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Here’s a very mom-friendly trend right now: the crossbody bag. I don’t know about you, but I only carry a few things for myself anymore after becoming a mom (lipgloss, wallet, cell phone!) and having a hands-free way to carry it all — and an easy, fast way to switch between diaper bag, work tote, and more — is all vitally important. Enter: the new crossbody bags. Use them on the playground, on the weekend, or for a quick lunch run at the office. Lovely. This one is $97 at Nordstrom, but it was originally $195. Rebecca Minkoff ‘Mini 5 Zip’ Convertible Crossbody Bag (L-2)Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
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- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
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- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
KateMiddletown says
Episode in Parenting from Last Night -Needing perspective:
My 5y/o daughter who just started kindergarten had an actual temper tantrum last night in the toy aisle. This after being warned that we were not buying anything, just looking at something, and she actually said “that’s okay mommy I brought a toy to play with!” I felt like I handled it by the book – kept my cool, walked out of the store without purchasing anything, and then proceeded to let her scream it out by the car until she wore herself out. I had a hard time staying “on message” as a mom – trying to tell her that 1) we don’t throw temper tantrums 2) we don’t always get what we want at the store and 3) we need to appreciate the toys we have (this is after she threw a stuffed animal across the back seat during her rage.) I made threats to throw the stuffed animal away, which only enraged her more. When do I stop engaging and just let the tantrum play out?
When we got home she went into her room and cried for about 30 seconds (disappointed in her own behavior/worn out) and then came out and said “Sorry mommy” and “I have a lot of toys, maybe we should get rid of some… (me: Great! It’s working!)… so we can buy XYZ for my baby doll.” Oy. This isn’t a frequent occurrence yet, but how have you guys handled in-store melt-downs??
JJ says
I agree with TK, below. It sounds like you handled it the exact same way I do and would have. It’s so hard to tell when to stop engaging in tantrums and to just let them play out. My 3.5 yr old son threw the biggest tantrum he’s ever had last night (because he didn’t want to get in his booster seat for dinner at home) and it took a solid 6-8 minutes of tantrum before he calmed down. It ended with him just holding on to me and sobbing and the apologizing, but the in between time is when I second-guess myself most as a parent. I just try not to engage to the extent possible (understanding that his brain simply can’t process the tantrum and me talking to him) but hold firm on whatever it is he’s mad about.
anne-on says
Sounds like you handled it right. There comes a point in the tantrum where they just can’t process logic and just need to get it out. I find its better to give them some space to calm down safely, and then re-engage afterwards.
Meg Murry says
Another +1 to you did fine. In future, I would just ignore stuffed animal throwing etc as much as possible. I think just letting her scream in the car while you ignore it (sit in your seat, close your eyes and take deep breaths) is probably the best way to deal with it, as long as she isn’t throwing anything that is going to break a window or make a mess (thrown Cheez-Its, I’m looking at you).
Also, an unfortunate FYI – the first few weeks of school every year are hard, and even once you think they are generally past the tantrum/screaming phase, it comes back. My oldest started 3rd grade this year, and he has been melting down every night during homework time or when we tell him no to video games or TV or don’t let him have the food he wants for supper or whatever – because he’s physically exhausted from the long days, and mentally exhausted from being on his best behavior at school.
Even though we understand where the tantrums are coming from, we don’t excuse them, and we’ve been working on different techniques. For him, we’ve talked to him since kindergarten about how throwing tantrums is not ok, but if he feels overwhelmed and like he just needs to be alone he can go up to his room and snuggle his stuffed animals. If we can head off the tantrum when it is just building up by suggesting he go upstairs or to an otherwise quiet place for “alone time” (and keep his little brother away from him during that time) it helps.
Maybe a sticker chart as a way to help her earn whatever XYZ is for her doll, or a suggestion she put it on her Christmas/birthday list? I’ve realized we need to revive our sticker chart back from the dead, and re-include “do homework without fighting about it” and “no backtalking” – it worked in 1st grade during those homework meltdowns.
KateMiddletown says
Sticker chart is a great idea. She LOVES the “Card System” teacher uses. I like the tactic good behavior earns things instead of we get random treats when we go to the store.
As for the school year = falling apart thing… I was warned that the first month was hairy… but I didn’t know it would be this bad :( I guess there’s a limit to the good behavior they can muster!
