pairs. The rest of this comment is very snobby:

      They’re OK. I think it depends on what you’re used to. I have high-end things and to me they’re not comparable to my high end leggings, but those leggings did cost 5x what Lularoe costs, so there is that. When I wore them the first time my husband called them tight sweatpants, and they are kind of like that. But if you’re used to Old Navy quality clothing then it’s probably on par or a step up. I also have their athletic leggings and in no way are they comparable to Lululemon or Zella leggings.

      Buying is annoying. You have to join groups on facebook (each “consultant” has a group) and wait for the consultant to get a shipment and post inventory. Each consultant gets random inventory, so if you want a specific thing you have to join a lot of groups and always look. If you search for “lularoe” on facebook you’ll get hundreds of groups. I was really into it for a few months but it became too much because you had to join dozens of groups, the quality wasn’t there (for me), and I hated paying shipping.

  4. lsw says

    Looking for advice, commiseration, and/or war stories – today is my first day back full time at work after three weeks of three days/week. (Well, technically my first full time week starts Monday, but there are no days off after today.)

    So far it’s been….okay. The mornings are crazy, and I am lucky that a) we have in-home care so if I leave later it’s okay and b) my job is flexible the times I’ve come in later. What’s so hard is that baby has been sleeping in, and I hate waking him up. I’ve given up on nursing him right before I leave, since he’s usually eating around 6 or 7 anyway and I leave around 8 or 8:15 (in an ideal world). Leaving while he’s sleeping seems terrible, because then I just don’t interact with him for so long. Also, he’s so happy in the morning and I hate to lose that time. I guess it comes with the territory.

    Pumping is going okay. I am trying to do three times a day, generally around the same time, but it’s hard to do at exactly the same time. Hoping that doesn’t lead to leaks! It seems like it takes forever to get things set up, then pump, then take things down and change back into a regular bra. I am hoping this comes more quickly the more I do it.

    At work, I’m overwhelmed trying to catch up on everything (HUGE changes while I was out) as well as actively contribute to the team again. Easing back in part time was good in some ways (I did it because I wanted to come back a bit earlier than 12 weeks due to a big event we have, but also wanted to get all of the time I could, so I still got 12 weeks total), but also really challenging – because I feel like I’m still running up a down escalator.

    Any best tips for getting back into the swing of things would be greatly appreciated!

    • lsw says

      One thing I’m worried about is finding/making time to exercise. I know that will help me feel like myself but I feel like on work days I’m constantly rushing… baby-work-making food-doing laundry-getting things ready for the next day. I know I’ll feel more like myself when I can fit in a run, a row, or a weight lifting session. I used to do that over my lunch hour, but now with all the time I’m taking out for pumping I feel like I can’t do that.

      • Anon in NYC says

        Cut yourself some slack! You just returned to work. You’re very much still in the trial and error phase in terms of figuring out the logistics of all of this. Right now it’s about incremental steps. I didn’t really start exercising again in any sort of consistent fashion until my LO was about 12 months or so – even though I wanted to do it. I just couldn’t get the logistics to work, especially with pumping/nursing. I used to be a morning exerciser and with late night wakeups that became very difficult. I found that I can squeeze in 30 minutes immediately after work and before daycare pickup, and also exercise on the weekends. So be open to changing your pre-baby routine. When I tried to force morning exercise, I just couldn’t do it.

        Start slowly – ask your spouse to pick up laundry, next-day stuff, or dinner duties 2 or 3x a week so that you can exercise. Make a crockpot meal on a Sunday so you have leftovers for the week and have 1 fewer meal to make.

        • MDMom says

          Yep, all of this. Just know it takes time to settle into a new routine, but you will. And when you finish/scale back pumping and baby sleeps more, it will get easier.

