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Happy Monday, mamas! April’s on vacation so I’m filling in her for her this week. I don’t think we’ve featured the Queen Bee line of workwear before on the blog, but I like that it’s affordable, classic, and a sleek, polished look — and one that is supposed to fit through all stages of pregnancy. Nice! It’s $76, available in US sizes 4-14 in navy and red. Queen Bee v neck pencil dress in navy This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support! Building a maternity wardrobe for work? Check out our page with more suggestions along both classic and trendy/seasonal lines.Sales of note for 3.28.24
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- Ann Taylor – Up to 40% off your full-price purchase; extra 50% off sale
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- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
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- Zappos – 37,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – 50% off entire site
- Hanna Andersson – 30% off all swim; up to 30% off HannaJams
- J.Crew Crewcuts – 40% off sitewide; 50% off select swim; 50% off kids’ styles
- Old Navy – 50% off Easter deals
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anonymous says
I’m looking for advice on how others keep things “in order”. We had our first Christmas get together with Family this past weekend and have a number of hand me downs from cousins. Does everyone have a system on how they purge out grown toys, clothes, etc. Organization is not my strong suit and looking for help/guidance.
Also side note I’m donating changing tables – just called around to a bunch of various charities and it doesn’t seem like anyone accepts them. Anyone have experience with this?
Thanks in advance!
Anon says
Buy Nothing group for your neighborhood on FB is perfect for getting rid of things like Changing Tables
Craigslist Free Section
Freecycle
Next-door Free section
If you post on those groups and its not gone in 30 minutes I would be surprised.
As for organization of out grown things:
1) Put on your calendar four times a year to do a general go through. If this is your last kid and you are done with those toys developmentally just go through them and donate them. If you celebrate Christmas you might want to put one of your go through times before the holidays and before the kids birthday when new stuff will show up.
2) have a bag / box /plastic tub in their closet that when the kid is getting dressed and you are like “WHOA that’s too small” throw it in the bag. When its full – go through it fast and decide if you are donating it/keeping it for a future kid/selling it at consignment whatever. If you are keeping it for a future kid put it in a plastic bin and label it with the size of clothes thats inside.
H13 says
+1 to the neighborhood buy nothing group.
Anonymous says
I keep a big Rubbermaid tub in the garage for donations. Whenever I run across anything that needs to be purged (outgrown, worn out, never going to be used), I immediately toss it in the donation bin or the trash as appropriate. For example, this weekend my daughter told me one of her dresses was too short, so instead of hanging it back up in her closet she put it in the donation bin. Whenever the donation bin gets full, I list and photograph the items and drop them off at Goodwill.
I usually do a big purge of each closet and cupboard, along with the playroom, about once a season. This often coincides with identifying clothing needs for the upcoming season. For example, a few weeks ago, my daughter and I went through her closet and drawers, tossed everything that was outgrown in fit or style, and made a shopping list for what she needed to get through the winter. We did the same with the coat closet, where all of our cold-weather accessories and shoes also live. We usually do a big playroom and art supply clean-out before any anticipated influx of new stuff, such as Christmas. Other cupboards and closets get purged at random intervals, whenever one starts to annoy me and I have an hour or two to tackle the job.
For your hand-me-downs, I’d sort them by size and season and store them in labeled tubs. I like masking tape because it peels off cleanly for relabeling.
Anon in NYC says
Why do you list and photograph the items if you’re dropping them off at Goodwill? Tax purposes? I’m curious, because I never keep track of what I donate.
Anonymous says
Yes, for tax purposes. Although I will quit bothering if I find out that it is no longer advantageous for us to itemize our deductions.
Anonymous says
we do the same, photograph and list for tax purposes
Anonymous says
For those who do this, how do you determine the value of the things you donate (besides IRS guidelines)? We still prepare tax returns ourselves, and just began itemizing last year. Planning on lots of kids/maternity/pre-maternity too-small clothes donations this year.
Mama Llama says
I used the guide on the Goodwill website.
Anonymous says
I use DeductionPro, which is built into the H&R Block DIY tax preparation software.
Anonymous says
Thank you!
Anon says
Too big clothes – on the shelf on top of their closet.
Just right clothes – on the hangers/ hanging shelves in the closet
Too small clothes – in a bin on the floor of the closet.
Gross clothes – garbage.
Every spring and fall, I take a day to go through the entire system and pull down warmer/cooler clothes from the top and add to the bars. I get rid of anything that won’t be the right size in another 6 months. And then take that entire bin to Goodwill.
I did save clothes for future kids, but it got too cumbersome and I don’t have room to store anything. So Goodwill it is.
Seafinch says
This is what I do. Once the bin on the closet floor is full it goes to the basement for sorting into the appropriate bin for the next kid. They are labled in masking tape with sex and age/size. When our last kid outgrows it, I am going on an Oprah-like spree of giving away clothes to everyone. (Our clothes are 90% hand me downs of expensive Hanna, Boden, etc and we have three kids, fourth on the way, four distinct climates and kids born in different seasons, and never find out sex….we have a LOT).
Anon says
I go through clothes when I do her laundry, and if I find that I’m pulling out more than a handful as too small, then I make it a point on a weekend to go through and move things around. Too small clothes go in a hamper (now a leaning tower) in her closet and every few months (OK really, like once a year) I go through and move the pile to a rubbermaid which will be stored in our basement (currently in a spare bedroom). I’m saving all her clothes because we want at least one more and maybe two. I keep usually her current size and the next size up in the closet (left half is current, right is too big) and in her dresser she has one drawer that is for “next sizes”. I usually try not to buy more than 1 size or so up unless it’s something seasonless – my child is on the bigger side, so our friends with older kids are actually a couple of sizes smaller so we don’t have the hand me down issues yet.
Anonymous says
My kids are all same sex and baby, 2 and 5.
Too big but will fit next season: top closet in Rubbermaid bin and/or hanging toward back of closet.
Current season/size: in drawers
Too small by one size or season: bin in back of closet until all of same size are in, then move to attic (eg right now all size 4 things are being moved into my oldest’s closet bin).
Everything that the baby has outgrown goes immediately into my goodwill bin which is in the back of my walk in closet. Also things that annoy the current wearer (eg if my 2 y/o won’t wear something bc it’s itchy, it gets donated). When that’s full I inventory & take a pic then donate (tax reasons).
For toys they’re mostly all out between bedrooms, the playroom and the basement play area. As the kids outgrow I sell or put on curb alert/craigslist free. Our attic had been holding all the baby’s tuff but as his is our last when she’s done it goes out the door.
EB0220 says
I have two girls who are 1-2 sizes apart, so here’s my system (using winter as the example): Kid #2 summer clothes go to the donate bin (unless the item was large on her and I think it will fit next season). Assess stored winter clothes (Kid #1 hand me downs). Put winter hand me downs that will fit Kid #2 into her closet. In Kid #1’s room, store summer clothes in a bin for next kid (pitch/recycle anything that is damaged). Check the stored winter clothes for anything that still fits #1 this season. Make a list of what to buy for her. For other stuff, around Christmas and birthdays I usually help them go through and donate stuff. I also watch what they play with and hide things they don’t seem to use to see if they notice. If they haven’t asked for the item after about 30 days I donate it. With decluttering, for me the trick is to get rid of it quickly. It’s not worth it to me to spend a bunch of time selling things on Craigslist for $5-$10. I just donate it and get a receipt unless I think I can easily sell it for more than $100.
MNF says
One note – some people have mentioned throwing out gross clothes. I found out recently that a local charity that accepts clothes donations sorts out things that are unusable and puts them in rag pile. The rag pile gets sold to a company that recycles it into home insulation and the charity actually makes a good amount of money from this transaction. You may want to check if there’s somewhere local that takes rag donations!
Anon in NYC says
Yes, look for textile recycling!
Anonymous says
H&M accepts textiles for recycling, and gives you a 15% off your total purchase coupon for each bag you donate.
ElisaR says
venting here because i feel like i can’t complain too much more IRL. when when when does it get easier? My boys are 2.5 yrs and 1 yr old. I feel like every day is a little bit harder than the last day. I was thinking this my whole drive to daycare this morning. Then when I arrived at daycare I realized “OOF i forgot my son’s napmat” (it gets taken home every weekend to either be washed or more likely to return to daycare Monday dirty). Only I didn’t say OOF. And when I got back in the car to go home and get said napmat I burst into tears. I’m swamped. It’s just so hard. I’m so unorganized I wish I could get my act together. Oh and bedtime last night was one of the worst I’ve had to so far.
