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Happy Monday! This sweetheart neckline dress from Leota has a very vintage vibe in some of the pictures, but — unless you’re planning on wearing pincurls and seamed pantyhose — I don’t think there’s much danger of looking like you’re in costume, but rather just that you’re wearing a stylish, flattering dress that fits your bump. It’s available in 12 (!) colors at Nordstrom, where it’s $158. Leota ‘Sweetheart’ Maternity Dress Over at Amazon are four color choices for the same style from Leota Plus (sizes 1X-3X), as well as regular sizes: nine color options from $34-$172, plus black with tiny white polka dots, “bird’s eye” and “grass lands” prints, and “chevron jewel” (with longer sleeves). Building a maternity wardrobe for work? Check out our page with more suggestions along both classic and trendy/seasonal lines. (L-all)Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
CPA Lady, Cleavage Grinch says
HAHAHA. Sweetheart neckline on a maternity dress? I would have looked like a weird pregnant pin-up in something like that, thanks to my FF cup size I was rocking when pregnant. I had cleavage up almost to my collarbone. It made me so mad how low cut so many maternity clothes were. Because then they needed a cami, and I was way too hot to wear two shirts everywhere just so I didn’t flash 3-4 inches of cleavage at my conservative workplace. Ugh.
Anon MN says
I thinks it’s for us smallies. C cup while at the peak of pregnancy/nursing over here (and while there are many reasons I nurse until a year, I’d be lying if I didn’t say it was partly to have atleast a few summers with swimsuit clevage), too bad we can’t have a program to balance our two issues out, haha.
kiki_the_blonde says
II went from G to FF while pregnant, I actually found the maternity version gave me better coverage than the non-maternity version. I definitely need a camisole if I wear the non-maternity dress to the office.
JayJay says
Lifehack I discovered while a busty pregnant woman: Bella bands also double as chest coverage for low-cut dresses (and they were ALL so low cut) but without making you want to die from heat stroke.
JP says
this is BRILLIANT. Why are maternity dresses so low-cut? I’m a 32H (up from a 32E when I got pregnant…I can fit my entire face into the cup of my bra) and last night I went to a wedding and wore that Seraphine twist-front dress that it feels like everyone has. It looked basically p0rn0graphic when I first put it on, the front was so low. I thankfully had an extra tank top that I wore underneath, but I was SO HOT.
Another hack for that dress–if you have it and it’s too long, I figured out that you can tuck some extra material under the underwires of your bra cup, and your giant pregnant b00bs hold it in place. The fabric on the twist covers the part that’s under your bra. Instant alterations!
L says
I have the non-maternity version of this dress, and I’d highly recommend it. The fabric is a heavy, comfortable, wrinkle-resistant polyester knit, with a very nice drape. Also made in the USA
kiki_the_blonde says
I actually have both non-maternity and maternity versions. For those who are on the bustier side (I went from G to FF while pregnant), I actually found the maternity version gave me better coverage than the non-maternity version. I definitely need a camisole if I wear the non-maternity dress to the office.
kiki_the_blonde says
ALSO, I got it considerably cheaper through Gilt (maternity) and RueLaLa (non-maternity). Leota shows up regularly on both.
FTMinFL says
I know this has been discussed before, but I can’t find it – what are your best tips/strategies for beach “vacations” with babies?
We are taking my nine month old on my family’s annual week-long beach trip in August. This is not an early-rising crowd, so I’m thinking I’ll take the little guy on a run with me after he gets up at 6:30, play at the condo until nap #1 around 9am, head to the beach/pool with the family from 10:30 until nap #2 around 1/1:30, then back out with the family until he’s had enough or it is time to start the dinner and bedtime routine. Am I missing something that might make this strategy not work?
Any baby beach must-haves? He is super active and starting to walk. Thanks in advance!
mascot says
We did better on the beach in the early morning and late afternoon at that age. Midday is generally very hot and sunny so you’ll need to think about shade options. Maybe a pop up tent on the beach (think tailgate style).
pockets says
Tent and bouncy chair. Make sure the tent has “windows” so that it doesn’t turn into an oven. Baby goes in the bouncy chair under the tent. If you want you can try to “bounce” the baby to sleep in the chair for the second nap.
Baby powder is a magical de-sanding device and essential for diaper changes.
Anonymous says
Can you explain the baby powder thing? I’ve avoided getting a sandbox for the garden because my toddler manages to get sand inside his diaper even when fully clothed but bathing him everyday dries out his skin. Do you just powder all over to get the sand off?
pockets says
Yes, just rub powder all over the affected area (or on your hands and then over the area) and the sand just rubs right off.
AIMS says
Not to be all alarmist but there are a lot of lawsuits now about baby powder and cancer. Just an FYI for anyone using baby powder for everyday diaper changes (or your own purposes).
PhilanthropyGirl says
Many baby powders are now non-talc. My understanding is that the talc was the cancer-causing agent. Does anyone know if this method works with non-talc powders?
Pigpen's Mama says
I did this for the first time a few weeks ago (on me, after I was attacked/hugged by my sandy toddler). Works like a charm — I was actually surprised how well it worked.
I think it’s talc based powder that’s problematic — the cornstarch based powder (J&J version has a blue cap) is (for now) considered safe.
AIMS says
Right, but they still make all the talc ones too. So, even if you’re comfortable with the cornstarch one (and I have used it myself on occasion), I think so many people don’t realize that the talc ones are being treated more or less same as asbestos in lawsuits right now.
Pigpen's Mama says
Good point — I’m actually surprised they still sell the talc ones — they don’t seem to be as prevalent as they used to, but then I never really paid attention to baby powder before!
Mother of patient zero says
1) pop up beach tent- you should be aware that keeping a young kid in direct sun regardless of hats, sunscreen etc is bad
2) reusable swim diapers (many)
3) waterproof sunscreen though wait 15 minutes before going outside and apply every hour, also no sunscreen as far as I know is approved for newborns so keep kid out of the sun and covered
4) change of clothing for you as your kid will pee on you frequently (swim diapers don’t hold in pee)
5) beach chair with umbrella, rent a good one from your hotel or whatever, expect to spend a lot of time on it
6) boiled water if you need it for formula
7) hooded towels
8) warm footed pjs for post beach.
9) consider water ring sling or other water carriers
TK says
My 2 year old figured out how to climb out of his crib over the weekend. I’m planning to remove the front panel so he doesn’t injure himself in future escape attempts. He sleeps on a cot in daycare with no apparent issues and I don’t foresee major sleep issues for him in a ‘bed’ versus a ‘crib.’
However. His room is on the second floor, my room is on the first. I’m paranoid that he’s going to wake up in the morning before I do, figure out how to open the baby gate at the top of the stairs, and then fall to his death. Help?
