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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 85 Comments · by

Everyone Thursday: Jacquard Intarsia Scarf

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Prabal Gurung Jacquard Intarsia Scarf | CorporetteMomsLadies, what are your thoughts on color after having kids — does it perk you up on days when you’re just exhausted, or does it just complicate your life (i.e., not fitting into a capsule wardrobe)? I’m in the camp of “a bright happy item of clothing always has a home with me — so long as my kiddo can’t destroy it and I can’t spill stuff on it,” so a bright, happy scarf like this one from Prabal Gurung would be my go-to on a gray, wintry day. I love the mix of red and pink, and the pattern is lovely. It was $875, but is now marked to $214 at Last Call. Prabal Gurung Jacquard Intarsia Scarf Here’s a lower-priced alternative. (L-3)

Sales of note for 9.10.24

(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)

Kid/Family Sales

  • Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
  • Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
  • J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
  • Old Navy – 40% off everything
  • Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs

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Comments

  1. Anon in NYC says

    I’m only a few weeks in, but I’m currently of the mindset that my clothes need to be as streamlined as possible (not quite a capsule wardrobe, but classic pieces that I can wear on repeat). So color/fun pieces are nice accents if I stumble across them, but I don’t go looking for them.

    Question on buying kids clothes out of season – with some of the summer sales starting, how far in advance do you buy clothes for your kids?

    • CHJ says

      I don’t buy clothes in advance anymore. (DS is 2). I tried buying in advance, but ended up with a number of adorable clothes that were completely the wrong size when the season rolled around. Sometimes it works, but the wasted money on clothes that didn’t fit him when the time came cancelled out any savings.

      Also, kids clothes are always, always going on sale, especially Carters, Old Navy, and Gap. Now I just buy him what he immediately needs in the size he’s currently wearing. (I’ll caveat this by saying that you can always buy “seasonless” clothes like socks and onesies if you find them on a great sale.)

      • pockets says

        I would think it’s easier to buy clothes in advance once kids get to 2, as they stop growing so quickly. I hope that’s the case at least, or I am going to have a ton of unworn clothing.

        • Meg Murry says

          Yes, once my children crossed over into 2T and up, they pretty much have been wearing each numbered size for at least 9 months if not a year. I don’t generally stock up on larger sizes at stores, but I do buy a few sizes up at garage sales or resale shops when I see a deal. Especially jeans – my kids are slim, so I need to buy the kind with adjustable waists, and my oldest destroys the knees of all his pants that aren’t triple re-inforced, so I can’t hand them down. Whenever I find jeans for under $5 in good shape in the next 1-3 sizes I buy them. I am also lucky enough to have lots of storage, so I have bins to put the next size up clothes.

          We just hit the jackpot of a family friend who is 1-2 sizes ahead of my oldest kid and gentle on his clothes, so my son’s fall wardrobe is set – I’m super happy.

    • obla says

      I don’t buy in advance. When I have though, “oh, he needs a few things in the next size up” and bought them, I’ve then been inundated with hand me downs and gifts. Plus, he changes shape as he grows (sometimes longer/skinnier, sometimes chunkier) and you just can’t predict what will fit.

    • eh230 says

      With DS1, I have consistently bought clothes about a year in advance. I actually rarely ended up with clothing that did not work for him. The caveat is that he has always been very average for his age in weight, so it makes it easy to guess what size will work for him the next year.

    • anne-on says

      With a child in daycare (ie, needs at least 2-3 changes of clothing to live there per season in case of potty accidents) I try to buy at least a year in advance. I usually buy a ‘capsule’ wardrobe – 4-5 total outfits in a size up per season, which is then inevitably filled out by gifts from family/friends/birthdays/etc. The capsule wardrobe idea though is key to gt me through an unexpected season change (gets cold/hot early) and makes sure I can swap out the daycare backup clothes in a timely fashion. I also stalk the super pricey but necessary clothes this time of year and stock up – so 4-5 bathing suits at 80% off in a size up, 2-3 pairs of snow pants in the next year’s size at 60% off, order from the semi-annual Patagonia sale at midnight when it launches.
      We also have the oldest grandchild so we don’t have the benefit of any hand me downs. And if something doesn’t work/fit, it gets handed down to one of 4 boy cousins in my family.

    • Sarabeth says

      My kid is almost 2. I bought clothes on sale at the end of last winter, and again in the summer sales. For the stuff I’m buying (fleece pants, cotton tees, cotton shorts, fleece jackets), the fit is forgiving enough that she’ll be able to wear it even if it’s not technically the right size. Also, I’m doing this at my local consignment shop’s $1/item sales, so if a few pieces end up not fitting, it really doesn’t matter.

