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I’m always a fan of initial charms as gifts for mothers, including grandmas and aunts. I like the whimsical cursivey font the designer used, and hooray for bling. I love Monica Vinader’s stuff in general, though — her designs are organic and delicate, yet memorable — and this seems no different. This diamond pendant charm is $225 and available in letters A-Z in rose gold with diamonds; do note that the brand has a ton of other initial pendants as well as engravable pieces as well. Diamond Initial Pendant Charm Psst: I still love this asymmetrical mini-letter necklace as well — I have it in three colors with a G and wear all three — and it’s still being sold in stores. This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!Sales of note for 3.26.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – Up to 40% off your full-price purchase; extra 50% off sale
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- Zappos – 37,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anon says
Just got asked yesterday for more Christmas ideas so I figured I could use it as a way to cross off items I will want/need for when my first baby comes in 10ish weeks.
Did you have a favorite nursing tank?
Favorite gown for hospital?
Anything else I should buy to wear in the hospital?
Cb says
I really liked the h&m tanks.
rosie says
A soft robe (like Gillian & O’Malley at Target, Gap Body).
Wrap sweaters, like Bobeau ones.
Bamb**bies pads (suggest that brand, I got some others from Amazon and not nearly as soft).
Waterbottle if you don’t already have one, I like straw bottles.
anon. says
Do you have slippers you like? I had a December baby and bought new slippers and it was awesome. You could also just get the Birkenstock clogs instead of true slippers. They’re also an easy gift.
ElisaR says
i would add – don’t bring nice fancy new slippers to the hospital. I tossed my slippers in garbage when someone pointed out to me the germs that travel around a hospital, staff/workers walking between maternity wards and wards where people are really sick!
Nice new slippers will be nice for when you’re home! I love my Ugg slip on ones.
Annie says
I liked the asos nursing tanks the best. I would bring a cheap robe to the hospital that you don’t mind throwing out — you just don’t know what’s going to get gross. I really didn’t use anything I brought to the hospital except chap stick, my hairbrush and my phone charger, so I don’t think you need to bring much.
You may want some other nursing clothes basics if you’re looking for stuff to add to your list. I liked the h and m nursing tees and the kindred bravely nursing pjs were awesome.
Anonymous says
My favorite tanks were/are Kindred Bravely. They tend to snag which is kind of annoying but they are oh-so-soft and helped my abdomen feel more contained than a regular tank.
octagon says
I like the My Bella Mama nursing nightgowns from Amazon. I wore them until my kid was 2, they were so comfortable!
Brir says
The H & M tanks are great. I liked wearing pajama sets in the hospital (button down top and pants) but I had c- sections so I wasn’t bleeding too much and wasn’t getting checked down there. I know victorias secret is lame but they have this set called the sleepover knit pj that is really soft light and comfortable, it comes in lots of colors and has a matching robe. I have some nice pics in that set and the matching robe in light pink. Sizing runs big. Also washes well unlike soma pajamas!
octagon says
One more thought – my MVP in the hospital was a sleep mask, and it also came in handy for napping at home in those early days.
Anon says
Favorite nursing tank – Cake toffee wire free. Contained my 38I’s and was still comfortable all day. I still use it as a layering piece even after weaning.
Favorite hospital gown – the one they gave me at the hospital, so I didn’t have to worry about washing it, bringing home germs, it getting covered with leaks, blood, etc.
Other hospital wear – I like capri yoga pants under my hospital-issued gown. They kept my bum covered, kept me warmer and feeling less exposed and I felt like they helped hold the boat pad in place. Recommend black for staining reasons. Not clothing, but ask for extra long charger cables if you don’t have them already.
Other at home wear – I lived in nursing tanks, comfy cardigans and zip up jackets the first few weeks. Consider a new pair or two of pajamas – I liked the button front top and pants combos because they were easy to nurse in but still just normal PJs. I bought some fun print underwear with more coverage than I usually wear to get me through the 4-6 weeks of pads post-partum (and that way I wasn’t ruining any of my favorite pairs). You may also want a few nursing tops for once you’re ready to be a little more mobile (if you’re nursing) – I found them way more discreet than double layering. Kohls makes the ones I liked the best – elbow length sleeves, flap closure (not surplice) and stretchy enough to handle all the changing shapes you go through post partum.
lawsuited says
I love the Bravado Body Silk Seamless tanks! I can’t believe I feel so strongly about a nursing tank, but they are truly great – a bit of compression to provide support while still being comfortable, and they wash and wear like iron.
I just wore the hospital gown for labour and delivery, but a soft nursing nightgown and robe would be nice for postpartum recovery.
I liked having dedicated nursing tops because the fuss of layering made me feel that much more irritated about breastfeeding. These are my favourite ones: https://www.gap.com/browse/product.do?pid=553115092
oil in houston says
my favorite tanks were by far from Nordstrom, I have them in at least 6 colors. the closing system is on the shoulder, so very discreet. https://shop.nordstrom.com/s/bun-maternity-maternity-nursing-tank/3723497
I second the Bobeau wrap, and had gotten myself a nice cotton robe by Jockey, which I ended up wearing non stop at the maternity and looked great on the pictures.
I had also gotten a pretty pusher for the delivery and am really glad I did. I was in labor for 36hours and it really helped me mentally not to be in a hospital gown
Anon says
What did you have in your closet to attend your child’s bris? Did you just buy a generously cut nursing friendly dress and cross your fingers it looked decent 8 days after the birth?
rosie says
I wore a Lands End v-neck/fake wrap dress that I had from before pregnancy to my daughter’s naming, although it was a few weeks after the birth, I think it would have been ok for 8 days after. I had a tank under it for modesty. Or maxi skirt (maternity or not, as long as not super tight), nursing shirt, wrap sweater.
rosie says
I have a comment in moderation but suggest something like this https://www.landsend.com/products/womens-sleeveless-fit-and-flare-dress/id_318225?sku_0=::BLA (possibly w/nursing tank under it if it’s too deep a V).
Anonymous says
I have a comment in moderation mentioning a lands end dress– it was also this one.
Marilla says
Also a v-neck, faux wrap style dress in a nicer jersey. Nursing tank underneath. I didn’t feel awesome in it – I think a size up would have been better – but the style worked well and was appropriate. I also spent ten minutes putting on a little makeup which helped a lot!
Anoner says
Yup jersey dress with a generous cut.
Pogo says
Yup. There is a style from pink blush maternity that I wore for my newborn photos (so same time period as a bris aka literally just gave birth). I looked pregnant in it still if you saw me from the side, but whatev.
Pogo says
https://www.pinkblushmaternity.com/p-19972-pink-draped-maternitynursing-maxi-dress.aspx?DepartmentID=1
There is also a long sleeve tea length version that I have in Navy and while it is jersey and super comfortable, it also looks relatively dressy.
Katarina says
For my first I wore a jersey dress I already had. It was a bit tight and not very flattering. For my second, I wore a stretchy skirt, loose flowy blouse, and cardigan, which I think was more flattering. All were pieces I already owned, each time I tried on anything I thought could possibly work and chose the most flattering.
Anonymouse says
Also make sure you have or designate someone to get you shoes – my feet were much more swollen post, and I need a pair of stretchy flats 1.5 sizes up for the bris.
