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Now that I have been wearing more eye makeup, and especially long-wear eyeliner, my regular face wash is not cutting it. After washing my face, I have raccoon eyes, and I’ve been pulling at the delicate skin around my eyes more than I would like. I’ve been hearing so much about how micellar water is excellent at removing makeup, so I am definitely going to have to add this to my routine. I need something delicate, as I have sensitive skin and eyes (thanks, LASIK!), and this appears to be just that. It has 459 very positive reviews and is within my budget, so I’m going to pick this up. It is $14.90 for 16.7 fl oz. at Dermstore. Sensibio H2O This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!Sales of note for 4.18.24
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Advice? says
Seeking advice from those who’ve gone through a divorce. Spouse and I are entering discernment therapy to determine whether or not to separate (and if so, how to do so amicably for the sake of children). I am the ‘leaning out spouse’ and there is an inciting incident (drinking). Sobriety for him is obviously a requirement, but beyond that – what would you ask for in terms of agreements? I’m seriously thinking about requiring a post-nup and a lump sum of money transferred to my private account to fund lawyers/etc, along with a current state reporting of all of our finances/w2’s/etc. from our financial advisor. I have my own therapist appointment set. What else would you tell a friend to do?
Anonanonanon says
It sounds to me like you’re on the right track in terms of protecting yourself financially. Have you spoken to an attorney at all? If you haven’t, I would actually speak to a divorce attorney before moving money around, and work out how to best separate bank accounts. Definitely get your own bank account, but ask your attorney how you can best legally move money into it.
Whose name is the cell phone plan under? When I got divorced and I tried to move my phone line out of the joint account, the store made me call the “account holder” (My husband) for PERMISSION from the store before they would let me. If you can/need to, take care of that now. If you have a joint cell phone plan he can pull up your records and search numbers and see if you’re talking to attorneys etc.
As you know from living it currently, drinking+emotional situations can get a bit scary. Keep a bag in your car that has stuff for you and the kids for a couple of days and a credit card just in your name so you can leave and go to a hotel room if things get crazy. You might think things would never get scary, but things are fine until they aren’t.
If your partner shared in the childcare load, start evaluating if your childcare situation is going to continue to
work for you if you’re a single mom. Are the hours long enough for you to do both pickup and drop off every day without affecting your work performance? Do you have backup in place for sick days, snow days, etc.?
Irish Midori says
+1 for consulting an attorney. State laws vary about divorce, so the internet or your divorced friend in Arkansas is a poor source for information. Expect to pay a little for a consultation, maybe an hour of the lawyer’s time, just to make sure you have your ducks in a row if this is coming.
I hope the best for you, whatever that means for your relationship.
blueridge29 says
Keep in mind that if you consult with an attorney you may be able to set up future one hour, or half hour, consultations down the road if more questions pop up. You may also be able to retain a family law attorney for a smaller retainer if you limit the scope of the representation solely to negotiation/drafting documents. If you are concerned that things can rapidly progress with your spouse, it may not be a terrible idea to have an attorney you can call who understands your situation.
Best of luck.
Anon says
This situation is probably different because of the sobriety issue but I would suggest my friend not just assume that she has to have all of the responsibilities of the primary parent. My state is moving much closer to 50/50 for parenting time. However, I see (mostly moms) signing up for all daycare dropoff and pickup and doing all the transporting to dad’s closer to what we did under the old “visitation” type schedules. So, rather than asking my friend if her childcare has enough hours, I’d ask my friend to start working on the parenting plan that has dad pulling his weight too. So if Dad has the kids Tuesday’s and Thursday’s for dinner, Dad picks the kids up from day care on those days for example.
Anon says
I think even if you plan to split parenting 50/50 you have to be prepared to do almost 100%, because you never know when ex will flake. I didn’t read the comment as suggesting she willingly take on all daycare drop-offs and pick-ups, just that she get sufficient childcare in place so she doesn’t blow up her career if dad bails and she ends up doing more than her share. I think everyone agrees that 50-50 is the best case scenario, but that’s not always possible, even without the alcohol issue.
Anonanonanon says
^this. When it’s your time under 50/50, you can’t count on your ex having sympathy and swooping in to help because you have a big meeting the same day kid gets sick. Things can get ugly, and it’s less stressful to have your ducks in a row childcare-wise and not need the help than to need it and not have it in place.
So Anon says
I have a long comment stuck in moderation, but the sobriety issue throws ideals and someone holding their own weight out the window. With someone struggling with sobriety, plan on unpredictability and unreliability. I would suggest planning on having the other parent do their fair share, but also have an immediately available back-up plan available that does not leave you in a lurch for work.
Anonymous says
I would tell a friend she’s been putting up with this for too long and she needs to stop wasting time and start talking to the best lawyer in town, and I would tell her she shouldn’t need a post nup to get access to her financial information and if he’s hiding it/reluctant to share info that’s all she needs to know.
Anon says
This seems really harsh. There are lots of good reasons to stay in a situation like this, including minimizing the time the kids spend alone with their addicted parent (in my state it’s really hard to prove a parent doesn’t deserve custody).
Advice? says
Yes, honestly, supervision of children is the main concern. It would be hard to ‘prove’ the behavior and without affidavits/witnesses/etc. there is little chance of reducing his custody.
So Anon says
First, big huge hugs. Going through a divorce is so tough. Being divorced can be great, but the ride to get there is not easy. Because you are asking for advice, I would put suggestions into a few different buckets:
1. Finances: Get the latest copies of statements for all accounts (banking, retirement, investment, 529s, tax returns), insurance policies (home, auto, life, disability), mortgages, car loans, student loans, any other debts or assets. Scan copies to an email account where you alone have access. Change the password on your email accounts, facebook, etc.
