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Make My Life Easier Thursday: Kids’ Bento Box

Recent Recs

If your kids are headed back to in-person learning like my oldest, packing lunch may become a new addition to an already full morning routine. A bento box may make things a bit easier.

In the Before Times, my mom got me and my husband a few bento boxes to pack our work lunches in. I liked them so much that I started looking for one that would be the right size for our daughter.

Bentgo’s Children’s Lunch Box may be what I’m looking for: There are five kid-sized compartments (Bentgo recommends this box for kids 3–7), it’s leakproof (great for things like applesauce), and it’s easy to clean. If you subscribe to the power of customer reviews, it has more than 14,700 five-star reviews on Amazon.

The lunch box is $24.99 at Amazon and available in three colors (blue, green, or purple).

This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.

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About Ann

Ann is a working mom, a longtime reader of Corporette and CorporetteMoms, and has been writing our morning fashion advice for working moms since November 2020! She has a daughter (born winter 2014) and a son (born fall 2019) and is a public interest lawyer in Washington, D.C.

Comments

  1. strollerstrike says

    What dishes do you use for your toddlers?
    Someone here recommended getting plates all in the same color to avoid tantrums (genius!) but all sets I find online are mixed colors. Same at Ikea and the like. Any recommendations?
    Alternativ: What is your experience with Corelle plates? Maybe getting a full set of those we could avoid special kid dishes alltogether?

    • Anon says

      Corelle is actually glass – I had it years ago but never with kids. Target has melamine dishes that might be good for kids.

    • Anonymous says

      You can buy Target’s Pillowfort brand plastic dishes individually, which allows you to build a single-color set.

      I grew up with Corelle. It is glass. On hard floors such as ceramic tile, it shatters into a billion tiny splinters that are nearly impossible to clean up. Regular ceramic dishes are much safer when they break.

      • Anon says

        yes, I use the Target Pillowfort ones that are 59 cents each. I like the ones in the dark blue because they don’t stain as easily as the lighter colors. they are a very thick plastic and feel durable.

    • AnonATL says

      We have Corelle for our dinnerwear. Have had them for like 10 years now, and I just managed to smash one on our ceramic tile kitchen floor. I’ve dropped them tons of times, but it hit just right and shattered.
      Odds are good it won’t break, but it can.
      In my target, there are individual plates, cups, and utensils that you can buy for like 0.99 each in the baby section. Otherwise all the sets I’ve seen are mixed colors.

      • RDC says

        We also have Corelle and have managed to break maybe one or two in 4 years. I don’t worry at all about the kids using them.

    • Cb says

      So we had 2 kid dishes while my son was in the throwing phase and then just swapped to our normal stoneware dinnerware after that. So much easier, no fuss about dishes.

    • Anon says

      Corelle dishes up until ~2005 (I was surprised it’s so recent) can have lead in the paint, so if you use Corelle make sure it’s the new stuff.

    • No Face says

      I use plain white Corelle dishes for our whole household. We have not broken a single dish. Meanwhile, we shattered all of our wine glasses. My little toddler eats in a high chair and I dump her food straight on the tray though.

    • Anon says

      Target Pillowfort (the ones that are microwave safe). Fun fact, after 5 years I finally broke a fiestaware dish on the hardwood (usually they just bounce but it must have hit just right) and it shattered not unlike the corelle plates of my youth.

    • Anon says

      I like Replay. You can order then individually so can get all the same color if you want. The bowls are the best size/shape I’ve found for little kids

      • AnotherAnon says

        +1. I really like the deep compartments of the replay plates. Kiddo still uses these at age four. I’m feebly trying to transition him to our normal dinner plates but they are HEAVY and I’m not interested in buying a new set of dishes.

      • Jeffiner says

        I love the Replay kid dishes. My daughter is 6 and we still use them for snacks, especially if she is taking them outside. When she was 4 we started transitioning her meals from the Replay dishes to our regular Crate&Barrell dishes.

      • Boston Legal Eagle says

        We also have Replay and Pillowfort plates from Target. They work well and I like the compartments in Replay.

    • Anon says

      We’ve been using Corelle plates for around 4 years (kids are 6, 4, and 1). We might have broken one? I actually don’t know that we have. And they definitely get dropped on our tile and hardwoods (hardwoods pretty frequently). I’ve loved them. We have the divided plates as well as the regular ones. Total workhorses.

      • ElisaR says

        i’ve been using Corelle…. I knew they were glass and remember breaking one as a kid, but haven’t had an issue with my 3 and 4 yr old rambunctious boys. yet.

    • Katala says

      We have Corelle but ended up buying kid dishes because we’ve broken so many. I had them growing up and can’t remember ever having one break. Not sure if it’s a difference in flooring (definitely more breakage on our tiled floors than previous hardwood) or quality 30 years ago vs. now.

      Recently I grabbed a set of all-teal bamboo dishes off @[email protected] They do break sometimes if dropped, but so far just one large piece of each dish came apart rather than a million tiny pieces. They feel sort of like plastic. We like them so far.

    • Realist says

      My favorite dishes at the toddler age were stainless steel. I have a big aversion to plasticware, though.

      • DLC says

        We have stainless steel bowls and plates for our kids too, for the same reason. We have a brand called Caveman, but I don’t think they are made anymore. We also have one of those EZPZ plate/ mats that we use on occasion.

    • Io says

      We use our dishes. But we have wooden floors.

      In five years our kid has never broken a dish or glass.

  2. anon says

    what do you do with your kids in the afternoon/evening? I find that it is so hard to have the energy to do anything but dinner, maybe one game, and bedtime. I wish we could do something fun, even if it doesn’t take long.

    • Cb says

      We’ve been doing puzzles between dinner and bed, because it is more mellow. That and making dens out of pillows.

    • AwayEmily says

      In COVID times daycare closes at 4 so we’ve had to be more creative in terms of afternoon activities (kids are 3 and 4). Whenever possible we go outside (hiking/playground in nice weather, sledding in snow). Overall I find the 2 hours between pickup and dinner much nicer if I spend ten minutes during the day thinking of what we will do. Nothing fancy — getting a few puzzles out and having a puzzle party, or taking them down our creepy unfinished basement to paint, or planning to set up an obstacle course, or settling in front of the fire with some new library books. Yesterday I set out a box of baby toys from the attic and they were thrilled to play with those. But in general the afternoon goes more smoothly if I go into it with a vague plan.

    • Anonymous says

      Whenever it’s above 50 we do a long walk, which kills a lot of time. Sometimes a playground stop too.

      • Cb says

        Yes, we do “nature expeditions” and go into the little wood to look for animals. There are no animals, and if there were, my son would scare them away with his noise, but hope springs eternal

    • Boston Legal Eagle says

      Here’s our schedule, which is pretty much the same every weekday: I pick up the kids from daycare, we get home at around 5pm. If the weather is good (which at this point, just not pouring rain or snowstorm), the kids play outside in our yard while the other parent cooks dinner. Inside by 5:30pm for dinner. TV time at a little before 6 until 6:15 or so, then getting ready for bed for the older one (almost 5), while the little one (almost 2.5) plays play doh, colors or some other activity. Older one gets some time to play in his room after bath, then books and is asleep by 7:20pm or so. Little one has his bedtime routine a little later b/c he naps so isn’t tired early.

      Depending on when you do pickup, I’d suggest as much outdoor time as you can before dinner, then some combination of TV and indoor activities.

      • Pogo says

        Very similar routine. It’s just a mad rush of getting dinner on the table and getting everybody to bed, tbh. Between possible screen time (doesn’t happen every night, just depends) and playing Duplo or Brio, we don’t really have time for much else. Last time it was so warm out, older kiddo was outside playing until almost 6 and I didn’t realize how late it was. Because of that the baby had completely melted down and I had to shove dinner in my face quickly so I could get him to bed (DH stayed downstairs with the older one who watched a video and then built Duplos). We really need dinner on the table by 5:30 to keep everything on schedule, which leaves little time for additional activities.

    • GCA says

      In our recent spell of lousy weather, I’ve been watching Magic School Bus with them (almost-6 and 2.5) before dinner – catching up on all the shows I missed in my own childhood… Otherwise, they play together, run literal laps around the house, I do Duolingo with the kindergartner and a puzzle with the toddler, and we read some books.

    • Anonymous says

      Walk around the block before dinner (about half mile) unless it’s like freezing rain or something. When they get bored we do games like scavenger hunt style lists (ten red houses, 2 green front doors etc). Whoever wins gets to make the list for the next night.

    • Anon says

      We do nothing. My 3 year old is high sleep needs and doesn’t nap so she has a 6:30 bedtime and we get home from school around 5:15 so there is literally no time. When she napped at school and had a later bedtime, we did a lot of outdoor stuff and just free play with toys indoors. I think a lot of daycare kids feel like they don’t have enough time to just chill with their toys at home. I know my kid always gets a really big kick out of just chilling in the playroom with her toys, I don’t have to plan anything exciting.

    • SC says

      Not much, really. Kiddo is in in-person school, and he is an introvert. He usually plays with his ipad when he gets home from school, then plays with his Legos in his room when his screen time is over. When I get home from work, Kiddo is most often in his room and enjoying his time alone. I act as sous chef and dishwasher while DH cooks, or just hang out with DH if I’ve had a long day at work. If Kiddo needs a bath that night, I also help with that during dinner prep. We all have dinner together around 6:45 or 7, Kiddo gets 10 minutes or so to play after dinner, and then we start the bedtime routine. I’m the designated reader, so I read to Kiddo for around 30 minutes every night.