Clementine says
Have you considered another baby gate in his bedroom door? Some of them fit with the door closed even. Alternately, I have friends who put one of those childproofer doorknob things on the inside knob of their kids’ room. I haven’t done that (part of me worries about the kid escaping in an emergency,but he’s been locked in a crib anyway so I don’t know how different this is…)
pockets says
That’s actually a good point. I think a lot of people instinctively would be aghast at locking your kid in a room but being in a crib is essentially the same thing.
PinkKeyboard says
I know this is late but my other thing with that… how likely is your 2 year old to effectively evacuate the house? Not very likely. In an emergency I want my kid in that room so I ,my husband, or emergency personnel know exactly where to bust in and rescue her little tush. I do NOT want her hiding under the bed in the spare room while we search a burning house for her.
mascot says
Add an additional baby gate in his room? The swing gates with vertical slats were hard for me to operate, let alone my child.
Edna Mazur says
How does he do on the stairs normally? Can you get good lighting on the stairs at night so he can see really well?
If he is not so good at stairs yet, it might be a good idea to work on his competence and doing stairs safely (backwards, rail, etc.) rather than redundant gates.
AIMS says
I used to babysit a little escape artist and his parents just put a latch high up on his door. He couldn’t reach it to open it, and he could still open the door ab0out 2-3 inches if he wanted to shout for you, and it seems to work for everyone.
Anonymous says
Latch on the door or they make various baby proofing options to prevent kids from opening doors (the thing for the doorknob or a door monkey). Or, if the doorknob locks, you can turn it around so the lock is on the outside. A kid who stays on his cot at daycare don’t always translate to a kid who stays in his bed at home. Toddler proof his room, then lock him in there because stairs aside, I’m sure there are other things you don’t want your kid getting into while you sleep.
blue says
I was told somewhere that you shouldn’t have gates at the top of the stairs at all because if the child leans into it and it gives, it’s worse than if the kid just fell on his own down the stairs. I like the gate at his room suggestion.
I was worried about this when my kids switched to toddler beds and it ended up being no big deal. One kid refused to go down the stairs without us — he would scream until we would collect him and bring him down, even though he can manage the stairs fine. The other scoots down on his own with no incident when he wakes from weekend naps, and in the morning, he always comes to our room first. So it’s worrisome, but really not likely to cause any injuries.
Jen says
Not sure what kind of gate you have currently but our gate is hard mounted and difficult for me to open. There is no way my kid can open it (she’s too short to even try, plus it’s really tricky) and I’ve put my full weight on it and it won’t budge. I actually worry that she couldn’t escape in a fire- so we only fully close it when we are all upstairs. Otherwise it’s closed but not latched and swings in a way she can’t fall.
Carrie M says
We put the mattress on the floor after I witnessed our 18 month old dive bomb head first over the side of the crib. It was frightening. I’m glad your child is safe!
I agree with putting the gate on the outside of the bedroom door and/or adding a latch or trying the door knob protector thing. We also kept a monitor in her room, so I could hear her if she got out of bed. We also told her that she needs to stay in her bed during the night and nap. If she needed something, she could yell for us. It’s worked for us; it’s been almost a year since she’s been in the toddler bed, and she has never come out of her room during the night or nap, and only a handful of times in the morning. But that means we respond as soon as we hear her, so she trusts that she can call for us and we’ll respond. Good luck!
Shayla says
Not sure if you’re still monitoring responses. Our kids are on the floor above us and it seems to be okay. When my oldest was your son’s age, having her on a different floor with a baby gate actually helped “train” her to stay in bed. She’d get bored of just standing at the top of the stairs and go back to her room. As others said, make sure the gate is safely secured etc. We also reversed the door knob, for when she was older, to lock her in her room. She went through a random phase of refusing to stay in bed, and there’s only so many weeks you can calmly put your kid back in bed several times each night before you start losing your mind. We also saw it as no different than having a child in a crib, and would always open her door after she was asleep in case she had to go to the bathroom.
Goodbye gift for daycare? says
My 5.5 month old son is in daycare fulltime for 10 weeks during my summer internship (I’m an MBA student). They did a great job so far and he loved it, so I would like to thank the caregivers before we leave in August. What kind of gifts would be appropriate? There is 1 person who’s always in the room and was our main point of contact, but they have 3 or 4 others that were there as needed depending of the number of infants in the room.
I was thinking a nice big box of chocolates since these can be shared, with a thank you card with a photo of my child. There’s a Starbucks right next to it, so a giftcard might be a possibility (but then, how many should I get given that there were 3-4 secondary caregivers and I don’t know all of them well?).
L says
I think a group note and gift would be appropriate in this situation. I would probably also do a note and small gift card to the main caregiver as well.
Anon MN says
I agree about the group gift for all and then something separate for the main caregiver. We always had two main teachers and one floater and the two mains got a “bigger” gift than the floaters.
GGFM says
The only concern about the chocolates is that many (of not most) daycares don’t want nuts anywhere in the facility, so you I’d make sure (1) there are no nutty chocolates in the box, and (2) to let the teachers know this as well.
Starbucks gift cards seem to go over well for daycare teachers by us. I’d probably give a slightly higher value to LO’s primary teacher and smaller ones to the other teachers, along with a note.
Goodbye gift for daycare? says
Good point about nuts, didn’t think about this.
My husband is in Europe right now, so I’ll ask him to maybe bring some Swiss chocolate from the airport for all of the caregivers.
Anonymous says
When we did this, we brought Dunkin Donuts the last morning for all the teachers and put them in the lounge area.
Goodbye gift for daycare? says
I like this idea!
Anonymous says
My baby is 9 months this week and not crawling, pulling up, or getting himself to sitting from a lying down position. He sits up well and rolls all over the place to get what he wants, but didn’t do that until 7 months. My
main concern is that he doesn’t put much weight on his legs when you stand him in your lap. He’ll do it for a few seconds if you sort of insist, then pull his legs up. Other than gross motor, he’s right on target in all other developmental areas, excellent eye contact and beginning to say a few words. All of my kids have been late walkers (15-16 months, but crawled at 8 months), but none avoided weight on their legs like this guy. Has anyone dealt with something like this? He has a ped checkup this week, and I’m expecting a physical therapy referral.
Anonymous says
Have you tried him in a baby jumper? They love those at that age and the fun jumping aspect might entice leg exercise.
We have one parked in the middle of the kitchen so baby can jump away while we make dinner.
Anonymous says
Oh, great idea. He has one and likes it. I should get it back out.
pockets says
I had this exact issue and was referred to early intervention for a workup. My daughter wasn’t behind enough to qualify for services, they gave me a few exercises to do with her at home, and eventually she crawled and walked (at almost 16 months).
