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2018 Update: We still stand by this Rockabye Baby review — but you may want to check out some of our more recent stories about bedtime, including our recent post on how to get your kids to sleep.
In case you’re not familiar with the Rockabye Baby! line of CDs, they are instrumental lullaby versions of popular songs (from Metallica to Bob Marley to Björk) and many of them are available to stream with Prime (which is great if you want to have Alexa sing your child to sleep!). I’ve also gotten them from the library. One of my favorites is the Radiohead CD, which is full of beautiful, layered songs that are really cool. I wholeheartedly recommend it if you’re a fan of Radiohead. The MP3 download is $10.49 and the CD starts at $3.98 used and $11.00 new at Amazon. Rockabye Baby! Lullaby Renditions of Radiohead
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CHJ - Paging Pogo says
I missed your message yesterday about pools. I think you live in the Concord/Lexington, MA area like me, and I’ve had a similar struggle looking for pools! The best options I’ve found are the Boston Sports Club in Waltham, Atkinson Pool in Sudbury, and the Waltham YMCA. Walden Pond is also an option once the weather warms up – you can get a parking pass for $65 for the season, and you can usually access it as long as you go in the morning before it gets crowded.
Anon in Boston says
Ahhhh, we should do a Boston area meet-up!!
CHJ says
+100!
Anon says
+100! I live in the area too!
Anon in Boston says
How can we make this happen?!
GCA says
We’re going to Drumlin Farm on Monday morning…
(Now I’m going to look at everyone there and wonder if they’re Boston-area ‘r3ttes…)
Anon in Boston says
Haha! Whenever I am somewhere where there are a lot of females, I scan the crowd and wonder who is a corporette! If I were more tech savvy, I would figure out a way to organize this. Is it as simple as someone opening a gmail account specific to Boston corporettes and then posting it here? I might be able to do that…
Anon says
Drumlin is open? They’re usually closed mondays- found that out the hard way. We might go too!
GCA says
They’re open Monday specifically for Memorial Day!
GCA says
Ugh, scratch that – Monday’s weather is looking worse and worse…
Anonymous says
Another pool idea: Check with your local health department for a list of pools. Or check with your local Masters Swim Team Organization for a list of pools. I have used both in NYC, there are a shocking number of pools in NYC at the top of apartment buildings (I have been told this is because they can have pools instead of water towers and that the pools are hooked into fire suppression systems. No idea if this is true, but it sounds good!)
Pogo says
Yuppp I’m actually even further north of you, so Waltham is a bit of a hike. I am going to check out the nearest Y; as long as I can get time in to actually lap swim and the place is clean/not overrun by teenagers I think that might be my best option. I checked the pool schedule and it’s a lot better in the summer than in during the school year.
I forgot about Walden! Again, not super close but I do love swimming there.
And yes to a meetup!
Anon says
Husband works in Burlington, I can ask what’s near him…
Clementine says
So, Baby Clem’s ideal dinnertime would be 5:15. Bed is at 7, so this would totally make sense…
Except that we don’t get home until 5:45 at the absolute earliest. Currently, he gets a snack the second I pick him up from daycare (he is literally begging for food at this point). We get home and I immediately serve him the dinner I have prepared already. I’ve started cooking either in the morning or the night before so I can literally go carset-highchair-food in face within 5 minutes of getting home.
If I deviate from this at all, he feeds his entire dinner to the dog. If I feed him two snacks instead of one, he doesn’t eat his dinner. If I feed him later than 6:15, he eats absolutely nothing.
Have I already figured out the best solution? My husband is traveling for work, so there’s no backup there. Baby Clem actually eats 2 or 3 breakfasts, a big lunch, and a snack all before I pick him up, so I feel like he’s getting food.
Annie says
How old is baby Clem? We have daycare do “dinner” (a puree) at 5 before we pick our LO up. Is that possible?
Anon in NYC says
Yes, I was going to say something like this. My only suggestion is to see if daycare will do a late snack/early dinner.
Clementine says
He’s 18 months. I could see if they would do a snack, but I also don’t know if that would be better than the snacks I give him at pickup.
Thank you all so much for sharing solutions!
Anon in NYC says
FWIW, my kid immediately asks for snacks at pickup and we just give them to her and assume that she’ll eat her fill, and then sometimes she picks at her dinner and other times she eats the whole plate and asks for more. Kids are just weird. I’m honestly not that stressed about her snacks versus her dinner – while her dinner is probably more nutritious than the snacks (i.e., protein + fresh fruit versus crackers + raisins), she eats a good breakfast and lunch and has nutritious snacks during the day.
