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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
anon101 says
Any unicorn WFH moms out there with young kids at home (cared for but subject to daily interruptions) who have managed to solidify a schedule that includes working out regularly, having some time for deep thinking/reflection/planning and being productive/focused at work at least half the day? If so, please tell me your weekly/daily schedule? I care not about having a superclean home in favor of focusing on the above!
anon says
By young kids at home but cared for do you mean with a nanny? I have a stay-at-home-spouse, but probably similar in terms of interruptions. Here’s the weekday schedule I’ve been using during covid, which I think ticks most of your boxes:
6:00 – get up, shower, make coffee/breakfast, play around on the internet
6:45 – start working, this is excellent focused quiet time when no one ever schedules meetings
7:30-8:00 – kids get up, dressed, fed (aka not working time)
8:00-1:00 – work time (kids will wander in and out and I’ll sometimes go help if disaster strikes, but I’m not on kid duty)
1:00-3:30 – nap/quiet time. this is great focusing time as well because the kids are silently in their rooms
3:30-6:30 – parenting: snack, playing with kids, making dinner, cleaning up, bedtime
6:30-9:00 – me time, can be exercise, catching up on work, household chores, just relaxing
9/9:30 – head to bed with a book
The only cleaning that regularly happens during the week is the kitchen after dinner and the roomba that runs daily.
Anon says
Having gone through several iterations of work schedules, the real trick is having more hours of very reliable childcare than hours of work, and the hours of work must be pretty consistent. I have twin toddlers who are not in preschool and older kids in elementary school, and we have a nanny who comes from 8 to 6 every day.
I am typically able to finish my work in about 3 to 4 hours every day. I basically do contract work for only one or two clients at a time. When I was “part time” at a firm (even when it was WFH), I had too many clients, and found that even if I didn’t have a lot of substantive work for clients, my hours would bump up to 5 to 6 hours – just due to admin work, managing staff, and responding to various random client requests that inevitably results from having a much larger roster of clients. Since moving to contract work, I reduce the amount of work admin time I do in favor of more consistent, substantive work for fewer clients. Really, I just removed the element of having a large roster of clients where I “lost” a ton of time per day in management and emergency projects were more likely to occur, due to the number of clients.
Now, the nanny shows up, I shuffle my older kids off to school, come home and hang with the twins, clean up the house, then do focused work between 10 and 3:30. I try to exercise at some point in that window, and I usually spend about an hour or so of that time doing family administration (managing finances, kid related stuff – appointments, and planning).
I get my older kids off the bus then run them to activities, and we all eat at home at 6 when the nanny leaves.
Honest cons – It’s hard to see my friends reach bigger career milestones, and I’ve turned down some great opportunities that have come my way over the last few years. My earnings have remained very steadily low over the years. I’m hopeful that I will be able to lean back in when all the kids are older, but this is where we are right now. I also end up being the default parent.
Pros of this are that we have a big family, so we really do need a primary person to run point on family administration. When both my husband and I had “big jobs,” we were constantly anxious and fighting over who would manage the family, and there was a lot more conflict in our family in general. I was also the default parent even when we both had big jobs. I resented it when we worked the same number of hours, but now it feels like we are pretty equal in how much we “work.” It helps that both of us consider home administration to be a crucial part of our family’s happiness and success (probably since we went a long time without anyone having the bandwidth to manage it and it was hard on all of us). We are also very lucky that my husband currently has a job that supports this set up financially, but we try to remain prepared to pivot if that changes.
Anon says
I have a clean home only because I have weekly housekeepers. DH is a SAHD and DD has morning preschool 4x a week. I also do not work out regularly, but here’s my schedule on a preschool day. I also go into the office 2x a week and have biweekly physical therapy appointments so theoretically if I switched that to a lunch workout I could probably fit that in.
7:45 – get up and shower, kick DH and DD out of bed and into get ready mode
8:00-8:30 – get myself dressed and ready while also helping DD get ready; DH takes her to preschool
8:30-9:00 – fix my breakfast, enjoy the silence, catch up on emails, usually stacked with morning calls
9:00-11:30 – deal with fire du jour or, on a slower day, bigger projects
11:30-12:00 – putter around the house, figure out lunch, enjoy the still and silent house when DH leaves to pick up DD
12:30-1:00 – DH returns with DD, I usually help get her settled post-preschool (the connection here helps delay interruptions later) and we all have lunch
1:00-4:00 – this is the time I am least likely to be interrupted (mostly because barnacle kid is happy to veg out in front of the TV for a bit or play with daddy following preschool), so I tend to spend more time on projects that require deep thinking here.
4:00-6:00 – often spent time polishing off the things I didn’t want to do that day; DD pops in at least once an hour, sometimes twice, so focus on tasks that can be interrupted
6:00-6:30 – either cook dinner or negotiate with DH where we are ordering takeout from
6:30-9:00 – solid working time for me, good focus, can usually knock things out while DH plays with DD post-dinner and starts bath time upstairs
9:00-10:00 – I go upstairs, finish up bath time (DH can’t bend over to wash hair and scrub, so I do that part and comb and braid hair, put jammies on, and tuck DD in).
10:00-11 or 12 – Either come back downstairs to plow through urgent work or spend this time watching TV with DH or doing a light clutter pickup downstairs if I am restless.
On days I go into the office (usually Mondays and Fridays) it’s often the same schedule except I leave the house between 8:30 and 9:00 and I try to come home around 7, so dinner gets shifted later and I probably won’t pick up working again until 9 or so if I can force an early bath.
Anon says
so during covid our twins were 22 months when it started and DH and I were WFH from a 2 bedroom apartment with a nanny. now they are at part time preschool and we moved into a house in November 2021, but from March 2020-August 2021 our nanny honestly did an amazing job keeping them out of my hair, most of the interruptions are by my choosing. she would take them out of the house after breakfast, bring them back for lunch/nap
Anon says
So, for working out, I leave the house. M/W/F I get the kids up, dressed and then pass them off to care and I go to the gym from 7:30 -8:30, come home and work. But leaving the house is how I work out. I know it’s counterintuitive the convenience of working out at home, but for me the gym has better equipment (I lift weights there and enjoy the various machine, barbells, kettlebells, etc) and I like getting out of the house. T/Th I try to do a ten minute ab workout at home, but this often gets skipped because home = distractions.
