This ruched-side dress is a bestseller at Amazon for maternity dresses, and considering that it starts at $14.99 and is getting a ton of rave reviews, it really looks like a great dress, whether you’re working from home or going to the office. Some of the options even have lace or interesting cutouts that would be good for a baby shower or perhaps a date night.
As always with Amazon, I love that they’ve got customer-submitted pictures — there are a lot of pregnant woman really looking darling in their dresses. In fact, that’s what led me to choose the striped one to feature; I’m usually a solid-color girl myself, but the striped ones look adorable, especially over the bump.
The dress is $14.99–$22.99 and is eligible for Prime (and free returns on some sizes and colors). Ruched-Side Maternity Dress
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Sales of Note…
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off all sale styles (through 5/29)
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – Up to 60% off full-price styles; extra 40% off all sale
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- Loft – 30% off full-price styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Talbots – 30% off entire purchase (through 5/29)
- Zappos – 28,000+ sale items (for women)! Check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kid shoe brands on sale.
- J.Crew – Extra 50% off sale styles; up to 50% off summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 60% off; up to 30% off select styles
- Carter’s – Summer kickoff deals from $6; 40% off baby essentials
- Old Navy – 30% off your order; girl/toddler/baby dresses $7
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Ugh, back at nursery for 2 weeks and we’re all sick – as is the rest of my son’s nursery class. My husband is on holiday this week in hopes of letting me catch up on work but I’m definitely going to have to call it and take a nap. We went to the drive through testing centre on Saturday and the results were negative, I just think we all have the immune systems of newborns after nearly 6 months of lockdown. This is what the next 6-12 months are going to look like, aren’t they?
Yeah probably, unfortunately. If you don’t already, I would recommend asking your doctors if you can take a vitamin D supplement. Apparently many people who don’t live close to the equator are deficient, and it plays a really important role in regulating your immune system. We noticed a big decrease in the frequency of illness right after starting it.
Yes, I need to be more diligent about this as I’m in Scotland and apparently everyone is d-deficient in this country!
Amelia Bedelia says
don’t worry – my husband is a physician and said everyone is d-deficient in the US as well!
Yes, most people in the US and Europe are deficient. But if you are deficient, it’s important to find out and start a supplement. The supplements are much more effective than most vitamin supplements at improving blood levels. There are also studies coming out linking Vitamin D deficiency with significantly worse COVID outcomes, although it’s not clear yet if it’s causation or correlation.
Yep. Same here though I have managed to avoid the cold, DH has it. None of the other daycare kids got it, and the mom of patient zero, who also had it, got herself tested just in case and she’s negative. DH was also negative recently from a work test. We’re all confident it’s just a cold but the anxiety beyond normal daycare germs is so tough. And yes, I do wonder if it is because we’ve all been so isolated for so long!
To top it off I’m pretty sure LO’s cold is now a sinus infection, but on the plus side his ped is great about antibiotics over the phone, thank goodness. He had impetigo earlier this summer and diagnosed it over the phone and sent in the antibiotics right away which was SUCH a lifesaver (we did do a telehealth so he could see the rash). I feel like having a good ped is so critical right now – you need someone who’s not over the top risk averse but also I’m glad our office does not allow vaccinated children and distances the appointments to the extent that you are the only patient in the office.
*un-vaccinated obviously, ugh.
Wow, that’s awesome that they won’t accept unvaccinated kids. There are no pediatric practices in my town that refuse anti-vaxxers, although obviously the doctors are very pro-vax.
This is so important. I love the NHS and the fact that I’m never going to bankrupted by a diagnosis but I just wish I had a relationship with a doctor where I could call and say ‘hey, is this normal? what should I worry about?’ In 3 years, we’ve had 2 sick kids visits and they were always at the out of hours clinic so I’ve literally never met my son’s assigned doctor. I think I have pretty good instincts for these things, but it feels higher stakes now.
I am really dreading this. I worked very hard for 8 years to build those excellent immune systems with plenty of colds, ear infections, strep throat, etc. Ha! My kids have hardly been to the doctor after age 2.
A normal immune system that was years in the making isn’t undone in six months, or even a year or two. You may have a couple more colds than normal this coming year, but I wouldn’t expect many doctor’s visits. Your immunity to specific viruses can wane, but your body’s ability to fight off viruses and prevent them from progressing to things like ear infections does not.
Anon for this says
We should be leaving this week for our big, fun family vacation. We should be getting on a plane with a mess of kids and too much luggage and dragging the kids around on a vacation with ice cream and meltdowns and big smiles and my husband and I swearing that we’re not travelling with these kids until they’re older.
Instead, I’m slightly anxious that my kid went to Target with Daddy for the first time since March. I’m wondering if it was irresponsible that we did a meetup with daycare friends outdoors yesterday.
I miss the innocence I had 8 months ago.
((hugs)) I’m sorry. This all feels terrible.
Audrey III says
hugs as well. Will be in that boat on Saturday, and this new normal is hard.
We were on vacation this time last year and those “1 year ago” things that popped up were a gut punch. This is hard.
i hear ya. that’s been me when it was time for our trips in April, May, June and July. now someone wants to plan to rent a house together for a wedding next august…i’m kind of like i don’t know if we will be attending huge events at that point either
dc nanny advice says
any advice on the going rate for a part-time nanny in DC proper (shaw if that matters)? also what types of “light housekeeping” tasks are reasonable to include?
looking for someone for 3 days/24 hrs a week. Want to pay above board. they would be taking care of one 4 month old. i would be working from home.
