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How is it already the end of September? I am ready for pumpkin picking, sweater weather, and hot apple cider. To cozy up my home, I just bought this faux-fur throw.
This large 60” x 70” throw is perfect for my living room couch. After looking at many options, I chose this one because the gray-and-white snow leopard pattern matched my light gray couch (it also comes in beige and white), and the fabulous sale price.
I couldn’t stomach paying nearly triple digits for a blanket that my kids were going to use to build a cave. Some commentators mentioned shedding — however, I didn’t notice anything particularly excessive, especially after running it through the wash. It also comes in a pretty box, perfect for gifting.
Christian Siriano’s Snow Leopard Luxury Faux-Fur Throw is on sale at Macy’s for $44.99 (down from $100).
Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
See some of our latest articles on CorporetteMoms:
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anonymous says
I love the look and feel of these blankets but find myself very overheated when I try to actually use them.
Walnut says
Just snagged a couple of these for holiday gifts.
Pregnant hire says
Hi ladies. I am making a career change to be a government lawyer in an office of general counsel at an agency. The hiring process for this job has been very long (appx 1 year). In the meantime I have gotten pregnant and now will be about 20 weeks along when I finally start.
I don’t have any contact with any of the people I will be working with. I told the HR person about my pregnancy but they are a completely separate organization from the OGC.
Should I try to hunt someone down to give them a heads up that I am pregnant or just show up on my first day visibly pregnant? I feel like it is very awkward either way.
Boston Legal Eagle says
You should tell your direct boss, and let them know what HR said about the leave benefits you’re entitled to so that you can figure out when you’ll be out and for how long, for project planning purposes.
Allie says
Agreed – you need to get your direct boss’s email from HR and let them know.
Anonymous says
You didn’t interview with anyone in your future office?
Pregnant Hire says
I interviewed last March and was given no direct contact info.
Capsule Wardrobe says
A while back there was a suggestion for a post at a different blog about how to create a capsule wardrobe. It had multiple positive comments. I can’t recall for sure whether it was on this page or the main page. Does anyone know what I am talking about to point me to it? Or another great source for how to put together a capsule wardrobe. I have a general idea, but I’m really looking for some good input on how many pieces to have in the capsule. I’m looking to do a purge soon and think this would be helpful. Thank you!
EP-er says
The Vivienne Files comes up often when people are talking capsule wardrobes.
OP says
YES! All I could remember is that a female first name was involved. Thanks so much!
Anon says
one of my twins was up 5 times last night sneezing/coughing, which means no school for either and a trip to the doctor today (though i’m fairly certain it is not covid, another kid in their class was recently out with a cold), DH has been working until 1am and somehow I also misplaced my diamond wedding band last night. any ideas for how to search for my wedding band? we live in an apartment so it isn’t a big space and I retraced my steps last night and it still didn’t turn up
Anonymous says
Pray to St. Anthony!
Anonymous says
+1. I am not Catholic and I do this. It works. I think it helps me to focus on retracing my steps.
anon says
When I misplace my ring, it’s usually on a kitchen counter because I took it off before dealing with raw chicken or something, or near my laptop because I mindlessly took it off while working. Then it gets covered by a legal pad or something. Once it was in a sweater pocket, oops. It always turns up!
EDAnon says
I put mine on a little holder while I shower so sometimes they are next to it (or on the floor of the kids got to it). You could also enlist the kids. My oldest is loves my ring. Or vacuum and check the bag?
Anonymous says
pockets of what you were wearing yesterday. under paper on your desk.
grandmom issues says
My mother and I have a rocky relationship. Understandably ever since I’ve had my son a few months ago, she wants to spend time with him. Unfortunately her love language is blunt unwanted criticism and really nothing else. She’s really been truly horrible. Yesterday she told me that I was a terrible mother (literally used those words) who is neglecting my child (also said that) because my son has cradle cap and was not wearing socks (he was wearing socks, they just fell off his feet). She told me she wants to take my child away so she can raise him because she is such a great mother. Normally I just kind of ignore her ridiculous behavior and generally just avoid spending time with her and say I’m busy with work. But I’m not sure what to do here because it will impact my son’s ability to have a relationship with his grandmother, though I’m not sure it’s even beneficial for him to have a relationship with her and then I feel sad about that too. My husband, though he recognizes my moms behavior is toxic and would like me to have a relationship with my mom for the sake of “having relationships with family is good behavior to role model”. I’m not sure what to do, my preference would just be to spend less time with her and have her come over less. Obviously she will be hurt if she spends less time with her grandson, but it is actively hurting my mental health to have her around. I’m wondering if I should start seeing a therapist to come up with coping strategies to deal with my mom or if anyone has gone through anything similar?
