My hanger evolution has gone from dry cleaner freebies to white plastic ones to now these.
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A 50-pack of hangers is $27.29 on Amazon. In addition to basic black/silver, there are a few more neutral color combinations as well.
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Sales of Note…
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price tops and sweaters; up to 40% off all sale styles
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- J.Crew – 40% off your purchase
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- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Talbots – 30% off entire purchase
- Zappos – 24,000+ sale items (for women)! Check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kid shoe brands on sale.
Kid/Family Sales
- J.Crew – 40% off your purchase
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Hanna Andersson – 100s of new markdowns; up to 30% off Easter
- Carter’s – Swim 50% off; up to 50% off sandals; up to 50% off spring break deals
- buybuyBaby – Major clearance markdowns
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We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.
Sales of Note…
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price tops and sweaters; up to 40% off all sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything; extra 15% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – 40% off your purchase
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 50% off everything; up to 50% off clearance; extra 15% off orders $100+; extra 20% off orders $125+
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Talbots – 30% off entire purchase
- Zappos – 24,000+ sale items (for women)! Check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kid shoe brands on sale.
Kid/Family Sales
- J.Crew – 40% off your purchase
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Hanna Andersson – 100s of new markdowns; up to 30% off Easter
- Carter’s – Swim 50% off; up to 50% off sandals; up to 50% off spring break deals
- buybuyBaby – Major clearance markdowns
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anonymous says
Are there any Feds here (or others) who work a schedule of 9 9-hr days and one day off per pay period? I can’t decide whether it’s worth it or not. I have been doing it for a few months now, and I feel like my day off is always either co-opted by extra work, or I’m doing household chores all day. How do you all plan for your off day?
Anonymous says
I think there are 8 9-hr days and one 8-hr day in there, right? Not much but a little better.
I don’t have this schedule now, but I used to, and I loved it. The best use of it for me was always traveling, making a longer weekend trip and saving up my leave that way. That’s my personal preference, but if you can get a M or F day off, you may enjoy just continuing the weekend deep relaxation or whatever it is you usually get up to on weekends. If M or F is not available, then a mid-week day off would be great for bundling errands (but try to pick one block, either morning or afternoon, so you are not wasting the whole day).
I do NOT recommend using your day off for sick leave and medical appointments.
If you find yourself working on your scheduled day off, have a conversation with your manager about perhaps shifting your day off for that pay period. Not always possible, but sometimes they will be accommodating if you have worked hard on a pressing deadline. If you do not have a pressing deadline, then you need to protect your time off and simply not log on.
Redux says
Co-sign this last paragraph. I raised this question here several years ago when I had this schedule and the big takeaway for me was that I needed to protect this time myself because no one else in my office was going to do it for me. People will not remember that you have that day off (or maybe will try to pressure you to work anyway) unless you set an out of office message and DO NOT WORK. You are the only one that can hold that time.
Anonymous says
I only had one kid when I worked this schedule. He was in day care full time, so I usually did one chore (groceries, most often) and then did “fun” things for the rest of the day. I never worked on my day off (YMMV obviously) and I was able to get chores done on the weekends. I have more kids now so I’d probably hire a housekeeper so I could keep doing “fun” things on my day off. I second not saving this day for appointments: I know some of it’s unavoidable, but where I worked it was understood this day was a perk and not part of PTO. We were granted generous sick leave for appointments in addition to this day.
octagon says
I’ve been a fed for more than a decade and have never opted for the 5/4/9 schedule. I think it’s easier for me, if I intentionally schedule days off once a month or so. My agency does not do credit hours, but if yours does, you could basically fake the AWS with credit hours as an alternative (work an extra 1-2 hours a day and track them, then take a day off when they equal 8 hrs). My colleagues regularly get pulled into a meeting or two on their AWS day, and the longer days aren’t as easy for me with childcare. I’d love to do a 4×10, maybe when kiddo is in high school and can drive.
Anon says
I used to but I liked having the extra hour to see my kids more. I definitely did not check my email on off Fridays – do not be tempted to sign in!
FedAnon says
This is a know-your-agency and manager thing. I did a 5/4/9 schedule pre-pandemic and pre-kid, and I loved it for travel and doing errands mid-week instead of busy Saturdays. I tried to return to that schedule after returning from parental leave, but it felt impossible to get good quality time with my baby each day if I was logged on from 7:30 to 5. I also resented that all the household chores piled up until my day off, so I did more than my spouse.
I switched back to a regular schedule so that I have more breathing room in the day to exercise over lunch or walk my baby to daycare. Also, my case team is in active litigation and everyone’s flex days are absolutely disregarded. Most parents in my office have switched away from an AWS for that very reason.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
DH had this back when he was a fed, pre-kids, and he always ended up working. It’s a personality thing/agency thing, so keep that in mind. I do believe he did get the days he didn’t use before he left (he had a nice, long PTO/leave before starting the next job)
Anonymous says
I had a 4/10 schedule years ago and really liked it in my early 20’s. But now with kids, I prefer to have a good chunk of time every evening rather than one more full day every other week.
help! says
Can you help me think through childcare options, please? FTM. Very lucky to have enough leave between the two parents to make it to nearly 11 months without needing care. We just found out our lovely neighborhood daycare is now taking children only ages 14 months and up. So what do I do for those three months/potentially longer if we like the arrangement?
