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Sales of Note…
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- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything; 50% off women’s dresses; extra 60% off clearance
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Kid/Family Sales
- J.Crew – 25-40% off kids’ styles; extra 50% off select sale
- Lands’ End – Up to 40% off your order
- Hanna Andersson – 30% off all kids’ & baby clothing; PJs on sale from $25; up to 75% off clearance
- Carter’s – Rule the School Sale: Up to 50% off; up to 40% off baby essentials
- Old Navy – 50% off back-to-school styles; 30% off your order, even clearance
- Target – Backpacks from $7.99; toddler & kids’ uniforms on sale from $5
- Pottery Barn Baby – Summer sale: up to 50% off
- Nordstrom – Limited time sales on brands like Maxi-Cosi and Bugaboo.
- Strolleria – Free infant seat car adapter with any Thule stroller; 30% off all Peg-Perego gear in our exclusive Incanto Collection
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Lana Del Raygun says
Yesssss now I can wear three saint medals at a time without looking like too much of a dork. Right? Right?
Anonymous says
It looks as if this gadget wouldn’t obviate the necessity of having the chains on the three necklaces be of different lengths.
Anonymous says
I am moving into a new house soon and need to find blackout shades or curtains for my child’s room. Usually I would spend an inordinate amount of time researching all the options, but that time is not available. I thought about buying roller shades from a big box store as a stop gap, but the windows are not standard sizes so it will be expensive and wasteful to do so. If you have had any recommendations on where I should shop (or avoid), I’d love to hear them!
Mrs. Jones says
We got blackout curtains from Land of Nod, which apparently is now Crate & Kids. Also got cute curtains and a double curtain rod to go with.
ElisaR says
we did Land of Nod too – they block out ALL light. (and are fun to play hide and seek in)
Anonymous says
Ikea is what I used for my kids rooms. They have a variety of sizes.
Anonymous says
I have blackout curtains from Ikea as well. I like them– they were very inexpensive and had a good variety of colors.
Anonymous says
I actually did the shades not the curtains! But good to know the curtains work as well.
Anonymous says
If you go with curtains, get a “blackout rod” that curves to allow the curtain to hang right against the wall with no gap on the side.
Anon says
Thank you for this tip! Never heard of this before and now absolutely need it for my son’s room.
Lily says
You can get cordless roll-down shades on amazon and they will make them custom – I think we ended up paying around $75 per window. They’re so nice in our nursery.
Buddy Holly says
If you want roller shades, the Budget Blinds in my city (I’m sure there are similar companies in other cities) was great. They measured, ordered, and installed. Their “designer” was also great. They have 8 million shades of white and she took one look at my trim, said “that is White Dove, you are going to want to go with [Some White Color] for the shade.” I was pleased with how little I had to be involved in the process and the cost was totally worth it to have it all done for me.
Anonymous says
When you buy roller shades at a hardware store, they trim them to fit in the store for free. Not expensive at all and quick/easy.
Anonymous says
We have the blinds linked below in combination with some cheap blackout curtains off of Amazon. The blinds work incredibly well – we have them in our bedroom, too, without curtains. I like to add the curtains for (1) decoration, and (2) so there are no gaps.
https://www.lowes.com/pd/LEVOLOR-Graphite-Room-Darkening-Cordless-Cellular-Shade-Actual-35-5-in-x-72-in/50298151
Lowe’s will cut them to the correct width for free (as noted by the Anon at 9:19).
SC says
We bought ours from Pottery Barn Kids. They’ve worked well.
Anonymous says
We have leveler wooden blinds from Lowe’s they will cut them to custom size for free. Kids blackout curtains from Target and we use the curved blackout rod from am*zon. So blinds plus blackout curtains.
CP says
If you need a cheap and fast yet effective option, buy the six pack of paper blackout shades from Amazon. Just search for paper blackout shades and it’s the result with a ton of good reviews. You can attach them to the inside of the window frame, to blinds already there, or even to the wall above the window. We use these in the nursery and they are great.
Tweeter says
this is expensive for what it is but cheaper amazon dupes have terrible reviews. Boo!
Anonymous says
IDK if this really makes life easier. It feels like more ‘stuff’. I’m trying to have less ‘stuff’ because taking care of/cleaning/organizing stuff is tiring. Is it that time consuming to close aa few necklace clasps that we need a gadget to help?
anon says
Agree with you completely.
anon says
i think this would help prevent them from getting tangled and allow them to lay more nicely. you have to close the clasps anyway to attach them to the device
anon says
just occurred to me that will fall approaching, now that i have walking twins they will need socks to wear with shoes. any recs for socks? they are girls if that matters. ideally i would love to buy a bunch of one kind so i don’t need to deal with missing socks. are there certain features that make some socks better than others?
Anonymous says
Socks with good grippies on the bottom so they can wear them around the house without sliding all over and falling. Ours are pretty much all Hanes from Walmart or Target. Most toddler socks have the grips, but every once in a while I’ll see some without.
Emily S. says
Our local shoe store recommends socks without grip for shoes because it makes the shoe go on easier (especially if you have a toe-curler like me) and grippy socks for around the house. I was skeptical, as I thought she was trying to sell me more socks, but when she demonstrated in the store, I saw the difference in shoe fit with a grip sock and a plain sock. I like Jeffries socks (with and without grip) and Primary (if you have multiple kids, primary socks have color-coded heels and toes by size which cuts down on the size and sock guessing game in the laundry pile.)