      • Em says

        (1) Seriously, cut yourself slack on the working out. Like mark a date on the calendar one month out and decide that you aren’t even going to think about it until that date. My baby was 7 months before I got back to a semi-regular workout schedule. I agree with Anon in NYC about being open to changing your routine. I used to workout right after work but that doesn’t work now. I try to workout during lunch most days, or go after the baby goes to bed. I also used to religiously workout 6 days a week but now think it’s awesome if I workout 3 days (and I affirmatively tell myself how awesome I am for doing so).

        (2) The way I made pumping work was by working while I did it. This way, it’s only about 5 minutes out of my day for each pumping session. This is a lot easier if you have your own office, but if you are using a pumping room, try to find work you can bring with you. Also, if you don’t have a hand-free pumping bra, order one now. I have the Lansinoh one and it works well. You don’t need to take you regular bra off – just push it up. Then when you are done, you just push it back down. Voila! Personally, I have never had problems with leaking (except for a handful of times at night at the beginning), and I have had to pump at random times all over the board.

        (3) I realize this one is really hard, but try to refuse to feel guilty for time you spend pumping at work or working out over lunch. Unless you have a unicorn employer, most employers treat working moms, particularly pumping moms, pretty badly compared to every other country. I choose to think this is my payback for the paid maternity leave that every other country offers and the US doesn’t.

    • Anon in NYC says

      In terms of streamlining pumping, don’t change bras. Wear a nursing bra and just put the simple wishes pumping bra over it. Don’t break down all of your pump parts. Wipe out the flanges, wrap up the other parts in a paper towel, stick them in a plastic bag to prevent drips, and put them in the fridge as-is. Don’t try to consolidate milk / pour milk into bags. Just bring 3 sets of bottles.

      Also, just remember that it takes time to adjust!

      • Anonymous says

        Agree with the point on bras.

        Don’t feel guilty about waking baby to nurse or leaving baby to sleep – baby will be okay either way – do whatever you prefer. Baby can always catch up on sleep at naptime and nursing vs. pumping is good for milk production.

        As a Canadian, if you’re back at work at 12 weeks then you’re knocking it out of the park as long as you show up every day, don’t fall asleep at work and manage to feed yourself/baby. It gets easier.

        • Betty says

          Dairy Fairy has an amazing bra that is a regular bra plus allows hands free pumping. It was so helpful in terms of saving time. Also, not sure what you are doing in terms of set-up, but can you leave most of the set-up in tact, throw it in a paper bag and then toss the whole thing in the fridge?

      • Spirograph says

        All of this, except I did take my bra off to pump. I always just planned on being naked on top for pumping…did not bother with “pumping friendly” clothing, because it’s way faster/easier to just take off a shirt than arrange one to allow access. I wasn’t going to put a pumping bra over my shirt anyway, plus no chance of drips or spills.

        Major commiseration on leaving while baby’s asleep. I did that often with my first, and it’s hard. But my son loves me anyway, so just know that if you do it, it is OK. It bothers you way more than it bothers your baby, who probably doesn’t care at all. (Leaving when a toddler/preschooler is still asleep is a very different story.) Everything will get easier once it becomes routine, I promise!

        Try exercising after the baby is in bed at night, if you can. Mornings are hard when you’re breast-feeding because engorgement, baby waking up hungry, feeling like your time with him in the morning is already limited. I have good success with nursing and then heading to the gym while husband finishes bedtime. I prefer morning workouts, but you take what you can get at this point, and I don’t “miss out” on pleasant awake kid time (if kiddo doesn’t want to adhere to bedtime, I’m happy to miss an hour of that struggle!)

    • NewMomAnon says

      On pumping: buy a lot of bottles. For some reason, we felt like we couldn’t “afford” to buy a lot of bottles, and every day turned into a juggling act of pouring milk into bags, from bags to bottles, washing the bottles we had, stressing if a bottle didn’t come back from daycare, etc. Depending on the size of the bottles you’re using, you probably need to plan for 3-4 bottles left at home for baby on any given day and 3-6 bottles for pumping each day. Try to have at least two to three times that number so you don’t have to scramble to wash everything, every night.

