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Anonymous says
Jumping off yesterday’s post about DCUrbanMoms, is there a good community for DC parents (ideally new moms), online or in person? I am in my 3rd tri and don’t have any close friends with kids; looking for ways to meet people. Thanks!
anon says
Where are you located? There are several local organizations and listserves that are good, e.g., MOTH (Moms on the Hill) or MONA (Moms of North Arlington). There are also PACE groups for new moms that are pretty well liked.
Anon says
+1 Love PACE
anon says
There are also breastfeeding groups at many local hospitals and the breastfeeding store downtown, if that’s your bag.
Oh, and many of the public libraries have “story time” for infants and these become de facto meet ups for moms on maternity leave. There are also sometimes Parks and Rec classes for moms and infants, like Yoga for Moms and Babies. These are great if you have a longer leave.
Anonymous says
Another vote for PACE.
anon says
Oh yeah, if you like to run, you could also try Stroller Strides. There are active groups in the region.
Legally Brunette says
I missed the DC Urban Mom discussion yesterday but yes, that is quite an….interesting place.
Congrats to you! There are numerous parent listservs in DC like Kalorama moms, AU park parents, Dupont parents, etc. These are all Yahoo groups. People post often there about wanting to meet other moms, getting together while on leave, etc. I recommend posting an email there, I am sure lots of people will respond.
And I would totally be up for hanging out, but alas we are moving out of DC soon!
Patty Mayonnaise says
I also highly recommend PACE!!
Anonymous says
What is this PACE? Not in DC but wondering if it is DC specific or the DC chapter of something bigger that I’m ignorant about and missing!
anon says
https://www.pacemoms.org/
rosie says
If the area works for you, check out new mom groups @ The Well and Lemon Tree. Also, DC libraries have tons of activities for littles. Check out baby lap time at your local library for an activity & to meet other new parents.
Anonymous says
The Washington Breastfeeding Center has a lot of postpartum meetups/classes. If you work part-time in MoCo, check out Wheaton Area Moms (given this is only for PT or SAHMs)
Knope says
Definitely check your neighborhood listserv. I’m familiar with groups organized through Petworth New Parents google group and the Mt. Pleasant Parents facebook group.
Anonymous says
There is a wonderful new parents support group that meets at the Takoma branch of the DC library, if you are in that area. There’s usually a flier in the library or the librarian probably knows the time. Still friends with our group years later.
Anonymous says
This group, Takoma mamas, now meets at the Takoma Park Md fire department.
Anon says
for those of you whose kids share a room, but have different sleep needs…our 1 year old twins seem to have different sleep needs. Twin A will happily sleep/be quiet in her crib until 7:15, but Twin B is up an hour earlier making lots of noise. I would like to try to implement an ok-to-wake clock, but it seems unfair to force Twin B to stay quiet/asleep for so much longer if she is hungry and ready to get up. Ideally I would like to put Twin B to bed a bit later to get her to sleep later, though I know that doesn’t always work and is challenging because I typically handle dinner/bedtime by myself. Twin B used to sleep until 7, but this has shifted over the past month or so. They are generally on the same nap schedule, though of course don’t always fall asleep/wake up at precisely the same times. We have a trip coming up this summer out west and i don’t want them waking at the crack of dawn during our trip. Any tips/ideas?
Anonymous says
No advice on the room sharing, but I think early wake-ups are pretty inevitable when traveling west with babies and toddlers. It’s just one of those things that makes traveling with kids somewhat challenging, and you just have to deal. I have a night owl (she sleeps until 8/8:30 at home in Eastern time) but when we went to Hawaii she was up at 4 am every day on the dot, no matter what her bedtime was (we tried both super early and super late). It is what it is, you’ll survive.
Anonymous says
Oh if you’re traveling west you need to just accept that they will wake at the crack of dawn if not before. Sorry! I just mean, do not spend anytime worrying about that.
Anonymous says
Our Twin B has always needed about an hour less sleep than Twin A. Usually DH or I just scope him up and let him snuggle in bed with us. He’s usually happy to nurse and snuggle or play with his stuffy while DH and I snooze.