Anon says
Can you take a half day to get some sleep? I find that when I am forgetful and easy to cry and disorganized a lot of the cause is exhaustion. And its amazing how much better the world looks and feels after a few hours of rest. The holiday season is hard, having little toddlers is hard, take it easy on yourself.
avocado says
Hugs. There is just so much to do, especially this time of year. Forgotten nap mats happen to the best of us. If it makes you feel any better, my kid is almost 12 and just last week I had to run home for something of hers I had forgotten. (And no, it wasn’t her fault the thing got forgotten, because she’d packed it up and left it where I was supposed to grab it and bring it to carpool.) It does get easier when they get to be school-aged and can take more responsibility for their own stuff, and over time you also learn to live with the chaos. Hang in there, mama!
Anon says
If it makes you feel better, when I was 14 my mother forgot me at school – I was on crutches and she just forgot to pick me up (and this was before we had cell phones, so I sat outside since the doors had locked for 2 hours just waiting).
Anonymous says
Hang in there. It got better for me around age 3-4 as there was less required in terms of constant physical care.
And sometimes Mondays are just the worst. Maybe put the napmat in the trunk on Sunday afternoons so there’s not so much to remember Monday mornings. You’re also not a bad mom if you just leave it there when you bring it home on Friday and drive it back to daycare on Monday.
CPA Lady says
I agree that it gets easier somewhere in the 3/4 age range. My kid is 4 now and I’ve resumed much of my normal life stuff, hobbies, etc. Ages 1 and 2 are just terribly rough. Or they were for me.
Something I did last year that is helping me this year is to make a list of all the stuff I need to do in December. Having a list means less things slip through the cracks and I don’t have to take up a bunch of mental real estate remembering all this stuff– it’s really astonishing how much extra stuff there is. My list has 15 things on it, and I add to it as additional things come up.
Amelia Bedelia says
HUGS. I am so incredibly sorry. this is such a hard stage. I now have a 4.5 year old and 3 year old. and it has JUST gotten easier. I realized a few weeks ago how tremendously exhausted I was until about three months ago. I just now am starting to enjoy portions of days and weekends with my littles. but it’s still hard.
my advice — which you can take or leave in whatever way works for you.
1. realize you are a GOOD mom because you care enough to care about these things. congratulate yourself for a moment for working AND raising these enemy soldiers.
2. realize that no one cares if you forget some of these things. well, if anyone cares, they aren’t worth your time or energy. because anyone who is in your situation has done the exact same thing too many times to count.
3. if you have ANY sick days, take them. trust me, I know sick leave is precious. and sometimes we don’t have it. but if you have it, take it. one day now to sleep and Netflix binge while your kids are in daycare. do NOTHING you need to do during this day except sleep and (if you like it) go to the gym and eat.
4. if you know anyone you can blackmail into taking your kiddos for a weekend stretch of several hours, do it. schedule it. I know we feel guilty if we working mums don’t spend EVERY minute with our brood, but stop. these kiddos won’t remember a day here or there. I travel a lot for work and the guilt eats at me when I still schedule date nights and weekend time. but I realized recently that my kids are happier and more well-adjusted when i’m happier and more well-adjusted! this weekend chunk of time is when you can try to sit down and plot out some ideas for how to make your life easier. if you have a partner, require that person’s help more. if you have money, plot out ways to throw money at the problem. you think you can do it, but it isn’t humanly possible to do everything! if you have family, schedule regular help. if you have none of these things, then prioritize what makes you sane and forget about the rest.
5. when I didn’t have money for cleaning help, I realized that dirty toilets bothered me not at all, but cluttered counters made me crazy. so, I spent ten minutes a day cleaning that and, essentially, peed into a bowl of filth for weeks (let’s be honest, months) at a time!
6. I “meal plan” at Costco. that is to say, I buy rotisserie chicken and a rotation of frozen entrees we use and then husband always has either rice or potatoes ready to be reheated for sides and we just eat fresh/raw veggies. our kids are fine. we are fine. who cares if we only eat 8 things (and pizza EVERY sunday night)? not. me.
7 when my kids were about your kids age, we started using tv as a babysitter. some days it was half an hour and some days it was (*GASP) 2 hours. I don’t care. my kids are stimulated during the day. sometimes mummy just needs to breathe. it helps to zone out sometimes. you are allowed to zone out sometimes!
8. I abandoned anything that looks like it takes planning or crafting or energy. I play “games” with my kids at night (they love the sneaky, snacky, squirrel), but I don’t craft or plan involved activities. not my jam and I refuse to feel guilty that we didn’t decorate gingerbreadhouses to celebrate this season! also, I say no to organized sports and play dates and, basically, anything that requires me to schedule my weekend or nights away. you do you, but I refuse to be guilted into this.
also, hugs. it will get better. I promise.
Amelia Bedelia says
Also, and this was the hardest for me, but I learned to delegate tasks and then NOT care if they weren’t up to my standards.
my husband picks out my kids’ clothes every day. lord help me for some of what they wear. as long as it is RELATIVELY seasonally appropriate, I just ignore it.
also, he loads the dishwasher. it is messy and not organized and doesn’t utilize space efficiently. but the dishes get clean! so, who cares.
you may have your “thing” you can let go and accept it is less than. embrace that.
Anoner says
Not the OP but I needed to read this. Thank you.
FP says
Same. Thank you!! It’s hard out there. I’m in the weeds with a 2 year old and a 4 month old.
Anonymous says
Yes. We have a baby and a preschooler and I think my husband needs to read this as he’s struggling with the constant day to day drudgery even more than I am.
farrleybear says
All of this. Very helpful:)
Betty says
Hang in there! This is such an exhausting time of year. I agree that if you can take some time, even half a day when your kids are at daycare, for yourself, the world may not seem so overwhelming.
It does get easier, and you learn to celebrate the wins. I found that around 3/4, each of my kids could do some things on their own and also begin to listen to logic. For example, it is much easier to rationalize that we cannot go to the playground with a 4 year old who you can take to the window, show the rain, and say that it would be yucky/wet at the playground or explain that they cannot lick the shopping cart because it would make their tummy hurt. Also, around 5/6 my oldest learned how to turn on the tv. It was a huge Saturday morning win to be able to leave a sippy cup with water, a granola bar and the remote on the couch and let him get himself and his sister up and watch tv from 6:30 to 8:00 am. Hang in there. You will not always be doing everything for everyone, even if it feels that way right now.
ElisaR says
Thank you so much for the kind words fellow mamas. I recently opened my own firm which has made work extra stressful. But I am definitely going to make it a priority to have a day off. I just have been feeling really overwhelmed but your comments are a real comfort.
Anonymous says
Wait, you opened your own firm with two toddlers at home? That is a serious a bada$$ move. Go you!
Betty says
Absolutely!! You are a rock star!!
GCA says
Seriously! You did what?! That is completely bada$$.
ElisaR says
thanks ladies – i have 2 partners (my dad and brother) so it’s not just me….i probably would have timed it to happen later in life but they were ready now. and they pick up a lot of slack. but i feel extra guilty dumping work on them because they pick up so much slack.
anon says
hugs. if it makes you feel any better i had a total meltdown on saturday that i hate being a parent and wish i could give back my kids (which i obviously don’t really mean) it sometimes just feels so hard and exhausting all the time. sometimes i feel sad that i am not enjoying my kids more since they will only be this little once. to me you are supermom – we have a nanny bc it was more economical for us in our area – but i truly cannot imagine getting my two out of the house and to daycare in the morning and having to prep all of their stuff to take with me. like the thought of that makes me super super anxious and want to cry, so i think you’re amazing!!!! echoing the idea of spending a day chilling at home doing nothing if you are able to. that is the thing i miss the most since having kids since i am a person who needs a lot of alone/down time to recharge, preferably in front of the tv.
anon says
Thank god somebody else feels this way. I was inconsolably crying last night, 18 month old that’s screaming in the MOTN nightly for hours, 15 weeks pregnant, every meal is a battle, requesting tv constantly, climbing everything and getting hurt, just so miserable. Of course, my 18 month old is al hugging me and saying mama mama as I’m crying which makes me feel worse, because she can tell I’m sad. I hate i’m not finding the joy because they are so so so adorable and they’re not old enough understand, but man I wish I had more reserves of patience.
