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Office formal is back, but it’s not your Before Times office formal.
Feel like royalty Monday morning with this stunning off-the-shoulder ball gown. This lavender gown features a shimmery lace overlay, perfect for catching your office’s fluorescent light. The sweetheart neckline is made for showing off your bejeweled ID badge lanyard. Also, no worries if you spill your A.M. coffee on this dress — it’s washable!
Just add a pair of commuter-friendly glass slippers and tiara for a head-to-toe look that screams “promotion!”
This gown is on sale at David’s Bridal for $258.97. It’s available in sizes 0–16.
P.S. Happy Ramadan to those who celebrate!
Sales of note for 9.10.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Extra 40% off sale styles
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- Zappos – 26,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
- Old Navy – 40% off everything
- Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs
Sales of note for 9.10.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Extra 40% off sale styles
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- Zappos – 26,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
- Old Navy – 40% off everything
- Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs
See some of our latest articles on CorporetteMoms:
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- The concept of “backup care” is so stupid…
- I need tips on managing employees in BigLaw who have to leave for daycare pickup…
- I’m thinking of leaning out to spend more time with my family – how can I find the perfect job for that?
- I’m now a SAHM and my husband needs to step up…
- How can I change my thinking to better recognize some of my husband’s contributions as important, like organizing the shed?
- What are your tips to having a good weekend with kids, especially with little kids? Do you have a set routine or plan?
GCA says
Dress for the job you want, amirite? Happy April…
Anonymous says
My 3 year old would LOVE this dress, she is currently swanning around in her Elsa dress.
Cb says
My boss’s daughter (then 4) came to our wedding and was decidedly disappointed when she saw me again and I wasn’t dressed as a “princess”. Now she’s a very surly 13-year-old but always comes in and says hello when I’m on Teams with her mom.
anon says
This is precious. I can see my daughter doing something very similar, haha!
anon says
This is actually very pretty, and if I were going to prom, I would want it. :)
Anon says
I love it too.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
This tells me a lot about my fashion sense at almost-40 that my first reaction was “ooohhh pretty sparkles and twirls!”. I should also note that I am mother to two, seemingly very traditional boy’s boys and I am hopeful one of them will want a tutu so we can twirl together…
Boston Legal Eagle says
Sorry to be a grinch, but I’m really not a fan of April Fools – I hate pranks. Otherwise I do enjoy April as it usually means warmer weather around here and Easter and my older kid’s birthday!
This was brought up partially in yesterday’s thread but I’m curious how you all feel about kindergarten and its expectations now. When I went (back in my day…), it was more like a continuation of preschool with mostly playtime and even nap time. Now, it seems like the kids are expected to sit still for most of the day, learn to read and even analyze books. I brought this up with our ped when our son was struggling a bit with interrupting and sitting still and she said that expectations in the older grades and high school especially are so high now that they have to start this academic focus early. It feels like such a shame to me, and a lot of kids are just not ready/shouldn’t have to do this at such a young age. But I don’t really know what to do about it – I know I’m not going to change the system and I guess my only option would be to find a private school for my kid, but I really like public schools. And I do love our district – they do try to have some time for recess, art, music, etc., but they still have to follow state standards.
S says
I agree it’s a shame — I think it privileges academic achievement over social/emotional development. But what are you going to do? We’re just trying to be very chill about expectations. Our kid is just too young to excel in K compared to kids who are nearly a year older and that just has to be fine with everyone.
Cb says
I grew up in the US but live now in the UK, and the kindergarten expectations back home seem so intense in comparison with what I experienced. I went into kindergarten reading and writing, so I was pulled out for special enrichment activities (all I remember is a boring early reader about boats) but it seemed more play based than it is now?
My gut from kids a year older than mine (P1=kindergarten equivalent) is that it is mostly learning to count and identify and write letters. We have part-time universal 3-4 year old education here but they don’t do any academic work, unless the kids are specifically interested (sorry, teacher, who based on things coming home spends their time spelling out superhero names for my child so he can write them)
Anon says
I agree that K should be less academic. All of early elementary, really. But I haven’t really observed a huge change compared to my own childhood. Maybe my childhood district was intense or our current district is laidback. There is zero expectation of reading in K here, and I’m grateful for that.
Anonymous says
Here K is exactly the same as it was for me 30 years ago–a full day of sitting in a classroom doing worksheets, with one outdoor recess + naptime. Boring and useless both then and now.
Anon says
We’re doing half day K for this reason. My daughter was in full time daycare from infancy, and did great, but I don’t want her doing academics from 9-3 at age 5. We have local grandparents to help but if we didn’t hiring a nanny would be worth it to me.
AwayEmily says
Agreed on the disliking pranks AND on the kindergarten thing. I was so shocked when I visited the kindergarten classroom in the fall and there were no toys at all in it. When I get stressed about it I just remember that school is only six hours of their day — and the “sitting at a desk and learning” part is maybe only half of that. And also, that we can try to make the after-school time as chill as possible — no formal classes, just visiting the climbing gym with her dad, running around the playground with other kids, or just puttering around the house while listening to an audiobook. Next year she will be in the after school program, which is mostly just an unstructured two hours of playground/gym time.
(also, the kindergartener has decided that the best april fools joke is writing funny notes and leaving them all over the house. Of course, she is limited by the fact that she can spell very few words — hence my husband finding a note that said “Dada is a cat” in his chair this morning).
Boston Legal Eagle says
Agree on aftercare – I’m glad the weather is better now so that they can run around outside more. I think cutting out TV has also given us the added benefit of the kids having about 1.5 hours in the mornings to make up whatever games they want (including teaming up with their dad to prank me this morning…) and just have that unstructured playtime. It seems to really help my K-er.
Anonymous says
My K-er has toys in her classroom! They have a dollhouse, blocks/bricks/other building stuff, play doh, and some other stuff. Less recently because of COVID. They use that stuff during indoor recess or quiet time mostly.
Anon says
It’s really a shame, and we are ending up with a lot of stressed/bored/labeled/disengaged kids because of it (not knocking true diagnoses – I’ve got a son I’m pretty sure has ADHD – but instead commenting on the communal mindset we have that something about the child must be “wrong”, when instead it’s the developmentally inappropriate expectations. Just look at the comments insisting a kid needs to go to camp for a whole summer to practice sitting still and following directions, instead of having fun at the pool).