Anonymous says
Seconding those without grips to wear with shoes. Grips make the shoes hard to get on and often make shoes fit smaller. We do the brightly colored packs of Cat & Jack and often will wear unmatching pairs if ones get lost. YMMV.
Anon says
My toddler has wide and tall feet (she is a joy to fit). So the best I have found for thin enough to fit in her shoes but thick enough to not poke holes in are the ankle socks by Tucker and Tate from Nordstrom. I like gap socks for ones with grippies. I generally buy all white so that I can mix and match as needed, as kiddo’s favorite activity in her room is to empty the sock drawer (and not all of them make it back in).
Anon says
OP here. I just went on the Target site and do not see any socks with grips. Where can I find those? We live in Texas – do kids need to wear socks around the house?
Anon says
We’re in VA, and my toddler rarely wears socks around the house (same as her sock-hating mama). DH is almost never barefoot, so he constantly puts her in socks and then she takes them off. But if you are wearing socks indoors and have hard floors, strongly recommend grippy socks.
AnotherAnon says
We also live in Tx. My kid didn’t wear socks while he was learning to walk, but it was summer too. Target stores have Hanes and Cat & Jack socks with grips (their web site is hot garbage, imho). Buy a huge pack – we lose more kid’s socks than I anticipated. I buy almost everything online but sock and underwear required a trip to the store; not that I complain about an excuse to visit Target.
anon says
Nope! We live in NYC, but I never put socks on the kids indoors. Even the grip-y kind seem to lead to falls on hardwood floors, so we do socks right before putting on shoes and heading out the door.
Anonymous says
I don’t have a recommendation, but I will say that I splurged on a few pairs of Hanna Andersson socks for my daughter and I do not like them at all. They are very long and bulky. They might work better if your child has wider feet/thicker ankles but they are overwhelming on my daughter.
SG says
It will probably depend on the kiddo. Mine always takes off shoes + socks at the same time, she doesn’t like to have socks on (shrug). We have some slippers with grips for winter/cold feet – but we let her dictate footwear. Also, I totally let go of matching socks 1) it’s daycare 2) you will lose some 3)pants will often cover so you won’t know. Old Navy is my preference – no grips!
Lilyput says
I love the socks from boden. They have some grip and are not too thick. They come in a set of 7 pairs. And plus they have nice patterns.
+1 I didn’t like socks from Hannah Andersson. Too thick and expensive too!
anon says
Has anyone had their parents go a bit nutty as they transition to retirement? My parents are in the midst of retiring and they keep making really odd, impulsive decisions. They keep bleeding money with realtors and contractors, making poor decisions and getting ripped off. I’d call it senility if it was one parent, but they’re both just north of 65 and it seems impossible that it would hit them both at the same moment. It seems to be more related to them not being able to cope with the transition of retiring. My dad made similar odd choices about 20 years ago during a midlife crisis, but that only lasted a short time and my mom stopped the worst of it. Right now they are entirely resistant to any advice (often intentionally doing the opposite), so all I can do is listen and nod. Is this going to get better? I think they’re too with it to even discuss getting POA over their finances, but if they continue making such bad decisions they may have nothing left in retirement for the long haul. It’s so frustrating to watch them melt down like this after a lifetime of working toward a happy retirement.
Anon says
Change is hard at that age? We’re dealing with a (mid 70s) MIL who will be coming out of rehab in a month or so likely with a walker or cane, maybe wheelchair, and wants to go back to her entirely impractical house (2 stories, not really renovated since the 60s, astonishingly narrow doorways, lots of terrible floor transitions, entryway stairs to every exterior doorway, etc.); when asked how she will shower she informed me (quite seriously) that she would crawl up and down the stairs using her arms. Renovations don’t make financial sense in their current house, so we’re pushing to move them to a 1 story house in a 55+ community to at least have appropriately sized doorways and an open floor plan that will be walker friendly (given the lack of interest in assisted living, which they’re probably not ready for), and my mid 80s FIL is all over there asking why the house only has 2 bedrooms, no basement, and no extra storage and only one floor. We can’t win for trying.
ElisaR says
my in laws went through a similar situation. “you’re right widow salesman, we DO need to spend $50,000 on new windows for the house that isn’t even that old to begin with!”.
I think it seemed to settle a bit once they settled into retirement. It was really the transition time that things went haywire a bit. Can you ask to have insights as a “trusted contact” into their finances? Maybe discuss any further big purchases? Ask them to sit down with an advisor and make sure their money will last if they spend X each month.
Anonymous says
My cousin was successful in getting her parents to recognize that they were going off the rails by asking their advice a lot. “With you retiring, I’m thinking about my own retirement more, can you recommend a financial advisor?” “I met with the financial advisor and they think we need X amount a year for X years – didn’t realize I’d need to budget for that many years of life post-retirement.” That type of stuff – she didn’t talk specific numbers and didn’t ask about their numbers because they are very private about their finances, but asking their advice regularly on the process type stuff seemed to make them think a lot more about their own situation and it dialed back some of the craziness.
