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This cheerful dress from Boden is the perfect pick-me-up for the winter doldrums.
This fit-and-flare midi dress features short puff sleeves, a defined waist, and a sharp V-neck. It’s made from an easy-care fabric blend and sports practical side pockets. The bright tropical print is perfect for a more casual day at the office — just add a tailored jacket and tall boots.
Boden’s Puff Sleeve Ponte Midi Dress is $160 and comes in regular sizes 2 to 20/22 and petite 2 to 12. If the floral print is a bit much, it also comes in black.
Looking for other washable workwear? See all of our recent recommendations for washable clothes for work, or check out our roundup of the best brands for washable workwear.
Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
See some of our latest articles on CorporetteMoms:
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Paging Appellate Lawyer says
To the appellate lawyer who posted about looking for a job that leaves more bandwidth at the end of the day:
I went from a higher prestige legal job to a federal agency office of general counsel. So far I’m very happy with the trade off. Much, much less stress. Very reasonable hours (7:30-3:30). Collegial work environment. The work is much lower stakes and would definitely not have the mental rigor that appellate work has, but I (as a nerdy HYS grad) am still stimulated by the work.
Anon says
Thank you (to you and everyone else who responded)! You describe exactly what I need: lower stakes but still intellectually stimulating. It seems like I need to explore govt agencies.
Anonymous says
+1 appellate work for government, same deal
Cb says
Ugh, kiddo is home as he’s got a splitting headache. A sniffly nose, but no cough or fever. Negative rapid test, so maybe sinuses? He won’t go downstairs as walking down the stairs makes his head hurt, and it is pretty pitiful. Plowed through admin while he played ipad this morning.
AwayEmily says
Aw, poor kid. Headaches are so hard, esp for little kids — hope tylenol or ibuprofen helps him.
Anonymous says
Awww poor kid. Maybe a warm compress on his head (for my own headaches, sometimes I do cold, sometimes warm, and I’m thinking warm for him to help with sinus pressure).
EDAnon says
My 5yo had his first headache the other week (negative rapid and negative PCR). It resolved with a night’s sleep. But it was rough on him. Hope kiddo feels better soon.
Cb says
Poor thing, he’s so sad! He fell asleep at 5:30 (after waking up at 5:30am) so hopefully this will knock it out. Hoping he will wake up at somepoint so I can get some more ibuprofen in him.
EDAnon says
Hope he’s doing better!
anon says
I saw this dress while browsing the Boden site yesterday, and I absolutely love this print. Is it a bit much? Yes, yes it is. But I think I’d have a lot of fun wearing it.
DLC says
I once was buying new glasses and I fell in love with cat eye marble green pair. I sat with them on my face for like half an hour trying to decide if they were too much. Finally the sales guy said to me, “The only one telling you not to wear them is yourself.” And I knew he was probably trying to make the sale, but it was exactly what I needed to hear and I bought the glasses and I love them. I think of his words a lot when I love something, but hold myself back with, “Is this too much?”
anon says
Love this story!
EDAnon says
Get it! I agree with the sales guy. (I also just bought pink sneakers for summer!).
No Face says
I love this dress and I think you should go for it!
Anon says
Those of you with with a kiddo with ADHD, how do you motivate them/what kinds of consequences “work”? I’m normally a fan of the “if you choose to keep doing X we are going to run out of time to do Y” logical approach, but that doesn’t seem to connect for him. And if we make one misstep (rushing him, moving on before he’s ready) he digs in his heels and it turns into a long standoff/tantrum. A huge pain point is getting dressed or ready to go anywhere (so, I guess big daily transitions?).
We do have a morning schedule with pictures and that works decently but not always, and try to get on his level, make eye contact, shadow him and physically guide him along etc, but that also doesn’t always happen because we have three kids.
He’s 4.5…so I’m giving lots of grace and tempering my expectations, but I want to establish some better habits. (Also he’s not been formally diagnosed and doesn’t seem to have the hyperactive component, but I have my strong suspicions)
anon says
Ooof, this is hard. The tricky thing about ADHD is that one technique will work until it doesn’t. If consequences aren’t motivating him, how about low-stakes rewards? Like: If he can get ready by X time, he gets 10 minutes of screen time, or a favorite song in the car, or whatever. He’s still pretty young, so YMMV.
I will also say that reducing the number of transitions was pretty key for us during that age 4-8 range. If he gets dressed in his room, can you also brush his hair in there? Or make sure that the house rule is that nobody gets breakfast until they’re fully dressed, socks included? (Why is it always the socks?) This kind of thing is very dependent on your routine and even your home’s setup, but reducing the number of steps can reduce the amount of friction and power struggles. Depending on the situation, maybe even consider eating breakfast in the car.
Hugs, mama. It’s hard. My 12-year-old with ADHD still wears his school pants as pajama pants so it’s one less thing to do in the morning. (He’s clean and showered before bed and only wears athletic pants, so no wrinkles to be seen.) It drives DH nuts, but I truly don’t care at this point.
