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Sales of note for 11.28.23…
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Nordstrom – Black Friday deals have started! 1,800+ sale items! Shop designer, get bonus notes up to $1200. Markdowns include big deals on UGG, Natori, Barefoot Dreams, Marc Fisher LTD, Vionic and more!
- Ann Taylor – Up to 40% off your purchase
- Banana Republic – 40% off your purchase, including cashmere; up to 60% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – 60% off everything & extra 20% off purchase
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off almost everything; up to 50% off suiting & chinos; up to 40% off cashmere; extra 50% off sale styles
- Lands’ End – 50% off sitewide (readers love the cashmere)
- Summersalt – Up to 60% off (this reader favorite sweater blazer is down to $75)
- Stuart Weitzman – Extra 25% off full-price and sale styles with code
- Talbots – 50% off all markdowns and 30% off entire site — readers love this cashmere boatneck and this cashmere cardigan, as well as their sweater blazers in general
- Zappos – 29,000+ sale items (for women)! Check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kid shoe brands on sale.
Kid/Family Sales
- BabyJogger – 25% off 3 items
- Crate & Kids – Up to 50% off everything plus free shipping sitewide; save 10% off full price items
- J.Crew Crewcuts – 50% off everything + free shipping
- ErgoBaby – 40% off Omni Breeze Carrier, 25% off Evolve 3-in-1 bouncer, $100 off Metro+Stroller
- Graco – Up to 30% off car seats
- Nordstrom – Big deals on CRANE BABY, Petunia Pickle Bottom, TWELVElittle and Posh Peanut
- Strolleria – 25% off Wonderfold wagons, and additional deals on dadada, Cybex, and Peg Perego
- Walmart – Savings on Maxi-Cosi car seats, adventure wagons, rocker recliners, security cameras and more!
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Full pack questions says
We have booked full service movers, including packing. But since I haven’t done this before, I would like to ask some questions from those of you that recommended it!
Does it really take so little time to pack? Our guy reserved 6 hours, but said it would likely take less than that.
Was there a lot you ended up packing? Our movers can’t move plants, liquids, or perishable food. I have time scheduled in to pack and move what they can’t, be just hope it isn’t a lot!
I’m assuming I should be here for packing. But is there anything expected of me during that time?
Finally, if there is any other advice for moving with two kids, I would love to hear it!
AwayEmily says
It definitely takes less time than you think, and remember that they will have other people there to help, too. I think 6 hours seems reasonable.
We didn’t bring any perishable food with us (we had a party the night before, invited over a bunch of neighbors, and told everyone to take anything they wanted, then tossed anything that was left over) so we didn’t have to worry about the perishable stuff. i decided that figuring out how to pack stuff/keep it cold/etc just wasn’t worth it to me, and it was nice starting over with new bottles of ketchup, etc. We did the same thing for our pantry liquids. So the only liquids that needed transporting were cleaning supplies/bathroom stuff, and those I put into a closet before the movers got there.
Good luck!!
anon says
You should be there for the packing and should pay attention. Your kids should be elsewhere. Make sure the packers don’t pack anything crazy (oven racks, silverware holder in the dishwasher, trashcans) and write on the outside of each box any notes, such as the destination room or any important contents that you will need to find.
Before they come, pack a box with all tools needed for assembling furniture, a few rolls of toilet paper, coffee and coffee pot, a couple of mugs, and all remotes so that you can find them. You should also pack all valuables, sensitive electronics, art and jewelry before they arrive and have these items elsewhere. You also need to have packed suitcases with whatever you need during the move period.
AwayEmily says
this is all good advice. I would recommend designating a closet or similar as a place for the movers not to touch, so you can put your Toilet Paper/Coffee/Sheets box in there, and also stash things in there as you realize “oh wait I don’t want the movers to pack this.”
Anon says
Why is it crazy to pack a trash can? It seems kind of wasteful to just toss all of them and get new ones, unless they’re absolutely filthy.
I’m in the minority I guess, but we didn’t supervise our movers. It only took them maybe two hours to pack but we had an apartment, not a single family home, and there were two of them.
We didn’t move any food and we didn’t have any cleaning supplies or plants, so I don’t think there was anything we had to pack. I threw a bunch of clothes in suitcases though, since it seemed a little illogical and wasteful to move empty suitcases.
Anonymous says
Re: trashcans. You want the trashcans to be empty before they get packed in case they don’t check before tossing them into a box. I didn’t read that as throwing away a serviceable trashcan
Pogo says
My coworkers who have had full service moving with their relocation package have stories of full trashcans and bags of leaves being packed and moved across the country. It happens.
Redux says
I read this as municipal trashcans that don’t belong to you.
anon says
We had them pack a trashcan full of dirty diapers. Our move then went into storage that was not temperature controlled for two months over the summer. You can’t even imagine the stink.
AwayEmily says
OH MY GOD this is the scariest halloween story I have ever heard.
Anonymous says
Having items in the proper rooms ahead of time is really helpful. That way you don’t end up with a pair of shoes in the living room box that doesn’t get unpacked right away. Empty the trash cans and clear up the paper clutter. We also corralled stuff that we were self packing into a closet or cabinet and stuck a “do not pack” post-it on there.
So Anon says
I would advise that you be there to supervise the movers. Unfortunately, things do happen (things get broken or stolen), and it is best that you are around. Pack any valuables on your own and keep them in your car. If you would like to extend good-will, you can have bottled water or drinks on hand. We always offered to buy our movers lunch on the day that they were moving us in to a new house and unpacking.
I would go through your house now and pack a box for each room that is a “open first” box. Put the things for the kitchen that you will want the first morning: kitchen could be toaster, coffee maker, coffee, sippy cups or water bottles, etc.; bedroom is sheets, pillowcases, etc. And then wrap those boxes with RED duct tape. It really helps to be able to spot those boxes in the sea of other boxes.
When I moved as a kid (every 18 mos – 3 years), we were always allowed to pick out new bedroom linens, which made the new room exciting and fun. I did the same for my kids this summer, and they loved having say over their new rooms. I would also suggest setting their rooms up first. I found that getting a few rooms (bedrooms, and family room) really settled as soon as I could helped bring a sense of normalcy that helped my kids this summer.
FVNC says
Others have already given you good tips, but I’ll just say I’m surprised by the 6 hours. When we moved this summer, the crew (3 men) took about 1.5 days to pack and load the household goods from our 4 bedroom + basement home. But, they know what they’re doing, and presumably have been to your house for an estimate, so I’d believe them.
Full pack questions says
Thanks! This has been so helpful! Our move is about 1/2 a mile away, so I am hoping I can get the items the movers can’t pack or move over to the new house myself. I have 3 hours on pack day, and probably 5 hours on move day to get it done before the kids get home from daycare.
We got three estimates, 2 over the phone, 1 at the house. Oddly, all 3 gave the same time for packing! The on-site estimator did note we had less to move than comparable sized houses. (we already have half our belongings in storage due to staging for our existing house)
I’m now on the hunt for red tape for my first thing boxes. Thank you!
anon says
Light bulbs. Put some light bulbs in your open first box.
Buddy Holly says
Try to clean stuff really well before the packers come. Maybe I am too clean freak, but I found it helpful to pull out stuff that I knew needed a good dusting and get that done before the packers came. I had swiffers on hand on packing day as well to dust off things that I missed. It sounds like you have already staged, but definitely purge before packing day so that you aren’t paying to move stuff that you won’t keep. Also, keep tabs on everything that could turn gross if it was packed and make sure that it doesn’t get packed (like a trashcan with a full bag of trash inside, dirty diaper pails, a coffee maker with grounds still in it, etc.).
AnonAnon says
If you are taking a couple of days from a business trip (international) to go see your in laws, do you buy some gifts? My husband says no need, but I feel a bit uneasy. If you do think I should get them some gifts, any suggestions? I am taking only a carryon, so something small? Thank you!
Anon says
I would just pick up some flowers on your way over there.
Redux says
I am old school about this, so yes from me, especially since this is international (what country? may help with sense of custom). A small box of chocolates or other little treat is perfect. My husband is famously clueless about this kind of thing, but YMMV.
Pogo says
Agree that country matters! But most likely would pick up in country, unless going to Asia where I feel like it’s really appreciated to bring something specifically from the US.
OP says
I live in the US and the in laws live in Serbia.
Redux says
I don’t have any experience with Serbian cultural norms, but I’d err on the side of gift.
AwayEmily says
It’s winter gear time! I live in a pretty snowy area (Central NY state) and have a 3.5yo and a 21mo and could use some advice from more seasoned winter parents. The kids go outside at daycare even when it is snowy.
Mittens/gloves: My plan was to order a pair of Snowstopper mittens for each of them to keep at school and take home on weekends. But I also want a few pair of extra (aka cheaper) mittens in case we go adventuring after school, etc. Any recommendations for “spare mittens”?
Snowpants: Is Target fine for snowpants?
Boots: we have hand-me-down Kamik snowbugs for the 21mo but I need new boots for the 3.5yo. I liked the Kamiks but they did seem to let in some snow, so any suggestions on something else? People seem to like the insulated Bogs, are those worth it?
Anything else I am missing? (they already have good jackets). Tips for organizing winter gear/making this season easier on everyone are also very welcome.
Anonymous says
We’ve been quite happy with Cat&Jack snowpants.
Anon says
So have we but with the caveat that we only use them 4 days a year on our ski trip. The cat and jack mittens have also been fine for that purpose.
anne-on says
The gap usually has decent quality winter mittens (online only though, weirdly). I wait for a 40% off sale and buy 2-3 pairs a year. I’d also make sure they each have a hat and a turtle fur (on amazon or available in winter gear stores). We have like 4-6 turtle furs at this point since they tend to get pulled up to cover cold noses/cheeks and then used as tissues, so they are sometimes washed after each wear. Much easier to keep on littles than proper scarves. YMMV but earmuffs were a no go for us. Hats plus turtle fur honestly left about a 4 inch strip of skin exposed so I wasn’t too worried.
