A lot of maternity clothes skew casual. Here’s a satin blouse that can take you from desk to dinner.
This long-sleeve satin blouse from maternity-wear star Ingrid & Isabel’s line for Target is a wardrobe essential with classic details like a notch collar and tonal buttons. The only difference between this shirt and one you might already have in your closet is room for your growing bump.
Wear this blouse with a classic suit for an easy look for the office.
This blouse is $32 at Target and comes in white and black. It is available in sizes XS–XXL.
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Anon says
Honestly, it has been so rare that I have ever needed an outfit or a look to go “from desk to dinner.” I’ve gone from work directly to dinner, sure, but business casual or business professional clothes are what I had and that is what I wore. I didn’t think about it more than that.
Anonymous says
“Desk to dinner” is one of those myths we all grew up with. If you are going straight from work to dinner it’s always a business dinner and you just wear what you wore to work.
Anon says
I think for single people “desk to dinner” is a thing, if you have a date after work and don’t want to wear work clothes. But a moms group is not the target audience for it.
anon says
+1. I feel like this is one of those mythical occasions that a women’s magazine invented.
Anon says
I would sometimes go out on a date after work. By the time I needed maternity clothing, those dates had already ended in marriage so my need for that attire dried up. :)
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
LOL I don’t know what it says about me that I also thought “Desk to Dinner” meant going out with friends after work and I never thought it implied anything romantic….
Anon says
Oh I think it can mean either one. I don’t think it specifically implies romance. But I think it’s mainly single people going on lots of dates who are worried about having outfits they can wear to work that wouldn’t look out of place on a dinner date.
Anonymous says
I think desk OR dinner is a useful category, especially for a limited maternity wardrobe.
anon says
I always think of the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days when I hear the phrase “desk to dinner,” and imagined my life as Andie Anderson in my teens. When all the chic young professionals hung out at the same bar after work.
Lice says
Panic! We have lice! First time and both kids! My daughter has hair to her shoulder blades and my son has short hair. After some late night googling, here is my plan: apply nix today, hot wash all bedding, boil/throw out everything else, cut daughter’s hair (she is ok with this). Tell me what’s missing from this plan also any tips or advice!! Thank you!
Anon says
wash your hair with the stuff too. you can cut your daughter’s hair, but don’t need to. you can also have her sit on a big sheet/towel and watch tv while you comb out her hair and then the big sheet/towel goes straight into the wash.
Spirograph says
This. Definitely budget an hour or so and do a thorough lice comb, but the lice live on your scalp not really farther down the hair. Cutting won’t do anything except make the combing easier.
My kids have gotten lice a couple times and we also vacuumed and washed the covers for couch cushions in our family room, and threw the stuffed animals that the kids sleep with in the dryer on hot or set them aside for a week. Unlike bedbugs, lice don’t survive very long when they’re not on a body, so you don’t really need to go so scorched-earth.
Anonymous says
I don’t think cutting hair is helpful or necessary, unless lice is going around in her class and she refuses to wear her hair up for the duration of the outbreak. When lice hit our household, I took the affected child to a lice removal salon to have the bugs and nits all combed out, then applied a prescription insecticide. I washed all bedding, pillows, and stuffed animals in the entire house and vacuumed all upholstered surfaces including the car. I also washed all coats and hats. We did not have any spread or reinfestation.
If lice is going around at school, kids with long hair should wear their hair up and all kids should wear some sort of product such as gel or leave-in conditioner in their hair to deter lice from climbing. We have also used Fairy Tales lice repellant products. Teach kids never to let coats and hats sit on the floor or touching another kid’s clothing and to avoid hugging and other close contact with other kids’ heads.
Nonnymouse says
We had them a month ago. Once you get over the ick factor it isn’t that bad to deal with. Buy the nit free Terminator comb on Amazon. More effective than the ones that come in the box. Let kids watch TV as you comb. Keep combing periodically over the next few weeks. And check yourself too. :-)
Cb says
Buy a big bottle cheap conditioner and just glug it on your/your daughter’s head, let it sit in a shower cap for 30 minutes or as long as you can manage, and then comb it out. Do the same with your son but combing might be harder.
Anon says
As someone who had the same (and even had a live bug on ME!) definitely pay the lice clinic people to treat all of you. Get your partner checked out as well. It’s expensive but 100% worth it and no hair cutting needed. Nix doesn’t work anymore, the bugs are resistant. Those clinics are the only way to truly get rid of it all.
We got treated, then spent an entire day cleaning everything in hot water and drying it twice. Anything we couldn’t wash, we tied up in plastic garbage bags and left them in the hot garage for 5 days. Vacuum/sweep all floors. Ask the lice clinic people if you need to do anything else, but having them truly get rid of the bugs is the best course.
Seriously. Do what you can to make the lice clinic work, even if it’s a long drive. It’s totally worth it.
Anonymous says
This.
Chl says
100%. Money and time well spent to get it done by pros.
anon says
Combing multiple days in a row is what I see recommended.
Spirograph says
Yes, we never did a lice clinic, I just used the shampoo & combed the kids’ hair every night for several days. My oldest loooooves having his hair lice-combed so much that he’ll ask me to do it occasionally even when he doesn’t have lice.
Anonymous says
Don’t panic! Call your pediatrician and ask their advice. Ours gave us a prescription treatment that was pretty easy. She told us to treat the whole family, wash bedding, and leave it at that. We did a second treatment approx 10 days later (I can’t remember) per the instructions to catch any eggs that hatched after the first treatment. We did not cut hair, throw anything out, or do extensive cleaning. Lice can’t survive for long off a host; they live on people.