2. Childcare: 100% agree with anonanonanon that its a great time to reevaluate your childcare situation. Line up extra childcare and make sure that you have enough childcare that you can do your job and take a breath without needing to rely on a spouse who may or may not be drinking (which can make that spouse unreliable at the last minute — ask me about what happened two weeks ago). Also, the more people your kids have in their lives to support them if a transition like divorce happens, the better. I hired a sitter to pick my kids up two days a week from school, bring them home, make them dinner and stay until 7pm. This gives me breathing room to work late, run errands or do whatever two nights a week.
3. Talk to a Lawyer: There really is no substitute for this. Get a recommendation and just talk to someone about what you should be doing and can be doing. Be 100% forthright about what you are dealing with on the drinking front.
4. You: Take care of yourself. Get into a sleep routine. If you are not in the habit of exercising, try to start it now (walking, running, dancing, biking, a class, whatever). Just move your body in a way that feels good a couple of times per week. Try and eat moderately healthily. When I was where you are, I pretty much stopped eating from stress. I also threw myself into work; it was a great distraction to go to work for 8-10 hours and not think about what was going on in my life. Do what you can to take care of yourself. Therapy is great! Also, if you have a good relationship with your PCP, I would let him/her know what is going on. I let my PCP know, so that when my anxiety went through the roof and depression hit, she saw me immediately and was on board with helping.
5. Your kids: You don’t mention their ages, but if they are elementary-aged or older, my guess is that they have a sense that something is up. Be gentle with everyone right now. At this point, I started having conversations around the edges with my kids. When we watched tv together, I would jump at the chance to talk about any families that were non-nuclear and that families come in all shapes and sizes. I also acknowledged with them that mom and dad were having tough grown up discussions and that I was having big feelings about those talks. (They saw me crying.)
6. Resources: I’ve read a few great books. My favorites have been the Optimist’s Guide to Divorce and It’s Called a Break-up because its Broken. I would also kindly suggest Codependent No More; its about loving someone who uses alcohol. There are great podcasts. My favorite is Kate Anthony’s the Divorce Survival Guide.
Irish Midori says
I’m a micellar water fan, but personally have found the foaming types work best for me for getting eye makeup off on the first go, and also don’t require some kind of applicator (cotton pads or those cool washable ones, which I admit aren’t so bad, but still require some scrubbing).
CPA Lady says
Yeah, I use Clinique take the day off for eye makeup. Not that I wear a ton of eye makeup these days.
That said, I use this exact micellar water on a daily basis and love it. I got some reusable fabric makeup rounds earlier this year to try to be more eco friendly, and I love them too. I bought them on Etsy from the seller “Creekside Kid” and they’re the hemp and organic cotton 4″ face wipes, if anyone is curious.
Emma says
I really like this micellar water. I soak a reusable cotton round in it and get let it sit on my eyes for a few seconds (no rubbing), and it works better than the foaming versions for me.
Quail says
The micellar water I’ve tried stings my eyes like no tomorrow! I think it was cerave brand. Does this happen to anyone else? Any recs for non-stinging brands?
Anonymous says
I use the Cerave one. I once got it in my eye and was doubled over on the couch for 10-15 minutes. It hurt so, so much. Every other time I’ve used it I’ve been fine, though I don’t use it on eye makeup so don’t put it on my lids– eyebrows are as close as I go.
Anonymous says
I never had problems with the Garnier one stinging my eyes, but it dried my skin out and didn’t remove eye makeup well. I find the IT miracle water to be gentlest on my skin and best at removing eye makeup, but I still think a separate eye makeup remover works better.
Anonanonanon says
Garnier dried my skin out like crazy as well, and it didn’t burn excessively on my eyes, but it wasn’t pleasant either.
Coach Laura says
I always wondered what the hype was about. I use Neutrogena face wipes and love them. Bought a travel sized small bottle of Garnier micellar water and used it after the wipes and was amazed at how much dirt/makeup was still on the micellar water pad even after using the wipe. I now use both because I think the wipe is a good first step. But I noticed an amazing change in my skin over a few weeks, when nothing else in my routine had changed. I don’t know if it stings because I only use the wipe on my eyelids due to sensitive eyes.
Pogo says
I use the philosophy micellar water and have no complaints! No scent, no stinging, just feels like it really cleans out the oil. Doesn’t leave a reside on my skin. I use a cotton ball.
Anon says
When do toddler start lying to you? My 18 month old was up in the night crying for several hours last night. We’re pretty sure the culprit was teething (she has canines cutting through, and when she first woke up she told us her teeth hurt). But when we tried to put her back to bed (after Tylenol, etc.) she kept pointing at her diaper and yelling poop (she hadn’t pooped). I suppose it’s possible she was trying to tell us she had gas, but that’s usually an issue when she’s constipated and she wasn’t. I swear she was just trying to trick us into taking her out of the crib for a diaper change…like she thought that would somehow be a gateway into getting out of the crib for good. Is that kind of trickery possible at this age or am I crazy?
Clementine says
Gently, I think you need to reframe this.
To me, lying implies some level of knowing that it’s wrong. Kiddo is using her existing verbal skills to get the result she wants.
Did she want to get out of the crib? Yeah, sure. Probably. You know she didn’t p00p. My son used to tell me he had to go potty all night to get out of bedtime. But it’s not so much ‘trickery’ as it is just… they are learning how to human.
Anonymous says
This. I wouldn’t classify this as lying at all.
Anonymous says
My 4 year old lies, my just-turned 3 year old doesn’t. Partly personality, but I think they develop the skill somewhere around 3.
Fwiw I define lying as telling a deliberate falsehood to avoid a negative consequence that is likely to result from telling the truth.