So Anon says
I would go ahead an order an extra pair of the snowstopper mittens now, and keep them in the closet until you need them. I am always amazed at how winter gear seems to go missing. My kids (elementary aged) have one or two nice pair of gloves and then we have a ton of cotton gloves that I buy for a dollar or two a piece that we use to run outside and grab the mail, going to the store, etc. I would also buy a back-up pair of snowpants because it can take them a full day to dry out after playing in the snow.
Yes, the bogs are worth it! My kids live in them from about now until April/May (northern New England). You can easily get two years out of them if the kids feet don’t grow a crazy amount. Oh, and if you go on the bogs site, you can get 10% off.
As for organizing, I put a coat-rack type bar in our entryway that is the height for kids’ snow gear. I also have a closet organizer that I hang on the outside of the hall closet to store gloves, hats, etc. for the winter. It isn’t the most attractive, but it keeps the winter stuff off of the floor.
anne-on says
+1 on extra snowpants. They take time to dry out and in the winter it was easier to have 3 – 1 for daycare, 1 for home, and 1 floater for when a pair was wet/went missing.
AwayEmily says
Thanks! So Anon, which Bogs do you get? The website is overwhelming and I can’t figure out which ones are just regular winter boots.
So Anon says
We get the insulated rainboots. We are in northern New England and they rarely complain about their feet being cold!
Anonymous says
We are in snowy central MA, so probably similar in terms of days of the year spent in snow. I suggest the following (and if you can get them secondhand/as hand me downs, all the better):
1. 2 pairs of snowpants each (one home, one at daycare/preschool).
2. At least 2 pairs of mittens each. Target/Columbia/similar brand is fine. different colors for each size. For kids that are really going to get (literally) elbow deep in snow, I like the ones with the really long liner that goes to the elbow. I think we got ours on Amazon but I believe Target has them too.
3. Boots: my kids have used Kamik, Lands End, Target and Bogs (combinations of new, thrifted, eBay’d and me down). Targets were the least durable but I had them in young toddler sizes- they aren’t outside for very long and are fine. They lasted 3 kids. The Bogs are the easiest to put on/off and are really perfect for preschoolers who are also not out for hours at a time. Kamiks are the workhorses that really keep toes warm and dry for weekends where the kids are outside playing with the neighbors in piles of snow for 1+ hours.
4. Jackets. Patagonia is trendy but is just not enough for wet cold days. My oldest wears her patagonia down jacket on cold winter days but NOT on snowy days. Snowy days out comes the Lands End jacket with the hood, under which she wears a knit hat. The younger ones (preschool/toddler) are more flexible re: which jackets as they aren’t outside for anywhere near as long.
Definitely buy as much as you can used. I think we have 3-4 pair of 4T snowpants that have been worn by children ages 2-5.
JTM says
MN mom here – my toddler wore Cat & Jack snowpants all last winter (her daycare class still goes outside in the winter until its below 0) and they held up great!
AwayEmily says
This was all so helpful, thank you. I ended up ordering an extra pair of snowstoppers, a pair of Bog boots, and some cheap Target mittens to keep as extras. And I’ll stop by the used clothing store this week to look for more hats and snowpants — I appreciate the the reminder to try and buy used when possible.
Getting ok with a minivan? says
I’m expecting #3. We currently drive (and love) compact hatchbacks. Despite our best efforts, tons of research, and purchasing narrower car seats, we have come to accept that at least one bigger car is in our future. My husband is all about a minivan-he feels it’s purpose built for hauling a family, why wouldn’t you get the most practical solution. On a rational level, I agree. On an emotional level-I hate minivans. I grew up with them, learned to drive on one, and can’t shake the ‘80s-‘90s sexism associated with them. I’d so much rather drive a 3-row SUV, even though they’re inherently not as useful and frankly are just as cliched as minivans. (Can you tell I have a lot of emotional angst about this?)
So, drivers of minivans or 3-row SUVs: convince me one way or the other. I really am trying to come around to the practicality of a minivan, but I’m struggling!
Irish Midori says
Not a lot of advice, but I feel you! I’m in a similar position–#3 on the way and sadly my first thought when I found out I was pregnant was, “oh crap, I don’t want a bigger car.” We decided we are going to make the Camry and CRV work. Granted, we only need an infant seat and one booster seat–the oldest is able to go without. We installed the infant seat in the back middle and had the older kids ride around with it for a few weeks to test it out, and it does work. It would be tight for road trips, but we reality checked how often we actually go on road trips vs. >15 minute trips around town, and realized it would be cheaper to keep our existing (paid off) cars and just rent a van for a week on the off chance we ever decide to drive to Florida or whatever.
That said, if we DID buy something bigger, the Toyota Highlander had really good marks and I was looking at it. I just don’t want to drive something that big on a daily basis.
Em says
My sister bought a minivan (Toyota Sienna) a year after she had her second kid and she loves it. She fought getting one for many of the same reasons you cited and said she now regrets not getting one earlier. She described it as “life-changing”. They live 90 minutes away from where my parents and I live so she does a lot of driving back and forth with the kids and a dog, and said it makes trips like these, as well as everyday life, so much easier than a smaller vehicle.
Anon says
so we currently are a one car family with a Honda CRV, but at some point will need to become a two car family and I am planning on getting a mini van. We have twins. DH will probably drive the CRV at that point and I’ll drive the mini van, which I am totally fine with because our CRV is the year prior to when carplay was available. i also learned to drive on a mini van and it just seems to much easier than a 3 row SUV. i guess it reminds me of my childhood in a positive way? i am also not really a car person and barely care about what i drive as long as it is safe and gets me from point A to point B.
Anon says
Also a one car family, also with a CRV, also probably with a van in our future. But honestly it’s one of the biggest reasons I’m not quite ready for #3!
avocado says
I detest minivans and, having never driven anything larger than a compact SUV, am terrified of driving one. I also have only one child and don’t need one for daily use. However, I will concede that a minivan is much more useful and comfortable than a 3-row SUV for transporting three or more children and/or more than two adults. When your oldest gets to kindergarten, you will also appreciate having a minivan for carpools. The kids always complain when it’s my turn to drive and they have to squish in three across in the back seat of my Prius.
One thing to consider is garage space. We have a tiny 2-car garage that really shouldn’t be allowed to call itself a 2-car garage. There is no way anything bigger than a compact SUV would ever fit in there, and I refuse to park outside and scrape ice or haul groceries/children/work bags/etc. in through the rain and snow.
Another consideration is motion sickness, if anyone in your family is prone to it. The bigger the vehicle and the higher its center of gravity, the sicker I get as a passenger.
Anonymous says
We have a minivan and are otherwise compact hatchback people. It’s so much more practical. Sliding doors alone are worth it. It’s just a stage of life. In 5-10 years you can likely go back to compact hatchbacks when just the youngest is in a booster.
Anonymous says
Three row SUVs also scream ‘IDGAF about the environment’. I’m way less embarrassed driving a minivan than I would be driving a giant SUV.
Irish Midori says
Yeah, I guess each comes with its stigma. And I’m a little ashamed to say I fall for it too. When I’ve stopped at the local Panera on a weekday morning, the entire front row of parking is a whole line of Honda Odysseys, and I sniff and think, “soccer moms who brunch.” I probably ought to salute them for their pragmatism. And yeah, while a gigantic SUV is arguably “cooler,” it still also conjures judgy thoughts about environmentalism. At least the Highlander comes in hybrid and electric?
FVNC says
My husband drives a hybrid Hylander which gets way better gas mileage than a minivan. It was really hard for him to find one, though. I don’t know if they’ve become more widely available in the past year.
anon says
We have a plug in Hybrid Pacifica and get gas only on roadtrips. We always have enough charge for in town trips. It’s a great car.
Anonymous says
Current 3-row SUVs and minivans get equivalent fuel economies…
anon says
Not if you get the plug in hybrid Pacifica.
Anonymous says
We have a third row SUV and only two kids and I wish we had a minivan. Ford Explorer. The doors on a larger SUV take up a lot of space when open, so it’s hard to get kids and car seats in and out of the car without hitting the side of someone else’s car. DH refuses to get a minivan and the SUV is paid off, but in my mind I could justify a minivan because it’s only for a short season of life. My sister and my parents have a minivan and they love them.
RR says
I’ve driven a minivan, a big crossover, and a large SUV with three kids (the minivan and the large SUV were my husband’s but I drive/drove them frequently). You just cannot beat a minivan for parental convenience. I have fond memories of not having to remind my children 837 times a day to “watch your door” when they get in and out of cars. Everything about a minivan makes your life easier as a parent. I wish we had stuck more with minivans when the kids were young.
Now, the kids are getting older and only one is in a booster, so I’ve moved on to a Subaru Crosstrek, which is delightful. We drive my husband’s SUV on longer trips. I’d still rent a minivan for a road trip though.
Pogo says
To me 3rd row SUVs are not really for sitting in the 3rd row unless you’re a small child, and probably a pain to get back there to buckle a kid in. So if you have a kid who is out of car seats (booster or nothing) and can be relied upon to buckle themselves in, 3rd row is OK for now (with smaller kids in the middle row). But I wouldn’t love to be a 12 year old in the 3rd row of an SUV – your feet are on the wheels and it’s not super comfy.
I have a coworker who has done 3 across in the Accord (and they were all in convertibles for awhile, small kids and irish twins + actual twins lol). I’m sure he didn’t love it, but it was a short period of time in the grand scheme of things.