$20-25 an hour is typical for the DC area. We pay our nanny in that range. I’ve heard from friends trying to hire a nanny currently that nanny’s have been asking for up to $30 an hour.
Our nanny keeps the kid spaces tidy, does kid meal prep, kid dishes, and does kid laundry. I think that is pretty typical. She doesn’t vacuum the kid spaces but I have heard friends ask their nannies to do that as well. I think if she asked our nanny would be happy to unload the dishwasher in the morning too, but she currently doesn’t do that.
I’m in the DC area, it’s a real seller’s market for Nannies right now. We have had a ROUGH experience finding one. We are paying $25/hr for full-time. Part-time might want more. We are paying over the table, for what it’s worth. We had a hard time finding someone who wanted a W2. We were looking for a part-time as well (I work full-time and am in my first semester of part-time law school) and cannot find anyone willing to take a W2 for part-time.
In terms of “light housekeeping”, we ask ours to leave the house in the condition she found it. It’s clean in the morning when she arrives, so we just want it that way when she leaves. The only “chore” she does is the dishwasher is running in the morning when she arrives, so we ask her to empty it and load any dishes they have used over the morning. She does that during our toddler’s two-hour nap. We don’t expect her to mop or anything, but if she decides to do a craft with the kids I don’t want to have to clean up paper scraps from the floor and scrape glue off the table. Doing some of the kids’ laundry is on the table per our hiring discussion, but I telework in the basement which also has the laundry room, so it’s actually easy for me to throw stuff in during calls.
Learning pods are driving up the rate. A lot of people who would otherwise be nannying are accepting jobs supervising 4-5 elementary kids doing online learning. Each family is willing to pay 15/hr, for example, so the families are getting a deal on care and the sitter is raking in $60/hr to watch kids at a computer. I can’t blame them for taking that gig over engaging with children all day for less than half that rate, but it made it hard to find someone.
I’d recommend finding another family to partner with who would need the nanny for 2 days/week so you can essentially offer full-time employment. Lots of chatter about this on nextdoor and neighborhood listservs. Agree that $20-25/hr is the going rate.
We found a college student with no child care experience for $20/hr, but professional nannies are asking for $30/hr and guaranteed hours. You may need to pay even more to poach someone at this point.
When do you turn from rear facing to forward? My daughter is 2.5 so technically we could but we should keep her rear-facing as long as possible, right? She has been asking to face forward, but she’s also asked to ride 1) without a car seat, 2) in the front passenger seat and 3) in the driver’s seat, so I’m not inclined to give her preferences too much weight. She never gets carsick. She’s tall for her age (40”) but doesn’t seem uncomfortably squished in the rear-facing seat.
We went FF just before 3 but honestly, he’s very rarely in the car these days. He was really upset about being squished and it made driving annoying and distracting so we flipped him. We are in a Civic though and have this monster car seat (Joie 360) so I do think a bigger car / smaller carseat would have allowed him to stay RF for longer.
The AAP guidance is rear-facing until she is too tall or too heavy to meet the seat’s requirements for rear-facing. Her preferences get zero weight. This will be an ongoing battle until she can safely ride in the front seat, which is not until at least age 13.
I’ve had a lot of luck bringing the car seat/booster/front seat issue up with the pediatrician, who is always very helpful about telling my daughter that she is not yet old enough and/or big enough for whatever inappropriate car riding privilege she is begging for.
I also stick with the AAP guidance on this one, which, with my car seats, means around 4.5 or 5.
Ha, mine is the same. His friends have turned around so now he’s asking every once in awhile. Keeping him RF as long as we possibly can (Chicco Keyfit Next). He’s only like 37″ though.
We moved her front-facing when she turned 4 but were able to do that partly because (1) we had a carseat that’s pretty comfy for extended rear-facing (diono radian), (2) she didn’t complain/notice/care.
Most people I know turn at 3.
We went at 2 but both my kids were big and both started to throw up rear facing so the vomit was really the deal breaker at that point.
We went FF at 18 months, but my child has epic motion-sickness (Zofran seems to be working, we had two trips without vomiting last week!). If she’s not getting carsick, I would leave her as long as possible per the height and weight limits on your seat).
We turned at 3.5 when we thought (incorrectly) my kid had met the upper height limit for rear facing in that car seat (He met the actual rear facing weight limit within 6 mo of that) . I know the official guidance is as long as possible rear facing. Half our friends turned right at 2 and half still rear face their 4-5 year olds, who are definitely smaller than my 5 year old!