Anon. says
By this definition, my two year old routinely lies about pooping in order to avoid the “negative consequence” of having to stop playing to have his diaper changed. Dude, I can smell you from across the room and just watched you grunt in the corner. “Did you poop?” No, Mama, I no poop.
To be fair, I’m not concerned and it feels developmentally normal.
Anonymous says
My just turned 3 y/o has been telling blatant lies since 2.5, maybe before. Older sibling started at more like 4.
CPA Lady says
I think there’s a level of deviousness that doesn’t develop until closer to age 4 or 5. Before then it’s mostly wishful thinking or a developmentally appropriate inability to tell the difference between reality and make believe. An 18 month old is definitely not “lying” in the way that an older child or adult does.
https://www.parents.com/kids/development/behavioral/age-by-age-guide-to-lying/
Sadie says
Just to throw it out there, my daughter got really sick around that age, and kept saying “poop, “ like that. We thought she was constipated, but it turned out she had s bad UTI, and just didn’t understand how to communicate that it hurt to pee.
Anon says
Thanks, that’s good to know. This only happened the one time in the middle of the night and we haven’t noticed any other symptoms but I will definitely keep this in mind.
Anonymous says
Your 18 month old isn’t lying to you. She’s figuring out communication.
Anonymous says
+1
3 YO Birthday Gift? says
I need birthday gifts for four upcoming birthday parties for kids turning 3 years old in my kid’s class. Any ideas of things I can order or pick up that would be fun/ easy? Last year we did Wimmel Books (my kid’s favorite at the time). Thanks!
Ms B says
Stomp Rockets x 3, each with extra rockets. I like the glow in the dark ones best, both for that feature and because I think they fly a little better.
HSAL says
For our run of 3 year old birthdays last year, I did the Water Wows that came with a little spyglass to find secret pictures. They were a big hit (but of course now I can’t find them and am only seeing the “regular” Water Wows). I also like doing art stuff for kids I don’t know well. Maybe some stencils? My kid started with those at 3.
SC says
For 3 year olds, I like the Melissa and Doug Water Wow and water color pads, puzzles, stomp rockets, doctor sets, Duplos, and play food sets (my kid loved the pizza one). If you want a non-toy gift, I love when my kid receives local t-shirts. Of course, books are always great–at 3, my kid loved Pete the Cat, Curious George, Cars and Trucks and Things That Go, and Beekle (off the top of my head).
Anon says
On etsy, I’ve seen crayons in the shapes of people’s names. I would consider doing something like that.
Supporting new parents... says
I’m usually a lurker over on the main site, but had a question I thought that you fine ladies would be better equipped to weight in on.
My best friend is about to have her first kid any day now. She has family coming to help out over the first month or so after the baby comes, but they live a ways away from their parents and have a limited local support system. I live ~2 hours way and I offered to come up and stay and help out for a week or so sometime in October. She and her husband said this would be great, so I’m planning on it. My Tdap is up to date.
Three questions:
1) Besides general tidying, laundry, and washing every dish/bottle I can get my hands on, are there other things I can do that would be most helpful?
2) How do I strike a balance between taking initiative on being helpful and just doing things versus checking with the new parents to make sure I’m either not overstepping or not doing things the way they prefer? I don’t want to be an extra burden at an already intense time.
3) Any advice on how to make sure while I’m there I give my friend and her husband the time and space they need to figure out how to be a family of three?
Anon says
Meals!! And I mean the whole process: you figure out what to have, what ingredients are needed, get said ingredients, make the food & clean up after. Not that you have to do this for every meal you are there, but at least several. Give her and her husband veto power on your tentative menu, but otherwise don’t ask them to weigh in too much & make it clear veto should only be if they truly won’t like something, not b/c they’re worried about you doing too much etc.
(I say this as someone who’s in laws visited when we had a 2 week old, and while they were totally willing to make meals they kept asking what we wanted with no suggestions, & it made me realize how at least for me 90% of the work of making a meal is figuring it all out ahead of time. To be fair, when they came for #2 they seemed to have figured this out too and took much more charge).
That being said, I would also check back in several weeks after she has the baby and make sure she is still on board with this plan of your long visit. It is REALLY hard pre-baby to understand how you the mom will be feeling about routines, logisitics, etc. & what maybe sounded like a great idea pre-baby may not sound so good after the fact. Be prepared to drastically shorten your trip if it turns out that’s what she realizes she wants.
Anon. says
+1,000,000 to the Meals comment above. My sister visited when my babe was just over a month old and I told her she was entirely in charge of the evening meal planning for the week that she was there. She put together a menu about a week in advance, granted my husband and I veto power, and did about 80% of the work (my husband helped her grill a couple nights). We went grocery shopping together with the babe on her first day – which was fine, by that age I was ready to leave the house with baby for a bit and it was nice to have an extra pair of hands. This set up was AMAZING.
Sounds like you know this already, but the best advice my mom got before coming to visit when we had a newborn was from her friend – “You are going to take care of your baby, while she takes care of her baby.” This helped frame it up for my mom that she wasn’t there to cuddle and snuggle the baby, she was there to help ME. (Of course she got to cuddle the baby, but that wasn’t her primary focus.)
rosie says
Such a great point about suggesting meal options and then executing them in full (and cleaning up after yourself). Take away the actual work & the emotional labor of meal planning.
Anonymous says
+1 to checking in again once baby is born. They might rather you stay in a hotel (for a shorter time) or something.
Cb says
That’s such a kind and generous offer. If she’s nursing, I’d always make sure that her water bottle was topped up. If she likes tea, maybe a coldbrew non-caffeinated tea in the fridge. I was so thirsty but got sick of water and got really sick of having to ask for water when I was stuck under a baby. Those straw bottles were my preferred.
