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Updated: Mar 9, 2021 145 Comments · by

Nursing Tuesday: Raspberry Leaf Tea

Nursing | · · ·

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Yogi Tea Raspberry Leaf

I was sick last week and going through my tea collection, which I almost never do because I hate tea — and I found my old raspberry leaf tea, which my breastfeeding consultant had prescribed as an aid for my supply with Harry. The same brand has another Nursing Support tea, but no — Fredda prescribed me this.

I’m not sure if it worked or not, but I liked the flavor and dutifully drank it once a day. 

Ladies who had supply issues, what did you try — and what did you believe worked? The tea is $30 for a pack of 6 (so 96 tea bags!!) at Amazon. Yogi Woman’s Raspberry Leaf Tea

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Comments

  1. PhilanthropyGirl says

    I’ve always used Red Raspberry Leaf for cycle issues. It’s supposed to be good support in pregnancy – something about benefits to uterine muscles. It was never one I heard for supply increase.

    I tried the Mother’s Milk tea – and never saw much benefit from it. But the box also says to drink 4 cups a day, and I never managed it. Life was too crazy with a newborn to remember to brew tea that many times a day.

    I had the most boost when I ate steel cut oats with brewer’s yeast mixed in and topped with whole milk. Lactation cookies (same principle: oats and brewer’s yeast) also worked well for me – but I hated the extra sugar so I did it only when I was really struggling pumping enough.

    • hoola hoopa says

      +1 that I’ve never heard of this linked to lactation, only uterine fitness.

      But I did like the taste of it, lol. And getting enough water was big for me for supply, so I suppose it helped with total liquid consumption.

  2. Momata says

    I used the Mother’s Milk tea and thought it helped. I also swore by rough-cut oatmeal and drinking as much water as possible.

  3. CLMom says

    Can a 12 month old play in a baby proofed room completely unsupervised (audio monitor only)? And, if so, for how long?
    I’m trying to find a balance between wanting to spend every available moment with my daughter (reading, playing on the floor, feeding, etc). However, I also want to encourage her to play on her own with me home but not actively around and engaged with her.

    • SC says

      I think I let my son play in his room unsupervised when he was 12 months old. But at that age, most of the time he wanted to be with me within a few minutes, meaning he crawled into the kitchen or, if I had closed the baby gate, threw a tantrum.

    • Anonymous says

      No. Too young to be left unsupervised.

      That strategy is unlikely to encourage independent play. You’re best bet for independent play is to set her up with an activity on the floor – like mega bloks – play for a few minutes, and when she’s busy and focused, get up and do something else in the same room but nearby (e.g. wash dishes).

      Coloring in the highchair is my go-to when I need to get some things done in the kitchen with baby confined. Just give her one sheet of printer paper at a time, when she finishes one, pass her another. Give her two crayons at a time and change the colors when you change the paper.

    • EB0220 says

      I think it’s a little young for that. I think a better bet, if you can, is to have her playing nearby while you are doing something else. She’s crawling around the living room (if that’s safe) while you’re starting breakfast or dinner. I like to encourage independent play but with frequent touchpoints from me to make sure everything is OK.

    • POSITA says

      My kids always want to be near me, even if they’re playing independently. I’d find a spot for her to play near you.

    • Momata says

      Another rec for independent play near you. I think that’s too young to put her in another room and will probably backfire as she might become afraid to play alone lest she look up and you’re totally gone.

    • CLMom says

      Thank you everyone for the quick feedback!
      Follow up question. If twelve months is too young, at what point do you feel baby is safe playing alone in a babyproofed room?

      • Maddie Ross says

        I don’t think there’s a specific age exactly, it’s kind of by feel. My LO never really played alone unsupervised until she was over the age of 2, I think. We moved when she was about 18 months and had a dedicated playroom for the first time. Right after we moved, we would leave her in there playing while we ran to the bathroom or something, and then over the next year the stepping away got longer and longer until eventually I could leave her for 15 minutes or more while I folded laundry on the other side of the house. Now at over 3, she plays alone in there for 30 minutes or more sometimes.

      • POSITA says

        The challenges change as they get bigger. My 3 yo can play in her room, but she still requires a lot of supervision because she’s craftier. I caught her once systematically removing the outlet covers to shove stuff in the outlets. Another time she found diaper cream and was going to finger paint her wall. She’s big enough and smart enough to get around most standard baby proofing. I’ll trust her now for short periods if she’s engaged in quality play, but she can’t ever really be unsupervised.

        • Anonymous says

          I had one get into a zink oxide sunscreen and scribbled all over a wall with it and it never did quite go away — had to repaint the whole wall.

      • Anonymous says

        Age 3

        ‘Baby proofing’ is not a guarantee. Just yesterday I found out that my two year old can remove the electrical outlet covers. I was standing 2 feet from him and he did it so quick I barely grabbed him before he stuck his fingers in. Spending my lunchroom buying the kind you have to push in to pull out – hopefully that’ll take him a while to figure out.

        • Beth says

          We just replaced all outlets with the tamper proof kind. $1 per outlet and a few hours of DH’s time. He’s fairly handy though and our circuits aren’t complicated. I hate outlet covers!!

      • Sarabeth says

        FWIW, I think the idea that 12 months is too young to be safe are wrong. We’ve had our daughter on a floor bed in her bedroom since that age, so she is “unsupervised” in there all night long. If the room is genuinely babyproofed, then the only issue is whether she is happy in there. I wouldn’t leave her there if she’s not enjoying it, but I don’t get the safety issue. Buy better outlet covers, and take babyproofing really seriously (our daughter’s room has basically no furniture in it, and the only electronics are on a shelf that’s 5 feet up on the wall). But if you do a thorough job, it will be fine.

        • Spirograph says

          I agree. I don’t know when exactly I started letting my oldest play unsupervised, but I feel like it was around a year. Our main floor is basically childproof, and includes kiddo’s bedroom. I’d close the bathroom door and my bedroom door (to prevent mess, not injury) and let him do whatever while I made dinner. Sometimes he’d play in his room, sometimes he’d bang on pots in the kitchen, but I definitely didn’t entertain him. Around 18 months, I didn’t care if he went downstairs to the family room (stairs open into the kitchen, so I could hear him). I’d check in on him every 15 min or so. I did not leave him unattended with baby sister until she was also about a year old, but then it was the same drill, just with both of them running amok. Now they’re 3.5 and almost 2 and I send them in the fenced back yard alone. I’m sure they’re not 100% safe, but life is about calculated risks. Granted, my house and yard are small. I can hear suspicious noises or suspicious silence basically anywhere in the house… If yours is bigger, YMMV.