As an aside, the EI place was a total scam (it might have just been the specific place I went to – I’m in NYC). When I got the results I called to ask questions and it was abundantly clear that the woman who ran the place had no idea what she was doing and had never had a parent as the questions I was asking (basically – what skills does a kid need to be in the 50th percentile). I was really surprised and it made me feel really skeptical about the entire system. I’m educated and knew the questions to ask and how to tell when the person is making things up or is just plain wrong, and there are probably so many parents who don’t have those resources and are left in a worse position than they were originally because they’ve been given false assurances or misinformation.
Clementine says
Counterpoint: I went to a fantastic Developmental Pediatrician who does TONS of EI referrals/work with the EI system. The nurses do the main assessments and are absolute experts on what milestones there are and aren’t, and are even good about telling you when something has a huge variety in what is ‘typical’.
pockets says
Yeah. It was totally my center. I’m sure most are great and I just got unlucky. My instinct was that this particular place was kind of bilking the state, getting a ton of state money and not really delivering on the services.
Anonymous says
You should call the AGs office if you think they are scamming the state.
Anonymous says
Thanks. This makes me feel better. We have autism on one side of the family, and although he seems on target or ahead for the main markers for that, I’m feeling a little bit paranoid about any sign of a delay.
pockets says
Yeah, my daughter does not have any autism signs (she’s 2.5 now). She was just lazy. It also took her a really long time to be able to walk up and down steps by herself (she can juuuuust about do it now) and she still prefers to be carried everywhere instead of walking. The exercises they gave us did help and she eventually got it. I was really stressed about it at the time but now you can’t tell her apart from the kids who walked at 12 months.
Anon in NYC says
Just wanted to add that my daughter has been late on all of these milestones. Didn’t roll until 8 months, didn’t crawl until about 10.5, didn’t start pulling herself up until about 11/11.5. Now at 13.5 months she is taking assisted steps, and just this past weekend got herself to a standing position not holding onto anything for the first time.
I mentioned the lack of crawling to her dr at her 9 month appointment and the dr said that because she had good core strength (could sit and roll), that she wasn’t immediately concerned about it, but that if by ~11 months she wasn’t crawling and we were concerned, to call them back. So, your LO may just be a late bloomer. Not that you shouldn’t have him evaluated, but hopefully it gives you a little peace of mind!
Msj says
My son also had this issue. At the EI eval they noted that it wouldn’t have been enough of a delay to qualify him for services alone, but coupled with hearing related issues, he was given PT for a year. He was a bit delayed rolling and crawling, but caught up when it came to walking and running. And now he climbs EVERYTHING
EI has been great for us, and luckily we were paired with a decent agency.
I’d definitely suggest getting evaluated but if he doesn’t qualify, which is likely if the only issue, get some suggested exercises from a PT.
Good luck!
Edna Mazur says
At what age can you stop following right behind your kids at the playground? I have a 2.5 year old and a 15 month old. I follow right behind the 15 month old but kind of let the 2.5 year old do his thing but keep an eye on him. I was getting the side eye the other day from a concerned looking grandma aged person.
Is 2.5 always too young?
L says
I’m sure it’s a know your kid situation. Our 2.2 year old is fairly timid by nature, so I tend to be encouraging her to take on the playground on her own. I’ll hover right behind her if she’s climbing a ladder or something more than 18″ off the ground, but if she’s low to the ground, or climbing more manageable things like stairs and slides, I’m encouraging her to do it with me a bit farther away.
OliveMac says
I let my just-12 month old do her own thing. It’s a fenced area and I keep a close eye. If she climbs (stairs, slide, whatever), I quickly scoot up to assist her, but mostly she toddles around looking at other kids and does stuff at her height/eye level. I can see her the whole time, and I bounce back and forth between joining her, mostly just to enjoy the time “together,” and hanging back to let her explore. I’d ignore the side eye. That lady isn’t raising your kiddos. You know what they are capable of, and what you’re all comfortable with, and that’s all that matters. You’re not going to do anything that leaves them feeling or actually being unsafe.
Anonymous says
I think this totally depends on the size and location of the playground and the equipment. Local playground with no pond/water nearby and smaller sized equipment – free reign if not too many people around. Unfamiliar larger playground with school aged sized equipment and tons of kids – closer watch for sure.
I find grandparents are on the more cautious end of the spectrum because their reflexes and reactions are not just as quick anymore.
Closet Redux says
It’s too young for my 2.5 year old, but I don’t think there is a universal rule here. My kid is a pusher, and I follow her up and down the playground equipment mostly to make sure she’s using “gentle hands” on the other kids. I have nightmares of her pushing another kid off of a piece of playground equipment! Otherwise, though, she has excellent balance and can climb every ladder / rock wall / staircase without my being concerned for her at all. For that reason I wouldn’t bat an eyelash at another 2.5 year old without an adult shadow.
CHJ says
For me, it’s a know-your-kid and know-your-playground judgment call. I’ll let my son (almost 3) play freely at smaller, toddler-oriented playgrounds where he can’t fall more than ~3 feet off the equipment. If the playground is for bigger kids, I’ll hover more and ‘spot’ him on the higher equipment. I don’t trust his climbing skills on the higher stuff yet. But some of his buddies are stronger and bolder and have no problem climbing up high, so it’s really your call.
pockets says
I let my 2.5 year old run around the playground by herself. She’s too scared to jump off any heights (she barely manages slides by herself) and can climb ladders pretty well. I sit on the bench and scowl at all the parents that are hovering over their children and blocking my view of my child.
Thx says
Scowl all you want, but I will keep sticking close to my 23 monther, no matter who’s view I’ve blocked. He’s the younger brother, fearless, strong, and a determined climber. He will climb anything he sees any other kid climb. Heights certainly don’t bug him, he’s a tiny bit of a klutz, and he has no sense of his own mortality. He has fallen a lot in his little life, and I worry about him endlessly.
In fact, I’ll probably scowl back at you bc you are able to sit down. What’s that like?
Anonymous says
Tell me about it. Sitting down! Ha ha ha! My 14 month old has basically no sense of his own limitations and continues trying to step right off absurdly tall steps, despite having faceplanted a couple of times. They’re supposed to learn…eventually…right?
Anon MN says
I try to spot on climbing ladders/ropes because I am parinoid, and my 2.5 year old has started making me “go away” “over there” as he points to a far away location so I cannot spot him. In general though, he has a great handle on his skills and will only climb and go down things that he can do, declaring “i’m too little for that” at those he does not deem appropriate for his skills. So he really doesn’t seem to need a spot at this point. So I agree that this is a know your kid and the playground scenario.
Spirograph says
Nah, I think you’re good. Know your kid/playground, like everyone has said. I think grandparents have to be more protective because it’s one thing to let your own kid get hurt, it’s another to face the wrath of the kid’s parents because YOU let him get hurt!