      Get an extra set of pump parts. If you can afford it, get an extra pump so you have one at home and one that never leaves the office.

      If you can pump and work at the same time, try to do that. I used to pump while on conference calls, while doing client research, drafting memos, or admin-y things (billing, entering time, etc).

      And finally – don’t be hesitant to cut back to 2 times a day. I actually produced as much milk pumping twice a day as I had at three times a day, and that extra 20-30 minutes (plus 10 minutes to clean up) was a godsend. Sometimes I did a supplemental pump at night after baby went to bed just to get a few more ounces, but I wish I had been more open to formula.

      • Em says

        +1 to the extra pump parts and extra set of bottles. All of these cost me about $40 and made my life exponentially better.

    • lsw says

      Thanks so much, everyone! I really appreciate your thoughts and definitely going to try a few pumping tips…

  5. Anon says

    What questions do you wish you’d asked before taking your job? I think I’m going to get an offer to move in house from my firm and I’m not sure what else I should be asking about.

    Also, any suggestions for offer negotiations? Firm bonuses come out in December, but I think I’d have moved by then.

    • PhilanthropyGirl says

      One of my favorite suggestions I found was to ask what happens to new ideas (plans for projects, ideas for streamlining, whatever suits for your intended role). I’m an idea person and I wish I would have asked what the procedure is for implementing new ideas. I’ve been frustrated by lack of buy in, or even channels, to implement ideas across departments – and it’s one of the many reasons I’ve been looking for a new position. Any new ideas I have that require cross-departmental cooperation are DOA because although I was promised “teamwork” – I didn’t have a clear picture of what that looked like.

      This is the question I now ask anywhere I interview. If I get lots of hedging or uncertain responses, I know I’m going to end up frustrated. It’s a pretty clear indicator that initiative and change aren’t welcome, and that isn’t a good environment for me.

    • Betty says

      I would ask what a typical day is like, what the busy seasons are, and what the GC views as the role of the legal department.

      For offer negotiations: Look at the full package of compensation, to include: the health insurance premium, deductible, copays, etc.; number of vacation days and holidays; whether there is separate sick time; and whether there is a 401k match. In terms of the actually negotiating, the best advice I have received (which I received here) was to make your counter offer and then stop talking. Do not feel the need to fill the empty silence or to justify. It is so hard to do, but works beautifully.

  6. Vaccines says

    Help! I recently learned that a close family member stopped vaccinating at least one of her children ( her one and half year -old) She “didn’t like his reaction” to his lates shots and she mentioned that he can’t go to daycare anymore. I find this so shocking and selfish; I truly believe it’s abhorrent and dangerous not to vaccinate your children. But this woman was/ is someone who I respected as a mom. She was my go-to for non-judgmental solid advice. Her husband is like a brother to me and I love her children. Lately, she’s been looking to spend more and more time with us which I thought was great until she recently confided that her closest friend had stopped speaking to her because of the above.
    Is it safe for my 5 month old to be around her kids? If so, do I draw a line in the sand and spend less time with her on principle? She’s really reluctant to discuss the details so I don’t know where to start.

    • Spirograph says

      Eh, a bad reaction is a better reason not to vaccinate than “because vaccines cause autism” or some other objectively false statement. But clearly it wasn’t a bad reaction in a clinical sense, because then the kid could be medically exempt and still go to daycare. It’s sad that the other friend stopped contact over this. I have a similarly militant pro-vaccine friend, and although I also think it’s selfish and stupid not to vaccinate kids, I think she takes it a little too far.

      Talk to your pediatrician if you’re worried, but I’d say yes, it’s safe for your child to be around hers. Wait til after the MMR series is started if you want to be overly cautious, but unless the kids have symptoms and/or you live in an area with low vaccination rates, I don’t think it’s a reason to withhold normal contact. This is obviously a hill people die on, so unless she acts like the topic is up for discussion, I wouldn’t get into it with her if you want to maintain the friendship.