Alanna of Trebond says
I have only one baby and he is 1.5 years so my life is pretty easy. But posting here in case helpful. I also have a nanny.
7:45am wake up, snooze the alarm. My husband takes care of little one by getting him out of bed and they have breakfast together.
8:30am I take him down to see my mother who lives in our building. Nanny also comes around this time in low spike periods, during Omicron she stays in our guest bedroom.
9:00am I bring kiddo back and nanny takes over.
9:00-10:30am I go for a walk and do yoga.
10:30am-6:30pm I work. Husband arranges for breakfast and lunch.
6:30-8:00pm Time with kiddo and husband, including dinner; nanny goes home/to her guest room.
8:00pm-12/1am I work. (Sometimes not the whole time, but often).
We have a house cleaner who comes weekly. I try not to work on weekends.
Anon4this says
I’m not sure I tick all the boxes but here’s our family —
7:15am alarm goes off, try not to hit snooze
7:30 must get up time
7:30-8 shower/get dressed/wake up kid
8 nanny arrives
8-8:45 Some combination of get kid dressed & fed/ myself fed/let dog out/dishwasher emptied/ work calls if needed and the nanny helps finish whatever kid stuff needs to happen
8:45 nanny and kid leave for preschool (part time mornings only) or go play outside or in the basement / I go start work
8:45am-1pm focused block for work (8:45-12ish on the days kid is at preschool are definitely when I get my best work done).
1-1:30pm lunch break (most days but not if I have calls – then I just grab something when I can) In theory when I am up to being on my Peloton again I’m going to make this longer and do a 20 min bike ride.
1:30-5pm work but this period is often noisy because kid is not at school and noisy, expect during nap (another time it is quiet and I get best work done, but its usually only 90 minutes)
5-6pm if nanny stays late (which happens 2-3 days a week) I work until 6pm or do family admin tasks or sometimes start dinner in relative peace if its a more involved dinner. If nanny doesn’t stay late I play with kid/ take dog for walk/ start dinner/ or take work calls if needed and then husband does whatever I didn’t get to.
6-7:15pm Finish making dinner/ eat dinner/clean up (Both husband and I try really hard not to have calls between 6 and 8pm).
7:15-8pm ish Husband does bath/bedtime. I finish dinner clean up if needed or take the dog for a walk (this is my “exercise” typically), sometimes help with bedtime if husband has a call.
8-10pm finish any pressing work (can also be good for getting work done because typically no meetings and email is quiet), if no work, family admin stuff, if none (doesn’t happen that often) watch TV or read / hang out with husband.
10-11pm Watch TV/ read/wind down for bed (try really hard not to work during this hour)
We have a cleaning service ( I vacuum in between visits on the weekend and wipe counters, but that’s it. The house is just not that clean). We also have a dog walker and my husband does the most of the dog care. All groceries / household items are ordered or on subscribe and save. We use a meal service (rotate through lots of them and some require more work than others) for 3-5 dinners a week. It works for us because either one of us can follow the directions or switch midstream. It also seems to cut down on the number of dishes to be done / clean up time. We get take out for the rest of the dinners, I cook once a week at most. Nanny does all daytime food and food prep for kid and snacks for kid. Kid eats what we have for dinner or she can have a pbj and fruit. Husband does laundry but we are thinking about sending it out because its hard to keep up.
Anon says
I WFH and have a nanny for my two young children during my “working hours” (I work a reduced schedule so for me that’s ~7 hours a day of childcare). I’m also the default/primary parent in our family, as my husband works outside of the home ~60 hours/week. I don’t think my schedule is perfect but it works well enough. My house is clean-ish, but you can definitely still tell two small children reside here. Also, I don’t work out during the week and try to fit in two workouts over the weekend when DH is with the kids (I don’t want to get up earlier and I’m too tired by the end of the day).
6 AM – wake up, shower/get ready while kids are in their rooms sleeping or playing
7 AMish – get kids up, change diapers, give milk, set them up with a show while I empty the dishwasher, tidy, make my breakfast and coffee
7:30 AM – nanny arrives, I hang out with her and the kids a bit to ease the mom/nanny transition and help get breakfast for the kids on the table
7:45-8ish AM – head upstairs for work; try to tune out the kids as best I can but still check phone for texts/updates from nanny
2 PM – finish work; check in with nanny
2:30 PM – nanny leaves, get kids snacks/hang out and play with them
4 PMish – kids get some screentime while I clean up, do a few chores, try to scroll my phone or read for a bit if they let me, and start dinner
5:30 PMish – kids and I eat dinner (or they eat and I wait for my husband to get home); DH usually gets home between 6-6:30
6:30 PM – kids get milk and DH and I split bedtime responsibilities
7 PM – kids go down, I do a 10-15 minute pick up of the house or clean one thing that’s really bugging me (we have a cleaning lady every two weeks, so I do “maintenance”-type cleaning in between when she comes)
7-8ish – solo time for me to read, finish up any work, catch up on a show, etc.
8:30ish – DH comes upstairs and we either watch a show, catch up on our days, etc.
9:30ish – in bed, usually read a bit before lights out at 10/10:30
Seafinch says
I don’t know that my example is much use but I am WFH 100% of the time since March 2020. I have four kids. Three are in school when we aren’t in lockdown and I have a two year old at home. My husband works from home two days a week unless the schools are on lock down the he is home full time, too.
Our nanny quit a year ago and we just white knuckled it through the last year with the two year old. No childcare. The days my husband is here are pretty much fine with the occasional tense double booking. The days I am alone are sometimes a lot crazier.
I fully enjoy sleeping in since I don’t have a commute. I generally get up at 0800 on mornings I am alone with the kids, they sit to eat the breakfast their father leaves at 0830, I send them to get changed and they leave around 0900. They walk.