Anon says
This. They’re not bed bugs. You don’t have to clean your whole house. Just treat the hair and wash bedding.
Anonymous says
Even with bed bugs, you often don’t need to worry about treating anything far from the bed if you catch them reasonably early. I say this as someone who has had bedbugs twice and eliminated them both times (my husband is highly allergic and we live ihave lived in NYC apartments for 20 years). Pesticides are powerful and bed bugs are tiny, squishy, and slow-moving. Roaches, on the other hand, are hard to eliminate.
Also, you don’t need to go crazy combing if you have an effective chemical treatment. The one our ped gave us theoretically can kill the eggs, but it isn’t 100% effective on them, which is why they recommend a second treatment after allowing enough time for eggs to hatch. Something similar is often done with bed bugs actually, except now they have pesticides that will work for weeks so you don’t necessarily need to retreat.
Anonymous says
You do have to treat anything that has been in contact with the infested kid’s hair. This includes couches, throw pillows, car upholstery, etc. For things that can’t be laundered vacuuming is recommended.
Anon says
Ymmv but we didn’t treat any of this stuff and it was fine.
Anonymous says
Why would you cut her hair?! This isn’t 1910 we don’t live in a slum you don’t need to do this.
Anonymous says
Oh, hello. It’s our periodic visitor from the main page.
anon says
Did literally laugh out loud.
Betsy says
Has anyone done group prenatal care? My hospital midwife group offers an option where you meet with a group of other women and partners due around the same time as you for ten sessions, each two hours, during your pregnancy. The midwives do individual health checks to start, and then there’s a discussion group time and various education seminars presented by the midwives. It seems like a great way of doing prenatal care, but I’d be so curious to hear from people who have done similar programs about whether you liked it or not!
Anonymous says
This sounds burdensome.
Anonymous says
Sounds like a huge waste of time to me, but if you’re looking to make friends it might be worth it.
Anon says
There is some evidence to show that women who attend group prenatal care feel more satisfied with the quality of their care. If it appeals to you, go for it!! I would be interested myself, but my hospital is already an hour away and I just don’t have enough PTO to extend prenatal visits that much. *cue rant about combined PTO/sick pools.*
Clementine says
Yes! There’s some evidence that it improves maternal health outcomes slightly and improves the patient experience. From a policy level, this is something that is being encouraged.
Practically though, I had such limited time I couldn’t take any more time off. I did my prenatal appointments at like 8AM to avoid time off work.
OOO says
This sounds lovely to me. I would have loved the opportunity to connect with other pregnant women and, and would have stayed in touch with them so we could support each other during newborn phase, infant, etc. But I was pregnant in 2020 and missed out on these types of groups.
Anon says
I would have hated this, I think. It’s a nice idea in theory but the classes we did at our hospital were mom-shamey and judgmental about things like daycare and formula feeding, and those were weekend seminars. I would assume a weekday midwife seminar would skew more crunchy.
Anon says
I’d be a little concerned about mom-shame vibes too. We’re planning on daycare and hopefully combo-feeding and I’m really not interested in others’ opinions on those things.
anon says
I did once and never again. I was a pretty laissez-faire pregnant lady. Talking to other pregnant women, including two sisters and two close friends who were pregnant at the same time, made me question my own mindset (they’re worried about X… should I be? is it me? am I a bad mom already?).
I’m team “run your own race” on pregnancy (and a lot of parenting tbh) and these types of group sessions were not helpful whatsoever, same with post-pregnancy.
Anon says
Same experience here.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
+1 – I’ve posted this before Anon and with my usual posting name, and I swear the 2 meetings of the breastfeeding group I went to after DS #1 just gave me more anxiety. Heck, just getting out of the house with an infant and timing it according to the windows of feeding, napping, and play stressed me out.
Anon says
If this sounds appealing to you, I say go for it. I really liked working with midwives for my prenatal care 1st pregnancy and I’m doing the same 2nd pregnancy. But my office does not offer something like this. Just 1-on-1 visits. I can think of several draw backs. This sounds like a lot of time and possibly could be kind of boring. Midwives in my office constantly have wrenches thrown in their plans based on demand at L&D. So I could see these meetings running late. I also think my husband would have gotten really tired of these meeting with this structure.
Something I enjoyed with my first pregnancy was a weekly prenatal yoga class for this same comradery aspect. It was relaxing. It gave me a chance to talk to other pregnant women. I unintentionally ended up thinking back to a lot of the meditation type exercises while in labor. So if you’re looking for a group aspect with lower time commitment, a yoga class might be a good fit too.
anon says
Does it replace some of your standard prenatal visits, or is it entirely additional?
TBH, that’s a massive amount of time (20 hours of sessions, plus travel time); I would have struggled with taking that much time off during my pregnancy, especially if it was additional to standard prenatal visits. But I also wouldn’t have really wanted to replace my standard prenatal visits bc not every question I have is one I want to ask in front of a group of people.
But I also didn’t feel like I needed a lot of education during my pregnancy. Maybe it would have been more relevant if I had been planning a natural childbirth?
Anonymous says
I know myself and I’d hate that.
Spirograph says
+ a million.
Which is not to say it isn’t a great experience for someone more extroverted than I am. But it would be a hard nope for me.
