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Every spring, I look forward to transitioning from my winter wardrobe of black/navy/gray to something more colorful. I’ve frequently turned to Amour Vert for casual tops and sweaters, but many of their pieces would also work for the office.
In their new collection for spring, I am admiring their Papillon 3/4-Sleeve Blouse — it comes in a lovely, dusky lilac (I’d love to see more colors), has a Zoom-friendly twist neck, and is made from “Cottonseed Cupro, a zero-waste fabric made entirely from discarded cotton waste.”
I’m not surprised by their choice of fabric — the company has long engaged in a range of sustainable practices, including “buy a tee, we plant a tree” and using packaging made from recycled and compostable materials.
The blouse is $148 and currently available for preorder (estimated to ship February 26). It comes in XS–XL (although they are currently out of XL).
Sales of note for 8.30.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 20% off
- Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
- Lands’ End – 40% off sitewide; 50% off backpacks, 40% off kids’ apparel
- Loft – Summer sale, 30% off new arrivals; up to 50% off much more
- Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
- Zappos – 28,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – 50% off everything
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 40% off everything
- J.Crew Crewcuts – 40% off sitewide; extra 50% off sale styles
- Old Navy – 50-60% off; 50% off pants for the family
- Target – 20% off select clothing for all; up to 50% off home; up to 30% off select nursery furniture; up to 30% off kitchen & dining
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- The concept of “backup care” is so stupid…
- I need tips on managing employees in BigLaw who have to leave for daycare pickup…
- I’m thinking of leaning out to spend more time with my family – how can I find the perfect job for that?
- I’m now a SAHM and my husband needs to step up…
- How can I change my thinking to better recognize some of my husband’s contributions as important, like organizing the shed?
- What are your tips to having a good weekend with kids, especially with little kids? Do you have a set routine or plan?
Broken humerus says
I need help. I fell on the ice and broke my humerus on Sunday. I’m having surgery on Monday and am in a sling until then, and will be after as well (with an incision and then pain meds, at that point). I have a thirteen month-old who has been at home with us for her entire life; we’re both teleworking and are on daycare waitlists (in DC). We tried to beg into the ones we’re at the top of the list on, but everyone is at capacity until restrictions are lifted in April. I cannot pick her up and won’t be able to do so for about three months.
I had still been nursing (was hoping to make it to the beginning of daycare) but my supply is dropping; in hopes of avoiding mastitis, I’ve been pumping and dumping given pain pills and that I can’t hold her.
Sleep has been a struggle for a while; our small victory on that front was that two weeks ago, we read Precious Little Sleep, and Dad started handling all wakeups before midnight, with me going in afterward and usually spending most of the night sleeping and holding her in the rocking chair. That had actually been an okay, if unsustainable, way for us all to get some sleep. Now, if I’m in the same room as her at all, she wails and wants me to pick her up, so it’s sometimes better if I stay away. This breaks my heart, truly, and it means her dad is doing literally everything baby-related, plus keeping us all fed, plus getting up with her at night every two hours or so, plus helping me pump and bathing me (ugh) and managing my meds with no respite. We were going to night wean with an eye toward sleeping through the night soon. Last night was extra hard, which I understand; 50% of the people she knows and depends on have suddenly disappeared. I was able to hang out for a bit during breakfast this morning, which was a relief. But there’s a long recovery post-op, which means that cuddling and playing are off the table for a while.
Grandparents are out of state and haven’t visited since COVID. We called MIL this morning and said we really need help; she arrives tomorrow. That is a major gift. She’ll stay for about a week, definitely until my surgery. I’d like to ask my family to help after that, but my sister has a two year-old who would come with her (non-negotiable), which feels like adding to the chaos, and my mom believes that she is immune to COVID and is flying to Key West for vacation a day before my surgery. Unclear if she’d be willing to test and quarantine; she hasn’t been forthcoming with my sister about what she’s doing before caring for my niece. (“Mom, you told me you would quarantine before you babysat.” “I did, I just had one more class in my yoga package to use.”) Mom also lives with a guy who flouts COVID restrictions as a matter of principle.
MIL got her second shot last week; my mom Abe sister haven’t been vaccinated yet. It would be so devastating if me, DH, or Baby got COVID at this point.
I don’t know what to do. I miss my baby so much, I’m so worried about my husband, I’m in a lot of pain, and we’re at the very beginning of all this. Daycare in April will hopefully be light at the end of the tunnel. I don’t know what to do until then, or what exactly to ask. Help help help, please.
Anon says
I would check out taking Cara babies. Precious little sleep wasn’t concrete enough for my first and she’s still not a great sleeper. Cara gives you concrete steps and holds your hand thru sleep training. You must sleep train for everyone’s sanity. I know it’s beyond beyond brutal but the baby and both of you will be happier. It will take 2 to 3 weeks, the older they get the harder it gets but your window is narrowing quickly if she’s not sleeping thru the night.
I am so so so sorry about how hard this situation must be. Can your MIL extend her stay a bit? I would order all meals out, eat on paper plates, etc. I’d plan what you can on all that now. I am so sorry, so many hugs.
Anonymous says
I’m so sorry. I think your plans with MIL sound good. Can you or DH take time off work? This should be FMLA eligible for both of you.
Anonymous says
Yes this. He might need to take leave.
anon says
I’m so sorry. This sounds terrible. A few thoughts in case it’s helpful.
It sounds like this may be the time to wean. It’s okay to be okay with weaning. Just pump enough to keep yourself out of pain and use cabbage leaves and sudafed. Take it off your plate and list of worries.
Your MIL arriving will be huge. It’s great that she got her first vaccine–even just one shot has a protective effect. I bet sister, even with a 2 yo, would be helpful. The 2 yo might even be a good distraction for your 13 month old.
If you end up needing help, consider Care.com or White House nannies. Both may help get you over the hump.
Anonymous says
She said her MIL is fully vaccinated! But honestly I think at this point Covid vaccines are not a dealbreaker and she should host the sister and niece if the MIL can’t extend her stay.
Anonymous says
Agreed. It’s unfortunate but necessary.
Anonymous says
Wow, this is so hard. You have a major health crisis on top of a child care crisis and a global pandemic. This internet stranger is giving you permission to prioritize. Number one is your health. You are having major surgery and are taking serious painkillers. You need to drop ALL the other balls and let your husband and MIL figure things out for the next week. You may want to consider tapering off the pumping. Your plan was to continue BFing until April. Realistically, if you continue pumping and dumping it will only get you a couple more weeks of BFing after you recover from surgery and are off the meds. If your supply is dropping, maybe your body is telling you it’s time to be done.
Is MIL retired? If so, she may be willing to stay longer once she sees how much she’s needed. I would also look into having DH take leave after MIL goes home.
Hugs. Right now, all you need to worry about is getting yourself rested and healed. DH and MIL only need to worry about keeping everyone safe and fed. If baby is unhappy that you can’t hold her for a while, that’s OK. You love her and will pick her up again when you can. This is awfully hard, but once you’re through surgery things will start to get easier bit by bit.
Anonymous says
This sounds incredibly hard. I’m so sorry. Can you look at daycares in VA or MD? Not sure about MD but I know ours in close-in Arlington has spots open in all rooms.
Anonymous says
This sounds almost impossibly hard but you can get through it. Focus on getting through your surgery. MIL coming to town buys you a week to focus on you and let MIL and DH handle the other stuff. For nursing, I went back to work on all three of my kids at 1 year and just nursed morning and night. Pumping sounds miserable but continuing to nurse may be a nice way for you to still feel connected with your daughter. A number of posters here have said that a protein heavy night snack like a spoonful of peanut butter right before bed has helped with sleep duration for their littles. Try advil for teething or upping small toddler meals throughout the day as that may help with sleeping.
Family – ask MIL to come back for another week in a month or so. Have your sister visit – it will help break things up for DH and will be another set of hands around the house. Rent a double stroller for her visit so they can take turns taking the toddlers for a walk while the other one does house stuff. Don’t have your mom visit unless she’s more covid compliant. She will cause unnecessary stress and you don’t need to end up hospitalized with covid on top of everything else.
