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Using a gift card from some very generous coworkers, I sprung for this activity gym for my youngest.
I thought the cloud theme was really cute and love the soft color palette — it’s not as garish as other activity gyms. It comes with all the activity gym favorites — a musical sheep, colorful light-up star, squeaky cloud, bird rattle, and sunshine mirror. The mat is made of fabrics with different colors and textures. It also includes a cloud tummy time pillow.
My son spent countless hours on it, so it was a gift card well spent.
Skip Hop’s Silver Lining Cloud Activity Gym is $80.99 at Target and Amazon.
Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Babymoon in Miami says
Help – I’m in desperate need of a couple of babymoon outfits. We’re going to Miami Beach early next month and staying at basically the nicest hotel I’ve ever stayed at, but I’m slightly freaking out because I have zero non-WFH maternity clothes, and truthfully I haven’t even really broken out the maternity stuff I have because I’ve just been wearing sweatshirts and non-maternity jeans that still fit. I just want to feel comfortable and not out of place when I’m there. I’m 5’4″, size 14, 20 weeks. Thanks in advance!
Anon says
Enjoy! Miami Beach is very fun and also such a scene that people will probably not notice you because there will be someone walking through the hotel lobby in a thong bikini or ball gown or who knows what. The Ingrid + Isabel website has some pretty dresses, including some simple tank dresses that would be great with a Jean jacket if it’s cool in the evening.
Anokha says
My favorite maternity brand was Seraphine — and you can normally get great deals on Poshmark.
Allie says
+1. Seraphine sizing is pretty consistent so figure out you size at Macy’s or some other department store and then order some on poshmark or threadup. It’s hit or miss but I also really liked some of my asos and old navy maternity items. I’d probably just order a ton for try on and plan on returning most of it.
Anon says
Seraphine is so cute. I actually still wear one dress from them because I couldn’t bear to part with it.
Pogo says
I always plug PinkBlush for maternity – it’s Old Navy type quality, maybe a little nicer, but has tons of options in the maxi dress arena that also double as nursing for postpartum.
DLC says
I really love my Latched Mama romper. It’s a nursing romper, but cut very loose, and designed to be able to wear while pregnant- so comfy and easy and comes in some fun prints and colours. There is also a dress version of the romper.
TheElms says
I have a dress from Amazon that I bought during my last pregnancy that might work for you. I’m about the same size as you and wore it in my second trimester / third trimester —
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07FY2X7DP/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&th=1&psc=1 (size L)
Anon says
What hotel? A lot of the pricey hotels in Miami have a surprisingly relaxed vibe. I’ve stayed at 1 Hotel Sobe and didn’t feel out of place in my basic (probably frumpy) Midwestern mom clothing. So by all means treat yourself to new clothes if you want but I really don’t think people will notice or care what you’re wearing unless you’re like going to an event with a red carpet or something.
OP says
The St. Regis! Mainly because it’s across the street from Hillstone :)
shortperson says
the hatch target collection looks awesome
Anonymous says
Wish us luck, we’re putting in our first offer on a house today!
Lily says
Good luck! We put a hail mary offer in on a house last night (owners already have an agreement in principle with another buyer – hoping our offer is higher) and am so anxious!
Anon says
Good luck! My sister went under contract on her first home yesterday!
EDAnon says
Good luck!
WinterisComing says
Best winter coats for elementary school boys? Chicago, so needs to be warm and snow proof.
Anon says
Expensive, but worth it – the Patagonia high loft down sweater hoodie. Buy a size up and wear for two years.
anon says
Columbia 3-in-1 coats are my go-to. Also in the Midwest. I buy slightly roomy and get a couple of years out of them.
Anon says
Metro Detroiter here. Lands End, hands down. We use the basic kids parka and snow bins. I love the extend-a-size options that let you extend the arms and legs to squeeze in a bit more time with them. If you start looking now I bet you could get a 30-40% off code. Holds up like a dream and easy to wash. Also I have really easily resold these in the mom to mom groups. There’s a reason so many kids have these coats.
Anon says
Honestly I’d go the other way – my elementary age boy is really hard on his coats so I don’t like to spend a ton. I go with the sub-$40 Costco options and every year they’re still in good enough shape to hand down before he outgrows it. We’ve done the Snozu that comes with a hat, and that’s probably his favorite because he likes the hat. We’ve also done the 3 in 1 coats and that’s probably my favorite since it adapts for cold to super cold days. The drawback is that there aren’t a lot of color options, so the “girl” choice is pretty much pink/purple and the “boy” choice is pretty much blue/black every year. This year the “girl” also came in teal so that made my pink-averse daughter very happy.
Anonymous says
We’re in Chicago and I was pleasantly surprised with a two-piece coat from Target last year. We used both layers separately, and together as well during the coldest months.
