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I am here to admit I am a plastic straw addict and I hate myself for it. I don’t drink many hot beverages, so if I am drinking an iced coffee or iced tea that I’ve bought, it’s coming with a plastic straw. One of the reasons it’s been so hard for me to kick the habit is that I am also a straw biter/chewer. I found these at Amazon and am going to order them ASAP. I like stainless steel better than reusable silicone straws, but I can have the best of both worlds with these — they have a silicone tip to protect my teeth. If anyone out there has a set of reusable straws they really love, shout them out, please! These are available for $7.99 for a set of 12 and are eligible for Prime. Stainless Steel Straws This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!
Anonymous says
Ooh, I like the idea of these! If anyone has personal reusable straw recommendations I’d love to hear them. My toddlers aren’t capable of drinking from open cups and just destroy paper straws (which are all places around her give out anymore) by chewing on them, so I’ve been thinking I need to buy reusable straws to bring to restaurants with us.
DLC says
We really like the Kleen Kanteen stainless steel reusable straw. It has a silcone bendy attachment, so it’s more flexible than the one pictured above where the bendy part is stainless steel. It is also a little wider than other straws- not wide enough for boba tea (that is y next straw quest), but wide enough that you don’t feel like you have to suck too hard. They come in packs of four so we have enough that one or two can live in the diaper bag. Also definitely get a brush for cleaning.
CPA Lady says
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0757ZT8PF/ref=dp_prsubs_1
I have been using a pack of these for the past 2 years. I am completely incapable of drinking out of most lidded cups without dumping liquid on myself so I use one every day. I wash them in the dishwasher. The standard size fit in tervis and yeti lids.
AwayEmily says
SAME! I am so bad at drinking out of cups.
KateMiddletown says
Are these a good size for big Yeti/similar cups? I have a big (32oz?) that I keep on my desk. I’ve been using venti straws from Sbux/DD.
CPA Lady says
Probably not. I use mine in my 20 oz. yeti and its a good size for that size cup. There are other ones on amazon that fit larger cups– you can search by your cup size to find them.
Anonymous says
I *think* you can buy replacement straws for the re-usable big Starbucks water cups on their website. They’re a hard plastic. I think I’ve even seen them in the stores. I have one of their big reusable cups that I use for water, and the straw came with it. I like it well enough but am not picky about straws.
avocado says
Does anyone have a recommendation for reusable plastic straws, or for a carrying case for reusable straws? My family thinks the silicone straws are icky, so we are currently using the fat plastic Tervis straws, but I’d like something a little smaller. I’d also like a way to transport them to work and back home.
Lyssa says
I don’t know about a case, but, for whatever it’s worth, we usually just reuse the standard disposable plastic straws. I don’t carry them around or anything, but at home, I just stick them in the dishwasher and they seem to hold up pretty well. They wouldn’t last forever, but they will for a while.
anon says
Totally random question – we’re taking our 5.5 yo and almost 3 yo to Walt Disney World this spring. Our almost 3 yo will be turning 3 that week (just under the wire for free-under-3 at Disney). I understand that Disney will give our almost 3 yo a birthday button that will encourage cast members to help her celebrate, with potential perks such as being picked as a volunteer at a show, a free cupcake with dinner, etc. I have zero doubt that any extra attention is going to make my 5.5 yo green with envy. (Would any 5 yo be okay with their little sister getting a cupcake and not them?) In normal life I’d unabashedly tell my 5 yo to suck it up, but I am a bit concerned that it’s going to cause continual friction on our vacation. This trip is supposed to be fun. WWYD? Conveniently lose the birthday button? Force the 5 yo to suck it up and just deal with the meltdowns? Hope that cast members are smart enough not to leave out big sister? Try to make it “even” for big sister by purchasing her the equivalent thing when possible? I’m probably borrowing trouble, but I know my 5 yo pretty well. Sibling rivalry can run strong, especially when she’s tired and over stimulated.
Mrs. Jones says
Is it the 5 year old’s first trip to Disney? If so, she gets a button too.
Disney seems to magically know what to do with kids so I wouldn’t worry about it much. They won’t ignore a sibling.
mascot says
Disney will give you a button for almost anything and encourages all types of celebration. First visit, today is my birthday, celebrating my birthday (they don’t care about actual dates). You are paying a premium for the “Disney magic” and they regularly seem to find ways to make it happen for you.
Anonymous says
Just don’t get the button. They won’t magically find you and button you by force!
RR says
In my experience with Disney trips, Disney is great about not leaving kids out. They are not going to bring one kid a cupcake and not the other. Plus, you may be overestimating how much special treatment the button gets you. As someone else pointed out, there’s no requirement for getting some type of button, so lots of people have them, and they really aren’t big drivers of special treatment. I actually can’t remember getting anything because of a button (having been there for multiple kid birthdays, first visits, anniversaries….) I’ve found a lot more magic just randomly. Or, by paying for it. Disney has gotten great at selling magic–there’s little you can’t have for the right price.
Anonymous says
Also, usually everyone else in a birthday person’s party gets a button that says “I’m Celebrating!” as well.
anon says
Anyone from NYC metro area here? We are moving in a few months – husband works in NYC (right next to grand central) and I will be working in New Haven. Any good family friendly towns with good schools and preschools/daycares that anyone would recommend? Was thinking Darien but not super familiar with the area.
ElisaR says
I have a lot of friends in Darien and New Canaan. Both are pretty pricey in terms of real estate but people love them. I have been told NC is so perfect it “rains skittles” there (obviously a joke). I also have friends in Rowayton which is a little more reasonably priced but still the same commute and area.
Anonymous says
I grew up in Fairfield county. If you like the water, the one downside to New Caanan is it is not actually on the water whereas most of the other towns along 95/metro north are.
The whole stretch from Greenwich to Fairfield is pricey; Fairfield is most affordable (and bigger). Westport is where I grew up, and the public schools are great. Lived for a time in Fairfield and Greenwich too but went through the schools in Westport.
You want a town on metro north, full stop. You also want a town with halfway decent commuter rail parking or your husband will be miserable. Several lots have multi year wait lists. If you are driving to New Haven be aware that rush hour is no joke, even northbound. If you are taking the train, check out the schedule. Greenwich-> new haven is a long commute.
Daycare and preschool are $$$ everywhere. Nannies are super common, so keep that in mind if you have multiple kids. If you are renting/have young kids where public schools won’t be important yet, Stamford or Norwalk/Rowayton might be good until you get a feel for where you’d like to buy.
Anon2 says
CT towns are a bit of a hike on the train…I’m in Westchester and the commute is more palatable. Also, be wary of the “excellent schools” in southern CT. Many are pressure cookers and lead to a lot of stress and angst for kids and parents.
Anonymous says
To NYC yes but not to new haven. Esp. If she’s doing the latter by car.
NYCer says
I have friends who have the same split (one spouse in NYC, the other in New Haven) and they live in Darien. I think the drive to New Haven is about an hour (give or take) and the train to NYC ends up being about the same. Just be ware that it is a bit of a slog – having two parents with long commutes is a struggle. Doable, but depending on your respective job flexibility, you may need extra help with the kids on one end of the day.
FWIW, I really like Westport, but in my opinion, it is too far from NYC to commute every day (plenty of people do it, though it would drive me crazy). It is over an hour on Metro North, plus you have to factor in driving to the train station, parking, walking from Grand Central, etc. I also really like Greenwich, but conversely, it is pretty far from New Haven.
Good luck with the move!
DLC says
Any favorite suggestions for shelf stable, healthy snacks? My seven year old is participating in a play and has rehearsals in the evening- I keep forgetting to pack her a snack for their rehearsal breaks, so I’m thinking I should just get something that I can put in her rehearsal bag at the beginning of the week and then not have to worry about it in the morning rush when I’m packing lunches and school bags and after school bags and daycare bags, etc.