Boston Legal Eagle says
She won’t remember. It’s ok to cry. I hate when people say to enjoy every moment because they’re only little once – yes, of course they’re cute and I love them and I’ll miss certain parts of their innocence (esp. when they’re teenagers!) but every moment is not enjoyable and you shouldn’t feel guilty that it isn’t.
H13 says
Amen
Mrs. Jones says
My life dramatically improved when our son aged 4.5. Hugs and good luck to you.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Must be a Monday thing as my husband also forgot our son’s sleeping items at home this morning! I have no personal advice as to when it gets easier as my kids are 2.5 and almost 2 months so it’s exhausting, especially on the weekends, but it sounds like around 4 is when they become more self sufficient. I’ve just started telling myself that life with small kids is mostly chaos, by design, and it’s not anything that we’re doing “wrong,” it’s just the way it is. And it will change in the future.
I do second the advice to find some time for yourself and for you and your husband whenever you can. We’ve been having my parents come over every weekend for a few hours to watch one or both (watching just the baby at this point feels like a break!) and we take some time to ourselves.
Anonymous says
1- echoing everyone: you are doing AWESOME. You started your own firm with 2 littles at home?! Good grief woman, you are incredible.
2- echoing everyone: it gets so much easier when they are about 4ish. My youngest is going to be 5 in Feb and I feel like I can see the light at the end of this sleep-deprived tunnel.
3- We have instituted one hour of quiet time every single day the kids are home (weekends, school closings, snow days, holidays, etc.) right after lunch. The only requirements are that they must be in their rooms and relatively quiet during this time. It gives us time to clean up from lunch, clean up the toy room if necessary, plan our afternoon, and rest. It’s amazing. Highly recommend.
4- hugs. You’ve got this!
RR says
I don’t remember when, exactly, things got noticeably easier, but my kids are 10, 10, and 5 now, and it’s fairly easy. They have more after school activities, so scheduling can be a little stressful on occasion. They are starting to have some tween drama, so that’s a different kind of hard. But, they sleep, and we sleep. They can feed themselves breakfast and get snacks. They can dress themselves, and the older two can do their own laundry (and do–my daughter spontaneously and my son with a prompt). My 10 year old son is better at cleaning stainless steel appliances than I am. Even the 5 year old can pick up after herself fairly well. They are actually useful! It’s never easy, but it does reach a point where you can actually read a book with minimal interruptions, stay in bed even after they get up if you want to, and send them outside to play on their own (I do only allow my 5 year old out of our yard with an older sibling).
Anonymous says
Hugs, I feel like this sometimes too. Preschool years are hard, because you really can’t count on the kids to remember anything or do it themselves without close supervision. Mine are 5.5, 4 and 2. It’s gotten steadily easier for the last 2 years and really turned a corner right around when the youngest was around 18 months (read: sleeping consistently for 10+ hours a night), but there’s always something. Two drop-offs now that the oldest is in K really adds a layer of complexity.
One thing that’s helped me is making a “command center” on my fridge where I write everything down. I have a bedtime checklist for myself/DH that reminds us to do things like pack lunches and backpacks, start the dishwasher, etc. And then a weekly calendar with a meal plan and other stuff marked like Monday: Sheets & blankets Tuesday: swim stuff, etc. I won’t say it’s perfect, but it does help. And it frees up mental space for me to write something down and not feel like I need to remember it anymore.
ElisaR says
i need a command center!
Anonymous says
Mine is this https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B072W4JWTF?pf_rd_p=c2945051-950f-485c-b4df-15aac5223b10&pf_rd_r=6V0ER09RG3NC8Y6J800B or something very similar. Each day has the dinner plan at the bottom, standing tasks/activities at the top in one color, and any special reminders written in a different color somewhere in the middle. I have a paper monthly calendar in the kitchen, where I write down things that are longer range planning. Sometime on the weekend, usually, I re-number the dates for the upcoming week, update the meals, and consult the paper calendar to transfer in any one-off activities.
The free field at the bottom is divided into nightly checklist and a shopping list. The one improvement I need to make to this system is moving the shopping list to a separate magnetic pad of paper so I can grab and go. My husband will just take a picture of the list before he goes shopping, but I strongly prefer paper lists.
Anonymous says
Our fridge command center consists of:
– Paper monthly calendar
– Whiteboard with household to-do list and urgent reminders
– Paper shopping list, categorized by store and department, that I created in Word. I print out a stack of them and stick the whole stack up with magnets, so on shopping day I just grab the top one and there is a fresh one right underneath.
– Weekly menu written on paper
– School lunch menu
It is not terribly elegant, but it is relatively neat considering all the information it contains, and it is perfectly customized to our needs. I especially like the fact that I never have to copy information over from one list to another or set up a whiteboard calendar.
Strategy Mom says
no advice, just this is me too!
FTMinFL says
You have received so much great advice here and I second all of it. This season is hard, you have so much on your plate, but YOU ARE DOING IT! Opening your own firm with two toddlers and working through the holiday season? You are a rockstar!
One tactic that has help me with the overwhelm is to physically write down a “I Do Not Do” list. It is in my planner that I carry with me everywhere and it is my key to freedom in working motherhood. I do not worry about things I’ve delegated. I do not do Elf on the Shelf. I do not work from 6pm-8pm. I do not stress about my childcare arrangement as long as kids are happy and healthy. I do not micromanage, especially my husband or children’s caregivers. I do not prioritize work over my physical wellbeing. I do not feel guilty about not taking my kids to local events. I do not compare my children to each other or any other child. …and so on. It has become a long list over the years! If I catch myself feeling guilty that we didn’t make it to the downtown tree lighting, I stop myself and remember, “I don’t feel guilty about not taking my kids to local events.” And it ends there. Is there anything you can give yourself permission to not do that would free up some mental space?
Best wishes for the coming months – you have got this!
Spirograph says
I love this idea, thank you. “I do not prioritize work over my physical wellbeing” is something I’ve realized I really need to work on (especially if we count mental health as physical wellbeing, which we should). Starting this list in my planner right now.
Coach Laura says
You’ve gotten lots of great advice but on the nap-mat – leave it in the car until or unless you have the washing machine loaded and running. Then if you don’t wash it, it will still be there on Monday.
I am lost without reminders or lists but I lose the list. So I put a post-it note on the door to garage saying “don’t forget nap-mat” or “remember extra clothes bag” which is the only way I survive. Similarly “get gas on way to work” post-it stuck to my car keys keeps me from running out of gas, literally, and “get prescription on the way home” post-it stuck to steering wheel is the only thing that will work.
Now with my cell phone I may have a reminder on my phone that will come up hourly starting at 6a.m. or 4p.m. saying “remember milk” and it will keep coming up until I check it off.
Hang in there.
ElisaR says
also, a comment on this maternity dress. My tatas would have been all over the place in this number.
Anonymous says
U don’t wear a bra?
ElisaR says
ha, yes of course I do but a remotely deep v-neck and pregnancy meant they would have bust out of that V.
New Here says
Some of us have bigger than average increase in bust size during pregnancy.
Signed,
Up two cup sizes in first trimester
Anonymous says
Ha ha, pregnancy was the only time in my life when I had the tatas to pull off a dress like this.
NYCer says
Likewise! (7 months pregnant and coming close to filling a B cup…)
Lyssa says
A) This is lovely. Really like it.
B) I know that I’m on the frugal side, but $76 for a maternity dress would definitely be a splurge for me. That doesn’t read affordable at all, IMO, considering that you only can wear it for a few months. I really bargain-shopped for my maternity clothes (and most of them were fine for 2 pregnancies).
Anonymous says
This seems super affordable to me! I’d wear it twice a week and it’s half what I’d pay for a non maternity dress.
Anon says
Me too. I mostly stuck to gap and ON. And I plan to wear my stuff through multiple pregnancies. I just can’t see paying that much for temporary clothes (I have things in my closet that are 15 years old I still wear, which is probably a different problem). I also just didn’t care for the way I looked at all pregnant and no amount of fancy maternity clothes changed that (puking for 9 months didn’t help either, so I just focused on comfortable and serviceable).
anon says
I’m really cheap but I bought an Isabella Oliver dress on e bay for about this much and it was worth every penny to have one dress that I felt lovely in every time I wore it. All my other maternity clothes came from Target/ON/the thrift store.
anon says
for those of you with more than one kid – do you have a favorite? i know that parents always say they love their kids equally, but people on this site will say that one kid is an easy, one is hard, etc. so is that really true? i feel like i can’t say this IRL, but i have twin boys (9 months) and I feel so much more connected to one than the other. one is such an easier baby. i feel like the worst mom ever for having a preference and i know that it will likely change over time, but i always thought parents weren’t supposed to have favorites. looking for some honesty – does anyone have a preference for one kid vs another? or more patience for one kid vs. another?