  2. Anon for this one says

    How do you distinguish between wanting a second child and general baby fever? My kid is almost a year, and my husband and I always said we probably only want one but agreed to keep the conversation open. I’m still mostly on board for this, for numerous reasons. We’re already stretched fairly thin, with our time, attention, finances, etc. I have a hard time picturing us adding another little person to the mix. But when I see pictures of friends’ little tiny newborns, I start to ache for another one. It’s hard to know whether I actually want another child or whether I’m just feeling nostalgic for those early days. I also worry a little about my child not having a built-in playmate. Any advice or insight?

    • eh230 says

      I think it is really hard to distinguish between the two. For me what helped was thinking about whether you feel your family is complete (do you have a hard time imagining Thanksgiving with just one child). Also, when you are in the midst of a tantrum or a hard time with number 1, think about what it would be like adding a baby to the mix. I ultimately decided that I did not feel my family was complete and went on to have number 2, but I still have baby fever. I know, though, that I am completely tapped out emotionally and could not handle having a third.

      • OP says

        I wonder if baby fever ever truly goes away. Probably not the best reason to have another, since it would be a never ending cycle.

    • mascot says

      I don’t have time for a long reply, but as a “one and done” parent, I get the conflict you feel about whether to have another child. I just listened to the School Lunch episode of the Mom and Dad are Fighting podcast. There is a section in there on only children and some of the research about them being as well-adjusted as kids with siblings. It was pretty interesting. There is no guarantee that siblings will be friends or good playmates, IME.

      • OP says

        I’ll look that up – thank you! I’m trying not to let the “playmate guilt” play into this, since you’re absolutely right about there being no guarantee.

    • Jen says

      It came up for us as more of an overall family dynamic vs “do we want another baby.” I am not a “baby” person. I hated being pregnant, and I couldn’t wait to stop pumping/breastfeeding. But looking 4-5 years out, I want to be a 4 or 5-pack; I want to have a big holiday morning with a pile of stocking s lining the chimney, and I want my kids to walk to school together or ride the bus together. I want my kids to grow up with siblings and have to learn how to be role models (older), be heard in a crowd (younger), and generally roll with the punches that come with being one of several kids.

      I was one of 3 but DH was an only child. We’ve always been aligned on 2-4 kids (DH wanted 4, I think I’ve talked him down…)

      • OP says

        Yeah, it’s hard to separate the right now from the future. I also hated being pregnant and I hate breastfeeding/pumping, so I can’t imagine voluntarily doing all of that again. But those things are also temporary. So many conflicting feelings!

        • Jen says

          You have a little one…give it some time. My kiddo was 20-22 months before another kid became a topic of real conversation. Once they are walking, talking, and potty trained (or at least coming to you with a wet/dirty diaper and a clean one to let you know then need a new one), a 2nd seems a whole lot more feasible.

          • Jen says

            I also stopped BFing at 9 months. Now that i’m a full year out, getting back in in another 12 months or so seems reasonable. I needed the break!

  3. Anon says

    Really interesting discussion re birth trauma yesterday. I have a lot of conflicting feelings about the “natural birth movement” but one thing that bugs me is the expectation that modern women now have about their “birth experience.” I had an emergency C-section, but overall was so impressed with the medical professionals around me. To put things in perspective, I talked to my mom and aunts about the their birth experience when I was pregnant because I was scared. Big difference–they gave birth in southwest China 30-40 years ago. No one expected a birth “experience.” They hoped to survive with a healthy baby. I think those conversation put me in a realistic frame of mind as I approached my due date–how lucky I was to be in a first world country that could address serious medical emergencies.

    • Anon in NY says

      I had no illusions about a perfect birth and was perfectly at ease with my medically necessary c-section. The almost dying part caught me off guard. I do struggle sometimes with people complaining about an imperfect ‘birth experience’ because while it may suck that they had more interventions than they wanted, it could have been much worse, but I have to remind myself it’s not a contest and there are many many other parts of my life where others can say the same about my first world complaints.

      • Anon in NY says

        The natural birth movement has made some important progress but I do think there is this new sense of guilt placed on mothers. Since I was having twins I didn’t bother with any of the standard prenatal courses so I never learned that I should feel somehow ‘less than’ by having a c-section. (although I really wish I could have had an intervention free conception – Ivf here).
        Same with the breastfeeding movement. I’m delighted I was able to ebf for as long as I did, but formula is not poison and mothers should feel empowered to feed their baby in whichever manner works best for their family without shame or guilt.

