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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anon for this says
If I wasn’t on deadline I would have taken a personal day.
3 year old spent 45 minutes flat out fighting getting dressed (which made us 30 minutes late because I only have a 15 minute fight scheduled l). At one point, he went from fully dressed to standing on the stairs wearing only a pair of Thomas the tank engine underpants backwards and wailing that he wanted to watch TV. (Um, no.)
Baby is cutting 2 teeth and feels warm but temp was within the daycare acceptable range so I dosed baby with Motrin and prayed.
I could genuinely use a drink or a nap or something and it’s not even 9am. Also, because I kept adding on the consequences, now I have to follow through with 2 days of no screen time… which is MY break!
Irish Midori says
Eek. So sorry, that is awful. Been there. Hope you can hold out a reward for yourself later today. I’m raising a cup of coffee to you this morning.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I’m sorry and solidarity. I also have a 3 year old and an infant and mornings are rough. So much noise and mess before 8am!
Annie says
Ugh – can you treat yourself to a latte or something? Or take two minutes to laugh at this with pure identification: https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/hello-ill-be-your-toddler-tour-guide-for-this-trip-out-the-front-door.
Boston Legal Eagle says
LOL I loved this. Thank you.
OP says
This… this is amazing. I feel so seen.
Not the OP says
McSweeneys toddler pieces are my favorites, and I hadn’t seen this one. Made me laugh out loud in the elevator!
Chi Squared says
Thanks for sharing – I LOL’d. So spot on. I always start the morning routine with my fingers crossed that it will go smoothly. I vow to be positive and cheerful. It almost inevitably devolves into chaos and threats. Once every few weeks it does go smoothly, which gives me hope for the future.
GCA says
Oh dear. Solidarity. I LOLed at “I only had a 15 minute fight scheduled”. we had a similar morning (4yo, 1yo, clothes, grumpiness, sunscreen) which is why I was 20 minutes late out the door.
avocado says
I also LOLed. Ours is 12 and we still schedule at least 15 minutes for morning dawdling/fighting.
ElisaR says
oh no! does this mean at 4 years old life doesn’t get magically easier? i was so counting on that……
GCA says
It does in some ways – the difference with age 4 is that the meltdowns are much fewer and farther between, but when they arrive they are BIG because big kids…have developmentally appropriate big emotions! The upside is that he is delightful and chatty and curious most of the time.
CPA Lady says
Have you tried having him sleep in the next day’s clothes? We do this and it really saves time in the morning.
AwayEmily says
Along these lines (and please ignore if you are looking only for commiseration and not advice) we get our kids (3.5 and 18mo) dressed in front of the TV. They get ~10 minutes of Daniel Tiger while we get them dressed/do hair/apply sunscreen/put on shoes. It’s the very last thing we do, so as soon as they are dressed, the TV goes off and then they go directly to the car.
SC says
My husband gets our preschooler dressed while they watch music videos on DH’s laptop. DH plays an eclectic mix of upbeat music from the 70s through today, and just avoids inappropriate images and messages. It’s been fun to see what Kiddo really likes and how it changes over the past couple of years. Mainly, it seems easier to get Kiddo dressed than not having the screen, but DH doesn’t encounter the turning-the-TV-off meltdown when it’s time to leave.
SC says
Oh, and on the few occasions DH hasn’t been able to get Kiddo dressed on time, he’s taken Kiddo to daycare in pajamas with a change of clothes and told the teachers he doesn’t really care whether Kiddo changes clothes. I suppose that ship has sailed once your 3-year-old is at the top of the stairs in Thomas underwear.
Anon for this says
This used to work. It stopped working. All of it.
This morning after he had ALREADY done 90% of our morning routine, kid tried to demand that he would watch TV and then get to eat a scrambled egg in his pajamas, and then he would have me pick out clothes and then he would get dressed upstairs without me looking at him but with me in the same room.
Today was a Day.
lsw says
I feel you. After a week of a crazy stomach bug followed shortly thereafter by a week of pneumonia, we are weaning our just-turned 3yo off of TV and there is so. much. drama. So many tissues being whipped out of the box and eaten (?). So many dinosaurs thrown. So many pillows being punched and bitten. So much kicking.
Anon says
I feel you. DH has a migraine, kiddo is home today and we’ve had no fewer than 4 tantrums pre 9am (including stomping on a package of english muffins because mama isn’t apparently allowed to eat breakfast), I’m trying to WFH for what was supposed to be a light day, and my inbox and phone have been exploding because people who said “no rush” yesterday apparently decided it was a rush job today.
dlc says
Mornings are so tough! So are young kids. I feel like many a morning I look at the clock and am amazed at how much chaos and exasperation and effort I’ve experienced at it’s only 9am. I mean, for all that, it should be beer o’clock already.