Anonymous says
My first son I wore a stretchy dress I’d had for years that I wore through about 7 mo of pregnancy. My second, I wore a lands end surplice-style sleeveless dress with gathered skirt that I had bought to hide my first pregnancy before I announced and hadn’t worn since. Because of my body proportions, no maternity clothes fit by the bris (but nothing else besides stretchy dresses).
Aupair says
Anyone here have an au pair? What are your thoughts on an au pair for a 1 year old?
Any thoughts would be much appreciated.
I worry an au pair is too young / inexperienced to take care of a young kid, but I have heard people having such mixed experiences with nannies that I wonder if it’s a better route to go.
anon says
We had an au pair for our 1 and 4 yos last year. She extended and is still with our family now with a 2.5 and 5 yo. It’s been really fabulous for us. She loves her life here and we love having her.
A few thoughts:
(1) Spend a ton of time interviewing and really invest in finding someone who is a good fit for your family.
(2) I wouldn’t expect a young 20-something to structure their own day with a 1 yo at the start. I set up a class for them to go to almost every morning so they had some structure to their day. They did gymnastics, art, ballet, library story time, nature center classes, etc. They would play in the morning, go to a class, come home for lunch, take a nap, and then have post-nap playground time (in good weather). It was a pretty relaxed, but not empty, day.
(3) We have really encouraged our au pair to set up playdates with other kids and au pairs. These gatherings make the au pairs really happy and make the kids really happy. We are very supportive and often have gatherings with 5+ au pairs and 10+ kids in our home. Supporting a social life for your au pair goes a long way.
(4) It is almost impossible to cover two full time jobs with 45 hours a week. We use about 5 additional hours of grandparent time each week to cover our childcare needs. Our au pair is on from 8-6 M-Th and 8-Noon F. She gets all of every weekend free to travel. She travels many weekends and loves it.
Seafinch says
We have had seven Au Pairs and use them exclusively for all of our childcare. We are Canadian and they start when baby turns one and I go back to work. We get a new one every year (visa requirements). It has worked brilliantly for us. They work 0715-1645 every day. Ours also have the entire weekend free. Our rule is, when we aren’t at work, they aren’t work. They do take care of dishes after I cook them a meal. We have had zero issues with them being too young to look after a one year old. Ours have ranged from 19-26. I think the sweet spot for us is about 20 or 21 but it might be a cultural context thing as we always hire Germans, it might not be the case universally with other cultures. Ours generally also do an activity about three mornings week (play group and library) but I leave it to them to organize. They also like play dates. But they have autonomy over their schedule. We don’t allow TV during the week, so that is never on and I prioritize sleep and long naps, so that drives what and when they do activities.
Anonymous says
Which agency do you use? DH’s first language is German so super interested in a German aupair for the elementary school years.
Seafinch says
Canada here, so one in Vancouver. The model is vastly different in Canada. The APs make all the money instead of an agency (you don’t even need an agency). It is called International Nannies and Homecare, if you happen to be Canadian. We have also used http://www.aupairworld.com with good success.
Anonymous says
I am Canadian – that’s why I was so interested in an agency recommendation!
Thanks – although I’m sure part of the appeal you have for attracting good candidates is being located Vancouver which has lots of tourist appeal. Not sure our east coast smallish city location will be a pull.
Seafinch says
Oh, no we aren’t in Vancouver! We have never lived anywhere so appealing :P We are military and have recruited to Edmonton (St. Albert at that!) and Ottawa. The agency is just based in Vancouver. And I am a Nova Scotian and all our Au pairs have said our summer place in Cape Breton is their favourite place. Hopefully we will be able to recruit to Fredericton, I think that is where we will go next (2021). But so far, it hasn’t been a problem.
Seafinch says
I also should have said that that agency is really heavy on Germans, so good if that is what you want. I did my undergrad in Germany and my husband is a German speaker of two Germans in Canada, we just moved home after two years in Germany. If you want to PM, let me know.
anne-on says
We have an au pair, and started when kiddo was school age (the 2pm pre-k day end was brutal to 2 working parents who travel on occasion). I’d highly recommend the au pair mom blog for tips/trips in interviewing/selecting.
Long story short – treat it like a job interview with a dash of dating – our first au pair was a great sitter but a awful roommate (messy/not respectful of the house/etc. and in retrospect we should have re-matched sooner). We also spent A LOT of time coming up with interview questions, a family guide, and sample daily schedules (which change every year obviously). Be aware of the limitations in the US (10 hours a day only, no more than 45 hours a week, at least 1 weekend day off weekly and 1 full weekend off a month). The more time/energy you put in the better you’ll be. Also – if you go for the younger au pairs they’re more like interns, sweet, eager, nice, but will need a LOT of guidance, so just be aware. That being said – its worked out great in our household – I wish you luck!
Anonymous says
Tbh, you don’t need to be old and have experience to take care of a one year old. It just isn’t actually all that hard. Young mothers have been doing it just fine from the dawn of time. An au pair isn’t going to give you full time coverage assuming you work full time so they’ll be just fine.
ER says
We have a 23-year old Brazilian au pair. When I see her taking care of our 1 year old and 3 year old, I think to myself….this is the age that biology intended for women to have children! She has so much energy and is pretty much a kid herself. TBH she is better with the one-year-old than the three-year-old because the language barrier is less of an issue. My 3-year-old is a little bit prickly and needs Jedi mind tricks in order to coax her into doing anything.
We spent a ton of time interviewing prospective au pairs until we found someone we were in love with.
Life changing in the best possible way.
APs says
Our Au Pairs have been amazing. We started when my twins were 1.5
Echo the advice about investing the time in interviewing. In terms of resources, there are also useful Facebook groups
Our APs have been amazing parts of our family and wonderful caregivers. I highly recommend!
MNF says
Another au pair question – We’re currently interviewing for our expected baby, with the au pair’s arrival to begin at 3 mos. We’re going to have family help during the week as well, so we’re hoping au pair will work 4 weekdays with one night of babysitting on the weekend. Has anyone else had success with this type of schedule? We’d be willing to structure Tues-Friday with Fri or Sat babysitting so that she could have Sunday and Monday off.
City Travel Tips says
Question. DH and I are heading to Montreal in January. We’ve been many times at that time of year, and absolutely love it. This time, our 1 year old (he will be 14 months at trip time) will be in tow. DH floated the idea that maybe some evenings, once DS is down, we can “switch” off so one person can go to one of our favorite restaurants and enjoy themselves. I don’t mind if he does that, but I am quite content watching a movie or reading in our AirBnB.
DH got kind of butthurt and was like “Well it’s not fair to you if both of us doesn’t take advantage” and then suggested maybe there could be other times during the day where he takes DS and I get some alone time. His take is that we spend a lot of hometime/evenings together, and since this is one of our favorite cities that helps recharge us, that we should take advantage. I know I sound lame, but I kind of just want to soak up time together.
Would love to hear 1) how y’all manage city travel with babies/toddlers (we are totally up for him taking stroller naps for the long weekend) and also 2) any tips on Montreal with a newly walking baby – we’ve seen a lot of the lovely city but never with a child in tow.
Anonymous says
Is there a reason you can’t just take the baby to restaurants together? We took ours to all sorts of restaurants at that age, and it was totally fine. If baby is used to going to bed early, just have a very early dinner so he won’t be tired and cranky, or go late to a spot that will allow you to pull the stroller up to the table so baby can sleep.