Booster seat for 3YO says
Booster seat rec for 3YO at grandparents’ home? We have a tripp trapp at home, so don’t use one here. Son has been in a Graco high chair at grandparents’ home, but I am thinking he may be too big for that now.
anon says
Fisher-Price Healthy Care Booster Seat. Cheap, easy to clean, straps to a chair. My average-sized 5yos could still fit in it, if they wanted.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
+1 – we use this for both of our kids at our island. I bought it as a temporary one for our now 3.5 year old when we were in a short-term rental home, but it’s well-made and gets the job done so kept it and bought another for our now 10-month-old.
Spirograph says
We have “Prince Lionheart Soft Booster Seats.” They are a little grippy, but do not strap to the chair, which is my preference for easy clean-up: just walk to the sink, dump, and wipe or scrub as needed. We’ve had them for ~5 years and they’re great. My lanky 8 year old still fits (although he doesn’t need the height boost).
Anonymous says
Does he need one? how often are you there? My just turned 3 year old just sits in a regular chair at the table at home (but is on the larger side so ymmv). We have the basic fisher price booster and it was totally fine for him when younger.
Pogo says
Has anyone ever been super buried with work, taken a whole weekend day to crank through it, and felt better?
I’ve been really trying to draw boundaries and not work after bedtime (one, it sucks, two, I’m not really that productive unless it’s going through emails). But part of me wonders if I just had the dedicated time with no meetings to really get it done, I’d be in better shape overall, less anxious, etc. I have a lot of stuff that is really super easy and if I just had the time to focus I could get it off my plate – it is transitioning to a new hire and I just have to button it up.
But I could also see myself falling into the trap where then that becomes expected and I have to keep doing that (despite the fact this particular work is supposed to be transitioning, it’s always something, right?). Debating if I should have my nanny come over one day this weekend – will I feel better or worse??
Leatty says
As someone who has been drowning in work this year, I’ve found that weekend working day to be the most productive day of my week. During the work week, I’m jumping from call to email to IM all day long, and it is so hard to do things that require focusing for longer periods of time. I end up having to do those things after the kids go to bed or on the weekend. We have a sitter come for 4 hours on the weekend so I can work, do chores around the house, or even just relax. I like knowing that the time is there if I need it, and if I don’t need it, I can take the time for myself. During particularly busy periods, I work more than that on the weekends, but I try to take at least one full day off so I can recharge.
GCA says
I find post-bedtime hours to be fairly productive because no one is looking for me and there are no meetings, and it sounds like that’s really what you need regardless of *when* it occurs – a solid chunk of time without any other distractions. I’d say do it. Hire the sitter for Saturday afternoon or whenever you have the most energy to put in! BUT then also work out how to transition it to the new hire so that it is off your plate once and for all (I am also really appalling at delegating and have to figure out how to do it better).
Spirograph says
This. I can often get more done in 2 hours after bedtime than in an entire meeting/IM-filled work day. I often cut out early in the afternoon to do kid/family stuff and just tell my boss I’ll be back on later. ymmv, but it works well for me. And yes, I do feel a lot better when I knock things out in “off” time, even though what I’m really doing is splitting my workday.
Imho, f you want to use a weekend, you need to either go to an office or have the nanny take the kids somewhere so you have an empty house. Nanny + kids at home probably won’t give you true focus time, and the LAST thing you want is to give up weekend time and not be as efficient as possible.
anon says
My favorite ‘get ahead’ strategy when I was at a law firm was to work from 1 PM through 10 PM on Sundays. I would leave the house when the kids went down for their nap and be able to crank out tons of hours. I also still felt like a got a full weekend at that point, while relieving my Sunday evening anxiety about starting the week behind. It worked well for me.
anon says
I’m glad it worked for you, but this sounds miserable! That’s giving up a huge chunk of the weekend.
anon says
It was only about 3 hours of awake kid time (3:30 – 6:30 PM) during toddler years so I felt like my ratio of missing quality family time-to-picking up hours was the best deal of the week. It was also super quiet so I could crank out tons of work with zero distractions.
Anonymous says
I could only do this if I had a ton of household help. I need every minute of the weekend just to keep the house from falling apart.
Anon says
I mean this kindly, but is it possible your housekeeping standards are too high? We have a biweekly cleaning service so I don’t scrub toilets, but we don’t have any other household help and we don’t spend that much time on household management on the weekends. DH does a grocery pickup with kiddo on Saturday morning. I do a couple loads of laundry on Sunday. We could easily fit both those tasks in during the week, especially with WFH, but we choose to knock it out on the weekend to make weekdays less stressful. I can’t imagine spending the entire weekend doing chores.