Anonymous says
I’ve had 3 in an Acura MDX for years now. We have a 3rd row in the back but we don’t use it on the regular. My kids are in a FF 5 point booster (I think that’s what it’s called. It can’t go backwards and can convert to a high back booster), a backless booster in the middle, and a RF convertible carseat. It holds all our stuff comfortably. We’ve rented minivans while on vacation and man, they have a lot of room.
We are due for a new car and having the minivan vs Suburban debate. A midsize SUV with captains chairs may be an option for us (the MDX now has them, as do the Tahoes and Enclaves and others). We have to think a bit more about how many long vacation type drives we will be taking as that is what is really appealing about the minivan–everyone has so much space!
Anonymous says
Certain models of the Pilot has the captains chairs in the back, too. Just an FYI.
asdf says
A buddy of mine just got a minivan, to replace their pickup truck. They retained the practical hauling ability of the pickup (Honda Odyssey can fit an uncut piece of plywood in the back) with space for their kiddos and friends. They’re truly the most outdoorsy, pragmatic people I know.
Pro minivan! says
I think my next car will be a minivan. I just rented a minivan for a family vacation and really loved the sliding doors. My kids could get themselves in and out much easier than they can in our SUV. My husband and I are both tall so this isn’t our issue, but I have friends on the shorter side who find it so much easier to reach into the minivan for carseats than the higher SUV. And it is good for schlepping around aging parents who have trouble with the bigger step into the SUV.
Atlas driver says
We considered a minivan and ended up getting a VW Atlas before our third was born – it’s been great! Check it out.
Spirograph says
I also grew up with a minivan, learned to drive in a minivan and had an aversion to them… But I’m here to tell you today’s minivans are so much better. And between my minivan and my husband’s 3 row SUV, we both prefer the minivan whenever hauling 3 or more kids (and especially hauling kids plus stuff) is necessary. <3 my Odyssey. Not as much as I'd love something fun, but more than any other cars big enough for my family.
SC says
I have a 3-row SUV and love it for my family of 3. But I would not recommend it at all for a family of 5 where the 3rd row would be in regular use, especially if you need 3 car seats. I’m happy to crawl into the 3rd row when we have guests in town or are carpooling for a relatively short trip. It’s not convenient for everyday use.
Buddy Holly says
I have never, ever heard of anyone getting the minivan and deciding that they just couldn’t deal with driving it and trading it in for an SUV that made them happier. I have heard multiple stories the other way around because the hassle of the SUV was just not worth it simply for the sake of avoiding the emotions of owning a minivan. Get the minivan, IMHO.
AwayEmily says
Yes, this.
Anon says
I have heard of this. The new SUV was a Ford Flex.
Jeffiner says
Go all out and get a Tesla X? Elon Musk had triplets, he told his designers to make sure the car seats would fit. I do not have an X, but I think you’d want the 6 or 7 seat version.
Ms B says
I feel you 100%. I currently have a Toyota Highlander, but the plan is to replace it with the electric VW minibus that is supposed to be out late 2021 as a “cooler” alternative to the minivan because I just. can. not. on the regular minivan. My hope is to shrink the physical and carbon footprint of my vehicle, but still have enough room to carry a significant part of The Kid’s baseball team to tournaments or to bring home furniture finds.
PSA – If it helps on the carseat front, we found the Diono Radian to be the narrowest seat on the market.
IHeartBacon says
Keep your hatchback and have your husband drive the minivan. This way, you can primarily drive the hatchback, but the minivan will be available on those occasions when you need it. After borrowing it a few times, you might discover that you love it, or you might confirm that you hate it and have a little more clarity about wanting an SUV. Either way, it’s a win/win for you.
HSAL says
We used to have an Elantra and a Fit. I loved that Fit. When we found out that our second baby was actually our second and third babies, having to get a minivan was the second thing I cried about. Now we have two Odysseys and I love them. The sliding doors are clutch – I don’t have to feel guilty while our doors are open forever at daycare dropoff and pickup. My parents can transport the kids adequately in their 3-row SUV, but getting the one in the back buckled is a bit of a hassle.
Katarina says
I have a Honda Pilot, and it is fine for my family of 5. My oldest was in a booster seat when we got it, which is in the third row. He has no trouble getting back there and buckling himself. Three carseats would actually work fine in the second row, but my oldest would need help buckling the booster seat there. My husband is the primary driver of the big vehicle, and he strongly preferred the Honda Pilot to a minivan. Also, a minivan would not have fit in our garage along with our second vehicle. It gets (slightly) better mileage than a Honda Odyssey from the same year.
Anon says
You’re missing the easy solution: he drives the minivan and you drive the sedan.
Anon says
Hatchback, sorry. You drive the hatchback, and he can have the minivan if he loves the idea so much.
BabyMom says
I just had my third, too, and we ended up going with a Buick Enclave. My demands when purchasing the car were captains seats (because buckling anyone into a rear facing car seat in the back seemed impossible with a second row bench and my oldest is 2) and buying used (environmental reasons and paying for all the new car depreciation makes zero sense to me). I found that it’s really hard to get a used low-mileage minivan – people just don’t drive/turn in minivans that way, so we ended up with an SUV.
BabyMom says
I should note that I find the Enclave to be big enough for us and I didn’t see any minivans that had significantly more space. (It fits our family plus the double and single strollers, both of which are essential for family trips at this point.)
anon says
We have a hybrid Highlander and an Odyssey, and I’m team Odyssey all the way. The SUV is fine for daily driving to school (short distances), but for roadtrips, the Odyssey is so much nicer. We can fit way more stuff in our Odyssey than in the Highlander, it’s so easy to buckle kids in, and now that my oldest is 11, it’s way more comfortable for him to be in the back of the Odyssey and not the SUV.
Anonymous says
Rant ahead……I’m a FTM here, and thus have my first Halloween with the little one tomorrow. I reallllllly dislike Halloween personally. In general, I don’t like costumes, scary stuff, or theme parties at anytime of the year, and have so many terrible memories of kids being mean on Halloween, trick or treating in terrible New England weather, and such pressure to have the “perfect” Halloween as a kid (and this was all in the ’90s before social media!). I recognize that my 6 month old child has no idea what Halloween is and will just be his babbling, drooling, happy baby self. My spouse has much better memories of Halloween and thinks kid costumes (especially little babies) are the cutest best thing ever. So, I told my husband (many months ago) that he could be the parent that is forever in charge of Halloween – picking the costume, carving the pumpkins, going to a pumpkin patch, doing any house decorations, organizing any activities on Halloween. This is 100% fine with my husband, and he does not expect me to do anything with Halloween at all. But I already feel so much pressure about my child having some sort of magical Halloween experience…. everyone at work is asking what my kid is going to be, what are we doing with him, etc. I know they’re all well meaning people, but I am already dreading every future Halloween if this is the kind of pressure I feel when my child doesn’t even know what’s going on! And we have a nanny vs. daycare, so there’s not even any specific Halloween parties that my kid is going to at daycare or anything.
Anyone with me? Can we just cancel Halloween forever? I can’t even imagine how much more terrible it’s going to get next year when my kid is more aware of what’s going on and is potentially in daycare with a Halloween party or something. (Yes, I’m a grinch about this).
Anonymous says
You need to take a deep breath about this. It’s one day. Pick a cute animal costume from Carter’s for them to wear on that day each year and you’re covered for the next like 5 years. They don’t even like anything scary until like age 7 plus. Bucket of candy by the door for trick or treaters and that’s it. We didn’t take ours trick or treating until they were like 4-5 and even then a half hour of trick or treating to the neighbors was enough. If the weather’s terrible don’t go out, but as Canadian it’s really not a big deal to stick a fleece suit under their costume, winter boots and a toque. You’re only outside like 1-2 hours max even when they’re older. And that’s YEARS in the future for you.
AwayEmily says
+1 to this. I think you may be making this more of a big deal than it is. I promise your coworkers do not actually care, they are just making friendly conversation — in fact five minutes ago I chatted with my coworker in the kitchen about what our respective kids are being/doing for Halloween. No parents I’m friends with do elaborate decorations, or fancy parties, or anything like that. We all just get a costume from Carters or the consignment store and take our kids for a half hour that night. Easy peasy.
Mrs. Jones says
+1
avocado says
I wouldn’t take your co-workers’ questions as pressure. Just tell them, “DH is going to carve pumpkins and dress baby up as Yoda!” Put DH in charge of all the day care stuff too, and let it be his special holiday to enjoy with the kiddo.
I am grinchy about some of this stuff too, especially day care and elementary school celebrations that required me to coordinate a bunch of stuff on a weeknight. The easiest way to deal with it is just the way you’re doing it–say “yes” to what’s important to you, then delegate or say “nope” to the rest. During the first couple years of elementary school my kid would complain that I didn’t come to class parties, eat lunch with her in the cafeteria, or do some of the other over-the-top nonsense that her elementary school encouraged parents to do, but she got used to it and eventually began to appreciate that school was a special place where she could be her own person without parental interference.
The one holiday thing I did give in to against my better judgment was the effing Elf on the effing Shelf. After two or three years of hearing my daughter complain that everyone else had an elf and she was soooo deprived because she didn’t, my husband told me that we had to get her and elf and he would take full responsibility for moving it. Guess who ended up doing it every single night? And the elf’s capers were never elaborate enough for my daughter. When the elf was drinking coffee from her tea set on the couch, she complained that he was lazy because Suzy’s elf went fishing for Goldfish crackers in a sink full of blue Jell-o. Everyone would have been happier if I’d just held the line and refused to allow that creepy little goblin into the house.
Irish Midori says
Oh no. No no no. I will NOT elf on the shelf. Except at work. I got one anonymously for my office and it’s hilarious.
RR says
Elf on the shelf is a hill I will die on. Over my dead body will that creepy little elf be in my house. (I do support creepy elf encounters at work.)
anne-on says
Agreed. We have a hard line on no elf on the shelf. Both sides of the family are part German so we do St. Nicholas day (as I did as a kid) as our compromise. Remembering to buy small toys/candy and sticking them in a shoe/slipper is WAY easier than moving that stupid elf every dang night.