HSAL says
No experience with traveling west (even a one hour time change throws me off), but I’ve been contemplating the same issue with mine. My girl sleeps in but my boy is an early riser, despite usually being put down second. We use an ok to wake clock with my older daughter, but for the twins I’m thinking of putting a light on a smart plug – you can set two different times that way, or turn it on and off from your phone. That way I can train both of them to the light but let them sleep in if they want.
Anonymous says
While I have no specific advice and you know your baby best, I’d just throw out that the early wake up could be a phase.
Anonymous says
Honestly, for overnights we just leave both twins in their cribs until the second wakes up. Twin A usually seems fairly content to just roll around talking to herself, so we go with it.
We will sometimes go in to get whoever wakes up first at naptime, if they seem likely to wake up their sister and we think she really needs sleep, but for the most part we don’t worry too much if one is awake.
OP says
see our issue is that the twin who wakes up first is not content rolling around. she is often crying and then when i go get her she is STARVING even though she actually eats more during the day (and she is the smaller of the two). if she was just chatting i would happily leave her
fallen says
does anyone have any indoor security camera / nanny cams they would recommend? I know people like the nest but I wasn’t sure if there were better options.
Lawyermom says
I have the Arlo pro 2 cameras. What I like is the option for continuous recording, not just motion activated. You do have to buy cords separate as they have to be plugged in for the continuous recording to work (it would drain the battery otherwise) and purchase storage space through their app.
anon8 says
+1 to Arlo
Lily says
Check out wirecutter dot com for recommendations on this.
anon says
+1 Their reviews are very thoroughly explained (pros and cons of most major options) if you scroll down far enough. I find the articles very helpful.
Walnut says
We are loving Wyze cams right now. They’re ~$25 each.
anon says
For people with slept trained babies, how did travel affect sleep? We are moving cross-county in a few weeks, and I am so nervous about how this will affect babies sleep. I am afraid of MOTN miserable wake ups again or having to retrain.
Pogo says
For both this and the comment above, I can’t offer much because my experience was with a newborn (I think like 12 weeks old?) and he was still nursing every 3-4 hours anyway. He had been doing a longer stretch during the night, which he did on the west coast as well, but slightly shifted. We put him down to nap or sleep at the same clock time as the east coast (maybe a little earlier for bedtime – like 5 or 6 pm?). To make it even more confusing we came back to daylight savings! I was still on maternity leave so I just rolled with it and let him sleep whenever when we came back from the trip (even if that meant sleeping til 9 am, for example – which you obviously can’t do when working).
Anonymous says
I never did formal sleep-training but my toddler sleeps terribly on vacation but always immediately snaps back to normal as soon as we’re home. From a very young age (6 months?) she clearly recognized her nursery crib and was more comfortable there. The travel might be rough but I wouldn’t worry too much about undoing sleep training permanently.
Anon. says
We moved across country when my little guy was 11 months old. We prioritized setting up his nursery as the very first room in the house and made it as close to the same as the nursery in the old house as possible. We had maybe one night of sleep disruption and then he was back to normal.
buffybot says
We took our son to CA from NY when he was 11 months old and sleeping through the night in his own crib. (We also took him when he was 4 months old but sleep patterns were not yet fully established by then so the impact was less clear – but he actually slept fine)
On our trip when he was 11 months old, he needed to go to sleep a bit earlier than usual (but not a full 3 hours earlier) but woke up at 3 or 4 am most of the nights we were there and had to be taken out of his travel crib to snuggle in bed, which was not his normal MO. Sometimes he went back to sleep for a little.
Then, when he got back to the east coast the middle of the night wakings continued for a week or so. There was definitely a cold, definitely some teething – but I think the sad fact is that babies get jet lag too and you have to be ready for that and possibly do a bit of retraining once their clock has reset.
ifiknew says
I have a toddler turning two next week. We’re also expecting baby #2 in 10 days. She’s waking up usually once a night, but sometimes like the past two nights, its three times within 90 minutes. She lies back down when I go to her but then is up again. I finally gave her tylenol because maybe she’s teething.
The issue is that 90% of the time when my husband goes to her, she screams for mom for 30 minutes. We’ve tried to be consistent the best we can in having him go in, but with his travel schedule and the fact that he works a lot more than me (biglaw vs. part-time), it’s been a challenge for me to never go in at night.
