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This is a great tote with a design I love, but made with manmade material to keep the cost low. I really like the knots on the handles and the way that the handles are adjustable in length for different looks and function. This bag is also available in five colors, and I honestly like each one. (The difference between “rose” and “sand” isn’t that obvious to me, but they’re both nice.) The bag is $88 at Anthropologie. Ciel Winged Tote Bag This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!Sales of note for 4.18.24
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anonymous says
This bag is so cute. If it were leather I would buy it.
lsw says
Same! So pretty, which is not usually a word I use for totes.
Buble says
Alright, mamas, we made it to work on Halloween morning! How is everyone saving their sanity (or not) this year? I wanted to share a few Halloween wins that I’m already feeling pretty proud of:
(1) I set up a costume “store” from our current supply of dress up clothes/old Halloween costumes/dance recital costumes and had my kids “shop” from that selection of about 15 costumes, rather than going out and buying something new. They’re both thrilled with what they selected — one of my kids has worn 3 different costumes to 3 different events, and one of them is wearing her Halloween costume from last year to everything.
(2) I skipped a Halloween party that we were invited to on Tuesday night, even though it looked fabulous. We had already been to two others, and I didn’t want to overdo it.
(3) I didn’t invite the grandparents to the school Halloween festival. They came last year, and it was fun, but it also added a ton of pressure to make it into An Event, as opposed to this year, where we hung out for about an hour then left.
What are some of your Halloween wins this year?
Anon says
$4.50 bumblebee costume from the local kids consignment store that is retailing for like $25 at Target. WIN.
Buble says
Yes!! Love getting one-time-use (or few-time-use) things like costumes or holiday-themed clothes secondhand. Great find!
Anonymous says
Honestly, my biggest win was having kiddo’s costume a few weeks before she needed it instead of a day or two (at best). She picked out Owlette at Target a few weeks back.
Buble says
Total win! My kiddo is obSESSed with PJ Masks. :)
Clementine says
I’m gonna start a new thread one of these days re: PJ Masks.
What is the backstory??? Is this a dream or do these kids totally lack adult supervision? How are they functioning at school on inadequate sleep?
Anonymous says
and why/how do they only solve crimes at night in their PJs, yet it is daytime when they run around in their superhero outfits? aren’t they supposed to be at school?
mahnamahna says
Just chiming in to add that my four-year-old calls TJ Maxx the PJ Masks store and now it will forever be that.
Jeffiner says
Yes, I cannot comprehend PJ Masks. I also hate that the characters have no personality. One episode Gecko will want to solve the problem on his own and the other two will convince him to work as a team, the next episode Catboy will want to work alone, etc. So glad my kid can take or leave PJ Masks.
Anonymous says
YES. I do not understand the PJ Masks at all. Something bad happens during the day, and then they wait until nighttime to go fight crime? My kids love them, though. They went as PJ masks last year, and DH and I went as Romeo and Luna Girl, respectively. The costumes have been in regular use throughout the year, and youngest is wearing the Gecko suit with some dinosaur accessories tonight.
My favorite thing is that PJ Masks have convinced my kids that “do-gooders” is an insult, and it cracks me up when they call each other that when they get mad.
Clementine says
We went to one halloween party and are doing events on Halloween itself. No ‘Trunk or Treat’. No extra candy parties. Just one weekend event (with my adult friends + kiddos) and regular Halloween.
I made both kiddos’ costumes (a joy and a choice, first time I’ve done this although I have the skill set to make really elaborate costumes) and am thrilled with how they came out.
Lady NFS says
That sounds great! If I may ask, what did you make? So impressive! :)
Clementine says
Peter Pan and Tinkerbell! I haven’t sewed (except for quick repairs and a few household projects like curtains) since pre-kids and I forgot what a joy it is.
This year, the little Peter Pan hat that I sewed (took no more than 10 minutes including a felt feather that I crafted and sewed on) looks super cool. ALSO, shockingly, my kid keeps the hat on and actually asks to wear it.
Peter Pan got a hat, tunic, belt, felt hip pouch (which he’s not wearing for trick or treating), and a foam little sword worn over leggings and a long sleeve tee. Tinkerbell has a tie dyed green onesie (was stained beyond repair by tomato sauce), a sparkly tutu, tulle wings, a wand made of a paper straw and craft foam, all worn over tights.
Lady NFS says
This sounds adorable! I have a girl and am having a boy, so will have to file this away in my head for joint costume ideas in the future (though I don’t have the DIY skill set).
Buble says
Nice, that reminds me, we skipped a Trunk or Treat too! I feel like it’s possible to basically do one Halloween event every day in the 2 weeks leading up to Halloween if you want to — it’s so important to set limits!
avocado says
My 12-year-old did all of the Halloween prep herself this year, except for buying the candy and pumpkins. She and her friends independently coordinated a get-together at someone else’s house (not mine!), she put the lights up, she is wearing a costume that was already in her closet, and if we bother with a jack o’lantern she will carve it herself before the party. Lazy parenting for the win. She’s learning independence, right?
Buble says
Absolutely! That sounds awesome! Enjoy this new season. :)
EB0220 says
Yess! I’m feeling good about Halloween this year.
– I let the kids look through a physical Halloween catalog for inspiration. Then we ordered their costumes from a cheaper website while we were on a car trip. Took about 15 minutes and amused them for a while. We ordered in late Sep to make sure the costumes arrived for all of the pre-Halloween festivities.
– Had the kids pick between two Halloween parties (school and taekwondo), so they just went to one “extra” event. I’m so happy about this.
– Bought candy yesterday and didn’t open it so I wouldn’t be tempted to eat any before Halloween.
– Kids’ school has PJ day and zero school day activities today so I can actually work a full day.
– Planned trick or treating with two neighborhood friends. It’s the first time I’ve ever been organized enough to plan ahead.
– Doing our usual crockpot beef poboys meal that we have done for the last 5 years with grandparents pre trick or treat. I love this tradition.
And one fail:
– Waited until the last minute to carve pumpkins and I ended up doing it on my own with the kids because my husband was traveling and it took FOREVER. Oh well.
Buble says
Don’t feel bad, we aren’t carving pumpkins at all this year! My kids didn’t really care for it last year, DH and I DEFINITELY don’t like it. They decorated pumpkins with markers and stickers with their grandparents, that’s sufficient in my book. :)
RR says
I totally remembered (albeit as she ran out the door) to send at least the biggest part of my daughter’s costume to school for the parade/party. I am not attending said parade/party, but I did send plates and napkins with her too. If they made it off the bus, I’m counting it as a win. My husband and kids finished carving pumpkins last night just in time for Halloween. Somehow, we have lazily gotten through this Halloween with a modicum of festivity.