Anonymous says
So last weekend these were our chores and family obligations, split between husband and me:
Order, pick up, and put away groceries
Meal prep
8 loads laundry
Change sheets
Mop and vacuum floors
Clean kitchen
Clean bathrooms
Mow lawn
Buy fall flowers and pumpkins
Edge mulch bed, plant flowers, sweep gutters and driveway
Walk large energetic dog 10 miles total over 2 days
Take out garbage
Attend church (got off easy on this one because I only had to be there for an hour instead of the five hours it takes on weeks when I sing)
Take kid clothes shopping and then to choir rehearsal
Homework help
Phone call with SIL
We didn’t even get to any of our backlogged home improvement and deep cleaning projects or to do anything fun. Without a housekeeper and lawn care service or a SAH spouse, we are drowning. There is simply no way I can work on the weekends. By Sunday night I am exhausted. I don’t think our standards are too high because there is still tons of grime and broken/worn-out stuff that needs fixing all over the place. If I were a SAHM I would spend the whole week taking care of this stuff and relax on the weekends.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Anon at 334 – I highly recommend a biweekly cleaner for all dual income families with kids. Worth every penny IMO and really frees up the weekend (I don’t necessarily relax but I can focus on the kids).
Anon says
See, I think a lot of this is optional or can be done on weekdays. We don’t meal prep. Garbage is taken out on Monday night for pickup the next morning. We mow the lawn maybe once every 2-3 weeks in spring and summer and once every 6 weeks or so in the fall. I don’t think we’ve ever swept our gutters or our driveway, and we don’t do any landscaping besides mowing and occasionally pulling weeds. We rake leaves maybe once or twice a year in the fall and involve our preschooler. Going to the pumpkin patch as a family or talking to your SIL aren’t things I’d put in the “chore” column, but they’re also not things you HAVE to do if they don’t bring you joy. 8 loads of laundry seems absolutely crazy unless you have an enormous family. We have <1 load weekly per person. Even without a cleaning service, you don't need to deep clean your bathrooms every week.
Also I don't see your kids helping anywhere in this. From the age of about 7-8, kids should be doing their own laundry, walking the dog, vacuuming and tiding their own rooms. Older kids can and should help with cleaning kitchens and bathrooms if you don't have a cleaning service.
I agree with Boston Legal Eagle that a biweekly cleaning service is a pretty small expense for most dual income families and would free up more time than you think. It would eliminate many of the most time-consuming items on your list – mopping and vacuuming floors, cleaning kitchen and bathrooms – as well as changing sheets and possibly laundry. In non-Covid times, weren't your weekends filled with kid activities and seeing people? I don't see how you would have time for any of that with all the time you're spending on chores. My house definitely doesn't look perfect but I don't really care – I'd rather spend my life doing fun things with people I care about or on my own rather than cleaning constantly.
Anon says
I have not, because I really need the weekend to recuperate and I just get overly burnt out working every day. I used to spend all weekend beating myself over not working all weekend, get to Monday and think gee, this is OK, why was I so anxious. I have lately been trying to mentally reframe that rest is important for my health (physical and mental) and preserve at least one weekend day where I do not go into my home office at all. If I do have to work the weekend (either to catch up or because, say, I have a deal closing early in the week), I try to carve out at least half a day for rest and family and let all of the chores slide. That being said, I find working after bedtime to be a good time to knock out the easy but annoying stuff and I will commit to staying up late (midnight is my internal deadline because I can still get 7 hours of sleep then) one or two days a week if I am really swamped. If you are a morning person (I am not) you could do the same thing getting up early.
RR says
I have, yes. I don’t think one weekend to get yourself to a less stressful place sets a long term tone.
Anon says
I will use the delay send feature on Outlook when I work on the weekend. I’ll set the email so it doesn’t send until Monday morning. The recipient isn’t bothered with a weekend email, and I don’t have to worry about setting an expectation of being available on the weekends.
Anonymous says
This is so key. I actually work on the weekends somewhat frequently because I hate working after the kids are in bed but nothing is ever send outside of regular work hours. I also stagger the sends throughout Monday morning so it’s not like 10 substantive emails at 8am and and everyone chiming in with questions in the next couple hours.
EDAnon says
I do this weekends and late nights. But I am morning person so I actually get up early to work. With the sun coming up later, my kids are among up later which gets me extra time. I do find this time productive.
Walnut says
A couple strategies:
1. During the workweek, I will try to switch up my location to get into a different mind set to knock out task items.
2. Start the day with a discrete set of tasks to knock out. Some days it’s only one thing if I’m in back to back meetings.
3. Make a list of discrete tasks, drink a late coffee, and knock out the list after bedtime. The key is to be intentional and not lose time sorting emails (unless your task is specifically to get your email under control.)
4. Do your kids have a weekend “witching hour”? In my house, if I have an action pack morning planned, then the afternoon is likely to go sideways. This is my ideal time to queue up a babysitter and get some work done.