-nanny share (I know the pros, but do not want to be an employer; I have a small old/creaky home; and I WFH a substantial portion of the week in that small home – having multiple kids around will be fairly disruptive, I think? I salute all the pandemic parents BTW.)
-in-home daycare? Haven’t toured any as this is still such a long way off, but could be ok. What is the ideal infant-caretaker ratio in your experience?
-ask family to help cover the gap? (same cons as nanny share, and would having several different (though loving) caretakers mess with the baby?)
-au pair? (I love this idea in theory, but my partner prefers to live a quiet and private life and would probably not like the addition of essentially another relative in the house on such a long term basis)
Sorry for the brain dump. I have no nesting instincts, but I spend all my pregnant free time thinking about logistics like these! Help!
AwayEmily says
Is there a further-away daycare you can enroll the baby in for those three months? We had to do that when we moved — our daughter was exactly that age, and we enrolled her in the only place we could find a spot, she was there for three months, and then moved to a closer place when a spot opened up. It was a little annoying to have that change-over but kids that age adjust super quickly.
Boston Legal Eagle says
+1 to the suggestions here to use another daycare in the meantime. I don’t think it’s a big deal to switch daycares – my older kid has been at 3 different daycares and the transitions were no harder than the transitions within one daycare to different rooms. And you may find that you like this other daycare better, so then you can stay. Definitely get on any waitlists now! Some could be up to a year…
Anonymous says
Have you considered/are there any bigger centers nearby? They may have more availability than you would expect. I know our center in downtown DC is looking for families right now. They are very used to taking care of infants and have strict protocols on caregiver ratios, cleaning, etc. For a short term arrangement I expect a daycare would be better than going through the process of hiring a nanny or au pair, but I don’t have much experience with either of those.
Anon says
+1 To the larger daycare for a temporary bridge until closer daycare has an opening. Especially with infants, large daycares have strict safety rules. I felt more comfortable sending my baby to one in the beginning. I can’t imagine finding a nanny, who is trustworthy and reliable, for such a short period of time is easy. I also agree with what someone else said about exploring multiple daycares and getting on wait lists. It’s nice to have comparisons and you never know what’ll fill up. When we went to finally lock in a daycare 9 months before needing it, most of our local centers only had 1 infant spot left.
NYCer says
Given your description of your house (small and creaky), I think an au pair would be more intrusive than a nanny tbh. I also think au pairs are better suited to slightly older children.
I would be tempted to use a combo of family and part time babysitters since it is only a 3 month period.
anon says
You don’t necessarily have to do the nanny share in your house. We did one where only one family hosted. Another family I know does a nannyshare where the nanny is with the baby during the school day at the baby’s house, but then adds on elementary students in the afternoon at their house.
I wouldn’t bother with a nannyshare for 3 months. It’s a lot of work to find a compatible family and get agreement. If you can, just eat the cost of a nanny for three months and then start at the daycare.
I wouldn’t switch daycares after only three months. If you go with that option, I’d plan to stay until your kid is 3 or 4 yo. Switching centers can be difficult for the kid.
Au pairs aren’t great for infants, as they’re unskilled help. They’re much better for at least preschool aged kids.
Anon says
I wouldn’t assume you will get a spot at the neighborhood daycare even when your kid is old enough, so I’d plan to get on waitlists for a number of daycares and see what works out when. I don’t think it would be a huge deal with a kid of that age to go to one place for 3-5 months and then switch if a spot opens up closer to home but every kid is different. You can also explore nannyshares hosted at someone else’s house but it is a lot of work to find and manage an employee plus very expensive so for me that was not my favorite choice.
ElisaR says
i agree w/ the suggestion to do a further/less ideal daycare for 3 months. at that age baby may even be napping for much of the time at daycare. I have some family nearby but nobody that would be able to provide childcare for me so i can relate to that. i think the worst idea is the au pair. that is a huge undertaking and not something you do to patch over short term childcare needs.
Anonanonanon says
I had a great experience with an in-home daycare! It terms of ratios, that is handled by using a licensed in-home daycare.
My approach was to start at the state department of social services (the licensing agency for daycares in my state) website and filter by zipcode. Then, I read the inspection reports of the licensed in-home daycares in my area and filtered out my deal-breakers. Then, I called the remaining ones to ask questions about hours, snow day policies, etc. and if they would even have an opening to filter further. I visited the remaining ones in person and chose from there!
Anon says
I love my in home daycare! I was skeptical of them before but now am a firm believer in in home daycares. You get mixed age groups and generally less staff turnover. We love that it is in the director’s home, which is 5000x cleaner than mine. There are flaws of course but I will be sad to leave when we move in a few months. Like above poster said, I relied on my state inspection reports.