Anonymous says
I’m considering having my 3 (4 in October) kiddo pick out her clothes for the next day as part of the bedtime routine. Anyone have any success with that? I’m wondering how much she’ll want something else the next morning. I’m thinking it could be easier to get her dressed if she has more investment in it. Kiddo is also getting more adept at putting on clothes on her own, and that can be a source of motivation. “Do you want to put on your dress all by yourself?” is usually met with enthusiasm.
Emily S. says
I’ve had mixed results. But, what at 3.5 isn’t a mixed result? Some evenings, she’s game but changes her mind in the morning; some evenings, she’s so done it’s not worth a try; and some evenings, she’s game and gets dressed in that outfit in the morning. It has gotten better since she turned 4; she reliably picks out her own outfit and dresses herself now. Let’s hope I didn’t just jinx myself.
Dc anon says
I’m considering taking a job that requires me to be an 1.5 hour flight away for two months.I think the job will be a great opportunity, so I’m willing to this but sometimes I worry about how I will get through it. I have only ever been away from my kids for a couple of nights. DH will have his mom to help him with the daily stuff.
Has anyone done something like this? I thinking about flying home every weekend but I have heard that can be more disruptive. I could use practical tips (meal planning, logistics) and tips on how to not freak out.
Anonymous says
How old are your kids? The DH of one of the lawyers I work with did this but he flew home Thursday night, WFH on Friday, and then flew back Monday morning. They had three young kids but used a nanny so she didn’t have to do drop off/pick up.
Dc anon says
Thank you for your comment. Kids are 2 and 5 and there will be two drop offs/pick ups. MIL might keep the 2 year old at home some days to avoid the long drive. Unfortunately, WFH wont be an option but I might be able to schedule the training around a time with a couple of holidays so that I can get a three day weekend.
Anonymous says
At those ages, I would be inclined to come home every weekend. The new ‘routine’ will be that Mommy is just home on the weekends. Keep a calendar visible in the kitchen, circle the days you will be there, and DH can mark off each day so they know when to expect you. Kids are resilient but for a two month period I think you need to establish a clear routine for them.
Sarabeth says
I would definitely come home every weekend. I worked a consultant-type schedule (away 3 nights/week) for four months with kids that age, and have regularly done 2-3 week stints away since my kids were born. Which is to say, I don’t think you are crazy for doing this. But from that experience, I think it would be MUCH harder on your kids if you don’t come home as often as possible. According to my husband, anything above 2 weeks of travel has a noticeable impact on my kids’s ability to hold it together.
Clementine says
My husband does lots of extended work travel. A one time two month stint will be totally fine. Explain to the kids and set up a nightly FaceTime/Skype date if possible.
Countdown to the next time you’ll see them by putting Hershey’s kisses in a jar. When the kisses are gone, Mommy comes home! Have a calendar where you cross down the days.
For your spouse: the first two weeks will be awful. You need to find a groove. Get a monthly cleaning person, streamline as much as you can. Do things like stock up paper towels and TP and pre-order/make out cards before you leave. Figure out a time where they can take a break (even if it’s just ‘MIL comes over so I can go to the gym’) because being ‘on’ 24/7 as the only adult is exhausting on every level.
It’s doable, you just need to make sure everybody is on the same page.
Anon Fed Wife says
I haven’t done this but a lot of my husband’s coworkers did! If you don’t get answers here, try searching out message boards for federal law enforcement employees. Usually you have to work state or local level for awhile to get hired by the feds so that means by the time you get hired, many people have kids. The academies range from 8-21 weeks depending on what you are going for and are often on the other side of the country whereas the state/local academies are a quick drive home on the weekend.
For my husband’s academy, most people flew home for the weekend at the halfway point. He chose not to as there were really strict consequences for coming back late and he didn’t want to take the risk of a travel delay.
I’m pleased to also say that he had a lot of women in his academy class it wasn’t just dads that left the kids for two months. You can definitely make it work!
octagon says
For two months you can totally do it. For the kids, you can develop a routine so that you see or talk to them every day. When I travel, sometimes I record a video of me reading a story that kiddo can watch again and again, if he misses me. They might also like new stuffies or something that will remind them of you (the book Kissing Hand is also sweet for this). Whether you go home on the weekends may depend on your work — if you go home, you probably need to be sure that you will be 100% fully present with the kids and not doing any work when they are around.
lsw says
There’s a Daniel Tiger episode where one of the moms travels for work. It might be helpful for your kids.
https://aptv.org/episodes/1902404/Daniel-Tigers-Neighborhood/Jodis-Mama-Travels-for-Work/The-Tiger-Family-Babysits/
avocado says
I started taking a lot of one-week trips when my daughter was 2.5. With help from Grandma and perhaps the Trader Joe’s frozen food section, this sounds totally doable. If it won’t detract from the training experience to be gone over the weekend, I’d definitely come home for weekends, especially since it’s just one 1.5-hour flight. I’d fly home late Friday night and then fly back Sunday afternoon.
When my daughter was your kids’ age, she never had any issue with my travel. She and her dad had their own special routine for when I was gone, and she especially loved it when my mother would come to help out. She would even ask when I was next going away so Grandma could come visit and she and Daddy could go to the waffle restaurant. She only started complaining about my travel when she got older.