I don’t follow a schedule at all. I just wing it every day based on what deliverables I need to produce and what meetings I have. I do a rough week plan evey week of Monday morning.
I am allocated an hour a day for working out because I am in the army so I just fit it in around my schedule. But I work out everyday, 90 minutes minimum, usually split into a resistance type workout and an outdoor walk/run/ski/skate. Some days are busier and I end up doing it all at night but I can usually get at least one session in during the work day.
No house cleaners but we have a pretty minimalist home and I find five minutes here and there is fine.
It’s more chaotic than I like and I am looking forward to the new nanny starting next week but it’s been okay.
Anonymous says
My husband is a SAHD. He does all of the cleaning during the week and either cooks or procures take-out. I have two elementary age children and a 2 year old. I have only been able to work out regularly since working from home, basically using my commute time.
6:30-7:15: Wake up, get the kids, get all of us breakfast
7:15-9: Husband takes older kids to school. I work out followed by shower. I use the Fitness Blender website and have weights at home. I like to shower every morning, so working out right before that is key.
9-12: Work. This is my best concentration time. 2 year old can’t open baby gate and therefore can’t interrupt me. Husband and 2 year old usually go out during this time.
12-1: Lunch with 2 year old. Put 2 year old down for nap.
1-2:30: Work. This is a good concentration time, with no awake kids.
2:30-3: Husband picks up older kids from school. I keep the baby monitor for the napping 2 year old, so there is a high risk of interruption here.
3-6/6:30: Work. On Tuesdays and Thursdays older kids have swim lessons, so this is a good concentration time. Other days there is some risk of interruption by older kids, especially on Fridays when they don’t have activities or homework.
6:30-7: Dinner
7-8: Bedtime routine. Husband bathes the kids while I clean up from dinner. I do teeth, books, and getting them to bed.
8-9:15: Time to unwind, usually watch tv with husband. Sometimes we play a board game. Sometimes I meditate.
9:15: Get ready for bed. I have a very high sleep need.
Clementine says
Can I just tell into the void today?
I simultaneously can understand that I’m playing for a daycare slot, not the hours, get why they charge me, and be mad at paying $1100 for 7.5 hours of care because of quarantines.
Today it physically hurt making that transfer of cash.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Scream away. I completely feel daycare’s pain that they’re not choosing this, they run on a bare bones budget anyway and they are dealing with staff shortages and other issues, but it still sucks to pay $$$ for no care. Basically we need government subsidies for daycares but the a**holes in DC don’t care about women working or families and would rather spend money elsewhere. It’s so frustrating. Clearly, I’ve been feeling a lot of stress lately.
Anonanonanon says
^this. This says everything I was going to say. Eff Congress and its hatred of women
GCA says
This. You know I’m screaming along with you.
Realist says
+one million
Anonymous says
I think of it as the cost of keeping those workers on retainer during all this. The center could sack them all to save $ and try to backfill, which we all know wouldn’t work and would be tremendously unfair and there is too much turnover as it is. Or you could give up your spot and try to find another, which is also not good. It’s the least-bad way to handle while being the best for the kids and the workers.
Anonymous says
And this is why I’m eternally grateful for my unicorn daycare. We get a 90% tuition discount for quarantines/isolation periods due to exposures at daycare. They’re paying the teachers for their own quarantine/isolation periods, too. I have no idea how they’re staying afloat.
Of course we’ve had 394839482 other non-covid kid illnesses this year, and there’s no discount for those. My state reopened in May, and we had a lot of weeks in May and June that looked like that due to RSV, croup, etc., so I feel your pain.
Anonymous says
I don’t understand the math of that, either, but I do wish someone wanting to launder $ would throw all that extra cash through a daycare. Not really. But kind of.
FVNC says
We are in that incredibly fortunate situation, too, and the answer is that our daycare is subsidized by the hospital it supports. Other daycares in our small city have folded, childcare is almost impossible to come by, and I am so thankful that our daycare has remained in business (even if we did just return from a two week whole-school closure that almost broke me).
FVNC says
Oh, and also, OP, I’m sorry you’re going through this! It stinks!!
Anon says
+1 our university daycare doesn’t charge tuition when the classrooms close, and I suspect it’s because the university is subsidizing things to some degree. Full time staff are definitely paid through the closures, although this year the school has a bunch of hourly student workers who I suspect are not paid when they don’t work due to a quarantine. TBH I wish they’d return to the policy they had last year of not allowing student workers, since the undergrads have (probably not surprisingly) been the source of most of the school’s Covid cases. I’m not really sure why they weren’t necessary last year and are necessary now, since class sizes haven’t changed.
EDAnon says
In some states, the states are using Federal funding to pay childcare’s during closures. That’s what my state is doing. No all childcare’s apply (because of complicated reasons), but I am 90% sure that’s how my childcare does it (though they are also subsidized by a larger org).
EDAnon says
This may not be true for you, but I remind myself that I didn’t lose any pay (just time off). Our center did reimburse us for the week the full center was closed. But not for individual room closures.
Anon says
Oh wow I would be mad. We don’t have to pay tuition during quarantines, which is the one silver lining of this miserable situation. Our last tuition bill was $300 instead of the normal $1100. Of course I would have rather paid and had the care…
anon says
Scream here all you want. The situation for children under 5 and their parents is extraordinarily tough right now. Rubbing salt in the wound, it feels like many people don’t understand what a tough situation parents and young children are in right now.
Thank you for not screaming at the daycare workers.
I’ve heard of way too much venting of frustrations to daycare and school staff for following public health orders. They are doing their very best, are working so hard to limit the spread and stay open. They feel terrible about the closures. But, they can’t actually stop a global pandemic or keep a class open in a situation in which the public health department says they have to close.
Most daycares don’t have endowments or public support, so their options are to not give a refund through closures, or charge more each month in order to give a refund during closures.
