We got a version of this “sleepy baby” lightbulb from Hammacher Schlemmer a while ago — we were ordering other stuff and it was on sale, so I figured, why not throw it in — and we’ve been very happy with it. We have it in the reading lamp closest to my 4.5-year-old’s bed (although it would also work well for babies’ nighttime feedings and diaper changes), and bedtime has been easier since we got it. I’m not sure I’d say the former light energized him, but this one definitely seems to make it easier for him to recognize it’s bedtime. The Hammacher Schlemmer one is still available for $20, but this one is also highly rated and available through Amazon Prime for $20 as well. SCS Nite-Nite Light Bulb
Hmn: here’s a whole article about it in the NYT.
(L-2)
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Sales of Note…
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Nordstrom – The Half-Yearly Sale has started! See our thoughts here.
- Ann Taylor – $50 off $150; $100 off $250+; extra 30% off all sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 25% off purchase
- Eloquii – 60% off all tops
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off “dressed up” styles (lots of cute dresses!); extra 50% off select sale
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything; 60% off 100s of summer faves; extra 60% off clearance
- Loft – 40% off tops; 30% off full-price styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Talbots – 25-40% off select styles
- Zappos – 28,000+ sale items (for women)! Check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kid shoe brands on sale.
Kid/Family Sales
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off kids’ camp styles; extra 50% off select sale
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off summer pajamas; up to 50% off all baby styles (semi-annual baby event!)
- Carter’s – Summer deals from $5; up to 60% off swim
- Old Navy – 30% off your order; kid/toddler/baby tees $4
- Target – Kids’ swim from $8; summer accessories from $10
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
JEB says
I wish I hadn’t missed the toddler hair discussion yesterday! My daughter (almost 17 months) has developed quite the mullet. She’s always had the look of a receding hairline in the front. While the front and sides are finally starting to grow, the back is much longer. She won’t let me mess with it long enough to do pigtails, and I feel like they’d look strange anyway since I wouldn’t be able to pull the front hair back into them. Should I just let it be for now? Cut the back to even it out? I have no idea what the heck to do with it! It’s really not that big of a deal, but I’m curious what others have done.
CPA Lady says
I’d do a side part and clip the front hair to the side with a bow/barre t t e.
I got a 20 pack of grosgrain ribbon bows on amazon for something ridiculous like $10. Maybe less than that. My daughter took them out at first, but with consistent use over the past couple of weeks, she’s finally gotten used to them, and gotten used to having her long frat boy bangs out of her eyes/mouth/food. She still takes them out sometimes, but its much better than it was.
hoola hoopa says
Angled bob! Cut the mullet!
Butter says
Sometime in the last few weeks/months there was a discussion about someone’s little being the youngest baby in the infant room at daycare by a wide margin. Can anyone point me to it? We’re looking at a similar situation and I’m trying not to freak out about it,but I can’t find the thread.
Anon in NYC says
I think it’s here: http://corporettemoms.com/maternity-top-workwear/
Anon in NYC says
I tried to post a link but it’s not appearing. Look at the March 7th post.
GGFM says
I was the OP on that. It only ended up lasting about 2 weeks before they transitioned the oldest kids to the toddler room and shifted around the newborns (though LO was still the youngest by 3 months) so I can’t speak too generally, but FWIW the noise and commotion when she was with the toddlers seemed to bother me much more than it bothered her. She got a lot of attention, and napped well after taking a few days to transition. Of course, this all depends on your kid, and the center, and the other kids. I realized later that I also just felt guilty about bringing her in so young, and having no other kids as young as her in the center reinforced it since it suggested that other parents maybe knew better (not that this was true, just my state of consciousness). Took longer for me to get over this than LO to get acclimated to daycare. I only mention this in case that’s part of why you are freaking out :-)
Good luck!
Butter says
Thank you! I just saw this. Great to know, as I’m hoping we have a similar outcome. The noise definitely bothered me, so I’m glad to hear that it bothered you more than your daughter ;) And yes to feeling slightly guilty, or guilty that he just won’t be in someone’s arms all day. Argh.
Eileen says
My son is in a mixed age home daycare and he’s one of the older ones, but its been really sweet watching him help with the youngest one (who is many months younger than the next kid). Just from the other perspective, I love that he’s getting to learn how to be around babies. That youngest kid gets tons of attention and love from everyone.
Butter says
Love this, thank you!