If you can swing it, I’d hire a weekly cleaning service for the duration of the training. It’s really exhausting to spend all week on the road, fly home, then have to spend the whole weekend doing housework.
DLC says
I’ve done work trips 3-6 weeks away regularly before my 2nd child was born (I stopped travelling when the second was born and my oldest was 5). I work 6 days a week, so I couldn’t go home.
My biggest piece of advice would be trust the parent at home to set routines and find their way as a parent. When you are being the only parent, routine is paramount to sanity, and I had to respect that for my husband’s sake. For example, it turned out that it was disruptive of me to randomly FaceTime or call. So we had a window of time every day to FaceTime and if I missed it, I didn’t try again until my daughter was in bed. Calls during the morning didn’t work for us because it led to tantrums when it was time to hang up and get out the door. Also – let your friends know that your partner will be solo parenting and encourage them to reach out. My husband is terrible at asking for help or planning social activities, so I think it was helpful when other people initiated. Make sure daycare/ school knows to call your partner first. I didn’t bother to meal prep or plan for my husband because he doesn’t like leftovers or re-heated food. I just let him take care of it. I think, in general I had to learn to let go of a lot of things – how the kids dress, what they eat, how much tv they are watching. Your partner is going to do the best that they can and if that means McDonald’s in front of the tv once or twice a week, don’t judge. I do think there is a trade off for cool work/ travel opportunities where you need to relinquish control over the every detail of what your kids are doing and how your partner is doing it. I got through it by really focusing on my work and putting in a lot of hours and relishing having the time to read, knit and cook without little kids underfoot.
One thing I didn’t do that I wish I had was to line up a regular babysitter for my husband. He was always very burnt out by the and of my gigs, and I think he could have really used a regular night off.
Manageress says
I’ve done this. I was away for two months with a 6 year and 2 year old. Was in another country so didn’t even come home once – which my DH preferred because he didn’t want to handle the good-bye, crying, etc. saga.
You can do it. Streamline as possible, reduce YOUR (and YOUR DH’s) expectations for what good looks like – they will be in survival mode for two months, get a cleaning service, automate as much as possible, cancel extracurriculars if logistically they will be too tough (e.g., swim class was too far away and we didn’t want my MIL to drive so far, so we cancelled for two hours).
You can and SHOULD do it!
Irish Midori says
PS I love this top, and now I’m trying to figure out if I should put together an order to get free shipping. Darn you, Corporette!
Redux says
My small department (12 staff + 6 interns) is having a daytime summer celebration at a lake house. One of my colleagues asked me if I was going to bring a bathing suit to swim and I immediately said yes because it is hot and lake house! But then I wondered– is it awkward to be in a bathing suit around your professional colleagues (plus college interns)??
AwayEmily says
Depends on your workplace culture and your own comfort level, I think. One solution would be to get a more conservative bathing suit — I had a similar issue recently while on a trip with my in-laws, who I love but didn’t really feel like parading around in a bikini with. I got some “swim shorts” and a tankini top. I looked a little frumpy but I was comfortable and happy.
Irish Midori says
It’s not weird if everyone else is. I’d probably pick one of my more modest suits, and might keep board shorts and/or a rashguard on, but depending on your culture, I don’t think it’s awkward. Just don’t be that girl in a G-string, yk?
avocado says
At my first job our department had an annual “retreat” at the director’s lake house that included staff just out of college. Everyone wore swimsuits. The middle-aged women all wore one-pieces, but I don’t think they were the type to wear a two-piece ever.
If you don’t want to wear a one-piece but are not sure you’ll be comfortable showing too much skin, you could bring a short-sleeved rash guard to put over your bikini. More and more people are wearing rash guards for sun protection these days, so it shouldn’t stand out in a bad way. Whenever I wear one I get a lot of positive comments.
avocado says
Also, if you are thinking of a one-piece, I have seen a lot of black one-pieces, including ruched halter styles that I would previously have considered matronly, on younger women lately. Seems to be a trend.
anon says
It’s a lake; I don’t think it’s weird at all. Wear something relatively modest/conservative, and you’ll be fine! I, for one, would not pass up the chance to splash around in a lake.
mascot says
Not weird. Will there be water sports (tubing, skiing, dock jumping, etc)? I’d probably for opt for a one piece so you don’t risk a wardrobe malfunction if you elect to participate in activities.
Em says
I also have a work event at a lake and will be wearing a swimsuit. One pieces look terrible on me so I am wearing high-waisted full-coverage bottoms, a regular top (not much to cover there), and a swimsuit cover up.
Anonymous says
Swimsuit- in this context, nope! $exy bikini, yes.
I’d wear a one piece or a tanking, and a cover up. Then remove coverup to swim and put back on after.
