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New York City recently banned plastic shopping bags from stores, which now charge a 5-cent fee on paper bags. Even though I knew this was coming, I still did a double take when I was just handed my purchases or was asked if I wanted to buy a bag. Luckily there usually is enough space in my backpack for my purchases, but I did have to carry my food takeout container in my hand once or twice on my way back to the office. I am going to keep a few types of reusable and washable bags in my work bag so that I am not caught off guard again. They’re roomy, fold up small, and come in fun prints. Maybe I’ll be nice and give my husband one or two as well. A set of six is $10.99 at Amazon. Reusable Shopping Bags
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Sales of note for 8.30.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 20% off
- Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
- Lands’ End – 40% off sitewide; 50% off backpacks, 40% off kids’ apparel
- Loft – Summer sale, 30% off new arrivals; up to 50% off much more
- Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
- Zappos – 28,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – 50% off everything
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 40% off everything
- J.Crew Crewcuts – 40% off sitewide; extra 50% off sale styles
- Old Navy – 50-60% off; 50% off pants for the family
- Target – 20% off select clothing for all; up to 50% off home; up to 30% off select nursery furniture; up to 30% off kitchen & dining
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- The concept of “backup care” is so stupid…
- I need tips on managing employees in BigLaw who have to leave for daycare pickup…
- I’m thinking of leaning out to spend more time with my family – how can I find the perfect job for that?
- I’m now a SAHM and my husband needs to step up…
- How can I change my thinking to better recognize some of my husband’s contributions as important, like organizing the shed?
- What are your tips to having a good weekend with kids, especially with little kids? Do you have a set routine or plan?
Cb says
What does a day in a life look like these days? I’ve agreed 20 hours a week with my boss. Academic (C), civil servant (A), 2.5 year old (B), living in a 700 square foot flat (no office, with small garden)
7:00 – A+C up, make tea, chat for a bit, check email for anything urgent
7:45 – B up, crawls in bed with C, A gets dressed and starts work, C+B read books
8:15 – C+B up, make breakfast for A, unstack dishwasher, play, start laundry
9:30 – A has call, retreats to bedroom
10:00 – Zoom call with nursery friends
10:30 – C+B out of the house, go for a walk in the woods
12:15 – Home, A stops working, C makes lunch, all eat, and A on child duty
1:00 – C starts work, B naps, A does household tasks/goes for run
3:00 – B up, screentime with B
4:00 – A+B playtime, often in garden
5:30 – C finishes work, makes dinner
7:00 – Alternating bedtime duty, off-duty parent cleans up, both shower, C does yoga, read, tidy, relax
9:30/10:00 – Parents to bed
HSAL says
Oh, I like this. We’re both working remotely (I’m part-time with a billable goal of 18 hours/week) with a 4 1/2 year old and 21 month old twins.
6:00: alarm goes off. We play on our phones or shower if we’re feeling fancy that day.
6:30-7:00: kids wake up, hang out in the living room for a bit.
7:00-7:30: breakfast, get dressed.
Throughout the day we switch off who is working when based on needs that day. We try to get outside (or at least on our screen porch that has a play set) once in the morning and once in the afternoon. The twins are still taking a two hour nap during which we both work and the 4 year old watches a movie. There’s also a whole lot of television throughout the day. I *try* to spend a few minutes on something educational every day. We usually wrap up work between 4 and 5. Dinner at 6, then bath if it’s bath night, twins down at 7:00 and the older one between 7:30 and 8:00. After that we might try to watch something, but more likely we still have to work. And are a little sick of each other anyway.
Cb says
I’m finding the pretty rigid schedule to be helpful for my son. We were walking back from our trip to the woods and he said ‘We’ll go home and have lunch, I’ll have my nap, then watch telly…’ He doesn’t ask for television if he knows he’s getting it after his nap each day. Although right now he’s singing in his cot at top volume.
anon says
5:30 – 10 work (Husband is on duty with 6 y.o., who wakes up around 6:30
10-1 Home school / lunch. Panic about work e-mails and calls I’m ignoring. Try to get kindergartener to focus of something vaguely educational with whatever we have on hand since school hasn’t provided any materials at all.
1 – 2:30 frantic rush to catch up with work, feel like a failure. Deal with d.h.’s out-loud panic about falling behind (litigation) while he’s on duty with kid. Sit through conference calls with people who are delighted with a social outlet while I try to cram in responding to e-mails I’ve missed. Try to calm layoff fears among the 8 people I supervise.
2:30 – 4 Home school / outside time with kiddo. Either a lovely break or a frustrating time of trying to convince d.s. he can’t go on local playground while fielding angry calls from office.
4 – 5:30 screen time for d.s., start dinner / work as able.
5:30 ish to 7 dinner, clean up, family time. Remind myself we could have it so much worse than we do.
7 – 8 trade-off with d.h. getting kid off to bed. Try not to respond angrily to parents who say they can’t help with childcare due to their age, but are having all kinds of people come do work on their house (remodeling, etc.)
8 – 10 work / fall asleep to Tiger King.
Pogo says
lol @ fall asleep to Tiger King. It’s what unites us these days.
So Anon says
Single parent, working remotely, kids 1st & 3rd grade:
6:00-6:30: I’m up, shower, get dressed (have abandoned work pants in favor of leggings)
6:30-8:30: Heavy thinking work, e.g. drafting, up in my bedroom; kids watch tv
8:30-9:00: Kids get dressed and fed
9:00-9:30: Kids zoom with teacher or look at assignments for the day, I clean up the kitchen/living area
9:30-10:00 Dog gets walked and we all get fresh air
10:00-11:00 Kids do school work with me doing light work from kitchen table
11:00-12:00 Kids play while I go back to my bedroom to do more work (no tv for kids)
12:00-1:00 Lunch for everyone, we watch a tv show
1:00-5:00ish I retreat to my bedroom and beg them not to bug me for a few hours
5:00-7:00: I bring my laptop back downstairs to keep an eye on things while chatting with the kids, doing chores, dinner, etc.
7:00-8:00 Bath and Bed
8:00-9:00 I try and convince myself to do more work or at least move from the foot of daughter’s bed while playing on my phone
9:00-10 Whatever I want
10:00 bed for me.
So Anon says
During my time in my bedroom yesterday afternoon, I was on a zoom call with my boss when my kids figured out how to have alexa play a song throughout the whole house, including on the echo dot in my bedroom. My boss was treated to a round of baby shark while I tried to calmly yell at my kids to knock it off.
avocado says
Our household consists of two parents (me and H) and an eighth-grader (JP), all working/studying from home full time, plus a large dog who is somewhat annoyed by the disruption of her comfortable daily routine. Until now, our combination home office/home gym/rec room has been a place we avoid whenever possible. Now it is the most-used room in the house.
5:45-ish: Parents up. H unloads dishwasher and makes coffee.
6:00: H walks and feeds dog. I consider working out and usually end up reading the news instead.
6:30: JP is dragged out of bed. We all have breakfast and take turns in the shower.
7:45: H starts work in the rec room. JP stares at herself in the mirror for a long time while claiming she is “getting ready.” I listen to Up First and surf the net.
8:30: I start work at the little desk from Target I just put in the bedroom. JP starts on the mountain of worksheets the school has provided, at the desk in her bedroom.
Midday: Lunch. Afterwards, I walk the dog unless I have a call.
3:30: School day ends. JP plays with the dog in the backyard, then interrupts me to show me a bunch of photos and videos she has taken of the dog doing things that are on the slightly cute end of boring. She then posts the photos on the Instagram account we let her create to stay connected to her friends during the pandemic.
5:00: Work day ends. H walks dog. I either go with them or do yoga. JP practices piano. Dog has dinner.
6:00: I start dinner. JP does some halfhearted conditioning for her sport in the rec room. H watches the evening news. We eat dinner.
7:30: I practice my instrument. JP and H play on their iPads.
8:30: Everyone gets ready for bed. Some days we watch a show together.
9:00 or 9:30: Bedtime.
One morning a week I make a nerve-wracking trip to our two nearest grocery stores right at opening time, then spend a long time decontaminating my purchases and myself before starting work.
cbackson says
“Slightly cute end of boring,” ha! This is basically 90% of my dog photos.
I am in awe of all of you managing this with kids at home. My schedule as someone who is a stepparent but only has the kids part time is something like this:
-Up at 7. Feed dog and take him out
-Frantically eat toast while dialing into 7:30 AM crisis management video call
-Work until 6 or 7 PM, sometimes later, with random dog-walking breaks.
-30 minute run at some point between meetings. I’m 27w5d so the “run” is slowly morphing into a walk.
-7ish Partner FaceTimes with stepkids while I cook
-Dinner by 8 PM
-9-whenever Emails/FaceTime with my parents/some kind of non-screen relaxation/housework
-Bed by 11. Hopefully I stay awake for 10-15 minutes because that’s when baby moves the most and it’s the one thing right now that really helps me feel like all will be well.