    • pockets says

      I feel exactly the same way, and I feel like a total b*tch when I think that because I do try to understand why some women are so traumatized by their birth stories instead of immediately thinking that they are being unrealistic, high maintenance, or worse (this is also part of my quest to be less judgmental). So, I try to understand why the birth experience is so important, and I’ve come to two conclusions. First, I think it’s an outgrowth of a person’s personality. This is a community of high achieving women who are used to identifying an outcome that will be difficult, but possible, to achieve, planning for that outcome, working toward that outcome, and then having that outcome happen. So if your goal is unmedicated birth, and you plan for that and take all the steps, and then you have an emergency c-section, I can understand why you’d feel guilty, disappointed, or worse, even though I don’t think those are the “right” feelings.

      Second, I think this is a reaction to the centuries of male doctors condescending to women and telling women what was “best.” My MIL told me that the (male) OB who delivered my husband told her not to get an epidural because “a little pain is a good thing.” This was after he discussed the epidural with my FIL – my MIL was apparently not part of the conversation. There are tons of stories like that. So in response women were told to take reject medical control of their bodies, embrace natural childbirth, embrace breastfeeding, etc.

      The caveat to that is that even though male doctors may have condescended to women for centuries, there have been major medical advances that I think have wrongly gotten swept up in the backlash. Formula, for example, which is railed against in the natural childrearing community, but which can also be a literal lifesaver for the many women and babies who can’t (or don’t want to) breastfeed.

    • AlsoAnon says

      I had similar thoughts after reading yesterday’s thread. I had an unplanned, not quite emergency C-section and my only fleeting regret is that I didn’t hold my baby right away.

      My mom had rough pregnancies and a few scary premature births, including one in a third world country 40 years ago where the baby didn’t survive. My two best friends are an OB/Gyn and Pediatrician — so they had very unromantic, practical views on childbirth.

      Like Anon in NY, I think this natural birth movement and the breastfeeding movement have gone too far — yes it was important that women weren’t treated as incompetent children who had to be knocked out during birth and couldn’t be trusted to nurse a baby.

      But no one should feel guilty o r less-than as a mother for actually taking advantage of the remarkable strides that have been made in assuring that safe childbirth is possible and that babies can have proper nutrition. Similar to my feelings on the anti-vax movement, I wonder if the people who are pushing this agenda haven’t grasped that less than 50 years ago people died because these advances weren’t available.

    • Wow says

      I was planning to write something similar yesterday. My grandmother lost 5 of 11 her children in India, some were as old as 2 years old when they died. I don’t want to diminish anyone’s experience but the idea that a long labor is “traumatic” (when the mom and baby end up healthy) just screams first world problems to me. My heart goes out to the woman whose baby died and others who had extensive health complications after birth. But for the rest of us, I think we need to step back and put our “trauma” in perspective.

      • anon says

        Yeah, I get what you mean and I do often feel this way when reading some natural birth articles- especially proponents of home birth. But I don’t think Kat or anyone else who posted was unaware of their position of relative privilege, and one of the benefits of being in a first world country is having first world problems. 95% of what is discussed on this site qualifies as a “first world problem,” and that’s ok in my opinion. Also, shutting down all discussion as long as mom and baby survive is basically the mindset that resulted in a lot of OB care that ignored the mother’s expressed desires/wishes- you’re basically saying as long as you have a healthy baby, you have no right to express any mixed feelings about the experience. I just don’t agree. Where does that line of thought end? As long as the baby is healthy, you have no right to complain about sleep issues or daycare issues? Basically this entire site should disappear as dealing with only first world problems.

        So I think context is everything. If these “traumatic” stories were posted in response to an NY Times article about the difficulties faced by mothers delivering in Nepal after the earthquake, it would be different.

      • Clerky says

        I agree with this mostly. I didn’t like the use of the word trauma in instances where women just had long or difficult labors, but ultimately a good outcome. Of course, in a country with first rate medicine it is justifiable to expect something more than just the bare minimum of delivering a baby that doesn’t die. On the other hand, I think childbirth in general is just….raw. It’s not pretty. It’s not easy. It’s not supposed to be easy. But I wouldn’t call it trauma.

    • RDC says

      I agree with all of this, but – and I don’t think this is what you’re implying – I hope we can strive for something better than “didn’t die” as our goal for childbirth. I agree that the medical advances we enjoy are really amazing.