Anon says
Has anyone ever had a UTI go away on its own? I’ve had a mild one for ~3 days…I have a doctor’s appointment today and I assume they will prescribe me antibiotics, which I will of course take if it gets worse but I wonder if it’s possible to just wait it out.
buffybot says
Nooooooooooo. I know lots of people (well, at least 3) who have horror stories of just hoping the UTI goes away. The stories all seem to end in urgent care/potentially the ER/doctor freaking out that now it’s spread to your kidneys.
I mean, I understand that once upon a time before antibiotics, not everyone died of UTIs – but this is not a place to mess around. Drink lots of water, take your antibiotics.
(The only exception to this that I can think of is sometimes I have a paranoid fear that I am getting one and instead have just irritated the area or am really dehydrated, and then the symptoms go away and then I know it’s not actually a UTI. But if it is, take the antibiotics)
Marilla says
Definitely take the antibiotics!! If you leave a UTI alone it can turn into a kidney infection.
Anonymous says
Try doubling your water intake for a day after the appointment. If you aren’t feeling 100% better, do the antibiotics. I wouldn’t put it off any longer than that.
AnotherAnon says
TMI but you asked: I used to get very mild ones a few days before my period, but they’d go away once I started my period. If I knew I wasn’t going to start within a few days, I’d just take the medication because mine wouldn’t otherwise go away on their own.
Anonymous says
Just take the antibiotics. Do you want a kidney infection? This is dumb.
Anon says
Antibiotics have costs, too — both individually and on the aggregate (see the recent NYT article about antibiotic-resistant UTIs) and there are peer-reviewed studies suggesting that many UTIs do resolve on their own. I don’t think it’s ever “dumb” to think carefully about the costs versus benefits of a medical intervention.
Anonymous says
Eyeroll.
Anonymous says
I don’t think this comment deserves an eyeroll. We should consider cost-benefit for medical interventions (with expert medical advice), and antibiotic resistance resulting from misuse and overuse is likely going to be a very serious problem in our lifetimes.
PSA: ALWAYS take your full course of antibiotics, even if you feel better. Don’t be part of the problem!
That said, I would not hope a UTI goes away on its own. Kidney infections are dangerous. Take the antibiotic, and a probiotic to help restore your microbiome
ElisaR says
I’m guessing writing “eyeroll” make you feel superior…. get over it.
ElisaR says
I agree antibiotics are not something I want to take unless I absolutely have to! I think it’s smart to try to avoid them if you can.
“This is dumb.” is just a rude thing to say and I disagree with the comment to top it all off!
OP says
Thanks — I really appreciate your comment. I know I shouldn’t take it personally when someone is dismissive on the internet but sometimes I can’t help it, and it’s always nice to have someone stand up for you. :-)
BabyBoom says
I had what I thought was a mild UTI this week. Over the weekend I had that feeling, but it wasn’t as bad as it usually was. Because I had a very big long day on Tuesday, I went to the Dr on Monday. While we were waiting on my test results, we discussed whether or not it would go away on its own (again because I thought it was mild). My PCP is very big on NOT giving antibiotics unless absolutely necessary, but he recommends treatment if you test positive for a UTI. He said that there have been some studies where a small percentage of UTIs self resolved. However, he said he wouldn’t recommend it unless you were under a doctor’s supervision with daily testing. The risk of the infection if untreated is just too high. My test showed I have a UTI and I am currently taking antibiotics. I hate it, but I trust my Dr.
shortperson says
ive had a few mild ones resolve when i chugged insane quanitities of cranberry juice
NYCer says
Same here. And I used D Mannose powder.
A kidney infection is no joke! says
I started the antibiotics for a UTI too late once, and I ended up in the ER with a kidney infection. It was so bad by the time I got to the ER that I didn’t even have to wait – I was back in a bed being seen by a doctor within 5 minutes of the uber dropping me off since I basically fainted at the admission desk. And that just from getting to the doctor’s a little late and starting the antibiotics a day or two later than I would have liked. A kidney infection is no joke! Go to the doctor. Take the antibiotics.
OP says
Thanks all. It was very helpful hearing about these different experiences. Just got back from the doctor. It’s definitely a UTI, and she recommended that since my symptoms were still so mild I hold off a day until starting an antibiotic, then start tomorrow if there’s no improvement. And so that is exactly what I will do.
lsw says
There’s a Daniel Tiger episode where one of the moms travels for work. It might be helpful for your kids.
Apparently I can’t post with a link but it’s called “Jodi’s Mama Travels for Work/The Tiger Family Babysits”.
lsw says
Argh, when I went back I posted in the wrong spot. Sorry. Obviously for traveling mom above.
anon says
this past weekend we were at a pool party for a 2 year old’s bday and i met 5 different couples with 2 kids less than 17 months apart – one even had 3 kids, with 13 months between the first two and 14 months between the second two! the moms were bouncing their babies while wearing super cute cover ups, full makeup, etc. and their older child was running around and they honestly looked so relaxed. i have twins, but even if i had only had 1, i cannot imagine having 2 or 3 kids so close together and i most certainly do not look relaxed when out with my kids. i know a lot of them are sahm, but i don’t think they have help. are some people just wired differently and really meant for this parenting thing 24/7?