Also – for people with kids in similar drama/ performing arts/ etc activities- how do you deal with the late nights? She has rehearsal til 9:30 or 10:00 four nights next week and I’m worried that it will affect her sleep and school. Next week is tech week, so after that it will only be one or two late nights week for performances next month, but I don’t want her school work to suffer because she has this cool opportunity.
AwayEmily says
What about those little bags of trail mix from Trader Joes? I feel like something with fat/protein (like nuts) would be good — rehearsals are exhausting!
Anon says
I would not let my 7 year old do an activity that lasted until 10 pm. Maybe that makes me a mean mom, but I was raised that school and sleep come first and fun activities are only allowed to the extent they don’t interfere with those things. For my kid (but certainly not all) an activity that goes that late that would prevent her from getting enough sleep.
anon says
+1. She’s 7 and has years to pursue theater as an interest.
Lyssa says
I was a complete theater junkie as a kid/teen, and the idea of kids doing that warms my heart. That said, I’m inclined to agree – that’s really late for a 7 year old! Maybe I could handle it if it were just for tech week, but I’m still not sure, if it’s during the school year.
I’m trying to remember how we handled that in mixed-age productions. As best as I recall, we usually had a dividing line where the little kids left early and the teens stayed later.
RR says
I’d agree with this, although everyone’s schedule is different. My daughter had one dance class that went until 8:45 once a week when she was 9-10, and it was such a pain. She requested to never do it again. I’d be kind of angry as a parent if they were scheduling my 7-year-old to be in rehearsal until 10 pm on a school night. One night on a weekend, maybe. 4 nights a week on school nights? Is your daughter the only child?
Anon says
That wasn’t the question though! OP has obviously considered this and decided it’s right for her child and family.
Anon says
She literally asked for thoughts on this issue (“I’m worried that it will affect her sleep and school.”)
Anonymous says
Is the entire cast made up of kids, or is the cast mostly adults? If the former, I’d get together with other parents to push back against the late nights. If the latter, I’d see whether her presence is really required until the end of rehearsal every single night. I am ordinarily a total stickler for school attendance, but in this case I’d also consider letting her sleep in and taking her to school late during tech week and the days after performances. (Unless, of course, your school is ridiculous like ours and will threaten to hold your child back for even excused absences.)
Anon says
Your kid missing school to participate in an activity is not an “excused absence” and I’m glad the school district isn’t excusing it. Excused absences are for things like illness and family funerals.
Anon at 10:23 says
For the record, my kid doesn’t miss school for activities. But if it is that important to OP to have her kid be in this play, something’s got to give and it can’t be sleep. Good for her, not for you.
The attendance policy to which I refer states that if a student is absent for any reason, including illness, more than 5 days in one semester or 10 days in a year, she automatically fails the course. Some schools will excuse absences related to extracurriculars, but that doesn’t mean much if the attendance policy is similar to our district’s.
Anon says
That policy does sound strict, and I wish they’d make an exception for kids with serious medical conditions who can keep up with the schoolwork but can’t always physically be in class, or other similar situations. But honestly, I think policies like this have become necessary because so many parents pull their kids out for activities and family vacations. I really can’t blame school districts for not giving parents an unlimited number of discretionary absences, because so many people will abuse it.
FVNC says
This is an interesting side-thread. I missed a lot of school growing up due to competitive swimming. I was salutatorian in high school, and got a sports scholarship to college — so my school work was not affected, and in fact I greatly benefited from those excused absences. I thought the trend was that kids have more and more intense out of school commitments. How do families with kids who have extracurricular commitments, whether sports or arts, deal with strict policies like this?
Anon at 10:23 says
My kid does a travel sport with 8 competitions per year. Each competition runs Friday through Sunday, but she only competes in one 5-hour session during the weekend. We learn her session time two or three weeks in advance. If she draws a Friday session, I will sometimes pull her from the competition. Sometimes I’ll let her compete if she has been doing well in practice and is really feeling confident. I will only pull her from school for competition once or twice a year max, and I’m more likely to do it towards the end of the school year and/or if she hasn’t already been out sick.
This sport has three tracks which I would classify as recreational competition, serious competition/travel, and Olympic/international. The serious/travel track can be further broken down into kids who are going for college scholarships v. kids who will not continue past high school. The Olympic and college-track kids are typically homeschooled; if not, many of them have alternative school schedules and other special accommodations. The serious-but-not-college kids (my daughter) can get away with missing competitions for school if their clubs don’t have a problem with it (ours doesn’t).
Anon says
Gymnastics? I did figure skating, which was very similar in terms of the culture but you don’t have 5 hour sessions on the ice :)
I think schools are more forgiving of absences for official school varsity sports – those are generally not considered parent-excused but rather school-excused (more like missing class for a field trip). If you do gymnastics or skating or another time-consuming activity that’s not through the school, the Anon above is correct that you generally either don’t advance very far in the sport or you leave school.
Anonymous says
I was a successful musician in high school, and school absences were not an issue. Youth orchestras rehearsed and performed outside of school hours. Camps were in the summer. Solo competitions and auditions were on weekends. The only thing I missed school for was all-state honor orchestra, and that was excused because it was a school-affiliated activity.
Anonymous says
I also competed at the pre-elite/Olympic level in a non-school sport and I absolutely think it was the right decision to pull me out of school for it. However, I was a teenager, not 7.
Lyssa says
Eh, I don’t agree. Doing activities is a great experience, as is learning to manage different commitments around other responsibilities. As long as kid is still doing well in school, I think it’s fine to miss every now and then for other experiences. Missing school for theater was encouraged when I was a kid; it was considered a really good cultural experience.
Anonymous says
It’s only a week – in the grand scheme of a school year it will be fine. Given her ability to participate in this play, I would guess that she is “doing well” in grade 2 (reading etc.). I personally missed several weeks of school a year (2 week long periods for regionals / nationals and a few days here in there for camps / other competitions etc.) for a sport from ~ grades 6 – 12. I believe that I benefited far more from the competition experiences and training for them (15 up to nearly 40 hours per week as I got older), than the week of school missed. I am very impressed that you have such an engaged 7 year old!
Anonanonanon says
For what it’s worth, I was in a performing art as a child, went away to boarding school for it, and then instead of going pro I leveraged it for a scholarship to a very good University (where I didn’t even study the performing art- they just wanted to say they had someone with my credentials in their program) so, it could pay off.
That being said, I don’t remember ever rehearsing that late with the exception of tech week. I also don’t remember ever getting to miss school, with the exception of the days we would do performances for the schools to come to as a field trip (which I think was actually excused since it was a field trip day anyway?). Gently, seven is young to be routinely rehearsing that late, and too young to know if they’re talented enough for it to be worth it. If you’re near a big city and they’re incredibly talented and you plan to continue this, you might need to explore a performing arts school that is flexible with attendance/coursework, or some kind of tutor. If it’s not that serious, it’s not worth keeping your kid up this late for.
AwayEmily says
FWIW I am also super hardcore about sleep but also take the view that one of the reasons I religiously put my kid to bed at 7:30pm every night is so that if a really unique opportunity like this comes along (or a fun trip to a different time zone, or whatever else) then I can be confident she has a good foundation of sleep and it won’t completely derail her. I think staying up until 10 for a full month is probably not a great idea but if it’s four nights in one week, then once a week for a month, it seems like you can make that up with some early bedtimes on other nights, extra sleep on weekends, etc — especially if she’s starting from a really solid base of sleep.
mascot says
This is good advice. Weeks like this are also good for teaching skills for planning ahead for homework and such. My kid is supposed to do nightly reading for 20 minutes, but I know at least one night during the week, it’s not getting done. So he banks extra minutes on the weekend to apply to that night.
Anonparent says
Agree. Maybe it’s a little early to learn the lesson, but that’s the fun and pain of performing arts. I had sometimes 8-hour rehearsals going into the wee hours of the morning in college when I played in opera every night the week leading up to opening night, and this was at a school that had mandatory rising bell and did not excuse absences. You planned ahead, drank a lot of coffee, and bragged about it when it was over. As long as it’s crunch time and not daily life, it shouldn’t cause permanent harm.
anon says
To answer your question – trail mix, granola bars, cheerios or other low sugar cereal, goldfish, applesauce, peanut butter and banana sandwich, raisins, nuts, muffins (healthier if you make them yourself)
Anonymous says
Trail mix, granola bars, juice boxes for snacks.