I’d plan on going for a walk when her husband got home from work – just 30 minutes or so. My husband was quite anxious to have full on baby snuggles when he got home from work and when we had visitors, this was a bit awkward.
Anonymous says
You’ll probably be visiting when the baby is several weeks old, which means that your friend and her husband will probably have gotten feeding figured out and settled into some sort of a groove. If your friend is anything like I was, she’ll be desperate to get out of the house at that point, both solo and with the baby. You can be an enormous help by serving as an extra pair of hands on outings.
Re. overstepping bounds, anything you’d ordinarily just jump up and do while visiting a close friend (e.g., clearing dishes, wiping counters after a meal) is obviously fair game. If you see a bigger need you can fill, just ask first. “Hey, why don’t I run a load of wash?” If they have a pet, volunteering to clean the litterbox, walk the dog, or brush the pet would be especially helpful.
rosie says
This sounds really kind and generous of you, and thoughtful to be asking these questions. I would suggest you get your flu shot as well (great that you checked about Tdap).
I think you already have the mindset that you are there to help with house stuff not just meet the baby. It may be that they will ask you to hold the baby/take night shifts if you are comfortable with that, but I would say anytime your friend asks you to take the baby so she can do laundry/etc., offer to do the task instead (or you could take care of baby while she naps, then do the task later, you get the idea). Grocery shopping? Errands?
Depending on how old the baby is at the time, you can also provide support to do low-pressure outings with your friend — it can be helpful to have an extra person around to help with baby in the car (or you could drive) or on public transit for those first trips out and about.
anon. says
Love this! One thing to add to the great suggestions you already have here – she may not be up for it or want to leave you, but offer to stay home with the baby so they can go out and grab a meal together. Even if it’s just breakfast or lunch!
AwayEmily says
Your friend is very lucky to have you. I am SO grateful for the friends who visited in those first few months — partly for the help, but much more because they reminded me that I was a real person who also existed outside the parent/baby bubble. Just watching a crappy movie with my friend after the baby was asleep was so regenerative for me.
Anonymous says
That is so sweet of you! Just my two cents and depends on your friend and her baby — but I think it’s really nice if you don’t just automatically assume that a crying baby should be handed over to mom. Being willing to hold a crying baby could be really, really helpful.
FVNC says
+1. I still tear up thinking about my sister whisking away my month-old baby at 3 a.m. when he just would NOT sleep or stop crying (he’d been fed and changed!). She told me and husband to sleep, then dealt with calming the baby down out of our earshot. It was one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me!
ElisaR says
yes – handing newborn off to my mother-in-law at 7am and going back to sleep in my bed after being up all night was amazing…..
anon says
Be ready to play it by ear. She could be fully recovered and ready to go out to do fun things (with an extra set of hands), but she could also have complications from a C-section and not be fully mobile. She could have a good sleeper or be terribly exhausted with a colicky baby. She could want to stay in to eat or be desperate to get out of the house. Just go with it and you’ll be good! :)
Anon says
You sound like an amazing friend! I’m not sure what you meant by tidying up, but it always makes me anxious when people come to my house and start cleaning, even if I’m incapacitated and I know they’re trying to help. By all means, make or order in food for you all to eat together and then load the dishwasher after the meal. But it would make me super anxious if you were walking around my living room vacuuming or straightening pillows. I’d focus on the essentials for living – preparing food, doing dishes, helping with baby and pet care – and not on the less essential stuff, just because that’s more likely to make her feel bad, and also it’s just not necessary and having a new baby is all about survival mode. I’m pretty sure nobody cleaned my baseboards for a year after my daughter was born and we all survived.
Anonymous says
I would add – don’t do tasks that require a lot of directions. Answering a bunch of questions about where stuff is/is put away or “what would you like for dinner” or “do you have x,y,z ingredients” is too much for me to handle postpartum and makes me feel like it’s just easier to do myself.
Pogo says
All great suggestions so far! At that stage I loved having my mom over to just sit with me. Listen to me vent. Fetch me things – literally being another pair of arms is SO helpful if you have a cluster feeding newborn! Read news on your phone and chat with her about it so she knows what is happening in the outside world (some people can podcast/read while they nurse – I couldn’t, at least early on, because I’m a klutz).
She prob won’t be cleared to drive at that point (def not if she has a C) so being a chauffeur is also super helpful.
Anon says
You’re a great friend. Addressing envelopes for thank you notes from baby presents or putting together a baby announcement and taking care of mailing it out may be helpful. Help figuring out how to get out of the house is really nice and having an extra set of hands for shopping is great – maybe you can do a big Costco run together but you take care of unloading the car and putting it all away when you get back. Going to thrift store together to pick out baby clothes, which you then wash and organize by size and put away. In addition to meals for the week, if you can cook some stuff and freeze it that would probably be appreciated, especially stufff that you can freeze in individual portions a big strata that you cut up or savory turnovers (The Kitchn website has lots of good options). Yard work would be amazing and also give mom and dad some time together in the house, like raking or mowing. If they want to outsource cleaning or dog walking or whatever but haven’t had energy to figure out who to hire, ask if you can go through archives for neighborhood listserve or Facebook to find a few options that you call, check pricing, and schedule. If baby will be going to daycare, make labels for the clothes. If mom will be pumping and is going back to work soon, help her figure out how pump works and put together a kit to bring everything back and forth (cooler for bottles, nursing bra, bag for dirty parts ).
anne-on says
Any books/advice on talking with an older child about putting a pet down? My elderly cat is having some serious quality of life issues and I’m taking her into the vet tomorrow to discuss it with them. She’s still sweet and cuddly (with us) but I don’t think she has the temperament for more invasive treatment (she HATES the vet and has bit more than 1 tech at our previous vet and boarding place). My son adores her and this would be a hard loss.
mascot says
How old? Our school uses the book The Tenth Great Thing About Barney when they lose class pets (probably up to 2nd grade or so). They let the kids participate in the memorial services/burial in the school garden and talk about the pet. Also, I think the Rainbow Bridge poem is lovely, as is Cat Heaven.