Anon says
I’d go ahead and tour/get on the daycare waitlists now. The waitlists are insane and if it’s a possible option you’ll want it to actually be an option.
If those 3 months happen to fall over the summer you’ll probably be able to find a student who be a temporary nanny which would be a great option. Otherwise I agree finding a short term nanny will be difficult.
If you have family willing to cover the gap I think that could be a great option. We had my SIL watch my daughter when I returned to work to cover the daycare gap and it was amazing. She was 12 weeks old and it was for less than a month so a different scenario than you, but I really appreciated knowing how loved she was/the amount of photos I got in that time period.
DLC says
My kids went to in home daycares until they were two, and I thought it was a great environment for an infant- small enough that our caregiver could adjust routines slightly for each child, but she still had lots of activities and a huge backyard for outside time. In order to operate with a license, ratios are regulated, just like in bigger daycares. (in our area it’s 3 infants per caregiver.).
Anon says
We were in this situation and hired a nanny to bridge the gap from 11 months to 15 months when we could start our preferred daycare. It wasn’t ideal for a lot of reasons (cost, our nanny wasn’t great, I hated managing a household employee) but it worked ok and I’m glad my child’s first daycare experience was so positive. I’m sure this varies by kid but I think mine was a lot more ready to start “school” at 15 months than 11 months, and we were also able to start her gradually which wouldn’t have been possible at the younger age. To date (she’s 4) she absolutely adores school and several of her teachers have mentioned that it may be because she had such a good experience at the beginning. I think a nanny was the right call for us given that it was such a short term situation. We definitely had to grit our teeth a bit to get through those four months though.
Anonymous says
I got an email from my K daughter’s teacher about a recent increase in negative attention seeking behaviors.
She’s young for her grade and all year we’ve known she tends to seek attention from her teachers, but it just came up as an FYI during conferences, never a note home type situation.
She’s straight up not listening- when her behavior is flagged for correction (running in the call, not sitting down when supposed to, that sort of thing) she straight up ignores it. Yesterday she was cutting with scissors and cut holes in her pants until the teacher had to physically take away the scissors (asked her twice to stop first).
Ugh. She does stuff like this at home sometimes and we have techniques that work, but what do we do at school? FWIW I have two other kids and we’ve known since this one was young that shes….strong willed? Spirited? A very adorable and bright PITA? Similar behavior was flagged in PK and we asked if it was something requiring intervention but they told us it was likely pandemic + being young/immature for her grade. She’s a July birthday in a sea of kids that are already 6 in a district with a 9/1 cutoff.
Also, other than acknowledging receipt of the message and mentioning we will speak to her and to please keep up posted, what else if anything do we say to the teacher? I’ve never had a “note home” like this before.
Anonymous says
Ask them about their thoughts on retaining her for an extra year of kindergarten
Anonymous says
We asked PK about this. They said she’s ready and that all the kids are behind socially because of COVID.
At both conferences this year we asked about her socio/emotional relative to peers and her teacher said she was behind but not behind the class- everyone is behind. Our district is using pandemic relief $ to fund socio-emotional supports in the younger grades and she and about half of her class are part of that program.
Holding her back would be a major issue for her. My youngest is 18 months younger but one grade below so they would be in the same grade and that would be really bad for her. She’s academically way, way ahead and would really be frustrated repeating K. We did broach it with the teacher who said basically the same thing.
anon says
Do you have plans for her for the summer? I’d look for daycamps where she can spend time with her same-grade peers. More socialization = better.
Anonymous says
That’s what she’s doing. A couple weeks at a summer camp for exactly this reason. Rest of summer at our neighborhood pool filled with same age kids.
anon says
I’d do more than a couple of weeks of practice in structured settings. She’s playing catch up. Two weeks isn’t going to make a difference and time at the pool with mixed aged kids isn’t the same as listening to adults and interactions with only same grade peers.
Anonymous says
Oh not 2 weeks like 6-8. Playing at the pool is not a substitute.
Anon says
I think the plan sounds fine. She doesn’t need a whole summer of structured environments where she may be badgered about her behavior for the sake of practice. She probably really needs unstructured, fun time to do what she wants. Pool time with a variety of kids sounds perfect.
Anon says
If your daughter makes the school cutoff by only two months, I don’t understand how a sibling who is 18 months younger could be only one grade below.
Anon says
Agree, that math doesn’t track.
Anonymous says
Right, if this kid started K in 2021 having just turned 5, that would mean a sibling who is 18 months younger would be born around late 2017/early 2018 and would be a 2023 Kindergarten start in a district with a 9/1 cutoff. Are you sure you’re not doing the math wrong on this?
Anonymous says
I’m not trying to talk you into it! Just suggesting the conversation.
Anonymous says
Did you already redshirt her? That’s the only way I see the sibling age math working out.