Early bedtime on the non-late nights and on the weekends to catch up on sleep/help offset any sleep deficit.
It sounds like it’s only 5-6 late nights total so that wouldn’t be enough for me to want to pull her from the activitiy or expect that it would affect her schoolwork.
Butter says
Just wanted to throw in my two cents on the late night rehearsal issue – I did community theater growing up (where I was often one of a handful of kids in plays that were made up mostly adults) and had late rehearsals like the ones you mention. While I’m sure I was tired at times, the fun and benefits of the experience of being exposed to the theater at a young age far outweighed the cons. I didn’t grow up to be a professional actor (and didn’t even act in college), but fondly remember each show and especially having the opportunity to make friends across a wide span of ages and put on a production together.
OP says
Thanks for all the input! It’s good to hear the range of experiences. Admittedly it wasn’t really thought out when I let my daughter join the show- most of the rehearsals were on the weekend, or over by 8:00p. I should’ve looked ahead to tech week, but I didn’t really look at it til last week and definitely had a moment of “uh oh”. I’m hoping since she is only in one scene, the performance nights won’t be super late or taxing. So we just have to get through tech week. She has been great about bringing her homework to rehearsal to do when she isn’t being used, so yay for her, I guess. I don’t know if I would pull her out of school because of a late night, but I do appreciate all the sleep make-up strategies and will definitely try those.
The comments about intense extracurricular are fascinating too- definitely would love to hear more about that if other folks want to share. Also- I find a lot of stories I hear about kids with very advanced extracurriculars (though are they “extracurricular” at that point?) feature at least one stay at home parent. Would love to hear about how a family with two working parents make that kind of thing work.
Also- why have I never thought about dry cereal as a snack? I think that is brilliant!
gym mom says
Mom of a gymnast here. She is not on the elite track, and her gym is on the low end in terms of hours. At her current level she trains 12 hours/week (3 days x 4 hours); she will top out at 20 hours/week (5 days x 4 hours) within the next 2-3 years. For comparison, most gyms train around 16 hours/week at her current level and up to 24 hours at the upper levels.
Logistics have been a struggle since she started preteam at age 5. Back then, I arranged to work from home 1.5 days a week so I could drop her off at practice. Other transportation arrangements have included:
– Working from home every afternoon so I could drive her to practice 4 days a week; had to hire expensive sitters when I traveled for work (huge disaster for so many reasons)
– After-school soccer program provided transportation to gymnastics practice (awesome)
– Carpool straight from school to the gym; I take off work early one day a week to drive (OK but creates issues when I travel)
In the summer, she practices in the mornings. This is what annoys me the most–how am I supposed to pay for gymnastics if I don’t have a job? Here’s how I have handled it:
– Drop gymnast at practice, drive home, work from home for a couple of hours, pick gymnast up, drive across town to drop her at half-day camp, drive to work, work for a few more hours, drive home (4+ hours in the car every gym day, drove me nuts)
– Aforementioned soccer program’s day camp provided transportation (awesome)
– Day camp run by an after-school program for middle-school kids provides transportation (I hate the camp but the transportation is handy)
At the end of practice, her dad does pickup while I stay home to get dinner on the table the minute they walk through the door so she can get to bed at a decent hour.
She is currently in seventh grade, and so far she’s mostly been able to balance training and homework. It will get more challenging as her hours increase over the next couple of years, and when she gets to high school and the workload increases. In high school, she will have the option to fulfill her PE requirement through independent study over the summer and take study hall in place of PE, which will help.
Skipping school for meets has not been much of an issue so far. If she makes it to a certain level, there will be one big travel meet requiring a plane trip with the team each season, plus the potential for regional and national competition if she qualifies. We’ll cross that bridge if and when we come to it.
It is much easier to handle gymnastics with only one child. If we had another kid, I’m not sure I’d have let her pursue the team track. Multiple kids with different activities seem to require a stay-home mom + a divide-and-conquer approach between the parents + multiple carpools. One family we know made their younger child quit his sport because the daughter’s gymnastics consumed all of their time and resources; I would not recommend this.
Anonymous says
Also super interested in that…. I was fortunate to participate in “elite” sports (I was a few spots away from the national / Olympic team when I choose to go to university vs. continuing the sport) and I gained SO MUCH from it. BUT I also was fortunate to have a stay-at-home mom that was a saint in terms of driving. (It was still an epic carpool spreadsheet.) I hope that my son will find something that he is passionate enough about to want to invest the time in, but i am nervous about how to make it work with 2 working parents. This is one reason that i am still on the fence with respect to a second kid!
GCA says
This was an interesting thread to me too! I did ballet growing up, but not the competitions route – but I had some friends who were performing or competing from a young age (eg. age 8, one friend was one of the sweets around Mother Ginger in the Nutcracker; when we were in fourth grade, another friend was young Cosette in Les Miserables, etc.) I think if it’s a one-off and something the child really wants to do, it’s a good experience and useful practice for managing her own energy and time.
For snacks – trail mix, fruit leather, crackers and granola bars can go in the bag at the beginning of the week. Extra string cheeses, beef jerky and PBJs can be packed with lunch. If you’re willing to put in a wee bit more time and prep work, also consider waffles with cream cheese (cut and folded into a sandwich), eggs baked in muffin tins, or sticky rice balls – either Japanese onigiri-style or with sweet fillings (google Feed Zone Portables for recipes).
Anonymous says
I was a rower – SO true on the two working parents situation. My mom had a somewhat flexible job so she could drop me off/pick me up in the summer when I had morning practice (also, it was over by 7:30 so still possible for her to get to work on time if she hustled). During the school year she joined a car pool as mentioned above so only had to leave work early 1 day/week. As I got older and better friends with other girls on the team I would get rides. When I turned 16 I got a car and a cell phone, solely for the purpose of being able to drive myself to practice, because I often practiced twice a day (especially in the summer).
My dad was basically never involved in transportation during the week, but he did help out on the weekend for regattas and would offer to chaperone trips. We also would fundraise to get charter buses sometimes.
If my mom had a traditional full time job, I don’t think it would have worked before I could drive, although making friends with older girls on the team helped a lot. Caveat that rowing didn’t start until I was 14, so I was relatively self-sufficient. The nice thing with rowing too is that you peak in college, not high school like gymnastics, so I wasn’t concerned with making the national team when I was training – just prepping to get into a D1 school.
Anonanonanon says
Fashion question for you ladies!
I’m seeing all of my friends in New York (who work in fashion etc.) rocking faux fur coats. I rented one from Rent the Runway (in millenial pink.. i went all in) and I’m kind of in love with it!
Do you think that’s a bit much for a professional woman in her early 30s to wear on the weekends? Or should I just rock it?
Lana Del Raygun says
What? No, totally rock it! That sounds awesome.
ElisaR says
it sounds pretty awesome to me!
Mrs. Jones says
Not too much!
Lyssa says
I love this and am so jealous right now.
EB0220 says
Awesome.
Anonymous says
Happy Friday all! Anyone have a kids’ activity table you love? Ideally, I’d like something that could grow with the kids (now 1 and 3), but that would also work for legos/trains. TIA!
Anonymous says
Nilo makes nice tables and they come with several leg heights.
Ms B says
Late to respond, but whatever you can buy on consignment for $50 is the way to go.
lsw says
My MIL is entering hospice at home today. Tuesday we heard that thought they had narrowed down the diagnosis and had a new treatment to try, Thursday morning at 7 am we got the call she wasn’t going to make it. It feels so sudden despite her being in and out of the hospital recently – she seemed on the road to recovery and it never felt like this was the end until, suddenly, it was.