My partner works in biglaw and is suffocatingly busy right now so his schedule is something like “work nonstop with occasional naps when possible.” Last night he didn’t come to bed at all, just napped on the couch for a few hours between 3 AM and 5 AM. Life is hard from a work perspective for both of us right now, and it would be so much harder if we had the kids full-time.
Anonymous says
You can skip the decontaminating.
Pogo says
I’d love if we could actually get good scientific evidence about how long the virus lives on surfaces… I feel like I’ve seen multiple different #s from different studies. Until then, we are being careful. We have an outbreak at our local UPS warehouse, and if the virus can live on cardboard for 24 hours, I see taking precautions with mail/packages/groceries as legitimate.
Anon says
The viral load on a surface decreases rapidly at first, so even if it can live for 24 hours it may only be possible to get infected for the first couple hours. I’ve seen a lot of experts quoted as saying they believe the overwhelming majority of transmission is person-to-person not person-to-surface-to-person. Personally, we’re quarantining packages for a couple days because that’s easy to do and requires no effort from us, but we’re not wiping down and washing all our groceries – we just don’t have the time or energy for that right now. No one in our household is high risk though and we shop first thing in the morning.
Anon says
Why on earth are you dragging your child out of bed at 6:30? Probably the only upside to this whole covid situation is that kids can sleep in and get the sleep their bodies need. Pre-teens and teens naturally have a later biological clock and waking up that early is incredibly unhealthy for them.
avocado says
Because she has already slept for 9 or 9.5 hours and there is no need for her to laze about in an unmade bed playing video games? Because that is when she has to get up for school and we are trying to maintain somewhat of a normal schedule?
Anonymous says
Yeah I get it but also she is going through a trauma too and getting up at 7:30 seems fine.
Anon says
I would be shocked if she’s actually asleep by 9 or 9:30 pm. Just because she is in bed and not making noise doesn’t mean she’s sleeping. Most teenagers don’t have the biological ability to fall asleep that early. If you have to “drag” her out of bed, she needs more sleep.
Anonanonanon says
I hardly think making your preteen wake up at the same time they would for school and stick to a normal schedule is the borderline child abuse you all are making it out to be.
Spirograph says
+1
I have always appreciated that this community generally recognizes we’re all trying to do the best we can with the hand we’re dealt. Can we please keep that in mind while we’re all dealing with a high-stress time where everyone’s normal life has been upended? We’re smart women, and there’s complexity in all of our decisions that we’re not capturing with a few dozen words dashed off in between work and caring for kids, so let’s give each other some grace.
Anon says
M (me – Biglaw WFH right now) + D (SAHD) + T (2.5 toddler). TLDR: Toddler isn’t sleeping, I’m too busy at work to fight her on it, and she won’t go near my husband with me in the house. All the screen time to help us cope.
7:30 – I wake up, shower, head downstairs and eat solo breakfast
9:00 – I start working
9:30 – T wakes up; D may or may not wake up. If D is still sleeping, I snuggle T in with a pile of blankets on the couch, some milk and a Disney movie likely to hold her interest and tell her not to bother mama (yeah right).
10:30 – D is typically awake by now, T has lost interest in movie. I break from work briefly to corral breakfast for T and see everyone.
11:00-2:00 – All three of us crowd into our home office, because T is a dad-hating, mom-loving barnacle right now. I work with T on my lap, or sharing my chair, or watching PBS kids on my second monitor. I sneak upstairs and barricade myself in a guest bedroom if I have to take calls while sobbing ensues downstairs.
2:00 – Lunch time. I typically cook up something quick or D reassembles leftovers.
2:30 – Hopefully T is showing signs of sleepiness by now. Repeat of 11-2 if not. If lucky, banish T and D up to master bedroom for nap time – ideally asleep by 3 – with only minimal crying. She has been skipping naps repeatedly – I think we’re in the inbetween stage where she is *almost* ready to give them up but is so terrible without them we’re not ready to do it. Plus this child has far lower sleep needs than either of her parents and had been that way since birth.
4:00 – usually end of naptime, sometimes runs later which results in late night partying but more daytime work. Devil’s choice. Work until 6 or 7. Try to banish T and D out in backyard if weather is nice. If not, D tries to convince T to do something out of sight of me (reading, coloring, playdoh, anything…). Usually unsuccessful and repeat of 11-2.
7:00 – start dinner. Usually D supervises toddler in kitchen while I focus on cooking. We usually sit down to eat by 8, then D and I clean up and T runs feral.
9:00 – T starts fake yawning and stretching (signs she wants to go upstairs, not that she’s sleepy). We head up for bathtime, teeth brushing and then she kisses us goodnight, gets her ipad and sent to her room. Ipad is an improvement on the 2 hours of rocking in the dark (mama only) it would take to get her to sleep.
9:30-12:00 – D showers then watches TV from bed while I work from bed and T pops into our room every 15 minutes or so with some other request (potty, water, snuggles, interesting show, wants to read another book, etc.) but those 15 minute windows of not hearing “maaaa” and not being touched are golden.
12:00 – I typically power down (last night was an exception – worked until 2) and try to sleep. T sometimes is awake still partying but refuses to go back to her room (when she gets sleepy enough she is scared she’ll fall asleep on her own in there, she typically refuses to go back without sobbing that leads to vomiting), and so D stays up with her in our bed while I try to sleep (moderate success rate). If I am still awake when T falls asleep, I will carry her back to her bed (she typically returns to ours in the middle of the night, but it’s at least a few hours without her). Wash, rinse, repeat.
Anonymous says
Oh, man, this sounds absolutely terrible. It is literally your husband’s entire job to care for your daughter so you can work. He can’t keep her downstairs while you work upstairs and just deal with the screaming for a few days until she’s cried it out? We also had a very stubborn toddler, and as harsh as it sounds, there were a couple of issues where we just had to insist and deal with the horrible backlash until she realized that we weren’t going to budge.
Anon says
+1 I am a SAHM and this is definitely not what’s happening at our house, even though my 2.5-year-old is in a daddy phase. Yes the kids sometimes go down and play near/with dad and he pops up for short breaks but yah, time for a brainstorming session with your husband to come up with strategies/schedules/boundaries so that you can work and he can hold down the rest of the ship. I bet if he lets you have six totally focused hours a day then you can be more present with the family the rest of the time and everybody wins. And you – don’t be afraid to say NO – boundaries are good for everyone right now and will definitely help you all (especially your kid!) feel more settled and secure.
Anon says
Crying it out leads to vomiting – T vomiting makes D vomit – and it’s just a nasty cycle. So, no, we haven’t been able to figure that one out yet and don’t have the appetite for all of the carpet cleaning that ensues the couple of times we’ve tried it (because of course we have because we’re at our wits’ end). On call or focus heavy days I do lock myself in an upstairs bedroom, but our child is able to open all doors and gates, so it usually results in her beating down the door of the room I am in once she finds me, my husband carting her off, and her returning within 5 minutes because unless he physically restrains her, there is no way to keep her away given our open floor plan. She absolutely refuses to engage with him if I am home. We’ve asked the pediatrician and her speech/developmental therapist (who thankfully is still doing weekly video sessions) for tips and they are both plumb out of luck too because we’ve tried everything they and we can think of. My kid is both super smart, on the extreme end of what one would call a spirited child and more stubborn than I am. Each day has been a little better than the next, so hopefully the mommy being home instead of mommy being gone for 60 hours a week newness is wearing off, and since we’ll be home at least another month, hopefully it will keep improving and she’ll get used to the new normal. In the meantime, this just sucks and I take it day by day. I have two deals signing this week, so hopefully work will be back down to a more manageable 8 billable hour day rather than the 12-13 hour billable days I’ve been having, which should help too.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Anon, I don’t have any advice (my toddler is in a mama-loving phase too right now but not this extreme), I just wanted to say I’m sorry and that this sounds really hard, especially with the world in chaos right now. I hope this gets better for you as the weeks go on.
Anon says
You’re doing great! My kid is stubborn (though not to this degree) and I sympathize with you. Cry it out doesn’t work for everyone. You’ll get through this.
Anon says
wow this sounds so hard. i would literally not be able to survive with such little sleep. hang in there!
Pogo says
Yeah, major hugs. You know your kiddo’s sleep is not great, but right now is not the time to be trying to make big changes. I would totally be in survival mode. All the coffee to you!
Also complete anecdata but I have a coworker whose two kids were both AWFUL sleepers and coslept until they were 4. They were 4 years apart. So that’s right, for 8 YEARS of marriage they had a kid in their bed most of the time, not sleeping through night, etc. Those two kids are in high school now and incredibly high achievers and healthy and well adjusted. They sleep like regular teenagers, that is, all the time, and in their own rooms.
Anon says
Just a thought: I worked with a woman who couldn’t handle her kid throwing up. At all. So she did a course of CBT to help her deal. It may not be an option now, but your husband needs help to deal with his vomiting. What happens if kid gets sick while you’re out of town?