So, I think you’re doing the best that you can. Especially if he’s not waking up hungry in the middle of the night. Maybe ask daycare if they can give Baby Clem a late snack, but otherwise, don’t stress about it too much!
CHJ says
This sounds like our evenings exactly, without the feeding his dinner to the dog part. I think it’s just part of life for a little while. We do really fast and easy dinners (like ham sandwiches, TJ’s gyoza, or leftover pasta) most nights. I haven’t been able to figure out how to give him a snack before dinner to tide him over, because he’s so hungry that he’ll eat his fill of snacks, so I might as well feed him a meal upfront.
I also try to stay away from blogs like Dinner A Love Story, because while that looks really lovely, it’s just not our reality right now. Maybe with older kids?
Clementine says
Oh man, I do the blogger-tastic meals on the weekends. Actually, occasionally I do them for breakfast too. We get up at 6/6:30-ish and don’t need to leave the house for 2 hours so he is perfectly happy to ‘help’ me make eggs or waffles or something.
And yeah- he will just eat his fill of snacks. He literally begs for food he’s so hungry at pickup, so it’s easy to give him a pouch, some crackers, and a cereal bar and then get home and think ‘He hasn’t eaten a bite of dinner!’ and forgetting that he stuffed his face with snacks before.
Pigpen's Mama says
If he doesn’t eat dinner what happens — does he wake up early and hangry? Wake up in the middle of the night?
If neither of these things, then I’d be inclined to do the snack at daycare and then the very quick dinner or even a snack at home. It sounds like he’s getting the bulk of his calories during the day, so if there are no adverse effects to a light dinner/snacks for dinner, that seems fine.
If he does wake up hungry, and he’s old enough, what about a spoonful of peanut butter and some milk right before bed? I now do that with my toddler if dinner is early and/or she didn’t eat that much (trick I learned from this group).
Clementine says
It honestly doesn’t seem to bother him that much. I usually sneak at least a graham cracker (ideally with PB) and some milk into him, plus we still BF before bed.
I do think I might try the peanut butter thing… he’s on the small side so I want to make sure he is gaining weight. He’s also just a very active kid.
Anonymous says
Yes. You have already figured out the best solution.
My kids are the same. They need a snack (usually apple sauce squeezie pack) and a sippy with water in the car when leaving daycare. I wish I could be as efficient as you with getting supper on the table so quickly.
Clementine says
Thank you for the validation. I feel like I’m really doing the best I can but was wondering if someone else had a magic trick I could use.
I might use the spoonful of peanut butter thing…
Anonymous says
And just in case hearing it from an internet stranger helps – even if you weren’t doing the ‘best solution’, you are doing ‘the best you can’ and that is enough.
Em says
It sounds like you are doing awesome under tough circumstances. Does it help if you put the dog outside for meal times? We have to put our dogs outside for most of our son’s mealtimes because he thinks feeding them is the greatest. He finds it much less exciting to throw the food on the floor than he does feeding them directly from the highchair, so having them outside drastically cuts down on the dog feeding until he is actually done eating. There are still days he doesn’t like what I make, and we are in the “no short order cooking” camp, so he may take 2 bites and be done. My son is 90th percentile for height and weight, so it is easy for us to stick to the “no short order cooking” rule. I probably wouldn’t if he was on the small side. Does he have any favorite things like a peanut butter sandwich or a pouch that he will always eat that you can use as a backup/alternative on late nights if he refuses to eat?
Anonymous says
Sounds like you’ve figured it out!
Now that it’s summer can you try having some picnic dinners? If there’s a park on the way home, just make a cold dinner and bring it with you to work in a cooler (since you’re already making dinner ahead of time this doesn’t seem like more work). That might save you a little bit of time and make the occasional dinner more pleasant.
And if you’re really worried about nutrition you can try lightly roasting some veggies (400 degrees 10-15 minutes) to bring as his snack. Baby carrots, sweet potato “fries” and broccoli spears are popular with my 18 month old. She wants to feed herself, so she refuses purees, but can’t really eat uncooked veggies yet, and handing her a cup of cut up fruit would be a MESS in a car.
Wehaf says
Can the “snack” you give him at pick-up actually be a meal? Cold quesadillas, grilled cheese, other sandwiches, omelets, mini quiches baked in muffin tins, cold cuts + crackers, etc. are all car-friendly options.