I’ve supported a close friend through losing her mother, but that was a very long process, and not nearly so sudden. I haven’t lost either of my own parents. I’m just struggling with how best to support my husband. He’s not a person to talk out problems (I am) and I tend to be a very “fix it! take charge!” person. I’m trying to turn that off and trying to just “be there”, but I’m worried it’s not enough. Yesterday we sat with her in the hospital for about three hours, and we were mostly silent. I wasn’t sure whether I should be talking to her (she was in and out of it, talking seemed difficult) or encouraging my husband to talk to her, but I felt like, if it was silent, they needed it to be silent. But of course I was worried I wasn’t handling it right.
I feel like I need to “dump out”, and my aforementioned best friend is dealing with her dad’s health problems right now, so I don’t want to burden her. I thought maybe this group would have experienced something like this before and could give me some suggestions for how best to be there for my husband and his family.
octagon says
I went through something very similar a few years ago. The best advice I have for you is to just be there for him. As hard as it is, turn off the advice/fix-it mode for a day or two. He just needs to sit with his sadness and feel loved. My DH did not want to talk, or think about anything. I gently asked if he wanted me to start making funeral arrangements and he said yes, so I did it without involving him except for a few key questions. He also couldn’t call everyone to let them know updates, so you can take that on too. There are so many little annoying details that come with a death. Delegate out the ones you don’t want/can’t do.
The next few weeks are the hardest. Remember that he is not only grieving, but processing the shock of it happening so fast. Make sure your basic needs are taken care of and honestly, let everything else go.
Do you have someone else that you can lean on for support? Another friend, or someone in the family who is maybe further removed (like a cousin) that can help out? Don’t be shy about asking for help, for both of you. People will step up to help.
Anonymous says
Are your grandparents alive? If your parents have dealt with their own parents passing, they may be a good source of support for you now.
Anon says
My husband lost his grandfather kind of suddenly two years ago and he was similar…didn’t really want or know how to talk about it. Just be there if he’s willing to talk, don’t push it. He may end up opening up about it months from now, everyone handles grief in their own unique ways. I’m sorry that this is happening to your family.
AnotherAnon says
You sound like a really caring spouse. Hugs to both of you. +1 to all Octagon said especially: I would ask for friends to bring you food, even if you feel like you don’t need it. I’m going through something similar with my dad (although it’s not sudden so not as much of a shock) and DH texts me to check in each day. At the end of the day when he asks how my day was, he just listens and doesn’t try to problem solve. I know you said your friend is going through stuff and you don’t want to dump on her, but I’d encourage you to reach out to her and just say “this is so hard – I can’t imagine how you’re doing it” or something similar. She may honestly feel relieved that you kind of “get it.” Also, be sure to care for yourself during this hard time. Schedule a cleaning service and give you and your spouse permission to just veg on the couch a lot. I have to make myself exercise even though I really really don’t feel like it. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
lsw says
Also, I’m so sorry about your dad!
Anon says
My husband’s parents both passed away unexpectedly within the span of a year – it was definitely hard, and he ended up finding a therapist to help deal with it.
Sitting with someone near the end of their life can/will be awkward and uncomfortable. That is ok, and it isn’t because you are doing something wrong.
I think the most helpful thing at the moment is to be there and take his lead- make sure everyone eats, bring coffee, takes time to brush their teeth and shave and splash water on their face. See to the little things, but ask first. Be there if he wants someone to go to the funeral home, church, empty out drawers, etc. But also don’t take it personally if he wants to just go with his sibling/ remaining parent. I remember feeling frustrated and annoyed that I couldn’t help more, that I couldn’t make my husband feel better or smile, and I had to remind myself that this wasn’t about me- my frustrations were so so very petty. Also know, often grieving is a long process- your husband is not going to be back to his former self the day after the funeral.
If you want to say something to your MIL, I think it would be ok- ask your husband if he minds. (My SIL hated when people came to visit my FIL in the hospital and they talked to him because she felt like it spread false hope, but I think if you have something kind to say, even if they aren’t conscious, it is a good thing to tell them).
lsw says
Thanks, all. I really appreciate everyone’s responses and this is really helpful. I feel so exhausted and somehow guilty about that, because obviously it’s harder on my husband. I’m grateful for this community, seriously.
Anon in NYC says
I’m so sorry, lsw! I agree that you can independently take care of things that need to be handled, and reach out to your husband’s support network so that they can rally around him. And, if your husband is anything like mine, he will forget to do basic things like feed himself, so make sure that there are easily thrown together meals that will suffice (deli meat + bread, mac and cheese from a box, pasta + jarred sauce, etc.).
mascot says
My FIL passed away pretty quickly a few years back with his last week or so being spent in a hospice facility. Lean on hospice- they can make your life so much easier and you can call them anytime. They can also help advise you with timing and what to expect if his family wants to keep a bedside vigil (I don’t know how long she’s been given). If you want practical things to do or people are looking for tasks, keeping your inlaws house stocked with drinks and easy to grab and eat foods is good, as is making sure that someone is on top of pet and house care as applicable. If appropriate, talk to your husband’s close friends and let them know what’s going on. Several of our friends came to services and/or sent flowers, food, offered babysitting, etc and my husband was so touched by the love of “his people”.
rosie says
I think that this last part about letting your husband’s friends know what’s going on and giving them a way to support him (bringing food, attending the funeral) is a good idea, assuming your husband would be ok with it. When my grandma died, my dad was not necessarily going to ask for these things, but I think that getting that feeling that his people were with him at the funeral and at later services was beneficial.
Sending good thoughts to your family.
Anonanonanon says
I am also a “fix it! take charge! tell me your sadness so we can fix it!” person and my husband is not one to talk about his feelings.
I would channel that energy into making his favorite meals, taking on a little extra with the kids so he has more “down” time to distract himself however he wants, etc.
Also, does he have a funeral suit? Do the kids have outfits? That will need to be taken care of as well, so gently offer to handle the drycleaning or whatever needs to happen for his funeral/visitation (if there is one) outfits. If there’s a visitation, stand by his side, talk to the people who drone on and on so he doesn’t have to, etc.
Don’t be afraid to get some extra housecleaning help and line up come childcare help during this time so you can take care of all of this.
Walnut says
One thing that can help break the silence is telling stories. It’s easier with a room full of people and obviously sensitivity needs to be exercised, but breaking the silence with a story or memory is sometimes a nice change of pace.
KateMiddletown says
Pumping question – I keep my pump parts in the fridge during the day between sessions. I’ve been shoving them into my cooler bag inside a ziplock, but the cooler bag doesn’t fit the parts assembled. Can anyone recommend a storage bag that can fit the pump parts (flange + half of backflow protector + bottle)? I have a spectra.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I use the Bumkins Waterproof Wet Bag that someone here recommended. I put my assembled spectra pump parts in it, but detach the bottles and just keep them in the fridge – I think the bottles would still fit in this bag though. I transport the parts in this bag home and just wash it out and reuse. Much better than ziplocs.
Boston Legal Eagle says
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B079FYLDCQ/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o05_s03?ie=UTF8&th=1
Pogo says
+1 I did the same.
Anon says
I did this with the skiphop bags – they fit 3 sets of spectra pump parts unassembled including bottles, so I imagine they will fit 1 set assembled. I would not recommend the skiphop bags though – after a year of washing (and drying, because life), the inside waterproof liner was getting holes and tears.
Anon. says
I used the Sarah Wells Pumparoo (from A’zon) and a small cooler. I kept the milk in bottles in the small cooler bag and the pumping parts (Medela) in the pumparoo, assembled. The bag could handle parts + two capped bottles. (I usued four bottles a day so brought the separate cooler.) The bag has a detachable mat that I could lay down on my desk during set-up/tear down which helped keep things sanitary too.
anon says
I got sick of using a plastic bag and got tupperware that fit the pump parts perfectly. I just washed it with the parts each time. So much less waste. It also just looked like another lunch in the fridge.
Lana Del Raygun says
Can you just unscrew the flange? It takes up so much less space that way.