      On Friday nights, we have a tradition of pizza and movie night, with cuddles on the couch. We try to do some family activities on weekends–board games, hikes, baking projects, picnics, etc.

      • Spirograph says

        I have 3 kids, but this is basically our evenings, right down to friday night pizza and a movie. The kids come home from school and have free time. If the weather is nice, they play outside, otherwise they find something to entertain themselves until dinnertime. We allow screens from 5pm until dinner; and they’ve been taking full advantage this winter and have a very elaborate creative Minecraft world that they all build in together. If they ask me to do something with them, I’ll usually do it (we built an epic train track earlier this week), but otherwise kids hang out with kids and DH and I chat.

        I put more effort into weekend family time, but I just don’t have the energy most weeknights.

    • Anon says

      I don’t think you should feel pressured to do something fun. I think it’s ok to have quiet evenings. If the kids are in school or daycare they could probably use quiet playtime before transitioning into dinner or bedtime.

      If you want to do something fun then that’s different. I just wouldn’t feel pressured to make evenings fun.

  3. Anon says

    How do you balance the general relief/excitement over the vaccine, and the reality that there’s no timeline for kids getting it? That we are reliant on herd immunity and the fact that most kids get asymptomatic or mild cases. I am relieved, I am pre-registered to get my shot as soon as they’ll give me one, but I am having a hard time actually seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

    • Anonymous says

      I have zero worries about my kid not getting the shot. Given how mild this virus is in young kids, we’re resuming normal life as much as we can once DH and I get the vax. Not sure I’d want to give my kid a brand new vaccine anyway, given how mild the virus is in kids her age (3). A teen might be a different story.

      I do worry a lot about society not reaching herd immunity
      because of anti vax adults, and the implications of that for our lives (eg. I doubt intl travel restrictions will be lifted until the virus is controlled and who knows when that will be…) but that is not really a kid issue.

      • Anon says

        I agree with above. I’m not worried about my kids getting it at all – obviously, there’s some tiny amount of risk of a severe case, but I’m seeing no reason to believe that it’s any greater than the hundreds of other remote risks they face every day. I’m personally vaccinated, but I’m not jumping at the chance to put it in my still-developing kids based on the newness and the low risk. (Not ruling it out – I’ll see where things are at when the time comes and probably have them get it if it’s widely recommended and determined as low risk for them, I’m just not jumping at it.)

        I’m watching cases/hospitalizations/deaths crater in my area, and I’m very optimistic.

      • CPA Lady says

        ^ this is us too. Husband and I are in the very last group of eligible adults, so that has something to do with my response, but my plan is to book a trip to disney world two weeks after our second shots. I’ll ride the teacups, stuff mickey mouse pretzels into my mouth, and weep with joy.

        I’m not staying in my house forever to protect anti vaxxers. I’m not too worried about my kid. She’s been in in person school since January and will continue that. So I don’t really see a big difference in taking her other places in public once any adult who wants the vax can get it. She’ll get the shot once it’s available to kids.

        • No Face says

          Agreed. I restricted my life to protect people more vulnerable than I am. We are last on the list for vaccinations, so anyone vulnerable would have had the opportunity to protect themselves with a vaccine before I get mine. I will happily wear a mask in public spaces if necessary, but otherwise I am good to go after vaccination.

          My kid is great about wearing masks. She has been back at school and getting special needs therapies in person for many months without incident. I am not too worried about her, especially if the adults around her are vaccinated. Even without herd immunity, large scale vaccinations really change the landscape.

          As for Disney World, I am not going back until they have fast passes again! I am not waiting in line, ha.

      • Friday says

        This. I try to only worry about things I can control. I grow weary of having this conversation.

      • Anon says

        Ditto, I’m not remotely worried about my kids. Just so grateful my mom got it.

    • Anonymous says

      I’m terribly discouraged. The J&J vaccine that’s about to be authorized is much less effective than the first two vaccines at preventing “mild” cases, which are the ones that lead to long COVID. It reminds me of the flu vaccine. My family gets the vaccine every year, but every year at least one of us catches the flu anyway. Our state is terrible with masking, so if I draw J&J in the vaccine lottery I don’t think I’ll feel any safer out in public than I do now. On top of that, my kid cannot handle another year of on-line school and house arrest, but who knows when kids will be vaccinated and now our school district, which this year was pressuring everyone to choose in-person, is making noises that not everyone will be permitted to return to the classroom in the fall. It’s so disheartening. We have made enormous sacrifices to keep our family safe, and now we’re probably going to get COVID and be permanently disabled anyway unless we become home-schooling WFH hermits forever.

      • Anon says

        That is just not true at all about J and J. I work with vaccine developers professionally and you have no idea what you’re talking about.

        • Anonymous says

          You have no idea what you are talking about. All of the media coverage says J&J is highly effective at preventing hospitalization and death, but is less effective than the other vaccines at preventing symptomatic cases that do not result in hospitalization. These are the cases that result in long COVID. Sure, from a population perspective J&J is beneficial, but from an individual perspective full protection is necessary to prevent harm.

          • Anonymous says

            My statements are not based on media coverage. You don’t understand the science. The same biological mechanisms that cause severe Covid causes long haul Covid. I don’t know off the top of my head if there is data specifically about long haul Covid with respect to vaccines but every expert would tell you that a vaccine that offers protection against severe disease should protect against these serious long term complications. “Mild” Covid per the trials included the sniffles, headache, etc. with no minimum amount of time people had to be symptomatic – many symptoms that are less severe than the vaccine side effects count as a vaccine “failure.”

            Also yes to what the other person said about J&J being trialed against the variants more than Pfizer and Moderna were. It’s not an apples to apples comparison. You will also be able to get an mRNA vaccine if that’s what you want. US will have 600M doses of P and M by July, enough for every person over 16. Just call the pharmacy and ask what vaccine they’re using before you make an appointment. It’s not that hard.

          • No Face says

            Genuine question: Why do you believe that mild cases result in long COVID but moderate to severe cases don’t? I have never seen that assertion anywhere except comments on this site and the main version. Is there a study or article you read that says this?

          • Anonymous says

            Not saying that hospitalization doesn’t result in long COVID, but all of the reporting on long COVID indicates that it is very common among people who were never hospitalized. Those cases were originally called “mild,” but now it appears that some non-hospital cases are also being classified as moderate or severe. My argument is that protecting hospitalizations and deaths, which is what health authorities are telling us are the only things we should care about, is not enough to protect people against long COVID. So a vaccine that is 100% effective against hospitalization and death but only 65% effective against symptomatic disease is not sufficient, even though the public health message is “only hospitalization and death matter! don’t worry about those other cases!”

          • Anon says

            You’re conflating “symptomatic disease” with “longhaul Covid” but they’re not the same thing. Please show me a study that says J&J is “much less effective” than other vaccines at preventing longhaul Covid. You can’t because there isn’t one. So please don’t fearmonger and make false assertions.

          • Anon says

            Honestly I don’t know how to respond to a person who writes “and now we’re probably going to get COVID and be permanently disabled anyway unless we become home-schooling WFH hermits forever” (above). sounds extreme

          • Anon says

            Yeah, we’re all anxious and stressed about this sh!tty situation but that kind of anxiety isn’t normal.

        • Anon says

          This discussion apparently migrated over from the main site. OP, if you don’t want the J&J, don’t get it but don’t discourage others from doing what’s best for themselves and others.

      • Anonymous says

        The J&J vaccine wasn’t tested in the same places as the Pfizer and Moderna vaccines. You’re comparing apples and oranges. If you look at just the U.S. data from the J&J trials, it’s pretty close to Pfizer and Moderna.

          • Anonymous says

            There are more variants in the US now than there were in the early fall when the first vaccines were trialed. The trials are not apples to apples. Breathe. Discuss with your doctor. Get Pfizer or Moderna if that’s what you want.

          • Anon says

            +1 to 9:34. Why do you (OP) keep bringing this up on different boards where the vast majority of people disagree with you? Get it or don’t get it.

          • Anonymous says

            In my state, you don’t get a choice. You have to take what’s offered.

          • Anonymous says

            Not the same person who brought it up on the main board. Plenty of people are concerned.

          • Anonymous says

            You don’t officially “get a choice” in any state. But different pharmacies will offer different vaccines. If you call various vaccine sites and ask you can figure out what vaccines they have and make your appointment accordingly. I got Moderna for my parents who had a preference for that one over Pfizer, and Pfizer for my in-laws who had a preference for that one. If you really care what vaccine you get and are willing to wait a little while to get the “right” vaccine, it’s really not that hard.

        • Anon says

          This is true. It also wasn’t tested at the same time. j&j trials happened when the virus was more prevalent.

          Sanjay Gupta explains it well in a recent podcast (covid fact vs. fiction) – look for “optimism” in the title.

      • Anonymous says

        I truly hope you can get professional help. Assuming you’ll be permanently disabled is not based in reality.

        • Anon says

          This. OP, I’ve had some really bad anxiety episodes this year and I feel for you. It can get better – therapy and medications can make a huge difference. You always respond to comments like this with something like “everyone is anxious or depressed right now” which is true on some level, but please believe me (as someone who recently needed professional help for anxiety) that this level of anger and anxiety is not normal even for this extraordinary situation and you could really benefit from seeing a psychiatrist.