Faye says
How do these bulbs work? Do they only apply if you turn the light on in the middle of the night? I read the article and it talked about a huge impact on a 4 year old, but I can’t imagine you’re waking up and turning on the light for a kid that age. So how is it helping? Do you just hang out in the child’s bedroom for 30 min before bed, not going anywhere else? I don’t get these.
Nanny days off says
I wondering what those of you with nannies do in this situation. We are going on vacation in a few weeks for 4 workdays. I’m not sure if I should pay my full-time nanny for those days. I’ve had this nanny for about 5 months and love her. In the past, when we haven’t needed her for one day, we haven’t paid her. If it makes a difference, she is 22, lives with her parents, and attends college part-time. We don’t pay her as much as the “professional” nannies in the area make, and this is her first nanny job. She also seems quite happy and has told me informally that she doesn’t want another job. She has taken leave without pay for her own travel, which we accommodated without question.
I know this makes me sound cheap, which I am a little bit, but I mostly want to do what is fair. We do give her bonuses occasionally- holidays, that time my potty-training kid crapped all over the hallway and she cleaned it up, etc.
Spirograph says
If you didn’t sort this out in your contract ahead of time, I’d say you pay her the normal rate for those days. Even though it doesn’t sound like she is depending the money to live on the way a “real adult” would, it’s not really fair for her to miss a paycheck because you’re on vacation. If you were using a daycare, you would have to pay for weeks you were on vacation.
Does she have her own vacation days that she can use? We gave our nanny 2 weeks of paid vacation, one of which we stipulated would overlap with our own vacation. That way, at least we didn’t end up paying for quite so many “unused” weeks of childcare. Again, this is something you probably should have discussed at the beginning of her engagement, but if you didn’t, now is as good a time as any to bring it up. If she volunteers to have the week you’re away off, unpaid, you’re all set.
Anonymous says
We’ve always paid two weeks vacation (nanny chose which weeks and gave two months notice but tried to make them the same time as we were away) plus we pay for any weeks we were are away.
Soundproof says
I have employed nannies on and off for the last few years, and I pay my nanny when I am away. She cannot control my travel schedule, so I believe it is unfair to dock her pay.
Manhattanite says
I view it as I’ve reserved our nanny’s time between 8 am to 6:30 pm every day and we pay her for that privilege even on days or weeks where we’ve taken the day off or gone on vacation. Considering that she cares for two of the most important people in my life, she deserves at least that much.
Soundproof says
Well said. I can be cheap in some areas, but I’ve always tried to go above and beyond for people who care for my kids. If I feel the nanny takes advantage, then it’s a nanny issue, not a payroll issue. For instance, our nanny contract states that our nanny doesn’t get paid sick days, but I never actually docked either of our longest serving nannies for missing a day. They hardly ever took off, and often volunteered to make up the time in babysitter or whatever. In the long run, I want someone who feels I have taken care of her, as that value is given back to our family in how well she does her job. Ultimately, the value of her feeling like she’s being treated fairly/compensated well is far greater than the cost of those days to me.
anon says
I think you have to pay. We definitely would. She’s available those days and it’s not her choice that you are traveling. Happy nanny, happy life.
Nanny days off says
Thanks all- this is helpful.
Anonymous says
My sister is in grad school and has a 3-day a week nanny gig. She was told last week that the family will be away for 5 weeks starting mid May and won’t need her. She was really upset since this is income she relies on and she had no notice.
They also “cancel” her when grandparents come to visit etc and they don’t need care- she gets no pay. She’s paid over the table too, doesn’t keep 100%.
Two ideas:
1. Give lots of advanced notice when you are going out of town if you plan it to pay
2. See if you can add hours elsewhere- do you need a date night sitter?
3. Offer to pay half time?
My sister is fine with “no work no pay” within reason, but this last minute 5 weeks of no pay has caused her to look elsewhere, which is tough because she likes the family.
Anonymous says
Sorry, #1 should be if you *dont* plan to lay. Then she can look for another gig to fill the time, or take a long weekend trip.
Anonymous says
When I babysat as a college kid, the mom would have me come in while they were on vacation and have me do deep cleaning (emptying cupboards to wipe them out, clean and swap out seasonal kids’ clothes) or organizing in her home office, taking art to the framers, make and freeze a couple weeks of baby food, etc.
I enjoyed that I could move my hours around, listen to my music while I worked and loved getting paid.
Spirograph says
This is genius.
Nanny days off says
Thanks for the idea. She does do some cleaning, and would probably be open to some version of this!
Famouscait says
I don’t quite understand how this works, but I will say that we installed a dimmer switch on the nursery’s overhead light, and that has been great. We dim the lights at night when we’re getting ready for bed, and it was fantastic for middle of the night wakings when he was an infant.