Frozen Peach says
Happy Friday to everyone in the office today. May your workday be short and quiet!!
lsw says
Amen!
Anonymous says
Hoping for an early release email from the office director today ;)
If the weather holds, it’s likely to happen… wish me luck!
Pogo says
Basically everyone is here today, and I had an insane morning of meetings. I just spent two hours half-working/answering people’s questions, half-trying to get food in my face. Definitely does not feel like the Friday before a 3 day weekend!!
Therapist in DC for depressed husband? says
Any recommendations for a therapist in the DC, Maryland, or NOVA area? My husband has been out of work for over a year and half. We recently moved to DC for a better job opportunity for me. To save money, our daughter goes to daycare in the morning and he has her in the afternoons. In our prior city, she went to full-time daycare and my husband was unemployed. The idea was for him to use the mornings to look for work or something that he is passionate about, then get to spend time with our daughter. We’ve been here for over 6 months and he has had one interview. He does not actively look for work. I can tell that he is overwhelmed, lonely, and depressed. He has started drinking more heavily at night. This morning he really over-reacted to our daughter being a two year-old and it frightened me and her.
RDC says
I don’t have a recommendation, but I just wanted to send hugs. I’m sorry you’re going through this, it sounds really hard.
Anonymous says
My husband sees David Kupfer (Tysons area) for depression and anxiety. He likes him. Sunstone Counseling in Falls Church is good, too. Neither takes insurance (but then, who does?).
NewMomAnon says
So sorry. That’s really hard. Have you tried goodtherapy dot org to locate a therapist? You can usually limit by insurance. Also, if your employer has an EAP, it’s often open to spouses. My firm offers an EAP that can provide financial counseling, therapy (limited # of visits but better than nothing), and some limited job search assistance.
And…consider a therapist for yourself too.
CLMom says
Any advice regarding a 1.5 year old who bites others and self out of frustration? She’s not very verbal yet. Is there hope it will self resolve once words like “go away” and “my toy” are in her vocabulary?
Redux says
I fell like most kids go through this during the almost, but not quite, verbal stage. In my experience, it passed once she got a lot of words, around age 2. There were some “incidents” though, and I felt really bad when she would bite another child. Rest assured your biter will one day be the bitten, though, in the great Things I Shouldn’t Have Worried So Much About circle of guilt.
Anon in NYC says
Yes! My kid was a biter from about 11 months until not that long ago (she’s 2). She still occasionally tries to bite me or my husband out of frustration (i.e., we’re forcing a diaper change and she doesn’t want it to happen), but she thankfully seems to have stopped biting other kids.
I was mortified, especially because she had a favorite target in daycare, but her daycare teachers said it was all very normal. I used to read Teeth Are Not For Biting to her a fair bit. It’s hard to say if it helped, but I didn’t think it made it worse.
Anonymous says
We went through this as well. I did buy one of the “teeth are not for biting” books or similar based on recommendations here. Knock on wood, we haven’t had a bite in a while (23 months) and her vocabulary has definitely exploded in the past few months.
Redux says
Agree, “Teeth are for biting food, not for biting friends,” was our mantra at this age!
CHJ says
+1 to Teeth Are Not For Biting (the book). Even though my son wasn’t very verbal at that age, he really seemed to understand the book.
CLMom says
Yep, we have that book and another one about little dinos having sharp teeth so the dino should chomp a carrot not mom.
Pigpen's Mama says
What they said above. Little Pigpen was little Jaws for a while, and it was mortifying. She also would bite herself. But we did the books — Teeth Are Not For Biting, and a Yo Gabba Gabba skit “Don’t, Don’t, Don’t Bite Your Friends” and with time and avoiding the triggers (waiting around at daycare) the behavior decreased. She’ll still try occasionally, but knows it’s wrong.
RDC says
Agree with the above to not beat yourself up about it. My kid has mostly been the bite-ee and I have sympathy for the parents of the biters, who genuinely seem to be trying to fix it. It also seems like something lots of kids go thru.
Anyways, agree with reading Teeth are not for biting. Also, the first word my kiddo learned at daycare was MINE!!! And if it didn’t get the other kid to back off, at least it alerted the teachers to a problem. Not the most pleasant thing (we went through a big “mine” stage) but it seemed effective in getting kiddo to use his words.
mascot says
My kid would bite his own arm which worried me a little bit. Our pediatrician assured us that it was a self-limitng behavior and that he probably wouldn’t cause himselfmuch (any) harm. He grew out of it pretty quickly.