Anon says
DH took rice krispie treats out of the box (nothing homemade even though I’m an excellent cook) to kiddo’s pre-school Halloween party and is going to the pre-school parade today. Remembered when I got out of the shower that kiddo had a “boo” themed outfit my mom bought her months ago to wear to school today, and she is wearing her skeleton PJs (also a gift from Grammy) as a costume for their parade. Not doing the tea lights in mason jars as luminaries I normally do (because rain) and bought Halloween candy at the pharmacy over the weekend when picking up a prescription. We skipped two trunk or treats and are not carving the two pumpkins I got delivered with the groceries a few weeks back because I am just not feeling it this year.
Buble says
Pumpkins are just as festive not-carved, and by leaving them intact you can use them as decorations right up through Thanksgiving! I call that a win.
Anonymous says
My kid is going as Barbie (in a box). She keeps changing her mind on the costume, but she just swaps the dress up clothes underneath. She has gone as Soccer Barbie (wearing her soccer stuff), Party Barbie (wore her fancy christmas dress from last year), Chef Barbie (wore a white shirt and apron) and tonight in the rain I think she will go as Rainy Day Barbie (rain boots, rain coat, umbrella taped to back of box). Making the costume was a little fussy but the whole thing cost about $10 (spray paint and spray glue) and was a Kid and Dad project in september. I am also going to wear the barbie box if it survives our rainy halloween to a party we have this weekend. I may go as Working Mom Barbie in my work suit.
mascot says
1) Husband and kid did the costume shopping and house decorating.
2) I arranged a trick or treat pre-game. We will provide a kid friendly main and everyone else contributes drinks/sides. We’ve done some sort of Halloween party for years now so I have all the paper products and such all ready to go.
3) Signed up to send paper products for kid’s halloween celebration at school. Also thankful that the school live streams the halloween parade on social media so I got to see it while at work.
Emily S. says
Not carving or decorating pumpkins and believing the 2 year old when she said she didn’t want a pumpkin. 4 year old was happy with the sharpie drawings she made on the pumpkin she picked up at the farm on a field trip, so I let it go. Also, wearing the costumes more than once, to a fall festival and again tonight.
Daycare is having a “Lazy Bones Friday” tomorrow, so the kids can wear pajamas and the older kids will watch a Halloween movie — its a rare treat and a win for them!
Anon says
I’m not sure if it’s a win because I’m kind of sad about it, but I think Halloween is basically cancelled for us this year. My toddler’s school had a party last week but we missed it due to illness. It’s supposed to be 35/feels like 25 and snowing, and I don’t think she will want to go outside in that weather. She doesn’t really understand the concept of going to people’s houses and getting candy, so it’s not like she’ll be devastated about it, but she likes her costume and she’s adorable in it, and it’s her first real Halloween, since last year she was an infant who had no idea what was going on.
Buble says
Don’t put pressure on yourself to trick-or-treat at that age! Definitely don’t feel bad about following your kid’s lead. If they’re excited to dress up, maybe they can dress up to help pass out candy or y’all can just put a Halloween show or movie on the TV and have a cozy night in? My preschoolers love Supermonsters on Netflix, which seems pretty on-theme. :)
Anon. says
It is 28 degrees and snowing right now. While I was all about taking the 2 year old trick-or-treating to a few houses, he doesn’t really know the difference or that he’s missing something. So he’s going to hand out candy in his costume from our house. Absolute win for me.
Anonymous says
At 2 and 3, my kiddo absolutely loved handing out candy. She got to see all sorts of big kids in their costumes. Also snowing here. Hoping she still loves handing out candy at 4, ha!
KW says
Yep, the weather is about the same here in my Midwest city. Instead of the usual trick or treating with my 8 yo’s friends, we (DH, me, 8 yo, 1 yo) are going to a friend’s house who will have space heaters set up in the garage so we can warm up between taking 8 yo out to a few houses trick or treating. And call it good. Maybe buy some leftover candy at 50% off tomorrow.
Buble says
Total win. My kids are 5 and 4, and I wouldn’t say we’ve ever successfully trick or treated with either of them — they just don’t have the patience or attention span for it in the younger years! My 5 year old (then 4 year old) and I did about a block and a half last year before she gave up — the then-3-year-old did about two houses! It’s all good, whatever your kids enjoy is what’s right for y’all.
Pogo says
I remembered to send the costume today and bought candy last night, so I basically won Halloween.
We are super lucky on costumes because we get hand me downs from his cousins, and there was a fire fighter one that fit him now which is perfect because it’s warm and waterproof, and he is currently obsessed with firetrucks. We let him pick out a pumpkin at the grocery store and he painted it the other day, which occupied him for approximately 7 minutes. He does however, admire it and talk about it constantly, but is reluctant to let us put it outside (“no MY pumpkin! No outside!”). As this was our sole festive decor, we may look grinchy from the outside but oh well.
Buble says
Sounds like a total win–there’s so much to keep track of!
Jeffiner says
My daughter is dressed as Luna, from My Little Pony. Daycare requested that if your child wears a costume, to leave all the accessories at home so they don’t get broken/lost, so I don’t have to round up unicorn horns or manes or tails during pickup. This also means my daughter is only wearing pants and a shirt to daycare, but she’s still thrilled because I glued some moon-shaped cutie-marks to her pants.
SC says
Here are my Halloween wins–
– Kiddo wanted to wear last year’s costume, which is a ghost costume. It consists of a pair of black and white leggings and a hoodie sweatshirt with a ghost face on it.
– Per usual, DH got Kiddo dressed for school today. I came out of the bedroom during breakfast in time to see Kiddo dancing to the Ghostbusters theme music (instrumental version on Alexa). So cute, no effort on my part.
– After a brutally hot September, it was finally cool enough this month to go outside occasionally. We’ve enjoyed some outdoor activities, including fall-themed events (pumpkin patch, hay rides) without doing specifically Halloween activities.
– We’ve also done some activities at home–made and decorated pumpkin cookies, painted miniature gourds, hung some window decorations a relative sent us last year, carved a pumpkin, roasted pumpkin seeds, made a pumpkin pie (with frozen pie crust and canned pumpkin), watched some Halloween-themed kid TV shows. It’s been spaced out over several weekends and very low stress, and Kiddo has really enjoyed the activities and the time we’ve all spent together.
– Trick or treating tonight is at my in-laws’ house with grandparents, aunts and uncles, and cousins. We’ve done this for several years, and it’s always fun. DH will pick Kiddo up from school, and I’ll meet everyone when I get off work.
– DH made pulled pork earlier this week, so we have real food at home for after trick or treating.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Well, DH and I got back from an international trip early last week, and Diwali was 10/27, so my “wins” are that I actually took out Diwali decorations, made an Indian sweet at home, and was able to do a quick run to Target to snag DS Halloween costume, which was 25% off.