Delivery services – put diapers/food staples on auto ship from Costco or Walmart. Order meal delivery from a local service (a number of mom and pop restaurants in my city are offering batch meal delivery as a way to get more business during covid).
Friends – I noticed that you don’t reference friends? I have three kids and I’m buried but I’d totally pitch in to help out a friend in a situation like yours. Can they provide meals or other support like drop off groceries or take care of the ‘pick up’ part if you order something on pay and pick up? We’re pretty covid cautious but if your DH loads toddler into a stroller, and the friend wears a mask, it seems like they could take her for a walk in a fairly low risk way and give you and your DH a half hour break.
Paid household assistance – do you have cleaners now? Can they come every week instead of biweekly? Can they do laundry (even if only sheets ands towels)? If cleaners wear masks and DH/toddler take a walk while the cleaning is done, that seems pretty low risk (they could skip the room you are in).
Paid childcare – can you find someone to come part-time to your house? This might be the best option vs. trying to find a childcare centre and get toddler adapted to that as well.
Anonymous says
Your only priority here is getting enough care for your baby so you can recover. Start formula/cow milk and give up nursing altogether now. Sorry! You’re broken, you can’t. Mourn it and move on. Take all the help you can get. His mom. Your mom. Emergency nanny agency. Any friends. Covid cannot be your focus you don’t have that luxury.
Anonymous says
This is the strangest take. She broke her arm so covid precautions go out the window? It’s not like she broke her femur and will be bedridden for months. She will be mobile and she can feed herself with her good arm. And her DH can take care of the baby – he will have to take some FMLA.
Anonymous says
Not the person you’re responding to, but I don’t think it’s a strange take. She didn’t say “Covid precautions go out the window” – she’s not encouraging OP to hit the gym or attend a wedding! The point that some increased Covid risk (in the form of family support and/or paid help) may be necessary while she heals is a perfectly valid one. Even if he took a leave of absence from work, I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect her DH to care for her and the baby for a couple of months without any external support.
Signed, on a mental health related leave of absence from work right now and my kid still goes to daycare every day. Childcare is a full-time job and helping a post-surgical patient can be too.
Anonymous says
She said “Covid cannot be your focus you do not have that luxury.” On the contrary–COVID should be a primary focus because OP has so much else going on that she can’t afford to be sick or have a sick husband or kid right now. OP says that herself.
Anonymous says
I said ‘covid precautions out the window’ and I stand by the idea that inviting someone (her mom) into a home who is vacationing in Florida (tons of highly transmissible UK variant) and also living with someone who does not take ANY covid precautions (mom’s partner) is a very very risky idea. That’s totally different from having MIL or sister visit.
Having her mom visit is different from having a child in full time childcare. My kids are in fulltime childcare because I have to work. I don’t have people who don’t take covid precautions in my home at all let alone for extended periods.
It’s not a full time job to help someone in an arm sling. She’ll need help bathing and won’t be able to help much around the house.
Anonymous says
Yeah, she absolutely cannot have her mom in the house. Vaccinated MIL and sister who sounds reasonably cautious are a different story.
Anonymous says
But when you hire help you don’t know what they’re doing on their own time either. A lot of nannies and teachers have taken flying vacations in the last 11 months. I’d absolutely make the mom test and quarantine after this upcoming trip, but since she’d be living with them and under their supervision, so to speak, it actually seems a lot safer to me to have the mom in their house than a nanny or daycare teacher who is doing whatever they want on their own time.
Anonymous says
I actually think mom is more of a risk than a nanny or day care. Day care will have strict protocols and teachers will be masked. A nanny can be required to mask. Mom would be in the house unmasked 24/7.
Anonymous says
I wouldn’t hire a nanny who vacationed in Florida in February and lives with a covid denier. At least a nanny continues the bad behavior, she could fire her. If her mom is engaging in that kind of risky behavior now, what makes you think she’ll stop at their house? How is the mom supposed to quarantine away from her covid denying partner before visiting? Her mom isn’t a useful support right now and OP should focus her efforts to arrange help elsewhere – most of the needs – childcare and housekeeping/meal prep can be outsourced or her DH can do with support from his mom and her sister.
Anonymous says
OP also notes that Mom lied/misrepresented to the sister about her behavior – not quarantining as requested by the sister. She seems like a risky person to involve and not someone who is bringing anything to the table that other family or paid help cannot provide.
Anonanonanon says
I think it’s a true take. This is similar to living with a relative that requires home health care. Unfortunately, you need the help and care and don’t get to exclude everyone from your home. Not to say precautions should be out the window, but you won’t be able to be 100% because you literally require assistance with activities of daily living, and that will require outside help.
Anon says
She’s still pumping so as to avoid mastitis and the associated pain of quick weaning. She doesn’t say she’s pumping for the baby’s sake
anon says
I’m not convinced that a single nanny/helper is any more COVID-dangerous than daycare. Most are taking on some level of risk at this point.
Anonymous says
It’s not. It’s less dangerous than daycare.
Spirograph says
Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry. I’m sure you’ve thought of this, but if there is a position that is comfortable for you to sit in or lie in where your husband can then place your daughter next to you, that might be a way to get the physical contact she’s wanting. Or if you can sit on the floor while she plays near you… (blockade your hurting arm!)
Do you have any neighbors or friends who can help out? I’d absolutely bring over dinner to a friend or neighbor going through this, and mask up to help with laundry or childcare if you were comfortable. Let people know you need support. If you’re not comfortable asking everyone, maybe there’s one friend who can spread the word on your behalf and organize a meal train. I’d also consider a housekeeper or babysitter to help out a few hours per day. You can find someone who is being responsible about covid, and local norms in DC around precautions are pretty good. If you have a neighborhood listserv, I’d start there, with care . com as a next step. Or better yet, maybe your sister can handle the initial posting and screening on care . com for you, because it can be overwhelming and you and your husband don’t need that on your plate right now.
Anonymous says
In no particular order:
-Hire a sitter/helper (you don’t have to be as picky since you and DH will be home- you want someone that can do the physical work)
-DH takes time off (PTO, FMLA, etc)
-MIL extends her stay
And outsource everything.
Pogo says
This is my take. Does your employer offer a service through care dot com or sittercity? Both DH and I have this through our employers, which allows us to browse all registered sitters/nannies/housekeepers and you can limit your search to people who have up to date background checks, for example. Our employer pays all the service fees. If you don’t have this, go ahead and sign up yourself, I think it’s worth it at this point.
I didn’t see it mentioned, but I would also go on STD from your job. My husband has had two employees go on STD for much less (imo). You can’t type so you certainly can’t work.
NYCer says
Would you consider a temporary nanny until April? It seems like you need all the help you can get at this point. I would also consider hosting your sister and her child after your MIL leaves and/or have your mom test a few times after her Key West trip and then come.
Anon. says
Oh I am so sorry, that must be impossibly hard.
My advice, in no particular order:
1. You don’t mention it but can you go on medical leave? Can your husband take leave to care temporarily for a family member, like intermittent FMLA?
2. Try to have MIL stay longer and/or come again after surgery.
3. Are there any trusted friends taking Covid seriously in your bubble who are also staying home and could come to your house for a few hours every day?
4. Outsource everything else, if reasonable. Can a masked person come over to clean once a week? Can you order take-out/easy meals/set up a meal train with friends? Let go of any expectations about how tidy or clean your house will be while you recover. This is an emergency, and you won’t have guests over anyway.
