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This is a fun, washable dress for the summer. I like how the color and cut are conservative and professional but the wavy white trim adds some fun and youthfulness to it. The white trim looks like it hits at the smallest point of your torso, which is slimming. Also, the material is linen/cotton, which means you won’t sweat to death during your commute. Another feature I think is cute is that the top section has a separates illusion so that the wavy trim is at the bottom and not just a sewn onto the dress itself. It’s $108 full price and is on sale for $64.50 at J.Crew Factory in sizes 00-20. Rickrack Trim Dress This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!Sales of note for 3.28.24
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anonymous says
Last night we threw caution to the wind and decided to do one of those fun summer nights things that will stick around as good memories.
Flip side of that is that my 2 year old was up until 11PM (we’re normally on the 7PM bedtime train) and my husband and I went to bed around 2:30AM. May the coffee be with us today, guys.
AwayEmily says
Good luck! And I bet you’ll all get through the day better than you expect. We are also a pretty strict 7pm bedtime household, and I like to think that one of the benefits of being a stickler for sleep 99% of the time is that when you choose to bend the rules for fun, everyone bounces back quickly.
Anon says
We did the same!!! Although we were in bed by 1030PM for the kids and we were only marginally later. I kept repeating in my head “What is life if not for a backyard movie on a random Tuesday in June?”
I took some pictures, if only to remind myself how magical it was to see their surprise. I’ll need that reminder when they’re cranky bears for the next two days.
What was your special summer memory? I want to try to do one each month this summer (June, July, Aug) so I’ll take all the ideas you have!
mascot says
Homemade ice cream for dinner is a summer tradition in our family. Not for dessert, for dinner proper. We use peaches because, fruit.
GCA says
Sending you good thoughts and coffee! What did you do?
I’m currently waddling around too pregnant to consider it, but one summer day I would love to take the kiddos camping on a random weeknight, get up in the morning, and go directly to daycare/ work.
Anonymous says
If you have a backyard, you can approximate this with even less hassle. :) My kids ended up coming inside by 11ish because it was clear sleep was not going to happen, but “sleeping” in the tent was the highlight of their summer so far.
Anonymous says
We went to the drive-in movie theater!
Rainbow Hair says
We did Family Movie Night in our bed on Monday. We’re strictly no-screens on weeknights, but we were halfway through Frozen, so…
Kiddo and I made popcorn on the stove, and her delighted screams when it started popping were everything! And then snuggling up and watching the movie. Yeap, excellent and worth breaking a rule.
Anonymous says
I think this is the great thing about keeping structure/routine most of the time – when you don’t, it’s totally OK and super memorable for you the little ones. We’re hosting a fourth of July party and while everyone there has littles, I expect that they’ll all be up past bedtime. It’s OK to do every once in a while!
AwayEmily says
Passport photos for kids…any advice? Is there an app that people like? I have a 2YO and a 5-month old, so ideally I’d like to take them at home and then print them at a CVS or Walgreens, but I’m worried about getting everything right.
LH says
Following. We need to do this for my 5 mo. Every one says “do it yourself” but I have no idea how.
Anon in NYC says
Just get them done at CVS! I tried to do it at home when my kid was around 11 or 12 months and it was a train wreck. It was easier to go to CVS and have them take the photos.
But, for your 5 month old, I think a white sheet over their car seat is the common tip that I’ve heard for taking photos at home.
lala says
We did them at the passport office, I didn’t want to risk doing it wrong, and I don’t think it cost that much.
Anonymous says
We did passport photos at home for 2-week-adjusted preemies who could barely hold their head up, so it’s completely possible! What worked well for us was a white muslin blanket over their bouncer. There were some slight wrinkles and shadows, but they’re much more lenient about babies than older kids or adults.
There’s a really useful photo cropping tool on the State Dept website. We took a bunch of photos, picked the best one, uploaded it to the cropping tool to make sure we had the face the correct size, and then printed it at CVS.
EB0220 says
I recommend finding a passport office that takes them if you can. That way you know they won’t mess it up, and it’s not that expensive. My kids have gotten passport photos at 1.5, 3 months and 6 and every time the person at the passport office did a great job. When you make the reservation, you can filter for facilities that have photo.
GGFM says
We went to Walgreens for photos when our daughter was 3 or 4 months old, so not quite sitting at that point. She laid down on a piece of posterboard and they took the shot form overhead. It was very easy – no drama from the kiddo and it didn’t cost much.
anon says
We’ve always done it ourselves. For my toddlers, we had my husband put them on his shoulders and stand in front of a white wall. It was really quick and painless. For the 5 month old, I’d probably lay them on a white sheet and stand over them with my cell phone. There are apps online that will help you crop the photo correctly.
ginger hb says
For the 5 month old, I heard a good trick from a friend – she wore a white shirt and held the baby and took the picture at home.
Anonymous says
Hmm, US passport office explicitly says no one else can be in the photo. One of their “wrong” examples on their website has a baby held against an adult’s chest (with the adult’s face not visible). Unless you are very flat-chested and the photographer gets the angle just right, I think it will pretty obvious an adult is in the photo. A white sheet in the crib or carseat seems much safer.
Anonymous says
+1 to doing it at a passport office (check in advance because they don’t all do pictures). If not, check on your local moms listserv to see if there are recommendations for a good drugstore or photography shop for this. For one baby, I took him to a photography shop, where they had a dedicated car seat covered in a white sheet for baby passport photos, which I thought was pretty genius. Not sure I would risk doing it at home.
Anonymous says
We did ours at home, I strapped the 1yo into her high chair and taped a white sheet to the wall, draped over the back of the high chair. A sheet-coverd car seat would work for the 5month old, they’re apparently less picky about the background for the babies and toddlers. I used a website online for the cropping, and had no issues. The hardest part was getting the baby to not smile in the pictures, she’s just a naturally smiley kid.
My sister took her kids to CVS, and the passport office didn’t accept them, ( and it was one that didn’t do photos) and it added a layer of stress when she had to take the kids back for the reshoot.
Anonymous says
We had family photos taken and the photographer just happened to take some close-ups of our infant daughter lying on a bed with off-white bedding. We submitted one of those and had no issues. And now our daughter looks absolutely gorgeous in her passport photo…for the next 5 years at least ;)
Rainbow Hair says
I took my kid to a place in town that does them. It was totally worth the $15 or whatever to make sure they got it right. The caveat is that my kid should probably model because (she’s gorgeous, duh I’m her mom but also) she’s never more compliant than when she’s having her picture taken (by someone other than me).
Anonymous says
I had some made at CVS that I thought looked good, but the passport office rejected them because a bit of my daughter’s ear was outside the “head” template. Luckily that office could take a new photo right then, but I learned its really hard to get a baby’s proportions to line up with the cropping software.
CBG says
I just did mine using the Passport Photo Booth App. It puts like a head shaped frame over your camera to fit within the guidelines. We took a whole bunch and then i printed a few and picked from those. It was super easy to print them to CVS and cost me like a quarter per print. I’ll do the same thing whenever we need passport photos again.
