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Hmm, OK, hear me out on this one. I am a big fan of the tucked-in shirt. In the mid-2000s when fashion belts were hugely in style, I was in heaven. Granted, this style definitely worked better for my pre-childbearing figure, but it still has a special place in my heart. All this is to say, I wish more companies would offer a button-down shirt in a bodysuit style. I can see how it could be tough to get the fit right so that the tuck looks neat, but I love the concept. I like how this particular version from J.Crew is chambray, collarless, and has long cuffs to make it a little less conservative. I would style it with my favorite pair of black work pants, colorful earrings, and of course, a belt. It’s on sale for $29.99, marked down from $78. Slim Perfect Bodysuit in Chambray Looking for other washable workwear? See all of our recent recommendations for washable clothes for work, or check out our roundup of the best brands for washable workwear. This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
AwayEmily says
Anyone have some quick anecdata about kids who came late to eating solids? My 7-month-old is very not into food. He actively hates all purees and strongly dislikes most finger food. We “feed” him twice a day, a mix of both purees and FF, including fruits/veg/meat/grains/etc, but I’d be shocked if he was getting any actual calories in. I guess I am looking for permission to not stress about it and believe that it will happen when it happens (his sister was happily eating tons of food by this point, and it’s hard not to compare…).
GCA says
Oh – you are describing my son to a T! We ‘fed’ him twice a day at that age (everything from finger foods to soft things like avocado/ sweet potato to purees) and didn’t stress about it – by 9 months he was scarfing entire kid-sized sandwiches and more food was going into the mouth than onto the floor. #anecdata :)
Anonymous says
Don’t worry. “Food before one is just for fun”
Kids just are how they are about certain things. One of my twins hated nursing and loved solids, the other loved nursing and hated solids.
Anonymous says
Our pediatrician’s favorite motto is “Food before one is just for fun.” I’d say that’s permission not to stress.
anon says
Pretty sure they are supposed to be getting most of their calories from bmilk/formula at that age I wouldn’t worry too much. Under one, just for fun food philosophy and all that. Keep offering and he will come around.
AwayEmily says
You guys are the best — thank you; this is exactly what I needed to hear.
LH says
Oh man I was literally going to ask this same question today!! My 7 month old has been having solids for almost 2 months. She is great at getting food to her mouth but she just wants to chew it on it, not eat it. She refuses anything offered on a spoon. She basically doesn’t swallow anything and I’m sure she burns more calories eating than she gets. I know food before one is just for fun but I have friends with similar age kiddos who seem to actually enjoy eating as opposed to just chewing, and it’s hard not to pcompare.
K. says
That’s normal–just keep trying!
If you are not giving any formula though, make sure you give an iron supplement and vitamin d supplement. Bm lacks the iron babies need past six months. Babies should start getting this from food, but if they aren’t taking food, you can add the supplement to their bottle or give via syringe.
After almost 2 months of trying solid foods, we finally figured out my daughter wanted to feed herself purees on a spoon and not get any help from adults. After a week of that, she finally started feeding herself using solid food like baby led weaning.
Family Car Help? says
This question has been asked before but having issues on search on this site, as always. We have two kids and are expecting a third and want to go ahead and get a third (larger) car. We’ll have a nanny who will be the primary driver on weekdays and I want her to feel comfortable driving it. My husband is anti-minivan, but could probably come around if I pushed really hard.
We’re planning to go check out: Toyota Highlander (captains chairs), Honda Odyssey, Chevy Traverse, VW Atlas, and probably an Acura this weekend. Hoping to buy lightly used, but may even try to lease?
Anyone have a family car they love that we’re missing? Should we really just lean in on the minivan thing? We’re in Texas so parking and things aren’t as much of an issue.
Anonymous says
I have three small kids and honestly minivan is the answer. Makes it so much easier.I do a loading zone system – one kid in captains car behind driver, two kids on back seat and captains car behind passenger folded into the floor. Put everyone in the car, then buckle them into their seats one at a time. For 3 under 5 it’s a life saver.
Remind DH that it’s not minivan forever, it’s minivan right now with three small kids. Once they are all school age and can buckle/unbuckle themselves, a car with three across or an SUV works better. I truly hate the look of minivans but the reality is they are super functional.
Anonymous says
Remind DH that no one cares how big his d1ck is and that a car is a practical thing not an assertion of his manliness.
Cate says
Kat, please control the troll! This site used to be so nice!
anne-on says
+1 there have been some really weird troll-y comments on this site recently that are obviously not the regulars.
Anonymous says
Meh, I laughed. It sounded very tongue in cheek to me, and she wasn’t being rude to the OP – just to the husband that’s anti-minvian.
OP says
Yeah, I mean he’s happy to go check one out and I think we’ll go for it if that’s the best answer. I think he’s just not convinced there’s that big of a difference, but I’m guessing from what I hear from you and others there probably is!
Anonymous says
I also found the sliding doors to be key. Three kids trying to open doors on different sides of the car at the same time is bound to result in door dings.
Anon in NYC says
I have friends who have a minivan and it honestly seems kind of like a dream. They have the automatic doors, the kids can climb in themselves, it’s roomy so it feels less crowded with 3 car seats, etc. I live in a city and only have 1 kid so it’s not at all practical for my life, but I thought it was glorious.
Anon says
I love my Ford Explorer with the third row, except I wish I had second row captain chairs. Getting to the third row requires climbing in from the back – we can’t fold down the second row seats because we keep the car seats installed all the time.
Pogo says
Following, and curious if anyone has checked out the Subaru Ascent! I would add that to your list.
Everything I have heard says just lean in and get the Odyssey, though I know plenty who love their Pilot.
anon says
I bought a highlander earlier this year with the second row captains chairs. I LOVE this car and am a Toyota convert now, but I do not think it would be a good choice for 3 kids. We have 2 kids in car seats and occasionally put my 6 year old in the third row so a grandparent can ride with us and he hates it back there. It’s tight even for little kids. And as a previous poster mentioned, if you have car seats in the second row captains chairs, you cannot fold down a second row chair to make access to the third row easier. I’ve also had a larger suv and a station wagon, and none would have been ideal for 3 kids. I think a minivan is the way to go while they are small.
Carine says
We love our Odyssey for our three. My husband actually went and picked up the Odyssey marketing brochure when I was pregnant with our second – he loves all the gadgets and was clearly never anti-minivan – but we did try the Pilot in case we liked an SUV w/third row seating better. We did not! A minivan’s sliding doors and seating configurations for young kids and carseats just can’t be beat. People who ride with us rave about how nice it is.