Buddy Holly says
This is genius.
CPA Lady says
I tend to spend money when I’m stressed in a time of transition, especially when there is boredom or waiting involved. It gives me something to do and focus on. I am better about recognizing and stopping myself at this point, but if they are like me, it’s very likely this will settle down once they get used to retirement.
Also, I’m not sure if this is a generational thing or a values thing or what, but my mom has always been responsible with money, but if she doesn’t like what she has or needs something, she’ll buy something new. I care a lot more about bargain hunting, the environment, etc. Sometimes I feel like someone who lived through the great depression. My mom moved fairly recently and it was eye opening watching her set up her new house. We’ve been in the same house for years and haven’t made some of the easy changes and upgrades that she made within days of moving into her new house.
rakma says
I think this is a case where you might not be able to manage their behavior, but might want to think through what you’re willing to do in the future. If they do end up spending all of their savings now, would you be willing to support them in some fashion? What are your hard boundaries? Would it make sense to talk to an elder care attorney about your obligations?
We know that we’ll always be financially supporting my MIL in some fashion, and that responsibility is going to grow as she ages. This is a decision DH and I made together, and it might not be the one you’re willing to make.
There may also be an element of transition here that will go away. My Dad in particular had been putting off some extensive but necessary renovations and repairs until he retired, and it seems like my parents have been bouncing from one project to the next, interspersed with big vacations. It’s a lot of money being spent, but they’ve considered things like making the house accessible for them as they age, accomplishing these things and traveling while they still can are what is making a happy retirement for them.
anon says
Thanks all! I wish some of the decisions they were making were as rational as these examples. So much of it is just bizarre, like renting a house through a Craigslist ad and mailing a deposit check without having met anyone in person, without having seen the house, and without having verified that the person who posted the ad even owned the house. It just seems like Adulting 101. I can deal with them making decisions that I wouldn’t make, but so much of this just isn’t reasonable. I hear about most of it after the fact when the complain that they lost money or can’t afford something because of ridiculous choices X, Y and Z.
The worst is that my dad has started to day trade his retirement funds because he thinks he can make them a fortune. He could lose everything they’ve saved if the market turns. He’s big on calling me to tell me when he makes money (eye roll), but I know there are many instances where he loses money that I don’t hear about.
Leatty says
For those of you who have more than one child, do you feel like you are able to be as good of a parent to two as you were to one? I’ve always assumed I would have 2-3 kids, but now that my daughter is two, I can’t figure out whether I want to have another. DH does, and there’s definitely family pressure to have another. I just don’t know that I have the capacity to be the type of mother and person I want to be if I have two kids. Plus, I really felt like I lost my sense of identity when I was pregnant and for the first 18 months of my daughter’s life, and the thought of returning to that, perhaps indefinitely, gives me pause.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I think for me, having two kids has made me a better parent because I’m LESS focused on any particular milestone or crisis of the day as I have to multi task more. With my first, I was tracking when he did certain things as a baby and concerned about whether we were doing something “wrong” when he was late to talk, refused to eat or had meltdowns, etc. With the second, I’ve definitely enjoyed his baby year more because I’m more aware that he will eventually meet all those developmental milestones and he’ll probably have toddler tantrums and what not but that it’ll be ok eventually. My first gives me some benefit of seeing the future and realizing that most things are a phase (good and bad) and to appreciate the good, while tolerating the bad.
With my second, I’m only getting a glimpse at his personality, but knowing that the kids may end up different is also reassuring to me, as my role is more about meeting them where they are instead of trying to control how they turn out, because I really don’t have that much control.
It’s also really nice to see glimpses of their developing relationship. And maybe this is selfish, but I like the idea of the two of them playing together when they’re a little older and letting us have our adult time without constantly entertaining them.
Of course, if you want to have just one, that’s totally fine too! I’m an only child myself, but my mom is very different in temperament from me and didn’t really have those same concerns as I do about control, etc.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Sorry, I meant to add that I think having more than 1 is definitely more work and I don’t have as much time to devote to personal care like exercise, at least for now. I feel like with more than one kid, you sort of accept that you’re in the “kid phase” of your life, where their needs and interests take on a greater priority, whereas with one you can get away with living more of your old pre-kid life. One is not better than the other, just more of how you want your life to look.
ElisaR says
all very well said Boston Legal Eagle, I agree with it all.
With my first I cooked his food from scratch until he was 15 months old. My 2nd….I never did that. Jarred food right off the bat. So maybe I’m not as “good” of a mom in some regards but in so many ways I’m better. I’m more chill. My boys LOVE each other. It’s so cute. Yesterday 3 year old said “he’s not my brother. he’s my best friend!” (baby can’t talk yet).
shortperson says
awwwww
Leatty says
Thank you for this perspective.
Anonymous says
I have 3 unintentionally (singleton then twins). It’s definitely an adjustment. But they also gain a lot from sibling relationships and I think it takes the pressure out of the one parent-child relationship because you see how much each kid is an individual and if they are struggling it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s because you’ve done anything wrong as a parent.
I would separate the questions of (1) do you want more kids, and (2) do you want more kids right now. Those are two different things. I have a three year age gap and honestly even a 4-5 year age gap would be fine. More than that and I think it can be a challenge to parent kids at two totally different stages (like baby and junior high school kid). YMMV of course.