Irish Midori says
Oh fun! I started doing Advent gifts. Every Sunday lunch during advent we light a candle in the wreath, read a short passage about the Advent theme, and I slip something in their stockings. It’s usually not big–a new ornament for the tree, a small pack of Pokemon cards, some fun socks, etc. But it makes it special and spreads out the season.
SC says
I started a tradition of “Book Elf” instead of Elf on the Shelf. One day, Book Elf brought a special reindeer feed sack with some jingle bells on it. Now, every day in December until Christmas, Book Elf brings a new book. Kiddo always wants to read the new book right away, so I get cozy morning reading time with him. I buy books at used bookstores and library sales during the year and hide them in my closet.
Anon says
One of the many ways in which I knew my husband was the man for me is that he hates Elf on the Shelf almost as much as I do. If necessary, we’re planning on telling our kid (due this winter) that we think it’s best for Santa to hear from us directly about how good he (the son) has been through the year, and it’s important to us to talk to Santa directly about these things and not hear it from an elf who doesn’t care about him.
CPA Lady says
A few thoughts on all this ….And I will preface this by saying I love holidays, I love traditions, I love going out and doing things. That said.
– old ladies (and other people, but it’s mostly old ladies in my experience) who tell you to treasure every moment because it goes by so fast/ “Make so many PRECIOUS MEMORIESSSS” really irritate me too. They were not expected to parent the same way we are where it can feel like every single moment is a publicly facing, carefully crafted production. I try to keep in mind that they are nostalgic for the highlights of childhood when they say stuff like that, and don’t realize how different expectations are these days.
– One of the most foundational experiences as a young mom was when I took my kid to a pumpkin patch for the first time ever a few years ago. I never went to a fake farm or pumpkin patch as a kid since I grew up in the rural south surrounded by real farms so the whole thing was new for me. We had just gotten off the hayride to the fake pumpkin patch and I saw a mom and dad yelling at their kids that they weren’t going to get pumpkins unless they posed perfectly for pictures. It was a distilled moment of the dysfunction of the social media era. At that moment, I decided I would never let the need to look like I was having fun be more important than the fun itself. If we’re not having fun, we don’t do it. The end. I sneak pictures where I can because I love taking pictures, but I’m not doing stuff For The Pictures.
– My sister has a rule about holidays that I also follow, which is “if it’s going to make you yell more, don’t do it.” Does having your kitchen look like a wreck stress you beyond measure? Then skip making holiday cookies. It’s not going to be “magical” it’s going to be a nightmare.
– It is possible that your terrible memories of Halloweens past will be softened by seeing your own child enjoy the holiday in your new family with new traditions. I used to hate Christmas because it was a time where we had to spend a whole day pretending that we were a happy family where nothing bad was happening and all plaster on fake happy smiles. But then I got to be a grownup and have actually good happy Christmases with my husband and his actually happy family. And now I love Christmas.
Anonymous says
This is spot-on. All of it.
Anon says
It’s more than social media with the old ladies. By in large, they didn’t have jobs, or if they did, they were jobs for side money or traditional “pink collar” jobs. If they volunteered, it was with PTA and not, e.g., president of the alumni association of their college. So for them, having kids was the one and only big, important part of their lives.
One of my mantras is that my child (due this winter) is the most important thing in my life right now, but it’s not the only important part of my life right now, let alone the only important part of my life ever or the only interesting thing about me.
But they are vicariously re-living the (inherently temporary and transient) thing that was their entire lives.
This isn’t a knock on them; it’s a reality of women’s lives fifty years ago.
Buble says
This is a really interesting way of looking at it, thank you. If the only thing you were allowed to live for was raising your children, of course the years when your kids were young you’d see as the best years of your life — they were the years when you had purpose, meaning, a role. Then when that role is fulfilled and your kids are grown, you long for those days. And I’m sure I’ll feel some of that, but I have to say, there are seasons of life and while I don’t wish away the season I’m in now, I’m also hopeful that future seasons (i.e., having children who are largely independent, then completely so) will also have their own wonderful aspects.
Anon says
Yes, breathe. I think there is inherent pressure to make all holidays special and magical and that’s just not practical.
I feel the same way you do about having to buy Christmas presents (it’s not so much about spending money; it’s having to come up with good gifts that people actually want and use).
Halloween can be super simple and doesn’t have to be perfect and magical. Since your child is only 6 months old, you don’t even have to do anything this year. But in the future, you can buy a costume for your child. You can buy a single pumpkin from the grocery store. Your husband can take the child trick or treating while you hang out at home not giving out candy. You don’t even have to decorate your house.
Anon at 10:15 says
Should have said – your husband can buy the costume, pumpkin, etc. If he likes the holiday, let him to everything!
SC says
You really don’t have to do anything at 6 months old. On my son’s first Halloween, my in-laws babysat, I went to a wedding by myself, and my husband stayed home sick. My SIL made costumes (a themed pair) for her son and my son, who are just a few weeks apart, but I was so frantic dealing with sick husband, getting Kiddo to in-laws’ house, and getting ready to go to the wedding that I barely noticed.
Anonymous says
I’m a total grinch about Halloween too, and I too wish we could cancel it. But my 4 year old is so excited! So I’m pretending to be excited too and going along with it. My ex husband hates it even more than I do, so I’ve gotten stuck as the default Halloween parent.
Anonymous says
I actually know people who do not celebrate Halloween and their kids skip daycare/preschool on party days. So this is a thing. But it seems like you’re overreacting a little….or kind of a lot. Your coworkers aren’t pressuring you they’re just making conversation. My DD is 2.5 and I guarantee you Halloween isn’t magical. We skipped the pumpkin patch (she doesn’t know!) and she’s wearing a thrifted costume. All she knows is Halloween=candy.
RR says
It’s okay to be lazy about Halloween. I order costumes, and I go to the pumpkin patch because it’s fall-y and has hot cider, but my husband takes them trick or treating, carves pumpkins, etc. My kids still have a fun Halloween. They really don’t care how much I’m into it or how many little details I make. They do their pumpkin with dad, wear their store-bought costume, and have a blast.
My big parenting “secret” is that it’s amazing how much fun kids can have when mom is super lazy about all the holiday stuff society pushes on us. We also don’t have an elf on the shelf. Somehow they thrive despite my lack of participation in the mom expectations!
Anonymous says
your kid is 6 months old? stick them in a pumpkin beanie and take a selfie :). Buy your favorite candy and a bottle of wine and sip a glass of wine while your child blissfully sleeps as other kids run around trick or treating. Worry about The Fun of Halloween when your kid is old enough to bug you about it.
signed,
mom who convinced her kids that instead of Elf on the Shelf we have an Elf that got recruited to the workshop so we get one extra toy on christmas instead of an Elf.
rakma says
I’m going to borrow that ‘recruited’ Elf thing because I foresee a fight about the Elf this year and this is a genius way out of actually having an Elf.
Anon says
This elf thing is brilliant!
Anonymous says
Yes, we did starting 2 years ago when my oldest got ELf jealousy at preschool. On Christmas morning there was a special present with a note from her Elf explaining he’s been put on workshop duty but made her something special. She got a personalized bracelet. Little sib got a painting for her bedroom. The next year Elf sent art supplies and smocks.
So now we go for one “homemade” or crafty gift from the elf on Christmas morning. Last year The Elf mailed a little note in early Dec saying he has some cool projects coming up.
Anonanonanon says
This recruited elf thing is genius and I will use it
Mama LLama says
Or don’t do anything. LO was 3 months last year and we did nothing. This year he’ll probably dress up (because he already thinks costumes are hysterical) in a hand me down costume from a friend and in the unlikely event it doesn’t rain, we’ll trick or treat at a few neighbors houses, but that’s because I think it will be fun. As he gets older, I’m sure he’ll want to do more, so we will, but now is the time when he has no clue there’s anything to do, so I can get away with not doing anything.
rakma says
I think there’s a lot of pressure in general for all of the first holidays to be some kind of special thing, but I don’t think you should put in huge amounts of effort for the firsts that don’t matter to you. If you love dressing up and going pumpkin picking, you’ll probably bring your kid for that. If you don’t, wait until the kid actually has an opinion or an awareness of what pumpkin picking actually is before you give it a try. Same for costumes, trick or treating, or whatever other holiday traditions come up in the next few months.
I think you did a great thing asking your DH to be in charge of Halloween. People you work with are probably just making conversation, so you can just answer with what ever level of detail you want.
Also, as your kids get older, you can decide what activities or special events you participate in, but you can’t control what your kid takes away from them. My 5yo loves going to the movies, can’t tell you what happens in the actual movie, but loves telling everyone she had popcorn and lemonade. We had to skip pumpkin picking this year, even though we all enjoy it, but just couldn’t fit it in. DD wanted to go to a fall event at her school, so that took precedence this year. If we had been too tied to the tradition, without looking at how it fits into our actual lives, we probably would have ended up cranky and wet in a pumpkin field on a day where we had other things to do.
Anonymous says
Please just get over this before you ruin something fun for your husband and child! “Ohhhh what’s baby going to be” is not an interrogation of your Halloween values, it’s polite conversation. Answer “a lobster” and move on.