I think I’ve commented the same way three or more times on here. We could probably issue merch that says “Just get the minivan.” :)
Anonymous says
+1. We only have one child so no mini-van. However, we have friends with them and men LOVE the gadgets and functionality. Even my husband is totally pro mini-van for those reasons but knows we don’t need one. That said, even though all the men are pro mini-van, the wives drive them. So I take their enthusiasm with a total grain of salt. They want the functionality when it is convenient to them but don’t want to be the primary driver.
Anonymous says
+1 to odyssey. I drive it daily and my husband has a GMC Acadia, but with 3 kids, sliding doors are really the way to go for your family car. It makes life SO much easier. Push button from the front door, tell kids to go get in the car while I finish wrangling the youngest.
ANP says
We have a Toyota Highlander with captain’s chairs as well as a Sienna minivan (so not the Odyssey but close, and we test drove both). I like the Highlander as a “relatively cool car that can haul all three kids” but I would not purchase it as your everyday family vehicle if you have/are expecting three kids. Our children are 8, 5, and 3 so there was a time when we had to get all three in there plus a stroller. Our single BOB barely fits with half of the third row down (8-year-old sits in the other half) and we were never able to get all three in there plus a double stroller — had to take the minivan in those instances. Do you have a dog? Go on trips? Camp? If you do, you’ll definitely need a cartop carrier with a Highlander.
Now, I have ZERO car coolness street cred — I drove a Subaru Forester pre-kids — but I will pitch you on the minivan. One really wonderful thing is that it seats eight (six in the second and third rows) so every kid can bring a friend and I’m never worried about whether or not I can haul people to sleepovers or soccer practice. Their friends love when I drive because they know everyone can ride together! The sliding doors are also a huge pro — not only so your child doesn’t ding someone else, but as a space-saver in our somewhat tight garage. If your nanny is going to be driving this vehicle, a van drives more like a car and less like a truck. Being lower to the ground is helpful for kids (my 3-year-old has a really hard time climbing into the Highlander) and for when you’re lifting children, groceries, and/or carseats in and out. Size-wise, I’m never worried about a Costco run or taking a load to Goodwill — it will always fit in the minivan, but not always in the Highlander. My husband also loves the van and often volunteers to drive it, so maybe we’ve just succumbed to being uncool parents? Not sure, but I would push the van in this situation. Good luck!
HSAL says
We got the Honda Odyssey in April due to some unexpected twins, so we needed a car that would fit three car seats. I was never anti minivan beyond their awful gas mileage, but I also never planned to get one. On the 2018 version the middle row can either be a bench or two separate seats, but most importantly the middle seats slide both side to side and front to back and it is amazing. If you’ll regularly need access to the third row, I highly, highly recommend it.
Anonymous says
Minivan!
We got a Volvo XC90 when we had our 3rd. And it was fine (we LOVE the car). But it was not great for 3 kids who still need big back boosters. The integrated booster in the middle seat only just now works for my small 8-year-0ld, and when she was still in a high-back harness booster, her little brother in a forward-facing convertible didn’t fit along with the bucket seat for the baby. So the big kid had to sit in the 3rd row, which was only accessible by climbing through either the trunk or the middle seat, since the carseat installations on the outboard seats preventing sliding the seats forward.
So once baby was more regularly getting out of the house (was home with nanny for the first year), we got a minivan and totally regret waiting. It is AWESOME for all the reasons others have articulated.
I’ll put in a plug for the Chrysler Pacifica Hybrid: It’s a plug in that gets ~35 miles pure electric on a charge. Then it runs on hybrid. Basically we charge it overnight and typically drive <35 miles a day so we almost never have to fill the tank.
It's the highest end model and still doesn't feel as luxurious as my XC90 but wow is it convenient and awesome to be hybrid! That said we only have seating for 7 which is fine for us.
The Odyssey would have been my other choice as I have never had an American car before but I couldn't pass up a hybrid car. Anyway, just do it.
Walnut says
We just bought the Chevy Traverse and want to note that the re-design done in 2017 is a drastic improvement over previous versions.
It fits three carseats across in the middle seat and the third row is roomy as well. The cargo space in the back is more generous than other vehicles we looked at, which was a priority for us, our giant stroller and our giant breed dog.
Anon says
X-posting from regular site:
I recently took on an executive position and cannot handle as much home stuff anymore. So…I’ve hired a college student for 20 hours a week. She is going to do daycare drop off, but I’m trying to think of other things I can offload right now. The list is currently – grocery shopping, misc errands, some meal planning, light clean up. Anybody have any creative ideas of what you would get off of your plate if you were in my situation?
mascot says
Kid laundry
Anonymous says
Laundry, dry cleaning, washing all those annoying reusable plastic parts from lunches. I’d also try and get in the habit of running the dishwasher at night so she can unload it.
Pogo says
+1 Do you have her only in the mornings? I would have her some evenings as well and have her do the unloading of daycare/school bags + dealing with the contents (cleaning out lunch boxes, water bottles, sweatshirt with mysterious stain on it crumpled in the bottom). For some reason that feels like it takes me forever.
Again for an evening job – rounding up toys from all parts of the house and corralling them.
Getting the mail, putting out or taking in the trash/recycling.
I know these seem small, but for me it’s like death by a thousand cuts – I have all these tiny things to do when I get home and suddenly it’s dinner time and I have not accomplished anything real nor interacted with my child. Sigh.
In the morning I’d have her do breakfast cleanup (deal with the coffee grounds, wipe up the highchair, put away dishes) so you can run out the door.
Anonymous says
Doctor’s appointments (scheduling, actually taking kids to/from, and any follow-up)
Dentist appointments
Laundry
Making beds daily
Emptying/loading dishwasher
Cooking things like healthy muffins or mini quiches that you can eat for breakfast all week
Packing/preparing kid lunches
Swapping out of season kid clothes, buying/returning kid clothes (I buy everything online and then have my kids try on at home, but would love someone to return the unwanted clothes for me)
Vacuuming
Any pet-related tasks if you have pets
ElisaR says
making beds! Man I feel like that would just do wonders for my psyche if beds were made.
lsw says
laundry, dry cleaning, recycling, sorting your mail/junk mail? bath time for kids?
Annie says
I would want laundry and fold, changing everyone’s sheets, tidying, dishwasher run or unload, mailing online shopping returns.
anne-on says
All kid laundry, bath time, packing lunches, returning packages/library books (anyone else have a never ending pile of returns?), keeping on top of their closets (what is outgrown, what is trashed, what they have enough of) sorting old toys/books/clothing for donations (and dropping it off – heaven!).