anon says
Definitely therapy, but OMG. You would be well within reason to cut off your mom’s access to your baby. Those comments are horrific and extremely damaging. Don’t think she won’t say this stuff in front of the kid when he’s old enough to understand.
anon says
Also, I kind of want to deck your husband for not getting it. Being a good role model does not extend to putting up with abusive behavior from a parent and grandparent.
Anonymous says
Yeah, putting up with abuse is actually something you don’t want to model.
Anon says
+1 It’s actually concerning to me that your husband is actively encouraging you to maintain a relationship with this woman knowing what she said to you. Is there a pattern of him not having your back or expecting you to put up with abuse in the name of ‘family’? If my husband knew someone talked this way to me, he would be livid and would 1000% support me never speaking to the person again.
Mrs. Jones says
+1
Anon says
I would cut that off in a heartbeat. DH and I did not speak to his mother for a month after she told us we were neglecting (I believe “abandoning” and “making her feel unloved” were also used) our 4YO for sending her off for a week at my mother’s house (paired with morning day camp, and note DD loves my mother, video chats her nearly daily, visits her monthly with us, etc.) and MIL called me a “jealous monster” because DH told her he was enforcing boundaries against her toxic communication and not taking 15 calls a day. DH has since resumed speaking to her (which is fine) but I still am not. TBD if I will get over it by Thanksgiving. If she (or my mother) had said to me the things she said to you when I was in the newborn stage I cannot even explain the rage and it would probably be a good year before she was welcome in my home again, and then only with profuse apologies and objective behavior changes. Absolutely beyond the pale.
Anon says
i mean yes, having relationship with family is good behavior to role model…if the family members aren’t toxic. i come from a family where family is family and you don’t really cut people off. that being said, there has definitely been A LOT of distance put between certain family members. i agree with therapy for coping strategies and for assistance figuring out boundaries. i would be so upset if my mom said something like that to me (granted she never ever would for which i am grateful).
Boston Legal Eagle says
Definitely therapy. I’m so sorry she said that. Please know that this is about her and not anything about you as a mother. I disagree with your husband here – “having relationships with family is good behavior to role model” – no, not when they’re toxic. You should be modeling making GOOD relationships with people who value you, and setting boundaries with toxic people (your kids will have to deal with this with friends). Relatives don’t just get to be in your lives if they’re actively hurting you (as hard as that is when it’s your mom – see therapy).
Anon says
Wow, I’m so sorry she said that to you. That is beyond the pale. I think people often jump to “just cut them off” too quickly on this s1te with respect to grandparents, a lot of stuff is annoying and rude and overbearing but doesn’t justify a grandparent losing access to their grandchild, but this absolutely does in my opinion.
I have a close relationship with my parents so I haven’t been in this situation, but my dad’s mother was a horrible person in many ways (racist, very mean to my dad, eventually very cruel to me). I became estranged from her as an adult but I feel like it in many ways it would have been easier if I’d never known her, so don’t feel like you need to have a relationship with her for your son’s sake.
IMO your husband is way out of line here (“My husband…would like me to have a relationship with my mom for the sake of “having relationships with family is good behavior to role model”). What you’re modeling to your child is that you should put up with abuse, and that’s a terrible thing to model.
(And I know this is not really the point but none of these things are even a big deal!! Mine had cradle cap until she was almost 2 despite us trying all the treatments, and never wore socks indoors. If you are a terrible mother, then so am I.)
Anon says
yes if keeping socks on infants is a criteria for being a good mom then I get an F bc my twins never wore socks as infants
Anonymous says
My 3yo took off her pants at the playground yesterday. Someone should call child services.
Anonymous says
My 4 YO seems to have a resurgence of cradle cap. (noticed on the weekend have yet to treat it fully).
aside: WTF I thought we had kicked this at 1.5. then again at 2.5. sigh.