Anonymous says
With ADHD it’s not a case of “motivate them sufficiently and they will execute.” Their brains are just not capable of executing. Consequences for noncompliance will backfire and create a negative feedback loop that just makes the problem worse. You need to optimize the morning routine to reduce friction and capitalize on his strengths, and break it down into small, discrete parts. For instance, is it a huge battle to get him downstairs for breakfast because he’s hangry? Start the morning with a cup of milk in bed.
If it’s really ADHD, the only good answer may be proper medication once he’s old enough. Without medication, every little thing is a massive effort and life is just an overwhelming, miserable slog. With medication, the little things are no big deal, which leaves them the brain space to deal with the big stuff like actually learning during school.
Anon says
(OP here) Thanks for saying this – focusing on reducing friction makes a lot of sense. I’m realizing that when he gets an idea in his head he has a hard time releasing it to change gears, so I’m trying my best to accommodate/help him with his idea so then we can smoothly proceed through “my ideas”. I’m normally a big “kids need boundaries” person but too strict boundaries seem to invite conflict and chaos with him.
Anonymous says
Oldest, middle or youngest? I also have three and I find where they are in the order matters for how you structure things.
Anon says
Middle! All boys
Anonymous says
It’s not about motivation at all.
Anonymous says
This. Motivation is necessary, but not sufficient, for a kid with ADHD to complete a task. All the motivation in the world won’t help if the kid keeps getting sidetracked. This is often as frustrating for a motivated kid as it is for the parents.
Anonymous says
First of all, so much commiseration as a mom of three, one of whom is ADHD. It’s so hard to know all the “right” things to do and just… not have the bandwidth to always do what you know is best for your child.
5 minute warnings help a lot for us. I have an alarm on my phone that is set for 8am with 5 minute snoozes. Once that starts going off in the morning, kiddos know that they have 15 more minutes before we need to be walking out the door. The audio cue helps them reset if they get distracted going from one task to the next.
anonM says
You can get out the door in 15 minutes in the am! Nice! (100% no sarcasm, this is great! My kids take longer to eat breakfast gahhhhh) How old are your kids? Please share all your tricks/tips.
Anonymous says
unfortunately no, but that would be amazing! That’s just when the reminder alarms start. They’ve usually been up for at least 30-45 minutes by then. 20+ minutes of that is eating multiple courses of breakfast, and ideally they’re dressed before the alarms start, too. It takes 15 minutes to herd them to brush their teeth, make sure they have weather-appropriate clothing and outerwear, and get shoes on. The absolute latest we can leave and still get to drop-off on time is 8:25, so even my 15 minutes has some wiggle room. We’re not efficient, I’ve just learned to leave tons of time. My kids are K, 1st and 3rd grade, and the one with ADHD is the oldest.
TBH, the alarm is as helpful for me as for them. No matter how much chaos is going on (and there is often a lot), it’s a trigger to take stock at 8:00 and determine how much focus *I* need to have to make sure they’re ready when there’s still enough time to do something about it.
anon says
One thing that works well in our house is to reducing distractions during a task. This means that we stagger having the kids put their pjs on at bedtime, because if they’re both in their shared room they’re way more likely to get distracted. We’ve taught ourselves not to have conversations with each other while trying to get the kids out the door to school–if there’s something we need to say we’ll text it, but one of my kids will just fixate on whatever we’re talking about and not be at all able to focus on putting on her shoes.
AwayEmily says
Any advice from people who have given birth post-COVID on hospital bag packing? With my last two kids I packed pretty haphazardly/minimalist since I knew my husband could just run home and grab anything I forgot (we live like five minutes away from the hospital). But now he won’t be allowed to leave once he gets there so I want to be a bit more thorough. The only thing I remember for sure is to bring way more pajama pants than I would think I need, because Reasons. Also, snack ideas?
Anon says
We had our first child in Oct 2020, so no pre-Covid experience to compare it to.
We basically packed our bags as if we were going camping and would not have access to any supplies. We brought clothes and snacks for 5 days because we were using worst-case-scenario timing (as it was, I had an unmedicated vaginal birth but then a post-partum hemorrhage, so ended up staying 3 nights b/c although I felt fine, they wouldn’t discharge me until I had a transfusion to bring my counts back up). Glad we had extra stuff!
Snacks – beef and turkey jerky, trail mix and dried fruit, Kind bars, tea bags and bone broth packets, homemade lactation cookies b/c I’m extra :) he was allowed to order meals, same as me (he wasn’t allowed to leave the room at all).
Extra long phone cord/charger. Toiletries. A warm fleecy blanket for each of you. I didn’t bother with pillows or towels b/c my husband has OCD for germs and so the fewer things we needed to wash once we got back home, the easier!
Remember to bring your car seat in with you when you arrive at L&D because he won’t be able to go back out to the car and grab it later when they need to inspect it before discharge.
Anonymous says
What are they really going to do if you forget the car seat? Refuse to discharge you and the baby? They have to let you go get it.
Anonymous says
We’d left the carseat in the car. They only allowed us to leave to get it right before discharge.