Recs for Washington D.C. with a toddler? We’ve got 2 weekend days and the afternoons of Friday and Monday. I thought the Zoo and Natural History Museum would be fun; we’ve done all the major sights before, so I’m really looking for toddler-friendly activities and places to eat (near Union Station). Also, how is the public transit with an umbrella stroller?
Spirograph says
Zoo and Natural History are my kids’ favorites, so I think you’re right on. Union Station itself is pretty fun for little kids to run around, too, and there are lots of places to eat there. Not exciting or fine dining, but it gets the job done.
Public transit with an umbrella stroller is fine. You shouldn’t have space issues on the trains as long as you avoid rush hours on the Friday and Monday, but I’d plan on taking the kid out, folding up the stroller, and using the escalators. The elevators by the zoo, especially, can have a LONG wait on weekends.
Navy Attorney says
I live in the DC area. People will silently thank you for using an umbrella stroller instead of a Bob! Union Station is a few loooonnnggg blocks from Chinatown (aka Penn Quarter) which is just crammed full of restaurants; toddlers surprisingly like the Portrait Gallery and the National Building Museum, both in the same area. The Building Museum has a set of huge blocks to play with that children love, though I think it’s an extra fee. On the other side of the Mall is the Botanical Garden which kids tend to like.
Famouscait says
Awesome idea about the Building Museum! Thanks.
TBK says
Also, people will love you if you use the elevator with the stroller instead of the escalator (unless you fold it up and carry it). If you do use the escalator, remember: stand right, walk left.
JEB says
Try to get to the zoo right when it opens. There’s hardly anyone there, so you can actually see the animals…it starts to get really crowded around 10:30. The zoo has a toddler play area down by the farm animals for when your kid needs a break to run around. The Native American museum has a good kid play area as well, if you want some time inside.
BKDC says
We were at the Zoo around 9:30 on Sunday and it was nice and quiet, but when we were leaving around 11:30, it was overrun with families. Definitely aim for a breakfast visit!
Ntl Zoo Regular says
+1 to this. The animals are much more active in the morning, and the crowds are much lighter. You will have an all-around better experience the earlier in the day you go. Some animals are inside for the night and you can’t count on all of them being outside until about 10:00, but enough will be visible to make it worth getting out earlier. If you can’t get to the Zoo until after lunchtime, it’s almost not worth going at crowded times of year (Spring break – Labor Day), in my opinion.
Not sure if you’ve been to the NZ before, but be warned it is on a fairly steep hill. The Metro stations are at the top, and the kids area is at the bottom. I suggest walking straight down to the bottom and seeing the exhibits as you work your way back up. That hill is brutal in the heat with tired, cranky kids if you’re done and just trying to get home. The one exception to this recc is if you want to see the pandas, in which case, take the Asia Trail just inside the main entrance and go there as early as possible to avoid the mobs.
+1 says
Regular zoo-goer, here. I don’t know what happened to my longer reply, but to paraphrase:
The Zoo is a big hill, Metro is at the top and the kids area is at the bottom. I strongly recommend you go straight to the bottom, possibly detouring through the Asia Trail to see the pandas if they’re on your list, then slowly work your way back up. Don’t miss the American Trail, esp if it’s a hot day. There’s a “tide pool” for kids to splash around in that is always a hit with my crew.
Definitely go as early as possible – the animals are more active and the crowds are much smaller in the morning. After lunch, all you’ll see is napping animals and walls of people.
Famouscait says
One more Q: will a taxi take us and the kiddo (without a car seat) to/from the airport, to Embassy Row, etc.?
Anons says
Bring a car seat, or buy or rent one there. Or use a service (like some Uber drivers) that already have a carseat.
PotomacAveSE says
Uber’s carseats are good for kids over 1 year.
Knowing DC cabs, I wouldn’t risk it. If you’re flying into DCA you should metro to Dupont if you don’t Uber. If you fly into Dulles/BWI, definitely do not taxi w/out a carseat. Depending on the time of day it can be a long drive.
Amelia Bedelia says
Yes. the taxi will take you. And a regular uber will take you. it is all legal.
I’d prefer the black car uber, as they are better drivers, but i’ve done both.