Anonymous says
I will occasionally do this with a large discrete task such as a proposal that isn’t going to get done any other way. I absolutely hate it and it doesn’t feel like it gives me any breathing room, but sometimes it’s the only way the stuff gets done.
I prefer to block off “writing days” on my calendar and refuse all meetings on those days (accepted at my org), or to put in a couple of hours in the early morning before anyone else is on IM or e-mail. Evenings and weekends, I’m just too tired and really resent working.
AwayEmily says
I have a different kind of job (professor) but yes, have done similar things. Twice in the last year I’ve gone on a “writing retreat” where I get a hotel room for a couple of days and hole up and work on my book. And a couple of additional times, I’ve gone into the office all day on a weekend and just done some focused work.
In general I have very strict work-life boundaries — I never work in the evening, for example. But it can be hard to get focused thinking work done during the week when I’m dealing with administrative stuff, student emails, etc. I honestly look forward to these little “work escapes” — they help me remember why I love my job and help me to feel more confident and less anxious.
A less-time-intensive strategy I sometimes use is to get up early (like 6am), get dressed, say good morning to the kids, and then head out so that I’m at work by 7. Those extra two hours are always super productive.
NYCer says
I think this is a know yourself question. I hate working on the weekend. I would definitely feel worse if I dedicated an entire or significant portion of a weekend to working.
Pogo says
Thanks for the responses! Some great ideas here.
SC says
I have done this, but I find that I get burnt out toward the end of the week and then get behind again, so it really only works for me if I have a specific deadline or a very discrete task.
When I just feel like I’m not getting enough focused work during the day, I start work earlier in the day and/or block out calendar time, let most calls go to voicemail, and shut my office door. It usually turns out that nobody really needed me that much between, say, 8 am and 1 pm. In fact, I can take lunch and get back to people between 2 and 5.
Anon says
I prefer to stay late once a week and work until like 10pm. You can get a nice takeout dinner and eat ALONE and get 4-5 extra hours of uninterrupted work. Missing bedtime once every few weeks isn’t a big deal for my family so this works well.
CCLA says
This is what I prefer to do, too. Pick a weekday (often Tues or Weds, doesn’t have to be the same each week), and just plan to stay late with takeout in the office. Super productive and feels less invasive than taking a weekend day (though I’ve done that too when needed).
EDAnon says
I have the kind of job where usually my tasks go to someone and then come back to me for more work/sign off. When I get behind, I find it to my benefit to drag my feet on non-essential work so that it’s not actually giving me more work. If I knocked out a ton one weekend, I would just have more work that next week.
I agree with people that a discrete task would work, like a report or presentation. I find that super valuable.
Anon says
i’ve decided that one of the hardest things about being a parent is having no idea how much sleep you will get each night. one of my 3.5 year old twins sometimes wakes up at 5:30 and other times wakes up at 7. in our household 5:30am is very still nighttime. i have no issue with letting her cry minus the fact that if she gets too worked up she throws up and i definitely don’t feel like dealing with that. i had so many things i wanted to accomplish today and now instead i’m in survival/stay awake mode
RR says
Yes, that was always one of the hardest things for me. Especially when they are babies and you really don’t know if you will even get to sleep. At 3.5, can you start to introduce her to quiet morning activities on her own? Something special she can do in the morning?
If that’s not feasible, all I can tell you is that it does pass. In a year or so, she will definitely be old enough to get up and grab a snack and play quietly until everyone else is up. And in not too many years, you’ll be dragging her out of bed in the morning.
OP says
she is still in a crib. next up is transitioning to a bed, which i think is going to make bedtime a total zoo. my twins love each other but can also be really mean/physically aggressive with each other and do things on purpose that they know bother the other one. i’m scared that then we will never ever sleep again.
Anon says
If it’s any consolation, my 4.5 yo twins are exactly as you described .They can get along great but also know exactly what to say to press each other’s buttons and have also recently leveled up to add poking in the eye and pinching to their usual hair-pulling and biting(*). We were also worried about switching out of cribs, it wasn’t a big deal and they aren’t generally antagonistic to each other at bedtime.
(*) Yes, I know this seems like extreme behavior for 4yos. They aren’t physically aggressive with anyone except their sister and the aggression is getting much better now that they’re finally back in in-person school and get some time away from eachother.
AIMS says
My kids (not twins) are like this and share a room but they are fine at bedtime (mostly).
You may already have it but a kid wake up clock was a gamechanger for us. I didn’t think it would ever work but my kids actually stay in bed until the clock turns green now. And, amazingly, they actually sleep longer now that we have it to the point of sometimes sleeping past the “wake up” time.
OP says
i’m the OP and the scratching, hair pulling and biting is definitely a problem in our house. and we do have an ok to wake clock, but they dont seem to really care…probably in part bc i go in if they are screaming but again, that’s bc i really dont want to clean up vomit
Anonymous says
Commiseration. My twins are 8 months and one has had two weeks of 3AM wake ups (ear infections and teething). Then this morning my four year old woke up at 4:45. I should have done the parent thing when I was 20 and not 36. Give me all the coffee.
