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Nursing/Postpartum Tuesday: SnoozeShade

Recent Recs - Family

SnoozeShade I really like this idea of a blackout shade for your stroller. I see it being useful for a few reasons: a city baby who is always being walked in a stroller, a second baby who takes more naps than their on-the-go older sibling, trips when the parents want to walk and sightsee while the kiddo naps, or a way to keep strangers from reaching out to touch a smaller baby. For all of those reasons and more, it would be nice to have a cool, dark place for your baby or toddler to nap. The shade is $29.99 at Amazon, eligible for Prime, and available in several trim colors. SnoozeShade This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

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About April

April is a working mom, a longtime reader of CorporetteMoms, and wrote our morning fashion advice for working moms from April 2018 to October 2020. She has one child (born 2/17!) and she’s a public interest lawyer in NYC.

Comments

    • anon says

      This is a strange product. TBH, I’m having a hard time seeing the utility, and I’d also be worried about the baby overheating and/or restricting airflow.

      • Anon says

        My baby will NOT nap on the go unless stimulus is blocked out. I usually accomplish this by putting her in the ergo carrier with the hood up, but I have occasionally made a makeshift cover for her stroller with a stretchy nursing cover (in cool temps in the spring), so I 100% see the utility in this. I actually clicked on this post with the intent on buying the product for maybe the first time ever. I would not use this in the summer heat, though.

    • Irish Midori says

      The description says the fabric is breathable, but I’d still check it on a hot day–any fabric is going to trap some air. That said, I totally see the utility. I have older kids who want to go and to ALL DAY LONG, and if I’m wheeling along littler one who needs a nap at 2 pm, this might just do the trick. Possibly best for indoor pursuits in the summer for the heat risk factor. But I have a museum trip planned, and could see using it for something like that.

    • Cb says

      We have a skiphop one which is priceless. My son naps in his buggy at nursery and his naps got much longer once we added this. We are in a cool climate though so there is less of a risk of overheating.

    • Anon says

      Isn’t it breathable fabric? Seems kind of different than being trapped in a car, which is fully sealed in. We have something similar (although ours looks lighter and more breathable) and swear by it for sun protection. I have very fair skin and thousands of freckles so it’s important to me to be super vigilant about sun protection and using something like this is easier than sunscreening every inch of a baby or toddler every time you want to take a quick walk.

  2. Anonymous says

    Hey ladies – I asked about membrane sweeps last week and wanted to provide an update! If you know this story IRL – be cool. I had a sweep yesterday, my water broke 1hr later, and baby arrived 5hrs after that. So it totally worked (but I was already 4cm dilated and 40+4 weeks). It wasn’t that painful and it only lasted 60 seconds so I’d definitely do it all over again!

  3. Anon says

    Does anyone have recommendations for an affordable boy’s twin bed comforter that does not have characters etc. on it? I am hoping to find something on the “fluffier”/cozier side. We have a toddler bed sized Pillowfort comforter from Target that aesthetically is perfect but there is no fluff to it, it just kind of feels like a flat blanket, so I’m hoping to find something better. (Which is odd, as my daughter’s different Pillowfort comforter IS on the fluffier side). It’s a hard attribute to figure out just shopping on the internet (or even at the store when they a all in those plastic containers), so I’m hoping to source some ideas. Thank you!

    • Anonymous says

      For maximum fluffiness, I prefer a duvet with a separate cover to a one-piece comforter. In one bedroom we have a cheap duvet from Target that is nice and fluffy.

    • anon says

      Hmm, my first recommendation was going to be Pillowfort, because my daughter’s comforter is exactly as you described. I wonder if there’s a different in “fluff” for the toddler comforters vs. kid-sized ones. Otherwise, I’d be checking out Garnet Hill Kids or PB Kids. I have heard that the PBK comforters run really hot, though.

    • Anonymous says

      Have you looked online at Target? My daughter’s Target comforter had both a comforter and duvet option. We went duvet and don’t use a top sheet (just wash the cover frequently).

    • Redux says

      Combining these two comments above, we have a PB Teen duvet (one of the only places I could find without characters! Ours has polka dots) with a feather insert. It’s fluffy AF.

      • rosie says

        +1 to Ikea. They make it very easy to see what is what, compare weights and temps of various items, and have a good selection. I really like their duvet covers for adults as well, but haven’t checked out their kid ones.

        • OP says

          Good to know, thank you! I wouldn’t have thought of Ikea.
          Also thanks to all that are suggesting the duvet cover + comforter option. Oddly I hadn’t even thought of that even though that’s what we have on our own bed!

    • RR says

      Pillowfort has comforters and quilts. If you stick with comforters, they are pretty fluffy. We have two. If you go with quilts, they are flat. They sometimes seem very similar, so online it could be hard to tell the difference.