I don’t follow either of my kids. Most things I wouldn’t trust the 18-month old on are self-limiting. Like, she can’t usually get up high enough on a ladder to hurt herself, so I just let her try and only go over to spot her if she gets high enough off the ground that I really don’t want her to fall. The playgrounds we frequent have wide steps and mostly-enclosed platforms leading up to the slides — she hasn’t shown much interest in jumping off the platforms, so I figure she’s good. If she starts to look curious about a fireman pole or a rock wall or another way down that is for “big kids,” I’ll head over, but 90% of the time she’s making a bee-line for the slide.
My 3 year old is a monkey. I keep an eye on him, but I sit on the bench unless he asks for help, which is rare. My kids have definitely hurt themselves enough to scream for a couple minutes (daughter occasionally has the brilliant idea to go head-first down a slide and gets a face full of mulch), but no serious injuries. I figure it’s part of exploring and learning their limits.
PhilanthropyGirl says
For me this is totally dependent on the playground situation. My 22 month old has excellent gross motor skills – and on his usual playground I just let him do his thing. On unfamiliar playgrounds, I will keep an eye on potential fall risks but try to give him as much free reign as possible.
In our park system, the playground equipment is rated by age. Anything rated 2-5 I let him run free. He can navigate the equipment rated for older children, but generally I follow more closely due to height and fall risk. I usually only get the evil eye when my child is in the way of someone else’s “big kid” who isn’t able to play the way s/he wants. I promptly ignore those evil eyes. He’s got to learn to navigate big kids as well as playground equipment.
I still don’t sit much, because unless there is no one around, I need my kid to be visible at all times. He moves so much and so fast, I’m in constant motion just trying to keep him in my sight line.
Anonymous says
I would assume that a grandma aged person was side-eyeing you for following the 15 month old instead of letting them both be. (Unless it was my mother in law, then she’d be concerned that you were outside at all.)
Tips on Trying? says
Hi ladies,
I had my first babe just about 13 months ago, and we’re pretty eager to try for #2. It look us a while the first time (1.5 years, a miscarriage). Does anyone have any sage advice for trying again? Anecdotally, is it harder? Easier? (I’ve read the former, but wish for the latter. :)) We haven’t even started yet and I feel daunted *already* by how exhausting I found the cycle of trying and waiting, trying and waiting the first time. I know the best advice is to just relax, but after 37 years on this earth, I’ve learned that’s simply not my nature. :)
Momanon4this says
Totally depends. I had accidental pregnancy at 37, that was healthy full term. This after miscarriage at 28/29, healthy birth, then miscarriage & chemical pregnancy at age 35, and 2nd healthy birth. So, no way to predict. I have a girlfriend who got surprise pregnant while breastfeeding her IVF firstborn (after 2 or 3 miscarriages). Sorry I don’t know if this is helpful or not.
Anonymous says
Almost the same. 14 months of trying followed by miscarriage at 31. Healthy pregnancy at 32. Accidentally pregnancy at 36. There’s really not a lot of ways to predict.
Tips on Trying? says
Thanks for sharing! Yep, that’s the truth – there is just no way to know. (Such poison for my controlling soul. :))
Anon MN says
As much as it would be nice to know ahead of time, there really is no way to know. I had 1 year of TTC then miscarriage followed by another 9 months of TTC to get my first healthy baby. Second we started trying “early” anticipating another long wait, and I was pregnant within 3 months. So I say wait until you feel ready and go fot it.
TK says
No way to know.
Pregnant at 35 on first month of trying. Now 38 1/2, TTC #2 for 18 months. I’ve been medically checked for all of the ‘easy’ things (AMH normal, HSG showed all is clear) and I can’t bring myself to yet pull the trigger on full-blown fertility help vs. spending time / emotional energy (and cash) towards pursuing adoption instead.
I try to keep things in perspective. If my worst case scenario is that I only ever have one smart, beautiful little boy that wants to spend every weekend building ‘dinosaur castles’ out of Legos, I’m still very lucky.
Hugs. I hope the best for you.
Tips on Trying? says
Thanks for the hug! If I’m being honest, that’s probably what I was actually looking for, since I know (though, I hate) that these things can’t really be predicted or very much controlled! :)
Tips on Trying? says
And also, good luck to you as you continue to try/test/balance/breathe and raise your perfect little man at the same time.
Midwest Mama says
Yep. Pregnant first month of trying (and first month off birth control pills) with #1 at age 30. We’ve now been trying unsuccessfully for #2 for 9 months with tracking, temping, timing, etc. Kid #1 is 4.5 years old now. We’ve been checked and no problems found. So we’re in the same position.
Anonymous says
I had a similar experience the first time around, and then got pregnant with a baby I carried to term the very first time we tried the second time around. The very first time. We knew it was well-timed, but we really expected another long, drawn out ordeal. You never know.
I read and followed Taking Charge of your Fertility and used Softcups after gardening.
Nanny's car says
Switching from daycare to a nanny. Nanny will drive our kids around in her car which she will insure. We will provide the car seats and pay gas and maintenance money. How do others handle this? Salary will be above the table (through a payroll provider), but was thinking gas money would be easier as cash. We have a general ideal of how far she’ll drive for us, so I’d rather not make her track anything. What about car insurance – what do I need to require/think about on that front? Thanks!
Use the standard says
You have to pay her standard federal mileage rate. “gas and maintenance money” at some other amount is not allowed.
Betty says
Our first was an IUI baby after a long road of unexplained infertility and failed rounds of IUI+. When we thought about our second, we decided to start trying on the earlier side and reasoned that it could take awhile (plus start the clock for the year prior to infertility treatments). Between trying for our first and second, I switched jobs, we moved home closer to family and I took up running again (I had to stop during fertility treatments and just didn’t have the energy the first 18 mos. of my oldest’s life). I was shocked to get pregnant on our second month of trying. Our kids are 2 years, 7 months apart. You just never know.
Other says
I could have written this post. Almost exactly the same circumstances.
Pogo says
Did you ever get diagnosed with anything the first time? Did they do any kind of analysis on the miscarriage?
I think when you’ve had unexplained infertility, just one miscarriage, there’s statistically no reason why you can’t get pregnant again right away. But if you don’t ovulate on your own, DH has issues, or you were found to have genetic anomalies that cause miscarriages, I think it’s pretty safe to say the next time will be just as rough. You may have just been unlucky the first time!
That said, it sounds like you’re ready mentally so I’d start trying. The ‘worst’ that happens is you’re super lucky and have 9 months to prepare!