He’s almost 2, and his costume seemingly kind of scares him, and he will wear it for about 5 minutes max. Hoping day care and seeing other kids in costume makes him keep it on and that we make it to trick-o-treating to at least a few of the doors in our building before dinner/bath/bed so I can eat the candy later :)
So Anon says
I was reminded by fb this morning that there was one year where my oldest refused to wear his costume when he was 2. I met him at daycare, and all the kids were going to change and then go trick-or-treating. He refused, so I carried the costume and his newborn sister, who was too big for her “newborn” sized costume.
So Anon says
I sufficiently labeled and organized the winter gear during the move so that I could find my kids’ long underwear to wear under their costumes this afternoon!
CCLA says
We have not previously embraced halloween with ours (3 and 1), and this year, coming off of a week of working through the night sleeping in spurts on the couch trying to push through a crazy m&a deal, I was inclined to say forget it. I am so glad that I bothered to dig out a couple of dress of things and DD chose a cape, then I got as crafty as I get and suggested we use duct tape to form a letter on the front of her shirt and put her in monochrome top and bottom. She thought it was the best thing ever, and when we got to school, it was clear she would have been the only kid in her class not dressed up had we gone with the original plan of letting it go, so very happy about that. Threw a football jersey on the baby.
The most memorable part was probably closing aforementioned crazy deal from the car while while driving the 1 and 3 yo to daycare this morning. They stayed remarkably quiet. Very memorable halloween.
Toddler Ear Infection? says
Do infant/toddler ear infections always come with a fever?
After a very rough first year, DD got ear tubes in April at 12 months. We sailed through the summer illness wise and now she has her first runny nose of significance (has had it for ~2 weeks). No fever that we’ve noticed – couple days of “running hot” but not true fever. She’s been digging at her ears and waking up overnight, probably every other night, and last night was pretty bad. We had about 8 ear infections during her infancy and they were always paired with a meaningful fever. What I would give to not have to be at the pedi on Halloween for the second year in a row… what would you do? I should take her in, right?
Anonymous says
I probably would since she’s had the congestion for two weeks. I’ve always erred on the side of caution, though.
Patty Mayonnaise says
My kids actually don’t usually get a fever with an ear infection. So I’d take her in. Fingers crossed it goes very quickly and you’re in and out!
Anon says
My toddler has had two double ear infections so far, one of which the ped said was so bad she was surprised the eardrums hadn’t burst. She never ran a temp over 100.0 rectally, which is not a fever. So I would take her in. Ear tugging and broken sleep (especially the latter) are the telltale signs for us.
OP says
Le sigh. Thank you – these comments are the nudge I needed. I’m going to get her to the pedi this afternoon. Trick or treat.
Emily S. says
Hope she feels better! Side note, we had a sick visit on Halloween one year, and it was pretty festive! The doctors all went as characters from Scooby Doo, the nurses were all in festive scrubs, and the office was decorated. It considerably lightened the mood! I complimented our ped (a very convincing Velma) on her costume and she answered that she hadn’t really thought it through that she had rounds at the hospital that morning.
rakma says
Was at the ped this morning with my Kindergartner, and the office staff was Snow White and the 7 Dwarfs, the nurses were dalmatians and the doctors were Cruela DeVile. It was very cute, and almost made up for the strep test. (almost!)
ElisaR says
mine often do not have a fever when they have ear infections….hope she feels better soon!
AnotherAnon says
My guy almost never had fever with his ear infections. We’ve been very fortunate not to have had another since he got tubes at 16 months. Hugs and good luck to you.
OP says
I’m having horrific mom guilt. I picked her up at daycare at 1pm, smack in the middle of nap time (WHY DIDN’T THIS OCCUR TO ME WHEN I BOOKED THE APPOINTMENT). Woke her up, took her to pedi. Not only did she not have an ear infection, she screamed bloody murder the entire time were were there, regardless of whether or not someone was touching her or even in the same room as us. She was scared out of her mind. Eventually calmed her down and took her back to school. Now I sit here working from home, mindlessly stuffing my face with the candy I put out prematurely.
Sigh. It’s never easy, man.
Fall and winter coats? says
How many fall and winter coats do you have for your kid(s)? I have a one year old and live in the DC area. I don’t want to overspend, but it seems like we need: a raincoat, a fleece, a lighter puffy coat for cooler days, and a warm winter one for freezing days. Would love input from this wise group. Thank you!
Anonymous says
In our house the “fleece” and “lighter puffy coat for cooler days” are the same thing and must be carseat safe. We’ve done both and preferred fleece at the baby stage and packable puffy coat for toddler and older. If you change what you wear underneath (short sleeves vs long sleeves vs layers), the raincoat and lighter puffy coat substitute for a fleece just fine. Plus we live in a very windy area, which makes fleece pretty worthless, IMHO.
So Anon says
My kids each have a rain jacket, more fleece than I can count (cold climate so we use these to layer in the winter months) and a winter jacket. For the winter jacket, we get one from LLBean that has a shell and an inner lining that can each be worn separately.
Anon says
We always have a raincoat/windbreaker, but I buy one size up and they tend to last 2-3 years. Same with rain boots. Buy big.
We will layer a fleece and packable puffy coat for the coldest days. These get worn all the time. I get something nice for the puffy coat, and it often lasts 1.5-2 seasons and can still be passed down, even with daily wear.
We also get a bulky snow jacket, but this coat is only worn a few times total. I tend to pick it up at a garage sale and it is never fashionable. We also get garage sale snow pants.
–mid Atlantic weather
CPA Lady says
We have a million. Half of them are hand me downs, and I buy a size or two up, so a couple of the ones I have she’s been able to use for multiple years. We live in the south and it snows 1-2x per year max here, and I mean a tiny dusting where the whole city shuts down in a panic.
She has:
– a light cotton hoodie
– two zip up fleeces (both hand me downs)
– a denim jacket (also a hand me down)
– a raincoat
– a long “nice” heavy fleece coat
It’s overkill, but since half of them were hand me downs I don’t mind.
EB0220 says
We like coats. My kids have:
– Fleece
– Puffer
– Snow/ski
– Rain
– Various hoodies/sweatshirts
We live in North Carolina. Usually get snow once or twice a year and we ski once or twice a year as well.
Buble says
We have for our preschoolers:
(1) high quality Columbia rain coats (we bought a size up so they’ve had them for over a year)
(2) fleece zip ups (got on clearance at Carter’s)
(3) medium-weight winter coats (got on Amazon for about $30 each)
(4) athletic non-hooded zip-ups that they got as gifts
My biggest recommendation is to get this stuff secondhand if you can, look at local kids’ consignment shops. So often coats get very light use before they are outgrown.
Anon says
We have a fleece and a peacoat currently, the fleece is reallyyyy warm and cozy and hooded, but we probably need to get a warmer coat for Midwest winter, since they play outside at school if the wind chill is over 25. We also need to buy snowpants and boots. We don’t have a raincoat. We commute by car and daycare doesn’t go outside when it’s raining – they are very strict about it, like they won’t go outside if it’s 65 and drizzling – so we don’t see the need for that so far. We don’t wear coats in the car, just run the heat and if it was really freezing I might drape blankets on her.