    • MDMom says

      When I’m getting ready in the morning, I try to get my 17 month old to play in his playroom or bedroom across the hall instead of under my feet (particularly if I need to iron something). I have little success, but sometimes he will for a few minutes. I check on him if things get suspiciously quiet. He won’t do it for longer than a few min and I wouldn’t let him anyway, but as long as I can hear what he’s doing, I don’t worry too much. He’s much less safe playing in our bedroom where there are always a variety of unsafe things within reach. I wouldn’t be comfortable being on a different floor and just listening on monitor though.

      I think soon your kid’s separation anxiety will begin to peak and and this will be an impossibility anyway.

    • PEN says

      Maybe I don’t know what “unsupervised” means, but I let my kiddos play in their rooms alone with the door open and have since each was born. Currently 10 months and 2.5 years. They each will play for a while (longer as they age—right now its is 5-10 minutes for the baby and up to 30 for the toddler) and then fuss/scoot/crawl/walk when they are ready for some attention. It has never even occurred to me that they shouldn’t be left alone in their rooms for independent play time, though we have a small house.

      • SC says

        +1. I think this may largely depend on the size and setup of the house. We have a small apartment, and I can hear everything that happens in any other part of the house and am comfortable with him playing in his baby-proofed room at 18 months old (and, as noted above, I’ve been letting him do that for at least a few months). In fact, I think he’s much safer in his room than the kitchen. Just last Friday, while I made him dinner, he pulled everything out of a kitchen drawer (he’s done this before, and nothing in the drawer can hurt him). A few minutes later, he tripped over something he had pulled out and fell onto the drawer, bruising his cheek. I was supervising and watched the whole thing happen, but it didn’t prevent the accident. Last night I was perfectly content when he walked into his room, pulled all his books off the shelf, and “read” by himself.

    • Anononymous says

      I recently got my 11 month old to be okay while I go to the bathroom. (Started with peanut Babas as a bribe, which usually keep her quiet for 30-60 seconds) and a couple times since then she has decided I was too boring and crawled into her bedroom by herself. I don’t think sh’e been alone for more than 2-3 minutes, but except for bathroom breaks it’s been her choice. We’re in a tiny apartment and all the doors are kept closed except the door to her room. She’s always allowed to go in there and if it’s day to come out.

      Maria Montessori recommended leaving even newborns alone (awake and happy) for 5 minutes at a time so they were comfortable being alone.

  4. EB0220 says

    I tried Mother’s Milk tea. I hated the taste so I could only manage one cup a day. I also ate a lot of oatmeal. I have no idea if it helped but I did get through a rough spot around 7-9 months when my supply was just barely keeping up.

    • Still deciding on a name says

      Highly recommend lactation cookies (tons of recipes online). The ingredients are a pain to get, but worth it. I made a big batch and froze the dough and would pop out 3-4 a week to bake.

      • Katala says

        +1 to lactation cookies. I would make a big pitcher of iced Mother’s Milk tea with honey and try to drink one a day. Obviously many days either the making or the drinking didn’t happen, but it helped with the taste.

        When my MIL was visiting when baby was about 6 weeks she was gathering her things for the plane ride home and announced to me “I tried your cookies. I loved them! I’m taking this (holds up baggie full of lactation cookies) for the plane!” I was like – um, those are lactation cookies. They have some special ingredients and taste kind of funny. She just responded, don’t worry, I won’t start lactating!! Maybe I was worn out from the visit but it just annoyed me so much. No, lady, I don’t think you’re going to lactate but you clearly don’t understand the effort required to get those ingredients and bake those cookies…

  5. Momata says

    Has anyone donated eggs? I have a dear friend coming to the end of a very long infertility road and my heart is broken for her. Am I crazy to consider offering this? She has a sister but they are not close, and her husband is an only child. What should I consider?

    • PinkKeyboard says

      I have not but I have done IVF and the procedure is almost identical. The medications are pretty intense and can have some serious side effects. You would need to inject yourself many times and attend a lot of monitoring appointments (blood and ultrasound). The egg retrieval involves general anesthesia and you can be pretty uncomfortable and wiped out the next day. The emotional side of it I’m unclear on as we were using my eggs ourselves.

      • RR says

        Just an FYI for the OP that egg retrieval does not always require general anesthesia. My clinic did it with sedation, and I actually did it twice with a local anesthetic. Not fun or recommended, but not impossible. Just in case that plays into decision making. I don’t know why, but I’d balk at the general anesthesia more than everything else that IVF/egg donation entails.

    • Anonymous says

      I’ve thought about it when my sister had some issues. It didn’t end up being necessary but my biggest concern would be around the plan for the baby if something happened to the parents. If I’d done it, I would have wanted to be named as the guardian in the will because the other likely caregivers would have been sister’s SIL. My sister’s SIL is a fundamentialist Christian and I would not have been comfortable with my biological child being raised in that kind of atmosphere (e.g. what if the child was gay and sent to conversion therapy). It’s a huge ‘what if’ because it’s such a small chance that something happens to both parents. You can’t do this and impose your parenting views on sleeping/eating etc on your friend, but custody in the event both parents passed away was a real concern for me. Though, to be fair, I probably would have had the same concerns about a baby who was my biological niece.

    • anon says

      I did! No regrets, one of the best decisions I ever made. Baby girl is a delight to us all. There are obviously a lot of moving parts to this, practical and emotional, but it was a no-brainer for me once we sat down and found we were in very close agreement on all major issues. Be aware that a known egg donation like you’re talking about may be more expensive than using an anonymous egg bank, so that may impact their decisionmaking a lot. Also, if the clinic is reputable, you will all be required to see a social worker together and separately who can help facilitate the process, but frankly if you’ve gotten to that stage, you really should be comfortable with your decision already. It was all very easy and no drama for me and my sister; YMMV on that one.

  6. CLMom says

    Ms. Patel’s lactation bars. They actually taste good. I couldn’t stand Mother’s Milk and such.

    • MDMom says

      Yes those are delicious. I actually missed having them for breakfast when i stopped pumping.

  7. School parties are making me nuts says

    I need a gut check. Every year I volunteer to help with holiday parties at my son’s elementary school. He has severe food allergies so I like to provide the food so I know he can participate and be safe. I don’t volunteer to be head room parent because I work long hours – and honestly I’m not crafty or good at planning games, etc.

    Every year there are maybe three parents total the help (and all moms, grrrr). For the past two years the head parent (different people) have been super unorganized and bad at communicating. We have a party coming up this Friday and I’ve heard nothing. My email and text to this person have been unanswered. I’m stressed about getting whatever it is I need to do done in time.

    I’m I being unreasonable? Am I doomed to be “head parent” with my younger kid? Why don’t any dads do any of this stuff?? Thanks for hearing my rant.

    • PhilanthropyGirl says

      This happens to me in my church small group often. I used to just say “I’ll do whatever” – and then I would be stressed and scrambling at the last second.