We made it to 3.5 on oldest kid and 3 on the younger twins. I would have felt better with longer but winter boots plus a short drive to daycare and convenience won out. The biggest reason to stay rearfacing as long as possible is spinal injury – at age 2 like half the vertebrae in the neck are still cartilage not bone and cartilage can stretch like 2 inches but it only takes 1/4 inch stretch for serious spinal injury or even death – I think it’s called ‘internal decapitation’. Basically the longer they rearface, the more time their spine has to finish ossifying. Sweden has literally zero child car deaths most years and they have rearfacing until age 4. For forward facing I loved the Graco Tranzitions seat which allowed us to use the five point harness mode with my tall kids until the summer after first grade and it’s still a comfortable booster seat for my fourth grader.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
We flipped DS (he’s 2.5) a few months back. He’s 35 lbs, so we could have kept him RF until 40 lbs, but since we barely go anywhere these days, and will likely be using the carseat mostly for when he (hopefully) returns to daycare in September, which is <4 miles of non-freeway driving, I feel okay about it. I would have kept him RF for as long as possible, but with his weight, I didn't want to cut it too close.
It's easier to get him in/out,which will be critical for when DS #2 arrives in December. I do plan on getting an extended RF seat for DS #2 when the time comes.
I was tempted to switch it a couple months ago just because I was getting bruises all over my shins trying to get her into the seat (she – mostly – wasn’t fighting me, it’s just hard to put a kid that large and heavy into a rear-facing seat) but then I taught her to climb in herself. So we’ve solved that problem, for now at least.
We are hoping to follow AAP guidance which for our extremely tall kiddo and car seat would be rearfacing until somewhere around 3.5 to 4 years old. But our kiddo has recently started getting car sick, so we shall see.
We flipped around 3.5. We had planned to wait longer and could have based on specs, but she was getting really uncomfortable even in our extended RF seat (Clek fllo). We decided the returns to continuing to FF at that age were diminishing and were OK with flipping.
I have to share some good news on the working mom front since things are bleak right now. I am working from home through the end of the year, if not longer. For the first time since becoming a “school mom” five years ago, I am actually getting to walk my kids to school instead of dropping them off at the before-care program. It has been lovely. Our mornings are much more relaxed than when DH and I were pushing them out the door at 7:15 a.m. I always knew this, always felt powerless to fix this part of our routine, and the pandemic finally forced what I wanted all along. This is one of the few pandemic-related changes that I want to hold onto, somehow. I also feel more connected to the neighborhood moms BECAUSE I ACTUALLY SEE THEM EVERY DAY. When our world feels so small, that matters a lot.
Yes. For all the bad parts of the pandemic, there are a few things I want to hold on to. Fewer commitments, more down time, and somehow shifting my hours to make our mornings less hectic AND be able to sit down to a family dinner. I’m wfh through the end of the year as well, so at first maybe I’ll just ask to work from home a few days a week, but longer term this has become a real goal of mine, esp during their elementary years. I need to maintain these hyper-local connections that I’ve been “forced” to make this year.
Working from home full time has been a goal of mine ever since I started my career, and I was able to do that with my current job. There are huge lifestyle perks and added time with family. It’s the main reason I’m reluctant to change jobs, even though my pay is mediocre. I feel you on this one.
Thank you for sharing — I’m experiencing a lot of this too. Down to connecting more with the neighborhood moms! Now, being home more often in a post-pandemic world is a new goal of mine.
I’m fortunate to be in a bit of a unicorn job where I could telework any day I wanted with the exception of Mondays. I usually had multiple meetings with partner agencies etc. during the week, some of them as far as 1.5-2 hrs away, but I was not under pressure to report to the office before/after. I share this to say that the transition to pandemic conditions was almost seamless for my organization, which is important because we do have a response role. I really think businesses will need to embrace teleworking moving forward if for no other reason than to enhance their emergency preparedness.
Having at least a few days to work from home is a huge difference, especially if you’re cutting out a lengthy commute. I truly can’t imagine going back to having my bum in a seat in an office for 9 hours a day with a 45-60 minute commute each way, until my youngest is in late elementary school at least. I would have to be offered around $80K more than I make now and, even then, I’d have to do some real thinking.
I am really enjoying not being sick all the time from school + day care + travel.
Love this comment! I’ve been going through a low period (I think we’re all hitting our walls at different times, I think, and mine was last week) and it’s lovely to read this and remember that there are, in fact, some positives that have come from this situation.
Last week of work before maternity leave. After working a half day yesterday to cross off some of the remaining things I need to do before leave, I have exactly zero motivation to do any more work. Really hoping to go into labor sooner (today would be great).
On a related note – we have a 3 year old at home whose world is going to be rocked by the arrival of a sibling. We’ve been talking to her about the baby’s upcoming arrival, but she obviously doesn’t understand what it really means for her. Tips for easing the transition for her?
Following! I must be a week or two ahead of you, just started my leave today. For our 3yo, we have watched the Daniel Tiger episodes about Baby Margaret and we also have the 5min bedtime story version that we read. We have been proactively having DH do more bedtime/bath/etc so that he gets used to not having mommy at his beck and call (ha, I wish). We have one set of grandparents who will watch him while we are in the hospital, then DH will be home on paternity for 2 weeks with me, then the other set of grandparents are coming. So hopefully he’ll still get plenty of attention which will make it easier – he’s so excited about the idea but I suspect the hardest part will be sharing mommy with a tiny needy creature.
He’s also going to his normal daycare and I think that will help a lot. He has a lot of concerns about us going to the hospital and the virus, because he knows the hospital is where people with the virus go, and he knows he’s not allowed to go meet the baby because of the virus… ugh. He’s smart for a 3yo but it is a complicated situation to explain!