Anonymous says
this sounds exactly like the prenatal group care model I’m doing (in portland OR) for first baby and I have enjoyed it. Most of my group are first time moms and I’ve enjoyed getting to meet them and learned a few random tips along the way. I think it depends on if you like the group environment and your specific group. Ours only lasts from weeks 22-30 or so so it doesn’t encompass all the appointments. The way my midwives did it was that I scheduled all my individual midwife appointments first, then opted into the group appointments and cancelled the specific individual ones (except two that I kept bc I was out of town during the group prenatal appointments). Just wanted to add a more positive experience to the mix!
Anonymous says
This sounds like the opposite of what the midwife experience is supposed to be–personal and individualized.
anonymous says
This sounds like Centering Pregnancy, which I really wanted to do in my first pregnancy but the applicable group at my hospital was full. I think it sounds great, and my friend who did it really enjoyed it as well–her group maintained a WhatsApp group for at least the first year after their kids were born. The program gets great reviews, and I think if it sounds appealing to you you’re likely to be a person for whom it’s a good fit.
Travel Guilt says
My spouse would really like to travel to someplace warm with our elementary-school kids over Presidents’ day break (the kids have a mini-holiday) to escape winter misery (we reside in the Mid-Atlnatic). He’s looking at Mexico/Cayman/DR. Florida is not a possibility due to politics. Does anyone have any recommendations for any resorts that are more eco-minded or other ways to reduce the impact of such a trip?
Anon says
I say this as a liberal in a red-state. I understand not going to FL. But you also have to realize you can’t do it all – low carbon footprint, eco-friendly, all-inclusive (or similar), warm weather, and fun for all parties involved.
You also shouldn’t feel guilty – it’s not like you’re throwing all caution to the wind, you’re trying to make a measured decision. No one gets awards from being a martyr – not saying that you are trying to be one. Figure out your bright lines (e.g. No FL, no cruises, whatever), and go from there. For example, I’d go to FL because I’ve had wonderful trips there to date (and I think the politics are terrible, as they are in my own state), but I wouldn’t opt for a cruise. At this stage in life, an all-inclusive every few years is probably a good fit for our family given grandparents and kids on the younger side, but as kids grow up I’d like to take different types of trips.
Anon says
The flight is going to be by far the most impactful part of your trip from an environmental perspective, so where you stay doesn’t matter much.
Anon says
+1 This feels like pulling the wool over your own eyes to soothe your conscience. This will not be a green trip. Which is fine, but own it! Whether the resort changes sheets nightly or every other night makes little difference when 4+ people take a plane ride.
Anon says
Agreed. And anyway pretty much every resort will skip doing the bedding nightly, especially if you ask.
Anon says
Yeah, don’t take a cruise but beyond that you’re way overthinking this.
Anonymous says
If you don’t want to go to Florida fine. But you think the DR has great politics?
Anon says
Yeah that was funny to me too. The Dominican Republic has a total ban in abortion, no exception for life of the mother. No LGBT rights like marriage or even civil unions either. The country is much further to the political right than Florida, so if your objection to Florida is political, going to the DR is an extremely odd choice.
Anonymous says
+1 the Caribbean on the whole is conservative and not known for reproductive rights and LGBT rights. The DR is especially conservative. I don’t think abortion is legal in the Cayman Islands either. Mexico is one of the most progressive Latin American countries having just legalized both abortion and gay marriage. Mexico also has (in my opinion anyway) some of the nicest people I’ve met just about anywhere. Also maybe look at Puerto Rico? It’s part of the US and quite liberal.
Anon says
I write this with no disrespect to the OP, because she’s just trying to figure out what works for her value system.
I think the FL vs. DR example is a good example of how liberals (of which I am one), love to engage in this kind of virtue signaling without thinking about the bigger picture.
See past debates re Chick-Fil-A – they have a terrible stance on LGBTQIA+ AND treat/train their waged staff – mostly young BIPOCs – very well when compared to others in the industry. The truth is there are some big corporations that are better than others, but most of them are…evil in some way. This is why I wrote above thread – figure out your bright lines, but know that you can’t have every injustice solved by choosing one thing over another.
Anonymous says
So I might approach the ethics a bit different? Climate wise, stay home. But I try and stay in small locally owned properties versus big resorts which often contribute minimally to the locals. Not perfect! But maybe more feasible than finding an eco friendly long weekend a flight away.
Anonie says
Drop the guilt:
https://www.independent.co.uk/travel/news-and-advice/brussels-airlines-empty-flights-lufthansa-b1987187.html
Anon says
I fly frequently for vacation and don’t feel a ton of guilt about it, but I don’t think this is a persuasive argument as to why people shouldn’t feel guilty about air travel. If demand dropped consistently, they wouldn’t need to maintain as many slots and wouldn’t be flying empty planes.
Anonymous says
I just want to say thank you for not spending money in FL. I wish more people would stop traveling to states with abhorrent politics. It’s the least we can do to send a message.
I’d recommend Belize or Costa Rica. We had a wonderful trip to Belize at that time last year.
Anon says
Neither Belize or Costa Rica is a liberal place, and both have much more restrictive abortion laws than Florida. People here are acting like Florida is North Korea and that’s absurd. I’m certainly no fan of DeSantis or his politics, but just by virtue of being in the United States, you have many rights in Florida that you wouldn’t have in many other places.
Anon says
+1. And many of us liberals in red states who don’t agree with our state’s – or FL’s – state politics quite frankly have bigger fish to fry than being on the virtue-signaling soap box of not going to FL on vacation.
