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Back in the Before Times, I wore a lot of pearl jewelry, so I’m always on the lookout for something new that evokes my favorite gem.
I had a locket as a kid, and this is my locket all grown up. This necklace is made from 18k gold vermeil and mother of pearl. The rectangle shape keeps things fresh, while the gold is classic. The hidden compartment is perfect for a photo or engraving — the best thing is that engraving is included!
Also, like many direct-to-consumer brands, Mejuri works directly with manufacturers so you get quality jewelry without the traditional markups.
This necklace is $195.
Sales of note for 5.5.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase (ends 5/12); $50 off your $200+ purchase (ends 5/5)
- Banana Republic Factory – Spend your StyleCash with 40-60% off everything, or take an extra 20% off purchase (ends 5/6)
- Eloquii – $19 & up 300+ styles and up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Shirts & tees starting at $24.50; extra 30% off sale styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – 40% off full-price styles & extra 15% off; extra 55% off sale styles
- Nordstrom: Nordy Club members earn 3X the points on beauty; 30% off selected shoes
- Talbots – 40% off one item & and 30% off everything else; $50 off $200 (all end 5/5)
- Zappos – 27,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – 40% off everything & extra 20% off select styles with code
- Hanna Andersson – Friends & Family Sale: 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Crewcuts – tk; extra 30% off sale styles; kids’ styles starting at $14.50
- Old Navy – Up to 75% off clearance
- Target – 20% off women’s clothing & shoes; up to 50% off kitchen & dining; 20% off jewelry & hair accessories; up to $100 off select Apple products; up to 40% off home & patio; BOGO 50% off adult & YA books
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Pogo says
On the struggle bus today. I was on with Asia til 10:45 last night, then up at 4:45 when the preschooler was screaming COVER ME WITH BLANKEY, which in turn, woke the baby.
The only saving grace is I am getting closer to filling my open headcounts so I won’t be doing 3 jobs anymore. Bad news is I have to tell one of my employees he didn’t get a promo he interviewed for in another org and now he’s a flight risk.
is it Friday yet?
anne-on says
Yay on being close to filling your open headcount, that will be amazing!
I’ll join you on the struggle bus. Kiddo was up until 10:30 last night coughing and sneezing, and woke up super early. This is our second nasty summer cold/virus (not Covid, we tested immediately) that will inevitably cycle through our house getting the adults ill too. I am currently trying to meal plan and taking allll the vitamin c pills for when I get hit. It also means we’ll likely forfeit this week’s camp tuition and have to pay our sitter extra hours. On the bright side, it is summer, so no homework and missed learning to make up? But UGH.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I’ve been struggling with my 2.5 year old lately. He’s been very irrationally emotional lately (classic toddler) – this morning he was upset that daddy couldn’t come with him to daycare, and then was upset when he couldn’t press the buttons on the door so I had to basically push him into the classroom while he was screaming and crying. I know this is all developmentally normal, I just hate starting out the day like this, and feeling guilty that I left him that way.
Cb says
Ugh, why can’t they put the blankets back on? 2am and 4am here. T was helping me change our double bed yesterday and I went into the other room to get something, and when I came back, he had put the flat sheet on. If you can help make a grown up bed, surely you can pull a blanket over yourself?
Anonymous says
Tucking the covers in all along one side of the bed helps keep them on and makes them easier for the kid to pull back up himself.
AnonATL says
Sounds like you will need a lunchtime nap!
Anon again says
Not sure if this is helpful but the trick our nanny gave us was to purchase a twin sized blanket for their toddler sized beds (or a queen sized blanket for a twin bed). The blanket is big enough to stay on all night so we’ve never had wakeups for twins to get the blanket back on them. (Obviously this is a tip for post-infant non-SIDS situation!).
Anonymous says
Can someone explain to me parents wanting kids to opt out of mask wearing in school (like for kids too young to be vaccinated, but old enough to be in school)? People are pretty militant in my area that they want the choice and something like 50% in one school opted to have their kid not wear a mask (so I think teachers will stop trying to keep up with this pretty quickly and my kids will just stop wearing theirs, forgetting to put it on after lunch, etc.). And we have no virtual school at all, so if you are at home quarantining, you don’t get lessons (such as they were) or even sent a lesson plan and I guess we will be flailing for yet another year.
If I win the lottery, first thing I do will be to hire a good person to just privately tutor my kids and pay them a full professor’s salary. I am good at math and yet feel so hopeless that today I will likely buy lottery tickets. Again.
AwayEmily says
I don’t get the militancy either, especially after the last year. I have to admit that when our daycare reopened last summer, I was very nervous about how the whole mask thing would work in practice — about the kids’ ability to keep them on, about how it would affect their socializing, about how irritated they would be by them. And I was very, very happy to be deeply wrong about all of that. My kids just Do. Not. Care. And from what I can tell, they are absolutely the norm. Kids just don’t seem to mind wearing masks, so it’s extra odd to me that parents are kicking up such a fuss (I mean, I get the reasons why, but it’s just so deeply illogical).
Anonymous says
I’ll bite! I I would prefer my kid not mask this year because the benefits to kid are (in my mind) far outweighed by the costs of masking. My 3yo is starting pre-school (masked) this year. He is at very low risk for covid and covid-complications. The main benefit of pre-school for him is to learn to socialize, and part of that is responding to people’s expressions and I feel masks will interfere with that.