I’d also not hesitate to use a night (or 2 or 3) of this time to get in either a workout class or some cardio in your basement for yourself. I looove coming home after a workout class to a clean kitchen, child who’s been fed, bathed, and in pjs so all I have to do is the 1960’s dad stuff – cuddle, read a book and tuck them in.
Patty Mayonnaise says
We’re in desperate need of a new vehicle. We live downtown so don’t drive daily, but the 90s era Honda is on its last legs. We’re considering CRV, Fit, Prius V, Subaru Crosstrek – but we’re in he very early stages. Any thoughts? Anyone have a great or terrible experience? We have a toddler, but hope to have 1 or 2 more. And we like to buy a car approximately once every 10-15 years ;)
AIMS says
Everyone I know with a CRV is super happy with it and if they replace it, it’s usually with another CRV.
Anonymous says
If you’re planning on three I would read up on which cars will take three seats across. Many do not. They may have three car seat tethers but often that gives you only different options as to where you install two car seats. If you search, you’ll find lots of info on which cars work with which seats.
Sarabeth says
I’m pretty sure you can get three across with all of these, although you may need new carseats to make it work. Three Diono Radians will go across in almost anything.
We have a Prius, it’s our second, and we never plan to own anything else. Gas mileage can’t be beat. Unlike the Fit, there’s enough room that we can actually fit a family vacation’s worth of stuff in there. We have two kids.
Anonymous says
We just got a CRV and it is really great. With a toddler and hopes of 1-2 more in the time-frame you’re hoping to keep this car, I would not go as small as the other options on your list. We also live in the city and the CRV is not difficult to park– it’s actually shorter than the sedan we had before, so parallel parking and navigating garages is easy. Note that the newer CRVs and cars in general have A LOT of new safety features, so if you plan to keep this car for 10-15 years, I would get as new of one as you feel comfortable with, otherwise you will be missing out on the modern safety features for a decade.
Anonymous says
We have a CRV and one toddler. It is full when we take road trips, but I’m sure we could make it work for long trips with 2 if we had to, but might consider a pod on top. We often take bikes and/or golf clubs when we travel. Three would be a stretch. I’m sure you can find car seats that would fit three across and it would be fine for in-town driving. But it wouldn’t work for us at all for a road trip.
9:59 Anon says
That sounds negative. It’s not. We definitely love our CRV. Just an honest opinion of what it would be like with more kiddos. 2 would be fine; 3 wouldn’t work for me but I’m sure others would be fine with it.
Turnip says
We have twin toddlers and a Fit and love it for the ease of city driving and parking, the great gas mileage, and the amount of storage, but will probably replace it with something larger if/when we have a third.
We can fit everything we need for a weekend trip or the 60lb dog and two hiking backpacks, but can’t fit the dog and weekend gear and the double stroller without using a roof top carrier. Since we don’t need all of those together that often it works fine for us, but with 3 kids in carseats it would be trickier.
GGFM says
We really like our Crosstrek, which we bought for the safety features and size – we park on the street so wanted a shorter car for ease of parking (the tradeoff is less trunk space, but it fits a large stroller and luggage comfortably). But if you are thinking about adding a third kid during the lifetime of the car I’m not sure I’d recommend the Crosstrek. We just added a second carseat and I think adding a third seat/booster back there would be pretty tight.
AwayEmily says
We have a CRV and a Fit and love both of them. They rarely break and when they do are super cheap to fix. They also have great resale value if you do end up with 3 kids and need a bigger car down the road. Note that the Hondas have really great seat-folding technology so it’s easy to fold down part of the seat to store more stuff.
We just took a weeklong vacation with a baby and a toddler and had room to spare for all of our stuff in the back of our CRV (granted we are not super heavy packers but our load included a couple of pack n plays, booster seat, bouncy chair, plus regular luggage).
Anon says
Coming to you all for advice, support, whatever you can give me. I became a widow two weeks ago…and I am also 11 weeks pregnant with my first child. My husband had a heart attack at age 30…no signs, no symptoms, nothing. This baby is very much a blessing, and I really am excited….but how do you single parent alone? I know I won’t ever be alone, but you still feel somewhat alone…any other single parents, can you help me figure out how to do this?
Boston Legal Eagle says
I am so so sorry to hear that. I have no experience with single parenting but just wanted to offer my hugs and sympathy. That is a lot to go through at once. I strongly suggest therapy if you are not already seeing one, reach out to your support network and family immediately.
Anonymous says
I am so sorry. I can’t imagine the pain you’re in. My mom went through something similar when she was pregnant with my sister and I was 4 years old. She moved close to family (parents and siblings) and the extra support was really important, especially in the early days. Do you have family or a strong network of friends close by? It will not be easy, but you can do it. Sending lots and lots of hugs your way.
lsw says
Oh, I am so, so sorry. Please don’t be afraid to take care of yourself. Having a new baby is hard, period, and you also have your own grief to deal with. If you feel you can make the time and space, can you start going to a therapist now? You may be more susceptible to PPD because of this tragedy. And please, ask for help, ask for help, ask for help. In the very off chance you are in the western PA area, I would be very happy to help.
Pogo says
Oh big big hugs. I immediately thought of the blog DC Widow. She has two young children and found it very difficult to get support being a “young” widow. I would recommend checking it out as I think she also has a Faceb00k community where you could find support.
I have no experience, but would highly suggest picking a close friend or relative to be your “birth partner”. If you can find someone who can accompany you to appointments, and plan to be there when you give birth, I think this will be insanely helpful for it to be one person that you can lean on and who knows you/your pregnancy. If you don’t have close family or friends nearby, first, this is the time to call in favors but second – a doula could even be this person for you if you are feeling very alone and unable to reach out. It is literally their job to help women give birth.
I want to reiterate though this is the time to reach out – if any of my close friends were in your shoes, I would happily fly across the country to be with them.
Moms Solo says
So so sorry. You can and will do it, and you’ll be SO AWESOME at it. Moms rise up to whatever situation we are placed in — that’s just what we do. Do you have family or close friends around? Echo all the comments re: having a strong network, even if you need to move. If that’s not an option, hopefully a mother’s helper is in the budget. And if that’s not in the budget, routine and efficiency hacks will be your friend.
Betty says
I’m so sorry to hear what you have been through. You and your kiddo have all of my sympathy and well wishes, truly.