Anonymous says
In mod, but there’s a link on the passport website to a photo cropping tool that will help make sure you have the proportions right if you take the photo yourself.
no says
My first thought on this dress is “Corporate Charlie Brown.”
lsw says
I think it’s really cute and would wear it, but I haven’t been thrilled with the quality of Factory clothes. (Love the jewelry though.)
Anonymous says
The quality’s not great, and the fit is really bad for me (tall, size 8-10 hourglass). Everything is boxy and short, even in “tall” sizes.
KateMiddletown says
Yep same body type/size. Although the price is right, typically, and I don’t mind a teeny nip and tuck here from the tailor to make it work. J Crew Factor are perfect “still have 15 # to lose post-baby” clothes.
ElisaR says
haha, I love it though. I doubt it washes well though if its cotton/linen.
lsw says
tl;dr: If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it?
My son is turning 2 in a couple of weeks. He’s been sleeping like clockwork for months and months (I know, we’re lucky) – nap around 12:30, bedtime around 7, sleep until 7 am. Lately on the weekends he has been occasionally not falling asleep for naps, but just playing in his crib. For an hour or two, happily. Apparently he’s still napping at school. And now at home, he is occasionally taking over an hour to fall asleep. Last night we heard him talking to himself at 8:45 pm!! He is never crying or fussing, and just playing or talking. Should we be putting him to bed later? Earlier? Just not doing anything because he’s fine? I definitely want to encourage quiet time during naptime, even if he doesn’t sleep, but it just seems bizarre he’s staying up so much at night. He’s been fussy and defiant somewhat during the days, but he’s also two, so.
Just leave it be? Anyone else experience this?
J says
No advice on naptime, but we went through the exact same nighttime issue around 22-23 months. We ended up moving bedtime about 30 minutes later. We felt that kiddo truly wasn’t tired and was clearly getting enough sleep based on her demeanor and total sleep time. It worked really well. We also made sure we didn’t go back in to help her unless she really needed us – we didn’t want to reward her. But, really, pushing bedtime back made a big difference. We also can’t let kiddo nap past 3:00, or she’ll have a really hard time falling asleep at night, but that’s an ongoing thing and wasn’t just related to that time in her life.
HSAL says
Same on all of this. My daughter is 2 3/4 but around two is when we went from a 7:00 to a 7:30-8 bedtime, and even now it’s regularly 8:30 or later that she falls asleep, and she wakes up anywhere from 6-7. We also don’t let her nap past 3 barring extreme circumstances, since her awake time is so much longer now than it used to be.
GCA says
Maybe leave it be for a week and see if things change? How long are his naps at school? Almost-2 seems a wee bit early to drop the nap, but it’s not unheard of. My son would occasionally not-nap on one or both weekend days starting around 2.5, and we’d have quiet time instead and just put him to bed at like 6.30. (And then have no idea what to do with ourselves all evening!)
lsw says
He seems to be sleeping around 1-1.5 hours at school. For a while he was having consistently longer naps at home on the weekends (2-3 hours!) and we assumed he was just catching up from the excitement of school and healing from the constant runny nose colds. Did you move your son to an earlier bedtime when he dropped the nap or was he going to bed at 6:30 before that also?
GCA says
If he napped (typically 1.5 to 2 hours), bedtime was more like 7.30pm to 6am (and often he wouldn’t fall asleep till 8). Without a nap, we’d watch him for signs of tiredness and usually end up putting him to bed around 6.30pm, and he’d sleep till 6.30 or 7am. So total sleep time remained roughly the same with or without nap.
Mine also sleeps 1-1.5 hours at school but will sometimes take EPIC naps on the weekends, even now at age 3. Like 3+ hours. If you try to wake him at all he grumbles ‘I’m still sleeping!’, rolls over and goes back to sleep! I have no idea what we’re doing on Saturday mornings that tires him out so much. There is no in between – it’s either epic nap or no nap on any given weekend day and we just have to roll with it.
ElisaR says
ugh, my son is 27 months old and we are dealing with the exact same thing. I don’t know if its because it stays light so much later now? It’s killing me because I need that time to prep for the following day. So no advice just commiseration.
lsw says
Oh of course! I bet this is definitely part of it at night. I wasn’t even thinking.
I’m feeling the same – I actually get stuff DONE when he takes a nap on the weekend and in the evenings post-8:00. I can’t give it up so soon!
Apparently I stopped napping around age 2. :-|
Anonymous says
How long has this been going on? I think he’s young to be dropping a nap, but may be going through some kind of developmental leap. This seems to happen to my son at least once a year, even now at age 6, where he suddenly needs much less sleep all of a sudden for a week or so. Then it goes back to normal. If it has been weeks I agree that pushing bedtime back is a good idea – you can preserve the nap that way. It sounds like he needs a little less sleep than some kids his age, but hold on to that nap as long as you can!
Anonymous says
It’s young but not unheard of. DH dropped naps before age 2, and our daughter mostly dropped them shortly after turning 2.
Anonymous says
Good call on a possible leap. It has been more recent (the last week or two), and largely since we came back from vacation as well. He’s also having a bit of a language bump – not the explosion yet, but he’s behind verbally.
This is all great advice. I think we’ll just keep tabs on it and see if it seems permanent or eventually goes back. He’s been experimenting with a lot of new vocal sounds so I wonder if that’s part of what’s keeping him up.
Spirograph says
My almost-2 year old is going through the same thing. We’re not changing his schedule, other than the natural bedtime shift that comes with summer. If he plays quietly in his crib, that is fine with me; the important thing is MY quiet time!
Anon in NYC says
Water shoes question. My kid has worn Natives for the past 2 summers, but this summer she’s a lot more physically active than last year and she got a blister on her heel. (To say that this has been traumatic for her would only be a slight exaggeration.) I’m not that surprised because they’re basically jellies from when we were kids.
Her summer program is going to be taking them to the playgrounds with sprinklers this summer. Are there any good closed-toe water shoes that are made from softer materials? I saw a kid that had what looked like neoprene shoes with soles, but would appreciate any brand recs!
J says
We do Keen sandals, but I know folks either love or hate them.
Anonymous says
Keens. They take a while to dry, but IMO they are outstanding and we wear year round and as general shoes. Never a blister.
ElisaR says
Target has these shoes by Stride Rite called “Surprize”. I bought them but my son hasn’t started wearing them yet because water play starts next week at daycare. I think they were recommended on this s*te a few months back.
Anon says
+1. We’ve done the Speedo Hybrid water shoes and the Surprize by Stride Rite Hiking Sandals. Both available at Target. The hiking sandals are the least likely to blister, but they take a good 24 hours to dry. If Kiddo will be using daily, you’ll want 2 pairs to alternate between.
mascot says
Nike Sunray worked for my kid with a narrower heel.
rakma says
The Nike Sunrays also worked well for my wide-footed kid, and they hold up well. We’re on year 3 of these being the go-to water shoe.
GCA says
We have neoprene-material Teva sandals with a closed toe. They’re called the Tidepool, but they were from Sierra Trading Post and the closed toe model may be an older version – I’ve seen (maybe newer?) Tidepools with open toes.
anon says
Stride Rite Phibian. Some of the older reviews mention issues with rubbing and blisters, but we haven’t noticed anything amiss with this year’s model.
anon says
Also, I like Keens a lot and you can wear them in the water, but they take a long time to dry out unless you set them in the sun.