Anonymous says
As a public policy matter, too, I think masks are a complete distraction from the real solution which is to get as many people vaccinated as possible. Vaccinations are much, much more helpful than masking.
Anonymous says
Um, are you aware that kids can’t be vaccinated right now? Masks in schools are a completely separate issue from masking in public.
Anonymous says
Right but they aren’t happening. I feel like a mask is the only thing I can do unilaterally. I cannot just get needles and start jabbing people.
Anonymous says
Leaving aside all of the health considerations, isn’t masking the least disruptive and most practical way to maintain in-person schooling, even (or especially) in preschool? Without masks, there will be more quarantines, more classroom closures, more calls to pick up your kid for a rapid COVID test and keep them home for several days, etc. And not just directly because of COVID, but because without masks colds spread more rapidly and in the current environment every sniffle must be treated as a potential COVID case.
Spirograph says
Exactly this. Yes, it’s harder to communicate with masks on. But it’s a helluva lot easier for a preschooler to learn social skills face to face with masks on than it is to do it through zoom or just… not learn them at all because school closed. (Also, watching someone’s eyes will give you much more information on their emotional state than anything nose and below, and kids are way better at reading eyes than you’re giving them credit for.)
The benefit of masking isn’t to keep your individual child from getting sick, it’s to minimize the potential spread to the point that keeping the actual facility open is a responsible choice.
Anonymous says
I’m from New Jersey. I’m loud and I talk with my hands. Masks ain’t got a chance of stopping me from communicating.
Anonymous says
Except that every study I’ve seen that looks at the effects of masking on social development reaches the conclusion that, while masks might cause some speech and other social/emotional delays, the risk of not masking (i.e., Covid) is much more serious. In addition, any effects of masking on development can be overcome by parents spending time unmasked with their kids. There’s no evidence from Asian countries where masking was already a thing pre-Covid that there’s an overall negative effect on children’s development.
Anon says
I’m supportive of masking but I don’t think it was the norm in any country for kids to wear masks for most of their day at school or daycare, was it? It doesn’t seem like a fair point.
Anonymous says
My understanding is that, yes, children were wearing masks in school and childcare settings during cold/flu seasons. So, it wasn’t all every day/all year thing, but it was common enough that they understood.
Anon says
I think you’re right – it wasn’t year round and that does feel different (with a three year old).
I don’t really care about the 2 year olds masking in DD’s class – none of them are that good at it from what I’ve seen. I am very pro everyone masking in my older two kid’s classes.
AwayEmily says
As per my comment above, I’m sympathetic to this worry — I was also super concerned about masks inhibiting socialization, and was pleasantly surprised by how they really don’t. My kids (toddler and preschooler) are just as engaged and happy as ever, are making friends, doing crafts, and generally having a totally normal preschool experience. So, hopefully that assuages your concern a little bit! Good luck with the start of preschool.
Anonymous says
Fried my kids were in PK last year and what’s as worse than masking from a development standpoint was distancing. Kids not able to share (or not share!), play interactively etc.
Our PK is having the (vaccinated) teachers maskless and pushing (maskless) outside time as ways you compensate for indoor masking for the littles.
Allie says
As someone who has had two young kids masked in daycare for a year I can say that they are expressive, read expressions, socialize and are excellent and smizing and observing eye expressions in others. I think this fear is largely from people who haven’t seen how well kids handle a masked environment for themselves. It’s totally natural for them — they actually don’t remember life pre-masking, which is sad for lots of reasons, but a real upside for them treating masking as super normal and no big deal.
Allie says
*at smizing . . .
IHeartBacon says
I think you are looking at the “responding to people’s expressions” from the perspective that before Covid you were able to look at a person’s whole face to see and interpret their expression. For the kids who are just starting pre-school, wearing a mask is normal for them and for the past year and a half, they have learned to see people’s faces around a mask. I can see that the few children who genuinely have difficulty interpreting facial expressions might struggle with masks, but I don’t expect the vast majority of children to struggle at all. Just sit at a playground for 5 minutes and you’ll see all the kids running around with their masks on like it’s no big deal at all. Socialization for kids is so much more than just being able to see something’s teeth.
OP, I think one of the biggest reasons a lot of parents struggle seeing their kids wear a mask is because it is a visual reminder that there is something out there that is a danger to their children. It’s like the scene in the Beach where the islanders move the guy who got attacked by a shark to a tent on the other side of the island. They just didn’t want to see him and they wanted to get back to their fun lives.
Pogo says
This is the sentiment I’m seeing – masks are no fun to wear for anyone, but some people especially think it’s hard on their kids, and you can’t see people’s mouth.
At our son’s school, ages 5+ have to wear it. It’s optional for 2-5, the thought being those kids may have more trouble keeping them on (which I don’t quiet agree with, because they did just spent an entire year masked no problem). It seems most people are still keeping their 2-5 year olds masked (I am).
anonamommy says
My kiddo’s school has required masks for all kids 2 and up over the last year as well as all staff. The kids are compliant, they know to keep them over their noses, and their development hasn’t slowed. And we didn’t have a single covid scare all year, which meant that school stayed open.