Betty says
It can depend on the particular playground equipment. Some playgrounds are designed for the younger set (preschool age) and other playground equipment is designed for older elementary school students (9-10 year olds). If the equipment is even moderately age appropriate, I have no problem sitting back and letting my kid play on their own and feel no need to be on top of my kid. On this type of topic, I highly recommend “Bringing Up Bebe” for a bit of perspective. It let me shake loose that feeling that I *had* to be on top of my kid all the time.
OCAssociate says
I’m enjoying pretending that this is a reply to “Tips on Trying?”
VKD says
As a follow up to the playground question, at what point do you feel comfortable taking a snooze on the couch while your child is awake? My kiddo has just dropped her nap (not every day but most days) and I am struggling. Several friends do a “quiet time” and put their kids in the rooms for an hour or so and the kids can choose to nap or not. Is this the solution?
mascot says
My child didn’t drop the nap until 4+ so I was already comfortable with his ability to amuse himself without getting into trouble. He definitely knew not to go outside without telling me (our doors beep when opened also) and he was potty-trained and could get his own snack/drink. I think it depends on your child’s propensity for mischief, their ability to follow house rules, and how well child-proofed the house is. Making the kid stay in their room for quiet time is a good solution.
Other says
Our friends did the quiet time, and to reinforce, played podcasts or books on tape for their kiddo. Half the time she falls asleep, but it keeps her engaged in her room.
PhilanthropyGirl says
My sister does quiet time with her nearly-3 who dropped his nap almost a year ago when his baby brother showed up. Sometimes he sleeps. Sometimes he rolls cars under his door and yells to get attention. Every kid is so different. I’d probably doze on the couch with my nearly-2 running free, but only if all bedroom doors were shut and all baby gates securely in place (meaning, no kitchen/bathroom access) and external doors secured. The rest of my house is child-proof enough that the worst he could manage would be climbing on the back of the couch or the dining room table. By “doze” I mostly mean lay there with my eyes shut hoping to not get hit in the face with a wooden train track.
Jen says
My kid dropped nap at 2.5. Ever since then I’ve been fine if she plays by herself in my room or hers and I nap. The entire upstairs is childproofed and she just hangs in her room with her toys (or brings them to mine). I’m a light sleeper and she’ll yell or get me if she needs me. Or wake me up.
She can’t get downstairs, I don’t have radio or TV on so I can hear easily, and is potty trained if she needs to do that- but she usually doesn’t. This is so know-your-kid though….she has playmates her age that are hellions and I’d not trust them in another room, much less while resting.
Anonymous says
Smoothies! We usually do green smoothies with either avocado or kale/spinach. Always with some frozen banana and other frozen fruit, and whole milk yogurt and milk. Sometimes add ground flax and/or oatmeal. I Splurged for a good blender and it has been worth it.
Legally Brunette says
Looking for some delicious and easy breakfast ideas for toddlers. My 1.5 year old is getting tired of oatmeal, apple sauce, and he isn’t a big of fan of “bread” foods — (french toast, buttered toast, etc.). He also hates eggs. Cheerios with milk sometimes works, sometimes doesn’t.
What do you feed your toddler for breakfast?
Legally Brunette says
I should have added — we are vegetarian (eggs, dairy ok)
AIMS says
What about switching up oatmeal toppings or maybe changing to a different hot cereal? My grandma used to feed me farina as a kid and I loved it. You could also do cream of wheat or breakfast quinoa.
Other ideas: mashed bananas, yogurt, pear puree (if he likes apple sauce, very similar), raspberries in milk (sounds weird, but I used to eat this as a kid whenever possible; sort of like cereal but with berries instead of the cereal).
RDC says
We do baked oatmeal – recipes from budget bytes (dot) com – which isn’t as mushy/ soupy as oatmeal and my kid likes. I like that I make it once and can serve it to him for breakfast all week. (He eats it cold out of the fridge, with his fingers, but you could microwave, too.)
Anonymous says
Eggos are popular in our house. Or when I’m really organized I make up a big batch of homemade pancakes or waffles on the weekend and then freeze the leftover. Blueberries, strawberries and/or bananas are popular add -ins for the batter. Just pop in toaster to defrost so they don’t get mushy like they would if microwaved.
Anonymous says
Esp. this time of year, berries – either for him to pick up, or in whole milk with a spoon. Life cereal has been a bigger hit than cheerios with our LO, too.
pockets says
yogurt
Closet Redux says
Same, we do a lot of yogurt with granola and fruit.
I’ll also add that my toddler loves anything you can “dip,” so bread (e.g. toast, pancake, etc.) dipped in something (e.g., yogurt, jam, etc.) is always a hit.
Anon says
It sounds like our kids have very similar tastes for food and we are struggling with this as well. The one item that has currently survived on our menu is some form of yogurt/fruit combination. We do either yogurt in a pouch or container (although, he gets less yogurt this way!), then add some form of his favorite fruit: either a whole banana, blueberries, or strawberries. I am bored with his breakfast, but he still seems to be going strong with it.
We also found out that my son was eating some of his friend’s breakfast at school. It was Entenmann’s muffins (blueberry in particular). We decided to try that as a breakfast option when the yogurt/fruit option “stalls.”
anon says
Is it possible that he just doesn’t like breakfast foods in general? Could you offer more savory foods that are normally associated with lunch/dinner?
Anonymous says
Oh, good option! My daughter ate bel giosso mozzarella cheese balls from Costco for breakfast this morning.
NOVA Anon says
This – if I’m having trouble getting him to eat breakfast, I will sometimes offer chicken fingers and frozen veggies, which he (21 months) will then eat.
NOVA Anon says
And sorry – just re-read and saw vegetarian. But maybe if LO likes something like a BOCA burger or french fries, you could offer that…I have a small LO and will basically give him anything to make him eat in the morning.
By says
Ooh, great topic! We are currently having success with plain yogurt + applesauce. Cinnamon on top was the magic ingredient :)
Anon in NYC says
My daughter doesn’t like scrambled eggs but does like frittatas. Bonus is that frittatas freeze well. We change them up too – cheese, potatoes, spinach, etc. These are bread-y, but my daughter loves the Gwyneth Paltrow banana date muffins (they’re vegan).
What about fruit + cheese, or a veggie burger w/ fruit? My kiddo doesn’t really like yogurt, but I know that’s a popular choice. Or smoothies. If you still want to get oatmeal in him, try soaking some oats in milk overnight and adding it to the smoothie. The oats soften a lot and will thicken the smoothie.
Samantha says
Apple slices with peanut butter, or string cheese
South Asian breakfast says
I am South Asian and have a similar kid (no bread or eggs) who will eat idlis (steamed rice & lentil pancakes) – soft, spongy and warm, with a bit of butter!
Legally Brunette says
Idlis are on our frequent dinner rotation! And dosas…yum.
Thanks everyone for the very helpful comments!