Re. alone time to recharge, I think trading off for dinners might be silly, but it might be really nice to trade off naptimes so one of you can go for a solo walk or work out while the other stays with baby and reads. Maybe I’m just too much of an introvert, but I find family vacations stifling after a while and sometimes need an hour or two to myself to recharge.
OP says
The restaurants DH mentioned “switching off” are definitely on the smaller, gastronomically adventurous, not child-friendly side, and typically we’ve gone to very late dinners here (e.g. 10 PM), but that does not preclude an early dinner if we plan ahead. However, no highchairs, and definitely not a place I can keep DS on my lap and make a mess.
Anonymous says
+1 We have often traded off naptimes for some solo vacation time. I enjoy walking through shops without kiddo in tow. Even a trip to a coffee shop to read would feel luxurious. Our vacations often involve the beach or warm weather, so time alone is usually by the adult pool relaxing. We also give each other time to work out each day on vacation.
Seafinch says
I struggle with this a bit. My husband assumes I need alone time like him but I generally do not. I find I can get whatever time I need to briefly not be harassed or needed by grocery shopping which I insist on doing alone. I do prefer to spend our weekends and time off together. In the context of a trip like yours, I would split the difference. You should book a treatment at Bota Bota or the St. James (I had a delicious massage there). Or go get a fancy coffee or glass of wine and take your book while baby naps. I don’t think you need a regimented schedule but you can take off a couple of times and let your husband do slightly more if he relishes the opportunity.
Anonymous says
I think you should meet him half way. Go to that fabulous Nordic spa Montreal has by yourself for an afternoon. It’s magic. Let him go off by himself if he wants.
ElisaR says
that was my thought….. spaaaaaaaaaa
Allie says
We always trade one afternoon off when traveling. It’s awesome to get to sight see or do an activity at a non-child pace and the person with the kid usually has fun too. I’d just agree to it — you could always see if a movie if you’re not into going to dinner alone.
Anonymous says
We also trade off naptimes. I’ve used it to do shopping or going to the Nordic spa in the old city. We’ve done wintertime trips with our kiddo for the past few years, and the ferris wheel was a huge hit when he was newly walking. We had a car entirely to ourselves, since it was cold outside, and he had a blast watching the world go by. We also really enjoyed the railway museum just outside of the city.
Anon says
We’re in the Caribbean right now, so this is timely. We’ve been trading off doing our own during naptimes and hanging out as a family when the baby is awake (including dinners, which has been a bit frustrating – they’re on island time here and a casual meal can take 2 hrs, which is not super fun with an infant whos been playing on the beach all day and needs to go home and go to bed).
On the topic of initial necklaces... says
Recommendations for one with multiple initials? Thanks!
ElisaR says
i learned about maya brenner necklaces on this site. I wear mine everyday! it’s pretty minimalist though, that’s what i like about it!
Cate says
I think it’s a maya brenner knockoff but I have one from a place called “shop lemel” that I wear everyday and looooove. Having a third kid and a new necklace (or new initial? not sure if they can do that?) is top of my list!
Cate says
https://shoplemel.com/collections/initial-jewelry/products/initial-necklace-double-asymmetrical-letter-necklace
anon says
This can be such a stressful time of year for moms. Let’s post about our holiday-related “do not do” lists. I think we all could stand to take the pressure off ourselves and focus on the stuff we really enjoy, rather than the stuff that we kinda hate. And, I hope this goes without saying, but no judgment on other parents. What’s a burden to me might be a joy to you, and vice versa.
OK, here are my “I will not do” items:
– Elf on the Effing Shelf. My 9-year-old is giving me such a hard time about this, but I will not budge.
– Put much effort into my workplace’s holiday potluck. I don’t have the bandwidth at this point.
– Try a bunch of new holiday recipes. I’m sticking with my family’s favorites because I basically have them memorized and know exactly what I need to buy at the store, don’t need to follow a recipe card, they won’t take excessive amounts of time to put together.
– Scour the entire Internet looking for perfect gifts. (I have already failed on this front, but I really am better off when I stick to my tried-and-true sources.)
– Do any sort of Pinterest-y gifts for my kids’ teachers. Gift cards, for the win.
– Stress about finding holiday outfits for the kids. I will make sure they are dressed appropriately for the occasion, but I kind of have a thing against dress-up clothing that gets worn once or twice and never again.
– Let my in-laws’ wishes for Christmas Eve usurp my wishes, which is to have a mostly quiet day at home and go to church in the evening. We can get together, but it cannot be an all-day affair when we’ll be seeing them THE NEXT DAY at another Christmas gathering.
Mrs. Jones says
I also do not do Elf on the Shelf, teacher gifts besides gift cards, and fancy outfits.
Other no-go: holiday cards. Our family and friends know what we look like and what we’re up to from social media.
Anon says
I have to say that this is one of the hugest unexpected bonuses of converting to Judaism. Being able to say no to all of Christmas. I know that sounds like a grinch but being able to move slower and opt out of everything this time of year is such a blessing. I try to pass on my extra calm by thanking all workers in stores and being extra patient in post office lines when everyone else is stressed.
We do family stuff but there is no pressure on it. We also have traditions but they aren’t as influenced by everyone else’s expectations. My husband and I were able to wipe the slate clean, evaluate what we really want and come up with our very own traditions that didn’t overwhelm us.
Anon says
Yep this is my favorite thing about being Jewish! We light candles for 8 nights, buy a few gifts and make latkes one night. Done!
avocado says
My big do-not-do is Christmas at home. Since my in-laws decided to become snowbirds and my mother started getting overly nervous about winter travel, we have decided that it’s too sad and boring for our little family to sit alone at home on Christmas Day. Last year, we started a new tradition of taking a short trip over Christmas, and it was so much fun. We did a low-key morning of gift-opening at home before we left, then jetted off to a fun city to spend a few days just walking around and eating delicious food that we didn’t have to cook or clean up. We had such a great time that we are planning to do the same every year, except for next year when we need to be in town for a family event.
I resisted on the effing elf, but my husband caved and swore he’d take care of it. Guess who has ended up responsible for moving the elf, and for listening to all the complaints about how Suzy’s elf had a snowball fight with marshmallows and ziplined on a candy cane and went fishing for goldfish crackers but all our lame elf does is move around (and frequently forgets to do that). I asked the kid how old she would be when the elf stopped coming, and she said “He will stop coming when I go away to college.” Sigh.
Anon says
This year I put buying gifts on my “do not do” list. My DH is in charge of everything, on both sides, except I’m buying the one Santa gift for each kid. This was our tradeoff because his family has about 5 events between Thanksgiving and Christmas and he wants to go to them all. I said I’d only attend if he would do all the gift giving and wrapping, so I can actually enjoy myself.
It feels luxurious, you guys. This is what December has been like for men for decades, and I’m not sure I’m going to give this up. I’m so productive at work and enjoying our activities and up for spontaneous Christmas-light-gazing-drives and I feel amazing. I had no idea all the stress and planning and shopping and wrapping took up this much mental energy.
Mama Llama says
You are my hero.
Cb says
This is such a good idea. We are staying home this Christmas rather than traveling. Kiddo doesn’t know anything about Christmas so it should be pretty mellow.