Anonymous says
Protein bars, bottled water, and if an extreme baby-“friendly” hospital, your own formula. But I had a nightmare hospital experience. I just wore the hospital gown and robe the whole time, but the nurses didn’t give me any time to shower or change anyway once I left the delivery room. I would be prepared for nurses to be incredibly stressed out and for everything to be more hectic.
Anonymous says
This was my experience even pre-COVID. The one bright spot about COVID restrictions is that you don’t have visitors showing up demanding to see you and the baby in your exhausted, disheveled state!
EDAnon says
Definitely bring formula. I delivered at a baby-friendly hospital and was glad I had it. I was 100% going to nurse but it turns out, I don’t produce enough breast milk. Surprise! It was good to have formula available. (I only knew ahead of time with my second).
That being said, I brought some the first time, too. A friend of mine (male) pointed out that something could happen to you and you maybe couldn’t nurse (like lost consciousness) and that last thing you’d want is your partner scrambling to feed the baby.
Anonymous says
I made the mistake assuming that was something the hospital could provide. My kid had oral-motor issues and could barely swallow. I mean, they could, but only after it was clear she wasn’t doing well, we signed a release form saying that we were going against medical guidelines by feeding formula, and had a long discussion with the nurses about our “choice.”
Anon says
I gave birth in the spring and we were also confined to the room (we even had to bring the car seat in with us at the beginning – we stored it in the shower for the two days.) I honestly didn’t need much! A couple lounge outfit options for me/a light robe, a newborn and 3-month option for baby’s going home outfit, phone/video camera/chargers, laptop for watching TV, AirPods, and a book. I mostly laid in the bed for two straight days and enjoyed my vacation from my other two kids :) Oh, and Tylenol for my husband in case he needed it (he had his Covid vaccine the afternoon before, but luckily was fine) and loungewear for him. Remember glasses/contact solution, too if that applies
Anonymous says
Toiletries/OTC meds for both of you. Saline nasal spray, antacids & painkillers for him, lotion for dry hands, lip balm.
TheElms says
Haven’t given birth yet but thinking about this also and my list includes ( I’m anticipating a c-section and being there 3-4 days) so you might not need all this stuff: chapstick, thick lotion, hair ties, travel toiletries (basically the bag I would take on a business trip), long phone card and a battery stick thing, headphones, big water bottle (doesn’t seem our hospital is giving them out during Covid), 2 pairs pjs for me that include a nursing tank, cozy warm sweater, Depends underwear (I preferred them to the mesh underwear), pumping bra (just in case), nipple cream, cooling nursing pads for sore nipples, nursing pillow, (since I found it helpful post c-section once I got home last time and didn’t have it in the hospital), fuzzy socks, clothes to wear home, plastic fake birkenstocks (can be worn in the shower and also I swelled really really badly after my c-section and I had no idea that could happen and they were the only shoes that fit to wear home, going home clothes for the baby, baby blanket, car seat. For husband he’ll also need 3-4 days of clothes, toiletries, his phone / laptop (either to entertain himself or because he’ll need to manage some work issues), assorted chargers, headphones, and a big water bottle. On the snacks list is Gatorade, Kind Bars, trail mix, dried prunes/ dried apricots, apples/pears, wheat thins, jar peanut butter, soda for my husband, some nice chocolate. We’ve heard but haven’t confirmed that the vending machines aren’t being stocked during Covid and that at the moment food deliveries are not being allowed so we are limited to what the hospital will bring to the room from the cafeteria. It seems like an absurd amount of stuff and we’ll re-evaluate closer to the time because I think the DC area has peaked and I’m hoping the hospital restrictions might start to relax in a couple weeks.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Yes, n*pple cream, nursing pillow and all of those supplies! I didn’t know about this with my first, but came prepared with my second and it made the nursing experience (and the experience of putting clothes on) so much better. I’d also err on bringing too much rather than not enough, so I like this whole list.
Anon says
Brown sugar pop tarts! Best post-birth meal.
I found that I needed to pack less because I knew I wanted to get out of the there once we got the go ahead.
Anon says
Sorry, it’s been scientifically proven that peanut butter M+Ms are the best post-birth meal.
Anonymous says
Snickers bar at 4 am was lifechanging.
anon says
For me, it was a giant vanilla cupcake from the hospital cafeteria. With a hamburger on the side.
EDAnon says
I ate a turkey sandwich because I couldn’t stand anymore time without deli meat. But I had hummus and pretzels the second time which was also good.
Anonymous says
I had to wait 10 hours after delivery for any food because the kitchen was closed. Our hospital did not offer menu choices so I had to take whatever they delivered, and my husband refused to leave the room to bring me anything different. I had hardly been able to eat for the past 9 months because of hyperemesis. The powdered scrambled eggs and cold English muffin I finally got the next morning were the best meal I’ve ever eaten.
Anonymous says
My kid was born literally 9 min before the kitchen closed. I told my husband to put in an order immediately because it wasn’t clear if we’d be able to get delivery (we wouldn’t have been). Ended up with mac & cheese & taco salad.
