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Nursing pads: yea or nay? Did anyone find any good ones you like? I somehow don’t remember leakage being a problem at all during my first son’s infancy — but then, your first kid often feels a bit like that old Talking Heads song, Life During Wartime — a wet shirt may be low on your priority list. Still, when my second son came along, I definitely noticed I needed them, and while I had some disposable ones I liked, I did my best to find reusable, washable ones. I personally didn’t like any of the ones I tried (they either showed or leaked through!), but I don’t think these (pictured) were available then — and wow are they highly rated on Amazon. There are 625 positive (really positive!) reviews, plus selfies from customers happy with how they don’t show through. Nice. They’re $15 at Amazon. Organic Bamboo Nursing Pads (10 Pack) With Laundry Bag by Baby Zeli – Ultra Soft, Reusable, Hypoallergenic, Washable Breastfeeding Pads
(L-all)
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- The concept of “backup care” is so stupid…
- I need tips on managing employees in BigLaw who have to leave for daycare pickup…
- I’m thinking of leaning out to spend more time with my family – how can I find the perfect job for that?
- I’m now a SAHM and my husband needs to step up…
- How can I change my thinking to better recognize some of my husband’s contributions as important, like organizing the shed?
- What are your tips to having a good weekend with kids, especially with little kids? Do you have a set routine or plan?
Rabumba says
I’ve really been struggling lately with feeling like I’m an actual person, not just a mom and an employee. I tell myself after my son is a little bit older (he’s 11 months old now) I’ll have time to do more things that keep me feeling like an interesting person, instead of focusing so much on him and my job at the expense of everything else I used to be interested in and do. How do you ladies try to incorporate who you were before you had kids into who you are after you had kids?
Anonymous says
Combination of two things:
1. carving out tiny amount of me time every week – like a yoga class after the kids go to bed. Not my favorite class or studio but I don’t miss time with them (personal choice -no judgment on if you stick with your fav class). Or monthly brunch on saturday morning with a couple girlfriends.
2. involving the kids in activities we liked to do before we had kids – like take the kids for short hikes most weekends (sometimes hike in just an hour and we only go like 2 km – sometimes it’s 3 hours and kids are happy in carriers most of the time), or i’ll take my oldest to a mommy and me yoga class or trips to the library where everyone picks out books.
PhilanthropyGirl says
Following this. I feel like right now I’m employee, mother, wife in that order – and that being an actual “me” in the midst of it all is so hard. By the time I’ve finished being those three things, I crawl into bed too exhausted to do much more than pick up a mindless book for a few minutes before I fall asleep.
I’ve tried to implement self care – I’ve been working with a doctor on some hormonal things, and have been more diligent in watching what I eat and trying to get some exercise. I’ve maintained my contract with a local community orchestra (I was a classical musician in a past life), and if I’m lucky once a week I pick up a quilt to work on. But I miss reading things that actually stretched my brain, and I don’t have time or energy for things like photography, gardening, writing, baking, or travel.
Honestly, it was easier when PhilanthropyBaby was an infant. I had a good sleeper and I could cuddle him on the couch while reading a novel, or writing an essay, or pop in him a carrier for a walk or to stroll through an antique store. Now that he’s older, he saps more of my energy because he’s go-go-go all the time. Maybe when he’s four or five and can entertain himself better without unrolling all the toilet paper, eating the cat food or throwing everything he owns down the basement stairs? I hate living in this place of “maybe later” – but I also recognize that committing to being a mom means a certain level of self-sacrifice.
I’ve been trying to come to peace with “who I am now” – someone I recognize is totally different from who I was when I got married or finished college. Motherhood, for me, has become a process of self-discovery as my priorities shift and realign. I think as you progress down the path of motherhood, you will find ways to incorporate who you were before kids into who you are now. Those things about you haven’t changed, but your priorities have shifted – taking time to determine if you’re content with how they’ve been rearranged, and then purposefully shifting them again to satisfy you is probably the best way to stay in touch with yourself.
Anon for this says
Do you feel like you exercise and eat healthy for you? I feel like the pressure to exercise and eat healthy is to meet a societal standard of beauty and to look good for my husband – even though he puts no pressure on me to do that. Eating healthy and exercising feels just like another chore to me instead of self care and I’ve come to resent it. I generally eat healthy anyway but when I’m doing something for me, I go for a walk not a run. Going on a run just feels like what I’m supposed to be doing. Maybe I’m cutting off my nose to spite my face. I just keep asking myself whether I really did enjoy exercise before or if I just convinced myself I did because I was supposed to.
PhilanthropyGirl says
I hate dieting and exercise – and at a pretty puffy size 18W, I’ve long since given up on achieving any societal standards. But I’ve also learned that without a decent diet and some exercise, I don’t have the energy I need to do the things I want. Through a very dark patch in life, I learned that self-care is not always doing what feels good in the moment, but doing what will get me what I want in the long run. A decent diet and a little physical activity means more energy not only for my child but for my own things as well.
My exercise is typically a brisk 20 minute walk to take my toddler to the park. It doesn’t happen every day, but it is something I enjoy. I’m not a diet, but I’ve reigned in portion sizes, cut back my sugar intake and cut out most fried foods (about 85% of the time). I do it because it honestly feels better to exert a modicum of control over those areas of my life.
So, I guess the answer is yes – I do exercise (moderately) and eat healthy (mostly) for me. I would be doing it very differently if it were for anyone else. And I would be hating and resenting every second of it.
Anon for this says
Thanks. This is going in my journal tonight:
“Through a very dark patch in life, I learned that self-care is not always doing what feels good in the moment, but doing what will get me what I want in the long run.”
PhilanthropyGirl says
Wishing you all the best – the struggle is real.
Sarabeth says
I know it’s too late. But FWIW – I like exercise now. Why? Because I’m no longer using exercise to try to get thinner or lose weight. I’ve just resigned myself to the fact that I’ll be fat forever – but whatever! Who cares? I exercise because it makes me feel strong and healthy, with energy and the capability to do what I want. Abandoning the notion that exercise will help me be thin is the best thing I’ve ever done for myself.
Anon for this says
@Sarabeth – I saw your reply. Thanks.
