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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 76 Comments · by

Gear Tuesday: ‘Sprout’ High Chair

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Adjustable High Chair: Oxo Tot 'Sprout' ChairWhoa: It looks like Oxo Tot has a new version of their high chair, and the seat on this one looks like it might stand the test of time better than the original. Now, keep in mind, we’ve had our high chair for almost 5 years at this point, and except for a brief period when J was big enough for a chair and H was too little to sit in the high chair, this thing has had CONSTANT use. Lots of wipedowns, lots of food spills, etc. It’s in remarkably good shape considering — but sometimes food gets stuck in the crevices, and this seat material looks a touch nicer. Wow, and there’s a spot to store the tray on the chair! And a weird reclining position, I guess for when the baby is just starting solids? (I’m going to assume it looks a lot less scary in real life than it does in the picture.) In any event, it does seem like a great option if you’re in the market — it’s $119-$149 at Nordstrom. Ladies, which high chair has been your favorite? Oxo Tot ‘Sprout’ Chair (L-2)

Sales of note for 9.10.24

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Kid/Family Sales

  • Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
  • Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
  • J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
  • Old Navy – 40% off everything
  • Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs

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Comments

  1. NewMomAnon says

    I used a high chair for a grand total of 8 months. We used a Bumbo seat on the table (shh, don’t tell the mom police) from ages 5-8 months, then a giant Graco high chair (do not recommend, cleaning was a bi-atch) until about 16 months, and then I switched to a cheap molded plastic booster seat. Now we use the booster seat sometimes, and sometimes kiddo wants to stand on the regular dining chair.

      • Anonymous says

        They don’t strap onto the chair and kids have been really badly hurt when falling off bumbos from high surfaces. The fix was that the company added traps that strap the baby into the seat but nothing to secure it to a chair or table top.

        My 7 month old flipped it over when I had it on the floor by arching his back and turning to the side at the same time – even with the straps on. I threw it out the next day. It happened so fast right in front of me.

        • JLK says

          my kid hated the bumbo. she sat in it i think twice. She was too tall for it, and/or it hit her legs in the wrong place (she was 80%tile for height and weight but not with particularly chunky thighs…esp not so young). She got stuck in it every time, and just threw stuff off the tray. High chair or even a little kiddie desk was so much better for her.

        • AIMS says

          Maybe I have another version then. Mine straps onto a chair and is basically a booster seat that works for baby. I don’t leave her unattended in it, but it is very secure.

      • NewMomAnon says

        Yeah, I would never leave a child unattended in a Bumbo up on top of a table – and by “attending” I mean “watching in such a way that I am never more than 18 inches from her and my eyes never leave her.” My kiddo’s thighs were too luscious by 8 months old, and she would get stuck in the Bumbo so we discontinued using it at all. Scared the cr*p out of me when I found out my mother in law was putting my kiddo in the seat on the granite countertop in the kitchen (tile floors). I started hiding it whenever she came over.

    • CPA Lady says

      True life story– my almost 2 year old has been sitting in a plastic booster seat attached to one of our dining room chairs for the past several months after we got tired of cleaning the high chair. This weekend she pushed/kicked (not sure which, it happened so fast) the chair over sideways and went crashing down to the ground with her leg pinned under the chair. It was terrifying. Luckily she did not break any bones– probably thanks to the cheap lightweight ikea chair (that flipped over so easily).

      We immediately removed the booster seat and she now gets to sit/kneel on the actual chair. I’m not sure what we’re going to do going forward. But it is 100% not going to be a booster.

      • JLK says

        eh, we have rocked the sit/kneel since about 18 months- my kid is 3 and it’s fine. Occasionally she’ll sit in a booster at a restaurant but it kind of depends on the table. She’s a very neat eater.

      • NewMomAnon says

        Yup, my kiddo pushed her feet into the table while sitting in the booster seat at one point. The whole chair tipped backward. When she started pushing on the table after that, I would just remind her of the time she fell backward and how scary it was. Hasn’t happened since.

      • RDC says

        Interesting – my kiddo (19 mos, sits in a booster) is fascinated with putting his feet on the table (why???) but usually when he pushes on the edge the (cheap IKEA) table moves rather than the chair. But we’ll have to keep a closer eye on it.