If your child is older, maybe have the vet come to the house when it’s time and offer your child the opportunity to be present to the extent he is comfortable.
anon says
Agree with being present if the kid is comfortable. We always had dogs and cats growing up, and I found it very comforting to be there when the animal was put down. It was hard to experience, but I could see how peaceful it was and able to talk with the vet.
Obviously some kids may not be comfortable with this or too young.
Babysitter pay? says
How much do you pay an occasional babysitter? I realize this varies by region etc., but I’m just curious what everyone’s paying these days! Does it vary by number of kids?
We have an awesome new sitter who I’m told I have been drastically overpaying for our area. Too late to change the rate now, but wishing I’d done a little more asking around before I made her an offer. We don’t use her that often anyway so it’s no big deal, but it got me wondering.
Anonymous says
I think overpaying is good if you want to have someone who will reliably respond to your requests to sit. I have trouble finding sitters and am thinking of offering more $$ to get someone more reliable and invested.
Boston Burbs says
$15-18/hr depending on age and experience, mostly. One 1.5 y/o and a black lab.
rosie says
$15-20/hr for 1 toddler. DC area. I don’t see anything wrong with paying a trusted caregiver above market for your area if it means they are more likely to be available to work for you vs others.
Anonymous says
$15 for 2 kids, MD suburb of DC. Most people we talked to asked for $20 for 2 kids; this babysitter is an outlier.
Anonanonanon says
$15-20/hr for 1 or 2 kids (it’s not always for both). We almost 100% only have sitters come after our toddler is down (we’re blessed with a toddler that passes out around 6pm) so the job is honestly pretty easy even if our 9 y.o. is there, but we still like to pay $20/hr even if it’s just someone sitting there watching our cable/netflix. Paying well ensures they’re more likely to answer when I need a sitter.
anon says
Same as the above, $15-20 (closer to $20 for two kids) per hour. in SoCal.
ElisaR says
I pay teenagers 15$ an hour and adults $20
Htown Suburbs says
We pay $15/hr (sitter’s asking rate on care dot com) for one 2.5 y/o and no pets.
Ms B says
Midwest MCOL, one 8 year old = $12-14/hour for adults, $10/hour for high school sophs (about the youngest I use), increasing 50 cents a year until they reach $12. Generous tipping and a good snack/soda assortment keep us covered. We use sitters three or four times a month and like to have options.
I also use a “parent’s helper” on snow days. I use middle schoolers or high school frosh and pay $5/hour, plus lunch, but I am home during those times. It is a good way to get a “pipeline” going for neighborhood sitters.
Anonymous says
How do you respond to a playground parent who criticizes your supervision of your child? I’ve heard tell of this phenomenon but never actually experienced it myself until this weekend. My toddler was maybe 15 feet from where I was sitting with another parent, playing “jail” (a game I loathe and don’t encourage but which he and his preschool-age sister are really into right now. It’s basically tag with a side of the prison industrial complex). He was calling for me to get him out of “jail,” which was just a spot on the playground where his sister was making him sit. Calling “Maaaaaama, maaaaaama,” annoyingly but not distressed. I would wave at him every 30 seconds or so so that he could see that I could see him, but I did not get up to go to him. Partially because I was talking to another parent-friend, but also because we’re really trying to foster independence on the playground, AND at home we’re trying to get our kids to stop yelling for us and instead, come walk up to us when they need something. (Seriously, the yelling…). this had been going on for like 3 minutes max when a dad who was leaving the park with his kids came up to say that my kid had been calling me for me and maybe I wanted to make sure he was ok. It wasn’t super snotty, but it was definitely critical. I mean my kid was really close to where we were sitting, completely in my line of sight, and I was waving at him regularly not ignoring him. I said, Thanks, he’s ok, and planned to keep on keeping on, but my DH hopped up to go get the kid, which to me undermines the work we’re trying to do to get kid to play independently and to stop yelling (not to mention our own need to interact with other adults in these situations). This was not that big of a deal, but I’m just curious how other people respond to these situations.
SC says
I’d probably do what you did–say “Thanks, he’s OK” and do nothing. Sometimes, I add a short explanation of what we’re trying to do–“He knows he needs to come over to us instead of yelling, and we’re trying to reinforce that right now.” But I’m in a relatively small, suburban bubble, and I run into the same people over and over again all over the neighborhood, so I feel more pressure to smooth things over.
And omg, the yelling. I remember the days when Kiddo was late to talk, and everyone said that once he started talking, he wouldn’t stop. That is true, but they forgot to mention that the default volume is yelling!
rosie says
I think your response was fine and think based on what you’ve described the “intervention” was unwarranted. I was on the playground once and there was a kid halfway up a ladder crying and not moving — another caregiver (I think a grandma based on a brief convo, if it matters) went around asking whose kid it was, and this guy responded that it was his son and he was teaching him independence. That seemed a little iffy, since the kid was crying and also making it so other kids couldn’t use the equipment he was on — more understandable to question that supervision IMO. Recently we were at a playground that was very not crowded and the caregiver was totally engrossed in his phone while the child (maybe 5) followed my toddler around and as soon as she started playing with something, the older kid would come over and push her out of the way/start playing really rough with the same equipment. That really bothered me, but we didn’t say anything.