MDMom says
Personally, I have trouble getting motivated to exercise for superficial reasons (it feels. as you say, like a chore). This is why I don’t run- not saying no one enjoys running, just that I personally don’t. Ive also never been able to get into one of those lose x in 30 days type programs. But I really love strength training/weight lifting. I love the way I feel strong afterwards. Last week I discovered I can do a chin-up now, for the first time ever, and I was seriously on a high for days from it. It is now completely something I do just for me and I relish that aspect too. So, I think the key is finding the kind of exercise that clicks for you and doesn’t feel like such a chore- it could be yoga or dance or running or hiking or tai-chi or tennis etc. Something that leaves you feeling like you can takeover the world. And make that your main exercise.
Anon in NYC says
I agree with finding something that you like. I actually enjoy exercising, and pre-baby I exercised a lot. Post-baby I can’t really get back to that schedule, so I’ve lowered my expectations, but try to do things that I really want to do. I *hate* running, so I don’t do it. I think the key to exercise is to find things that you enjoy and also to just think of any movement as good. My long walk and chasing my toddler around the playground on weekends count just as much as my 30 minutes in the gym.
ChiLaw says
Yes. I hate exercising for a lot of reasons: I don’t like to sweat or to be sweaty; I don’t like to be hot and uncomfortable; my mind wanders to the other things I could be doing; I hate doing things I am ‘bad’ at, etc. BUT if I find something appropriately encompassing (for me it’s group exercise classes with loud noises and constant movement), afterward (once I’ve showered) I feel strong and just *good* in my body. And I say this as someone who is and has every intention of remaining fat.
Anonymous says
That’s a really tough time. I remember feeling the same way, and I know this doesn’t help much but it does get better. It’s tough to get out there and do stuff with an 11 month old- they want to run off and you feel like even at family events etc. you’re off to the side bent over following them around to make sure they don’t fall into something! I honestly think all parents struggle with this to some extent. Some things I found helpful:
1. have people over to your home, and try to talk about non-baby stuff. I found it helpful to have one of my childless friends over and try to focus on them-and our adult conversation-over coffee/muffins or whatever. It’s tough with a little one around, but they won’t suffer long-term damage if you are handing them things to keep them occupied and redirecting them away from demanding 100% of your attention while you talk to a friend for an hour. This is cheaper than trying to meet friends out at restaurants all the time, more cozy, and your own home as the infrastructure in place to support the lil’ one being on the go (gates, toys, etc.)
2. This will largely depend on the amount of support you have in place, but consider volunteering? I joined Moms Demand Action for gun sense, for example. Maybe you can canvass or work a phone bank for your favorite candidate, etc. This isn’t exactly stuff I loved doing before I had a child, but it is nice to get out there and speak with other adults about something besides work/your child.
3. Make an effort to attend things. You stop getting invited if you never attend. Sometimes you have to be a friend to have a friend, and that means going to get an after work drink to listen to your coworker/friend complain, or attend so-and-so’s retirement happy hour, even when you’d rather be home.
It’s tough, especially depending on your level of support for things like childcare outside of work hours. At the very least, read articles on things you’re passionate about, find a new favorite author and read some books, things you can do from home that are all about you.
If you have a partner, maybe designate one night a week for each of you to have to yourselves. I have a friend who does this with her husband. For example, Wednesdays are one parent’s night and Thursday is the other parent’s alone night. This forces them to get out of the house and meet up with people, run a personal errand, whatever at least one night a week. This also allows the other some one-on-one time with the child. Having it pre-assigned seems to work best for their particular relationship. Also, it’s easier for the rest of us to include her in things. we know which night is “her night” and try to schedule around that.
I hope at least something in here helps. Hang in there!!
CPA Lady says
I think the end of the first year/beginning of the second year is really hard. It was really hard for me, at least. It was when the fog and adrenaline had cleared enough that I could really see how different my life was. I couldn’t be in denial anymore about how things were different because I had a new baby. The baby was no longer new.
For me, there were a few things that helped:
Time- this is the biggest one. Unfortunately. But my kid is 2 now, and I’m starting to feel a lot more like myself. And it’s getting much easier to do stuff with her too. Somewhere around 20 months is when it started to get noticeably easier for me.
Dressing as I always had– This has been an ongoing process, slowly but surely getting back to my pre-baby style. I just don’t buy it that everything I own needs to be machine washable and functional-above-all-else now that I’m a mom.
Spending time with my buddies — this has already been covered. Just try really hard to make it a point to spend time with friends.
Taking time off work to do a hobby — Not just taking time off work to spend time with my family. I spend time with my family every day, but rarely do I get time to myself to do something I want to do. I used to love doing DIY projects on my house. So now I occasionally will take a couple of days off to do something to the house. I love it.
Anonymous says
“I couldn’t be in denial anymore about how things were different because I had a new baby. The baby was no longer new.”
THIS. Yes. So well said.
PhilanthropyGirl says
I’m so terrible at taking time off of work to do me things. I feel like every PTO day is spent sick, visiting family, or doing family things. Every holiday, every vacation: family things. Both my family and DH’s family live out of state, so our limited time and resources are spent with them.
The amount of guilt I would feel at taking a day off to go to a museum, visit a friend, go hiking by myself – I can’t even imagine.
I love your perspective that you spend time with family every day – it’s a helpful way to think about using some of that PTO time to do something just for me.
avocado says
The PTO thing is what gets me. I use up all of my PTO running errands, transporting the kid to summer day camps with weird hours, fixing the toilet, covering snow days, etc. I would love to take some time off just for me, but I don’t have enough PTO. (Today I am trying to work from home while sick with a fever so I don’t have to burn a day of PTO, with limited success.) I really resent it every year when fall rolls around, my husband realizes he has a ton of PTO left that he needs to use before he loses it at the end of the year, and he starts scheduling a bunch of days off to do whatever he wants.
Closet Redux says
Is it because your husband gets more PTO that you or that you are the one that ends up being responsible for all the errands? Either way it sounds like your husband should use some of his time to fix the toilet and cover snow days!
avocado says
Both, but mostly that I end up being responsible for all of the errands. We have had many conversations about it, and he constantly claims that he is willing to take up some of the slack, but then when the need arises he has Important Meetings that Cannot Be Missed.
Anonymous says
On the “Important Meetings that Cannot Be Missed” – I have a friend that solved this by trading on duty weeks. They alternate weeks and unless one parent is out of town, there’s no switching weeks (otherwise everything is an excuse to switch weeks). The ‘on’ parent for that week is responsible for dealing with illness/snowdays/early pick up/toilet emergency/whatever. If they have a ‘very important meeting’ then they are responsible for arranging alternate childcare. If daycare/school calls the off duty parent – they just tell them to call the other parent.