Disney Stroller Recs? says
I cannot believe I’m asking this, because I totally don’t think of myself as a Disney person, but we’re taking the plunge and going in late summer with friends and taking our 3 yo. She’s not a stroller person. At all. Ever since she could walk, it’s been a fight to get her to sit in it. That said, I’m told that if someone is under about 7 practically you want a stroller option at Disney. Is that true? Personal recs? And if so, what stroller? We have a City Mini and a Bob. Do I take one of those? Maybe I’m being paranoid, but I hate to lose either of them. Or do I buy an umbrella stroller? Or something else?
JJ says
Disney has stroller rentals. If you think you’ll only need it when kiddo gets tired and won’t need it in the airport or outside of Disney, I would just rent a stroller there.
OCAssociate says
+1 An umbrella stroller is all you need, unless you need a bigger stroller to help schlep your backpack, food, water etc. Stroller rental is your best bet, especially if you’re worried about losing a nice one.
We have an inexpensive umbrella stroller that we use for naps only at Disney. My older kid has never liked the stroller, but we always need it for the point when he drops dead from tiredness and conks out for half an hour.
mascot says
We took an umbrella stroller for our 4 year old and it was worth it. He hadn’t used it in a year, but was happy to use it on this trip when we were trying to get across the park quickly or after a late night. I liked it because it felt easier to keep up with him and our stuff in a crowded setting. There are literally thousands of strollers in the park at any time so I wouldn’t get too freaked about someone taking yours on purpose. Do wrap something around it so you can identify it in stroller parking.
You can rent one from Disney (theirs are park only and plastic I think) or another company if you want something smaller.
MomAnon4This says
My husband was OK carrying our 3.5 year old around Disney.
The hard part was it that potty-training was… ongoing at that stage. We brought a ton of extra clothes and plastic bags. It’s hot, you need to drink. So there IS a lot to carry. A stroller would’ve been helpful.
RR says
Yes, definitely, absolutely. I’m kind of worried about my 8 year olds without one (only half kidding). No way would I try it without for the little one. You will walk 5-10 miles a day. And, it ends up being parked a lot while you are riding, so there’s a good in and out balance. But, it’s great when they just can’t really walk anymore, or when you are in crazy crowds and need to keep track of them.
The best solution depends upon where you are staying and what transportation you are taking. If you are staying on site and taking buses, monorails, and boats around, then you want to either rent at Disney or to bring a super light umbrella stroller that you can easily fold up and carry. We have the UppaBaby G-Lite, and I’m a fan. If you are going to be driving to the parks in your car or a rental, bring whatever is easiest for you or rent from a company outside Disney (they tend to have City Mini type strollers–too big for taking on buses easily, but great for the parks otherwise). We’ve done Disney a couple times with those cheap Babies R Us umbrella strollers and been fine. Bonus–you don’t care if you lose it.
Frozen Peach says
Rent one there.
Legally Brunette says
Any recs on great books for a 4.5 year old girl? She loves to read and loves princesses, but but no means do I only want princess books. Her mom is an engineer, so maybe some STEM themed books could be good. But bottom line, just some great books for that age (or even a bit older). Open to any and all ideas!
Anonymous says
Rosie Revere Engineer is great.
Robert Munsch has some pretty great stuff too.
Anonymous says
amightygirl.com is a good site for more recommendations
MomAnon4This says
The Gingerbread GIRL has at least 2 books in the series.
Any mixed-up fairy tales at that age – The one about the wolf’s point of view of the 3 little books (by Sczieska, I think).
Pirate books with girl pirates, too :)
Angelina Ballerina books have BEAUTIFUL, mesmerizing pictures and the stories are cute, too.
hoola hoopa says
+1 for Rosie Revere Engineer. It was a big hit with me and my daughters at that age.
My princess-loving, STEM-loving 4 yr old daughter enjoys:
The Great Fairytale Disaster
Mary Engelbreit’s Fairytale anthology
Rosie Revere Engineer
Little Critter books
Maternity Jeans Recs says
I can wear jeans to work, and tend to wear dark rinse ones with a blazer and heels. I’d like to invest in a nice maternity pair that look professional but will be comfortable as I get larger. I’ve tried 3 different Paige styles; all fall off me by the end of the day. I think the solution is that I need a a full or half panel, instead of the side panels. But does anyone have specific brand recs for jeans that will look nice enough for work and stay on? Anyone have luck with ASOS before? TIA!
JEB says
I don’t know whether they still carry them, but I loved my Loft maternity jeans. They were dark rinse, a fairly slim bootcut, and held their shape very well. They had a full panel (I had a demi panel pair from Loft, and the panel wrinkled in the wash and never un-bunched, so I wouldn’t recommend that panel style). I wish I could find a pair of non-maternity jeans that I like that much!