RR says
Elf on the Shelf makes me irrationally angry. Yes, I can realize that others may really enjoy it, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that, but it’s very existence still makes me angry. This is a me problem, but I’m comfortable with my Elf hatred.
No to more than one kind of cookie–I may also make chocolate covered pretzels, but those are super easy.
No to anything crafty. Teachers, nanny, etc. are getting cold, hard cash.
GCA says
I’ll play! this is a useful exercise in thinking through my personal priorities…
I don’t do:
– Elf on the Shelf (creepy!), tell my kids that Santa is anything more than a fiction, Pinterest-y gifts or crafts, holiday photos, single-use holiday outfits or PJs (but I also won’t judge you if you do any of these things – they’re just not a priority for me)
I do:
– Host a year-end holiday gathering for friends. Both our families live at least one long flight away and we can’t always swing holiday travel financially or time-wise. We also live in a university community with a lot of neighbors from all over the world, and some of them can’t leave the country to see their families because of visa considerations. So we like to have friends over to spend some time together.
– Photo books as gifts for family (husband usually does the heavy lifting on this one – thank goodness! in fact this year he wrangled nearly all our Xmas gifts because I’ve just gone back to work after 2nd kid and it’s been insane.)
SC says
Ha! “Single-use holiday outfits of PJs.” My kid was wearing elf PJs in July–he loved the PJs “with the buttons.” (They were printed-on buttons, not functional ones.)
Anonymous says
Same. My kids have gotten 2 years of regular use out of Hanna Andersson PJs from a couple Christmases ago. We bought the older kids’ a size up and got a new set for the youngest last year, but I’ve been really impressed with their staying power.
Anonymous says
Every year, I try to buy a pair of Hanna PJs with pastel snowflakes that will work for Christmas Eve without being too Christmasy for the rest of the year.
EB0220 says
+1 My kids wear Christmas PJs whenever it’s cold.
Mama Llama says
I love this. I do not do:
Elf on the mf-ing shelf
Photos with Santa
Zoo lights
Any other Christmas-y event that involves crowds, lines, or terrible traffic
Any other Christmas-y event that is basically just a photo op
gifts from Santa except stockings
Church
Cards for husband’s relatives we never see – I enjoy doing cards but only for people I actually care about.
Anonymous says
I do not do :
Christmas cards
Holiday windows
Cookie baking
Anon says
I love this! I am realizing how much I do not do after reading everyone else’s lists. Accordingly, I think it’s easier if I list what I actually do! :)
1. Christmas cards. I hand write at least a brief letter in each one.
2. Host Christmas for 12 family members plus my immediate family. I order all food from Wegman’s catering.
3. Christmas gifts for the kids, purchased together with my husband in 1 brief outing.
4. Decorate the house in a manner that looks awesome, takes less than an hour to put up, and less than an hour to take down.
That’s really it…
SC says
I am not doing:
Family photo shoot.
Crafts.
About half the parties we’ve been invited to.
Outside lights/decorations.
Mostly, I am embracing imperfection and doing things only to the extent they bring me and my family joy. Christmas cookies, yes–but with store-bought dough and store-bought frosting, and a shrug when my 3-year-old wants to do it himself and the snowman looks like it’s bleeding. Decorate the Christmas tree, sure–so far, we have 1/3 of the ornaments on, and half of those are on the lowest branches. Christmas cards–fine, but we’re getting cheap ones from Costco and using a photo of Kiddo from an event we went to last weekend.
We have planned one Christmas-y event in our city with Kiddo each weekend, but mainly because we moved recently, and we spent too little time as a family and too much time letting Daniel Tiger babysit our kid this fall. DH and I are also going on a Christmas date this weekend!
AnotherAnon says
I like this!
We currently have one kid, 21 m/o, so I do not:
– buy him presents. He’s getting a ton of gifts from family. Christmas morning he can unwrap his new pack n play and other toys he already owns.
– try to see both our families. We used to do this before kid and it was miserable. Now it’s impossible.
– decorate the house. He’s perfectly happy to have a tree with lights and that’s plenty for me too. We are really enjoying our gas log fireplace this year.
– bake cookies/cookie exchange/ornament exchange/other pointless gift exchange
– participate in the work ugly sweater contest. I don’t have time to shop for real clothes, much less novelty ones.
– zoo lights. Shuffle around in a cold, smelly, crowded place? No Thanks.
– elf. not now. not ever.
– participate in White Elephant. My family thinks white elephant means “buy a piece of crap for someone else to throw away.” I hate it. Last year I received a rock, which they thought was hilarious.
Things I do because I enjoy them:
– Christmas cards. I kick the boys out of the house and address them while having a glass of wine – this doubles as my “me” time.
– Photo with Santa. OK I don’t actually enjoy this but it’s the only gift my mom asks for at Christmas so I make myself do it. This year she lives close enough that I’m making her go with me to wait in line.
– holiday pjs for DS. they cost like $7 and I think it’s cute. I’m debating getting matching family pjs but I’ll probably forget.
– when he’s older I’ll get an advent calendar
– we have an outdoor fire at least once in December
– buy DH a good gift
Anon says
Things I do not do:
Travel for the holidays with young children
Elf
Extensive interior decorating
Things I always do (Christmas is my favorite holiday):
Real Christmas tree with colored lights and ornaments (picked out from Home Depot 10 minutes up the street)
Outdoor Christmas lights (colored – take less than an hour to put up)
Christmas dishes (spode)
Christmas Cards (but either my mom takes the photo for us or we did it ourselves with a tripod this year – I have a lot of family who is not on social media and they LOVE getting a photo card. To make this painless I keep the label form updated with addresses (125!!!) on my computer so all I have to do is print them off and stick them on and do a quick 5 minute review before printing for deaths, marriages, moves, etc.).
Host Christmas Dinner at my house so the food is exactly how I like it (inlaws are welcome to come and always do since they’re local)
Christmas Eve Candlelight Church Service at 11 PM – still trying to find a church here that uses real candles like my hometown church.
Things I like to do when I feel up to it:
Light displays (the botanical gardens is my favorite)
Cookie baking and decorating (did this with friends this year at their house (no clean up for me, yay) and we had a lot of misshapen and scary looking cookies, but lots of laughter and they taste just fine)
Holiday brunch circuit with friends we don’t always see (with or without santa)
Holiday parties
Holiday movies
Spirograph says
I love everything about Christmas except gifts. I don’t like trying to think of things to buy for people, or for people to buy for me and the rest of my family, and we already have too much stuff.
I do not do
Elf on the shelf. Never
Lights on anything that requires a ladder. Bushes only
Gifts other than cash for teachers
Mall Santa
Zoolights
Church christmas pagent, advent craft fair, caroling etc.
More than 1 gift per kid from santa
Wrap gifts from santa
Travel or host overnight guests
Any holiday party that requires getting a babysitter
Do
Church on Christmas Eve
Neighborhood tree lighting
Adopt-a-family
Advent wreath and calendar
Decorate sugar cookies (homemade all the way) and give some to neighbor friends
Drive around and look at lights
Holiday cards (new years cards, because I haven’t ordered yet)
Annual photo book for grandparents (in January)
OldHat says
This is the first year I pushed back when my father announced with less than a week’s notice that he was coming for a 4 day visit! He makes all of his holiday plans with other family members and then “fits” us in when he can. This year I told him the truth – we have plans on 3 of those days and we aren’t changing them. He can still come for 1 night and the days on either side, but I am not rearranging my already stressful December to accommodate his last minute plans! I do feel a little guilty about it, but trying to let it go!