Anonymous says
So, I’m with you on this, but this is year 3 for us and I’m starting to chill about it. Kiddo was 6 months for his first Halloween, and it was raining cats and dogs. So we just skipped; ate dinner, put him to bed, nbd. I did send him to day care in pumpkin pjs since one of his teachers had gifted them to us. I think I have one photo and it’s of his pumpkin booty, not even his face. Year two, age 1.5: I mustered the energy to cobble together a family costume. It again rained cats and dogs and we skipped. Kiddo didn’t notice/care. I think DH and I ended up eating the majority of what little candy I’d bought for trick or treaters who didn’t show (although the one family we got decked out in costumes AND rain gear were adorable). This year: I’m anticipating more rain although the forecast is mild. He’s 2.5 and thankfully montessori is kind of ignoring Halloween in anticipation of their November 1 cultural event. So I’ll send him to school in normal clothes, then we’ll change into a fire fighter hat and rain coat and he will hopefully pass for a fire fighter. At 2.5 he’s finally catching onto the candy thing so he’s interested, curious and a bit excited. He doesn’t really get the whole costume thing yet so I’m trying to capitalize on that. My colleague who does elf on the effiing shelf and all the other stuff thinks I’m basically a neglectful mom because I didn’t hand make his costume but IDGAF what that guy thinks: he also is sleep deprived driving his kids to every activity under hten sun then feeding them chick fil a every night at 9PM. TL;DR – you do you! Don’t let other people guilt you into living their version of a perfect life.
anon says
deep breath. last year my twins were 5 months old for halloween, i ordered some costumes off of carters and took them to the party hosted by our multiples group. same thing this year. mostly bc i think babies in animal costumes are adorable. i will not actually be doing anything with mine tomorrow and they are too young to notice or care, as is your 6 month old.
Anonymous says
OP here… we have the costume, pumpkins, candy, decorations, etc. We have all of that because my husband did all of that and he doesn’t hate Halloween and had a very specific idea of the costume he wanted our son to wear. My rant was more “I already hated Halloween, and now with a kid it’s 10 times worse because there’s an expectation that I’m going to participate (even at the most basic level of just delegating everything to my husband) and the kid doesn’t even know what’s going on! So I can only imagine that it’s going to get worse each year as they become more aware of what’s going on.” Usually I just completely avoid it and any conversation surrounding it, by basically working until 10 pm and thus avoiding all trick or treaters and 99% of the holiday. But now that I have a kid there just seems to be an expectation that I’m going to participate in this holiday and make it magical and I’m just a being a selfish grinch about it because I want to continue to just completely avoid it.
anon says
Just give whoever asks a quick answer and move on.
Not trying to sound snarky, but you’re making this a big deal when it isn’t. Yes, you may have to acknowledge Halloween more than you did in the past, but nothing drastic is required.
Coworkers are really only asking to be polite. Really.
And if your kid is really into Halloween, you’ll have to suck it up and listen to them then, like all the other topics (Paw Patrol, Hatchimals, LOL Dolls!) that come up.
Anonymous says
I really don’t think your co-workers have any expectations of you regarding Halloween. They are probably trying to make inoffensive, not-too-personal small talk and don’t realize that you have such a chip on your shoulder about a holiday that you could easily just avoid and move on.
AnotherAnon says
I’m with you; I have never cared about Halloween. I will say this will be kiddo’s third Halloween and I’m warming to it due to his excitement and growing understanding of what’s involved (OMG CANDY!)
First Halloween: kiddo was 6 months. It rained cats and dogs, so we ate dinner, put him to bed and didn’t think anything of it. This is absolutely an option for you.
Second Halloween: I mustered the energy to craft a whole family costume. It rained cats and dogs again and we ended up staying home and handing out candy. Kiddo had had a particularly hard day (new day care) and went to be early anyway.
Third Halloween (tomorrow): I am anticipating more rain. Going to put kiddo (2.5 y/o) in a fire fighter hat and rain coat and make our way around the cul de sac collecting candy.
Just to make a more broad statement when people say “OMG you’re not letting kiddo do _?!” I’m pretty lazy, but it’s also not my job as a parent to make sure my kid has the Best Day Ever[tm]. When the parents I work with give me the side eye I just say “oh that’s not important to us” and leave it at that.
Emily S. says
If it helps, I really like celebrating holidays, so I always ask co-workers and friends what their plans are — with zero judgment. I’m genuinely interested or making polite conversation. So please believe me when I say that I am not judging you if you say you don’t like Halloween or won’t be taking your kid trick-or-treating (especially at a young age!) And don’t forget that your son might not like it, either, as he grows up. He may prefer to wear normal clothes instead of Halloween pajamas to daycare, stay home and pass out candy instead of going door to door, etc. Gently, I think it is important to come up with family traditions that work for all of us and minimize passing on the baggage we carry from past experiences to our kids, and hopefully his experiences and memories of Halloween will be positive. The experiences don’t have to be of over-the-top to make some nice memories and family traditions.
layered bob says
We do not celebrate Halloween at all! (Religious reasons plus we just don’t like it).
My kids don’t care. When people ask them “what they are going to be for Halloween” they either say “we don’t celebrate!” or “I like to dress up as a nurse/firefighter/dog/whatever it is this week.” No one else cares.
For religious/cultural reasons we also don’t celebrate Christmas very much and celebrate Easter and other holidays quite differently than mainstream American culture. Maybe because I was raised this way but I am very comfortable with this and it is really not a big deal!
On the day near the holiday I sometimes do get a little inwardly annoyed by the assumption that everyone celebrates Halloween (or whatever holiday it is) and get sick of having to cheerfully day that “we aren’t doing anything” or “we don’t celebrate” but my rational mind knows that people are just making friendly conversation.
So know that this is an option! You can just not do the holidays you don’t want to do!
Irish Midori says
This was me growing up. I now kind of grudgingly get the kids (non-scary) costumes and take them trick or treating in our super-family-friendly neighborhood, but it’s not a big holiday for us. I’m even more grinchy about Santa at Christmas, and get pretty pearl-clutchy about the Easter bunny (um, that’s a high holy holiday–why is there a rabbit?). We try to emphasize the religious nature of these holidays for our family, but I am slowly getting better about letting everyone else have their fun instead of getting too righteous (or defensive) about my own traditions.
rosie says
Your coworkers aren’t invested in what your kid is being for Halloween.
This is my kid’s 3rd Halloween and first time getting remotely into it. Our apt building had a kid Halloween party and trick or treating over the weekend and I will say, it was adorable (plus I like eating the candy, too). I got her some assorted dress up stuff for pretend play last month, so she just picked out something to wear from that. Her “school” doesn’t do anything for Halloween for religious reasons, and that’s totally fine by me.
Anonymous says
Tell your co-workers, who are just trying to make conversation on what should be a non-controversial topic, that you aren’t dressing your kid up or that your husband made a strawberry costume or whatever. I doubt your co-workers will clutch their pearls, and if they do the way we change pressure on moms to do X or Y is talk about openly about our different approaches to momming.
Prepping for kid says
DH and I are trying to save up before trying for a baby starting next year. What were the things you wished you had factored int your budget as a parent? What does your budget picture look like with a kid (or 2 or 3)? What were the things you recommend getting out of the way pre-kid? We currently don’t have a car, live in the fringes of a medium-largish city with reasonably good but old transportation options (not the suburbs), live in a small 600 sq ft 2bed/1.5bath with lots of built in appliances (air conditioning, heating, dishwasher and W/D combo in unit).
Anonymous says
Buy a car before you have the baby. If you don’t have a car, after the baby arrives you will realize that your life would be one million times easier with one, and it is a huge stressful ordeal to shop for a car with an infant or a small child.
fdsa says
+1 I had a 13 year old car and figured I would trade it in for something more family friendly and reliable during maternity leave. Reader, I now drive a 15 year old car.
Anonymous says
Buy a car.
rakma says
Find out what daycare costs and nanny costs are in your area, and factor that into your budget. If you plan to have 2-3 kids in a short period of time, consider that means double or triple daycare costs. These costs don’t go away when they reach school age, they just change to before/after school care and summer camp costs.
Find out what your maternal/paternal leave policies are, how much unpaid time you’d need/want to take.
If you plan on doing any kind of maintenance or renovation. do it now. (we’re still working on a project we started when my 5yo was 6months old, no, it is not a 5 year project by any standards)
Look at your heathcare policies, plan on maxing your HSA contributions, look at supplemental insurance policies (like Aflac) before you’re pregnant.
Anonymous says
Take all the money you will be spending on daycare and put it into savings every month to see how it feels to live without that money. Also buy a car. Purge everything you can. You may need to move or get a storage space to save things for kid number 2 unless your parents live close and you can keep things in their basement (not that I would know…). And TRAVEL. Traveling with babies/kids is totally possible but not the same as pre-kids. Even while pregnant. You won’t relax in the same way again….like literally ever. Even when they’re grown you’ll always be a parent.
Pogo says
+1 on travel!
anon says
get life insurance now
anon says
+1
shortperson says
yes life insurance is my #1 advice. also put the daycare money now into a 529.
Emily S. says
Good advice on researching childcare costs!
Before each of my kids was born, DH and I tried to save 6-8 weeks of living expenses/my salary (I had to take partially unpaid leave) so that we wouldn’t really feel the pinch when baby was here.
Definitely sign up for any healthcare pregnancy incentives you can within the first few weeks of pregnancy. For example, my insurance has a “Healthy Beginnings” program where, if you sign up within the first 12 weeks, your delivery copay is waived (essentially free.)
Be flexible and realize that at some point, the budget might go out the window. My oldest developed horrible diaper rash with a store brand, so we had to buy the much more expensive premium diapers, for example. The expensive baby carrier I bought was super awkward, and I spent more than I should have up buying 3 different carriers. This is where local consignment sales, second-hand stores, and generous friends can really come in handy! YMMV, but I didn’t mind a used Bumbo.
Finally, people have their favorite products and IMO, in the suburbs where we have extra room in our houses, we buy every conceivable baby gadget and multiple diaper pails bc, why not, we have room! But you really don’t need all the stuff. So one way to cut down on your budget is simply to be selective about all the stuff.