Anon says
That was me yesterday, and anything before 7 AM is nighttime here. Kiddo has *just* started staying in her bed all night at least half of the time and I am starting to get my sleep back, but Monday I had planned to get up early (6AM) and knock out a few items, and instead we woke up at 5AM to kiddo telling us she had wet the bed (thankfully she had not, but she certainly thought she did, so all the lights were on, clothes were changed, sheets were checked (not wet, woo hoo)) and then we all crawled back into bed until 8AM. She will be a hot mess today after a late swim class last night (she finally fell asleep at 11:30!) and preschool and extra therapy today and a playdate this afternoon, so I do not expect my week to get back on track until tomorrow at the earliest. Hoping for early bedtime tonight.
Anon says
Yep. My 3.5 year old was an amazing sleeper as an infant and young toddler – she basically only woke up if she was teething, so we could treat with Tylenol and solve the problem – but now she wakes up more regularly and there isn’t one problem that’s easy to fix. She also regularly sleeps past 8 am but occasionally gets up at 6 for no apparent reason. Yesterday she woke at 5:30! It’s awful because we got to bed at 11:30 or so, counting on her sleeping to 7:30 like she does most days and then she has one of these crazy early mornings and we end up not even getting 6 hours of sleep. I know the solution is an earlier bedtime but it’s hard for my body to constantly switch my sleep/wake times. I feel much more physically exhausted and sleep deprived than I ever did in the newborn period.
AwayEmily says
I totally agree. The effects of a lack of sleep are just brutal, and it’s only gotten worse as I’ve gotten older. I have taken to being really, really compulsive about immediately making up for lost sleep. I track my sleep via my FitBit, and if I get more than one night in a row of subpar sleep, I take half a Unisom and go to bed by 9 the next night. If I’m especially tired I will sleep in the guest room with the noise machine on high. It’s intense but keeps me from building up a sleep deficit.
Anon. says
Totally agree. The inconsistency was the worst. I’m a broken record on this, but I highly recommend the Hatch Okay to Wake for solving this exact problem. I couldn’t deal with waking up every morning to screaming. Whether it was 5:39 or 7:30, my oldest would start yelling the minute he woke up. With the light, he knows that he has to stay in his room until the light turns green. He will wake up and play or sing or whatever and the second it turns green he’s shouting to announce the green light. We started when he was in a crib and still use now that he’s in a bed. It means I can consistently set my alarm for 6:55 and know I’ll wake up peacefully before the shouting starts.
We use one with my youngest too but she doesn’t really care. She will happily chill in her bed until we come get her – she has basically never woken up for the day yelling in the morning. If I had started with this kind of kid I would have been soooo confused by a kid like my oldest.
OP says
see we have the Hatch, but kiddo does not care. she will still scream, and i end up going in because otherwise she gets so hysterical she throws up. and then gets more hysterical because she has thrown up.
Anon says
Can you try bribery? Kid gets a sticker for every day she stays quietly in her crib until the light turns green. Once she gets 5 stickers she gets a new book (or whatever).
Anon. says
Hmm, have you tried connecting your entrance to the light instead of the screaming? So if you hear the screaming let her go for a minute (or whatever you know won’t lead to vomit, I wouldn’t want to start my day that way either) then set your Hatch to green and make a big deal about the light is green so now you can get up? That’s how we made it click for our oldest initially – ignore me if you’ve already tried it.
Anonymous says
Oh hugs. It does get better but not fast enough when you are in the thick of it. My 9 year old now feeds the cats when he gets up (not a moment past 6 am usually, to begin his rigorous video game schedule), so we can really sleep in on the weekends. But it took a while to get here. Hang in there and dream of the future!
Eager Beaver says
Ha! My 9 year old also gets up on his own at 6 am to squeeze in video game time. He wouldn’t dream of waking us and ending the free for all.
Pogo says
I’m with you today – the baby had a cold this weekend and has been waking up in the middle of the night.
I agree that the unpredictableness is really tough – I feel that at bedtime too. Some nights everyone goes down easy and some nights it’s non stop meltdowns from 6:15 to 8:30. I’m a planner and I hate not knowing when I can get my sleep/free time!
DLC says
I know the transition to a bed is daunting, but i have to say… we moved our kids to beds by the time they were 22 months because they were all climbers. But a side benefit was/is that when they wake in the morning there was no crying or yelling for us; they would just get out of bed and play in their rooms or roam around the house. Except our youngest who currently will come into our room at 5am, climb into our bed and just hang out until a grown up wakes up. (She has even figured out how to root around and start nursing without waking me up…) But they all know not to wake mom or dad. YMMV, depending on kid and how heavy a sleeper you are of course….