  4. HSAL says

    Anyone have digestive changes after weaning? I nursed my twins for just over a year and right when I stopped, my stomach stopped handling sugar well. More than a couple cookies or a soda and I’m hitting the bathroom a few hours later. Great for weight loss I guess, but is really like to know if this is a permanent change or just hormonal. It’s being going on for 6 weeks now. Such a change for nursing when I was literally double-fisting DQ Blizzards and not gaining weight. Those were the days…

    • Anonymous says

      I had all kinds of weird changes after weaning. Mood changes, minor heart palpitations, crazy periods. For me, everything leveled out after a few months. But it was a rough few months that no one had prepared me for!

  5. Anonymous says

    What is a good start time for a 1st bday party? Party will be large and will be at my house. Currently LO is 9 months and naps approx 8 to 9 ish and then like 1:30 to 2:30. We still kind of do the “whenever tired” schedule and so does daycare. Afternoon nap is always more variable than the morning which is more predictable. I also guess this schedule could be different in a few weeks as we approach 1. Any suggestions?

      • AwayEmily says

        I would definitely do this — mine are always better-behaved in the morning. Also, afternoon is tough because some kids take late-ish naps and then you start bumping into dinner time.

      • octagon says

        We did this and it was great. Muffins and fruit for nibbles, juice boxes for the kids, coffee and mimosas for the grown-ups. We did cake around 11 and kiddo was exhausted and went down for a 3 hour nap by noon.

      • Anonymous says

        Ditto – we did a brunch theme starting around 10:00 am when DD woke from her morning nap and it was so easy to plan for (and easy to provide an assortment of brunch cocktails for our friends!). She was in a great mood for the party too, which made life easier.

    • Anon says

      I’d probably do 3 pm or so. Assuming there are toddlers in attendance, I’d avoid the 12-3 standard nap time window.

    • Anonymous says

      I would do 11:00 and serve lunch! That’s what we did for both kids. We only switched to afternoon parties around age 3 when everyone’s afternoon naps were less strictly required.

    • HSAL says

      3:00. Everyone will understand if the baby is still sleeping when the party starts. I did that for both of ours and it worked really well.

    • AnotherAnon says

      My LO had a similar nap schedule. We decided to do 3PM til whenever, but everyone was in town, and we had food catered so people could stay for dinner. We didn’t have a ton of friends with babies, but the ones who did just left at bedtime (so 6PM lol). It was at our house and there were over 30 people, most of them adults. A bounce house kept the kids entertained. I think we did cake around 4 so everyone could have some.

    • Spirograph says

      What kind of party do you want, and who are the guests? If you want a casual open house feel and don’t mind stretching it out, I’d start at 3. If you can only handle a couple hours of hostess duties, I’d do it in the morning, put an end time on the invite, and note that the birthday boy or girl will be going down for a nap after cake.

      If your guest list includes kids 2-6, I’ll just note that I always prefer morning parties. My kids still regularly nap on weekend afternoons, and wearing them out in the morning then letting them sleep makes for a much better evening than waking them up early or skipping nap…

    • GCA says

      Depends – who is coming? If other toddlers will be there, maybe start on the earlier side (brunch, 10 to 1) to avoid the midday nap, and expect that people will leave as they need to. If it’s mostly adults, whatever works for LO is fine. 9 months is when my 2nd kid started pushing her morning nap later and later, so her first birthday celebration this weekend will really just be blueberry picking and donuts with us :)

    • Anonymous says

      Thanks all, a lot to think about but this is helpful. Leaning towards 3pm to “whenever” but really appreciate everyone’s thoughts and input here.

    • Canadian says

      I think the universal best time for kids birthday parties (where kids attending still nap) is 3:30 ish. It works for both 1 and 2 nap schedules.

    • SC says

      We did ours around 11 am and served lunch. We didn’t have older toddlers, who would be napping mid-day, in the family yet. I was worried about having the party in the afternoon because Kiddo often took a super long nap (and would have had to be woken up) or took a super short nap and was a cranky monster.

  6. Parent Problems says

    My mom is really hard on me. She always has been one to freely share her opinions, but lately, every conversation contains passive aggressive comments and a good dash of outright criticism.

    For context, my dad is very sick. He has severe Alzheimer’s and is in a skilled nursing facility. I am an only child. My family and I live about 1.5 hours from where my parents are. I have a toddler and a preschooler.

    I try to call everyday, but conversations often leave me in tears or just angry because there is always a dig or nasty comment. I know my mom is hurting and miserable. Having an honest conversation right now will not be well-received and quite frankly I don’t think it will help.

    Any suggestions of what to do? And if the answer is “suck it up right now,” I can handle it. I’m just so frustrated and sad.

    • Anonymous says

      Time to set boundaries. If daily calls are too much for you, cut back.