Anon says
My local district also did away with virtual school, with the argument that attendance isn’t great and that we have statewide cyber charter schools that kids can elect to attend instead. Maybe that’s an alternative.
Anonymous says
They’ve been told for 1.5 years that covid isn’t serious for kids and have kids who struggle with masks all day.
You can disagree but it isn’t a mystery
Anonymous says
Yes, this. Plus the lack of hard data on COVID in kids and breakthrough infections in fully vaccinated adults. You can find numbers to support your position that kids are the spreaders of pestilence or that kids aren’t spreading it, that unvaccinated adults are the primary concern and the primary group getting sick and hospitalized, or that kids are the primary concern and the primary group getting seriously ill. And, we’ve been told the vaccine was our moon shot, and we made it, and we can drop the masks, only to be told, oops! the moon shot doesn’t work, so put the mask back on even if you’ve had the vaccine. Also, yes, what the poster above said: masks are a visual reminder that we don’t actually know how badly the virus is spreading, among who, and whether we’re protected with a mask. People have just had enough of misinformation, conflicting information, being scolded, being judged, being good and dutiful, and made up their own minds with their own risk analysis since they decided they can’t trust experts’ risk analysis.
Anonymous says
Some people volunteer to be guinea pigs in the control group.
Jeffiner says
Last year, my daughter’s kindergarten teacher said that the class struggled in naming some sounds, like M or N, and she thinks it was because they couldn’t see her mouth when she taught the sounds. She solved it by buying some of the clear masks to wear for those lessons. The kids at school had no issues wearing masks all day. My daughter would even wear it on the way home, just because she was so used to it. My governor has said “kids will not be forced to wear a mask, by the government or by schools,” but its just a political move to try and fend off a primary candidate from the right.
Anonymous says
Question on behalf of my mom, who is a 4th grade teacher in and just texted me about this exact topic:
If your school district had a “masks optional” policy, how would you feel about a teacher encouraging masks in her own particular classroom?
Anonymous says
Personally, I’d be delighted. However, it would put the teacher at risk of backlash from a certain group of parents.
Anonymous says
It would be great if she could have some masks available for kids to use if their parents won’t send them with one. They are old enough at 4th grade to understand why they are being recommended. If parents complain, just say “oh, Johnny wanted a mask and I had a box of extra disposable ones so I gave him one.” It would be hard for a parent to complain about that.
Anon says
Oh perfect, something else teachers need to pay for themselves
EDAnon says
So much of masking is peer pressure driven, so I think lightly encouraging it in class would work well to get people in masks. Also, wearing one would likely help (if allowed).
Anonymous says
This is a good point. She has the students write and ratify a Class Bill Of Rights at the beginning of the school year. Last year she nudged them to codify all kinds of public health things, so if she can talk them into it again + have masks always available for people who “forget,” hopefully it will look like a student-led initiative rather than her preference. The district is very evenly politically divided, but the loudest ones tend to be on the GOP side.
Anonymous says
That would not fly in any school district I work with. Masks optional means optional, not teacher gets to bully kids into it.
Walnut says
My kindergarten and lower aged kids had a lot of anxiety when we eased them out of masking this spring.
They each reacted differently and expressed concerns about what was safe, who was safe, if grandma was going to die (Thanks Gov Inslee for telling us we were going to kill grandma over and over). My oldest used the mask to hide from his peers.
I’m just not excited to open these fears up again when there isn’t strong data on the efficacy of masks in children (and man, those things were nasty!)
anon says
Fun question – any ideas on how to make a trip to the zoo extra special? We are taking the kids to the zoo this weekend to celebrate my son’s 4th birthday. He only remembers going o the zoo once before (even though he has been many times). I am thinking of getting him a helium balloon to wear on his wrist. I would let him go nuts at the gift shop, but with covid restrictions, i think they are all closed. I wish there was a way to coordinate feeding an elephant or something amazing! We’re in DC if that helps with local recs.
Anonymous says
Which zoo? Many zoos offer behind-the-scenes experiences you can pay for, some of which include feeding animals.
Cb says
Oh fun! Are the gift shops closed? We let my kid pick out something on the last visit, thinking we were in for a £50 panda, but he chose a random zookeeper vehicle for £4. Could you bring a cupcake with you? Or a special outfit?
anon says
I think the zoo is its own treat, but at some zoos they have animal face painting so the kid can walk around the zoo with, for example, tiger face paint on. Maybe you can do an easy DIY whiskers face paint job with Halloween type makeup before you go to set the mood?
AwayEmily says
This is a fun question! What about buying some animal crackers or animal-shaped gummies and then giving him one that corresponds to each animal he’s visiting? Or…if you have an old phone, you could lend it to him as his “zoo phone” and let him take pictures of the animals, then print out the photos into a book later.
Anonymous says
If the gift shop is closed, what about getting something in advance, like a safari vest or hat or stuffie?
Check with the zoo before bringing balloons- I know some don’t allow those or straws.
Cb says
Avoid animal costumes/onesies as well. A friend got told off for bringing his son in a gruffalo costume. Apparently it scares the animals.