Unfortunately, I think this “be the best” mindset has permeated parenting from the womb. We are obsessed with “maximizing development” from the birth – look at all the claims toy packaging espouse these days! (This junky light up toy teaches cause and effect to your 3-month-old!) We sign kids up for activities before they can walk, instead of embracing unstructured free time. We panic when our five-year-old can’t read and try to tutor him over summer vacation. We buy into the claims that screens are necessary “to prepare kids for the future” instead of looking at all the opportunity costs. Young kids build resilience, intelligence, creativity, etc primarily through free play and outside time, not through academic work.
I love my public schools too and am a big believer in public education, but ever since my oldest started preK there I have been really mulling these things over.
Anon says
Re:your second paragraph, that’s not at all how I parent and not how my friends do either. My kid has never done more than one activity at a time and it’s never forced. I fully expect her to learn to read in first grade at age 6 as I did and I would only hire a tutor if a teacher told us she wasn’t meeting expectations and needed extra help. I think this s1te skews a lot more intense than the real world.
Anon says
I agree it probably is more intense here…but it also seems to be the cultural norm, and it is perplexing how we got here, as a commenter pointed out below (early academics is not supported by research, etc). Can we blame the boomers, lol? Like, there can be a whole lot of individual parents who don’t subscribe to this, but I feel like I’m going against the grain, and even if we personally disagree, this pressure to meet milestones early and be the best *is* reinforced by schools and the Jones’ of the neighborhood/social media.
Anon says
I think this may be very dependent on where you live. I don’t feel like our approach is unusual in the small Midwest city where we live, but this isn’t a very “keeping up with the Joneses” place. There are some things that make us out of sync with other families here, but they’re very different than what you describe. The biggest ones are me working, us only having one kid, and us not going to church.
Anon Lawyer says
I mean I agree with you in theory but see a lot more parents freaking out about whether Cocomelon will “ruin” their child or whether they need only wooden Montessori toys in the house or again child will be ruined than j do your examples. I don’t think it’s better coming from that perspective.
anon says
I hate pranks, and yes, the expectations for kindergarten and early elementary are out of control. Short of homeschooling, though, not sure there’s much to be done because it’s that way everywhere. (And I also really love our district. The private schools in my area are not places I’d feel comfortable sending my kids, for a number of reasons.) I compensate by keeping extracurriculars VERY low-key for my kids.
Anon says
It’s just strange to me because it’s not consistent with the recommendations of actual child development experts. There’s a lot of cargo culting and a lot of subpar research in education circles though. I suspect that with current levels of understaffing, a more regimented approach is easier for maintaining control of the class, and they’re anxious not to miss opportunities to teach reading since (teachers tell me) in later grades it’s eventually not part of the curriculum and basically not something they’re allowed to teach anymore. I think they also try to get parents worked up about it in the hopes that the parents will do the actual teaching for them (again because of understaffing).
I actually would have liked academic kindergarten since the way they did things when I was a kid felt chaotic to me. (I have never once in my life wanted to be in an environment where small children outnumbered adults, least of all when I was one of the small children!) I was a low energy kid and sitting still and reading was pretty much my speed… But I’m still not sure it was good for me, since I always felt better when I wasn’t in school and was spending more time outside.
Anonymous says
Schools absolutely expect parents to do most of the actual teaching now. When I was in elementary school and our class was assigned its first report, the teacher broke the process down into steps and walked us through each one. We had to turn in a series of assignments that built up to the final draft–a paragraph describing our topic and why we chose it, a bibliography of sources we had checked out from the school library, index cards with notes, an outline, and a rough draft. A kid could do well and learn even with zero parental involvement. When my daughter was assigned her first report, the instructions were basically “turn in a report with a bibliography of at least five sources.” I had to teach her all the steps myself. I have no idea what happens to kids whose parents don’t provide this level of support.
avocado says
My daughter is in high school, and at least in our district expectations are much lower at every level than they were in the schools I attended growing up. My Title 1 elementary school taught the same math in second grade that our district teaches in fourth and fifth grades. The only goal is to cover the state standards, which are very minimal, and there is no differentiation until AP/IB. She has written exactly two essays in her honors English courses over the past two years–one each year for the state test. The expectations in AP courses, which seem quite reasonable to me, have been a rude awakening for all of the kids. I have no idea how they expect these kids to be able to write essays when they start their IB coursework next year. And this is supposedly one of the “best” public high schools in a state known for having “good” public schools.
avocado says
Clarification: There is allegedly differentiation in freshman and sophomore “honors” courses, but these courses are so basic and move so slowly that I don’t know how they could possibly be any different from the regular courses. No differentiation at all in elementary and middle school.
Boston Legal Eagle says
That’s interesting so maybe the schools are both expecting too much at the early grades (at least in terms of sitting still) and not enough at the later grades? I read in that book The Smartest Kids in the World about how countries around the world are teaching kids and it sounds like the U.S. system doesn’t fully prepare kids for rigorous math and science work. But at the same time, Scandinavian countries tend not to focus on reading until the later elementary years. I mean there’s a lot that we should probably take from the Finnish model, but I doubt it will ever happen here in the U.S.
avocado says
My take is that the schools are expecting too much of little kids in terms of behavior, but not enough of any child academically. Throughout my daughter’s public school education, I’ve seen a lot of meaningless and time-consuming busywork but not a lot of content or critical thinking being taught, except by one amazing math teacher she’s fortunately had twice. I place a lot of blame on the state testing requirements. Schools’ only real motivation is to get 100% of kids to pass the tests, which are pretty minimal and are given in most subjects all the way up through 9th or 10th grade.
Anonymous says
It’s almost like your school is just bad. Query why you stay.
Anonymous says
Are any of them really better, though?
Also remember that moving is not a decision that one spouse can make alone.
Anonymous says
Is there a public school other than a magnet school that is any better? I sure haven’t heard of any.
Anonymous says
I used to tutor kids in elementary and middle school in math and reading. If you teach these subjects the right way, it’s very interactive and does not take much time and results in strong understanding of underlying principles (phonics, place value, etc.). American schools tend to use a drill-and-kill approach that is both inefficient and ineffective. Kids memorize sight words and arithmetic facts and algorithms without understanding how any of it actually works.