Leatty says
I think part of the challenge is that, due to age, we really need to make the decision in the next 6 months to year. Perhaps I just need to stop thinking about it for 6 months and reassess then (harder than it sounds for a type A planner like me).
Anonymous says
I was totally type A until I had the twins. Control what you can control, which is pushing pause on an idea that’s stressful you right now. In 6 months you might be ready or you might think ‘eh, pause again until 9 months’. If you never feel ready, that’s your answer.
Spirograph says
I think it depends entirely on the “type of mother you want to be.” I have 3 kids and think I’m a pretty good parent. I try to make individual time for each of my kids several times a week, but I also frequently do stuff with 2 or all 3, and even more frequently tell them to go play together while I do something else. (IMHO one of the best things about having more than one kid is that they will entertain each other longer than any of them can be entertained, solo.) I have lower standards than I would be able to have with just one, and the bar to demand all my attention for [small child crisis] is a lot higher. We are fortunate to have the financial means and flexible-ish enough jobs that we can support extracurricular activities for all of them.
I hear you on losing yourself in pregnancy and with an infant/young toddler. My youngest is almost 3, and over the last year I have finally started feeling like me again, and having time and energy to have my own stuff going on outside of working and momming. Mine are all fairly close in age, so this is the first time since I was pregnant with the oldest that I haven’t had a kid <2. For me, it's more about the age of the youngest kid than the total number of kids.
anon says
“I just don’t know that I have the capacity to be the type of [1] mother and [2] person I want to be if I have two kids.”
I have twins (so no experience with just one) and came here to say that you absolutely have the capacity to be a wonderful mother to two kids, but the person part is tougher. Compared to friends with one kid, I do feel like having two means we are all-in on kid stuff, all the time. We have fewer resources to eat out, travel, invest in our careers, etc. I wouldn’t trade our family for any of that, but I now understand why people stop after one.
anon says
I think I’m a better parent. I have more perspective. Also I’m able to teach about social skills, manners, etc. so much better when there’s another kid they are interacting with. We try to do things one on one with them, but they always complain that they miss their sibling. Giving my kids each other was the most generous thing we’ve done.
On the other hand, less money for travel, less time for exercise, etc. And yeah, I can’t really sit down with my older one and teach her to hold her pen better since I’m not letting the younger one near things that can write on walls right now… she loses out a bit on that stuff. But the good far outweighs the bad. If I were to question them now, they would definitely say they are so lucky to have each other. And I don’t see that changing.
avocado says
For a different perspective, we stopped at one child because I was absolutely certain that I could not adequately parent more than one child, and that going through pregnancy and the baby years again would completely destroy me. I had a difficult pregnancy and a very demanding infant. Going through that again would have required me to completely ignore my existing child for at least 15 months, which I was not willing to do. “Completely ignore my existing child” is not an exaggeration–I spent a large part of my pregnancy hunched over the toilet, and then when the baby arrived she demanded to be held at all times and fed every few minutes. To add to the pressure, I didn’t have the option of hiring help or quitting my job to become a SAHM.
My husband had always wanted several kids, mostly boys. For the first few years, he held out hope that I would change my mind once our daughter got older and things got easier. When it became apparent that I would never change my mind, it took him a few more years to mourn the fact that life hadn’t worked out the way he’d envisioned. Now he is 100% on board with being “one and done” and admits that he didn’t really have the capacity to handle more than one child either. Our life has turned out a lot like the country song “Little Bitty,” but that little bitty family and little bitty lifestyle allow us to have some great big adventures and we wouldn’t change a thing.
I totally agree with Anonymous @ 10:46 that the question of whether you want more kids at all is separate from the question of whether you want more kids now. You don’t have to decide right now whether you want more kids ever, just whether you are ready for another right now.
Anon says
Same. I’m 100% sure I’m a better mom and happier person (not unrelated) to one child, so we stopped at one.
Separately, I’m not sure I buy the idea that two kids give you more adult time because they entertain each other. All the only children I know (including me and my kid) became super adept at entertaining themselves and don’t need a playmate the way many other kids do. And it’s much easier to have one parent do solo activities with the kid and the other parent be completely off duty if you only have one. I don’t think either me or my husband would be up for a lot of solo outings with two toddlers but we both regularly take our daughter out for 1-on-1 time, which gives the other parent a real break.
Anonymous says
I think each family tends to adapt to whatever their family structure happens to be. I generally send the kids outside to the backyard to play as soon as we get home from daycare/school and having siblings to play with is definitely what keeps them occupied until dinner – they usually play frisbee, catch, or hide and seek or tag. Yard is fenced, oldest is 8 so they don’t need much supervision. We don’t have a swingset/slide but a single child could have just as much fun playing on a swing set or similar.