        • CPA Lady says

          Yeah, our table is a lot heavier than our chairs, and our chairs have those felt things on the bottom that slide across a wooden floor easily. Sigh. Lesson learned. No more booster for CPA Toddler.

      • EP-er says

        Check out the Jr. Chairs from Ikea. They are awesome — like regular chairs, but with longer legs. We transitioned our kids from the high chair to these when they were around 2 and are still using them.

      • PhilanthropyGirl says

        Mine is moments away from doing this and it scares the daylights out of me. Our booster has a tray, and although we’ve tried to push him to the table, he always ends up with the tray because he gets pushed away from the table so he won’t fall over.

        I cannot imagine him sitting long enough to eat without being strapped in. This kid is SO DANG BUSY all the time. He would never eat if he wasn’t strapped in and left with no other options. Except ice cream and popcorn. He will sit still for ice cream and popcorn.

    • JLK says

      I hated the high chair. My kid was in it from 4 months (or whenever she could sit up– she just liked being up high while we ate) until MAYBE 11 months. We started to use one of those seats that clip to the table because it took up less space and was way easier to clean around 7-8 months and fully ditched the high chair pretty soon after.

      She’s 3 now and has been sitting in a normal chair at the table since about 18 months. Prior to that she sat on a box on a chair (our cheap @ss booster). She sits on her legs/knees to be the right height but vastly prefers that to a booster.

    • shortperson says

      i wanted a tripp trapp but the infant set up is expensive and does not look great. so for the same price we got a fisher price ez clean thing. it was great. then we got a tripp trapp at 18 months and it is fabulous. it will last for years. it’s not ugly and toddler loves it.

      • Anonymous says

        We got the Svan high chair (for $60 used on CL — one of my best baby gear scores). My 5 year old still uses it (obviously without the tray and restraints). There is still way too much food flying around at meal time for me to let him sit on one of our regular dining chairs, which are upholstered in a cream colored fabric (i.e., interior decorating hubris).

  2. dc mom anon says

    Does your daycare have screens? DD’s daycare just rolled out an ipad program, where teachers can take pictures and log diaper changes to send parents reports and updates throughout the day. Teachers are also allowed to show kids programming for 5-10 minutes throughout the day. Kiddo is 2 years old.The daycare didn’t really notify the parents about this program, nor do I think there is a clear policy about how much screen time the kids will receive. I understand that technology and screens are unavoidable, but this really bugs me. I don’t need pictures and diaper updates and I don’t want my kid watching an ipad. I am not sure what my options are from here – switch daycares? Ha ya right, that’s pretty much impossible out here.

    • Anonymous says

      My daycare has a program that is iPad/Mac based for checking in kids, recording daily activities, and occasionally a picture. They’ve been using it about 3 months and honestly I’ve only ever received my 5-6 pictures – and most were on “special” days (water day, ice cream day, etc.) Honestly, I love the program from the standpoint that as my child was getting older, I was getting less and less information about her day from the school (it went from a whole big sheet as an infant to what the teacher’s told me as a 3+ y.o.). Now I know exactly what activities she’s learning about, exactly how long she naps, etc. I am not aware that they use it for
      “screen time” as my school only does that on holidays (i.e,, when the school has low attendance, like the day before thanksgiving, they do movie afternoons). This is just me, but I think you may be over-reacting. And yes, you could say something to your child’s teacher about 5-10 minutes of screen time if that’s really a deal breaker for you. Otherwise, you may have to switch daycares. And probably to an in-home or small one, as I think this is the wave for the larger facilities because of the accountability aspect.

    • CHJ says

      My old daycare had a similar program and my current one has a no-screen policy. I prefer the no-screen policy. With the iPads, I would often find the teachers playing videos on the iPads to entertain the kids when I came to pick up my son. I think it’s inevitable – the kids love videos and the teachers are tired, so it’s hard to fight the videos all day long. I wouldn’t necessarily change daycares over it, because that is such a hassle, but it is something I’d keep an eye on to see if you want to say something to the director.

    • Momata says

      I get daily pictures from both the infant room and the toddler room, but they are taken via a conventional point-and-shoot and then put into a Word document and emailed out to parents in the early afternoon with a short blurb describing the activities. They are definitely the best emails I get all day. Otherwise, teachers are not allowed to have their cell phones in the classroom, and there are no other screens. I also get a half-sheet paper log on my infant’s naps, meals, milk, and diapers; my toddler gets one line on a daily log where the teachers write down nap time and whether she ate none/some/most/all of her lunch.