Something similar happened to my mom: My dad died unexpectedly when I was a year old and my sister was 5. Both of my parents were military, and my parents’ original plan was for both to retire when I was in elementary/middle school and move to our “home” state. My mom ended up stayed in the military until I was in college. My mom’s life and plan changed so quickly and so dramatically; I can only imagine how difficult it was for her. But what I can say, is this: She rocked it. She hired help — full time help through when I was in elementary school. Our “babysitter” did all of the household stuff: cleaning, laundry, cooking and taking my sister and I to practices. My mom took care of herself: she ran and went on trips and ate healthy. While we did not live close to family, we visited often and frequently spent full weeks with grandparents/cousins during the summer.
I’ve asked her how she did it, and she told me this: She loved my sister and I. She wanted to show us that my dad’s death would not define our lives. She wanted to show us happiness and joy, even when really really bad stuff has happened. I think she wanted those things for herself too. Also, she said that she didn’t really have a choice. She had two children who depended on her, and she was going to make the best of it. She also said that she accepted that there were things that just weren’t going to happen like she planned.
Thirty-six years later, my mom, my sister and I are incredibly close. My sister and I both have challenges that are a result of a parent dying when we were children, but we are both incredibly well adjusted, functioning adults. My mom is retired and truly living her best life (she volunteers at the food pantry, travels whenever and where ever she wants, hangs with her grandchildren, does yoga and bike rides with her girlfriend from her book club).
You can do this. It won’t be easy, but it can be done. This group is here for you.
Anonymous says
I am so, so sorry. I have no real advice. If I may suggest two people to google: Mary Katharine Ham and Jen Eddins from Peanut Butter Runner. Mary Katharine, lost her husband when they had a toddler and she was about 7 months pregnant with their second. She’s written some about the loss of her husband (Jake). They were both involved in politics, so ignore the political stuff. Jen Eddins is slightly different because her former fiance ended their relationship right after their son was born (but is still living), but she’s navigating single parenthood with a newborn right now.
Do you have a strong, local network?
Anonymous says
He’s suing her for full custody apparently, which is just insane. Tanner is the wooooooorst.
Anonymous says
oh my god, I had no idea. He really does sound like the worst.
govtattymom says
I know we don’t know each other, but I wish I could wrap you in a big hug right now. You sound like an amazing person, and I know you will be a good mom. I would concentrate on self-care and getting through the pregnancy and not worry too much about the long term (with the exception that it always helps to get on daycare waitlists if you are in a big city). Sending you lots of love.
Frozen Peach says
First, I am so, so sorry. Huge hugs to you. If you are comfortable sharing your location, I bet there are other corporette moms who would love to be a support for you.
Second, you can do this. You are gonna find out you are so much stronger than you know. Find your people who won’t be a second parent to your kiddo, but will be there as a support for you and chosen family for your little one.
Third, this website is a great place for emotional support and parenting advice. There are some pretty awesome FB parenting groups too– check out One Bad Mother and Working Moms’ Safety Net.
Carine says
You will figure it out. I am so, so sorry that you have to, but you will, and you will be great.
I am not a single parent and won’t even pretend that being solo for occasional stretches is the same, but like a previous poster I do recommend having a strong support network in your town. You absolutely need back-up, whether that looks like your mom who watches your kid once a week or a neighbor who’ll meet you on your porch with the extra she (or he!) made for dinner so you don’t have to cook. If I were parenting without a partner and I didn’t have my current network of friends, I would probably move to live in the same town as close family.
Take care of yourself. My heart aches for you and your baby and I hope you can surround yourself with people who love you and can help.
AIMS says
Just wanted to add my condolences. I hope you have friends and family nearby to lean on, but even if not, please don’t hesitate to reach out to people. Including here. Occasional trolls aside, this is a really awesome community and I’m sure I’m not the only one here who will be thinking of you in the coming months. I can’t imagine all that you must be feeling right now. If you ever just need a place to sound out some of those feelings, this is a good place.
octagon says
I am so sorry for your loss.
This happened to a friend a few years ago and she said the hardest part was never getting a break at the same time she was grieving. So to the extent that you can, start building in time for yourself now, in addition to therapy.
You might check out Hot Young Widows Club on Instagram. I think there is a facebook group too.
BPS says
Just sending you all the love. My Grandmother was pregnant with my aunt when my Grandfather died of a sudden heart attack, and she is THE example of motherhood, sisterhood, and friendship in our family. She moved in with her brother, and his kids and my Grandma’s kids were all essentially raised together (again, I know this can’t happen, but sharing anecdotes). Everyone STILL looks to her as the Matriarch in our family. You WILL figure this out and your child WILL live in a happy home. Women are made of the strong stuff to help us through these times. Also, please make sure you’re taking care of yourself! Seeing a counselor, surrounding yourself with GOOD VIBES ONLY, etc. <3
Cate says
I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine what you are going through right now – I’m so impressed by the strength that is coming through even in this post.
Redux says
Chiming in to say the same: I’m so sorry for your loss, big internet hugs, and you will do this. A friend of mine in a different situation says that people always say to her, “I don’t know how you do it.” She says she finds that odd because, well, you just do. She says there is nothing special about her or anything that she has figured out that makes her able to do what she does, and that any other person in her situation would do it too, because you just have to. You will do this. You will.
Know that it is okay to feel all the things– grief, joy, resentment, regret. None of it is contradictory. All of it is real and all of it is ok. Please reach out to your network, including this forum, and keep reaching out. You are not alone.
ElisaR says
You have had a lot of good advice above, I just want to add more support and love sent your way!
anon says
Oh my gosh, so, so sorry for what you are going through. I don’t have advice but all the good vibes and hugs to you. You can do it mama! If you haven’t already, I’d engage the services of a counselor to help process all of your emotions.
Spirograph says
I just wanted to add my condolences, internet love and hugs. You’ve gotten some good advice and I just want to reiterate that you are stronger than you know. Moms get the job done and you will find your village and what works for you.
DC anon says
Do you have a favorite sit-stand stroller? I have a 1 year old and a 4 year old and the 4 year old gets tired on long walks sometimes. We do lots of city walking and need something compact. Any recs?
Anon in NYC says
I saw someone with a version of the Joovy Caboose at the playground and it looked awesome.
BabyBoom says
We have a joovy caboose ultralight which is a HUGE improvement over the BabyTrend we first had. I believe it is well worth it to pay for the Joovy over the BabyTrend. However, I don’t LOVE it when both kids are riding. It’s hard to access the storage basket at the base with both kids on board. The parent organizer is small and you can’t add a bag to the handlebar because it will interfere with the kid on the back. Then again, this is the stroller we most consistently use – we also have a lightweight side by side and a bob double.