      Maybe any way you go about it, birth is a bit of a traumatic event, and we just need to recognize that? I did a very natural-birth type class (hypnobirthing) and felt at the time the class was misleading at best in the complete focus on a pain-free natural birth. In hindsight I felt it did a disservice to moms in not even educating them about the potential interventions that may be medically necessary to achieve a healthy outcome.

      • Winnie says

        This x1000. The perinatal period is an extremely sensitive time, and a lot of events that should not be traumatic objectively are in fact highly traumatic and can trigger or exacerbate postpartum anxiety and depression. To say that no one should complain because things were worse in the olden days or things are worse in poorer countries (or because you (wow) didn’t complain due to your superior perspective) is extremely shortsighted and even harmful.

        • Wow says

          I’m not saying people shouldn’t complain or feel upset. I just think calling it trauma is completely overblown. And I say this having had two emergency c-sections that resulted in long recoveries. Was it tough? Yes. Was it trauma? No. And my children are happy and healthy and that’s what matters at the end of the day.

          • anon says

            This is the anon @12:33. I can understand the objection to the word “trauma” and I thought after my original post that maybe that was the issue. I guess the way I saw it is that those posts were using the layperson meaning of the word “trauma” which includes events that qualify as trauma in the psychology sense, but also events that were maybe more accurately characterized as just upsetting, unsettling, unexpected etc. I had a “normal,” relatively uncomplicated drug-free vaginal birth. If you had asked me about it a week later I would have told you I was “a bit traumatized” by the whole experience. For about a week or two afterwards I had frequent flashbacks to labor and anxiety about how I was ever going to have the 2-3 kids I’d always planned on because I could not imagine going through that again. Now, with some distance, I don’t think I’d say I was traumatized, certainly not in the psychological sense of the term, but it was definitely a horrible experience and worse than I expected. It goes without saying, in my opinion, that it was worth it to have a healthy baby. And that’s why women who have “traumatic” birth experiences often choose to do it again anyway.

    • just Karen says

      I understand birth trauma in a different way now…for me it was not just the birth itself, it was the whole month following the birth. My water spontaneously broke during the night when I was just shy of 34 weeks. I asked about steroids to help her lung development and was told it was too late, there was nothing they could do. I didn’t see a doctor at the hospital until I was ready to push. An entire NICU team was waiting in the room to whisk my daughter away as soon as she was out. She spent the next 17 days in the NICU. I was exhausted and swollen beyond reason but told myself it was just because of birth recovery and trying to be with her in the NICU too much. Three days after bringing her home from the hospital I stood up and a flood of blood poured out. I was wearing a super maxi and the weight of the flow was enough to pull my pj pants down. The ER doctor told me maybe it was my period returning. The next day I had a fever of 103 – the doctor on call called me in antibiotics and I was to follow up with the nurse practitioner late the next week. Luckily my husband pushed me to try to get in earlier, and I was able to see my actual doctor, who had no idea what had been going on with me or why I was there – when she heard my history, she immediately got me into ultrasound to find that approximately 20% of my placenta was still there. I had surgery the next day, and my world immediately got better. I am incredibly lucky to have been the recipient of modern medicine in the developed world, and my daughter and I are both alive today as a result of it, but that did not take away from the trauma of the experience, or make it acceptable that the doctor who delivered did not check to be sure the placenta was intact (as any respectable midwife would have).

    • Anon says

      I feel justified in expecting more than a healthy baby from my hospital stay and delivery. So many of these stories are about being ignored, demeaned, not listened to by doctors and nurses, physically violated, and blamed for things out of their control. That is unacceptable. We don’t have to accept poor treatment just because other women had to give birth under worse conditions. Just because we are mothers doesn’t make our health or feelings irrelevant. No father is going to accept being treated poorly because he has a kid. Why should we abandon our own right to good medical treatment?

      • Anon in NYC says

        “So many of these stories are about being ignored, demeaned, not listened to by doctors and nurses, physically violated, and blamed for things out of their control. That is unacceptable.” — I agree 100%. Also, I understand the critique of the “natural” birthing movement, principally because I feel like it’s used to shame women who choose to (or have to) make other decisions. That said, to each their own.

      • Due in December says

        Yes, I agree totally. Kat’s post yesterday, and her post regarding her first childbirth experience, really resonated with me because her experience in a way personified my worst fears about childbirth. Which are not about pain, recovery, or a need for some fantastic childbirth experience, but about my fear of being ignored by medical staff or not being informed of treatment decisions as they are being made. I think this is something that would make many of us uncomfortable precisely because it differs from what we demand/expect in all other areas of our lives (and what I think we should demand/expect, regardless of the experiences of those in different countries or different generations).