Thanks! My MIL will be watching our 3-year old while we are at the hospital, which will be . . . interesting since she has never done that before (all other grandparents still work and live several hours away). DH will have a month off after the baby arrives, so he will definitely be the primary caregiver for our toddler while I recover and nurse a newborn 24/7. He’s a great dad, and while he does his fair share of childcare, she’s definitely a Mama’s girl.
Are you planning to keep your toddler home from daycare for a bit after your baby is born? We’ve gotten conflicting guidance from my OBs about whether we should send our daughter to daycare or keep her home for the first few weeks due to COVID.
Best of luck to you!
Tried to post this earlier so apologies if it double posts. Surprisingly helpful to us for our then 3.5 year old was to make a photo book of himself as a baby doing everything babies do — napping, bathing, nursing, bottles, first bites of food, crawling, crying (several), swinging, standing. It was so helpful in getting him to understand what he could expect from the baby! Plus we all enjoyed looking at baby pics of the older one.
That’s a really cute idea, thanks!
My first kid is 3 years older than her brother, and the only thing that really worked was constant one-on-one time with her (e.g. I picked her up from daycare every day, instead of outsourcing that to grandparents some of the time) and DH really stepping up with things like taking her out for special meals (any meal out is special), doing bedtime with her and reading many, many books etc. It also helped that the baby adored her from the moment he could recognize faces.
Even then, she’s 5 now and just told me that she missed the “old days” when there were “just three of us”, i.e. me, DH and her, and not her brother. So it’s a work in progress.
Try to involve her by saying “we have to change the baby” or “we have to feed the baby”.
If you have a doll, that helps – my daughter would feed/change/rock her baby while I would do same to her brother.
Make a point of tell the baby to hold on as much as you can too – your oldest will be hearing that a lot and it will help to know the baby has to ‘wait’ too so that she can get her attention.
Not sure what your house set up is like, but Mr. AIMS slept with our oldest on a pull out in her room for a while when the baby came so she didn’t feel like we were all in our bedroom and she was all alone, but if you have a good routine going already maybe don’t mess with it.
We also made a big to do about having her wear a big sister button at the hospital so everyone could ooh and ahh over her but that’s prob a pre pandemic thing that may be different now. We also had the baby ‘bring’ her a gift.
One last thing – try to remember that your oldest is still so small! My 2.5 year old seemed so big when the baby came but she was so teeny in retrospect. I really feel like I missed that and the one thing I wish I would do differently is just pay more attention to her in that first 6-8 months.
Also – don’t do any more work! You’ve earned a rest.
These are great suggestions, thank you!!
Congratulations! FWIW, 3 is a great age to add a younger sibling. They’re little enough so that the kids will be able to play together but old enough so that they can understand that they shouldn’t hurt the baby and can actually keep themselves busy for 30 seconds while you change a baby.
One thing that really has helped my ‘big’ kids is making sure that you tell the baby that you will need them to wait a minute because you’re helping big kid. Big sibling will be told roughly 10,000 times, ‘Just give me a minute, I need to help the baby,’ so it really seems to mean something when you tell the baby, ‘Baby, just give me a minute, I need to help big sibling.’
I also really make an effort to give every kid one on one cuddles before bed. It makes a difference.
Agreed with everything Clementine said. We had our second when our first was 20 months and if I could magically do it again and choose my spacing I would have spaced them 3 years apart.
And also the special 1-on-1 time before bed was really key for our toddler. We deliberately drew out her bedtime routine in the months after her brother was born — we would (when possible) have both parents read her lots of books snuggled in our bed together, then have each parent do 1-on-1 time with her while she was in her bed — we used that as an opportunity to connect, talk about any feelings she had, tell her again how much we loved her, etc.
I disagree actually. My kids are 23 months apart so I know how painful it is when they’re both babies, but for some reason, my friends that have kids closer in age have had older siblings assimilate faster than kids that are older. My daughter is just now around 3 starting to get a little jealous here and there but by and large when baby brother arrived, she was super good.
Great point. I think for me even the increased jealousy would have been worth it — my husband was traveling for work for most of each week and so I was alone with a newborn and a not-yet-2yo and it was just miserable. I still remember how even going upstairs was a challenge — neither of them could do it on their own so I would have to take them in shifts, and inevitably one of them would start wailing about being left alone…it was just so logistically hard and exhausting. It’s funny; most of the pain of childbirth has receded for me but the pain of newborn+toddler is still very vivid almost 3 years later.
In House Lobbyist says
Something we did for the same age difference and I read it here -tell baby things like “you will have to wait while Mommy helps Brother” so it’s “fair” when Brother had to wait.
What is your go-to gift for an expectant friend? A friend is expecting a baby girl this winter and I am seeing her for the first time since she announced. We are not super close, but I would like to get her a little something thoughtful to celebrate. Any ideas?
I ask what their favorite take out spot is and then buy them a gift certificate there.
I also think you can’t go wrong with board books, if you want something for the baby.
Books. way more longevity than toys and take up effectively no space!
A friend got me a lovey scented, microwavable heating pad, and it was *incredible* for first and third trimester.
I’m glad it worked for you but I would be wary of anything scented. Pregnancy heightens your sense of smell and can make a lot of smells you previously enjoyed really unappealing. And some people, me included, hate scented stuff even when not pregnant!