Spirograph says
Sounds like you are going to the National Zoo? Unfortunately, all the birthday party things that used to be at the National Zoo were run by FONZ (as were the gift shops and food services), so there have been a lot of changes since the zoo severed their relationship with FONZ last year. National Zoo definitely will not let you feed or touch any animals outside of the Kids Farm, but you could check that out. Also, do the carousel.
A helium balloon seems dicey — big potential for tears if it comes loose or pops, and also your son will be blocking the view of any adults standing behind him. Maybe a hat? The zoo birthday parties used to give kids safari hats, which they always seemed to get a kick out of (plus, less sunburn!).
Anonymous says
The gift shops at the National Zoo are all open, as is the carousel! And that is always the highlight of my kid’s experience whenever we go, which is a lot. Maybe allow a couple rides, so they can choose a different animal to ride on each time?
Also at the National Zoo, in my opinion, the best surefire hits are the otters, seals, and sea lions on the America Trail- they are ALWAYS out and putting on a good show for the kids, the other animals can be hit or miss. Reptile House and Small Mammal are both open and also fun, I recommend getting there early to it’s not crowded and there are no lines. Personally I think Asia Trail/the pandas are kind of a snooze but if your kid likes pandas they don’t require a pass anymore.
It’s a ton of hill walking, so I recommend if there are animals your kid particularly likes to see, look at the map ahead of time and figure out a good route- for example I like doing Small Mammal and or Reptile house (can also see the orangutans if they are out), then doing America Trail, but heading back to the main drag right at the Seals (otherwise you get stuck on a super long trail to the kids farm at the bottom, which I think is boring and a long walk up). Then do carousel and big cats. Then you could head to the top and maybe do zebras, cheetahs, there is also a FrozenYo shop right outside which is super fun. Have fun! We love the zoo!
Anonymous says
I was an Asia Trail volunteer for years, and 100% agree about the giant pandas. I never understood the excitement (except for the cubs, they are legit adorable). The red pandas are are the good ones. And the sloth bears, if they’re awake.
If you do end up on the super long trail to the kids farm accidentally, it’s worth stopping at Amazonia. I also like the Elephant House and especially the Outpost (but that’s another long-ish walk for kids).
Anonymous says
I love Amazonia! But it’s not open right now.
Anonymous says
If driving, park by the farm. It is so much easier to walk up the hill at the beginning of the day.
Allie says
Get a panda cake pop from baked by yael across from the zoo. It’s open, delicious, and small enough that it doesn’t make young kids cranky.
Anon says
the Smithsonian Zoo – we were just there? Go on the carousel, get ice cream and see the pandas. Gift shops are open. There are also some kiosks that were largely outside that sell souvenirs
Anonymous says
I get your question, but at the same time, it is is the zoo! It is special by itself! You could stop for ice cream on the way home or maybe make a book of pictures of him at the zoo after. Kiddo will be super excited to be at the zoo and see the animals. I don’t think you need to go above and beyond on this. Not that I don’t understand the desire.
Mommasgottasleep says
This is also my vote. The more I go overboard the less my (very social) kid is into it. I would get him a ballon and hype up the outing: “we’re going to the zoo for your birthday! What a special day! I’m so glad you’re in our family.” Maybe get him some small treat on the way home if the food vendors are closed. Enjoy the zoo!
IHeartBacon says
I agree with his, too. But since you asked, my suggestion is to tell him he is in charge of the map and deciding where to go next. Kids that age love the illusion of power. :)
Anonymous says
Carousel Ride (or whatever other paid rides your zoo offers) would be a major hit with my 4 year old.
Anonymous says
If you are willing to take a road trip, the Metro Richmond Zoo is a fun little zoo where you can feed giraffes, budgies, and farm animals and take a tram ride through animal enclosures. 4 years old is the perfect age.
Anonymous says
Oh, and Busch Gardens in Williamsburg has a meet-the-wolves experience, but that is really far for a day trip from DC.
avocado says
Let him have a treat from the zoo cafeteria or snack cart instead of, or in addition to, bringing your own snacks. My kid is a teenager and still gets ridiculously excited about buying icky treats at tourist attractions. I usually give in because it’s an easy way to make the outing even more special for her.
Cb says
I listened to an interview (on BOBW) with a sociologist working on mental load and thought her small steps toward change were really helpful:
https://allisondaminger.substack.com/p/thank-you-gate
“What might such allyship look like? One relatively easy solution is to short-circuit your assumptions about how different-gender couples do (or should) divide responsibilities. This may mean emailing both partners with a question about scheduling a social gathering or what to buy a child for her birthday, for instance, rather than defaulting to Mom. Err on the side of overcommunicating until you know the couple’s preference—or, better yet, just ask!
If you work with parents in any official capacity, you likely have opportunities to build gender-neutral assumptions into your policies. That might mean explicitly asking which parent should be called first in an emergency or defaulting to including both partners on any email updates. And then honor those preferences! I’ve heard from multiple couples that even though they listed Dad first, Mom still gets the calls”
Anonymous says
It’s totally true that if you list Dad first, mom still gets the calls. We tried that. Biggest success I have had is requesting that both emails be added to any email lists (usually after the first email goes out). If they can do it for divorced couples, there’s no reason they can’t for married couples. Then DH and I divide who is responsible for keeping up with and responding if need to which email senders (school, extracurriculars, doctors etc).