      • Anon says

        +1 OP, I’m so sorry you are dealing with this. Your mom is probably lashing out because you are closest and she’s stressed and probably scared. But I also am of the opinion that relationships are earned, even if they are family members. You wouldn’t put up with this behavior from an acquaintance so don’t with your mother. I also love the idea of only doing video chats with your child.

    • Anonymous says

      Does your mom need help of her own? Either from a physician or a therapist? If this is relatively new, it sounds like she’s suffering and taking it out on you. Can you steer her towards therapy? And perhaps distance yourself in the meantime (i.e., give her a window of 5 minutes on your commute for the daily update on your dad, and then hang up)?

      • octagon says

        +1, is she calling because she no longer has the companionship she needs from your dad? You could call the senior services office in her area and ask about caregiver support or other options for activities for her.

        And for you? Let that ish wash over you. Ignore it. Say to yourself, she is being a pill and I’m not going to let it bother me. Or just start answering every other day.

        • Parent Problems says

          This is not new. He has been in a state of fairly rapid decline for about three years. She has a social worker (that helps both of them) and support group she regularly attends.

          I agree that she is lonely and sad and taking it out on me. She admits that she is not social anymore because she is just sad.

          I have always loved being an only child. Until now. Sigh.

          • Anonymous says

            Reach out to your village. You don’t have siblings but you do have friends. Call a friend and tell them it’s tough right now and vent to them.

    • RR says

      I’m sorry you are dealing with this. I think you can be frank, even it if hurts her short term. “Mom, I know you are stressed and sad, and so am I. But every time we talk, I feel hurt by the comments you make. I need you to stop. If you don’t stop, we will not be able to speak every day because it’s not healthy for me.”

    • Anonymous says

      Hugs. So sorry you are dealing with this. In case permission from an internet stranger helps, it’s okay to look after yourself. Put on your own oxygen mask first. You are dealing with a loss as well with your Dad being so sick. Just because your mom is critical, doesn’t mean you are doing anything wrong. Call every second day if that works better for you. If a call starts to go downhill, make up an excuse and end it – work phone is ringing, toddler just woke up, doorbell rang, whatever.

      My mom can also be passive aggressive and I agree that when she is stressed is not a good time to confront her as it leads to them doubling down on their actions/statements. I use this tactic – – pause, “okay/interesting/really/appropriate vague word” then change subject — on the regular with my mom. Take care of yourself. You matter here too.

      • Parent Problems says

        Thank you—this is really helpful.

        When I have even suggested to my mom that she’s being a little harsh, she does exactly that and doubles down on her criticism. And then explains in excruciating detail why the criticism is warranted. It’s exhausting.

        Agree that changing the topic would be best. Trying to just steer the topic towards the kids is probably my best bet.

        • Anonymous says

          Glad it helped. I actually keep a short list of cute kid stuff/ancedotes on my phone so that when I’m rage stroking with mom’s passive aggressiveness, I don’t have to think up cute ancedotes on the fly. Kid stuff also helps remind her in subtle way of how much else I am trying to balancing.

          You’re doing great. Hang in there.

        • AwayEmily says

          Somewhat related: friend of mine has a similarly negative mother and so has adopted the strategy of facetiming her with her kid instead of calling. The mom is much better behaved when the kid is there too, and it makes for shorter conversations.

          • lsw says

            I’m so sorry. I found myself getting extremely stressed every time I was speaking on the phone with my mom because of her “helpful” advice that just felt like extreme criticism. We now almost exclusively Facetime with my son and that has helped a lot. It keeps conversations short and she mostly wants to talk to him. We do still catch up on the phone sometimes and in person but just lowering the amount of stress from those phone calls made a huge difference.

    • AnotherAnon says

      I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. I think how you handle this depends a lot on your relationship with your mom and your personality. N of 1 – my dad had a brain tumor 10 years ago. When it was removed, it left him with the functionality of a toddler (stubbornness, mood swings, bed wetting, etc). My mom is very bitter and depressed because of this – understandably. I have tried suggesting that she put him into care, but she doesn’t want to. I have suggested therapy to her hundreds of times. I have tried to be a listening ear, but I can only take so much of that. My means of coping with this is: therapy for myself and trying to establish healthy boundaries. We talk about once per week. When she offers her opinion/judgment on how I raise my kid, I say “thanks for that; I will consider it” like I do with all unsolicited parenting advice and then I ignore it. If she seems extra mean or just in a negative spiral, I try to politely end the conversation. Honestly it’s more about me and the reaction/mood my mom puts me in than it is about her. I know she has a hard life. FWIW she is a great grandma to my kid. She just doesn’t know how to deal with her feelings (I’ve spent years in therapy working on it). Good luck.