But yeah, I agree the sleepless zombie survival mode phase is really rough.
Anonymous says
As a counterpoint, my almost 4 year old has slept in a toddler bed since shortly after turning 2 but has never once just gotten out of bed to play quietly by herself. She screams for us as soon as she’s awake. We tried an OK to Wake clock but she ignored it. I think this really depends on kids’ personalities, not just their sleeping arrangements. She’s also a barnacle when she’s awake and is terrible at independent play in general, even though we’ve done lot to encourage it. It’s clear she just got my extremely extroverted husband’s genes. Sigh.
Anonymous says
Curious to see if anyone recognizes this pattern and can offer any tips/insights. For months now, I have been been ping-ponging between periods of impressive productivity during times of intense stress/pressure and feeling like there is cotton between my ears and I can’t get anything at all done. It’s almost like my brain goes into hibernation without a major adrenaline rush to kick it into gear. When there’s a deadline or client emergency, I’m super focused and able to fly through tasks and produce quality results. But as soon as the crisis lifts, the brain fog seems to descend and stick around until the next alarm. It’s hard to explain but really goes beyond typical “mom brain” or whatever. I literally feel like I can’t quite wake up and fully participate in the things around me until there’s an external pressure forcing me to reengage. I hate this yo-yo effect and would really like to take advantage of the time between fire drills, which are unavoidable at work due to my specialty, to get organized and work ahead on some projects, both at work and at home. Instead, I find myself just staring at my desk or sitting on the couch unable to even really figure out what to do or how to get started. Is this burn out? Regular fatigue? Poor time management? I feel like I’m losing my edge and possibly my mind!
Anonymous says
I am experiencing the exact same thing. I can be productive when the heat is on, but I get so exhausted that I need days or weeks to recover. I think part of it is limited, poor-quality sleep that is sapping my brainpower.
RR says
For me, that’s diagnosed anxiety and what I believe to be undiagnosed ADHD. Consider talking to your doctor.
anon says
Solidarity. For me, it’s a sign of anxiety (diagnosed) and burnout. I feel a ton of guilt about it, which doesn’t help.
Butter says
I’ve been operating the same way, and I think it’s a combination of burnout and modern work/life now being tied to technology and an ever increasing addiction to urgency and adrenaline. I feel good when I’m reacting to something because it’s crystal clear what I should be doing and requires relatively little thought, planning, and execution (decisions have to be made quickly and on the fly). When I have time between urgent tasks to really scope something out, reflect on best practices, plan etc., I get overwhelmed and just want to watch tv or read the internet. I don’t have a solution, but have been thinking a lot about what 15+ years of working constantly off of email, the internet, computers and our phones have done to our ability to concentrate, relax into work, and just generally manage to be productive at a reasonable pace. This also ties into the earlier thread about finding time to work on the weekends because weekdays are so jammed…I think we’ve dug ourselves some pretty deep holes here.
Anon says
I would read your essay on this, as I think you’re on to something here. We’re trying to run at such a quick pace now, that taking time to be thoughtful about a decision leads to analysis paralysis or even feels a little lazy.
I do think the pandemic has brought this more to the forefront, because I think 1) our priorities have shifted, making tradeoffs feel more impactful than they used to and 2) distractions are limited. Some of my prior urgency was driven by having to get to soccer practice on time or having to make it home by dinner just to see my kid before bedtime. Now that I know what that slower pace is, I both crave it and struggle to adapt to it. (And struggle to keep it when things are more open!)
EDAnon says
That sounds like burnout,
Anon says
A vent- I’m having one of those weeks… Husband just left for 3 weeks so I’m solo parenting the toddler. This weekend was ok, but now during the work week everything feels so stupid and difficult. Every time someone says “Oh anon can you handle this task” it makes me want to scream. I feel so overwhelmed by all the stuff that has to get done, one more task feels monumental.
I’m taking Friday off as a personal day while the kid is in daycare. Hopefully that will help me recharge and chill out and I already scaled the housework & childcare back to the bare minimum.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Sending hugs. I promise Friday will help but definitely make sure it’s a no-housework/housekeeping day (or keep it to ONE small thing max).
Anonymous says
3 weeks! That’s a marathon. I’m on my last day of a week-long solo parenting adventure and I’m soooooo over it. Toddler threw up this morning over everything, which means we’re all taking a sick day and I’m trying to launder rugs. I’ve already been sick for a month, so I’m behind on work and gaining back pregnancy weight. We’ve eaten so much mac n cheese that I think the kids are going to start requesting broccoli.
I would pay so, so much money to eat a nice salad and have a glass of wine in peace right now.
EDAnon says
Friday will help. Do what you have to in order to get through. For me, that’s ordering in food way too often and not cleaning nearly “enough.”