      • So Anon says

        The statistics on people who have covid and remain disabled (not able to carry out the responsibilities of their occupation) beyond 12 weeks is very low.

      • Anonymous says

        I don’t understand this hate for the J&J vaccine. If I am penniless, I’m going to take $500 now rather than say no thanks and hope that someone offers me $1000 later this year.

        I have not dug into the science around various vaccines’ efficacy, but logic and a passing knowledge of how bodies work tells me that any vaccine that prompts enough of an immune response to reduce likelihood of severe disease should also prompt enough of an immune response to significantly reduce likelihood of long-term disease. Whether it’s perfect or even the best on offer is irrelevant; it’s way better than nothing. Life isn’t risk-free, but wide availability of any/all of the vaccines that are being rolled out changes my risk calculus enough that I think I’ll be comfortable to go back to something that approximates 2019-normal.

        • Anonymous says

          I haven’t seen any hate for the J&J vaccine except here and on the main board and I think it’s all one poster who has out of control anxiety about getting ‘long Covid.’ I completely agree with you that I will gladly take the first vaccine offered to me and happily celebrate being very protected from severe disease and hopefully us all getting back to something resembling normal life.

    • Cb says

      I feel quite optimistic given the fact that cases seem to be so mild in kids (obviously, with tragic exceptions). Vaccine uptake has been quite good where we are and we should all be vaccinated by July hopefully, and while I’m not keen to get on a crowded plane or train, I’d be happy to go to the zoo, eat outdoors, etc.

      • OP says

        If I was in Scotland I’d be more optimistic as well. Alas, I’m in the US and people are awful.

        • Cb says

          Yes, true. My parents are in California and just despairing, so solidarity.

          • NYCer says

            Just out of curiosity, why are your parents despairing in California? My parents (late 60s) are in California and are both fully vaccinated.

          • Anon says

            It seems like it’s been really hard for seniors to get appointments in CA? Two close friends live there and their 60-something parents aren’t getting first shots until late March. Pretty much all the other 65+ people I know in other states have been able to get their first shots already.

          • Anon says

            My parents and in laws are all in SoCal and everyone has gotten at least their first shot (they are all between age 65-75). My mom is fully vaccinated.

          • Cb says

            Parents are both vaccinated (they are early 60s but mom works in healthcare and they had extras they needed using). But I think they’re quite discouraged by people’s behaviours. They also brought a house in Europe and planned to retire there last year, but of course, they can’t get there yet.

        • Anonymous says

          UK and US are roughly the same when it comes to percent of population that wants the vaccine.

          • Anon says

            It’s still quite hard to get vaccinations for some 65+. My parents, who are over 70, are either not yet eligible in their state or haven’t been able to get a spot. I am trying to be patient but it’s very frustrating to hear that most people 65 and older have been able to sign up when that is definitely not the case for those I care about most.

    • GCA says

      I’m not in total despair, but I would certainly feel better if kids were able to get an effective vaccine. Schools and daycares don’t seem to have been sites of transmission here so far, but my worry is anti-vax adults undermining herd immunity. Intellectually I know that cases in healthy kids are largely asymptomatic or mild, but it’s not very comforting knowing that sizable chunks of the overall US population decline vaccines or are willfully not compliant with public health restrictions and guidelines (eg a poster’s mom yesterday living with a Covid denier…). I would rather kids not get sick. I would rather we not be a vector. And I worry about economically vulnerable groups that aren’t yet in line for the vaccine but also can’t afford to get sick in this country.

    • Anonanonanon says

      My husband and I are both fully vaccinated (the one advantage of being a two responder household the past year). I do feel safer sending my kids in. My darkest fears were us all being sick at the same time and not being able to take care of our children, or our children bringing it home and me getting severely ill and dying, more because I was worried about them than me (I am high risk even outside of occupation). So, I’m relieved for my children that their parents are protected.

      On a more shallow level, I sort of imagined we could do some domestic travel (driving only) once we were vaccinated, but am realizing that state quarantine requirements will still apply to my kids even if they exempt vaccinated folks. For example, I would love for us to be able to drive to NYC this Spring, stay at the plaza if it reopens then, and only dine outdoors/do activities within walking distance (no public transport or cabs or indoor dining). BUT NY still has quarantine for out-of-state travelers to my knowledge and, even if they exempt vaccinated people eventually, my kids won’t be exempt. I’d love to take them to Canada (again, by car) when the border opens, but same concern.

      • Anonymous says

        In many states and countries that require testing, children are already exempt if traveling with adults who test negative, so I assume it would be the same thing for vaccine-based exemmptions. Chicago just amended their travel order to allow vaccinated adults from the “banned” states without testing or quarantine. Children under 18 were exempt from the travel order to begin with, so a family with fully vaccinated adults can now travel to Chicago w/o testing or quarantine regardless of where they live. I imagine this will be the norm going forward. If they don’t enforce testing in kids I don’t see how they would enforce vaccines – at least testing is possible for kids.

        • Anonanonanon says

          Interesting, I haven’t had time to look very far into it, but good to know!

      • Anon says

        NY is a very extreme example. I think pretty much every other state currently either has no restrictions or lets people avoid quarantine with a test. It’s devastating to me because my in-laws are in NYC and I don’t know when we will be able to see them again (they don’t drive and aren’t comfortable flying). But don’t let New York’s strict restrictions deter you from taking some kind of domestic trip. Most states are way more open. Which is ironic, because NY doesn’t even have good numbers at this point.

        • Anonymous says

          In NY you could go now. Just stay at your in laws for 4 days and get tested. Idk why you’d despair if ever seeing them again.

          • Anon says

            How is it quarantine if we’re staying with my in-laws? Mixing households seems like the opposite of quarantine. My understanding was we had to quarantine alone in a hotel room for 4 days, test, wait for results (another 3-4 days, I’m assuming) and only then could we leave quarantine and see my in-laws. I realize that is technically possible, but it’s not financially or logistically feasible for our family. The idea of being in quarantine for over a week in a tiny city hotel room with a toddler (can we even go outdoors?) is basically my idea of h*ll.

          • Anonymous says

            Do you want to fight or figure out a way to make it work? You’re technically allowed to stay with them. So if you want to go after they’ve been vaccinated, go.

          • Anon says

            I’m not trying to fight. I don’t see where it says you can stay with family members during your quarantine?
            It also says “The individual must not be in public or otherwise leave the quarters that they have identified as suitable.” which suggests to me that we cannot be outside at all until the end of the quarantine period. I stand by the statement that NY’s requirements are really onerous compared to most other states. Even Hawaii, which has controlled the virus better than just about anywhere, allows travelers in with pre-arrival testing.

          • Anon says

            NYS won’t do anything to you if you don’t follow this. It’s really based on your own and your inlaws’ risk tolerance, and assessment of your own personal risk of prior exposure. I get wanting to follow the rules to stop the spread, but realistically you can break some rules.

          • Anon says

            Yeah, I get that we’re very unlikely to face consequences from the government, but it’s important to DH and his family to follow the rules and both DH and I could get in big trouble at work if we got caught breaking quarantine so it’s not a risk worth taking for us. Hopefully the restrictions will be eased soon, at least for vaccinated people. I don’t think DH wants to fly before we’re vaccinated anyway so at this point it’s all hypothetical.

    • Boston Legal Eagle says

      Kids generally get a mild case, so I too am not too worried about my young kids not getting the vaccine for a while. I also don’t really see why we would continue to isolate once we’re vaccinated and vaccines are readily available. Yes, there are some anti-vaxers… but so? Are we really going to stop living our lives for this? (maybe not by spring, but by fall or so)

      • Anon says

        +1. Once I’m vaccinated I’ll start living life more normally including travel. Obviously will still mask where it’s required or socially desirable.

        • Anon says

          Travel is going to be tough because I think the restrictions will last a long time. Not saying I won’t travel at all, but we’re a long way away from just being able to just pick a place and go. My family members and closest friends all happen to be in places with really tough travel orders that make visiting difficult to impossible, and I think international travel won’t really be an option for Americans in 2021 except for a few Caribbean countries that are already open. I expect my local day to day life to get to normal-ish this year, but not travel which stinks because it’s the thing I miss the most by far. Honestly I could kind of take or leave restaurants, although I do anticipate resuming outdoor dining post-vax.

        • Anon says

          I agree with this but I’m also the poster planning to drive to visit grandparents in Raleigh now that both I and DH and both grandparents are vaccinated who got jumped all over yesterday for wanting to put her kid in a private swim lesson. I think everyone’s more open to a return to normal in theory then when they see specifics they still freak out.

          Now that we’re all vaccinated our biggest move is just seeing the grandparents – don’t think we’re going to change our behavior much otherwise and still masking just as much etc!

          • Anon says

            I didn’t jump on you yesterday, but I think the vaccine being widely available is a very different inflection point than getting the vaccine yourself, especially for lucky people like you who get it really early. For me it’s not about theory vs. what happens in practice. I am also getting the vaccine early but don’t plan to change to my behavior until everyone can get it because I don’t want to unknowingly transmit to someone who wants the vaccine and can’t get it yet. But I have no use for anti-vaxxers, so once it’s widely available I feel like people who decline it have only themselves to blame and I’m not going to stay home to protect them.

            Also you didn’t specify private lessons in your original post and at least one of the people who criticized you subsequently apologized and agreed w/you that private lessons were different.