How do I manage this with a newborn? He’ll be off for three weeks, so if she wakes up in that time and even if she’s crying for mom, she’ll probably have to adjust. However, after these three weeks, if I’m nursing the baby in the MOTN and she wakes up crying and he’s traveling or working late, I don’t know what to do. I usually give her 3-5 minutes to see if she’ll calm down, but she never does, so I go in and tell her to lie down and offer some water.
She’s never been a good sleeper and has woken up 95% of nights since she was born and many sleep consultants, sleep training sessions later, we’re still where we are 10 days away from a new baby. I just need to learn how to best cope with a night waking toddler and newborn.
Anonymous says
She’ll adjust. Try leaving a sippy cup of water and some board books in her bed. Tell her you will come when you can but if you are feeding the baby, she can look at her books while she waits for you. Try to get her some outdoors time before bed every night, even if it’s just a walk around the block with baby in the carrier as that really helps with sleep in my experience.
anon says
if you are really drowning and you can afford it, hire some help when DH goes back to work. i do not know what your childcare arrangement is now for your daughter, but even if she is at daycare during the day don’t shy away from getting some extra help. i had a baby last summer and managed to find a lot of recent college grads/college students who had newborn experience who could come as mothers helpers so i could nap. or hire a night nurse to help you with the newborn (even if you are breastfeeding, they help make the night wakings shorter).
Redux says
Summer bucket list thread! Now that it is finally warming up in the northeast, I’ve got summer on my mind. What are your plans? Are you trying something new or visiting any old favorites? Help me build my family-friendly inspiration list!
lsw says
We bought season passes to our local kid-friendly amusement park and have been able to go once a weekend since it opened (wearing sweatshirts, but that’s okay). Our son is 2.5 so it’s great to just hit Thomas Town for an hour or two, ride a few more kiddie rides, and get home before naptime. I’m hopeful we can keep that up during the summer, even if it’s only once or twice a month!
We also get pool passes and I hope that with my son’s different nap schedule this year we can use them more than we did last year.
octagon says
I am going to make an effort to go to work early one day a week so I can leave an hour early. Then I will get kiddo early from preschool and we’ll spend a couple hours at the neighborhood pool (it’s open until 7 during the week) and eat snack-dinner during their hourly 15 minute breaks. I really wanted to do it regularly last year and only made it once. It was such a treat (and made bedtime SO easy)!
avocado says
Dinner at the pool is high on our list too. I like to prep a pasta salad in advance so we can just throw it in the cooler and go. Alternative is to grab takeout sandwiches or salads on the way home.
Also on the family list:
– More hiking, including a big day hike with rock scramble that kiddo is finally old enough for
– Get broken bike fixed so we can try out the new local bike trail
– Learn to paddleboard
– Have friends over to swim and/or grill
– Spur-of-the-moment camping trip (Instead of making reservations that inevitably get rained out, we have agreed to just up and decide one random weekday that the weather is nice and we are going to take off of work and be first in line for a walk-up site. We’ll see whether this actually happens.)
And from my personal list:
– Lunchtime walks
– Put up two batches of jam
– Read lots of novels
– Get up the nerve to wear a bikini all summer, no tankinis
AwayEmily says
Yes! I love doing weekday outdoor activities. We do post-dacycare dinner picnic at playgrounds a lot too.
anon says
Oh, this is a great idea!
anon says
– Family vacation to the mountains
– Lots of time at our local pools/lakes
– Get out the kayaks as much as possible. We bought a kid-sized one last summer and it was AWESOME.
– Lots of bike rides on the local trails.
– We have an awesome backyard that we’ve put a ton of work into. This summer, I want to do less work and enjoy it more — lots of BBQs and informal gatherings are my favorite.
Redux says
Nature! We live in close proximity to a large state park that we have only visited a few times since moving here 4-years ago. This year I am going to buy a travel guide for the area and start to work our way through the many rivers, lakes, and mountains that are a short drive away. We are not naturally outdoorsy people, so I have to make an effort (and a plan!) to actually be more nature-y.
Road trips to visit friends. We have a number of friends who are driving distance away– 2-3 hours from our house– and whom I’d like to see this summer. This one is a tough one for me because that distance is short enough to make it possible but long enough to make it not terribly enjoyable while in the car (and ends up eating up a whole weekend). But we’ve already calendared three such drives this summer and I expect a few more will crop up. I’m still figuring out how to handle this.