      Now I simply say “Here is what I intend to do” – and layout whatever food I will be bringing, or whatever else I plan to help with. You aren’t doomed to be head parent, but I think it’s totally reasonable to say exactly what you’re willing to do. If they don’t have their act together enough to make a request, they can deal with whatever you choose to do. I often find when I make a definitive statement I get more/better response than an open ended “How can I help/What do you want me to do?”

    • mascot says

      Our room parents have used the signupgenius website for easy organizing. It sends reminders too before the event if you’ve volunteered to bring something. Otherwise, I agree that you should just say, I will bring this specific item and let the rest be up to other people.

    • Anonymous says

      Think of yourself as head food parent. You can send out an email on what you’re planning for the food. They can take care of games/activities.

  8. TK says

    American Academy of Pediatrics issued new safe sleep guidelines for infants, recommending that babies stay in parent’s room (in a separate crib) for at least 6 months, ideally a year:

    http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/early/2016/10/20/peds.2016-2938

    This makes me angry for reasons I can’t quite articulate. I would not have been able to function at work if Little TK slept in my room at night – I woke up with every small sigh and shuffle during the time he was in my room – birth to about 3 months, maybe? – and if he’d stayed in my room for longer I would have remained completely non-functional due to sleep deprivation.

    Does this make me pro-SIDS?

    • School parties are making me nuts says

      I felt the same way about this report. My youngest was a very noisy sleeper, and moving him to his nursery at 2 months saved my sanity.

      • RDC says

        Yup. My son got evicted (to his own room) at 3 weeks because he was so noisy. And actually, I think that helped dramatically for both is us – he would grunt and make noises, which woke me up, and then I’d wake him up (thinking he was already awake, when actually he wasn’t). Separate rooms worked way better for us.

    • Anon says

      Ugh. I heard an interview with some pediatrician about it this morning on NPR. The interviewer asked what this means in light of working parents and the lack of sleep, and the pediatrician basically said “Parental leave is a big conversation, but in the meantime parents need to do this for the safety of babies.”

      It feels like yet another contortion instead of just saying co-sleeping is best, but only if you’re really smart about it.

      I absolutely HATE this insistence that parents (but really, moms) sacrifice themselves and everything about their lives for minute changes in risk levels, while also insisting that parents (again, mostly moms) are too stupid to understand nuances in guidelines. I get that there are some idiots out there who will drink an entire bottle of vodka while pregnant and then curl up with a dog and a big blanket around their baby. But I feel like those people would make poor decisions anyway, regardless of the guidance. Why not give REAL guidance to let the majority of semi-intelligent people make informed decisions?

      • Anon says

        Sorry, and I should clarify. I moved my kids out of my room at 3 months when I went back to work, and I’d do it again. But I think all this “research” is trying to tell parents they need to co-sleep, but they’re afraid parents will do it wrong, so they distort the findings just enough to stop short of saying to actually co-sleep.

        I’m team “whatever makes you a better parent, you do you” so I just see this as another pointless hurdle for parents to try to meet.

      • anon says

        That interview annoyed me too, although I felt for the doctor and appreciated that the issue of impact on parents was raised. I wish they would have addressed the overall risk of SIDS (which is very low, right?), to give parents more information. Didn’t they also recently come out against swaddling? It seems like what really prevents SIDS is to prevent babies from sleeping!

    • GCA says

      I read it, and it doesn’t actually seem to say ‘kid must be in parents’ room’, just that ‘if kid is in parents’ room, avoid bed-sharing’, or did I miss something?

      • GCA says

        At least, all but one of the sources seem to come at it from that angle. I couldn’t tell if room-sharing as a standalone factor independent of all the other things actually lowers SIDS risk.

      • Anonymous says

        It says, “[i]t is recommended that infants sleep in the parents’ room, close to the parents’ bed, but on a separate surface designed for infants, ideally for the first year of life, but at least for the first 6 months.”

        This is infuriating to me.

        • October says

          I don’t get this reaction. You’re infuriated by research? Because it doesn’t bear out what you want it to? Research is great for books like “Expecting Better” but not when you don’t agree with the findings? Parenting is full of weighing risks and benefits and making choices. You do you and all that.

          • Calm down says

            + 1 agree.

            Those who are up in arms about the recommendation did not have their baby in their room for the first 6 months. Ok, fine. You do you. But that’s no reason to get so upset about AAP (a leading, reputable instituition) making its recommendation.

            Stop being so sensitive.

            My kid slept in our room for the first 9 months. I am a working mom. Did I sleep as well? No. Did I feel much more secure about his safety? Absolutely.

          • Um says

            The vasty majority of parents in the world have their babies in the same room (or same bed/cot/mat on the floor) for the first year and for some parents, for even several years. The US is an aberration. You might find it infuriating and you might choose a different path, but I wanted to point out how unusual American parents in this regard.

          • Anon says

            The vast majority of parents in the world have some kind of paid maternity leave, and many more have generous sick/paid leave in general, and some even have available childcare arrangements. The US is an aberration for a very logical reason.

            Asking US parents to act like others around the world, while actively denying the resources to make it work, is infuriating.

          • Rest of World says

            Hi Anon at 1:39,

            Have you met the Rest of the World?

            The developed, industrialized western countries generally have good leave and health care but that’s the minority of the world.

          • Huh says

            It’s absolutely true that the vast majority of parents in the world get paid parental leave, and it’s apallling that the US is so behind in this regard. But clearly you knew (and other US parents knew) this before you had a kid. If the AAP recommends something that will make your child indisputably safer, why wouldn’t you do it or at least acknowledge that it’s a valid suggestion without all of the pushback?

          • Anon says

            Because “safer” is chasing a unicorn. You can keep your child infinitely safer by never putting them in a car, but that’s not a realistic ask of US parents. The AAP is recommending something that comes at great cost to parents (sleep deprivation can have serious consequences, for themselves, their children, and anyone on the road with their vehicle) with little information on the exact benefit. Saying “it’s safer” doesn’t help when you’re deciding whether to call in sick for the third time that month because your child was a noisy sleeper.

            The US is one of 3 countries that does not mandate paid parental leave. Yes, I knew this ahead of time. But like so much in parenting, you have no idea what the true impact is until you live it. I’m not sure moving to another country would solve the problem for people in the US, nor would it make this conversation any different. There’s still a real cost to these guidelines, and for what seems like a neglible benefit to an already small risk.

          • Wow says

            But it’s a guideline. Not a mandate. No one is forcing you to comply.

            The AAP has every right and arguably, an obligation, to release a guideline that it believes, backed by research, will help infants. And you, as a parent, have every right to make a different choice. Doesn’t mean the AAP should not have released the guidelines.