5. You did amazing nursing your child for more than a year. It is ok if you wean because of a medical emergency.
6. As to the sleep, it may be time to sleep train. I know this sounds incredibly cruel but the only thing that worked for us and our 13 month old was going cold turkey and cry-it-out. Took 3 days until the constant waking at night stopped. Now, kid still woke once or sometimes twice, but not every 2 hours. I wish I had done this sooner. I figured that by 13 months, our bonding was strong and we were always there during daytime, so a few rough nights shouldn’t be as traumatizing as some people would want you to believe.
anonamama says
I’m so sorry. This sounds so hard – but I hope you can put some of these ideas to work. To me, sounds like your mom is bringing a lot of factors you don’t want to deal with – put her on the back burner for the end of this process. Is your sister the type to roll up her sleeves and help? If so, leave it to her to manage the 2yo and all things kid. Your little one will like having someone her size to play with! (And plus this will get her comfortable for daycare). If I were your neighbor I would bring you dinner and something quiet for your LO to play with! Fingers crossed your surgery and recovery goes well.
sleep says
Also, tons of sleep consultants out there you could hire virtually – 4theloveofsleep on instagram comes to mind – and another method called 3 day sleep solution that might work.
Anonymous says
you can pay a sleep consultant $300 or so to tell you it’s ok to cry it out, or you can just do it.
Pogo says
I addressed outsourcing help above, but for the nursing/sleeping issues:
1) DH will have to handle sleep. You’re incapacitated and baby will just get enraged if you’re there but she can’t have you. Sleep where ever is farthest from the room and wear earplugs/noise cancelling if it is hard for you to hear baby and not go to her.
2) Nursing – this one is hard as I love nursing so much and having it taken away from you not on your own terms sucks. Is babe old enough to understand mommy has a boo boo, and maybe still nurse side lying? Or is she just going to kick you in the arm no matter what? If the latter, I think you don’t really have a choice. I would start weaning your pumps down (especially day time, if you were still nursing/pumping during the day) by reducing # minutes or literally just pumping to comfort. If you think it is possible to keep a morning/evening nursing session, maybe keep trying to pump then?
Another tip – if you have a less productive side, try to wean that one faster. I was able to get one side to dry up before the other, which makes it SO much easier, you can just haakaa the other side or manual pump (assuming it’s not the same side as your arm.. ugh). So I’d prioritize getting that side totally dry asap so youre only dealing with one boob. FWIW my LO was totally fine with the single remaining boob for his last few months of nursing (10-13mos, so similar age).
Hugs. hang in there. this is really, really though.
Ap says
This sounds awful. You really need to wean and sleep train ASAP. The 12 week book worked for me. I don’t know you have survived without doing either and I’m assuming working full time as well so far. Also I would suggest hiring a baby sitter or nanny.
Anonymous says
Hire a babysitter/temporary nanny. Immediately. Sleep train (Ferber). It’ll be 1-2 horrible nights but then your baby will sleep through the night!
Anne says
I am so so sorry and not to be a wet blanket but why do you think the restrictions will be lifted in April? I know the current public health emergency is until the end of March, but couldn’t that easily be extended as it has been many times during this pandemic?
Anonymous says
You need to go to bed, rest, and let your husband handle everything. My husband had major surgery when our daughter was 7 months old. I took care of the baby by myself with no child care while he recovered. It’s difficult, but you do what you have to do. He can handle it, especially with his mom’s help.
Anon says
I am familiar with high pain situations, physical limitations, and infants. I used heavy pain meds short term to get past gruesome injuries when my child was a newborn.
It sounds like you’re in a lot of pain. While the need to avoid excessive opiates is real, women tend to suffer disproportionate effects of an overcorrection by doctors. Consider that the level of pain you’re in may not be good for your physical or mental health. There may be a middle ground where you take pain meds in a cycle designed to minimize their presence in breast milk. As long as your doctor and baby’s doctor are on board, this should be safe. Getting pain under control will help your healing and your mental health.
AnonATL says
Is sleep training something you are willing to do now? There are tons and tons of options ranging from full on cry it out to much gentler versions that will still involve some crying. It’s tough at first but made a huge difference for us.
Once MIL leaves, could you hire some sort of baby sitter, mother’s helper, housekeeper or similar to help during the day until daycare becomes available?
Sorry you are going through all of this. That’s a lot to juggle at once.
AnonATL says
Oops threading fail.
Domestic Infant Adoption says
Any adoptive moms on here? We decided long ago if fertility treatments weren’t working we would pursue domestic infant adoption. We’re not 100% done with fertility attempts, but I’m quickly approaching my breaking point. For what it’s worth, I’ve mourned my infertility for years. I’m numb to it at this point and just going through steps and process. I might have one attempt left in me, but it’s also likely time to move on.
I’ve spent a lot of time cruising various adoption agency websites but am looking for some more direction, including understanding the timeline for adoption (I understand the cost). I don’t quite understand what makes one agency better or worse than another. And then if I do find one that’s interesting, do I just reach out for more information and take it from there? Can anyone offer any insight or perhaps a recommended agency?
It’s overwhelming and exciting. I’m in the Boston area if that matters. My goal is to continue educating ourselves and get as fully up to speed as possible so that when we do pull the plug on fertility treatments, we don’t skip a beat. As an aside, I fear that in an adoption profile being a working mom with a high power/long-hour job is going to be held against us. Not sure if that’s rational or not, but I know what I do isn’t for everyone (not big law, but Big Finance).
anon says
In my limited experience (two friends, not me) having a “big job” will not be a strike against you, at least in closed adoptions. Maybe it would be with particular birth parents in an open adoption scenario? But I don’t know if that’s the road you’re going down. And at that point, a birth parent can decide against you for absolutely any reason, so there’s no point stressing about any particular thing.
Good luck. Our “last try” in treatment took so we did not do this, but I was honestly assuming we would and so was doing research (international, though, which is very different). I assume you know this, but prepare for a potentially long and unpredictable wait.
Clementine says
I am in the process of finalizing an adoption through foster care (would not recommend if your primary goal is just adoption, we can talk about that if you’d like), but we also researched private domestic adoption extensively as well.
The important things I looked at are how ethical an agency is, how many placements each agency does each year, what post-adoptive services they offer, and what the rate of ‘cancelled’ adoptions is each year (that is – birth mother or parents change their minds after initially making an adoption plan).
To me, it was very important that the parent was given all their options and not being coerced into an adoption. Even with well reputed agencies, it wasn’t uncommon to hear of birth mothers being pressured or people not informing them of things like, ‘Yes! You can get financial assistance in the form of X,Y, and Z.’ An outside indicator I found of this was how many cancelled adoptions they have – you want a very low number.
I actually don’t think that a ‘big’ job will totally be against you, especially if you frame it as all the cool things you want to do with the kiddo. I also really encourage everyone to expand their mind as to what an ‘open’ adoption looks like. Open adoptions are AWESOME for kids and families – knowing where you come from is important! Likewise, if you had given your child to another family, wouldn’t you want to know that they’re happy and loved? Explore what that phrase can mean.
Lots of really good resources are on Instagram, actually, including lot on transracial adoptions.
Anon says
+1 Open adoption may often be the best for the child, which should be the goal of adoption. Not always, but I agree with considering/encouraging some degree of contact
Clementine says
Sorry, thought of some other questions for you to consider:
Is it important to you to be able to determine the gender of your child? Some agencies allow you to say, ‘I want a female infant’ while others don’t let you choose gender. Is it important to you that the chid is the same race as you or are you open to a transracial adoption? Would you be willing to consider a child who may have medical needs (okay, I promise, this sounds MUCH scarier than it is – what about something like a cleft palate or a baby born prematurely?)? Is it important to you to adopt a newborn or would you consider adopting a baby who is – let’s say 6 weeks old. 6 months old? 2 years old?
I also would suggest you get comfortable with the fact that the birth parents might not be ‘easy’ humans to deal with. Maybe it’s going to be a magical moment where you hug and cry (I’ve had that) but maybe it’s going to be people who want to dictate that BabyGirl’s first name stays as ‘Shardonnay’ or ‘Karen’ or whatever and keep trying to push boundaries.