      • Parent Problems says

        Oh gosh, it sounds like we are going through similar things. My dad can’t feed himself, dress himself, use the bathroom, gets confused and then sometimes angry. And my mom was his sole caregiver until she finally moved him to a skilled nursing facility a few months ago. And she is just bitter and angry. (Understandably so—I can’t imagine what this must be like for her.)

        She is also a wonderful grandmother. I just seem to be her punching bag right now.

        • AnotherAnon says

          I’m sorry – it’s a lot to deal with for both of you. I think you could also try addressing it with her directly: Mom you have been very harsh with me lately and I think you might be depressed; would you be open to trying therapy? I don’t want our relationship to suffer. And see how that goes. My mom and I tend to bond over complaining, so we can get into a negative spiral easily, so I have to be careful how much (negativity) I share with her. Hope you find some solutions and +100 to all the suggestions to take care of yourself. This affects you too.

    • Anon says

      No advice but solidarity. I’m an only child too and have always loved it, but I do worry about end of life stuff and how much the surviving parent will lean on me.

    • Anon says

      Short advice: call way less often, and end the call when you’re treated badly.

      Long story:
      When I had to balance end of life care for my dad (who raised me on his own and with whom I had a great relationship) and caring for a toddler + preschooler, I did a battlefield triage.

      The young kids needed me more, had no opportunity in their entire lives to cultivate caregivers other than my husband and me, and were going to carry the results of my care or lack thereof longer. So, I tried to put limits on my elder caregiving so that I could give the kids what they needed. It was tough and I wish I didn’t have to choose, but I don’t regret it.

      I think you’d be fine putting up limits on your communication with your mom even if you had no other responsibilities. Here, I think you owe it to your kids to enforce strong boundaries so that you’re not unnecessarily run ragged. If at all possible, your kids need a healthy version of you, not the run down version of you. Save running yourself ragged emotionally for when it’s 100% not avoidable. Also, as they get older, it will be good for them to see you as a model of not putting up with ill treatment.

      • Parent Problems says

        Thank you for sharing this. It’s a really thoughtful way to think of things. My kids are getting a cranky, stressed-out, exhausted version of me far more than I would like as a result of this—meaning the underlying stress of my dad being ill along with the added stress my mom brings. I do owe it to them to minimize that as much as possible.

    • Parent Problems says

      Thank you all for your thoughtful replies. I have a lot to think about, and this is really helping me at a time when I was feeling pretty low this morning. Much much appreciated!

  7. H13 says

    On weekends I find that I still reach for my old Bravado nursing bra to wear under t-shirts… despite having weaned my second kid 1.5 years ago.

    Can anyone recommend something with a similar fit (no underwire, full coverage, light padding) that is a regular bra? I like the fact that if it peeks out of my shirt, it looks more like a camisole. I have never tried a bralette but I don’t think that would provide enough support and sports bras aren’t right either.

  8. Anon says

    Maybe this has been discussed 1000 times before – but what did you do for an OOO message when on maternity leave? Did you mention you were on maternity leave?

    • Anon says

      I did. Something like “I am out on maternity leave until X date. Please contact ___ [my supervisor] in my absence.” I work in higher ed though, so a pretty relaxed culture with good work-life balance.

    • Anonymous says

      I did. I just said something like “I am out of the office on maternity leave. If you need assistance, please contact X.” I kept it very simple and did not give an end date because there was some uncertainty on my end about when I would return. I’m glad I did, because I ended up taking a few more weeks than I thought I would. I thought it was important to say I was on maternity leave so that clients and distant colleagues would know that I wouldn’t be getting back to them for an extended time period.

    • Anonymous says

      Counterpoint – I did not. I’m a partner, and was honestly fearful of losing clients because of it. I told my major clients what was going on and prepared them for it (with alternative contacts, timelines, and extensions when possible), and then spent a little time a few days a week fielding emails and forwarding them out to people as needed.

      • Lawyermom says

        I had to do the same thing. I was too concerned about losing clients and clients going elsewhere if I was unavailable for three months. The clients I am close with all knew what was going on but otherwise I continued handling all my own cases and just delegated out the work while I was out on leave. It was a tad stressful but in my industry it was necessary.

      • Anonymous says

        If you are collecting disability benefits during leave, aren’t you prohibited from all contact with work?

        • Anonymous says

          Why do you think she was collecting disability benefits? I don’t know how it works for partners, but at my firm associates get paid maternity leave and do not collect any disability benefits.

          • Spirograph says

            I suspect many of us used Short Term Disability for the weeks immediately following birth. I know I did.

            IANAL, but I think I said “I am out on parental leave and will return in October. In my absence, please contact [people/distro lists for specific topics].

            I did not list a specific date because I knew I would need to ease back in, and also figured the date might shift. My company has good-by-US-standards parental leave benefits for both birth mothers and other new parents, so my wording was very intentionally “parental” vs “maternity” leave.