Also FYI the CDC recommends against storing parts in the fridge between sessions. No judgement from me if you ignore that (I do) but I just wanted to flag it in case you didn’t know, especially in case your baby is immunocompromised in some way.
Anon says
This isn’t really true. The CDC has general “how to clean your pump” info (https://www.cdc.gov/healthywater/hygiene/healthychildcare/infantfeeding/breastpump.html) that describes washing after every use, but I’ve never seen an official CDC recommendation that says you can’t store it in the fridge for a few hours in between sessions. So I don’t think it’s fair to say the CDC “recommends against” it. Maybe they don’t encourage it, but that’s about as far as I’d go.
anon says
I stored my pump parts for the whole week in the fridge. I would rinse daily at the end of the day and stick back in fridge and washed with soap on Friday. Sounds insane, but my baby had no issues and greatly improved my quality of life.
Anon says
It makes sense…if breastmilk in bottles can be stored in a fridge safely for 5 days, why can’t breastmilk on a pump? Rinsing without soap would also remove 99%+ of the breastmilk and germs (there are lots of studies that washing without soap can be incredibly effective at removing bacteria).
Lana Del Raygun says
Theoretically it violates the “don’t mix milk of different temperatures” rule if you don’t rinse, but even then I don’t see it being enough re-warmed milk to be a big deal, especially since I put my bags straight into the freezer.
And the cronobacter case they profiled involved pump parts that *hadn’t* been refrigerated, so I feel pretty comfortable with my parts in the fridge.
Lana Del Raygun says
I mean, if they recommend that you wash after every use, that’s a recommendation that you not store them in the fridge without washing.
Anon says
I disagree. Saying “Ideally, do X” is not the same as saying “Y is not safe.” The CDC believes washing every time is optimal, and it probably is. It doesn’t mean that occasionally storing them in the refrigerator is dangerous. I take CDC recommendations pretty seriously, and I wouldn’t have done it if they expressly recommended against it, and I don’t think they do.
Anonymous says
I also refrigerated pump parts, but I think this recommendation came out because a mom with an extreme premie was doing it and not washing/sterilizing parts correctly and then the baby got sick and died (if I remember correctly). So I think it’s totally fine for a healthy full term baby. And yes to the point that breasrmilk can be stored 5 days why does it make a difference if it’s in the pump parts for a few hours vs in a bottle.
KateMiddletown says
True. I do have an immunocompromised kiddo, but the LCs at the hospital said it’s totally fine to store in the fridge in between sessions for the day. I sterilize daily, so I think that makes up for it? Thanks yall for the ideas!
Anon says
I used these and they were great! https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07DGFXV61/ref=oh_aui_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1
anon says
+1. She’s 7 and has years to pursue theater as an interest.
anon says
Venting: Another ice/snowstorm is headed our way, and OMG I am dreading being trapped in the house for yet another weekend. I am running out of tricks to keep the kids occupied and happy. I am a homebody at heart, and yet even I’m getting tired of staring at the walls in my house.
I’m going to start planning a tropical vacay for February 2020. A change of scenery would help so much right now!
AwayEmily says
I feel you so hard. I love winter but I am really over this. And my instagram is currently full of other peoples’ beach scenes.
GCA says
This exact thing last year is why we sat down in November and planned to take a trip with similarly-situated friends to a nearby indoor-waterpark resort (think Great Wolf Lodge but smaller) at the end of this month. It’s not the beach, but it fits our budgets! Plus we still have all the snow tubing and maple sugaring right there if we want to get outside.
Anonparent says
Yes! An indoor water park in February is my favorite. We did this the last two years, but forgot this year somehow. I knew I was missing something.
Of course, here in my corner of the country it’s been raining for 40 days and 40 nights, not snowing. And the school system just closed for Monday and Tuesday because so many teachers and kids are sick. Ahhhhh!
Anon says
Ooh please tell me where you’re going. I want to live vicariously through you.
ifiknew says
What are the best “bigger” toy purchases for a almost 2 year old girl? I was thinking of investing in a play kitchen or activity table. Also, would she be too young for magna tiles? They say 3 and up but so d lots of things that shes fine playing with when supervised. Any other ideas would be greatly appreciated.
I really hate clutter and expecting a little boy now, so would like to find gender neutral toys they can both use. Thanks in advance!
Anonymous says
Almost 2 is the perfect age for a play kitchen.
anon says
Yes! My kids are much older and are still using the play kitchen.
A doll stroller is lots of fun, too, for either babies or stuffed animals.
rosie says
Along these lines, a play shopping cart. We don’t have one, but my LO has enjoyed playing with them at friends’ houses. She usually will put a stuffed animal in the seat part.
Anonymous says
My 18mo loved his cousin’s doll stroller when we were visiting the other day – totally unprompted he put the doll in it and starting pushing the doll around! He broke into hysterics when the doll fell out, though. I had to make a big show of kissing the doll on the head and making it better.
Anon says
Maybe unpopular opinion, but I would do less on the kitchen itself, and really invest in getting a ton of food and accessories.
Learning resources has great quality food – get as many sets as you can afford. My kids loved the coffee set, the dessert tray, and the sorting fruits and veggies. For accessories, Ikea has a great set of mini pots and pans and dishes. Get a shopping cart as mentioned below, the buckets from the veggie sorter, etc. My kids put on many picnics that involved buying the food, cooking the food, setting a table, and serving it. And now that they’re older, they’ve watched Kids Baking Challenge and now play contestants/judge quite often.
Anon says
MagnaTiles would be great for a 2 year old. We requested them for my daughter’s first birthday and she was really enjoying them by about 16 or 17 months. I’m not sure why they say age 3 – they’re very large and not a choking hazard, and they’re definitely interesting to kids much younger than 3.
Anon says
My 18 MO loves her magnatiles – I watch her like a hawk with them because she still likes to chew on them (and everything) and I worry about her cracking the plastic housing and swallowing pieces or the magnet with her vigorous chomping. I would think by 2, particularly if your kiddo is not a gnawer like mine, they would be perfect.
What about a tricycle? Radio Flyer makes one that grows from something like 12 months – 5 years (push trike to real trike). Do you have megablocks or duplos yet? We have a megablocks table (legs collapse for storage) for building that is a hit and will last through the years and kiddos. We also just bought her her own table and chairs (the ikea LATT) and she loves them – would be good for a 2 YO if you don’t have that already. Not “bigger,” but my MIL also got her squigz which she mostly uses as a chew toy but I think will be perfect in a few months. She also really likes her “reusable sticker” book – we have the knock off version, but looks like Melissa and Doug makes something similar. For 2 (or maybe Christmas at 2.5) I am thinking about a chalkboard easel thing, but that might be better suited for 3.
Anon says
We also have the little people farm house – like a doll house but a farm? Which she has increasingly started playing with and I could see being used for a few more years (and is gender neutral).
CCLA says
Re: choking hazard, I think it’s not choking but rather the danger of swallowing magnets (bad news for internal organs). There was at least one case recently where a child cracked the plastic and swallowed the tiny magnets, but from what I understand that was a knockoff brand; if you look on the river store, there are a zillion versions that are cheaper than the actual magnatiles or magformers, the implication was that the knockoffs were not as durably made. Our now 2.5 yo has been obsessed with magformers since about 20 months when she first encountered them – we started with those since that’s what they had at daycare and they seemed easier for her to manipulate with the open piece style, but by now I’m sure she’d be ready for the magnatiles. Lego duplos are also a hit, though she stays engaged with the magnets for longer.
Anonymous says
+1 to Magnatiles. My dog chewed on one and the magnet stayed safe
anon says
A tent!
Lana Del Raygun says
IKEA has an adorable circus tent for ~$30.
RR says
Play kitchens are fantastic. Ours (Melissa and Doug if you want a recommendation) has seen 9 years of use through three kids. Worth every penny. A great train set with a table is another good option that will be played with for years, as is a nice doll house (which is a gender neutral toy).