          • Anonymous says

            At Anon 2:13pm

            You presume that room sharing leads to less sleep for parents. The opposite has been true for me. The ‘real cost’ applies ONLY to parents who are disturbed by their infant’s sleep. If they are, then move the baby out if the cost of sleep deprivation is more than the SIDS benefit. It’s a personal assessment you have to make. It is exactly the same as when parents were told to start putting babies to bed on their back. Many babies have a harder time sleeping in that position which also leads to sleep deprivation. AAP shouldn’t change its advice because baby’s sleep better on their tummies, just like it shouldn’t change its advice because some parents wake up in the baby is in their room.

            ‘Paid’ means any money whatsoever. The rhetoric on parental leave doesn’t do any good unless actual facts are considered. ‘Paid’ in many places means a monthly grant amount not a percentage of salary. Except for a couple of wealthy European countries (not even all EU countries), paid is not full salary. It’s often a grant amount of a few hundred dollars a month. It is very very rarely enough to replace the full salary for a professional woman (excepting wealthy Europe countries like Norway, Sweden etc).

          • pockets says

            This is the exact opposite of “Expecting Better.” Expecting Better looked at risk avoidance and then balanced that against the practicalities of risk avoidance. Here there is no balancing. Co-sleeping is safer for babies, so you should do it, end of story. There is no discussion on how sleep deprivation is going to affect the parents’ safety or well-being, or their performance at work. It is irresponsible to make a recommendation with consideration of all the factors.

          • PregLawyer says

            The vast majority of parents in the world also have their babies in the same room because space is at a premium in the vast majority of other countries and many families cannot afford separate bedrooms for their children.

            Just because they do something in other countries, does not make it automatically better, safer, or appropriate for how they do things here.

    • MDMom says

      Pro-SIDS? No…is anyone though? A lot of the SIDS prevention stuff is a pain in the butt for parents….for instance most babies sleep better and longer on their stomachs, but the data is undeniable re increased correlation with SIDS so we put them on their back and suffer the consequences.

      I think you just make your own judgment whether it’s worth it if you have another kid. It’s worth looking at the actual data they are basing it on- I’m not sure how strong it is. I certainly don’t do everything AAP recommends. It’s not worth taking it personally that they recommended something you didn’t/won’t do. I think there’s a tendency to perceive it as a criticism of your decision, but try not to. I admit, I had the same gut reaction this morning (but I moved my kid out at 5.5 months, so pretty close).

    • Anon says

      My kids slept in my room for a long time, but it was convenience more than anything (kids rooms were upstairs, our room is downstairs and running the stairs at night was brutal).

      It’s not the same thing, but there is a Scary Mommy article that keeps popping up on my Facebook feed about how attachment parenting was really hard but ultimately worth it b/c this family’s older kids are now so kind and awesome, which they attribute to always being there for the kids – especially with co-sleeping. It’s making me feel guilt b/c our 2 year old is going through a bout of separation anxiety and there have been a few tears at bedtime. I really really value kindness in my kids, but I’m a MUCH BETTER MOM when they and I sleep. I can keep my frustration/anger in check when I sleep, and therefore respond to them without anger or yelling.

      I know that this even-keeled attitude will have more of an impact on their personalities than this or any other sleep regression, but the guilt wiggles in whenever I see this d@mn article. Especially since this particular 2 year old has NEVER been a snuggly kid, and so of course, I feel guilt that if I let him sleep with me at night (which he doesn’t want – he just wants me to sit in his room for hours at a time), he would be more affectionate. And, objectively speaking, I like attachment parenting! Good for you, not for me (at night!).

      Not really related, just ugh, hate reading stuff that gets at the core of my parenting insecurities.

      • pockets says

        That article and those parents are ridiculous. What do they think about the kids who are mean-spirited? Do they blame the parents and think that if only Mom and Dad loved their kids more, the kids would be happy? Did depressed adults just have really terrible parents who didn’t know any better? The happiness of the kids probably has a lot more to do with having a family who has the attention, patience, and time to practice attachment parenting, and nothing to do with the actual practice of AP.

        Basically, those parents put themselves through hell and are trying to rationalize it to themselves. I’ve seen it a lot with attachment parenters. Kids have personalities and the best we can do is guide them within that personality to be their best selves.

        • avocado says

          +1 to all of this.

          Attachment parenting is sexist, a crock, and a recipe for PPD. I did not have PPD, but did have an insane pediatrician who stridently advocated many attachment parenting practices and actually drove me to return to work and school eight months earlier than planned because she insisted that the baby would be permanently damaged if I set her down in the bassinet for five minutes to take a shower. I was trying to do attachment parenting but without the co-sleeping (baby in the same room, not the same bed), with what Dr. Sears calls a “high-need baby.” I just couldn’t take it any more and decided to put the baby in day care where loving caregivers would pay attention to her while I actually got to eat and use the bathroom whenever I wanted to. Everybody was much happier that way.

    • PhilanthropyGirl says

      I was the same way – within a week of going back to work I moved Philanthropy Baby into his own room. I woke up every time he moved or snorted in his sleep. Tired mommas have short tempers, don’t produce as much bre@st milk, and will be more prone to PPD.

      Like many people, I have a small bedroom, anything larger than a bassinet will not fit in my room. Where is my 6 mo – or 12 mo – supposed to sleep? A dresser drawer?

      Like so many things in parenting, for me this is about weighing pros and cons. Does my child need to sleep in my room, or does he need a well-rested, emotionally balance mother?

      Is there any reason a parent can’t use an Owlet or Snuza with an infant in another room? For me – I’m way more likely to wake up to an alarm than a child who has stopped breathing.

      I feel like I’m at the end of my rope with the constant updated recommendations for this, that and the other. I can’t keep track of them all. I’ve lost track of who says what about just about every aspect of child-rearing. I do the best I can to keep my child safe, healthy and happy. But we’ve got to be reasonable here.

      “Parental leave is a big conversation” is NOT an answer to this issue.

      • JP says

        Yeah, there’s no way that a full-sized crib could fit into our bedroom. Also (and with the caveat that my kid is -7 weeks old so I know little about developmental stages) at some point a bassinet is not safe either, no? We’re planning on using a Bjorn cradle/bassinet in our room for the first 3 months, but it’s pretty small, and I can’t imagine that a baby that is able to sit themselves up or roll around would be safer in that than in a crib down the hall. And where does it end? What about when the baby takes a long nap during the day (not so different from how long they’d sleep at night) but the parents or caregivers are awake and in another room?

        Have people used an Owlet or Snuza or Angelcare and liked it or felt like it gave them enough peace of mind to be worth the panicked middle-of-the-night false alarms?

        • Anonymous says

          Most sleep occurs a night, so even if parents aren’t in the room for naps, you’re still reducing the risk by being in same room as parents for 8 hours overnight (1/3 of the day).

          People often move the clothes dresser into a hallway or another room to make room for the crib.