CLMom says
Do you recall how many months it lasted?
mascot says
Probaly fewer than 6 months? He was a bitee, not a biter when it came to other kids, FWIW.
rdresq says
Philly ‘rettes: I just learned that work is not going to interfere with Memorial Day weekend and our long scheduled trip to Philly. Now that I know we can go, I actually need to plan things to do with our active 17 month old. I think we would all be happy going to playgrounds/parks and child friendly restaurants; any suggestions?
We are staying at the Westin by Rittenhouse Square. Thanks all!
RDC says
Has anyone worked with a professional organizer? What did they do and was it worth it? Any added value besides adding some accountability and forcing you to put in the time to declutter?
I have some kid-free time coming up when the baby starts daycare a couple weeks before I go back to work (theoretically this is for baby to transition gradually). Anyways, I was thinking this could be a good opportunity to do some kon-marie-ing (is that a verb?) before I go back. I don’t really think we need any major storage solutions or Pinteresty label-making, but it would be nice to have a more decluttered space. I realize this is something I could do own my own but when I’ve attempted this in the past I’ve run out of steam after one or two closets.
Anonymous says
No recommendations but Kon Mari style folding for my kids clothes has been life changing. Just did my own last weekend but I find the most value in kids organization. She has a new book on tidying with kids so I’d take a look at that.
H says
I think a professional organizer could be great for someone who doesn’t have great organizing skills or just really doesn’t know where to start. I would also advise focusing on one thing at a time. It is really ambitious to do your entire house in a couple weeks.
I think there are two steps to organizing: 1) Actually getting organized (which includes purging) and having a spot for every thing and 2) making it all look pretty (matching baskets in closets, cute labels, drawer organizers for each rubberband you own, etc. Personally, step 2 is not necessary unless it is important to you.
NewMomAnon says
My employer tried to hook me up with a professional organizer. It was a disaster. Seriously, like trying to have an Olympic athlete teach a Couch to 5K program. Part of the problem is that I’m capable of putting things in order. I’m very bad at maintaining it. So the organizer helped me with stuff I could already do, and within a few months it was back to chaos.
On the other hand, there are certain components of organization follow through that I never finish; bringing the discarded clothes to goodwill, scanning the important documents so I can save them to the cloud, etc. If I was going to get my house in order, I’d hire a “personal assistant” to haul things away, shred things, scan things, etc.
Anonymous says
Definitely Kon Marie! She suggests writing down WHY you want to declutter. Do that and just THROW THINGS AWAY!
After you do that, if you still feel like your place is a mess or needs to be “organized” ask around locally for someone. Or plan how you want things to be organized yourself and hire an extremely capable cleaning person and ask them to execute.
CPA Lady says
I’m kind of embarrassed about how many times I’ve recommended this…. but I’m a huge slob and have been working through the Daily OM “Year to Clear” course.
I have tried and failed a million times to keep my house clean and tidy and organized (books! blogs! my hyper organized mom standing over my shoulder! my tidy husband getting mad at me! crying! vowing I would do better this time, for real! almost immediately failing!), but this thing has been amazing. It gets to the root of why I had so much stuff and why I never put anything away and was so disorganized. I’m about halfway through the course and… I’m just kind of not a slob anymore? It’s the most bizarre thing. It’s made me question a lot of my underlying assumptions, and helped me be ready and willing to get rid of things that I never would have. I also started making my bed every day.
To me, a big huge purge and organization project is kind of like going on a crash diet. It can be useful to jump-start something, but… unless you have the skills and motivation to keep it up, it’s going to be temporary.
Anon 11:02 says
I’ve never heard of this before and will totally try it!
RDC says
Likewise – thanks! You’re exactly right about the crash Diet when I probably need a lifestyle change.
leaning out or in question says
TL;DR – is this a stupid time to lean in?
We recently increased the staff of our small office, and I now have two colleagues with the same title. They both have less experience in the job in general (and of course less seniority in the organization). I learned recently that colleague A, who transferred from within the organization, probably earns significantly more than me (~15%) due to our (not very good) rules of internal transfer. Not sure what colleague B makes, he is new to the role and to the organization. I have taken a leadership role in our group of three, partly on my own because they need it, and partly because our boss (also newer to this office, but not the larger company) believes me to be the most competent of the three. She has told me that she appreciates my experience and skill and that I am taking this leadership role.