I don’t think you can go wrong with baby clothes or books (since parents can never have enough of those) but I also really like this toy company for personalized rattles and baby blocks. https://bannortoys.com/
Books. This was my go-to for expectant friends, and now that I’m expecting myself, it’s my favorite gift to receive.
I like to give and receive books, but I would try to avoid the most famous titles and get something that you or your kids enjoyed, or a book that has a tie-in to your area or to the mom’s interests. I can’t even begin to count how many copies we got of I Love You Forever, Very Hungry Caterpillar, Goodnight Moon, Make Way for Ducklings, etc.
My usual gift package includes some combination of:
A book (I like Look Look by Peter Lilienthal)
The Aden and Anais burpcloth (super soft and large but not bulky)
A bottle brush (the nice OXO one- it’s not glamorous, but it was one of the things someone gave me and I used it every day)
A water bottle/ drink cup with straw (with tongue in cheek instructions for husband or partner to keep it full during labor and afterwards)
An outfit in the 6- 9 month range.
Amazon or Target gift card
Excellent gift ideas – + 1 for a “splurgy” drink container and “older” baby outfit…. at one point I think at i had almost 30 month onesies between what i had bought early / gifts and hand me downs.
Some books we have loved that are a little bit less “classics” – Runaway bunny / big red barn (same author as goodnight moon), good night gorilla (we have read this 10,000 times), Where is the green sheep, Where’s Spot (ok that is a classic), Tickle my ears (although best gifted at say 10 months when the kid can interact with it), Good Dog carl, books with real photos of babies / animals, Nursery rhyme collection (Barbara Reid is the specific / short collection that we loved), kids love Sheep in a Jeep (personally not my favourite), we did love some of the Boyton books (although were gifted multiple copies of some of them), Corduroy, really any high quality lift the flap book with vehicles etc.
One of my favorite baby gifts was a personalized melamine plate (with a race car on it for my son). Obviously a baby can’t use it right away, but it is loved and used every day by my 3-yr-old…I even got a second for my other son. Sometimes it’s nice to give a gift to be used down the road, since new moms tend to get a ton of baby things! I also second Aden&Anais burp cloths, or anything that’s a slightly upscale version of a baby item that a mom may not splurge on for herself.
Stretchy lightweight cotton robe in a size up for mom (I used to get these at Target) and a children’s book. I like something a little less popular too – I’ve been giving a lot of like “AntiRacist Baby” or “Little Feminist” type books.
Gift card to a local restaurant so they can do take out one night when they’re just collapsing. They’ll literally always remember this gift. Years later I still remember who gave me this.
I would like to get my 6 year old daughter a nice necklace. Where do you buy nicer jewelry for kids? I would like to spend up to $50, so more than Claire’s but not Tiffany’s. I have looked at Etsy, but am overwhelmed by the options and I am not sure which seller to trust.
If you are willing to go up to $100 – 120, Sarah Chloe is really nice. There is a “petite” section aimed at kids, but other charms (stars, hearts, etc.) are also age-appropriate. My daughter has had two silver Sarah Chloe pieces for several years and they’ve held up nicely with no tarnish.
You could get an Add-A-Pearl necklace. You can start around $50 (or more) and then add pearls throughout the years. I think a gold chain with a single pearl looks so cute on a small kid.
anon for this says
We have been asked to serve as the backup to care for our 2-year-old nephew when his mom goes to the hospital to deliver her second baby. The mom is a teacher in a district that is opening in person with no safety measures except a mask requirement that will not actually be enforced. She will be teaching full classes five days a week. Her husband is WFH, and her son attends preschool. She will begin her maternity leave two weeks before her due date to self-quarantine before delivery, but if we are called upon to watch her son she will only have been on leave for less than a week (her MIL arrives a week before her due date).
My own nuclear family has been very strict about minimizing our viral exposure: WFH, on-line learning, masked curbside grocery pickup. We feel a moral responsibility to take this on because if we don’t then the dad will have to stay home with the 2-year-old and will miss the birth, but I’m frankly terrified of having this potentially infectious child in our home. There’s about a 50% chance that we’ll actually have to step up. WWYD?
I would take care of my nephew and help my extended family (and in no way let the new big brother feel like I was terrified or troubled by his presence). I would not even consider this a question.
This. I feel like I skew relatively cautious about COVID – we don’t really plan to do any indoor things like restaurants or grocery shopping until there’s a vaccine – but I would do this without hesitation.
Also how do you know the school’s mask requirement won’t be enforced? In our public schools, everyone is wearing masks religiously. And I’ve heard the same thing from friends in other districts, including some in politically conservative areas. So I think you may be borrowing trouble by worrying about that.
Anecdotal reports from teachers who are at school to prep, and parents with kids in an early-start program, are that even adults aren’t wearing masks in the schools. The school district has openly stated that it will not enforce the requirement.
I’d get control of my anxiety and obviously do it. Unless one of you is high risk, you’re being excessively cautious. You can go into a store. It is fine. You can take care if your nephew because you need to. We never all planned to simply see no one until there is a vaccine
I agree! This is a huge moment of need to step up and help. Other families have to face increased risk just as a matter of course due to their jobs, and you can also take on some added risk to help family for a short time. This doesn’t even sound that risky to be honest. I think you are on the extreme end of caution, and will likely still be totally fine if you make an exception here. I mean, there are no guarantees, but if a close family member refused to help me with something like this, I would really demote them in my mind as people I can count on.