Chi Squared says
2nd loft maternity jeans! the panel was especially nice – soft and stretchy.
kc esq says
I liked the Gap maternity jeans even though their regular ones just don’t work for me.
OliveMac says
They were the priciest thing I bought during my whole maternity leave (and maybe the priciest jeans I have ever bought, ever), but I got Joes jeans and LOVED them. I also wear dark jeans/blazer to work and they fit like a charm, held up, looked great, and I used them a bit after baby came, too. And, I’ll use them for the next baby. And I have forgotten about the money already and felt really good in them (nearly every day… :)).
MomAnon4This says
I’ve used a Bella Band as a belt to help the pants stay up — would something like this be helpful?
Zika Precautions says
I’m pregnant and live in an area of the country that will likely end up having local transmission of Zika at some point this year. I’d like to be prepared and have some supplies at home before the network news headlines cause major panic. According to the CDC and EPA, they suggest pregnant women treat clothes with permethrin, use DEET, wear pants/long sleeves, avoid being outside at dusk and in early morning, etc. I’m also thinking about buying some indoor and some outdoor bug zappers. Should I consider getting our yard sprayed? Other ideas or thoughts on steps to consider taking?
CHJ says
I don’t live in a zika area but I do live in a very buggy, mosquito-ridden area, so I have some thoughts! Permethrin and DEET are both very effective. We have our yard sprayed regularly all summer and it does wonders. We use a company that does an organic rosemary-based spray, but if you are worried about zika you might want to go with something stronger. We also treat any standing water with mosquito dunks. My husband is a maniac and he will walk around the neighborhood and drop dunks in any big stagnant puddles or ditches he finds.
Unfortunately bug zappers and citronella do very little, in my experience.
Meg Murry says
FYI, many of the bug zappers don’t work – they either actually attract more mosquitoes or they kill the bugs that eat mosquitoes at a higher rate than mosquitoes. I suspect that as people start worrying more about Zika there will be a lot of anti-mosquito products hitting the market with little or no data to back up whether they actually do anything to kill or deter mosquitoes.
We are also like your husband and throw the mosquito dunks in standing water in our neighborhood.
Also, FYI, as of right now the mosquitoes that spread Zika bite mostly during the daytime, if you are really concerned you probably want to plan to use bug spray daily, not just in the evenings.
Zika Precautions says
Thanks – good to know re the bug zappers! My husband wants to order like 10 of them, so hopefully this will slow his roll.
When you guys say “mosquito dunks” – do you mean those little disk things that pop up when I search mosquito dunk on Amazon – for instance, the Summit brand organic dunk that you put in standing water that lasts for 30 days?
Meg Murry says
yup, that’s what we mean. They kill larva from the eggs the mosquitoes lay in the water, so they don’t help with existing mosquitoes, only preventing them from breeding. Our city hall will pass them out to residents if you ask, but you have to go when employees are there (so like M-F 9-4, not all that useful).
Samesie says
Same thoughts and concerns. On the one hand, if you’re already pregnant and we’re not quite at mosquito season yet, I think you can be somewhat comforted that you’re missing the worst of the issues. Even if something horrendous were to happen, the microcephaly develops with transmission in the very early stages (so first tri). That’s at least some hollow comfort. That said, we’re going to get our backyard treated this year, which we do not normally do. And I’m expecting to spend less time outside, esp. at dusk, use Off! Deep Woods (which is the highest DEET concentration that doesn’t go over the limit), and wear pants/sleeves as much as I can tolerate.
Anonymous says
I am also pregnant and in an area that might end up with local Zika transmission, but I’ve decided I’m not going to freak out about this even though the headlines are definitely scary. Beyond normal minimize-standing-water precautions, we’re not doing anything special to our yard. Whether or not you should bother with the spraying, I think, depends on the size of your yard. My understanding is that with a small yard, it’s not terribly effective unless you can get most of your neighbors to do it too (many companies offer discounts as an incentive).
I’m counting on long sleeves/pants and bug spray. Citronella candle on the table if we’re eating outside, but I am of the opinion that there are diminishing returns once the normal, easy precautions are done, so nothing else is on the list. Moving air is also a really great way to minimize bites, so if you have a covered porch, I’d consider installing some ceiling fans. In general, not even specifically for Zika. I hate mosquitoes.
NewMomAnon says
You can order praying mantis egg cases online to populate your yard with mosquito killers. Other thoughts: Citronella candles, some comfy shoes that you can wear in warm temps that will cover your feet, a hat with a neck cover. Make sure you don’t have standing water anywhere near your house (including gutters).