Anonanonanon says
We’re in one of those “top in the nation” school districts (supposedly) AND THEY DON’T EVEN TEACH SPELLING ANYMORE! My kid is in 6th grade and can’t spell for sh*t. No emphasis on legible handwriting either. He has barely ever had homework outside of “read 30 minutes and document it.” He’s in advanced math, does well in it, and there somehow isn’t homework. He’s smart but not so gifted he wouldn’t benefit from math homework! He’s in for a rude awakening in secondary school next year.
Anon says
Our K does have nap time, which is crazy to me. My kid hasn’t napped at school since she was 2!
Anonymous says
I have always assumed K naptime was really a break for the teacher.
Mary Moo Cow says
One good thing to come out of the pandemic for our school was increased recess. Our school committed to in-person instruction from fall 2020 on, so they added a recess for Pre-K through 4 grades as a mitigation measure. Those classes got one 15-minute morning recess and one 30-minute afternoon and the feedback from teachers was so loud and positive that two recesses is permanent. I’d like more, or have PE every day.
Our K has some toys, but mostly smaller, desk based toys. They do nap for most of the year, but phase it gradually over the second semester. It is a lot of sitting and, in my opinion, a bit too academically focused. I’ve actually found 1st grade to be more playful or relaxed!
Anon says
Oh nice. My first grader has a combined 50 min for lunch and recess, and he keeps losing recess for *talking to his friends in the lunch line* (they are assigned seats at lunch and he doesn’t sit with his friends.) I mean COME ON. They have to follow directions the other 6 hours of the day – and I have a real problem with taking away recess for any reason, when recess is what most kids need to sit still the rest of the day. He gets glowing reviews from his classroom teacher so I am extra grumbly about these lunch ladies…
Anonymous says
Oh my gosh – talk to the school! Tell them he cannot have his recess taken away. He’s not a prisoner, You can do this, most parents just don’t realize it.
anon says
Some states require recess because they have finally recognized that physical play is as important as academic instruction. If you’re in one of them, what those awful lunch ladies are doing may actually be illegal.
Anonanonanon says
Wow I can’t believe they’re allowed to take recess away as a punishment! I thought it was widely accepted that that is the last thing you want to do for an energetic kid! Double wow that the lunchroom staff have that much sway. I’ve gone to the school to have a chat twice in my 6th grader’s academic career, so my bar for intervening is not low, but I’d totally go to them about taking recess away! I’m so sorry that he’s having a tough year!
Anon says
Thanks for the gut check/encouragement…he just told me about this recently and adamantly did not want me to contact his teacher (he feels ashamed, I think), so we brainstormed some ways he can try to follow the rules to keep his recess time. We’ll revisit in a week and see how it’s going. I’m trying to tow the line of “we have to follow rules even if they seem dumb” and “work for change when we disagree”. I’ve been pretty empathetic and vocal with him that this stinks and we’re on his side here
Anon says
Paging AwayEmily. I saw comments too late to respond yesterday, and I’m not sure if this is what you were looking for, but at 3/4 years old, my son also expressed a very strong preference when picking clothing that was centered around aesthetic choices (dresses, sparkles, etc.). I am now about 8 years ahead of you, and my son transitioned to become my daughter about 3 years ago. It’s definitely not what it means for all kids who express this type of strong preference at this age, but it was where my kid landed.
Since yesterday was trans visibility day – I’ll share some of our story. It’s a hard, complex and tough path in many theoretical ways (the hardest part is the private conversations — “what will this mean long term”), but ultimately, if you can kind of shut your brain off to the noise and stigma, once we decided to follow my child’s lead, it was a simple path and is currently an awesome story. We are all happier today than I ever could have imagined I would have been when we first had an inkling this was the path we were headed down. I do credit today’s happiness with doing what we ultimately felt was the harder choice at your child’s age, and letting our then-son lean into what “he” preferred to wear at that point. My child somewhat walked the line of both genders for a few years (though we later found out that at school, she was telling people two years before she fully transitioned at home that she was a girl, and had all kinds of stories to explain a short haircut, etc.).
Now, I have a 13 year old who is a strong student, an athlete, and an awesome, happy, confident kid. She doesn’t spend her days feeling uncomfortable trying to make an outward appearance fit her brain. She just gets to focus on being a kid. Anyway, I don’t know if this is what you were looking for yesterday when you posted, but I recall reading something from a trans adult when I was in your shoes. It basically said, “don’t worry – follow your child – I’m so much happier than I ever could have imagined when I was a confused kid, and it’s not as hard as you think.” If we can be that voice for one other family, I will feel like I paid it forward.
Cb says
I am crying reading this! Your daughter is incredibly lucky to have amazing parents and you are incredibly lucky to have such an amazing daughter.
One of my pals transitioned last year, and it is amazing to see him feel happy in his own skin for the first time. His parents haven’t been great, and my mom, who doesn’t know much about this stuff and probably trends a bit conservative, was like “tell him if he needs a mom-figure, I’ll be there”.
Anon says
Absolutely love that CB – thank you so much for sharing the support from others. Sometimes the opposition is so loud; it’s just wonderful to hear the private stories of support, especially when they come from unexpected places. Keep on raising kind kids :)
Cb says
It’s not as bad in the US but the government has pledged to reform the gender recognition act, allowing for self-ID, and the opposition is so fierce, and so nasty. And I just can’t figure out what inspires such vitriol and resentment for people just trying to find themselves.
AwayEmily says
Thank you so much for taking the time to write this. My husband and I have had conversations about this — in addition to preferring sparkles/dresses, my son always wants to be a girl during pretend play, and we’ve casually reinforced to him that a person’s physical parts don’t determine whether they are a girl or a boy, and talked with him about friends of ours who have transitioned. So far we’ve been following his lead, letting him choose/wear what he wants (including ordering him rainbow dresses and sparkly pink shoes), and we figure we will take each day as it comes. This may be a phase, it may be something long-term — either way, it’s his choice and we will support him. It it wonderful to hear that things turned out so well for your daughter.