Anonymous says
With a bigger kid pushing your child around, I’d feel justified in saying to the kid in a way that’s obviously directed at the parents, “She’s very little, so if you are going to play together you need have to be gentle!”
rosie says
This is more or less what we did, but dude either didn’t notice or didn’t care (he had earbuds in).
Anonanonanon says
I agree it was unwarranted, but I think you responded fine. I think a simple “oh he’s fine- they’re playing a game so he thinks he’s stuck in jail, but we’re working on not just screaming “moooooom” when we need something so he knows to come get me if he needs me” is fine. You shouldn’t have to explain yourself, but it sometimes makes me feel better to. One of my children is way smaller than average, like we’re discussing growth hormones level of small, and so I got A LOT of this on the playground hen they were growing up.
avocado says
OMG yes to the issues with parenting small kids in public. I posted such a story below.
Anon says
I generally agree with your philosophy and support non-helicopter parenting at the playground, but do you think he was (passively aggressively) trying to tell you that your kid was annoying the others on the playground? It is suuuuper annoying to hear a kid whining/yelling mooooom for three minutes straight. Now, this was an outdoor playground so noise is to be expected/tolerated, but I’m offering another perspective. I’d probably either completely ignore him so he’d stop, or remove him from the game if he didn’t stop yelling to you.
Redux says
Oof, if that is the case then it is completely unreasonable for him to have said anything. Imagine complaining about every annoying kid on a playground??? LOL.
Anonymous says
Uh no? Parents intervene all the time to tell their kids to stop being annoying.
Anon says
Yeah. It doesn’t sound to me like your kid was being especially annoying. But if he was, totally legit for people to call you out.
Redux says
Really? I would never call out another parent for their kid doing something annoying unless that thing was dangerous or damaging in someway. Blessed be the parents of non-annoying children.
Pogo says
I don’t call out annoying, only dangerous or damaging. I really can’t imagine complaining to the parent of every annoying kid I come into contact with.
Anonymous says
Wait, now kids are not allowed to be loud and annoying at the one place that exists for the express purpose of letting kids be loud and annoying?
Redux says
How do you respond to a playground parent who criticizes your supervision of your child? I’ve heard tell of this phenomenon but never actually experienced it myself until this weekend. My toddler was maybe 15 feet from where I was sitting with another parent, playing “jail” (a game I loathe and don’t encourage but which he and his preschool-age sister are really into right now. It’s basically tag with a side of the prison industrial complex). He was calling for me to get him out of “jail,” which was just a spot on the playground where his sister was making him sit. Calling “Maaaaaama, maaaaaama,” annoyingly but not distressed. I would wave at him every 30 seconds or so so that he could see that I could see him, but I did not get up to go to him. Partially because I was talking to another parent-friend, but also because we’re really trying to foster independence on the playground, AND at home we’re trying to get our kids to stop yelling for us and instead, come walk up to us when they need something. (Seriously, the yelling…). this had been going on for like 3 minutes max when a dad who was leaving the park with his kids came up to say that my kid had been calling me for me and maybe I wanted to make sure he was ok. It wasn’t super snotty, but it was definitely critical. I mean my kid was really close to where we were sitting, completely in my line of sight, and I was waving at him regularly not ignoring him. I said, Thanks, he’s ok, and planned to keep on keeping on, but my DH hopped up to go get the kid, which to me undermines the work we’re trying to do to get kid to play independently and to stop yelling (not to mention our own need to interact with other adults in these situations). This was not that big of a deal, but I’m just curious how other people respond to these situations.
Redux says
Oops, sorry for the duplicate post!
avocado says
My approach in similar situations is to tell the critic exactly why I’m doing what I’m doing. “Oh, yes, I know he’s been yelling. Actually, we’re working on having him come over to us when he needs something instead of just yelling, so I’ve been watching him the whole time and letting him know I’m right here in case he needs me.”
I still get judgy people accusing me of negligently letting my 12-year-old wander away from me in public. I will call them on it if it appears they may cause a problem. One time two couples in a Target discussed whether they should report the “unattended 8-year-old” who appeared to be escaping from the store. I walked right up to them and said, “Oh, that’s my 11-year-old! I am watching her from right here while she goes out to the car to get her coat. It’s so important for them to have the chance to be independent!” Said with a big smile in a fake friendly voice. If you are in the south, insert “bless your heart” as you feel led.
Anonymous says
I think just chill. part of it taking a village means when someone is worried about your kid they tell you. He didn’t lay into you with an intense critique, he pointed out a seemingly distressed very young child.
Anon says
I agree. It’s easy to get super defensive when it comes to parenting but his comment wasn’t anything over the top. You don’t owe him a huge explanation but it’s fair game for him to express his concern in a polite way.
Sleepy says
Remind me how to transition a baby out of the swaddle? Our good sleeper learned to roll from back to front over the weekend (she can’t do the opposite yet) so we are going cold turkey. And last night was… bad. She actually didn’t roll over, just kept waking herself up! I’m out of town for work tonight and feel for my DH! Oh she’s four months if that matters!
anne-on says
I feel your pain. Our’s learned to roll over (dolphin kick) at 6 wks, so there went the swaddle. Lower body only swaddles may still be ok (ask your ped), but unfortunately you really can’t do much else to replace it. We went all in on the other avenues of soothing – noise machine, night lights, one of those musical aquarium things, but yeah….it just kind of sucks until they learn to self soothe.
rosie says
You can try the Halo sleep sack w/wings. The arms are free but you can wrap it a little tighter around the chest so they feel snug. You may be able to replicate the same thing with a swaddle blanket under the arms, although that way never felt that secure to me.