In normal life, I’d take my annual appraisal – my first with her – in June to ask for a promotion and a pay bump, which would formalize what I feel as though I am already doing – providing leadership in our team, taking the lead on implementing certain projects, acting as a mentor/sounding board to my newer colleagues. But right now my 10 month old is waking up so ungodly early I’m getting no sleep, and I feel less efficient and more and more behind. And we are buying and selling a house and preparing to move, which is not only taking up mental bandwidth but also time away from work for inspections, repairs (moving from one 100 year old house to another), paperwork, and all that. So I definitely don’t feel as though I’m killing it.
I’ve been trying to kick it up a notch in this final month before my eval, but I’m carrying so much stress about not being as good at my job as I normally am. I feel that my boss is still trusting me to carry out high-priority projects, so that is good. Is it stupid to ask about a promotion in this upcoming eval when I’m potentially positioning myself for failure since I’m flying by the seat of my pants right now? Is it stupid to NOT ask and then wait for six months…a year…when I could be getting this now? Should I instead say in my eval something like, “My goal is to move into a Promotion role. How can I move towards that this year?” or is that shooting myself in the foot by not just asking for it now?
For further context, I’ve been in this position nearly three years with good success, but we haven’t had a long term boss in our office and have had a ton of staff transition, so it has never seemed like the right time to ask about a promotion.
Signed,
Overthinking and needing sleep
Anonymous says
Ask. And you’re doing great. She’s acknowledged that you have a leadership role, you may not get promotion and pay bump but you have a great case for a pay bump at a minimum and maybe a ‘Senior’ in front of your title. I’m thinking if you’re all analysts then your title becomes Senior Analyst.
ElisaR says
Do not wait to ask for the promotion. Ask now and if you don’t get it, ask again in 6 months! And ask for a raise too. Even if you don’t get it, keep asking, eventually you will. You know a man would ask now…..I bet that colleague B makes more than you too since you said he’s a male… (sorry can you tell I have an ingrained bias here?)
I bet you’re doing a great job – don’t let on that you don’t feel at the top of your game because as far as your boss knows you are at the top of your game! Get it girl!
Anonymous says
Ask! If she says no, then say, what do I need to do to get it in 6 months / a year. If you get the money now, you can hire a sitter every other Saturday afternoon and sleep.
H says
Ok, I was really excited for the lullaby renditions of rock songs, but they are not all created equal. We have the Led Zeppelin one, which is good, but we’ve tried others and they were not so good. Plus, IME, they did nothing to calm a screaming baby.
Cornellian says
I have the Prince one. Haven’t tried it as an anti-screaming remedy, but it’s fun to listen to.
NewMomAnon says
I found that nothing helped calm my screaming baby other than physical touch. The music was to keep me calm so I could calm her….
avocado says
Lullabies made my baby scream. Fast songs actually helped a little, preferably when I sang them really loud.
Clementine says
You want to know what stopped/stops my kid from screaming? Organ music. Like think Cathedral old school loud Phantom of the Opera style organ music.
I think it was the vibrations in the car. It was/is magic. I accidentally discovered this when I was stuck in absolute brutal traffic and he was MAD. It saved my sanity in the car.
CHJ says
The only thing that would soothe my son when he was a baby was Taylor Swift’s 1989 album. Especially Shake It Off, but really the entire album. We had it on repeat for 6 months.
Pigpen's Mama says
Shake it Off was the magic music for my LO until about 1 year. We had it on repeat for an hour on 3-4 hour drive once.
H says
My 2 year old loves Shake it Off and requests it all the time!
Blueberry says
OMG you guys this is hilarious. I’m so glad my kids have not heard of Taylor Swift — I’m not sure if a screaming baby or Shake it Off on repeat for hours is worse. It’s mostly Raffi all the time in the car. The other day my mom sang “Doo Wah Diddy” (I just looked it up, and that’s actually the name of the song!) to them at bedtime, and now that’s all they want at bedtime. My 2-year-old starts singing, There she goes, just a-walkin down the street… Ahh, it kills me.
I was singing Summertime (from Porgy and Bess), and my 2-yo now interrupts me anytime I sing anything even close to that song, and says, “No Summertime!”
Cornellian says
1990s R and B for mine. I think it’s the bass sounds?