Seafinch says
I am sorry. I have four kids and am generally very laid back and life is pretty easy but I hate solo parenting to a degree that I cannot adequately convey. I have done a bunch of stints of a few weeks at a time (military) and one six month deployment when #4 was four months old and I have legit PTSD from it. My throat gets tight just thinking about him being away for four days next month and my 11 year old bathed and put the baby to bed tonight without us even knowing so so I have an extra set of hands. I hate it with a passion. I totally get it. I could just cry by the end of the day. And everyone says the exact same thing to me. I could scream.
Anon says
Play date Qs:
1. (Setting Covid aside for a moment), can you invite someone over to your house on a first playdate? I’ve seen some sources online saying the first playdate needs to be at a playground or other “neutral” territory, but my 3.5 year old is an “indoor cat” who really does not enjoy the playground. When we drag her there, she just wants to play pretend games, which understandably other kids don’t particularly want to engage in when they have slides and monkey bars in front of them. She’s also not particularly coordinated for her age and very timid, plus she’s almost two years younger than some kids in her class, so even if she wanted to go on the playground equipment, it would be hard for her to keep up with her classmates. We’ve had a couple playground playdates but they went really poorly and ended with her asking why she couldn’t just have her friend over to the house to play with all her toys. :/
2. Are people not doing indoor playdates because of covid? I consider myself really Covid cautious (we do nothing public indoors except daycare, we don’t even go into grocery stores and stuff like that) but if the kids are together in school all day anyway, the incremental risk of seeing each other in masks outside of school seems really low. But I gather some people feel differently?
anon says
In reverse order:
We aren’t doing indoor playdates.
I don’t think it matters if it’s the first playdate, it matters how well I know the person. If I barely know them, then we’ll meet somewhere public. If we know each other well-ish, then we might meet at someone’s home.
Anonymous says
How old are your kid(s)? I agree that with really little kids when playdates involve the whole family it’s more common to meet in public if you don’t know the other family well. But once kids are driving their playdates, which seems to happen around age 4 or 5, I think it’s very common to invite kids to your house even if you don’t know the parents well. Kids usually make friends in school and want to have those friends over to their house and unless you’re super social or spend a lot of time volunteering at the school, the odds you know this classmate’s parents are very low.
anon says
I have a third grader and parent’s generally don’t drop off if they don’t already know the other parents. They’ll have first tester playdate so they can meet parents before letting their kid fly solo.
TheElms says
Maybe the solution to this is a backyard playdate (if you have a backyard). No playground equipment and your daughter can take some favorite toys outside to play. And outside avoids the Covid issue.
My kid is too young for playdates really, I have been really Covid cautious and would be fine with an indoor playdate with a preschool classmate. If you wanted (or the other parent wanted) the kids could wear masks inside.
Anonymous says
1. Of the three play dates my kid has been to during his four years, they’ve all been in my or a friend’s home.
2. All the adults requesting play dates are vaccinated and our kids all go to school together so, no. YMMV obviously.
Anonymous says
1. Yes – neutral/outdoor for first playdates. Doesn’t have to involve playground equipment. I have a weekly outdoor meet up with other moms in a green space. We bring picnic blankets, bubbles, frisbees, chalk etc. Another options is feeding the ducks at a local park or a zoo visit.
2. Yes – no indoor. I don’t want the incremental risk of exposure to parents and siblings and I don’t want to have to ask about vax status etc.
Anonymous says
I know we all did it when we were kids, but feeding the ducks is actually a terrible idea: https://www.dec.ny.gov/animals/7001.html
Anonymous says
I just figured that most people knew to only feed bird seed and only at city parks where it is permitted/encouraged for semi-captive wildlife.
Another good option for outside but not playground is farm petting zoos or pumpkin patches.
Anonymous says
Read the link. It doesn’t matter what you’re feeding them or that local ordinance permits it. It’s not good for the ducks.
And petting zoos are a whole nother can of worms: https://www.cdc.gov/healthypets/specific-groups/stay-healthy-animal-exhibits.html.
Anon Lawyer says
The petting zoo thing is just silly – I’m not going to avoid exposing my child to farm animals her entire childhood when I could just teach her to wash her hands. Some risks are worth taking.
anon says
1. This seems fine to me.
2. We’re a COVID-cautious family, in general, but if the kids are already exposed to each other at daycare it seems fine to have them indoors together, masked, another time during the week. If you’re talking about an indoor un-masked playdate that’s different.
Allie says
What about another outdoor activity? We’ve done fun playdate hikes, visiting botanical gardens, going to the zoo, etc.
OP says
There really isn’t much to do outdoors in our area. We have a small zoo but it’s closed for the season. I can’t really think of any parks that don’t have playground structures. I think hiking would be worse for my kid than the playground…last time we tried to take her on a (very short) hike there were a lot of tears and whining. She also isn’t into winter outdoor activities like skating and sledding. She just really prefers being indoors doing art or pretend play or LEGOs.