Anonymous says
At one you may or may not need a raincoat, but your list sounds generally spot on to me.
Anon says
2 year old in the DC area. We generally keep a lightweight rain coat that can be layered under for the cold or worn alone in the spring and summer and, for winter, a puffer, and if we’re lucky the prior season’s pieces fit (without layers) and the current seasons fit (with layers) so we have backups and can adjust for weather accordingly. She also has 2 sweatshirt zip-up hoodie things and a couple of cable knit sweaters that I use to layer or alone for cool fall days. Her jean jackets are really worn as outfit pieces rather than outerwear, if that makes sense, like a cardigan. Kiddo loves to be outside (rain or no), so she also has rain boots (the totes cirrus ones are so lightweight) and a kid-sized clear bubble-style umbrella – kiddo loves puddles so much she was stomping the puddles left in my shower barefoot in her PJs this morning. Accordingly Mama has a good rain jacket, rain pants and hunter rain boots.
rosie says
I am too embarrassed to answer this question (I have previously said that I am a jacket person on this board…) but you might want to check out the Cat & Jack 3-in-1, I think it’s in the $30-40 range. Also in DMV area and I think it will probably get through most of our winter (if we get a really cold day, just add another layer under it). She’s already been wearing the pieces separately. We don’t drive a lot, but I think the inner layer would be ok for use in carseat, it seems pretty compressible. I think the 3-in-1 plus a fleece and a raincoat would probably work.
Anonymous says
Also DC area and we love the Cat&Jack 3-in-1. My kids wear the inner layer in fall and spring (it fits in their carseats) and we add the outer layer for when we’re outside for long periods of time. We haven’t yet hit a day in the apst couple years where it was cold enough we needed anything else. During the week the outer layer just lives at daycare, unless we’re planning to go outside on a given evening.
Besides that winter coat, they have rain jackets and a couple fleeces/sweatshirts.
GCA says
New England. My kids have a rain jacket (plus rain pants and rain boots), a midweight to heavy fleece-lined sweatshirt, a packable puffer (Uniqlo), and a winter coat (plus snow bib and boots). One of each. The puffers get the most use. Sweatshirts get layered under rain jacket, puffer, or winter coat as needed.
Anon says
With the caveat that I’m kind of a minimalist about kids clothes, I think some items on this list are redundant. I think fleece and light puffer are suitable for the same temperature range and are basically redundant. And a winter coat typically has a waterproof external layer, so you can wear that when it’s raining and don’t need a “raincoat.” My kids have fleece jackets and winter coats with two layers, the top layer of which serves as a raincoat.
Annie says
I think you need a raincoat in DC – it’s so rainy here.
rosie says
Hah yeah, today is rainy and high 60s/low 70s.
I also think the answer to this question depends on what your childcare situation is. It was not as big of a deal when we were in a nanny situation to have multiples of heavily used items, but now in group care, I like having a few fleeces in case one gets left at school, one has to be washed because of a spill/lice notice/etc.
Anonymous says
In the Midwest. Our raincoat is our late spring/early fall jacket. It has actually turned out to be a workhorse, but it’s the only jacket of that weight kiddo has. It is essentially a light, waterproof windbreaker. The winter coats should be waterproof, too.
Anon says
I’m not saying you don’t need a raincoat, I’m saying the top layer of a winter coat is a perfectly functional raincoat so you don’t need to buy a separate thing marketed as a raincoat.
Redux says
Unless you live where it is warm when it rains. My kid would be very uncomfortable on a 65 degree rainy day (like today!) in her winter coat.
rosie says
Ok, so you are talking about a winter coat with multiple pieces, like a 3-in-1? Not all winter coats are like that (and I think the Cat & Jack one “shell” piece is too heavy to be a standalone all-season raincoat, but I’m sure there are others that would work better).
Anon says
Redux, I said “the top layer of a winter coat” which is a very light windbreaker-like shell. Of course you don’t wear a full winter coat when it’s rainy and 65.
If you want to buy a raincoat, fine! But don’t pretend like it’s an essential when you can easily make a choice to purchase a winter coat that will do double duty. There’s so much conspicuous consumerism here, it’s kind of gross. And terrible for the environment.
Redux says
Oh, sorry, I didn’t understand that you meant that kind of winter coat. We don’t have one of those. I would challenge your assumption that a 3-in-1 coat is any better for the environment. You have two coats that zip into one, I have two coats that don’t.
Also, not sure why you’re so offended that a fashion blog involves consumerism. That is literally the point of this blog.
Anonymous says
Anon, you off base. Buying functional clothing to keep your kids comfortable in different weather conditions is NOT conspicuous consumerism.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Greater Boston, 2 kids ages 3.5 and 1. We’re generally buying for the older one and passing these down to the younger one so I feel good about the cost per use. Older one has: several sweaters and zip-ups that can be worn as outer layers on medium-cold days, a warm but not puffer jacket, 2 puffers and 1 raincoat (soo cute with little frog eyes on the hood and actually gets worn a lot in fall and spring). We may get a separate fleece for him as well, for layering in the winter. I’ve found the raincoat to be really useful, and it doesn’t have to be too expensive – our Cat and Jack one has held up for 2+ seasons.
shortperson says
um we live in socal and each has a raincoat, two stylish light jackets (satin bomber and velvet bomber for the big one and two cute little tea light jackets for the little one), a light down jacket, a heavier hooded jacket (boden sherpa lined anorak) and ski jackets. our little one last year made it through when she was 1 on the cat and jack 3-1 (bought in desperation on a trip and it was a huge win) and a ski suit. both also have a handful of hoodies and sweaters. my 5 yo also has a gorgeous duffle coat. they were all kind of picked up over time so i wouldnt say each is necessary, especially the duffle coat, but i buy them in sizes up and my 5 yo is getting three seasons use out of many of them, as i expect her little sister will when she gets them.
Anonymous says
That’s what we have but we buy consignment (kid2kid in Rockville or centreville) or FB marketplace.
Anonymous says
We are buying a minivan in the next few months. DH’s sedan is a work lease that is up. DH will drive my 8 year old midsize luxury SUV, and I will drive the minivan [I do all kid pickups and dropoffs and I only work 30 hours/week. It’s the right call). Le sigh. Anyway.
Do we buy new? Used (certified pre-owned)? Lease? We expect to need this car for the next couple of years- our 3 kids will all be in car seats/boosters for the next 2 years, and we won’t be fully out of boosters until…5/6 years from now (youngest is 18 months). As soon as possible, i’d like to go back to a midsize SUV. We could technically make it work now, but we really need the space and flexibility of a minivan or suburban and we decided to go minivan.