        • PhilanthropyGirl says

          I’m a member of a parenting after loss group, and I frequently hear women discussing the use of all three of those (probably Angelcare and Snuza most frequently). It seems that for women who have already experienced the loss of a child, the monitors have brought them a little peace of mind. They would prefer a false alarm over no alarm.

          I haven’t used one personally, but in that circle of women, those alarms are the first thing they suggest to one another for the paranoia that often comes with parenting after loss.

    • ChiLaw says

      I agree, and I’m a crunchy (safe!) co-sleeper. It’s easy for an org to say “do this to keep your baby safe” without acknowledging that (1) it’s the mom who is probably going to do it, and (2) the mom almost definitely doesn’t have the necessary support to do it.

      Want my kid in my room for six months? SURE! Give me seven months of paid leave, please.

      Want my kid to be exclusively breastfed for six months? Will try! I had an uncomplicated birth and have lots of family support and get to see lactation consultants for free and spend those six months snuggled in bed with my kid while someone else is paying my rent and keeping house for me, right?

      • Carine says

        This is the reason I loved the book Lactivism. The author makes this same argument about the recommendation to exclusively breastfeed, criticizing the focus on pumping in the states as a convenient way to bypass any real discussion about parental leave and put all the hard work of the public health mandate on mothers. I hadn’t thought about it that way before. Breastfeeding and pumping did work out for me, and I’d probably try it again if I were to have another kid, but after reading this book I felt a lot less guilty about thinking it sucked (heh) and I definitely do not judge anyone who opts out, for whatever reason.

        Add this to all the things making me angry this year.

    • Anon for this says

      This was discussed briefly on the main page. I think it is ridiculous. A baby dies of SIDs silently when it stops breathing. Sleeping in the same room will not change that. It just gives parents something else to feel guilty about.

      • TBK says

        Also I’m wondering whether the data controls for the fact that parents who have their babies in their rooms might also have other things going on that make the baby less likely to die of SIDS. (And I feel like I read recently that SIDS isn’t really SIDS. It’s usually just plain old suffocation due to unsafe sleeping conditions.) This is the problem with all these baby/maternity things. The people who look up this kind of stuff and read the guidance and have the resources to be particular about their babies (everything from nutrition to daycares/nannies to environment to health care) are also the people who are, on the whole, rich and highly-educated. Their kids are going to have good outcomes. I wish Emily Oster would write a library’s worth of books. Although I realize that as an economist who is mind-numbingly brilliant (seriously, was she like 30 when she got tenure at *Chicago*?) she might want to do things other than write mom books. (Nothing wrong with mom books, but maybe not why she went to grad school.)

        • mascot says

          I think you really hit the nail on the head that we don’t really know all the factors that cause SIDS and that we categorize some incidents as SIDS when something else actually happened. FWIW, we moved our kid into his own room at 2 weeks and everyone did much better. We did the best we could with all the other recommendations about sleep surface, bf-ing, room temperature, etc, but room-sharing was not working at all for our family.

        • H says

          Yup, I hate this. My understanding is that with SIDS, you/authorities really have NO IDEA what happened. When they/AAP say not for the baby to sleep on its stomach or with blankets, isn’t that really just to prevent suffocation? Once this became clear to me, I relaxed a lot about SIDS.

      • Sarabeth says

        You may think it is ridiculous, but it is backed by significant data, and there is a plausible mechanism. The working hypothesis is that babies listen to their parents breathing, which helps them to regulate their own breathing and maintain an appropriate level of arousal.

        I’m not trying to shut down the conversation about how this recommendation impacts working mothers. The reduction in risk may well not be worth it in comparison to the demands that this recommendation places on women. But denying the existence of the link based on your intuition is not helpful in that conversation.

        To TBK: It’s true that a significant number of deaths that were previously ruled SIDS are now being reclassified as suffocation due to more intensive postmortem investigations, but certainly not all. That may mean that the risk reduction from room sharing is even smaller, and therefore weighs even less against the mother’s need to get adequate sleep, but it is not zero.

        • mascot says

          Right- the breathing regulation piece was what I took away as well, but it still seems to be only one of several risk reduction factors. How does this work during naptime though? In young babies that sleep in multiple chunks of time instead of one or two big stretches, is the night/day arousal level that much different? Is there some protective factor in hearing movement in the house generally even if not in the sleeping space?

          • Sarabeth says

            I read one interview that did recommend naps with an adult in the room as well (in a portable bassinet, for example). I can’t find it again, though.

          • Anonymous says

            why would there be a protective factor in hearing movement in the house?

            The room-sharing matters because the parents expelling carbon dioxide stimulates teh baby’s breathing. Even if you don’t room share for naps, most sleep occurs at night so if the baby is in with parents at night they are spending 1/3 of their time room-sharing.

        • Anon for this says

          That raises other concerns too then. I have sleep apnea. Do I want my baby modeling its breathing after my own? How does that work with a CPAP? I know this doesn’t apply to everyone but tons of people snore or have other poor sleep breathing.

          • Anonymous says

            It has nothing to do with poor sleep breathing. The baby isn’t learning breathing pattern, the parents expelling carbon dioxide is what stimulates the baby to breathe. Your patterns don’t matter as long as you expel carbon dioxide.

          • Sarabeth says

            Anonymous, do you have a citation for the carbon dioxide mechanism? Genuinely curious, not snark – that is not the mechanism that I have seen discussed in most of the literature on the subject, and I would be interested to read any material available.

          • mascot says

            Is there a new emphasis on the stimulation provided by carbon dioxide? I saw an abstract from a 1997 study, but hadn’t seen an additional study associated with this new recommendation. This is all out of curiosity at this point since we are years past done with babies.

          • pockets says

            I’m interested too – my gut reaction is that the dispelled carbon dioxide has to be minuscule in comparison to the air in the room (think about how long you’d be able to live on just the oxygen in the room – it’s got to be days – and then compare that to the amount of carbon dioxide you’re expelling), and that unless the baby is literally on top of you it’s further dispersed by the time it gets to the baby. But I could be wrong.

          • Anonymous says

            Honestly I can’t find the useful links quickly as it’s been a couple years since I looked at it. I’ll poke around more this evening and post back if I can find it. I don’t want to post something useless and the only thing that’s coming up quickly for me is Dr. Sears but that’s obviously not worth anything.

            The AAP recommendation itself reflects the understanding that room sharing with the baby close to the parents bed is what lowers the risk for SIDS. While the increase in carbon dioxide in the room is not huge, it’s a lot more than baby alone in a room. It also works with the idea that SIDS is reduced when babies don’t sleep deeply – same reason for sleeping on back instead of stomach. In room sharing, the noises of parents sleeping is what prevents baby from sleeping too deeply.

            To be clear (because pockets referenced co-sleeping above) – it is room sharing that’s recommended not bed sharing (co-sleeping). Bed sharing is linked with an increase in SIDS and there can be issues with excessive carbon dioxide, in part because of the blankets and if baby’s face gets covered or mom breathes continuously in baby’s face.