NewMomAnon says
My toddler is obsessed with putting her hands down my shirt, preferably as far down my shirt as possible and into my bra. She also wants to pull down the neckline on my shirt and rest her head on my bare chest. I really don’t like it but am not getting anywhere with firmly but calmly removing her hand and saying “no, mommy doesn’t like that.”
Anyone experienced something like this? I don’t even understand why she wants to do it, so it’s hard to figure out how to address the need and stop it. I know from past experience that if I make a big deal out of it, she’ll keep doing it to get attention. Are toddlers supposed to need skin-to-skin time too? Because I am over it….
Anonymous says
Wear high collar shirts and button downs and see if she gives up?
Anonymous says
This is pretty common. My kids always wanted to put their hands down my shirt for a while after they stopped nursing. Giving them another place to touch my skin usually worked. So just below collar bone to rest their cheek (v-neck top), or putting their hands on my arms (sleeveless top). You can also try adding a stuffie/dolly into the cuddle to provide an alternate source of comfort.
Toddler is looking for comfort so I think you’ll have the best luck if you offer an alternate source of comfort instead of just saying no to the one she’s looking for.
NewMomAnon says
Thank you, this is a good strategy. I have been wearing pretty high necked tops to bed (because I can now!), maybe I should go back to the tank tops and let her cuddle my neck/upper chest.
Edna Mazur says
You nursed for quite awhile no? Not to freak you out, but a friend had this happen with her kid that nursed the longest. It lasted until early elementary school, when he was upset. She thinks it is some kind of throw back to the comfort of skin on skin while nursing.
NewMomAnon says
*sigh* I suppose on the list of “weird things that kids do,” this won’t be the worst. But I would love to be able to set boundaries about my own body again….
MomAnon4This says
My son at age 2/2.5 kept tapping my chest… not for nursing just for… I don’t know. We talked a lot about where it was OK to touch mommy and used it as a segueway into protecting his own body, good touch/bad touch, etc. I think pretty soon she’ll understand what’s appropriate and what’s not – we can cuddle like this before bedtime but not in public, it’s ok at home/in the bathroom. I mean, this is the same age kids touch THEMSELVES a lot and they still learn, so there’s hope
VKD says
Oh yes, I know this well. I think the advice about replacing it with a different place to cuddle or a lovey is good. Unfortunately for me, after the initial period of bra digging, my toddler decided she was more interested in my belly button and for months could only fall asleep with her finger dug in. She would also attempt to lift my shirt up at inopportune times, i.e. church. I would have to sit down quickly to not flash everyone my stomach and have to chat with her about how “that’s only for private time.” After we got rid of her paci she was even more into it for comfort. She will be two next month and thankfully seems to be needing BB less and less. Toddlers are so weird. Good luck!
Momata says
As mom to a kid about the age of yours, who won’t sit still long enough to cuddle at ALL (she won’t even sit still to watch tv), I’m just a little jelly. If you can find a way to redirect her to more modest snuggling — ENJOY.
NewMomAnon says
Haha, my kiddo isn’t really sitting still when she cuddles – it’s more of a busy snuggling. Hands going, singing, feet moving, with her head a (sometimes) still point. I don’t understand how the small amount she eats in a day fuels that level of constant motion.
We had a middle of the night wakeup last week and she let me rock her for half an hour while she snoozed on my chest. It was amazing.
Anonymous says
I think you can limit it to “snuggles on mommy’s chest only in your room” or “only in private” and give her a lovey for the other times. Good luck mama, toddlers are WEIRD.
RR says
I did not nurse, and my littlest still does this. I think it’s pretty common. No solutions as it’s not a big deal yet for us.
TBK says
Same here. Stopped b-fing at about 10 weeks. One of mine (just turned two) will do this. I think he’s looking for comfort. He does it more when he’s tired or overwhelmed.
Anonymous says
I have never heard of these light bulbs before, but my husband had the idea to get a red light bulb for our small lamp in the nursery and it worked out great while we still had middle of the night feedings and diaper changes. I still use it for bedtime bottle and book reading. Yes it is like being in a photographer’s dark room, but it was cheap and does the job well.
Anonymous says
+1 this is what we do as well.
Weighted toddler blanket says
I’d like transition my twins (who will be 3 in June) from cribs to toddler beds soon. They share a room. They don’t climb out of the cribs, so we haven’t felt that need. We tried the toddler rail conversion a few months ago but it did not work — they could not resist jumping out of the beds and trying to escape into the hallway, over and over, even though they were dead tired. I’m thinking of introducing a weighted blanket when we next try to go for big boy beds, but they are pricey (x 2). Anyone have any advice?