Sarabeth says
We just bought some by Nautica. Neoprene uppers, flexible bottoms, closed toe. I’d search for “water shoes” in general to find options. No blisters (which our kid also gets in Natives/similar shoes).
anon says
My 3.5 year old wears speedo aquasocks from Target. They seem to work pretty well.
Anon in NYC says
Thanks, all! I will poke around Zappos and Target and order a bunch. My kid is horribly picky about shoes and will literally only wear Saucony shoes, so this will be an adventure.
Anonymous says
A different brand – See Kai Run. I just did the Prime Wardrobe thingy and ordered 5 different pairs of See Kai Run closed toe sandals (that can get wet/double as water shoe), so I didn’t have to get charged $250 and then return on amazon. They included a bag to send them back in the mail.
JTX says
We have tried a ton of water shoes, and the ones my kids like best are the Crocs Swiftwater sandals. Natives and the like gave my older son blisters. The Swiftwater sandals are made of soft neoprene with a closed, rubber-protected toe and velcro straps.
KateMiddletown says
Costco had knock-off Keens a few weeks ago – they were like $8. I love the neoprene shoes you mention, only if they know how to change shoes – I feel like you can find them at the grocery store or Walmart.
Needs a Reset says
Looking for suggestions. I think I’m finally on the tail end of an emotionally stressful 4-6 months. I’ve been crazy busy at work (which might not actually get better anytime soon), was fairly sick for a few weeks in March/April, and have had multiple unexpected house issues in 2018 which led to an emotional roller coaster about whether to move or not. I need a reset. And I need ideas. A vacation seems like an obvious choice, but I have mixed feelings. My family is my husband, 2.5 year old daughter, and me. A family vacation (which I am all in favor of usually) just doesn’t sound restorative this time. Maybe time away with my hubby, but that’s logistically difficult with grandparents not nearby. I feel like I need something more intensive than a mental health day at a local spa or weekend day to myself. But I also feel guilty spending money on a trip just for me. Any thoughts, suggestions, comments? Thanks in advance!
ElisaR says
more of a long term solution, but what about yoga once a week? or just some away time…. yoga is good because your mind is occupied. Ish.
anon says
I’ve had many non-relaxing trips with my kids, but last summer we went to the beach (Outer Banks) for a week and it was awesome. The kids (ages 1 and 3.5) were thrilled to play in the sand for hours at a time, leaving us free to sit in our lounge chairs. We had ice cream, ate yummy food, and played on the beach–that’s it. It was the most restorative vacation that I’ve had in a long time. I’m not usually a beach person, but it was so quiet and lovely there. No schedules. No car time. Just quiet.
Tfor22 says
How about a retreat? I have heard great things about the yoga retreats at Kripalu in the Berkshires.
I have been curious about Mt St Mary’s House of Prayer in Watchung, NJ, where a pal of mine is a spiritual director. I have also heard great things about retreats at Holy Cross in the Hudson Valley. If those ideas are too religious you could make your own retreat at a serene place with some quiet, good scenery, and a journal.
SC says
If I could, I would take a week of vacation and stay at home. Do restorative things during the day, whatever that means for you (going to a day spa, yoga or a hike or other exercise, reading in the bath or by the pool, visiting a museum for adults). Either ask your husband to handle dinners, or plan a week of dinners that are easy. If your kids are older, you can make the easy dinners fun by having a picnic in the backyard or having a “backwards” dinner or something else silly.
Maybe at the end of the week you could do a night away in a local hotel with your husband and hire a babysitter for that?
FWIW, last year we went to the beach with our Kiddo, who had just turned 2, and it was not relaxing at all. It was a ton of work. We’re going again next month, but I have no expectations that it will be restorative.
avocado says
This sounds divine.
SC says
Right? I should take my own advice. But DH and I just had a weekend away, and I’m taking vacation to do the family trip to the beach.
Anonymous says
Can you fly in a set of grandparents to watch your daughter? We did that for a milestone anniversary. It made an expensive vacation even more expensive (four plane tickets instead of two), but it was worth it for time away together.
Butter says
Following for ideas, as I’m after the same thing. I have gotten some relief from journaling in a cafe for a couple of hours, but don’t know how to embed that into something bigger and more transformative/refreshing. I really wish there was a weekend retreat/camp/adventure designed for just these moments in life. I’ll poke around on the Kripalu site, but if anyone has ideas for the midwest let me know.
OP says
I’m in the Midwest, too!
Frozen Peach says
Following because I need this too. I took a few days off and spent a lot of time alone in a nearby national park with coffee and a journal. It wasn’t enough, clearly, since I’m after it again, but it helped. Nature helps.
Patty Mayonnaise says
Anyone have advice on how to deal with grandparents who are looks obsessed? We’ll be visiting my parents next week and they’ve always been hyper focused on appearance, which certainly affected me growing up. So I’d like to try not to make it a focus with my 15 month old son. But my parents are constantly talking about looks – how do I (gently?) ask them to focus on other things?
anon says
Depending on the types of comments they’re making (not sure if you’re expecting positive, negative, or both), I’d keep deflecting and changing the subject. If it still is a big deal, I think you say: “Mom and Dad, I’m a little uncomfortable about constantly talking about DS’s looks and appearance. I think he’s the cutest and always will be, but I’m a little biased.” It keeps it light. But, I’d say if the commentary gets derogatory in any way, it’s fair to have a tougher, more stern conversation.
Anon in NYC says
Your son is too young right now to even understand what your parents are saying. When he’s older, it’s fine to address it with him more directly, but right now I would just assume that he has no clue what’s going on. All that said, I’m very sensitive to any body shaming comments from my dad (or my MIL talking about she’s fat or “being bad” when she eats less healthy food), so I empathize.
Whose appearance are they talking about? If it’s yours, your son, or your spouse, I think you should be direct and say something to the effect of, “Mom/Dad, we don’t think that [appearance related thing] is important. Let’s not discuss it.” If they persist, just tell them that you don’t want to continue talking about it, or tell them that you actually like the thing that they seem to hate so much.
If they’re talking about someone else (so and so really let herself go), I think you can say something like, “well, we don’t know what’s going on behind closed doors” or “I thought she looked good” and then just change the subject to focus on lunch, the next activity with your kid, etc.
Rainbow Hair says
Is 15 months really too young to know? At that age Kiddo would look at her ponytails in the mirror and say, “I pretty!” She learned it at daycare. They soak stuff up quickly.
Anon in NYC says
I think so, but I could be wrong. At 15 months, most comments like that would have gone completely over my kid’s head.
In this case, it seems like the grandparents live far enough away that they’re not a daily or even monthly presence in his life, and there is a real gender bias here – a lot of people think it’s fair game to comment on a girl’s appearance, even a toddler, whereas boys don’t get it as often. The grandparents might not do it as frequently to a boy – and their grandchild – as they did to their female child.