She actually had to ignore phone calls a few times from her DH the first few weeks but after that he got the message.
Meg Murry says
Or on the same thread for “Important Meetings that Cannot Be Missed” – can you ask him to handle the things that don’t have an explicit “must be done on day X” but rather “must be done in this time frame”? For instance, the kid needs to get their teeth cleaned or a well child visit sometime within the month of November, but leave it up to him to schedule it, etc. Or you could do what I do, which is schedule it far in advance (weeks/months), remind my husband about it when it’s coming up (we go over our schedule for the next week or two at least once a week), and then if he says “Oh no, I can’t take kid on Tuesday, I have big important meeting” I don’t offer to step in and save him, I just say “the appointment details including the office phone number are in your calendar. If you can’t take the kid on Tuesday, call and reschedule for when you can.” Same thing with asking my husband to handle things like taking the car for an oil change, etc.
That said, it gets SO much easier once they stop having so many random illnesses and multiple well child checkups in a year. Once you get down to one check-up, 2 dental visits, 1 eye doctor visit plus only 1-2 random illnesses a year it really does feel freeing.
It seems petty, but I keep my PTO days (and reasons) in my work calendar, and they are color coded. If your husband really has PTO to spare at the end of the year, can you show him your calendar with how many PTO days you’ve used for family stuff, and ask him to
1) Step up next year to take more PTO, perhaps at least for the pre-planned daycare closing, etc
2) Ask him to take at least some part of those end of the year PTO days to do something beneficial for the household/family such as: spend the morning fixing XYZ and then take the afternoon to go see a movie; take one of those days to finish up holiday shopping or present wrapping for his family; etc?
CPA Lady says
Oh, I’m not talking about taking a bunch of time to do hobbies. I mean a couple days a year. I don’t feel guilty about taking care of myself. When I take care of myself, I can take better care of others.
Also, are you sure the feeling you would have is guilt? Or maybe something closer to gleeful, unbridled joy? Where you walk through your empty quiet house laughing hysterically? And then go get fancy coffee for yourself? And then browse Lowes alone? And then buy paint and a brand new paintbrush, and by the end of the day you are zen blissful and your tiny bathroom has a fresh coat of paint that you applied while listening to the Rocky Horror soundtrack and dramatically singing along? Or is that just me?
Seriously, you have to try it. It’s best to take a Friday, that way you feel like you’ve had a really long weekend.
Anonymous says
Are you still nursing? For me, weaning was bittersweet, the sweet part being getting control over my body back, which helped…
Anon in NYC says
Yes, I felt a noticeable difference when I started reducing my pumping schedule, and then again when I started dropping nursing sessions.
HSAL says
The first time I felt like “me” again was at 7 months when I had a two day work trip out of town where I didn’t have to be constantly thinking about Baby HSAL. Getting away was amazing, even with the mom guilt I got from some of my coworkers. I second the suggestions for “me time.” Baby HSAL turns one on Thursday and I’m taking the day off work for a massage and a pedicure. I did all the work, she just showed up at the end. :)
PhilanthropyGirl says
Thanks for this. I have a two day conference coming up, and it will be my first out of town trip alone. I was dreading leaving PhilanthropyBaby, and feeling guilty for leaving DH home alone with no break (he’s a SAHD). But especially after this thread I’m actually feeling a bit good about it. Maybe I can shop the mall without pushing a stroller or feeling rushed by someone else’s schedule.
HSAL says
Go to the mall, go to Lush and smell every.single.thing. It’s amazing.
PhilanthropyGirl says
Good plan!
LifeScienceMBA says
I second the “go to the mall without kid” suggestion. I have an 8 month old son, and went to the mall by myself last week for the first time since… 9 months??? It felt fantastic.
Also, I have a break from school this week (doing my MBA), and kiddo is in daycare for a few hours (less than full time). I just woke up after 2 h from what was planned as a 20 min nap in between cleaning the house and running errands. Can you tell sleep is much needed these days, lol?
SC says
It is hard. The key for me has been early bedtime. Kiddo goes to sleep around 6:30, 7 at the latest. Once he’s in bed, I have the evening to myself or with DH if he’s home. If I’m alone, I use that time to cook (which I enjoy, plus healthy meals, and things that I want to eat), to talk to friends on the phone, or to read. If DH is home, we cook and eat together, and after dinner, we usually watch a tv show or do something together. But lately, we’ve been compromising less and using that time to do what we really want to do separately–reading for me, video games or his own tv shows for him.
Also, I listen to history podcasts or audiobooks or other things that stimulate my brain during my commute and while I do housework or run errands. I’m a nerd, but learning something for its own sake helps me feel like “me.”
I also don’t really enjoy exercise, so I try to stay active with Kiddo. I walk him to school and take the long way home in the mornings if I have time, and I take him to the park on the weekends. I mentioned this earlier this week, but it also gives me a mental break from playing with toys and reading books, which I have a personal limit on. I’m also pretty active with housework and try to get in extra steps or small exercises between tasks.
Closet Redux says
How do you get your kiddo to bed that early? I don’t get home from work until 6, my husband has usually started dinner and we all eat together from around 6:30 to 7, then bathtime, brush, books, etc. at bedtime at 8. I can’t imagine bedtime being just a half hour or hour after I get home. How do you do it?
Anonymous says
I think they don’t eat together. She mentions cooking after baby is in bed.
We’ve always done a family dinner because that’s important to us (especially DH) and a later bedtime but I do miss the extra adult time in the evenings.
Anonymous says
Early bedtime is a big help for us, as well. My little one (or not so little) is 6 now, but still goes to bed around 7:15. My husband and I adjusted our schedules so that he can do morning dropoff and I can go in early and get out at 4 or 4:30. That way I can get little guy home, started on homework and snack etc.
This does mean that most nights we do not eat together as a family. We’ll sit down with him while he eats his dinner and discuss his day etc. , though.
LifeScienceMBA says
One thing that really helps is to try to spend some time with husband alone. This morning we went for breakfast after dropping kiddo off at daycare. Sometimes we do early dinner (like, 4pm dinner, in order to pick him up from daycare afterwards). It always feels good to reconnect.
SC says
My husband and I had to go to traffic court last week. It took less time than we planned, so we went to breakfast afterwards. It was so nice!