I work with plenty of people who save for months or years to take their kids to Disney and/or other theme parks in FL, and do not agree with the state politics. I refuse to look down on them.
Anon says
Yeah fellow red state liberal and I feel similarly. It’s just not something I can work up outrage about, even when I vehemently disagree with the state politics. But to boycott Florida for political reasons and travel to the DR is just silly because the DR is an objectively much, much worse place to be a woman or member of the LGBT community than Florida.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
A gross but real question! DS #2 (2.5) threw up last night and went back to sleep. This has never happened before.
We found out when we went to check on him before I went to bed. I got him up (he was fine, not fussy, in a bit of a daze – was fine this AM), we cleaned up, did laundry, etc. The room still smells! I did another round with dish soap and bleach spray this AM after everyone left.
What am I missing?
Cb says
Bowl of vinegar? Light a candle and open a window. I think it’s just stuck in your nose.
Anonymous says
Did it soak into the mattress? What about carpet spillage? If it got onto anything non-washable I would use an odor removal spray for pet messes. Also open the windows for several hours to air the room.
anonM says
Make sure it didn’t some how get into the crevices between the mattress and bed frame, side of the bed legs, on the wall, etc. Somehow DS always gets it everywhere. And maybe ask 2.5 if he moved anything/tried to put something dirty “away” if you still think something smells.
Clementine says
Make sure you empty every trash and every hamper. I wash everything down (even the walls and curtains) if it’s really lingering.
Add vinegar to the wash. I also swear – it gets stuck in my nose!
Anon says
Open the window for a while and air out the room.
Anon says
Yeah I think fresh air is the answer here.
Anonymous says
I use Nature’s Miracle, which I have for rare pet messes, for stuff like this!
Anon says
When does 2 kids get “easier”?
Second child just turned a month old and our first is 2 years so we’re in the MIDDLE OF IT. Divide and conquer is working okay for now but when one of us has both kids it’s a disaster. I just need a little bit of a light at the end of the tunnel that this will be different in X amount of time.
Anon says
That’s a tough age gap. It probably won’t get easy easy until 3 and 5 or even 4 and 6. You’re in a very tough stage now though, and I would imagine when baby starts sleeping through the night things will be much easier than they are now.
Anon2 says
+1. But around the time the youngest turns 2/2.5 you’ll get pockets of easiness, and it will surely be better than dealing with two babies!
My first two are 25 months apart. I loved my second as a newborn but that first year overall was SO TOUGH. When they were 2.5 and 4.5 I felt like we’d finally gotten a handle on the routine…dare I say life felt too smooth…so I had a third baby lol.
(And now I’m pregnant with a fourth so it DOES GET BETTER, but I’ve stuck to a 3+ year gap ever since.)
Anonymous says
I have that age gap. It’s going to get gradually easier every month (in tiny tiny increments lol), then even more when youngest was about 18 months and they could start playing together a bit, and then got better and better as we passed more milestones like both being potty trained, both sleeping through the night, etc. And you will get used to having both at the same time, but I agree it’s a huge shock to the system.
Anon. says
Full agreement with the above. Even as young as 4 mos and the baby was entertained and giggling at big brother. I remember being amazed at how quickly they became friends/playmates.
And now at 6 and 3.5 I would rather have both of them than just one even when solo parenting. They entertain each other and the big one helps the little one with lots of stuff I would otherwise have to do. (Opening snacks, juice boxes etc.)
CCLA says
Totally this. Mine are 7 and 5, 25 months apart. Biggest turning point was about age three for the little one, when we were less concerned about things like tiny Legos, and they were more into playing together and watching similar things. But it gradually gets easier and easier. Def prefer to have them both home vs just one to entertain each other, and it’s been that way for a couple of years.
Spirograph says
+1. My kids are all a little less than 2 years apart. Having an infant and a toddler is exhausting. It gets a little better all the time, but the first year is hard. I feel like the big tipping points when it gets easier are when the youngest
– reliably sleeps through the night (ymmv, but 6-12 months)
– is “sturdy” enough for the toddler to play with without a parent in immediate arm’s reach (12-18 months)
– is potty trained (2-3 years)
– drops naps without turning into a demon in the evening (~4-5 years)
Clementine says
And let me add to this that there’s a point where you can say to older kid on a weekend morning, ‘Yes, you can watch TV until Mommy and Daddy come downstairs. Please go let the dog out and you and your sister can have a snack. No, I won’t give you the code for the TV – watch something you can see without the code. Make sure you both go potty.’
And then you’ll wake up and it’s 8:05 and you walk downstairs and your kids are on the couch having binged Trash Truck or Moana and you’re amazed because you don’t think you’ve gotten this much sleep in YEARS.
This is usually sooner than you realize – like 2.5 and 4.
Anon says
Whoa that’s a very independent 4 year old. It’s great that your kids can do this but I wouldn’t set the expectation that it’s the norm when the oldest is 4.
Spirograph says
My kids still don’t feed themselves breakfast (they’re perfectly capable, but not motivated — they make a bee-line for the screens), but you’re right about learning to work the remote around age 4. We got a lot more sleep on weekend mornings after that!
anon says
Non sequitur, but Trash Truck is the most adorable show.
An.On. says
My 2.5 kid has watched Trash Truck so much they refer to all raccoons as “Donny”.
Anon says
It gets a little easier once the little one is a bit less needy, but not yet mobile. It’s nice when the little one can plan on the floor while you make dinner or help the older one.