  4. Safe Sleep PSA says

    If you cry easily and don’t want to cry at your desk right now, stop reading here.

    I’ve never met this woman, but she is a friend of a close friend. My heart just breaks for her, and I think she’s so brave to tell this story (which she posted on facebook and invited people to share widely, so I’m just going to copy it below), and her message is so important. Current recommendations are that infants sleep flat on their back on a fairly hard surface with no bedding other than a tightly-fitted sheet, but older generations learned differently and might not know things have changed. Please make sure you and all your baby’s caregivers follow the new recommendations. A couple of well-intentioned mistakes and a huge dose of bad luck ended with such a tragedy.

    “This is hard to write but it’s important so I’m doing it anyway. I just got a call from the medical examiner. Molly did not die from SIDS. She died from suffocation. She was in a swaddle sack I had given our sitter. She was slightly propped on her side on the edge of a pack n play. She rolled herself onto her belly and her face was buried in some blankets that were on the bottom of the crib to make it softer. Because of the swaddle sack, she couldn’t lift her head to breathe. The doctor assured me that she slept through the whole thing and was at no point awake and scared. I had wrapped my head around her dying from SIDS. I told myself something was just missing from her brain that told her to move and breathe. But that’s not what happened. There was nothing wrong with her brain. She is supposed to be here. I used to put Owen in a pack n play with blankets on the bottom because those thin pads can’t be comfortable. A lot of us do that. But I’m writing this with a broken heart as I beg you, please don’t put anything in the crib. Nothing. Molly is supposed to be here.”

    • JJ says

      I should have followed your warning. Heartbreaking. Thank you for passing it on.

    • anne-on says

      Oh my god. Heartbreaking. My son rolled over at 6 weeks old and we weren’t even able to swaddle him any loner because our doctor advised it was too big of a suffocation risk. I had soo many conversations (read, arguments) with my parents and in-laws about not putting a blanket on him, even though it was winter. Paying more for the heat to be higher for those few months was worth it, and stories like this remind me why.

  5. Nanny? says

    I know this is a bit of a long shot, but is there anyone in NYC who needs a great full-time nanny? We are sending our daughter to day care in September, and I want to find a great new family for my nanny who has taken such good care of my daughter-and the rest of our family! She is such a great caregiver, incredibly professional, and very flexible. I can’t say enough good things about her. We are in Queens, but she is open to working in manhattan and Brooklyn as well. Let me know if you are interested and we’ll figure out a way to connect.

  6. Sleepless in DC says

    It’s time to cry it out. I have been dreading it, making excuses for baby, and just putting up with it, but I think it is finally time. 11 month old DD wakes up every2- 3 hours at night to nurse. I have tried to cut down the nursing time. I have also tried to offer her a bottle with a little less milk in it every night, but she cries until she gets enough.
    She goes to bed around 8 (after a dinner of solids and a long nursing session), then I dream feed around midnight, she wakes up around 3am for nursing, again around 5:30am, and then is fully awake around 7:30am. So, I would like to cut out the 3am nursing. Husband has tried giving her a bottle at 3am and she screamed until I gave in. Is that just how this needs to go?
    What am I doing wrong? Any help would be sincerely appreciated!!

    • CHJ says

      I resisted night weaning and sleep training for my son for so, so long. I think it’s particularly hard as a working mom, because even though waking up in the night is hard, there are extra cuddles to be had! I finally caved around 15-16 months and read Dr. Ferber’s book, and it worked really well for us. There’s a whole chapter on how to wean from night feedings that includes a gradual progression in the amount of time between feedings. I recommend it — you forget how wonderful sleep is!

    • Yup says

      An 11 month old does not need to feed at night, period. Ultimately you want to cut out all feeding sessions. If you’re looking to do in baby steps, I would at a minimum cut out the 3 am first. It’s tough but let her cry. She’ll be fine, she’s not hungry, it’s just a bad habit at this point. Some kids cry as long as 30 minutes, but mine only cried for about 5-15 minutes and then were fine. Once the 3 am wake up is eliminated, repeat the same for the midnight and 5:30 am feedings. A book that I highly recommend to all moms is the sleep training book by Dr. Weissbluth.

      • pockets says

        It’s like a bandaid. You can rip it off and have all the pain all at once, or you can slooooooowly peel off the bandaid and feel every single arm hair get pulled out at the root.

      • JJ says

        My pediatrician recommended that same book and gave us the same speech when our 10-month old was still feeding at 3 am. It took two nights of crying for about 20 minutes, then he was sleeping through the night. And has been ever since. Life changing.