    • Lyssa says

      I used the phrase “medical leave” for any generic communications. A number of people immediately assumed it was maternity and offered warm wishes (which was fine, though seemed a little risky – what if they’d been wrong?). I didn’t go out of my way to hide anything, and I’m sure it wasn’t a big deal, but I guess I just figured that it was honest enough and the less information the better.

    • anon says

      I wrote that I was out on extended leave, no return date, and provided my supervisor’s contact info. I didn’t really want randoms knowing I had a baby, for whatever reason. I am in gov’t, to the extent that is relevant.

  9. Sitter says

    Confession: My husband and I haven’t been out in the evening (or really at all) together alone in a year. We have some events coming up that I don’t want to miss so I know I need to find an occasional babysitter, but I have such anxiety about this issue. Has anyone used care dot com or other online sites for this?

    • Two Cents says

      Our best sitters have been former or current daycare/preschool teachers. Have you asked them? Other idea is to ask a trusted friend’s nanny or date night sitter. I strongly prefer to hire someone through a recommendation than someone random online.

      • Sitter says

        Ouch. Unfortunately our daycare doesn’t allow their employees (or former employees for 1 year) to do this. We are relatively new to town and don’t have any real mom friends here. Basically failing on a lot of levels here, I know.

        I admit your “hiring someone random” comment really stung. Maybe the answer is there’s just no solution for us and I need to accept we will have to skip the events or have only one of us go. I don’t know.

        • Anonymous says

          My nanny is amazing and has a listing on care dot com right now as she is looking for a new position since I’m moving. I would definitely consider using care dot com or another local listing site, I would just check a lot of references and probably also do an interview/test session where the sitter watches the kid while I’m home. My sister also used to be a nanny and got jobs this way. It is legitimate and you absolutely should not feel bad going this route.

          I would also recommend that you try to find a local parent’s listserv or social media group to join. In my area, that is a huge and wonderful source of recommendations and local information generally. It can also be a good place to find information on meet-ups to get to know your neighbors.

          Good luck! And if you feel comfortable sharing, maybe someone here is from your area :)

          • Quail says

            +1. We’ve had great luck using a local babysitting group on facebook, and our neighborhood group also often has posts. You could also ask on a neighborhood group for recommendations. We sometimes meet the person in person or just talk on the phone, ask for references, etc. We haven’t done a “test” run with us at home – I just know with our kid that would be a disaster, as we have to be out of sight for him to engage with the sitter. Fielding interest and screening was kind of a commitment up front, but having a number of people we can call is awesome. Plus, if one can’t make it, she often will suggest a friend who might be able to help – expanding the network further. We don’t have any close family nearby and totally get having to use someone “random.” Pretty soon, they won’t be random and you’ll have another person in your village and another person who knows and cares for your kid.

        • Anon says

          There is definitely a solution for you – I’m a strong believer in feeling that you have freedom to get out is important. We have used Care.com & it has been successful. We just did phone interviews with a few folks first to whittle it down to who we liked best. (To maximize the time you are paying for on the site I would try to get in contact with several caregivers if you can. That way you have a roster even beyond what you are specifically looking for, in case you need someone else post the paying for the site period).

          Are you on the website Nextdoor? I see college kids etc. also advertise on there that they are looking for baby sitting jobs. It’s still someone off the internet, but the fact that they live near your neighborhood is verified by the site & you can go through a similar phone interview/ask for references set up.

          • Anon says

            I want to add, you know you best, but we never do the come over while we’re there thing. Phone interview, a reference or two, & we’ve been good to go. In an ideal world it probably would be good to do the whole meet and greet, but also life gets in the way…I only mention this b/c most of the other comments mention this as a step to take & I just wanted to throw it out there that it isn’t a step you HAVE to take. Among our friends I know we’re not the only ones. If this is part of what is making it sound overwhelming.

        • Wow says

          By random, I just meant that it’s good to have a personal reference if possible– even if that referral is from a neighborhood listserve or someone you don’t know directly. I had a bad experience with Care, so my opinion is tainted by that. What about colleagues with kids? Could you ask them for a suggestion? What about asking the daycare teachers if they have friends they would trust to babysit?

        • farrleybear says

          We found all our nannies through Care and had great experiences. There are lots of great caregivers on there! There is some setup time, because I’d do phone interviews and then in-persons with the top choices, then would usually work from home a bit while they were there. For hiring a sitter, I’d imagine doing a somewhat abbreviated version of that process.

    • Clementine says

      I use my kid’s daycare teachers. They already know the kids, I know they’re background checked and CPR certified, and many like to pick up a little extra cash.

      I do pay a bit higher ($20/hour for 2 kids + offer to pay for an uber to and from) but it’s 100% worth it to not worry at all.