In my area, there’s such a shortage of early childhood educators that a daycare that didn’t pay educators in full during a closure would quickly find itself without high quality educators for years to come (and likely without anyone at all, even minimally qualified educators).
Anonymous says
Re: rubbing salt in the wound….totally agree. I don’t understand how it feels like every other headline I read is about how hard it is for childcare providers and parents, especially of kids under 5, and yet people still don’t get it.
Anon says
Slightly piggy backing off Anon101’s question: if anyone has resumed exercising after having a baby- how? Any tips?
I was an annoyingly fit person throughout my pregnancy but baby is 6 months old now and I haven’t really been working out since delivery. I attempted to get back in the routine at 6 weeks and 3 months, and quickly stopped both times (at 6 weeks because I definitely wasn’t physically ready, 3 months was probably more mental).
I’m still breastfeeding and waking up about once a night to feed. I know I have the time if I’m flexible about when exercise, but I usually don’t have the willpower when I have the free time.
Momma says
I used Momma Strong and I loved it especially for that stage where everything just feels like too much. It’s only 15 minutes which was manageable for me at that stage, and she is down to earth and relatable for me at least.
It also can be done barefoot which for some reason was key for me – and I could do it with the baby in a bouncer next to me.
Anon says
Fitness Blender. They have 20 minute exercise routines that are a lot of fun and kick your butt. Keep telling yourself that you don’t have to WANT to exercise, you just have TO exercise.
I started back into running 5 weeks after my C section. My body still didn’t feel quite right until a year postpartum.
EJF says
I would probably qualify as an “annoying fit” person as well. I’ve found that resetting my expectations of what counts as a workout helped a lot. Maybe a 15 minute walk or a 10 minute ab routine is enough. Running a mile (once you’ve built back up to that!). Doing a yin yoga stretching routine before bed.
I am a morning workout person, and I found it hard to do the first year when I was nursing, since I was way too “full” in the morning. I have a 1.5 year old, and I feel much more in my groove again. Go gentle on your body and on yourself. Do enough to feel good but don’t push yourself. It always feels like forever when you are in thick of it, but then you look back and it was just a blip.
anonM says
One caution – especially if you have/had any pelvic floor issues or had a traumatic birth, be really cautious about high-impact like running/jumping. My dr ok’d running at 6 weeks (?!!!) and that is what NOT to jump into if you have pelvic floor problems/prolapse. If you arent’ sure if you have that, do some research on your own and don’t rely on your dr. A lot of them know shockingly little and it can cause damage/set you back in recovery. Build core/PF first. Hab It is by a PT, and has $10 video series. I’d start there to build your foundation. http://www.hab-it.com/buy-videos/
Anon says
I did the Ab Rehab on Move your Bump before starting back to really working out. It is a 12-week program. Many of the workouts are 15-20 minutes. They were all very gentle and seemed like they would be too easy… but were all very difficult post-partum. Your body has been through a lot, and you are going to have to be more gentle than you would like. I felt like I had reached the same fitness level I was at at 27-30 weeks pregnant about 6 months postpartum.
Anonymous says
I did but not reliably until baby was 2.5. Hang in there, it is a marathon not a sprint.
Anonymous says
Also, when I finally did, what worked for me was getting up about 30 minutes earlier and doing Fitness Blender’s 30 minute workout series before I ate breakfast. (They have at least 2 of them. The videos are free, but you can pay a modest one time fee for a plan that basically just puts them on a calendar for you and can be reused infinitely. Highly worth it for me). I had some stress incontinence and didn’t take up running regularly again until after surgery and my son was 5. I also had to let go of exercising alone for a while – I generally play the video on my phone, and often my husband and son were doing other things in the same room (small NYC apartment) for part of the time. If my son slept later that would have made it easier, but he’s always been an early riser.
Anonanonanon says
I had to first acknowledge that I do not have the discipline to sporadically fit exercise into my schedule, and I have to go to live classes if it’s going to happen.
This was pre you-know-what so may not work for you, but the only way I could do it was find a gym right by my office. My husband was responsible for drop off, so I would pack my stuff the night before, go to the gym by my office, do an early-morning yoga class (it was geared toward older folks so it was the perfect way to ease back in post physical therapy), shower and get ready for work IN PEACE in the nice locker room, grab a Starbucks from the one in the building, and drive 2 minutes from work. Once I was back in shape I would do a harder AM yoga class or use exercise equipment.
The opportunity to shower and get ready without anyone bothering me and grab a Starbucks was the carrot I needed to get out of the door.
The closest thing I’ve found in this “new normal” is Obe fitness workouts because they have live online classes and that forces me to commit to doing the class at a certain time.
Anon says
I found it hard and finally had some success by signing up for studio classes so that I’d have to go do it. Then Covid hit, so that got ruined. I do have scheduled free time a couple times a week that I will use for exercise now, but I think 6 months postpartum it was just really tough. I’m having another baby soon and I think I’m going to try to find some outdoor baby & me exercise classes while I’m on leave.
Anon says
I was probably also “annoyingly fit” during my pregnancy and now I’m “annoyingly fit” postpartum. My daughter is 15 months. I had a vaginal delivery and started walking after the first week or so, increasing time and distance and speed as my body felt ready. I started working out (HIIT and Barre) after I was cleared at my post-partum checkup (I think that was at 8 weeks)? I workout 6-7 days a week for about 30 minutes, always in the mornings (I wake up around 5am every day). I’ve always been in good shape but I’m actually in the best shape I’ve ever been in. I used to do more running but have only run a few times postpartum just because I’m not interested in doing it outside in the dark and would rather be near the monitor just in case she happens to wake up early (she doesn’t – it’s totally a me thing).
I breastfed until almost 14 months, but my daughter was a good sleeper and so I was getting a solid 5 hour block by about 6 weeks. She was sleeping through the night (830/9pm to 730/8am) by around 12 weeks.