Allie says
It sounds like you’d prefer indoor playdates so maybe just try to find families that share that preference?
Anonymous says
When I request the playdate I usually say we’re happy to host if they’re comfortable with it from a Covid perspective, and I mention we are vaccinated, but I also say we could meet outdoors instead. It’s been about 70-30 people coming to our house versus saying let’s meet at a park. These are all daycare friends and when we first reached out we didn’t know the parents at all.
Anon. says
Neutral territory if it’s someone you don’t know, but for my son’s best buddies from daycare we just had them at our house.
We are comfortable with the incremental exposure associated with the kids he already plays with at daycare. We hosted his two best buddies this summer. We didn’t make them wear masks because we know they play unmasked outside at school and their mask compliance at school is far from perfect (they are 4, they try hard but noses slip out). All adults were vaccinated (and it was pre-Delta in our area).
Anon says
1. setting covid aside i think sounds fine. also, one of my 3.5 year olds would be besties with your kid. also loves pretend play and is not the most coordinated.
2. i think each person has a different risk tolerance. i would actually feel more comfortable having one kid and one parent at my house than going to another kid’s house where there could be siblings home, etc. i think i would also have the adult wear a mask. our kids are masked at school and so they are saying that helps them from having to close the whole classroom. I also think you could potentially set up a bunch of toys/activities outside at your home that might be conducive to the type of play your daughter likes
Anonymous says
Can you have a playground play date with another friend who prefers pretend play to climbing? Every time we go to the park it turns into an elaborate imaginary game involving sticks, leaves, bits of mulch, benches, etc.
anon says
We’re not doing indoor playdates for the most part. I’d consider it for folks I know well who are similarly cautious, but no way for someone I don’t know.
What about nature areas? Somewhere with trees. Kids can make trees into a fort, build with sticks, etc.
If you have a backyard or patio, that could also be helpful. You can bring out indoor toys.
Anonymous says
Who are these kids? If they are friends from preschool then invite them to your house. Get the parent’s level of comfort and then either do it outside or inside. A “your house” play date can be in your yard.
OP says
Yes, daycare friends. This is probably the right answer. I hadn’t really thought of just bringing the toys out into our backyard.
Anonymous says
This is the perfect excuse to get a mud kitchen!
DLC says
This is what we do when people come over- the Barbies and trucks come outside to play. I feel like your daughter is old enough that she can understand that a playdate these days needs to have a degree of compromise to them.
OP says
Oh, she doesn’t remember life before Covid (which is…good and bad, I guess?) so I don’t think an outdoor playdate would be weird to her or even seem like a compromise. It just really hadn’t occurred to me to have someone to our house but keep it entirely outdoors. TBF, our backyard is not nice at all and I’m a little embarrassed for other adults to see it when the interior of our home is so nice, but I guess it is what is.
Anonymous says
It’s totally fine to have someone over for a first play date. I’m not sure where you are reading that, but we’ve done it dozens of times ages 1-6 pre covid (and now outdoor in our yard).
We are not doing indoor play dates at the moment. We’ve had a big surge this fall that won’t be over till at least December, and can’t handle the risk of missing daycare/school (even if we weren’t worried about actual illness).
Anonymous says
I have several sheath dresses by LK Bennett, GOAT, and The Fold in bright colors that I haven’t worn since well before COVID. They are dated and I should get rid of them, right? Every time I go to put one on it just looks too garish and I end up wearing something black or gray instead. I’m just afraid that they’ll come back into style and I’ll regret letting them go because they are so nice and in great condition. I have a very small closet, so space is at a premium.
Anon says
Do it incrementally.
Every time I clean out my closet (2-3 times a year, normally), I get rid of one more JCrew Double Serge Wool pencil skirt (it was my before-times cold weather uniform). I still have several left but I have no doubt that I will never again need 7-8 in different colors. Work attire is different, I’m WFH indefinitely.
anne-on says
Want to consign them to me? Kidding (sorta). I guess it depends on how bright you mean by bright? I wear a TON of berry and green dresses because the ‘base’ of my wardrobe is grey/navy in spring/summer/fall and black in the winter and those colors go with both. If you mean like, lilac, mint green, mustard yellow, etc. (basically any color that Jcrew made in a pencil skirt in the early aughts) I might consign/donate them if space is at a premium.
Anonymous says
This was my thought exactly. I work for a nonprofit performing arts organization, and slightly dated colorful clothes are kind of on-brand for us. Now that we are actually doing evening events again I need more dresses!
Anonymous says
What size are they? I want them!
Anonymous says
I’m interested too if they’re a size 12! I feel like my Midwest suburb is at least 10 years behind NYC fashion and I still see a lot of women in brightly colored sheath dresses.