Anonanonanon says
I was a young (august bday) kid and it’s really, really hard for girls to be that much younger. It wasn’t a huge issue for me until around 4th grade, but the differences definitely started showing up then. I ended up switching from public to private school because we moved and, when I did, I did 8th grade for a second time. (The private school worked a year ahead of the state curriculum so it wasn’t a huge issue). I’m really happy I did; high school and university were much easier because of it. In retrospect, graduating at 17 with a bunch of 19-year-old classmates wouldn’t have been great for me.
busybee says
Ehh, that’s a blanket statement that is of course not true for everyone. I was a Sept 28 birthday in an October 1 cutoff district and I was totally fine.
Anonymous says
Same here. I had a November birthday in a district with a November 30 cutoff, so I started K at age 4 and graduated at 17. I was already bored in school and would have been even more miserable if I’d been held back for “social” reasons. That would have backfired anyway, because most of my friends were older, not younger. Also I can’t imagine being trapped at high school until age 18.5. I was more than ready to be out of the house at 17.5.
My daughter is currently taking classes that are half kids in her grade, half kids two grades ahead because of some weirdness in the curriculum. The only issue she has with the older kids is that they’re slackers on group projects and the younger ones have to do all the work. Socially, it’s fine.
Anon says
I think this is so dependent on what your school cutoff was growing up and what you’re used to. My school district had an 8/1 cutoff with many summer birthdays being redshirted, so no one left home before turning 18 and many were 19 or close to it. I was one of the youngest in my class with a late spring birthday, and even I was 18 when I graduated and 18 plus a few months when I left home. Leaving home at 17 would have been unimaginable to me, and I was a pretty independent kid who flew alone as a preteen and teen, got my license as soon as I could, held summer jobs, etc. Because of where my kid’s birthday falls she’ll be 18.5 when she leaves home and I don’t think it’s some kind of tragedy. She is actually in the younger half of her class.
Anon says
My sisters and I were Oct, Nov, and Dec in a district with a 12/31 cutoff (CT). We all did fine. I actually think it’s harder for boys to be younger. But much less was expected in early elementary back then, so even I am considering holding back my fall bday boy.
Boston Legal Eagle says
As a total generalization, it tends to be the summer birthday boys that are held back around here, if they are held back. I can see how K is a very hard adjustment for those not ready and boys tend to mature there a little bit later than girls. Of course, this is totally kid dependent – i.e. I think my Oct. boy would be fine to start very young based on his personality, but our cutoff is 9/1 here too.
Anonymous says
OMG no, the worst thing you can do with a bored kid is to hold them back so they are even more bored. With a July birthday, she’d be nearly 7 by the time she finished the second year of K! That’s insane.
Anonymous says
I agree with the point about not holding back a kid who is academically above grade level. But I don’t think it’s “insane” for a kid to turn 7 the summer after K. Our district has an 8/1 cutoff and most May-July birthdays are redshirted. This was true of my childhood school too. I was an early May birthday (not red-shirted) and was always the youngest in my class.
Anonymous says
But kindergarten is designed for 5-year-olds, not almost-7-year-olds. First grade is designed for 6-year-olds. Etc. Later on, high school is designed for teenagers, not young adults who are nearly 19. Of course kids act out if you infantilize them by placing them in a developmentally inappropriate environment.
Anonymous says
Eh, I don’t think the arbitrary age the grade is “for” matters. The teacher teaches to the ages of the kids s/he has. If the school district cutoff is 9/1, I’m very confident OP’s kid would not be the only red-shirted July birthday. Even without any red-shirting, many fall birthday kids will be closer to 7 than 6 by the end of the year. When you talk about 5 year olds in K, you’re talking about the beginning of the year, so then comparing that to a kid being almost 7 by the very end of the year is apples and oranges.
Anonymous says
And omg the pearl clutching about “young adults who are nearly 19” being in high school is absurd. First of all, “nearly 19” is 18, which is a perfectly normal and age appropriate time to finish high school. And 18 and 19 year olds are both teenagers who have a lot more in common with each other than with grown a$$ adults or even 21 year old college students.
Anonymous says
For commenter at 12:41: Kindergarten today is what 1st grade was 20/30 years ago. Kindergarten is way, way, way too academic in the US and is a total disaster.
I’m deeply grateful to be sending my kid to a no-homework school, but she has started crying because they get one recess a day. In first grade. I had 4 recesses (before school, morning, lunch and afternoon) until 5th grade. Admittedly, before school recess was based on bus drop offs and was very short from grades 3-5 (10-15 minutes). It is literally cruel what we do to these children. We don’t let them move, the schools feed them sugar and then we scream at them for not listening when it’s clearly not developmentally appropriate.
Anonymous says
Use the techniques at home as though the acting out had occurred at home. Things like using not cutting pants and not running in hallways are not an issue of her being surrounded by older kids. Those same expectations would apply in junior K or preschool.
Our kids are clear that we have expectations of good behavior at school. If they act out at school, there are consequences at home. You can open the french doors and run laps around the main floor in our house all you want but if the rule at school is no running in the hallways and you don’t obey that rule then there will be consequences.
Anonymous says
I had a young-for-grade kid with similar issues. Kindergarten was tough, but she did much better in 1st grade. IME, this is largely teacher driven. Her teacher has weak classroom management skills, or perhaps a difficult class and she’s being spread too thin.