AwayEmily says
I rarely put my 2YO in a dress but every time I do, she says “I pretty!” She definitely did not get that from me. Daycare, man. I love it but the gender stuff is not great.
Anonymous says
I disagree – My 15 month old seems to understand like 75% of what I say. And they certainly understand if someone is being insulting, or can interpret your facial expressions if you’re unhappy.
ElisaR says
my dad is kinda like this. While it affected you, I doubt your son will be as affected. Especially if they live far away and he doesn’t hear it on a daily basis. When he’s older I think it’s fine to say something if its extreme at that point, but don’t worry about it now.
anon says
Ask them directly. “Let’s please not talk about looks. Thanks.” I had to do this with my dad regarding politics. He was taken aback but he respected and continues to respect my request.
Anon says
No great advice, but thank you for thinking of this. I had relatives growing up (who were a plane ride away most of the time) who would comment far too much on looks and to this day, I’m uncomfortable with them. As a kid, I hated it and it affected my self-perception for a long time, but I didn’t have the tools to deal with it. I wish someone had put a stop to the comments.
Given my experience, I would say that it’s perfectly fine to be kind but firm with the grandparents that we don’t assess other people’s bodies in our family (or whatever your rule is). They’ll probably think you’re ridiculous, but I think you’re right to start this conversation early.
anne-on says
So meal times have become a constant battle with my 6-yr old culminating in him spraying a huge mouthful of milk all over me/the counter this AM because he refuses to take normal sips and will instead take HUGE gulps (think chipmunk cheeks) to get drinking his milk over faster. Today he did this and then almost choked, sprayed milk, and then gagged. I just about lost it and had to take an adult time out to calm down.
Am I insane to expect simple rules (eat your vegetables/fruit, do not shove food into your cheeks or try to swallow without chewing so you gag, stop playing with your fork/sticking it in your ear/hair/leg, sit properly on the chair instead of sliding nearly off, etc.) to be able to be followed at this age without constant reminders/threats? I feel like 95% of our meal time is using timers/threatening to take things away/reminding him that the faster he finishes the faster he gets to play/etc. etc. etc.
avocado says
Would a straw help restrict the gulping?
anne-on says
We have a straw already, which actually seems to make gulping easier, maybe I take it away? The shoving food/gulping then gagging thing has been an ongoing issue since he was smaller as a way to get ‘yucky’ food over with faster and it is literally the ONE ‘bad’ kid behavior that makes me absolutely see red.
I realize that, and try to remove myself until I can calm down enough to address the behavior. But seriously, when he was younger there was a full year where we avoided restaurants after multiple instances of shoving food/gulping resulting in gagging and throwing up. Ugh.
Anonymous says
So stop serving him milk. He doesn’t need it. If he hates it take it away.
Anonymous says
Right. Gently, I don’t think requiring him to eat food he doesn’t like is the answer. There must be some middle ground here of foods he likes that are healthy enough. I’d be worried that he’ll forever associate vegetables, etc. with being forced to eat something he hated.
Different anon says
Yes, my 5 yo hates milk. I mentioned to him that I was worried he wasn’t getting enough calcium (and that he needs that for healthy bones) and I suggested maybe he could have some cheese or some calcium fortified orange juice (not to start the juice debate). He was super interested in the whole concept and now thinks cheese is basically like medicine (lol). So I guess what I’m trying to say is he’s old enough that you can talk to him about what choices are healthy and why and try to get him on board. Contrary to a lot of the other posters we do let our kids eat separate foods from us at dinner though (we all sit together but kids don’t eat the same foods).
Spirograph says
Oh man, if only cheese were medicine!
My kids are also not huge fans of milk, esp the 5 year old. He likes it on cereal, but not to drink. He loves yogurt and cheese, so I’m really not worried about his calcium intake. We talk about how you need to eat lots of types of food 1. to grow healthy and strong, 2. because people will think you’re weird when you grow up if you only eat pizza and mac & cheese, and 3. because you might find new things that you like. But if the kids aren’t hungry or don’t like dinner, fine, they can wait til the next meal. Food isn’t a battle I pick.
anon says
In our house, kids who can’t drink properly from a big kid cup have to use a baby sippy cup.
Anonymous says
Good point, especially if he does this with water.
Anonymous says
I don’t have an opinion on the latter questions – my child is only 2.5, so I don’t know what realistic expectations for a six year old are. But the “to get drinking his milk over faster” struck me the wrong way. Does he dislike milk and you’re requiring him to drink it? If so, as someone who thinks milk tastes like vomit, I think you’re being unfair on that specifically.
Anonymous says
Exactly. He shouldn’t have to get anything down.
Anon. says
Gently, I also think using a timer at dinner time is probably contributing to this situation. Sounds like you guys are stuck in a “forced” cycle. He is forced to sit at the dinner table, he is forced to drink milk, and the coping tactic he is using is making you furious. I’d just get out of the cycle. Take away the timer and the milk he clearly hates (on my ped’s permission, my 5 yr old hasn’t drank milk in 5 years). Go to natural consequences and embrace the zen. Sit down with him at a calm non-mealtime, and tell him things are going to change. You are tired of fighting at meal time. So, new rules — he isn’t forced to eat anything. He is offered food and may choose to eat what he wants. But, if he gets up from the dinner table, his plate is cleared and dinner is done. The kitchen is closed until the next mealtime. Do not give in to snacks, and do not get upset. It’s not punitive, it’s just the rules. At 6, he is definitely old enough to understand what is happening. He doesn’t get forced to drink or eat things, he is offered things at appropriate times and places. If he doesn’t choose to eat them, that’s fine, he can wait until the next meal. Read up on Ellyn Satter. Satter didn’t make my kids hugely adventurous eaters (it does for some kids), but meals are now downright pleasant with my 4 and 6 yr olds. I just….don’t fight with them. If they don’t wnat to eat, that’s their choice, but they both understand that nothing else will be offered until our next meal time.
Anon. says
Sorry – that would be, my 6 year old hasn’t drank milk in 5 years! once we put milk in a cup, he was over it.
CPA Lady says
^ this x 1,000,000. We do the exact same thing. My kid either eats or she doesn’t. It’s up to her. She’s 3 and we’ve been doing this since she was 2. She hasn’t starved yet.
Anon. says
And I would add if you are bothered by certain manners, make those meal-enders as well. In the time when you explain the new rules, let him know that getting up from the table, playing on your chair or with your utensils will all signal to you that he’s done eating and his plate will be cleared. Again, no yelling, no forcing, just “if X behavior, then Y consequence.”
Satter has gotten us through lots of picky phases, and once my older turned 5, I was able to add a “try a little of something on the table” before you can clear your plate and be done. But we had been full Satter for over 2 years at that point, and I think taking the pressure off helped him feel excited about trying new foods. You may want to skip forcing anything at first to let everyone relax and enjoy meals again.
Also, resetting your expectations helps. The sit down portion of meals still is only like 3 minutes for my 4 yr old, which is fine. They still don’t always close their mouth while chewing and think potty words are hilarious. I sit and eat with them at dinner every night and dislike the potty words and how quickly meals last for my younger one. But, overall, on the whole, I really hated spending our meal times negotiating “one more bite!” with them, and now just sit and enjoy my food and try to appreciate how much they make each other laugh.
avocado says
Same warning I always post when Satter comes up: Some kids WILL starve themselves, despite Satter’s claims to the contrary. Mine absolutely did. The Satter method is for “normal” kids, and is not appropriate for resistant eaters.