Anonymous says
Just chiming in that those comments were seriously out of line, and I would support you not letting her come over again for a very long time or until she seriously apologizes. Being a new mom is hard enough without this undermining and complete lack of support!
Anon says
I so sorry. Those are awful things to say to someone. I definitely encourage therapy. My husband has sort of a similar situation, although his parents don’t live nearby. What we have done is I entirely facilitate the relationship with our daughter by doing FaceTime with them every other week or so (they’d like more but that’s enough for me). If you want your kid to be around your mom, your husband can do that for your family. But it’s also fine for you to say mom, you cannot say things like that, it’s cruel and unacceptable, especially in front of my child, so you need to stop if you want to be around us. Modeling healthy boundaries is one of the greatest gifts for your child – teaching them people can treat you like sh*t because they are family is how kids learn to tolerate and stay in bad relationships.
AnonATL says
That is awful, and I am so sorry. I would cut my mom out asap if she said something like that to me. I bet she will eventually say something similar to your child too which wouldn’t be worth the risk to me.
Btw, most kids get cradle cap. Coconut oil for a few minutes and then combing the flakes worked for us. My kid was constantly pulling his socks off. The older generations have such a hang up about kids being too cold. It would be like 80+ here and my mom was trying to cover my son in a blanket…
Anon says
My best friend had this obsession with babies being cold too. She had her infants in hats constantly, even though her house was comfortable enough for adults to walk around in shorts and t-shirts. And she was horrified when found out I never put hats on my baby unless we were going outside in cold weather. My attitude was if my kid is uncomfortable she will cry, and if she’s not fussing then it’s fine. She’s 3 now and doesn’t appear to have any permanent damage from being hat-less as a newborn.
Party Animal says
My mom was OBSESSED with my son wearing socks. He was born in August in Florida, but…OK, sure, he’s cold.
Anonymous says
Your mom is abusive and dangerous and threatening to take your child away. Wake up!!!!! You cannot allow her to see you, your child, or be in your home. If forever feels too long try 6 months. And get some serious therapy.
JoJo says
I am so, so sorry ANYONE said something that terrible to you, let alone your own mother. I agree with others that modeling good behavior means protecting yourself and your family from people who are emotionally destructive. I definitely think that therapy is a great idea to help you take care of yourself!
Anonymous says
Your belief that “blunt unwanted criticism” is a love language is really sad – I’m sure your mother does love you, but the things she is saying are absolutely unacceptable and not an expression of love. You must protect your son and your mental health – her feelings at this point in your life have to come in much lower on your priority list. Please start seeing a therapist. You need help to set appropriate boundaries. I’m so sorry you are dealing with this – you deserve much better!
Anonymous says
Yeah, that caught my eye as well. OP, I was wondering if you said in the sense of “my mom ‘shows she cares’ by saying blunt things.” Sometimes it can be really hard to acknowledge “my mom is mean, even though she says she’s loving.” This is the kind of thing a therapist can help with — it’s really useful to see a relationship from an outside point of view.
Sometimes I wonder what all these horrible mothers were like when they were in their 20s. Were they just as awful then, but everyone overlooked it because they were cute and young? Were they outrageous and spunky and outspoken but their friends put up with them? Do we know people now who are young and who are going to turn into these mothers and mothers-in-law in 20 years?
Anonymous says
Strongly agree with everyone above. I’d recommend therapy and also following this account for helpful reframes about boundaries: https://instagram.com/nedratawwab
No Face says
Your mother is someone to protect yourself and your child from, not someone to have a relationship with. Therapy and resources for people with abusive parents will be very vital for you. There will be a lot for you to unlearn.
Also, just know that cradle cap and sockless babes are not things to criticize.
So sorry. I’ve cut a parent out of my life. It was hard, but absolutely the right choice! My kids don’t even know that the kind of dysfunction I experienced even exists, and it is one of my great joys as a parent.
Anonymous says
My mom is similarly delusional my judgmental, although she’s never called me a terrible mother to my face – wow. What’s worked for me: therapy to set healthy boundaries and limiting her contact with my kids. I’m sorry; it’s not easy. I’m coming up on year six of therapy so this doesn’t change overnight. Also realize she probably won’t change and won’t like it when you set boundaries. But if you want to maintain a relationship with her I think you have to try. This Internet stranger also gives you permission to kick her out of your life (though honestly that’s easier said than done). That kind of behavior is unacceptable, I don’t care what your DH thinks. Also I applaud you for deciding to parent differently.