Then easier again when you can trust the older one not to run off in parking lots and to stay with you. That way you can just strap down the little one and go.
It helps when the older one is reliably potty trained so only one is in diapers.
Then a bit easier again when they’re both eating food and you don’t have to do bottles.
Then there is a huge jump at 3 and 5 when they both will stay with you AND will play together AND are potty trained.
Then even easier on elementary school when they can get dressed, brush teeth, put on shoes, buckle up, make a snack or breakfast, and go to bed all on their own.
Anonymous says
Truth: when they are all over age 2. I have 3 and from the day my 3rd was born my mantra was “just two more years” then “just 18 months” “just 12 more months” and BOOM at age 2 it was so much better. 3 was even better than that but when the youngest was 2 everyone slept through the night, had quick if any naps, ate real food, and could more or less talk.
Anonymous says
I have this exact age gap and I found this time period to be especially difficult. Some of the new baby excitement had worn off. Our help had gone home. We were pretty sleep deprived. This was probably my low point but it was Christmas too and I just remember saying I’d never been more exhausted in my entire life. There was just a never ending list of things to do. I don’t feel like we ever ever got a break like laundry, feeding, diapers, cooking, entertaining old kid, it just was relentless. The weekends were the hardest hands down. My youngest is 9 months now and I can watch both of them just fine (still not my fav thing though). It’s definitely easy enough now with 2, I don’t even think about how insane it was in the beginning anymore. I watched both of them by myself overnight when the baby was 6 months and that was okay. I’d say it will get better in 2-3 months and then a lot better in another couple months. We can bath both of them together now, they both take the afternoon nap at the same time, toddler will watch a show while I breastfeed the baby, etc. everything you’re feeling is legitimate and also it will get better and in my opinion a lot sooner than what other people are saying.
Anon says
Thank you!! Yes, we’re exactly in that phase- help’s gone home, newborn fussiness is peaking, sibling jealousy has appeared and we’re in chronic sleep deprivation. Plus it feels like everyone is subtly expecting us to be back to the normal routine (we’re getting playdate invitations and requests for help etc). I can’t imagine being in this stage over Christmas!
Anon at 11:52 says
Omg who on earth is asking you for help?! I don’t know if people asked us to do social outings or volunteer at preschool or whatever but we did literally none of that. Some things I took for granted were that at that time my body was still not physically healed, I was leaking milk everywhere, baby was spitting up and having blow outs, toddler was not yet potty trained, so all of those things got exponentially better/lessened the chores required in the not very distant future (less laundry, less diapers, more physically capable of doing things without having to ask for help).
Anon says
The play date invites may be trying to be helpful. Do you know the parents well enough to drop off the kid? They may be trying to take the older one off your hands. But if it’s a burden, definitely just say now.
Anon says
*just say no
Anon says
For me it got easier at 1 and 3, and then even easier at 2 and 4.
OP says
Thank you, all!! This is exactly what I needed to hear (both the encouragement that it will get slowly better and also the realism that we need to hunker down for a couple of years).
Anon says
I thought it got easier after my youngest turned 1, when she started walking and talking. I wasn’t constantly managing a feeding schedule while trying to get my then 2 year old to play independently for five minutes. This past weekend my now 3 year old wanted to play alone in his room and my one and a half year old wanted to read books by herself in her chair. It didn’t last long, but nobody needed me at all for a short time.
Anon says
Oh god I love this thread. We are exactly 2 years apart and my youngest is 9 months. It’s so so so hard. I don’t know what convinced me that a 2 year age gap was a good idea when I solo parent a lot. Anyways. It’s hard. It’s worse because I’m still nursing (dairy allergy baby) and toddler is SO jealous.
Honestly, I should outsource more.
Anonymous says
Exact same age gap and dairy allergy mom here! Truly adds a lot more work I swear.
Anonymous says
kudos to you both. I’m not sure I could/would cut dairy from my diet. I don’t know who I am without cheese and yogurt.
Anonymous says
Girl the first few months with a baby and toddler is absolute insanity! Like my DH traveled for the first time when the baby was 2 months old and I about lost my mind that weekend. I found that once the baby was 4-6 months old it actually was a bit easier because he was cuter/could do more and we were on a good nap schedule with him. I have a 4yo and 6yo now and it’s easier in a lot of ways but it’s still hard in different ways, the main ones being sibling fighting (which is hourly in our house) and 2 people talking to me at once.
Anon says
This is our exact age gap (28 months) and I’m just now seeing the light at 5 & 3. Newborn + toddler was hard and 3 & 1 nearly killed me (two toddlers, basically), but it’s been gradually getting easier ever since the youngest hit 2.5. Now they’ll play uninterrupted together for 20-30 minutes at a time and they can sit downstairs with a show and a snack if they wake up while I’m still getting ready. I still have to referee any conflicts and my youngest is a Stage 5 Clinger who likes me within his line of sight at all times, but my life is dramatically easier than it was 18 months ago.
I can promise it will get easier but it will take a while.
Anon says
Um, a couple years? I have four and the youngest is 2 and it’s definitely not easier yet. Maybe in about two years from now actually. I’d say when the youngest is four things may feel easier.