Anonymous says
Everyone has favorites.
Seafinch says
This just isn’t true. I have three. No favourites. I think it can be entirely normal but it doesn’t apply to everyone.
Spirograph says
I just talked about this with my husband last night. We definitely have a favorite at any given moment, but it changes hour to hour and day to day depending on who’s being difficult and who’s being cooperative and charming. They all have their moments! My kids are so different that it almost seems ridiculous to compare them to each other. I think it would be hard to resist comparing twins, especially when you don’t have much to go on with neither of them talking yet. You’re not a terrible person for having a preference, and I’m sure your feelings about both will evolve as they grow up.
Anon says
I do but it changes all the time! And I can love them equally but still have one that I enjoy spending time with more!
Anonymous says
YES I felt this hard when my youngest was about one, and started developing her own personality (beyond “baby”). I favored my oldest. Then it switched. Then it switched again. Now we’re all more comfortable with each other (youngest is almost 5) and I love both of them so so much in different ways.
MRSKBP says
My husband and I just had a conversation about his with another couple yesterday! We LOVE our children but sometimes we LIKE one more than the other!
Betty says
Yes, and it changes day-to-day. I love them both in immeasurable ways, but there are days where one is super helpful, easy, funny and the other is a walking tornado.
RR says
Yes. I always have a favorite, but it changes over time. I have three kids, they have all had periods of being my favorite. I think it’s a normal part of parenting.
Anonymous says
Don’t be too hard on yourself. I have three total including twins and one twin was a much easier baby. The harder baby was super colicky for the first three months. The easier baby is a way harder toddler. I have to make sure big sister treats easy baby/hard toddler fairly because hard baby/easy toddler is her total favorite.
Each is my favorite at different times for different reasons. Changes with time.
anon says
I have 5-year-old twin boys. Don’t feel guilty, but try to remain open to changing dynamics. Our boys have historically managed to take turns being the “easy one” at various phases. They have also taken turns being particularly possessive about Mommy or Daddy at various points. It is all in flux. Respond to their needs at the moment and don’t hold the past against them.
And one “easy” twin baby is a godsend, I hear you on that.
Anonymous says
Nah. I have 3 and the toddler is the one I try to pawn off the most because at present she is the most difficult, but she’s also super smart and hysterical. My kindergartner is basically her father with pigtails which is both awesome and maddening at once. She’s the easiest and will go chill and play Legos or watch tv or read to her sisters for hours at a time.
My baby is an easy one, but still, requires the constant care of a baby. But can’t sass me yet so to that extent, maybe she’s my favorite right now ;). But she’s not as fun as the oldest, who shops with me. And she’s not as funny or full of wonder as my middle.
Anonymous says
Haha, I always say that I don’t have a favorite kid, but 1.5-2.5 is my favorite *age* because their little brains are working so hard, and their observations are so interesting. They talk well enough to be adorable, but don’t argue or sass yet.
Anonymous says
Hmmm. My toddler isn’t even 2.5 and already full of sass and the most argumentative (and frankly, most logical) of the trio. But when my oldest was 2 she was sweet as pie.
anon says
OP here. I guess I just feel so badly because since birth I’ve basically had the same favorite and it hasn’t really changed much over the past 9 months. The favorite twin slept through the night first, was home with me right away, while twin B was in the nicu, had reflux issues, took much longer to sleep through the night, seems less patient etc. and I feel terrible about this! Growing up my brother was definitely the more challenging child due to some issues that were outside of his control and while my parents of course never said that they preferred one of us more than the other, i think my brother knew he was harder and as a result i have a much closer relationship with my parents
Anonymous says
Go easy on yourself. 9 months is not a long period of time. Make an effort to ensure you are not picking one up more or snuggling one more than the other, and don’t worry about it.
Anon says
I understand one kid being easier then the other, but the fact that you recognize you favor easier kid over tougher kid is a real problem in the making.You know this based on you and your brother’s differing relationships with your parents. I will offer that it may benefit both you and Twin B to have regularly scheduled one-on-one time without Twin A.
KW says
Heading back to work next Monday after a 12 week maternity leave. It’s been 7+ years since I had an infant, so I’ve forgotten a lot! 1) Do I need a special bag for my pump/parts/milk? I see fancy ones on Amazon, but are they worth it? I drive to and from work and have a short commute, so the milk would be fine without being in a cooler from work to daycare pickup to home. I’m tempted to get a cheap tote bag since I will only be using it for less than a year at most, unless you convince me that a special pump bag would be better. 2) Bras. I have 2 decent nursing bras and a few nursing tanks. Do I wear my nursing bras to work since it will be easier to pump? Do I get some decent wireless bras and work around while pumping? Do I need a hands-free pumping bra? How do those work exactly? I’m probably a 36DDD (at least) right now, so I need something supportive. Any other tips for heading back to work? Thanks!
AwayEmily says
1) Cheap tote bag is great! zero need for a special bag.
2) I think most people here wear a regular bra to work and then put on their pumping bra when it’s time to pump (that’s certainly what I did). I also wore a regular non-nursing shirt and just took it off to pump (I kept an old cozy cardigan at work to stay warm while pumping). And a hands free pumping bra is VERY VERY worth it. Basically they just have little holes where the pump parts come out. Some people make their own by cutting holes in sports bras. I bought the standard Simple Wishes one and it worked fine.
Mrs. Jones says
+1
HSAL says
Yes to all of this. I wear both my nursing and regular bras to work, but as long as you have the hands free pumping bra it doesn’t really matter.
Anonymous says
I always wore nursing bras, with underwire. I put the cups down and put the pumping bra on over it. It didn’t seem worthwhile to buy non-nursing bras in my nursing size. I like Anita ones the best, and I am a similar size nursing.
Anon says
I’ve been happy with my Sarah Wells bag; I like that it’s big enough for everything so I only have to carry one bag, and it doesn’t look obviously like a pumping bag. The insulated pockets are also nice; I use them for my lunch as well as for taking milk home. That said, I don’t think a special bag is a must-have by any means.
Personally I don’t mess with a pumping bra, I just loop a couple of ponytail holders together and use that to attach it to my bra strap. Works great!
June says
I splurged on a Sarah Wells Lizzy pump bag and loved it. I used a Spectra pump (the one that runs on battery) so I could leave the pump in the bag while I pumped. But I also pumped places other than work and was carting the pump around on maternity leave (because my baby had feeding issues) so it was nice to have a pretty, very functional bag for that purpose.
I am also large chested and needed the simple wishes pumping bra to pump to hold the flanges in place. I think I wore a nursing tank under a shirt every day, so I could lift my shirt up, fold down the nursing tank and have my stomach covered.
oil in houston says
I used my nursing bras for work too, and nursing tops, I hated having to undress to pump. Well, I hated to pump, so did everything I could to make it easier, including having a pumping bra on top. I went through a phase of being able to nurse my baby over my lunch break, so I didn’t want to have to deal with multiple bras
ifiknew says
Venting as well. Just so so so tired. 15 weeks pregnant with an 18 month old that is up screaming 1-3x nightly. My husband and I take turns going in to give her a hug and tell her its time for bed and repeat every 20-30 minutes until she’s asleep. Her sleep goes in SUCH wide swings. She’ll sleep through the night without a peep for a week then she’s up for an hour or two in the MOTN for a few days. There is no pattern, it’s just so awful. I never know what the night holds. She falls asleep within 5 minutes at 7 pm and when she sleeps through the night, she’s up at 6 am or it’s closer to 7 am. Her naps are only about an hour to hour and 15 minutes.
I feel despair that I have a kid that will not consistently sleep through the night, dealing with toddler tantrums during the day, worried that I can’t possibly have a healthy pregnancy having interrupted sleep, and how will I possible handle this and a newborn as well. Ugh, just not finding a lot of joy in anything right now.
Anonymous says
Well, one things clear. This isn’t impacting the health of your pregnancy. Fetuses are really good at that.