          • Anon says

            Fair. Sorry didn’t specify private – that was my thought because of the frequency I’m looking for!

            I don’t know if I’d consider being very high risk because of chronic disease or DH being a doctor is lucky… I see vaccine rollout as something we should all be getting as soon as we can! I wouldn’t wish my health on anyone. Or our schedules for the last year.

          • Anonanonanon says

            Funny, I got jumped all over on the main board a couple of weeks ago because someone asked if people would return to the gym etc when vaccinated and I shared that I’m fully vaccinated but not yet comfortable dining indoors or going to the gym.

          • Anonymous says

            Anonanonanon, I was very surprised that anyone challenged yesterday’s swim lesson poster. The general sentiment here and on the main board seems to align with what you experienced when you posted over there. People think that COVID is a risk to other people, not to themselves. They want to get back to pre-pandemic life ASAP and accuse anyone who is more cautious of having anxiety.

    • Pogo says

      I’m managing it by not expecting anything to change, except to lower my baseline anxiety. Our caregiver and her entire family will be fully vaccinated soon, which is where the baby is and having him surrounded by only vaccinated adults makes me super happy.

      I will feel even better when the teachers get their doses. I don’t know that our school is requiring it, but I spoke to our son’s preschool teacher just in passing and she said she was getting it as soon as she was eligible.

      But I don’t expect much to change overall. We are booking an in-state AirBnB for the summer, and that’s as far as I’m willing to let myself dream. That way I can be pleasantly surprised!

    • Anonymous says

      I’ve never been worried about kids getting it so I don’t need to balance anything. I’m delighted about the vaccines, can’t wait until summer when it seems like most of us will get them, and think anyone in a district talking about not opening until 22-23 should be rioting in the streets now.

      • Anonanonanon says

        This. I am EXTREMELY conservative on covid, but–absent something horrible happening with variants–if my school district was discussing not opening next fall, I would be very vocally opposed. We now know better than we did in the beginning that schools don’t drive transmission as much as other things we’ve allowed to stay open. Hot yoga and dining indoors lead to a lot more outbreaks than schools and daycare. If somewhere wants to keep schools closed next year and has gyms and bars and indoor dining open, parents need to take to the streets.
        Btw, where is our lobby??? We need AARP but parents.

        • Anonymous says

          Yes!! I said back in the spring that we need an AARP for parents. Mothers especially.

        • Anonymous says

          We need a moms’ lobby to advocate for a safe and meaningful school reopening. This would look like in-person learning with masks, distancing, ventilation, and hand-washing, as opposed to what we have now in our county which is students sitting less than three feet apart in poorly ventilated classrooms doing remote learning on laptops with their masks hanging down. It would look like shutting down school sports, youth sports, gyms, and restaurants to slow community spread. It would look like prioritizing students ages 12+ for vaccination as soon as a vaccine is authorized for this age group. It would look like requiring vaccination for all adults working in schools and all students 12+ in the fall.

    • Jeffiner says

      My husband was talking to our pediatrician about this yesterday. Our pediatrician, who also has 3 young children, isn’t really concerned about kids getting vaccinated. In her opinion, once enough adults/teenagers get the vaccine to reach herd immunity, the pandemic is over. To return to normal we don’t need to eradicate covid like we did with smallpox, its something we can live with like the flu or (until recently) chicken pox. People may still get covid, but at herd immunity levels the health care system won’t be overwhelmed and we’ll be able to provide care for people who are sick.

      I have heard Fouci say that vaccines are tested in age blocks, something like 18-15, 15-12, 12-9, 9-6, and Pfizer and Moderna are either already running trials or preparing to start trials for teenagers. Our daughter is 6, and we were talking about signing her up for a trial when they get to her age group. She’s healthy and neurotypical, and the pediatrician didn’t have any health concerns about her participating.

      • Anonymous says

        Yes the trials for 12+ are now fully enrolled. I would be surprised if kids that age aren’t vaccinated in time for the beginning of the ’21-22 school year. But it will be a while after that for the 6-11 group and longer still for kids 5 and under.

      • Anon says

        I don’t think we’ll reach herd immunity until employers can require it. When Wal-Mart and Amazon says all their employees are vaccinated, that’s when the pandemic will be over.

    • Anon says

      i’m actually with you. i don’t know if we will reach herd immunity bc of all the anti vaccine people. once DH and I are vaccinated, which will take a while since we are both healthy, i think i will be comfortable going into people’s homes if the other adults are vaccinated. i think i would be comfortable flying, but don’t think i will be with my kids bc they aren’t reliable mask wearers. i think i would be more comfortable with my kids doing swim lessons or soccer, but don’t think i am ready to go eat indoors at a restaurant or attend a wedding. basically, i think i will feel ok about situations where i know the other adults are vaccinated, but not so great about situations with lots of people who might not be vaccinated. my thoughts might change as time goes on, and as we learn more about the variants

  4. KH says

    Recommendations on what to wear for newborn photos? I’m due in two weeks and we’ll probably do photos around the 10 day post partum mark. Size 12ish, hourglass shaped (though feeling more like a snow globe these days…)

    • Anon says

      Flowy maxi dress, in a size or two up from your pre-pregnancy size. Or a flowy maternity or nursing dress or top (you’ll be smaller, but not small 10 days out). Go for flowy maternal goddess vibes.

    • Anon says

      I would encourage you to wear something more fitted. I wore a loose dress for mine and looked bigger than I actually was. If you can, the 3 week mark might be a good time to do the photos. You’re still getting rid of some fluid at 10 days and look a little bit more bloated at that point. Also, it gives yourself some time to adjust to feeding and life.

      • Pogo says

        I definitely still looked pregnant in one of the profile shots of me holding the baby standing up, but I just cropped it when I put it on the announcement, on my social media, for printing/framing, etc.

        • Anonymous says

          I agree with this. It was summer for me, so maybe not appropriate for right now, but i wore a tank (not fitted by not super flowy) and white jeans that i could JUST squeeze into. having bare arms / clavicle and the visual of “skinny” legs (and i am a pear) i think made be feel less like a whale. You are holding baby in front of the bump. I was more like 3.5 weeks out (baby was early)

          Given season – sleeves will probably feel more appropriate – but something that shows a bit of shape.

    • Pogo says

      I always recommend PinkBlush for this – they have a lot of good options and aren’t super expensive. I can post a link to the exact one I wore for my newborn shoot.

    • Anonymous says

      I wore an off white sweater and the photos turned out really well. I ordered a bunch from various places in advance and none of them remotely fit (so many were weirdly short, esp with my chest at that time) so I had to go to Old Navy the day before to get something. I was aiming for nicer but honestly it was perfect. I suggest getting one size up at least from your pre-pregnancy size. Also only my chest and above was visible in the photos and my photographer said this is usually the case for all of her photos, so I just wore leggings and socks with the sweater.

    • Anon says

      I wore a flowy open cardigan both times and it was perfect – fitted enough in the arms shoulders, etc. but hid my still very visible belly. We also did them at 10 days postpartum. Our photographer was awesome about angles and I pretty much hid behind the baby.

    • Mary Moo Cow says

      I wore the same black faux wrap nursing dress for both of mine, both in the hospital. It was from Old Navy, but I had two similar Isabella Oliver dresses that were even more comfortable. It was loose enough to be comfortable but the wrap effect was flattering, and easy access for nursing (which happened a few times during each shoot. I didn’t know our photographer was taking a picture of me nursing from the side/behind, and it turned out to be one of my favorite photos.)
      Babies were in bright pink and white blankets. DH was in a blue check shirt (same one, I think.) It all came together nicely, especially in black and white photos.
      The second time around, I made sure I had brushed my hair and put on very light makeup. I felt more human and looked more polished.

  6. TheElms says

    Can anyone recommend some straight leg curvy fit jeans in a darker plain wash? I have some from Ann Taylor that are maybe 3 years old but there is nothing similar currently and they are too small. I’d like a mid-rise as opposed to a true high rise (I’m short so true high rise is just too tall for me). I fit a Ann Taylor curvy 12 pretty well for reference.

    • Mary Moo Cow says

      I have the Old Navy Pop Icon Skinny and they fit your criteria pretty well. I had to order a few washes in each size to find the best ones. I also like the Athleta jeans.

      • TheElms says

        These look promising! I wish they measured the rise, but oh well. Thanks for the suggestion!

  7. Downsizing dollhouse? says

    This is kind of ridiculous but I honestly bought a dollhouse (one the Hape ones) and it is just too big and heavy for our two-bedroom apartment. My daughter doesn’t really play with it a lot (maybe because it is on a shelf and we need to move it down every time she wants to play with the whole thing). We just don’t have room and we have a baby on the way and I want to get a much smaller dollhouse for her intead. I’m stressed about making the swap though! Has anyone successfully gotten rid of a too-large toy with minimal pushback from kid? Any strategies?

    • Anon says

      Yes! I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised! how old is your daughter?

      I’d just declare it broke or even better maybe you could involve her and say it’s going to a kid without any toys and won’t it be great to pick out a new one? Maybe in the color she wants? My kids love giving away their toys if you get them in the right generous spirit.

    • Jeffiner says

      I told my daughter if we got rid of her play kitchen, we could get some toy horses, and she tried to push the kitchen to the curb herself. If she still likes the dollhouse, tell her you’ll get her one that won’t be on the shelf so she can play with it when she wants.