More walks! Daycare is about 2 miles from our house and I would like to make a habit of walking to get the kids on my WFH day and walking them back, maybe with an ice cream pit stop on the way?
Casual hangouts! We tend to *host* when we host people– cleaning the sh*t out of our house, making an elaborate meal, and thinking of it as a Whole Thing from which I feel happy but exhausted afterward. This summer I want to try a reframe and just have people over in a more nbd kind of way. This is like a culture shift for me rather than a bucket list item, but you know.
For me personally: I want to start reading some non-fiction (which I never read for fun), committing to going to an exercise class after work once a week, and making more time to call my parents. I also want to plan a girlfriend hang in someplace warm for this coming winter, which I’ve realized I really need to break up the long, cold, season. I’m planning to float the idea and start making loose plans this summer so that it actually happens this year.
avocado says
“This summer I want to try a reframe and just have people over in a more nbd kind of way. This is like a culture shift for me rather than a bucket list item, but you know.”
I am working on the same shift. When we lived in an apartment I loved to entertain, but since we bought our house and had a kid I’ve found it a horrible, stressful chore. Part of it is that I can never seem to keep the place consistently clean so entertaining requires a huge cleaning spree, and I recently realized that another part is that I’m ashamed of our not-inviting house and furniture. Ultimately I’d like to move to a house that’s newer, easier to keep clean, and big enough to accommodate a real dining table and adequate seating for guests, but until then I’m working on keeping the house in a perpetual state of “clean enough,” opting for casual hangouts over formal dinner parties, and plopping a folding table and chairs down in the living room without shame.
Redux says
Yeah, we’re still trying to throw the same dinner parties we loved from before we had kids. It’s taken us 5-years to realize that is not realistic for us (and makes us far less social). We lived in a teeny tiny crappy apartment for a couple of years and I made a comment to a friend about how we would love to have them over once we finally have the space to host (we were house hunting at the time). My friend looked me dead in the eye and said, we don’t care about the space– we just want to see you! It was really simple and yet eye-opening. Out came the folding tables! It really was a revelation. From my experience, I say go for it!
IHeartBacon says
Ditto.
Also, there is something about being invited over to someone else’s house that is just a nice break from my regular day-to-day grind. I would NEVER bat an eye if someone invited me over and had a folding chair and table for me to sit. If I went to that person’s house, I’d be going there to see the person (i.e., friend or family), not to judge their living space.
Anonymous says
How do we coordinate accountability for these bucket list ideas? I could use it!
SC says
I’m jealous! Summer is so ridiculously hot here (it’s 90 degrees this week already). I feel like the only things we can do during the summer are go to the pool or stay inside.
anon says
Has anyone bought the Taking Cara babies newborn course? Expecting #2 and not sure if it’s really worth the $75, but I have a difficult first child sleep wise, so I’m trying to do better this time around from the beginning.
Anon says
I did and found it helpful. That being said, I was a clueless and incredibly sleep-deprived first time mom who couldn’t stay awake long enough to read an actual baby sleep book by the time I purchased her video course (roughly 4 weeks PP). It uses a lot of the Happiest Baby on the Block concepts (swaddling, shushing, etc.) and covers basic baby sleep 101 (wake times, etc.). I don’t know how helpful it would be as a second time mom if you’ve read or utilized a lot of baby sleep resources already.
I also had a tough sleeper and Precious Little Sleep was my favorite baby sleep book (and I feel like I ended up reading them all!).
Anon says
My husband and I are discussing trying for a second (our daughter is 17 months old) and while I know that we both really want a second, I am also absolutely panicked at the thought of adding another baby to our family. I had a really stressful (some might say traumatic) pregnancy with our first and my adjustment to motherhood was challenging (looking back, I think I had undiagnosed PP depression). I learned a lot from my first pregnancy and postpartum experience and there’s a lot that I want to do differently for our second child.
That being said, I feel completely overwhelmed when I imagine going through pregnancy and that first 6-9 months of motherhood again. I guess I’m looking for reassurance that going from 1 to 2 won’t be as bad as I’m assuming it will be? Or stories from mom’s who have been where I am? My future self really wants two kids, but my immediate self is going “NO WAY” at the thought of signing up for pregnancy and the newborn phase again. I’m not really sure what I’m looking for, I guess – just putting this out into the universe.