Anonymous says
Also, to add, I tend to see more melt-downs/tantrums at the beginning of school. It’s hard to control yourself all day, especially in a new environment, and sometimes, I swear they “hold it all in” for you (as my sister in law has said). Also, exhaustion + new pressure of school may just mean she’s having a harder time controlling her emotions. Which, hey, I totally get.
Anon says
The first weeks of school are really hard for kiddos. If possible, don’t put them in “triggering” situations after school — don’t take them to stores, don’t take them to toy aisles, don’t haul them to fancy restaurants or “good behavior” type family gatherings.
Also, if possible, get them outside unstructured active time. Going to the park and screaming or hitting a tree with a stick for twenty minutes is often just what they need. Take a book and let them at it! You’lkl all be happier for it.
Lorelai Gilmore says
I think it sounds like you did great. In my experience, one thing that sometimes also helps is to acknowledge your child’s big feelings. In addition to what you said, I often start with something like “I know it’s hard to be at the store and see new toys. I understand that you really want the toy and it is really hard not to get what you want. I can see that you are having BIG FEELINGS and that’s okay.”
Sometimes when kids are having tantrums, they’re really saying, “I’m so tired and stressed out! I’m having such big feelings! I cannot control these feelings! I don’t want to be screaming but I can’t stop! Please help me!” I think it can help to validate their feelings. That way they don’t have to “prove” just how much they want the toy or how bad they feel – they can just focus on having those bad feelings and working through them. I like to be physically present during that process – but other than validating the feeling (as opposed to the behavoir), I don’t say very much. I just am there to support them.
Note that this doesn’t mean you just let them have the tantrum. I also set boundaries: “You’re really mad and I understand that! But I won’t let you hit me/throw things/etc.” And I think you’re smart to move out of the store. But you can set healthy expectations and boundaries and still acknowledge their feelings.
JEB says
I’m in desperate need of some sleep advice! My daughter is a little over 9 months. She’s always gone down to sleep fairly easily, but we’ve had continued issues with her waking in the night. Around 5.5 months, we let her cry it out. The first night was terrible…she was so persistent. The next two nights were better, and by the forth night, she had learned to sooth herself back to sleep when she woke during the night. She’s slept pretty well ever since, with a few hiccups along the way (usually illness related).
Fast-forward to last week. She was teething and clearly in a lot of pain, which caused her to wake up frequently in the night. We felt bad letting her cry while in pain, so my husband and I took turns rocking her back to sleep. Now this week, she’s no longer in pain but she’s waking 3-4 times each night, standing in her crib and screaming. The standing is fairly new, so maybe that’s related to the waking? We’re back to letting her CIO, in the hopes that she’ll return to her normal sleep habits. But unlike our last CIO experience, the crying times aren’t getting any shorter each night. She’s crying for 45 minutes to an hour…last night she did this three times.
She’s exhausted, we’re exhausted, and I’m not sure what to do. We’ve resisted going back to rocking her, since I don’t want her to get used to that. When we go into her room to pat her back, it seems to upset her even more. Do we persevere and continue to let her cry? I’m trying to remind myself that every rough stage eventually passes, but this has been really rough.
Meg Murry says
Can she get back down? For whatever reason, when my kids learned to pull themselves up to standing, they would be happy for a minute and then you could see them mentally saying “Oh crap, I don’t know how to get back down. Wah!”
I’m afraid I don’t have great advice other than to pick her up, give her a hug and then lay her back down. New developments often throw even good sleepers for a loop. We pretty much just gave up and took them into our beds – which has its pros, but also major cons – more sleep, but less good sleep.
FWIW, I found the info from Ask Moxie about CIO and tension increaser vs tension decreasers very interesting. My kids weren’t quite 100% one or the other – but it was very useful info to consider, and make me feel better about CIO not working for us:
http://askmoxie.org/blog/2006/06/babies_and_cio.html
You can find lots more of what she wrote on the topic (it was one of the main things on her blog) by googling “ask moxie” and then either “tension increaser” or “tension decreaser”
JEB says
Thanks – I’ll read the link that you sent.
She can sit herself back down when she’s standing, so I don’t think that’s the issue. I’d heard of that being a problem, so immediately upon her pulling herself up, I tried to show her how to get back down, and she caught on quickly. She takes a deep breath, lets go, and waits to fall on her behind…it’s pretty cute!