NYCer says
Good to be open to whatever develops, but definitely keep in mind that it could just be a phase. My older daughter’s best friend in preschool (a boy) sounds very similar to your son. He is now 9 and a typical boy, wearing boys clothes, etc.
Anonymous says
This is why I think it’s important to let kids express themselves without labeling them. Not all boys who like to wear dresses are girls. Not all girls who like to wear pants and do “boy” things are boys.
Anon says
Yeah I think people sometimes read too much into early childhood pretend play. My kid has been pretending she’s a dog for three months straight, but I’m pretty sure she’s going to stay human.
Anon says
I’m the mom to the trans kid. Believe me, with the power of 1,000 suns, that my kid did not express a similar preference for being a dog. This is such a red herring argument that I hear often, and frankly infantilizes the path we’ve walked. It assumes that the decision to transition was made on a random Tuesday afternoon after an afternoon of pretend play. There is so much more that goes into it, and if you haven’t been around a trans kid, it’s hard to understand how fundamental that feeling of “wrongness” is.
Anon says
Sorry, I wasn’t trying to minimize your experience. But I have heard people express that they think their kid may be trans based on cross gender pretend play and that does seem like an overreaction to me. Btw I’m not saying this is something my kid does occasionally – she has been living “in character” as a dog for three months straight. If she had chosen to play “boy” instead of “dog” I can definitely see people labeling her as trans. 4 year olds get obsessed with things easily.
Anon says
I can honestly say I don’t know anyone who has transitioned (or had a kid that transitioned) off a phase of cross gender play, even “obsessed” cross gender play. But this argument/line of reasoning absolutely does minimize the experience of trans people. My child was also obsessed with birds at this same age, and never did I once think that she wanted to transition to become a bird. Being trans is feeling that a part of you is absolutely, fundamentally wrong. A 3/4 year old cannot express that, but there are signs at that age that they may come to be able to or want to express this later. My point is not to convince anyone that a kid who engages in cross gender play is trans, but to say that it was a sign for my kid (I’ve pointed out elsewhere that it was also NOT a sign for a lot of kids we know) and to provide comfort if, in fact, anyone else’s kid is, in fact, trans.
AwayEmily says
I would also note that nobody here has advocated for “labeling” a 4yo as trans. The advice that’s been given is “don’t restrict your kid’s choices based on gender norms” and “have age-appropriate discussions about differences between gender and sex.” And frankly, this is good advice for ALL kids, not just ones interested in cross-gender play.
And for what it’s worth, I think it’s quite possible that this is indeed a phase — he has a much-admired older sister, a brand-new baby sister who gets lots of attention, and a very influential, very “girly” best friend — so being a girl has a lot of cachet right now. But I also see zero harm in both taking the above advice to heart, AND educating myself about how to best support him if it turns out not to be a phase.
Anon says
Thank you AwayEmily for this beautiful sentiment, and to all of you on this board who are open, affirming, kind and supportive. You will raise kids who will help protect my kid’s life. It is easy to find ways to feel discouraged when I read the news, but this has been one of the best threads I’ve read in a while.
Anon says
Yes – this, and to the comment above. We gave my kid a lot of gender expansive language that all the kids in my family/friend circle use. “Girls can wear dresses and pants, why can’t boys?” Or “Did you know that girls used to not be allowed to wear pants – it’s not fun if we can’t all try out different clothes.” or “I’m just a boy who likes sparkly things – aren’t they pretty?” Most kids shrug and move on.
Also, my son trying on all the princess dresses in preschool gave a bunch of other boys in the room a little more confidence to try on the pretty dresses. The pictures from that year were awesome — all the kids tried on all the dress up clothes. My kid is the only one who transitioned though! The rest were just boys who loved pretty things too :)
Anon says
This gives me chills – this was so my kid at this age, right down to all her stuffies were girls, and she always drew herself as a girl. I have so much more visibility into the trans community now, and on behalf of so many kids who were told a resounding “NO that’s not for you!” at this age, thank you for trusting your kid. Those “Nos” so badly mess up kids for the long term. They stop trusting their inner voice because they are told what they think or feel is wrong or bad, and 10 years later, those are the vulnerable kids who so much more susceptible to other people’s harmful pushy voices (drugs, P@rn, looking for any kind of authority figure to follow, etc.)
Looking back, I fought or angst-ed over stupid battles at the beginning. At this age, shoe color doesn’t matter. I tried so hard to find “boy” stuff that was sparkly or purple because crossing the aisle at Target felt too “meaningful” (saving my rant about “girls” and “boys” stuff later). Also, my daughter has a younger brother – and putting a dress on him certainly didn’t make him trans, just like giving my daughter purple shoes made her happy, but didn’t make her trans (when she was wearing head to toe blue, she still felt like a girl inside).
Finally, if you are getting pushback from preschool, I have ideas. A lot has changed in the last few years, so it might not be necessary. We did send books to school for the teachers to read to the class (I’ve recently read Jacob’s New Dress, Julian is a Mermaid, and they were both great), and role played how to respond to kids who asked about a boy wearing a dress. Most kids are curious, will ask once, and then move on. We gave her permission to shut down rude kids, but prepared her that kids were going to be curious/laugh/sometimes say unkind things. We always asked her if she’d rather get laughed at but wear a dress, or not get laughed and not wear a dress. She always, always chose wearing a dress and possibly getting laughed at.
As I said above, she is now the most confident, happy 13 year old, and in a lot of ways, I credit how much we worked on listening to/trusting herself as a kid.
anon says
There’s a book that might help — the exact title escapes me at the moment, but it was something like Supporting Your Gender-Creative Child or similar. It could help give you listening strategies as you navigate whether this is temporary identity play, and how to support that, or whether it’s something more profound. I’ve only read bits of it, but my trans bff recs it strongly.
Allie says
In case it helps, what’s worked well for my very girly girls to support the people around them is just from the beginning to explain that if for a long time their heart says they are a boy they can become a boy. They always say my heart says I’m a girl and I always affirm that — but I want them to view gender identity that way from the start.
Cb says
That’s really helpful framing, thanks! I didn’t know quite how to talk to him about affirming other people’s identities so I really appreciate that.
It’s interesting how kids really do know! My son will drape himself (and his father) in blankets to play Elsa and Anna singalong, but also has a very strong sense of his boy identity and has from an early age.