      Sometimes my daughter asks about the kitchen. We gave away the play kitchen on a buy, sell, trade app, and we tell her another little girl is playing with it, and when she’s done she’ll pass it on and it will keep going.

    • Anonymity says

      IKEA and probably elsewhere have basically dollhouses that are attached to a wall – it’s small but pretty neat. If you are fixing up space for a baby you could sell it to her as you are also fixing her room up and getting her a new dollhouse and would she like to give hers to a baby and involve her in dropping it off for a friend with younger kids and more space or even better to a school or shelter that could use it.

  8. Cute Busty Nursing Bra? says

    Any recommendations for cute(ish) nursing bras for larger chested women that don’t have underwire but are still supportive? I’ve had luck with Motherhood Maternity and Kindred Bravely’s busty sizes, but I’ve now been in nursing bras for 1.5 years and just learned I’m pregnant, and I’d love to find something cuter if I’m going to be in nursing bras for the foreseeable future. I just tried the busty option from Lively, and it was so thin and unflattering. What are other busy nursing moms wearing?

    • Leatty says

      Bravado Convertible Maternity/Nursing bra is what is working for me (36h) right now. I wouldn’t say it is cute, but it is wireless and more supportive than most wireless bras.

    • Anonymous says

      Panache – nice enough that I had them converted to regular bras after.

    • Anon says

      I wore the cake lingerie cotton candy while a 38I nursing (for 15 months) – not cute but very comfortable and decently supportive. UW was just not comfortable and I only wore it when I had to. Anita nursing bras are very nice, but I think they topped out at 38H when I was nursing so I ended up in Chantelle for my UW and it only fit so-so.

    • Anonymous says

      Canadian brand knix makes sports bras that my busty friend swears by. I don’t know if the maternity bras could be called cute – but they will be high quality.

      Congrats on another little one.

    • anon says

      Bravado body silk! Not extremely cute, but good colors and comfy. I felt like the tank rode up, but bras always great.
      On the wired front — Just for anyone in this boat, I had the worst experience at Nordstrom being larger-chested looking for a wired bra before going back to work. They only go up to certain sizes in nursing bras in store (I forget which), and after that, they would have to convert a regular bra into a nursing bra for you. I didn’t give myself enough time to order one, so ended up at a Motherhood maternity just getting whatever worked and making it work. Being a Nordstrom loyalist, knowing their amazing bra fitting services.. it was so disappointing to know my size precluded me in store!

      • Anon says

        Yes, those bras (in the full cup version) were great. They were the only ones that I felt good wearing in all situations where I’d wear a normal underwire bra.

  9. Anon says

    I am currently on mat leave at my new job, which I started very shortly before giving birth. My supervisor made it clear that I am welcome to return on a reduced schedule (80% or part time) if I’d like (I go back in June).

    I am seriously thinking about going back part time, mostly because my commute is long (but not out of the ordinary for NYC suburbs) and I’d like to spend time with my child. How many of you went on a reduced workload and were able to go back to full time work later on? What are some things I should consider? Or should I stay full time and negotiate working from home half the week? Should I start off full time and scale back if it is unmanageable?

    I realize some may advise quitting and finding a job closer to home but my concerns are: 1) I had a career change and this is my first job out of law school so I don’t think it will be very easy for me to find another job without having any post law school work product/track record and 2) this is truly a unicorn job and I selfishly don’t want to give it up.

    I appreciate everyone’s honest/candid advice and thoughts!

    • Anonymous says

      I guess for me if the issue is commute time, why we pretending like a daily commute is necessary? I’d be more inclined to say I’d like to come back full time but WFH

    • Friday says

      It seems like your job is giving you a lot of options, which is great! My vote would be to go back full time, then scale back if needed. Gently, spending time with baby is a wonderful goal, but for me that just realistically was not going to happen in his first year, no matter how few hours I worked. I feel like there were times when I spent a ton of time with him, and times when he was asleep the entire time he was with me. And even when he was asleep, there was always something that needed to be done: dishes, laundry, errands, dr appointments, etc. Don’t get me wrong, it was not easy, but I’m glad I stuck with my full time job (per the advice of many women on this board). If I had quit or gone part time, we’d have fewer options now that he’s older. You may be different, of course, but I’d advise you to start back full time and re-evaluate in six months.

    • anon says

      I am all for part-time. I went part-time when my daughter was 15 months, but was something I wanted since I went back to work at 4 months. it took two job changes, before I found a unicorn job that let me be truly part-time, but if you negotiate pay, boundaries, and hours, I think going part-time will make your life easier and you truly don’t get that time back. Also, with how early most kids sleep the first few years, it was killing me to have an hour in the am and hour in the evening (in which I needed to feed myself etc.) and the weekends (where I had to squeeze in all errands and feel present enough to spend time with the baby). Also, my kid was a horrible sleeper and it was so hard. I wish I had the option to go part-time right after she was born.

    • Boston Legal Eagle says

      Do you have strict working hours? The problem I’ve seen with part time in law firms and corporations is that the work doesn’t necessarily decrease and if there are deadlines, you may be working on your “off” days or hours because things have to get done, and you’re getting paid less. And also, will you be the one doing/expected to do the bulk of the childcare/homecare if you’re part time? That may be fine with you, but just something else to consider.

      I would suggest going back full time, with WFH at least 2-3 days a week, and see how it goes. Don’t make any major decisions in the first few months back.

      • Katala says

        This. It depends a lot on the job, and you may not be able to evaluate that well being new. In my small biglaw practice group, moms (except me) are PT as a rule. They don’t really get to have “off” hours/days, but they choose to take on less work when it’s a slower period and seem to be generally more successful at protecting vacation time. You can also freely choose to increase or decrease your official percentage, though i haven’t seen anyone increase. I’ve heard PT is much less desirable in other groups for the reasons above. I would also likely try to WFH in your situation. Are they expecting you back in the office in June? I wouldn’t be comfortable with that level of covid exposure to a baby, maybe you can get a full time WFH schedule until fall or so, then transition to a few days in the office?

    • Spirograph says

      Caveat: I am not a lawyer. It is probably worth asking your supervisor how your work will be redistributed if you take the reduced schedule, and what your lead time needs to be for returning to 100%.

      I posted the other day about how I went 80% time (with full time childcare) after returning to work from maternity leave #2 and a couple months of feeling like I was drowning. A long commute was one of the biggest factors in feeling like 5 days a week was too much of a time suck, but even with wfh I would still take the reduced time option. Working from home eliminates the commute, but you’ll still have the workload and stress of a fulltime job at a time when your brain may be elsewhere due to “mommy brain” (it was a real thing for me) and sleep deprivation. Sure I wanted to spend more time with my kids, but it was also just that I needed some downtime and time to do all of the life things that are not hands-on with a baby or a job. It made the juggling infinitely more manageable.

      I think it’s easier to scale up than back, and it’s wonderful your supervisor has offered this option without you needing to bring it up. I’d start at 80% and a firm timeline to reassess after x months. I’d recommend at least 2-3 months because adrenaline lies and babies needs and sleep change a lot in early months, and that’s long enough to give you a sense of where the right balance is. I ended up changing jobs (to a job that was full time) rather than going back full time in the same office, but it would not have been an issue either way.

    • Mary Moo Cow says

      I am not part-time, but would jump at the chance if offered. I think it generally is easier to ramp up then down, so if you go back full time and then want a reduced schedule down the road, I would expect pushback and eye rolls. If you start at 80% and then want to go to 100% in 6 months, it seems like that would be better received.
      As others have said, I would want a solid agreement on what reduced schedule hours, compensation, and expectations looks like. If you and your supervisor come up with something you like, I would go for it!

  10. Anon says

    i know this has been discussed many times, but help! my soon to be 3 year old’s tantrums are so intense and long. yesterday it was for a full hour. i have twins and so far, during the first half of the year Twin A is more difficult and during the second half of the year Twin B is (guess it is good they aren’t both at their most difficult at the same time?). Twin A gets HYSTERICAL – crying/screaming over things that of course to me are totally illogical, but i obviously don’t say that to her. I tell Twin A that it is ok to be upset and have big feelings and that I am here to help her when she is ready. My problem is that I do a lot of solo parenting, and Twin A does not like to be left alone during these tantrums, and Twin B tries to help by bringing Twin A stuffies, etc. but then Twin B thinks it is too loud, etc. in the moment ,i feel like i’m just not meeting anyone’s needs and try very hard not to burst into tears myself. I follow Big Little Feelings and Dr. Becky at Home. I’m not looking to stop the tantrums bc i know they are a normal part of development, but would love to reduce their duration, or figure out how to help both kids when it’s just me

    • Anon says

      That’s tough and sounds like you are doing all the right things in response. I’d probably start by looking into when the tantrums occur – is kid hungry, tired, needing connection after being apart from you, etc? See if you can identify those variables and work on adjusting your schedule to address them as much as possible. Yes tantrums are normal, but regular tantrums of an hour or more seems like there might be an underlying cause

    • AwayEmily says

      I don’t have specific advice but wanted to say that it sounds like you are doing an incredible job and you ARE meeting their needs. You are showing Twin A that you love her, accept her feelings, and are there to support her. And Twin B is watching you model that caring behavior (and trying to emulate it by bringing her sister stuffies, awwww).

      I totally understand that awful feeling when both your kids are bawling and you are parenting on your own and you just feel like everything is the wooooorst and there is no way out. But from my outsider experience, it sounds like you are a pretty amazing mom.