Anonymous says
You don’t deserve this treatment from your mom or DH. Your DH’s role should be to protect you from someone who is hurting you in the present, not to worry about abstract future relationship modeling.
‘DH you promised to protect me in our marriage vows. I need you to honour that Baby is not old enough to understand anything about family relationships. We can discuss modeling family relationships when he is a little older but in this moment, I need to feel safe and secure in our home. I need you to step up and protect me and our baby’
IHeartBacon says
Your mom is abusive and you deserve to be treated better. What she says about you is not an accurate reflection of your mothering abilities. You have an idealized image of what your mother’s relationship will be like with your son, but the reality of what that relationship will be like is that she will be undermining you in front of him when he’s a baby, and to him as he gets older. He will then learn to treat you the way she treats you. He will learn (just like she has already taught you) that “blunt unwanted criticism” is love.
Being a mother to a baby is hard enough. You need folks around who will support you in the struggle/adjustment of parenthood. The first 5 years of your child’s life are the most critical in brain development and how he sees the world. At this point, look at the situation like this: what is more important to you? Not hurting your mom’s feelings, or protecting your son from a cycle of abuse and setting him up for the most possible success when it comes to healthy, loving relationships.
I second the recommendation for therapy. Yes, it will give you coping strategies to deal with your mom, but it can also empower you to see that you are in an abusive relationship with your mom, and it’s okay to end it for a while if that’s what you need to do.
Spirograph says
This.
Also, OP, please do not frame “blunt unwanted criticism” as a love language. “Words of affirmation” is a love language. Love and love languages are positive things! Things people do that make you feel badly are not love. Even the idea of “tough love” is still focused on supporting or creating an environment for someone to do well. No one was ever helped by the sort of tearing-down you described your mom doing.
Anon. says
Yes – please substitute “blunt unwanted criticism” for “abuse” because calling you a terrible mother is objectively abuse, not love.
Anon says
You’re so right about kids mimicking the treatment they see around them. I made that mistake with my family of origin. The younger ones saw the way I was mistreated (one person is an actual sociopath and the others are merely horrible humans) and started aping it from a very young age – maybe 3? I always thought that they would learn to respect me with time, so long as I continued to be a person worth respecting. HAHAHAHA, that backfired; they saw me treating other people respectfully while being crapped on and decided that I deserved the crap and other people deserved the respect.
I cut them off shortly before I got pregnant with my son. People tell me all the time how genuinely sweet a kid he is, how sunny a disposition he has, how lucky we are to have such a wonderful child. Good heavens I couldn’t imagine putting him in that nest of vipers.
IHeartBacon says
Your comment is so heartbreaking to read. I am so sorry that you had to go through that. But I’m so happy to hear that you escaped that abuse and are breaking the cycle with your own son.
Folks who did not grow up in truly abusive environments (physical, sexual, verbal, or emotional, or a combination of them all), have no idea what really goes on in those homes. Every person who escapes it, and then breaks the cycle, is a victory for the world.
Anon says
Ugh that’s terrible. This is tangential to your bigger point, but people are so obsessed with baby socks!! Research is showing that bare feet are best (there are tons of nerve endings in the feet, being able to feel helps ground and orient baby, bare feet give tons of sensory input that is great for development, etc). My baby will be barefoot all winter in our house (in the Northeast).
So Anon says
I am so sorry that you are dealing with this. To reiterate what a few others have said, her comments are a reflection of her and not at all a reflection of who you are as a person, your mothering or your child. And, yes, definitely, therapy to help you sort this stuff out.
My mom’s comments tend to be a bit more disguised but are also damaging. It is tough to separate out what I thought and hoped our relationship would be like at this point in our lives versus what her behavior actually is and the reality of the situation. I struggle with wanting a relationship but understanding that the relationship I want is not possible with the human that is my mother. It is also tough for those who do not come from this type of family system to understand the damage that it does over time and to see past the “but fammmilllyyyy” mantra.