Anonymous says
I would assume they’re probably in a great mood because they’re out at a pool party, have a reason to look cute (because they don’t dress up for a job out of the house), and are not watching the kids by themselves all day!
Callie says
Just wanted to share that some people might think that I’m that mom (well the child-age-spacing part of it–not the looking cute, SAHM part of it)–my first two are 17 months apart and I am about to have our 3rd which means that we’ll have about a month of 3 under 4. Just remember that there is a LOT of craziness, screentime, kicking (by the kids), tears, etc that you don’t see. Also, I tell my nanny all the time that I couldn’t do it without her–I survive by working out of our home five days of the week. Remember too what Anonymous at 10:05 said–they’re in a great mood b/c they’re at a pool party! I’d just add that my kids out of the house with both parents there to tag team and lots of fun activities are definitely at their cutest and happiest–which means that I’m at my most relaxed.
avocado says
I have a friend who mistakenly believes I am that mom (without the two-under-two part–our kids are 12). She is forever making comments about how cute my clothes are and how much fun my family always has and what a great cook I am and how organized my garage is (which it is most definitely not). Meanwhile, I feel like a trainwreck and think she is a total bada$$. She is her family’s sole breadwinner with multiple degrees and a high-pressure job. After working long hours, she comes home and takes care of a huge rural property and a bunch of animals and helps out her elderly parents. On top of that, she is the world’s kindest person and remembers and really cares about all sorts of little details about everyone she knows. So it’s really all in your perspective.
Sasha says
Sure, different people are wired differently and have different strengths. And I don’t find it that hard to believe they would be made up and dressed cute for a party, even with 2 under 2. It takes 2 minutes to order a cute cover up on Amazon, 30 seconds to put it on, and five minutes (for me) to do full makeup — it’s just a matter of deciding to do it, if that’s a priority for you (as it seemingly is for them).
ElisaR says
some people are definitely wired differently. Stay at home could be a factor, Age could be a factor (I really think I could have been a more put-together mom in my early 30s and certainly lost the weight easier), and some people only operate on 5 hours of sleep! i’m not one of those people.
Anonymous says
As someone who doesn’t get to go “out” much, I always put on makeup and cute clothes for any events with our friends including children’s birthday parties. I’m someone who doesn’t feel great when I look frumpy so I’m always dressed/made up (my routine is not time consuming). Also I have a child who is very well behaved and adorable in public and saves all the meltdowns for home/car. So we may seem out together but we’re not!!
And I have found that some people do have a higher tolerance for 24/7 on all the time parenting, which maybe is why they’re SAHMs?
anon says
Some people are definitely wired that way. I am envious, TBH. I would love to be that person, but alas, I’m the tired working mom who gets so sick of dressing for work 5 days a week that I turn into a total schlump on the weekends.
GCA says
How old are your twins? And maybe these moms (where are the dads – are they also hands-on?) of singletons feel like they have a better handle on the baby when they have recent practice with the older kid. I know my first felt hard at every stage because it was all so new to us.
Anonymous says
+1
I had twins, my cousin with 2 under 1 said that twins are harder because at least if they are close in age, you still had a chance to learn how to be a parent with only one baby to deal with.
Sticker Charts says
I’m thinking of instituting a sticker chart with my 3 (almost 4) year old, as the getting ready for school and bed battles have become obnoxious. I think she would really get into the chart these days. Any suggestions on rewards? Also, do people print out a new one for each time period? Or are there reusable stickers? I hesitate to do something with dry erase, because I’m fairly confident that the act of putting on the sticker will be a huge incentive for her. Right now, I’m thinking of a week long chart with the reward being a Starbucks Vanilla Creme on Saturday or something. But I’m really open to ideas for the ultimate reward, too.
mascot says
Melissa and Doug makes a magnetic chore chart. It’s pretty large though.
If you want to go basic while you test it out, print off a simple chart that you design in Word and let her pick out stickers at the dollar store/target.
avocado says
We did a lot of sticker charts starting around that age. I made a template and printed out a new one for each time period. We found that it worked best if we established very specific and objective requirements to earn a sticker (e.g., ready for school with shoes on by such and such a time) and set goals based on total number of stickers (e.g., you get the reward after you get 10 stickers, not if you get all possible stickers for the week). Most of our incentives were special activities or privileges.
Jeffiner says
My daughter loves putting the sticker on the chart. I just draw them myself with markers on a piece of paper. Some of our rewards have been extra screen time, a small toy, or makeup/nail polish.
Anonymous says
Ice cream is the only reward our kid cares about. At therapist’s suggestion he gets a sticker for various positive things and ice cream for every 10 stickers, so he knows the prize is achievable. It definitely helped his stop hitting at school.
anon says
How often do you feed you 19-month-olds milk? We’ve transitioned to whole milk (and starting to work on the sippy cup transition v. soon). Current schedule:
6am: 4.5oz bottle
7:45: breakfast
10/10:30: lunch #1
11/11:30: 6.5oz bottle
2/2:30pm: lunch #2
5/5:30pm: dinner
7pm: 7oz bottle.