Cb says
We have a joint email address that we really need to be better about using, particularly as school starts, but also for household stuff more generally.
Anonymous says
Yup. I still get all the calls, even though my husband is listed first because his office is 15 minutes from school and mine is an hour away.
Anonymous says
Our school district has you assign priority to all contacts. So they defer to what parents request. But if #1 doesn’t answer, they call #2.
Aunt Jamesina says
Yes! Years ago, I read on here that having a joint parent email address for school, doctor, etc. communications that forwarded to both parents’ inboxes was a good way to sort of force emails to reach both parents. I made a mental note and signed up for a joint email years ago that’s a portmanteau of our last names. I know when I taught high school, I was careful to always check the order of preferred contacts in our student management system when calling (it seemed not all of my colleagues would check this, and would just assume mom was the main contact, ugh), and to always email both parents/guardians if they were listed.
My husband and I have different last names, and I was annoyed when our future daycare entered our kid as Baby Husband’sLastName in their system as a placeholder without even asking which last name we would use (thankfully I was able to log in and change it). I had been the person calling and emailing to request info, set up a tour, and sign our kid up since my husband was working on a huge work project that month. Literally the only contact he had with them was when he showed up for the tour!
Anonymous says
Does Kid 1 have your husband’s last name? I would imagine that the day care would assume that both kids would have the same last name, and wouldn’t be thinking much about the parents’ last names.
Anonymous says
Oops, sorry, misread your post and thought that it was about a second child.
Aunt Jamesina says
This is for our (not yet born) first kid!
AwayEmily says
On the name thing — our kids have different last names (our son has mine, our daughter has my husband’s) and both the daycares they’ve been at have been so conscientious about always using the correct one for each of them (including in mailed correspondence). I appreciate it SO much — I know it’s not always the case.
Aunt Jamesina says
We’re doing different last names for our (future) kids, too! Glad to see someone else went this route.
AwayEmily says
It has been wonderful and absolutely zero hassle so far.
Aunt Jamesina says
Awesome. So many (otherwise reasonable) people put in their ridiculous two cents with all sorts of hypothetical “problems” we could run into, but I just don’t see how it’s that big of a deal.
Pogo says
I’ve found the best way is to completely delegate something to one parent or another instead of trying to share responsibility. It’s hard with school and pediatrician, since that’s a lot for one person to handle in terms of communication and time off work, but on swim lessons for example, that’s 100% DH.
Our rough delegation on school and ped is that I do all the behind the scenes coordination and scheduling but DH will take the time off work and physically take kiddo to the doctor or drop/pick up stuff at school.
Aunt Jamesina says
Thank your for sharing this Cb, it really articulates so many of my frustrations around gendered assumptions. I’ve ranted to friends about the exact scenario about thank yous before!
DLC says
I would also add to be more inclusive on parents FB groups and listservs and what not. There are so many times when someone posts on a parenting forums “Hey Ladies” or “Fellow Mamas”, for questions that are absolutely not female specific, and it makes me really annoyed. I mean, yes, the members are probably majority women, but fathers should also be asked their opinions on what the best sleeping bag or baby carrier to buy for their child. I find the maternal gate-keeping that goes on in some of the forums really problematic. So even on forums, which I would assume to be majority women, I have taken to writing “Fellow parents” just to try to train myself to make that mental shift towards more inclusive care-giving.
Aunt Jamesina says
This is a great point. I also hate addressing women who have children as “mama”. If I’m not your mother, don’t call me mom/mama!
Anonymous says
Totally agree, but I’ve found that many FB “moms” groups are intended to be for women. I’m in one that’s specifically a progressive parents group open to all parents and people parenting children but the local moms one definitely was not open to all.
GCA says
Yeah, I see the benefit of a safe space to discuss issues that are mainly relevant only/ mostly to women, but at the same time I can’t help thinking that non-female parents should get equal access to this kind of social capital that facilitates emotional labor. My local moms group (open to women only for the above safe-space reasons) is also a space where people share precisely the sort of community knowledge (summer camp signup dates, preschool application deadlines, reviews of products) that would benefit all families. (It also skews wealthy and privileged, but that is a different problem.) The more inclusive all-parents group is not as active as the mom groups I’ve seen, for whatever reason.
Pogo says
This was a source of HUGE debate in my local moms’ group. I think they changed the by-laws to say like, “people who identify as mothers” or something. I didn’t have any personal stake in it, but some people were very invested – on both sides – and it was a massive drama, with the president resigning from the “stress”.
Weekend Plans! says
So, basically the best thing ever is happening this weekend. Husband scheduled a boys weekend at his buddy’s place. Turns out said buddy lives 20 minutes from my in-laws (about 3 hours from our home). So husband is taking the 4-yr old and 18-mo-old to grandma’s house for the weekend and I am staying home ALL BY MYSELF!! They’ll be gone Friday afternoon through Sunday afternoon. My tentative plans include not setting an alarm, reading a book, maybe some fancy coffee, potentially a hike, a little gardening. Looking for additional ideas so that I don’t waste the weekend staring mindlessly at social media. What would you do?