Anon says
Thank you for this :) Thank you for teaching your kids to be kind, and for a simple explanation that makes the world safer for my kid and kids like her.
I will say it again and again. People who are trans are not made that way by dressing up. But the best thing you can do for a trans kid is to support them. It can literally be life saving.
Anonymous says
Thank you so much for this. My 6 yo has always been into sparkles, long hair, etc. lately he has asked to wear dresses/skirts, including to school. We have also been following his lead. I have read a lot about gender and trans issues and am theoretically very comfortable with what to do here, but the news lately has been so anti-trans, including/especially toward children, and I have been struggling with what the future may hold for my child. So glad to hear from you and that your child is thriving. Lots of respect and admiration from my end and sending your family best wishes.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I wish it was more acceptable for boys to wear dresses and have long hair. Girls can wear pants, shirts with balls, etc. but it doesn’t seem to go the other way, at least by society’s standards. And my son also wants long hair because he wants to swing it around when he dances!
Anonymous says
Half the boys in my high school in the 1990s had long hair!
Anon says
Sending love right back to your family. I have to limit my news consumption because it doesn’t track our experience. I wish I could introduce my daughter to so many people who theoretically hate trans kids or push harmful policy because they don’t know better. She’s so resolute in who she is, it’s not something she is doing so she can have an edge on sports or be creepy in a bathroom, and regardless of how we responded to her, she would have been who she is. She is accepted by peers, and the one branch of our family who is wildly socially conservative has had their minds changed, just by watching her grow up.
Sports will continue to be a hard conversation (and one I’m likely not going to have here based on past experiences), but I believe we will eventually find a path forward. It will not be won in chat rooms or comments to news article, but by the generation of 20 somethings who are far more tolerant than the current folks in power.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Thank you for sharing this. I loved reading about this beautiful, nuanced, human experience your family had. <3 Your daughter sounds awesome.
Anon says
Thank you :) The support here today has given me some more faith in humanity :)
CCLA says
Yes, thank you OP. And for the thoughtful comments. One of the best threads I’ve read in a while.
So Anon says
Echoing this comment and the others.
GCA says
Yes, thank you to OP and others here who are supporting your kids in being and becoming who they are, and for all of the thoughtful advice on teaching kids to affirm the gender identity of others.
My childhood best friend transitioned, as an adult, a few years ago – and of course he is exactly the same person with the same interests and habits and quirks, just a million times happier and more confident and at peace. (And a happily married, well-respected lawyer in his field!) It was an amazing transformation to witness.
Anon says
Thank you for sharing your family’s story and supporting your kids. I know a number of people who have transitioned as adults and it has been life-changing, in some cases life-saving. All of them have known they were trans for a very long time but certainly didn’t have family or community support to be themselves. I’m glad we can have these conversations here.
poolalarm says
Does anyone have a pool alarm for their door along with a pool fence? I feel like the door alarm is overkill, because we already have a top lock and we will have a fence and the kids are having extensive private lessons this summer and are 3 and 5. Am i being unreasonable? My husband wants me to extra safe, but I just feel like these shreiking alarms are going to be annoying..
Anonymous says
My parents had one at a previous home. It was easily turned off (the previous owners installed it, and my parents typically kept it turned off unless there was a reason to have it on). I could see installing one but not always having it on.
Mary Moo Cow says
It might be required or at least encouraged by your homeowners insurance policy or local ordinances.
SC says
It’s not overkill. A friend of mine’s nephew died in a pool at an extended family gathering. The family had been swimming, and someone left the pool gate open when they went indoors to eat. Kid left the house, went back to the pool, and drowned.
I have an alarm system with sensors that beep, just three simple beeps, whenever any door or window in our house is opened. It’s not a screech. We had to agree to a 2-year contract with the alarm company ($55/month), but they offered a lot of free equipment and installation to get us to sign the contract. I don’t even have a pool, and I like knowing when my kid enters or leaves the house. (Then again, my son is basically the kid in Bewilderment, if anyone has read that.)
EDAnon says
I grew up in Florida (so lots of pools) and kids died regularly. It’s tragic. I would do anything I could to prevent it.
Anonymous says
Drowning is the leading cause of accidental death for kids under 5. And it’s not just about your kids, it’s any kid who is ever in your house. Do you ever have parties? And maybe a Houdini kid or a kid who hasn’t been around pools much walks out. Or a toddler gets out when someone forgets to close the fence gate. There are plenty of people who “know better” or even pediatricians!! Who lose kids to drowning.
SC says
My FIL is a pediatric specialist who refers us to healthychildren.org (the American Academy of Pediatrics website) for absolutely every issue. He sends us unsolicited articles from the site. Yet FIL and his wife have a pool and have refused to implement any safety protocols recommended by the AAP. There’s even a doggy door large enough for my husband to fit through, and they refuse to close it up when there are kids around. We’ve sent FIL the healthychildren.org articles on pool safety. There are 6 grandchildren, now ranging from 2 to almost 7. I just don’t understand it.
anon says
This is not an April Fools joke, but I’m seriously considering buying a fanny pack. I think the kids are calling them hip packs now? I see this filling a hole when I bike to the park with my kid, or need a phone and cash handy but am pocketless … you get the idea.
Anyway, knowing that I’m in my early 40s and not cool in the least, what is the least offensive one I could own? I am drawn to the bright colors of Cotopaxi, but is that a bit much? I’m also considering buying a pair of Teva originals to replace a pair of old Chacos that I’ve never liked, so I guess my midlife crisis/not giving an eff is intact.
Anon says
I just got my daughter a hip pack that converts to a shoulder bag. It was from Vera Bradley. It is called the Small Convertible Crossbody Bag. For some reason it doesn’t come in as many patterns as the other bags, but my daughter liked the light blue butterfly print. It might work for what you. I use a different small Vera Bradley bag for my walks for the dog and quick errands. It is small enough that I stick it in a larger bag as my wallet when I need a bigger bag. I like that I can wash it.
Jz says
i love fanny packs! lululemon has fun ones and sometimes on sale.
AwayEmily says
Ha, I gave in to the fanny pack trend two years ago largely because I didn’t have enough pockets for all the masks I had to carry. I have a boring black Jansport one. I also have a Topo Designs Quick Pack for when I need something bigger — it can technically be used as a fanny pack but I usually use it as a crossbody.