Also, this thread makes me feel so much better about not doing Shelf Elf craziness!
Anon says
Favorite step stools for toddlers? If it helps would be in a bathroom – would love it to be a not unattractive one too, and taller rather than shorter a plus.
Bonus bonus bonus points if anyone has a step stool with storage in it they love. The internets have overwhelmed me on this this morning!
anon says
Keep it simple. I wouldn’t get one of those heavy storage things, because good luck getting your barely potty-trained preschooler to scoot that around. We have a Bumbo plastic thing from Target in both bathrooms that has worked fine. 4-year-old can move it around herself.
RR says
We have a step stool with storage. It took me forever to figure out the googling that found it though. But, here it is: https://www. amazon. com/First-Years-Parent-Bathing-Stepstool/dp/B0000798L0.
No spaces around “amazon” in the url.
We’ve had this thing for approximately 10 years and 3 children. It stores toys, acts as a little stool for the kids at the sink, and gives parents a place to sit during bath time.
RR says
Also, this is small enough that, even filled with plastic bath toys, my 5 year old can move it around the house (and does, to my regret). She’s been able to do so for at least a year or two.
RR says
Here’s the non-spaced link: https://www.amazon.com/First-Years-Parent-Bathing-Stepstool/dp/B0000798L0
Just wanted to avoid endless moderation.
RR says
Just noticed that it apparently doesn’t exist anymore….
It took me four posts to recommend something you can’t buy. I’m going to go drink more coffee.
OP says
hahaha, I appreciate it though! that’s basically what I’m looking for!
Cb says
We have a mutable one. It was stupidly expensive but we bought it in a kickstarter. It’s super fun for my toddler and the legs of the table and chairs extend to allow it to be used until 7 or 8. I love the duplo and Lego trays.
Anonymous says
We have used both versions IKEA offers (one is higher).
Anon says
We have the white wooden Two-Step Stool from KidKraft. It has a little bit of storage in the top. It’s $30 on Amazon. Kids carry it everywhere and hide random things in it all the time. Useful in bathroom sinks, climbing into twin platform bed, reaching a countertop, and grabbing items they’re not supposed to.
Cate says
Grandparents want to give my kids a table for their new playroom for Christmas. Does anyone have experience with the PB Kids Carolina or the activity table from Land of Nod?
I think longer table legs probably makes sense, but maybe not because it will mostly be for play. The Carolina has two crates that slide under it but they are expensive (anyone have these?) Land of Nod’s can have a tray, which also seems useful.
Also open to other brands, I just was iffy on the usual ikea here for some reason!
Anon says
How old are the kids? We have two of the Ikea ones – the $30 table plus two chairs wooden one, and the bigger plastic one with the wide legs. Both get regular use, but now that my kids are preschool/elementary age, they’re being used less. We bought a sofa table that is being used as a homework table (open concept so back of couch is just dead space) and that’s working really well. If we didn’t have that, I’d look for something more desk-like that they could use into high school.
Basically, go Ikea if the kids are super small because once they hit school age, they’ll need a proper surface for homework or tablet use. Wait and splurge on that so it’ll last the 12+ years you’ll need it.
anon says
We have the carolina and really like it. It’s very high quality, and I could see using it as a large coffee table once kids are done with it. We’re still using it with the shorter legs at this time, but it’s been great so far.
anne-on says
We have the land of nod one with the bins on casters that slide underneath it (and the roll of paper attachment) along with the different sizes legs. It was my kiddos ‘big’ gift from my parents when he was 3 and it has held up to A LOT of play/abuse in the last 3 years, I’d highly recommend it.
OP says
If it helps, kids are 4 and 2. Sounds like there are a lot of good options!
Cb says
Oops, sorry, I replied above. Check out mutable.
Cate says
Agh, realized I need to ask about another recommendation. We will be taking our kids to Colorado for a week – expecting a fair amount of playing in snow – good snow boots? And where do you get bibs and jackets? We live somewhere warm and I struck out at the consignment store!
Anonymous says
Our default is the Cat & Jack line at Target, if buying new. Reasonably cheap compared to outdoor-specific brands, but their jackets, snowpants and boots are totally up to dealing with cold temps and snow. I think they have a bunch of buy 1 get one half off sales right now, if your buying for 2 kids.
Anon says
This is what I bought for my 1 YO. As someone who has top of the line ski gear for myself, I was pleasantly surprised with the quality on her Cat & Jack items, and the price point is right for having to replace every season as she outgrows them, although with the adjustable bibs, they may last more than 1 season.
Anonymous says
We can get more than one season out of the snowpants, between the adjustable shoulder straps and the extra fabric in the cuffs. Totally worth $17 even if my kid only wears them a handful of times a year.
anon says
Yup, Target and Old Navy. I think Gap has snow clothing also We also live somewhere warm and I cannot justify buying a puffy jacket and pants from patagonia for 5 days worth of snow. Carter’s would also be worth looking at.
Brir says
I am from a cold climate. A lot of people like kamik brand. I would avoid buying the cheapest boots from target or somewhere because they are just not as warm . Make sure to buy warm socks that fit without the boot being too tight- tight winter boots are colder. You can buy affordable winter jackets and bibs on target, walmart, amazon. Just pack layers (long sleeved top or long underwear, fleece jacket) because the cheaper stuff isn’t as warm. If money isn’t an issue Columbia brand never fails and they have everything on their website.
Anon says
Interesting. I find Columbia makes the chilliest jackets I’ve ever encountered and generally regard them as a sub par winter gear brand. If money were no object, it would be goretex everything, marker or marmot (pretty sure they merged a few years ago) jackets and sorel boots. Lands End and LL bean are my “mid-price” point for kids gear.
Brir says
Yeah I didn’t phrase that right – Columbia definitely isn’t top of the line but I was thinking it was a reasonable option for gear that kids might now wear often. Columbia definitely has good warm stuff though- They sell a lot of their cheaper stuff at every random outdoor store Kohls JCPenney etc. but their website and retail store has the better stuff. I would say its one of the most common brands for kids in the cold upper midwest.
EB0220 says
We like Kamik boots. Just tested them out this week! We also live in a fairly warm climate (NC) so for us discount outdoors gear sites have been the best bet – Sierra Trading Post, Campmor, REI Garage, Moosejaw. Snow gear runs large enough that it seems to last at least two seasons for us, and I pass it down to my younger daughter then my nieces.
RR says
We just bought bibs at Target–the C9 brand, I think. For snow boots, we’ve had some LL Bean ones that have lasted through 2 kids over about 4 winters. I’m going to buy my older daughter (10) some Sorels this year on the theory that both she and her younger sister can wear them, which justifies the price.
Knope says
Can anyone share any success stories about potty training your kiddo a little on the early side? We are thinking of giving it a go with my 21-month-old during the days between Christmas and New Year’s. It’s a little earlier than I would like but it’s the only 3+ day chunk of time that DH and I will have off of work for a while. Stories and tips welcome!
anon says
Is this kid a boy or girl? I have potty trained boys super successfully… by waiting until they are 3.