My daughter’s kindergarten teacher thought she could just dictate and have kids listen to her. That didn’t work for my daughter who wasn’t keen on listening to orders. The teacher put my daughter on a behavior star chart where she got a sticker for every 15 minutes she behaved with very, very strict expectations for her behavior. It made my 5 yo an anxious wreck, to the point she started sleepwalking and wetting her bed. It was awful. Her first grade teacher was much better and used praise and positive reinforcement. My daughter adored that teacher and would have done anything in the world to make her happy. We didn’t have a single issue all year.
I’d meet with the teacher and perhaps also the guidance counselor or administration to discuss the issue. When are the incidents occurring? Are they later in the week when she’s tired? Just before recess when she’s stir crazy? During times of transition? During subjects she dislikes? Egged on by particular kids? What is the teacher doing to address the issues? What’s the plan for making it better? I’d make it clear that you’re happy to support from home and are a team player, but it has to be up to the teacher to take action in the classroom.
Anonymous says
Hmm. So her teacher is actually excellent and she was put in that class specifically because of the teacher’s classroom management skills. She is a Veteran Kindergarten Teacher. My other kids have gone through this school and has other K teachers.
This is a school manifestation of an issue she’s always had that until recently did not surface at school. Essentially, we know what the problem is but don’t have a great solution to offer.
I want to set the tone with the teacher that we are doing what we can at home: talking about expectations and consequences, making sure she is as rested as possible (tiredness is a major trigger). To a certain extent, I’m trying to figure out how much of this is the teacher’s problem vs mine. It is certainly my kid’s behavior that is problematic and I’m just at a loss for how to help from home, if that makes sense?
Anonymous says
OP here. She’s got the best teacher, known for strong positive reinforcement, and a teacher and two aids in a class of 17. The second aid is due to a child with fairly severe behavioral issues.
I think all year it has been fine but something has changed and I’m not sure what. I don’t know that the teacher does either.
anon says
If she’s negative attention seeking, then she doesn’t feel like she’s getting enough attention and that seems to have been an issue all year. Justified or not, your daughter doesn’t seem happy in that classroom.
As I’ve learned, just because someone is the “best” teacher doesn’t make them a good fit your your child.
Anonymous says
If she’s in the class for kids with behavioral issues, she’s probably extra bored and motivated to seek attention. Maybe she needs to be moved to the class with the cluster of kids identified as gifted?
Anon says
can you ask the teacher for ideas/suggestions? approach it like a partnership? presumably she is not the first child in the history of the school who does not follow instructions 100% of the time, nor will she be the last
SC says
You mention she’s way, way ahead academically. Is it possible that she’s bored? If she’s not stimulated, then she may be seeking attention for the sake of drama. If that sounds right, I would see if the teacher can do anything to keep her challenged in the classroom. And since boredom in school is inevitable for bright kids, from home, work with your daughter on some techniques for handling it.
Anonymous says
My husband is claiming this as his fault/genetics. He talked to her yesterday about making a game out of having the best behavior in line at school: “see if you can beat all the other kids for best behavior!” and it was all she could talk about this morning, so I think there is something here ;).
Anonymous says
If she were a boy, acting out would get her referred for gifted testing. Yet with girls we jump to “hold her back.”
Anon says
I don’t think this is really fair. I’m not saying there aren’t differences in the way we treat boys and girls, but I have had numerous friends get told to hold their boys back because of behavioral issues. In my anecdotal experience, it’s way more common for young-for-grade boys to be held back than young-for-grade girls.
Anon says
This is not true. The assumption these days seems to be “boys are immature and can’t sit still and should be redshirted”. Which does happen to be grounded in fact and isnt wrong in many cases (frankly, the expectations that 4- and 5- year olds sit for 5+ hours a day and do worksheets is the real problem.) People first suggest testing boys for ADHD, not giftedness
Anon says
+1 it’s ADHD that everyone jumps to for boys, not giftedness.
Ny says
I agree with this. She may actually be getting less attention from the teachers if everything comes easily to her.
Boston Legal Eagle says
This likely has to do with a combination of adjusting to K + being on the younger side + possibly some off incident at school or home. Not at all trying to blame you or the teacher, but spirited highly sensitive kids can act out like this, especially in a K environment where the expectations tend to be pretty high. My older kid has had a rough transition to K also, and he’s relatively young for his grade, and we’ve gotten some notes from his teacher (who is also excellent) that he’s interrupting, etc. What we’ve done is just have many talks with him at home, practice sitting still and raising hands, and also we had to cut out all TV during the week as the stimulation is too much for him I think. And also good sleep of course. I think a lot of this will gradually fade as he gets to 1st grade and is both older and more used to school. He’s already come a long way from last fall. But he will always be more spirited and honestly school expectations of sitting still and listening are just tough.
Anonymous says
Thank you, this is super helpful and (?) encouraging. I wouldn’t be surprised at all if it’s something acting as a catalyst for the behavior but we don’t know what.
