Thank you to everyone for your patience while we launch Phase 2 of the site — CorporetteMoms was originally envisioned as a pregnancy newsletter, and I’m excited that everyone wants more of a working moms blog, which will hopefully be Phase 2 — stay tuned for a survey for your input! We’re reassessing a number of other things as well (yes, fine, including the logo), and have already switched the site back to the regular Corporette layout instead of the magazine-style layout (which was supposed to be a lot more “mobile friendly” but never really seemed to be).
Something on your mind? Chat about it here. But first…
Pictured above:
- For maternity: This looks like a gorgeous white blouse if you’re dead set on having one for your pregnancy. It’s $148 at Nordstrom. Rosie Pope ‘Liv’ Maternity Blouse (Don’t forget to check out our free eBook on looking professional while pregnant — it’s a free download when you sign up for the newsletter!)
- For working moms: This washable ponté dress wins rave reviews time and time again from Corporette readers. I like the pockets and the high neckline, as well as the affordable price. It’s available in five colors and a zillion sizes (regular, petite, tall, plus) — it’s normally $69 but use code BEACH20 to bring it down to $55.20. Lands’ End Sleeveless Ponté Sheath Dress with Pockets
- For everyone: I’m particularly a fan of large necklaces while pregnant and nursing (they’re a great way to draw attention away from your bust and back to your face), and I think this pretty blue agate strand would look lovely against a variety of skin tones. It was $100, but is now marked to $49 at LastCall. Kenneth Jay Lane Graduated Kite-Shaped Agate Necklace, Blue
Also — don’t forget to check out the Nordstrom Half-Yearly Sale for Men, which just started in time for Father’s Day — pieces are flying off the shelves. (I’m getting my husband four new pairs of pants — I’m sure he’ll be THRILLED (not).) Ladies, what are you getting for the dads in your life for Father’s Day?
(former) preg 3L says
Wow — so excited to have the regular layout!! Much more mobile friendly (as I report from my iphone). My 4-month old has started daycare and weighed in a little under weight at her latest checkup. Any advice on getting her to take more milk at daycare and still be hungry enough to nurse before bed? It appears she’s only drinking 15-18 oz per day and the doc says she needs closer to 30. Is this normal daycare transition?
Kat G says
How many times is she nursing at night? She may have her days and nights confused and think it’s time to sleep at daycare.
I always worry that if they’re not getting enough they won’t have energy to wake up and nurse… With my first I would feed him with a dropper (pumped or formula) to whet his appetite and wake him up.
Anonymous says
Lucky for me, she sleeps 10-12 hours per night. Her latest feeding is either at bedtime (6:30) or an hour after she falls asleep (7:30 or 8pm she wakes for a feeding if she’s hungry), and her earliest morning feeding is between 5 and 7am. She’s not sleeping much at daycare (between 2 and 4 naps, 30-45 minutes each).
Kat G says
What does your lactation consultant say? I don’t remember how much 4-month-olds are supposed to sleep, but that sounds like a LOT at night. I’m not an LC, but for my $.02 I’d wake her up and feed her before you go to bed, like at midnight or 1, and then let her sleep through. (For some reason I thought 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep was a good goal by that point, but what do I know… I seem to remember feeling justified in “closing the kitchen” from 12-6 around that point with my first.)
Shay-La says
I think this is a prime example of there’s more than one solution. I would not wake her up. My daughter’s pediatrician instructed us that as soon as she started sleeping through the night, her body has indicated to you that she no longer needs to eat at night and you don’t need to wake her. I offered up a counter argument of, “If I wake her up, she eats!” And his response was, “If you walked into my room at 12am with pizza, I’d eat it too.”
mascot says
Was the pedi concerned about the weight drop? My son STTN at that age, but we still did an 11 pm dream feed for several more months. He was always on the low left side of the weight curve so we were a bit more cautious about percentile drops.
If she’ll cooperate, the dream feed is awesome. Keep her room dark, feed one side/half bottle, change her diaper, feed the other side/half bottle, back to bed.