AwayEmily says
Both of ours started rolling at around ten weeks and with our pediatrician’s blessing we just decided to sleep train (CIO) at that point, so we went cold turkey — dropped the swaddle and let them learn to self-soothe.
I’m not by any means advocating sleep training if you are not comfortable with it but if you were considering it anyway then this might be a good reason to move forward with it now.
Anon says
We did everything at once too when our baby was four months old – out of the swaddle, from the bassinet in our room to the crib in the nursery, and sleep training based on The Happy Sleeper (which I loved!). It took a couple of weeks and, I’m not gonna lie, it was tough in the beginning, but our 11 month old is a champion sleeper now. Good Luck!
anon. says
We did the same as these commenters. Out of the swaddle and CIO. Within two weeks (of lots and lots of crying) we had a 12 hour a night sleeper. I realize that’s not everyone’s case, but it was worth the short term pain!
ElisaR says
post-swaddle we did the baby merlin magic sleep suit and it was amazing. Once baby can flip over in the suit (more like 8-10 months I think?) we went to the sleep sack. But that magical suit was a savior for both of my boys and I dreaded them outgrowing it!
Ashley says
I’ve seen lots of recommendations for the zipadee zip for this stage, or the Merlin sleep suit.
Itchy Toddler Skin says
DD is 16 mos old. She is scratching her legs and arms nonstop. I think her skin is somewhat dry but the level of itching is causing bleeding (I am doing better at keeping her nails short now that we’ve caught on). It doesn’t present as a rash but I guess if I ever so gently graze my finger across her leg I feel little tiny raised bumps, and the same is true on her back. On her legs it’s hard to know if they are bumps or just healing from over aggressive scratching. Separately, I noticed dryness along her forehead while I was changing her this morning. And then after doing her hair in pigtails for the first time ever, I noticed a lot of redness at the part along the lower hairline on the nape of her neck. It’s been going on for two weeks now, with some days more intense than others.
I called the doc once and they didn’t seem concerned. Aquaphor didn’t do much. Cerave seemed to help the tiniest bit, but I’m still not sure. Thoughts? Beg for a sick appointment?
anne-on says
Sounds like eczema? I’d try the usual treatments for that for a week and see if it helps. Short showers instead of baths (cooler water, army style – wet them, turn water off, soap them, and then rinse). If she’ll tolerate it, oil PLUS a thick moisturizer works best for minor eczema, for really severe cases we do oil, moisturizer, and then something super thick like petroleum jelly to seal it in. We like the curel itchy skin brand, and theraplex in the tub.
2 Cents says
My DS is plagued by eczema and we use Aveeno Eczema therapy lotion, which cut down on the scratching a lot. One spot never healed after 6 months of treatment, so the doc prescribed an ointment that’s done wonders. I’d try the aveeno first. (We also tried tubby Todd, regular aveeno, dove lotion and a few others. Nothing worked.)
OP says
But for the spot on her head that I didn’t get a good look at (saw it as I was handing her off this morning), nothing else presents as red, which I thought was a telltale sign of eczema.
Anon. says
Eczema doesn’t always present as red – sometimes it is just really dry skin. (Source: lifetime eczema sufferer with a kid who also has it).
I’ll second the recommendation for Aveeno Eczema Therapy. A lotion like that will add moisture back to the skin where Aquafor really just acts as a barrier to trap moisture in. We use it nightly for my little guy. And actually, if it is eczema, our doctor recommends bathing more often (not less) then lotion right away.
2 Cents says
Most of my son’s dry skin isn’t red. It’s just those bumps like you described.
Anon says
I have eczema myself and it isn’t red. It just feels dry, scaly or bumpy.
BabyMom says
Eucerin works for my 13 month old with similar symptoms. Also, a little hydrocortisone for the spots that she seems to really be picking at. (Both of these were recommended by my pediatrician.)
SC says
PSA, for anyone considering a family trip to New Orleans, our Children’s Museum just opened in a new location, and it is seriously one of the nicest museums I’ve ever been in. We spent about 2 hours there this weekend, and we didn’t even see half of it. The architecture is amazing, the exhibits are well thought out, and our whole family had a great time!
Also, the new Children’s Museum is in City Park, which you could easily spend 3 days in–there are playgrounds, a lake with paddle boat and kayak rentals, bike rentals, an art museum with an amazing sculpture garden, a botanical garden, “hiking” trails, lots of open play spaces under the oak trees, a mini-golf course, a small amusement park with a train and an antique carousel and lots of typical fair rides, and a new Cafe du Monde. (Many of these things cost extra money, but it is also possible to enjoy a half-day just walking around the park.)
Anon says
Stop! You’re making me want to plan a trip to NOLA! ;)
GCA says
I definitely want to do a return trip when kid 2 is old enough to enjoy the zoo and splash park! We never made it to City Park last year due to other social commitments + kid 1’s epic naps, but between the food, the architecture and the zoo we all had an amazing time.
EB0220 says
Awww I was born in NO and LOVED the 80’s version of the children’s museum SO MUCH.
anon. says
Hi, another NOLA commenter/mom and LCM member! We went this weekend and loved it too!
Anon says
Am I the only person who doesn’t like Working Moms on Netflix? I think it’s a really interesting concept of course, but I binge-watched most of the first season recently and just can’t get into it. There’s so much humor that naturally arises in working parenthood that I think it’s kind of weird that so much of the show’s comedy revolves around things that have nothing to do with parenthood (oversharing about what kind of p0rn you watch? pleasuring yourself at work?). And I think the characters kind of live in a bubble. Maybe some of this is a Canadian thing, but at least in the US, it’s a pretty rarefied social circle where everyone has a nanny or a SAH spouse and daycare isn’t even mentioned as an option. Oh and your mother can fly in and immediately take over nanny duties when you abruptly fire your nanny. I don’t know. I just didn’t find it that funny or relatable (even though I’m upper middle class and work full time) and just curious if anyone else felt the same way.