GCA says
This! And like everyone will say…check if she’s teething, do the Tylenol thing. 2 year molars suck.
Also, if it’s any help, my son’s sleep dramatically improved around age 2 even when his molars hadn’t fully come in; your toddler might naturally begin to sleep better as she gets older. (Okay, I had to wean him completely at 19 months and then spend a couple weeks getting him to take a pacifier instead, but hey, sleeping through the night is sleeping through the night.)
ifiknew says
Thank you for the kind responses. ive heard a lot of people say sleep improves at age 2. Really crossing my fingers for that. I have friends that are still getting up a few times a week at age 3 and 4 and that’s just so depressing to me.
Anon says
Ha, I do that. We have a 3 year old, 2 year old and I’m five months pregnant. I’d say both kids sleep through the night sixty percent of the time?
I think I’d adjust your expectations a bit, but also it will get easier. We are pretty used to it at this point. But I don’t expect to sleep through the night regularly for another 3 1/2 years or so given we’ll have three potential night-wakers! But I don’t find it depressing but at this point we’ve got a routine, and you will too.
Also I’d get your husband to handle more of these. I’ve been sick as well as pregnant and my husband has just had to step it up at night. The roles will switch once the new baby comes.
Anon says
Solidarity (except I’m not pregnant and think this is hard, but will hopefully be pregnant by the time she’s 18 months). We’re teething again at 16 months (and already have the canines and 1 year molars, so I think it must be the 2 year molars super duper early (lord help me)). I also think there’s an 18 month sleep regression (that we’re hitting a little early). If my daughter’s cheeks are at all red or she’s been chewing everything in sight, she gets tylenol or motrin (depending on when she last ate) pretty much as a rule at night and that greatly reduces wakeups (that wake me up – on the video monitor recordings I can tell she still squawks a couple of times a night but then falls back asleep and mama sleeps through them).
Anonymous says
Oh hello. I was you this time last year, but with a moody 4 y/o on top. I can tell you now my 18 month old is 2.5 and it is a whole new world. She stared STTN at 2. She moved into a big kid bed. She’s daytime potty trained and most nights wakes up dry. My baby is 6 mos and sleeps through the night many nights (7-7).
It gets better. Buckle down, throw money at things, and know this time next year it will be better. Xoxo
ifiknew says
oh thank you xo for giving me hope.
How did you get your 6 month old to sleep that well? Did you nurse or do formula? The crazy in me is wondering if breastfeeding madfe my daughter a horrible sleeper, but the more likely answer is that I kept feeding her at night till 9 months every time she woke up ugh.
Anon says
Different Anon but my 7 month old started sleeping 7-5ish around 2 months and then 7-7ish soon after. He’s always been bfed only. I can’t point to anything specific that we did. I also would feed if he’d wake up. I guess I would wait to see if it was a “real” wake up. He’d start “talking” in the middle of the night but I wouldn’t go in until it was more incessant and/or started crying. That was mostly my own laziness and inability to wake up immediately though. Most of the time he’d just stop and go back to sleep. I think some kids are just born good sleepers and it’s just luck. So don’t blame yourself!
Anonymous says
Luck. I have 3 and 2 were awesome sleeers and my second was terrible. All mostly breastfed. Middle still is a super light sleeper.
Anonymous says
Could your partner take more than half of the nights with toddler, since he isn’t also growing a person? It is important to protect your mental health as well as your physical health and I do think more sleep could help with the feelings of despair.
Coach Laura says
Yes, either have your partner take most of the nights or set up a rotation. If you were to go to bed at 7-8p.m., wear earplugs/sleep-mask (or sleep in a guest room or somewhere away from the toddler) and sleep until 1a.m., that’s a big chunk that you can count on and won’t dread going to bed at night. Then partner handles any wakeups between 7 and 1 and at 1a.m. you takeover, he wears the earplugs. On good nights, you will get at least 5-6 hours straight maybe more.
Pumping says
For those that pump at work, how long does it take you? And can you manage to work while you’re doing it, or how do you use the time?
Right now every session is taking 30 minutes and I haven’t figured out a way to go faster or make the time very productive. I want to stick with this (I know it’s fine not to, but this is what I want.) Any tips?
Anon says
For me it used to take 30-40 minutes (dual pumping with a spectra and that was with my optimal settings after much trial and error), and I would work while doing it (I have a private office so just pumped in my office). I was always amazed by moms who would be done pumping in 10-15 minutes. I dropped to pumping twice a day at 8 months and stopped pumping at all at 10 months (but nursed mornings and evenings until 15 months).
GCA says
I hacked my pumping process and now get the same from 2 pumps as I did previously from 3 – see if this helps?
I use the Spectra pump on one side and the Haakaa on the other for about 12 to 15 minutes. Expression mode till letdown gets going, then regular mode. Then…stop altogether for a few minutes, and switch sides for 5 more minutes. Usually that gets a second letdown and a total of 5-8oz in less than 30 minutes. I think it works for me because it sort of mimics my actual baby-feeding process. I do manage to work while doing it, and have taken some calls while pumping. Plus the Haakaa kind of holds itself in place.
Anon says
30 minutes twice a day. I tried but couldn’t work while pumping – I didn’t have my own office so I’d have to work on my laptop in a room with no desk or flat service to put it on…it was a huge pain and I was never productive. So, I used one session to eat lunch and another to honestly just relax and catch up on personal things (pay bills on the phone, text friends I haven’t texted in a while, read personal emails). I stopped pumping at 12 months.
HSAL says
I’m pumping for twins, and I pump for 12-15 minutes three or four times a day, depending on my schedule. With my first pregnancy, I used a Medela 3x/day for 15-17 minutes. What pump are you using? Are you massaging as well? Can you turn the suction up more comfortably? 30 minutes seems long to me, but I know people respond differently to pumps. How long do you pump once you stop spraying?
I always work while pumping – if you don’t have a hands free bra, definitely get one. It’s a good time for random mindless typing tasks or conference calls (but make sure you’re muted and don’t need to talk!)
Mama Llama says
Do any other pumping moms live in fear of forgetting to put your shirt back on before you walk out of your office? Or is it just me? I’m so tired, I feel like it’s only a matter of time.
Chl says
Not this but definitely forgot to hook up the bottles and pumped all over my pants. After that my pumping kit included a towel that I used like a fine dining napkin!
Anonymous says
Oh yeah, I have done this more times than I’d like to admit!
ElisaR says
yup, i did this at least twice!!
anon says
Can you put a mirror on the back of your door?
Redux says
I put a little hand mirror on the inside of my door for just this purpose! When I would go to open the door I could see myself in the mirror and make sure my shirt was on (not inside out). It never happened, but gave me so much peace of mind.
Mama Llama says
A mirror is such a good idea! I will look for one that I can hang up with command strips.
Spirograph says
I never forgot my shirt, but I definitely put it on inside out and backwards when I was in a rush to get to a meeting with my boss. He talked to me for 5-10 minutes before casually asking if my shirt was inside out. Of course it was, the tag was right under my chin.
Mirror is a great idea.
Anonymous says
My almost-5-yo asked for a “big girl paci” for her birthday. As far as I know, she hasn’t had a paci since she was… 18 months? Maybe? It sounds to me like she desires some self-soothing device – obviously I’m not getting her a paci, but does anyone have experience with this or suggestions? FWIW, she is my youngest and in daycare.
Anonymous says
I would ask her to describe a “big-girl paci.” For all you know, she might actually want one of those pacifier-shaped lollipops, or some mysterious imagined thing that is not a pacifier at all.
Anonymous says
+1 – I can’t wait to hear what she has in mind! I’m so curious.
FWIW my 6 year old still puts everything in his mouth. I think there are 6 year molars, so maybe he is still teething? (IT NEVER ENDS!)
Another Anon says
Although I’m terrified that she’ll still be doing this in 2 years, my 4 year old is the same way. It’s actually worse than when she was a young toddler in terms of putting stuff in her mouth!
I wonder if the below poster’s suggestion of something specifically for chewing would minimize it.
Mama Llama says
My 4 yo too! Everything is constantly in her mouth, much worse than when she was littler. What is this about?