The New Mrs says
Is hiring an adoption consultant an option for you? A close friend did this – the consultant discussed types of agencies and laws in each state, etc. She also advised them on their application, home visit, etc..
Pogo says
I have a friend who adopted in the Boston area. She had one “cancelled” adoption (which was going to be an open adoption; the paternal grandmother stepped in to parent the child) and then a finalized adoption that was closed per the birth mother’s request. The one thing that gives me pause to recommend her agency (and even bothers her, though she still used them ultimately) is they are “Christian” and thus discriminate against same sex couples. I also don’t know their level of discrimination against anyone else they deem non-Christian.
OP says
While i would take issue with that as well, I’d appreciate if you’re willing to share the name of the agency. It will allow me to familiarize myself with a well-functioning agency from which to benchmark others against. No pressure, but thank you for this feedback.
Pogo says
It’s called Bethany Christian Services. I believe they operate nationwide, but both birth moms were in MA (not necessarily close to Boston but I assume that doesn’t matter to you!).
AnotherAnon says
We adopted an infant through the foster care system: he was 5 weeks when he arrived and 18 months when we finalized. We’re currently on a wait list with an agency that places domestic infants – happy to post a burner email to talk more about that if you want. IME more expensive doesn’t necessarily mean better wrt agencies, but echo others to look at ethics, transparency, failed adoptions and adoption numbers. It’s an automatic red flag if the agency won’t give you those numbers (we actually nixed the most popular private agency in our state for that reason). Also, if you’re willing to do an open adoption, agencies have told me that birth moms tend to prefer parents who are able to provide their child financially. Another plus for you is that big jobs tend to grant leave to adoptive parents, though I’m generalizing. I would encourage you to read all you can about adoption, trauma, trauma informed parenting and parenting kids of color. Beware of the internet: there are lots of horror stories. I sort of chalk that up to the fact that you’re more likely to leave a restaurant review when you have a horrible experience, rather than a good or great one. My adopted son is the best thing that ever happened to our family. It is a privilege to parent him and it has changed my life for the better. It is exciting. Good luck to you!
OP says
Thank you for all of this. I probably should have also mentioned that we already have a daughter. IVF was successful for me 3 years ago but age evidently has not been my friend. I’m also reading that having a bio child can cause someone to think their child won’t be as loved. Sigh. Google is such a frenemy sometimes.
We have another major milestone with this IVF cycle in two weeks. I might come paging for you if that ends up not going favorably and would take you up on the burner email at that point. I really appreciate your perspective and candor.
Anon says
This is probably too late but we looked into adopting a third child and were told “big” families are less likely chosen by moms. My family was considered big but one kid probably won’t hurt you.
I encourage you to go to sessions with agencies (they should be free) to learn more and you should get a good feel for which are quality and which are problematic. I live in the Midwest so the ones I looked at serve only my state/region. But I did learn that some states have fast TPR and some are slower. It was important to us to stick in-state because we thought our laws were most fair to all parties. But you good agencies can help you understand that.
Anon says
My daughter just turned one and is moving up to the young toddler room at daycare. We love her teachers and she has been there nearly every weekday since 7/1. Should we get a gift for each teacher? We did Target gift cards at Christmas in an amount equal to a week’s tuition split between the four. Thanks for any ideas or thoughts!
Anonymous says
My kids were at a daycare (non chain, but 4 separate rooms from infant to PK), and about 60 kids total pre Covid. I had 2 kids there there 5 years each. I quickly adjusted to $25 Target gift cards in a thank you note for leaving a room and $25 gift cards for XMas. For each teacher, lead or non lead. Sometimes a parent organized a group gift, I would donate the $25/teacher equivalent. And then I let it go and stopped thinking about it. Too many transitions to keep track of otherwise. And while I admire the one week tuition gift, in my very urban area where full time tuition was $2k/month/kid, and I had 2 kids there, that was just not going to happen. It also felt like that wasn’t needed in a large daycare where the teachers got paid vacation and had 15-ish kids/room.
Anonymous says
Wow, one week tuition sounds incredibly generous to me. I know that’s a standard nanny bonus but have never heard that rule for daycare. We do $50/teacher at the holidays and room transitions (for 3 teachers in the infant-toddler room and now 4 teachers in the 2s room). I thought that was awfully generous and it’s still only slightly more than half a week of tuition.
OP says
Thank you for this comment – I should note that was $75/teacher, should have specified. One week of tuition in my LCOL city (although in a ritzier suburb) is $318 for the infant room, moving down to $300 in the young toddler room.
Anonymous says
I wouldn’t.
Spirograph says
Small gift for each (no more than $25 considering you just gave generous Christmas gifts) and write a note to each. If the center allows you to send in food, I would probably send an edible gift for the teachers to share.
Angry Pandemic Mom says
This introvert is in he!! and needs help. I am tired of answering 10,000 questions a day and never getting a real break from my family. A year into this pandemic, and I really feel like I’m going to snap. I am so angry and resentful about the work, the mess, the freaking noise. There is very little fun to balance out all the hard, annoying parts. DH is pulling his weight; it’s not that. It’s just that I desperately need more respite than I’m ever getting. Walks and exercise aren’t cutting it anymore. DH works from home, too, so there is someone around literally all the time, even if we aren’t in the same room. To complicate matters, DH lost a parent to covid a few months ago, so I have understandably been shouldering more while he helps out MIL and deals with his own stuff. But man, I am getting into a bad mental place. February is a dreadful month as it is, but this is on a whole other level. DH is very against travel of any kind right now, otherwise I’d be booking myself a room at a B&B, stat.
Anonymous says
What’s helped me in this situation has been leaning on my girlfriends – a lunchtime zoom to have laugh and talk about anything but covid. A few group texts that was mostly pics of pets doing silly stuff. And a 20 minute walk around the block by myself every evening before supper. I call it my commute home and it has vastly helped my mental head space.
Anonymous says
I am so sorry. I’m in much the same boat, right down to supporting a spouse who lost a parent to COVID. This may sound awful, but have you thought of sleeping alone for a few nights? My understanding husband cooperates with this when I need it and it makes a huge difference for me. It provides many of the benefits of a solo hotel stay.
anon says
That’s a good idea. I may give that a try. I’d love to hear how you’re helping your spouse cope; I feel very much alone in this. It’s not my parent, but it’s a big loss for our whole family.
Anonymous says
My husband’s situation is a little different because his mom had been slowly slipping away for years, so COVID just accelerated the inevitable. His parents were divorced, so he hasn’t had to deal with supporting a widowed parent. He has channeled all his feelings into being overwhelmed and resentful about the logistics of the Zoom memorial service and settling her affairs. I have mainly been supporting him by simplifying those things as much as I can–for example, stepping in during memorial planning to ask questions that clarify and distill the issues, maintaining files, finding information, and reading and explaining some legal and tax documents. Just helping define the issues and setting things up so they are less overwhelming.
Anonymous says
I don’t think it’s reasonable for your husband to tell you not to book a local-ish Airbnb. I understand concerns about a travel, but a local Airbnb is essentially zero risk, especially if you book one that’s been empty for a day or two before check in. I get “the more cautious person wins” attitude about Covid in general, but I think there comes a point at which the cautious person gets overruled for being too anxious/unreasonable and refusing to let you stay in a local Airbnb would definitely be past that point for me.
Separate bedrooms might help, but as someone who normally sleeps in a separate room from DH for a variety of (non-covid related) reasons, I don’t think it’s at all equivalent to a stay in a hotel or Airbnb.
Anonymous says
Completely agreed. I think it’s time to be very clear- you are drowning and at the end of the rope and you desperately need a day and night alone. You won’t go out to eat, you aren’t socializing, you just need to be alone in a separate space.
Anon says
+1
Anon says
could you go to a local Airbnb for a night. Literally just to be alone?
Anonymous says
Book an air bnb. Tell him it’s not optional for your sanity. Which is true. Or just a hotel room. It’s safe. Your sanity matters.