Lise says
My key items were an extra-long charging cord, two outfits for baby (one NB size and one 0-3, to accommodate a range of baby sizes), blanket to keep baby warm in the car seat on the way home, RTF formula, Kindle, laptop, coconut water for hydration during labor, snacks for after, LIP BALM, mini sizes of all my favorite nice toiletries (it was a bright moment for me to take a hot shower and use all my nice creams!), comfy robe that I wore over my hospital gown, yoga pants and hoodie for going home.
I hated a lot about my COVID postpartum experience, but the hospital experience was actually a really bright spot. One of the nurses told me they were enjoying how visitor restrictions prevented a ton of family drama/arguments on the floor so they could just be nurses rather than referees, and they thought the additional peace and quiet was a nice benefit for new parents. We were mostly confined to the room, except for getting the car seat, but the staff was responsive so it wasn’t a problem.
Anonymous says
SNACKS. We were confined to our room and all my meal orders were subject to calorie limits, which I didn’t expect. I had brought exactly one granola bar and I was basically starving for two days straight.
Also don’t leave anything in your delivery room! We left my shoes, couldn’t go back, and couldn’t figure out if anyone was even operating lost & found. I ended up leaving the hospital in single-degree weather wearing socks.
Anonymous says
Was this one of the hospitals that forces you to BF? If so, how can they limit calories for moms?
Anonymous says
Because it’s never occurred to dietary staff that different patients have different calorie needs. I had the same experience – limited to 1800 calories/day so that meant meals of no more than 600 calories each.
Anonymous says
Yet another example of how the moment a woman becomes pregnant she ceases to exist as anything but a slave to her child.
Anonymous says
That is insane. I am a small person and maintenance for me even when not BFing is in the range of 2100 calories/day. People who are recovering from illness, injury, or surgery should not automatically be put on what amounts to a weight-loss diet!
EDAnon says
That’s crazy! Our nurses told me to order extra so my husband could eat it, since they let the postpartum ladies order anything!
Anonymous says
At my hospital, we could order a meal for DH and there were no restrictions on how many times we ordered. I mean maybe they would cut you off at some point, but if you ate dinner and then decided you wanted a dessert and another dinner, that was no problem. The hospital also checked out the birthing rooms to the newborns if they needed to stay a few extra days in the hospital. So basically there was room for mom to stay with her baby and not have to leave her baby alone at the hospital and insurance covered it (not NICU, but the babies that needed extra care from the hospital could stay in the room with mom). This was a birthing center in a small hospital, though, so they didn’t handle complex deliveries beyond a C-section. If you needed a NICU or really complex care, you had to be transferred to the major medical center 4 minutes away. I remember thinking that would be a long 4 minutes if you really needed life-saving care but I trusted my OBGYN team and had a healthy pregnancy. But definitely it seemed like there was a choice between state of the art medical care at the hospital that wasn’t super friendly to moms after birth, or the birthing center that seemed much more sensitive to the needs of me and my baby during and after birth. I’m glad I chose the birthing center. I only know one mom who had to be transferred over to the major medical center for her birth after she started at the birth center and it was no problem for her or the baby. I wish all hospitals understood the very human needs of birthing people before, during, and after the birth.
anon says
I’m so sorry for your experience; that’s rotten. I second snacks, since meals could take awhile if dietary services staff are out due to Covid. However, I want to add as a data point that my local academic medical center is happy to let postpartum women order as much as they’d like to eat.
Anon says
+1 My hospital also let me order as much food as I wanted and I took advantage.
Anonymous says
I would pack some snacks that aren’t dry and crunchy, like applesauce cups, for variety. I literally get tired of chewing if I eat too many nuts and Kind bars. Also some sort of caffeinated beverages if you drink those. The La Colombe canned lattes are shelf-stable and really good if you will have access to ice or a fridge to chill them before drinking.
Anonymous says
Advil. I was only offered narcotic pain relievers, no Advil, so I went without any pain relief at all.
Anonymous says
I replied above, but forgot to mention to bring any meds, OTC or prescription, that you take regularly. My OB said not to worry because the hospital has a pharmacy. It took the pharmacy hours to find a prenatal vitamin and synthroid – both very very common things to be taking! Problem was that synthroid has to be taken on an empty stomach, so I couldn’t eat my breakfast until after I’d taken it.
Anonymous says
This. I had to bring my own Zofran from home to keep from puking during labor.
AwayEmily says
THANK YOU. This is so helpful; I’m literally copying down everything you all said onto a Google doc. Lots on here I wouldn’t have thought of on my own, like OTC meds and applesauce (totally agreed about the chewing-exhaustion thing). Also, some cold-brew coffee for my caffeine-addicted husband. Your responses also generated some good questions for me to ask at OB appt tomorrow (whether we can get delivery, whether we can leave the carseat in the car, etc).