      • MDMom says

        I think this is probably accurate in terms of risk, but I think it’s worth asking pediatrician about since your baby is so small. If her kid got 18 month shots, he had most of the major ones anyway. (If she just stopped vaccinating, he is caught up currently but will fall behind soon?). I think it’s fair to ask her when exactly she stopped and talk to your doc and evaluate the risk. I think you can ask all of those questions without expressing judgment if that’s how you want to approach it.

        I think you should separate out the ideas of risk and the principle of disagreeing with her, and be clear in your own mind what the basis of your decision is. (If it’s based on risk, for instance, the reason she stopped vaccinating is irrelevant).

        You say this woman is a close family member so if you decide to avoid based on principle alone, you just have to consider whether family fallout is worth it. My feelings about it aren’t as strong as it seems yours are, so my opinion may not be that useful. I think it’s stupid not to vaccinate, but I have empathy for people who make that choice because I think they generally are genuinely trying to do right by their kids, even if their judgment is off. So I wouldn’t make a stand on principle alone unless they were trying to lecture me about toxins and vaccine conspiracies. I have no patience for proselytizing. I also think you may be better able to influence her back to your way of thinking by taking a softer, more sympathetic approach than by essentially cutting off the relationship.

    • Anon says

      I would avoid. Your child is not fully protected at this age until they finish the full course of vaccinations for each disease. Her child is much more likely to be a carrier even if not sick. And if she has those views, I would suspect that she may be hanging around other non-vaxxers which will also increase the risk of infection. (I’d also stop associating with her on principle in addition to the medical risk – but that’s a personal view and I won’t try to convince you on that).

      If the collective weight of every single western public health agency is not enough to convince her that vaccinations are safe, I’m thinking that engaging with on the topic won’t help but if you need help on that front post back and I can recommend some stuff. (referencing western here only because I use USA, EU, Canada, Australia – I don’t know vaxx stuff in other places)

      • avocado says

        I would avoid in-person contact with her and her family for safety reasons, even after your child’s vaccinations are complete (vaccines do not confer 100% immunity, and there have been some documented cases of children contracting illnesses for which they were vaccinated).

        One of the most stressful experiences of my life was the time my child was hospitalized for pneumonia. This had nothing to do with vaccines, but measles would be just as scary. No. Just no.

        • Em says

          I’m going to co-sign this. Vaccinations are something I take pretty seriously, though. Personally, I would avoid in-person contact with her and her family. I wouldn’t make a big thing of it, but if she called me on it I would tell her that the anti-vaxx issue was the reason they hadn’t seen us, and why they wouldn’t be seeing us in the future.

    • Anonymous says

      I would not consciously let my 5-mo around a kid that wasn’t vaccinated. Not worth the risk. Maybe if he were an older, vaccinated kid, but honestly I would probably stop being friends with that person. I am generally pretty chill, but I will admit to being judgmental about parents who don’t vaccinate their kids (if you can even call allowing their kids and other people to be put at risk for irrational reasons “judgmental”). If you are close with her, maybe try harder to figure out what is going on — maybe her kid did have a serious reaction? In any case, if it were my 5-mo, I would say no hanging out at least till he’s been sufficiently fully vaccinated.

    • Two Cents says

      Absolutely not! I would not risk it with a 5 month old child. And if your family member is a good friend she will understand.

    • RDC says

      Personally, I would not be willing for my kid to spend time with her kids until after the 1 yr mark when my kid got the measles vaccine. But I think it’s totally a personal call. You would probably hear in the news if there were a measles breakout or similar (and could cancel any plans to see them) so if you do choose to see them rationally the risk is probably pretty low.

      Could you hang out with just the mom for now (kid-free) to reduce risk of exposure? You might also ask your pediatrician about how high the risk is.