Anon says
There’s a post going around IG that says something like “People talk about how moms can lift a car off their children but it doesn’t mean you didn’t damage your body when you lifted that car. 2020 was lifting the car, 2021 needs to be about helping moms heal.”
We’re doing real damage to moms and kids and at least at my company and that of my friends, covid is already over. There’s no excuses for kid meltdowns or parent issues or juggling problems. Schools aren’t making plans, as far as I can tell, on how to help the kids who are falling severely behind. I know we won’t have time for proper grievances or recoveries and I’m scared of the impact that’s going to have on all of us.
No Face says
I love this analogy. I absolutely lifted the car in 2020 and it hurt! I’m very fortunate that my school district has handled re-opening very well.
What’s the weather like in your neck of the woods? If it is not horrifically cold, can you go on a long walk/hike with a good friend? For several hours? I just did that and it was wonderful. I can’t remember the last time I spent hours with a friend. There was a moment where we both remarked that we forgot how to have a long conversation with another adult without performing some sort of labor for someone. I feel like a new person.
Mary says
Do either of you have an option to work elsewhere for at least a few hours a day? I can run into my office for a few hours at a clip, if necessary, and DH’s office is deserted, so he goes in sometimes for a few hours — it is such a respite. If that’s possible, I would seriously consider that. Otherwise, you might look into whether local hotels are renting out rooms as offices or the day — I read about this in the Washington Post, but I don’t know how widespread it is.
My DH has complained that he is incredibly sensitive to other people just being in the house, after I suggested he try ear plugs, white noise machine, etc. If that’s you, too, I’m so sorry. Have you tried and exhausted ear plugs, locked door, stop sign on the door, etc.?
As for the work and noise, can you take a day off? A weekday and run errands or get out of the house for a chunk of time somehow?
All my parenting newsletters have been about parents hitting the wall this week — I think it’s in the air.
Anon says
DH takes DD out for a joy ride once a week. They just drive, sometimes pick up a meal on the way home, get gas, get the car washed, whatever. It buys me an hour of silence alone in my house. Generally in our house, whoever is picking up takeout (1-2x a week) takes the kid with them so that the other adult can have peace and quiet.
If MIL is local and in your bubble and would enjoy being around them while grieving, can DH take the kids over to her house for a lunch or afternoon playdate (or even a sleepover)? Might be a good distraction for DH and MIL and give you a break from the people all at the same time. If you feel like you have to be there, maybe he can take them over early to play and you can swing out to pick up takeout and arrive at meal time?
EB0220 says
I feel you so much on this one. I agree with the suggestions to book a local Airbnb/hotel for a night. If that isn’t possible then I highly recommend taking yourself to an extra bedroom (if available), putting on headphones and telling everyone you are not available for the evening/night. Bring snacks and a cooler of wine if you have to, just don’t leave that room from 5 pm to 7 am.
Anon says
My daughter (3.5) has been constipated and ped recommended Miralax, so we’re on day 4. Would like to stick with it, buttt she’s pooping her pants very suddenly – I’m getting no warning to get her to run to the bathroom. Is this to be expected? I feel like I’m potty training all over again.
Anonymous says
Cut back the dose. Some kids are more sensitive to it than others. She may not need quite as much as the standard dose.
Anonymous says
Sounds like too high a dosage. When my kid was four we gave half a capful once per day or once every other day as needed as a ballpark.
Check with your ped. If the goal is to clean her out vs getting her more regular you may be in for a rough couple weeks.
AwayEmily says
Try suppositories instead — we do Pedialax liquid glycerin. It works immediately.
Anonymous says
+1.
Anon says
It could be a bit of encopresis – are the accidents actually “poops” or just like tiny amounts? you may want to google. If it’s that you need to stick with the miralax until she has a “big” bm. talk to your ped. Otherwise, I don’t find that the miralax causes urgent needs to go for my LO; its more that if he’s dealing with encopresis it can cause accidents.
OP says
It was a legit poop. She was standing at the counter last night eating a snack and then just announced, “I just pooped!!” I was standing right across from her so surprised how fast it happened and I think she was too. Would like to stick with Miralax. We’re doing 2 tsp (about half a dose), but can bring down the amount.
Katy says
Cut the dosage back, BUT stick with it. As little as 1 tsp a day is effective for my son.
I have posted about it before, but we were having lots of little accidents (as a result of chronic constipation). We upped the Restoralax (Canadian equivalent i think) and fortunately only had the one “BIG” accident. Like you, the poor little one was so surprised at how fast it came. I unfortunately totally cut it and ended up back in the cycle. It took a while to get the whole thing sorted (and i am getting nervous that we are getting back into the cycle…)
Raleigh swim lessons says
Is anyone located in Raleigh? And do you have any suggestions for swim lessons? We’re considering driving to visit grandparents at spring break. We’d stay close to home the whole time but I really need to get my six year old swimming this year, and I’d planned to put her in a week of swim lessons if we stayed home. Wondering if I could just do it there if there’s anywhere good! Would also give us something to do since we’ll be pretty limited due to covid.
Anonymous says
Oh please are you kidding me? You want advice on your plan to travel, then enroll your kid in a local indoor mask free activity?
No! Think for a minute! Don’t be so selfish. Visit grandparents. Go to parks. Take your swim lessons in your own community.
Anonymous says
The previous response was harsh, but I agree this isn’t very responsible from a Covid perspective (especially for indoor lessons, which I assume they would have to be in March even in NC) and it also doesn’t make sense a lot of sense logistically. Wouldn’t you rather do swim lessons at home where kids your kid meets could potentially be new friends? Don’t you want to maximize quality time with the grandparents during the one week you’re there? Will one week of swimming lessons teach your kid anything? Maybe it’s different with older kids, but my 3 year old basically stood on the side and cried for the first week. We did an 8 week program and she didn’t really start learning anything until near the very end.
OP says
Yeah – so I know it’s indoors but I’ve also heard anecdotally that swim places are doing a pretty good job at least where we are. I’m mostly concerned that because we were totally isolated last year, I’ve got a six year old who can’t swim – she’s so close but needs professional help. We don’t really want to spend 24/7 with the grandparents so a little activity to break it up would be nice, and it felt like a basic safety one would be wise. Both my husband and I will be fully vaccinated by then and the grandparents have been as well. Her school is really careful and has had zero cases even though she’s been in person since fall. And cases are dropping rapidly where we are. At a certain point, I’m a bit like if not now then when? I’m more concerned about water safety when summer comes than covid right now.
We can do after school but DH and I both work full time and we are hanging on by a thread figuring out after school care as is. Would love to use vacation to get a jump on something that’s really become a priority for me this spring – I see her doing a week intensive then hopefully once a week until summer. She’s old enough I think she could pick up skills quickly. She should have learned last summer but… covid.
I’m also just exhausted and tired of making constant cost/benefit analyses. I doubt there’s a good place to take her anyways on short notice, but thought it was worth asking.
Anonymous says
Ok none of us can stop you being selfish!
anon says
This is ridiculous and over the top.
OP, your thoughts sound well reasoned and make sense to me. It’s been a YEAR, we can’t all live like hermits.
Anonymous says
Anon 10:55 is over the top but it’s not living like a hermit to avoid swim lessons while vacationing with grandparents in another state.
Anon says
+1 to Anon at 11:09. I’m sick of “it’s been a year, we have to move on” takes. In literally just a few months vaccines will be much more widely available and decisions like this will have much less impact on other people. I understand we can’t stay at home forever, nor do I want to, but I don’t think waiting until vaccines are more widely available to do indoor, unmasked activities is so onerous.
It also bothers me that OP seems to be basing her decision on the fact that she and her husband have been vaccinated. The risk to her is significantly mitigated, so she’s ready to move ahead with activities that still present a significant risk of harm to others (namely kid’s teachers and classmates’ families) who haven’t had the chance to get a vaccine. Sorry, but that’s pretty much the dictionary definition of selfish.