D. Meagle says
Are you me? I was dealing with this recently myself. Someone on this site suggested it might also be separation anxiety. What I started doing with my 12 m/0, and seems to be working, is staying in his room while he falls asleep. He stands and cries for a bit, but once he sees me settled into a chair with my book or computer, he relaxes and gets himself to sleep. He’s mostly stopped waking up in the middle of the night, but when he does, I grab a pillow and camp out on his floor. Seeing me in his room calms him down and he goes back to sleep pretty easily. I fall asleep pretty quickly myself, and when I wake up I just go back to my room. Good luck!
JEB says
I’m encouraged to hear that he hasn’t become dependent on you being in there…I think that’s been my worry. So you literally just sit there but don’t touch him or talk to him? I’ll give it a try!
D. Meagle says
I think it is my general presence, not my touch, that is comforting to him. Every now and then I will get up to pat him, or pick up his pacifier, but I do not pick him up or really engage him too much. Even if he toddles over to the corner of his crib closest to the chair. Same thing at night. I come in and pat him, give him a kiss and then plop myself down on the floor. He cries for a few minutes but eventually stops once he realizes I am not going anywhere. Good luck!
NewMomAnon says
Are you sure she’s not in pain? When the crying keeps going for several nights, I often try a dose of Advil and some rocking for 20 minutes (to let the Advil kick in) and see if that helps. If it does, I check for new teeth and then call the pediatrician to check for an ear infection or something else that might be bothering kiddo.
But at 9 months, there is a lot going on – standing, cruising, maybe trying to learn to crawl or walk, solid foods, new things to learn. It may just be a phase in which she needs a bit more reassurance that she is safe. If Advil doesn’t help, I would try just being in her room while she goes back down. Don’t try to talk with her or talk her down from the screaming. Just be there so she knows it’s safe.
JEB says
Pretty sure, although I suppose I can’t be 100% since she can’t talk. When she’s in pain or sick, she’s very cranky during the day. She was like that last week with the new tooth. But this week she’s been back to her cheerful disposition during the day, so I would be surprised if pain were the issue.
I’ll try going in there without interaction and see if that helps. Thanks :)
NewMomAnon says
Every kid is so different…as long as my kid has enough distractions, she doesn’t show any sign that she’s in pain. Put her in a dark room in her crib though and suddenly the world is ending if she has so much as a hang nail. I would add that you should trust your gut! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gotten conflicting advice and had to throw it all out and just do what felt right. If your response to her come from a place of love and caring, it’s likely going to be an OK response.
TK says
Sounds to me like you handled it right, good work Mom! Those first days of kindergarten are tough. My sister says the whole first week of school, her son was a dream at school but a disaster whenever he got home … just his way of processing a big change around people he felt safe with.
During store meltdowns, I just leave if I can (I have a toddler.) I’m less clear on how to handle meltdowns on, say, an airplane – which is how my little guy was able to spend three hours eating unhealthy snacks and watching cartoons (typically not allowed) during a cross country flight this weekend.
TK says
Oops, intended for KateMiddletown.
Au pair? says
Has anyone hired an au pair? Any advice or anecdotal information? I have a 1 year old and a 3 year old and we would be willing to have someone live with us to help in terms of convenience and cost.
Lulu says
Darn phone ate my comment, so I’ll do my best to summarize it. If we had space, I think it would be an awesome arrangement. Have friends who have been doing it for the past 4 years (since twins were about 6 months) and they love it, although it does take time to get used to having a young adult in your house. They do recommend someone slighly older (21+) so that they need less parenting from you and can legally drink in this country. (None of theirs have been big drinkers, but it sucks for someone to come to the U.S. at 20 after going to bars in their home country for years and not be able to go out.)
One thing that some commenters raised the other day is that there are stringent restrictions on the number of hours that they can work so the au pair probably won’t be your primary childcare provider. If the kids are in day care or preschool, having an au pair as a night nanny could be great. Or if you or your husband works part-time and at-home.
TBK says
We have one and we LOVE her! Also, I have to disagree with Lulu — while there are hours restrictions, they’re permitted to work up to 45hrs/wk and up to 10hrs/day so totally capable of being primary caregiver. Ours works 8:30-6:30 M-Th then my husband and I switch off working from home Fridays and she works 7:30-12:30 (kiddos nap 12:30-3:00ish so we stop work when the kids wake up — as they’re about to do any second now).