Exercise has always been a huge part of my life because of its mental and physical benefits. I love having this time just for me. I also felt really lucky to have had such a great first pregnancy and birth and recovery, and I think a lot of that is down to staying healthy and active (and a lot of that is down to sheer dumb luck, genetics, cards I was dealt, etc). We’re hoping to get pregnant with our second child in the next few months (gearing up for our next IVF transfer), and so I have the added motivation of wanting to be strong and healthy entering this next pregnancy, both because it’s good for the baby and me but also good for my daughter if I am maximizing my energy, ability to still play with her, etc.
Anonymous says
I did it by going to early morning workouts (6AM) at my gym. I was motivated because I love my gym and the classes offered, it has a fancy locker room and shower I like using because there are no kids or babies crying at me while I get ready, and I personally just feel better on the days I exercise. My baby was still waking up once or twice a night too so waking up to go just felt like a continuation of that.
GCA says
I’m definitely not ‘annoyingly fit’, but I’m a runner. Running gives me joy. And it was so, so frustratingly hard to fit in a long-enough run all through the baby year, what with timing the breastfeeding/ pumping properly, waking up in the middle of the night, and getting back into the rhythms of two-working-parent family life.
If you are starting from scratch, this is what I did after my 2nd kid:
– On maternity leave, starting around 6 weeks pp: the ReCORE Fitness program plus some easy long walks with the stroller.
– When I went back to work (WFH), I had a mental rule of thumb that 20 minutes (whichever was shorter) was going to be my bare (endorphin-inducing) minimum. If I looked at my schedule and had time to run two miles + do a quick wipedown/ shower, I did the two miles. I definitely fit it in whenever and wherever I could, including at 11pm after a dreamfeed! But I wasn’t at all consistent until baby was well over a year. I did run a 10K when the baby was about 10 months old, but it was nowhere near any sort of personal best – more of a ‘can I finish this in a reasonable amount of time’.
– With my first, I very slowly worked my way back to training and ran a personal best marathon (not just a postpartum PR!) when kid was 2.5. I was planning a similar timeline with my second but an entire pandemic got in the way…
AwayEmily says
I guess my answer would be that if you are a person who generally likes fitness/working out, but you don’t currently have the willpower, maybe it’s because you aren’t actually quite physically/mentally ready. With both my kids I suddenly and noticeably hit a point where I *wanted* to get back to it. That point took longer than maybe it “should” have from an ideal-fitness perspective (definitely more than 6 months post-partum) but I wasn’t willing to force myself. I try to take the very long view…a few extra months of not working out is not gonna make a difference in the long run and when I was ready to make it a priority I did. Anyway, definitely give yourself some grace, having a baby is HARD and it takes awhile to re-establish routines, and the routines are probably going to look a bit different than they used to. For example, I started doing WAY more walking post-baby because being outside (as opposed to in a gym) was very helpful for my mental health.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Yep, this. After my second kid, I didn’t really start working out again until he was 18+ months (part of this was Covid lockdown and all that fund). Now, I am back to my pre baby 1 weight (shape is different) and eat reasonably healthy and try to at least walk or do some form of exercise most days. The early months and years are hard. It’s ok if you don’t get back into it right away. It doesn’t mean it will be this way forever. B-feeding and waking up at night take a lot out of you and it’s ok to focus on that in this season of life.
Anon says
I…haven’t, if I’m being honest. I had two kids pretty close together and tough pregnancies in terms of nausea/vomiting, so I stopped exercising when I got pregnant with my first and never picked it up again once we started planning for a second. My youngest is now approaching two and I’m pretty sure we’re done, so only now can I even contemplate having the motivation, energy, and time to exercise. Also, the exercise I enjoy now is long walks with a good podcast or playlist, whereas I used to be a big-time group fitness/prestige workout class person. It’s just hard to make fitness classes fit into my life with a working spouse and limited childcare.
Anon says
I’m only mentioning because no one else has: is there a Baby Boot Camp (Momleta is one co. for these) in your area? I did that on maternity and loved it.
Once I grew out of that (mostly b/c it was pre-COVID and I went back to 5 days a week in the office, but some people do baby boot camp at the one I did well after their kids were babies) I started working out twice a week during “lunchtime” at work. Classes at a nearby gym so there was some structure and accountability. I would have never worked out mid workday pre-kids, but now I DGAF (I mean, I GAF about work, just not about if anyone would care that I leave to work out twice a week during it).
Omicron experiences says
I know this has probably been discussed a bunch of times, but for those who have had kiddos with omicron, how did they do? Have a toddler and a preschooler who were exposed. Toddler is now sick, ugh. We are home waiting on test results but I’m guessing they both have it.
anonamama says
2YO with covid was very lethargic, cranky, but with normal cold symptoms. We thought he had some muscle pain, so Motrin really helped provide comfort in days 3-5. It just really sucks because symptoms differ for everyone and there’s no blueprint. Hope this is easy on your kiddos and passes quickly. Related: Tru Kids Bubble Podz are AMAZING.
Walnut says
One had a headache for a half day and the other spiked a fever and took a long nap. Both were prescribed extra Bluey.
Not gonna lie, this 14 day quarantine until my youngest can go back to daycare is a mother effing over reaction. We have created a freaking circular problem and I’m getting real close to burning it all to the mother effing ground.
anonamama says
+1!!!!!!!! Our center went TWENTY DAYS then (allegedly) 5 then back to TEN for positive cases. I’ll bring the matches.
This says
Yes yes yes.
Anonanonanon says
My daughter’s preschool has somehow NEVER had a positive case which just tells me no one is testing their kids or the center is lying at this point and honestly I’m not even sure I’m mad about it. I’m so worried society is never going to go back to being able to support two parents working outside of the home (not that it was ever easy to have that)
Boston Legal Eagle says
Your last sentence is my fear too. It’s never been easy but of course something had to happen to make it EVEN HARDER. It makes me so angry to have to figure this out all on my own again, and to work with people who don’t get it and don’t have to deal with it, and to be measured against them.
Anon says
My two year old just got over it. He was tired, cranky, some minor sniffles, coughing, slight fever – from what I could tell. I caught it too and think it affected me more, despite being fully boosted.