Anonymous says
“If not now, when?” I think this summer would be a much better choice for two reasons – 1) much more availability of vaccine, at least for adults and 2) this could presumably be done outdoors. You may be lucky enough to be vaccinated, but most adults (including her classmates’ parents and – depending on where you live – maybe even her teachers) are not yet vaccinated, and I personally feel it’s unfair to those people to take this unnecessary risk. Once every adult who wants a vaccine can get a vaccine, then it’s a very different story.
Anonymous says
Not sure how swimming lessons are being run near you but in our area, the parents are required to get in the pool until they can swim 100% themselves. Instructors provide instruction masked from 6 ft away. I didn’t do it because I didn’t see what this got us beyond a limited public swim (our local community center, 25% capacity and pre-registration required.
Unless your 6 year old has already done a number of lessons, it’s unlikely that she’s going to learn to swim in a week. Accept that she’s likely going to have to wear a lifejacket at the pool again this year and can learn next year.
Anonymous says
I would at least research the protocols carefully. In my state (with a mask mandate), adults on the pool deck are required to wear a mask (although compliance is spotty) but kids and instructors are not in masks. Some instructors wear face shields, but not all of them, and a face shield is definitely not as effective as a mask. Close contact between the instructor and kids is inevitable. And even the best protocols don’t change the fact that it’s an indoor activity where people don’t wear masks, which puts it in the high risk category. There are studies out there about what activities are driving transmission and it’s restaurants, bars, gyms… aka indoor activities where people are permitted remove their masks. If you really feel like your kid needs an activity during the visit to the grandparents, I would try to find something outdoors. Zoos in my area have spring break camps.
Spirograph says
I mean, you do you for Covid. I personally would not enroll in a group activity somewhere out of my local area (while visiting older relatives!) because it’s just a lot of unnecessary exposure to different variants than what is already circulating in my own community, but starting from the point that you’re OK with that:
Swimming isn’t something you cram for or that you learn once for a week and then it’s like riding a bike and you remember forever. It’s a skill that needs to build and be reinforced over time. Rather than a week of swim camp, I’d look for a series of weekly lessons and plan to continue for a year or two until she’s mastered it.
OP says
We’d put her in private if I can find a swim school – I think it increases chances she learns more and also decreases exposure. In our area swim coaches are masked and there have been no closures at the swim school by us according to the friend who kept her kid there. DD did three years of swim lessons until last year – I’d like to jumpstart off of that basis.
DH is a doctor, so that’s why he’s vaccinated. I’m high risk so that’s why I got it. I’m not trying to be selfish – I’m trying to weigh the risk that our vaccinated selves coming from a place with very low rates are actually somehow endangering the swim instructor. Ditto with her somehow getting it from the swim instructor and bringing it back.
Anonymous says
Oh I was thinking more of a “schools out!” swim camp with multiple kids together. If you just want private lessons as a thing to get you out of the grandparents’ house a bit, and kick off swim lessons again, strike any of my side eye about covid, that seems really reasonable to me. I don’t think this idea is selfish, and I don’t think you present significantly more risk than any of the swim teacher’s other, local students.
Anon says
You really don’t need lessons, you just need more pool time. We have a 7 yo and 4 yo and both have become great swimmers in the past year without lessons. Our public pool is doing “family pod” sessions where you get a large roped off portion of an Olympic sized pool all to yourself for 30 minutes. They have 15 minutes between each pod to allow aerosols to disperse. You don’t come anywhere near anyone. Our kids swim almost every weekend. More pool time is the key.
Anonymous says
I agree with this take. OP can you book daily family swim time to get yourselves out of the house and give the grandparents a break? This removes the contact with an instructor. Covid doesn’t survive chlorine so it’s the person to person risk for transmission.
OP says
That’s a great idea – I’ll look into that. Um, at the risk of getting jumped on again, anyone know pools where you can book time in Raleigh???
EB0220 says
I haven’t personally used them but have heard good things about Aquatots. We were near the one in Cary but it looks like there are a few other locations around the Raleigh area.
OP says
Thanks!
Anon says
Apparently I’m going to get jumped on for this, but OP I don’t think your plan sounds unreasonable. To directly address some of the other points posters have brought up, a) my kids have been in local swim classes for two years and we have not made one friend that we would actually meet up with afterwards from our swim class, so I personally don’t see that as a compelling argument to do them only at home, b) a 6 year old is VASTLY different than a 3 year old when it comes to doing new activities, c) I’m in California where we closed almost everything in Dec-Jan and people are super, super cautious and yet swim lessons were deemed essential. We have been doing them since September with 0 issues at our swim school that I’m aware of despite numbers in our area not being great for a period there. To be fair, ours is outside b/c, California, but I wonder if there is actual data that shows swim classes indoors are demonstrably worse. Maybe there is.
For the week thing, where I am there is actually this whole thing where there is this known intense swimming teacher that people with pools hire to come to their house for a week and the teacher does intense multi hour swim lessons for the whole week for a group of friends and supposedly actually does get the kids from 0 to decent swimming by the end of the week. I’ve actually wondered if that would almost be better than the slow drip our once a week 30 minute class does over time. It doesn’t sound like OP is looking for this level of intensity, but I do think there is something to be said for doing something every day for a little bit.
Anonymous says
So I am in Raleigh and while I have personally stopped lessons for now, Gypsy Swim School is the best swim school in Raleigh. We had private lessons there until August and have them on pause until April. The instructors wear face shields in the pool (not masks). Kids don’t wear face shields in the pool, but must wear masks when not in the pool. Parents must wear masks at all time in the building and they encourage social distancing.
The administrators and instructors at Gypsy are super nice and accommodating. They are doing camps for kids during virtual learning so I am not sure of the availability. But if you call them, I am sure they will work with you.
There is also an Aquatots in North Raleigh. We went there for a while – but prefer Gypsy so much more. Aqua tots routinely does fast track swim classes for a week – which is what it sounds like you are looking for. They claim that putting kids in the pool for an hour a day over five days is better than once a week over five weeks. Aquatots is also nice – just more corporate feeling and not as personal as Gypsy. However, I will say the Aquatots facilities are much nicer!
FWIW I would actually put the kids back in private swim classes in March if it were only up to me. My spouse disagrees so we have agreed to reassess swim classes at the end of March. I felt reasonably safe at Gypsy. I don’t think you are being selfish. And at least based on what Aquatots always told us, your idea of a week of swim classes is actually a good way for kids to learn to swim.
If swim lessons don’t work out, you could also plan a week of outdoor hikes in and around Raleigh. The weather is usually temperate if it’s not raining. You could do a short hike every day and not go to the same spot twice. There is Umstead State Park, and a LOT of nature preserves – Durant Road, Wilkerson, Hemlock Bluffs (that’s Cary but close), Robertson Millpond. Just google and you will find them.
OP says
Suuuper helpful – all of this – thank you so much! Adding these hikes to the list!!!
EB0220 says
Awww.. we just moved and now I miss our favorite hikes in RDU. I know more about hiking than swim lessons! My #1 favorite is at Umstead State Park starting from the Harrison entrance. Hike a mile on Company Mill down to the creek and then a mile back up. Perfect distance for kids and nice to have a goal to reach. Hemlock Bluffs is cool. The paths are mulch, fairly short, and the hemlock trees are cool. Duke Gardens in Durham is totally worth the drive if you’re up for that. Also if you are willing to drive, Raven Rock State Park in Lillington is neat. The grounds of the NC Art Museum are cool to walk around. Prairie Ridge Ecostation near the NC State Fairgrounds is really cool. OK that was fun, thanks for indulging me. Enjoy your trip!
OP says
I will try to hit all your favorites in your honor EBO220! Thanks for the recs!
Favorite Picnic Blanket? says
Looking for recs on a picnic blanket, preferably with a waterproof side and then a soft side. Something big enough for baby to move around on and mom and dad to sit on as well.