CPA Lady says
I was that kid well into elementary school. My kid is that kid. It just felt really good to bite on things. Like I still remember what it felt like to bite into a fresh wooden pencil. Gives me a feeling of satisfaction just thinking about it. I quit by the time I became an adult and I turned out pretty okay, I think. My kid has a chewy necklace that I try to redirect her towards if she’s chewing on something that could hurt her teeth.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00BQMFQ28/ref=oh_aui_search_detailpage?ie=UTF8&th=1
Anon says
Yep, I’d ask her to explain what a big girl paci is. Around that age, my daughter went through a phase where she chewed on everything. Her sleeves, her hair, her pencils, etc. We got her some chew necklaces or bracelets (had to try a couple brands/ shapes) and as far as I remember, she was out of that phase by the time she was out of preschool.
OP says
Thanks, all! This is so helpful! I’m looking into one of those necklaces now.
H13 says
We have our first parent-teacher conference this week. For context, we have had a bit of a rocky year with this teacher. She tends to give us a lot of detail about what our son (five and in kindergarten) does wrong–can’t sit still, can’t control body, etc. Sometimes it is just once a day or week that he has trouble and yet we get a paragraph on how he behaved. We get almost nothing about what he is doing well and learning beyond getting his work sent home on Fridays.
Any advice for making the most of the time? What questions should we ask? I have zero idea what to expect.
Another Midwest mom says
Was this a problem before kindergarten? I would be asking:
– When these challenging behaviors are occurring — during transitions? Instruction time? When he’s alone? When he’s with other kids? If she isn’t telling you these things, she’s not giving you much helpful information.
– How does his behavior compare to other BOYS in the class? At that age, boys are notorious for being more squirrelly and high energy, for lack of a better word.
– I would point-blank ask what’s going well! Maybe there are clues that could help him better manage his behavior.
I don’t want to freak you out, but please be persistent in finding out exactly what’s going on. DS had similar struggles in kindergarten (and first, and second) and we eventually had him evaluated for ADHD. Which he has. Getting teachers to provide constructive, usable feedback has really hard at times. Some teachers are great about it; others, not so much. I’m not saying to rush out and get him evaluated, but keep an eye on things. Best-case scenario is that he just needs more time to mature and learn classroom norms.
Strategy Mom says
Another Midwest Mom – This all sounds just like my 3 year old. I have ADHD, so I imagine that could be the underlying issue, but he’s only 3 and it’s way too soon to medicate/ diagnose. He’s the youngest boy in his grade, so for all we know, it could also just be 3 year old behavior and our teacher isn’t giving us any tips on how we can help – just that he won’t sit still at circle time and has a hard time controlling his body.
Any tips on how you got your son through the preschool years? He is a sweet boy and I hate him being labeled as disruptive. When did you diagnose ADHD?
Anonymous says
If he’s the youngest, have you considered red shirting him? New study came out recently showing a 30% higher likelihood of ADHD dx if your birthday is close to the kindergarten cutoff (Ie youngest). Because it’s easy to misinterpret young behavior for attention issues.
https://www.wbur.org/edify/2018/11/28/adhd-kindergarten-cutoff
Another Midwest mom says
Preschool was really hard. You’re not there, and it’s really on the teacher to redirect as appropriate. There’s only so much you can do to reinforce good behavior at home. If you kiddo DOES have ADHD, immediate feedback is really critical to changing behavior. “Accumulating” rewards — like if you have a good day at school, you get to watch Daniel Tiger — works with neurotypical kids but not nearly as well with ADHD. So, I really, really sympathize.
DS was diagnosed at the end of second grade, but the problems were definitely present in preschool. In hindsight, I would’ve worked with his preschool teacher to set up a simple rewards system. Sit still in circle time? You get a sticker right after! You managed to not disrupt your friends in line? Another sticker for you! We’ve learned from DS’s therapist that it’s best to focus on 1-2 “problem behaviors” at one time, rather than trying to tackle allll of the problems. Success begets success, and these poor kiddos are subject to so much criticism and redirections that they really do need to feel like it’s possible to succeed and control their behavior.
IF you suspect ADHD (particularly since there’s a genetic component to this), talk to your pediatrician now and see if you can get a referral to a pediatric behavioral specialist. Your kiddo is too young for meds, but play therapy could be beneficial. It also will give you ideas for parenting and to pass along to the teacher, too.
H13 says
Thank you for the input. We had never received any feedback like this until this year and he had been in full-time, center-based daycare his whole life. I had the school counselor evaluate him in class a few months ago and she felt like his behaviors were normal – nonaggressive, able to take redirection, fine socially, etc. Definitely wiggly, but not overtly sensory seeking. She recommended a stability cushion to help him get the wiggles out but I don’t think it has actually been used (the teacher was resistant to the recommendation).
When my son did do something that interrupted the class’s learning, the teacher asked him to do something that felt very developmentally inappropriate. I think maybe she feels very old-school, for lack of a better term. It is also her first time teaching K, although she has been teaching a long time.
Anon in NYC says
I tried to post a reply that got eaten. Long story short, I had a second grade teacher that seemed to dislike me and frequently complained about me to my parents. My mom said that at first they took the complaints seriously, but eventually they seemed petty and age-inappropriate, so they started taking them with a grain of salt. Only you and your spouse can be the judge of that, but I would place a greater reliance on the counselor’s evaluation of your son’s behavior – she has no vested interest in saying that he’s good or bad (or whatever). For tonight, I’d be prepared to listen to the teacher, ask for actual suggestions from her regarding behavior changes that she would like to see, ask her to evaluate your son’s behavior relative to his peers in his current classroom, remind her that the counselor suggested a tool for the wiggles, and ask her to tell you what your son does well. Good luck!
H13 says
Thank you! I’ll report back on Wednesday.
Anonymous says
I would use this as an opportunity to reframe her thinking about him. Think of a few ancedotes to work into the conversation about him being an ethusiastic learner/helpful kid etc. Emphasis on that you were relieved that the school counselor was clear that he was within developmentally normal behavior for his age.
Ask her:
– what is his greatest strength
– what is his favorite subject
– basically anything that forces her to talk about his positive qualities.
It sounds like the issues are totally her issues and not your kid issues. PTIs are usually short. Help your kid cope with her the best you can and look forward to starting fresh with a new teacher next year.
Sppirograph says
This sounds like a teacher issue, especially since this is her first year teaching K. I’m not a teacher, but from friends and family who are… K is a different behavioral ballgame than teaching “graders” (as my K son calls them). Have you solicited regular feedback on your child’s behavior, or is the teacher writing a paragraph about his “failures” on her own initiative?
I like the questions above at 2:16. I would also ask her what strategies she has found effective or ineffective in redirecting your son’s behavior, so that you can reinforce at home. If there are things that work well for you at home, or that routinely backfire, plan to share those.
FWIW, my son’s K teacher started off the conference with, “[kid] had a really rough couple of months at the beginning of the year. I was so close to calling or emailing you, but I hate to involve parents when I can tell the child wants to do well and just needs to work on controlling his energy. It’s really normal for 5 year old boys, and honestly this year seemed particularly bad across all the K classes.” That sounds like a similar message to what you’re getting from your child’s teacher, but a much different delivery. Of course we knew he had a tough time with the K transition (despite full day preschool), because we’d seen it at home, too. We exchanged strategies with the teacher so we’re on the same page. We also talked about expectations for communication and escalation, and luckily we’re on the same page with that, too. I’m very happy letting the teacher handle day to day classroom management, and don’t care to hear about my kid’s behavior or learning outcomes unless they’re outside of a normal range to the point that I need to consider some intervention at home. It would drive me bonkers to get a paragraph every time my kid couldn’t sit still in class!
anon says
so many people having rough days/weeks/times. I am sending you all hugs and please know that you aren’t alone! I posted last week about my husband having a psoriatic arthritis flare up right before my business trip and how worried I was to leave him and kiddo. thank you all for your advice and kind words! It ended up being ok! Husband got a cortizone shot to help with the flare up and managed just fine. Kiddo and I both had a long-lasting stomach virus so this week/end was ROUGH even though everyone was home. We made it out though and everyone is feeling better and I just feel so grateful for this respite from illness for a little bit.
ElisaR says
happy to hear it went well – when you wrote about your challenge last week i felt for you!