Anonymous says
I agree with this so much. I think everyone will be a *different* parent to one child vs more than one, but better or worse is so subjective. As a former parent of one child, I can say it was impossible for me to understand how I would do a solo outing with two toddlers, because it is impossible to interact/supervise/prepare for all contingencies with two toddlers simultaneously the way I did with one. When I had two toddlers, it was NBD to go out with both of them because I had adjusted my expectations of what “good” interaction/supervision/preparedness looked like. DH and I both do solo outings with all the kids to give the other a break. I have taken three kids 6 and under to the pool by myself multiple times and we’ve all survived! I’m sure I get major side-eye from some parents of only children for how I parent, but it works for us. Every family adapts to its own reality, which of course is heavily dependent on the # of kids and the personalities of both the parent(s) and the kid(s).
CPA Lady says
Yep. As the mom of an only, I like to say “I know my limits” when people press me about having another kid.
For me, the big things I thought about were:
– my emotional limits
– my husband’s emotional limits
– the kind of lifestyle I wanted (how kid focused)
– the amount of alone time/self time/hobby time I want/need in order to be a generally calm and relaxed mom
– the level of delayed gratification I am capable of
When my sister and her kids come to visit, or when I go visit them, I never come away from the experience thinking “I wish I had multiple kids.” I come away feeling relieved and happy about having one. Do you have any parents of multiples you can spend large chunks of time with, OP?
Leatty says
Your post resonates with me so much. My SIL has two kids, but is a SAHM who lives across the country, so that doesn’t give me much insight. One of my friends who is a professional is due any day with her second, so maybe I will gain some insight once she has her second.
Anon says
I think how you feel after hanging out with larger families is a good way to get insight into how you’d handle multiple kids. Most of my mom friends have two or more kids, and although I love them and their kids a lot, I’m always glad when I get to go home to my tiny family and revel in the peace and quiet. If I didn’t feel that way, I’d be much more open to having more.
Anonymous says
This is exactly how my husband and I feel after having been around multi-kid families. On multiple occasions, we have babysat for friends or family with 2 kids. We love them and wouldn’t offer if we weren’t willing, but we always get in the car afterwards, look at each other, and say “one kid”. This is outside of the fertility issues, financial reasons we have for only wanting one, etc. Our first is due in January and he’ll 100% be an only.
Anonymous says
Sigh. I would love to have two kids, but really have to face the fact that I won’t because of my husband. I love him and our kid so much, but most days I wish I’d never married him. It’s really nice that your husband has come around. I feel like my heart is breaking most days.
So Anon says
I absolutely think that you can be as “good” of a parent to two as to one. What “good” looks like may change with two, and I agree with Boston Legal Eagle that you gain a different perspective from having two. I’ve heard that your first has the benefit of being an only and getting solo attention for a while and the second has the benefit of your experience. Now that my two are both out of the baby/toddler/preschool phase, much of my parenting is focused on helping them navigate their relationship with each other, loving listening to them playing and adoring solo time I get with each one. There is no doubt that having a second extends those intense years of parenting a little. I found though, that the second time around, I was more able to keep a sense of myself. I was less terrified to bring my second out, and she had to tag along with the life lived by her brother. I was more willing to leave her with someone else, to enjoy her baby years, and to know that she and I would both emerge from that phase. I didn’t realize it until I had my second, but my first was a tough baby and my second was much much easier.
Buddy Holly says
A woman who does parenting classes told me “I felt like a much better mother of one than of two. I think I’m actually a better mother of two in reality, but I have more moments of mom guilt and self-doubt with two.” This is a woman who spends virtually all of her time working with parents of kids less than age 5.
There is no easy answer, but it is totally fine to just have the one child if that is what you want and what works for your family and your own identity.
Ducky says
Everything you said is exactly why I spaced my kids out over 5 years. It worked out well for us. The kids have a great relationship and they are not in direct competition for the same type of care and attention from me.
I didn’t feel ready to face pregnancy again until my first child was about 3 1/2. Even when it happened (and was very much planned) it was difficult because I just have complicated pregnancies. But it was totally worth it for me and I don’t regret it at all. When (or if) it’s right for you, I think you’ll know.
Anonymous says
Full disclosure, I have two kids, but the way I read all of the comments on this thread by parents of one kid is essentially every parent would be a better parent if they only had one kid. And yes, in theory, that is probably true. I would have more time, more money, and likely more patience to give if I only had one child (and I did when I only had one child), but, I don’t think either child is getting the short end of the stick by my having two. Other than the money part (because let’s be real, it never really feels like there’s “enough” of that), the biggest thing having two has taught me is how very little of having kids is me or my parenting. I think when you have one kid, it’s so easy to assume that what they do and what they know is because of you. When you have two, you realize you’re a part of it, but not the only part. And I think that’s healthy.
Anon says
I’m one of the only child parents who commented and I didn’t mean it that way at all. I’m very introverted and need alone time to recharge my batteries and make myself happier. My BFF who has 3 kids is way more extroverted than me and thrives on the loud, chaotic nature of larger families. I would be miserable in her family, she’d be miserable in mine. It’s in no way a judgment on her parenting, just a reflection of our very different personalities.
avocado says
No, what I am saying is that having one child nearly broke me both physically and mentally and I know that I personally don’t have the capacity to parent two effectively. That is really a criticism of myself, not of people who choose to have multiple children. I believe there are many people who are more talented at parenting than I and are fantastic parents to more than one child, but that if you’re like me and just can’t handle more than one everyone is better off if you understand and respect your own limits.