GCA says
Haha! Yeah, my son was potty trained on the early side (that I’ve heard of, for a boy) – but even he was 25 months… unfortunately I have no secrets, just his winning personality.
ElisaR says
I thought my son was early at 27 months! he was the 2nd kid in his class trained. More power to you if the 21 month age works for you! According to the book “Oh Crap!” she says it can be done for sure. I used that book for my 27 month old and found it very helpful.
Redux says
Yeah, our daycare provider tried to get us to start at 18 months, saying the “window” was between 12-18 months. I know she has way more experience than me, but my sample size of two children had me laughing at the suggestion. We aim for around 2.5 years around here.
Cate says
We did well doing my girl early (24 months) and we are totally waiting until closer to three on my boy!
She responded very well to bribery. We did the 3 day method bribing with just stickers and I was ready to throw in the towel until we introduced M&Ms on day 5 and was magically potty trained. So that’s a big modification I’d suggest on the Oh Cr** method!
Anony says
My daughter potty trained two weeks after her 2nd birthday. We knew she was ready (verbally indicated “potty” when she had to go), but had to delay for scheduling reasons. I read books a few months in advance, and we took the intense weekend approach. Potty training is never fool proof, but in 1.5 months she was consistent enough to move up to the potty-trained room at daycare. For what it’s worth, she is still in pull ups at night.
RR says
I have horror stories about trying too early. Is child showing any signs of readiness? If not, I wouldn’t even try.
Knope says
Thanks all! More context:
1) He’s a boy, and
2) He has been asking to use the potty sometimes. His nanny-share buddy, who is 2.5, is being potty trained so I think that’s why he’s kind of excited about it. He can also tell us when he goes #2 (and has very obvious signs when he’s about to do that).
3) I read Oh Crap and was thinking of following that method but I’m not wedded to it.
4) I’m not going to force the issue if it turns out he is clearly not ready, but for scheduling reasons I’d like to at least try!
profesora says
we potty trained our boy at ~ 18 months, with complete success by 20 months. Used a combination of Oh Crap plus we really liked the book “Diaper free before three”. Not having to change diapers anymore is awesome, so worth it!
Aly says
+1 on diaper free before three. I’m fuzzy on when it really, really worked by, but my daughter was 100% day time trained by her 2nd birthday and, frankly, we were fairly laissez faire about it. One thing I will say is that with younger children, you need to prompt more. I require a potty seating before I let her in the car, before we do something fun, etc. It’s not a huge thing, but I anticipate that as she ages, she will become more independent in this respect. Also, my kid isn’t night time trained and I don’t expect that at this age.
Seafinch says
I trained my three kids “early”. The eldest was day trained to about 70% at 14 months by her German Au Pair. It was very reliable until she trained herself at 21 months entirely. My son was trained on his second birthday, took a couple of days. The third (girl) was trained in one day at 27 months. We had childcare that couldn’t manage it so we waited until we were on summer holiday. In all cases, we just took the time to routinely put them on the potty, no longer than 45 minute intervals. Just constant repetition and reminders. No shaming, no rewards or treats (although we did increase tantalizing fluids like juice which they normally don’t have).
Anonymous says
We did it twice starting around this age. My girls weren’t what I’d call fully trained until just after 2 but around 21/22 months we started with the toilet. Only downside (and not really as I’ve chosen to do it twice!) is that their bodies are really small so they need a lot of help dealing with toilets generally (we did not do kid potties,
Just steps tools and seats).
KindyMom says
Hi ladies, I am sure this has been asked before, but what do you spend on public school teacher gifts? DD is in kindy and we plan to give a gift card and a bag of cookies from a good bakery near my hometown (not where we live now). We were pretty generous with our daycare teachers (50-100) but somehow a school teacher feels a bit different.
Anon says
I saw this kindly but don’t give cookies. My mom was a teacher for years and between her cookies she was making for the holidays, the cookie swaps with neighbors, the teacher cookie swaps and the student gifts we threw out SO MANY BAKED GOODS.
Other things they don’t want: lotion, candles, anything that says teacher, supplies for the classroom, holiday decorations, hot chocolate/cookie kits, anything with an apple
Things they would love: gift cards to universal places like Target/Amazon/local book store/movie theater etc. A gift card for a spa treatment that can be used at multiple places – massage/mani/pedi. Even if they won’t use those gift cards they can easily regift them.
Also – a handmade card from your child with a picture is the most appreciated. Make a card, put in a gift card, write a note of thanks for the long hours and dedication they are putting and you are set. I would not do more than 50 bucks. Also if you want to go the extra mile send a note to the principal about how awesome your teacher is for the principal to put in your teacher’s file.
EB0220 says
Oh this is exactly what I do and you made me feel 10x better about it! Thanks!
KW says
My DD is in first grade at a public school in the Midwest. Last year we got her kindergarten teacher a $25 gift card to Target (bought on the day they were 10% off) and a loaf of holiday bread from a local bakery. This year for her first grade teacher we did the same with the gift card and will add something else small and consumable like flowers, chocolates, etc.
Anon says
Please reconsider the consumable part. Imagine if you had 30 students each giving you a box of chocolates.
Anonymous says
I don’t understand why this is a problem ;-)
Anonymous says
My mom is a teacher and doesn’t like chocolate or drink coffee. So, every year I get restocked with Starbucks gift cards and chocokate to last through Easter, courtesy of her students.
rosie says
But is there something else that your mom would rather have x30 (this poster said she is doing the consumable in addition to a gift card)? Starbucks has things for people who don’t like coffee, although the status quo doesn’t sound like a bad deal for you!
anon says
We do a $25 gift card to Target and a handwritten note. I am also a class parent, and I will do a very small gift from the class (along with a class gift card to Target) because I think the kids like seeing their teacher open something. It is always from Target, and I always include a gift receipt. Last year I did contigo coffee mugs, and that turned out to be a huge hit, but I’m out of ideas for this year :) (same teacher, different kid).
Mrs. Jones says
We give our kid’s public school teachers gift cards. When I was little, my teachers got homemade chex mix, which they seemed to think was a treat compared to the millions of cookies/candy they got from other students. Something to consider if you want to give food.
anon says
Why is it different? They work just as hard, if not harder, and probably have to deal with more kids. They may make more than a daycare teacher, but it still probably isn’t near what you make so I say give them a generous gift card just like you would a daycare teacher.
ElisaR says
it’s different. My son is in a room with a 4:1 ratio. My other son is in 6:1. Public school kindergarten isn’t the same…. it’s why I would gift differently to the 2 teachers. (besides the fact that they are paid differently and work for different benefits and pension plans).
Anonymous says
+1 to public school being very different from day care. In public school, you don’t want to be that weird parent who gave $100 in cash when everyone else gave a $25 gift card. The goal as an elementary school parent is not to stand out too much. You don’t want the teacher to think you are high-maintenance or expecting special treatment for your child.
Babysitter Help says
We need a babysitter. Lots of family nearby, but we need a non-family, no strings attached babysitter. We have a 7 month old and live in suburbia without any immediately nearby universities to lean on. I was a prolific babysitter back in the day, took care of kids probably as young as 2 or 3. I never took care of infants, and for some reason I’m really struggling with hiring a high school kid to take care of DD. I see lots of posts on our local FB group about seniors in high school with lots of references, certifications, etc. looking to babysit. Is reaching out directly to them the norm now? Do I just need to reach out to someone and go from there? My babysitting was all from the local neighborhood, but all the people we know in the neighborhood have similarly young kids and, as friendly as we all are, are VERY territorial about their babysitting contacts.