Anonymous says
Is there a reason (age, etc) that you have to try now? My sense from your post is that you don’t feel ready now, and I think it’s fine to wait unless you have a reason why you need to try ASAP. Fwiw, I could have written this post when my daughter was 18 months old. We decided to wait and by the time she was closer to 3 I felt more ready to try again. Kids get a lot more independent around age 3-4 and my sense is that adding a newborn to the mix is a lot easier when your first kid is better able to take care of themselves. My friends who had a second before their first turned 3 seemed a lot more tired and stressed out.
avocado says
+1 to waiting. With a 17-month-old everything is still so incredibly hands-on, and you haven’t had much time to recover from and process pregnancy and the infant stage. If you are able to wait a few months or even a couple of years, you may find that you feel a lot better equipped to handle another child.
You don’t have to decide now whether you want another child. You only have to decide whether you want another child now.
Similar to OP says
I’m in a similar boat as OP and appreciate the post. DS is 18 months, I definitely want another, but I do worry about age. I was lucky in that I had a very standard conception, pregnancy, and although induced, my delivery was on the easier side overall. I also struggled with PPA (in retrospect) and will have to think about how to proactively manage if we’re lucky enough for #2.
I’m will be 36 by year-end. Would love to hear other’s anecdata on this.
FVNC says
+2. In theory my husband and I knew we wanted two kids, but we didn’t even contemplate trying for a second until after our daughter turned 2. I had an easy pregnancy, but a very difficult first year of motherhood during which I often solo parented a high needs baby who did not sleep, contributing to (I suspect) diagnosed PPD. When our older kid turned two, we turned a corner and all of a sudden there seemed like space in our lives to add a second. Our kids are 3.5 yrs apart, which has worked well for our family.
AwayEmily says
I have two kids who are 22 months apart. My oldest is now 3 and I do sometimes wish I’d waited longer to have my second. Life is so much easier now that she can communicate her needs, take care of herself, and not be watched every second. I think if I had spaced my kids more like 3-4 years apart, it would have made the transition to two less intense. As it was, the first year was mostly a stressful, emotional blur. So I agree with the first Anonymous that if you can wait, that might be a good option (I am by no means saying it is the best choice for everyone; obviously there are positive aspects to having kids close together, but given that OP found pregnancy/early babyhood tough the first time around, a bigger spacing might be a good option for her).
Anon says
Another vote for waiting, but I’d add that if you wait, you may change your mind about having a second (and that’s ok!) I always wanted two kids but hated pregnancy, and found having a newborn very difficult. Things got easier somewhere around age 1 and from then to age 2.5 I was really enjoying life with one but there was a nagging voice that I “should” have a second, as planned, in the back of my mind. But we didn’t feel ready to actually pull the trigger so we kept waiting. DD is almost 3 now, and it feels like every day life is getting easier and more fun. It’s hard for me to imagine going back to the difficult infant stage and disrupting the wonderful balance we have now, so I’m becoming increasingly at peace with being one and done. Parenthood is such a unique, life-changing journey that I think it’s really hard to know how many kids you want until you have kids. The family size you dreamed about as a teenager may not be the right family size for you as an adult and that’s perfectly ok.
Anon (OP) says
There’s no truly pressing reason to try now. My husband just turned 37 and is more than ready for a second, and he’d like to be finished having kids before he’s 40. It also took us 7 months to conceive our first, so I’m trying to factor that into the equation as well (though I realize it could take us one month or one year, you just never know!).
I also think there’s a small, slightly irrational part of me that wants a do-over on the miserable experience I had the first time, as if that’s going to make it better in some way. I want the happy, glowing pregnancy I didn’t get to have (even though I realize that’s not guaranteed and certainly not everyone’s experience). I want to try enjoy the newborn period and having a snuggly little baby instead of wishing it was over already.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I’ve been where you were and now have two kids – 3 years and 7 months. I won’t say that it hasn’t been hard, especially those last months of pregnancy and those first few weeks of a newborn and a (tantrumy) toddler. It’s still a lot of work, but I’m holding out hope that this is just a season and that it will get a little easier, at least physical exhaustion-wise, when they’re older. Ultimately, my desire for having more than 1 kid in the future won out, although of course, your concerns about the immediate term are very real. Mine are still little, of course, but I’m already seeing them develop their own little relationship, which is amazing.