Anon says
One additional tip:
Be prepared in case policies change while you are at the hospital. I delivered in October 2020, and we stayed 3 nights. First day (day of delivery), my husband could leave the room/maternity ward, but couldn’t leave the hospital building. Second day, Covid cases had gotten worse, so he couldn’t leave the maternity ward. Third day, couldn’t leave our room. So if we’d banked on “he can always run down to the cafeteria” based on day 1, we would have been SOL.
TheElms says
Funny kid story for the day — last night my 2.5 year old went to bed a little late and was very awake when we finished the bedtime routine. She played in her room for a bit (normal) and then she opened the bathroom door, grabbed her stool, turned on her bedroom light, opened her bedroom door, carried her stool out of the room (not normal). We heard her racing around in the master bedroom / bathroom (no camera so we couldn’t see what she was doing). We waited downstairs anxiously to see what she was up to or if she would call out for us. After a few minutes she returned to her room with the stool, put it back in the bathroom, turned off the light, closed all the doors and crawled into bed. She didn’t appear to have anything with her so we crept upstairs to see if we could figure out what she had been up to. Everything looked normal so we just moved on with the evening. This morning when I went in to get her I discovered she had taken all the tissues from the tissue box in the master bathroom into bed with her. Her explanation was that she might need them if she got a bloody nose in the night. (She’s had a couple recently). Kids are wild!
Anon says
this made me laugh. has she had a bloody nose recently?
TheElms says
Yes, she’s had a couple minor ones from the cold winter air recently. (I’m prone to them as is my husband and I think she definitely has our genes. We do have a humidifier we run in her room at night). The development of problem solving skills is probably my favorite part of the toddler stage — that and the attempts at jokes. Right now she knows there are jokes but has no idea what makes a joke or why certain things are funny and not other things. It is very sweet listening to her try to tell jokes.
So Anon says
That’s awesome. Way to plan ahead!
My autistic 10yo used the word “saltly” last night in a slang-appropriate way. It was hilarious but also amazing because those subtle slang words have been tough for him in the past.
Anonymous says
Much better than when I discovered that my toddler had emptied an entire box of Kleenex into a toilet that he had already filled with his poop
DLC says
Once, at the beginning of the pandemic my toddler unspooled an entire roll of toilet paper into the toilet and I almost cried at the irretrievable waste of a precious commodity.
I love when kids start solving their own problems.
EDAnon says
My kids won’t get out of bed for anything. I wish they’d get their own tissues. (In their defense, right now, it is freezing and we try to keep them warm but once you’re snuggled in bed, it is hard to get out!).
Anon says
i have a follow up question regarding yesterday’s conversation about meltdown vs. restraint collapse vs. sensory overload. what age is too young for a diagnosis and how do you distinguish between a ‘typical’ amount of restraint collapse versus a level that is concerning. every parenting book/article i’ve read has said it is normal for a lot of kids to hold it together at school and then completely fall apart when they get home – is that not true?
Anon says
I’ve always thought it was normal in preschool and early elementary school. I had daily after school meltdowns in kindergarten and occasional ones even after that, and I’m a normally functioning adult (albeit a fairly sensitive, emotional one).
EDAnon says
+1
Boston Legal Eagle says
I’ve been thinking about this too. I think there is a range – some kids are more sensitive than others and will experience more “restraint collapse” or heightened emotions after school. I see it with my own two kids – one is more sensitive/emotional/”spirited”/etc. I don’t know if it’s diagnosable or something to fix, but I think it may help to speak to a professional more for parenting tips on handling this personality and finding activities to bring out their strengths. I’m not against labels or medication by any means, but I also think that there is a wide variety of personalities out there.
Cb says
I think so? When my son started a new preschool, he would come home and cry for 10 minutes everyday and it still happens every once in awhile. We’ve forestalled it by dropping whatever we’re doing, sitting down on the floor in the hallway and cuddling for 5 minutes.
Anon says
The way I see it is that, in general, school is supposed to be good for kids; that’s what it’s for. So I become concerned when it seems that school is actually bad on net for an individual child. Sensory overwhelm, meltdowns, and exhaustion shouldn’t be the price of accessing an education.
Anonymous says
Then you are going to have to homeschool your child because our educational system is set up for sensory overwhelm and exhaustion.
Anon says
Maybe so! I know someone who went to a charter school that was mostly outdoors, and I have always wanted to ask them more about this.
Obviously that kind of school is not right for everyone either, but I think part of the problem with our educational system is the pretense that one educational environment can be right for everyone.
(I do realize that the whole existence of charter schools and the way they serve as a pressure valve for the educational system is problematic, but it also feels a bit blue on black to me given how inequitable the whole educational system is right now.)
Anon says
I don’t know, sometimes I’m overwhelmed and just need a good cry. Kids generally have less control over their emotions than adults do and cry much more easily. I don’t think a short cry after school means that school is a “bad” experience for the child in any way. I’m also not sure it’s avoidable, short of never sending your kid to school. For most kids, this is most common when they start full day preschool or kindergarten, and doesn’t last for that long. I’m not really sure there is a way to get through it other than powering through and offering as much love and support as you can at home. My parents said I burst into tears pretty much the minute I walked in the door for most of my K year, but as an adult I don’t even remember that and school was overall a very positive experience for me.