    • Syd says

      Yes, our daycare has an app that teachers use and we can see pictures and a report about what our children are eating, diaper changes, etc. I love it – I feel like we have all the information and don’t need to rely on the teacher’s memory at the end of the day. My child is also 2, and while they don’t use the tablets with the kids there is a TV in the room and they do play kid music videos and occasionally have movie day. I’m not wild about it but I like everything else about the place and decided it wasn’t worth worrying about.

    • anon who is strict on screen time says

      I don’t think you’re overreacting. I am very strict about screen time with my kids and this would have annoyed me. Can you ask to opt out of the 5-10 mins?

      • anon who is strict on screen time says

        Oops, I didn’t read as carefully as I should have. Suck up the updates about diapers and naps but take a stand on screen time for your child.

    • MDMom says

      My daycare just switched to using an app. I think the teachers have an ipad mini that they use to input things. At least in my kids room (1 yos) they don’t show the kids videos or use the ipads with them, and I’ve never seen them doing this with the older kids (who are in an open layout so you can see then when you walk through) but can’t say for certain that they don’t. I do like the app and have no problems with it.

      As to whether you’re overreacting, I don’t know. I guess it depends how much you like the place otherwise. I think you should definitely share your concerns with the director and see how they react before you make any decisions. I would also be annoyed, but wouldn’t necessarily change daycares over it if I was otherwise happy there.

    • Anon MN says

      Our daycare had an app and ipad/itouch in all classrooms. I loved receiving updates when my child was an infant, and knowing about his naps, etc. as a toddler. However, our daycare has a strict no screen time policy and I have never seen any teacher using it for these purposes despite the fact that I pop in at odd times frequently. I would opt out of the screen time or send something to the director about it being unacceptable.

      • Anon in NYC says

        This is how our daycare works. They have an ipad for the app they use to update all of us. I kind of love getting updates that my LO ate her cheese at 10:30. But as far as I know, they don’t show it to the kids. We don’t do screen time at home (LO is 13 months).

    • Spirograph says

      Nope, unless it’s a special party day, where they let the kids watch a movie or something. This has only happened once or twice. I’m not terribly strict about screen time with my older kid (mostly because that was a massively losing battle against my husband. I don’t give kiddo the tablet, but I’ve stopped grumbling about it when husband does), and I justify it by telling myself that at least I know he’s not staring at screens for the 9+ hours/day he’s at daycare. It would really bother me if iPads were an option there.

    • JLK says

      Oh, interesting. I’m home part time with my kid and I actually am OK with TV in a limited setting, but HATE ipads. My kid is like an ipad zombie wheras she can half-watch TV as background noise or for quiet time.

      Her daycare teachers have ipads, but i don’t think it’s a formal school owned device. They send out photos etc. THe one time I was really annoyed about them was actually when dropping off DD and when the DIRECTOR said “let’s read a book” and it was on the ipad. I get technology, but this just made me nutty. They had the ipad reading to the kids in lieu of the teachers.

    • NewMomAnon says

      My daycare has iPads for updating the app and taking pictures. The policy is no screen time in the toddler or infant rooms, but preschool can have a certain (very limited) amount. I’ve seen teachers trying to use the iPad as an electronic nanny at the end of the day and have told the front office, which always puts a stop to it.

      I am OK with the iPad in the hands of the regular teachers, because I know that they are very involved with the kids and don’t spend more than the necessary amount of time posting updates. The floaters are a different story; I’ve seen a floater just sitting on a stool messing around on the iPad while the kids destroy the toddler room. I am not a huge fan but the app is helpful. I have a much better idea how to mimic the daycare schedule on the weekends, which helps with sleep and toddler anxiety.

    • Anonymous says

      Weird. My stand would be that using the app for updates and reports is fine, but actually showing the kids programming is…odd. Especially given AAP guidelines for screen time under 2. Our daycare does point and shoot/ PDF doc for daily pics, and I’ve never seen any of the teachers or floaters using their cell phones while not on break, either.

  3. Kel says

    My 18-MO pronounces the “d” sound instead of the “b” sound— consistently. He can say Dog and Dada and other real “d” words but all his “b” words are also pronounced as “d.” So, “bye-bye” and “ball” are “Die-Die” and “dall.”
    “Die-Die” in particular scares me because he says it ALL the time, it’s one word he definitely knows how to use.