I will encourage you to make sure that you and your husband have a pretty equal parenting/household responsibility relationship in place or that you have a lot of other support (ideally both) because adding another kid, especially when both are little, is incredibly hard to manage on your own. My husband is 100% an equal partner/parent and we have local family, and I still find it to be a lot of work! But definitely more manageable than if that was not the case.
I also got treatment for my anxiety and it made my second pregnancy/post partum period so so much better than my first. If you are at all concerned about that, please see your doctor.
anon says
Ours are 2 years 9 months apart and I can say that it does get easier. They’re now 3 and 5.5 and can play together happily for an hour at a time. It’s ahhh-maaaaaz-ing. :)
I agree–no need to rush unless there’s another reason. You still have lots of time to have kids who are close in age. My oldest got much easier around 2 and we felt infinitely more ready than we did at 18 months.
anon says
It’s OK to feel overwhelmed! My early motherhood experience was very similar to yours, and I completely get the hesitation. Take your time, and don’t feel like you need to rush into baby No. 2. FWIW, when I finally had our 2nd (4.5 years later), it was a totally different, much better experience!
Anonymous says
Take my experience FWIW since I’m still pregnant with number two – I’m 31 weeks and honestly it hasn’t been THAT bad. I was so nervous to be pregnant with an under-two-year-old. Everyone talked about being pregnant with a toddler like it was the hardest thing ever. And it really hasn’t been bad. I even had modified bed rest for 6 weeks and I just didn’t pick her up as much and we did more low-key activities. Yes the first trimester was hard, and physically things are getting a bit harder but I’m not emotionally overwhelmed by it. I’ve been lucky that energy wise I’ve actually found this pregnancy easier than my first. This all also depends on the temperament of your current child. Are they a spirited child who is likely to run across a parking lot? Or are they relatively docile? You should be getting a sense of their personality by now.
But yeh there’s no harm in waiting unless age/fertility is a huge factor.
Anonymous says
I hated being pregnant with my first, so was mentally prepared to hate being pregnant with my second (and I was!). But I knew we were two and done so it was really nice to just tell myself the whole time that this is the absolute last time I will have to do this and I’m just getting it over with- towards the end I probably told my husband that literally every day. When the baby actually came, I was surprised and gratified that I was a much calmer parent this time around because I knew what to expect with breastfeeding, sleep, etc. We also kept our first in daycare which was HUGE (they are 22 months apart). She stayed in her routine, and it gave both of us a chance to bond and get to know the new baby. We also leaned on grandparents for the weekend as we got used to parenting two. And now the pregnancy and newborn phase is in the rearview mirror, and I am so so thankful I have two (and don’t have to be pregnant again! Still a tiny celebration almost every day haha)
Anon says
Adding a second was really, really hard with a similar age gap. However, it’s been getting easier as #2 gets older. I’d tell my past self to spend large piles of money on more help, especially evening and night help, in the first six months and evening help (cooking, dinner cleanup) until #2 was 1 or 2. I’d also have gotten some help with #1 when pregnant with #2 (we were both working and my souse was overwhelmed without me pitching in as much on housework and childcare since working and growing #2 took everything out of me).
Key is to line up the help before #2 is born—I was too overwhelmed post-birth to do this.
CCLA says
We knew we wanted two reasonably close together and also knew we are not baby people – DH and I have both enjoyed parenting 1000% more after the first year, and I had a really rough first couple of months with DD 1 (probably un-diagnosed PPD or PPA as well). Totally echo the posters above that you can wait it out to give more time for #2, but FWIW our view was we would rather power through to get that phase over with while our older one was still sort of in it. So we went for it early on, and they’re just over 2 years apart (25 mos). The first few months were super challenging, but this time DH took off lots of time (vs having almost no time off with the first), we brought in lots of additional help, and went into it more or less like arming for battle. Around 3-4 months it got way better, continues to do so (7 months in!) and we’re both really glad with the decision, including the decision on timing. Like another poster above, we kept our oldest in daycare and I think that was really helpful for her and for us.