Anon says
My 13 month old had it and it resulted in diarrhea 3-4 times a day, vomitting 1-2 times per day, and loss of appetite. She had these symptoms for about 4-5 days. It wasn’t fun but we’ve been through croup, RSV, ear infections with my oldest and that was much much worse. My goal was to just keep her hydrated and it helped that I’m still nursing. My 4 year old never got it even though we didn’t mask, isolate, etc.
Anon says
Two year old had a runny nose. Four month old had a chesty cough. Both lasted a couple days, neither ever had a fever.
RSV last month and every time we’ve had the flu (or other colds) were all way worse!
Anonymous says
Regular mild cold symptoms. No fever, minimal cough, less than with a typical cold. The quarantine and anxiety were the worst parts.
anon says
How can I teach my 6 year old to bathe herself? I am SOOOO sick of giving baths! Its a struggle to get her to take one, she refuses to lean back under the faucet so I have to still use the whale cup thingy and I’m just done with it. What’s a reasonable age to expect this? Also, same question for cutting her own fingernails–I still do this too. Am I babying her?
SC says
I still wash my 6 year old’s body and hair in the bath. I try to teach him how to wash his body, but at this point, I consider it an investment in the future. I also cut his nails, and I don’t see him doing that by himself anytime soon, though he does have some fine motor delays.
To be honest, we just got over the “wipe his own butt” hurdle about a month ago. That was a 6-month power struggle.
Cb says
I assume you have many years left of cutting nails, but can you switch to showers? At least it would be quicker. I leave the nail clipper on the side table so if we are watching tv, I can grab them and do them while my son is distracted.
Mary Moo Cow says
Following be a I’m in the same situation. My 8 year old niece takes her own shower, so I’m hoping that by 8, my kid will want to bathe or shower on her own. We’ve tried a few showers but even when I’ve coached her on how to wash her hair, she can’t or won’t get all the hair, especially at her hairline.
rakma says
6 was when we starting putting showers in the mix for my oldest, but still with quite a bit of help. One thing that helped get her more self sufficient was her own bath poof and bodywash. It was pretty easy to get her to use that to actually scrub her body instead of just gently rubbing some soap on 2 spots and calling it clean.
I still help her with hair at 8, but she has long thick hair and I really want it to be clean and rinsed more than I want her to shower herself.
anon says
OP here: Love the idea for the bath poof and body wash! I think that would help alot! How did you convince her to switch to showers? That’s part of the problem, she has zero interest in showers.
Anonymous says
Different poster. My 6 year old is slowly transitioning to showers. We let him use our shower. We have a walk in shower and he sings, dances, cleans the walls with the squeegee. Not the most efficient, but he has always loved playing in a bathtub so I am not surprised. We have been coaching him through washing his hair and using a bath pouf. We use the Honest shampoo/body wash to make the process simpler.
Shower fan says
My kid is a toddler so definitely not bathing himself but does love showers, and one plus for me (and maybe would be for OP) is that I feel less compelled to have my eyes CONSTANTLY ON him when he’s in the shower (vs the bath)–since there’s no standing water in our shower there’s no risk of drowning, and other than helping him wash, i can pop in and out of the bathroom getting his PJs ready, flipping laundry to the dryer, etc while he plays. It’s sort of a more self-sufficient experience for him, even with the assistance he still needs.
So Anon says
I think the shower aspect is key. My kids both started taking showers at about 7, and they are now 8 and 10. My ten year old son showers every night before bed, and my 8 year old daughter showers a few times per week. They both get under the water, and I hear the bar of soap hitting the floor multiple times. That being said, I’m not sure how much cleaning of their actual bodies happens in the shower. At least once per week, I go stand next to the shower and coach them through washing their bodies, making sure the shampoo gets fully rinsed out and handing an endless stream of dry wash cloths to the kid in the shower. I do this a bit more in the summer when they get sweaty and gross. Because my oldest requires very direct coaching on life skills in general, it is just something that I am direct and tell them what needs to be done. I still clip his nails as well, and my youngest has just started expressing interest in doing it herself.
anne-on says
This – my 9 almost 10 year old still requires some coaching on properly washing face/toes/crotch in the summer and I have to practically hold him down to get lotion on him but it’s gotten better over the years. You may want to get in the shower with them at first (in a bathing suit if you want) to show them how much shampoo to use, how to make sure it’s all out (the hair squeak sound was what I used), how to lather up a bar of soap, how to scrub and use face wash, etc. In the summer I also buy a stupid amount of the korean oil cleansers because my kid gets a kick out of rubbing it on dry skin and watching it turn white/rinse off (and we coat him in sunblock which would be irritating to his skin to harshly scrub off daily).
ADHD tik tok also walked me through simplifying the sensory objections to showers – we ease the transitions for him (clean clothes are set out so no picking of pjs unless he wants to), we let the water run so it’s warm right away, we do it at night when the heat is on full blast, and I warmed up towels as an incentive for him for a bit.
Anonanonanon says
My son started showers around that age. For a while I did the shampooing three times a week, then transitioned to watching him/coaching him doing it on his own, then he started doing it on his own with a quick “inspection” afterward to make sure he actually washed out the shampoo. He’d play in the shower for a looong time with toy dinosaurs etc. so I figured his body was clean enough as long as he smelled like he’d used soap somewhere at some point.
I cut his nails until he was 10, just to get it done. Now he has to do it.
When he was old enough to shower by himself was truly a huge improvement in our quality of life. One of the biggest milestones in terms of getting some sanity back.
Anon says
3.5 year old still puts tons of stuff (mostly toys) in his mouth. Is this something I seek help/a referral from the pediatrician for or just something I’m supposed to figure out myself?
Anon says
one of my 3.5 year old twins still sometimes puts toys into her mouth. i have thought of it maybe as a sensory issue, btu was going to wait a bit to see if she grows out of it
anon says
My kids grew out of this around 5.