AwayEmily says
We have the MIU (second pick on Wirecutter) and have LOVED it. It’s withstood heavy use for ~5 years and I’m considering getting a second to live in our car. The soft side isn’t SUPER soft but to me that’s a plus because we can wipe it down easily. It does have a decent amount of padding.
Anon. says
https://beantownblankets.org/ For each one purchased, the company donates one blanket to people who need it.
I got one as a corporate gift and like it.
OP says
Oh like the style and mission of this a lot! Thank you.
Anonanonanon says
At the risk of sounding silly, we have a solid-colored one (blue) and it has been nice because it’s not distracting in photos I take of outdoor activities.
Anon Lawyer says
Pendleton makes some nice ones.
anon says
My daughter (age 4 in 3 months) has been home since last March with us. She was in a part-time preschool program at age 2 for about 9 months before the pandemic, but was with a nanny before that. She’s been crying at drop-off (this is week 2) of another part-time program. Today was pretty hard. I could keep her home longer, but I’m worried that she will just think staying home is the norm when she starts kinder. Any advice? Also, do I sign her up for part-time summer camp to keep the routine going for the fall or let her take a break this summer?
Anonymous says
It will get better! Week 2 is still so early, especially for part-time kids who typically take longer to adjust. I would put her in a part-time summer camp to keep the routine going.
Anonymous says
+1
Our daycare told us that the full time kids usually adjust in 3 weeks but the part-time kids take longer. Agree with part-time summer camp to keep the routine going. It’s really good for their resilience to do things they don’t love (like be away from parents for the first time) and learn that they will still be okay. It will make the transition to kindergarten much easier.
Anon says
Is she fine during the day? I distinctly remember crying at drop off and again at pick up so that my mom would think I was crying all day, but I really was having fun. Sorry mom.
No Face says
At my church, the kids’ rooms have floor to ceiling windows and were visible from the sanctuary. Sometimes my daughter cried at drop off, but she would be happy and playing by the time I made it to the sanctuary two minutes later!
Pogo says
Keep going. Mine still randomly has days where he tantrums and asks to stay home, but only because I don’t think it had ever occurred to him prior to the pandemic. But it gets so much better.
Can school send you a pic of her after she’s calmed down? Mine always does, and it really helps. Also at this point, I know he’s fine. It’s all about Big Feelings and being a preschooler – the pandemic and disruption to their little lives is just making it that much harder. I think it’s also harder on us than it is on them, because we think ‘oh hes so upset, I could technically keep him home’. Remember, she’s getting to see her peers, and if she’s like mine, he went literally months not seeing another child. Even if she’s sad at drop off, she’s getting something really valuable at school. Hugs.
Anon says
I’m going to comment on the second part of your worry and say don’t borrow trouble. Kids can understand that situations change, and when she goes to kindergarten she will be a year older and may be better able to transition away from home. I wouldn’t stress about “preparing” her now because so much changes in terms of maturity even in just a few months. If you have other reasons to want her to stay with the program, I agree with giving it another couple weeks. But I have noticed a huge jump in readiness with my kids around ages 4-5 (I am home with them before then, and they are excited for full time school).
Anonymous says
My 3 year old cried every morning for over 2 months at his new school program – 5 days per week (where he was happy as a clam at pick up) – he has been in full time out of home care since 8 months and was only home with us 100% for about 4 months. He really struggled with going back.
I would do a least some weeks of camp this summer if that is affordable for you to keep the routine going. And focus more on the feedback from the teachers about how she is behaving 5 mins after drop off.
it is so heartbreaking though.
Anonymous says
Outdoor field sports moms! This spring my kids are now playing soccer and lacrosse 2x/week. I need a good chair, ideally with a sun shield. What chairs keep your bottom and back happy? Ideally I want a shoulder strap and a cupholder that will hold my yeti of coffee.
Anonymous says
I go with the regular folding camp chairs (we have some from Coleman and some other generics from Costco and REI) but having something to prop my feet on makes a huge comfort difference for me. They have good-sized cup holders and a little pocket for your phone or a book. I don’t do sunshield, usually, because it can be tricky to get the angle right with the direction you need to face to see the actual game. Instead, I just wear a giant floppy hat.
If you don’t mind sitting on the ground, the “chairs” that are really just two pieces of padded canvas with an adjustable strap holding them somewhere around a right angle can also be comfy, and a big golf umbrella is a decent sun shield.
Anon says
I am not at my best weight and DH has a lot of extra weight (he’s in the 400s, I’m in the 200s). Coleman makes a big and tall camping chair that comes in a case with a shoulder strap. Cupholders are generous and most of all the chair is very stable. I love the chair, and that there is plenty of room in it for me to stuff a blanket or small purse behind me or have a younger kid on my lap and not worry about the chair collapsing or being unstable. I would just go for a hat over a sunshield, personally; I agree it will be difficult to align.
Anon says
following up on the above post about swim lessons. at what age did your kid learn to swim and how did it happen? are weekly lessons best? an intense two week period of daily lessons? some other method?
Anonymous says
Weekly lessons from age 5 to 7 from September to April. Independent swimmer around age 7. Would still never leave unsupervised around water.
Anonymous says
In general, kids really tend to learn to swim when they are tall enough to stand on the bottom of the pool with their heads above water. Daily lessons are best. A lot of day camps include lessons–try the YMCA, the JCC, and camps at private schools with pools.
DLC says
our eight year old took weekly swim lessons from the time she was 4 at our county rec center, but it wasn’t until she took a two week/ five days a week small class at our neighborhood pool that she really learned to swim. She was six at the time.
On the other hand my friend’s kid taught herself to swim by the time she was four mostly while visiting her grandparents in Florida. She wasn’t doing any formal swim strokes, but she could stay afloat and swim small distances.
I also have friends with a pool who hired an instructor to come with them and their kid was swimming by the time he was three. But for them, it was a safety issue so they were very insistent that he learn to swim.
I guess I am on the side of frequency and small group/individual learning – just my anecdotal experience.
But yeah, like above – none of these kids could swim well enough or were mature enough to be unsupervised in the pool.
Anonymous says
I learned at 7 and am a great swimmer who loves water. All my friends had their kids in lessons by 3 but that seems so young to me. Our 3 year old is still completely terrified of water. We thought about doing (outdoor) lessons this summer but I’m not sure she’s ready for it, I think she’d just be scared. I think we’re going to try a summer of splash pads and baby pools and shallow lake beaches to try to acclimate her to water and then do formal lessons next summer when she’s 4.
Spirograph says
We had weekly swim lessons at YMCA daycare, and weekly swim lessons for the older kid. It doesn’t really click until 5, in my observation. Before that, they’re not learning to swim, they’re learning their limits and to blow bubbles and have fun and be safe around a pool. An intense two week period is not going to do it if you’re starting from scratch, but my son improved his technique and confidence a lot with two weeks of swim camp when he was 6.
After a year of almost no swimming (splashed in the pool and ocean a couple times last summer), we went to a pool last weekend… My almost 8 year old is still water-safe, but my 4 and 6 year olds are not. The 6 year old can kind of paddle to the side, but she’s forgotten everything about doing it efficiently and was terrified when she jumped in and realized she couldn’t touch the bottom. A year ago, she could at least kick and control her breathing.
Definitely Anon says
I’m the one who’s hoping to do a week refresher. So DD did swim lessons from ages 1.5 – 4 then just went to the pool last year because the swim lessons weren’t happening due to covid. I actually think she did way better just being older, but she needed someone to help her with technique. I think there’s a big jump around age 5/6 – which is also the age where swim team starts in my area. Before that they might be able to jump in the water and get themselves to the side of the pool, but not actually do a stroke with breathing.
I actually liked last year that she knew she couldn’t quite swim independently because it kept her cautious. I think you get into trouble with kids who think they can swim but aren’t quite strong enough yet – overconfidence in the pool scares me too.
I’m very paranoid around water (clearly, hence really wanting to kick off good habits this year), so I keep a close eye on kids at the pool and will never have a drink. It’s actually shocking to me how many friends with kinder age kids might have a cocktail or a beer. That doesn’t have to do with your question – just an observation.