We’d been thinking certified pre-owned, but the inventory is pretty sparse. We aren’t under pressure as we don’t really NEED the car until January, but could buy early for the right car. Leasing seems like a waste of money yet…is somehow appealing that we have a 3-year end point to our minivan ownership. I know buying new is a waste of money and yet, it seems that these minivans really hold their value.
If it matters, we are thinking Honda or Chrysler leaning more toward Honda. I drove around the Sienna and it drove me crazy. Open to other ideas, though!
Anonymous says
I would purchase a certified pre-owned Honda. We have a Caravan and while I’m a minivan convert, it’s not the most reliable vehicle, is cheaply made and I don’t have time in my life to deal with maintenance issues. Leasing is a pain with small kids because you have to worry about the vehicle being in decent condition to return and I don’t need the additional stress of screwing up my lease if a kid draws with sharpie on the seats.
Pogo says
+1, been happy w/ our pre-owned certified honda. If you have time on your side, the lack of inventory shouldn’t be an issue. You do have to be a hawk about it and swoop in when you see when that has the trim package etc that you want – DH had all these alerts set up on different car sites so when the right car popped up he’d go look at it right away. We did still have to negotiate which was obnoxious but we paid appropriately for the car so I’m happy.
Anonymous says
The certified preowned Honda was my first plan, but there is basically no inventory. I called around and apparently they are in really high demand. So watching and waiting is probably the right approach esp since we aren’t in a rush.
Anon CPA says
I am on my second Honda Odyssey lease, and I love both the van and the lease setup. I don’t intend to drive a minivan forever so the lease is a nice option – they hold their value SO well, so I’m mainly paying for the depreciation of the asset plus the financing fee. To buy new, you’d have to pay it off and then drive it for years to really come out ahead, and realistically, people don’t do that (yes, some people do, but even people who say they will often don’t). I considered buying used, but the price difference isn’t that significant for a nice Odyssey because they truly do retain their value. Overall, I’m very happy with the leasing situation.
I also have three kids (7, 5, 2), and I have been debating a three row SUV instead of the van, but you just can’t beat the convenience of the sliding door and all the space. My husband drives a three row SUV and we all prefer to drive my car when we’re together.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I’d buy a several year-old used minivan. Hondas and Toyotas are pretty reliable. Are you sure you won’t want the minivan in a few years? Based on the discussion yesterday and what I’ve heard from others, a minivan is really useful if you’re doing carpools or picking up family in addition to your kids, especially with 3 kids as they get older.
We generally keep our cars for 10+ years so leasing doesn’t make sense for us.
Anonymous says
when my kids are older (so, 5 years out I’ll have 7/9/12) we can get a suburban. I’ll be 40. I’m not driving a minivan at forty. That is my hill and I’m going to die on it :)
avocado says
I am firmly in the camp of buy new, then drive it into the ground. Whenever we need to buy a car, we discover that certified pre-owned cars in decent shape don’t cost enough less than a new car to make up for the mileage.
I wouldn’t assume that you will be ready to give up the minivan when your oldest is 12. Mine is 12 and I have more use for a minivan now than ever. I don’t have a minivan and am not going to buy one, but if I had one I’d keep it.
BabyBoom says
So I am very pro-minivan. I love my Odyssey and highly recommend it to everyone.
I can attest that the certified pre-owned market for minivans is sparse based on how hard my dealership is constantly trying to buy my minivan. At times I think that I should have leased, esp since I put less than 4,000 miles a year on it. But now that I have been driving it, I love it. When we got the mini, the assumption was that we would sell it as soon as the youngest hit elementary and I would get an SUV. But now I can’t imagine now giving up all of the benefits of a minivan – sliding doors! so much room! a third row seat that you can actually sit in if you are over 4 ft tall!
I totally said pre-kids that I would never drive a minivan. But here I am, a 45 year old mom with a minivan. And I am just going to to lean in to it!
Anonymous says
We’ve bought both CPO and regular pre-owned from the brand’s dealer. We’ve decided we probably won’t pay the premium for CPO again. We’ll look for the car we want. If it happens to be CPO, then fine. But we don’t seek it out anymore. I guess you can say that we’ve been pretty fortunate not to need the extra warranty that comes with it. (On the flip side, you could also argue that we haven’t needed it because the cars that qualify are in better shape…)
BabyMom says
No advice, but I’m in agreement that trying to find a good used minivan is really hard/nearly impossible. Prior poster aside, I feel like most people don’t lease/own minivans for only 3 years, drive them 10k miles a year and then turn them in/sell them in good condition. That’s just not the point of a minivan.
Anonymous says
Disagree. A lot of people don’t want a minivan because they aren’t cool so they will have them for 3-5 years while the kids are very young and then trade them in.
Anonymous says
A minivan driven for 3-5 years full of young children is not going to be in good condition when it’s traded in.
Anonymous says
How hard are you on your vehicles? A 3-5 year old CPO is fine. Dealership details it to remove cheerio crumbs or whatever. Mileage isn’t going to be crazy. And if you’re buying it for a family vehicle, does it matter if the interior is not pristine?
Anon says
Kids make the interior filthy, but it will be professionally cleaned before you buy it. Kids do not affect the condition of the vehicle itself.
Anon says
I have another winter coat question. My 19 month old is tall for her age and especially long-torsoed plus she has an (adorable imo) Buddha belly. She usually wears 3T tops/dresses to accommodate her torso length and belly. Sometimes we have to roll the sleeves up a little but that’s easy to do. But we bought her some winter coats to try in 3T sizes and the sleeves were comically long and of course coat sleeves are a lot harder to roll than shirt sleeves, while the jacket barely zipped up over her belly. The 3T jackets don’t fit well at all, but I don’t think sizing up or down will work because of the sleeve length and problems zipping it up. Does anyone have suggestions? Is there a particular brand that’s good for kids shaped like mine? Do I have to resort in buying a 3T or 4T coat that fits the belly and having the sleeves shortened by a tailor? I feel like all kids clothing is made for kids who are long and lean or short and pudgy.
EB0220 says
For that age/shape we had good luck with LL Bean. We had fleeces from Patagonia and REI and both were kind of short and snug. The LLBean fleeces do run sort of large, so keep that in mind. I think my kid could still wear a 2T LL Bean fleece when she was otherwise in 5T clothes.
Anonymous says
Check out the lands end coats. They run big and have adjustable sleeves. My kid wore the 2T from age 2-4.
Anonymous says
This is the one we have had good luck with. My kid wore two from age (young)2 to (old)4. https://www.landsend.com/products/toddler-girls-squall-waterproof-winter-parka/id_338237?attributes=5163,43307,43326,43398,44257,44377
Anonymous says
So do you think this coat would work okay for an opposite body shape? 20% weight, 55% height percentiles? I really like it and like the idea that it could grow with kiddo. Our last 2T Columbia lasted for ages 2-3 but we are replacing it this year. I’d love something that lasts two winters again!