And I am fully aware of the fact that most of my kid’s personality was not created by my parenting. In fact, that’s one reason I wanted to stop at one. Once she got out of the newborn phase and evolved into her wonderful self, I felt like we’d hit the lottery and didn’t want to risk it all by playing again.
CPA Lady says
This is me exactly too. I don’t think I have the same capacity for motherhood as other women do. Sometimes I wonder if there is something wrong with me. I don’t think my mom had the capacity to handle multiple kids and there was a long of anger, yelling, and punishments any time we were less than perfect. She’s been an example of what kind of mom I don’t want to be.
I need a LOT of time to myself (not necessarily by myself but for myself) in order to be the kind of calm, present, involved mother that I want to be. I’m certain I could technically have several children, but I can’t imagine it going well. That’s what I mean by saying I know my limits.
I am in no way saying that women who have multiple children don’t know their limits or that I feel that I am a superior parent. I’m saying I find motherhood very difficult with one child. I can’t comprehend that I would somehow magically improve as a mom with multiple children.
Anonymous says
I’m late to this, but I am a different mother to my 3 than I was to 1. But my kids have siblings to entertain them when I’m not available 1:1 and I think that’s a different kind of benefit.
My middle and youngest have learned *so much* from their older sister (my 3 year old’s vocabulary is jaw-dropping and whenever I ask her where she hear the word, it’s ALWAYS a sibling!). My oldest is super responsible and they are all super self sufficient.
I love them all the same, but I love them differently.
Anon says
Something nobody has mentioned is that if you rely on family help, it’s worth thinking not only about your ability to parent two but about your parents’ (or other relatives) ability to care for two. I have many Asian-American friends where family caregiving is common and I’ve seen in several cases that the grandparents could handle one, but just couldn’t handle a baby and a toddler at the same time, or were aging out of being able to be full time caregivers by the time the second was born. My parents aren’t our primary childcare, but they take our daughter regularly so we can have adults-only getaways (which is amazing!) and they have told me point blank they couldn’t care for two kids, at least not until they’re much older and more independent (maybe when both are 5+). That’s certainly not the only reason we’re one and one, but it’s a factor – adults only time is important for us.
Redux says
Please remind me: what are the service/platform options for paying a nanny on the books? +/- reviews appreciated! I’m in NY if that makes a difference, and this will be a part-time (15hrs/week) job.
anon says
Also in NY. We used HomePay, which is pricey but was worth it to us for the great service and peace of mind. We no longer have a nanny (and thus no longer pay for the service), and they just filled out some state audit forms for me!
Anonymous says
Not in NY, but also loved Homepay. Their customer service is fantastic and they made everything very easy.
CCLA says
We use HomePay as well, very happy with it. A little pricier than the other options we looked at (which I don’t even recall the names of), but they all required more effort from me.
Anon says
Homepay worked great for us.
RR says
We use Homepay and are very happy with it.
Batgirl says
My 14 month old has sweet, delicious, chubby feet. I’m having trouble finding shoes for him for summer that squeeze over the chub comfortably. Any tips? He’s just starting to toddle around so I’d like something with support. New Balance EEE? :) . Thanks!
mascot says
I seem to remember New Balance wider styles working well. You can find them at Stride Rite stores and it may be worth going in person to try on a couple of styles.
Anon says
My wide and tall-footed toddler didn’t start real shoes until about that age, but we started with pedipeds and then moved to Tsukihoshi I think and now we’re in pedipeds, Tsukihoshi and a pair of See Kai Run basics sandals from Target. We have an awesome kid’s shoe store near us that has been wonderful about trying a gazillion pairs of shoes from all different brands to fit her best.
Boston Legal Eagle says
My first had wide feet as a toddler and it was hard to find shoes that fit. OshKosh sneakers were the only shoes that worked when he was 1-2.
GCA says
For brand new walkers I actually like just enough shoe for protection (AAP link: https://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/88/2/371) – you don’t need something explicitly designed for support. Barefoot indoors is fine, and we just use Robeez for outdoors. Maybe Skidders? (socklike but with grippy rubber bottoms)
AwayEmily says
Same. We used Robeez for a lot longer than most other daycare parents, partly because being barefoot or in minimal shoes seemed to help our kids learn to walk more easily (they both inherited my complete lack of grace). Then we switched to Livie and Lucas (the “baby shoe” style, which is mostly just a leather sole).
Sarabeth says
Ditto this. Support is actually the opposite of what early walkers need – they just need something to protect their feet while they figure out the mechanics.
Anonymous says
I’m a big advocate of taking kids to the shoe store and getting expert advice. I find it really hard to get right on my own.
OP says
I should clarify, his feet are tall bc of the chub, not wide. Looking into these suggestions, thanks so much!
Spirograph says
My toddlers had tall chubby feet, too. Such a weird foot shape! I don’t remember specific brands, but I know we focused on shoes that had adjustable velcro all the way across the top. Some shoes have cute little fake laces and just one strip of velcro closer to the ankle… the laces are supposed to stretch, and they often didn’t stretch enough for the kid’s foot height.
My solution was always to order about 6 pair from Zappos and see what worked, but if you have time and a good shoe store nearby, that’s even better. Good luck!