Workwear under $100 says
What are your favorite workwear clothes at $100 or less?
Anonymous says
I really like Loft utility blouses when I get them on sale (I refuse to pay full price for polyester even if I appreciate being able to throw it in the wash) and I’m also a fan of their skinny pants.
I also like the thick winter wool (double serge?) skirts from JCrew Factory. I feel like the bright color ones are a bit dated now, but I still like my more muted ones (maroon, navy, etc.)
ElisaR says
i wind up wearing a ton of stuff from Loft. And they have good sales. ONLY buy there on sale because they have sales every 5 minutes.
anon says
Two years ago I would have said Limited. RIP. I’m not brave enough to try the online only thing it has going on right now. That said, I like J Crew factory sweaters – specifically the Clare cardigan and the cotton crew neck longsleeve light weight sweater. For being 100% cotton (wool is itchy for me so I don’t buy it but there are wool versions), they seem to hold up decently. One issue I have is the sizing doesn’t seem consistent. I’m one size in one style and another size in another style.
Banana Republic factory is another good place to find less expensive professional clothes. I have a couple button front tops from there that I like enough – I just hate ironing so they don’t get worn as often.
Leatty says
Lands End ponte sheath dress. I have it in multiple styles/colors, and I typically buy it on sale for around $50-60.
EB0220 says
I’ve been happy with this dress from J Crew Factory: https://factory.jcrew.com/p/womens-clothing/dresses/wear_to_workdresses/sheath-dress/J4614?color_name=hthr-graphite
Anonymous says
Can I ask a TMI question? What constitutes constipation in babies – is it just not going or does it have to be accompanied by other symptoms? We gave my previously EBF baby her first solid on Sunday morning (infant cereal). She used to poop every day, would sometimes skip one day, but as far as I can recall has never gone two straight days without pooping. She hasn’t pooped since she had the cereal (last poop was Saturday) and I started googling it and found all this stuff about how cereal is very constipating, so now I’m worried. But she doesn’t seem unhappy at all and her belly is soft, so I’m not sure. Is this a situation where I should call the doctor?
Anonymous says
I would give it at least a week before I would worry. Lots of babies don’t go everyday and that’s fine. Pretty common to have a change in habits when solids are introduced as well. Cereal is okay but not recommended as a first food. Try alternating with fruit/veg and that should keep things moving.
Anonymous says
“Cereal is okay but not recommended as a first food. ” Really? Cereal was what our pediatrician told us to do first, and she said to do that for a week or two before moving on to veg. We didn’t give her any solids yesterday though and I won’t give her any more until she goes to the bathroom.
AIMS says
I think the latest recommendations – to the extent you care – are that cereal is not great, doesn’t have much benefit, and actually has some toxins that over time aren’t beneficial. I think there is room for disagreement between doctors. I skipped baby cereal with my kids altogether and did fruit and veggie purees and regular water based oatmeal. Everyone pooped just fine (I agree not to worry now though. I think a little re-adjustment is normal).
Anon in NYC says
I think this is an area where peds really differ. Ours told us that cereal wasn’t necessary.
I think what you’re describing, from a poop perspective, is very normal when you start solids. I wouldn’t be concerned unless it persists and/or is accompanied by other symptoms like crankiness or a hard belly.
Anonymous says
Peds are so all over the place. Generally, your ped gave you outdated advice though, sorry to say. I wouldn’t worry about it until (if) you see more signs though. Then maybe try fruit/veg instead. Even that will make baby’s poop more firm than just milk though. Permission to not worry until you see more problems though! Baby poop is silly.
Anon in VA says
I disagree that cereal first is outdated advice. My understanding from my research and what our ped told us is that while cereal first is traditional, the consensus is now that you don’t *have* to start with cereal – it’s perfectly acceptable to still do so and then incorporate, slowly, over time, checking for reactions, new and varied foods. Fortified baby cereal was helpful from my perspective personally in making sure that my non-formula-fed baby was getting the iron she needed. So essentially giving this mom a hard time for following what her doctor told her, which is still in the realm of reasonable, seems unnecessary to me.
Anon says
I agree with Anon in VA. There’s nothing wrong with cereal. It just used to be that you were told you had to start with cereal and that’s outdated advice. It’s an important source of iron, which breastfed babies need by about 6 months. My ped recommends doing either puréed meats or cereal very early to get iron. The idea of putting meat in the blender really grossed me out so we did cereal as our kids’ first food. We did oatmeal cereal because I was concerned about arsenic in rice.
Anonymous says
I would not say that I “gave this mom a hard time”. OP, if you felt that way, I apologize! I was simply stating that you should not feel like you have to stick to cereal since many pediatricians would give advice counter to that which you received. My intent is to be encouraging and give you permission to worry less until this poop delay gets worse than it currently is.
Anon 12:22 says
It’s traditional as a first food but there’s nothing special about it. Obviously okay to feed it, I was just referencing that starting with it isn’t like an official AAP recommendation or something so don’t worry about trying something else if it doesn’t suit your baby.
You can use other iron rich foods instead. I often toss a bit of whatever meat/fish/poultry we were eating into the blender and mixed it with a fruit or veg – like beef and avocado or pork and applesauce or chicken and pear (surprisingly good). Has the advantage of including some vitamin C with the iron which helps iron absorption.
Basically try different foods and don’t stress about changes in bowel habits when starting on solids.
Anonymous says
You can also buy iron supplements. Our doctor recommends vitamin D drops for all breast fed babies and to get the ones with iron added after 6 months.
Anon says
If it were me I would call the doctor and see what they had to say, but as long as she seems happy and comfortable I would guess they will tell you to give it a day or two. Ours was happy to talk to us over the phone when my EBF baby stopped pooping for 24 hours at something like 3 months (and was very unhappy and vocal about it), since even EBF she usually went at least once, if not twice a day. Our ped told us we could give an ounce of 50-50 pear juice and water twice a day until things started moving for her.
Pretty much everyone I knew who was not doing baby-led-weaning started with cereal at around 6 months (and that was our ped’s recommendation as well). Given our history, we started with baby oatmeal instead of rice cereal because rice can be constipating. When we first started introducing solids, I was pretty diligent about making sure she had pear, peach, plum, or prune puree or bite size pieces at least once a day to help her keep things moving, and making sure that she was sipping water each time we gave her solids (not a lot, just an ounce or two, but we definitely introduced water the same time we did solids). If you’re mixing your cereal or oatmeal with BM or formula, you probably don’t need to add the water sipping (in my non-medical opinion).
ifiknew says
We did 1 packet of organic prunes atleast 3-4x a week for constipation when we started introducing solids at 4.5 months. It naturally went away after about 9 months and now at 15 months, we neve need prunes..