Anonymous says
We got my daughter a kitchen for Christmas (she’ll be 2 in a few weeks). She’s been enjoying it and now pretends to wash her hands yay! I think she’ll only do more and more pretend play with it. She also got a teepee which takes up a lot of space and only uses marginally. So I don’t suggest that. We’re thinking of getting her a balance bike soon. Other gift ideas: stroller and/or crib for baby doll. Boys like strollers too. She loves undressing her baby and talks about baby getting booboos.
Anonymous says
To hi jack, ideas for bigger gift for 4 year old boy? May just do smaller stuff this year but would rather do one thing that’s bigger than, say, a gardening shovel (one of my only other ideas). He has and loves a strider bike — outgrowing it height wise and may be ready for pedal bike by summer but not quite ready unless we did training wheels. Debating play kitchen since he looooves them, but has at daycare and they take up space. More magnatiles? Is this when we start LEGO’s? What do your 4 year olds love??
GCA says
Mine will be 4 in May and I’m starting to see the beginnings of a Preschooler Obsession. You know how some kids are big into dinosaurs or tea parties or sea creatures? He’s big into space – all Duplos and magnatiles are used to build rockets, space stations, and moon landers, so this year’s gifts will probably be along this theme. (Last year he was a space shuttle for Halloween and this year he’s already changed his mind about 2,000 times but ‘Mars rover’ keeps coming up.) Does yours have an Obsession yet? A pedal bike (with training wheels) might be a good ‘big’ gift too, I know a few other 4yos who’ve taken to them.
OP – I think a kid who’s 2 now *might* take to a scooter by summer! My son’s had his for that long. An art table might also be a good big gift.
SC says
I was going to write a similar post earlier but didn’t get a chance. My almost-4-yo is obsessed with vehicles. So, he plays with Legos Duplos, especially the cars and trains. He loves his train set. He loves puzzles, particularly the ones with Thomas, Cars, and general transportation/construction site themes. (The dinosaur and animal puzzles stay in the closet.) When we pull out art supplies, he gravitates toward his Paw Patrol coloring book and truck stickers. He especially loves fire trucks, his KidKraft fire station, and pretending to put out fires all over the house. We read books about all the different kinds of trucks. He has a wide range of books and toys, but 90% of the time, it’s cars and trucks and things that go.
For his birthday, he’s asked for harder puzzles, a wallet (because he keeps trying to take everything out of mine), and a DK book on vehicles that we’ve had from the library for several months. I can’t think of a “big” gift, and we’ll be traveling on his birthday anyways.
Ms B says
At that age, Playskool Heroes play sets were a big hit. Buy extra figures! The Millenium Falcon and AT-AT still get good play years later at my house.
Anonymous says
My just-turned 2-year-old twins love their play kitchen and it’s great for having multiple toddlers play at, if you ever have other kids over. Fair warning, though, that if you end up with a bunch of play food it can definitely contribute to general clutter.
Other “big” things they’ve gotten recently and enjoy are balance bikes (scooters are also popular among their age mates), a tent, and a table-and-chair set for coloring and playing with playdoh. Duplos aren’t “big”, but are also a great gender-neutral, multiple-age toy.
JTM says
My 2yo got a lower-end play kitchen around 18mos. For Christmas this year she got a Melissa & Doug easel from Granny, and a table+chairs set from Mom & Dad. Between the 3 big toys, she has plenty to do and she loves to play with all of them.
Ms B says
Rody horse. Still gets love in my house by The Kid, age 7, and pretty much every kid who comes over to play.
Knope says
Has anyone ever taken their kids to Sesame Place in Pennsylvania? Is there enough to do there for a 2.5 year old who is Sesame-obsessed but likely too small for the rides? The park is within driving distance for us, so I’m not worried about needing to “make the most” of the trip, but I do want to make sure there’s a good day’s worth of activities to entertain my kid.
Anonymous says
Are you sure kiddo is too small for the rides? We took our kid to the Sesame Street area at Busch Gardens at that age, and there were plenty of kiddie rides for her. If I recall correctly, the only restrictions on the kiddie rides were aimed at adults not accompanied by children, not short kids.
Lyssa says
I’ve never been as an adult (or even older kid), but I went there several times when I was little and remember it very fondly. So, I have nothing to really add, but this made me smile.
lsw says
+1, same! Loved it as a kid in the 80s.
Pogo says
Same! I had a towel from there that I loved. Is there a waterpark? I vaguely remember loving the lazy river. I was definitely very young when we went.
ElisaR says
i haven’t been yet – but 2.5 years old sounds perfect for sesame place (i have many friends who have taken their kids age 18 mo and up)
Anonymous says
Haven’t done Sesame, but my kid loved Dutch Wonderland at 2.5. We haven’t been in almost 6 months, and he STILL talks about it constantly.
Anon says
We took my son at that age and he had a ball! We spent a lot of time in the splash pad/shallow pool area since it was hot. It was also totally worth it to pay for the lunch with the characters, both for the access to air conditioning and the up-close interaction and photos with Elmo. There were some other rides we went on, too – the carousel and a few others. Enjoy!!
anon says
I am starting to wean my 18-month old. He nurses in the morning and before bed. I didn’t nurse him this morning and I am so full and uncomfortable. To make matters worse, the fullness is only on one side, so I am super lopp-sided. Do I pump that out a bit or maybe express a tiny bit in the shower till I am more comfortable?
GCA says
Ow, sorry. Can you take some Sudafed or use cabbage leaves instead of pumping? Or just express the minimum possible (by hand, or hand pump) just to relieve pressure.
Anon says
Any food allergy moms here? My 14-month old was just diagnosed with a severe egg allergy (we’ve known she was allergic for awhile, but we just saw the allergist and now have a better understanding of how severe her allergy really is). We now have epi-pens and blood work and in-office “food challenges” and lots of other fun stuff in front of us.
While I realize food allergies aren’t a huge deal, I found myself pretty freaked out by this news. We have no family history of food allergies and the thought of having to be constantly vigilant about everything she eats terrifies me. It’s fine now, when we can control all of her food intake, but I worry about birthday parties or school events as she grows up and I won’t always be there to watch out for her.
Any advice from more experienced allergy moms?
Anon says
Aw hugs. It’s very common – more common than not, in fact – to outgrow egg allergies, so this may not be a lifelong thing she has to deal with. But I know it’s daunting in the meantime.
shortperson says
my 7yo niece has severe allergies to several foods including eggs. i think your prediction of constant vigilance is accurate. my sister just — always watches her. or did until very recently. or just didnt bring her or go to events where food is served. for birthday parties, she used to leave before cake was served, and then when kid got older she brought a vegan cupcake. dealing with epipens also gets hard when they are in bigger schools with different teachers that need training. my sister usually does a training once a year for the teachers and buys them all lunch.
no real advice, just that it sucks. there are some fb groups you can join that can help too.
Anon says
No advice, but I shared your freak-out because egg is in everything. If it’s comforting, based on the Ig levels your allergist may be able to give you a reasonable prediction as to whether she is likely to outgrow it. My daughter also has an egg allergy (in a family of no history of allergies), but she at least tolerates baked egg so that mitigates the constant watching part, and it’s now annual skin tests to see if she outgrows it. One of my coworkers has 2 kids with serious allergies, and it’s just constant vigilance, copious reading of ingredient labels, cook a lot at home, finding a few local restaurants you trust to prepare without the allergens and then you get used to giving an epipen (they probably have to give it maybe every 6 months, and while it necessitates an ER visit, it’s fine). For me my (irrational) freakout was over cake (before baked egg was OK’ed) – depression cake or wacky cake is egg free and tasty.
Anon says
Also talk to your allergist, but flu and MMR vaccines are egg based (and you’re coming up on MMR). Our allergist was OK with the pediatrician giving it, but also said some pediatricians prefer to have the allergist do it (and they do a tenth of it, wait to see if there’s a reaction, and then give the rest). Our pediatrician gave it and it was fine, but her allergy sounds less severe than your daughter’s.