+1. We can’t all do this forever and vaccines may not be the savior in any sort of timely manner people are pinning hopes on. At some point, life has to (as safely as possible) go on, especially for a situation such as this.
I’m in Northern California and my child has been going to preschool since mid June and it’s been great. So from OP’s post, I have a potentially infectious person in my house every day.
I would do it for sure but if she isn’t wearing a mask currently I think it’s reasonable to ask her to wear a mask at work for the last week or two of work before you might have to provide care. There is increasing evidence that wearing a mask yourself can also help protect you in addition to prevent you from spreading it to others.
Masks protect you by decreasing the viral load you get, so you get less sick than you otherwise would. So OP’s SIL wearing a mask would mean SIL is less likely to get severely ill but won’t affect how likely OP is to get sick from the kid. OP would need to wear a mask in her own home to protect herself from a potentially infectious child – and I’m not sure that’s a fair thing to do to a 2 year old, who is already dealing with a lot of changes and probably really needs smiles from his caregiver.
This is all just incorrect.
Anonymous at 12:38 matches what I have read. I would not call it incorrect.
Viral Load and Masks: https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/health/2020/07/15/wearing-mask-may-offer-protection-against-catching-severe-covid-19/5431323002/
The tricky part with family is wearing the mask at the point of initial infection to reduce viral load exposure, as Anonymous at 12:38 points out.
What part is incorrect? https://www.ucsf.edu/news/2020/07/418181/one-more-reason-wear-mask-youll-get-less-sick-covid-19
I work in public health. Of course I believe in masks and think everyone should wear one. But it is a factual statement that to the extent masks protect the wearer, they do so primarily by reducing the viral load the wearer is exposed to, which translates to a lower chance of severe illness. The benefit of SIL wearing a mask at school is, first and foremost, to anyone the SIL interacts with at school and, to a lesser extent, to herself in that she’s less likely to get seriously ill if she has a mask on when she has contact with an infected person. By all means, the SIL should wear a mask, but it doesn’t translate into much if any protection for OP, if OP is concerned about getting infected via the SIL’s child.
Concur this is not a question. What is the point if staying healthy if you can’t even be there for your closest family in a time of need? Isn’t that basically your highest calling, as a person?
i know this won’t be totally foolproof because in theory she could have gotten covid the day before and it wouldn’t show up in the test, but could you ask her to take a rapid covid test on day 1 of her leave? probably a good idea anyway with MIL coming. will they be keeping their 2 year old home from school for 2 weeks as well?
I would absolutely do it, but start self quarantining beforehand (to minimize any chances that you are the vector) and then quarantine afterwards if you do get called in.
Bonus, then you are essentially bubbled with them. And could theoretically get in there for some nice new baby snuggles. And help out once the baby’s here. Which is another opportunity for baby snuggles :-)
I agree that I’d watch nephew given the risk scenario proposed.
If I had specific concerns that their family had been exposed (e.g., a COVID diagnosis at preschool or someone with symptoms), I’d have you or your husband watch nephew at his house while wearing a mask until his parents get home from the hospital. Keep the two households separate until you can get negative tests back.
If you are really worried, could you watch your nephew in their home while your husband watches your kid in your home? Then you can make sure nephew is symptom free before you return home. If he does have symptoms, you could quarantine from your family once you are done watching nephew?
+1. That’s the compromise I would do.
But kids don’t usually have symptoms, so this doesn’t really help from a knowledge standpoint…
Yes, of course you do this. How could you not? My brother has agreed to care for our kids if god forbid we both got COVID, which would obviously put him at huge risk, but I cannot imagine him saying no. This is such a hard time to give birth – why not just make it easier for them?
I wouldn’t hesitate to watch him and I’d be very careful that my brother, SIL and nephew had no idea you had these misgivings. And be careful that your kid doesn’t pick up on your anxiety because they might act more strange or communicate it to the poor family.
+1 I almost think you should say no because even a 2 year old can pick up on this kind of anxiety and sense that you don’t really want him there, but of course he isn’t yet old enough to understand that the reason you don’t want him there has nothing to do with him.
I had the same thought. If I were your brother and SIL I would probably want you to say no. But it wouldn’t be good for our relationship longterm.
Mary Moo Cow says
It sounds like you are not okay with it, and if you’re not on board, I would say don’t do it. If you agree to do it, host the 2 year old, and your nephew is contagious, and you get sick, how does that change your relationship with this family? That is a very important question (IMHO) in your decision making process. Saying no may damage your relationship with this family, but saying yes and then getting sick and then you blame the family and hold it against them for eternity will also damage the relationship.
Since you asked, I absolutely would do it, and if the worst case scenario came to pass and we all got COVID, I would try to take it with good grace and not blame them.
This is a really good way to frame it. I also agree with prior comments to look at switching homes and having only you exposed to nephew and potentially planning to get rapid tests (to get a handle on the risks) if possible in your area. If you have high-risk household members or otherwise can’t get okay with the risk, it would be best to let your family know now so that they can look into other options for your nephew.