      • Anonanonanon says

        Agreed. Sounds like you’re managing this exceptionally well, and maintaining your patience, and modeling great behavior and understanding for your kids! I’m sorry I don’t have advice, except this too shall pass.

      • Anonymous says

        Agreed! I have one 3 year old which is hard enough. Three year old twins sounds so challenging and I think you’re doing amazing!

  11. Anonymous says

    I need tips on cutting ties with our nanny of two months. Husband and I are both essential employees without the ability to work from home, and we’ve found that we simply need the consistency and reliability of a daycare setting. We got a spot at a daycare starting next month (which is sooner than anticipated!) and need to give notice to our nanny ASAP. Thinking about the conversation makes me so nervous!

    • Anon says

      Don’t give notice to the nanny until the day before you start daycare. You can (and probably should) pay her severance, but if you tell her now she may quit ASAP and you’ll be stuck without childcare for a month. And even if she doesn’t quit I don’t think it’s a great situation to have a potentially disgruntled person watching your kid.

      • Anonymous says

        This. I would tell her on her last day, not before. ESPECIALLY if you are already having reliability issues, you don’t need to give her a reason to check out sooner than that.

        “We’ve appreciated you providing care for baby, but have made the decision to switch to a daycare. Today is your last day, but we will continue to pay you until [date].” If you’ll provide a good reference, or are willing to advertise for her on a moms group or listserv you can say that. I would pay her for at least two weeks, if you haven’t specified otherwise in your contract.

      • Realist says

        +1. If you can afford it (even if not easily), I would tell her the day before and pay out two weeks severance and give her a card or a gift. Tell her she is great, but you realized that a daycare center was a better fit because of teacher redundancy/reliability. If you can do so honestly, offer to give her a good reference or even have a generic reference letter ready to give her with her severance. Don’t overthink it. Nannies are in high demand, she will find a good fit, you need a good fit for your family, this will all work out for the best.

    • Anonymous says

      “Jenny, we’ve loved having you but are going to move the girls to day care in a month, so after xyz date we will no longer need you. We will be happy to provide a glowing reference to anyone you’d like.”

    • Anon says

      So we did this and I blamed it (truthfully, in our case) on a need for more hours than one person could provide + the need for kiddo to have interactions with others his own age. Ours was always intended to be a temporary situation, so that made it easier, but framing it as a choice between nanny vs. daycare center made the conversation easier

    • OP says

      Our contract with the nanny requires us to give one month’s notice before terminating care unless there are extreme circumstances present. Is this unusual??

      • Anonymous says

        One month is high I think, but some notice is normal. But you can have her last day with the kids be the day you tell her and then just pay her a full salary for a month. That counts as notice.

      • Realist says

        This probably varies by market, but that seems a little long without a trial period also built into the contract. In your case I would stick with my comment above and grit my teeth and pay out 4 weeks severance after notifying her the day before daycare. If she is disgruntled, you really don’t want to be either left without childcare for a month or having anxiety that she isn’t treating the children right. It is a lot of money, but it would be well spent.

      • Anon says

        So our contract (which I wrote) requires us to give 2 weeks notice (or pay in lieu of notice) if we’re terminating for cause/her breach of the agreement. If we’re terminating not for cause (ex: she’s great but we are moving or decide to do daycare or stay home), then we give an additional 4 weeks pay (so 6 total).

      • Anonanonanon says

        One month seems like a lot, but it’s signed now! If you can afford it, I second/third/fourth what everyone else said. Give her two days’ notice but let her know you’ll pay out the rest of the notice period.
        “(Nanny), I wanted to let you know that a spot suddenly came open at a daycare for X, and she starts on Monday. Obviously we’ll pay you the notice period defined in the contract, so I hope that gives you time to find another family that is a good fit. Please feel free to give my number to families looking for a reference!”

  12. Anonymous says

    What’s a fun gift idea for a 6 y/o boy? Our neighbor is sort of a lone wolf these days (magnified by COVID) and my kiddos are going over to have an outside bday playdate this weekend. I have 3 girls and while they do have male friends, they are generally more sporty/ active than our neighbor friend. We got him LEGOs when he had surgery a few months back which I know he liked, so that will be my default if I don’t come up with anything better :).

    • Jeffiner says

      My 6 year old daughter got some Smithsonian children’s encyclopedias for Christmas and loves them. She asks us to read a few pages of them along with regular stories at bedtime. She got books on Horses, Animals, Dinosaurs, and Planet Earth, and while she’s only a bit into Dinosaurs and hadn’t shown any interest in natural science before, she loves them just as much as the Horse and Animal books. I had an encyclopedia set as a kid, and I loved reading through them and making up stories inspired by the pictures.

    • DLC says

      My husband got our neighbor’s son (similarly introverted) a shovel and it was huge hit. The kid spends hours digging in the backyard and moving piles of dirt and rocks back and forth. It wasn’t even specifically a kids shovel, it was just a short spade from Home Depot.
      The kid also loves remote control cars.

    • AnonATL says

      I got my now 7 year old niece stomp rockets for her birthday a couple weeks ago. We did a socially distanced visit and she and her older sister played with it for a long time. They both encouraged all the adults to jump on it too which I happily obliged.

  13. Anonymous says

    We host a nanny share in our home – nanny watches our kid and two other children. We will be out of town for two weeks in May, so we asked the nanny to relocate to another home during that time. She seemed surprised and told us that her host families have always allowed access to their homes even while they’re gone. What does the crowd think?

    • Ana says

      Admittedly I’ve never done a nanny-share but this seems weird to me – I wouldn’t want people coming in and out of my house when I was out of town. I probably would just coordinate with the other parents and let her know “I’ve talked to the Joneses and you’re going to use their house while we’re out of town. Thanks!”

    • Realist says

      If there are babies/toddlers involved, I do think it would be a pain to set up a new area for naps, diapers, etc. For older kids, I think it would be weird, but it totally makes sense to me that a toddler/baby nanny would not want to deal with big changes for a vacation. Totally your call, but I would let her use the house (and be glad she was keeping an eye on it) if the kids are baby/toddler age. I’m assuming the nanny otherwise has your trust.

    • Friday says

      I wouldn’t be comfortable with this. I guess I’m thinking worst case scenario: what if a pipe bursts and you’re not there? It’s a little different being on vacation hundreds of miles away vs being in your office and having to leave for the day. Maybe I’m being paranoid. I recently discovered that my babysitter was drinking my booze (while babysitting!) so I’m twice shy about this stuff. I’m sure your nanny is wonderful and you trust her but something about her knowing you’re out of town gives me pause.

      • Anon says

        I’d love it if somebody was at my house if a pipe was going to burst while I was away.

    • Anonanonanon says

      I think if you’re not comfortable with it, you’re not comfortable with it, and that’s the end of that. Fwiw I wouldn’t be comfortable with it either, though I can’t put my finger on why?
      For me, I think it is because there is a lot that goes into maintaining a house in use that your nanny presumably won’t do. Is she going to sweep and vacuum? Dust? Clean the toilets everyone is using? Take out the garbage? Do the dishes? Give the kitchen a good clean? Make sure leftovers don’t get left in the fridge for too long? Mop the floor? Those are all things you would presumably have happen in a two-week period in a home that’s being used, that aren’t necessarily in a nanny’s job scope. The last thing I’d want is to leave a clean house and come home two weeks later to one I have to clean, or to pay cleaners to maintain a home I’m not using!

  14. Anonanonanon says

    Actually related to the post!
    My daughter starts preschool hopefully next week (cue cheers of joy) and, while we thought they were doing hot lunch, they are not because of COVID. They will not warm food either (which I get, how would there be time!)
    The omiebox on you-know-where looks very interesting! I like that the thermos fits in the box but that it’s removable. I also like that the thermos seems easy to open, because daughter just turned three this week. However, some of the reviews are mixed. Does anyone use this particular box, or another option where the thermos fits inside?

  15. Anonymous says

    How do you know if a kid’s behavior is problematic/ needs intervention? I have 3 kids and my middle (turning 5, going to K next year) is just so different in a way that is really, really hard for me to parent. Part of it is our personalities clash, for sure, so DH has better luck than I do but he still struggles sometimes. Part of it is that she’s the middle child and has a lot of attention seeking behavior. Part of it is that she’s young for her class, so she’s sort of finding her way socially as well in a class of kids that are older/bigger. Part of it is COVID- these are weird times and she’s been in a bubble for the past 7 months.

    I’ve talked to her teachers (I’ve asked for the meetings, not them) and they are sort of wishy-washy. They bring up some examples of where she needs to work on things, and they’ve let me know once when there was an issue, but when I ask if it’s age appropriate / something to be concerned about/ how do I help, I don’t get a whole lot either way. (Eg. I would think they would say “no, this is really normal for a kid young for her class.” or “we would advise you to get her tested” or “here are some behavior management techniques we think would be successful”). All they’ve really said is that she is looking for ways to be in control and she could use more playdates to learn to interact better with peers (which we know, and we can’t really do because of COVID). The school she is at does NOT shy away from flagging kids for intervention–we have known lots of kids that went to the PK including my oldest– but I don’t know these particular teachers and their style very well especially since COVID keeps parents out of the classroom.