Chi Squared says
My just turned 3 yo has had some potty training setbacks in the past few weeks. We thought she was fully trained, and had been wearing underwear only and telling us she had to go on her own for almost a month. Then, while the nanny was feeding baby brother, 3 yo had a big pee accident in her room. Followed by a few more over the next week+, including one a few minutes after she told me she didn’t have to use the potty. I was brushing my teeth, and she ran in from the other room without pants on. She is back in pull ups for now, but I am worried at the sudden backslide. Any experience or advice?
avocado says
I can’t offer any tips specific to the backsliding, but when my daughter was newly potty-trained and we were worried about accidents, I would sometimes put her in a pull-up over underwear. I couldn’t find any plastic pants that didn’t leak, and I didn’t want to put her in just a pull-up because that would signal that it was okay to go in her pants. With the underwear under the pull-up, I figured she would at least feel the wetness.
Anonymous says
That’s a great idea. Filing that away in my brain in case I ever have another lil one :)
Anonymous says
I find the first six months after they toilet train is actually more work than diapers. You really have to keep on them with the constant reminders to try to pee and sit on the toilet. You have to remember when they went last, how much they drank and when they will probably have to go again. It’s very very common for toddlers to get distracted by what they are doing and forget to go pee until they have an accident because they can’t make it to the bathroom in time. I still have to keep after my 4 year old to try to pee before we leave the house.
Anon says
I have the most hard-headed 3 yo ever (no lie) and have found potty-training to be a huge chore for us, but I would really (really!) caution against going back in pull-ups. I know it’s tempting, but I think it’s the start of a big backslide to do it. I know it was for us. I think the most option (IME) is just to persevere through the accident phase. I would suggest you’re better off reverting to the timer method for a few days/weeks and see if that gets her back on track.
EB0220 says
I would agree that you shouldn’t go back to pull-ups. We just (kind of, mostly) potty trained my two year old. For the first week or so, I put a pull up or diaper over her underwear when we went somewhere public or in the car. Over this past weekend, she stayed overnight with grandparents. She had an accident, they put her in a diaper in the morning and then she really had trouble the rest of the day. Yesterday, back in undies, went to school and all was on track again. I would just not make a big deal of it. She may be wanting attention, not feeling well, distracted by play or any number of things.
Anon for this says
For the car or a friend’s couch, you can put a puppy pad under her. You can say it is in case she spills her drink if you are afraid it will embarrass her. I swear I should write a book, Everything I Learned About Parenting I Learned from Having a Dog.
Anon says
I would totally buy this :)
anon says
My son’s accidents tend to come in clumps – I have no idea why. And he will never admit to needing to go when he needs to go. Like this morning, after not going all night long, he said he didn’t need to pee. (Of course he did!) Honestly, he has small accidents – like wet spots on his pants, not pools of pee on the floor – ALL THE TIME. Almost daily I would say. Not sure if this is normal or not.
Anonymous says
My daughter is like this too. It’s like as she has gotten more confident about toilet training that she waits longer than she should to go to the bathroom – until the pee starts to leak a bit. It seems to come in bunches because once she does it a few times, we tend to watch her more closely with more reminders and checks about when she last went and then it gets betters, and we slack off and she forgets, and more accidents and the cycle starts again. Each cycle of accidents was shorter and further apart as she got older.
Toilet training is not necessarily less work than diapers. Just different.
Anonymous says
No one has said this yet so I’ll say it — make sure she doesn’t have a UTI. Saying she doesn’t have to pee and then having an accident shortly afterwards, or if she feels like she can’t get it all out when she goes, are symptoms of UTI.
AnonMN says
I love Bamboobies nursing pads. I have a whole collection because I’m a leaker.
By says
+1 for bamboobies! Amazon has a variety pack.
lucy stone says
These are a lifesaver! I’m also a leaker with an oversupply. I just ordered another box so I always have fresh ones clean.
AnonMN says
Yes! I have so many. My husband was like, this seems excessive. My reply: How about you walk around smelling like milk all day with wetness on your nipples? He then shut up about my “excessive” collection.
Sarabeth says
Same! The one thing I don’t like is that their outlines are sometimes visible under my shirt, if it’s thin enough, because I use nursing tanks rather than a more structured nursing bra. But way, way better than soaking my shirt multiple times a day.
(was) due in june says
I also wore these. I had the round ones for the beginning and then the heart ones (much thinner) for when things calmed down.
Anonymous says
Johnson’s disposable ones were my hands down favorite. Tried so many different reusable ones but I never found any that worked as well as the Johnson’s. At least the Johnson’s aren’t individually wrapped so disposable but slightly less packaging.
Anon in NYC says
I used the Lansinoh ones. They are individually wrapped, so it felt wasteful, but it was nice to be able to throw a few in various bags without worrying about cleanliness. Also, we don’t have a washing machine/dryer in our apartment so I couldn’t really deal with reusables.
Anonymous says
I used the lansinoh ones when I was tight on space like air travel but for day to day I just kept a ziploc sandwich baggie in the diaper bag to keep the pads in.
Meg Murry says
Its been a long time, but I was on team “disposable nursing pads, every single day”. I never leaked enough that I would have had truly embarrassing situation, but I was super paranoid that today would be the day that I got stuck in a long work meeting and wouldn’t be able to get away to pump in time.
Plus I had a couple of cases of “thrush that would never completely die” with my first, so I preferred using disposable nursing pads over trying to wash my bras with hot water or bleach or other harsh techniques to make sure there was nothing there to feed the evil yeast.
I had a couple sets of washable pads, but never found any I liked enough that didn’t show that I was willing to do extra laundry for.
Blueberries says
+1 on the Johnson’s disposable
CHL says
This brand also has great customer service. Their early versions didn’t have the waterproof lining and soaked through. When I wrote in, they apologized and sent me the new and improved version right away for free.
My favorite story about these though is that I had the heart shaped ones and my cleaning lady found them in the laundry and apparently thought they were coasters, so arranged them in a visually pleasing manner all over our side and coffee tables:)
hoola hoopa says
My father once used a loose pad as a coaster!
My favorite were from a now-closed etsy seller – but they were bamboo and PUL. Bamboo is soft and absorbent. PUL is necessary for us heavy leakers. I never had issues with mastitis, and I used them for two pregnancies.