Anonymous says
Nope nope nope this stops today. Close your door, lock it, put headphones in, and ignore. You’ll work yourself into an early grave and lose your job.
anon says
When my kid went through a very clingy stage, I would say goodbye and send my husband on a walk with the kid first thing in the morning. There was screaming, but they would ultimately leave. I would then move my car so it was not in front of the house and barricade myself away in a bedroom. Usually they would get home and the child would assume that I’m gone (at work) and wouldn’t look for me. As long as I have food and beverage, I could hole up and work until nap time. I would use the bathroom and re provision at nap (with sleeping kid) before hiding away again until dinner.
If things got really bad, I would pretend to leave like I was going to work and then DH would take the kid on a walk. I would sneak back in while they were gone.
Anonymous says
This is what I would do.
Anon says
Thanks – I might try this.
Anonanonanon says
^This. pretend to leave and then hide.
Anon says
Leaving in front of the toddlers and then sneaking back in the basement worked well for a friend in a similar situation.
Anon says
Why is D not waking up with the toddler and taking care of breakfast/lunch/dinner? He needs to be more hands on with D and with chores, to allow you to work!! I’m a SAHM right now, and I’m keeping my kids away from my husband and taking care of meals so he can work – and in the evenings he’s totally present and able to spend time with all of us.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Thanks Cb! I love reading other people’s schedules. For us, which is me, my husband who is working part-time hours, almost 4 year old and 1.5 year old:
5:30 – husband up, showering, having coffee. Toddler wakes up around 5:50-6.
5:50 – me up, showering.
6:20 – I’m out having breakfast, feeding toddler breakfast.
On good days 7:00 – 4 year old wakes up (on not good days, he’s up earlier).
7:00 – Husband starts work, I take on both. We watch TV for about 30 min.
7:30-9:30 – I watch both kids, try to entertain them downstairs, have snacks, chaos, aim for this time to be screenfree.
9:30 – Husband takes over, I start work.
9:30-12:30 – They go outside, read books, do yoga videos, there’s a lot of screaming so I listen to music on my headphones. He does their lunch.
12:30 – I’m back for lunch. Toddler goes down for (glorious 2-3 hour) nap.
12:30-3 – Husband is working. I hang out with 4 year until his nap around 1:30, then I work again. After his nap, he gets TV.
3-5/5:30/6 – I work while husband entertains them. Toddler is usually up around 3/3:30.
6/6:30 – Dinner.
6:45 – Bath for toddler by one parent (we trade off each night), then stories and bed. Down by 7:30.
7-9 – Parent not doing older one does dishes and cleans up. Older one has TV, has a bath, then stories, then takes forever to go to sleep. Usually by 9. We check work and do more work if something comes up.
9-10 – TV for adults then bed.
Next day, rinse, repeat.
ALC says
Two attorneys (H is government attorney, I’m an associate in BigLaw) and 1 8-month old baby:
7-8 am: wake up, read emails, get baby up when he starts making noise
8-9:30 am: I take care of baby while H works, we have coffee and granola bars
9:30-11 am: I work while H watches baby
11-12:30: baby naps and we both work/eat lunch
12:30-3 pm: we switch off work/baby duties depending on who has more urgent work/calls; usually try to do an afternoon walk outside
3-5 pm: baby naps and we both work
5-7:30 pm: H does baby nighttime routine (I usually do bath) while I work
7:30-9:30 pm: H and I eat dinner, relax and hang out a bit, then either bedtime or more work if needed
When I’m busy, I can usually get about 7 hours out of this schedule, and would wake up earlier and/or go to bed later if needed. However, I’ve been fairly slow so this schedule has been fine. Somewhere in here we do dishes and laundry and pick up a bit too.
Anon says
My husband is a prof with a reduced workload (no teaching) due to the pandemic, and I work in higher ed on the staff side. Things are also very slow at my work, and I was told pre-pandemic that I’m likely being laid off this summer, so the silver lining of this situation is that I don’t have to worry about being a top performer at work. I’m still working since I don’t want to burn bridges, but I definitely don’t care about impressing anyone or logging a full 40 hours which I feel very grateful for, despite the impending job loss. We have a young 2 year old (24 months) who takes after her extroverted dad and pretty much needs attention/interaction at all times. Even when she has a screen, she wants to talk to us about what she’s watching, which is very sweet but makes it hard to work unless she’s asleep or the other parent is handling her.
Husband wakes up with toddler around 7:30/8 am and makes her breakfast. I wake up around 9 am (I am a night owl) and make a cup of tea and do about an hour of work (mostly just triaging email and figuring out what I need to do that day. I take care of toddler from 10-noon, including fixing her lunch, while husband works. She theoretically naps from noon-1:30 although lately this has been really spotty because she is cutting 2 year molars (great timing, kiddo!). I get her up from nap and we do a Skype call with my parents in a different state. Around 2:30-3 my husband takes over for a couple hours and I do a little work, then I watch her again beginning around 4/4:30 so my husband can fix dinner. Around 5:30 we try to go on a family walk with the dog (although lately the weather has been horrible so I’ve just stayed home with kiddo while husband walks the dog). Then we read books and get her ready for bed. Kiddo gets in her crib around 7 pm and then my husband and I go do our own thing. He works or plays video games, I work as needed but mostly watch TV/read since things are so light at work. I have insomnia that’s gotten worse with the current situation so I usually don’t fall asleep until midnight or 1 am-ish.
CPA Lady says
6:30 – husband’s alarm goes off and he starts his work day. he works productively and consistently.
7:00 -kid’s okay to wake light goes off and she comes and wakes me up.
7:30 – i get out of bed, get my coffee and kid’s breakfast
8:15 – I start working, kid gets unlimited screen time in the morning.
if the weather is nice we go for a walk around 10:30
if the weather is not nice, she keeps watching tv or playing games on her kindle
11:45 – lunch, wandering around the house aimlessly
1:00-3:00 – kid has quiet time in her room with no screens
3:00- husband stops work for the day
3:00- i stop work for the day and vow I will do more after kid goes to bed. (I do not do more after kid goes to bed)
3:00 – kid eats snack. after snack we go for a walk
Afternoon is spent doing non-screen things like drawing, sidewalk chalk, water table, playing in yard, reading
5:15 – dinner
possible second or third walk of the day
or bath time
or video chat with grandma
or more tv
7:00-7:30 bedtime for kiddo with books
7:30 – i sit on the couch and think about how I should be working more. Instead I binge watch Daria.
9:15 – snack
9:30 – bedtime
Every 2-3 days I go into the office to drop off and pick up files.
it’s settling into a routine.
GCA says
I’m currently working ft (35-40h/ week) and have always worked remotely. DH finished a PhD at the end of last year, has been in a data science program since January, and is job-hunting in industry now. He does 75% of kid care and I take 25%, but if he starts a contract job we will split more evenly and I may go to 75% time. We have 2 kids, almost-5 and 1.5.
6.30 – everyone up. Kid1 has always had lower sleep needs. Kid2 lolls in bed for a while. I loll with her.
7.00 – everyone up for real, breakfast, noodling around.
8.00-12pm – I hide in the bedroom to work. Most colleagues are in London/ Europe so I always have the morning shift.
DH parent shift usually includes: snack time for kids, entertaining them, some sort of imaginative play, some sort of outdoor time, some sort of kid-friendly workout, lunch prep and feeding.
12.00 – Lunch
1.00 – Toddler nap. If no one is running with a napping toddler in stroller, both parents work (DH has papers that need revision and job applications at various stages to wrangle.) Kid1, who does not nap, gets screeen time or I sit with him and do puzzles, play board games, etc. I think he is the one getting most shafted in all of this because we always have to attend to toddler.
2.30-3.00 – Toddler up, my parent shift starts. At this point I’ve gotten in 5-6 productive work hours. Snack time.
3.00-5.00 – DH work shift – paper revisions, networking, job applications, contract work.
My parent shift usually includes: some sort of art/ music/ science activity. Yesterday toddler played with baking soda + food coloring, vinegar, water and ice in bowls/ muffin tin for a solid 45 minutes. I clean things and make dinner.
6.00 – Dinner, a term which really means ‘an ongoing circus of responding to people’s requests, reading books, cleaning spills etc. that occurs at all mealtimes’
6.30 – Free time (kids shower if it’s a shower night, keep kids from killing each other, read, play, kid1 literally runs laps inside the house)
7.00 – initiate bedtime routine: post-dinner fruit, brushing of teeth, tidying their room
7.30 – lights out. 50% of the time I fall asleep putting the toddler down. DH escapes the room and does post-dinner cleanup and works some more.
9.00 – I wake up from my inadvertent nap and finish whatever work I need to.
11pm-midnight – fall asleep, often with a book on my face. There is zero time for ourselves, but at least we’re in it together.
Anonymous says
These are so fascinating and I know I’ll reread them later. We are two parents – me, healthcare industry related job that’s 50+ hours a week right now but thankfully remote and spouse who teaches, now remotely, plus a preK age kid and a 1 year old. We feel very privileged right now as we live in a 2 story house with yard, and the parent who is working can shut themselves in the downstairs.