I think the key to it working out is that you have to be 100% on board with what you’re doing. We did it because it was cheaper (by far) than our other options, but once we knew this was what we were doing, we tried to jump in with both feet. Meaning we actively encourage her to be part of the family, we take advantage of learning about her culture, and we accept that we’re going to be in each other’s space so yeah she’s going to hear my husband and me fighting about the family budget. It happens.
Also, I think it helps to be realistic about the person you’re hiring. She’s not a trained nanny with decades of experience. She’s a young woman who probably has spent time babysitting her younger cousins and maybe working parttime at a nursery school. So if you want ten million carefully planned enrichment activities, she’s probably not up to it. But if you want someone who will be like an older cousin to your kids, and will be active and enthusiastic, you’re probably okay. Also, be honest with yourself. Our local coordinator was very frank with us about different cultures and cultural issues and it was very helpful. Not everyone from a country is like this or like that, but cultures do have different tendencies. My husband and I are outgoing and straightforward to the point of bluntness. We wanted someone from a culture that was likely to be more outgoing and blunt, too.
I think my au pair likes us because she’s agreed to stay on an additional six months. I think what has helped is we really try to make her happy. She’s the one spending 45 hrs/wk with our kids. We want her to feel at home, welcome, and appreciated so we try to do little things for her — give her airline miles so she can go visit a friend, bring her back a gift when we travel, make sure her favorite foods are stocked in the kitchen.
What we love is that we know her well. She’s always in the house so it’s not like a snowday is going to keep her from work. She’s 23 and college educated, which is great. She’s very bright and has terrific judgment. When I was interviewing her, I loved that she seemed to understand the concern behind my question and was able to extrapolate from that to give me a very comprehensive answer. Because of her maturity, intelligence, and judgment, I trust her to take my instructions and apply them appropriately — meaning taking the principle and applying it intelligently. Because so many young women need to speak good English and have work experience abroad, there are a number of bright, ambitious women in au pair programs who would never make a career as a nanny. Not every au pair is like this, but I do think you can get a very high caliber candidate for a lot less than you would pay for a similarly high caliber nanny (if that makes sense).
You do have to face saying good bye to them in a year or two, and I’m not looking forward to that. But we’ve been extremely happy with our situation. And now I hear my little guys waking up so I better go!
Interviewing says
Suggestions for good questions to ask when interviewing nannies for a six month old? She’s our first and this is all new to us! Anything non-obvious or that you found particularly helpful?
MSJ says
Park Slope Parents is a great resource for this. Their website has a section devoted to hiring a nanny, walks you through all the steps and most is not Brooklyn specific.
Interviewing says
This is amazing, thank you!!!
Lorelai Gilmore says
Interviews are important but even more important is 1) a trial/probation period (ideally a few weeks); and 2) meticulously checking all references.
Butter says
Two things:
1) Thanks to whoever recommended the Target maternity workout pants rec last week – I ordered a pair and they’re perfect, and the right price.
2) Loft has several pairs of maternity cords on deep sale right now – I just snagged three pairs for $12 each.
octagon says
Gah, why must Loft put so much as Final Sale? If only their cuts/sizing were predictable….
B says
Wonderful, my Loft maternity pants were my best buy this pregnancy – still working for me at 36 weeks! Hope yours work out as well!
Assurance says
We’ve been TTC in a “relaxed” manner since June (not not trying), but no luck yet. Please let me (and my Type A “going to freak out now” personality) that it’s way to soon to be panicking and I should start this panic when it’s been a year. Because I know it. I just need internet strangers to back me up…
POSITA says
Since June–so two or three cycles? That really isn’t long at all. If you’re type A, try reading Taking Charge of Your Fertility. I found temping and tracking symptoms so much more relaxing than proceeding in the dark. Maybe it’s time for a strategy change?
anon says
Seriously, don’t worry! It takes many couples considerably longer than that even with more focused trying. Took us six months each time. I did find TCOYF to be absolutely fascinating (why is this not taught to adolescent girls so they can understand their cycles??) and helped me figure out where in my cycle I was ovulating, so then I knew when to suspect I was late. That took a bunch of stress out of it.
Assurance says
Thank you both! The rational part of my brain is like “chill out,” but the other part is in “panic!” mode.
I’ll check TCOYF. I’ve seen it mentioned in the past.
Have a great weekend!
DV Prosecutor says
I started to get Type A impatient after three cycles last fall. I recommend The Impatient Woman’s Guide to Getting Pregnant. Took some of the suggestions before my next cycle (no caffeine/alcohol for me or husband week before I ovulated) and baby should be coming any day now!