          • TBK says

            All this makes me wonder whether sharing a room with a sibling would have the same effect, although I’ve never seen anything that mentions siblings. From about 2 months until they were out of swaddles (four months? five? I forget) my twins slept side by side in the same crib. By then my kids never slept in my room (one of them make sleep noises from the time he was born and I would have gotten zero sleep) and they slept in rock n plays until I freaked out one day and decided they would die THAT NIGHT if I didn’t put them in a crib.

          • Anon for this says

            @ TBK, I was thinking the same thing. Maybe the next wave of tech will be carbon dioxide machines. Or dogs. The dog could do double duty. Provide carbon dioxide and nudge the baby awake if needed. (sarcasm obv)

          • Spirograph says

            Omg dogs for everyone. Keep your baby safe from SIDS and clean the dining room floor! Sign me up.

            I co-sleep (safely, as I’ve mentioned before) but only until I rejigger the kids’ bedrooms so the one closest to ours is the nursery. That will almost certainly be prior to 6 months, but baby’s moving out anyway. SIDS is scary, but rare. Probably better for baby to back sleep in his own room than co-sleep or tummy sleep in his bassinet (the only way he will sleep in his bassinet), so there it is. I’m not angry at the recommendation, but I don’t intend to follow it.

        • Anon says

          Agree. Also, forgive me if I’m missing something, but are these guidelines so different from earlier ones? I thought this already was the prevailing wisdom. What has changed?

        • TK says

          I’ve had more time to reflect on my frustration, and here’s what I came up with. Is SIDS a risk? Of course. Does the data support a decrease in risk when babies sleep in the same room as parents? Apparently, yes. But there are real, legitimate health / safety concerns that arise from sleep deprivation as well. In those blurry few weeks after my kid was born and sleeping in our room, I (1) burned through two pots because I forgot the stove was on or fell asleep while things were warming up, (2) forgot to actually buckle the baby into his car seat when going to the grocery store (3) got into two very minor fender benders, and (4) definitely took my post-C section medications at the wrong time / doses because I couldn’t remember what I’d done 2 hours prior and forgot to write it down. Once baby was in his own room and I could sleep in more than 15-minute stretches, this improved.

          In short – the actual safety risks from sleep deprivation are real. This recommendation might guilt parents into making a choice that makes an already small risk smaller, while increasing the likelihood of risks what is already a higher risk activity to begin with.

          And, you know what else is a risk to the health and safety of a baby? Financial instability. Some (too many) kids only have mom providing financial support. If she isn’t able to work or if her ability to provide for her family is compromised by sleep deprivation, that can lead to all kinds of bad outcomes. What is she expected to do with these kind of recommendations?

          All of these studies (figure out how to breastfeed for a year or you’re a bad mom, etc.) would be great if all new moms were independently wealthy and had no other responsibilities to work, care for other children, etc.

          • Anonymous says

            Waking up every 15 minutes is not usual for new parents. Babies are just like the rest of us that make noise when we sleep. Everyone is different, I had to sleep with my hand in the bassinet for the first two weeks because I kept waking up in cold sweats if I couldn’t feel where the baby was while I slept.

            Room-sharing didn’t work out for you. That doesn’t mean it’s a wrong public health recommendation when the science clearly supports it.

          • SC says

            +1 to all of this. I think the bottom line is that moms and society internalize all of the recommendations about what’s “best” for Baby as a mandate that they must do all of those things perfectly, and those sacrifices cannot affect your ability to function in other parts of your life. But that’s impossible for many women if (a) you don’t have the large-family/inter-generational help that’s more common in many countries, (b) you are financially supporting your family by working full-time, particularly if you don’t have a generous leave policy, and/or (c) you have other children who need time and attention. I feel like I would appreciate guidelines that took into account relative risks across the range of choices parents have to make in the real world. But I get that from actual conversations with my pediatrician, who is my age and has two children under 3 and a wife who works full-time.

          • AnotherAnon says

            As Anon stated above, room sharing didn’t work for you and it’s okay.

            But your reaction to the new guidelines is extreme. AAP doesn’t have to consider parental leave policies. Their job is to investigate and recommend what is best for the babies and they did that.

            Also, most countries in the world don’t have generous parental leave policies. They co-sleep and bed share till the kids are 3 – 5 years old as any other way is not the norm for them. It is not easy for them either, but no one said raising a child is easy.

          • Anonymous says

            “AAP doesn’t have to consider parental leave policies. Their job is to investigate and recommend what is best for the babies”

            Wouldn’t a year of paid maternity leave (maternity leave, not parental leave) be a solid public health recommendation, as it would enable moms to implement the AAP’s other recommendations to BF for 12 months and sleep in the same room as the baby for 12 months without becoming sleep-deprived zombies who risk causing accidents?

    • NewMomAnon says

      I don’t understand how they can issue guidelines like that, and in the same breath, preach to parents about how much sleep babies need. I also don’t understand how they can so casually ignore the mental health ramifications of sleep deprivation.

      I wish they would cite their sources – like, for each recommendation, say, “Such and such study has shown this to reduce the incidence of SIDS by 0.001%,” or whatever. It’s hard to take these seriously if you suspect that it’s just some old white guy dictating to his typing pool.

        • NewMomAnon says

          Yeah, I looked at that link. Interesting stuff to dig through, but you’d have to read through literally hundreds of full journal articles to get any sense of the magnitude of each recommendation. And a bunch of the justifications for the room-sharing recommendation had no citations. If they are going to cite “parental convenience” as a justification for room-sharing with no citation, they could have considered the parental mental health counterbalance.

    • Anonymous says

      Room sharing for the first six months but not bed sharing has been the standard public health advice in Canada as official policy from Health Canada for like 3 years. There’s a lot of research that proves it reduces the risk of SIDS. It’s because the carbon dioxide exhaled by the parents stimulates breathing in the baby.

      You’ll never see a public health recommendation for cosleeping because safe cosleep practices are so important to it actually being safe and that’s not easy to convey in public health recommendations.

      We had the twins in our room for 8 months but that’s because there was no way I was going to drag my butt out of bed in the middle of the night to nurse. DH bought ear plugs and lived.

      It’s public health advice like anything else – it’s what’s recommended but at the end of the day you have to do what works for your family. Same way breastfeeding reduces the risk of SIDS but not everyone chooses to or is able to nurse.

    • AnonForThis says

      I absolutely second this – I’m team “whatever makes you a better parent, you do you.”

      For context – my first kid was such a sensitive sleeper and was out of my room early. White noise machine on, door closed, baby monitor available. That baby just slept better when there weren’t other people in the room tossing and turning, or switching on the bathroom light (I’m looking at you DH!) or whatever.
      Second kid needed body warmth and co-slept with me, yes in my bed, for over a year.