It feels like such a simple task and foolish nervousness to have, but I don’t know why this is such a big hurdle for me!
Anon says
Is your kid in a daycare? Ask those teachers if they know anyone looking for a babysitting gig. They’ll either offer themselves or a friend from a different center (if they are prohibited).
Do you have any older neighbors at all? Ask them if they know someone – often they know the local high schoolers or they know the nursery person at their church or have some ideas for you.
Finally, look around for mom-and-me classes in the area, particularly ones over the upcoming holidays. Go to a couple, and make sure to ask the teachers of those classes if they know a good way to find babysitters in the area. Again, they’ll likely offer themselves or a friend from a different program.
anon says
My neighborhood is similar to yours. Yeah, I think reaching out to potential sitters via Facebook or text is the norm, but it totally weirds me out. I haven’t been able to get over it, either, and my kids are a lot older than yours. I did a lot of babysitting in my youth, but I knew the families well. As a result … we don’t have a regular babysitter, either.
Anonymous says
Yeah if they’re posting info looking for babysitting just reach out! It’s not weird.
Redux says
Do any of your colleagues have high school-aged kids or grandkids?
Anon says
I share your concerns, which is why the only outside babysitter we’ve had is the 14 year old directly across the street, one time, since she’s inevitably doing after school sports, etc. the other times we’ve needed her.
Mrs. Jones says
Yes, I’ve reached out to kids who post on FB and NextDoor about sitting.
ElisaR says
i don’t have an answer for you but i’m struggling with the exact same thing! and daycare teachers are no-go for us, strictly verboten. The school hoards them like nobody’s business- they have sent notes home more than once that its a fire-able offense for the teacher.
octagon says
I feel silly for asking this, but where do I find non-branded/non-licensed-character coloring books for my toddler? I want something with big pictures (he is just learning how to stay in the lines). I want to give several coloring books and crayons for Christmas, but all the stores seem full of Peppa Pig/Paw Patrol/Disney/etc. and we don’t do that in our house. If you’ve seen any very basic books, please share! (my plan B is to print out pictures from the internet, but we do that so much already I’d like something different)
Mama Llama says
They are very tough to find! I think the market has been taken over by “adult” coloring books. I have gotten some at Michaels’s in the actual store, though.
Anon says
There is no benefit from coloring books. Your child does not need to stay in the lines. Just have them free draw. Get them a notebook with blank sheets and a ton of good quality crayons, colored pencils and have them just be creative.
Anon says
We buy those 300 sheet chunky notebooks from the dollar spot at target. Blank paper to draw on, or we can draw simple shapes for them to color. (“Mama draw a heart!” “Daddy draw a dog!”)
You can also search for “simple coloring book toddler” and find some options on Amazon.
Anonymous says
Well, I think the benefit is that some kids enjoy them and find them fun!
Melissa and Doug have some good ones.
Anon says
https://artfulparent.com/why-i-dont-buy-coloring-books-for-my-kids/
This article has some good middle ground options between no coloring books and traditional coloring books.
Anonymous says
But, again,there’s really no reason she can’t or shouldn’t give her kids coloring books!
Anonymous says
I don’t know, my toddlers constantly demand that I draw them their favorite thing of the day (cat, airplane, school bus, baby, etc) and I’m sure they’d be thrilled by a coloring book full of animal pictures since they’re animal obsessed, so I can totally see the merit to coloring books for buying me a little peace.
Anonymous says
What is a good quality crayon?? I mean, are there crayons that don’t work beyond being too broken for little hands to grab?
Mama Llama says
My daughter loves coloring books. Not everything needs to be for a “benefit.”
AwayEmily says
well put.
Anon says
https://www.amazon.com/My-First-Big-Book-Coloring/dp/1499800185
https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/my-first-big-book-of-coloring-2-little-bee-books/1122090139#///www.amazon.com/My-First-Big-Book-Coloring/dp/1499800185
https://www.jcpenney.com/p/melissa-doug-coloring-pad-bundle-animals-vehicles-and-multi-theme/ppr5007474593?pTmplType=regular&country=US¤cy=USD&selectedSKUId=32869570018&selectedLotId=3286957&fromBag=true&quantity=1&utm_medium=cse&utm_source=google&utm_campaign=kids%20coloring%20books&utm_content=32869570018&cid=cse%7Cgoogle%7C003%20-%20childrens%7Ckids%20coloring%20books_32869570018&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIx5LfhpCY3wIVleDICh1DiA4rEAQYAyABEgIzp_D_BwE
Anonymous says
Craft store or dollar store.
Anon says
Got caught in moderation with links but here are their names:
Melissa and Doug Jumbo Coloring Pad (tons of themes)
The Big Book of Coloring (they have multiple versions)
GCA says
It depends on kid temperament – some kids find them fun, mine has always had perfectionist tendencies and will start flipping out if he can’t stay inside the lines or does it ‘wrong’. So we just give him pieces from a roll of butcher paper, he scribbles a bunch, I flip the paper over, repeat. But if yours will color and leave you in peace, I second the dollar store rec.
ER says
We have done the Melissa and Doug coloring books and they’ve been fine. Like others here, our toddlers prefer the blank paper. A little notebook full of blank pages has been an unexpected hit (and bonus, tends to fall apart less quickly than the coloring book).
anon says
Search on Amazon for whatever the kid is interested in. “Space coloring book” or “zoo coloring book” or whatever. Non-branded stuff will come up.
Aly says
Another round of sleep: is this normal?
My two year old used to sleep from 7:30 p.m. to 7:00 a.m. reliably. It was awesome. However, in the past week or two, this has changed. She will go into her crib and not sleep (play with toys, call for me to cover her up, roll around, etc.) until about 8:30ish. She is not happy about being put to bed while still so awake. Then she wakes up at 6:30 a.m. Is 8:30-6:30 enough sleep for her? Is this normal? I have no idea. I also, selfishly, would like her to go to bed at 7:30, so I can do things in the evening myself…
She takes a 2 hour nap at daycare, so I wonder if cutting that down would help her sleep more soundly at night. Any thoughts would be appreciated.
Anonymous says
Yeah she was sleeping quite a bit and has dropped down to normal. Sorry!
Redux says
Every kid is different, but my two year old sleeps from 8pm-7am, and takes a 2 hour nap. So, not so different from your goal sleep.
I love to make this recommendation, but you might try an ok-to-wake clock. My kid totally gets the concept and even when he wakes up before the light turns green he will play quietly in his crib before calling for me at 7 when the light changes. It’s such a relief to know exactly when his day starts (and thus, when I need to start mine). I don’t have to wonder if he’s going call for me juuuuust as I put shampoo in my hair. It’s not quite as helpful at bedtime, but still helps.
Anonymous says
Around 2:00, we moved bedtime back by half an hour. It really helped a lot.
Anonymous says
Not 2:00. 2 years. An indicator of how my week is going.