Anonymous says
South Asian food is, I’ll say, the best vegetarian food. ;)
Savory breakfasts – you could go Japanese/ Chinese and do rice congee with a bit of leftover stir-fry…tofu or something.
NewMomAnon says
My daughter eats a bowl of peanut butter for breakfast. Not for dipping, not spread on bread…just a bowl of peanut butter, eaten with a spoon. Sometimes she wants some yogurt or berries too.
Katala says
I’m thinking of introducing chia pudding (with or without oats) for breakfast for days we don’t have time to cook eggs. Also second dinner – we do leftovers for breakfast a lot.
Jen says
Smoothies, pancakes ripped up (too bready?), yogurt (cup, bowl or squeeze), cereal bars if running late. Fresh fruit.
Nanny's car says
Reposting due to posting fail upthread:
Switching from daycare to a nanny. Nanny will drive our kids around in her car which she will insure. We will provide the car seats and pay gas and maintenance money. How do others handle this? Salary will be above the table (through a payroll provider), but was thinking gas money would be easier as cash. We have a general ideal of how far she’ll drive for us, so I’d rather not make her track anything. What about car insurance – what do I need to require/think about on that front? Thanks!
Blueberries says
Check with your insurance agent re whether you need non-owned vehicle coverage to cover you in addition to the nanny’s own coverage.
Nanny's says
Thanks!
RDC says
Ok ladies, I need your help.
The pregnancy-body comments have started and I need hep 1) shutting them down and 2) not letting them upset me so much. I feel like I’m in a good place regarding how I feel about my body – I feel well / healthy and am comfortable with my size. But the pregnancy comments (I can see your tummy already! You’re going to be huge!), no matter how seemingly innocuous or well-meaning, just really really get to me. They make me self-conscious and angry and they play on repeat in my head for days.
I’m working on coming up with some lines I can have ready to shut it down, eg, “it makes me uncomfortable to talk about my body.” But that makes it seem like *my* problem when really it’s just not OK to comment on another person’s body, and I don’t feel like I should have to explain that. Anyways — any suggestions for appropriate responses? Ideally non-rude since the culprits are often colleagues, unfortunately.
And any suggestions on how to let the inevitable comments roll off better, for my own sake? I’m trying to hear them as “wow, the baby is growing!” which I know is what people mean to say, but it doesn’t really seem to be working.
Anonymous says
I find that people who do this are mostly looking for a conversation or reaction to engage with you so the politest way to shut them down is via a boring non-reaction that’s the same every single time.
e.g. – small smile + “I guess so” or “baby is definitely growing” then change the topic to something totally not baby related if you’re in a conversation situation or just walk away if not.
Repeat EXACT same response each time and they will get bored.
Betty says
Check the blog “Pregnant Chicken” and her series on pregnancy comebacks. Actually, the whole site is hilarious.
AIMS says
Wow, really? That’s amazing. I feel like I got almost none of that at all from any of the people I work with and the closest that anyone came to commenting on my body was when I was maybe 7 months and someone would say, “so I think I can ask now.. are you expecting?” What you’re describing just seems so rude!
But if you don’t want to be rude back why not just very pointedly change the topic to make it clear you don’t want to discuss this? So, e.g., they say “whoa, mama, that’s going to be one big baby!” and you say, “so how bout them Knicks?” and keep walking.
An aside: it sounds like these comments bother you and I’m not sure having a retort is going to solve that issue. I find it helpful to put myself into clueless coworkers’ shoes in these situations. Often people are just awkward and repeat things they’ve heard other idiots say. It’s not so much about you as this is what they think they should say to a pregnant lady. I work with a much older woman who never had kids and during the second half of my pregnancy she kept asking me if the baby dropped. I thought it was such a weird question to ask at work and so personal, but then I realized that this was just something she thought you asked and it was her weird way of trying to show interest and familiarity. I still think it was weird but realizing that made me stop getting annoyed at her question.
Anonymous says
Unless you’re planning on hibernating alone in a cave, you can’t stop it. I hated it, though for other reasons (due to past losses, I had trouble believing I was really going to get a baby at the end of my pregnancy). With strangers, like the cashier at the grocery store, I kept things as short as possible (even if I was lying – after all they don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl, it’s just small talk) and walked away as soon as possible. With people at work, I directed the conversation back to work.
Stranger/Person at work: “Oh, wow, you’re huge.”
Me to stranger: “Yup.”
Me to colleague: “Thanks, now I’d rather talk about XYZ project we’re working on together…”
Stranger: “When are you due?”
Me: “Soon.”
Me to colleague: “You know I still have 5 more months or so, but I’m beginning to outline my transition plans and if you want to make sure you’re okay with the direction they’re headed, I’m available at 2pm.”
Yes, this is them not you and yes it’s not okay to comment on other’s bodies but it’s going to happen. You’re not going to change how the world treats preggos in the next several months. The faster you accept that your body is not your own right now and will never, ever be the same again, the better off I think you’ll be. If that means talking this through with a professional, now’s the time. Acceptance may come with motherhood, but if it doesn’t, a baby plus work plus playing well-meaning comments in your head on repeat for days is going to be a lot to handle.
Spirograph says
“Unless you’re planning on hibernating alone in a cave, you can’t stop it.”
Yup. I hate these comments. But they’re like weeds — for every person you stop, 2 more crop up in his/her place. I find most people are just trying to make small talk, and lots of pregnant women are happy to talk about anything pregnancy, so people feel like it’s “safe.” Just change the subject as quickly as possible; people you talk to regularly will probably get the hint, and it’s not worth the effort to fight that battle with a passing stranger.
I don’t ever feel like I have body issues except when I’m pregnant, but I hate feeling so conspicuous at a time when I don’t think I look good. Major commiseration from me there, and I don’t have any great suggestions other than to wear jewelry or makeup that makes you feel pretty and grin and bear it. It will be over sooner than you think (even though it feels interminable at the time), and then you’ll be on to shutting down unsolicited parenting advice. :)
CPA Lady says
The partner who worked across the hall from me when I was pregnant asked me if I was having twins (HAR HAR HAR, jackass.) so many times that he got confused when I brought my (single) baby to the office on “bring your kid to trick or treat day” and asked me where the other one was. And I only gained 25 lbs.
People are so annoying. I mostly handled it by fake laughing and then gritting my teeth.
RDC says
Oh, man. You win for worst co-worker. That’s awful.
Anonymous says
As someone with two kids, both singletons, who is reasonably slim when not pregnant and gained an average amount with both pregnancies, I found the twin question to be pretty common! Lots of people would tie for that award.
CPA Lady says
He was actually a great partner to work for, and thought he was being HILAAARIOUS. I pretty much gritted my teeth and put up with it because I really liked doing his work. He was kind of a southern version of Frasier Crane who had a top secret cigarette smoking habit that he went to insane lengths to hide. Ah, memories.