Iris says
My first 2 are 23 months apart and my 3rd is 4.5 years after the 2nd (now 11, 9, and 4). I still feel badly that I don’t actually remember my 2nd’s babyhood — like I remember little bits, when when people have asked about major milestones or how I did xyz, it just didn’t get recorded in my memory, I think because it was just all about survival. I REALLY appreciated the small age gap after they were maybe 3+ and 5+, as they were generally ready for the same activities at the same time, could always play together, we never really got into the swing of fun parenting after the 1st so there was no backsliding with the 2nd. Then the 3rd came along right as we were really getting there with #1 and #2, and that was really hard to go back to baby/toddlerhood. But I digress — the first few years of baby + toddler is so relentless, you won’t even realize how not-normal your normal bits are until you get through it.
Ifiknew says
Late to this post but just want to pile on here about how awesome this age gap is going to be.
Mine are 4 and 6 and play all day every day and are into all the same things despite boy and girl. yes, they fight but they play a lot more nicely together. just hang in there right now and get asmuch help as you can in every way and know that it’s going to be worth it. people told me that here and I didn’t believe them but I get it now.
Esquinkle says
For me, 3 and 5 is when I saw the light at the end of the tunnel. Ymmv. But you’ll get there! The kids play together in the morning on the weekends instead of waking us up.
Dental x-rays says
At what age did you start having dental x-rays done for your kids? Mine are 3 and 5 and so far their teeth look good, but their dentist suggested starting x-rays soon.
Anon. says
My oldest got his first at 5 because he had an issue, but our dentist said she usually starts X-rays at 6 when they start losing teeth.
Anon says
My 6 year old has never had one. Our dentist hasn’t suggested it.
Anon says
My kid just had an appointment at 3.5 and they attempted x-rays. They got a good scan of the top but not the bottom. So I could see where some dentists might suggest holding off until they understand sitting still.
Anon says
Age six. Kid had lost six teeth by then and it seemed reasonable.
Anonymous says
I said no until they started losing teeth. For my kids that was 8.
anon says
At 4 they tried knowing they’d most likely be unsuccessful given kid squirminess and fear – they were right. 5 was the first time we successfully got a full set. Incidentally, kiddo thought they were super cool and asks at every appointment if she gets to do them again.
Anon says
My dentist suggested it at age 3 or so I believe, maybe earlier. It was our second visit.
Anonymous says
All things being equal, would you order from Amazon or Walmart dot com? Assume there is no option C: I have tried to locate the item in brick and mortar stores and have had no success.
Anon says
No question for me, Walmart. I know that no big corporation is great, but A-zon is especially evil.
Anon says
And now I have targeted ads for Walmart, LOL.
FP says
Can you elaborate for me, if you are able to? I never shop at WalMart because I’m told the employee benefits/relations are terrible (things like capping hours at 32 to not pay full time health insurance, etc.). But I wasn’t sure about Amazon – for some reason I thought they may be better? I am a regular shopper at Amazon but right now the WalMart+ membership service seems like it might be something I’m interested in, if I could justify that they are not as bad as I imagined. I like Amazon’s convenience and delivery service but the grocery delivery is pretty bad in my area, so WalMart may be a step up.
Anon says
I’m open to being convinced otherwise, but I’ve generally heard worse things about Amazon. I detest the whole business model of Amazon, dating back to my childhood when they were primarily an online bookseller and put local bookstores out of business. More recently, there’s been a lot of news about how terribly overworked their employees were during the pandemic, and how bad the all-shipping based model is for the environment. I know Walmart and others ship too, but I would imagine the presence of large retail stores reduces the amount and distance of shipping. I also know quite a few people in corporate at both places, and the Walmart ones are much happier with their jobs and the company on the whole (I know that the comfort of white collar employees earning six figures or close to it isn’t the key issue here, but for whatever that’s worth…)
That said, Target is by far my preference of the big retail stores. I know they’re not perfect but they have been more progressive on a lot of things and their 2 day shipping is much faster than Amazon, at least in my area. And they have free curbside pickup (Walmart may too) so that as much as possible I try to pick up items myself rather than having them shipped to me. And they have tons of very cute and reasonably good quality kids clothes. :)
Anonymous says
Amazon is trash. I just got back from spending $400 at Walmart. You could pay me to shop Amazon. They are so horrible for the environment.
Anon says
I work for a company that supports both Amazon and Walmart logistics. Based on what I’ve seen, I would go for which one is more convenient to you.
Anonie says
I have a “no screens” (ipad or TV) rule when my kids are home sick from school because IMO being home sick should not be more fun than school. It’s good that it’s boring, and if the kids are too sick to go to school, they are too sick to do anything other than quietly read or lie in bed anyway. Reasonable, or too strict?
Anon says
Too strict for my tastes. I understand not wanting to incentivize sick days, but when a kid is really miserable they deserve the comfort of Disney+ IMO.
NYCer says
+1. My kids aren’t the type who frequently try to pretend they are sick to stay home though (more the opposite in fact), so I don’t really worry about incentivizing sick days.
Anonymous says
+1
Momofthree says
I think that’s a bit dependent on your kids ages and what works for your family.
As I’m thinking about it, we don’t have a firm rule around TV.
Generally speaking, if it seems like the kids are looking for an excuse to stay home/ they aren’t that sick, it’s no TV (or they have to go with the nanny, etc.) We will also have times when we explicitly tell them “no tv if you stay home” and then we have to stick to it (for at least most of the day if not the whole day).
If it’s contagious and my husband/ I are working from home and we can’t have the nanny then we will often allow TV b/c I need to get work done and/or am sick myself and need something to entertain the kid.