    At home, she acts out very impulsively, particularly when she is super tired or really needing attention. She’s basically impossible to discipline and when I try and pull her aside to have a serious conversation she will just do everything in her power not to pay attention (pull on my shirt, pick at lint on the floor, run away, etc). She usually does better in school/activities where there is a lot more structure and very clear expectations, but she also has had issues with certain instructors/teachers. My husband says she senses the “weak ones” and takes advantage. As an example, she is one of two kids in her gymnastics class and they don’t really have a structured session because of the low numbers. Last week she just ran around and did what she wanted vs listening to the coach. The coach didn’t kick her out or make her sit out, so she kept doing it. In her other activities she pays attention and follows along and does what the instructors ask without problem. We have the same issue with babysitters. She 100% walks all over some sitters (we don’t have them back) and others she has the utmost respect for and will do exactly what they say. We call our 13 year old neighbor the “[name] whisperer” because she is an *angel* when our neighbor is here!

    I suspected some kind of ADHD-ish thing, but when I asked her PK teachers they said she has no issues with attention/focus in class. They shared that she takes too long to make decisions about what she wants to do, she will often take way too long to get ready/unpack (I’m not inside because of covid so I don’t see this), and when asked to do something she really just doesn’t want to do, she won’t do it, full stop. my oldest had behavior that was not too different at that age, but I was allowed in the classroom and worked on it with her. And the defiance (?) was really only toward me, never her teachers/other adults. And it mercifully was a 6 month phase at worst.

    Anyway, I have two other kids that have their own personalities, but who never have this…defiance? type behavior. It’s totally possible I’m inventing trouble and what I have is a spirited PITA kid who did not fall from the tree. I do worry though because my sister is an alcoholic and was diagnosed with bipolar and several other major issues as an adult, so the impulsivity and control issues are always on my mind. Kiddo has also had Very Strong Opinions on food (eg refusing to eat because food isn’t her favorite) but I think with time and various strategies we’ve outgrown that.

    • Anonymous says

      I’m not an expert in that I have only one kid who seems normal-ish, albeit very much in the spirited/strong-willed direction, but if the school is not shy about flagging kids for intervention and they haven’t flagged her I would probably not worry about it too much. I think you’re overthinking the fact that you’re not in the classroom. I get that things are hard with Covid and I wish I could volunteer in my kid’s classroom too, but even in normal times many parents are never in the classroom and rely on the teachers to tell them about their child’s behavior. Teachers are experts and in my experience kids always behave differently (sometimes for better, but often for worse) when their parents are present so I think what she does when you’re not around is actually much more informative about her typical school behavior and I would not be too anxious about the fact you can’t observe right now.

      • Anonanonanon says

        This. Plenty–if not most–parents are not ever in their 5-year-old’s classroom, even during normal times, so I wouldn’t stress so much on that. And, honestly, she needs to learn how to behave without you there! So it’s probably for the best!
        Fwiw, I think a lot of this sounds normal. Sounds like she’s testing boundaries, trying to figure out her world. Just learning as she goes like “hmmm I can’t get away with running around the room in school, so I know that, but what about gymnastics? OK I can with so and so but not with so and so… interesting. I wonder what happens if I do it at the store?” I remember experimenting in that way, and I remember intentionally getting my card changed to red around that age just because I wanted to see what it felt like to get in that much trouble! Fwiw I ended up with no mental health issues or addiction issues and appear to be a high-functioning individual who can maintain relationships. My parents worried about me for a similar reason (one mentally ill aunt and one addicted to drugs). Also, I’m generally considered politically (for lack of a better word) savvy in my field. For example, I’m able to present the same thing differently to different partners to get everyone to agree by guessing what they’ll respond to, predicting how different people will react or what objections they’ll raise, etc. and I credit a lot of that childhood experimentation!

      • Anonymous says

        I think what you picked up on is that where I *do* see her (activities, at home) she seems wildly far from the norm.

        If she’s fine in school per the teachers, does that mean it isn’t worth pushing, even if she acts a lot differently at home/with other adults that are not her PK teachers?

        • Anonymous says

          I don’t actually think she sounds “wildly” outside the norm from what you’ve said here, and since you’ve admitted your personalities clash that’s probably a big element too. Can you ask your ped? What does your husband think? I don’t think you should necessarily ignore behavioral problems at home just because a kid is doing fine in school, but I’m also not convinced there are real problems here. Defiance is pretty typical in 5 year olds. It sounds like maybe your other kids are less spirited but that doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with this kid.

          Have you done any gifted testing? Gifted kids tend to manipulate adults and sense “the weak ones” as your husband put it.

        • Anonymous says

          I have 6 year old boy twins. They are like chalk and cheese. DH cannot handle the more exuberant one as well. Nothing you have mentioned sounds unusual for a 5 year old. Kids need consistency and structure.
          It’s normal that they push boundaries. Firm clear rules are essential and consistent consequences like if you hit your sibling you get a time out for 5 minutes. You don’t need a ‘serious conversation’ about it. Just sent her to her room. Pick her up and carry her there if necessary. Time out starts when In room and restarts if they leave. Consistent reaction every single time. If she’s picking at things when you are trying to have a ‘serious conversation’ that’s a stress reaction because you are overwhelming her. Ignore it and just tell her what you need to say. And make sure you have 10-15 minutes of daily one on one time. I have three kids and notice a big change in behavior when they don’t get their one on one chat time. She’s a kid in a pandemic with teachers who are not reporting any problems and your DH thinks she’s fine. Moderate your reactions, come from a place of empathy about how tough it is to be 5 in a pandemic and things will improve.

    • Anon says

      i’m not saying you should create problems, but if it doesn’t improve and you feel like there is some kind of issue, you could consider some kind of play therapy? or something relating to executive functioning.

    • Spirograph says

      So, I’m going to turn this around and ask whether maybe it’s actually you and your husband need … not intervention, per se, but to learn different parenting strategies for this one child who is different or outside your expectations/experience. This is not meant to be a criticism, and I’m saying it with all the love and empathy. I have two neurotypical children (as far as I know!), and one with ADHD, and *I* needed to learn things about how to parent him. I needed to learn how to help him, and how to channel his behavior in a better direction. DH and I both needed to practice de-escalation, re-think our expectations and communication style, keep our own emotions in check better, etc etc so that we could help son stay on an even keel and keep our interactions more positive.

      Particularly if your pre-k teachers aren’t flagging a need for intervention, I suspect this is something in your dynamic with your daughter at home that needs to be addressed. I encourage you to think of this as a problem with the interactions, not as a problem with you or your daughter. Some personality types clash! It sucks when yours clashes with one of your children! But you’re the adult, so really think carefully about your role as a first step.

      • Anon Lawyer says

        Yeah, also I’m a little worried that you’re identifying a young child with a sister who is a bipolar and an alcoholic. If one of your kids has bipolar disorder, you’ll treat it as appropriate, but that’s a lot of baggage to put on an impulsive five-year-old. Of course it’s understandable with a tough family history but it might be a helpful thing to talk over with someone with experience helping folks handle this kind of stuff.

        • Anon says

          Yeah…5 year olds pretty much all behave in a way that would be indicative of bipolar disorder if an adult did the same thing…that’s why we supervise kids that age so closely. I understand why your family history is scary (I have a grandfather who was also a bipolar alcoholic and many people in my family, including me, have less serious mental health issues like anxiety), but I think you’re jumping to conclusions about your kid. A lot of the things you mentioned, like being incredibly picky about food, are very normal. Jimmy Kimmel was just joking in his monologue last night about how his 6 year old only eats four foods. I think Spirograph’s suggestion about working on better strategies for parenting this child (regardless of what diagnoses she may or may not eventually end up with) is the right first step.

          • Anonymous says

            it’s funny that you say all 5 year olds act like this. I’m the OP and the reason I posted is because I know a LOT of 5 year olds and former 5 year olds (my oldest is in 1st grade), and they don’t actually act like this. but I am relieved to hear that I just have an oddly mature (?) sample.

          • Anonymous says

            Your oldest may just be a particularly well behaved child. I was that kid. DH asked my parents for childhood stories of my misadventures once and they basically said they told me to do something and I listened. My sister was the complete opposite. She just didn’t like rules. Ironically she works in health and has been lately super busy trying to get people to follow rules.

            Presumably the teachers have broad experience with seeing many children each year over many years. If they have not flagged an issue, I would trust that.

          • Anonymous says

            Yeah, I suspect 1) your oldest is unusually mature/well-behaved and 2) you really have no idea about the challenges the other kids because you aren’t parenting them. A LOT of kids behave very differently around non-parent caregivers than around their parents. Don’t compare your kids to kids outside your family. It’s not fair to anyone and you really have no idea what’s happening in the other houses during the many hours you’re not around.

          • Anonymous says

            Was your older kid 5 in the middle of a pandemic? I think it’s a mistake to ignore how much this situation might be affecting her and how what a 7 year old might be able to articulate as sadness would look like defiance in a 5 year old.

      • Anonymous says

        This. OP you are pathologizing completely normal behavior like wanting to avoid looking at someone when they are frustrated at you. Of course she wants to run away when you’re mad at her. Have you thought about parenting interventions for yourself and DH? Magic 123 is a good course.