      • Sitter says

        I wish this was an option for us! Our daycare has a policy against it, unfortunately. It’s so frustrating because I do love his daycare teachers.

        • Clementine says

          Technically, ours does too.

          It’s commonly done though – the reason they have that at our facility is that parents were poaching daycare teachers to hire as f/t nannies.

          • Sitter says

            Interesting, thanks. I wonder if this happens at my center too. Maybe I need to work up my nerve to ask one of his teachers.

          • Anonymous says

            If you ask if the teachers have friends who babysit, they might volunteer that they themselves are willing to ignore the policy and sit for you.

        • fdsa says

          Our daycare center has a relationship with some sitters. Ask the manager and she may have suggestions.

    • Anon says

      Can I piggyback on this? Our kids daycare teachers are employees of our company (company-run daycare) and get fantastic pay and benefits. I think they think of themselves as salaried professionals and I’d hate to insult them by implying they need extra cash like teenagers who do hourly work. But I would love to have them as babysitters. Does anyone have suggestions for a good way to ask? And how much to pay? I don’t know how much they make at school but I would guess it’s north of $20/hour.

      • Clementine says

        I just asked by saying, ‘We’re looking for a sitter for occasional date nights. Do you know of anyone?

      • Sarabeth says

        Our daycare is similar – the workers are well paid (for daycare staff, at any rate), and I didn’t want to insult them by assuming they needed a second job. When I asked around there, I phrased it like, “do y’all know of anyone you trust that does this?” One of my son’s teachers pointed me to a teacher in a different classroom who wanted to moonlight to save up for a down payment. We paid her $25/hr for two kids, which is very high for our market, but it was 100% worth it when my son was tiny and I needed someone I could trust absolutely.

        That said, when my son got older, I found someone off of care.com who is also great. My experience there was that a lot more screening was required, but I got enough applicants that I was able to be choosy. I checked references, and the first few times, I had our sitter come over and play with the kids on a Saturday and play with the kids while I stayed in the house getting chores done. Once I’d seen her in action a few times, I felt entirely confident leaving the kids in her hands

    • AwayEmily says

      I know lots of people who have found wonderful sitters through care dot com. I’ve also had good luck reaching out to coworkers with kids — they are often willing to share names of sitters (though prob depends on the culture of your office).

    • A says

      We have not used Care for date night sitters, but did find our nanny through the site. She is amazing and loves our kids. I was similarly stressed and anxious about finding someone online, but we scheduled interviews and called references and it was all fine.

      • Callie says

        Our preschool also has a policy against it but I asked one of my son’s preschool teachers “whether they or anyone they know” would be interested in a regularly approximately biweekly mostly weeknight evening sitting job and one of them was. In the same conversation, I told her what we’d pay (which is $25/hour–high I believe but also I’m only using her for about 2 hours a week–and that seems to be the going rate if I paid a nanny in our neighborhood to do a date night) and that we were not looking for a nanny or anything more than about 2 hours a week or every other week (I wanted her to know that this was definitely not going to morph into more hours). She was very interested. I think that I would have also had luck asking around at a local tot music class or somewhere like that. She’s energetic, I know she was background checked, and she knows my kids from doing classes/preschool there for the last two years. I will say she isn’t as likely to take initiative with things as my nanny is–but then again, my nanny is AMAZING and watches my kids fulltime and has for 3.5 years while this preschool-sourced sitter only watching my kids for about 2 hours at a time and they are often asleep for half of the time. So, if I have to do more prep to figure out dinner or suggest a play idea or whatever, I don’t really care if it means that every other week or so my husband and I can have dinner out together and know that our kids are with someone they know. (The preschool is one of those corporate kid centers that also offers a lot of toddler enrichment classes and seems to hire one lead teacher per class with some sort of education background–or studying for an education degree–and then staff everything else with a lot of mid-twenties people who are energetic and trainable and mostly seem to be in NYC to pursue acting or music or other non-education related careers).

        For what it’s worth, I’ve got several friends who’ve also found great people through care.com I also regularly see people post on my local mom’s facebook group.

    • Anonymous says

      We found our sitter by asking the daycare teachers we liked if they knew anyone who did evening sitting. A lot of childcare workers also have friends in the field, especially those who did the early childhood education course together.

    • anon. says

      We found a very reliable babysitter on Nextdoor, if that’s available to you. She’s a college student. Zero problems. I think this is doable, yes stressful but necessary.

    • avocado says

      We used College Nannies and Tutors. I liked that they were all background-checked. Some were just fine, a few were amazing. The best were grad students in education.