Anonymous says
Is he a chewer? My 9 year old still likes to chew/suck/mouth things, but can sometimes be redirected to specific safe thing like a chewing necklace or monkey noodle. Mostly he abuses his shirts though.
Cb says
Kiddos headache broke during the night, we figured he was feeling better when he said it was his bear’s birthday when he woke up at 12, and decided it was morning at 430 and began planning bear’s party (that’s what happens when you fall asleep at 5pm). Luckily persuaded him back to sleep. But now I’ve got a splitting headache and cold symptoms. We did a drive thru PCR this am, hoping it’s back tomorrow first thing so he can go to nursery and I can watch Netflix. Our energy level mismatch is a problem…
covid WWYD says
4yo tested positive a week ago. Husband was positive on PCR a few days ago, with his symptoms dating back to the weekend. My PCR is pending but my symptoms also started last weekend. Our 1 year old PCR tested negative yesterday.
In this scenario, would you keep testing the 1 year old? Does he technically need to quarantine 10 days past our 10 day quarantine? I keep hearing about people with these staggered quarantines and I’m not sure how they arrived at the numbers. I guess it’s possible tomorrow the 1 year spikes a terrible fever and then tests positive, but I really feel like he would have gotten it by now as he was exposed to the 4 year old in the days before 4yo’s symptoms developed, just like we were.
I am just dreading another week of quarantine. It is super struggle bus over here. The 1yo knocked over a plant this morning while both parents were on a call and the preschooler was doing a learning app, so I thought “yes, this is it, we’re doing it, we can survive!” then…. CRASH. dirt and broken ceramic everywhere.
Anonymous says
Our daycare’s rules (which come directly from local health dept guidance) say that if a child cannot fully isolate from household member(s) with covid (presumably the case for a 1-year-old), then the child’s quarantine period starts when the household member(s) end their 10-day isolation/test negative.
Anon says
yes, it totally sucks but it makes sense when you think about it, since family member is still contagious and kiddo is still being exposed.
Anonymous says
That’s b/c they aren’t vaccinated?
Ours are in public school and the rule is if you’re asymptomatic, you just keep going to school in a mask. Not saying that’s ideal or right, but I am a bit grateful for it.
OP says
OK, that makes sense. I got really clear guidance for the 4yo on returning, on myself and husband on returning to work, but it’s really confusing for the 1yo since as you say he’s continually exposed to us.
OP says
of course I just realized it would have been less painful overall if we just purposely got the 1yo infected first thing. ugh. that seems so backwards.
Anonymous says
Same. One kid came home with a fever and I made no effort to mask everyone inside or even distance. Now that I’m pretty sure it will be mild (all kids >5, so vaccinated), it is less drama to all go down at once and then be done with it.
anonM says
One caution – especially if you have/had any pelvic floor issues or had a traumatic birth, be really cautious about high-impact like running/jumping. My dr ok’d running at 6 weeks (?!!!) and that is what NOT to jump into if you have pelvic floor problems/prolapse. If you arent’ sure if you have that, do some research on your own and don’t rely on your dr. A lot of them know shockingly little and it can cause damage/set you back in recovery. Build core/PF first. Hab It is by a PT, and has $10 video series. I’d start there to build your foundation. http://www.hab-it.com/buy-videos/
anonamama says
Just a thank you to whoever recommended Snowy Day on Amazon Prime. I had a nice 30 min couch/email session with an absurdly still toddler this morning (due to the ongoing two week center closure for FOUR positive cases) and the show was delightful. And Boyz II Men cameo!!!
EDAnon says
I love Snowy Day!
anonymous says
There’s a post over on Ask A Manager today with the title “it feels impossible to be a working mom with little kids”. Sounds a lot like what people here have been dealing with.
Anonymous says
One upside I can see to having had my children relatively late is that I will be retired by the time they have kids (likely retired). So I can do what my small-town relatives do: all of the grandmothers who came of age when they weren’t able to go to college provided best for their children by looking after their grandchildren so that their first-generation college graduate children could stay in the workforce. I’m not seeing it as progress, but this would be more valuable to them than buying them a house (and only slightly less valuable that funding basic state u college). We’re going back to the past. You can work, as long as your extended family picks up childcare.
Anon says
Maybe, maybe not. My family has kids late in life, so my parents were mid-late 60s when they became grandparents, but they’re now 70 and 72 and my dad only just retired and my mom is still working for at least another two years. It’s not out of financial necessity, they just really like their jobs and they feel (I think correctly) that many people seem to age rapidly once they retire and having a job wards off cognitive and physical decline. My mom has promised to retire by 2024 to be summer childcare for our child who will be 6 by then, but I feel really guilty about accepting it and making her leave a job where she’s had a lot of late in life career success.
Anonymous says
For me, I would totally do this. My cousin went to med school and had a kid then and during her residence mainly b/c she had two sets of grandparents pitching in (maternity leave in med school was maybe 10 minutes back then, so kiddos were too young for daycare). Even if you aren’t a 40 hour a week caregiver, just being a stand-in for sick-kid or working-late or work trip care can be a game changer. I would 1000% do this for my kids, especially if they pursue the sort of high-demand jobs that I’ve had. h
Anon says
Yeah I guess my point is that even if you offer to do it, your kids might feel really guilty about accepting it, because knowing that your childcare needs is what resulted in your parents leaving the workforce is kind of a heavy thing. My mom has a somewhat unusual timeline though because she took a long leave of absence to raise me and was an underachiever for decades, then became a total superstar in her field in her 60s. Personally I hope to be retired by 60, well before I even have grandkids.
Anon says
I have one kid and our plan is to retire near wherever he ends up. If he gets married and has kids, helping out with the grandkids is a win all around: we get to spend time with them, they get to hang with their grandparents instead of being the last kid picked up at daycare, and their parents can put a rocket booster on their careers during their 20s and 30s. I LOVED the time I had with my grandparents when I was a kid.