A few practical suggestions, if possible (hard in the time of Covid, I know), meet her either out in public or at her home. The first time she provides one of those gems above, calmly state, “Mom, those comments are hurtful and I don’t want to hear them. If you say something similar again, we are going to leave.” Then change the subject to something neutral (traffic, weather, etc.) When she does, inevitably, say something during that visit, it is time to stand up and say, “It was great to see you, we need to go.” The key is to be somewhere you can make an exit. Same if you talk to her on the phone/facetime. In my experience, her behavior is not going to change. It is far easier to set these boundaries before your kiddo can talk than to need to tell your kids why they aren’t seeing Grandma as much as in the past (my current scenario).
A few resources that may be helpful: The blog Captain Awkward – full of great advice about families and boundaries. Books: Will I ever be good enough, Wizard of Oz and other Narcissists, Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist. To be clear: I’m not suggesting, nor do I have the ability to provide, any diagnosis. These are great resources about families and tough personalities.
[email protected] says
NOPE. Cut her out now. And I’m never one of those people.
EDAnon says
I just want to echo what others have said: You’re a good mom. Your mom is not being a good mom. Don’t doubt you ability based on her comments. You’re doing great.
Anon says
“She told me she wants to take my child away so she can raise him because she is such a great mother.”
WHAT? AYFKM?
She doesn’t get to see him until she goes to therapy. That’s just the end of it. I’m sorry, but taking someone’s child away from their own mother is not love, it’s not funny, it’s not an overreaction; it’s abusive to the child and to you.
IHeartBacon says
This. Even if the mom said it sarcastically or even jokingly (which it doesn’t sound like she did), suggesting that a baby needs to be taken away from a new mom is horrific. Talk about crushing a new mom’s self esteem and confidence in her new role. A new baby is SO HARD in the best situation; I can’t even imagine what it’s doing to the OP to have her own mother (who clearly has a long history of abusing the OP) say something like that to her.
OP, you deserve to be treated better. You deserve to be loved in healthy ways.
Anon says
It’s not just crushing confidence; children have a deep emotional need to be secure at home with their parents [this is not a comment on daycare or babysitting or what-have-you; it’s about where the kid lives]; new parents have a deep emotional need to have their baby safe at home. It attacks one of the most basic needs that humans have. It’s horrifically cruel.
I would have replied with something like, “Funny you think you’re a good parent; where I come from, only a garbage mother would say that to her own daughter.”
IHeartBacon says
“It attacks one of the most basic needs that humans have. It’s horrifically cruel.” This. 1000000% x infinity.
I am so horrified on the OP’s behalf about the baby-taking comment specifically. If the OP’s mom was making passive aggressive comments like, “oh, that’s interesting that you would dress your little boy in pink clothes..” or nonsense like that, that would be one thing. For that, I would recommend that the OP have a quick comeback, or learn to dismiss and ignore, etc. But the mom crossed a line, and it will only get worse.
CPA Lady says
So, my dad is not in my or my child’s life due to Unfortunate Reasons. We don’t frame it as a decision I made, but a decision he made. As in “he decided he didn’t want to be a part of my family growing up, and so that’s why we don’t see him.” It is the age appropriate truth.
People who were raised by relatively sane and stable parents don’t tend to “get” why you would cut out one of your own parents. So as someone who has had to make that decision, I just want to tell you that it’s a completely valid thing to do, and I do not regret it at all. Am I sad about it? Yes. Do I wish it were different? Yes. But grief and regret are two different things. I’m really sorry you’re dealing with this.
Cb says
Dropped kiddo off at nursery and then headed out of town for a week. He was very brave and gave me a cheery wave and I cried in the car. It will be fine but this is the longest I’ll be away (normally late Sunday to Wednesday afternoon).
Getting settled into flat toda
anon says
Aww, good luck
Pogo says
Aw! They are so resilient. The normalcy of nursery and continuity of caregivers there will really help.
AwayEmily says
What do you all do in terms of separating kids (or not) when one is quarantined for exposure? We are dealing with that now (kindergartener was exposed at school) and realized we should have made a plan earlier. And what do adults do?
Both kids (5 and 3) are unvaccinated and the adults are vaccinated but somewhat immunocompromised (me: pregnant; him: T1 diabetes). I know there’s not a “right” answer here and it depends on a lot of factors, but I’m curious to know how others have handled this.
Pogo says
It’s impossible to separate my kids fully because one is a baby, so we just did our best. When we had true concerning symptoms last year, I masked up and had kiddo mask up til test came back.