    • Anon says

      I can’t bring myself to use a random person because my mind goes down the rabbithole of all the things that could go wrong and DH is a former criminal defense attorney and so he has a view (admittedly distorted toward the negative) about these things as well. Maybe with multiple references, background checks, interviews, etc. but that seems like a lot for a random date night – it was just easier to not go out. Ways we have solved this – got friendly with a neighbor who has a high school daughter (as DH says, at least he knows where she lives). Swap off with friends who also have young kids. Use recommendations from a social media group of mom friends. Asked co-workers who have high-school or college aged kids. Make sure we schedule a date night whenever family comes to visit – kiddo gets bonding time with grandparents and aunts, and we get a bit of a break. Friends of ours are on a social media group for the nursing students at the college near us and like that because apparently they are background-checked, typically good with kids, up to date on immunizations and usually CPR-trained.

      • Anonymous says

        Most things that go wrong to kids happen to them because of their families and family friends. Not strangers.

        • anonanony says

          +1 on this. I try to keep that in mind when thinking about their safety and security.

        • Anonymous says

          This is true. Children are most likely to be abused by a friend or family member, but those statistics generally include caregivers in the ‘person known to the child’ type category.

          And even though it is very very unlikely, when you work in criminal law or in child protection law, it’s really hard to deal with that stuff all day and then not take it home with you and let it affect your personal decisions. All the lawyers I know who work in child protection or criminal law are super cautious about caregivers, I think it’s a natural reaction to so much exposure to those unlikely events of abuse/neglect/harm. I don’t think that means they are being too cautious or that others are not being cautious enough, but how we frame risk is so affected by our personal experiences, it is understandable that different approaches work for different families.

      • RR says

        When I was a kid, the high school daughter of close friends of my parents would babysit us. She generally had her boyfriend over, and they holed up in my parents’ bedroom with the door locked the whole time. In contrast, the caregivers I’ve hired from care.com have been, without exception, professionals who were engaged with my kids and not exposing them to random people or ignoring them. Sometimes, what brings us comfort isn’t logical, which is fine. I’m irrationally worried about my kids falling down stairs and getting a fatal head injury. I just try to be cognizant of that when making comments that could be construed as judgmental of others’ choices.

    • ElisaR says

      I was in the same situation as you, Sitter. I have heard some success from friends using care.com. I also got connected with a teenager that lives on my street when her mother posted on our neighborhood facebook page about babysitting. I would ask neighbors you encounter if they know of any babysitters in the area (not having to drive them home is a nice bonus). I had the most success asking a friend who works for a daycare (not ours) if she knew anyone and it turned out her son’s friend was interested. (Yay for me having kids after 40 – means my friends’ kids are all OLD!)

    • Spirograph says

      If your neighborhood has a listserv, you can try posting there asking if anyone’s older children are interested in babysitting or checking for recommendations. We found a couple great babysitters that way, and I feel more comfortable knowing that their parents are close by in case anything really goes sideways.

      Especially in the summer when college students may be home, and high schoolers have some more free time, you should have pretty good luck.

    • CCLA says

      We have no family in town, and no parent friends (a few now, but that took a while), so I feel you on not having mom friend resources to rely on. I haven’t used Nextdoor, but would be happy to rely on that since they are real recs from confirmed local people. We found our favorite sitter through care – I am a worrier by nature, but I had to get out of the house, and I felt comfortable. We checked references, did interview in person, and had a few days where I would be in and out of the house while she was there so I could keep an eye on things, plus cameras everywhere (she knew about them and was cool with it). Now we almost always use a local nanny service for random days where one of our sitters isn’t available or the daycare is closed, because it’s just easier. They background check, check referrals, check vaccines, etc., and most of the time they can send us someone we’ve had over to help before. While we were successful with that one sitter on care, I’ve since tried a few times and gotten so frustrated by how many mismatched replies you have to wade through (people never read the listing it seems). Nanny agency takes great care of us and is worth their modest fee. We still keep the cameras up and let everyone know they’re there and check them occasionally when it’s a brand new person.

      • Anon says

        It’s horribly expensive, but if you live near a lot of rich people, there should be a good nanny service around. It’s great in a pinch.

        There are two excellent nanny services in my area that I use. They specialize in full-time placements, but also have on-call services. I spent some time talking to each to find out about their vetting practices and feel comfortable with them.

        There’s a national franchise nanny service that I had a horrible experience with—they sent me someone for a potential full-time placement who had obviously and badly lied about her qualifications. When I pointed out the issue to the agency, they talked to her about it, still sent her to interview, and she dug herself deeper with more ridiculously lies. The qualification wasn’t important to me, but I didn’t feel comfortable that they didn’t spot such an obvious lie.