I really like your suggestions and they are about in line with what we brainstormed. I just feel like the email cam from the teacher with no “ask” but a lot of issues identified…so what the heck do we do?! But practicing at home seems like a great suggestion.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I know – it’s so hard to hear about this at school because we can’t be there to monitor them! And the teachers are dealing with so many other kids (plus part of me is a little wary of the high expectations on behavior, but it is what it is). But I hope hearing an aligned message from both his teacher and us at home helps.
Anonymous says
We are in a very similar situation – July kid starting kindergarten, calls about “attention seeking” behavior, and not responding to correction. We discussed starting her a year later for K, but all of her pre-K teachers thought she was more than ready academically. We also have an older niece who was kept back and ended up being on the older side for kids in her grade – and that created other problems as she grew older.
We have also seen an uptick in behaviors recently. We credit this to boredom, increased familiarity with the teacher, and increased comfort at being at school.
We have spoken at length with our teacher, and I think acknowledging the situation and acknowledging what steps you are taking at home is important to communicate to the teacher. Our teacher emphasized that it is helpful to know that parents are reinforcing the same messages at home as the kid is getting in the classroom.
One thing that has helped us is increasing the one-on-one time our kid gets outside of school. I think school is just a long day for her, and it is hard to keep it together all day, 5 days a week. We have moved around our child care so she gets at least 2 days a week with her favorite babysitter (without her sibling) afterschool. She also gets lots of parent time, but usually that is with both kids.
I think it is too early to worry about what will come in later years. We are keeping out kid on track and moving up unless her teacher advises otherwise. I hope this gets easier, rather than harder as she gets older. I think it depends on the kid, and we won’t know until we get there.
AwayEmily says
Can anyone whose kid has gone through a Picky About Clothes phase offer strategies to cope or assurance that the phase will pass? Over the past two months my newly 4yo has developed Extremely Strong Preferences about clothes. He will only wear dresses, when he comes home he wants to change into a specific pair of pajamas, etc etc. We’ve had some success with instituting a firm rule that “only items in your dresser are available” (ie we will not do laundry on demand), which has somewhat reduced the arguments but his preferences are just SO intense and often result in crying when what he wants isn’t clean. I’m sure some of this is related to the fact that he became a big brother two months ago and it’s a way he can exert control, but it has been exhausting to deal with.
anon says
Is there any chance it’s about sensory issues? We’re getting my kiddo evaluated for ASD (and he has ADHD) but what we thought was ‘strong preferences’ is absolutely sensory related. We now pay what we call the ‘sensory tax’ on clothes – everything he wears is soft (within reason) and has seams that are more finished – this limits us to brands like Boden/Jcrew/Hanna Andersson and ‘hard’ clothes are only worn when necessary and we allow him to change as soon as he can.
Otherwise I think you’re doing everything right – set ground rules (no laundry on demand) but ask questions about WHY he wants/likes certain clothes to make sure it’s not ‘this seam that only I can feel is making me incredibly uncomfortable’.
Anonanonanon says
My 4 yo isn’t picky in the same way (doesn’t seem to be sensory issues) but was starting to get frustrated because she had unvoiced expectations about what she would be wearing that I couldn’t meet because they weren’t weather appropriate or the clothes were dirty. I got one of those hanging cubby organizers and we sit down, look at the weather forecast for the week, pick her outfits, and put them in there. Since it’s in her closet, she sees the outfits there and knows what to expect. That really cut down on her feeling surprised/disappointed by her outfit and me feeling frustrated. As an added bonus, it made my mornings easier by cutting out the risk of realizing I’m missing one item of an outfit I have to go searching for.
I don’t know if it will help for you, but might be worth a try!
Anonymous says
We pick out clothes one week at a time on Sundays. There is a cubby with 5 slots. Maybe try that? And buy duplicates of any favs.
Honestly I love changing into my fav lounge pjs when I get home so I have a soft spot on that point.
AwayEmily says
Thanks! I don’t think it’s sensory…he is perfectly happy to wear an extremely scratchy Elsa dress, for example. His pickiness seems largely to be about aesthetics (e.g. strong preference for sparkles). Right now we are picking clothes the night before but I like the idea of doing it all on Sunday — even fewer opportunities for arguing.
Anonymous says
If it helps I like Boden’s sale section for stuff that is sparkly but also comfy/durable. Mountain warehouse also has solid options sometimes too.
Anonymous says
It could still be a sensory issue with waistbands, though. I’d suspect that unless the favored PJs were the only sparkly pair and he would happily wear other outfits with sparkles.
Anon says
I think this could still be sensory stuff. I know not everyone really agrees on what qualifies as sensory issues, or whether it’s a thing at all, but my 4 year old is in OT and they told us she has sensory processing issues. She has zero issues with clothing, but it is extremely restrictive about food and we were told that is likely a sensory thing, even though she eats what seems to me like a pretty wide variety of textures.