7 am – wake up, drag 5 year old outside for quick walk, start breakfast and get up the baby while spouse gets up
7:30 – start work calls/emails while supervising breakfast
8 – retreat to basement to work frantically all morning – job is 100 percent phone calls right now — while spouse supervises kids. They mostly play, and occasionally do zoom classes from preschool or join into zoom assemblies from spouses’s school (luckily he has no classes in the morning). He gets them outside if he can and they sometimes exercise indoors; 1 year old requires a ton of attention.
12-12:30-spouse’s class starts on zoom. I supervise lunch while listening to a major conference call that I thankfully only rarely need to speak in. Kids are craaaaaazy at this time.
12:45- i sign off computer briefly to put 1 year old down to nap. Set up 5 year old to watch 1 hour of TV. I try to set up an actual “activity” to do afterward, which sometimes works.
1-2:30 I work in dining room while spouse teaches in basement and kiddo watches his shows and plays or does art. Take calls outside on deck even though it’s raining.
2:30 spouse comes upstairs and I retreat to basement till 5:30. Kiddo plays in background of spouse’s teacher meetings. After baby wakes up they usually go outside for a while. Spouse makes dinner.
5:30 turn off computer and join family for dinner. Get frantic calls from C suite.
6-6:45 family play time! Inside or outside
6:45-8 out kids to bed (done at 7:15 if I’m on baby duty, more like 7:45 for big kid).
8-9 finish work (3/5 days a week); spouse works
9-10 exercise, do dishes, panic about pandemic; spouse works
10-11 hang out with spouse
11 go to bed! Half the time, spouse works another couple hours (planning, grading)
Weekends … I’m mostly on kid duty so spouse can work.
Extra anon for this says
When I get calls from non-C-suite folks when my kids are around, I’m a big fan of emailing them to say “I’m on the other line but I saw you called, is there something I can do to help you over email so you don’t have to wait?” or texting “so sorry, tied up on the other line, you’re next on my list!” or if I don’t recognize the number I let voicemail screen for me and only return if it truly can’t wait 30 minutes or whatever.
Anonymous says
Absolutely! In non pandemic times I don’t even keep my phone with me after 5. And right now I only take certain calls during evening family time.
Extra anon for this says
Thanks! I posted last week about freaking out about pulling our kid from her in-home daycare but still needing childcare because we’re a two-responder household. We found a nanny and extensively interviewed her about social distancing and her household contacts. I think she appreciated that we were taking that seriously as well. So we’re still settling into this new schedule, but the days I’m able to stay home will look like:
-6:00 AM, both wake up, check emails, handle phone calls, etc. (there are a lot of middle of the night phone calls too so this all varies)
-6:30 AM 2-year-old wakes up and comes in our bed for a diaper change and some daniel tiger while we get dressed.
-7:00 Husband leaves, I start working as best as I can with a 2 y.o.
-8:00 wake up older child, give kids breakfast, he helps wrangle little sister while I work and they eat
-9:00 sitter comes. I run off to return the phone calls I didn’t answer between 7 and 9 (usually by texting “tied up on the other line! will call you back as soon as I can!” or emailing “I saw you called-I’m on the other line but is there something I can help you with over email?”)
-11:00 2 y.o. goes down for nap, sitter helps older kid with the schoolwork I printed for him the night before
-1:00 2 y.o. wakes up, sitter feeds them lunch
-5:00 sitter leaves, I try to keep working while avoiding phone calls if possible. If I can’t avoid a phone call, I take solace in the fact it’s after 5 so it’s not crazy that kids are in the background. Try to make a fast dinner and get the kids settled at the table.
-6:00 PM husband comes home and takes over dinner which is wrapping up for the kids.
-6:30 little one is in bath, I join to catch up with my husband and answer emails on my phone and so that one of us can duck out if we get a call
-6:45 2 y.o. skypes my parents, in bed at 7
-7:00 older kid showers, brushes teeth, etc. while we both work on laptops
-8:00 older kid in bed. We’ll turn some TV on in the background and work and cobble together something to eat
-10:00 we go to bed. My husband passes out immediately, I lay awake until around midnight.
Pogo says
Was thinking of you! Glad you were able to get someone to watch your kiddo.
Anon says
I like this! There’s 36-week pregnant me, DH, and our 2 year old in our suburban Southern CA home. DH and I are both in finance and working from home; he works FT and I work 32-ish hours/week normally.
6 AM – wake up; scroll phone and check news/emails; DH is usually already awake and either out for a run or talking to colleagues/clients on the East Coast from our home office
6:20 AM – up for a quick shower, get dressed, some basic hair and makeup to make me feel like a human and be presentable for any video calls
6:45-7 AM – get toddler up; play and cuddle for a bit; finish getting ready if I need to; go downstairs to make coffee
7:30 AM – nanny arrives! We just got our nanny back after paying her to stay home for a 2-week quarantine to make sure both her and us were healthy. Toddler is thrilled to see her, as am I.
7:45 AM – hand off toddler to nanny; eat a quick breakfast; start workday from our master bedroom
7:45 – 2:30/3ish – work (nonstop calls/emails/projects). I try to take snack breaks or pop out to see toddler if I can, but I generally try to fit a full 8-hour workday into 6-6.5; nanny usually leaves around 2-2:30 while our toddler is napping
3:00 PM – sign off/close laptop; wake toddler (if she’s not already up)
3:30 PM – toddler snack and playtime, convince DH to finish up his workday and head out for a family walk. We are fortunate to live in a neighborhood with a lot of green space for toddler to run around in.
4:30 PM – head home; toddler usually watches a show while I figure out dinner/check email, DH usually works another half hour or so now
5:30 PM – dinner (sometimes just toddler eats and DH and I eat later, sometimes we all eat together); family time and toddler play time
6:30 PM – DH starts getting toddler ready for bed, my 8-month pregnant self picks up toys/cleans downstairs (on a good day) or scrolls her phone on the couch (on a rougher one)
7 PM – toddler goes down for bed; DH and I usually take 30-60 minutes for ourselves for before hanging out
8-9:30 PM – DH and I catch up, watch a show, pick up the house, finish a load of laundry, deal with any pressing work items, etc.
9:30 PM – in bed (I usually will stay up and read my Kindle or scroll my phone while DH instantly falls asleep); I’m usually out by 10
anon says
here’s a frivolous question: how do you carry your phone when you take your kids out for bike rides? In the winter, I wear a big coat, and put my phone and keys in the pockets but i have never figured out where to put my phone in the warmer months. I used a small cross-body purse from target last year…but didn’t love that option. These days, I am usually in athletic clothes when we go out…any ideas?
GCA says
When I run, I use a phone pocket (the Koala Clip) that clips onto the back of my sports bra, but it’ll also clip to a waistband if you’re just chasing the kids around. Or I stick my phone in whatever leg pocket the leggings have.
Anonymous says
Target c9 leggings have a phone pocket on the leg. Game changer.
Pogo says
We either wear cycling jerseys/tops with built in zip pockets in the back (but we’re both pretty serious riders) or I have a running belt which I use to carry my phone, keycard, etc while running and I’ll wear that. It’s called a FlipBelt, can order from Amaz0n of course.
Anonymous says
I have both the FlipBelt and the Lululemon Fast and Free Run Belt, and I prefer the Fast and Free. It’s not quite as sleek as the FlipBelt and has a buckle, but it’s easier to get the phone in and out of.
Cb says
I’ve got a basket on my bike. My husband has one of those little pouches that goes under the seat. Both fit phones.
Anonymous says
We have an older (or maybe just cheaper, ha!) version of these on our bikes:
https://www.iottie.com/Product/Detail/5046/Easy-One-Touch-4-Bike-Mount
Anonymous says
In addition to under the seat pouches and baskets, they also sell little pouches you can strap to your handlebars.
anon says
I have the FlipBelt. I originally bought it for running (and still use it for that) but it works really well for family bike rides too. I’m considering getting a second one to rotate when the first one is too gross/dirty to wear. I sweat profusely when I run.
Beth @ Parent Lightly says
I use an SPI belt or a Camelbak (if I need money and keys too).
Anon says
A fanny pack. Honestly. I wear it to the park, too, when I don’t want a whole bag.
anonchicago says
I have this bike mount for my phone: https://bikase.com/product/bike-iphone-case-handy-andy-6/. It’s big enough that I can slip my key and a credit card in with my phone.
For running in warmer months, I have an armband and belt depending on what I’m wearing and the length of run. I tan easily so I try to avoid the armband tan if I’m wearing a tank top.
Anon says
spibelt
So Anon says
I was listening to Brene Brown’s new podcast, and she admitted that she is 25% crankier/more irritable/something like that at all times. I think that is totally true. I feel like my emotions are right at the surface right now, similar to how I felt during pregnancy. My company just announced that it is ok for us to use our corporate zoom accounts for personal use during this time, and I almost cried.
Bikes says
Another frivolous question also about bikes.
DH and I bought off craigslist two bikes maybe 10 years ago. They’re ok…? Never properly fitted to us at all, kind of rusty. We live in the burbs now and DD is 2. Not quite ready for her own bike but starting to show interest. We’ve thought about (a) selling the beater bikes and (b) buying relatively inexpensive ones for us.