Anon says
We have local grandparents and one kid, and it’s amazing for both kid and grandparents. Their bond is incredible. I had a great childhood but never spent more than a week or two a year with my grandparents and never really felt close to any of them, so it really warms my heart to see my kid growing up with grandparents who are basically a third and fourth parent to her. But just FYI it has not allowed us to put rocket boosters on our careers. Admittedly we’re still in the daycare years and perhaps I’ll change my tune when we get into elementary school because I know cobbling together full-time care for school age kids is really hard. But currently the grandparents’ help mostly replaces our paid childcare (e.g., they will pick her up from school early regularly, they normally keep her home from school one day a week) and doesn’t have as much direct benefit to us as you might think.
I think people here who don’t have local family tend to romanticize how much easier it makes your life. Don’t get me wrong, I am super grateful to have my parents close by and to witness their close bond with my kid. But if you’re talking about the impact on *me*, giving up my cleaning service would be far harder than giving up my parents’ help, at least during the daycare years.
Anonymous says
But if the trend lines continues you may be too old to really help. Like I had my kids at 34 and 36, which isn’t even that old, and if they have their kids in their late 30s I will be 70+ at that point. Reasonable to do after school pick up for a 5 year old maybe, but not sure how much daily care for an infant that will get my kids. Not to be a downer but sometimes I wonder if people will really have a lot of time with grandparents at some point if everyone has kids at 40. My mom was a late surprise baby and even though she had me in her mid twentie I am often struck at how different
Anon says
I feel the exact opposite. If my kids follow in my footsteps and have kids mid-thirties, then I will be around 70 when my grandchildren are born. I wouldn’t trust a 70 year old relative to provide adequate care for my energetic toddlers, and I don’t imagine my kids will want me to do so at that age. I sometimes feel sad that I will be 70+ when I have grandkids and won’t be able to be as high energy/hands on with them as I could be if it were still the trend to have kids at 25.
Anonymous says
Really?!? I guess there is a big chunk of 70 year olds who can’t, but I wouldn’t make that judgement just based o age because there are plenty of 70s folks who luck out in health. My early 70s parents help with a TON of toddler childcare just fine.
Anon says
Ehh it really depends on the 70 year old. My mom is 70 and more physically fit and active than me, and I’m not a couch potato. There’s no one except my husband I trust more than my mom with my kids. Certainly a valid point that generally one’s energy and ability to take care of kids declines as you get older, but the idea that all 70 year olds are doddering old people incapable of safely caring for toddlers is pretty agist.
Anon says
I guess I just base it on my own mother and grandmother. My mom is 63 and it completely wears her out to care for my toddler for more than a few hours on her own. She has bad arthritis and can’t manage the car seat without assistance, so that rules out daycare pickups. The older my kids get, the more she is able to do because they are more independent, but I can’t imagine her providing full time care for young kids when she is 7 years older.
To be clear, she is a professional woman still working and fully capable, not a “doddering old person” in the slightest. Caring for young kids for extended periods of time is just a different skill set.
Perhaps my family is just unlucky in the genetics department.
Anon says
I think I was reacting to the statement that you wouldn’t “trust” a 70 year old to provide adequate care. That assumes a level of incompetence (and unawareness of that incompetence) that I think it’s unfair to impart just based on age. I do agree that it’s not uncommon for a 70 year old to have physical handicaps that can make caregiving exhausting for them, although I do think your mom’s situation is especially unlucky. The vast majority of my friends have 70-something parents who are regular caregivers to their preschoolers and toddlers. My 70 year old mom has done lots of childcare (including overnights) since my child was born and seems to find my 3 year old far less exhausting than I do.
Anon says
That post gave me so many feels. I’m exhausted and want to scream into the void.
Anonymous says
I am doing a scream into the void with my neighbors tonight.
Boston Legal Eagle says
If this Covid hell had happened when I first started my current job (different boss), I would be right where this writer is. It is depressing but working hard is not enough – you need the right combination of a supportive employer and boss, equal parenting partner, reliable childcare and also likely backup childcare in the form of family or otherwise. I mean, we all deserve to have this, but it’s not the reality for most people. Ironically (?) this just encourages me to stay in my job and seek to get into a higher leadership position so that at least someone at the top will remember these early years and will seek to provide support to the future generation at least from the employer side, if not from the govt.
EDAnon says
It’s so true that you need everything. And I have most of it. It’s still hard. I don’t know how some people do it and am saddened by how we fail parents as a society (while counting on them to have kids and bemoaning when the birth rate drops).
Anon mama says
Has anyone successfully gotten their kid to stop W-sitting? After a year of constantly telling him to sit with his feet together, he still W-sits about 90% of the time. Wondering if there’s anything else we can do, as he’s already starting to in-toe.
Anonymous says
How old is he? My oldest turns 5 next month and W is still his preferred way to sit. I honestly am not worried about it: he’s in jiu jitsu and that’s significantly increased his core strength. If you’re concerned I’d ask my ped for a referral to PT.
Anon says
FWIW, I W-sat all throughout my childhood and beyond for nearly 40 years, and it is still my preferred method of sitting. That’s just… how I am. I never even considered it an issue? Though in retrospect, I had hip pain while pregnant, which may be interrelated?
Anonymous says
So my twin who wasn’t sleeping last week was hospitalized this week with acute bronchiolitis. We’re home now and he’s doing ok, not great. I’ve requested a referral to a pulmonologist. This is really hard. His twin is sick with cold symptoms, his older brother is having allergies and I’m sick from exhaustion/respiratory issues (we’ve all tested negative for Covid). I haven’t slept in four months. I’m not caring/throwing all the money I can at my problems. I’m just exhausted.
Anonymous says
I’m so sorry!!
EDAnon says
I am so sorry, too. I hope things stabilize soon and that you can get some sleep.
Anon says
I haven’t slept in a month (17 month old has been sick and teething) and am also pregnant. I’m also dying. Hugs – I can’t imagine 4 months. Last night I was up 3 hours – slept only 5.5 hours non consecutively. Was just wondering why I have a splitting headache…
OP says
I’m so thankful to have a nanny who will work when he’s sick. Here’s hoping you can get a nap in today.