      I was so worried about getting every single recommendation “right” with the first kid but with the second kid I gained Emily Oster’s sense of perspective (and remembered my statistics and probability coursework) and used a liberal amount of my “mom instinct” to flavor the Official Guidelines and decide what to do.

      I’m also a big believer in “if it feels counter intuitive and wrong, don’t do it!”. I know this may not be a popular opinion, BUT – I don’t suggest trying to push through CIO if your every instinct is screaming at you to go in and pick up the baby who is puking all over the place crying. Obviously you should separate your mom guilt from your mom gut instinct and make decisions based on the latter, not the former. But I do think the latter is generally a good compass.

    • Anononymous says

      I have reached the point where I feel that pediatricians are being 100% derelict in their duty. I (and basically all pre-1994 babies) survived being put on our stomachs to sleep. The (admittedly 1000s) of kids who didn’t make it are tragedies, but instead of driving pediatricians to a) uncover what the hell SIDS is or b) try to identify what actually put those kids at risk. Kids who sleep on their backs sleep lighter and more poorly — this has been documented. But instead of sorting out which kids can safely sleep on their stomachs and on their own and identifying which kids may actually be at risk and giving those parents more and real support they keep issuing blanket statements which are nearly impossible to follow and the brunt of which falls on mothers.

      • Anonymous says

        Pretty sure they’re trying to figure it out. Studies which identify risk factors help narrow down possible causes.

        You’re criticizing them for developing risk factors like baby sleeping alone yet in the same post say ” identifying which kids may actually be at risk” which is exactly what the AAP is doing by identifying that babies who sleep alone are at more risk. It’s not AAP’s role to provide social supports any more than it’s the Cancer Society’s role to provide cancer care. That’s not what AAP does. They identify risk and make public health recommendations. If you disagree with their recommendations, that doesn’t change the scientific validity of them. If you think the recommendations are impractical, that’s a social policy issue.

      • Sarabeth says

        People are trying very hard to figure this out (ie, identify which babies have a propensity towards SIDS), but they have not yet been able to do so. Sorry that medical research is not instantaneous.

    • Half baked says

      This recommendation (because it likely most impacts working moms) reminds me of the recommendation that women of child bearing age completely abstain from alcohol (or preaching absitance as a way to avoid STD/pregnancy). Sure it’s probably scientifically linked to better outcomes, but it just oozes the mental image of some old dude in an ivory tower sending down paper airplane messages of what he thinks the unsuspecting masses should do with zero regard for appropriate recommendations that take reality into account. That said I’m preggers with my first, so I’ll probably research it, develop a plan, and then throw all my plans to the wind once I get to experience the lack of sleep first hand.

  9. TTC says

    Did anyone experience any unexpected side effects when stopping hormonal BC?

    I stopped last week after being on it for the last 11 years so we could start TTC. Since then, I’ve woken up with a headache every day (it eventually goes away by mid-afternoon) and I’ve been unusually anxious. I’m trying to figure out if this is stress-related (I have had a lot going on in my life lately!) or if this due to the change in hormones.

    • Lurker says

      Yup. Had crazy hormones with nausea, dizziness and sweating for a few months.

    • Still deciding on a name says

      Insane anxiety for two months – didn’t think to attribute it to the BC at the time, but in retrospect, thats 100% what it was. For what its worth: because i reacted so badly to BC withdrawl, i expected weaning and post partum hormones to be really terrible, and they weren’t.

    • Maddie Ross says

      I had episodes of light-headedness, including one where I almost passed out in court. It was decidedly not awesome. Only lasted one cycle though and I was fine.

    • Anonymous says

      I think this is normal. It took me about 45 days to get a period, I had 4-5 normal periods and then no periods for 3 months. It’s a long adjustment period no matter what the doctors keep saying.

    • Meg Murry says

      It could be the combo of hormonal changes plus stress.

      Did you make any other changes as well like cut back on caffeine or alcohol, change to a prenatal vitamin, etc? Or other things in your life like turning on the furnace for the first time now that it’s getting cold out?

      It could be the BC/hormones, in which case hopefully it will stop soon. Or it could be something else. Does it go away with some ibuprofen and water or a little caffeine?

    • Anononymous says

      My migraines came back. Oh and where I’d had maybe 1 a year pre-birth control and 1 every 3 years on birth control I had two in the first eight weeks post-partum

      • pockets says

        That is strange because my birth control was causing my migraines. Humans: we’re so weird!

        • Anonymous says

          Humans are so weird! I’m not sound sensitive when I get migraines and I’ve found listening to drumming music to be really soothing. My college roommate couldn’t hear a sound without sobbing when she had migraines. I also once had a really classic migraine aura. — weird floating lights and flashing symbols, thought I was having a stroke, etc. — but had no headache pain.

  10. Still deciding on a name says

    Travel abroad with a 2 year old:
    Thinking of going on a week-long trip to Europe with my parents, husband and 2 year old next May. Was thinking that renting a house in Provence or Tuscany might be the most kid friendly – if he’s jet lagged or we need to come home for naps everyday, it might be more conducive? Or is a city better at that age so that it’s easy to go explore for a few hours and everyone can do their own thing if the baby is napping (vs. Provence where it will be more day trips)? He is a very wild 16 month old now, and I have no doubt he’ll continue to be a wild man.

    I have no idea where to start with picking a potential location. (step 2 is convincing my family that this is the best idea ever :))

    • NewMomAnon says

      What kind of accommodations would you get in a city? Personally, with a toddler, I want a kitchen and a separate room where toddler can sleep at night, so I don’t have to sit in the dark starting at 7 pm. So if your city plans would include a multi-bedroom flat with a kitchen, I would do that in a heart beat. If it would be more like a hotel room in the city…then yeah, I would go with the country house.

    • Anonymous says

      No suggestions but will be following. I’m planning a trip to Provence for the spring when kiddo will be 16-18 months. Thinking about tacking on a few days in Nice or Paris to get time in both city and country.

      • Still deciding on a name says

        Would love to get info on your itinerary if you have one! I’ve had a hard time narrowing down the list of what to do!

    • Anon in NYC says

      I just came back from a trip that involved jet lag and an apartment in a more rural/nature-y location. While we were on the trip I told my husband that I felt like our next vacation should be a city, but only if we could get an apartment not a hotel room.

      My thoughts:
      1) In terms of location, it took 25-40 minutes for us to drive somewhere where we could do things that were reasonably kid-appropriate (short walks/hikes, etc.). We couldn’t do closer, more advanced hiking that we would have done pre-kids because my kid didn’t have the patience. If we were in a city, I think we could quickly leave the house and go do something (anything – cafe, museum, etc.) and still get back home fairly quickly if we needed to. It was hard to juggle activities and factor in driving time with nap time but maybe I just think a city will be easier because I currently live in a city and am used to it. Also, if you’re taking parents along, you (and they) will want the flexibility to do your own thing every once in a while.