Also – hallelujah for a grandma who is willing and able to take both kids at the same time.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Don’t make too many plans! Your list right now sounds beautiful. Add some takeout and maybe some binge watching (Love is Blind Part 2, anyone?) and that is IDEAL.
I say this as someone who has taken days like this/days off and cram packed them with “relaxing things” and then…it ain’t relaxing. Sometimes just being is ok!
Anonymous says
Fancy cheese and crackers for dinner in front of the TV!
Cb says
Wow, this sounds fantastic! Resist the urge to organise closets or do any admin etc, you could do those on a rainy November Saturday.
GCA says
Hooray for a free weekend! (I also lucked out in the MIL department.) I would do fancy coffee and get takeout that kids and/ or husband wouldn’t normally eat, add a run, swim or yoga, and meet a friend for a hike!
anne-on says
I’d add: takeout from a place YOU like but that the kid/family does not and a special beverage while you watch a tv show/movie you enjoy. I’d decide (or narrow down) your options of tv show/movie ahead of time so you don’t just mindlessly scroll (uh, not that I do that or anything…)
I’d go to a local garden store and try to pick out a special plant so gardening isn’t just the un-fun weeding/mulching stuff. Maybe coffee/breakfast with a book, then trip to garden store, then gardening in the afternoon, shower off and get your fancy takeout and watch your fun movie/tv show.
Friday evening maybe see if you can get a drinks or dinner date set up with a local friend? If not, I’d try to wrap up work a bit early (or RIGHT at 5) do a bit of a early evening hike and then enjoy not having to be home for kid dinner/bedtime and have snack dinner in front of the TV. Enjoy!!
AnonATL says
I have an upcoming “off duty” weekend. My plan is sleeping in, fancy coffee + pastry, a little outdoor time by the community pool. Thai takeout that my husband doesn’t like and in bed early watching mindless tv with a cocktail.
I will also probably do 1 load of laundry because dirty clothes piling up bothers me more than clean clothes in a basket.
Anonymous says
This sounds amazing. I would love to just sit by the pool and read a book without listening to people whining that they don’t like the snacks I brought, don’t want to wear their rash guards, don’t want to put on sunscreen, are bored, are hot, etc.
Anon says
That sounds like bliss. BLISS.
I would also add taking a shower with enough time to FULLY exfoliate and doing one of those face masks you keep saying you’re going to do but don’t have time.
Pogo says
DH has taken the 4yo camping a couple times and I’ve had the weekend solo with the baby which is almost as good :)
I went to Target, went running both days, got sushi for takeout, binged a show DH wouldn’t be into.
Anonymous says
for the first time in a long time I’m doing back to school shopping. I have two girls, 8 and 5, that will be in elem in the fall. It seems like we have nothing that will fit either of them in the fall, so I’m starting basically from scratch. What are some cute pieces/outfits/places to shop for kids this age? Ideas for basics/capsule wardrobe pieces?
Anonymous says
I usually do exactly what my mom did- go through the fall lands end kids catalog, mark appropriate clothes for each kid, let them select color/pattern.
Anonymous says
The Nordstrom sale usually has good kids’ items that are less picked over than the women’s selection. I also like Peek Kids, Tea Collection for the younger one, and a few things from Old Navy and Gap Kids. Old Navy has really good jean jackets that are great for a capsule wardrobe.
Mary Moo Cow says
For basics and capsule, you can’t beat Primary. When my oldest was 5, she lived in solid Primary short sleeve and long sleeve dresses in purple, teal, and pink, and had rainbow stripe and plain leggings to wear with the dresses in the fall and winter. Primary is also great for puffer vests, puffer jackets, gloves, winter hats, and socks. The socks have different color heels and toes according to size, so you can keep track of 8 year old and 5 year old’s pairs. I like Primary because there aren’t any flip sequins or obnoxious slogans or trendy characters that they might get tired of before they outgrow the clothes. Hanna Andersson is the same, and good quality, but may be a bit baby-ish for your 8 year old. My 8 year old niece doesn’t wear too much Hanna anymore.
Anonymous says
Lands End and H&M are my go-to for my daughter who’ll be in 1st grade this year. She lives in leggings + long sleeve dresses through fall and winter, with a smattering of t shirts, sweatshirts and sweaters. We get a mix of 5-6 solid and patterned leggings, 2-3 each of dresses, long-sleeve t’s, and sweaters. She is anti-jeans, which is sad because they look adorable on her. I don’t ever buy sweatshirts on purpose… we always seem to end up somewhere that’s colder than we expected and need to buy one on the fly, so we amass them that way, instead.
Anon says
I am shocked at how well Lands End wears. My mom got my oldest son a LE T-shirt from a secondhand shop, he wore it every week, now my second son is wearing it every week and it is still in amazing condition. I never seem to think of them for kids clothes (or the prices scare me away), but I should!
DLC says
I feel like Lands End always is having sales, so it’s actually not a bad price point. I will say, though, the LE stuff at the thrift store has held up much better than their stuff I’ve bought new this last year or two. Or maybe my kids are hater on clothes now that they are older? But yeah, if I see Lands End at a thrift store, I will usually grab it.