Mary Moo Cow says
I bought a solid, olive green nylon one from Target last year. I was reluctant, but man, I use that thing all the time.
anon says
I got one from Patagonia! My son has one from Hershel supply that is identical to the one his hipster uncle owns. (I don’t look cool with a fanny pack regardless of whether it’s cool)
Anonymous says
I love the Patagonia one: I steal it from my hubs regularly. Influencers like Lululemon’s new small fanny pack (I forget the name) but I found it comically small. They used to make one called the Festival Bag II, and that’s my daily go to. I can only find them on eBay now, and they’re usually marked up from their original $68 price, but it’s truly a gem. I use it as my carry on when I go on flights.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Jansport, pink and purple animal print, bought of Amaz*n. I love it. I switch that out with my Telfar bag which I wear as crossbody.
anon says
I’d been trying to wrap my mind around leaving my husband when the study came out yesterday about how divorcing parents is worse for kids than the death of a parent. Now I’m back at square one, not knowing what to think. I love my kid, I like my husband but I don’t love him anymore. He’d be a good co-parent, there’s no abuse or anything that makes this a no-brainer. Ugh. This is hard.
Anon says
At the end of the day, people should do what is best for themselves and families. Outside of abuse and egregious things, I do think (when kids are involved) it is better for parents to figure it out and stay together if possible. This is a hot, old-fashioned take on my end, and I don’t expect agreement.
DH’s parents both divorced, re-coupled, divorced/split a few times and it’s done a number on him and it’s something we navigate constantly (sometimes together, sometimes stuff I need to keep in mind – my family background was much “traditional”).
Posting this for anecdata and that you are reasonable for thinking so much about this.
Anon says
+1 I don’t think it’s a popular opinion here but I agree.
I would also add that I’ve seen quite a few women who initiated divorce in mid-life (without an obvious trigger like abuse or cheating) and their ex-husbands remarried quickly, often to younger women they had more kids with, while they are still single and bitter about it. I’ve also seen women remarry because they hated being alone, and then the second marriage was even worse than the one they left, because they had settled for someone who wasn’t right for them. IMO you should only leave a marriage if you think being alone is better than being married to that person (which in some cases, I’m sure it is!).
Anonymous says
I agree. I think it’s different if you’ve changed and grown into wildly different people than you were when you were first married. But otherwise, I’d focus on the positive attributes of my spouse, get into couples therapy, and try to spend more 1:1 together. I don’t even know if I’d say I’m “in love” with my husband anymore but I do like and respect him and we both love the life we’ve built. We’ve been together for 12 years though so I haven’t been starry eyed for him since about year 2 haha. We just “get” each other in a way that only comes with time.
I’d think long and hard about what you think life will be like after divorce. Will you be OK being single for the rest of your life? Are you looking to remarry? How likely is that to happen? (Be honest here) I used to have zero problem attracting men…but as a 34 year old with 2 kids, limited time and energy? and an extra 20lbs and more grey hairs, I think my dating options would be much more limited!
NLD in NYC says
+ 1 this
Anon says
+1. Even amicable co-parents, unless they have an unusual situation like leaving the house to the kids or renting a duplex together, are forcing their kids to be nomadic and live in two houses with two sets of nearly everything, which is really hard on kids even if you think they are “resilient”. And as for emotions and not playing games with the kids, people who can be amicable and mature often find a way to use those skills to work on their marriage. So big surprise that most divorces do not involve two wonderful parents being mature and putting the kids first. Divorce is very hard and disruptive on kids. It is often a selfish move on the part of at least one parent, even if most divorced parents don’t want to face that truth.
So Anon says
Can you link to the study because I’m willing to bet that its a heck of a lot more nuanced than a bold face statement. Yes, divorce can mess up a kid, but it is not the fact of the divorce, it is how the divorce happens that matters. If two parents are contentious, fight over and around the kid through the divorce, make the kid the go-between and engage in parental alienation, it is absolutely horrible for a child. However, a person who is going to engage in that behavior was not a great parent to begin with. Divorce can mess up a kid, but it doesn’t have to. My children are so much better served by having gone through the heartache of divorce and being in a stable loving home with me. My marriage grew to a horrid place, even though we did not fight in front of the kids, and I could not be the parent or person that I wanted to be and remain married to their dad. Please do not base your life decisions on studies like this. Studies cannot look at your individual situation, your children, how you would conduct the divorce and how you would co-parent.
Also, as someone whose parent died when I was a child, I call absolute BS on death of a parent as a valid metric for judging against divorce.
Anon at 12:07pm says
So Anon – I love your insights on this forum. From what I’ve read here, I feel like your ex was falling into the bucket where he wasn’t doing what he needed to do to be stable and it was negatively impacting everyone in your home.
I am posting because I don’t want you to think that by my post I implied that your situation was one where you and your ex could “figure it out” – seems like you had done all the work and then some, and he wasn’t willing to do the same or even meet halfway.
So Anon says
Oh no worries! I didn’t take it as a statement that I/he should have figured it out.
I would never suggest that divorce is the easy road or to take that avenue before you have done all that you can to try and improve a marriage. At the end of the day, though, sometimes you have to call a relationship fundamentally broken. Then you can shift efforts to parenting your kids through a divorce and getting yourself to the other side as healthy and whole as possible.
Anonymous says
I don’t know the study, but I find it impossible to believe that amicably co-parenting parents who both spend significant time with the kid is worse for the children than a parent dying. If you want to leave your husband, you should leave and not let one silly study deter you.
I will say I would describe my feelings towards my husband similarly, and I have no plans to leave him while we have young kids at home. I’m under no illusion that I would find a great love as a slightly chubby 40-something single mom to young kids and in this phase of life when parenting consumes so much of our mental and physical energy on a daily basis, I would rather share in the highs and lows of that journey with my child’s father rather than be alone. We’re not fighting a lot, so I don’t think staying together longer than we would otherwise is harmful to the kids. I can see us going our separate ways when kids are grown and parenting no longer consumes our day to day lives, because I think I’d probably rather be alone than spend all my time with someone I have nothing in common with and at this point we really have nothing holding us together except our kids.