Her weight gain has never been great so I’m super stressed that switching to the sippy cup will cut way down on her milk calories. Theoretically she would make them up during meals, but that hasn’t really been our experience. Should I add some milk after her second lunch during the transition? She drinks water great out of her munchkin 360 cups or even regular cups, but takes a few sips of milk out of a cup and then is done. I just bought a third-party manufacturer transition spout for her comotomo bottles and I’m hoping that helps some. Ugh. Also, side rant that this is the emotional labor stuff that my husband doesn’t have to do because I handle and I’m low-keyed annoyed about it.
AwayEmily says
My 18mo has about 8oz of milk a day (4 in the morning and 4 at night, both from the 360 cup). He refuses milk at school (prefers water). I totally get that it seems scary but I really do think she will eventually make up the calories. Kids are surprisingly good at figuring out what their body needs.
My first was never a fan of milk and only ever had about 4 oz in the evening starting at 12 months. Our pediatrician was fine with this, especially since she got plenty of yogurt and cheese.
Anon says
At that age we did milk with meals and water the rest of the time, but we also didn’t have weight gain issues.
Anonymous says
I just do milk in between meals, and no first and second lunch I in now way have time for that
ElisaR says
My understanding is that by 19 months, their calories mainly come from food. We do a 5 oz sippy cup of milk with lunch and his PM snack and he gets another 5 oz before bed. Sometimes he asks for a 5 oz in the morning but not usually. So he gets 15-20oz a day but realistically doesn’t finish each cup. No bottles at all after 1 year old.
ElisaR says
and lots of water. I have no idea how much but lots. We just refill the cup all the time.
Anon says
Since you’re a little worried about weight gain, could you turn your schedule into 3 meals and 2 snacks? That’s what my daycare does and what our doctor recommended.
Also, when we transitioned, there were a few days where she wasn’t drinking a lot of milk. I just kept at it, gave her more cheese that week, and she drinks out of a straw cup now.
GCA says
Agree – try 3 meals and 2 snacks. My first fell off his weight curve a bit (but kept growing vertically, go figure), but eventually our doctor agreed that he was just extremely active. He was never a big milk drinker, but happy to eat lots of high-protein, high-fat foods like nuts, avocados, eggs and cheese.
rosie says
I agree to move to 3 meals and 2 snacks (morning and afternoon). At that age we did milk in the morning when she woke up, and then available at meals & really whenever she wanted. We tried to include full-fat dairy products (yogurt, cheese– fresh mozzarella is a big hit) as well. Milk at this age isn’t crucial as long as they’re getting the right kinds of calories (fats, proteins) from other things.
We used Philips Avent sippy cups (the ones with the penguins) to transition from bottle to sippy cup, which our peds wanted to happen at 1. Those worked pretty well, so another one you could try. I think it’s pretty normal for milk consumption to go down when you take away bottles, and that’s ok.
Anonymous says
Related question – maybe too late in the day but I’m on the west coast. We switched our older kid to sippy cups at 11.5 mo with very little difficulty. Current baby is 11.5 mo but just doesn’t seem to have the fine motor skills — mostly holds own bottle but has not figured out how to tip it up to get the second half of the milk. He can hold it if he’s semi reclining in our laps and we do hold him for most bottles, but definitely struggles upright in his high chair. I’ll ask his ped at his 12 mo check up but did anyone else have this experience?
Anon says
Maybe try a weighted straw cup? We started with one of those for milk (and a munchkin 360 for water), transitioned to almost exclusively 360, and now we’re half 360, half open cup (depending on whether I feel like mopping up spills that day).
Anonymous says
Late this this, but also agree with the 3 meals/2 snacks approach and making sure that snacks have protein + fat + carbs (so not just Cheerious or Goldfish, but crackers with peanut butter or cheese + tortilla + fruit). We also had <1 percentile kids, but at that age we were limiting it to no more than 16 oz of milk and only with meals/snacks. Breakfast + 4 oz milk, morning snack + 4 oz milk, lunch + 4 oz milk, afternoon snack + water, dinner + 4 oz milk.
ElisaR says
I just finished watching “You” on Netflix. It was good! Any other suggestions of a good series that I might enjoy along with my husband?
Anon says
No idea what “You” is, but DH and I just finished watching Blown Away – it’s a glassblower competition. I thought it was really neat.
Anon says
And to clarify – DH found it first.
Boston Legal Eagle says
We found the Chernobyl miniseries to be really captivating (and disturbing). Other HBOs shows: Game of Thrones, though if you haven’t watched it yet there’s a lot to get through, Silicon Valley, Westworld. Netflix shows: Stranger Things (I liked the first 2 seasons more), Black Mirror, Russian Doll, many more that I’m forgetting now. We’ve also really enjoyed Mr. Robot, I think it’s on USA but we get it through Prime.