Ashley says
I would definitely get a car. Lots of reasons, but here are a couple of examples. I rely on public transportation a lot but could not find a pediatrician I liked that is convenient for public transit. It’s so much more convenient to drive there than cobble together transit options or install a carseat in an uber every time. For groceries–imagine schlepping back all the groceries plus baby. I find it much easier to throw it all in the car and drive home rather than walk or use transit.
Anony says
Buy a car.
Life insurance.
Create a budget for your family.
Save monthly daycare costs now then use the $$ to cover maternity leave or have a cushion.
Other expenses that come along once the baby arrives tend to be manageable except for healthcare if you have a high deductible plan and something comes up.
Anon says
Car, life insurance, good health insurance, dental work, get into shape, check your maternity and paternity leave policies, probably a larger space, get an idea of what daycare and nannies cost, do a deep clean and purge of your house.
This is far from universally applicable, but I really wish that I had sought therapy before conceiving, and I really wish that I had established boundaries with my family of origin before getting married. If you had a tough childhood, having your own children will dredge up a lot of pain and fear. People (see below) have NO boundaries when it comes to a baby, and any minor “my in laws try to boss us” or “my mother cannot stop calling me at work” annoyances will ramp up into full-on crazy mode once you have a bump.
Oh, and some advice: don’t tell people that you are TTC. You will have people who will all but give you a v-ginal exam once they find that out, and the level of intrusiveness is really degrading. I’m not kidding when I say that one of my in-laws all but tried to get me to wee on a stick.
Irish Midori says
Oh man is this true. In no other context but pregnancy would office staff (and random strangers) question me about my weight gain, moods, sleep habits, caffeine consumption, you name it. My family (thankfully!) is pretty chill and stays out of it, but once the spectre of you as provider of future children arises, you somehow become a community asset.
Anon says
At least in my experience, the people who are downright obnoxious during pregnancy always had some issues with boundaries.
If you have some advance warning, you can start by establishing boundaries now and pushing people to stay in their lanes. Don’t put marital decisions up for review by parents, because if you think it’s bad when they critique and try to override your Christmas PTO plans, it will be on steroids when you get pregnant. “This is what we have decided; you are getting the explanation as a courtesy.” “This is not an appropriate subject for discussion.” They need to be used to hearing that long before they catch wind of a strawberry-sized offspring in your womb.
Anonymous says
Sign up for the daycare list if it is at all competitive. Some will be full a year out depending on where you live.
Not Okay to Wake says
For the last two weeks my five-month-old (our first) has been convinced that the day should start at 4:15am. He wakes up happy and seems hungry (his last feeding is generally at 6:45-7pm as part of bedtime routine), but then wants to play until he’s ready for a “nap” at 6/6:15am, at which point I decide that I too deserve a nap, but then I will arrive to work much later than I should. Does anyone have advice for helping him (and me!) sleep longer through the night or is this just something I need to grin and bear until he grows out of this phase?
Anonymous says
Wow he sleeps from 6:45pm to 4:15am?!? Thank your lucky stars and go to bed earlier.
Anon says
+1. I am in no way negating your struggle of having to get up early (to me, anything before 7am is basically still night!), but this is an amazing amount of consecutive sleep for a five month old, and I think it’s totally reasonable for him to be hungry. I’d either play around with pushing his bedtime back, going to bed earlier yourself, or white knuckling for another week or two to see if it’s just a phase.
Not Okay to Wake says
Thank you both for your input and the reminder that I should be grateful. You’re right – I should go to bed earlier and not let myself join him for that early morning nap.
Annie says
+2. I would be THRILLED with that schedule for my 9 month old.
rakma says
Are you adjusting bedtime for the upcoming DST change? Can you push bedtime back (slowly, in 5 or 10 minute increments) to see if that helps?
My kids always had trouble sleeping when they were going through a growth spurt. It never failed that after a couple weeks of waking up hungry in the middle of the night, it was time to switch clothing sizes.
Not Okay to Wake says
I hadn’t been thinking of DST yet, but that’s a great idea. And you’re probably spot on about the growth spurt/leap – he just started rolling yesterday, so definitely new experiences. Thanks!
anon says
have you started solids yet? maybe your kid is hungry? i know peds often say 6 months these days, but i think a week or two early is unlikely to cause any harm. you could try a dream feed, or at this point i would just suffer through and then try to figure something out post daylight savings.
NYCer says
+1 to this. Try adding some solids if he is not already eating them, otherwise you could consider giving him an ounce or two extra in each of his daytime bottles.
If you’re not opposed to CIO, you could also not go in a 4:15 am for a couple days and see if he adjusts. Sometimes my baby will wake up early, chat with herself for a while, make some half-crying noises, and then go back to sleep completely. So CIO may not actually involve crying (but it definitely could!).
Not Okay to Wake says
I had been thinking about introducing solids, and this was just the push I needed. Thanks!
Anony says
This happened to me too at one point. It was a phase that went away on its own. It’s rough though!
Anonymous says
I wouldn’t do a thing other than try a dream feed until the time change this weekend – it will throw everything out the window. After that, If he doesn’t have a third nap in the late afternoon, you could see if adding that would shift his whole schedule later, but that is likely to go away in a couple months anyway. This will pass.
Anon says
My kid slept 9-10 straight hours at that age, which I realize is lucky and I was grateful for. But I cannot do 4 am wake ups either no matter what. So her bedtime was 10 pm. Unusual for a baby, perhaps, but it worked really well for us. Around 7 months her night lengthened to 12 hours and then we started putting her down much earlier.
KW says
Can you help me wean my 13 mo? I have to be 2 to 3 months post-BFing in order to do a frozen embryo transfer, which we want to do sometime in early 2020. So it’s time to wean. Right now, I give baby a bath at night and then BF him to sleep (I know, I know). Then I’ll BF him if he wakes up in the night in order to get him back to sleep. And then also sometimes when he wakes up in the morning. I haven’t pumped during the day in over a month, so I’m good there. Is the first step to create a new bedtime routine? And then drop any overnight feeds and the morning feeds? He’s gotten so he will pull on my shirt in the middle of the night to signal that he wants to nurse. If he does that do I just redirect him? Sometimes I think he legitimately is hungry (kid can EAT!) So maybe a bedtime snack is in order. Any advice is appreciated. Thanks.
Anon says
does your kid drink milk and is your DH ever home for bedtime? you are probably in for some kind of sleep training. this might sound harsh, but a 13 month old does not need to eat in the middle of the night. you can either do a pull off the bandaid approach or a gradual approach. for a more gradual approach, no more bf in the morning and in the middle of the night let him put himself back to sleep without you going in. some people on this site have suggested a spoonful of peanut or almond butter before bed. you could still BF at bedtime while he is adjusting to this. then you could try shifting the nighttime BF to before bath time to help break the BF to sleep association or replace the BF with a cup of milk – this is why i asked if DH is ever home and can do bedtime, because that would make this much much easier
NYCer says
If it were me, I would go the sleep training route as well. Most 13 month old babies don’t need to regularly eat during the middle of the night, so I would honestly try to drop that first. Shorten your nursing sessions each night over the next week, and then (hopefully) stop cold turkey.
As for bedtime routine, as others have said, it would probably be helpful if your husband or another care taker is around to handle bedtime while you’re weaning. I would try replacing the bedtime BF with a cup or sippy cup of milk.
Pogo says
+1 to sippy of milk
rakma says
With both my kids, when we weaned DH took over bedtime. Once a new routine was established, I could switch off with him, but that was the quickest way to break the mama=milk association. We had already done the switch to whole milk, so a bottle factored into the new bedtime routine. We also introduced a few other things to see what would stick, loveys, stuffies, new blankets.
I found that when co-sleeping and weaning, I needed to wear a few layers-cami tucked into pants, plus a shirt over that, to keep myself from being undressed at night by a hungry baby. DH also took a few more night wake-ups, so that there was less co-sleeping at that point. We usually worked in shifts, I went to bed earlier, DH stayed up to do the first half of the night, and once he came to bed, I took over wake up duty. It wasn’t the most fun time of our lives, but it got done.
Anonymous says
are you cosleeping?
Anonymous says
He does not need calories in the middle of the night, it’s comfort nursing. Drop the night feed, then morning, and then don’t nurse to sleep. You can do bath/nurse/brush teeth/book and bed. You may need to sleep train.
Anonanonanon says
Does he ever take a bottle at all? I would first switch to bottles for the nighttime feeds. Then, start weaning it by one ounce a night. Then, if he is still waking up, slowly start mixing water with the milk to water it down. We did this around 14 months and the whole process only took about 4 nights.
Anoymom says
Discipline help! I generally stick to “positive discipline” type techniques (i.e. how to talk so kids will listen style) but for the last few weeks my 3 year old has been just defiant/mischievous, doing things he knows are against the rules on purpose. I really don’t know what’s up; he started a new year of preschool back in September, but I’d think we’d be over the “big transition” phase, and not much else has changed recently. I try to stay away from punishments in line with my overall philosophy but my other tools aren’t working (for example, if he’s gleefully dumping my spices out all over the floor, laughing because he knows he’s being bad, I don’t think “redirection” is really going to work…) Help!
Anon says
At that age I’ve had most luck with being physically present to prevent/stop the behavior. I also try to make a point of not asking or giving a direction more than twice – at that point I need to go over and help my kid complete the task (or stop the destruction).
Anonymous says
I think you have a serious problem here – it’s called Being Three, and it is a rampant and destructive syndrome. He’s testing your limits so you gotta start creating them. We had “consequences” at that age. As often as possible they were natural consequences, but that can be hard. So maybe if he’s dumping spices out he won’t be able to play for a while because he will need to help you clean them up. Or you won’t have time to do the thing he wants to do because you need to clean them up. Or just a time out. I would say, if you do that again (or if you do x), you will have a consequence. Then you have a minute to think of something.