Anon says
We started trying again for #2 at 18 months knowing we wanted to preserve the option for number 3 before I’m 35 because I’m already high risk for other reasons and expecting to get pregnant right away like we did the first time . Lo and behold, here we are at almost 22 months and still trying – and it’s a whole lot more difficult to time the trying right with a cranky teething clingy toddler and a heavy work schedule. And as I keep reminding myself, kiddo will be 9 months older before any baby is here even if I got pregnant today, and so much development happens in those 9 months that it will (hopefully) be better than what I am mentally preparing for.
Emily S. says
Hugs. Deciding if and when to add another baby is stressful and emotionally exhausting. My first born was 14 months and just weaned when DH asked if we could start trying again. I actually threw up in my mouth a bit. But when I was pregnant a few months later, I was surprisingly thrilled. Kids are 27 months apart. It does get so much better as they get older. I can’t sugarcoat it; the first 3 months with a 2 year old and a newborn were tough but with help, survivable. No one can make the decision for you, and whether you hold your nose and dive in or let the decision be made for you by continually postponing a decision or firmly say nope to #2, you may find yourself second guessing past self. Whatever you choose, I hope you can find peace.
anon says
I was you a year ago. We opted to start trying and got pregnant right around when DD turned 2. I had a hard pregnancy with my first and we had a scary, medically complicated first year with her as well, but I knew that theoretically we wanted two. A lot of people are telling you to wait but, for me at least, I’m glad we did not wait because I think I might have changed our mind as DD got a lot easier closer to 2 and I felt like we had our life back. I think there’s no perfect timing, and we knew we wanted to two so I’m glad we went for it when we did. Also our first has a genetic condition, which raises the risk for future children with conditions and of course age also increases risk so that also influenced the timing.
BabyMom says
I think you said it best yourself – you learn a lot with your first. Figuring out nursing and appropriate sleep/awake intervals with my first made having a second sooo much easier. I’m home alone with the kids a lot due to my husbands work schedule, and, truthfully, it’s overwhelming sometimes when you’re outnumbered, but a good routine helps and you get used to a little bit of chaos. (My kinda are a little closer in age though – 13 mo apart.). FWIW, I found pregnancy with my second to be so much more bearable with my second because I knew what to expect and I had a distraction-the baby on the outside. (My pregnancies were uneventful though, so comparing either to your difficult pregnancy is probably not productive.). Also, birthing my second was infinitely easier than the first, which made a huge difference in those first few sleepless days. All that said, you know your body/family/life best, so if deep down you think you should wait a while longer, wait. You’re the expert.
Anonymous says
Just want to offer a word of encouragement. I was where you were. I did not adjust well to motherhood after my first. I was so overwhelmed. There was one evening where I sat in the tub the entire night and cried. Now, I have 3 (all in diapers) and wouldn’t have it any other way. Good luck on your motherhood journey. Sending good vibes~
Pack and play mattress? says
I’m preparing for a road trip with an infant. The easiest thing seems to be to take along his pack n play for when we get there, but for some reason the mattress is – not flat? It’s lumpy and seems unsafe for sleep as it’s not firm at all. It’s a Graco that we bought brand new so I can’t figure out why we’d be having issues with it. Has anyone else had this problem? Anyone had luck replacing w pack and play mattress?
anonanon says
I’m 10 days away from giving birth to #2 with a 24 month age gap and the comments above are making me so anxious, ha. Although its not news that having 2 close in age is incredibly stressful, but I do think there’s something to be said for hopefully having kids that can play together and easier to plan activities / trips etc. as they grow older. My sister and I are 6 years apart and it always felt like we were two only children (there’s nothing wrong with that) and it was hard for my parents to keep us both engaged when we were out. I keep telling myself, hopefully when they are 3 and 5, it will feel a lot more manageable, but I know it’s a long three years to get there.
I will say among our circle, a 2-3 year age difference is the most common, but closer to 4 feels like easier of a transition, but I was one of those that didn’t want to hold onto all the stuff and just get the baby stage over with. I might really regret this decision here very shortly, but hopefully it will be manageable.
Legally Brunette says
My kids are 23 months apart and I’m so glad that I did it that way. Not going to lie, the first two years were tough and I had relatively “easy” kids. But now that they are 4 and 6, it is amazing. We turned a corner when our youngest turned 3. They play so well with each other and keep other constantly entertained. They have the same circle of friends and are interested in the same toys. It’s great. Congrats!