My kid is not in K yet but also seems highly sensitive, and there have been times when we’ve had to push her out of her comfort zone and her inner anxiety and frustration has manifested as crying. For example, she made up her mind that she was terrified of going to the bathroom anywhere but in a diaper and even at close to age 4 was not showing any willingness to use a potty, so we had to gently push it. We tried to make the process as positive as we could with lots of encouragement and rewards and gradual steps so we could celebrate small milestones along the way, but there were also plenty of tears involved as we gently pushed her on to each next step. Should we have just said “Welp, she seems like she might cry, guess we should give up?” I don’t think so, not only because having a 4 year old in diapers is developmentally inappropriate, but also because she once she got there she was so incredibly proud of herself, and she learned the lesson that even if something is scary you can get through it and achieve success. You have to balance emotionally supporting your child while also encouraging them to face their fears, and I really don’t think some tears from a highly sensitive child means you’re inflicting lifelong trauma on them.
Anon says
Of course, if it’s not a net negative, that’s different. Crying is not the end of the world!
But school attendance is a huge factor in mental illness in children, to the point that K12 suicide is elevated when school is in session and lower when it’s not. There’s a big difference between “life is hard and scary, and that’s okay” (of course!) and grinding kids down beyond their capacity to recover.
Anon says
I guess I just don’t really believe that a kid having a brief cry/tantrum after school is indicative of “grinding kids down beyond their capacity to recover” or deep mental health issues that are connected to suicide. As I said, I apparently had a meltdown every day after school in K, and I certainly never had any long-term negative associations with school or any mental health issues caused by going to school. It’s pretty common to need to de-stress or blow off steam after a long school day or workday, and for little kids who don’t have much control over their emotions, blowing off steam can look like a pretty dramatic meltdown. I think a kid not wanting to go to school in the morning is much more concerning, and is something I would definitely take seriously, but to me a meltdown is just a release of emotions the same way an adult or older child with more emotional restraint might want to vent or need to be alone for 15 minutes to decompress.
Anon says
Agreed. I guess it’s not that different from jobs. Any job might make me cry if there’s stress or frustration, but if I’m starting to dread every day, that’s different.
Anon says
I was one of the posters yesterday talking about how my kids are too young–what we’ve been told by the neuropsychology program at our local hospital is that their policy is not to test kids before kindergarten, because 1) a formal ADHD diagnosis needs to take into account their behavior in a formal school environment, not just at home and 2) at 4 the recommendation would usually be therapy rather than medication and you can pursue that without a formal ADHD diagnosis.
That being said, I have a friend whose daughter was diagnosed as a young 4 and started meds because she was having very extreme behavior issues at 4.
SC says
My son (now 6) also started taking ADHD meds at 4 (4.5, I think) because of some extreme behavior issues. We’d started the evaluation process at 2.5, started OT at 3, and started play therapy at 3.5. OT and play therapy and individual therapy were all helping, but they weren’t enough without medication. Kiddo’s mental health and self-image were already suffering–he told the person cutting his hair that his daycare teachers didn’t like him because he hurt people. When we went to the psychiatrist for the first time, he directly asked for help in a way that made the doctor tear up.
That said, he actually has never been formally tested, and I don’t know that there’s a diagnosis anywhere in a medical or school record. We enrolled him in kindergarten at a school for kids with exceptionalities. The teacher/student ratio is 5:1 in his classroom, and there’s no formal education assessment or accommodation plan. The teachers are trained in special education and do what seems necessary or what seems to work.
Anon says
Anyone gone to part time during the pandemic? I have not been at normal productivity since pre-March 2020, but the last few months have been especially bad due to very inconsistent childcare. I have no idea if it would be granted, but I’m thinking about asking work for a 60-80% schedule (ideally off one or two days a week, not shortened hours). On the one hand, I doubt I will work much less than I do now, and voluntarily taking a substantial pay cut for similar hours seems sort of crazy. On the other hand, I am so tired of being constantly criticized and always feeling like I’m behind, overwhelmed and disappointing people is really doing a number on my mental health. I feel like officially cutting back could be a way to meet people’s expectations while still carving out the time I need for myself and my family.
anon says
This sucks and is hard. I’d tell you to find a new job, but it seems like it’s much easier to go part-time in a current role than to find a new one that offers that flexibility. If I were you, I’d frame it as a temporary move. One year, two years, whatever you think would need. I would not hesitate to specifically cite the pandemic and the resulting child care woes as a key motivator. I do think you’re being smart in taking off specific days, as opposed to just trying to cut hours, which rarely works out well.
EDAnon says
I agree to frame it as temporary and even put a “reassessment date” on it. For example, “I want to go down to 80% for six months to see how it works for both of us. At six months, we can reconnect and see how it is going.”