TK says
Ugh. I hated when people touched my belly (why does anyone think its ever appropriate?) and had some success with the following:
Co-worker: Wow (while touching my belly) you’re as big as a house! [Actual quote]
Me: (touching co-worker’s belly): So are you! Just kidding. But please don’t touch or talk about my body.
Touching them back made people VERY uncomfortable and got the point across.
Re: letting things roll off, I relied on humor and resignation, and I tried to be a neutral observer of the science experience that was my body during and after pregnancy. I gained 50 lbs and 5 bra sizes; within 6 weeks pp I’d lost all the weight plus an 15 additional pounds but my boobs somehow got even larger. Thanks, biology.
Closet Redux says
Hahaha, this is the best response!
Help - Toddler Tantrum re: underpants? says
So, we tried “potty-training bootcamp” with my 2.5 yo son a few weekends ago. It was a miserable failure – he had no awareness (or just didn’t care) that his underpants were soaking wet/filthy. We switched back to Huggies pull-ups, without complaint from him.
This morning, out of nowhere, he said he didn’t want to put on his pull-up when I tried to change him out of his overnight diaper. I told him to go pee in the potty, which he did (and got his M&M reward). He then threw a fit when I tried to put his pull-up on. As I’m trying to explain that he needs to do a better job of using the potty before we can try the “big boy underpants” again, and not three minutes after using the potty, he peed all over the bedroom floor. And then proceeded to tantrum for the next 15 minutes, until I basically physically forced him into the pull-up.
Help? I don’t want to discourage him from being interested in the “big boy” underpants, but I don’t think I can send him to daycare in them when he’s likely to have an accident every 20 minutes.
EB0220 says
My almost 2 yo (girl) does this occasionally (tantrums about diapers/pullups). If it’s in the morning before school, I tell her that she can take off her diaper when she gets home after school. If it’s at bedtime, I will sometimes let her put big sister’s underwear over her diaper. These strategies usually work….
pockets says
Yes, I went through the same thing with my daughter and she was very happy to wear her undies over a diaper. Try it, it might work.
Anonymous says
Is this the hill you want to die on? If not (and I suggest that it not be), fight him and don’t worry about discouraging him. One point that may be a non-point depending on what you said to your kid, maybe talk about his body being ready to pee in the potty, not about doing a better job peeing in the potty. Little changes like that can help you keep it non-judgmental.
MomAnon4This says
2 ideas:
#1: This is exactly what the sticker chart is for. “if you can feel the p33 in your p3n1s and get to the potty, you get a sticker. With 5 stickers, you get to wear big boy underpants!” you can’t argue with the stickerchart.
#2. Consider a day, a weekend, a daycare day? where it is OK with you to go through this huge rigamarole again. The kid has to learn what wet/dirty feels like in order to dislike it and to want to stay clean. Bring 50 changes of clothes to daycare/nanny, and ask them to go through it for a day. Maybe son will listen to them better than you?
Re: Potty Weekend Bootcamp. Though I’ve heard this works for some, I swear it took us 2 years to potty-train my oldest son. 1 year of us training him at home, say, age 2-3. At 3 he suddenly wanted to wear underpants to school. OK. Then another year of accidents and changes and etc. Then suddenly around age 4, no more. Of course, don’t get me started on night-time training…
Visitor says
I usually hang out on the regular site, but thought this might be the place to ask.
A few months ago, we started trying to get pregnant. In the meantime, I have become less happy with my job. I am now being recruited for what could be a really great opportunity.
The question I keep asking myself is, if I get an offer, do we pause baby making so I would not start a new job pregnant, (with plans to start trying again a few months after starting the new job)? I just turned 36, so I would not want to take too much of a break, but think having a few months at a new job of feeling like myself would be really beneficial.
Appreciate any thoughts.
Anon says
One benefit of waiting on TTC until at least 4-5 months into the new job is that you’d be eligible for FMLA protection by the time the baby was born.
That being said, if it happens earlier, it happens. People have kids all the time and businesses learn how to adapt. Good luck.
Anonymous says
And eligible for parental leave benefits. My company’s benefits only apply if you’ve been with the company for more than a year, although that could potentially be negotiated if you were aware of/ready to discuss your pregnancy by the time you had a job offer. I started my current job about 6 weeks pregnant, and it was pretty rough (not least because I also had two kids under 3), but I’ve managed. You will almost certainly be exhausted in the first trimester, but other “common” symptoms are hit-or-miss, and you may feel fine.
I wouldn’t put your TTC plans on hold, there are a lot of ways to work around a pregnancy at any stage in the new-job process. It’s not ideal, but like Anon said, kids are a fact of life and everyone adapts. Whether or not they take it into account, I feel like every hiring manager is aware of the fact that a 30-something woman might be or shortly become pregnant.
Anonymous says
I wouldn’t take a break at this stage. You don’t even have an offer in hand yet let alone a start date.
Once you have a start date you could think about taking a break for the month before and after you start but I would not take a break of any more than two months at this stage.
Anon in NYC says
I interviewed while pregnant and got a job that was willing to let me delay my start date until after a normal amount of “leave” (basically, I took unpaid time off – I left my old job and started my new job a few months later). Something to consider if you wind up pregnant during the recruiting phase.
Anon MN says
Things to consider:
1) How much of an asset are you at the new company? How high up, how hard to replace, etc.
2) How are you at learning new things, performing, etc. while tired and sick?
I switched jobs at the beginning of my last pregnancy. Found out I was pregnant after the offer was accepted but before I had given my two weeks at the current job. So I could have stayed, but decided that I would risk asking for more leave when I didn’t qualify for it knowing that I was a high performer and could learn and perform even while in my exausted/nauseated first tri (and the current job was terrible). It was my second pregnancy though, so I knew a little bit of what to expect. It worked out well for me in the sense that I was able to start performing well early in my job, and they allowed the 16 weeks I requested off for maternity leave, as I was a high performer who was hard to replace.
I would continue to pursue the new job and then decide later whether you need to take a break based on the above questions.
Closet Redux says
When did you tell your new job that you were pregnant? Since you had already accepted the offer, how were you able to negotiate leave?
Anon MN says
I didn’t tell new job until I was 18 weeks (my boss was in town from Geneva and I wanted to tell her in person). So I waited long enough to establish myself as a hard worker without getting the “pregnant” stigma (for me this ended up being about 10 weeks, longer would have been nice, but oh well). I don’t show until way later in my pregnancies, so that helped.
I had a talk with HR around 12 weeks so that I knew what was accepted at my company (FMLA 12 weeks is typical, but since I didn’t qualify it was completely up to my manager. I could ask for more and, again, it was up to my manager).