(former) preg 3L says
Our pediatrician was concerned about the weight drop but said absolutely do not wake her or feed her overnight, unless she wakes up on her own.
Kate says
Are they warming her milk at daycare? My son didn’t care whether milk in bottles was warm or not, but maybe it would help if they’re not doing it already.
(former) preg 3L says
Yes they warm her bottles.
Shay-La says
Does she always finish the bottles you send? If they come back completely empty, she might take more, and you should coordinate with day care to have them offer her more. If they come back partially complete, then I would say that is a strong indication she’s eating until she’s full. (Not a doctor…).
(former) preg 3L says
The first 2 weeks of daycare, she was finishing her bottles, so I kept sending larger bottles (until I sent 5-oz bottles, which she didn’t finish). When I sent 5-oz bottles, she suddenly started rejecting the bottles, and would only take 2-oz at a time (and once daycare warms a bottle, they will only give it to her for one feeding, so if she only takes 2 oz, the other 3 oz get dumped or sent home). The day before she started rejecting the bottles, she took 4-oz at a time with no problem. I don’t know what happened.
Meg Murry says
She should average about an ounce an hour at daycare – if she’s already doing that, you probably need to focus instead on getting more milk in her at home. I suggest dreamfeeding – before you go to bed at night, scoop her up and offer her a breast. She might not even fully wake up, but she’ll probably wake enough to get a little milk in her system. I know the advice is to never wake a sleeping baby, but that’s not true if the baby is actually underweight.
However – is the doctor using the CDC growth charts or WHO? The WHO are world-wide growth charts, which tend to have more breastfed babies, while CDC tends to be US formula-fed babies. Remember, its ok if she’s on the low end of the charts, as long as she’s maintaining. http://kellymom.com/health/growth/growthcharts/
(former) preg 3L says
At her 2-month checkup, her weight was 75th percentile for her height. At her 4-month checkup, her weight was in the 50th percentile for her height. I don’t know which growth chart the doc used but presumable the doc is consistent between appointments.
JJ says
Unless the doctor was concerned or brought it up, I wouldn’t worry too much about it. All babies grow at different rates and presumably you’ll have another appointment when she’s 6 months old. If she’s still not gaining on pace, I would bring it up with the doctor then.
Meg Murry says
Don’t worry about the percentile for her height – wiggly infants are easy to mis measure height and a 1/2 inch makes a huge difference on those charts at this point. Do you have her weights for her checkups? Or do you have online medical record you can look them up? Plot weight vs age and look at that. Look at the overall pattern, in case 1 measurement is off.
I’d be willing to bet she was slightly under the 75% curve before and now is slightly above 50% and the doctor was just rounding. Unless he said “you need to get more milk in her, she isn’t gaining enough” specifically, no need for extraordinary measures.
(former) preg 3L says
Thank you – this is a good point about her height. The pediatrician specifically said that my baby needs to be getting more milk.
Diana Barry says
I think that getting more milk in is more important than her sleeping 12 hrs at this point, esp if ped is concerned about her weight – I would get her at 11 or 12 to feed. If she is asleep at that point (she seems like a good sleeper anyway!) she shouldn’t really wake up.
Shay-La says
+1 to the layout
As for your baby, you need to follow your gut, and not necessarily a chart. Some babies are just small. You didn’t say your baby was severely under weight, just “a little under.” You also need to talk to her doctor and ask what she would recommend. My daughter’s doctor let me know my daughter was underweight, but after explaining what and when we feed her, the doctor was not overly concerned about the “number” but wanted to make sure my daughter had steady weight gain regardless of if it was under the growth chart expectations.
(former) preg 3L says
My baby went from 75th percentile for weight AND height at her 2-month checkup, to 75th percentile for height and 50th percentile for weight at her 4-month checkup. The ped said I need to get more milk in her so that she doesn’t fall even further by her 6-month checkup. I was hoping to hear from everyone if this is a normal daycare transition and how long it might last, or if I’m doing something wrong!