Missing Sleep says
Baby is one week old. Unlike baby’s older brother, baby refuses to sleep on his back or in his bassinet — I guess I knew this baby couldn’t be as good a sleeper as our first baby, but assumed that would be related to duration rather than position! Is this something we DO something about, or just wait?? Right now baby loves to sleep on people, slept 3 hours when I gave up and put him face down next to me in bed (will not be repeated), and will sleep 20-45 minutes in a rock n play at night (way longer during the day). RnP is supposed to be a SIDS risk so I’d rather we not get into that habit, but at this point it might be the least risky option — I just don’t feel safe holding him while I’m sleeping (even if I could fall asleep in the glider, which I can’t), so no one is getting any sleep right now. What I remember from baby #1 is that most of the time when I thought we needed to “address” a problem the answer was just to wait a few weeks/months, and I know he’s only one week old, but… is there anything we can do to get more sleep????
Anon says
For the first 2 weeks of my child’s life, she wouldn’t sleep more than an hour unless being held. I also was sleeping downstairs on the sofa recliner because it was easier to get of with my c-section incision. For those first two weeks, I not infrequently held her while sleeping on the recliner and my mom usually sat up and watched us for a good part of the night which made me feel better about it. She refused to sleep in the flat PNP bassinet but would sleep in the little rock and play like insert thing that we pulled out and set in the living room for her to essentially sleep in my direct line of sight. After my mom left, we moved her to the halo basinest thingie next to me in bed and were diligent about swaddling. That combined with her finally getting her days and nights sorted out made a big difference in sleeping longer at night. And the colic really, really kicked in after about 2 weeks, so after screaming 8+ hours during the day and evening, she started sleeping more soundly after midnight.
Anonymous says
My co-workers kid would only sleep (at night) if she was being held for her first 4 months.
Anonymous says
This seems obvious to me, but you don’t mention it, so are you swaddling? The swaddle was magic for us – baby would NOT sleep in her crib without it but with it she did pretty well at night.
Missing Sleep says
Yep, swaddle was magic for our first baby so we’re mostly swaddling. So far it mostly makes this one mad.
Anonymous says
have you tried a swing or a baby carrier? Those were hits with my kids. Baby wearing and the swing were the best baby gear I had.
Missing Sleep says
Yep, using a carrier during the day and he sleeps well in it. Hard on my back /insides this close to delivery though. Haven’t used at night. We don’t have a swing but we’ll see how things go!
Sarabeth says
Really, get a swing (maybe borrow one for a test drive if possible?). There is no guarantee, of course, but I know multiple babies who wouldn’t sleep anywhere else for the first few months.
Anonymous says
Sounds like he might have his days and nights mixed up. That normally sorts itself out in a couple weeks, but you can help by making the room he’s sleeping in bright and noisy during the day and quiet and dark at night. I found that opening blinds to let in real sunlight during the day helped her sort it out quicker than just turning on artificial lights.
Missing Sleep says
Thanks. Maybe it really is just wait it out. Other baby never mixed them up (!!!) so I don’t really know what to expect! Keeping things very bright during the day but unfortunately we can’t take him outside because of wildfire related poor air quality.
KateMiddletown says
You can’t really DO anything about it, so just make yourself and others comfortable while baby sleeps on them and try the machine alternatives. Not sure how much the baby weighs, but you might look into slings/wraps that are safe for newborns. You are in the trenches, but you’re right, just wait a while and keep trying new ideas!
ER says
My first was like this, and also hated swaddling. I co-slept for six weeks, and then did a hellish week of sleep training (pick up / put down method).
Anonymous says
My baby was like this. We used the RnP, and pretty much every parent I know IRL has done the same because it seems like the safest option for sleeping without another adult being awake and holding them. It’s safer than co-sleeping, and it’s safer than putting them on their stomachs.
We swaddled too, but mine wouldn’t sleep flat on his back even in the swaddle.
CBG says
If you are nursing. try letting baby nurse to sleep while lying on your side, in your bed, then transfer to the bassinet once he’s out? I always put a pillow behind me to support my back when side-lying nursing.
Closed for Lunch says
I had forgotten that in the medical community it is apparently acceptable to close the office for lunch from 12-2ish, precisely when this working mom tries to call to schedule appointments. Oh, if only my law office closed for a 2-hour lunch every day! Rant over.
Anon says
This absolutely kills me every time. Closed from 12-2, last appt at 4:45, first appt at 9am, and like 3 hours on weekends that are booked for a year in advance.
I had to reschedule a minor procedure for my daughter two months before the date. It took me a week to be able to get someone on the phone (I kept calling at 11:50 and the phones were already set to lunch) and then had a six week wait from her cancelled appt.
I know doctors and their staff work hard, but if you’re that in demand, maybe add an hour or two of availability a week??? Or hire more staff? Or something?
anonforthis says
Asking a very weird question, can people that are comfortable post their age range, their hours worked (including commute), annual income (including any bonus), and what they like/dislike about their jobs?
I need some perspective on whether what I have is good or I need a change and I know there are a million other things that can go into this, but hopefully this will give me an idea.
I’ll go first:
1) 25-35 years of age
2) Work 9 to 5:10 pm (including commute), and 9 to 4:10 pm on Friday’s
3) Make $200k
4) Like team, income, hours. Dislike: actual work is so boring
Anonymous says
1) early 30s
2) generally work ~35-40 hrs/week, hours are very flexible and I generally work from home 1-2 days per week. Commute is ~15-20 minutes door to door.
3) $50k + good health insurance and 10% of my salary in retirement
4) Like my boss and colleagues, the work, and the hours/flexibility. My main ‘dislike’ is that I just don’t feel that much passion for working since having my daughter 13 months ago and wish I could be home with her. I don’t think a job change would help since there’s nothing objectively wrong with my job.
OP says
This is how I feel and I’m the OP. I feel incredibly guilty though given my income and hours though and don’t know why i don’t feel more grateful. My husband has a “big job” so i do the bulk of all parenting duties and we don’t really need the income but it is of course very nice to have, but man do I wish I could stay home with her without guilt. She’s 18 months.
anon for this as well says
1) 35-40
2) work ~9:30-5. Commute is about 30-45 minutes additional each way.