I agree that OP needs a new strategy, but Satter may or may not be it depending on her child’s issues.
lala says
+1. While I could see Satter not being for every kid, it has worked wonderfully for mine. If for no other reason than I am not micromanaging meal times, and so I get to enjoy eating. The hardest part is not giving in to snacks . . .
Anonymous says
This sounds really stressful. I find that for our kid, some of that behavior at mealtime is attention-seeking and so not responding much at all can mitigate somewhat. but obviously that’s impossible if you’re getting milk sprayed in your face.
disclaimer that every kid is different but what has worked with ours is to, at a time that is NOT mealtime and everyone is in a good mood, go over the rules — and if possible make the rules positive (“fork is only for putting food in your mouth” rather than “don’t put fork in hair”) and the consequences. We are pretty draconian in that for most infractions, the consequence is that mealtime is just over. period. no more food. A few things have smaller consequences (one of our rules is “cup stays upright” and so if she tips her sippy cup over it is taken away but mealtime isn’t over).
Maybe try that for a week and then see how things go?
Anonymous says
Why are you forcing him to eat? That’s terrible and a way to cause major issues.
avocado says
I am a little confused. Does he eat too quickly or too slowly? The gulping and choking make it sound as if he is eating too quickly, but the timer makes it sound as if he’s dawdling.
SC says
My kid is only 3, but with food and drinks, DH and I take a much more hands-off approach about what goes into his body. It’s his body, and we’re going to lose any power struggle over what he eats or how he eats it. So, we do not require Kiddo to eat or drink anything in particular. We don’t comment on him stuffing his cheeks or gagging or spitting things out. We strongly encourage him to try things, and praise him when he does, whether he likes it or not. We also do not offer unlimited options–he can eat what he’s served or not eat at all, but if we know or strongly suspect he won’t like a substantial portion of dinner, we try to serve an alternative (so, last night, we gave him corn on the cob instead of maque choux). We remind him that dinner time is his only chance to eat before morning, but it’s fine if he’s not hungry.
I’m not sure if this would work with an older child, but if Kiddo is getting up or turning around in his chair during dinner, we ignore him. If he plays with his fork, he loses his fork and can eat with his spoon or his hands. The only timer we set is for the end of dinner, if he’s taking too long to eat.
We purposely don’t have play time after dinner. We do bath time or start getting ready for bed immediately afterwards. If you eat dinner too early for that to work, maybe you could have a quiet play or reading time after dinner.
Anonymous says
This was basically my parents’ philosophy and is ours too. We don’t prep separate meals for our daughter, but we don’t force her to eat anything in particular. Dessert is a reward for eating a reasonable portion of a healthy dinner.
anon says
We don’t prep separate meals, but there are a few anytime foods, and we are OK if the kids grab that for dinner. Ours are low-sugar or plain yogurt, string cheese, whole wheat bread (with nothing on it), hard-boiled eggs if they exist and baby carrots. When DS ate frozen peas by the handful, frozen peas were on the list, but sadly he outgrew that.
SC says
DH gives Kiddo a snack when he gets home from school, usually apple slices or carrots and hummus. Often, the snack will stick around through dinner, and Kiddo can eat that instead of dinner if he wants.
We often do prep something different for Kiddo, or prep the same foods in a different way. Often, we give Kiddo what we’re eating, but deconstructed so he can try each thing on its own. Last night, DH made maque choux but just gave Kiddo half an ear of corn. We put sauces and dressings on the side, especially if they’re spicy or sour. If DH makes asparagus for us, he usually boils some snap peas or green beans for Kiddo, who won’t touch asparagus (we still offer it). What we don’t do is let Kiddo demand something for dinner that’s not on the table when we sit down. He’s 3, so his demands are usually not all that reasonable–crackers or pita chips are his most frequent requests.
Also, we rarely have dessert after dinner, so I don’t tie dessert to eating his meal. Dinner is the last thing we do before the bedtime routine, so it throws off our routine to take time for dessert, plus the sugar usually makes bedtime harder. Kiddo also gets treats earlier in the day, either at daycare or with us on the weekends, so he doesn’t need more after dinner. (I’d be OK with fruit for dinner, but my kid dislikes most fruits, including the ones that other kids seem to love.)
anne-on says
Thanks all for the opinions. I have an appointment with a nutritionist at our pediatrician’s office. Sadly, it IS a nutrition issue (re the milk and not growing due to a lack of calcium intake) and he will not eat cheese, smoothies, yogurt, etc. so warm milk with a touch of chocolate milk it is!
He’s also the definition of the resistant child per the poster above – he flat out will starve himself and is totally against trying new foods (trying jelly was a fight, trying a bite of a new dessert was a fight, etc. etc.). We’ve managed to expand the repertoire of foods he will eat to be a healthy range of raw fruits/veggies, but if left to his own devices he would ‘choose’ not to eat any vegetables ever again, period. That is not sustainable. Peer pressure at school meals (they all eat the same communal meal) helps, but I think our new rule at home is that dessert is currently off the table for the near future. Vegetables/fruits/meat are offered first, and if you choose not to eat a decent portion of them you will not get starch (bread/crackers). Ugh – I would HAPPILY outsource meals if I could!
ER says
If it were just an issue of the milk, could you put it in a cup with a straw and require it to be drunk during some fun activity (like screen time)?
Can you involve your son in selecting the vegetable and helping to prepare it however he likes it best (green bean casserole, etc)? Maybe that would help?
Some of my cousins ate literally no vegetables growing up and seem to have turned out fine (also tall, athletic, etc.). But obviously your nutritionist will have better advice.
Anonymous says
Hugs. I’m the milk-hater above. This sounds really stressful. Meeting with the nutritionist is such a great idea. Can he go with you? Depending on the kiddo, that might be helpful. I wonder if you can make a chart or game of it? Or think about rewards that aren’t food-related. Maybe some screen time after dinner or a trip to his favorite park over the weekend?
Also, are you able to involve him in cooking at all? And maybe even meal planning, too? Including my 2.5 year old in cooking makes a big difference in what she’ll eat. I’d think you could make meal planning into a fun puzzle or game.
You’re doing awesome!!
Anonymous says
Why is not eating veggies not sustainable? I didn’t eat vegetables for my entire childhood and now as adult I eat everything. I’m also very tall. DH was forced to eat his veggies and as soon as he left home stopped eating the foods he hated, including anything green. It could be coincidence but I sort of think it’s not. Forcing a child to eat – even something healthy – isn’t something I’d want to do.
avocado says
Is Charleston, SC a good place to find a nice, clean hotel on a not-too-crowded beach, and if so, which island or beach should I be looking at? My daughter wants a beach trip this summer. I would prefer minimal hassle (meaning: walk out of hotel onto beach, then rinse sand off and walk back to hotel room to change) and zero cooking. We liked Hilton Head (although we were there in the off season) and Melbourne Beach, FL, and strongly disliked Virginia Beach. I am not a fan of the Outer Banks either.
anne-on says
Do you mean Kiawah Island? Or one of the other local islands? Charleston has a harbor but the city itself really isn’t beach front in that way.