Anon says
Same. I have dreams (actual sleeping dreams) about a random guy finding me hot and sweeping me off my feet. Reality is I have a child who occupies a lot of my time and dating hot dudes is not going to happen without giving up a lot of time with my son or work that I love.
My husband and I don’t have much in common right now. We haven’t “gardened” in months. We don’t fight a lot and He’s a good dad and a decent enough partner so we are sticking it out.
Anonymous says
Yeh exactly. I’d need to lose 20lbs, get an actual wardrobe, highlights, and develop some new interesting hobbies to attract random hot guy anymore. I’m better off just staying with my husband haha!
Anonymous says
Even if you’re hot, the dating app scene just seems so horrible and brutal. The stories I hear from single friends have convinced me I could not handle it no matter how physically attractive I was. And I’m shy and not involved in a lot of hobbies outside the home, so I know I would never meet someone at this stage of life without the use of apps.
So Anon says
The dating app scene can be brutal. (Don’t think I’ve shared the date where the dude told me he didn’t like attorneys…. after I told him that I am one.) But you know what is glorious? I have my own house that I get to decorate, and redecorate, in the exact way that I want. I decide what to watch after the kids go to bed. I am soon going to buy the exact new car that I want (pending available inventory). I decide where the money goes and where to vacation. Being single -especially a single parent- can be rough, but it can be so so lovely, especially after a bad marriage.
Anonanonanon says
Haha SoAnon I highlighted some of the same things in my (long) post below I wrote before even reading yours! Having that freedom was/is great. Now that I’m in a healthy marriage, I don’t feel like I’ve lost that freedom, but I look back on my post-divorce single time with nothing but fond memories.
Anon says
I’m glad you’re enjoying your post divorce freedom! But I feel like I have all these freedoms in my marriage too. I think leaving a bad marriage is very different than leaving one that’s just not great.
Anon says
This goes back to (Cue Cher for my Xennials) do you think you (and your family by extension) will be better off if you are alone?
If your answer is “yes” (for whatever reasons) vs. “ehhh I don’t want to deal with dating” (valid), I think that is a solid guidepost. I’ve posted this before, but a divorced/re-married friend once told me during a low point in my marriage – “When things get tough, I think about why I don’t want to split/why I want to stay – it can be as simple as I don’t like paperwork! I don’t want to start over! and as long as those things outweigh ‘I don’t want to/can’t be with this person’ – you have your answer.”
Caveat that I also don’t think all of my needs should be met by DH – our marriage is not open, but I know I need my family, my friends, my work to fulfill other things that I need, and that’s me. Some people need more, need less, etc.
SC says
I grew up observing a lot of people and a lot of families, and knowing way too much about them. (My dad was a minister in a mega-church, and I listened in a LOT while reading or playing my Gameboy in the corner.) I am confident that the outcomes for people who had a loving parent (and particularly mother) who died were much worse, than the outcomes for people whose parents divorced. As with anything, the way the parents acted after divorce affected how the kids did. For that matter, the manner of death and whether there was a chance to say goodbye matters too.
Anonanonanon says
Apparently unpopular opinion buuuut
My divorce was the best thing that ever happened to me. I won’t get into the background of how I ended up married to this person except to say I had a long-time habit of dating guys I didn’t really like, but that were “nice guys” who liked me, because I thought that was the best I could hope for. I had a mom who stayed in a marriage because it was what she thought was best for her children. I did not see “true love” modeled in my home and so I thought it didn’t exist. My parents would say things like “You won’t always like your spouse–sometimes you’ll actively dislike them!–but deep down you love them” and “love is a choice” etc.
It took me one therapy session to realize I needed out. I was happier as a single mom in a 1 bdrm apartment (I slept in the living room) than I was married. I snapped at my kid so much less. I wasn’t the ball of anxiety I didn’t even realize I had become. I felt so free just getting to buy the groceries I wanted, watch the shows I wanted, go to bed when I wanted, take my kid out to do things when I wanted, get the job that I wanted, spend my money the way I wanted, etc. Being alone and having that freedom was much better and healthier than being married to that person. I was a much better mother because I didn’t feel like I started each day trying to drag myself out of a dark pit. Looking back, I literally do not think I would have survived staying married to that person. There was not physical abuse, but there was financial abuse and some untreated mental illness at play.
I did remarry when my kid was 5 years old. I am very happy he and the daughter I have since had get to grow up and see how people should treat each other and that “true love” is possible. My marriage isn’t work. I like and love him every day. Not a day goes by I do not feel incredibly lucky to be married to him, and he feels the same. We’ve had 3 arguments in our 7 years together.
Even if I had not remarried, it would have been the right choice. I think Anon at 12:33 hit the nail on the head. If being alone sounds better than being with that person, I think that’s a pretty strong sign.
That being said, my ex wasn’t a good co-parent and there was no stable foundation of early love to build on. If I fell out of love with my current husband, I don’t think I would leave. Even absent romantic love, he would still be an excellent parent, a considerate housemate, someone who carries their share of the logistical burden of running a home and family, someone who supports me and is proud when I accomplish things, someone with similar medium and long-term goals about what we want our life to look like, etc. Do you feel like you have all of that? What caused you to decide to divorce to begin with? I’m sure it was more than going from love to like.
Anon says
I don’t think any of this really contradicts what people were saying above. A bad marriage is very different than a marriage where you no longer have romantic love but you’re still excellent partners.
Anon says
Definitely not unpopular and a great take that runs the nuances of the discussion here – your divorce was rooted in foundational things where you could not just “make it work”, and you were better off alone (and now re-married!).
So Anon says
Not unpopular and well articulated!
Anonymous says
FYI, the study defined “worse” in terms of EDUCATIONAL ATTAINMENT. That may not be an outcome that matters to you as much as others, like happiness.
https://www.demographic-research.org/volumes/vol46/20/46-20.pdf
FWIW, I think a lot of us are not *in love* anymore. My marriage has been tough recently. I actually told my husband that I hated him recently, and in the moment, I did. But hitting that low allowed me to reset, and things have really turned around. Maybe you just need a way to release your frustrations. (I wish I had released mine differently, because what I said hurt him a lot, but I did get a lot of clarify from what happened.) I think we all have a lot of pent up emotions right now, given everything happening in the world.