    • just Karen says

      My daughter is 10 months old, was a TERRIBLE sleeper, and we caved a paid for a sleep consultant. My mother in law thought we were crazy, until she saw the complete and total turnaround in our every day life. I am sane, and productive at work, and my daughter is happier. I couldn’t recommend them enough – http://www.goodnightsleepsite.com

    • MDMom says

      I’m piggybacking on this because I fear I will be in your situation in 6 months. My baby is only 12 weeks, but the most he has ever slept at night is 4.5 hours and I can’t get that to happen for more than a few days in a row. Every time I think I’ve solved it with a new sleeping arrangement (new combo of rock and play, cosleeper, swaddle, magic sleepsuit, dreamfeeding) I get a few nights improvement and then regression back to waking every 2-3 hours. I usually rationalize it as a growth spurt, but how many growth spurts can their be? I only get like 5 good days between growth spurts?

      He usually goes back to sleep pretty quickly after nursing. I know he can go 4-5 hours without eating at least, so I’m thinking maybe I should start trying to rock/bounce him back to sleep without nursing for some of these wakeups. I’ve been hesitating because that will inevitably lead to more waking up short term (if he goes to sleep at 10 and wakes up at 12 and bounces back to sleep, he will probably wake up in 2 hours max to eat, whereas I always rationalize that if I nurse I might get that elusive 4 hr stretch). Do you think this is a reasonable approach at this age? He is too young to really sleep train I think.

      I have Weissbluth’s book which is not to helpful on this point besides recommending against sleeptraining under 4 months. I keep reading on other internet sites/forums these comments from moms who’s 12 week olds sleep 2 six hour stretches at night! How does this happen?!?

      • pockets says

        There is a whole pediatric school of thought that says that any baby older than 8 weeks can be sleep trained (google Tribeca Pediatrics, there was a NY Times article about them a few weeks/months ago). So, your 12 week old can be sleep trained, the question is whether you want to do it. What the baby does at 12 weeks is not really indicative of what will be going on at 14 weeks or 16 weeks. My baby woke up twice a night until 11 weeks, then (without any intervention on my part) dropped to once a night, and then by 13-14 weeks was sleeping through the night sometimes (3-4 nights/week). We then had a whole host of extraordinary issues that caused her to regress until we did extinction CIO at 20 weeks, but I think that without those issues she would have figured it out herself.

      • RDC says

        I think it’s hard at 12 weeks and it’s probably not yet time for full blown sleep training. Just a couple things to try – do you do the “pause” before you go in? If baby is awake but not crying, I would leave him and see if he falls back to sleep. Even if crying, i tried to wait a few minutes just to see. It could be he just needs to learn to fall back asleep on his own. Could you send dad in during some of the wakeups, so that baby isn’t expecting to nurse? If you’ve already tried all this then I’m sorry not to be more help … Hang in there.

        • MDMom says

          He’s still sleeping in our room. I try not to pick him up until he’s actually crying rather than just fussing, but it is hard because my husband is working (60+ hrs per week) and I don’t want him to fully wake up my husband if I can avoid it. I’m still on maternity leave. Once or twice he has gone back to sleep after some fuss, but usually it escalates to full on crying. Last night, after an unusually early wakeup (after 2 hr), I could see he was trying to suck his hands but he doesn’t fully have the coordination to do this without further getting worked up. I tried to just lean over and slip in the paci, which he accepted for a bit, but then it fell out and he started wailing. Sigh.

          Maybe it’s time to try the nursery? At least for the first sleep of the night? I’ve started putting in him in there for some of his daytime naps in order to get him used to it. It seems like sort of a double edged sword though- right now with how much he’s waking up, its so much easier to have him bedside. I think it might be worth trying now while I’m still on leave though and can more easily absorb the sleep loss if it gets worse before it gets better.

          I think swaddling would solve some of these issues if he would just tolerate it. He seems to really like the magic sleepsuit because he can still access his hands but it does stifle the startle reflex. I tried to swaddle him last week and he slept great for 3.5 hrs, woke up, nursed, went back to sleep, then woke up again in 30 min squirming like crazy trying to reach his hands. I never unswaddled him so its not like it got looser!

          Thanks

          • Anonymous says

            We both slept better once we moved our daughter out of our room – right around where you are now. For one thing, forget when she was awake, she was a noisy sleeper! I’d say go for it!