    The pediatrician said not to worry about this. DS has at least 12 different words he uses (most start with “c” or “d”), and that’s the only milestone she is concerned about at 18 months. Still, it would be really comforting to hear that someone has experience with this and the pronunciation changed without intervention?

    • NewMomAnon says

      I pronounced all “f”s as “b”s until 3 years old – so “foot” was “boot,” “firetruck was “biretruck.” I’m fine now, with perfect command of important swear words. No intervention.

      18 months is also really young. I would wait until closer to 2; there will be a big explosion of vocabulary right around that time, and words will get clearer. But I’m not a medical professional so take this with a grain of salt. My kiddo, who is very verbal and very clear at 2.5 years old, still pronounces “pillow” as “piddow” and “robe” as “wobe.” I won’t be concerned for at least another year about that….also, at 18 months she thought a star was called an “up above” and called it an “ababa.” I’m so sad that she knows the real name for it now.

    • Anon MN says

      I recently posted something about my 2.5 yo’s speech and the comments were really helpful. I can’t find it now, but someone posted a really good chart about when it is normal to start pronouncing things correctly. Basically, until age 3, any mispronouncing is fiine. After that, there are certain ones they should be mastering, but some don’t have to be mastered until 5-6 to be in the “normal” range. Hoping someone will post it again, because it was awesome. But even if they don’t, know that it’s completely normal!

    • JLK says

      not sure about pronounciation specifically but from 18 months-2.5 years my kid developed and then lost a lot of mispronounciations/generally botched words. I’m sure there’s a term for this. Eg. “pettyellow” was potato for a while. Then she just started saying potato. She still calls hair bows “tinkas” (we have no idea where this came from) despite completely understanding when I say “go get a hair bow”.

      • RDC says

        Do you say thank you when she brings it to you? I apparently called crackers “tankoo” for a long time since my mom would hand me one and prompt me to say thank you.

    • JMDS says

      My 27 month old says Die-Die for Bye Bye as well. I correct him sometimes, but just let it go. He has lots of D words and B words. I don’t think its a big deal.

    • H says

      I have a 19 month old and he does something similar although I don’t think I could articulate it very well and it is not consistent. “milk” “book” and “bug” all sound similar. As long as he knows what they mean and keeps learning new words, I have not worried about it at all. I read somewhere (I think it was a legit book rather than a random website) that it totally counts as knowing words if they understand the meaning but can’t totally say it correctly. I feel like understanding the meaning is much more important than pronouncing it correctly at this point.

    • Pogo says

      It could just be the way his little mouth is growing – the difference between a d and a b sound in English is the use of the lips versus the tongue, but both use the voice and stop the airflow. Phonetically, he’s really close – he probably thinks he’s saying a “b” sounds but his lips don’t quite work right yet. I think that’s pretty fine motor control at 18 months and should come with time.

      (obviously no expert, but I took linguistics in college, lol)

    • Kel says

      Thanks for all this. I don’t know if anyone is still reading but I realized I think I am scared he cannot physically make the “b” sound because when he was 3 months old we had him treated (laser) for lip and tongue tie. I have always been paranoid that the surgery would have some side effect on speech.

      • Pogo says

        Again, I’m no expert, but the “b” is pushing your lips together. The fact that he can make a “d” means his tongue is working right, but he’s not getting that he needs to bring his lips together.

        I assume lip tie fix is cutting the frenum in the front (lower teeth to lip)? If anything, I would think that surgery would help him be able to move his lips better. fwiw, I had a frenectomy as a kiddo and can make my b’s just fine. Maybe check with his surgeon or dentist just to be sure?

    • Statia says

      I am a speech pathologist and physician assistant. You did the right thing by bringing it up to your pediatrician; if you’re really worried, you can ask for a referral to a speech pathologist and they can do a very simple evaluation (it’s play-based) to get an idea of all the sounds that he’s making. They can also check his expressive language (talking) versus receptive language (listening/following commands) as compared to his peers. Oftentimes, a hearing evaluation is part of the gig as well (just to make sure he can hear the difference between /b/ and /d/, which is probably like 99% likely, but just in case he’s got chronic fluid in his ears or something, that could be a reason for the mixing-up.