Anonymous says
Yep new balance wide work really well for my enormous-footed 4 year old – haven’t bought anything else in years. He has wide, tall feet.
Stupid mistake and smelly car says
Okay, you guys are really good at questions about stains. This will out me but I accidentally left a gallon of milk in our car while we were away for a week (we have a new baby, I’m not sleeping enough, I was still an idiot). It spoiled and spilled and there was mold. The whole car smelled terrible. We took it into the dealership and got that part of the carpet replaced. It still smells. Two questions: suggestions for getting smells out of a car? And would you let your kid ride in it?
I’m worried I basically totaled the car by being a sleep-deprived careless grocery shopper.
Anonymous says
I used a product called Ozium to eliminate a skunk odor in my car. I think it’s pretty toxic and would air the vehicle out thoroughly after using it.
Anon says
Yes I would let my kids ride in it. As for smell, try sprinkling baking soda over all the carpeted areas, let it sit overnight, and then vacuum it up. If that doesn’t work, you might try having the car detailed (typically $250 for my mid-sized 2-row SUV) where they shampoo all the carpets and scrub everything. Might help with the smell.
Anonymous says
I’d also change out the cabin air filter. If you look for ideas for removing smoke odors from cars, you might find some other tips
Redux says
This is an incredibly specific suggestion, but when something similar happened to us, my colleague suggested we check the wheel well and SHE WAS RIGHT! If you have a spare tire in your trunk, remove it and make sure the wheel itself and the storage area that the wheel is in is completely clean and dry. Our spare tire appeared dry from above, but once we removed it revealed that it was sitting in a pool of fetid goo. Gross gross gross.
SC says
Omg that is horrifying and made me shudder at my desk. Good advice though!
SC says
I would absolutely let my kid ride in the car.
As for cleaning it/getting rid of the odor, first, make sure all the milk is cleaned up from any nooks and crannies. If you think there may be some milk left, use a mixture of water and vinegar for any hard surfaces and carpet cleaner for any others. If that doesn’t work, try an enzyme spray.
Second, for ambient/lingering smell, try charcoal bags. And leaving the windows cracked (at least if you can remember to close them when it rains).
I once had milk from a latte spill in a cupholder and spoil. I got the car detailed, and it still took a long time for the smell to go away. But eventually it did. You haven’t totaled the car!
OP says
You guys are the best. I’m feeling hopeful!
Anonymous says
Try to find an autodetailer in your area that works on mold. They should be able to check all the nooks and crannies (like the wheel well) and can discuss different chemical options with you, like ozone or chlorine dioxide. You could probably do the chlorine dioxide yourself (just carefully follow the directions) but I would leave the ozone to the professionals. Just make sure you remove all sources of the smell first. If there is still spill residue somewhere any treatments might not work and can actually make things worse. So you want to make sure all of the spill is out and then try to treat the smell. IMO, if you try everything reasonable and it still smells, and you have the means to do so, I would trade in and replace the car. We had one of the recalled Toyotas that had a smell issue in the AC and I feel we put up with it for far too long. After replacing the car, I realized I had often had a headache and sinus issues after driving in the car. I didn’ make the connection until I just felt so much better the first week we had a new car.
Go for it says
Plus the other suggestions ~
pick up a bunch of fresh eucalyptus, remove from the wrapper & leave in the car. It absorbs all sorts of odors. When it’s fully dry (a few weeks probably) you can either toss out or put in a vase.
Ifiknew says
Few things this am that I’d love your thoughts on:
1) can you recommend a car seat for my 2 year old? We have the Britax Boulevard in our family car but my husband will be driving her to school occasionally and it’s only a 5 min drive. I don’t want to be cheap but the Britax is so expensive that I’m wondering if I need another top of the line car seat for such occasional use?
2) daycare lunches, talk to me about what your kids will eat and what’s, easy to pack night before? My kid will eat all the fruits and veggies and some carbs but hates all meat and eggs with the occasional ability to sneak in chicken if mixed in with veggies. Can a 2 year old spoon feed herself something like max and cheese? She eats some stuff on her own at home but we also feed her stuff like pasta and rice since it makes such a mess.
3) on that same note, what kind of cups do you use for milk for a 2 year old? She’s started lifting up the silicone on the 360 cup and spills it all and it’s driving me nuts. We have a new let’s dump my food or drink on floor when I’m bored with it and it’s infuriating.
Many thanks!
Anonymous says
3) Thermos Funtainer
SC says
1) Car seats sold in the U.S. are safe. We bought a smaller, less expensive car seat for occasional use. It also works for travel–it fits into an airplane seat (although that’s no longer necessary for us), and is easy to carry when we need to check the car seat to another city. My car is a pain with a car seat, so typically whoever is driving Kiddo takes the “family car,” and whoever isn’t driving him takes my car. The backup car seat is only when we split driving duties and can’t meet up in between.
2) I say pack what she likes, and daycare can let her try the fork/spoon and eat it with her hands, or however she eats at home.