      • Anonymous says

        Also varies based on vaccination schedule. Our area is MMR at 18months and at 4 years. You’re not considered full vaccinated and you’re still relying on herd immunity until after 4 years old.

    • RR says

      I would absolutely avoid. Particularly with a 5 month old who is too young to have received a lot of vaccines that a 1.5 year old would have received.

      There’s also something to me that smacks of bad judgment and selfishness that makes me wonder how far she would take it otherwise. I would not have respect for her and would struggle to continue the friendship.

      • Vaccines says

        Ugh yes. Your whole second paragraph is why my stomach hurts. I must be a horrible mom because it upsets me on a moral level more than anything.

        • RR says

          Agree totally. It says “I put my child above the greater good or the health of your child” I wonder what other decisions would flow from that.

          • Vaccines says

            Agreed. It says ” I’m willing to teach my child to value his comfort over the lives of others”

    • Vaccines says

      Thanks all. This is really hard bc I don’t like to think of myself as paranoid or hysterical. She’s one of the few people in my life who never judged me for not nursing and now I feel horrible to have to shut her out.

      As an aside, how do people deal with this? Do I need to ask all my mom friends what the deal is with their kids’ vaccinations? Bc this woman made a huge deal of being candid about her kids being a week post -coxackie but never mentioned the vaccines. What’s the protocol here?

      • Anonymous says

        I assume people vaccinate unless told otherwise but I’m in an area with good herd immunity and limited anti-vaxxers. If I was in an area without herd immunity or had immuno- compromised relatives/friends I’d probably ask.

        I noticed you said “She’s really reluctant to discuss the details so I don’t know where to start.” I don’t think that’s her being a very good friend because she’s not providing you specific information on which specific vaccinations she will be foregoing so you can assess risk for yourself. She’s deciding something is risky for her child, but the consequence of that is expecting your child to assume additional risk and it’s not fair of her to shut down any discussions and expect your to accept her judgment for your child.

        If you do want to save the friendship, maybe try “I really value our friendship but I don’t feel comfortable spending time together without appropriate vaccinations. Can you tell me if you change your mind on vaccinations or if I can provide you information to help reconsider your decision as I will miss our time together.”

      • SC says

        It’s a fine line, but I think you can non-judgmentally set a boundary. If you need to speak to her about it, you can say (a) you respect her right as a parent to decide these things for her own children, (b) your choice as a mom is to not intentionally expose your child to unvaccinated children (if applicable, at least until X date), and (c) you hope to be able to see her one-on-one or for adult-only family events, or just to talk/text/keep up on Facebook.

        I don’t specifically ask other moms about vaccinations. I know that our daycare requires vaccinations unless there’s a medical exemption, and many of our family members send their kids to the same daycare. Also, our pediatrician’s office requires vaccines unless there’s a medical exemption, and I know that most of our family and friend group go to that office and see the same doctor, who’s a family friend. I know one mom who doesn’t vaccinate (she’s convinced that vaccinations caused her son’s autism, but she also has a newborn now), but she’s very vocal about it.

      • Spirograph says

        I apparently am a little more lenient than others here, but I don’t ask individual parents. I asked my daycare whether vaccine exemptions are permitted (they are not, absent a documented allergy, I’m pretty sure this is a licensing requirement). I would ask in any situation with extended close contact, eg nanny share, a joint vacation, whatever. But for an occasional playdate? For all I know, the random kid my kids start playing with in the church nursery or on the playground could be unvaccinated; I’m not going to vet every playmate, because I accept that the risk of disease will never be 0%. The risk is low for occasional contact with any individual unvaccinated child in an otherwise healthy community. I would, however, avoid moving to an area with low vaccination rates overall.

        I do kind of float test balloons with close friends whose families I see often. “Oh, kiddo had shots at the dr today, so might be grumpy. Did that happen with your kids?” All of them are vaccinated, to my knowledge. I am kind of glad my anti-vax SIL lives really far away, so it hasn’t been an issue with her kids yet. Not sure how I’ll handle it if her pipe dream of a big family trip materializes in the next year or two.