Momofthree says
Not to push this too far, but agree it could be something to look at. Does the sparkly stuff have a texture that he likes to run his fingers over (as in, are the sparkly clothes a positive thing that he seeks out as opposed to a negative sensory experience). My kid with sensory issues has a blanket that he insists on using and won’t even use a similar blanket we have b/c it has a “different type” of dot pattern.g
Emma says
I need advice before approaching my boss for maternity leave. I started a new job on Jan 3rd, and got pregnant two weeks later (which caught us off guard after a year of infertility). I’m in Canada so I have the right to 50 weeks of parental leave, although it’s significant pay cut (not top-off from my employer). I’m in-house and was hired because my team was short-staffed, so I’m feeling some guilt about leaving them so soon and for so long. I’m not sure if they could replace me – it’s hard to find a qualified lawyer willing to work on a 12 month contract.
I’m pondering taking a shorter leave (6 months). Pros: less financial hit, hopefully better for my boss and team. Cons: because most people here take their full leave, daycares tend not to take infants so I would need a nanny, so financially it may end up not that great. It’s my first so I don’t know if I’ll go insane for 10 months at home or love the time with my baby. Part of me does feel like I’ve been paying into this system via taxes for a long time, so I deserve to take my leave? But I like this job and don’t want to tank my career. My husband makes enough that we would be ok financially either way, although I’m used to contributing to our HHI significantly so this would be an adjustment. What would you do?
Anon says
Take the leave. You will be missed, but they’ll be okay and will figure it out. You have earned the leave and deserve to take it. Congrats on your pregnancy!
Anon says
I’m in-house (US based but support a Canadian team), and I would 100% support you taking your full leave if you want to. Everyone I’ve ever worked with in Canada is accustomed to having to accommodate for full mat leaves.
anon says
If your employer will do it, consider asking if you can come back part time at 6 months. You could get a sitter instead of a nanny and work 20 hours a week to take the pressure off them and to ease back in.
Anonymous says
I wouldn’t recommend this. The maternity leave pay system doesn’t really facilitate those kinds of arrangements so you’d lose your EI entitlement but not make much more by the time you factor in childcare. It would almost cost you money to go back to work.
Emma says
I like this idea in theory and would have to look into the finances of it but am pretty sure if I work part time I lose the government mat leave benefits. And in my experience, working part time for this type of job is hard – constantly explaining that no, I can’t be on the call tomorrow because I don’t work on Wednesdays and won’t get back to you until next week because I work part time is more likely to get people annoyed vs not being there at all.
Anonymous says
I would not do this. I think it’s often hard to find part-time care, and part-time expectations are very hard to manage, even when everyone has good intentions. My bosses let me unofficially extend my 12-week mat leave during the pandemic b/c childcare was hard to find, by allowing me to quietly do part-time for a couple months. I was happy to be at home with the baby for longer (my mom helped a couple days a week so I could join meetings and that sort of thing), but it was confusing for a lot of my colleagues and my work during that period was low-quality, if it happened at all. It was the best possible solution, but if I had had the choice to do a longer leave, I would have taken it in a heartbeat.
Anon says
+1
Anonymous says
Take the leave. The culture here is very pro-maternity leave. It’s the one time it’s acceptable to take a chunk of time off. Ten years ago when I had my first, only govt lawyers took the full year, most private practice lawyers took 6 months. More recently I’m seeing a trend towards a full year for everyone. The 18 month option doesn’t seem to have caught on as much though at higher salary levels but we do see assistants taking that option.
I’m surprised to here that you think mat leave coverage would be difficult. I actually had my second leave covered by a friend who wanted to try out govt without committing to leaving her private firm. She got a leave from the firm on the basis that she was only gone for a year and it would be valuable experience to add to the firm. She ended up staying in private practice for a few more years then going in house. At least at my workplace, mat leave coverage is a really popular way to get someone in the door to try them out for a year without having to run a full competition or commit to a permanent position. And mat leaves can often attract more candidates because people might be looking for a change of scene vs a permanent move. One of my colleagues took a leave and worked a mat leave replacement in another province while her DH did his LLM then they moved back. If there is anyone you know who might be interested in covering your leave, I wouldn’t hesitate to put their name forward.
Emma says
Thanks, this is helpful! Maybe you’re right about the coverage. I do have a friend who took a mat leave contract and then was hired permanently. But someone else on my team was recently on leave and apparently not replaced. I know my boss mentioned that they had looked into secondment and it was too expensive. Anyway I guess that’s for them to deal with.
Anonymous says
+1, it’s for them to deal with.
Anonymous says
Could they fill it part time? I know two insurance company lawyers who are actively looking for part time. Less cost but still some coverage. But you’re right, not your problem. You will have been there close to a year by the time you take leave.
Emma says
Yeah maybe they could get a part time replacement. I might ask my firm (I left biglaw on good terms) if they would consider it, but I know firms are short on associates and don’t really have many to spare for cheap.