I’d absolutely do it. It’s hard to open your family up to new potential exposures so I don’t blame you for being worried or wondering if it’s the right thing to do. But I would still do it, 100% no question.
If you used the Snoo, how long did your baby sleep in it? My kiddo is 2 months old, and after sleeping solid 6.5-hour stretches, has started waking up after 4 hours or so. The key factor seems to be that he wants to fight his hands free so he can suck on his fists, and once he has them out, he’s too awake to fall back asleep (and the escalating Snoo motion and white noise winds him up rather than calming him at that point). The Snoo website suggests that you shouldn’t even start trying arms out until 4-5 months, but I’m wondering if he’s outgrown the Snoo developmentally if not physically. He is hitting some 3-4 month milestones already (can hold his head up for extended periods during tummy time, touch and grab objects, and roll front to back already, and he’s about halfway to rolling back to front) so maybe he’s ready to be done with it even though it’s too early according to the Snoo site?
I do feel like he’s too young to move to his own room, which is upstairs, and I’m still nursing at night, so I guess we would transition him to sleeping either in the Snoo but without turning it on, or in his pack’n play in our room.
I never had a Snoo but my daughter wanted her arms out basically from birth and began sucking her fingers as a self-soothing mechanism when she was less than a week old. If he’s sucking his hands, he’s self-soothing (or trying to at least) and I would definitely try a normal crib/bassinet with his hands out and accessible to him. PNP in our bedroom worked fine until we moved her to the nursery at 6 months.
Thanks! He clearly is desperate to suck on them bc his grunts of frustration as he works them free of the swaddle are epic.
Party Animal says
My son slept in the Snoo until he was 6 months old. We actually had the same issue with him fighting his hands out way earlier than 4-5 months and contacted the Snoo customer support team. They suggested using a blanket or cloth diaper to essentially double-bind him underneath the stretchy band inside the Snoo sack. It worked like a charm.
But why would you want to fight a baby’s natural self-soothing instinct? That’s a key part of sleep training. They have to wean from the SNOO some day, right? If they’re doing it naturally by teaching themselves how to self-soothe at a young age, that seems so much easier for everyone involved (except the SNOO marketing department).
Party Animal says
I mean, to each his own, I guess. We wanted him in the Snoo because it worked for our family. It felt safe to us, and my son slept great in it other than getting his arms free at the early stage. He transitioned perfectly out of the Snoo and now, 2 years later, is a great sleeper. So, whatever we did worked for us.
This is exactly what I’m struggling with – it doesn’t make sense to me to stop him from self-soothing. He’s not startling awake anymore, which I understand to be one of the reasons to swaddle arms down.
We rented the snoo with our second, and she was done with it by around 2 months. She also hated being swaddled with her arms in. Baby girl was sleeping through the night in her crib by 10ish weeks (arms out), so the transition from the snoo to the crib was very smooth.
Full disclosure, we also had a night nurse and baby drank pumped milk at night, so she was not in our bedroom in the snoo (or crib).
I do have friends who used the snoo until 5-6 months though, so I do think when you move to the crib is very baby specific.
Call SNOO customer service. They’re wonderful. I called them ALL.THE.TIME. But based on this and my own experience, I would say go arms out. Try one at a time, because distraction/smacking themselves can be an issue. There are some SNOO parent groups on FB, too, that have done some interesting hybrid swaddles to keep using the bassinet. As much as I wanted to go until 6 mos, we were done around 4.5/5 when the sleep regression hit. Good luck!
Our son was similar, and we just left the arms free from an early age. This definitely goes against all of the Snoo recommendations, and YMMV, but it worked fine for us. We felt that we got many of the benefits of the Snoo (keeping baby on his back, soothing motion at variable intensity levels, etc.) despite breaking the arm-swaddling rule. Even the smallest size of the Snoo sacks now have snaps at the shoulders to facilitate this. It’s probably at least worth a shot — if it seems like your baby is startling awake or the sleep deteriorated as a result, the Snoo folks have plenty of recommendations for keeping arms contained. Good luck!
Try the love to dream swaddle! Our daughter was an early self-soother and this kept her restricted, but swaddled with arms up so she could suck on her fingers (through the material).
crutches tips says
I’m having foot surgery next week and will be on crutches for a month after that. DH will be helpful but also has to go to work and sometimes has to work late. We have a third grader and an almost 2 yo, who will clearly struggle with me being unable to carry him around the house. Any helpful hints for me to navigate this time? I’ll take anything about helping me shower (I hear a stool/chair will be helpful?) or getting toddler a bath or getting around the house better or anything. The last time I was on crutches I didn’t have kids. I did a prescription for a knee scooter; I’m assuming that will help getting around the house.
Get everything you can on the first floor. Diaper changes can easily happen with you sitting and kiddo on a changing pad on the couch.
Be kind to yourself. Just give the kiddo a quick sponge bath if your husband isn’t around. If not, looks like somebody is going to just climb in the shower with a parent in the morning!
One thing that was pretty crucial is that I tied something bright around my foot (I used that self adhesive tape in neon pink which we had around the house) to remind the kids that mommy’s foot was ‘hurt’ and they had to be careful (just a broken toe, but… a broken toe while solo parenting 3 kids). Otherwise, they would forget and… OUCH. Even my toddler loved extra cuddles and extra movie time with Mommy, so lean in to pillow forts.