ElisaR says
ooh yes Russian Doll i have wanted to check out!
Patty Mayonnaise says
Dead to me on Netflix!
CCLA says
DH and I also watched and enjoyed You. I can’t think of anything else similar to that, but some things we have watched together in the past year or so (we try to pick one show to have going together at a time):
HBO: GoT, Silicon Valley, Chernobyl (agree it is totally captivating and disturbing). Recently started re-watching Big Little Lies, which I watched when it first aired and DH is enjoying it with me now.
Prime: Marvelous Mrs Maisel (LOVE), Jack Ryan. Also watched Man in the High Castle, though it took me awhile to warm up to it and I’m not 100% sure it was worth the investment of time.
Netflix: You, Stranger Things (I bowed out in season 3 and DH watched alone, not my favorite)
Anonymous says
The Good Place (NBC) is on Netflix and DH and I both enjoyed it. The latest season should be dropping on Netflix in late August.
Anonymous says
Not similar to “You” at all, but if anyone here is looking for a comedy to watch on Netflix go watch Workin’ Moms– it is so great.
CCLA says
Yes! I have enjoyed workin moms so much, though it’s something I watch on my own rather than with DH.
ElisaR says
i was so jealous of their one year Canadian maternity leave…..
anon says
I feel like I can’t say this IRL without it coming across as weird, but I hope it’s OK to share here. I realized today that I’ve been a full-time working mom for a decade. A DECADE. TEN WHOLE YEARS. Being a dual-career family hasn’t always been easy and there have been tradeoffs that have sucked at times — and I think that’s why it feels like an accomplishment. In my corner of the world, being a SAHM (or a working mom with a very part-time job) is still the norm in many ways. Will someone hand me a freaking medal? ;)
Boston Legal Eagle says
I hereby give you a medal for achieving that delicate balance, however it looks for you and however much it changes year to year. You rock!
AnotherAnon says
First, way to go! You totally deserve a medal. Can you share some of what you think helped you get where you are?
CCLA says
Heck yes a medal for you!! How about 10 medals? If you’re parenting with your husband, you can hang them next to the zillion medals he probably gets from strangers every time he takes the kid(s) to a park on his own. ;)
But in all seriousness, would love to hear any tips for those of us earlier on the path!
anon says
This is a big question, and I want to do it justice. I’ll plan on posting in the next day or so!
Anon says
Way to go! You totally deserve a trophy! And cake! Seriously, buy yourself some cake! Thanks for sharing
RR says
You just made me realize that I’m at 11 1/2 years. Wow, I’m kind of impressed by myself now! Heck yes, medals for all of us!!
Irish Midori says
I think you’re awesome!
Ms B says
You deserve all the medals! Keep it up — you are making change simply by doing what you do and modelling “working momness” on a daily basis. If the juniors (male and female) do not see you, then they do not know it can be done; you are forging a path for yourself and for them.
Patty Mayonnaise says
I’m looking for a dress to wear to my baby’s christening next month. It might be impossible, but I’m looking for something I can nurse in, but is also semi-fitted through the waist. I have a large chest (esp while nursing) so finding something church appropriate is a challenge. Anyone have any ideas? Thanks so much!!
Ducky says
I used to have a faux wrap dress that was perfect for dressier occasions where I knew I would be nursing. It was made of a stretchy fabric. I wore a large cotton scarf with it to hide my cleavage a bit and it doubled as a nursing cover.
Anonymous says
YES! And thank you for reminding me that I was going to share this with you ladies as a PSA and forgot.
I was at BR Factory over the weekend and tried on a bunch of faux wrap dresses. They are a stretchy material and have a hook at the chest that would be perfect to unhook for nursing. My only complaint was that they were a bit too loose in the chest for me…but when I was nursing I would have needed that room. Here are a few examples, but you might poke around more on the website to look for similar styles that I am missing. You might need a nursing cami with the deep v-neck if works logistically.
https://bananarepublicfactory.gapfactory.com/browse/product.do?cid=1053680&pcid=1045225&vid=1&pid=491897011
https://bananarepublicfactory.gapfactory.com/browse/product.do?cid=1053680&pcid=1045225&vid=1&pid=457163001
Anonymous says
The Leith wrap dress at Nordstrom is cut very generously in the bust.
shortperson says
rosie pope and isabella olivier both make nursing dresses that look really nice. i wore those things to death.
dlc says
ASOS has a nice selection of nursing dresses. They are all styled very casually on their website, and seem to be nursing dresses masquerading as maternity dresses, but the one dress I wore to church every week the year and a half when I was nursing was from there. They also have free and easy returns so you can order some and try them on.
Marilla says
Lauren Ralph Lauren makes faux wrap dresses that work for nursing! They’re my synagogue go-to in the newborn months so they should work for church too. Marshall’s often carries them.
Irish Midori says
I keep seeing these gorgeous nursing and maternity dresses advertised on Seraphine in my feed. Someone please buy one and report on it.