        It’s a shame this is even A Thing. How a subset of the population can just say “thanks but no thanks” to proven medicine is beyond me.

        • Spirograph says

          On a side note, I did not know about congenital rubella syndrome until recently when I read about it in the context of future support for zika-affected children. I really, really hope that we don’t see a spike in that 20 years from now when the victims of this anti-vax generation start having kids of their own. I can’t imagine the heartbreak of a mother and grandparents knowing their willful ignorance (“oh whatever, measles, mumps rubella, just make you miserable for a few days”) was responsible for that.

        • Vaccines says

          Thanks! They live two blocks away and I see them at least weekly. Sigh, I think I’ll have to have a conversation about it.

    • NewMomAnon says

      So, a different thought – is your friend struggling with something else? My daughter had strong “reactions” to her first few sets of vaccinesl she popped a fever, cried inconsolably, and arched her back for an hour or two. It was sad and scary, but she was completely fine within 12 hours. I, however, dwelled on the reactions for weeks (months?) afterward and nearly convinced myself to opt out of the next set of vaccines, opt out of daycare, and live off grid. In retrospect, it was a crazy response to a relatively isolated incident. And, also in retrospect, it was because I had PPD.

      So I’m just saying – if there is a way you can reach out with empathy, please do. Although I think the autism anti-vaxxers are a little nuts, I see this as way more out there – if her child had a reaction that didn’t rise to the level of a medical exemption, then she is actually choosing to risk measles/mumps/polio, etc instead of comforting her child through a day of moderate discomfort. IMO, that is not the risk calculus of a healthy, rational parent.

      • Anonymous says

        This is a great comment. Definitely shows how mental health issues can impact our perceptions of totally normal events.

  7. Em says

    Would you get a 15-month old his own seat on an airplane for a 7-hour flight (each way)? Ticket would cost an additional $400 if it makes a difference.

    • Jen says

      Yes. I don’t know your kid, but 7 hours each way is a lot for even a well behaved lap baby. My kid got her own seat after 9’mos because she needed space to play, or at minimum, sleep in her car seat. Around 15 mos or so we stopped bringing the car seat on so she could just play in the seat. She napped
      Snuggled up on the seat.

      • Jen says

        This obviously also assumes you could afford $400. If this were a funeral or something and you just *had* to make it work, then you could make it work. But it will be miserable. This goes triple of its just you and the kid (vs you and another adult and kid).

    • Anonymous says

      Depends on the seating arrangements. If 2-4-2 across then no because it will be easier if you have the two seat together vs. one parent across the aisle. If 3-3 across then yes because it will be much more comfortable for everyone if you have the three seats to yourselves – put baby in the middle.

    • Pigpen's Mama says

      Assuming you can afford the $400, without a doubt, yes. If it was a shorter trip and your kid hated hid/her car seat, then maybe not, but even if your kid hates the car seat the extra space will make it so much easier.

    • Anonymous says

      Yes. At least my 15 month olds were too big and too wiggle-y for me to even consider holding them for so long. Even if he/she ends up on your lap a lot of the time, the extra space will be nice. If you’re traveling with another adult, the difference between having a whole 3-seat row for your party vs having 2 adults, one stranger, and a toddler is HUGE, mentally and physically.

    • Anon in NYC says

      I would. We traveled when my daughter was 9 months and we got her her own seat. I think we could have gotten away with a lap infant then. We have an upcoming trip and at first decided to not purchase her a seat, but at 16 months, she is mobile and big and a handful, and we purchased a seat for her. We just couldn’t have her sitting on our laps for a 5 hour flight!

    • Em says

      Thanks everyone! I was leaning toward getting the extra ticket but wanted to doublecheck it wouldn’t be a waste of money.