That way, if you’re working 100% in four days, you have an out to get your pay back up. But if you love it even with stable child care and your work gets done to the degree they are satisfied, you can keep it going. I would keep extending with reassessment though (as long as you can). I grant almost everything requested of my if my staff frame it as temporary (mostly because it is a lot easier to get HR to approve).
Anon says
I am in the same boat! The past two months have been excruciating due to family demands during the holidays, regular daycare closures, and urgent work deadlines. I’m not sure whether reduced hours will help me. My burnout is due to stress, poor management, and high expectations for productivity (much higher than pre-pandemic) at work. The hours themselves are not terrible. I’m burnt out because I’m left feeling rotten after every work day, which takes away from my energy for myself and family. A new job is the long-term answer. I still wonder whether part-time would at least give me some emotional freedom from that rotten feeling, though. Going part-time is a hit to my pride in my ambitious reputation that I resent. The problem is my employer’s creation, i.e., external to me, but I bear the consequences. Anyway, solidarity. This is such a rough time right now.
Anon says
I went to 60% last year. I have the flexibility to work three days a week or just less hours per day. Depends on the week and my childcare responsibilities. My workplace is also very flexible about me going back to full time whenever.
It helps, but you’re right that it isn’t truly 40% less work. But it is nice knowing I have two full days I don’t have to work if daycare shuts down. If you can swing it financially I strongly suggest you do it before you quit completely or find a new job.
EDAnon says
As someone who supervises, I also want to say that I would prefer you try for a reduced schedule before quitting! I love my team and try to accommodate everyone.
Anonymous says
Another manager here: if you do go part-time, protect your schedule and work with your supervisor to prioritize strategically. I have someone staffed on several of my projects who does not report directly to me and is ostensibly on a part-time schedule. She routinely works more hours than she’s getting compensated for because she doesn’t want to push back against task assignments from certain sources, even though these tasks are routine and could easily be done by someone else. If she were my direct report I would be able to insist that she offload the extra work, but I don’t have the power to do that. The upshot is that I and some other managers avoid assigning her the type of tasks that are high priority for her unique skill set, and she works overtime doing stuff other people could do. We are wasting her talents and she is not getting the mental space she needs to deal with the challenges of pandemic parenting. It’s a lose-lose situation.
anonM says
Sort of kind of. I was supposed to go back from mat leave 3 days/week for a month or so, but my return to work day was shutdown day in our state 2020. I extended that 3 days schedule because covid/childcare for another maybe 2 months? I kind of hated it because of my case and client load — we have clients/issues that felt like I couldn’t just ignore from Wednesday pm until Monday, so then I’m trying to call back during nap times (ugh the worst, my kids always sense it and wake up or something). Fast forward, my firm has drastically changed/reduced work because of retirements/semi-retirements, etc etc. Having a more manageable workload is SO much better on me and for my family. I did have the option to cut down on days, but knowing my clients/issues I opted to arrange a more flex schedule (do the work, I’ll still have childcare 5 days/answer clients within the hour, but if I can log off early I can/do) rather than only doing set days a week. I really think the workload is the driving factor.
KW says
DS turned 3 last September and has less than zero interest in potty training. He gets mad if we even mention it. My original plan was to just wait for him to be ready, but as he’s approaching 3 1/2, I’m wondering if that’s still the best idea. My older kiddo was trained very easily right around the time she turned 3, so I’m not terribly concerned, but I’m wondering if we should be doing something different. I can’t quite figure out what’s going on – whether he’s scared or what. He physically seems ready – he will tell me when he’s peeing in his diaper, he’s dry when he wakes up and then pees a ton, and he’s told me a couple times recently that he needed to go #2 and then did in his diaper shortly thereafter. Any thoughts?
Anon says
We had a very difficult time with my kid who was similarly uninterested in the potty at that age, but was clearly able to control her bladder and bowels and communicate about when she needed to go. In her case, she had serious anxiety about using the potty and although we could bribe her fairly easily to sit on the potty and “try,” she could not figure out how to relax the right muscles and release anything. The conventional advice is you just take away the diapers, they eventually can’t hold it any longer and have to release on the potty, and then they figure out it’s not scary and everything’s magically fixed, but that did not work for us at all. We had major withholding issues to the point that we were very worried about her physical health (she once held it over 24 hours, and was not dehydrated) and the few times she couldn’t hold it in any longer and “burst” were terrifying for her, and made her anxiety worse, not better. We finally realized that the only way we were going to make progress was by helping her feel in control of her bladder release, so we did a very gradual process that involved her first underwear all day and telling us when she needed a diaper to pee in, then peeing in the diapers only while sitting on the potty, then cutting a hole in the diaper so the pee went in the potty, then making the holes larger and larger until it was just the waist part of the diaper, then just a string around her waist, then nothing. The whole process took probably two or three months but it got faster at the end as she gained confidence, I think she only wore the string maybe once.