I used disposable (lansinoh) with my third. Mainly because laundry was already a monumental task and they were convenient. Ironically, I did get mastitis once with that kiddo.
Anon says
This is hilarious!!
EB0220 says
I personally do not like these at all. I got mastitis when I tried using them and switched back to disposables immediately.
EB0220 says
I should have clarified – I haven’t tried the pads posted. Bamboobies were the mastitis-inducers. I went back to the Lansinoh disposables and never strayed.
Anonymous says
Saw on my 2.5 year old son’s daycare report that he soaked through his diaper and got his clothes wet. This has happened once or twice in the last few weeks and I’m not sure why. He is not potty training yet, other than sometimes sitting on the potty before bath time. We recently sized up in diapers, so I don’t think it’s that they are too small. Just a bit puzzled. Any thoughts?
Anonymous says
how often to they change him? If he’s being changed every 2-3 hours then this shouldn’t be an issue. Try different brand diaper? Pampers Swaddlers are my fav and they go up to like size 6 or 7 I think.
PhilanthropyGirl says
Here are a few things that seem to cause soaking issues for us:
1. Pants are too tight. My kid had a terrible time with pants that fit. He’s long in the torso, and I feel like a lot of his pants are really tight in the diaper area – the ones that are seem to create enough pressure that if the diaper gets too full it will leak. Same with PJs.
2. My 2 YO is big into playing with his diaper these days, and whatever he’s doing to it is causing major leaks.
3. Drinking juice. I usually water down his juice a lot, but occasionally when we are out he’ll get a juice box or straight juice in his cup. I don’t know what it is, but straight juice seems to turn him into a pee monster – he will totally fill the diaper and then some in no time.
4. Increased bladder control (I assume). We’re at roughly the same place potty training – before bathtime and at a rare diaper change he’ll ask to sit on the potty, but no actual training going on. But I’ve noticed his diaper stays dry for much longer, and then he’ll just soak it. He’s clearly going longer between pees, and as a result his pees are bigger.
Our biggest leaks right now are at night, mostly due to needing to size up in PJs or trying to keep him from half taking off his diaper in the middle of the night.
PatsyStone says
+1 to increased bladder control. My 3yo (and VERY reluctant potty user) soaks diapers on occasion now. His Pre-K teachers hypothesized that now that he can control it, when he goes, he really goes. I think they’re right. For us it will be in the morning, esp. if I didn’t have time for the whole wake up and potty routine.
Meg Murry says
I think these are likely culprits. Other possibilities that are related:
-Increased control + naptime. If he’s able to hold it longer, he may be peeing a lot more once he falls asleep for naptime. Especially if naptime is immediately after lunch and he’s having a lot to drink or fruit with high water content (we noticed when my kids were first learning to be dry through nap, days with watermelon for lunch = naptime bedwetting).
-New teacher not used to diapering boys and/or he doesn’t hold still during changes. If the diaper changer doesn’t know to point him down, there is a lot more peeing over the diaper. And/or he’s curious and reaching in the diaper and adjusting with himself, and therefore pointing up and out.
-Holding it longer = bloated belly, then when he goes his belly deflates and the diaper is too lose, and then a second pee leaks over the diaper. We had this issue more at home during bedtime than at daycare, especially when my kiddo slept on his tummy.
PhilanthropyGirl says
+1 for bloated belly. We get that with a skinny kid who eats big meals. A diaper change right after a meal almost always means he’ll leak later, as his belly processes food.
Samantha says
I always go up a diaper size when this happens.
hoola hoopa says
How snug is the diaper when you pick him up? Do you think they could be putting it on too loosely? (I’ve had this happen with one of our dc teachers…)
Anonymous says
Hi all, OP here. Thanks for all of your comments. I think it is likely the increased bladder control leading to more soaked diapers. He is a skinny dude but his diapers are usually on tight.
Recognizing When to Say When says
My oldest, who is 5.5 and just started kindergarten, received a positive test yesterday for Inflammatory Bowel Disease, most likely Crohn’s. He has a endoscopy/colonoscopy scheduled for Thursday. Hopefully, this is the beginning of his recovery and his road to wellness. At the same time, I feel like I have taken a punch to the gut.
My in-house job, which is “supposed” to be 9-5 has slowly crept to more time over the last two months. To be honest, stretching back to the beginning, every other week is an “emergency” and I am assured that it is “not normally like this.” I’ve been here for 1.5 years, and it is always like this. At least every other week, I am here 8-6 and then put in 2-4 hours after the kids go to bed.
My husband had a significant health crisis earlier this year with 4 weeks inpatient and 6 more of intensive outpatient follow-up. During that time, I took a single day off and managed to negotiate a major client contract.
I feel stretched so very thin. I want to talk to my boss about going part-time, but I am terrified of being devalued at my company. Any advice for getting the courage up to say that I just can’t do all that is being asked of me?
Anonymous says
Before you start part-time, what would life look like if you really just worked 9-5? I would frame it as, you were hired for a 9-5 role and you’re not able to take on additional duties at this time. Explain that you’re currently working close to 70 hours a week and that cannot continue. Don’t come in until 9 and leave at 5pm.
I’ve learned after 10 years at my job that the work will expand to fill the space I give it in my life. I realize that not everyone’s job is this way but in my job, I have had to set my own limits and learn to push off deadlines where those deadlines were arbitrary.
Anon in NYC says
I agree. You have a lot on your plate. But what do other people in your company do? Do they work 9-5? Can you just do that without talking to your boss about going part time?
FWIW, I don’t think there is anything wrong with going part time. Just trying to see if there is a way you can adjust expectations without having to formally change your work arrangement.
MDMom says
I agree with all this. Try leaning out-what happens if you can’t meet those deadlines or respond as quickly? You have 18 months of credibility built up that you can lean back on. I have been leaning out for almost a year now and have been surprised at how little anyone has noticed (I am going part time soon, but basically because a great opportunity landed in my lap).
That said, if you need to pull back to part time, do it. Sometimes you have to put your family first and this may be one of those times. You can lean back in career wise later on. If you aren’t sure, I suggest lean out for now, maybe even use some vacation time to do some half days or short weeks. See how your son’s treatment goes and what it entails. Then maybe the decision will become clear.
NewMomAnon says
Hugs. That is stretched too thin.