DLC says
Slight threadjack- how many of each piece do you usually find you need to make a capsule for your kids? I feel like I’m constantly buying one or two pieces here or there throughout the year, because I lose track of things or the laundry doesn’t get done quickly enough. I would love to do one purchase for cool weather and one for warm weather and be done.
Anonymous says
So my 6 year old boy is not exactly into fashion and has some sensory issues – YMMV, maybe take this as a minimum or capsule. He has 8 plain or striped shirts (short or long sleeve depending on season) and 5-8 pants (only 2 shorts because he hates shorts). (we try to do laundry only once a week). 2-3 fleeces, and 1-2 sets of dressier clothes (we don’t have in person religious stuff at present). Long sleeve shirts are primary on sale. Short sleeve shirts tend to be a little more fun. Pants are usually target. Everything goes together.
Anon says
For my 8 year old, Primary/ Tea is too young and Land’s End is too boring. She prefers Old Navy, Target big kids, Gap Kids, Children’s Place, and athletic-type wear from places like Kohls and Nike. The 5 year old can still get away with some stuff from Primary, Carters, Target little kids, but is influenced by big sister and the big kids in the elementary school, so prefers stuff like Big Sis.
We do a big wardrobe overhaul at the start of the school year. They get to try on a bunch of shorts at Old Navy/ Childrens Place until we find the pair they love. We buy 5-6 in different colors or rinses, and then they pick out 6-8 shirts that somewhat coordinate. They also get 2 toppers (jean jacket, open sweater, hoodie, etc) for those random cold days, and a 2 pairs of jeans to get them through fall. We repeat all this (except keeping any shirts/ toppers/ jeans in good condition) for the winter and then again in the spring/ summer.
EB0220 says
No matter what I try, my 6 and 9 year old end up in Target. Maybe we’ll try Old Navy this year too. They won’t wear Tea, Primary, Hanna or Boden anymore.
Anon says
Input needed. Currently 7 weeks with baby #3, visit to the OB confirmed baby looks good and is measuring on track. Yay! Of course, something could happen within the next few weeks, but for now we’re excited.
I want to wait to tell close family until we have the fetal DNA genetic testing done after my 10 week appointment in three weeks given I am “of advanced maternal age” (eyeroll). Husband wants to tell today, particularly because registration for a pilgrimage his mother is very eager to go on opens tomorrow and famously fills up within 48 hours, so she will definitely try to register. Trip is scheduled for 2-3 weeks before the due date. My other two children have all been born a month before they were due. Husband made a bit of a stink about me wanting to wait to tell because his mom will be put in the position of wanting to cancel this trip and potentially losing money for registration if it’s not fully refundable. I said there’s still too much up in the air and who’s to say she won’t go anyway. I still don’t think she’s going because she is so Covid conscious. Really exciting to have this argument the day I find out we’re good to go for this baby! Grr. Any advice or input? I really, really would like to wait to tell if at all possible.
Anonymous says
I think you should let him tell her
Anon says
+1 I’d let him tell her if he wants.
NYCer says
+2.
anon says
+3, I would let him tell now.
Anonymous says
Disagree. OP is the one who is pregnant, the one who would directly experience any adverse pregnancy outcome, and the one who will be giving birth. She gets the final say.
Anon says
My DH would strongly disagree with this. He experiences pregnancy differently but if you don’t think DH is emotionally invested and anxious about outcomes and your health, you’re kidding yourself. He worries for 40 weeks give or take just like I do.
Anonymous says
Last I checked, men were not the ones physically giving birth, vomiting daily from “morning” sickness, having to pass miscarriages, etc. The person whose body it is has the final say in managing pregnancy information.
Anonymous says
I don’t know what the history with your MIL being there for births and after births is. But I’d feel the opposite of your husband. I’d want to wait so that she gets signed up for the pilgrimae and then when you tell her about kiddo, I’d make sure she still attends if at all possible. She should get to live this dream!
Anon says
Oh, this is important context. MIL lived out-of-state for the past two births but was able to travel to see the babies within hours of births. She recently moved to our state and now lives only a few miles away.
Anon says
My first two were early (3 weeks and 2 weeks) and my third was born on his due date – I was shocked! So no guarantees (unless you have been induced a month early and can anticipate that again). Personally, we told our parents quite early and your husband’s reason makes sense to me, as long as she’s trustworthy to keep the secret.
AwayEmily says
I would feel the same way — I am now 13 weeks and absolutely refused to tell anyone til the NIPT test came back. I would Google and find out whether the trip is fully refundable or not. Right now you’re making decisions with incomplete information/hypotheticals.
Anonymous says
I felt the same way. You are not obligated to tell anyone any medical information unless you want to.
How would your MIL react if something awful happened? FWIW, and this is not intended to scare you, I had several miscarriages before my kid was born. One of the pregnancies looked great at 8 weeks, only to show some serious issues at 12/13 weeks. We’d told our parents early. Once we learned that things weren’t looking so good, we ended up not getting much support from our parents because they were wrapped up in their own grief. If you don’t know if your MIL or any other family member/friend wouldn’t be supportive, then don’t tell them until you’re comfortable with it.
anne-on says
This. I had some major trauma I had to work through as an adult about how my parents handled some major and ongoing health issues that arose as a teen (basically, made it all about them, which is pretty typical for them and put the onus on me for soothing THEIR feelings, leaving me no space for my own feelings/reactions). They are simply aren’t capable of doing the ‘circle of grief’ thing and will always and forever make themselves the center of any issue. If this is why you’re thinking you don’t want to tell your MIL I’d explain that to your husband – my husband has a similar situation with his parents and 100% gets it.