Is Facebook marketplace the best place to sell these days? I expect college kids/locals in nearby Boston/Cambridge/Somerville would gobble these up quickly.
Where should we buy our new bikes? Target has some and there is a local bike store here. Just looking for something to take on (paved) trails and paths so we can ride along and with DD when she’s a little older. Not looking to spend $$$.
Anonymous says
Why not use the ones you have? It sounds like they just need cleaning/oiling/adjusting? If the local bike store is still open, take them there for a tune up before you try buying new bikes. They can probably tell you if they are worthless. I’m in NYC, and our bike shop has decided they are allowed to remain open.
Pogo says
+1 You can definitely ask them for an opinion and see if a tuneup would fix it the issues. Even if you need a new derailleur or cables, those are cheaper than getting something new and prob better quality than getting something at Target. Shops I’ve used and liked in the Boston area are Quad Cycles, JRA Cycles, and Broadway Bicycle School. We’ve also purchased bikes over the years from all 3. Cambridge Bicycle in Central is overpriced and not that helpful imo but I’ve bought parts there in a pinch.
I would suggest if you want something new to get a “hybrid bike” or “city/commuter bike” which is more upright than a road bike, and usually has wider tires than a road bike too. We do a lot of biking w/ LO on fire road type trails (wide gravel) at places like The Fells, and these bikes work well. Can also obviously be used on a rail trail that’s pavement just as easily. It’s a nice cross between road and mountain bike imo and useful for riding w/ kiddo. The two brands I’ve liked for those types have been Felt and Marin but I think a lot of brands carry them now.
Anonymous says
A bike from Target is going to be terrible. If you don’t want to spend the money for a new entry-level Trek or similar, I’d wait until things return to normal and buy used. There are groups on Facebook for selling used bikes.
Anonymous says
It won’t really be feasible for you to ride bikes while your daughter rides hers until she is much older and on a bike with bigger wheels, like 20″ or so. It is torture to try and ride an adult-sized bike slowly enough to go along with a small child on a 12″ bike. If you want to ride with her before that point, you need a trailer bike (half a bike that attaches to the back of yours and creates something like a tandem bike). At this point, just get her a balance bike or an itty bitty bike with training wheels to ride while you walk, and hold off on upgrading the adult bikes.
anon says
This morning we officially canceled our Disney vacation for June. It is 100% the right thing to do and I realize this falls into the category of first-world problems, but I’m really bummed. We put off vacations for years until the kids were old enough to really enjoy them and were finally starting to travel again.
Anon says
I’m sorry. <3 I'm so bummed about all our canceled summer vacations too, even though DD is 2 and multiple people have told me this is objectively the worst age for travel. I know I'd be even sadder if she were at an easier/more fun travel age.
So Anon says
I’m going to cancel my two week vacation to Provence and Paris this summer. I have been planning it since I was in the midst of my divorce last spring. It was my light at the end of the long tunnel. I’m so bummed.
I think it is ok to grieve the year and plans that are not going to happen.
Anonymous says
Hugs. I am sure that is so disappointing.
Anon says
wwyd – we have soon to be 2 year old twins and we currently have a nanny who we love and plan on keeping regardless. we were planning on enrolling them in 3 days a week preschool for next school year primarily for the socialization benefits for them and for us (we are newish in town and still trying to meet people). financially it will be a tiny stretch. the school we’ve selected is affiliated with a synagogue. deposits are due this Friday, with an option to unenroll by May 1 (but lose your deposit). I reached out to the school to ask how they are handling Covid, (offering any tuition refunds, option to convert tuition to a donation, and plans are for next school year in case additional rounds of social distancing are required). This was their response to me: “if we are not able to have school within our building, we will still consider it “open” because we will continue with distance learning. We are confident in our distance learning plan, and feel that our young ones can continue to make progress in their developmental milestones for their age groups.” —> we are trying to decide if we should not enroll them at all for next year at any school, wait to try to enroll in a different school, etc. Any thoughts?
Anon says
I would be wary of that school, personally. The entire point of preschool is socialization and interacting with other children. It can’t be taught via distance learning like algebra. The tone of that response tells me that they take their “academic” curriculum super seriously and that’s not what I want in a preschool. It also seems clear you wouldn’t get any refunds if/when the school closes for Covid -related concerns.
Anonymous says
Lol absolutely not. If you decide in August it’s a go, bet they’ll actually have seats and be able to take your money.
Anonymous says
I would not enroll them in preschool for next year. Preschool is a nice extra for 2-year-olds but not necessary. There is no way things will be back to normal at any point during the 2020/2020 school year. I would not be enrolling a 2-year-old in any preschool program next year if I already had child care. It’s a huge risk for comparatively little benefit.
Anon says
“There is no way things will be back to normal at any point during the 2020/2020 school year.” — This seems like an exaggeration. I agree there’s no guarantee things will be back to normal, but I think it’s certainly possible. There won’t be a vaccine, but there may be effective treatments and there will hopefully be very widespread testing which will allow closures to be shorter and more geographically targeted.
Anon says
+1 there will come a point where sustained closures are not feasible, and the real issues of 1,000s of families not being able to feed themselves due to lack of income will have to start being taken into account in the equation, regardless of what $ the government throws at everyone.
Anonymous says
Fauci and all the other experts say it’s coming back in the fall.
Anon says
Whether it comes back in the Fall and whether we do another round of mass closures are two different variables of the equation though. I’m not saying that won’t happen, but just some food for thought.
Anonymous says
Yeah, but even if schools don’t close in the fall I wouldn’t risk sending a 2-year-old to preschool with the virus circulating widely. If you’ve got a nanny, you don’t absolutely need preschool.
Anon says
Fauci himself has said “it will be a totally different ballgame” in the fall (due to the availability of treatments and testing, etc.) Please don’t fearmonger. It’s by no means certain that our lives will completely shut down for months again.
Anon says
2 year olds need interaction with other kids. You can get that through preschool or through regular outings to things like library storytimes and paid classes. Personally, I feel safer at daycare which is the same 10 kids every day and where the teachers are salaried and have generous sick leave than at random classes with different children every time and instructors making $8/hour who don’t have any sick leave.
YMMV but I think you’re more likely to pick up the virus if you regularly attend lots of different playgroups. And I don’t think staying home completely would be good for the kids (although perhaps less of a concern with twins).
Realist says
If I could afford to lose the deposit and really liked the school, I would buy the time to wait until May 1. But, also, I don’t know how much will change between now and May that will change your mind. My child has asthma so if I were really you, I would probably decide that preschool is not going to happen in the fall. There will likely be other things you could do in the fall for socialization if things simmer down, like dance or music classes with the nanny.
OP says
i appreciate everyone’s responses. what if i had not included the school’s slightly ridiculous response about learning happening online, would your opinions be the same? the school does have a bit of a snotty reputation from an administrative perspective, but the teachers, other families and facilities are supposed to be wonderful. we live in a large city, but in a warmer/more humid climate where we do not currently have that many cases (though we do have a stay at home order). i guess my concern is that since we will need two spots, if we wait until they are 3, what if we cannot get two spots at another jewish school and i’m guessing there is no way this school would let us back in
Anonymous says
Why does it have to be a Jewish school? Where we live, non-Jewish kids go to the JCC and non-Christian kids go to the Y all the time.
Anon says
we have nothing against non-Jewish schools, but we are jewish and would like our kids to get exposed to jewish traditions and holidays through school
Anon says
I don’t have great advice on the deposit situation, but I just wanted to say I’m also Jewish and totally get this. There’s no Jewish preschool in our area, but we definitely would have sought one out if it existed. And I would not be comfortable sending my kids to any kind of Christian school. A Hindu friend sent her kid to a “non-religious” church preschool and was pretty horrified when he came home and started role-playing “baby Jesus” with his dolls.
Anon says
This really varies. My DD attended a church preschool for 3 years and at age 5 asked me why a neighbor had a baby doll in their front yard for Christmas (a nativity scene) When I explained she had never heard the name Jesus and had no idea what I was talking about.
AIMS says
I probably wouldn’t do it. I recently had to make this decision with my two year old. Deposit was due this month and another payment (1st month – September) will be due in May. But we don’t have a nanny and work would be impossible if we didn’t have the spot reserved and the location of this place is literally around the corner from our house so it’s very hard to beat. But the whole distance learning thing would be a total dealbreaker for me. Our 4 year old is doing virtual school and it’s nice for her to have some continuity and structure but it is absolute crap in terms of actual learning. I actually think in some ways it’s worse for her because it has made her more interested in screens etc. Meanwhile,her 2 year old brother can sit still for all of maybe 4 minutes of the classes in which he can participate like music or dance. I can’t imagine how distance learning would be of any use to 2 year olds who haven’t had a prior connection with a teacher or classmates. Unless you can afford to lose the money, I wouldn’t.
Also, this may be incredibly cynical and horrible, but if this doesn’t get resolved soon, I suspect there will be spots open in lots of places because people will be moving from cities.