    • BabyBoom says

      You might want to see if there is a sitter service in your area. Google “sitter service” or “sitter referral service.” There are at least 5 in my area (not big city, but tons of colleges). Some services have you pay a fee (per visit or yearly membership fee). Some services charge by the hour and take a cut of the top (that’s what our local college nannies and sitters does). The services around here tend to check references and do background checks. Basically you are paying them to do the leg work of finding a good sitter. I think you can find great people on caredotcom but you have to do your due diligence to weed out the not-so-good.

    • SC says

      We hired our nanny through care.com several years ago. We did phone interviews with several people and interviewed 2 people, including her, and checked her references. She started a week before I went back to work, partly so I’d feel comfortable with her, partly so she could learn the routine, and partly so I could get some things done before I went back.

      I’d happily find a sitter on care.com if I needed one.

    • AnotherAnon says

      We’ve used care dot com to find sitters twice – one was amazing and took my kid for walks, to the park and did crafts with him and one was basically a warm body who made sure my kid was relatively safe and put to bed on time. I’d second the advice to try day care teachers if that’s an option, but care dot com is a perfectly good option too (their candidates are background checked). The only frustration I had with care was that I had to call and vet people and that takes time, which I did not have, which is why we never went out in the first place. Can you pivot this to your spouse? Mine was perfectly happy to call and interview them once I asked him to.

    • Anonymous says

      I don’t know how old your kids are, but I highly recommend using nextdoor or similar. Our town has a facebook babysitting group and I’ve gotten some great (and some not so great, but certainly safe) sitters out of that. If you use care dot com, I’d absolutely insist that you request and call multiple references. Also, do a trial run. With Care I’ve found three great sitters, but I’ve also had a bunch of no shows, and a few with sketchy (to me) situations (“oh my car broke down I can’t come”, or “oh my mom was hospitalized/dog has an emergency/got food poisoning”s–not that those things don’t happen, but it’s like, the first week and you’re texting not calling and it’s 10 minutes before you’re supposed to be here!).

      But there are totally normal people who are great, responsible sitters on Care! There is just no screening so it’s kind of like online dating to fish out the weirdos. I used to babysit and I advertised there. My preference is always a college student or similar looking for work. I would also do a trial afternoon– you can be home or you can pop out for errands but stop back in. My kids are always harder when I’m home, so I try not to do this too much, but with a stranger I think it’s necessary.

    • RR says

      Yes, I’ve used care.com successfully many times. All my “random” internet people have been fantastic, actually.

  10. Cleaning cloth diapers? says

    Recs for a cheat sheet (or directions) on cleaning cloth diapers? Also how to prep prepared diapers that have been in storage for a while…

    Totally forgot how this worked when first kid was young, plus we have a new washer and dryer (LG HE front loader).

    • Cb says

      I feel like everything online is so complicated so I just followed the direction on the brand.

      I have a HE front loader and do a rinse cycle, a long 40C cycle with one scoop of non-bio powder detergent and one scoop of nappy sanitizer, and then a rinse cycle.

      As kiddo gets older, I’ve added boosters and find these do well with a soak / rinse beforehand. I just use a separate bin for these, fill it up with water and let it soak for a few hours, dump and add more water. I do nappies every 5 days or so but did it more frequently when he was younger and using more.

    • AK says

      “Fluff Love University” website is where it’s at. They have a ton of info for how to wash by washer type (see: Washing Machine Index) and what types of detergents are best. You need to prewash (in the washer) and then do a standard long wash. I always threw everything in the dryer on low.

      For your diapers from storage -> Bleach soak according to the FLU

      • AK says

        They also have a facebook page “FluffLoveCDScience” that has enthusiasts who are helpful at answering questions and active troubleshooting.

      • GCA says

        +1. we have high efficiency front loader as well, just make sure there’s a sufficient volume of laundry in there.

    • Redux says

      We run our cloth diapers as a normal load, but we use plain old prefolds and not the more highly engineered kind. If you use plain old prefolds, then I don’t think there’s anything special to do. We shake out/ rinse out any solids before tossing soiled diapers and covers into a large wetbag. Every other day we dump the contents of the wetbag into the washer and run it as a regular load on hot water with normal detergent. Hang the covers to dry (to preserve the elastics/ snaps/ velcro) and run the prefolds in the dryer on normal.

      And I totally had your experience with our second kid– how does this work again??? It becomes so rote (and easy!) so it’s easy to forget!

    • H13 says

      You will get back into the groove! I would do a bleach wash before using on the new baby with a few extra rinses.
      Then when you have sizeable loads going forward (every three days for us):
      First wash – normal cold/warm with a little bit of Tide regular powder
      Second wash – heavy duty hot with a full scoop of Tide powder + extra rinse
      Hang dry any PUL and dry inserts.
      My diapers are on kid #2 and while some of the elastics are stretched out, I don’t find that it means we get leaks any more frequently. We use disposable liners for daycare and fleece liners at home. I also use Mighty Bubbles every six weeks or so this time around.

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