I second the advice to see what happens if you just start setting some boundaries to get back to 9-5, but also – can you take a month off as an unpaid sabbatical, and then return at 100% time but with boundaries to protect the 9-5? I suspect that a part-time role will expand to fill as much time as your full-time role currently does (but at lower pay, awesome), but actually being gone from the office for a period would rebalance things more effectively.
Also, have you considered a professional coach? I was amazed to discover that many of the “emergency” pressures I felt were actually coming from me, rather than external expectations – they all felt like external expectations at the time. It took a neutral third party to help me see that the only person disappointed in my perceived professional “failures” was me.
Anonymous says
I could have written this, with different diagnoses. My son was just diagnosed with a life-long management illness after over a year of crisis after crisis and my husband basically had a nervous breakdown last year and was gone for almost four months.
There is no much pressure to be perfect. I am not telling you what to do. I am telling you that as the always perfect overachiever top 5% person and a year of legitimately being overwhelmed every single day, crying in the car, I finally said one day F*%$ THIS, and for about 6 months I have done my job but not any more. I have let things go. I have said “no I can’t get that done by then”. I’ve basically put work last with the knowledge that I rocked long enough they would talk to me before they fired me and if they ever talked to me, I would go part time, but since my job – like yours – is not really about hours, but about getting things done, going part time doesn’t work without a greater reduction in projects/activities. They will have to hire someone else to take part or all of your place.
So anyway, I’m in a very similar boat, and I have done high quality work, but only what I can do 9-5. Now about once a month I’ll take a weekend and work another 10-12 hours early and late, but that’s to keep my client relationships, not my work obligations (if that makes sense).
Blonde Lawyer says
I got a heads up to read over here about the Crohn’s diagnosis. I don’t have any kids but I do have Crohn’s and have learned A LOT in my years of having the disease. There is a whole group of us from the main page that have IBD and email each other with issues and questions. The forum healingwell dot com is also great for Crohn’s advice.
If you would like to talk more about Crohns or just send an email vent you can reach me at projectmundaneart at gmail.
Crohns is a disability so don’t be afraid to advocate for accommodations, IEP or 504 plan for your child. Bathroom access, food and drink access can all be very important. It also means you can take FMLA, even intermittent FMLA to deal with some of these issues.
I hope your son starts feeling better soon. There are so many benefits to being diagnosed early in life. I wasn’t diagnosed until 23 but had symptoms from age 13. On the flip side, I didn’t let the disease limit me because I was always told there was nothing wrong with me and I had to suck it up and do everything everyone else was doing anyway. There was some benefit to that lesson. Don’t assume he can’t do things because of the disease (say a one hour boat ride without a bathroom). As he gets older, let him tell you what risks he is comfortable taking.
Anonymous says
FMLA break (4 weeks ?)plus hard limit on the 9-5 hours when you return might be your best strategy vs. continuing to work and having hours that are close to 9-5 but for 60%pay.
Coach Laura says
Blonde Lawyer – interesting that you would say this: “I wasn’t diagnosed until 23 but had symptoms from age 13. On the flip side, I didn’t let the disease limit me because I was always told there was nothing wrong with me and I had to suck it up and do everything everyone else was doing anyway. ”
I had the same experience, having had celiac disease symptoms since age 15-16 and being told I (1) was a hypochondriac or (2) had a sensitive stomach so just deal with it.
Recognizing When to Say When says
Thank you everyone for the kind words and input. I am going to think about options and wait until the end of the week to see if we have more insight on what treatment will look like. In the meantime, I am out of here at 5:00 today.
hoola hoopa says
I’ve used FMLA to go temporarily go part time due to a family member’s acute medical issue. It worked out well. Setting up the FMLA – at least through my company’s contracted place – requires full days gone, so basically I took off 2-3 days per week officially but my boss and all my projects understood that meant 5 shorter days and the occasional day off completely.
Coach Laura says
First I want to send good wishes for your son’s health.
RE: going part-time I suggest that you don’t unless you have a ton of emergency funds and are very secure. What would happen if your SO had to go on disability or wasn’t able to work? Going part-time might end up being very detrimental. I echo other’s thoughts and say just lean out, push back. Maybe take a week of sick leave if that will lessen the stress (as opposed to saving up all the work for when you get back – I’ve normally had jobs like that where the work won’t go away even if you’re gone). Good luck.
Recognizing When to Say When says
We are financially secure, thanks. What do you mean “very detrimental”? If my SO wasn’t able to work, we would change the plan. I need to deal with the crisis in front of me, not catastrophize what could happen.
Double-Bingo says
Best maternity t-shirts out there? I am trying to build an affordable maternity wardrobe that crosses over between my business casual office and weekend wear. I’m doing pretty well so far between consignment, ThredUp, and Old Navy (plus belly bands, which are a lifesaver for keeping my regular pants in the rotation). But I’d really like to get several new t-shirts in solid colors that are dressy enough to wear with suits (so not the “heathered” colors I see a lot at Target/Old Navy). My non-maternity favorites are the Ann Taylor/LOFT t-shirts, but they don’t seem to have a traditional cut in maternity, only swingy tunic tops which aren’t what I’m going for. Any recommendations? (Apologies if this has been addressed elsewhere – my comment searching abilities are failing me!)
Two Cents says
I loved the T-shirts at Isabella Oliver (there is a short sleeved and long sleeved version). Thick, stretchy fabric, nice enough to wear to work and for weekends too. They were workhorses for me.
CHL says
ditto on the isabella oliver ones (check ebay) and also boden has some that might work.
Spirograph says
If this is the side-ruched, scoop-neck shirt I’m thinking of… I’m wearing one of these right now and have them in 4 colors. I’ve had two of those through 3 pregnancies and they’re still good enough for postpartum casual wear. They’re not cheap by t shirt standards, but worth it!
Katala says
I like the GapBody maternity T-shirts. I always wear a cami underneath, but under a suit they should be OK. They’re cheap, relatively thick, comfy and held up well enough I’m wearing them for pregnancy #2.
Anon says
If you’re still there – also look on Amazon at Lilac Maternity shirts. I love Isabella Oliver too but found some Lilac ones that are like $50 at Nordstrom for $20 on Amazon.
Jax says
Started Christmas shopping on Amazon and found a toy called a Hatchimal. It’s basically a Furbie that breaks out of it’s own plastic shell. It takes 30 minutes to hatch, and then kids have to “raise” it like a Furbie over the next few weeks.
I found a video of kids hatching their eggs and I was grinning and staring because how cool is that?!? You can hear it squeaking and moving in there! Thought I’d pass it along to any parents of elementary aged kids!