Momata says
Otis Redding was my daughter’s favorite. I think it’s because I would pace the hallway to Otis and the slow beats were a perfect metronome for the pace of stepping and swaying that she wanted.
JEB says
Pitbull calms my kid down almost every time. It’s worked going on two years now.
avocado says
I adore Elizabeth Mitchell’s covers of Here Comes My Baby by Cat Stevens and What Goes On by the Velvet Underground.
GCA says
We have the Rockabye versions of Tool and Nine Inch Nails (which sometimes just sounded like…Nine Inch Nails!) They were amusing, but what I really liked was anything I could dance to while wearing the baby. Elizabeth Mitchell is a good one, so is classic folk or rock.
Parenting tangent: My favourite pastime while on maternity leave (and even now) was to make up cheeky versions or remixes of kids’ songs. “Oh baby boy, the wipes, the wipes are calling… from hand to hand, and from the table high” was a fun one when we started solids.
Baby GCA is now 2. The other night he wanted me to sing him to sleep but it had to be about trains (?! kid is obsessed). I sang “Mary had a little train” and “Twinkle twinkle little boxcar”. He was in stitches.
Rainbow Hair says
Oh gosh this is totally outing myself but whatever. We have a running joke about Monsanto (H worked in the organic/natural food industry for a while, but also has a sense of humor about that industry’s painting of that one company as the devil incarnate) and somehow we decided that diaper rash cream works by keeping Monsanto out? *Anyway* we have a diaper change song that goes, “Get outta my butt Monsanto, I don’t wantcha here no more…” and one day I was dropping my daughter off at daycare when she was about 18 months, and she started insisting that I sing “Santo Song! SANTO SONG!” and I was just like “…I can’t, honey. I cannot sing the Monsanto song in front of these nice people.”
quail says
That’s so cute! And I completely understand. We have a special, made up, silly bed time song (where I sing the lyrics and partner sings a bass line and drum back up) that has been unintentionally broadcast over the baby monitor to dinner party guests who are mingling downstairs while we put kid to bed…
GCA says
These are great! I’m sitting at my desk shaking with silent giggles.
Anon says
When my sister was a baby, we tape-recorded the vacuum cleaner since that was the only thing that would quiet her.
anon says
Gross question warning. Poo ahead.
I know some of y’all have talked about using a pretend magical item to help your kid ward off “monsters”, but has anyone used this to help your kid get over other fears? My daughter has been potty trained to pee in the toilet for almost six months now. But she’s really scared to poop in the toilet. This stems from some actual medical issues we’re working on with her doctor’s guidance. I’ve read the duHamel book that someone on here recommended, which was helpful too. I think at this point it’s mainly a psychological issue.
I was thinking of getting her something to hold while she’s trying to use the potty. (Specifically, I was thinking of getting a plush poo emoji, because I’m super mature and think it’s hilarious). Does this sound insane, or like it could possibly work?
RR says
Not insane at all. Anything you can do to keep it positive and fun and help her through it is good.
Anonymous says
Might work. Another idea is that if she uses a little potty, keep her in underwear but when she has to poo, let her wear a diaper while she sits on the potty so she can poo in the diaper. Once she comfortable with that, start putting the diaper in the bottom of the potty for her to poo in. And then try pooing without the diaper in the potty. Might take a couple weeks to move from each stage.
Anonymous says
Even if it doesn’t work, you will be the proud owner of a poo emoji pillow, which seems 100% worthwhile to me. It can’t hurt, right? I validate your idea!
GCA says
+1 there is no downside to this!
Get Over It? says
I spent most of the night awake last night which is completely unusual for me. Nothing usually keeps me up, especially not work related. I had an issue with a colleague yesterday that involved her blindsiding me in a meeting and later unloading her grievances. I felt awful and kept turning it over and over in my head last night despite knowing that I had done everything I could to remedy the situation with what she gave me. I was exhausted and worked on all my usual techniques to fall asleep – reading, meditation, etc.
I’m not a people pleaser, but I am also not accustomed to having someone truly angry with my decisions or the way I handle something. In some ways, I think this is part of career progression and being in leadership roles. I knew it was stupid to be awake thinking about it, but I just couldn’t turn it off.
What do you do when you’re in this kind of situation where your hands are tied but you still just feel bad? I’m fine now after getting some other feedback and some success under my belt today but losing a night of sleep over this is frustrating. I’m proud of how I handled the front at work but I’m not happy about the emotional impact I let it have on me.