So Anon says
Inspired by some of the comments above and my own life: What do you mamas do to foster independence in your kiddos? With recent events, I’ve realized that I just cannot do everything for them, and also, that it is not good for them to have someone do everything for them. My kiddos are young elementary school (K and 2), and I’m trying to have them do as much on their own as they can. For example, instead of getting up in the middle of dinner to get DD a new fork because she dropped the old one and refuses to use it, I tell her that she is welcome to get a new fork and put the dirty one in the dishwasher. I think this is more of a mental shift for me than a “task list” for my kids. I like the idea of chores, but I thinking of more day-to-day things. Any ideas?
Mama Llama says
A big one for me: If Kid makes a mess, kid cleans it up. Generally, I like the motto of “Never do anything for a kid that they can do for themselves.”
Anonymous says
Make bed, put away folded clothes, dress independently (I may help pick out the outfit), do homework independently, be responsible for contents of bags for school and sports, set/clear table, assist as needed with whatever tasks we ask for.
This last one causes a little friction for my 2nd grader while he learns that households are full of give and take. Example, he wants one of us to fill up his water bottle for school because he is busy getting shoes on. But, we are busy getting our own stuff together so we aren’t always in a position to lend a hand. Of course, I have no qualms about asking him to interrupt whatever he’s doing to let in a dog or bring me something. It’s a process.
Anon says
The Secrets of Happy Families has a great chapter about creating morning routines that your kids run for themselves. These can be started very young and basically once they learn the task you can have a visual or word schedule for them to remind them but you should stop prompting them and they should do it independently! Its awesome.
Anonymous says
We have morning and evening picture routine charts for my kids, and they go through phases where it works really well, and phases where they demand help putting his socks on. We started when the younger one was 3.
Morning: make bed, feed cats, get dressed, put breakfast dishes in the sink, brush teeth
Evening: 10 min tidying/organizing (we have a timer for this), lay out clothes for the next day, pack lunch/bag for the next day, brush teeth
In general, though, I find kids really want to be helpful. Mine fight over who gets to wash the dishes after dinner! They do a terrible job washing dishes and it takes 10x as long as it would take me, but I don’t want to squash that spirit. They also get really excited about vacuuming and sweeping, setting the table, etc. I tend to just ask someone to help with anything I’m doing around the house.
Anonymous says
I think you’re on the right track looking for opportunities for them to do for themselves in the moment. Basically, whenever they need something done, ask yourself, “Can they do this themselves”? Other ideas include:
Ordering for themselves in restaurants (if they aren’t used to doing this, have them practice their exact order with you before the server comes so as to avoid causing delay and frustrating the server)
Pushing the shopping cart in the store (you can hold onto the front and steer)
Getting produce bags, opening them, and holding them open for you to put the produce in
Circling which days they will buy lunch on the school lunch menu
Emptying backpacks, recycling or filing school papers, bringing you forms to sign, repacking backpacks
Putting away shoes, coats, backpacks
Emptying lunch boxes and putting the containers in the dishwasher or on the counter
Filling water bottles
Packing gym bag/dance bag/etc.
Making a packing list before a trip
Setting out all the items on the packing list, then packing them after you verify that everything is there
Making beds
Putting away clothes
Feeding, watering, exercising, and cleaning up after pets
Answering and asking questions for themselves at the pediatrician, dentist, etc. (will require guidance and prompting from you at first)
I could go on and on…
More broadly, summer camp is absolutely fantastic for building independence. Our YMCA day camp taught the kids to put on their own sunscreen and bug spray when they were entering kindergarten. Sleepaway camp is even better; ours went for the first time at age 6 and had a blast.
Anon says
http://parentingsquad.com/45-chores-young-children-can-do This list is great!
Anonymous says
I have a 2 y/o and a 5 y/o (and a baby). They often pack (5) or help pack (2) their lunches in evenings. They pick out their clothes for themselves and get dressed solo. They brush their teeth together (big helps little). They do their own shoes/jackets. They set the table. They clear their places. My 2 y/o is quite independent…almost to a fault. She is tiny but carries a step stool around so she can do everything big sis can ;)
SC says
We’ve been working on fostering independence with our 3-year-old. The main thing for us, as parents, has been allowing more time in our routines for him to do things independently. If Kiddo wants help, we wait until he comes to us (rather than shouts across the house) and uses full, polite sentences to ask for help–that helps teach him to communicate that he needs help, but as often as not, he figures out how to accomplish something before he manages to ask for it in a way we’ll respond to. Finally, when he asks for help, we’ll sometimes stall but give him some direction by saying something like, “I’m happy to help you after I finish X. In the meantime, why don’t you practice by doing Y.”
Anonymous says
What do you do with your old baby clothes? Since my girls grew out of them so quickly they are still mostly in good shape. Donate? Sell in a box on Craigslist? I have friends who will likely have babies, but we have a small house so I don’t want to hold them forever for people that might not want them anyway- I know I was gifted so many clothes I didn’t need hand me downs.
Mama Llama says
Local Facebook mom swap group. I love it – I post, I leave my clutter in bags on the porch, and people magically come and take it away.
Anonymous says
I either hand down if I have a friend with the right age kid, or donate. For baby clothes of course you can always just drop off at Goodwill, but I like to give to the local women’s day shelter if the clothes are in good shape, or if you can figure out how to get them to foster kids in your area they’ll get good use too. If I had fancy things maybe I’d try to sell consignment, but it’s not worth the few cents I’d be getting for the brands we buy (and if we bought them, it was often at Goodwill to start).
AwayEmily says
You can also save some of the extra nice ones and give them as little gifts to friends who had babies…when someone I know has a baby I’ll bring/send a care package that includes both food as well as a wrapped hand-me-down plus a note saying something like “this was one of our favorites — hope it brings you luck and joy as well”). I think it is a bit more meaningful than just handing someone a garbage bag of hand-me-downs.
AwayEmily says
This works especially well for things like baby booties, hats, and sweaters that often don’t get much use.
EB0220 says
I save a few sentimental things (very few) for myself. I keep a few nicer things in good shape for my nieces. Otherwise, I just donate to the local women & children charity so I can get a tax receipt. As someone mentioned above, I keep rough track of what I donate throughout the year so I can itemize.
Surprise? says
OK, I need some reassurance here … DH had a vasectomy three years ago, so it’s highly unlikely that I’m pregnant, right? Except that I feel pregnant, and I know that we had s3x around the time I ovulated this month. B00bs are killing me, I’m fatigued, I’m having daily headaches. I’m pretty attuned to PMS symptoms, but this started EARLY. Like within days of having s3x, and not letting up. It’s too early to test, but I’m starting to freak out. If pregnant, this would be our third kid, and we are in no way prepared to deal with that reality. It would be a happy surprise, eventually, but omg, would our lives change. Last baby was born in 2014.
mascot says
Yes, highly unlikely. I’ve been through months where I’ve had worse symptoms than others. Too much caffeine makes me more tender so I try to cut back that week leading up. For headaches and fatigue, maybe you are a little dehydrated? Try coconut water or a low sugar sports drink in your daily hydration routine.
HSAL says
Did he do tests of his samples? If so, yes, highly unlikely. I had a cousin who got pregnant post-vasectomy, but I believe her husband never tested to ensure he had no active swimmers.
Artemis says
Could you be starting perimenopause? Depends on how old you are. My husband had a vasectomy a few years ago too, and all of a sudden this year I started having crazy PMS symptoms and cycles that I’d never had before, off and on, and a few times I thought I was pregnant for a hot second. Went to my doc to get checked out, she said, haha, you’re a little young but welcome to the start of perimenopause. Yaaaaaay.
Surprise? says
WHAAAA? No way! I’m 38, which seems too young but I suppose it’s really not.
Artemis says
Yes Way! (Maybe) I’m also 38 and my doc described it to me as essentially “pre-perimenopause”, the start of a potentially 10 year (or more!) process. I feel like even menopause is discussed more than it used to be, but finding information about perimenopause is incredibly difficult! Maybe something to think about for a post or comment thread at some point. I mean it’s so much easier to discuss puberty, and pregnancy, and childbirth than it used to be, let’s start getting women informed about the other side please!
I now have a few cycles where everything will be normal (for me) and then a few cycles where everything is totally out of whack, time-wise and symptom-wise. Not fun. But I wasn’t thrilled with any of the intervention options my doc gave me, so I decided knowledge is power and now that I know what’s going on, I can mentally and physically handle my symptoms for now.
It could totally be dehydration or something simple. But I was so surprised, which is why I’m mentioning this–maybe monitor yourself for a few months and, if things are still wonky, go talk to your doc.