      Sometimes kids are just temporarily mixed up about how to make sounds. You can do some simple things when interacting with him to subtly help him figure it out on his own. One of my favorite things to do with kids who are having trouble with the /b/ sound is to get bubbles. You can do something like say “buh… buh…bubble” while having him watch your mouth while you blow the bubble. Then, have him say “pop!” while he pops the bubbles. The /p/ sound is made the exact same way as the /b/ sound, except for the /b/ sound your voice is “on”.

      Sounds made in the front of the mouth – m, b, p, t, d are often made first. And 18 months *is* young. Sometimes kids made big developmental strides in one area – say hand/eye coordination, gross motor skills, and their speech seems delayed. Then suddenly, it will catch up.

      Listen to your instincts. If you’re worried, the absolute worst thing that will happen is that you’ll get a speech eval and someone will tell you he’s totally fine. :)

  4. JLK says

    Can I just say publically that I love my grandma? She’s pushing 90 and I just saw her this weekend. I’m 9+ months pregnant (due three days ago…ugh) with my second kid. As I was leaving she tells me, “you look decent, considering. But honey. Treat yourself to something nice and burn those maternity clothes as soon as humanly possible.” And hands me $200.

    She had me cracking up for the past 24 hours just thinking about it. I am so sick of being pregnant. And these maternity clothes (many of which I was sick of and wanted to burn the FIRST TIME but am too cheap). And my dear grandmother calls it like she sees it.

    Happy Tuesday :)

      • JLK says

        it was particularly great since my mother and coworkers and friends are all “oh, you look SO FABULOUS, especially for being *so* pregnant.” No, ladies, I look bloated and swollen and un-makeup’d and miserable. But it’s cool because I’m totally aware of it and do not care one bit. Grandma is a straight shooter.

    • Spirograph says

      Aw, she sounds great! I haven’t seen my grandma in several months, but talked to her on the phone over the weekend and she said something similarly on point. I hope we’re all as wise and spunky in our 80s.

  5. Crazy Nosebleeds says

    My 5yo toddler has been having these recurring nosebleeds at school and at night. We took him to the pediatrician and they said it was normal and that humidity might be the issue.

    Any tops/ insight from the mamahive?

    • NewMomAnon says

      My ex had that! A cotton swab with Vaseline swabbed inside both nostrils was really, really helpful. He did it before his shower in the morning. Also try a humidifier at night.

      And also – is your kiddo a nose picker? Because I was and got nosebleeds as a kid. I don’t know how you resolve nose picking, but the nose bleeds would be totally normal for that situation.

      • Anonymous says

        Yup, this is what I was going to say, too. My son picks his nose and blood-soaks his pillow every few weeks. Humidifier helps a little, but he’s really doing it to himself.

    • Anonymous says

      Try a humidifier in the bedroom overnight. But it has been so humid here (NYC) that it pains me to suggest that. Also, try increasing water intake.

    • JLK says

      DH and DD got them for a few months this early spring. It was definitely weather related. Neither are nose-pickers adn what was happening was not scabbing, just like the entire nasal cavity would shed overnight and cause a small nosebleed. So gross.

      Humidifiers kind of helped but what really helped sadly was the hot humid summer.

    • Betty says

      My son (5.5) goes through a period every spring and fall where he gets nosebleeds, sometimes at night. For him, it seems to correlate with a lack of humidity. Some nights, he would wake up completely freaked out that he had blood on his face and pillow and other mornings we would see the evidence on his face. We did teach him how to take care of a nosebleed after our (now prior) nanny freaked out at a nosebleed (she was a mom of 5).

      • Crazy Nosebleeds says

        Gosh, it is so HUMID here I can’t believe it would be this! Thanks for the tips on the Vaseline- will try that also. he’s not a picker (to my knowledge) but I guess one can’t rule anything out :)

        The first time I walked into his room and there was blood everywhere. It looked like a CSI episode but with a smiling toddler in the middle of it.

        • Betty says

          The amount of blood can look disturbing, but red on a tissue/paper towel/t-shirt looks like a lot more than it actually is. Do you or does your child spend a fair amount of time with central air? If so, it may be humid outside, but likely is not inside.

          • Meg Murry says

            Yes, it could be the shift back and forth between being outside where it is super humid and indoors where central air has drastically lowered the humidity.