Samantha says
So cute! Thanks for sharing. Very tempted.
Anonyma says
Bit of a vent here. My very dear best friend has 2 kids and so do I. Hers are older and my youngest is the baby of the 4, and isn’t in daycare yet. She lives about 45 mins away from me so we hang out with the kids/family every few weeks.
One big reason we’re keeping my baby home with a nanny is to avoid daycare germs for a bit longer, as I am in an intense new job and can’t afford sick time. But whenever I get together with my friend’s family, we end up catching something pretty major from her youngest kid, who has a constant runny nose or fever/other symptoms. I try to check with friend before we get together – “lets make sure nobody’s sick so we don’t trade germs.” (I also frame it as saying mine aren’t sick – but of course she doesn’t care as much if they were).
Example 1 – when my youngest was a couple months old, we went over (she said her youngest had gotten over a cold, and she really wanted to hang out since we hadn’t met in a couple months post-birth). We hung out with the families, and my baby ended up with a major cold/infection needing antibiotics, I got sick as well with a fever, and it was Weeks before we were all ok again (think nighttime coughing fits that woke up baby and all of us, lots of crying jags and cough-induced vomiting). I’m sure we got the germs from my friend’s youngest kid.
Example 2 – a few weeks ago, we were going to go over to their place and my friend said “hey fyi, youngest had head lice from her school, but we did a whole purge this weekend and washed sheets so should be ok to visit”. I said uh oh, let us skip this weekend just to be sure, as I don’t want baby to get head lice. So we went over a week later, with assurances that all is fine. Visit was on saturday. I’m in my office Monday morning, head is itchy and lo and behold! A head lice actually falls out! I went home that night and washed my hair in extra-hot water and washed the sheets and checked my baby’s hair – all seemed ok. It’s now 2 weeks later and I’m starting with the itchiness and symptoms again. I’m so aghast as I hate, hate head lice – I’m a little traumatized by a childhood largely filled with lice incidents.
Bottom line:
– I’m so itchy and I need to get some OTC products tonight to get rid of the lice! Gosh I hate them so much.
– I really love my friend and I rationally know it isn’t her “fault”. I think she figures if we rule out all sick situations, we’ll never ever meet. But I would prefer fewer meetings over these bad contagion situations.
I dont want to tell her “we got head lice because of you” as that would just make her feel bad and not solve any problem.
Give me some perspective/commiseration?
Anon in NYC says
I understand your frustration. But I think blaming her is a bit of an overreaction. Is only your younger kid home with the nanny or are both of your kids? Because if your older one is in daycare, I’m surprised that the baby isn’t exposed to more germs.
My toddler is in daycare, and she and all of her toddler friends have a constant runny nose, especially in the winter months. I think that’s just how it goes in daycare. I think that you getting sick while pregnant (which you mention on the main page) makes sense because your immune system is suppressed when you’re pregnant. I also think that a brand new baby exposed to germs would get sick, regardless of whether the sick kid was actually sick or not, because they haven’t built up their immune systems yet.
But regardless, I get not wanting to be on the receiving end of these germs all the time. I’m not really sure there’s a good way to address this with her, but I think you can question her a bit more directly on, say, runny noses, and just say something like “Baby just seems to pick everything up, and I’m really busy at work so we can’t afford for him to get sick. If the kids have running noses, let’s just reschedule for another time.”
OP says
Older one is in elementary school so doesn’t bring germs home. We never seem to catch stuff from older kid, from my work colleagues, or from other friends – it’s always from this one kid of this one friend.
mascot says
IDK, I think they can still be carriers even if they aren’t getting sick themselves or only getting very mild versions. My kid was always in daycare so we got his immune system (and ours) built up pretty early. He doesn’t seem to get sick now that he is in elementary school, although there are certainly plenty of things zinging around the school.
I’d probably limit my interactions with these kids if it’s really becoming an issue. And make sure that your family is staying on top of hand-washing and protecting your own immune systems.
Meg Murry says
Yes, I think part of it is that when/if an elementary aged child gets a bug, it can be mild, and they know how to blow their own nose and wash their hands, etc – whereas when a toddler or baby gets a bug its so much grosser and more obvious (and more germ-spreading) because so often they are just a miserable ball of snot.
That said, I always used to call the period from Halloween to New Years “the germ gauntlet”. That is the time of year when we are interacting with friends and cousins that go to different daycares/schools, and even if everyone seems perfectly healthy at the party, it never fails that 1/2 or more of the kids come down with the same bug within the next week. The 2009 Swine Flu was an especially awful year.
I think you’re just going to have to deal with the fact that hanging out with this friend = higher likelihood of being exposed to something, and either suck it up or plan some adult only time.
Jax says
Tips to avoid getting sick:
1. Keep hand-sanitizer in your car and use it after grocery shopping, Target runs, picking up the kids, etc. Any public place. Use it on the kids, too, if they are old enough.
2. Add a small amount of bleach (a tablespoon) to your sink-full of dishwater and wipe down your counters, table, fridge handles, cabinets, light-switches and doorknobs. This doesn’t have to be every night or even done perfectly–you’re just cutting down on hot spots.
3. Have the nanny clean the baby toys. Anything that went in the mouth needs to be set aside and cleaned.
Perspective:
1. While the illnesses could be coming from your friend, but it could also be coming from your husband’s workplace…your workplace…your oldest child…your nanny…a germy restaurant table…the grocery store cart… You get the idea. There isn’t a way to perfectly protect yourself of your kids from getting sick, even if you stay isolated in your house cleaning with multiple bottles of bleach.
2. Your family isn’t immunocompromised. If you guys get sick, it’s going to be a rough couple of days or a week, and then everyone will get healthy again. It’s not going to land someone in the hospital, put someone’s life at risk, or have any far reaching effects on your career.
3. You can share your anxiety about getting sick with your friend (framing it as being a problem in your head, not something you’re blaming on her as The Germ Breeder) and ask for less family parties and more of a chance for you two to get together one-on-one until the baby is older and work calms down.
NewMomAnon says
Counterpoint; I remember bailing on a playdate after my daughter got strep – the playdate had been rescheduled twice already due to back-to-back ear infections. When I bailed, I knew the mom would never call me again, and I was right. Why not hang out with just your friend and not the kids, if the relationship is valuable to you? If she knows you’ll bail if her kid is sick, but she really, really needs adult time or doesn’t want you to feel rejected, she might downplay the illness (even to herself).