      • SC says

        My son is exactly the same (just a few weeks older), so I sympathize. I’ve decided to just suck it up and nurse him when he wakes up at night until we can sleep train. Occasionally, I’ll ask DH to try to get the baby back to sleep without eating, but it usually just leads to screaming until he nurses. That said, I’m definitely planning to sleep train as soon as he hits 4 months.

        • MDMom says

          Glad to hear I’m not the only one whose baby won’t sleep 6 hr stretches!

      • AEK says

        The 4 month (approximate) sleep regression is a Real Thing. Not for all babies, but for very many. Even if you have success at 12 weeks, there’s a very real possibility of huge changes to the sleep abilities & patterns around 4 months. So consider whether it’s worth it, no matter what is possible!

        • anon says

          And they could be good changes, not necessarily bad ones! Our baby was definitely still waking up to eat 1-2x/night at 12 weeks, and by 4 months had figured out how to get himself back to sleep and was sleeping 10-11 hours. I think he figured out how to tell if he was hungry or not, and if not, just go back to sleep. YMMV, but sometimes the 4 month developments are great!

    • EB0220 says

      If you want to be very gentle, check out Dr Jay Gordon’s article on night weaning. I haven’t tried it with my just-turned-one-year-old, but plan to do so in the next couple of months. She’s still up 1-3 times a night.

  7. Anonymous says

    One of the things I find about local mom groups is that there is a lot of “my husband let me buy this” or “My husband is so nice he let me use the account for this” talk. I find it very weird that grown women need to justify relatively minor purchases like a $100 scarf or a Starbucks habit or have no control over family finances or brag to other women about how husband lets them buy overpriced baby products. Thoughts? Do I read too much of this or is it creepy?

    • Yup says

      This is very creepy. There was a NY times article about this a while back — it was written by that woman who lived on the UES and wrote (disparagingly) about SAHMs who received “wife bonuses” at the end of the year, had to ask permission to buy stuff, etc.

    • pockets says

      Yep. I was with a mom once and we met up with her husband. She said, “Hi honey I went to Bloomingdales today and I accidentally bought some new jeans! Whoops!” and her husband said, “That’s OK sweetie I want you to have whatever you want.” I almost barfed. We’re not friends.

      • Spirograph says

        Your “we’re not friends” made me laugh out loud. I would have told that story the exact same way.

        I somehow ended up watching a totally creepy show on TLC (? probably) a few weeks ago about being a “submissive wife” and the whole idea is based on husband having all the money and power, but using it to take care of his wife. I know there’s a religious basis for that, and whatever floats your boat as long as everyone’s happy, but I just can’t wrap my head around the mindset of a woman who seeks out that kind of relationship.

    • Clementine says

      My initial reaction is that I don’t love or get the power dynamic that is going on in these relationships and it seems weird to me.

      That being said, maybe it’s just a communication/terminology thing. My husband definitely calls me to run significant purchases by me as I manage the short term finances and he handles our long term finances. While I don’t think he tells other people I ‘let’ him buy stuff, he does call me before he spends $200 on a new drill or something.

      Being pregnant has been hilarious though. My normally super frugal self has had some odd impulse-purchases that are rather out of character. I tell him things that ‘the baby’ purchased. Recently, the baby decided to purchase all the Harry Potter movies on Amazon. And in that instance, I have no qualms with my husband saying, ‘Well, better keep that kid happy!’

      • Anon says

        Our dynamic is the same. My husband actually had spending issues before we got married, so it is a bit of a necessity. At the same time, I’m not his mom, so we found a good balance to be each of us getting weekly “fun money,” so neither of us are “checking in” or asking permission for everyday purchases. He has access to all our money, but knows if he is purchasing anything big with joint money it needs to be a discussion. For the most part, I also discuss major purchases with him (I say for the most part because I am way more frugal, so if I am making a major purchase it is likely a necessity).

    • SC says

      I agree with you re not liking the language and terminology. That said, it may just be a choice the couple makes. I was talking to someone yesterday whose husband is apparently a spender, and she gives him an allowance (in cash, in envelopes) and “lets” him take the debit card on a guys’ weekend. I thought it was a little weird, but I interpreted it as them playing to their strengths as spender/saver, not that he literally had no financial control in their relationship.

    • Anonymous says

      I think my concern was it seems like a children’s competition. Like, your husband lets you buy an iced coffee every day? My husband lets me buy limited edition baby carrier thingys when I ask nicely. Like… It seems like conversations five year olds have about their parents.