Sigh. says
Found out last night that the DH I thought was sober after a hospital stay and come-to-Jesus session with me about 15 months ago is not, in fact, sober. I’d finally relaxed and felt hopeful / proud of him and now I just feel like a duped idiot. He was so ashamed last night that he just left the house after I confronted him. I’m not even mad – just exhausted. I thought we were past this, now I’m questioning if we ever will be.
Our son is 4 and we were gearing up to start IVF in the new year. We have a 10-day bucket-list trip planned (and mostly paid for) for next summer. I’m vacillating between just ignore it (how I got through the first 6 years of our relationship) or deciding, ‘times up’ and making a clean break with a divorce. Both options seem better than (1) do all the legwork to identify treatment options, (2) closely monitor his movements and make sure he attends all medical appointments, (3) go to marriage counseling, (4) go back to Al-anon, etc. etc. Again. I’ve done this cycle three times already and my well of compassion has run dry.
What do I do here, internet strangers?
Mrs. Jones says
Talk to a family lawyer first if you’re even considering divorce. Consider a trial separation while you figure out what you want. I’m so sorry!
ER says
I have no particular experience with this situation, but if I were you, I think I would go to counseling on my own just for help in processing this big decision.
Anonymous says
Call a divorce lawyer. Just ignoring it is not an option. Your child deserves better than that. You can and will get through it. No IVF. Take the trip yourself if you can afford it.
Mama Llama says
You need an individual therapist and a lawyer. I’m sorry. Sometimes someone you love is not someone who should be your life partner, and you aren’t obliged to spend your life propping this man up.
anon says
Yeah so I’m an alcoholic (non drinking, in recovery, etc) and my dad is an alcoholic (still drinking, not in recovery) and based on these experiences, I think you are well within your rights to leave him. Alcoholism is an “illness” but it’s more like a mental illness than it is an illness like cancer where you truly have no control over it. You can choose to treat it or not to treat it. You can choose whether or not to drink. You can choose whether or not to lie about it. He has had multiple chances.
Also you can still go on the trip.
So Anon says
Hugs. I am not in your boat, but I am in a boat out in a sh&tstorm that looks alot like yours and so I’ll offer a touch of advice from being out in this midst of the storm (sorry for all the boat/ocean metaphors). You have every right to feel all the feels: be angry, be sad (mourn the loss of your family/life maybe not looking like what you thought it would), be utterly exhausted, be excited that maybe your life will look better/more solid in the future, and any and all of anything that may come into your head/heart. Please don’t feel like a duped idiot; alcoholism lies and covers itself. It was and is not your job to ensure that your H ceased drinking, sought treatment or was truthful to you. Be gentle with yourself. A great therapist can help you process all of these things and guide you gently forward, in whatever form that takes. Take care of yourself right now: get as much sleep as you can, eat healthily, find a way to move your body that feels good, spend time around friends and family that make you feel good, feel free to say no to anything that is not appealing.
Lastly, I TOTALLY get the well of compassion running dry. My particular boat takes the form of DH have mental illnesses that he neglected to treat (went off meds without telling anyone and didn’t actually engage in therapy), multiple hospital stays over several years, and narcissistic behavior. After so many years, I am utterly exhausted. I have been doing so much caretaking to the exclusion of my own needs that I felt on the verge of my own breakdown (recently on meds that are helping). I have my own therapist and we are doing couples’ counseling as the last stop. I have also spoken to a good friend who is also a family law attorney. All this to say, it feels very lonely to be in the middle of this kind of stuff, but you’re not alone. Hang in there.
ER says
Any suggestions for Christmas gifts for my au pair, or just suggestions about how to do Christmas with her?
She is from Brazil and age 23. Her tastes are so wildly different from my own….She likes scented bathroom products (yuck), touristy junk (keychains with placenames etc), sugary junk food (chocolate milk, Oreos), going to the gym, going to movies. She is a homebody and doesn’t use the weekends to travel much.
In case it matters, she is traveling with us to my parents’ house for Christmas. I want to buy presents for her but I don’t want her spending a lot of her own money on us.
SC says
I’d fill a stocking with small things you described that she likes–a scented bath product, a small momento of your city, some sugary junk food, nice athletic socks or wireless headphones or something small for the gym, and a gift card to the movies. Add some cash as a Christmas bonus. Tell her that she shouldn’t feel obligated to buy a gift for your family, or that she shouldn’t spend much.
Anonymous says
Dude chill. Buy her some lovely scented bath products, stop being so stuck up about her preferences, and move on.
ElisaR says
this could have been said in a nicer way “anonymous”!
I think you’re uncreative. come up with a better name (since we are being mean).
ER says
Haha you’re right that my snobbery showed in my post!
She is the best au pair I could have ever hoped for (even if the Bath and Body Works smells waft through our central heating into my own bedroom, lol).
Thanks for the stocking suggestions!
Anonymous says
Ha exactly what I meant glad I don’t seem to have hurt your feelings! Honestly though some nice bath products, movie gift cards, Nutella, maybe some dulce de leche if she’s homesick, cash. You’ve totally got this!
ER says
I did think your post was a little rude, but I’ve got a thick skin!
rosie says
Chocolate covered oreos for sure.
Anonymous says
Trader Joe’s dark chocolate covered peppermint Joe-Joe’s!
Seafinch says
I do something local to our region. it is cold and they are always German and freezing, so expensive Ugg slippers, classic Canadian Roots wear etc. I did a David’s tea Advent Calendar last year because she loved tea. I have also done tickets to shows. This year we have our first male Au Pair. I have already bought a mug with his initial, will find some concert tickets and fill a stocking with Roots wool socks, pocket warmers etc. If she likes bath stuff, go buy the expensive stuff (like LUSH, very strong but “natural”), scarf, mitts etc.
profesora says
I know we’ve talked before about double strollers and solutions for transporting two kids. I will have a 3 yr old and an infant this spring. Our stroller needs are mostly for going to/from park in our suburban neighborhood. We have a single Bob which we love. Has anyone tried something like the veer stroller wagon?
Anon says
tomorrow night our nanny is staying late so i can go to DH’s work holiday party. we want to offer to buy her dinner. is that weird? is it weird to give her a takeout menu and ask what she wants? i was trying to find a menu without prices, but can’t seem to find one and i don’t want her to feel like she has to choose the cheapest thing, but i have absolutely no idea what she likes to eat
ElisaR says
not weird, i have heard of people doing that. i think the nanny/sitter will appreciate it. If you leave her $30 in cash then she won’t have to worry about the price of things (as opposed to saying get whatever you want and put it in on my card.”
H13 says
I used to babysit in NYC (a loooong time ago) and parents did this all the time for me. Definitely not weird and so appreciated.
GCA says
Not weird especially as it’s outside of regular nannying hours. We usually leave cash for the sitter to get herself dinner, and also pizza etc in freezer if she’s happy to have that with kiddo.
Anonymous says
Not weird at all. She can have a menu with prices. Trust she’s a grownup who will just order herself what she wants.
Allie says
Standard. Menu with prices is good.
Anonymous says
I would leave cash. I agree this is super common, but I had an instance back in the day when I babysat where the check the parents left (I’m old…before everyone used cards all the time) had an issue. I survived, but I’ve never forgotten. Cash always works.
anon says
Not weird at all and would be appreciated. Just leave her enough cash to get delivery (including tip, etc.). Tell her she can keep the change or that she can pocket the cash and order online if she prefers. $20-$30 depending on your area sounds about right.