Anon says
My long-torsoed, short-limbed, big bellied two year old usually wears tucker + tate or north face jackets (my mom finds them on clearance and gets one for her for her birthday). The tucker and tate one was a puffer with elastic sleeves, so they were easy to fold over. The NF one is a shearling lined puffer, and so we just cuff the sleeves and it looks adorable.
AwayEmily says
You might also have some luck in taking her to a consignment store and having her try some on.
Anonymous says
I find Carter’s coats are not that long in the arms but have tons of space in the belly.
2 Cents says
Same with Oshkosh IME
shortperson says
my 7 year old niece is proportioned like this and my sister gets her clothes tailored. including pants.
Exclusively pumping update says
I posted a few weeks ago about exclusively pumping for my newborn (now 5 week old) and the advice I got was so helpful! Thanks to everyone who shared their experience. Nursing so still painful, but manageable so I’m nursing 3 or 4 times a day and pumping 3 or 4 times a day. Luckily baby sleeps 4-5 hours at night so I’m not having to wake do the 3am pump. I have a few other things come up that I was wondering if anyone has experience with:
The lactation consulatant said that our child has a lip tie and probably a tongue tie. However, we are having a hard time finding an in network provider to assess and take care of this, so we’re kind of at a loss for what to do. (We have terrible insurance- neither my breast pump nor lactation services were covered, so we have already paid $500+ out of pocket in our attempts to breastfeed- it makes me so angry!). Has anyone ever not had a tie fixed and can speak to the effects long term and short term? Or is having it fixed worth the $900 out of pocket I’m being quoted?
Also- what do you use to store milk in in the fridge? The tiny bottles from pumping seem to take up a lot of real estate and I would like the room for other things (like beer and cake).
And finally- I find myself pumping while eating a lot- do folks have any favorite non messy lunch ideas to eat while pumping? I’ve been eating a lot of sandwiches and would love to switch it up.
Thanks for all the great ideas and insights!
ElisaR says
glad to hear it’s going well! (and the beer and cake comment made me lol)
I was told by my lac consultant that my son had tongue tie. We did not opt to fix it. I asked the pediatrician about it and before I could even get the question out (I said “so we saw Maria up in X-town and she said….”) the ped cut me off and said “let me guess, tongue tie? She loves that.” She looked at my son’s mouth and said “nah, I wouldn’t do anything”. The lac consultant had a name of a doctor that does the surgery and we could have gone to him. I attended a b-feeding support group at the hospital where I delivered – several women had the surgery done by this doc. I got the impression that it is not a big deal but also that it’s not so necessary. I will say the decision on whether or not to do this consumed my post-partum self. But I tend to try and let nature take it’s course. I don’t know if this is helpful.
Yes, the milk in the fridge takes up space! But I had everything dated/timed and didn’t want to mix it all together so that is how I kept it–right in the bottles I pumped into. I basically cleared off the door and used that space.
Good luck!
rosie says
Just a note to be careful storing milk in the fridge door. The temp may be pretty variable there since it’s getting exposed to room temp air more when the door is open (versus the back of the fridge). I don’t see that as an issue if you only have the milk in the fridge for a day or so before freezing or feeding, but I wouldn’t recommend storing in the door for longer than that.
Anon says
We had kiddo’s lip and tongue tied fixed. I think it was something like $1K to do it with a water laser through the pediatric dentist, and dental insurance covered 90 percent of that. TBH, I would have paid it out of pocket because the difference in nursing was night and day. Friends who did not have good dental insurance did it as an office visit with I believe an ENT specialist – they just clipped it in the office, and it was covered under their health insurance. So make sure you’ve checked both dental and health for coverage. A friend didn’t have her son’s diagnosed until 6+ months when he couldn’t effectively take a bottle, and they ended up with physical therapy on top of fixing the tie. My cousin did not have either of her kids’ lip ties fixed, but they are all rambunctious boys and ripped them apart with a playground faceplant in their late toddler years so it was a self-correcting problem. Our pediatric dentist would tell you that it’s important to fix it to make sure there are proper mechanics leading to proper palate and speech development, but I’ve also heard others say that it’s increasingly diagnosed (possibly overly so) and it’s not a big deal to just let things lie.
Re pumping, we stored in the pumping bottles, but only kept milk for the next day in the fridge; the rest went into freezer bags (I had a bit of an oversupply). We also have an old garage fridge for things like beer and cake though, so the real estate pressure was lessened.
Re lunches, I found salad (with a metal fork that is actual functional) relatively easy to eat, or chunky pasta that could also be speared.
2 Cents says
Re: tongue tie my LO’s ped is in the “it’s over diagnosed” camp. We didn’t get his corrected, and my husband’s lived with his for 40 years, so YMMV
Anon says
I find lactation consultants super scammy in general but especially with respect to lip/tongue tie. In my experience, its something they tell any mother who is having issues breastfeeding because they feel like they need to do something for you, when in reality lots of women and babies just have problems nursing because they’ve never done it before and need time to figure it out. We asked our ped about the alleged tie, and she said it was nonsense. Our ped suggested a n*pple shield (which the lactation consultant had strictly forbidden us from using) and it worked really well for us – I primarily BFed for about 6 months and continued supplemental nursing until 1.5. I later learned that all the myths about shields reducing milk transfer have been debunked. So yeah. I tend to think lactation consultants are quacks. And even if “quacks” is unfair, they certainly aren’t MDs, and there’s no way I’d put my child through surgery without at least one and probably two MDs telling me it was necessary.
Anony says
A lactation consultant said my daughter had a lip tie (I had damage to both my nipples from breastfeeding her). Our ped agreed and we took her to an ENT to get it fixed. Our insurance covered it but I think the bill was around $500 total. I did not notice a difference afterwards with how she breastfed.
I saw another lactation consultant who said I should get it laser zapped by a pediatric dentist. I was done with doctor’s appointments and was mad the first round wasn’t enough so I pumped and breastfed until things were healed (which took weeks and weeks, slow going) and then dropped pumping. So these procedures are not always cure all’s, and I agree you should try a nipple shield.
I will say that pumping was extremely stressful with a fussy newborn who wanted to be held and rocked all the time and my output of milk wasn’t great. I remember worrying about having enough to feed her. I slept less so I could pump more, which was rough. So kudos to you for trying so hard but be merciful to yourself too! It is a lot and honestly maybe not worth it – but you just have to make a judgment call and try different things. Some people embrace the pumping fine.
rosie says
Also on the n*pple shield, they come in different sizes and are made by different brands. The standard Medela one that we were given in the hospital really didn’t work for me or my baby. I’ve since learned about other brands (cannot remember, maybe Lansinoh?) that might be a little harder to procure, but looked more promising to me and plan to get before attempting to bf another baby.