Also, this seems like a great time to teach your 3rd grader life skills!
Time for big sibling to step up and help out! S/he should be able to get snacks and drinks for the little one and assist with bath time, with your supervision.
In DC says
-Get the knee scooter for sure. Make sure it has a basket.
-I also (for a broken ankle) got the iWalk, which is a peg leg arrangement. It’s great for going up stairs (otherwise you have to scoot on your b u t t) and manuevering in tight spaces. Set it on the lowest height tolerable, a lesson I didn’t learn until after my second surgery. I would have gotten a lot better use of it if I’d set it lower. This was pre-baby. I was quite stable on the iWalk but you will want to practice to make sure you’re ok being around the toddler on it.
-Crutches are the worst option for getting around, but are more flexible than the other two in terms of ease of transition into using/not using them (with the iWalk you have to unstrap, and with the scooter you have to park as close as you can get to where you’re going so you can hop into place).
-Get in the habit of carrying a tote bag crossbody–get one now if you don’t have one with long enough straps. You can’t carry ANYTHING on crutches and it’s horrible. Like, need a drink? Well stand at the kitchen counter and drink unless you have a tote bag to put your water bottle in. Invest in a leakproof water bottle and travel mug.
Good luck. Non weight bearing is brutal but you do feel pretty awesome when you can work around it.
For those with kids back in daycare, how is it going? My 2 year old started back this week and there are so many mixed emotions!
It’s going great! My 2 year old started at the beginning of August. The kids do awesome with their masks, and being around other kids has been so good for her (we saw no other children from March-August because we don’t have any local friends who wanted to bubble with us). We’ve seen huge leaps in her development, especially speech, and she’s much happier. It’s like she’s a totally different person. The second week was the hardest for us in terms of drop-offs…first week she was SO excited to be around other children that she ran right in, but the second week it seemed to hit her that this wasn’t a fun summer camp and she started asking us in the mornings if she could stay home with us. But things were much better in the third week and this past weekend she cried both days because she couldn’t go to school. I’m really dreading the inevitable shutdown(s) but just trying to enjoy it while it lasts, and reminding myself that even if we only get a month or two of being with other kids it will do a lot of good long-term for her.
Mary Moo Cow says
Great! One teacher had a positive test in June, so school closed for a week, but she apparently didn’t spread it — there have been no cases since they reopened. Teachers wear masks; kids eat in the classroom; kids are outdoors as much as possible; no extra-curriculars or special classes (art, PE, etc.), which my kids are very sad about. I think I’ve had more mixed emotions than them — they were thrilled to get back to school after we kept them home for 3 months. I love having more leisurely mornings, picking them up before 5:50, or being home when DH picks them up at 4:50. Fingers crossed it continues!
My kid was at daycare from late June until she started kindergarten in August, and it actually went really well. I realize I was dealing with an older child than you are, but if you’re talking from a health and safety perspective, it was great. Yes, I felt a lot of nerves during the first week, both from a health perspective and from wondering how she’d adjust after many months at home. I settled down quickly, though.
Our two kids (nearly 2 and nearly 4) have been back since early June, and it has been amazing, especially for the older one who really was missing that social interaction. Her mood and level of whine improved a lot after going back. Kids in her room are all masked, and she knows there are new rules now “because coronavirus is here” but she has taken it in stride and still comes home telling us about the fun things they did at school. The younger one seems to be developing her speech more quickly since back at school. It’s not zero risk, but we feel comfortable with the policies in place.
Great! My child has been back for three months. So far all positives and no negatives.
Anon for this says
For those struggling with sending their kids back, we just saw my kids pediatrician for vaccines. He’s very brilliant and he always tends to err on the conservative side. I asked how he felt about sending young kids back to school and he told me he’d moved his own kindergarten age daughter from public to private school so she could have in person learning this fall. We’re in a large Texas city that’s considered a hot spot. He thinks there’s a lot of misinformation (and clickbait headlines) being spread about the true risks associated for younger kids.
We just saw our pediatrician, whose kids go to a private school that is set to open with masks, 6-foot distancing, and the option to Zoom in to classes. She predicts that the families who have unmasked neighborhood and carpool “bubbles” are going to cause outbreaks that end up shutting down the school.
FWIW, I think school may shut down from time to time (this one did in the spring for two weeks) but what he was really saying was that he thought health risk to the kids will be minimal. That was the perspective he was coming from.
It’s total anecdata but the three doctors I know with young kids (my ped, my OBGYN and a good friend) are all sending their kids to school and also did in-person youth sports over the summer. I asked all of them about it and they were all adamant that the risks of social isolation are much greater than the risks of COVID, especially when you’re talking about younger kids who can’t chat with friends online as effectively. The AAP actually issued guidance encouraging schools to reopen – and they’re excessively cautious about everything. Ahem, babies have to sleep in parents’ room for a whole damn year.
Our ped also encouraged in person, we are in DC area. So much so she suggested finding a preschool where DD could go in person (hers is closed this fall). We aren’t doing that but she does have weekly play dates and is starting swim.
Anon Lawyer says
I don’t necessarily disagree with that conclusion, but come on, nobody should be basing their decisions on the anonymous report of what an anonymous pediatrician said. That’s the kind of thing that got us into this mess.