Meg Murry says
The choices are:
1) Increase daycare intake – possibly increase bottles by an 1/2-1 oz each if shes currently draining the bottles
2) Increase nursing intake – try to fit in another nursing in the morning or before bed, or dreamfeeding. Also make sure you are getting plenty of nursing time in on weekends – schedule plenty of downtime for feedings, especially if you aren’t comfortable nursing in public.
If she takes a pacifier, offer nursing before the pacifier. Did she recently learn to roll or scoot? Lots of babies weight drops off when they first get mobile and then they make up the time.
Any chance you could make an appointment at the ped’s office just with the nurse for a weight check on the same scale in 2 weeks or a month? Or a weight check with a lactation consultant now and in a couple of weeks? The same scale aspect is important with babies this young – a couple ounce error from scale to scale can be a big difference.
mascot says
So I think this is one of those times when you have to listen to your gut as a parent. You can’t force a child to eat, sleep, or poop. If despite your best efforts, she’s not eating well at daycare, but will fit in another feeding session during sleeping hours, that’s the solution. Your child needing more calories is probably a bigger concern than not having a feeding during the 10-12 hours sleep stretch.
Another idea might be to send the 4oz bottles and maybe a “dessert” bottle of 1-2 ozs. That way if she seems particularly hungry at a feeding, daycare has another bottle to top her off.
Diana Barry says
+1 to both (a) weight check at ped once a week and (b) feeding at night. My babies also jumped around on the weight chart depending on which scale they were using, how much they had pooped that day, etc.
I also agree with mascot that you can send more to daycare. I would try, if you can, to pump a little extra and send that, and send everything in smaller bottles – like a whole bunch of 3 oz bottles.
Meg Murry says
Another option is if they have a freezer is to give daycare a bunch of frozen 1 oz or 2 oz bags, so if she still acts hungry after a feed they can give her a smaller feeding without wasting a whole 5 oz bottle.
Part-timer? says
Cross-posted from the main site, as this is more of a Moms topic…
I am a fourth-year in regional mid-law, and also the mother to a toddler. It took me a few months after I returned to work to fill my plate again, but I have been meeting or exceeding my hours targets for the past several months.
I have a great husband who is a super father, so it’s not a question of needing more help on the home front. I want to be there – myself – for dinner, story time, etc. as much as possible. I generally leave the office at 5:30 unless I have a particular reason to stay, but that usually means that I am logged in from 8:30 or so until late at night. I am exhausted.
I am strongly considering approaching my firm with a proposal for a 75% target. I would plan on being in the office basically as much as I am now, but could hopefully cut down on those evening hours. My goal would be for those not directly told about the reduced hours target not to even notice. I love my work and my colleagues, but I have started to critically examine whether this job is compatible with my long-term goals. The only real downside to this job it the hours.
I would appreciate any of your thoughts, success stories, warning stories, etc.
Shay-La says
I’ve never done this–but maybe some additional thoughts for you. I think you would need a plan to propose how your decreased target will affect your compensation. I think you would need to give them hard numbers: “Right now I’m averaging X hours in the office, working X hours at home, achieving X billable, Y non-billable (however your firm breaks it out). I would like to only be at the office and have *less* work-at-home time. And, here’s how my salary would decrease….”
I think it’s important to indicate you’re not going to completely check out at home, as I don’t know any attorney who is able to. But, have the plan be if it’s not an emergency, or something you can respond to in 5 min, it waits until the morning?
Does anyone at you firm have modified targets? If not, that might be something to consider as well.
Part-timer? says
My firm does contemplate reduced targets, but I do not know how widespread it is.
Yes, I agree with your point and would try to make it clear – I’d respond appropriately if something was urgent.
Diana Barry says
I think you should approach them with 75% target, 75% pay. See if you can make a soft inquiry with HR to see if you will also need to have reduced benefits. You might need to go to 70% pay (for example) if you want full benefits, or else pay a bigger portion of the benefits cost.
JJ says
I’m already happier and more likely to visit with the old layout back. And look – so many comments already! I think this is not a coincidence.