I like the outer banks but it is more of a ‘rent a house’ than ‘get a hotel room’ kind of place. What about the Deleware or NJ beaches? Long Beach Island is phenomenally kid friendly.
avocado says
I think I do mean Kiawah Island or one of the other islands.
mascot says
Kiawah is lovely, but it’s pretty far away from Charleston and the restaurant scene is limited, lots of rental houses/condos instead of hotels. Isle of Palms might be another place to look if you want a rental house that is closer to Charleston proper.
Anonymous says
We stayed at a place on Isle of Palms about 30 mins north of Charleston. Decent beach (not breathtaking, but enjoyable for us and the kids) and very pleasant, and you could go into Charleston for sightseeing, dinner, etc. Not sure where you’re coming from, but it was a very easy and cheap flight from DC.
Anonymous says
I should add – we stayed at Wild Dunes in early September. It was a great vacation.
octagon says
Check out Folly Beach. There’s at least one hotel right on the beach.
Anon says
We like Isle of Palms (20 minutes over the connector to downtown Charleston). Half the island is resort (wild dunes) and half is town. Lots of good food on the island and on Sullivan’s Island one island south (there is a bridge). Sullivan’s Island is much more residential. For the past 10 years, we’ve rented a house on the town side 1-2 blocks from the beach so my parents can bring their dogs, have a backyard pool, etc. But when I was a kid, we stayed in beachfront condos right in Wild Dunes and it was as you were describing – walk out, play, walk in, shower, change, go to dinner.
KateMiddletown says
When? Chas is SUPER busy May/June, starts to get better in July/August since it’s bloody hot. Folly is very local-centric and easy to get to downtown restaurants, etc. Not too crowded if you go a few blocks away from the Holiday Inn. Beware of drunk college kids. Sullivan’s Island would be great if you can get an AirBnB or rental. If you want downtown stuff Kiawah and Wild Dunes aren’t going to be as easy to get back and forth (especially after drinks/dinner). John’s Island is awesome but very residential.
Anon says
I love Kiawah. We rented a house there. The island is expensive. It’s basically one giant resort. We had a hook up since a family member worked there. The beach is gorgeous. There are alligators everywhere which can be fun (but scary) with kids. You’ll see them on the golf course, the bike path, sunning themselves by the restaurants at night. There is a small nature conservatory in one of the buildings that has a snake, a bunny, that sort of stuff that the kids could be interested in. There’s not much else though without driving off island. We went off island to the movies one night but it was a hike. You won’t find your traditional mini golf / bowling / bumper cars type stuff at Kiawah. It is quiet and restorative though!
avocado says
Thanks for the info, everyone. I am thinking August, even though it’s hot. Wild Dunes is probably what we’re looking for.
Hatch Baby Rest says
Has anyone purchased this and used it as an ok to wake clock?
My husband bought it for our son who has a habit of waking up early and screaming until we get him (18 months). He cries and cries (real tears!) and seems borderline hysterical every time he wakes up, and we’ve tried letting it go for what we consider long periods of time. (30-45 minutes)
ANYWAY – Any experiences (good or bad) or tips for using the Hatch ok to wake setting?
Lilliet says
We use it, and I love it. But, my kids had been “trained” for ready to wake with cheaper clocks (whatever is on Amazon). Once we knew that technique would work for them, I combined their sound machine and ready-to-wake clocks with Hatch Baby. I love it! You can toddler lock it, which my son absolutely needs. I have a daily routine for a certain sound to played when we typically start the bedtime routine, then it changes to something for the latest we should be reading books by, and then it goes to the nighttime white noise when their heads should be on their pillows. The cues are more for me, and a “third party” back up when I’m trying to enforce the time with them (“Oh! Sounds have started, that means we need to be doing X”). In the morning I have the light turn green when I am okay with them getting out of bed, but don’t have their white noise turn off until they latest they have ever slept in so as to help them sleep longer if they are so inclined (it’s mostly wishful thinking on my part). Their customer service is amazing–there was something their internal diagnostics recognized as wrong with my first one, so they, on their own initiative, got in contact with me and replaced the unit for free. But, back to my initial point, ready to wake clocks don’t work with some kids, and if this became a fancy white noise machine and nightlight, I think it would be over priced.
BettySmith says
We haven’t really had the chance to use the “ok to wake” on the Hatch because my 15 month old gets up at a reasonable hour… but I’ve been turning on the wake up color when she wakes in the hope it clicks! It is a really neat gadget and I think its worth it… easy to program, different sounds, light colors, and easy to control from another room with your phone.
Anon says
My mom, who is amazingly helpful and nonjudgmental 98% of the time, watches our baby a few days a week when I’m at work (we pay her for her time and help). She is an absolute lifesaver in terms of childcare. She cooks, she does laundry, the baby loves her, she follows my instructions, and she steps in with additional help whenever we need her to. For context, she was a full-time SAHM for my entire childhood and LOVED it, even though my parents ultimately ended up divorcing once we grew up and it left her in a more precarious financial situation.
Lately, she’s been making awkward comments about my being a working mom, and I don’t really know how to address them (or if it’s even worth it?). For example, DH was interviewing for a new job, and my mom’s immediate reaction was like, “Oh, if he gets this job, I bet you don’t have to work anymore!” I technically don’t have to work now, either, but I still am. I mentioned how over BFing I am and she commented that, “It’s probably because you have to pump at work; it would be so much easier if you could just feed Baby at home all the time.” I once mentioned putting LO in daycare a few days a week when she’s older to help her get some social interaction, and my mom responded with a daycare horror story about one of her friend’s grandkids and reacted like I’d just suggested shipping my child off to Alcatraz.
Should I say anything to her when she makes these remarks or should I just ignore it, given how awesome and helpful and generous she is when it comes to everything else? I have conflicting feelings about being a working mom, especially when it’s not genuinely “necessary” financially, and her commentary doesn’t help. Yet I’m not sure speaking up or trying to address it will solve anything either. Maybe I just needed to vent here? Advice?
LH says
I feel you. My mom is not our nanny, but she had a very unicorn situation when I was young. She was able to take a multi-year leave of absence (unpaid) and then return very part time, so I never went to daycare until I was 3, and then just went three mornings per week until I started half-day kindergarten. She didn’t go back full time until I was in first grade, and even then she was home with me in the afternoons after school, while still contributing financially to the household. The result is that she’s very judgy of both full-time working moms and moms who completely quit their jobs. But obviously most people either work full-time or stay home, they can’t take a crazy long leave or be part-time like she did.
DH and I are cobbling together 9 months of family caregiving between maternity leave, paternity leave and some grandparent help and my mom keeps making comments that it’s so sad that our daughter will go to daycare “so young.” All my friends’ kids went to daycare before 6 months! I like my job and can’t forsee forgoing my financial independence, even though our household doesn’t need my income. But I would absolutely LOVE to do what my mom did and work part-time. Unfortunately, it’s not an option for me (part-time jobs just don’t really exist in my field) and her comments really sting.