When we had a ‘close contact’, we just did a rapid test ASAP (like, I booked it as soon as I finished reading the email about the positive case) and only masked/separated until then. Then followed up with official PCR, but allowed younger son to return to daycare after the negative rapid.
I have no idea what the right answer is, I just did what felt right.
Anonymous says
Lolololol. This is not remotely feasible in my house. If one of us actually tested positive we’d do masks and distance as much as possible but we can’t do that for exposure.
Anon says
I have read a good practice is to do a rapid test every morning. It’s unlikely kid would both test negative and be super contagious. If you get a positive test then you can double down on isolation.
Anon says
+1 this is our plan. DH and I also have an upcoming trip and plan to rapid test every day for at least a week after coming home so we can isolate immediately if we test positive and hopefully not infect our kiddo.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Where are you all buying these rapid tests? I haven’t looked hard, but last time I was in CVS, they had signs everywhere saying they were all sold out.
Anon says
Walgreens and CVS both have them in my city and we’re in a pretty hard hit area. I think they’re also supposed to be available at Walmarts now? Walgreens also has (free!) rapid drive-thru tests but due to demand you currently have to schedule several days in advance so it’s not that helpful if you develop symptoms.
AwayEmily says
I just ordered some from CVS online. Not useful for this exposure but hopefully we can use them next time.
EDAnon says
I looked yesterday and they were sold out. It looks like the Quikvue are in stock. Is that what you bought? I have only used the Abbott ones.
AwayEmily says
I got the Abbott BinaxNow ones. Maybe availability differs by state? I’m in NY.
Anon says
We’ve been buying them from Walmart ($14 for a 2-pack because of the new funding). They go in and out of stalk, but check several times over a day or two and you should be able to snag them.
Anonymous says
I’d be feeding adults and each kid separately, wearing masks, and opening up windows and using fans. Also using some rapid tests if available in my area. But I’m more cautious than most and I realize that.
Anonymous says
Would you though? Every time anyone has been exposed? Easy to say hard to do.
Anonymous says
I said what I said
AwayEmily says
Thanks guys, this is all super helpful. We are keeping the kids fairly separated (sleeping/eating in separate rooms) until we get her PCR back. I also ordered a bunch of rapid tests to have on hand for the inevitable next time, thanks for the idea.
FWIW I don’t think there’s a right answer here and it totally depends on resources — I will tell you that if this had happened during the part of the week when my husband travels for work, I doubt if I would have been able to keep them separated.
Anonymous says
Depends on the rules if your area. In our area child and a parent have to have a separate sleeping area, bathroom and eating area from non-isolating child and parent. If not, whole house has to isolate (not leave property) for 14 days from close contact with positive case. Kid who was close contact has to have 2 PCR test. We do the separate isolation because that way the other kids can stay in school. Friends with younger kids generally isolate together and mask up non- exposed kid if they are over 2.
Anonymous says
What area is this
Anonymous says
Atlantic Canada – no community spread so rules are pretty strict. Kids also have to isolate for 14 days if they have left the province before they can go back to school. It’s a huge PITA but it works.
anon says
Same here. If a child is exposed at school, they’re required to quarantine for 14 days. If their sibling doesn’t have a separate bedroom, bathroom, and eating area, they are required to quarantine for 14 days after the original time ends (so 28 days total). It’s nuts and I don’t think anyone is actually following it.
Anonymous says
That makes sense only if testing is not available and you’re assuming that the exposed kid actually catches it and then exposes the siblings. If testing is available, then if the exposed kid tests negative on the required date the siblings should be released from quarantine at the same time because they were never actually exposed.
Anonymous says
Move to Virginia. As long as the school claims the kids were wearing masks, they don’t have to quarantine at all.
Anon says
Many states have that rule. At least in my state, it was implemented to encourage school districts to require masks and while I can understand the argument in favor of a more cautious quarantine protocol, I also think getting school districts to require masks is a really important and worthy goal. We had MASSIVE outbreaks in August when most districts didn’t mandate masking. It seems like the data suggests there isn’t much in-school spread if everyone is masked, even with Delta.