Spirograph says
You’re right to be vigilant around water, but I wouldn’t judge your friends too harshly as long as they’re not getting *drunk* while their kids are swimming. Having a drink and being aware of what your child is doing in the water aren’t mutually exclusive.
Totally anecdotal, but the only non-lifeguard I’ve ever seen help a child in distress in the water was a guy who literally jumped into the pool with his beer still in his hand at a backyard birthday party. The child’s mom was actually chatting with me at the time, and the child was not supposed to be in the pool. For younger children, most drownings are not due to imperfect parental attention to a child swimming, but due to a child getting into a pool unbeknownst to adults.
Earlier p says
Haha love that anecdote and you’re right to call me out.
I don’t judge too much – or I try not to show – but I actually feel a bit judged when I’m turning down drinks by the pool! I’m not a fun mom! But I also have a low tolerance whereas that dude with a beer could probably hold his liquor!
Anon says
thanks all. making me feel less bad that my soon to be 3 year old twins have not yet had swim lessons. in the summer we tend to go to the pool 1-2 times a week, and they love it, but at least last summer they weren’t that comfortable putting their faces in. my parents keep telling me that my kids ‘need’ swimming lessons asap
TheElms says
I learnt at 4 1/2. My dad taught me while we were on a two week vacation with a pool. He recalls that he tried “teaching” me for about 30 minutes about twice a day, but that otherwise I just played in the water supervised for pretty much the whole day. He says the real reason I learned was because there was another little girl who was older, but smaller than me, who could swim. And I thought that I should be able to swim like her.
Anon says
My kid (3.5) was in swim lessons from 3-6 months (free), and then from 12 months to about 24 months (free with our gym). After we stopped lessons, we were doing weekly pool visits, but kiddo was still terrified of getting her face near water. She did better at the outdoor pool this past summer with grandparents (and the inflatable backyard pool), mostly due to the fact that we practice blowing bubbles and getting the face wet at bathtime. I think she will be closer to 5 or 6 before it really clicks and I will be comfortable for her to be in the pool sans life vest. We canceled our gym membership for COVID (we may restart it this summer depending on how the outdoor pool is being handled, TBD). The most important thing in my experience is consistent, frequent pool time to keep up the skills.
Anon says
I taught swim lessons in college. It’s basically about how much time a kid spends in the water. CA, FL and Australian kids would show up and be swimming across the pool at 3.
Daily lessons are the best. Summer camp is a great solution (especially if they do swim lessons and free swim).
Kids who aren’t scared learn great at age four or five. Kids who are scared take twice as long. And kids don’t need to be able to stand up, I taught plenty of toddlers to swim. They just need to learn to float first.
Clementine says
This should be a no-brainer, but:
Our local public school (which is EXCELLENT and we moved here for this awesome, amazing school) currently has COVID hours of 10AM-2:30PM. Oh, and because of COVID, no before/after care at the school, so you either need to find a nanny, work bizarre hours, or (hopefully?) find a wraparound care option that has somehow magically decided to open up.
Kiddo has been in Pre-K at a great local private school which is right around the corner. Their hours are 8AM-3PM… and they have an aftercare program.
It’s totally worth it to pay $$$ to have the longer hours AND the aftercare, right? Because finding somebody to take care of my kid from 7:45AM-9:30AM… and then also 2:40PM-4:30 pM is going to be impossible. Also, a bird in the hand and all…
Anonymous says
Yes, of course.
Pogo says
Personally, yes. I’d stay at the private school. I’m so sick of cobbling together care.
anne-on says
IF you can afford it I’d pay up for the hours in a heartbeat.
Is this your oldest kid hitting school for the first time? I wish someone with older kids had talked to me about just how hard it is to make a traditional school schedule work without a dedicated part time sitter/au pair/nanny/local family. The school holidays and summer breaks alone made our au pair years worth it. We switched to a part time (20~) hrs a week sitter thanks to the J1 visa ban but really an au pair was the only reason were able to make a regular school schedule work with 2 big jobs and travel. We also have no local family, which stinks but it is what it is. Both sets of siblings rely on grandma/auntie care for school days off/school pick up/etc.
Anonymous says
Many doctor, lawyer, judge, etc. moms in our city send their kids to private school in large part because of the aftercare issue.
Anonymous says
Definite no-brainer to keep him where he is for the rest of Pre-K. Especially if you want summer care.
Or are you talking about K in the fall? That’s totally in flux. I’d try to defer that decision as long as possible.
Anon says
are these new covid hours permanent? what is the purpose of hours like that? is someone else in school from 8-10? if you can afford it, then go for it. you can always switch later.
Anonymous says
Yes. We’re sticking with private school for next year just because it has fewer of these types of unknowns. Private school will be 8:30-4:30 “for sure” and potentially longer after care, depending on pandemic status.
Pre-covid, public school’s before and after care was fantastic. But as of right now re: public school I have no idea 1. if school will be in-person 5 days a week, 2. What kind of group before/after care will be allowed on school days, 3. if there’s a hybrid school schedule, what kind of group learning hub childcare will be available on the off days (this year the learning hubs are IN the schools because schools have been virtual, but obviously you can’t repurpose the classrooms when there’s… a class in there)
If the money is not an issue, I’d stick with private for K.
No Face says
Yes. Definitely stick with the private school for another year. Go to the wonderful public school when it starts acting like a wonderful public school.
Anonymous says
omg, this should not be as much of a revelation as it just was for me, but THANK YOU for this. Our public school was wonderful through Feb 2020, and I keep feeling guilty that we’re paying for private when we live in a “good school district.” But it’s not acting like one right now (still all virtual), and I need to focus on its reality and not its potential.
Mary Moo Cow says
Oh, heck yeah, man. I would stay. Bonus: decision done and one less thing to worry about.
Cb says
My son returned to nursery yesterday and he was just so, so happy. Ran straight in and to one of his favourite teachers for a cuddle, with nary a glance back at my husband. He came home exhausted but really happy and chatty about his day. We’ve just hit 30% of the adult population with their first dose, so hoping things will be more and more “normal” from here on out.
Anonymous says
hooray!!
AnotherAnon says
I’m so happy for all of you, Cb. I know it’s been a hard road.
Anon says
We got a note about the *possibility* of DD’s part-time preschool reopening (for the first time since last March) for 3 days a week and I am practically giddy. We went down this road in January and they ultimately decided not to open, but they have 4 vaccinated teachers willing to hold classes so maybe there’s a shot. I’m sure my hopes will be dashed but maybe they can wait until March 1 to dash them so that at least I can have some hope in this brutal month.
TheElms says
So happy for you Cb and your son! Fingers crossed that this can stay your new normal.
Pogo says
oh yay! Glad to hear things are getting better over there. My colleagues in Edinburgh were… not thrilled.. the last time we spoke.
Pants Woes says
Am I the only one with issues with straight leg pants being difficult to fit? I’ve been wearing skinny dress pants for years without issue but recently got some Nic and Zoe wonderstretch straight leg pants (thanks to a recommendation here!) I like them but they have this weird bunching at the back of my thighs. My husband helpfully told me “they make your hips look bigger than usual.” I think I have the right size, but this is not the first time I’ve had this issue. Maybe that style just doesn’t work for short hourglasses? Not sure what I’m looking for, unless someone has the same issue and solved it by sizing up or down or abandoning straight leg entirely. They don’t come in a skinny version, or I would have just exchanged them. TIA!
anon says
I’ve never found a pair of straight legs that I love. Supposedly they’re supposed to be great for curvier shapes, but that has not been my experience at all.
Anon says
Another short hourglass and I can’t do straight leg either. I need a tiny bootcut to look good. The last time I shopped for some, I was buying at NY&CO and I see they have similar cuts again and even have them in Petite. If I ever go into the office again, I may be shopping like it’s 2000.