We only see my mom every couple of months, so I’ve been trying to just ignore the comments but I can see how that would be much harder if I interacted with her every day. In your shoes, I’d probably try to have one conversation about it, but then let it go if she keeps saying things.
ElisaR says
I totally get it. I am in a very similar situation (my sons go to daycare but my mom is very close by and comes over before school each day). I have mostly let the comments go. Once I did say something. In response to one of her comments I said “yes, I get that you don’t want me towork, but I kind of have to and honestly — I want to. I need you to respect that.” She has still made some comments but I try to let them go because in the grand scheme of things – I am living life on a different path than she did and I’m happy to have her along for the ride.
Spirograph says
If it makes you feel bad, you can tell your mom that! Or just correct the misperception: “oh, I don’t *need* to work now, but I enjoy having a career.” “”Yes, pumping is a pain, and that probably doesn’t help. But I like my job, so I do what I have to do!” Don’t overthink. She may not mean for it to come across that way, and have no idea that you’re interpreting it as a subtle jab. In fact, if you’ve talked with her about your conflicting feelings about being a working mom, she probably thinks she’s being encouraging by being excited for your husband’s interview. Next time that conversation comes up naturally, you can tell her your preference
Your mom sounds like my mom, except mine isn’t local. Occasionally she makes a comment comparing her experience as a SAHM to mine as a working mom, and I really take it as her just making conversation. That is her life and POV, she is just making a statement about how it is different than mine; I don’t attach a value judgement. I’m not sure if one is supposed to be implied, but knowing my mom, it’s harmless. For example, she commented after having seen our daycare that it was so much nicer than she had expected, and seemed like a great environment for the kids. Implicit in that is that she’d been really leery of this whole daycare thing, but I think that is a common misperception, and childcare has changed a lot since our moms were raising kids! I didn’t see it as her questioning my parenting choices.
You know your mom best, but if your mom generally supports you having a career and there’s a way to reasonably see these comments as innocent and let them roll off with a light correction in the moment, I’d go with that.
mascot says
I agree with this. My mom also was a SAHM since my dad had a travel intensive job. So in some ways she’s great because she was so self-sufficient and she can give some good advice about coping when one spouse is working late/traveling. We occasionally have some missteps where it feels like we are judging one another’s choices, but we’ve also had the conversations where we both acknowledge that our choices made sense. It makes it easier to let go of offhand comments.
Clementine says
People like to confirm that they made the ‘right’ choice, whatever it was.
Do I ‘need’ to work? No. My MIL and SIL (who both stay/stayed at home) have both made comments about how we just don’t want to sacrifice our ‘creature comforts’ and make side judgy comments. My mother wishes she had stayed at home longer (she stayed at home for 5-ish years) and suggests all the time that I stay at home.
I’ve just come to the realization that I can absolutely not complain about work or work-life balance in front of these people. Actually, I can’t complain period. I am too fortunate to. I literally have one friend who is my vent buddy (she is amazing and a gem and we have a joint agreement so she uses me for the same) and my husband and that’s it.
I acknowledge that I am priviliged to have a choice. I acknowledge that I work because I feel passionate about what I do and have worked hard to get where I am. Sometimes I even have to acknowledge that staying at home is something I have thought of and have decided against. I do all these out loud. When people make comments that leave me wanting to scream, ‘HOW IS THIS POSSIBLY AN APPROPRIATE THING TO SAY’, I say, ‘Oh. Interesting.’
ElisaR says
Clementine you’re right – I need to keep my mouth shut around my mom more!
I’m thankful for this s*te to vent on….
rakma says
My MIL is our primary caregiver, and she was a SAHM, and the comments can be grating sometimes. I shut down some of them very early on, particular the ones that alluded to DH making more money so I could stay home. We make about the same right now, I have more opportunity for advancement than he does, I have better heath insurance, and oh, I really like working and wouldn’t stay home if I could. I was flat out with her about those things. Framing it as a choice I was happy with stopped the majority of the comments. (even when I felt conflicted, stating my reasons for it out loud was oddly helpful)
I leave out the fact that when she was widowed in her early 60’s, she had no job experience, mountains of medical bills for my FIL, and has needed our help financially. It feels unnecessarily harsh to point out the help she’s needed since then is not something I want to saddle my kids with, were I to end up in a similar boat.
I will say some of the comments have gone away now that DD1 had a great year at a local preschool. We enrolled her mainly for socialization, and she really flourished. The teachers helped us to address some issues that we weren’t able to address ourselves, and MIL’s view of ‘outside caretakers’ seemed to be changed by that.
KateMiddletown says
Mom: Comment about how she thinks work impedes your life as a mom
You: “Actually, I really like my job and my staying at home just wouldn’t work for our family.”
You’re a foreign concept to her. She can’t see herself making the choice you’ve made and she probably just wants to make sure you’re happy with it.
More passport Qs says
When you apply in person do you have to bring photocopies of all the documents (birth certificate, parents passports, etc) or can you just bring the documents themselves? I also noticed the form has a section for “travel plans” – does anyone know if that’s mandatory to fill out? We want to get our newborn daughter a passport ASAP because we sometimes travel internationally on relatively short notice, but we don’t have immediate plans to travel.
Anonymous says
I think the instructions say to give a photocopy if you want the original back. So we took originals and photocopies, and they sent the originals back around the time we received the passport.
rosie says
We did not fill out the travel plans section (we were also getting a newborn a passport with no concrete plans). I definitely remember bringing copies of our own passports, but beyond that it’s all kind of a blur from the newborn phase.
Anonymous says
They have always sent back our original birth certificates, but I am uncomfortable not having one, so I ordered certified copies to bring. I don’t think photo copies are good enough? I made copies of the driver’s license/passport because usually one of the parents didn’t come so we couldn’t bring originals (of the driver license, I think).
Anonymous says
You’re required to have both photocopies and the originals. I can’t remember why, but I know that our passport office was very impressed we actually brought both, since most people don’t read the directions that closely.
You can ignore the travel plans bit.
EB0220 says
We just did this and I am 90% sure that you must bring a photocopy of each important document (kid birth certificate, parents’ passports) in addition to the original. It’s definitely scary to send them off into the ether but so far (3x) they have come back.
Aly says
Going to bed drama. I think I’m too sleep deprived to think through this logically, so help would be appreciated. I was away for a week for work and grandparents took care of my kid. Now that she is back home (with just me, husband is out of town for a while), going to bed has become a fight. Prior to this we were a hard 7:15 bed time and it was pretty okay. Brush teeth, story time and cuddling, into the crib. For the past two nights, it’s been a nightmare. We do the routine and when I put her in the crib, it’s apocalypse now. Crying and screaming like I’ve never heard. She’s fine to cuddle with me and doze off, but she doesn’t want to be alone in her crib. Should I just let her cry it out? Just let her work through this? I’m concerned that she will tried to get out of her crib and hurt herself in a frenzy, honestly. She’s 20 months old and just weaned, if that makes any difference.