I think at this phase in the pandemic with vaccines available to any adult and teen who wants them, we have to be balancing two things: 1) mitigating spread and 2) keeping kids in school. Letting kids stay in the classroom if everyone was masked seems to me to be a reasonable balance. And I say that as a parent of a child under 5 who often feels forgotten and overlooked in this phase of the pandemic. But we can’t keep repeatedly putting kids in 2 week virtual learning quarantines until 2026 or whenever this f-ing thing ends, if it even does end.
Anonymous says
The problem I have with the “no quarantine if masked” policy is that our school district claims that the kids are all masked, but according to my child proper mask-wearing is not being enforced. Many kids wear the masks on their chins only or wearing single-layer neck gaiters as masks.
Spirograph says
Sorry you’re dealing with this, AwayEmily, and I hope everyone stays healthy!
Luckily we haven’t experienced this (yet) but I don’t know if I would do anything. My kids share a room. I guess quarantine kid could sleep on the couch, but I doubt I’d bother making changes short of an actual positive test. At-home rapid tests each morning, and then we go about our day if negative. Of course I would keep the potentially-exposed kid home from activities and let the neighbors know so they could make an informed decision about when/whether the kids can play outdoors together… but within the family? nope.
AwayEmily says
Thanks! We just got her PCR back and she’s negative, yay! And stocked up on rapid tests, I think your approach makes a lot of sense for next time (it is REALLY HARD to keep BFF siblings apart, even with two parents corralling them…and making them sleep in separate rooms resulted in a lot of crying from both parties and less sleep for parents).
Anon says
In this situation when I had a newborn, the two little ones and I went to my parents’ house – but mainly because I was due for my second shot the following week and didn’t want to put that at risk! If it happened now,
I would first assess the exposure – were kids masked? Did they sit near each other or is this a case of broad quarantine parameters? If it was a direct playmate and no masks, I would make more of an effort to quarantine the older kid and have him wear a mask at home, vs more of a “masked kiddo rode a bus with positive kid for 10 min and they sat nowhere near each other” situation, when I’d probably carry on my normal life.
Anon says
Honestly, we didn’t do anything other than get a test 7 days after exposure and follow the quarantine rules which required the exposed child to stay home and monitor for symptoms.
Pogo says
Major struggle bus today. Both kids are now having sleep issues (I feel like they’re colluding) and this whole week is performance reviews in my org and one after another is a hard conversation every which way (even high performers because it’s such a battle to get promotions right now). I want to curl up in bed with a book for like 6 hours.
AwayEmily says
Ugh I’m sorry. The sleep thing makes everything so much harder. Any way you can sleep in the guest room for the night and/or outsource kid wakeups to your partner so you can catch up on sleep? Turn the white noise machine on, go to bed at 9 with a good book, and take half a Unisom (this is to the letter what I did a few nights ago after having a completely awful day and it was an amazing reset).
EDAnon says
Performance review time is always draining and so much harder when you’re tired. Hopefully, you’ll get a few consecutive nights soon!
anon says
My MIL is already begging me for Christmas gift ideas for the kids because she’s worried about supply-chain issues. Which I get, but a) I am completely not in the mood to be thinking about Christmas; and b) it is a sore spot between me and DH that any emotional labor around gift-giving falls to me. I have tried to change this; I have frankly given up on changing this dynamic around gift-giving. I keep a running list of things the kids might like, but dangit, I’d like to pick our gifts first and I’m not ready to do that! Then it becomes a dance of “how much is too much? Is this something she will enjoy giving them? How can I satisfy her need for quantity rather than experience gifts or anything sensible?” Gah, I hate it. I know her intent is good, but it is an ongoing source of stress.
Anonymous says
Well, better for her to ask what you want than for her to buy a bunch of junk you don’t want. I think she has a point about the supply chain issues. All kinds of things are selling out quickly. I’ve already ordered a lot of our gifts for the year. The big problems with this are 1) return windows and 2) kids who change their minds or discover additional wishes close to the holiday.
Aunt Jamesina says
Tell her and your husband that it’s his task to figure out and consider your work done. I bowed out of all in law gifts years ago by telling my husband that I wasn’t going to do it and being up front with my in laws about the fact that it was his task to handle.
Aunt Jamesina says
And by “gifts” I mean both getting gifts and cards and giving in laws gift suggestions. It’s great to have that task fully off my docket!
Anonymous says
It’d be really helpful for me if Target and other retailers would send Christmas catalogs now!