Our experience is very unusual – I’ve never heard of a kid who had as much difficulty with potty training as mine – and most likely it will be easier for you! But just sharing as a possible solution in case you find yourself in a worst case scenario with a kid who literally will not go anywhere except their diaper. You may already know this, but if the issue is anxiety not motivation, rewards don’t help and can hurt. We did eventually have luck using rewards with our gradual system, but it was tied to much smaller steps that felt achievable for her. When we tried offering a big reward for just going in the potty, she was overwhelmed with frustration because she wanted the reward so badly but couldn’t figure out how to get it, and it just resulted in horrible meltdowns.
Anonymous says
Anecdata only but boy who turned 3 in august was similarly resistant and I was starting to despair but then at Thanksgiving time he just decided he uses the toilet now and it was quite easy. That’s a similar timetable for you so perhaps there is hope!
EDAnon says
My older one turned 3 in August and was potty trained by February of the next year (so 3.5). We did have to push it (by saying no more diapers during the day) but he actually took to it pretty quickly and was quick to learn.
My second turned 3 in September and he is not potty trained. We tried earlier this month (then child care shut down and we didn’t have the capacity to monitor him as much as you need to at the start). We are going to try again in a month.
Anonymous says
DH’s dad told us he’s seeking treatment for alcoholism. I was totally blindsided — he almost never drinks around us, and the whole family are very light/social drinkers. DH says he had some suspicions but didn’t know it was this bad. What I can I do to (1) support my husband, (2) support his mom, and (3) support his dad?
Anon says
Go to Al-Anon. Not trying to be rude by being so abrupt; it’s just that they are really, really good at helping families of alcoholics.
anon says
Suggest DH try out Al-Anon to start and see if it’s a fit for his mom. If it is, you could go with him/call in with him, or support him going with his mom. Alcoholism can be brutally painful for families and Al-Anon is a great resource. The initial stage can be odd, but see what steps your FIL is taking, how he’s talking about it (if he is) and mirror that. i.e. if he’s open to talking about it, in time a gentle ‘i see you and support your recovery’ message can be helpful. if he’s closed off, take your cues from there. TL:DR: Al-Anon.
anon says
Depending on your relationships with your FIL and MIL, I’d just ask them directly: “Thanks for letting us know — this sounds hard. How can I/we support you?” If he’s doing AA, learn about the steps and what to expect. If you normally serve alcohol when you gather socially, you could ask him if it would be helpful to stick to non-alcohol drinks for now. I have several friends in recovery, and they’re all pretty frank about what they need — learning to communicate those needs is part of the recovery process.
Anon says
Birthday present for a one year old girl? (A friend’s daughter) Can anyone recommend something that has been a hit at that age? They are an active, outdoorsy family interested in biking, skiing, etc.
anonM says
If in daycare, Personalized Tot Cot® Toddler Preschool | Daycare Nap Mat – Llamas from Etsy has been my go-to lately for 1yr olds because that’s usually when they move up to the “toddler” room and use a sleep mat. My LO’s has held up wonderfully and they love laying on it on weekends when it’s not at school.
Arts – watercolors and watercolor paper, Crayola Color Wonder Books/markers (mess free markers, great for traveling with a littleone!). Infant mittens. Personalized hooded beach or bath towel. Toddler wool socks would be a nice gift I wouldn’t buy my own kid but would love.
Anon says
I know several people who taught their 1 year olds how to use the Micro Mini scooters. My 4 year old still hasn’t figured it out, but no one would call us an active, outdoorsy family.
Anonymous says
Magnatiles. Some favorite read aloud books from your own childhood.
TheElms says
My daughter’s favorites at that age were a water table for spring/summer outdoor play in the back yard or a splash pad that hooks up to a hose. A bubble machine. Green toys wagon to load with treasures and pull around the house or yard. A small plastic slide. A piki piki bike or a ybike might be more accessible for a 1 year old than a scooter or a little tykes truck. We also got a play kitchen and magnatiles and duplos but those started to be used more around 18 months.
DLC says
Patagonia puffer vest. It’s a splurgy but awesome piece of clothing. I would never have thought to buy myself, but we were gifted one and it’s our cool weather VIP.
Anonymous says
The Green Toys car carrier is a hit at this age. They can play with the cars or the truck alone, or load the cars onto the truck.
Anon says
Wheee-ls, a set of 4 semi-soft pull back cars from B Toys. They are my go-to gift to every one year old (boy or girl) after a recommendation here. Biggest hit for every kid, including my own. Pair it with a lift the flaps board book – the “Babies Love”, “Karen Katz”, and “Peek a Zoo” series are great options.
If you want to spend more, add in a My First Duplos set – for age 1.5+, or a Little People set like the bus or food truck or school.
Anonymous says
A 1 year old is not going to be skiing or biking any time soon, so I’d just go with a typical 1 year old gift. My go-to is cardboard stacking blocks. Good for gross motor skills, and guilt-free recycling when they outgrow or destroy them.
Anon says
My kid loved to push stuff around at that age – shopping carts, tonka trucks, etc are all popular outdoor toys for us. My kid also loved a tiny snow shovel. I would have loved any toddler merino wool gear, though my kid would not have cared.