ElisaR says
i loved their maternity dresses!!
Anonymous says
A few years ago, I found a Maggy London dress at Nordstrom that fit this bill and was worn to several weddings and baptisms. Sort of a faux wrap dress. The fabric was synthetic and sort of stretchy. It was fitted but not bodycon. It’s not for sale any more, but maybe this would be similar? I can’t tell about the fabric: https://shop.nordstrom.com/s/maggy-london-amelia-floral-print-swiss-dot-midi-dress-regular-petite/5316490?origin=category-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FBrands%2FMaggy%20London&color=navy%2F%20dark%20orange
I’d recommend just ordering a bunch of faux wrap dresses of synthetic material and seeing which works on you.
Anonymous says
I just bought a Lands End cross front dress that sounds like it would be perfect!
Anon says
I am a junior partner at a small firm. I have very outdated office furniture now and have just been told I can upgrade. Problem is we don’t have established vendors or procedure for this type of thing and I have no idea where to look/what is appropriate. Any ideas? I haven’t been given a budget either, but am definitely trying to err on the conservative side for that.
US says
I have my first prenatal appointment next week, when I’ll be 7+1. I called to ask if I’ll have a dating scan at this appointment, and the receptionist said “maybe”. I’d like H to be there if I’ll have an ultrasound but don’t need him there otherwise. I’m planning to call back tomorrow to see if I can snag a different receptionist, but does anyone have thoughts on when I can expect one?
Lana Del Raygun says
I had my dating scan around 13 weeks. At your first appointment the baby is still too small to take measurements, I think, although I did have a mini-US just because I wanted to see. Congratulations!!!
Anonymous says
It’s definitely not too early for a dating scan. It’s actually more accurate the earlier you do it. I’d call back and try to get more detail – maybe you need to ask if you can schedule it now on the phone since mine were always by schedule, not on the fly.
Lana Del Raygun says
Yeah I was surprised to see everyone else’s answers! I knew you don’t want to too late but I thought it still had to be at least 11 or 12 weeks. I wonder if it’s just because my practice sends people to the MFM for ultrasounds so scheduling is trickier, or what.
Anonymous says
My doctor didn’t see people until 12 weeks, so I had one at the first appointment. If H can go, it might be nice. I remember receiving a TON of information at the first appointment, and it was a lot to absorb.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I had ultrasounds at both of my first prenatal appointments – one over the belly and one via the wand. They were able to roughly measure the baby and check the heartbeat. If you would like your husband there for support, good or bad, then I’d recommend you bring him to the first one.
Irish Midori says
Co-sign as to dating scan being pretty normal for first visit. I had mine at 6-9 weeks. If husband goes to any visits, first one and 20 week u/s are the best to go to. The rest are generally (if it’s not high risk) pretty boring (hopefully).
CPA Lady says
I had a trans-v ultrasounds at my ~8 week appt. It was on valentines day and my husband was out of town for work and couldn’t be there. In my head I had to laugh about spending valentines day getting probed by ET’s light up finger.
US says
I love this. Really excited to see H’s face when the trans-v probe comes out.
Anonymous says
I had a dating scan (trans v) at my first appointment and I ended up only being 6 weeks. We saw the little blob and heard the little heart beat. It is standard practice at my practice in DC. You also do get a ton of info at the first appointment, so I would recommend hub to be there regardless if he can swing it!
NYCer says
I also had a trans-v ultra sound at my first appointment at 7 weeks.
Emily S. says
I didn’t have a scan until my second appointment, at 12 weeks, but DH came to the first one, anyway. He just wanted to be there, partly for my moral support, and partly because he had so. many. questions (with each child.) If DH can come, you might want him there to absorb any medical info/ask questions or be your advocate.
Anonymous says
My OB doesn’t do them until 8 weeks
Anon says
My OB doesn’t do ultrasounds – I have to go to the MFM (who I see as a consult for being high-risk anyways). I think my OB wanted mine done between 7-9 weeks; I actually ended up getting mine done at 7 because I was hospitalized for something else and they wanted to check on the baby.
Anon says
I think it’s really hard to know. My Ob does not normally do ultrasounds until the 20 weeks anatomy scan. But I got a trans v US at 10 weeks because they couldn’t detect the heartbeat with their Doppler (everything was fine).
US says
Yeah, agree that it is hard to know! What weirds me out is that there’s really no other way to confirm that the pregnancy isn’t ectopic, and for obvious reasons I’d be really concerned about waiting longer if that were potentially the case.
Anonymous says
Hard for me to remember the exact timeline, but I had ultrasound done at 8-9 weeks with each of my pregnancies.
I would have your H come if he can, because you just never know. I found out at one of those ultrasounds that everything was not as it should be (baby too small, no heartbeat yet—ended up as a MMC). I’m glad I didn’t have to hear that alone. On the flip side, it made it very real for my husband to see the alien-looking thing in there with the two pregnancies that were viable, and that was really nice. :)