3) We bought a kids’ Hydro Flask for milk, and it is excellent. It does not leak, the parts are minimal, and the milk is still cold when Kiddo gets home from camp at 3 pm (if there’s any leftover). I also like the Nalgene Grip n Gulp for drinks in general–also does not leak, easy to wash, and the silicone valves are replaceable/sold separately if you lose one. But the Nalgene is not insulated if you need to keep milk cold for an extended period of time. Both cups are pretty large (12 oz), but it’s easy to only fill it up half-way.
rakma says
1) We got a Graco on sale for DH’s car, which was used about once a week for a school pick up. DH was very wary about the cheaper carseat, but once it was installed and in use for a while, he said that the only real downside was the buckle set up.
Anon says
1) if your kiddo is within the weight and height requirements, suggest the Cosco Scenera Next. We use it for travel. 2) My 2 year old uses toddler silverware (blunt metal tips, wide handles, forget who makes it) to feed herself mac & cheese or pasta or yogurt just fine (with a bib).
3) friends of ours recommend the contigo for kids that is at Costco, not sure which model, but once our 2 YO figures out the 360 (hasn’t yet!) that’s probably what we’ll switch to, assuming she’ll still tolerate anything other than an open cup like the grownups (we’re 50-50 on that right now).
AwayEmily says
Ditto on the Cosco Scenera Next — it’s cheap, safe, and easy to take with you when you travel. I’m really glad we got one as our “secondary” carseat (based on recs from people here).
Emily S. says
(1) We have the Evenflo SureRide DLX in both cars for our 2 year old; it runs between $80 and $100. It was recommended as a budget pick on a carseat list on a baby gear site. It’s been fine. Since we needed 2 cars, I couldn’t stomach paying $200 for a seatsthat passed safety ratings as well as $100 seats. Caveat is that it doesn’t have all the bells and whistles/convenience features of more expensive seats.
(2) Finger foods are still very popular with my 2 year old: shredded rotisserie chicken, cheese sticks and crackers, berries, etc. Still working on the silverware (sigh)
(3) Like, pulling the top off completely? The First Years 360 cup is a ring that fits around the lid, instead of the central plug like the Munchkin. Maybe that would deter her? My girls both like the First Years cup after a misguided trial of OJ in an open cup with a 2 year old.
Anonymous says
1) We have the Graco Extend2Fit in our car that only gets used for short rides to drop off in the mornings. You can use the 20% off coupon for it at BuyBuyBaby, which brings it down to about $160. I just looked and there is one color that’s the same price on Ama zon.
SG says
2) my 2yo can spoon mac n cheese, probably because it’s her favorite food though
– also check out feedinglittles + kids.eat.in.color on instagram both have great lunchbox series
3) get a couple of contigo kids waterbottles (they have stainless + plastic but i’d get a few of the same so parts are interchangeable)
AwayEmily says
Re: daycare lunches, I would say don’t worry about fork vs hand — just pack food and let daycare figure it out. I was pleasantly surprised by how much (1) great daycare teachers and (2) peer pressure taught my kids to use silverware properly.
shortperson says
one of the great joys of daycare is that the teachers teach them how to do things that are messy to learn (drink from a cup, eat with a spoon) and then they can make those messes at school not at home.
shortperson says
potty training falls in this category too with a little more home involvement
DLC says
+1. My two year old eats Mac n cheese with his hands, but I kind of figure if I don’t have to clean it up, he can have whatever he will/ wants to eat at daycare. We usually pack whatever is leftover from dinner the night before for my son’s lunch. + two servings of fruit, a veggie (frozen peas, cucumbers, or carrots), and pretzels or string cheese. If there are no leftovers, I will usually send a quesadilla or tortellini.
IP Attorney says
2) we use the Bentgo boxes for lunch for our 2 year old which makes it easy to throw a bunch of random stuff together for lunch. Main courses usually are almond butter and banana/honey sandwich, pasta (red sauce or pesto), or homemade spinach blender muffins, broccoli cheddar egg cups, or broccoli tots (I make them all in batches over a weekend then freeze so I can pop out a few whenever I want, reheat and throw them in the Bentgo box!). Trying to figure out other main courses that don’t require a microwave. Then I’ll add a fruit (canned pineapple, berries, peaches, orange), something crunchy (veggie sticks, cucumbers with hummus, pretzels, veggie puffs, or plantain chips), and something “extra” (raisins, cheese stick, apple sauce, graham crackers). It sounds like a lot but the portions are all smaller because we use the Bentgo box and it’s super easy throw together using this formula so the lunches are all varied.
She does use silverware now, we got some from Target that have a blunt metal end and plastic handle.
Ms B says
+1 on the Bentgo box and method and note that I found it worthwhile to invest in two of them so that one of the inserts always could be in the dishwasher (the outer shell is pretty easy to hand wash). The Kid still uses his now as he starts second grade and it fits perfectly into the standard Pottery Barn Mackenize lunch box.
Other “mains” that are easy to do include falafel, french toast sticks (syrup goes into the circular compartment), mini pancakes (we buy frozen and then mic for 45 seconds before popping into the Bentgo), cheese and crackers, and meats cut into cute shapes. Like IP Attorney, we keep a variety of stuff on hand that fits into various Bentgo compartments (carrot rounds or carrot chips, mini sweet pepper strips, Laughing Cow cheese wedges or cubes, cherry tomatoes, assorted crackers and chips, seaweed snacks folded into assorted shapes, cut up grapes, dried fruit, mini Oreos, etc.) so that we can mix and match.