Anon says
Technically it’s possible, of course, but really unlikely. That’s also pretty early for actual pregnancy symptoms (again, I realize some people have symptoms that early, but it’s not the norm given the amount of time it takes for implantation and then for hormone levels to rise.)
I think once the idea of pregnancy is in your head, you’re likely to start to notice all kinds of symptoms that could mean you’re pregnant but could just as easily be normal things you normally don’t notice. I’d buy one of those early pregnancy tests to ease your mind as soon as you can.
TheElms says
I’m 17 weeks pregnant and emerging from the I look chubby phase into the I look pregnant phase, but I’m struggling to figure out what to wear to work. My regular pants don’t button, even with a hair tie, but my maternity pants are still too big and sag down a lot. I have a belly band, but because its winter my work pants are heavier and it doesn’t seem like the belly band will hold them up without constant re-adjusting. Do I just wear dresses for the next month? Is there some trick I don’t know about? I tried just about every iteration of clothing I have that fits this weekend and it all seemed off. Is that just how it is for now?
Anon says
What about dress pants that don’t button? Hatch has some expensive options but gives you a feel of what I am suggesting and maybe you can find them in other places.
Also clothing rental programs are prefect for this stage.
New Here says
I’m 25 weeks and this awkward phase is still fresh in my mind! I wore dresses and a couple elastic waist skirts a lot. I also have one pair of side elastic maternity pants that worked ok – I had to pull them up a lot which was annoying, but they were better than the over the belly pants for those few weeks. (I wore them with longer shirts/cardigans so you couldn’t really tell they were sitting pretty low.) You also might find that this doesn’t last too much longer – shortly after my regular pants stopped fitting, my stomach seemed to have a growth spurt, so it was really only maybe 2-3 weeks of awkward before I could wear the over-belly maternity pants fine.
Allie says
You can also buy one pair of pants a size up as you may need to wear them postpartum anyway.
TheElms says
Thanks for the suggestions. I realize this is just a phase and hopefully some of the awkward will be over Christmas when I am out of the office anyway and can live in leggings. I’m not going to wish that my belly grows just yet …seems like there is still plenty of time for that!
Patty Mayonnaise says
Anyone have overnight diapers they love? Pampers baby dry used to work great for my 20 month old, but recently they’ve leaked every night. We tried huggies overnights, which don’t leak, but lead to baby waking up like an hour earlier than usual asking for a new diaper (they must be uncomfortable when very full). I’m hoping there’s a holy grail out there somewhere!!
Strategy Mom says
Try sizing up? That’s what worked for us. Our ped also suggested limiting liquids close to bed.
Em says
We had problems with leaking around that age. What worked for us was a combination of things: (1) Pampers Swaddlers overnights in a size up, (2) pointing his p*nis down before bed (obviously not applicable if you have a girl), (3) putting the overnight diaper on immediately before bed, and (4) no liquids for an hour before bed.
Anonymous says
We use the Baby Dry in a plenty large size and a Sposie booster. Highly recommend the Sposie boosters.
AwayEmily says
We have had great luck with the Bambo Nature diapers. Not “officially” night diapers but they haven’t failed us yet (two kids, oldest is 2.5).
lawsuited says
I love the Honest overnight diapers. They are “taller” than average so don’t leak out the top which seems to happen with all other brands I’ve tried. They are also very flexible even when really full, so don’t seem to lead to premature wake-ups.
babynurse says
Has anyone had a baby nurse in the first few weeks with baby? Expecting #2 early spring and considering 1. They are expensive, and I want to nurse while I’m home like i did for #1, but I’m not sure if its worth it for a nursing mom. Though, i was clueless with baby #1 and nursed constantly and she was/is a horrible sleeper, so I’m hoping that having some professional help might be good? Torn though.
H13 says
I’ve had several friends that have used a baby nurse and loved it, especially with number two. One friend had one for 16 weeks! I had a night nurse for three nights at about 8 weeks. It was every other night and it was great. I trusted her and I got some rest. She was also a lac consultant which was a bonus. If it is in your budget and you feel comfortable, I say do it.
anon says
yes, saved my life. granted it was with my first and i had twins. i was nursing at that point, or at least trying to, but we discussed in advance that i wanted to feed them on a schedule. the baby nurse would wake me in the middle of the night when it was time to feed and she would change the baby, burp the baby. I also wasn’t producing enough milk at the beginning so the babies also each needed a bottle and I had to pump. She washed bottles, pump parts, did baby laundry. taught me how to bathe the baby, etc. I know this is your second so you are obviously more confident than I was going in, but I’ve heard from friends who have a second that having the baby nurse can free up some time so you can do things like put your older one to bed. i was also able to nap anytime i wasn’t needed to feed a baby and i didn’t have to think about how long it had been since the last feed, etc. because someone else was doing that for me.
Blueberries says
By the time I realized that I really could have used a night nurse with #2, I was too tired to hire one and all the good ones were booked up. I didn’t have one, but I highly recommend getting one, especially because you getting some sleep will help not only you and #2, but also #1.
Nursing bras says
30 weeks pregnant with my first. Boobs just keep getting bigger. What nursing bras should I have on hand for when the baby is born? How many? Any idea on how to predict my size? Should I just buy a few in a variety of sizes and return what doesn’t work? HALP this new to-be-mom out!
Anonymous says
There’s no real way to predict size. I used nursing tanks those first few weeks or whatever bras I had at the end of pregnancy (either remove to feed or just pull to side).. It took a few weeks to get good enough at nursing before I was comfortable enough to be out and about where a nursing bra would make things more convenient.
ElisaR says
i could not predict this – my 2 pregnancies had wild swings in bra-sizing. That being said, i wasn’t ready for wearing a real bra for awhile anyway. I recommend having these Bravado nursing bras on hand for immediate use until you normalize size-wise and buy an underwire nursing bra in a real size. I wouldn’t bother buying a bunch, just wait until you are ready. Also depending on how big you are…. nursing camisoles are good for a lot people in the beginning.
Anon says
I bought a few soft unstructured ones (Cotton Candy by Cake) that I wore (and still wear) at 15 months PP – I think I ordered and tried them on at 36 weeks. I then went and got sized at about 8 weeks PP for a more structured underwire (some of my work dresses have different wider necklines) once my milk supply evened out. With two underwire, 3 Cotton Candy and then 2 of Cake Toffee Wire Free Nursing Tanks, that worked for me, but I would have 2 for immediate post-partum and then try and see what you like and where you settle.
Anon says
To add to this given the comments above, I was in a 38I post-partum, so 99% of nursing tanks did not feel supportive at all and I was glad to have the Cotton Candy.
HSAL says
I’m a 36G/H normally, up to a 38H/I during pregnancy, and ohmygodthey’rehuge immediately postpartum. I did the Bravado Body Silk nursing bras in an XL, and the Cake Cotton Candy in XL. I was really happy with both of those and they were supportive enough to wear in public no problems. I’m 6 months pp now and my band size has gone back to 36, so I had to stop wearing the Cake one entirely and I’m using the Bravado on the tightest clip. I’m still a fan though. With my first I had decent support with the Target shelf nursing tanks, but I liked the bras so much better with the second pregnancy.
Elle says
If you’re somewhere that sells them where you can get measured, do so in the next few weeks to have something on hand, but hold off on buying any that look more like real/regular brs until 4-6 weeks pp when things have stabilized a bit more. (You won’t need that kind before then anyway, but I like them for work /pumping)
Allie says
The nordstrom lady told me what size to buy and she was amazingly right. I kept the tags on and could have returned it but didn’t need to.
What would you bring? says
Preschool “Christmas Brunch” Saturday at 10am. We need to bring a dish to share. Minimal prep ideal. DH is going to Costco on Thursday. Limited refrigerator space, plenty of freezer space. We prefer to bring something savory rather than sweet…
Also, we need to bring a White Elephant gift in the $10 range, thoughts? Kids at the school range from 0-6.
anon says
It ain’t classy, but little smokies in a crockpot tend to go over well with kids.
Anon says
Mini Quiches, but call them “egg cups”
Meatballs with toothpicks to get them out
Oat bites
Those mini toaster waffles that are 4 to a “piece”, serve with blueberries
Or make a giant crockpot of oatmeal (use a liner) and bring toppings like brown sugar, raisins, and berries/bananas.
Anonymous says
Melissa & Doug Water WOW – so great and good for almost that entire age range.