ElisaR says
true. the one they gave me in the hospital was HUGE but luckily I knew that and ordered a smaller size online.
anon says
cosigned. Please get a second and maybe third opinion from a pediatrician before doing this. We got a diagnosis of tongue from an LC and then when we asked the ped, she kind of looked at us, and looked at our daughter, and then said, “yeah…we get that a lot but she doesn’t have one.”
Doodles says
I used the lansinoh storage bags and froze the milk. I made smoothies in the morning and would have those for lunch.
ElisaR says
when I first read your comment I didn’t realize the 2nd sentence was about lunch….. I interpreted it as you made smoothies with the breastmilk…. made me laugh for a second so I thought I’d share!
Pogo says
omg, same.
Anon. says
SAME!
OP says
Smoothies are a god idea! It would certainly be a convenient use of the Lansinoh bags!
Seafinch says
All four of my kids are tied (both of us are, too). The two oldest were low tone and more minor, the youngest were high tone and caused a lot of damage. The two oldest were misdiagnosed but I was able to have the two youngest revised and would not hesitate to do so again. My husband and I have also had the procedure and it was life changing. We were both posteriorly tied and it was not obvious and was tough to get a diagnosis but was so, so worth it and I say that as someone who had no symptoms until my late 20’s (disasterous downhill slide after that). My husband stopped snoring immediately and said he couldn’t believe how much better he slept. The babies slept through the procedure and recovery was imperceptible. It was extremely minor and definitely worth doing.
ElisaR says
wow – interesting! What types of disasterous downhill symptoms did you have?
octagon says
My kid had a severe lip tie and a tongue tie to the point that weight gain was a serious challenge for the first 2 months of life. We paid $1200 for an out of network procedure and I would have paid double. It resolved the eating challenges pretty much immediately — bf without pain! We were also concerned about speech inhibition later, given that both ties were the most serious class.
However, since it is almost open season, if you want to wait 8 weeks (which I know feels like forever), you have a chance to research benefits and see whether you could potentially lower the cost by doing it in January. If I’d enrolled kiddo in dental insurance at birth, our cost would have been $75 (but who enrolls a baby in dental insurance when they have no teeth!).
And on the pump, have you pushed back on insurance? ACA requires that a pump is covered, though you may have wanted one that wasn’t the one they provided.
OP says
Apparently, we have some kind of grandfathered in insurance plan where breast pumps aren’t covered. Our LC said that many county governments in my state (MD) have these plans. It baffles me that it is even a thing.
Ashley says
I think either a pediatric ENT or a pediatric dentist could do the revision. It was SO worth it for us. I paid like $800 out of pocket because our insurance stinks until we hit the deductible. Our pediatrician was not a huge believer in fixing tongue ties, but the pediatric ENT said my son’s was the worst stage. Revising the tie made a huge difference for us.
rosie says
Just a warning that cutting the tie (we had it done by a peds ENT with a scissor, I’ve heard that maybe a peds dentist w/laser is better??) won’t necessarily mean you can direct BF — it didn’t work in our case, but our peds suggested getting it snipped and I was worried about kid having to get it clipped once she got older when it would be a bigger deal (anesthesia, interfere with eating for a while, etc.).
For milk storage in the fridge, you can use anything that’s clean. Some people use mason jars of various sizes, I had seen a suggestion to use the Dr Brown’s formula pitcher that has a stirrer that you could use to mix in the fat. I typically used larger pumping bottles (one of the non-Medela/Spectra brands that is available on Am*zon) for fridge storage or would just divide the milk into feeding bottles. I used Target brand plastic storage bags that freeze flat for freezer storage.
octagon says
We had it done with a laser and bf in the office before we drove home.
Anonymous says
Likewise my son had a major tongue tie (heart shaped tongue, couldn’t move his tongue well or hold a pacifier in his mouth) and while I am glad we got it clipped for many reasons, we were still not able to nurse.
JTM says
We had our daughter’s severe tongue tie and lip tie revised via laser by a pediatric dentist. We paid out of pocket (did not use insurance) and surprisingly the cost was not as astronomical as I expected. It immediately made a difference for my daughter – she couldn’t engage her tongue at all, her tongue tie was so tight. Immediately after the revision she was able to engage her tongue. The worst part was the 3wks of tongue & lip stretches 3 times a day, baby girl did NOT like that.
Coach Laura says
And I think if you ask ahead of time and offer cash at the time of service, you might get a discount similar to that paid by insurance companies. Win-win.
Anon says
not attempting to start wwIII on this site, but a relative visited india and brought my daughter back a sari. she said she wants to use it to dress up for Halloween next year as she already has a costume for this year. in all likelihood she will change her mind a thousand times between now and then, but in this day and age that is probably not appropriate? how would you suggest explaining that to her? i also guess i personally struggle with why it is not appropriate and when/how it is appropriate to learn about and try out other cultures. i’m jewish and if someone wanted to dress up as an ultra orthodox black hat rabbi with payois I wouldn’t have a problem with it and don’t think it is culturally insensitive. granted, if someone wanted to dress up as a jew in germany during wwII and wore an outfit with a gold star on it, that i would find offensive.
rosie says
Can you focus on learning about the culture and then talk about how another culture cannot be your costume? Actually just picked up a book by Neha Hiranandani called Girl Power about Indian women — I think the target age range is 7+, not sure how old your daughter is, but maybe that could be a good resource.
RR says
I think it boils down to cultures not being costumes. If she were dressing as a famous Indian woman, maybe it would be appropriate. If she were going to an Indian event, it would be appropriate. Frankly, wearing it at home because it’s beautiful might be appropriate. But, wearing it as a “costume” on Halloween is inappropriate. The fact that some Indian people wouldn’t be offended, just like you say you wouldn’t be offended by someone dressing as a rabbi, doesn’t change that. (I also think that a reason, of many reasons, why we don’t turn cultures into costumes is because you might not understand the difference between dressing as a rabbi and dressing as a jew in germany during wwII for someone else’s culture. If you don’t know enough about another culture to know where that line is, it’s a good sign you have no business using their cultural dress as a costume.)
As for how to explain that to her, you don’t say how old she is. But, there are age-appropriate ways to explain it at any age.
Redux says
With my 5-year old, I have said that [ethnic dress] is not a costume, so we don’t wear it for halloween. I would likely let her wear it for a special occasion, like a wedding or to church or even better, to a celebration of that ethnic tradition. And also at home. It’s wonderful to celebrate and learn about different traditions and identities through clothing, the line for me is taking a minority culture and reducing it to a fun costume without context. We live in a really white place, though, so the line for me is harder here than it would be if we lived in a multicultural place.
Anon says
On the other hand, I live in a pretty multicultural place and find that I’m more sensitive to it than I’d be if I lived somewhere all white. I’d be mortified if my kid went trick-or-treating in a sari and an Indian-American family opened the door. Even if we lived somewhere much whiter I still wouldn’t be ok with it, but the possibility of meeting people from the culture we’re appropriating is an additional reason this would never fly with me.