FWIW, I think it’s unreasonable to put a baby in a group with three older children on a regular basis and expect that baby can somehow be protected from the germs the other three are carrying. If you really need to have all four kids in the same vicinity, try a playground or somewhere other than one of your houses. Her house is probably teeming with toddler germs for long after the illness has passed, and your house will be teeming with toddler germs if you invite her kids over.
OP says
Thank you all who commented. Appreciate the perspectives and the advice!
anon says
Is your older child also not in daycare/school? If so, how is it that he/she isn’t infecting everyone?
It sounds like your friend in both cases really thought her kids were no longer infectious and had some good reason to do so. Also, hot water is not enough to kill lice. I assume you know this, but it seems odd that you are annoyed for your friend giving you lice (possibly) when you also haven’t managed to treat them successfully and may have possibly been passing them around yourself unknowingly for the last 2 weeks.
Our pediatrician said it is normal for a child in daycare to have a runny nose literally all winter. They get one cold after another, and each one can last at least 2 weeks. I wouldn’t know which portion of that 2 week period is infectious. And some viruses are infectious before symptoms appear (I’m thinking of you chickenpox). So I think blaming your friend is unreasonable, especially as it sounds like your friend is proactively warning you of possible illness. You can choose to sequester yourself until your baby is older, or take the risk of seeing her.
I apologize if I am unsympathetic – my husband is a teacher, and we couldn’t afford a nanny, so we’ve all been sick frequently since my son was born 4 years ago.
OP says
I agree that in individual cases, it seems like a natural mistake on friend’s part – lice weren’t really gone, etc. But when I add it all up, it is a clear pattern to me. Friend thought kid wasn’t too sick, friend thought lice were gone, friend thought it was a virus but it needed antibiotics and then steroids to get rid of so it was a bad infection, etc.
I think the bottom line is that friend’s desire to meet overrides her opinion of level of sickness. And my desire to avoid lost days at work/baby crying all night overrides my desire for social contact.
You mention that your child is 4 – IMO, sicknesses are easier to manage as they get older. My baby is a terrible sleeper so I’ve been sleep deprived for months, work an intense job and DH works more and parents less. A sickness throws the sleeping and the eating further off course. We are in survival mode.
anon says
I totally understand survival mode, and I am sorry you are having to deal with lice and everything else. (I should have been more clear about that in my original post!) And yes, sick babies are harder to deal with than older kids for sure. But I think you are wrong to assume your older kid isn’t bringing stuff home because he’s in elementary school. He or she may not be getting sick (or very sick) often if he/she’s been exposed to things before, but he or she could still be bringing germs home. As I said, my husband is a teacher (at a high school), and the older kids get him sick all the time. The other potential issue is that your friend lives some distance away, so her kids may be getting exposed to germs that your family has not built up any immunity to – viruses are definitely somewhat local, although 45 minutes away seems a bit close for this theory. Either way, it sounds like you know what you want to do – avoid bringing the baby around her kids for now. I think I would just do that without explaining why; I don’t think you can tell her in a way that won’t offend her, so I would just avoid that conflict.
Anon in NYC says
Yeah, this might be a good time to have your husband stay home with the baby and take your older kid.
Anonymous says
Yes, elementary school kids do bring stuff home that may make a baby sick and not the rest of you.
I got married last year, and my poor husband spent ALL WINTER alternating between antibiotics and steroids from the germs my son brought home, while my son and I had already been through catching the “kindergarten cruds” and either didn’t get sick or at worst had a tickly throat.
Jax says
Awe. You have my sympathies! I remember those days and I remember being 100% positive that all of our families illnesses were coming from the church nursery. It was nothing but a roomful of snot-nosed babies putting things in their mouth and laying them down for my baby to pick up, so I stayed away for 3 months.
Well, we still picked up colds and viruses (including Norovirus–that was god awful) even in isolation. Looking back on it, I think we picked so much up because we were stressed out (work) and sleep deprived (toddler who coughed/cried/coughed/cried almost every night) and not because we were out around people. But I have absolutely been fed up and ready to cut people off or do anything needed to stop the misery cycle!
Spirograph says
Have you considered meeting your friend at a different location? I know it’s a little less convenient, but hanging out at a park, for example, is a much less concentrated exposure to potential pathogens if one child is just getting over something. And probably would have totally avoided the lice.
That said, kids get sick, and exposure to germs is an important part of developing a robust immune system. At least, that’s what I tell myself when my 2 older kids come home from daycare and immediately kiss/touch the baby. I’d prefer they wash their hands and not slobber on his face, but so far the worst he’s gotten out of it is a sniffle (knock on wood).
Meg Murry says
Yes, not to pile on – but if you found a live louse 24-48 hours after the visit, that means it had that much time to lay eggs in your hair – just a hot shower isn’t going to cut it at this point. I am also super paranoid about lice (past time working in a public school) and just reading this makes my head itch, so I feel for you – but you really need to get the jump on this ASAP.
The OTC products are a good place to start, but the number one thing you need is a thorough nit combing for all the members of your family, and repeat it regularly. The bottle of treatment should have a fine tooth combing schedule as well, and that is what is the most effective part of the treatment, far more than the chemicals.
But I hear you on the awfulness of no sleep+ sick kid, and my head is itching for you in sympathy (and I think I might have to go bust out my just in case nit comb again tonight). So sorry.
OP says
Thank you everyone! I ordered a nit comb from amazon. I think my kids are lice-free (not sure but hopeful) as they have very short hair (and baby has sparse hair) and I didnt see anything. My hair is very thick and black to boot so I’m more susceptible.
Anonymous says
I find myself often thinking about exiting my profession. Realistically I know that if I leave it will hard to get back in. And I am worried that I will feel “stuck” if I leave. And my husband is very opposed to the idea. Those of you who are stay at home moms- hello!
Can you tell me about:
Do you feel like your kids are at an advantage by you staying at home?
Is your partner if you have one happy about this arrangement?
Do you face judgment about being a stay at home mom? How does this make you feel and where is it coming from?
Jlg says
Bamboobies. They were comfy and washed great. I have to wear lightly padded bras for life regardless of nursing, and these laid smooth enough under those. I expect I will reuse the lot with #2. Seemed like every time I used disposables for convenience/travel I got a blocked duct.