Quail says
Is this preschool connected to an elementary/ high school that you would like your kids to attend, and this is the main entry year? In my large city, it’s common for parents who are dead-set on a certain education to nab one of these entry-year spots. This is not my situation, but I would bet they would pay essentially to hold their spot.
Otherwise, I’d pass. There will be other options.
Anon says
Just to put my two cents out there on part of that: if part of their distance learning is online, I know this is not every kid’s experience but even getting my 5 year old to sit for a zoom class/play date is a real struggle and honestly more frustrating than seems worth it at times. I’m not sure what the issue is exactly, he just seems really uneasy with the whole thing. I almost feel like we do it more for the parents than the kids.
End rant. The moral of my story is I would not expect that to be effective for a 2 year old at all, although I’m sure there are exceptions.
I realize this isn’t your biggest question with regards to your considerations though.
Extra anon for this says
I’d put it off a year if the deposit money makes a difference in your budget. There is little value in zoom school for a 2-year-old and, even if schools are open in the fall, I don’t think the benefit outweighs the risk if you have other childcare in place. Even if no one is at high risk of dying in your household, ending up on a ventilator in the ICU is still no fun.
Anon says
The risk of dying and the risk of ending up on a ventilator are extremely correlated – in fact if you get on a ventilator you only have about a 50% chance of making it out alive. When people say they’re “low risk” they mean “low risk of having serious illness” not just “low risk of dying.” Of course, anything is possible and some young healthy people will end up in ICU and even dead. But healthy young people also die of the flu and other random things. Statistically a healthy person under 50 has an extremely low chance of ending up in ICU from this.
Anon says
We have twins, so I totally sympathize with the worry about getting two spots at another school, especially if you’re limited in your choices for one reason for another.
How much is the deposit in proportion to your budget? If you really like the school and can swing the deposit, I’d pay it to secure two spots and then see what the situation is like in September. If school seems too risky/it’s all online, then pull the kids and just lose the deposit. Zoom classes for 2-year-olds will be pointless–our preschool is currently offering Zoom classes while they’re closed, and my 3-year-olds get bored after 10 minutes and just want to play with each other instead.
Anon says
When my husband and I walk around our neighborhood we constantly see groups of same-age, obviously unrelated kids playing together. Someone on my FB news feed posted yesterday about “life in quarantine” and it was a photo of their preschooler and another preschooler sitting side by side on a park bench (it wasn’t an ironic caption – the person seems to genuinely believe they’re quarantining). There was a comment here yesterday that someone should celebrate their child’s first birthday by inviting another family to picnic in the park. None of this is social distancing or staying at home!
It makes me so sad and angry. Of course I’m worried about people’s health but it also feels like my kid is being punished for having parents who follow the rules. Please reassure me I’m not the only mom breaking my kid’s heart by telling her she can’t have playdates, even outdoor ones?
Anon says
i am the one who suggested inviting one other family to picnic in the park and the only reason i suggested that was because another friend (who is a doctor treating Covid patients) did it and was successfully able to keep her kids (ages 4 and 2) over 6 feet apart from the other family (kids age 5 and 1.5). personally, we have not attempted anything of the sort because my 22 month old twins would most certainly not comply. we are not having any playdates, or get togethers with other people. we take the twins to run around on a field with no other humans present as their outside time for the day or we go for a walk, keeping them in their stroller to look at easter decorations around the neighborhood
Anonymous says
There have been a couple articles making the rounds about how the six-foot suggestion is only supposed to be used for needed trips outside, not as a “rule” that allows social contact at six feet.
Anon (OP) says
Yeah, that was my understanding as well. You should endeavor to stay 6′ away from people who you inadvertently encounter while running or at the store. I did not see it as license to plan outings with friends while you sit 6′ away (also most people have no concept of what 6′ is and will be way closer than they should be). Anyway, my state (and I gather most others?) has a stay at home order that says you can only go outside for “essential” purposes. Physical fitness is an essential purpose but playdates and socializing are not.
Anonymous says
I interpret the rules the same way as you do, but many many people in my neighborhood believe they have license to purposefully gather right up to the limits. Yesterday there was a group of exactly 10 people playing pickleball 6 feet apart. Not exactly what the governor intended.
Anon says
Yes. Exactly. It is not meant for cheekily getting together with people. Just bc someone’s friend *thinks* they successfully did it (which I would question. Did one kid touch something at some point that another kid touched later on, even though they were 6 feet apart the whole time? This thing lives on surfaces!) does not make it okay. It is meant for guidance of how to deal with unavoidable passing of other people in essential trips.
I have now been in quarantine for 18 days, with many more to come. If everyone everywhere just followed the rules that would make the end to this more certain. The more people flaunt the rules or make exceptions for themselves, the longer I have to stay in quarantine bc the less the curve goes down. Please just don’t. This sucks for everyone. Can’t we all just make it maximum suck for a shorter amount of time so we can all get out of this sooner? Ugh.
anon says
We’ve taken to walking by houses of my kids’ friends and leaving them sidewalk chalk messages. No contact, but feels social. I’d look for other avenues to be social.
Beth @ Parent Lightly says
We’re following the rules. Kids are walking/riding by their neighborhood friends’ houses to wave and doing video chats with friends who don’t live near us. Also texts.
Anne says
Same! You’re doing the right thing. My three year old constantly points out kids who are the same age and standing with two moms playing together asking why they get to play together. I just say that not everyone follows the rules but our family does and leave it at that. It tugs at my heart but I’m going to do our best not to be a vector and not to get sick. Stay strong.
Anonymous says
We’re still interacting pretty much as usual with our next door neighbors (aside from not letting the kids go in each other’s house). Their daughter is an only child and one of my daughter’s best friends. Both her parents have been wfh full time for at least the last two weeks and otherwise social distancing, plus we’re picking up groceries and household items for each other to minimize outside trips, so I rationalize that it balances out. Our neighbors a couple houses down ride bikes in our cul de sac at the same time my kids do, but gone are the baseball games, playing on each other’s swingsets, and building forts together in the yard. If we happen to see a friend at the park, the kids might kick a soccer ball around for a bit while parents chat at a distance, but we’re not scheduling play dates.
I see lots of neighbors having 2-3 family (adults and older kids) get-togethers in the front yard with 10+ feet in between each family’s chairs. This wouldn’t work with my kids, since the under-10 set can’t be trusted not to start wrestling, but I think it’s a reasonable approach.
IHeartBacon says
This reminds me of when a woman tells a man she is pregnant with his child and he responds that it cannot be true because they only had s*x once.
Anon says
Ha ha.
But seriously. At the very least that soccer ball is being picked up by hands intermittently and the virus can easily be passed around this way. I know you are trying to rationalize this but none of it is okay.
Sorry. I know it sucks, but you know what sucks more? Having to do this for several more weeks because for *some* reason the curve just doesn’t flatten.
Anon says
And by the way, *you* aren’t the only one having to do this for several more weeks because of your actions, we all are.
Anonymous says
This is not ok to me and really makes me mad. SO many of us are isolating our children for the greater good but tour letting kids play soccer together?? This is not social distancing. You and your children should not be interacting with anyone else except for ESSENTIAL trips to the store (not one or two items). This will go on longer because of people acting the way you are
Anonymous says
Sigh, my point was that we don’t run away if we, by chance, encounter a friend. We’re not planning soccer play dates in the park.
I’m ok with accepting the family next door as our extended family to make a self-contained unit of 7. We’re all working from home, and sharing childcare responsibilities among 4 adults lightens the load on all of us and keeps us from needing to bring in babysitters, which is much more of a covid wildcard imho. I’m ok with neighbors yelling across the lawn or street to each other while they enjoy their respective glasses of wine. The point here is to prevent transmission of illness, not isolation for the sake of isolation.
Anon says
I agree with this completely, for what it’s worth. I know it’s an unpopular opinion on this site though. I’m complying with social distancing and essentially am self-quarantined at this point (we literally only go to the store and for walks in our very in crowded area.). But what you’re describing is completely in line with the letter and spirit of the rules in place in our area.
Anonymous says
The point is to do your part not loudly congratulate yourself while breaking the rules. Selfish.
Anon says
Just to specifically hone in on your rationalization that with the shopping it “balances out”, it doesn’t. If someone gets coronavirus, I believe it is a fair assumption that anyone they are in close personal contact with will likely get it.
Let’s say someone from each of your families would have normally gone to the grocery store once a week over a two week period. Now, you could argue that that increases the chances that each grocery shopper gets the coronavirus on these trips. If that happens, the outcome is that all 7 of you likely get the coronavirus even if quarantined from each other, since you each transmit it to your own families. Now, say instead you take turns one family buying groceries one week, one the other. If one of you on one of these trips gets the coronavirus, all 7 of you are still likely to get it since you are all in close contact and not quarantining.
However, if you are doing the separate family trips AND quarantining from each other like you should be, there is at least the possibility that if one of you grocery shoppers gets the virus, the other grocery shopper does not, and then just that one family unit gets the virus, <7 sick people, beds, ventilators etc. Whereas, as noted above, not quarantining almost guarantees 7 sick people.