      2) My kid (17 months) slept horribly while we were away – she slept in bed with us every single night, oftentimes physically on me, she woke up in the middle of the night for a few hours, etc. She still naps, and naps were more consistent. The second bedroom was a great idea, but we didn’t use it as much as we wanted to. That said, we needed a room with a door (not a hotel room) so we could have the living space to ourselves.

      3) on the jet lag front, I’m not sure if my kid is just going through a rough sleep patch (probable) or if jet lag hit her harder than we expected (also probable), but her sleep never fully adjusted for the 10 days that we were away. So be prepared for jet lag to potentially persist for an entire week-long trip.

      4) We made a lot of use out of the kitchen on this trip – more so than in previous trips when she was younger. It was incredibly helpful to have a full sized fridge, access to a stove and microwave, etc.

    • Anonymous says

      For Tuscany try riva del sole dot it

      Tour around in the morning, come back for naptime and hang out on the beach in the afternoon.

      We always kept our kids on close to North American time when we went to Europe. So they slept until like 8 – went somewhere 9-12/1 – napped 1/2 to 3/4 and then bed around 9/10. Longer afternoon nap meant we could go out for dinner without cranky tired kids.

    • RDC says

      We’ve traveled a couple times with our toddler, and look for lodging that has a separate bedroom and sitting area, and is close enough to activities that we can go back to the hotel for naptime. We’ve done fine with hotels but usually get a suite. (I feel like a hotel might be slightly more babyproofed, just because they’re relatively sparsely furnished compared to a rental house?) We try to do one morning and one afternoon site or activity (ie gone are the days of cramming in a full day of sightseeing). Ours would not have done well with longer day trips.

    • SC says

      I’d suggest city apartment, preferably near a park, for ease and quickness getting to a location and back before the next nap, bedtime, etc. Also, my son would be happier with walking/stroller than being in and out of the carseat.

    • blueberries says

      Brittany is super kid/baby friendly. It’s beautiful, fun, and you can get a ton more space for your money. Paris can be hard with little ones if your little one isn’t great in restaurants (which can be cramped and less kid-friendly than in the countryside. There are not a lot of great delivery/takeout options compared to the Bay Area/NYC).

    • Still deciding on a name says

      Thank you all! This is awesome advice and lots of details I never would have thought of!

  11. Butter says

    Hi all – I know this has been covered but can everyone give me their cold gear recs for a ~9-12 month old again? We live in a cold city, are projected to have a horrid winter, and ideally I’ll walk the kiddo to daycare (~1 mile) for as long as possible, so I’m looking for stroller and carrier-friendly gear.

    • TBK says

      Bunting! Much easier to get a baby into and out of than trying to do a full coat. And if the baby isn’t walking yet, they’re unlikely to be playing outside in the cold, and they can’t wear a coat in the car, so a bunting that goes over the stroller and one for the car seat/carrier is the best option.

      • Anonymous says

        7 AM Enfant stroller bunting. I don’t know how we would have survived NYC winters without it. They also make mittens that attach to the stroller that I always regretted not buying.

    • Anonymous says

      I really love the JJ Cole Bundle Me. It’s like a sleeping bag that clips into the stroller. Then they just need a hat and they’re set. Stroller muffs are also a godsend.

    • Anonymous says

      Check Amazon Germany (amazon dot de then switch the language option to English). Europeans tend to have kids outside in strollers lots so all kinds of gear options. Down stroller bag will be nice and comfy. If you use the baby carrier a lot, I’d get a carrier friendly coat like the M Coat.

  12. D. Meagle says

    I’ve previously posted about my son who is a breath-holder. In the past we’ve been able to easily rouse him by slapping on his cheeks and blowing in his face, but the past time he did it, his jaw clenched and my husband had to pry it open. I don’t think I could have done it if I were alone with him. So while I felt like I had a handle on things, this new development has me completely panicked again. I am trying not to let my anxious thoughts spiral out of control, but not having much success. Any words of advice on how to deal with (i) the breath-holding and clenched jaw and (ii) my anxiety? Its like, there is the general, white-noise anxiety I always have, worrying that the kids are safe, but this is super-hyped up terrible thoughts racing through my head. TIA.

    • AnonForThis says

      Oh my dear. I have tons of experience with this. It all started with my little brother and went on with my kid so this is maybe a family genes thing.

      The good news – they outgrow this! My little brother is a productive, educated, married, lovely guy who doesn’t hold his breath when he cries anymore. Ha! I’m many years older, so I was always my mom’s little helper who ran to the sink and careened around the corners with a handful of cold water to splash on kid bro’s face.

      Specific answer to your question – splashing cold water from the tap always worked for both the breath-holders I’ve known. It jars them out of their tantrum and they are forced by the water and cold to let go and breathe for a moment. In the rare case where it doesn’t work, just redo. Always worked.

      How old is your kiddo? Both kids IME outgrew between 3-4 years of age.

      • AnonForThis says

        Also seems to be more common with boys, which is interesting. I promise you, this will be a distant (and even funny) memory sometime. My mom and I can now joke about splashing water on bro’s face.

      • D. Meagle says

        Ooh, I like your outside date of 3-4 yo! Will have to remember the cold water tactic. His are not tantrum based, it happens when he gets hurt and cries – its like he takes that first sharp inhale of breath, and instead of exhaling in a scream, he passes out.

        • Anon for this says

          Scary. After passing out, does he resume breathing through his nose?

          • D. Meagle says

            You know, I am not sure. I am so frantic in the moment that I don’t really remember the details. He turns a lovely shade of gray, so I would guess no breathing until he comes to.

  13. Mary says

    For lactation issues, I tried a lot of things (teas, oats, barley-infused water, a dark beer every night [highly recommended for obvious reasons…], etc.). In the end, I found my best results taking fenugreek supplements. You can get them in pill form from a health food store, though I normally ordered from Amazon. I was taking at least 6 pills a day (2 at each meal), and it really did increase my supply.

    Fenugreek does have a strange side effect, though: your sweat will smell like maple syrup. I read about it and filed that fact away, and then one day noticed that my armpits smelled like Aunt Jemima.

    • Carrie M says

      +1 – I used a ton of Fenugreek and also a lactation supplement from Gaia. I also did almonds, oatmeal with almond milk, tons of water, etc. Not sure what exactly worked but that combination did the trick for me for a while.

  14. Sarabeth says

    The only thing that worked for my supply problems was domperidone. Ugh. I think I still have some residual PTSD from my epic battle with low supply.

    If you’re a mom really struggling with low supply, then get help of course — but also remember that formula is a fantastic, healthy, great way to feed your baby. Feed your baby. Love your baby. Be a happy mom. That’s way more important than whether you use breastmilk or formula.

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