Pogo says
lol at your first sentence!
I do give warnings (“If you continue to use the rolling pin as a baseball bat, it’s going away”) and then follow through by removing the object of destruction or (less frequently) removing the child from the situation. Then I do the redirection – “Why don’t we play choo choos instead?” About 75% of the time he just sobs uncontrollably because obviously he NEEDED that rolling pin, and I will never understand the imaginary baseball game he was playing, but 25% of the time he’s like “OK!”. I may also offer snacks if I think the mischief/meltdown is low blood sugar related.
What’s hard is that most of the time it’s general “you’re not paying attention to me” behavior, and so clearly I just need to sit with him and give him the attention he needs. But this is often at odds with say, getting to work on time. idk man, toddlers.
Anonymous says
We used to put the object of destruction in timeout.
AwayEmily says
I also try very hard to do natural consequences, but it can require some creativity. I rely heavily on the “if you do [undesirable behavior] then there won’t be time to [fun thing that we will do later]” consequence pretty hard. For example, “if you keep hopping on one foot with your underwear on your head instead of brushing your teeth, we won’t have time for a story before bed.”
My 3yo also seems to respond pretty well to more abstract future consequences, like “If you don’t stop playing with the steering wheel and climb into your carseat, you’ll be telling me that you are not able to climb in the car yourself, and next time I’ll have to put you in.”
Sometimes it really can be hard to think about natural consequences but it does get easier the more you do it. The other thing is that (obviously) you really do have to follow through. I think we only had to skip her pre-bed story once (there was a lot of crying — so much crying), but now she knows that we are serious.
Anonymous says
Caveat that I lucked into good sleepers, but have you tried a dream feed?
At that age ours would sleep 6:30pm-3am, but then would wake up to eat and not go back to sleep easily. We started waking them up at 9pm to eat before we went to bed, and that seemed to reset their internal clock enough that their long stretch of sleep would be 9:30pm-6am, which was much more feasible with our schedule. We ended up dropping the dream feed around 6.5 months, but from 3 to 6 months it was super helpful.
Anon says
Just to confirm my understanding of dependent care FSAs, my husband or I can contribute $5k (with the other contributing $0) or we can both contribute $2,500, right? Standard married filing jointly, both W-2 employees, we obviously spend far more than $5k/year on daycare.
Anon. says
Yes. And it is probably in your best interest to divide between the two of you. One of your employers may fail discrimination testing mid-year and reduce the amount you are allowed to contribute to their plan. If you have divided, you’re less likely to be impacted by that.
Anon says
It’s kind of a long story, but I really want him to contribute the whole thing. Basically, I earn a lot less than him so my entire salary goes to retirement contributions. If I contribute to the FSA, it eats into how much we can contribute to retirement because he maxes to the IRS limit and has plenty left over, and I can put 100% of my salary in retirement without hitting the IRS max. I think the risk of his employer failing compliance testing is really low so I’d rather run that small risk for the additional retirement savings. But this is a very good point for people who aren’t in my situation, so thanks for pointing it out!
Anon. says
Yes – definitely more nuance to consider here.
For others reading, I want to note that failing discrimination testing isn’t because your employer did anything wrong necessarily, only that enough people in the lower wage brackets opted not to utilize the benefit so it appears to unfairly benefit higher wage earners. My husband’s F500 employer failed last year and it came back to bite us. We had allocated everything to his for simplicity sake. Won’t make that mistake again.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Same here for my husband’s company! Which is generally a pretty great place to work in terms of benefits, respect of individuals’ time, etc. We split 2500-2500, so we’ll at least have my contributions but it’s kind of annoying that his won’t anymore.
shortperson says
yes. :-(
the 5k limit is so insulting.
strategymom says
Help – going to a work conference at a Marriott hotel in Vegas and it’s sold out. Anyone know any tricks to get a room at a sold out hotel? Not mom related but you’re my source for all things work/mom!
Anon says
Stay at a different hotel? Sorry if that sounds snarky, but I’ve never heard of getting a room at a sold-out hotel. If a conference hotel is sold out, we stay elsewhere.
Pogo says
Contact the organizer of the conference directly. They probably have some rooms on reserve they could release to you. Or just find a hotel nearby.
Anonymous says
Call – sometimes you can still book by calling but not online. Also keep trying, people often cancel. Online you can also trying booking a longer stay (like a week or two instead of a few days) and then calling to update the reservation if it’s refundable. They will prioritize your long stay. And finally, if you have any platinum coworkers, get them to book and then change the name.
Strategy mom says
Amazing ideas!!!
Anon says
Ladies, is there such a thing as a preschooler (3.75 yo) reliably playing by herself on weekend mornings? What do you do to make this happen? I desperately need extra sleep on the weekends and husband really needs to work in the mornings. We recently made a change to kid’s schedule where she wakes up around 7:20 each weekday instead of 8:30. Before she could easily sleep in to around 9:45 am on weekends which which is what we need. But now she’s up at 8:30 on weekends, wanders into our room and pretends to sleep meaning she kicks and laughs for an hour which kills my sleep and his concentration (his “office” is in our bedroom). I really don’t think this is necessary for her as we get plenty of snuggle and play time the rest of the weekend. Generally, she is a self-sufficient kid who can play by herself for hours but I’m not sure how to make it happen here. I think the three important things she needs are 1. food, 2. special toys or activities, and 3. a directive to leave us ALONE.
So, ideas please! 1. What food can she make by herself or mostly by herself? Right now I’ve only come up with dry cheerios and she’s not excited by them anymore. 2. Are there toys or play ideas you can recommend (or a website with these ideas)? We’re feeling a little stale here. She’s too young to enjoy trains or legos by herself but she does great pretend play (two weeks ago, with cheerios and a stern command to leave us alone, she put together chairs and couch pillows and made a “school bus” that was pretty great). I’d like to avoid TV because we don’t have a good setup and someone has to fiddle with a lot of cables and remotes to make TV happen. 3. Any words you can recommend to use to explain that we need to be left alone? We do have a camera and fully kid proofed space so I feel safe leaving her to her own devices with minimal interference. Thank you!!
Anon says
Not gonna lie, “a directive to leave us ALONE” made me cringe so hard…she’s sleeping until 8:30 (a very reasonable wake-up time for her age), she can play alone for hours, it’s normal for her to want to see her parents for a little bit on weekend mornings! And I say this as a high-sleep needs person who really needs a full 9 hours to feel rested, but you do not need to sleep past 8:30 on weekend mornings. If you need 9-10 hours of sleep, you should go to bed by 10:30-11 pm, which seems like a perfectly normal and reasonable bedtime. If you need more than 10 hours of sleep, you should see a doctor because there’s no reason a healthy person should need that much sleep.
Anonymous says
Agree. OP, you are wanting way too much out of your child. This is the life of a parent.
Redux says
We do this very occasionally, usually when we are sick or if we went out the night before with a babysitter. One of us will get up, feed them breakfast, then put on a show with a 60 minute timer. But “sleep in” for us means 7am-8am, not 9:45. I don’t know any parents who regularly sleep in until that time unless they are switching off with the other parent. Do you work nights? Can you go to bed earlier? Trade mornings with your husband, i.e., you sleep in on Saturday and he gets up with the kids/ he works on Sunday and you get up with the kids?
Anonanonanon says
This board is kind and I love it, but I’m going to offer OP a reality check. I know plenty of women who work nights in public safety or hospitals and do not sleep in until 10 AM unless the other parent or paid help is with the kids. This is an unrealistic expectation
Anonymous says
I think you’re going to have to tough this one out for at least another year. My 4-year-old is not going to go down by himself in the morning and play for hours, at least not without his older sibling. I’d say you’re lucky to have a kid that sleeps in until 8:30. Maybe try napping while she naps in the afternoon if you need extra sleep.
anon says
Honestly, I think you’re going to need TV or some kind of device. You’re asking a 4 year old to entertain herself for an hour; that seems to me to be a really long time.
For food – could you leave out some snacks? I used to make a trail mix of sorts with crackers and raisins (or other dried fruit) and teddy grahams – that could be made the night before and left on the table. She could maybe get a yogurt smoothie or an applesauce pouch and open it by herself to add some liquid? Or just a water bottle.
Anonymous says
I also think you’re being unreasonable and harsh. It’s not like she’s 8 years old. So you want a four year old to take care of herself including feeding herself for 2hrs on sat/sun morning and also do independent play “for a few hours” both days as well? Telling her to leave you alone is mean and she WILL remember this. 8:30 is late enough but if you need 30 mins to groggily get coffee going then either set up your tv differently or put a show on an iPad. Or hire a babysitter with a house key to come at 7:30am. Also wondering why you need to sleep until 10-11am on weekends. You either need more sleep during the week or see a doctor. My DH gets up at 4:30am every darn day and still wakes up at 7:30-8am on weekends with kids
Coach Laura says
One of my favorite things is to sleep in on the weekend- it has always been but was hard when kids were young.
Is this the only time that hubby can work? Maybe he gives you one day to sleep in and one day where you cover it.
Have you tried an “ok to wake” clock with a later time programed in for the weekend? Train her to stay in bed/her room and she can quietly “read” or play with her toys until then. But I’m also of the opinion that you should make it 8:45 or 9 and plan to get up then.
Anon says
It’s beyond cruel to make a preschooler (who presumably goes to bed at 8 pm-ish) stay in her room – without any food! – until 9:45 am because her parents can’t drag their a$$es out of bed. If they truly can’t parent her until 10 am on weekends, they need paid help, not an ok to wake clock.
Coach Laura says
Read my reply – I said 8:45 or 9 at the latest. We don’t know what time she goes to bed but she wakes at 8:30 – sleeping or staying in her room to 8:45 is 15 MINUTES. I think you’re being hyper-critical of my well-reasoned reply.