If your kids are old enough to read, then reading books can be a fine way to pass the time. If they’re not, I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect them to play quietly by themselves for most of the day, especially if they’re sick. Also, with younger kids, if you don’t let them watch tv expect them to say they are bored approximately every 10 min or less.
I know that I watch TV sometimes when I’m sick (and there’s not much else that I want to do), so I assume the same for my kid.
Anonymous says
I have the same rule for my first grader, so I vote reasonable.
Meh says
I think this makes sense if you are concerned they’re faking it, but it they’re genuinely sick, it seems a little harsh and I don’t see the harm in letting them watch tv. It also seems like a rule that would make your life harder without much benefit. But there’s nothing objectively wrong with it.
Anon says
I think it’s okay, but I would allow audiobooks. Sometimes reading feels really hard visually if you have a headache or something, but listening works.
Anon says
Reading and even audiobooks also require a lot more mental energy than TV and illness can kind of zap your brain and cause brain fog (people mainly talk it about in the context of Covid, but it happens with other illnesses too). I can usually read with a cold but anything stronger than that and I want a brain break.
Anonymous says
Is this a legitimate link in the poster name or is this some kind of spam phishing thing?
Anonymous says
Do you not like your kids? When I’m sick, I want something easy and relaxing that distracts me from feeling bad. Screens do that. Why shouldn’t your kids gets the same? What is driving your desire to punish them like this?
Anon says
Ha, “why do you hate your kids” was my reaction too. This seems so mean to me!
Anon says
This is uncalled for. You can make your point without the rudeness and sanctimony.
Anonymous says
I allow screens because I don’t let them stay home unless they are obviously sick. A vague “I have a tummyache” gets them sent to school. When they are really sick it’s easier to lie half-awake in front of the TV than to read. Video games might be a different story.
Anon says
Same, it would never occur to me to limit screens for a sick kid, but they also go to school unless they’re clearly actually sick. I wonder if the problem is more the kids faking illness than the screens?
anon says
Same. My kids can lie half awake in front of TV when they’re really sick. I know that’s all I want to do when really ill.
When they are feeling better, it’s time to do other, more produtive things (even if not yet recovered enough to go to school).
Anon says
I don’t watch much TV in general, but treated myself to a month of Netflix when I had Covid, so it seems kind of hypocritical to deny my kid TV when she’s sick. That said, my kid doesn’t get sick that much these days and in the last two+ years has only missed school for strep, which really knocks her out and limits her ability to do anything but sleep or watch TV, and she went back to school as soon as she had enough energy. If she were basically healthy but unable to attend school (e.g., finishing out a 24 hour fever-free period or a Covid quarantine or something like that), I would likely try to limit screentime.
Spirograph says
I think it’s fine to have that as the default to deter malingering, but I feel it out when my kids are home sick.
If their stomach is upset and they just need to rest with a trashcan nearby, I absolutely let them lie on the couch and watch TV. If they’re complaining about a headache, audiobooks/music are OK but visual stimulus probably isn’t going to help. Congestion/sore throat/cough I’ll usually cave on TV by afternoon.
Spirograph says
Also, this is bringing back a memory of when my daughter 5 in January 2020… some crazy fever/flu-like symptoms burned through her whole class (probably covid, in retrospect, but who knows). I’d let her watch disney+ and came downstairs to find that she’d somehow switched the language to German. She was so out of it that she hadn’t even realized she didn’t understand it. No way she would have quietly entertained herself with a book.
Anon says
Reasonable. I strongly limit screens on sick days (and we don’t do iPads ever). But it’s not from an “incentivizing” place, it’s from a place of kids needing rest and naps (and TV is not really restful for kid brains.) When my kids are super sick they will lay on a couch doing nothing; when they are less sick they can and do play.
It might be different if they had to stay home to fulfill a quarantine and they feel fine and are bouncing around but you have to WFH. Or if it’s an injury limiting movement or a surgery recovery and they can’t play normally.
Anon says
I agree with this. I’d be far more open to TV as one of several activities for a broken leg, but for a kid that is too sick to play, true rest is vital.
Anon says
I don’t really get this — kids can’t sleep 24 hours/day even when super sick. I would say more than 16 hours of sleep per day is rare even for the sickest kids once they’re school age, so you have a lot of awake hours to fill, even if your kid is getting plenty of rest. I get that if the TV is preventing them from taking appropriate naps, it makes sense to take it away (although mine regularly falls asleep with the TV on when she’s really sick).
Anon says
There’s definitely a spectrum. But we are fairly low-screen and my kids have gotten pretty good at entertaining themselves…and screen time creep tends to exacerbate our behavioral issues so I’d rather not amp it up even during times of sickness. I keep us more or less status quo so the transition back to real life is earlier.
And as mentioned, my really sick kids tend to just lay there/zone out. Why have on background noise to frazzle their brains and eyes when they could just lay in quiet, or with peaceful music? If they are moderately sick we go outside or I read books to them or they sit in one spot and play something. And yea, I’ll allow a couple shows or a movie, but not a marathon.
Again, maybe different if the parent has stuff they have to do! But the culture has made us think TV is “relaxing” and it’s really not
Anon says
Not OP, but some kids might really respond badly to unlimited TV. There are all kinds of valid reasons why she might want to limit it, especially if their behavior is already affected by illness.
Anon says
Oh I understand limiting it, even for sick kids. But the OP said she doesn’t allow it at all. To me, that’s very different than saying after you’ve had an hour of TV you need to rest quietly and try to nap.