  8. AIMS says

    This may be a bit late in the day, but related to the post about someone’s nanny needing a new job and another poster needing a nanny (how awesome!), does anyone know of some good resources for figuring out daycare options in NYC, specifically Manhattan. I’m not sure if hoping for one or two comprehensive s*tes is too much to hope for, but I’m also not having the best luck with google alone. The two day care centers I found so far that work logistically have over a 1-2 yr. waiting lists and are very pricey on top of that. I know there are other ones, but I am getting so frustrated trying to locate them. Someone told me of a Park Slope parents group but I don’t live in Park Slope so it’s of very limited use; googling my neighborhood + parents just gets me a lot of stories about insane Manhattan moms. Thanks.

    • pockets says

      try yahoo groups, searching for your neighborhood + “parents” or “moms.”

    • (former) preg 3L says

      Searching on Google Maps is far more effective (for some inexplicable reason) than searching on Google. Zoom in on your desired location and search “daycare” and you might be shocked at how many come up.

      There are definitely daycares out there. Also, maybe consider in-home daycare? Here is a link to licensed ones: http://ocfs.ny.gov/main/childcare/ccfs_template.asp

      • Maddie Ross says

        Not in NYC, but chiming in to say that Google Maps was actually exactly how I found mine. It was in my neighborhood, but not on a main street and not one any close friend has used before (though I ended up knowing several people who had used it).

    • Ginny says

      Agree w 3L, use google maps (although it isn’t perfect). Also, if you share the neighborhoods you’re interested in, some of the wise women on this s it e may be able to help.

      • AIMS says

        Thanks all. I’ll try google maps and yahoo.
        I’m looking primarily in Upper East/Upper West Side; Midtown East could work; and also around the courts downtown Manhattan. I’ve looked into Bright Horizons centers, but they have the crazy waiting lists and the one on the UES is over $3k/month. I’m open to a nanny too so really looking at all options and was surprised that in a city as large as NY there aren’t more webs*tes and lists.

        • pockets says

          There is an UES moms facebook group. There is also a reasonably priced daycare at the Y on East 48th St., but the waiting list is super long. I live in downtown Brooklyn and the daycare options are expensive with huge waitlists (although the Bright Horizons near the court is $2600, a relative bargain I suppose).

          • AIMS says

            Thanks! I am not on FB and was/am hoping to avoid it if I can help it.
            I’ll look into the Y. I visited the BH near the courts and it could work but I’m not optimistic about their wait list. We have friends who got on before they were pregnant, have a 10 month old, and are still on that list. Thanks for the info!

          • Anon in NYC says

            Check out the Bright Horizons at 20 Pine. Crazy expensive, but currently no waiting list.

        • pockets says

          Oops, sorry, I mis-read your post to mean the courts in downtown Brooklyn.

          • AIMS says

            NP. There’s a bright horizons near the downtown manhattan courts, too. I just assumed that’s what you meant. It has “cheaper” rates as well.

        • Anonymous says

          Take a look at Preschool of America. Quality varies based on location, and not all take infants, but you might find something that works.

        • Downtown Anon says

          My husband and I are both in biglaw in NYC — work in midtown, live downtown. We originally planned to use a nanny, but when we realized the cost on the books ($55K+ per year), and heard some horror stories, and added in the costs of various classes we would want to do in addition, we decided to do daycare instead. Our sense was that commuting with a baby would be terrible, so we opted for a daycare within walking distance of our apartment and close enough to the subways we need to take to work. Then we hired one of the daycare teachers to take our daughter home in the evening and give her some one-on-one attention plus relieve us of the need to get to daycare by 6/630 or else. This has been a decent setup for us, although it isn’t perfect.

          That said, daycare isn’t cheap. We chose The Learning Experience over Bright Horizons because it is about $400 less per month, a bit under $3K, but we didn’t find anything cheaper and more Iconvenient than that, at least in our neighborhood. Probably not directly helpful to you, but a data point, at least.

          If you haven’t already, if you live on UES or UWS, you should join the moms yahoo group — they will be able to give you better neighborhood-specific advice on daycares and will also post as nannies become available.

    • Nanny says

      I am the poster above about the nanny, and I actually found the daycare my daughter will be attending by searching on yelp! Certainly not comprehensive, and not always reliable, but several glowing reviews from parents were enough for me to check the day care out further.

    • Anon in NYC says

      I’m assuming you’ve looked at the Goddard School on the UES/UWS? Joining Park Slope Parents may not be the worst idea because they have a Yahoo classifieds listserv where people post about nannies all the time. Sometimes these nannies are willing to travel into Manhattan. Also, have you considered SitterCity or Care.com?

      • AIMS says

        Actually, I haven’t. Thank you! And it probably isn’t a bad idea to join PSP too. Thanks!

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