Anonymous says
Ok so you are the problem girl! This whole thread is about selfish irresponsible people like you bending the rules to suit them! Why do you think you’re so special?!?
IHeartBacon says
You are absolutely not alone in following the quarantine rules! We have been 100% compliant in my household. We even have our groceries delivered and disinfect them before bringing them into the house. I’m doing it for the safety of my own family and also to help protect all the healthcare workers, police officers, fire fighters, etc. who still have to go out there and protect our communities.
Anonymous says
How do you disinfect groceries before bringing them into the house, especially produce? Isn’t any surface disinfectant something you shouldn’t be eating?
Anonymous says
I buy produce in sealed plastic bags and disinfect the bag, or I buy produce that is sturdy enough to be washed with soap.
IHeartBacon says
I buy produce that is sealed in bags or containers and then disinfect the packaging. For fruit and vegetables that are not pre-packaged, I wash with dish soap. See: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sjDuwc9KBps&feature=youtu.be&fbclid=IwAR1ayqOXgBzg94QwKKaDPNfxLyrM_AkVHMzMG-vAhGzzCl6e8jI0SDpcdkI
For things like leafy greens, we aren’t eating any of them raw right now. Everything gets cooked.
Anon says
This depends completely on what rules are in effect in this person’s area. Not everyone is in shelter in place. (Personally, we are not but are acting as if we were – but that doesn’t mean it’s required.)
Anon says
80% of the US is now under “stay at home” orders. That is stronger than “social distancing” and doesn’t allow for outdoor meetups with friends. Just going outside for exercise and trips for essentials like groceries.
Anon says
That is the not the case in my area or in many states still, though.
Anonymous says
We aren’t doing playdates, but if friends walk by our house we will come out on the front porch to say hi, while they stay on the sidewalk. Yes, this means some socializing with people outside our family, but it’s from 20 feet apart and majorly boosts morale of everyone involved.
(We also let our kids draw pictures and write notes to their friends and leave them on their front porches to find later, which I’m sure is going to make someone here freak out.)
Anonymous says
Seeing groups of kids frustrates me too, but I try to give people some benefit of the doubt. For example, we watched a friend’s kid for 2 days earlier this week, while her parents were at the hospital having her baby brother. Yes, the “perfect” solution would have been Mom go to the hospital to give birth alone while Dad stayed home to watch Kid but no one wanted to do that. The original plan (vetoed because of Covid) was to have grandparents drive 6 hours from out of state to watch Kid, so having us (young, healthy, local) take care of Kid instead was the best compromise we could come up with. Nonetheless, I’m sure to outsiders it looked like we were letting our kids play with a neighbor kid with no thought for social distancing rules.
Anon says
M kid is perpetually punished by having parents who follow the rules! No eating in the Children’s Museum except the cafeteria! No touching that! No going in the fenced off part of the park! No climbing on the rocks in the botanical garden! I try to make up for it with lots of freedom otherwise, but this is just rough.
I do think if two families were fully quarantined for two weeks (no grocery shopping even!) it would be fine to get together. But then they should go shopping and reset their quarantine clocks. My husband works in a hospital (non-clinical) so the longest we’ve quarantined is about 30 hours. Nobody should be around us at all.
Night Nurse? says
WWYD? I’m due in 3 weeks with our second. Looking back, I had some undiagnosed mental health issues/PPD after the birth of my first. Sleep deprivation was a huge factor in my mental health (I did 100% of all nights with our first), so I booked a night nurse to help with this second baby. Now we’re dealing with this pandemic and I’m trying to figure out what to do about our already booked night nurse (we already paid a $4k deposit; $4k balance remaining). For context, we have roughly 400 cases in our county. The night nurse would be working exclusively with our family for roughly 6ish weeks. She lives alone but has one adult child who visits/stays with her occasionally. My husband only gets one week of paternity leave and then he’s back to working full-time from home. I also have a 26 month old.
My husband is really risk averse and wants to cancel completely and says he’ll split night duty with me to ensure I get some sleep. However, his track record of actually doing this is incredibly poor (see: first child when I handled all night wakings solo because he was impossible to deal with in the middle of the night when I needed him). I am really concerned about anyone in our family getting sick but I’m also concerned about my postpartum mental health, especially during a global pandemic with an active toddler already.
What would you do? Cancel completely and eat the cost? Still have the night nurse come if she’s following social distancing/isolation rules? Try to reduce the hours so you’re only using the $4k you already paid for?
Anon says
Assuming no major risk factors in your family (heart disease, high blood pressure, lung disease, diabetes) and no grandparents who insist on visiting, I would keep the night nurse.
make em say uh.... anon-anon says
I second this. If health is a concern, could she stay with you for the 6 weeks if you had the space? I would add, develop a backup plan in case of health/financial problems. Maybe in that plan, you take her down to 3 weeks full time, then break up remaining 3 weeks as part time. Also, popular here, but SNOO can work wonders (for less $$) if DH would be better on ‘shift’ work. (Say you get baby on 3 hr stretches, you take the early one and he takes late one)… Also, see if your support network can drop off food in lieu of visits! that would be one wonderful thing to not have to worry about and people can feel like they’re helping. Sending you so much support, this is a tough time on expectant mamas!!!
GCA says
Ditto.
NYCer says
+3.
Anonymous says
Congrats! I would also still have her come. Your husband realistically isn’t going to step up, maybe tell him that if he steps up you can reduce her hours.
anon says
I’m very strict about shelter in place —we don’t even go to the store.
I would go forward with the night nanny, making sure that everyone follows shelter in place rules strictly—I would probably pick up the additional cost of grocery delivery for the nanny from about two weeks before the start date so she doesn’t have to go out.
I view this as a medical need. I very much wish I would have booked a night nanny before #2.
Butter says
We’re still having ours come (also due in three weeks), as of right now. Rationale is that many postpartum and newborn visits are being canceled, and I’d love to have second opinions on what is and isn’t normal in the fog of those first few weeks. Risk of getting it from one other person is lower than or equal to the risk of having to go to the doctor’s office, IMO.
lsw says
Is anyone else’s daycare charging during closure? Trying to get a sense of how much I can push back. We were charged full amount for March (they ended up being closed two weeks) and are so far billed a provisional charge for April that’s about 1/3 the normal cost with the idea that it will be reevaluated as we move forward and see what’s going on. Our governor just said public schools are closed “indefinitely” so I’m not feeling very confident we will get much care in April at this point.
Anon says
Are they paying staff at all? If so, charging 1/3 seems fair even if they don’t open in April (which they won’t). I would definitely push back on a full tuition bill.
Cb says
Ours is unclear – they sent an email saying they don’t know but expect not. Staff should still get paid as they are council employees and the government is stepping in to cover lost wages.
Anonymous says
Ours is. I was ok with it at first because they wanted to keep paying the teachers and restart quickly when restrictions lift. Getting more and more bitter about it though as time goes on, especially because the teachers are doing very little to stay engaged with us. Not what I can do though, I will need the spots when they reopen and don’t want to risk losing them. Sorry if this posts twice.
Anne says
We paid full for April so that the teachers would get paid. Will have to reevaluate soon.
anon says
This is a tough one. We’re currently paying 100%, but it’s as a credit for a future month (we also have the option to donate the tuition to the nonprofit daycare instead of getting a credit).
The school is considering requiring parents to pay a percentage of tuition to hold a spot starting in May. It would also include some video conferencing and videos from teachers.
The school’s goal is to keep paying the staff through whatever shutdowns the pandemic requires. They’re excellent and mean the world to us. It’s also important for retention—it’s really hard to get high caliber preschool teachers in our area and losing them would make it difficult to reopen the same quality program.
Curious to hear other perspectives.
Anon says
Daycare is closed at least from mid March to mid May. We paid for 2 weeks in March that we’re not going to get back. We also paid April tuition, but in exchange will be given a “free” month when they open again. May tuition would usually be due April 1 and they’ve asked us not to pay it. Anyone can ask for an April refund, but will not be guaranteed a spot for their child in the future. Teachers are being paid through April and offering Zoom classes twice daily.
Annonny says
I have a 4 year old who is highly verbal and very loud. her normal speaking voice is like an 8-9, if 5 is average and 10 is yelling. We’ve tried teaching her about inside/outside voices, demonstrating what appropriate volume sounds like, etc. but nothing has worked to help her keep her voice down. It’s driving us crazy. Because she’s extremely talkative AND loud, I feel like I’m constantly being yelled at. I hate telling her to stop talking or be quieter or talk less, because it feels so patriarchial? Or like we’re trying to stifle her? I want her to be confident and loud and speak up . . . just not constantly! Anyone have advice on how to handle this sensitively and with kindness and without crushing her soul?!
Anonymous says
There’s nothing wrong with demonstrating and teaching and enforcing “indoor voices” and “12 inch voices.”
Anonymous says
Same as with whining. “I’m sorry, I can’t understand you when you yell. I will be able to understand you when you speak with an indoor voice.” Repeat ad nauseum.