            Does he have allergies and does he take an antihistamine? Some allergy medications also dry up nasal passages.

            If it’s frequent at bedtime, you could try using a saline spray/drops at bedtime, if he won’t fight you on it.

    • Anonymama says

      I get them, and both my kids do too. Some people just are prone; blood vessels closer to the surface. Vaseline up the nose keeps things moist so they don’t recur as much, and try to keep him from picking at it.

    • Statia says

      Not to be gross, but nose picking is the number #1 reason I see nose bleeds in the office. Kids, little old ladies, polished professionals…. Everybody picks :)

      So, if he’s getting them and you’re pretty sure he’s not picking, try the humidifier… Although agree with PP that this time of year it’s pretty humid. If he has a fan or ceiling fan or AC blowing right on him / in his direction, that could contribute to the problem.

  6. NOVA Anon says

    Any recommendations for a good toddler speech therapist in NOVA? We have been seeing one through county early intervention for the last six months, and it hasn’t been a good fit. Kiddo’s developmental specialist said today he is completely meeting the baseline requirements for his chronological age (number of words is good) but she is concerned about how far behind his expressive is lagging behind his receptive. She’s not been one to sound an alarm bell unless something is wrong, and every time she has raised an issue with us, we have been so happy we worked to fix it — so before y’all poo poo me for wanting more speech therapy for my “normal” child, please keep that in mind.

    Husband and I have had concerns about the speech therapist for a while, and his specialist (who we love and trust) was also not happy with the tactics she was using with him. In short, the speech therapist thinks that because he meets baseline, there’s not much more we could or should be doing — we generally get the sense she is annoyed our son qualifies for services due to his prematurity, as he is otherwise “caught up” to normal kids his age (though admittedly on the very lowest end of the spectrum of what he “should” be expressing).

    We’re also going to work with his specialist to try to find someone new, but figured I would throw it out there to the hive to see if you knew anyone. We’re willing to pay for a private therapist at this point to see some improvement and prevent this from becoming a problem down the road.

    • Anonymous says

      We had a great experience with the “It Takes Two to Talk” program via Hanen. You can search on their website for providers in your area.

      Our daughter also had an expressive delay and caught up fairly easily.

    • TBK says

      Following. Also in NoVA, also used a speech therapist through the county, also completely and totally underwhelmed and finally quit the county program. He’s starting preschool in September and has an appointment with a developmental pediatrician in late fall so we’ll probably wait until January to start again (just to see how school etc. affect him — we think part of it is that he’s a twin and his brother talks a LOT). But interested to hear any recommendations.

    • Statia says

      You can request a new/different therapist through your early intervention program. It’s worth a shot, especially if they are coming to your home for therapy and are offsetting the cost.

      If the services are being billed through your insurance by early intervention, you don’t have anything to lose by getting a private SLP. I think the best way to find good providers is though pediatrician and local school districts – special ed teachers tend to run on the same circles as private providers and know who is good.

      Good luck!

    • NOVA Anon says

      Thanks for the replies, everyone! :-) I’ll ask a colleague whose wife is a special ed teacher and report back.

  7. TBK says

    I realize this is totally out there, but since this group is pretty well grounded, would be interested to hear anyone else’s experience. My BIL committed suicide in his bedroom in my MIL’s house about a year before my twins were born (they’re now almost 2 1/2). After the boys were born, my MIL decided to re-open the room (she had basically shut off that part of the house, understandably) and turn it into a nursery/playroom. That’s where the boys sleep when they’re at her house and that’s where all their toys are. We haven’t expressly avoided talking about my BIL, but his name just doesn’t come up that much in conversation although I have mentioned him when looking at wedding photos with my kids (just pointing to people in the photos and saying “there’s mama, and there’s daddy, and there’s daddy with Uncle Tim.”) A few days ago, one of my sons said “Uncle Tim plays trumpet.” I knew he’d played guitar but that was it. I asked my husband and he said his brother had played in elementary school. My MIL said she’d never mentioned Tim playing trumpet to the boys. Today he apparently told my MIL that he was going on a long car ride with Uncle Tim. We don’t believe in ghosts (although if my BIL were haunting anyplace, it would be the bedroom that’s the nursery/playroom). Mostly it’s just kind of unsettling. My guess is that in the very few times we’ve mentioned my BIL, my son has picked up on a shift in our voices and body language and is trying to figure out what the deal with Uncle Tim is. Has anyone had a similar experience? My au pair says that many people back home believe that small children see ghosts, so talking about dead people is clearly not weird for toddlers. But it is something we’re puzzling over.