FVNC says
I have an 8 month old, so this Sunday is my husband’s first father’s day. This holiday has raised some unexpected feelings in me, namely: I actually don’t think he’s that great of a father. Since my little one was born, he’s worked such long hours that I am essentially a single mother during the week (this week, for example, he has not been home at any time when kiddo is awake). During the weekend, he’s understandably exhausted so I wind up taking on the bulk of baby duties. Like a lot of dual-income couples, we discussed dividing childcare as roughly 50/50. In practice, it’s been more like 90/10. In my head, I understand all the reasons why I shouldn’t be resentful (I’m fortunate enough to have a well paying job with flex hours, his work is completely inflexible; I just received a promotion, he’s working toward one; I work from home with no commute, he has to drive an hour). But I am resentful. Any ideas of how (or whether?) to broach my feelings without already piling onto the guilt I know he already feels? Or how to get a better attitude to ride it out until his job situation improves (which should happen in the next few months)?
(former) preg 3L says
I totally hear you. I recently read a blog post about how dads often feel forced out of interacting with their child and “retreat” to work as a fallback position (“at least i know i’m working a ton so my wife can’t be upset with me”). As hard as it is, think about how you wouldnt have your child without your husband, and be grateful for your baby and thereby grateful for your hubs. There will be hard times for each of you; it’ll pass. Alternatively, read Project Happily Ever After! Good luck.
FVNC says
Thanks for the reminder, (former) preg 3L. I needed to hear it. And I may also check out Project Happily Ever After after seeing it mentioned so often here.
(former) preg 3L says
Here’s the blog post if you want to swallow your pride (i found it tough to read but a good reminder): http://sarahjenks.com/uncategorized/an-ode-to-dads
JJ says
If you know the situation is going to improve in a few months, then it’s really a cost/benefit analysis of bringing it up with your husband. For example, when our first son was born, my husband was slammed at work for many months afterwards. He would come home for dinner and bedtime, but he then worked all hours of the night. He also traveled a lot, which left me as basically a single mom working/billing 2000 hours a year. I knew he was unhappy with the situation because he wanted to be home more, too. I was very careful to phrase our conversations on this topic: I always approached it from the point of view that I knew he was doing what he could with the time he had.
Eventually, (and this is why I love my husband) he decided that his job requirements were impacting my life, my job, and my happiness and basically did the equivalent of going “in house” for an attorney. Now he’s working less and the childcare is much more evenly divided.
All that’s to say – there are ebbs and flows with this. Sometimes I’m slammed or in trial and my husband has to pick up the slack. If your husband is working at capacity and making a good faith effort at home when he can, it helps to take the long view and know that this too shall pass.
FVNC says
Thanks so much for the perspective. Work is about to get very busy for me, and thankfully hubs has committed to picking up some slack — so we’ll see if the give-and-take really works for us! Just typing this all out has made me feel better about everything; for now, I don’t think I’ll say anything.
Penny Proud says
Your poor husband! Honestly his life sounds pretty miserable right now. Hour long commute, working all hours, never seeing his kid, exhausted on the weekends.
You’ve gotten really good advice above, but I would also check in with your husband. It sounds like you both are both having a busy, exhausting time at the same time!
Anonymous says
Doing a “Check in” talk with him might be a good idea. Just a “how are you feeling about life?” sort of conversation — about your child, your lives, both individual and as partners, and work.
I have a 4 month old, and a lot of the child-care and house care fall to me. However, my husband is a task-oriented caregiver. While there are times he cannot help with the baby, he can help our household, such as loading/unloading the dishwasher, folding laundry (or taking it to and picking it up from the cleaners), ordering groceries, etc. Perhaps you both can find ways for him to contribute to the care of the “family” and not focus on care of the “baby”. And I’m sure, much like out situation, this balance will be continually evolving.
Also, my husband helps as much as he can in the early morning with our daughter, and has come to really appreciate that 20-30 minutes. After I’ve nursed her, he spends some one-on-one time with her while I get ready for the day. Perhaps there are days where that might work with you.