ElisaR says
I totally understand, here I am years later and I recall similar situations with complete detail (whereas I can’t find my car keys at any given moment). My only advice is that it’s because you’re human and you care and have pride in doing a good and fair job. I think as your leadership role continues you will put more of these situations behind you and they just get easier – especially when you know you did all that you could in the situation. Not sure if that helps….
Anonymous says
I find writing out my anxieties (even my to-do list) before bed helps me sleep. I write on index cards and slide them into my closed glasses case so I know I will see them first thing in the morning.
Also, if I’m feeling like I will never sleep I do a “guided sleep meditation” which I bought on iTunes (I bought the WHOLE album and can choose from 5 minutes to I think 90 minutes of some lady talking me to sleep.)
P says
The advice I’ve heard in similar situations is to give yourself permission and space to feel all of the feels —- even though you can’t do anything about it and wouldn’t have done anything differently, you can still be upset. In this situation, you can even reframe your empathy towards your colleague as a positive attribute.
Anon in NYC says
We’re changing my daughter’s daycare next week, and I’d like to get a small gift for her teachers. She has two main teachers, but she spends a lot of time in the other toddler classrooms as well. Any suggestions? Is a gift card appropriate for her main teachers? Should I bring in something for all of the toddler teachers to enjoy – cupcakes, muffins, etc.?
Em says
I think your idea of a gift card for the main teachers and food for all the teachers to enjoy is good. We do cash for teachers when my son moves up but we have done gift cards, as well. We usually also bring in some food for the teachers to share, as well – usually Panera or cookies.
Autism says
Anyone have an autistic kid? We have twin three year old boys. We’ve known something was up with T for awhile. He had early intervention for gross motor delay (didn’t pull up until 13 mo, didn’t walk until 18 mo, still doesn’t jump). He also has a speech delay and has been getting services for awhile. We had him evaluated by a NP who’s a specialist in developmental disorders, in particular autism. Her assessment (after only about 15 min — we waited a year for the appointment and thought it would be more thorough) was that he had autistic tendencies but was not autistic. He makes good eye contact, loves social games like peek-a-boo, is very snuggly, is extremely easy-going with almost no problems with changes in routine, very rare tantrums (even through the terrible twos), good eater, good sleeper, and seems to read emotion well enough (reacts differently to being told “no” if it’s said gently vs angrily). But he has odd body posture, repeats phrases over and over, has limited vocabulary, and seriously does not follow instructions at all. Our au pair is on vacation so I had a chance to observe him with his preschool classmates this week during drop off and pick up, and the difference is just so clear. I mean, we know his brother is more advanced than he is, but it was just so stark in the bigger group. We have a meeting with the people from the school system next week, and the follow up appointment with a developmental pediatrician mid-June, so we’re doing all the things. But based on what I’ve found online, it seems like autism varies so widely that saying a kid is autistic is kind of meaningless (e.g., autistic people tend to do X, but not all autistic people; they also tend to do Y, but not all, etc.) Just not sure what to expect, but while we’ve been unsure for awhile whether he was “really” autistic, seeing him with the other kids made it pretty clear that there’s something really different about him.
Anonymous says
You might want to look into something called “Non Verbal Learning Disabilities” (NVLD). In some ways they manifest like autism (gross and fine motor delay) but lack a lot of autism’s defining traits (stimming, routine rigidity, social delays,). A good eval should take a couple hours. My dad is a school psychologist and I worked for one in college typing evaluation reports. My dad would do at least a two hour eval for a kid under 5 (3-4 for school age kids, b/c of tests) and the psychologist I worked for would do 3 two-hour evals, minimum (she charged a lot and had a lot more kids with emotional problems and needed to get them to talk).
Anonymous says
Until the appointment mid-June, I wouldn’t focus on the label, focus on what issues are that need to be addressed. If communication skills are not at age level – Hanen is a really helpful simple program. Maybe you and au pair could take a class? Hanen style language/communication classes are taught in many Canadian public hospital speech pathology programs so they are shown to work. http://www.hanen.org/Programs/For-Parents/More-Than-Words.aspx
Kids with high functioning autism have many of the same kids as neurotypical kids – just amplified. So things like routine are extreme important. Generally speaking, things you would do to help an autism kid, would not harm a neurotypical kid, so there’s no downside.
Sesame Street’s recent inclusion of an autism character also involved a really useful website about autism including lots of resources for parents. http://autism.sesamestreet.org/videos/parents/