Lana Del Raygun says
I mostly thought it was demoralizing. It’s kind of dark, but not in a “dark, gritty realism” way like you could do with a show about lower-SES mothers in really dire straits. The portrayal of PPD seems sort of haphazard and mixed up with PP psychosis, and then it’s supposed to be funny that a one character starts working at the mental hospital she was a patient at and now has authority over the patients she hooked up with? And she’s divorced? And so is her friend? And another character had an abort!on she didn’t seem to really want? It’s just depressing.
Anon says
I agree that PPD stuff was very depressing too! I didn’t go through that myself, so don’t feel as comfortable speaking about it as I do about, say, returning to a full-time office career while still BF-ing, but it seemed like Frankie kept trying to commit suicide and the show was sort of treating it like a joke? It was very confusing to me.
Anon says
Agreed. None of them seem that happy, and they seem ridiculously unprofessional to the point of it becoming almost offensive. Like, working motherhood is hard enough. Does the therapist really need to make an inappropriate comment to her lesbian clients? Does the IT woman really need to be okay with the babysitter watching TV and wearing headphones? Do they all need to be divorced or on the brink of it?
I stuck through it halfway through the second season but I don’t think I’ll be watching more. I don’t find myself laughing at a woman trying to drown herself in the pool WHILE she’s showing the house to potential buyers. Or at a creepy possessive ex husband on the other side of the wall. It’s just depressing.
Me too says
I could not get into the show either. I think some of it was bc I live in a HCOL east coast city.
Anon says
Agreed. I’ve been watching it, but more out of lack of other things I want to watch/it’s something that’s nice to have on in the background while folding laundry & if I leave the room I don’t need to pause it b/c I don’t really care if I miss 10 minutes or whatever. I really just don’t find it funny often, & yet it doesn’t do it for me as a drama either? I don’t know if I could put my finger on exactly why. Typing this out makes me wonder why I watch it..
LadyNFS says
You all articulated what I felt watching this show better than I could. I just could not seem to get into it, no matter how hard I wanted to. I also don’t love the main character talking about s*x and p*rn with her colleagues constantly…I get that she has to unfortunately “one of the guys,” but also…so inappropriate in the workforce. If I’m going to watch a show in this category, I much prefer the Let Down as I found that to capture PP life more realistically than this show.
rosie says
Could not make it through the first episode.
Anon says
Me too. So dark and not funny at all even though it tried to be.
ElisaR says
same
Anonymous says
I don’t like it either. But the Let Down… now that I enjoy. If you haven’t watched it, I highly recommend it.
Lana Del Raygun says
I feel like I’ve hit an important Working Mother Milestone: snagged the last “plastic cups and cutlery” signup for the church potluck! :)
Anonymous says
Congratulations! This is why I always reply to those e-mails the second I get them.
Anon says
Yesss!
anon says
Yesss! Plastic cups and cutlery for the win! Juice boxes/tiny bottled water are a close second.
Anonymous says
Someone recommended the Target version of the Patagonia Nano Puff (car seat safe coat). We have a Nano Puff for our older kid, which we will hand down, but we’d like to get through this winter with something cheaper for the baby. Can someone tell me the name of the Target version? Old Navy would work, too!
Thank you!
Anonymous says
No experience with ON or Target versions, but my son has had lightly puffy, car seat safe jackets from Patagonia, Gap, and Uniqlo. Loved the Patagonia (reversible with hood) but so spendy! The Gap’s primaloft jacket (hooded, not reversible) was amazing too; I don’t see them on their website currently unfortunately–may be check back in the fall. Uniqlo’s jacket (hooded, not reversible) is really high quality and the price ($40) can’t be beat. We’ll probably go with Uniqlo this year.
GCA says
+1, we love the Uniqlo ones! They have held up well and are on second kid now.
Anonymous says
We got one from Old Navy last year, but I think it may be too early – I don’t see them online yet. Look for “packable”
Baby bath seat says
Recs for a bath seat for a 6-month old? Ideally compact so I can pop her in the bag with her 4-year old sibling. We used a Primo Eurobath with the oldest but obviously that wouldn’t work for a tandem bath…I do bedtime routine on my own at least half the time and really want both kids in the tub at once!
Anonymous says
I just put the baby tub in the big tub. Filled baby tub and placed baby in, then filled big tub. You can’t put so much water in that the baby tub floats but as long as you watch the levels it worked great!
Annie says
That’s what I do too.
AwayEmily says
Not a recommendation for a bathtub and apologies for the unsolicited advice but we switched to doing baths only 2-3x a week (unless they are especially dirty). We did it partly because i was doing solo bedtimes so often with a baby and a toddler and just couldn’t deal, and partly because the baby has super dry skin. It’s made our life much easier. Obviously some days you just have to give them a bath because they are covered in dirt/tomatoes/maple syrup/finger paint, but whenever I can get away with skipping, I do.
ElisaR says
if my kid gets 3 baths in a week that is a total win….. it’s my goal to do it 3 times but 1-2 is the reality. especially in the winter.
Anon says
Same, my toddler gets a bath once or twice a week. Her hair sometimes looks a bit greasy but oh well.
Anon. says
Same. My toddler gets a bath twice a week.
Anonymous says
I don’t think my toddler has ever had 3 baths in a week… we aim for 2, usually end up doing 1, and sometimes realize it’s been 8+ days and we should probably bathe her.
EB0220 says
We used the smaller Primo bath seat and it worked well for tandem baths!