3) Make ~ 80k.
4) Like: hours. Dislike: income, actual work (although changing roles in about 3 weeks, so hopefully the substance of my work will change. Salary will stay the same though and hours will likely be worse).
Also Anon says
1. 30-35
2. 8:30-6:30, but in ‘client services’ in a niche of the finance world (100% commission), so I’m on call to my clients whenever they need me, which is very often outside of those hours
3. “Unlimited earning potential” (HA). 18 mos in to the commission role, I’m at $200k. I work along side people who make $1.5 mil a year. Average is $500k.
4. Like: pace of my work (transaction), type of work and the nice of finance my work is in — Dislike: cold calling and, more recently, the commission culture is something I am squarely OVER.
anon midwest says
Fun! I feel like we could commiserate over finance comp structure. (I’m a month away from transitioning from commission/team split to salary doing the same role and so happy to be simplifying.)
1 – 30
2 – 8:30-4:30
3 – +/- $100K (about 50% of our HHI w/ working husband) + fringe benefits
4 – like: flexibility our team structure allows me; dislike: if I ever want to make more I’m going to have to go back to commission, but I’m doing a tradeoff during this babyraising season of life. also dislike working for a financial services firm with laughable retirement matching. also dislike foghorn leghorn-type old men in my field.
Anon says
1. 30-35
2. 10:00-8:30 regularly, one day a week at home, less when I’m slow and more when I’m slammed (BigLaw). Commute is usually 20-30 minutes driving.
3. $300K plus bonus, which I did not get last year and will not get this year because even prorated I won’t make my hours due to leave ramp up and down.
4. Like: income allowing for SAHD, flexibility to move my schedule around as needed, sophisticated work, maternity leave, suburban office, people I work with. Dislike: amount and unpredictability of work, increasing focus on business development salesy-ness.
Anon in Boston says
1) 32
2) Typical in-office time is 8:30/9 (depending on when I get in after daycare drop-off) – 5/5:30 (depending on if I have something to finish up). Every quarter, I have a few later nights around filings. Current commute is great at 25-30 min on public transit. Will likely be an hour each way if we move further out in the suburbs. I may ask for one WFH day at that point.
3) ~$136K, bonus is around 12% of salary, some stock
4) Like: Most of my colleagues. We have great conversations about families, outside interest and just general life stuff. I get a lot of great tips from them about the working parent challenges. Also like the general flexibility about WFH if needed, especially now that I’ve been here for a few years. Dislike: The periodic late nights and the lack of upward mobility/promotions. Will dislike the commute when it’s longer, which may sway me away from this job.
SC says
1)34 years of age
2)Work 9-5:30 (including commute), sometimes leave an hour early on Fridays
3)Make $100K
4)Like work, hours, team. Miss having a higher income, but not as much as I like my hours and their predictability.
anon says
Um, forgive me if I missed something, but you make 200k and work about 40 hours a week? Yes, you have a good deal. Only you can decide whether you are bored enough with the actual work to warrant a change.
Anonymous says
Yeah I did a doubletake at that too. 40 hrs and $200k is a unicorn situation!
OP says
I know. I worked a ton prior to baby and my employer really wanted me after baby, so I was able to negotiate this, but I just really want to be a SAHM. I just feel os incredibly guilty though because I know if I give it up, I’ll never get this kind of job again.
Spirograph says
Hi OP, I’m your work twin. I work 8:30-9 til 5-5:30, and have a 20 min driving or bicycling or public transit commute, and make a little over 200k after bonus.
I’m just over my job, company, industry, and office jobs in general. Or maybe I’m burnt out, but it’s such a good deal on paper, I can’t bring myself to leave. You’re not wrong for questioning. Sometimes the $$ just doesn’t feel worth it when you feel like your time is crunched and such a big chunk is taken up by a job that bores you. For me, I’ve decided to stick it out at least until my youngest is in elementary school.
Pretty Primadonna says
Where do you all live and what do you do and can you let me know when you quit so I can apply? :-)
CPA Lady says
1) 30-35
2) Work 8:something til 4:something most days, my commute is 25 minutes long if I’m dropping off kiddo, about 15 if I’m not. I don’t work any overtime during fall tax season, during spring tax season I work 5-15 hours of overtime a week for maybe one month.
3) Make ~$70k
4) Like hours, flexibility, work itself. Dislike: extreme cyclical nature of work means there are a few months where I have almost nothing to do, which makes me concerned about my job security, having to bill my time.
Anonymous says
You’re not sure if 200k and 9-5 is good?!?!??!!!!!!!!
CPA Lady says
Right? My 40 hour a week $70k self would 100% trade with her at the drop of a hat!!!! $200k? I can’t even comprehend that level of money. Like… I would buy a boat! And hire a boat butler! Or go to Europe twice a year and stay in a fancy hotel! I would pay off my house in a few months! The possibilities are endless when you’re as good at spending money as I am, hahah.
But seriously, OP, you could save your money aggressively for the next several years and “retire” early once your kids are old enough to remember spending time with you. I’ve never gotten the point of staying at home when they’re too small to remember all the elaborately planned pinterest crap we’re supposed to do as moms in the year 2018. Wait til they can be really impressed by it!
Anonymous says
Um, the difference between $70k and $200k is maybe $70-80k after taxes – yes it’s a significant amount of money that can change your lifestyle significantly, but you could not buy a boat and a “boat butler” whatever that is. And I don’t get the “retire in a couple years” advice either. She’s not earning “retire at age 35” money. Sure, if she saves aggressively she could retire in her late 50s or early 60s, but her kids will be in college or beyond by then. And remember that generally the more you earn the more you need in retirement.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Haha, maybe I’m just not a little kid person, but I would much rather stay home when the kids are older and in school for most of the day than to do that when they’re little and have to deal with physically exhausting childcare work and tantrums (for free!) I don’t think we’ll have enough saved to truly retire in a few years but that is the dream.
OP says
yeah, i know its dumb. I just want to quit to be a SAHM and feel so incredibly guilty, because I know I’ll never find this unicorn situation again If I do.
OP says
Thank you so much CPA Lady. I’m truly not trying to be a spoiled brat. I know I am incredibly lucky (and also worked incredibly hard pre-baby) but also very lucky.
It just helps to hear that it makes sense to continue and save aggressively (which is what we’re doing) while she’s young and she doesn’t remember. I just worry that since she’s so cute and adorable that it’ll feel like “I missed her babyhood” even though I’m obviously still getting 2 hours every weekday and weekends, which should FEEL perfectly sufficient.