SC says
When we’ve gone through times like this, we usually go back to the Ferber method. It worked well for our son when he was a baby and continues to work when we need a reset.
If you’re concerned she’ll hurt herself, I’d keep a video monitor on her to make sure she’s not climbing, or trying to climb, out of the crib. We never bought a baby monitor but occasionally use the Baby Monitor app with an old phone in Kiddo’s room.
Anonymous says
I would let her cry some, but if you are really worried you could try check and console as a compromise – go in after 1 minute, 3 minutes, 5 minutes, 10 minutes. Don’t pick her up, just look positive and unconcerned and say, it’s time to go to sleep now, you are okay, I’m nearby, I’ll see you in the morning.
I used to do more like 10 minutes as the interval and didn’t vary it, but he didn’t usually cry for more than 10-15 minutes, and we weren’t rigid about it. At that age you could also explain the rules to her in advance of bedtime so she knows what is going to happen.
Pogo says
How long does the screaming go for? Is it associated with specific parts of the bedtime routine, or just when you leave the room?
Granted mine is only 11 months, but he hates certain parts of bedtime because to him they signal “playtime is over, it’s bedtime”. First is getting into jammies. Unless he is at Level 0 Cranky, there is whining/screaming when we have to get into jammies. Then its books which are FUN, so no screaming, we are best buds again. Then when books are over and he can tell he’s about to get put into his crib, he howls again, because we are the meanest. Once we shut the door though it only lasts about 30 seconds.
Second the monitor. He usually lays down pretty quickly, even if he’s still crying. I would be more nervous if he was standing up and trying to get out.
I just stay the course. He definitely just doesn’t want to go to bed because playing is more fun. But, he needs to go to bed because he is a baby.
JTX says
Is it possible she is experiencing some separation anxiety? Maybe just lean into it for a few nights and see if she just needs some extra cuddles for a few days. If she falls asleep while you’re cuddling her, does she wake up when you move her to the crib? And is she waking up at night at all? Sometimes when my 2 and 4 year old are fighting bedtime, the quickest solution is a 5-minute cuddle session in the nursery glider, with the lights off and the white noise machine on. But, I’m also easily manipulated, so …
Sarabeth says
I’m living this life – exact same situation, except that my son sleeps in a floor bed, so I can lie down with him in there if necessary. But it’s not sustainable, because he takes 20-30 minutes to go to sleep, and I also have an older kid who needs help (either kid will accept dad if he’s home, but occasionally my husband or I do need to be able to be out of the house between 7:30 and 9:00 pm!) We’ve been going back to CIO, and it’s miserable, but I just don’t see any other solution. Most nights it’s less than 5 minutes of crying, but it’s still terrible to listen too, much worse than when we originally did CIO at 7 months.
Aly says
Thanks for the responses. She cried for 15 minutes straight last night, which just served to stress me out more. I might give it a day or two and then lean back into CIO this weekend if she isn’t chilling out.
Quick Travel Q says
Maybe dumb question, but for flying Southwest with a lap child – do I need an actual certified copy of the birth certificate or is a photocopy good enough?
Clementine says
I’ve always just used a high quality copy.
Anonymous says
Southwest’s website: In order to complete your BVD, the Customer Service Agent will need to verify that your infant has not reached his/her second birthday, so be sure to bring along a copy of your infant’s birth certificate.
Anonymous says
A photocopy of anything with their age on it is fine (birth certificate, immunization record, passport), but make sure you have something even for a newborn because SW checks every single time.
Anonymous says
The first time I flew Southwest, I didn’t realize I needed a birth certificate for my newborn. (I know, dumb.) We went to Chicago and back to visit friends, and nobody requested it. When Kiddo was 9 months old, I still didn’t know. We flew to visit my parents in Orlando, and my home airport didn’t check for the birth certificate. On the way back, the gate agent asked for the birth certificate, and we didn’t have it or have any way to get it because we were hundreds of miles from home and in a different state. He was incredulous that we didn’t know–but we’d been on 3 Southwest flights in 9 months, and nobody had asked. He claimed that they check the birth certificate to prevent kidnapping, which is not what it says on the Southwest website–the birth certificate is actually not required if you’ve purchased a seat for the child, so it’s merely to verify that the child is under 2. Eventually, he let us on the plane with a stern warning. I carry a copy of my kid’s birth certificate in my wallet now, even though Kiddo is 3.
Anonymous says
Heh, yeah, it’s definitely not for kidnapping! We regularly buy 3 seats for the 4 of us and they require id for the twin who’s a lap infant but not for the twin who has a seat.
Boston Infertility says
Just a vent. Infertility workups are simultaneously empowering (answers!) and disheartening (answers). Had a FemVue today (um, ow) and it turns out I have a fibroid pushing against my uterine wall and also a possibly blocked tube. I’m type A, so naturally, i was hoping for a perfect score (regardless of the fact that it is unlikely given that we had to seek help).
My husband is being great – telling me to focus on the goal (twins! he is really hoping for twins). But man – some days, it just stinks.
Explaining divorce says
My sister and her husband are getting divorced. Any ideas/resources for how to explain this to my kids, who have known their uncle since they were born? They are actually closer to my BIL than my sister, who has several major mental health issues, but they are close to both – my girls were in the wedding and still talk about it. My oldest is 5 and asks about her uncle all the time- they live halfway across the country so we don’t see them more than 1-2x/year, but we used to FaceTime a ton. Now we FaceTime one or the other but they’re never together- and my kids are noticing.
Related, there are some kids that my daughter goes to school with that have half-siblings that live with them part time. So she’s curious why so-and-so’s sisters are there sometimes and not others. I explained the relationship (they have a different mom that they live with but the same dad as your friend) but she’s asking a lot of follow up questions.
Anonymous says
I remember my aunt and uncle got divorced when I was around 6 or 7, and my parents never addressed it with me. Like, literally never even told me it was happening, I saw it in a letter that my mom left on the table one day, and when I asked about it my mom stonewalled me. Also my aunt cut all contact, and did not allow my uncle to have contact with their baby. I’ve never met that cousin. It was very confusing, so kudos to you for wanting to explain to your kids. I think this is the time for “all families are different” and reassurance that you and your partner both love the kids and always will, and that you love each other and will keep living together (if that is the case).
Also, Mr. Rogers has an episode on divorce that might be helpful.
Anonymous says
There are books for kids of divorce – might be worth checking some out from your local library. Kids who live with both parents truly don’t understand until they’re much closer to having romantic partners of their own and able to conceive of living with another person instead of their parents. One line that sticks with me, in discussing this with my own kids is, “it’s a grown up choice, through no fault of your own, that your dad and I are happier in two different homes.”
Anonymous says
More thoughts: tell your kids that their cousins will always have BIL as their dad, but that BIL is not living with your sister anymore, so the cousins will have two homes. I don’t know what the custody arrangement will be and I don’t know if you’ll ever see BIL again, so consider those things in how you explain it to your kids.
anon. says
I fly Southwest with my baby a lot – you just need a copy to confirm he/she is under 2. In a crunch they’ve accepted looking at a copy on my phone, but for peace of mind, bring a copy.