Redux says
Oh, I’m with you, Halloween is a never. I disagree that dressing up as a specific person somehow makes it better. But if we had Indian-American neighbors, I might be more likely to let my kid wear a sari for appropriate special occasions– like a wedding or church or some other celebration where our friends were also wearing saris. Saris are special occasion wear, so if we lived in a multicultural place I might be more likely to let my kid wear a sari for a special occasion. Because we live in a super white place, I’m basically a no-never except at home or to attend a specifically Indian celebration.
anon says
I think it’s not appropriate to dress up in a sari as a Halloween costume because adopting another culture’s dress as a costume is insensitive and can be offensive. For example, a lot of the details in wearing a sari–fabric, length, how it’s tied, etc.–are part of a cultural and social code, and it’s insensitive and maybe offensive to just throw one on (or put one on your kid) without knowing or trying to learn any of that.
On the other hand, if your daughter is still interested this time next year, you could take her to a Diwali celebration open to the community (or a private celebration if you have Indian friends). My social media feed showed several white friends wearing saris for Diwali, but they were clearly doing it as a cultural exchange with women from India.
Anonymous says
I like the Diwali idea, or an Indian cultural festival, but only if you can find someone to advise you on how to wear the sari properly. And correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t a sari an adult garment? I haven’t ever seen a child wearing one.
Anon says
You’re right, you don’t normally wear them until age 16 or so. Honestly, I would explain to the child that the relative was trying to do a nice thing but bought her something inappropriate/offensive, and there’s no place for it in our home, because the only way a white child can use a sari is as a costume. I wore a sari to my Indian best friend’s wedding, fwiw, as did several other non-Indian people, but I view that totally different than a kid dressing up in a sari for Halloween or even Diwali.
Anonymous says
Indian friends gave my white husband and our white daughter Indian outfits and were very pleased to see them worn on an appropriate occasion.
Anon says
“Indian outfits” and “sari” are not synonymous. There are Indian outfits that are appropriate for a child to wear. A sari is not one of them. (And this is precisely why you only wear outfits of a particular culture when they’ve been given to you by people in that culture or people in that culture have invited you to an event and can guide you about appropriate dress. Not when your white great-aunt goes to check the Taj Mahal off her bucket list and decides a sari would look cute on your kid.)
Anon says
Really? I’m Jewish (not very religious though) and find an ultra Orthodox Halloween costume pretty offensive. Just because something is not *as* offensive as the Holocaust does not mean it’s not offensive! I’m not sure how old she is, but I think you can explain to a kid whose at least 4-ish that there’s a difference between cultural sharing and cultural appropriation – if you’re participating in an Indian festival or dance class, it’s appropriate to wear the sari because you’re learning about the culture and participating in it. As a white person who wears a sari to “be Indian” on Halloween you are wearing it strictly as a costume, and you are not learning about or appreciating the culture at all, that’s why it’s insensitive.
Anonymous says
Yeah, I’m NOT Jewish but live near an ultra Orthodox neighborhood (also home to a lot of conservative muslims who wear veils, etc) and cannot imagine either form of dress being okay as a costume
Buble says
For your own purposes, it might be helpful to distinguish between, “I would not find analogous-thing-X offensive” and instead frame the question as, “Is there anyone out there who might find X offensive?” If the answer is yes, and you can avoid doing X and there’s not a strong counterbalancing reason in favor of doing it, maybe avoid it.
As for how to handle with your daughter, 100% if she brings up being it for Halloween next year, it’s fine to say something vague like, “Yeah, we’ll see what we decide.” You’re right that she’ll probably be onto the next thing by then.
Anonymous says
I just tell my kids that other cultures and races are not costumes to play dress up with. The fact that one particular person from a minority group isn’t offended by a particular costume, doesn’t mean it’s okay with all or the majority of that group.
If they want to dress up as a specific person that’s different. If she wants to wear the sari next year, maybe she could dress up as a specific famous Indian woman like Indira Ghandi.
Anon says
At first glance I like the idea of dressing up like a specific person where you could use the outfit, but I don’t know that there’s any way to identify yourself as Gandhi specifically, so most people would probably still think you’re just being ‘an Indian’ which (imo anyway) is horribly offensive.
Anonymous says
I don’t have a specific solution for how to make it clear that it is Ghandi vs ‘Indian person’ because I just thought of her off the top of my head. But it’s analogous to how it’s offensive to dress as ‘Mexican’ but not offensive to dress as Frida Kahlo. Keeping it non-offensive involves figuring out a way to make it clear that a specific person is being referenced.
Anonymous says
That is much easier to do with Frida Kahlo than with Indira Gandhi.
Anon says
right and then what about if you are dressing up as someone from a movie? like Pocahontas or a character from Fiddler on the Roof?
Anonymous says
My white kid was Doc McStuffins last year. No blackface obviously. My youngest wanted to be Dora this year. I don’t think the fact that they are in a movie or tv show means the character cannot be used as a costume.
Dressing up as a specific person or character being generally different from dressing up as a culture or race obviously has to be done with a degree of sensitivity to realize that certain characters or persons might not be appropriate. That doesn’t mean one can never dress as a specific person or character from another culture.
Anon says
I don’t think Anon at 2:02 is saying all movie characters of different ethnicities are off limits, but that some movie characters are not PC because they’re really just caricatures of the race/religion. I find Fiddler kind of gross personally (yes, I know it was made by Jewish people, but it’s veryyyy big on the stereotypes). I think Pocahontas is also problematic. Dora seems totally fine.
Anonymous says
Last Halloween there were people complaining that white kids shouldn’t dress up as Black Panther, because they should leave Black Panther as a hero for black kids to call their own. Which I thought went a step too far. That’s like saying white kids shouldn’t be allowed to cheer for Simone Biles or Serena Williams.
RR says
And there’s an argument that it’s good for society as a whole for white kids to have black heroes.
shortperson says
if she researched important indian woman, picks a person herself and comes up with a way to individualize the outfit it would make sense and be non offensive to me. but i’m not indian. i am jewish, and i woudl also be offended by someone dressing up as a stereotypical ultra orthodox jew. if the kid was dressed up as a specific person such as the baal shem tov i woudl not be offended.
anone says
yeah, I’m Indian and a Sari is not a costume. It’s what millions of women wear as their daily article of clothing, like wearing jeans or a skirt. It’s just offensive to me to even say it’s a “costume”.
Anonymous says
Perhaps the analogy is, wouldn’t it be weird if someone from another culture put on jeans and a sweatshirt and sneakers and said she was dressing up as “an American”?
Anonymous says
No that’s not the analogy. That would be fine, because cultural appropriation of the dominant culture is not a thing.