    • Jen says

      Could it be imaginary friend uncle Tim? At around 2.5 my daughter started talking to all kinds of imaginary friends, most of which had names of actual people (daycare kids, tv characters, etc). She called “uncle Chris” on the phone, made “aunt Sarah” pancakes, etc. she also has a “friend that lives in the north palace” that she talks to in the bathtub.

      Maybe “uncle Tim” is this name that doesn’t attach tons specific person so they’ve made a friend out of him? Re: the trumpet, I bet it came up and they overheard it but has been forgotten by the adult that said it.

      • mascot says

        This is probably the logical explanation.
        But, I haven’t ruled out the existence of ghosts/angels/spirits and know several people who have had really believable encounters. My first thought reading this was that it’s sweet that Uncle Tim is reaching out to his nephews.

    • hoola hoopa says

      IME, kids do really focus on dead people. My kids commonly talk about relatives that have passed – sometimes as if we’d just had lunch last week (time is sooooo non-linear at that age) – even if they weren’t particularly close. (It can be unsettling, particularly if the loss is still raw for the adults.) An uncle they have never met would really be fascinating.

      As for the specific mentioning of the trumpet, kids are so observant and often pay attention to details that adults skip. So it’s possible that someone made a passing comment – without even realizing that the kids were within earshot – about an old trumpet. They may have seen it in the background of an old picture, etc. It could also be that a neighbor or other relative said something in an otherwise unmemorable meeting.

      I will, however, admit that I do believe in ghosts to a certain degree. There are instances in my life which are simply easier explained by it. I think that’s by far the most unlikely explanation here, but let’s say for the sake of discussion that they are interacting with Uncle Tim himself. That’s a good thing, right? I wouldn’t feel unsettled by it.

      Either way, it’s nice that they feel a connection with him. I’d consider their comments an opportunity to continue keeping his memory alive. “Yes! Uncle Tim did play trumpet. He loved music. Would you like to play trumpet some day?”

    • Haunted says

      I absolutely believe in ghosts because I have lived in one haunted location and work in another and have seen it myself to believe it. Others may think I’m crazy and want to commit me. I’m not telling you that you must believe but don’t totally disregard that as an explanation either. Also, if your kids are telling you something, don’t tell them that you don’t believe them.

    • Pogo says

      I heard an interesting piece on This American Life recently on a support group for kids who have lost relatives, and many of them to suicide. Not saying this is your exact experience, as the twins never knew him, but it might be worth a listen for the way they were able to explain the situation to kids and to remove the stigma surrounding their death.

      That was my first thought – you’re probably right, the hushed voices and weirdness around it are something they’re picking up on, and you don’t want them to think they can’t talk about death, suicide or mental health (when they are old enough to understand these things). So gently approaching it if they ask “Where is Uncle Tim” can maybe remove some of the fascination. I’ll link in the next post to the NPR piece.

    • AIMS says

      I think kids do fixate on these things and they hear and observe much more than we realize. Are there pictures of your BIL around the in-laws’ house maybe? Does your MIL talk about him to the kids?
      I was obsessed with my dead great-grandma around this age. I have a friend whose daughter always talks about her (dead) “sister” (similar age) – my friend thinks her daughter is remembering a past life experience (there is no dead sister), but I think she’s just imagining things and my friend is probably inadvertently encouraging it by reacting and asking a ton of questions every time her kid brings it up.

    • NewMomAnon says

      My mom lost a twin pregnancy before I was born and I have always had dreams of twin girls at various ages watching me, especially during times of stress. I know my mom and dad talked about the twins when I was young, so I suspect that I just internalized it and made them into my guardian angels. I’m sure it creeped my mom out when I was young, but it’s always been a comforting image for me….as long as it doesn’t seem to upset your boys, I would just let it go and see if they either forget about it or find a source of comfort in it.

    • NYC recs? says

      To me, I would interpret this as toddlers just not understanding death (it’s a big thing to understand). My father died 10 years or so ago and my 3.5 yo INSISTS that my father was there when 3.5 yo was born. There is no logic to it at all.

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