OP says
This is a good point, thanks. I actually had two miscarriages before my first, and my parents were so unaffected about the first one when I was struggling that I ended up not even telling them about the second. My MIL on the other hand went overboard in trying to be supportive to the point where I wish I hadn’t told her about the second miscarriage, either. Like, sending multiple flowers/thinking-of-you gifts, calling my husband every day to check-in, etc. He didn’t tell her to back off but I stopped contact for a while mainly because I just didn’t want to talk about it with her — but I also sunk into a pretty deep depressive state after that second one, so maybe I’m magnifying everything. I haven’t gameplanned what I’d do if things went south, and I don’t want to worry about that within the next 24 hours, so that’s why I’m just thinking that timing sucks this time around but I’m still not telling her now.
Anonymous says
Would your husband want the support of his mom if this pregnancy went south? I understand that you are the one that had to physically endure the miscarriages but your husband suffered a loss too. Circle of grief wise, he would need someone that wasn’t you. This also goes to show how everyone responds differently. I have friends that wished they got more acknowledgement, more cards and flowers about their loss. Others just want to be left alone to grieve solo. I now ask my friends their preference for all kinds of losses. My point being, if your husband is going to tell his mom regardless if you have a loss, then I don’t see the issue telling her now.
DLC says
I don’t think there is a right or wrong way to go because everyone here is a grown up and can be responsible for their own decisions and reactions. If your MIL decides to cancel her trip after registering for it, it is her decision, right? Presumably you guys aren’t forcing her to cancel the trip to come be with you guys. And if she chooses she would rather be with you and the new baby even if it means losing money, then it’s really not anyone’s place to second guess her choice.
And likewise, if you do want to tell her early so she can make as informed a decision as possible, you are not responsible if the baby arrives early or late and she misses the trip for no reason. You are not responsible for her disappointment in any scenario.
So I think you should take your MIL’s action/ reaction out of the picture and focus on whether or not you both are ready to tell people or not.
(Of course, I’m saying this assuming everyone involved is emotionally mature and won’t be petty or passive aggressive or pout about any of the outcomes…)
OP says
I do think of my parents and my MIL, my MIL is the most well-adjusted and would be the most understanding of this situation, so in a way I’m grateful she’s the one we’re worried about. We’re certainly not expecting her to cancel and would not pressure her to. I think my husband is being a bit too reactive to this and letting his mind spiral a smidge — if only I would have a more artful way of describing it! I really think it comes down to I don’t want to tell anyone until we get genetic testing back, and that’s that.
Anonymous says
I would want MIL to be on the pilgrimage when the baby was born.
OP says
This made me LOL on a day when I feel like screaming, thank you (not sure this was intended, and I appreciate your input nonetheless).
Anonymous says
Absolutely intended, and I’m glad it landed. ;) Hugs, and hang in there.
Anonymous says
Congrats on your pregnancy. I would let your husband manage his own relationship with his mother and if he wants to tell her, let him unless there’s some particular reason why you don’t want her to know (e.g., she’s a huge gossip). I realize this may lead to needing to tell other close family members earlier than you’d like to be “fair” etc. Having a good ultrasound at 7 weeks means your chance of m/c are drastically lower (I know from personal experience not zero), but nothing in pregnancy is a guarantee, and I think it’s a little arbitrary at this point not to tell her if your spouse really wants to do so.
OP says
Follow-up here. The above really helped me think through exactly why I want to wait. When I think about this more, I would like to wait until after we receive testing results to at least tell my parents so I can frame any issues appropriately given their reaction to my first miscarriage was so off-putting that I didn’t even tell them about the second first trimester miscarriage. It would be a burden on us, I think, to tell my MIL now and then wait to tell my parents, and if my parents found out that she knew I was pregnant well before they did, there would be some very uncomfortable situations for me down the line when dealing with my own mother. Given my history of first trimester miscarriage after a good 7-ish week ultrasound, and that I’m 38 and already concerned about potential genetic issues, I just don’t think it’s worth it to me at this point in time. My MIL can make her own decision about what to do about this trip, and after some sleuthing which involved calling the company putting on the trip because there is zero info about it online, it sounds like the deposit is small enough that if it was non-refundable it won’t be that big of an issue.
So I’m pretty much set now… gosh, I should probably just think about these things more before posting to this site! I appreciate all of the feedback, though. This has been helpful for me to think through my situation.
OP says
Gah, nesting fail – meant for the thread above. It’s been a day. Apologies.
Anon says
Don’t apologize!
Also, sometimes just… seeing my situation written out… helps me see things more clearly. Glad you’ve figured it out.
Curious says
This is so reasonable!
Also, in our household, the person who is more conservative (on telling people, on COVID risk, on budget) wins. We will try to persuade each other (and we are pretty evenly matched on spending feelings, so this works for us), but the answer would be — you say no, so no. So here’s one family backing you up even without your eminently reasonable logic!