    • Anonymous says

      Thanks, all! DH and I have talked about all this, and yes, we think she’s possibly worth testing for G&T (it wouldn’t surprise me as DH was never tested but fits the profile), and YES DH and I have done a bunch of homework on how to parent this kind of personality and would be willing to be coached–but don’t really know how to go about that. Is it a child therapist that sees *us*? We have also implemented some good strategies to allow her to test her boundaries/have control within reason which has worked (example: eating was SUCH a fight. She now makes her own lunch for PK and we will often ask her to plan dinner. It has to have all the relevant parts but beyond that we don’t weigh in. I also try and take her grocery shopping so she can pick stuff to have in the house that she’ll eat.).

      To the poster saying she was like this as a kid and now politically savvy– we joke that she’ll be a criminal mastermind, a litigator, or a policitican…and obviously could also be all 3 :). Boundary testing is her jam but she also is extremely observant, finds all the legal loopholes, and can argue her way out of literally anything with a smile on her face.

      Anyway- I’m totally having a bright kid who tests boundaries and drives me bonkers. She’s also a great sense of humor, a wild imagination, and amazing style. She’s just so different from my other two kiddos [and all of my oldest’s friends that I know] that I really don’t have a sense of what’s on the spectrum of normal behavior.

      • Anonymous says

        Asking a 5 year old to plan dinner for the whole family is a lot of pressure.

        Re – therapist – yes, the child therapist would see a combination of the child and you to provide skills to work on.

        It’s not about arguing about loopholes, it’s kids trying to figure out how things work. Like when mom says don’t slam your bedroom door – does that apply to all doors in the house? What about the outside doors? What about car doors?

        • Anonymous says

          She LIKES planning dinner. If she didn’t, we’d do something different. if it were up to her she’d plan dinner every night. I’m working on teaching her and my oldest to cook some of these meals and then we’ll really be in business.

      • Anonymous says

        Honestly it sounds to me like your other two may be abnormally easy. This kind of boundary testing is so common. You really can’t compare your own kids’ to other people’s because you only see a tiny snippet of other kids’ lives and at this age kids change so much that a comparison to your oldest kid’s peers isn’t apt anyway.

        I also echo what some others have said about the pandemic being a real factor. It really is affecting a lot of kids, even kids who are fortunate enough to have in-person school, and anxiety and sadness can show up as “acting out.” Extra empathy and physical closeness is the solution to that, not tougher rules. I’m not trying to be harsh but it does sound like you’re a pretty strict parent and I wonder if there are opportunities to ease up a bit during the is really difficult time. Obviously at this age there should be zero tolerance for stuff like hitting a sibling or drawing on walls, but if there are other behaviors you don’t like but can ignore, it might help keep the peace.

        • Anonymous says

          Totally fair point. I will say that she’s been like this since she was a toddler– the one kid that i actually entertained putting a leash backpack on (but didn’t) because she would run into parking lots, climbed on TOP OF THE FRIDGE (let’s not even get into that), covered my bathroom with every lipstick I owned, revolted [like- they wouldn’t ever come back/ ran her out of the house revolted. Really impressive for a tot!] against 9/10 babysitters, refused a bottle, insisted on getting herself dressed at age 15 months, refused to potty train until one day she woke up and did it herself, etc. And she’s never slept right; we’ve had sleep studies and gone to sleep specialists, had several interventions, and that all finally settled out just as the pandemic hit. She still only sleeps 9-10 hours a night and sometimes really poor sleep but it’s a lot better than it was.

          So it could be lots of things all at once or overlapping. But the feedback I’m getting here is honestly exactly my best-case scenario. “it’s normal, your other kids are the weird ones” “it’s a parent problem not a kid problem” and “it’s a pandemic, what do you expect??” are all things that I can easily fix or reframe.

          Because I spent most of this thread complaining about her, I feel like I also have to say she is the most interesting and fun to be around of all my kids. Like of my three she would 100% be the friend I call to do something spontaneous, and the one that would make me laugh when I am down. She’s probably also the kid that’s gonna sneak nips into the nursing home for me while my other two are wringing their hands over my finances and mental decline (both of which are fine ;)). She’s also whip smart, taught herself to read and tell time [“because it bothered me that the clock had real numbers [aka analog]” and will be going to K with our neighbors who are 12 and 14 months older than her (redshirted summer bday boys) and she more than holds her own in their presence. She can even out run one of them.

      • Anonymous says

        I have a very very gifted child who, like yours, is a picky eater, struggles with transitions between activities, and flat-out refuses to do things she doesn’t want to do. Giftedness is correlated with sensory issues that can cause picky eating and other problems. It is also possible for a gifted kid to have executive functioning problems that teachers ignore because the kid is able to compensate or because the teacher believes that a smart kid with issues must be making poor choices and doesn’t deserve any help. Eventually, compensating for the executive functioning deficit can consume so much mental bandwidth that everything just breaks down. If you suspect giftedness, sensory issues, or an executive functioning problem, absolutely have your child evaluated for the purpose of getting solutions and support. But you need to understand that the wait for an evaluation will be very long and the wait for services will be even longer, partly because of the pandemic. You also need to understand that a big part of treatment, especially with a very young child, will be modifying your parenting to meet your child’s individual needs.

        The attitude underlying your posts does concern me. It comes across as “My other kids and their friends are perfect tiny adults and do whatever they are told with no pushback. Maybe I can blame it on giftedness. This child is probably just an evil genius who will grow up to take advantage of other people.” This is a terrible, destructive attitude to have, especially if she turns out to be gifted. People who do not have experience with gifted children tend to project all sorts of expectations on them, both positive and negative. Whether or not your child is gifted, you need to understand and parent her as an individual with individual needs.

        • Anon Lawyer says

          I do think this was basically the attitude my parents had towards me when I was that age and a bit older for basically the same reasons. And it did have deleterious effects. I mean, it didn’t ruin my life or anything (and I have a great relationship with them now) but I certainly had plenty to talk about in therapy. I think little kids pick up on a lot more than parents think about what is being projected onto them, and if the narrative is that you’re manipulative or sneaky or otherwise “bad,” that comes through. When in reality, your kid is 5 – she’s still growing into the person she’ll be and fostering that growth mindset will be the best thing for her. That doesn’t just apply to hard skills like learning math; it also applies to skills like emotional regulation and how we interact with people.

        • Anonymous says

          I don’t really think giftedness is the issue here – maybe her kid is gifted, maybe not, who knows. But I agree the attitude (even jokingly) that the kid is some kind of evil manipulator is problematic. That’s a weird thing to project onto a kid.

          • Anonymous says

            Absolutely–giftedness is not the problem here, although the kid may in fact be gifted and it’s possible for gifted kids to also have some of the issues OP describes. The problem is that the parent is wanting to use giftedness as a scapegoat.

      • Anonarama says

        I would echo what others have said about not associating her behavior with bipolar etc (and this is coming from someone who has many mental illnesses in her family history) and some comments have some good tips. But really, it sounds like you’re really trying to be the best parent you can to your daughter so try to give yourself some grace! She trusts you the most so it’s normal she has the most defiance to you, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re doing something wrong. We’re all dealing with the pandemic and five is a tough age. Hang in there!

    • Anonymous says

      It sounds like you are using a very authoritarian parenting style. Try an authoritative style instead.

    • Anonymous says

      Have you read the Spirited Child book? This all sounds like textbook spirited child behavior. The parenting techniques in the book aren’t terribly groundbreaking (imo, anyway) but the book might help reassure you that this behavior is normal (for a spirited child) and give you some insight into the positives of having this kind of child. I found it really comforting and the author is very empathetic towards both spirited kids and their exhausted parents. She even talks about self-care for moms, which I don’t think I’ve seen in any other parenting book.

      I only have one so I’ve never had the experience of parenting a non-spirited child, but there’s so much joy to be found in this kind of personality. I guess I feel like the lows might be lower at times, but the highs are also higher, if that makes sense? I know everybody thinks their kid hung the moon, but the joy I feel with my kid is just so intense – it’s like her intense personality spills over and makes every moment with her “more” than it would be in a normal kid, so yeah the tantrums and arguments are “more” but the hysterical laughter and full-body cuddles and silly inside jokes are also “more” and it’s really, really wonderful. Most of my friends have calmer kids who are great too of course but I am happy I get to ride the emotional roller coaster with my spirited kid.

      My child is bright but doesn’t seem off the charts gifted, fwiw, and I know a lot of spirited kids who seem average or only mildly above average intelligence. I think it might be true that a high percentage of gifted children are spirited but not the other way around.

  16. Anonymous says

    We have toy bins in my daughter’s room, in our living room and in our basement family room/playroom but we still have more toys than storage spots…and this is just for one (3 year old) child. What’s the solution here – just more toy bins? I would love to get rid of some of them but she still plays with pretty much all of them and her memory is good enough that she’ll flip out if any of them disappear.

    • Anon says

      your options are:
      (1) get rid of some of them, and you could have her help you and talk about how there are some kids who don’t have toys.
      (2) toy rotation
      (3) more bins

    • Anonymous says

      I tell mine “bins are full! No new toys until we give some old ones away!”

    • Anonymous says

      Rotation system. We store 1/3 in the storage room and rotate monthly.

    • Mary Moo Cow says

      My solution would also be fewer toys and on a rotation. We hide toys for a few months, and if they ask for it, the toy comes back out; if not, then the toy is donated to our daycare or Goodwill. Occasionally, they ask for a toy a year later, and I say simply, “We gave it away so someone else could play with since you hadn’t played with it in a while.” I hope I’m not jinxing myself, but that has worked so far.
      I generally subscribe to the idea that the more storage you have, the more stuff you’ll have, because you’ll be tempted to fill it.

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