Anon says
But the OP said she isn’t ready to deal with the kid until 9:45, that’s what I was responding to. This isn’t about you, stop being so sensitive.
Coach Laura says
I’m not too sensitive – you’re overreacting. I suggested 15 freaking minutes. You’re the one rudely criticizing her parenting when she didn’t ask for it.
Anonymous says
Honestly, no, not without a tablet or TV. My 7 year old doesn’t want to be alone for long when we’re asleep. And he wakes up at 6:30 – 8:30 is AMAZING. For the food, you could try a granola bar or luna bar or something else that is more treat-like, but i can’t see food alone buying you more than 30 minutes.
Anonanonanon says
I dont think this is a realistic expectation for a 4 year old. 8:30 on a weekend is a very reasonable wakeup time for adults unless theres extenuating circumstances you haven’t shared. Maybe you and your husband can switch off wakeup responsibilities, but asking a 4 year-old to leave you alone and entertain herself while you’re unconscious isn’t realistic, and you’d have a very hard time explaining yourself if- god forbid- something happened to your child during that time.
Not to be cold, but you have a preschooler. Getting to sleep until almost 10 AM on a weekend is not part of the gig without paid help.
avocado says
I think you are going to have to adjust your schedule here. Even if your child can entertain herself for hours during the day, first thing in the morning is a time when they want and need parents the most at that age. You and your husband could switch off mornings, so he could work on Saturdays while you get up with the kid and then you sleep in on Sundays while he entertains her. Or you could designate weekend mornings as “quiet time” where you lounge on the couch with a cup of coffee in your PJs, your daughter watches TV in the same room, and your husband works.
As the mom of an eighth-grader, I am here to tell you that it is just not going to be practical to sleep in on weekends again until your child goes off to college. Once they get to the stage where they can fix their own breakfast and you think you can sleep in again, they need you to drive them places at 8:00 in the morning. And if they don’t need a ride somewhere first thing on Saturday or Sunday, you have to get up early to get all your own stuff done so you can give them a ride somewhere at 2:00 that afternoon.
Anon says
OP here – thanks for the replies! To be clear, she does not have independent play the rest of the weekend. Her other times are when I’m home by myself preparing dinner. Correct – I don’t get enough sleep on weekdays, and yes DH does need to work (complicated temporary situation not worth getting into). Thanks for checking me – we will hire a sitter for the mornings!
Anonymous says
If DH’s need to work is a temporary situation, then totally hire a sitter just to get through it!
Anon says
Why not ask her to play independently later while you take a nap? It seems a lot less cruel to the kid to wake up with her, give her a hug, fix her breakfast, play a bit with her, and then ask her to play on her own so you can get some more sleep. I don’t think asking her to play alone for an hour or two is cruel, but ignoring her when she’s first woken up seems really mean to me for some reason – maybe because 3 year olds really can’t meet their basic morning needs alone.
FVNC says
I know everyone is different and we all have different schedules (e.g., the night shift someone mentioned above), but I’ll just say, as the parent of a child who has slept past seven a.m. exactly TWICE in her life, I can’t fathom 8:30 being “early.”
In any case, we just got said child an Amazon Fire (I think?) for her 6th birthday that has parental controls. Ideally, she will watch 45 min of cartoons in her bed starting no earlier than 6 am (we have it set so that she can’t start watching before) without bothering us. It works 50% of the time. The other half of mornings, she still wants her shows, but she wants them in bed with us. Again, she’s six. Three is too young to expect this sort of independence, but if you’re willing to go the screen time route, I think a child tablet is your best bet here.
Anony says
My child wakes up at 5:30 or 6:00 am most days. I cannot fathom expecting to sleep in until 9:45! Why can’t you go to bed earlier? Or nap? Or drive to Starbucks with her to treat yourself?
Anon says
My child (younger, almost 2) wakes up around 8 am and I consider her ability to sleep in an amazing blessing. Most of my friends’ kids wake up between 5:30 and 7. I’m a night owl and need more sleep than most people, but I also cannot fathom complaining a child who “only” sleeps until 8:30. I also don’t know a single adult who has trouble getting out of bed at 8:30. I suspect OP is either making really terrible decisions (like setting a weekday alarm at 4:30 to exercise) or she has a chronic health issue.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Same with our older son (and probably younger son too, but too early to tell) – I don’t think he’s slept in past 7am more than a handful of times. He usually wakes up between 6-6:30 regardless of the day of the week. Especially since he still naps, his sleep schedule is basically the same as ours at night.
My husband takes the early shift on weekends and I “sleep in” until 7.
RR says
I think some of the other responses are a little harsh, although I also agree that 8:30 is pretty good at that age. My 6 year old gets up on weekend mornings, feeds herself, and watches TV and has been doing so for the last couple years. I wouldn’t tell her to go away if she wanted to cuddle, but I might suggest she bring the iPad and try to sneak a little more sleep while she watches in bed with us. I really think your key here is a device–iPad or TV. Make it a special thing that she gets to do Saturday mornings by herself and teach her to do it. But understand that sometimes she’s still coming in. My very self-sufficient 6 year old will still pop in at 7:30 sometimes to ask if she can eat candy for breakfast (no) or wear her old Halloween costume around the house (yes) or some other random thing that seems like it could wait but is really an important question for her. (She actually prefaces it with, “Mom, I have an important question…”)
avocado says
P.S. I need a solid 8 hours of sleep every night to be a marginally functional human being, so I go to bed way earlier now than I did pre-kid. Like ridiculously early, even on weekends. It’s the only way to get enough sleep. If you are in bed at 9:30 on Friday and Saturday nights, you could get 11 hours before your daughter wakes up. I can’t imagine being able to sleep longer than that, no matter how tired you are.
Anon says
I’m guessing you need to sleep so much on weekends because you’re waking up really early on weekdays to exercise? Aside from how this is affecting your kid and the message this is sending her, it’s extremely unhealthy to deprive yourself of sleep during the week such that you need to sleep for extremely long periods of time to catch up on weekends (I’m not talking about wanting an extra hour to snooze on weekends, that’s normal, but you sound far more sleep-deprived than that). This may not be the season of life for intense daily workouts. It’s far better for your body to get the sleep you need and find a different way to exercise, even if it’s in a more low-key way. I highly recommend doing some reading about the short- and long-term harm of sleep deprivation and the inability to erase a “sleep debt” just by sleeping in on weekends.
SC says
DH and I are not morning people. Our 4 year old sleeps until about 8 am on weekends but then is ready to play right now. Unless we’ve planned something in advance, DH and I are unlikely to be ready to play at 8 am. Honestly, one of us gets up, gives Kiddo some cereal and some water, puts on the TV, and crawls back in bed. Then we “wake up” more slowly. We’re usually out of bed by 9 and making brunch or organizing to go somewhere by 10.
Anonymous says
I know you said you want to avoid TV, but I’ll tell you what works for us: cartoons, and having more than one kid. :)
Before my kids were old enough to entertain themselves reliably on weekend mornings, DH and I would take turns getting out of bed, turning on a new episode of Daniel Tiger, and crawling back under the blankets to snooze. If you have a tablet, you can avoid all the cord hassles you mention, and probably avoid having to get out of bed, too.
Now, kids will wake up, head down to the basement family room and play together until we tell them they need to eat breakfast and get dressed. Oldest (6) has figured out how to get to the kids shows on DVR, so even if they want to watch TV, he can start the new shows every 20-30 minutes. My 3 year old loves to come snuggle in our bed in the mornings, but whatever his big brother is doing will usually be more appealing.
DLC says
Seems like OP is getting a lot of flack, so I wanted to share my experience- most days I have no idea when my kids (7 and 2.5) wake up- they know that I need to sleep til at least 7:00 (during the week) or 8:30 (weekends) since I work til 11 or 12 most nights, and we have a newborn. I think they wake up sometime between 5:30 and 6:30. The seven year old knows to come get me if they need to, but generally they will let me sleep. When I was pregnant and exhausted, there were many mornings when I would leave the 2.5 year old in his room until I woke up. He played trucks, looked at books, unloaded his dresser drawers and generally made a mess. The mess was worth the extra sleep. If he needed more attention (like yelling for me), I would take him to our playroom where there is a futon mattress on the floor and sleep while he played. So I don’t think OP is entirely out of line to ask. I think it very much depends on the kid too – mine are very risk adverse and can play for a long period of time with one toy- so it lends itself well to letting them play independently.
As for the food suggestion- have you considered fruit? We keep a fruit bowl in our dining room and my kids will eat apples and plums out of it. Bananas too, though the toddler can’t open them. Also a bowl of washed grapes generally can be left out. Another thought- maybe consider a mini fridge? One of the Montessori blogs I follow keeps a mini fridge stocked with snacks for her children which they can access at will- I love this idea, though I don’t have room for it in our house.
Anon says
I will say something that might not be popular but I mean it kindly and I feel like I’m in a position to say it, as a (happy) only child and mother of an only child by choice. Only children have a different relationship with their parents than children with siblings. I don’t know that it’s realistic for any parent to expect to sleep this late without a babysitter or a co-parent watching the kid(s), but I think this is about more than your morning routine. I feel like it’s a much bigger picture question about how much time you want to spend actively engaged in hands-on parenting. Several of my closest friends are only child too and those of us who are happiest had parents who were really involved and eager to spend loads of time with us. Since we don’t have built-in playmates, our parents had to be more than parents, they had to be our buddies too. If that doesn’t sound like the kind of parent you want to be (which is fine!) then I would encourage you to think strongly about whether your child would benefit from a sibling. I have one close friend whose parents probably would have written a question like this if they’d had the internet in 1989. She desperately wanted a sibling and felt incredibly lonely, which is something I never experienced as an only child whose parents wanted to make me pancakes and watch cartoons with me every morning. Just some food for thought.