    • pockets says

      my husband and I had the great idea to go on a trip right before our daughter turned two to avoid having to buy her a seat. As soon as I got on a plane I realized that this was the worst idea I’d ever had. We got lucky and there was an empty seat behind us and we asked/guilted the people behind us into switching rows with us, but it would have been a disaster without that seat.

    • What about a 21 month old for an almost 5 hour flight says

      Saw this question and was recently wondering the same thing. We’re about to buy plane tickets for an upcoming trip and I was hoping to avoid buying a seat for my son. Does anyone think the advice changes for a 4-5 hour flight for a slightly older child (he’ll be almost 22 months old then) that is likely to happily play games/watch a movie on an ipad? $400-500 is real money for us, and I tend to think he’ll be old enough to sit still in our laps and play games for awhile, but maybe that’s foolish of me? He’s a very snuggly/cuddly child now, but this trip is a couple months from now.

      • Anonymous says

        You’ll be fine. Throw in a little walking around and standing on your lap to watch the flight attendants serve food/drinks and it’ll be fine.

        Signed, survived 2 overnight flights with 18 month old twins on our laps + preschooler.

  8. Surviving life? says

    Advice needed on making the two working parents thing work…. I’m heading back to work (in a new job) in a few weeks after being home with my 10 month old since he was born. We’ve also recently moved across the country and are no longer near any family, and my husband is about six months in to a new job. DS is already going to daycare part time and will ramp up to full time, so that’s squared away, but I’m looking for advice on making the practical day-to-day run as smoothly as possible. Especially for those of you not near family, how do you figure out managing a sick kid, back up care, etc.? I’m really happy to be going back to work, but we’ve been in a 1950s marriage for a while now and I’m nervous about trying to rebalance everything.

    • Anonymous says

      Have a serious discussion with your husband about how to organize your life and how things are going to change. You guys are a team and need to work together on this. Make sure it is clear who is in charge of what. Plan, plan, plan. Autoship supplies from Amazon. Plan week’s meals and cook on the weekends. Etc.

      I don’t think there is a secret to the backup care thing — it’s so hard. My husband’s job has a Bright Horizons (backup childcare benefit), so we can hire a back-up babysitter if kiddo is sick enough to stay home but not so sick that he needs his parents. Mostly we just realize that impromptu juggling is a (stressful) part of our life.

      Depending on how intense your work commitments are and what you can afford, outsource. Particularly cleaning!

      Focus on what can make you more efficient and effective at work and maximize quality time with the kids. Nobody remembers or cares how messy your house is or that you eat scrambled eggs for dinner.

    • Pigpen's Mama says

      On a day to day basis, carve out areas of responsibility and avoid responsibility creep (e.g., H is in charge of getting baby ready and dropped off at daycare, you’re in charge of pickup and feeding baby dinner). We still struggle with this.

      For sick days — that’s actually been better addressed. Usually I can move my schedule around/work around a tired sick kid, but on the rare days I absolutely cannot be default parent, I give my husband a heads up, especially if it looks like kiddo will be getting sick (Murphy’s law).

      When she is sick, one thing we’ll do is divide up the day — one of us goes in early, works til ~ lunch time and then goes home and the other goes in and works a little late.

      Also, take a look at your daycare sick policy — some of them require another full day out if kiddo is sent home with a fever/vomiting — so you can end up losing two days out of work, even if your child is feeling fine. I now go with my gut (after ignoring it twice and having to do a pre-lunch daycare pickup)– if she’s looking/acting off kilter, even though she doesn’t have a fever, and I can, I’ll keep her home and work during naptime. Usually she’s fine the next day, so I’ve only missed one day in the office.

      As for backup care — our backup care won’t take kids who are actively sick (fever, vomiting — which makes sense) — so while they could be used for that recovery day, they won’t be helpful the day of. Also, they may require more than a few hours lead time.

    • LSC says

      Line up and interivew back up babysitters now and have a plan for if your kiddo can’t go to daycare. You will thank yourself for having a list of resources when the time comes.