Then I just told my boss what I wanted/expected (16 weeks off, 6 were paid through company salary continuation that is given to everyone, 10 unpaid). I knew (and HR confirmed, without actually confirming, in a typical HR way) that I was in a hard to replace position and would likely be granted what I asked for. But was also in the fortunate position that if they “fired” me while on leave we could financially make it without my salary, so I had “nothing to lose”.
I’m currently back from my leave, so it all worked out well.
Closet Redux says
Thanks for this!
Visitor says
Thank you all for the comments so far. FWIW, we are not changing course until I have an offer. That said, if I got pregnant soon, baby would be due at a bad time for some projects I am specifically being recruited to work on (and deadlines cannot move). I am also the primary breadwinner (not sole, but close) so not having benefits/paid time off is a bigger issue than it would be for some.
Anon MN, great questions to help frame how I think about this. I’ll have to reflect a bit. I really appreciate everyone’s responses.
Katala says
I found out I was pregnant with #2 right before starting a new job. I had much worse morning sickness (but not terrible) than with #1, but I managed. One good thing is having a lighter workload since it (often) takes some time to ramp up. And while I know I’m not 100%, they don’t know my normal level so I think it’s gone unnoticed. I’m getting ready to announce so we’ll see… I won’t be able to hide it much longer even though I’m not even 12 weeks :-/
I got lucky in that my company increased mat leave right as I joined. I also confirmed with HR right away I would qualify even though here less than a year. At least I would have had time to plan to have unpaid leave.
The way I see it is if you’re being recruited, they have a need, and they’re likely to be OK with having you out for a while after you’ve been trained up vs. having to go through the recruiting process again. Like PP said, babies happen, everyone will adjust.
Your plan sounds smart. Wait until you have an offer to change plans, then you can look at the timing and either pause a month or two or not depending on your start date/project timelines. Also, there’s a lot of lead time on mat leave; they’ll figure it out even if the timing isn’t ideal. Good luck!
NewMomAnon says
So, I just found out my house cleaner is allergic to peanuts. My 2.5 year old daughter LOVES peanut butter and eats it every morning. I try to keep it contained to the table and her chair, but….it’s an imperfect science.
I’m just wondering if I should be doing more? The house cleaner does a good job, her rates are reasonable, she shows up on time, and I like working with her. I warned her about the peanut butter and she apparently hasn’t had any issues to date….but I would hate to make her sick (or worse). I’m also used to very severe nut allergies that can be triggered by inhaling peanut butter on someone’s breath, so maybe they aren’t necessarily that bad?
Let her decide says
If you warned her and she’s still willing to work, just let it go. It’s her decision. The super-bad allergies like you’re describing do exist, but there are also plenty of people who just can’t eat it, but being in the same room with it isn’t a problem for them.
3L mama says
ugh you guys. The bar exam is in a week and I bombed the practice test I took this weekend.
And my daughter is really, super sick and just wants mama. DH has an enormous project at work this week – the thing he’s been building towards all year. So he’s taking off as much time as he can but it isn’t a lot. ALL my normal back-up carers are on vacation this week. Our nanny is amazing and is picking up as many extra hours as she can but oh man, I am not getting a lot of study time this week.
When I fail the bar it’s going to be because I couldn’t handle being away from my sick baby. This is not a good start.
anon says
Can you study elsewhere during the time that you have childcare scheduled? Out of sight, out of mind for the little one and then you won’t have to resist a pitiful kiddo asking for snuggles.
Daycare fed my baby the wrong breastmilk says
I know it’s late in the day, but what would you do? I feel panicky. My husband picked up my daughter and found out later.
Long story: There were five Medela bottles, though he only brought four in…when asked, the teacher said one was from last week. But she was sent home sick Wednesday and didn’t go in Thursday and Friday. Though we label all tops and bottoms of the bottles, two of the bottles only had one label (one on the top, the other on the bottom).
My husband didn’t say anything at the time, when told one was used from the previous week, but called them back on the drive home. The front desk put him through to the teacher, who he said was defensive at first but then talked to other teachers and they said they realized that they may have given our daughter another baby’s bottle. I’m hearing this all secondhand and my husband isn’t the best at this stuff, so I’m not sure whether anyone but the teachers know.
I’m at work with a filing deadline tonight and I can’t stop thinking about this. I know that it is very, very unlikely that my daughter was harmed, but I’m worried anyway. Also, I don’t want to make a fuss and alienate teachers (this is only our second week at daycare!), but I also kind of want to go in tomorrow when I drop off my daughter and ask the director about the protocol for this sort of situation, if I can inquire about the other mother (make sure she’s not on any meds, milk was properly stored, etc.). We’ll probably also call our pediatrician to check in.
What would you do?
PEN says
Take a deep breath :) I think the questions you want to ask the director are appropriate. When I have been in a situation like this with a new daycare (twice) and felt like the daycare was a good fit and wanted to preserve a good relationship I also went to the teachers and said “we are happy here. You care for our child and clearly he cares for you. how can we work together to make sure this doesn’t happen again?” In your case, maybe you can start by saying the you will make sure that any food for your baby is clearly labeled and if they are ever in doubt they can contact you via text. Or phone. Or email. Whatever works. Perhaps suggest that they remind all the other parents to label. I try to think of our caregivers as part of our village, part of our team, and approach issues in a way that shows them I am not attacking them but am working with them to ensure the best for my kiddos.
Daycare fed my baby the wrong breastmilk says
Thank you for responding! That is a really good approach. I’ve been surprised at the level of anxiety I have about interacting with the people who are with my daughter all day…usually I don’t care quite as much whether people like me or not, but this is a whole new relationship.
Update from my husband…apparently my daughter did not, in fact, drink another child’s breastmilk. There is a chance they just put the other kids’s used bottle in my daughter’s cubby, and my daughter didn’t actually drink anything from the bottle (the child was “visiting” from the other infant room, may have had a meal from a Medela bottle, and my daughter is the only one in her room who uses Medela bottles). Also, the other kid is formula-fed, so worst case scenario, my daughter got a bottle of formula (which she drinks every night, anyway).
And according to my husband, when he called the daycare director she was very responsive and seemed like she had been looking into the issue, so I feel comforted.
It’s surprising how worked up I got, though!
Ally McBeal says
The relationship with your child’s caregivers is totally unlike prior relationships, I think. I think of myself as an assertive, confident person, but when it comes to dealing with my children’s caregivers (and now teachers), I definitely pull my punches. I think it’s because I know just how much power they have and I want them to like my kids. It is tough.
So what? says
why do you even care? This happened to us once (similar case, not sure if it happened but it could have) and it didn’t occur to me to be in any way upset. Does your daughter have food intolerances or something?