AIMS says
As a “Loud” person who naturally projects, I find it a lot easier to be told I should be quiet because of some specific reason (baby is sleeping, neighbor can hear, etc.) than to just be told that I am too loud. So maybe try to tie it to something like being indoors or practice whispering because a parent is working, etc.
Anonanonanon says
You’ve probably thought of this, but I had a friend constantly getting in trouble for that when we were kids and it turned out she had hearing problems.
Anonymous says
Is she like this in school?
Beth @ Parent Lightly says
My 5 year old is also quite loud. Her dad has a voice that carries so I know it comes naturally. A LOT of outside time seems to be working well for us. I encourage her to use her best outside voice when she is outside and that seems to help her stay more subdued inside.
Anonanonanon says
FWIW, As someone who has to have two monitors, I got a portable monitor that is completely flat like a tablet but can be propped up on its case and plugged into my laptop. I don’t have a dedicated home office, so it’s been a dream to easily carry all over the house when I find a spot to shut myself away to work. It doesn’t have its own power supply, you just plug it into your laptop. You can find it by searching “ASUS portable flat screen monitor” and it will come up. It’s around $150. I’ve used mine for about 2 years. I love that it stores flat in its case so it doesn’t take up a lot of room in my house when not in use. Just wanted to share.
anne-on says
Thank you – sent this to my husband who desperately misses his dual monitor set up!
anonchicago says
I bought this recently as well. We don’t have the counter space for a permanent monitor and I travel a lot so this will fit in my tote bag.
Anon says
My 2 year old is asking about her daycare friends and telling me she’s sad she can’t see them. Would it be weird to ask her teachers about a class hangout? Her class is a 0-2 year old classroom (although only a couple infants) so I realize most of the kids are unlikely to get much out of it. Her teachers are still in paid status and have been sending daily updates with videos of themselves reading and signing but nothing interactive. Or should I ask the teachers for a class list and contact other parents myself? I don’t want to burden teachers or other parents, but I think my kid would be really happy to see her friends.
anon says
No, do not add to the teacher’s burden right now, which is already heavy. FWIW, my 5-year-old’s class is doing Zoom a few times a week and it’s a hot mess and barely worth it. It seems like it almost upsets her more than not seeing anyone at all.
Anonymous says
I don’t know, it doesn’t sound like these particular teachers have a massive burden right now. (I know many do – my husband is a HS teacher, currently teaching remotely). I think you could totally ask if they are willing to share a class list and explain why. Or ask if they can distribute your your contact info and ask that other interested parents contact you to arrange a zoom call.
In my very limited experience (sample size 1, age 7) though, young children are not necessarily into video chat and do best in very small groups or 1 on 1.
Anon says
Yeah I don’t want to be snarky but these teachers are sending us one or two videos of themselves reading a board book each day. There’s no way it takes them anything close to 8 hours. It’s a totally different story for K-12 teachers who have to lesson plan, deliver online lectures and grade students’ work.
I think you’re right that one-on-one would be better though so I should probably just ask for the class list or for them to give my contact info to people.
Spirograph says
Set it up yourself if you already have a contact list. A parent did this for my daughter’s class, and I did it for my son’s. I just emailed everyone and said “Hi, son misses his friends. Here’s a zoom invite for date&time [quick instructions on how to join], I hope to see many of you there!” and the response has been very positive. Show and tell has been fairly successful, each kid gets to talk for a minute, and they all really like seeing each other.
You need someone with decent familiarity with video conferencing to be the host, though. It’s worked pretty well when a zoom-savvy parent hosted. The preschool teacher tried to do it for my daughter’s class once, but she didn’t force mute everyone and it was a very noisy, overwhelming, cluster. My daughter actually got upset and walked out of the room…
Sf says
I helped my three year old send letters to his friends. He dictated and then decorated with stickers and markers. And then we learned about stamps and addresses. Just another option (zoom hasn’t worked great for him).
anon says
My father in law has very sweetly decided to have daily Skype dates with my 6 yo so that he can read her a book. For their first book, without speaking with me, he selected Old Yeller. My memory is foggy, but doesn’t someone shoot the dog in that book? Is it appropriate for a 6 yo? I can quash the book selection (which they’ve started), but it will hurt his feelings.
Anon says
yes, one of the kids shoots the dog bc of a concern about rabies. Perhaps they can try a happier book?
DLC says
I’ve read it. I don’t think that it’s neccessarily inappropriate- it just depends on the temperament of your child and how you or your father talks to her about it if she asks questions.
Dizzy says
I’m coming up on being 23w with my first and in the past week or two, I’ve gotten extremely dizzy going on my little 1 mile walk around the neighborhood. It’s happened twice bad enough to need to stop and sit down on the side of the road so I didn’t fall over. It starts off not being able to really catch my breath and then it feels like my pulse shoots up, then crashes, and I get tunnel vision and can’t breathe.
I know blood pressure and cardio issues are a normal part of the strain of pregnancy, but I’m worried about actually fainting while out. I’m also worried that if I can’t even manage a walk around the block, how the heck am I going to get through birth. Does anyone have tips or exercise I could do in addition to my walking to keep fit? Or maybe just commiseration? I don’t want to give up the autonomy of my evening walk in this world of lost choice.
FWIW, I was quite fit before pregnancy and ran through my first trimester, until it started feeling uncomfortable. My blood pressure at my appointments has been fine.
Anonymous says
Totally a non-doctor, but sometimes it just has to do with where the baby is sitting at the moment. I’d send an email to your doctor or call the nurse and run it by them. Make sure you’re hydrated and walk with your partner or on a route where people will see you if you’re in clear distress. Take your cell phone. When I was pregnant I did a bunch of biking with my bike on the trainer. When that got uncomfortable (knees bumping into the bump around 35 weeks), I walked on the treadmill.
Anonymous says
I nearly passed out several times during my pregnancy, with symptoms similar to yours. I was able to prevent myself from fainting each time by sitting down with my head between my knees for several minutes. I had hyperemesis, and the near-fainting spells seemed to be associated with heat, nausea, and/or low blood sugar.
Don’t count on any support or answers from your doctor. After my scariest episode, which occurred while driving, I called my O.B., who informed me that it was a myth that pregnant women faint and that I must be imagining it all.
Anon says
I had a similar experience, minus the hyperemesis. Dehydration and hunger were big triggers for me. I was also dismissed by my OBGYN, which was very frustrating.
anon says
Yep, had this. Don’t worry about labor right now — these issues had completely solved themselves for me by around 27 weeks. Of course this was after I sat down abruptly in a Home Depot on the filthy floor and couldn’t get up for ten minutes. OB said it is usually a bloodflow issue which resolves as the baby grows and shifts forward/down. Obviously hydrate/eat appropriately. If it is something systemic like GD your usual screening should pick that up (hopefully that will still happen?) But that’s not a typical early GD symptom anyway
Knope says
Contact your OB stat. You are at huge risk of fainting. This is not a fitness issue, this a (low) blood pressure and heart rate issue. I did not have this issue while pregnant, but pre-pregnancy I had a cardiac issue that caused these exact symptoms for years, and had to be carried away in an ambulance twice when I fainted in public. All this despite regularly running half marathons. Your OB will tell you more about what to do, but in the meantime, if you’re walking outside you need to carry some gatorade or other beverage with sodium. The second you start feeling dizzy, SIT DOWN! Really can’t stress enough that this is a big deal, fainting poses a huge risk to your baby.
Dizzy says
Thank you! I feel like I’m going crazy because it’s so random. One day, I can walk 3 miles easy peasy, then the next it’s like a 10 minute walk around the corner, and it kicks in and I’m on the curb for 5 minutes. The first time I was without my husband and my phone (super scary), the second time he was with me at least and we were maybe 100 feet from the house, but I could not get myself up from the curb for a couple minutes while the dizziness stopped. Once we got home, I had to sit down with some water for 15 minutes or so before I felt normal again.
I think I’m pretty well hydrated. I would guess I average 3+ liters of water a day. I eat regularly and usually have a mid-morning and mid-afternoon snack.It’s still cool where I am. I can’t figure out a specific trigger, but the kid is clearly straining my system somehow.
I’m currently scheduled for my next in-person appointment on April 15, but I will definitely be calling to ask before then. I’ll be sticking to yoga at home and husband-escorted walks in the meantime.
Anon says
Not to alarm you, but I’m 25 weeks (FTM also) and have been having similar symptoms for the past 6 weeks or so. Just this week it has started occurring while at rest and no longer seems to be solely linked to activity. My BP has been fine. Notably, I have a significant family history of cardiomyopathy (unrelated to pregnancy) and my OB took my symptoms pretty seriously. I saw a cardiologist for the first time today. I have an echo scheduled on Thursday and am currently wearing a holter monitor. My OB and the cardiologist said this is all likely just normal pregnancy symptoms but it’s a good idea to check out my cardiac situation before labor since I’m having routine disrupting symptoms, just to be safe. I hope this doesn’t stress you out more because it sounds like our situations are different but if you feel like something isn’t right (it’s so hard to know with it being a first pregnancy) and it’s preventing you from getting the activity you need to feel as confident as one gets going into labor, it’s worth pushing with your doctor.