NewMomAnon says
There was a standalone post on weighted blankets recently – maybe in the last three months? Check the archives; there were quite a few good comments. Kat had a good experience with her son, if I remember right.
Anon says
My husband and I have very similar jobs. Similar titles. Similar roles. Similar employers. Our jobs are incredibly flexible. We’re expected to be in the office most of the core business day, but working from home or on alternate schedules is completely fine. We have two small children. Most mornings, I get up at 6:30, shower, do hair and make-up, then get kids up and dressed and downstairs. I start their breakfast then at 7:30, my husband takes over and I leave for work. The au pair comes on duty at 8:00 and my husband leaves for work at that time. His commute is about 30 min each way but mine is an hour. I get home at 6:00 to relieve the au pair (Fridays are different, but that’s a different story). I watch the kids while I make dinner. We eat at 7:00 and the kids go to bed about 7:45 (lights out around 8:15). My husband is typically home for dinner, but he kind of comes home whenever. He often says he has to work late. He also makes off-hand comments about how he works more than I do. When I have more work to get done I have to start at about 8:15 after the kids are in bed and work into the evening. He’s offered to do dinner/bedtime one night a week so I can work later. But it often seems like he wants that evening to work with his schedule. I feel like he has unlimited time every evening to work while I have to squeeze in dinner/kids and then try to get my head back in the game at 8:30. He’ll often have gotten home about that time, dig through some leftovers, then go watch TV. (It’s not like I was relaxing in the 2.5 hrs since I got home.) Between my longer commute and being on duty for kids in the evening, I feel like I get significantly less time to work than he does. He seems to have this assumption that he needs to work more than I do, that his job demands it. But as I said, we have almost the same job. We really just do the same thing at different employers. So I feel like my employer is getting the short stick (and I’m not putting in the hours I need to put in) just because, frankly, he’s the man. He doesn’t see it this way. If I say “I feel like you think you need to work more because you’re the man” he’ll deny it. But I can’t think of any other reason that he would think he needs to put in more hours.
Anonymous says
No advice, but commiseration. H and I are also in the same profession and should have similar hours. This morning, I got up with our LO at 5:45, made breakfast, fed the dog, got her dressed, potty-ed, and settled her with an iPad so I could shower, then woke him up at 7:45 when it was clear he was not getting up on his own, and he got in the shower as I left to do daycare drop off at 8. WTF.
CHL says
I’m not sure how to address the partnership and gender dynamic that seems to be at play here, but I will share that I was having similar feelings about not being able to give the time to my job that I probably needed to, so I got a babysitter to help a couple days as week with our drop off and pick up routine plus dinner or outside time, to squeeze out a couple more hours a week. This prompted my husband to “realize” that he actually could do more than he had been doing, but that I had always felt unreasonable asking him to do. Not sure if a similar approach could be helpful to get him to do more, or just get you some help in a different way.
MomAnon4This says
Last week my husband had 1 day of picking up both kids in 2 different locations and getting them to soccer practice and then he collapsed. I was like, I DO THIS ALL THE TIME. He was like, It’s not a contest! Which then somehow makes me look petty for doing it all the time and NOT complaining?! Seriously, commiseration here. WTH.
OP says
YES YES THIS! When he travels, I just kind of make it work. I go into work a bit later, take more work home for the evening, do more juggling. When I travel, it’s like the dam has broken and it’s all emergency all the time. I even leave easy meals to cook, but he just gets take-out every night. He gets his mom in every day I’m gone to help out. He hires extra babysitting. The au pair winds up “helping” (she’s not supposed to work any more hours, and no one asks her to, but I think she feels like my husband can’t cope, so she’ll spend extra time playing with the kids or she’ll clean up the kitchen). Why is it so hard? And why isn’t it okay to say “why is this so hard for you when I do it all the time, without the extra help”?
MomAnon4This says
Quick thought: Can you phrase what you want differently?
Does your husband value YOUR career track, financial contributions, etc.? “Honey, please help out more at home/make work sacrifices so that I can stay on track at my job?”
OR if he values HIS at-home contributions — “Honey, the kids need your help at home because all they see is tired/overworked mom and it’s not good.”???
Some other ways.
mascot says
Can you take an early morning once a week and let your husband deal with kids? And can he do more work on dinner prep or other household chores during the weekends/other times? And can the au pair dress the kids in the morning. I understand that they wake up hungry so you need to feed them.