Lulu says
I was in a similar position because so many of my friends got pregnant the first time I was sure something was wrong even though we weren’t trying that hard. There was some concern that I might not be ovulating b/c my cycle was about 45 days. My OB offered to do some tests but I didn’t get my act together. My husband did take advantage of the referral though. His test results came back ok.
In addition to offering the tests, my OB said if we were serious we should get the pee stick ovulation sticks (not computerized, which she doesn’t think works as well). If we used them for 6 months with no luck, then she’d consider going to a fertility clinic. But we ended up getting pregnant after three months of ovulation testing. Personally, I found the sticks way less stressful than charting.
Lulu says
I should add that I was 34. If you are under 30 I think most docs will tell you not to worry unless it’s been a year.
Anon for This says
It took us 14 months. We were in the process of getting referrals for fertility docs when I finally got pregnant. My husband had even gone in and gotten a sperm analysis (doc said if we wanted lots of kids hubby needed to quit smoking and lose weight — duh).
I was never able to get a good basal body temp (it fluctuated wildly day to day, probably because I’m always cold and my husband uses the AC even in the winter and I sleep in heavy pajamas) and I suspect I was ovulating later in my cycle than the app I was using suggested. So be aware that the hormonal ovulation tests may be the way to go if you can’t get a good basal temp. Also, if you’re “underweight” (>120) it may take a month for hormonal birth control to clear out of your system (it can take that long for other people too, depending on normal hormone levels etc.). So you may have only tried twice.
And I was 33 — my GYN was barely interested in giving me a referral, but since my husband had already started his half of the process she gave me one.
FWIW says
First, yeah- the doom spiral sucks.
I went in knowing all the logical things one should, knowing far more about the statistics and the science (I have my bachelor’s in Biology even!); however, once I hit the 3 month mark it was very much the ‘OHMYGOD, something must be WRONG,’ situation.
Nothing was wrong. For us (29 yo, regular cycles, no reason to be concerned) it took 5 months. Everything has been great and I’m due in December. I had a crisis moment where I polled women on thiss!te and found that the median length of trying was in the 5-8 month range. I did read TCOYF and enjoyed it, and also suggest you read it. I didn’t temp, but I used the Fertility Friend app to chart CM and my overall cycle.
Seriously though- if you ever just need someone to vent to who will have zero judgement, let me know.
FWIW says
This was supposed to be a reply to Assurance…
Assurance says
Thank you! I didn’t see your post the first time around. I’m glad I’m not the only person who freaks out with this stuff. I’ve been Googling like crazy, and KNOW it’s the norm, but, you know, sometimes the emotional side of me is like “why not yet!?”
Thanks, I might take you up on that offer in the future :) And congratulations!!!
NewMomAnon says
This is not at all a judgment, but just a truly curious question – what’s the hesitation about “temping”? I kept a basal thermometer in my nightstand drawer (bought it at Target for $2) and popped it my mouth right when the alarm clock sounded, then charted in Fertility Friend. Was I supposed to be doing something harder than that? It was incredibly useful information to have. I missed a few days here and there, granted.
Lulu says
I was terrible about taking my temperature. Probably only did it 30% of the time. Loved the pee sticks and did them ~80% of time. I think it just depends on what you are most likely to remember.
FWIW says
Oh! I did do a couple pee sticks, they were cheapies from Amazon (Wondfo?) and I did find them reassuring.
I actually discovered that tracking my CM was my most reliable and easiest to figure out indicator for me.
FWIW says
Ehermmm… I’m lazy and forget??
I also was working out very early most days of the week, so my wakeup times would have been erradic. Really though, I just tend to forget.
25weeks says
I don’t understand why anyone would do the temperature thing anymore. I bought these Clearblue “digital ovulation test” strips that test for LH hormone and basically tell you when you start ovulating. They’re supposed to be super accurate. You just pee on them in the mornings around when you might be ovulating.
If your periods are fairly regular you can also skip using as many of them as they say you need to. We didn’t want to conceive on certain months for work reasons so overall it took 11 months and one pack of 20 strips since we started trying but we ended up knowing exactly when we conceived as a result.
Tunnel says
If you have PCOS, the digital ovulation monitors do not work because of how much your hormones regularly fluctuate. The one-time use ovulation pee sticks should work though and are super helpful.