Anon says
+1. If you’re going to put out Christmas decorations, can you go ahead and send the catalogs? I’m not the OP, but I’m getting similar questions from Grandmas and it’s impossible if my kids haven’t even been in a store for 1.5 years. *I* don’t even know what is out there to even select from!
Pogo says
Do we have the same MIL? I used to spend a lot of time on this, and would get really annoyed when she would disregard my careful selection and go rogue with what she thought was a ‘better’ gift. Or when she seems incapable of using the search function on her internet browser to type in “board books for one year old” and instead needs me to literally email her titles and authors of appropriate books to purchase.
I suggest a lot of clothes or practical items. That’s all I got.
anon says
OP here, and yes. I regret ever sending her a link to anything; now it’s become an expectation. I’ve decided that I’ll give her three ideas per kid, no more. I know it seems like a small thing, but it’s a huge time sink.
Pogo says
I hear you!! Like one time I sent her a specific link to a Melissa and Doug toy. I had really researched it and my kid had played with it on playdates, so I knew it was what I wanted. She then decided to order a knock off version that is terrible and broke pretty quickly, so it was a waste all around. Did I mention she’s retired with literally nothing but time?
Anon says
This is an area where I happily use weaponized incompetence. “Oh geez, it’s so early, I haven’t even thought about it. Maybe DH/kid has some ideas”. Man, I love that phrase.
Anonymous says
This internet stranger sees no reason not to phone it in. Ask the kids and husband. Let them brainstorm. Keep the best ideas for yourself and pass along a few concepts to MIL. Do not bother to give anything more than DD wants X and Y, DS wants A & B. She or your husband can find those presents. I know my child keeps asking for items that are impossible to find. Let her or your husband figure that out.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Just…solidarity. I appreciate my MIL wants to get things that people want/will use, but she frames it as “I need Christmas hints!” and the whole thing is annoying.
anon says
Yeah, it’s not a hint if you’re doing literally all the work except clicking “buy now.”
SC says
“How can I satisfy her need for quantity rather than experience gifts or anything sensible?” Art supplies and coloring or activity books work here. I even have art supplies on the top of my closet for future use, or future gift giving.
I’ve stopped texting my SILs for Christmas gift ideas for my nieces and nephews. It’s just so much work to field texts or emails and respond with gift ideas in the $20 range to each member of our large family. They can donate any unwanted items. (Also, this year, I went with a theme and bought a different board game for each niece and nephew between 3 and 9 years old.)
NY residents - 529 plans says
If you live/pay taxes in NY, which 529 provider & plan did you choose?
Anon says
NY Saves – the one offered by the state. It ranks fairly high as a “good” plan even for non-NY residents, I believe, and we get the tax deduction. (Unless I’m not understanding/misremembering and there are different levels of plans or options offered by the state)
Tax says
Yes to NYSAVES and there’s a tax deduction at the state level for $10,000/yr I believe.
Anon says
Confirming the state deduction.
Anon says
WWYD? My almost 4 year old’s daycare bestie invited us to an outdoor birthday party, her first birthday party invite ever (and this kid is the #1 person she’ll want at her own party in a couple of months). We have had outdoor playdates with this kid but I believe there will be some neighborhood friends who aren’t in our “school bubble” at the party, which is giving me pause. But my husband pointed out that our school bubble isn’t really a “bubble” because each of my kid’s classmates have siblings and parents and friends and activities so we’re actually exposed to way more people than just her 15 classmates, and the risk of getting infected at school is objectively much higher (8+ hours indoors vs. 1-2 outdoors).
On the one hand, I would feel awful if my kid got a potentially debilitating virus from a preschool party she isn’t even going to remember in a year. On the other hand, school is objectively riskier and I am so tired of cutting literally everything fun out of our lives (she does not do activities or go anywhere indoors or do any socialization outside of school, except outdoor playdates with classmates) to shave off a tiny amount of risk when we’ve already accepted the comparatively large risk of school.
Ahhhhhh. The never-ending risk assessment is destroying me. Please tell me what to do.
Lilibet says
Outside? Yeah, I would go. I would probably bring a mask with me and see what the other families are doing. In our DC neighborhood, kids are still masking in larger groups. It will be a big deal for your 4 year old and give everyone a little bit of joy.