Anon says
When I was growing up, divorce was often more like abandonment. I can easily believe that it’s easier to cope with a parent being gone because they died than because they don’t give a darn about you and don’t care about seeing you or providing for you in any way. When a parent only sought custody as a way to mess with the other parent and were terrible caretakers on their weekends (e.g. dumping the kids on some random family member), or when they didn’t seek custody at all because they were moving on from the entire family, yeah that seriously hurt.
I would guess that outcomes are really different with parents who still care about the kids.
FP says
Does anyone own the mifold hifold travel high back booster and have thoughts? We are starting to travel a lot more with our almost 4 and almost 6 year old and I’m wondering if these are worth the investment. I loathe carrying large carseats around to travel (especially if it’s really only for to/from the airport) and my husband is fanatical about carseat safety, so I wonder if this is a happy medium.
Anon says
Does a high back booster really offer that much more protection than a backless booster? We just got the $25 Graco backless booster for travel for my just turned 4 year old. She’s in a car seat at home and will be for a while but we just took a trip to Europe (which is, at least in my experience, more cautious about car safety than the US) and all the “carseats” we arranged for with our private transportation were just booster seats and she did fine, so that convinced us to make the switch.
Anonymous says
I like high-back boosters for wiggly kids (keeps shoulder belt in place better) and kids who fall asleep in the car.
Anon says
That makes sense. My kid is neither.
Anon says
We love the mifold – I can tuck them in the kids’ backpacks, and they don’t even know they are carrying their car seat. It takes a few minutes for a kid to adjust to using it (I heard “my b@tt is stuck!” every time we had to get in/out of the car on the first trip), but my kids now use them regularly without issue.
CCLA says
Caveat that I do not have these, but was recently deep in the research mode for travel with our kids who are similar ages. I veer toward the more conservative end of carseat safety (but did switch to FF at 3.5, so I wouldn’t say fanatical). My takeaway from research was that the headrest piece in the HBB was helpful especially for kids who fall asleep, though I cannot decide if I would prefer that feature (but uses native seatbelt) or the ride safer vest where you get a harness but no headrest. I would be comfortable with the hifold for almost 6yo and will probably buy that if she doesn’t fit in the immi go that we have (which is sadly no longer in production but an awesome travel seat). I would feel more hesitant to use the hifold with the almost 4 yo and would consider the wayb pico, that is probably what we’ll buy for her but admittedly it is expensive.
Anonymous says
We bought the WayB Pico and loved it on our last trip, though my little was only 2 so I felt like we’d get a lot of good use out of it. (Also bought the RideSafer vest for the 6 yo, who hates it. She says it’s very hot and constricting, FWIW.)
CCLA says
Thanks for this, I was leaning hifold if she needs something new and this is useful to know!
Boston Legal Eagle says
This looks neat – thanks for bringing it up. I have no experience with these but we are planning to travel with our kids (who will be almost 4 and 6) and we’ll need some sort of car seats for them where we go, which we’ll have to bring by plane. I think the 6 year old will be fine in a booster, but I wasn’t sure about the almost 4 year old – I’m thinking these mifold hifold ones would work well for both of them. They are both in 5 point harness seats now, but I really don’t want to lug one of those across the country. Curious to see how others feel about using boosters for an almost 4 year old (who is big at least).
Anon says
I commented above but my 4 year old (who is pretty big for her age – I think around 46″ and 42 lbs) has used a backless booster when traveling and it’s been completely fine. We don’t do long car rides (except with our own car) and on short car rides she is not too squirmy and doesn’t fall asleep. She also didn’t complain when going back into her Britax car seat at home, which was a pleasant surprise.
Anonymous says
Is the kid tall enough that the seatbelt would be positioned correctly? My kids are very tall but would not have had safe seatbelt placement at age 4.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I think we would have to test it on him in the summer, definitely before we leave. We would have to do a good amount of freeway driving in our destination, which may cause us to err on the side of caution.
FP says
Yes – both of mine are in 5 point harnesses at home and have a while to go on that – 4 year old is large and 6 years old is very small. I think I’m going to get this for both of them. They tend to nod off in the car and this truly doesn’t seem that much larger than a booster to carry around. We have several airplane trips coming up this calendar year and I’d really rather use these than lug their 5 point carseats around, and I am personally not comfortable with renting them from US agencies. I hope they work for you too!
Anon says
Does anyone with recent 4 year olds know if there are normally shots at the 4 year old well check? The CDC schedule says “4-6 years” for a few things (5th DTaP, 4th IPV, 2nd MMR, 2nd Varicella) but doesn’t get more specific than that.
Anon says
We just had our 4-year well visit and there were shots (though I can’t remember exactly which ones – sorry!).
Anon says
Good to know, thanks. I was asking for my kid and the only thing that matters to her is will there be shots. She definitely doesn’t care what viruses she’s getting immunized against :)
Momofthree says
hahaha. So true! My oldest kid (6) was so excited to hear from his doctor that he wouldn’t have to get shots for a few years. Then she corrected herself and said, except for flu shots, and his smile noticeably dropped (according to my husband)
Anon says
Yeah I’ve made the same mistake with my kid!
Anonanonanon says
Yes we had shots at recent 4yo checkup. I think it was 4 just like you listed. It was at least 2.
Anon says
IIRC, our practice does lots of shots in the visit before K – they jokingly call it “ the kindergarten special.” That was at 5 with my oldest, and I’m pretty sure my middle guy only got flu at his 4yr old appt
OP says
If anyone else is following this, the nurse confidently told my kid “No shots!” but then the doctor said you can choose to do the vaccines I listed at the 4 year well check or the 5 year well check and I opted to do it now since my kid was already all stressed out about it and I really want the second MMR ASAP since we travel internationally. The four vaccines were combined into only two shots, but that was small comfort to my kid.
Anonanonanon says
Thank you for the update. Now I feel less crazy because I was sure my kid received everything you listed but I only remembered two injections!
Mommadom says
Yes. My 4 year old had his well-child one week ago and he had 3 shots (DTaP, MMR, and Varicella, I believe).
Anon says
Good to know, thanks. I was asking for my kid and the only thing that matters to her is will there be shots. She definitely doesn’t care what viruses she’s getting immunized against :)