Anon. says
Hugs. My little guy (20-mo) is allergic to peanuts and eggs (including baked) and has anaphylactic responses to both. I don’t know if I have much advice, mostly just commiseration. We’ve got our go-to restaurants and snacks and we watch him like a hawk anytime there’s food that we didn’t prepare involved. Daycare has been awesome about allergy awareness. I’m sure you’ve heard/read the statistics, but egg is one of the more likely ones to outgrow. We have also been able to do all the vaccinations with the pediatrician without problem – we just make sure to do egg ones separately and allow for a little more observation time at the office.
Also, turns out food challenges aren’t as scary as they sound. We’ve failed two in office challenges before. The doctors and nurses were so calm and so professional about it. Amazing to watch the immediate response from the epi-pen while in a safe space. I’ve only had to use the epi-pen myself once (the day we tried eggs at home – thankfully we already had it because of the peanut allergy.)
Outdoor play structure? says
We recently moved into a new house and have a huuuge backyard. My toddlers have birthdays coming up next month (2 and 3) and so their grandparents have offered to buy them some sort of outdoor play structure as a big joint present. Any recommendations for what we should get?
I think we want something they can climb, but I don’t know if that should be one of those jungle domes or a swing set (because then we get a slide and swings) or something else! I remember loving my swingset as a kid, but anyone have experience with them as a parent?
HSAL says
Some friends of mine got a Gorilla playset from Costco and it was really great quality. It think they bought the package that included delivery. Expensive, but they (and we!) have gotten a ton of use out of it. It’s not the exact same, but this is the closest model they have right now – https://www.costco.com/Gorilla-Playsets-PlayMaker-II-Playset—Do-It-Yourself-or-Installed.product.100241919.html.
OP says
Thanks!
anon says
Is there a reason you don’t want a slide and swings? My almost 3 yo and 5 yo spend hours at a time playing on our play structure. They’ll go outside and play by themselves for an hour and a half or more on a regular basis (with me watching from inside). They love it. I love that I can send them outside to play.
OP says
Oops, didn’t mean to imply that! I was more asking if a swing set is much better than something else because it does have a slide and swings, or if my toddlers would be just as happy with something simpler.
Lyssa says
I’ve definitely found that most kids prefer the swings over anything else, so I would go with those. Ours has some regular swings and one of those double swing things, and it’s a big hit.
Anon says
At some point in the next year, give or take, my family will be looking to buy a house in Northern Virginia. I love (and hate!) casually looking at Zillow and other apps for houses in this area. I usually set the search parameters for houses with 4+ bedrooms with assigned schools in “green” ranked school districts, preferably on about an acre or more of land. My searches have been skewing towards McLean and Great Falls. My husband and I work in Arlington and Tysons-area (for now – that could obviously change at any time!). My preference would be to live as close to DC/Arlington as possible. Am I right that house prices will be around $1M+? Any recommended neighborhoods/towns/school districts/etc.? Any advice on how to more seriously consider a house search here would be very much appreciated!
Anon says
Get a realtor you like and trust. Get pre-approved by a bank. When we were house hunting 3 years ago, houses were selling before they even went on the market (we bought ours after less than 3 days on the market), so if you find something you love you need to be ready to move on it. Looking at zillow and redfin will give you a good sense of what’s available in your price range – it took me a while to get over that. Consider what’s a real deal breaker for you (we wanted gas hookup for stove and heater (not electric, not oil), no well or septic (county water and sewer), a two car garage (rare the closer you get to the city), 4 bedrooms, 2 1/2 baths and constructed after whatever the lead paint cutoff was, in a relatively move-in ready home). I work in Tysons; my husband works in Fairfax City. Use google maps or waze at the appropriate times to get a good sense of commute time. In my experience, McLean and Great Falls have a premium for the name, and anything that is not new construction is definitely “older.” Langley pyramid is, in my opinion, far and away the best school district, but my husband went to Madison and it’s fine. Marshall pyramid is less well-regarded. An acre or more of land in McLean and Great Falls will be well north of $1M for a reasonably maintained home in my experience, probably closer to $2 if you’re looking for new construction on a quarter to a half acre lot. I am not a local and had to get over some serious sticker shock when we moved here at the house prices. My husband grew up in Vienna (just outside town limits, which helps on taxes, etc.) and loved it, but to get new construction in Vienna (on a quarter acre) will run you $1.2, $1.3. We are out on the Fairfax Loudon border (but technically still Great Falls) and managed to get half an acre and a well-maintained mid-80s 4 bedroom home for $800K.
OP says
Thank you! This is incredibly helpful!
octagon says
I think it will depend on how strongly you want the acre of land or if a half-acre (or less) will be enough for you, and how updated you want the house to be. You will get more land for your money the further west you go. A half-acre in Arlington will be over $1M unless the house is in very poor condition (and even then you might be competing with builders). It also depends on how much you are wedded to a specific school district. In Fairfax County your kids would be eligible for TJHSST – very important to some parents.
For more land in Fairfax, you might look just south of 66, to Pimmit Hills or Sleepy Hollow or the Falls Church neighborhood of Fairfax County. Have you considered Loudoun if you want more land?
My best advice, if you are not in a hurry, is to spend some time really exploring the different neighborhoods and see which ones feel right to you, and find a realtor who concentrates in that area. Competition across NoVa is fierce and you will need to be aggressive and ready when something comes up that you like.
Chi Squared says
I am planning a trip to Maui for Christmas (!!) and just realized that the flight is 9.5 hours (and with food for purchase only – seriously?? Thanks United).
Also, getting nervous about keeping a 6 year-old and 3 year-old entertained in regular economy for that long. It’ll be our first big plane trip/vacation since having kids. We do 5-6 hour road trips to see family regularly, but this is another league. I figure iPad movies/TV will be good for 2-3 hours, maybe they will sleep if we’re lucky for 45 mins – 1 hour. Eating lunch/snacks will take up maybe another 45 mins total. Maybe we can play games like Uno, read books to them for another 2 hours total at best. But that leaves us THREE. MORE. HOURS. to fill.
Anon says
Yeah it’s straight BS that there’s no free food on flights to Hawaii. I live on the East Coast and flights to Hawaii are longer than flights to Europe. Also be aware that United sells meals but they run out of them if you’re not at the front of the plane. We were near the back and they’d run out of not only the hot meals but also the snack boxes by the time the cart got to us. So bring ALL THE SNACKS. Like seriously, pack enough food for 24 hours.
But generally, I think you can cycle through the activities you listed. Your kids may not want to watch movies for 5 hours straight, but you can probably repeat the screentime/sleep/read/eat cycle at least a couple times.
RR says
Total, utter BS about the food. I just did a flight to Europe with 10 year olds and a 4 year old last year. The in-flight entertainment was a big, big winner. The 4 year old did a lot more than I expected. I’d bring coloring and toys and lots and lots and lots of snacks.
Anonymous says
When we flew to Hawaii from the East Coast (also on United) we were pre-kids, and it was still tough re: food. We packed our own lunches and bought breakfast sandwiches before the flight, and lots of snacks. Definitely don’t count on the food for purchase on United, they can run out for sure.
Anonymous says
I’ll ask my doctor as well, but do you all have any recommendations for sunscreen suitable for pregnant women? Thanks!
Anon says
My OB said it’s not really a big deal, but generally recommended to use zinc ozide (mineral) sunscreen over chemical sunscreen. I use ThinkBaby, which is mineral-based, goes on very easily and provides good sun protection.
Anon says
I don’t ever remember even having this conversation with my OB, but I use mineral sunscreens because the chemical ones irritate my psoriasis (which was flaring with pregnancy, yay me). For daily use on my face I like my neutrogena healthy defense sensitive skin with purescreen SPF 50. For dedicated out in the sun time (as opposed to house to car to office to car to house), I like the Cerave sunscreen stick for my face, and for my body I generally stick to the Neutrogena Pure & Free Baby sunscreen for me. Generally baby sunscreens will be mineral based. Benefit is that my toddler and I now use the same sunscreen?
ElisaR says
obviously not a perfect solution, but I love me a long sleeve sun shirt and a hat. I still wind up with sunscreen on my hands and face but it’s a lot less sunscreen on your skin itself.