I also agree that getting a sitter one night a week could give you that extra time.
OP says
We max the au pair’s hours every week as it is so getting extra help from her isn’t an option. (The reason Fridays are different is that she works a half day and I either work from home and juggle work and kids, relying on them napping through part of the work day, or else my MIL comes in for half a day if I need to go to the office.)
mascot says
No, I meant do you have to dress them at all before she comes on duty at 8? But really, if you are doing the evening routine every night of feeding kids and getting them to bed, then he gets to take the morning routine.
Anonymous says
Get up, shower, dress and leave for work. Let him deal with the kids in the morning. If you want to spend time with the kids just wake them up to play a bit. Let him deal with feeding/dressing them and himself.
You do evening duty, he needs to take care of mornings.
I would also suggest a written schedule of basically every hour of the day. Start with putting down equal work hours. Then add commute times. Then split remaining hours between sleep/childcare/individual time – if he needs to work more then he takes it from his sleep/individual time.
NewMomAnon says
I think you need to take out the competitive component of this in order to reach him. Just say, “This schedule isn’t working for me. I need your help brainstorming some ways we could arrange our time differently.” Then figure out a new schedule together. Let him be your partner instead of the “bad guy.”
Personally, I would recommend that he generally be the “parent on duty” in the morning, since he seems to need that evening time for work (I can totally relate, I do my best work from 3-6 pm and it’s so frustrating to lose any minute of that time). Would it help you if you could wake up half an hour earlier (6 am) and have an extra hour at work in the morning?
And one of the best things my ex and I did, schedule wise, was to agree that he would do daycare pick up a few nights a week and feed kiddo dinner. I get only an extra 1.5 hours those nights, but it’s so helpful to be able to attend a networking event, or call colleagues who don’t pick up their phones until after 5. See if you and your husband can build a few “late work nights” into the schedule for each of you. That will also help him realize how much work goes into evenings at home.
hoola hoopa says
I can completely relate. My husband and I have a very great, equal relationship, but I am constantly holding the line between his ‘need’ to work longer hours and my need to get in my work hours. The disparate commute is a big one. You literally have one hour less time than he does (same with us).
I completely agree that you need to work as a team to get a schedule that will work for the household. If he likes to work later hours, then I strongly, STRONGLY suggest that you pass morning duty to him and get out of the house. I also suggest that you maybe trade evenings at the office and/or dinner prep.
My other big suggestion is to communicate when you need more time at work. This seems so obvious, but I realized that my husband genuinely didn’t know because I actually never said it. When I say that I need more time and so can he do x,y,z, then he does.
I’m not in your house, but I see this a lot among friends: If you want everything done your way (and not his), then you have to accept that you need to do it all yourself. If you want to share duties, then you need to let go, let him figure out his own approach, and accept that he will do it differently than you and it’s okay as long as it all works out in the end.
I’d also stop getting the kids dressed, if you have an au pair.
CPA Lady says
I would be so irritated if I were you.
Its amazing what assumptions even progressive men have that are so deeply ingrained they don’t even notice. I remember years before I was even pregnant my husband, who thinks he is far more politically liberal than I am, made some offhand comment about how once we had kids I’d have to get a bigger car to ferry around the kids. It didn’t even occur to him that he might be doing as the ferrying. It was just 100% assumed that that was on me.
If I were you, I’d set one or two specific nights each week that are yours to work, that way he can plan for it. Then you either tell him it’s on him those nights, and if he refuses to pitch in, you hire a babysitter. If he has said he’ll do one night a week, hold him to that. It doesn’t matter if it seems like he’d rather be working. Don’t not take him up on it because you feel guilty, and then get resentful. Just take him at his word. Besides, if he gets grumpy about doing 1/7 of the nighttime parenting, that’s on him.
InMySpace24/7 says
First time mom here… any tips to gently wean a very reluctant child 14 month child? I went away for five days on business thinking this would be the clean break but as soon as she saw me she was all up in my shirt.
NewMomAnon says
Talk about it for a few days beforehand, brace for a few tears the first “missed” nursing session, and try to come up with some explanation to use as a reminder of why you aren’t nursing anymore (like the binkie fairy for pacifiers; we waved “bye bye” to nursing so we could sing a song together at night). And if you read my comment on the prior page, plan for kiddo to have some memory of nursing and seek physical reassurance from you for a while.
Don’t overthink it, really. The little bit of protesting my kiddo did about weaning was less than the average amount of tears we experience in the morning over shoe selection/yogurt flavor/who pushed the elevator button.