CPA Lady says
I mean, we feel how we feel. If it’s really important to you, you can quit now. Or could you go to a part time schedule? Something where you could get more time now?
Yes, it’s surprising to me that someone in your position would give it up, but I”m extremely risk averse based on a variety of things that happened in my life, AND I have no desire to stay home with my kid, so of course I feel this way. You feel differently, and that’s totally fine!
Anonymous says
How old is kiddo/kiddos? IME, every mother goes through this at some point. Here’s where I land: I wouldn’t be happy as a SAHM when kiddo goes to school even if it would be awesome now. It’s hard to justify taking the time away from the workplace to re-enter when kiddo starts school (especially if you could preschool and/or pre-K). Also, at almost 3, my kiddo really loves school these days. If you’re unhappy and want a change, I would recommend looking at flexible work hours. I am an early morning person in a billable hour regime. At least two of my hours per day comes before kiddo even wakes up. This is sustainable for me on a daily basis and allows me to get some housework done after kiddo and hubby leave, go for a run most days, and pick kiddo up by 4. All that has been a good compromise for me. I also have some “extras” requirements knowing that I am still working hard which helps me feel the tangible good from working…vacations, golf/pool membership that we use with kiddo, etc. I think about the things we use the money for that enrich her life and all the ways we couldn’t do that if I didn’t work. It isn’t a perfect trade-off, but as she ages, it makes more sense.
OP says
Thanks so much. We just have 1, she’s 18 months. Hopefully another kid in the next 1-2 years.
I posted yesterday asking for feedback on going part-time. It’s just unfortunately not a thing in my world in finance, but I was encouraged by people’s comments and I’m hopeful that if and when I get pregnant sometime next year, I can let them know that coming back at 40 hours is a non-started for me. Hopefully they will agree to let me go PT. I do have some skills that I could do as a contractor, but just not sure where to start with that,s o I’ll ask for part-time first then go from there.
Betty says
(1) 35-40
(2) Salary is $110 plus 6% of salary in 401k, stock grants, 20% bonus, 22 days PTO, 5 sick days plus company holidays and AMAZING health insurance
(3) 8:30-5:00ish plus 45 min commute each way 3 days per week; 7:00-3:00 WFH two days per week plus the occasional evening work
(4) LOVE my coworkers (legal team and business clients), really complicated subject matter area that I am learning to love. Highly dislike: My boss.
Anonymous says
34&35; 3 kids under 5
I work an average of 18 hours a week and make 100k (note that this is at a 1099 rate, so no benefits and my taxes are way higher). My husband makes 230k and is out of the house 7:30am-6pm (he works on his commute most days).
Likes: flexibility.
Dislikes: balancing work peaks (I can have 40 hour weeks relatively unexpectedly) with beinhmthe drfault parent. NOT making the 240k/year i used to make. DH and I essentially flipped incomes recently- he got a new big job and I leaned out. Previously he was making ~140k to my $240 and I was on the road all the time.
boutique lawyer says
1) mid-30s
2) work about 8:30am-5:30pm M-F on average, rarely weekends and rarely nights (1600 billable req, but do a lot of biz dev and other firm management), <5 min walking commute
3) ~$350k base, bonus was about 50% base last year
4) my job is great – better pay, hours, and people than biglaw; I feel like I am part of the business; I go to court/depo a lot. Only downside is work can be more "lumpy" and you have to plan vacation very carefully because we have less than 10 attorneys.
Anonymous says
1. Turned 28 just last month.
2. biglaw hours (so 9:30 – whatever), commute is about 1 hour 15 min when I drop off the baby in the morning and 45 min when I take the cab back home at night.
3. Income: 220k (hopefully getting bonus this year)
4. Like my coworkers a lot (much more than my old firm) and income helps. Dislike: still junior ish so sometimes have to do really boring work that no on else wants to do. But that is only about 20% of my life at the moment
Paging yesterday's Question about flying to NY with Kids says
I saw this post late, but wanted to add my opinion (because it is pretty strong on this topic) – but as an east coast native, if it is an option, I highly suggest flying into Newark instead of JFK/LGA if your end destination is in fact NYC. Public transport to Penn is quick/easy from Newark (literally 15 minutes) and I always found it easier and quicker than either taking the E or the LIRR back from JFK. A cab can also be just as easy and cost saving as LGA (if you dont go during rush hour). Also, LGA has a lot of construction right now and the terminals are generally more disgusting than usual. The traffic patterns are also pretty scattered because of the construction and I avoid it like the plague when I fly back home because of this. Hope this is helpful.
AIMS says
Ha. I live in NYC and refuse to fly into Newark. Unless you’re staying near Penn and are taking the train, which I would only recommend if you have very little luggage. Otherwise you end up lugging luggage through one of the worst, most annoying areas of NYC (I mean worst as in just plain awful, not dangerous or anything like that) or you end up stuck in traffic with a $100+ cab bill. LGA is closer to Manhattan and t/f a shorter cab ride, but you’re right that it can be very hit or miss flying in because of all the delays. I’ve been delayed up to an hour at a time. I’d fly into JFK, myself, and then take a yellow taxi to the city. It’s a flat $52 rate & super easy, plus the drive in over the 59th street bridge is lovely. I guess we all have strong opinions on this!
OP, if you google gluten free restaurants and NYC lots of results come up. I would call to see how they handle cross contamination issues. Here’s one list: https://ny.eater.com/maps/nyc-best-gluten-free-restaurants
KateMiddletown says
You’re totally allowed to have your own “is this worth it” equation. 9-5 and $200K for you might not be worth it if you desire more flexibility. Unfortunately finding 50% pay for 50% time usually doesn’t exist – if you want to make a nice salary vs being hourly, you’ll have to do 9-5 until you make yourself irreplaceable (but it sounds like your boss feels you are so you might have some room to negotiate.)
OP says
Thank you KateMiddletown. That’s what sucks. I would take making $50k to work 60% of 40 hours, so 75% paycut for 40% fewer hours, but those jobs just do not exist without networking and luck.
Anonymous says
FWIW, depending on your job, my friend who is a lawyer just became a solo practitioner. At the end of the day she wanted more time with her kid than she had working a 9-5 job (maybe 8-6 with commute). Her kid is still going to be in part-time childcare, so she has time to work, but it gives her the flexibility schedule-wise that she wants.
Personally, I wouldn’t give up what you have job-wise, but the heart wants what the heart wants. If you truly don’t need your salary, you can always make different choices.