    • CPA Lady says

      Agree x1,000,000 to the discuss up front thing. My husband and I tend to sometimes get into a pattern of not dealing with a nagging problem until it has escalated to the point where one of us is about to flip our lid. I think its because we are both pretty laid back about some things, so we both brush stuff off that we shouldn’t and then it Becomes A Thing.

      Important things to discuss: who is going to pick up and drop off kid? Who is going to do morning getting ready routine? Who is going to do bedtime? Assigning particular tasks has been very helpful for us. For example, I do morning routine, pick up and drop offs by myself. He does bedtime routine and plans and cooks dinner every night. I have a much more flexible schedule and the ability to work from home, so I pick up our daughter pretty much every time she gets sick. His schedule is rigid and he cant work from home, but he gets off work at 3:30, so he can come home in time to cook dinner. We play to our strengths and the strengths and constraints of our jobs. Also, something that did not occur to me until very recently is that routines change as your kid gets older. If a routine that was working when your kid is a baby stops working, don’t force it. Figure out something that works better.

      Also, this may be easier said that done, but don’t let perfectionist ideas about parenting the one right way (whatever that way is to you) get in the way of your sanity. I usually let my kid watch 10 minutes of youtube videos in the morning when I’m getting ready. Is that being a “perfect” mom? Nope! Does it make the morning go a billion times more smoothly? Yep! I never pumped at work, just formula during the day and nursed morning and evening. Is that being a “perfect” mom? Nope! Did it make my life infinitely better? Yep! I think its terrible for your mental health to expect to be able to parent like a SAHM and work like a childless woman. Something has to give. Let it be your unrealistic expectations rather than your mental health.

      • MDMom says

        “I think its terrible for your mental health to expect to be able to parent like a SAHM and work like a childless woman.”

        This is such a good way of expressing it.

        • Anon in NOVA says

          That really sums up the expectations placed on us though, doesn’t it? Very well-said

    • Anonymous says

      Can DH be off the week you go back? And do the 1950s stuff for a week. I find that’s one of the quickest ways to reset a relationship. Avoid responsibility for both drop off and pick up if possible. Clearly and expressly divide all kid related duties (picking out clothes, checking daycare notes, laundry etc)

      • Surviving life? says

        I would love this. LOVE it. I agree, it would be optimal. Unfortunately, DH needs to be on-call for travel right as I’m going back to work. But I think probably trying to do that at some point soon needs to happen.

    • pockets says

      This may seem obvious, but it took us months to figure this out: the parent doing dropoff gets ready while the other parent gets the kid ready/entertains the kid until it’s time to leave; once the kid and the dropping off parent are out the door, the other parent gets ready and leaves.

      • Anonymous says

        In my family, we both get ready before LO wakes up. I wake her, put her in DH’s car, and DH does drop off. We leave at the same time.

    • H says

      What everyone said is good. I don’t really have anything to add except that neither of you are mind readers so if you need help, speak up!

  9. Bored baby says

    Ladies,
    Suggestions for toys for a 10-month-old? She is bored on the weekends and I’m lost. She’s not up to stacking blocks or doing the simple fit-it-in-the-hole puzzles yet, but she is bored of “tasting”, rattling, and slamming her toys. What’s the in between stage? Our favorite activities right now are raspberry blowing contests and anything involving clapping. But I am sick of those! Please help.

    • ER says

      Have you tried lift the flap books like where’s spot? Mine also (but maybe unusually) loved to take things out of a box, then put things back in the box, then repeat.

    • Anonymous says

      How does she do with object permanence? Peekaboo, tents, play tunnels, object permanence boxes are good options. Clapping and banging are good prep for percussion toys and playing. Is she ready for an activity cube? Or if she’s cruising you can put Cheerios or puffs around the furniture and let her get them.

ABOUT

WORK WITH US

SERIOUS STUFF