Kelly says
Thank you for being open to reader suggestions! I like the changes. And, I say this with love, but you sound pretty begrudging about the logo, but I would support a change. I am in the dislike camp. Practically in the rage camp, actually, though I’d be hard pressed to explain to you why the childlike crayoniness of it bothers me *so* much.
Mirrie says
+1 to all of this!
Soooo much happier with this layout. Thanks!
meme says
I agree on the logo. I also request a conspicuous link to this site from the main corporette site.
Kat G says
Q for you guys: has ANYONE had a comment go up without approval? According to the settings the site is supposed to automatically allow comments to go up once there is ONE approved comment from that IP address. But it feels like I’m approving things from people who’ve clearly already been approved, unless everyone is switching up which device you’re using in order to comment on this thread. Is something not working?
CHJ says
I’ll post this here as a test and let you know!
Shay-La says
My comments appear immediately and no moderation notice–not sure if that’s because you’re lightening fast, or mine aren’t being moderated.
CHJ says
I’m trying to reply to my earlier test comment, but getting the following error:
ERROR: please fill the required fields (name, email).
Kat G says
That may have been me trying to fix it — I was hoping that if I toggled that setting ON and then OFF again it would stay. Out of curiosity, CHJ, would you try putting in an email address? (ANy email will do — try no@thankyou.com if you want).
Kat G says
Another Q, CHJ — are you using Chrome? (Just curious — on Corporette we seem to have problems suddenly with Chrome and comments.)
CHJ says
I’m on Internet Explorer right now but I’ll post another test from Chrome in one moment…
CHJ says
Here is a test comment from Chrome.
CHJ says
Testing again with an email address.
JJ says
All of my comments were getting caught in moderation.
JJ says
And I’m on Chrome.
Rustan C says
testing comment
Rustan C Logged Out says
Testing comment again , this time logged out
(former) preg 3L says
I think every one of my comments gets sent to moderation (and maybe that’s what tipped you off?). I’m posting from chrome on my iphone and i dont have an email address entered.
JT says
I have a question about baby shower etiquette and the office. I work in a small (8 person) firm, composed of six women and two men (of the two partners, one is male and one is female). I’ve been here for almost seven years — when I started it was basically me, the two partners, and one of the paralegals. As a result, I’m incredibly close with the long-tenured paralegal and the partners feel almost like family in a lot of ways. I’m also friends with the other paralegal and the three other associates, although the male associate just joined the firm within the past few months. I’m trying to come up with a guest list for my shower, and don’t know where to cut the invites off. I definitely want to invite the paralegals and the female associates, but what do I do about the partners and the male associates? I think there will be other men at the shower (friends and some husbands/relatives), and I feel weird about breaking invites down gender lines anyway since ideally gender would play no role in the work place and we’re not doing a cutesy shower anyway. But I have a feeling the guys might still be a little put off by a shower invite. At the same time, it’s such a small office I don’t think I can invite a few people and not invite everybody. Do I just invite the women? Just the two I’m closest with? Invite everybody? Send one invitation addressed to the office in general? I appreciate any guidance — I hate this etiquette stuff and really don’t want to offend anybody.
ANP says
FWIW, I wouldn’t invite any work people to a personal/friends-and-family shower. Given how close you are to the other staff and the size of your office, I’d be shocked if they didn’t throw you an office shower. Problem solved!
(former) preg 3L says
I agree with ANP; I wouldn’t invite any work people to the shower (I feel like showers are inappropriate for work friends) and I’m SURE they will throw you an office shower!
Anonymous says
Kat-just a random question, why don’t you link the Corporette and corporette mom sites? I’d be much more likely to go to the corporettemom page on a daily basis if there was an easy header/link on top of the regular corporette page for me to navigate here.
Anon says
+10000 — I don’t understand why there isn’t a CM tab on the main site, I would definitely visit more if there was.
Diana Barry says
+1.
Anonymous says
+2