Anon says
Too strict. I recently spent multiple days inpatient at the children’s hospital with my youngest (he’s doing a lot better, thankfully) and the only thing that got us through was virtually unlimited screen time and some Hot Wheels cars he could play with in bed.
My kids like school and usually want to go, so I don’t worry that staying home is a ploy to get screentime.
Anon says
<3 glad your kiddo is better! That must have been scary.
Anon says
too strict. i trust my kids – they generally want to go to school! i think it’s almost implying that you don’t trust them? we don’t do many screens but when they’re sick it’s all bets off, let’s watch moana. So yeah, I’d recommend loosening it up both for the kids and to send the message that you don’t think they’re faking. they definitely have energy to watch tv when they have a fever even if they don’t feel well enough to go to school!
Anon says
we dont do ipads at home, but lots of TV on sick days. sometimes they feel too sick to play and cannot sleep all day. plus thats what i like to do when im sick. my kids love school and are more upset to ahve to stay home than go to school
Anon says
My generally unathletic kindergartner has expressed an interest in, and has reasonable ability at, hiking and walking longer distances. I’d love to nurture this interest since I know it has mental and physical health benefits, and unlike many kid sports it’s something that can be a lifelong hobby. The problem is walking long distances takes a lot of time and I’m finding it hard to balance finding time for long family walks/hikes with school, aftercare, activities and downtime with friends, all of which are also important. Thoughts on how you fit this in, if you do a lot of walking or hiking as a family? Are there any activities that would be a good fit for a kid like this? She does a ninja class at MyGym that she enjoys and I think that’s helping her build upper body strength. She is NOT a runner and is way slower at running than most kids her age.
NYCer says
Unless you live in the mountains, it seems like hiking would be best reserved for weekends. Same goes for long walks. For weeknights, I would just shoot for a family walk around your block or neighborhood after school or dinner.
Spirograph says
This, but check around your area. I’ve found quite a few nice hiking trails that are close to home and convenient to other errands I need to do (one starts in a parking lot next to a Trader Joes, but 2 minutes in you’re scrambling over rocks by a creek!). If I wanted to do an afternoon hike, it would be totally do-able, but usually we just walk around the block or to one of the neighborhood parks. I save the longer / more far-flung hikes for weekends so we have plenty of time to explore and admire whatever interesting mushrooms or bugs we happen across. That’s just our family activity for the day.
Anon says
Are you in Maryland? We love that trail!
Spirograph says
yup! we “discovered” it during covid summer and it’s now my favorite hyper-local hiking spot.
DLC says
I would love to have more family walks too!
Where we live, our nature centers/parks department have family hikes on weekends a couple times a month. I love that they are lead by a naturalist who will point out all sorts of cool things along the way.
We also live near a trail and will go for walks after school or after dinner. Not terribly long ones, maybe 20-30 minutes.
We walk to school and the grocery store whenever possible.
Anything longer than 30 mins is a weekend activity, or if the kids have a no school day or half day, I might take them on a nearby hike.
anonM says
Biking and swimming! My Kindergartener did not participate at all in soccer, but lovessss biking, especially as a family. He and I bike to school now, and it puts him in a great mood. Last summer we were better about making time on weeknights to go for a walk — this year was more biking. But what was great last year was either bringing snacks or a picnic (very easy, simple – picking up subs on the way kind of thing) dinner for after the hike at the local park.
Anon says
Do you know where all the local trails are? You don’t have to find anything impressive, fancy mountain trails are not required, just find what is most convenient. We have a bunch of trails within a 10 minute drive. Some are just little trails along creeks or open land conservancies. Usually on weekends when nothing is going on we’ll say “want to go hike on the trial?” and we’ll all go.
Anonymous says
I agree with the suggestions to try biking and swimming as well, and for weekday movement try family dance parties. I think it’s fantastic to encourage family hikes and support not throwing your kid into travel soccer at this age. When she’s a little bit older, she might enjoy indoor rock climbing, especially if you join her. But, also, try to avoid labelling your kid as “generally unathletic” and “NOT a runner” — it’s totally fine if that turns out to be true, but she’s only 5.
Anon says
OP here. Point taken, but I was just trying to provide context and particularly with the running comments was trying to head off replies about how running is a lot faster than walking (because “try running instead” would be a fairly logical suggestion to someone who says walking is too time-consuming). I don’t normally use labels to describe her to others, and certainly not in her presence.
Anon says
i get where you are coming from. as hard as we all try not to label our kids and i most certainly don’t in front of my kid, sometimes for the sake of an anonymous discussion on the internet it’s just a bit easier to explain. i am kind of your daughter as an adult in that i LOVE walking, especially if i am doing it with a friend, but dont like running or biking. i have two left feet and am not particularly coordinated, never good at any ball sports. i have one kid who seems to be as coordinated as i am, but she doesn’t love walking, though she does love riding her bike (for now with training wheels). i dont think going on hikes during the week is practical for most people, but a short hike and picnic with another family on the weekend is a way to be with friends and hike. or some scouts troops more than others include a lot of hiking.
Anonymous says
Weekend hikes in a nearby park are a fantastic way to hang out with other families.
Anonymous says
I agree that she might really enjoy rock climbing. My not-traditionally-athletic kid loves it.
OP, for perspective, a 30- or 60-minute walk in the neighborhood is a LOT easier to fit in than an organized activity or sports practice, and it counts as exercise for the parent too. I would also reframe a walk as equivalent to downtime. She is moving and daydreaming and doing many of the same things she’d be doing if she were playing in the backyard.