ElisaR says
my comment went to moderation but: sunshirt
Anon says
A sunshirt doesn’t eliminate the need for sunscreen – you still need to use sunscreen on your face and hands.
Anon says
Mine is in mod too, weird. Also recommend a sunshirt – I forgot about that, probably because I use it in my normal pasty white life. I use a Lands End one and just went up a few sizes to acommodate the belly.
anon says
What are the benefits of a nanny vs. au pair? Trying to decide in between the two for a 1 year old.
CCLA says
Following. We currently have a nanny 8-6 for 4-mo old, but are strongly considering an au pair for when we move in a few months (we’d consider it now, but moving mid-engagement doesn’t seem feasible). Of course one of the biggest differences, unless you’re considering a live-in nanny, will be that the au pair would live in your home.
rosie says
No experience with an au pair personally, but there is a pretty strict limit on hours–maybe 40? You couldn’t have an au pair for 8-6 coverage 5 days/wk, I don’t think.
Anon says
We employ a nanny and my husband had a series of au pairs growing up. Au pairs are young people looking to see the world, not people who want a career in childcare. That comes with pluses and minus – they’re cheaper and can expose your kids to a new language and culture, but are generally not as experienced (especially with infants). At least in my area, many nannies are former daycare workers so they’re incredibly seasoned and experienced. My husband’s take is that a good au pair can be wonderful for the kids and family, but it’s hard to find a good one. You only have each one for a year typically, so you have to search for them much more frequently, especially if you have several kids. Whereas nannies will often be happy to stay with one family as long as you have young children, even if that’s 5-10 years.
Of course the most obvious difference is that au pairs live in your home and nannies generally don’t.
Anon says
Adding that you don’t typically meet au pairs until they arrive in the US. It would make me really nervous to hire someone to watch my kids without meeting them first, even in this era of Skype, etc. And if you decide you’ve made a big mistake, it’s more complicated to get out of the au pair arrangement vs a nanny where you can simply say “you’re fired, here’s some severance.” My husband’s family had one that was so bad they ended up sending her back to Spain. After that, the au pair agency wouldn’t work with them on a replacement, so they switched to daycare/school aftercare at that point (DH was 6 and his sister was 2). In the end everyone was fine, but my MIL describes it as a really stressful time.
Anonymous says
Au-pairs live in and are better for families with split schedules or one partner who travels a lot because you can split their hours throughout the day and combined with daycare/preschool time. Also very beneficial if you are teaching your child more than one language and want exposure to that language. Aupairs are generally younger so they willl not have as many years of childcare experience. Can do morning/evening work where they are live in. Limited number of hours though which may be great if you have grandparents that are capable of limited involvement only (e.g. take baby to music class and au pair has morning off) or if child is in part-time preschool.
Nannies usually have more years of childcare experience and would be more integrated into the local community so likely to be aware of playdate opportunities, which playgrounds are great for meeting other kids etc. Good option if you need more than 40 hours of childcare per week but need limited nights/early mornings/weekends.
Blueberries says
Given the recent settlement with the au pair agencies, I’d expect that they’re about to become more expensive because there will be a greater awareness that families will have to comply with wage and hour law (paying minimum wage, not deducting more than allowed under the law for housing/meals). Probably still cheaper than seasoned nannies (who make 2-3x minimum wage in my area), but a consideration if cost is a factor.
Wood Flooring says
Frivolous question, I know, but… We’re remodeling/updating our house, including the flooring in our kitchen/living/dining great room area. We’d like some sort of wood. However, my immediate reaction to most wood grain is to feel like the 1980s called and wants its oak back. I really like the look of modern, dark options. I think in large part because the darkness minimizes the look of the grain. That said, everyone I know with dark floors really regrets them because they show dirt so badly. So we’re moving towards a darker medium color as opposed to the super dark options. But they seem dated, and it is the grain that drives me nuts.
Does anyone have any advice or thoughts? Can someone more knowledgeable and hip than me explain what makes wood grain dated versus not? I really don’t want to spend a ton of money on a floor I don’t like or that will feel dated.
anon says
Our wood floors are medium and I think they look perfect. Stain was Special Walnut. I think it matters much more how you furnish the house in terms of looking dated! That being said, I think dark could look very 2019, and having gone just standard middle of the road will avoid that trap. The key for me was figuring out a color that wasn’t too orange or on the other end of the spectrum too ashy.
OP says
Agree that dark will look dated sooner rather than later. Another reason for going medium. I’m just having a hard time looking at them as “classic” versus old or dated. As the poster noted below, we’re starting to wonder if wood really is the best option for us. We’re in the Midwest, so that much tile isn’t necessarily a common or mainstream choice, and we’ll likely sell in about 5 years. So I worry in that regard. I grew up with tile (also in the Midwest, and am definitely not opposed to, but I don’t think that’s a common view in my area.
(PS: please folks don’t tell me not to get new floors if we’re moving…the floor we have is literally coming up and falling apart, plus we had a small fire in the fall, so new floor really is needed.)
Anon says
I would have loved the heated tile floors when I was in the midwest – but I hear it’s really expensive – or at least it was when I last considered it 10ish years ago.
Anonymous says
side note, I love thinking about what will look dated in 20 years. I am betting on all those signs people have in their kitchens that say EAT. I imagine kids in the future going “mom, why are there words describing the function of each room in my baby pictures?”
Anonymous says
Maybe they’ll be all the rage in antique stores in 30 years, LOL.
Anon says
I actually really like the mid-tone oaks – I think wider planks are more modern, so that may be a way to update it (but I’ll stick with my 2 inch mid-tone oak hardwoods as a classic). Are you 100% sold on wood? I know it’s a lot harder, louder and colder than wood, but I would strongly consider doing those wood grain plank ceramic tiles after dealing with multiple water issues in our wood kitchen.
Anonymous says
The orange-y tone makes it look dated to me. Our house had that when we moved in, and we debated what color to stain. In the end we went with just the clear polyurethane – no stain – and I like that look the best! I like to think it’s somewhat Scandinavian looking (not quite the gray that that look tends to use for stain, although that is an option too if you want something more modern).
We have ceramic tile in our kitchen and while it’s not the warmest thing, it is great for cleanup and hiding stains. There is radiant floor heating from the previous owners but my DH says it’s sketchy and refuses to let me use it or fix it with something better.
Anonymous says
This is what we did. Floors resanded to white oak and clear coated. Our decor has a scandinavian vibe so it worked well.
Anon. says
100% agree that I love the look of dark hardwood floors, but after having them HATED how they showed every single speck of dirt. Now that we have a toddler I can’t imagine dealing with kid mess on those floors – I would have been sweeping twice a day or (more likely) being constantly annoyed/embarassed by the state of my floor becuase who has time to sweep that often.
Midwest here as well. Bought our house this past summer (relocated from Texas). We thought we were set on all wood on the main floor because that’s what we had in our previous house. But the house we liked best had tile in the entry and the kitchen so that’s what we have now. And I LOVE it – for exactly the reasons you assume. Just so easy to clean up. We actually saw quite a few homes for sale that had tile in the kitchen, so I don’t think you’ll be too far behind when you put it on the market. We also saw a ton of new homes with the grey/ashy floors – and it looks chic but is going to be SO dated in about 3 years I think.
My recommendation – Aim for the darker end of medium tone, stay away from orange undertones. I think the wider planks are more modern looking. I also think that some distressing is more modern looking – and better from a practicality perspective in the kitchen. Our last house had medium tone, hand-scraped distressed wood floors throughout the main. They were original from 1920 and they were Gorgeous. Nothing more classic than medium tone oak floor.
Anonymous says
We have duplex that had old oak flooring and we refinished with a walnut stain. I loooove it. It doesn’t look like the orangey oak in the rentals we lived in for years, and it’s not so dark to show every dust speck. It’s also holding up much better than the Brazilian Chestnut we put in another part if the house, but I suspect that had more to do with new vs refinished flooring.