Anon says
Take the leave!! I was on the other end of this (we hired a much needed position, she got pregnant between her hire date and her start date) and I was completely thrilled for her. I wouldn’t have fathomed wanting her to take less than her full leave. Work sucked while she was gone but that had absolutely nothing to do with her.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Just echoing everyone – take your full leave! I think it would be easier for both the employer and temp employee to come on for the full year because it takes at least 3 months to get up to speed and used to a company/system, and then there is a good chunk of time where the temp will be useful. Also guarantee that no one will remember your leave in 2-3 years after you get back (if you’re feeling guilty or thinking of career setbacks).
Anne-on says
There’s been lots of talk about milestone birthday celebrations so I thought I’d crowdsource thoughts. My 40th was during covid, so I’d like to have a ‘makeup’ celebration for my 41st. My mom friends are in different life stages from those with newborns to tweens, so I was thinking of hosting a lunch and then a ‘spa day’ (fully paid for by me) for 3-4 hours of services for each person (I’d do a buy out or book at a larger spa in Boston). Ppl are located both in the city/out in the burbs so you’d need to drive in on a Saturday, say 12-5 for activities (lunch could definitely be optional, spa would be from 1-4ish, and then people could change and go or linger and chat). I’d totally get if ppl aren’t comfortable going due to covid. But, would you be annoyed/put out with giving up a half day of your weekend? I know an invitation is not a summons but I want this to be a fun ‘bachelorette party-lite’ experience and not an ‘ugh, can you believe the ridiculous party Anne is hosting, why does she think I want to spend 5 hours celebrating her?’
Momofthree says
You’d offer me a half day off from the kids AND you’d pay for it? Absent COVID concerns, I’d definitely go for this and would probably push back on you trying to pay (especially for your birthday).
Hopefully by the time your birthday rolls around, your friends with younger kids will have had a chance to get them vaxxed, but regardless, it seems like a lovely idea & happy birthday!
Anon says
Maybe you could do lunch outside, so the Covid cautious (if applicable) could at least join for that part of it? Although I’m pretty Covid cautious with an unvaxxed kid at home and I think at this point I’d be comfortable doing the spa with a mask on myself. I’d rather get a massage with a mask on than do indoor dining TBH.
Redux says
Seriously! If you need more friends, OP, I am available.
Anonymous says
Could you do it a weekend evening? The plan itself sounds great but most parents I know would have a harder time stealing away for half a weekend day. My kids are 4,6,8 fwiw.
Anon says
I only have one 4 year old but would much prefer a weekend day to an evening. Evenings are more stressful with the dinner/bath/bed routine and I would feel guilty about sticking my husband with that (before people jump on me, it goes both ways – we basically never do the evening routine solo except when one person is traveling for work). We regularly take turns swapping weekend afternoons ‘off’ so that would be no issue. I also don’t stay up that late myself and it would be a struggle for me to be out past about 9 pm.
Anon says
I responded on the main page, but I’d love to go and I can’t imagine anyone thinking you’re being selfish if you’re treating everyone.
Anonymous says
I would love this and would be so excited to attend for one of my friends. I can’t imagine a more enjoyable celebration, honestly. I wouldn’t feel put out at all. Caveat is that I only have a 3 year old and a baby, so no weekend sports yet.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Can I come?! (I am in greater Boston…) But seriously, just give people enough notice so they can arrange for care for their kids and I’m sure you’ll get a good group! I would love to celebrate my friends this way, especially for a big milestone birthday.
Anonymous says
Omg stop it inviting people to a luxury spa day is not an imposition if it doesn’t work for them trust they are adults who can say no.
Anon says
Seems like you woke up on the wrong side of the bed today. Everything has been super weird for the last two years, and she just wants a gut check that this is a fun idea. Nothing wrong with her post.
Anne-on says
Thank you all! I know it may sound silly but there seems to be a slight attitude of ‘the city is so crowded, unsafe, etc.’ among my mom friends who haven’t been back in since Covid unless it’s a super fast in/out for work meetings. Whereas before it was super common to go in frequently for shows/dinners/sporting events/etc. So that’s why I was feeling a bit anxious about asking folks.
Anonymous says
Its interesting to hear that is an issue in Boston too – definitely hearing that in NYC and it really irks me.
Anon says
I think it’s been a really difficult time for people, especially moms, and they’re grasping for control. One way is to make your world smaller and more predictable. But hopefully this can be a fun outing together!
Anon says
I wouldn’t think twice if one of my local BFFs/close friends wanted to do this, and would likely offer to pay for part of it (finances allowing). Responses to posts like these make me think a lot of people here don’t have a lot of meaningful friendships where things are fluid and easy (not because of their own doing, just because of circumstances).
Anon says
Huh? Everyone who responded said they’d go.
Anon says
what kind of sandals do you wear in the summer to chase around kids? i do prefer to wear sneakers but i live in Houston and it is a million degrees outside. ideally ones that also work with dresses.
Anon says
look at Bzees, I got mine from nordstrom and they are insanely comfortable
Anonymous says
Birkenstock Gizeh
HSAL says
Yep. I have a silver pair that I am so excited to get out for the third summer in a row. I wear them with everything.
AwayEmily says
Birkenstocks!
jz says
I have a pair of chacos in mint green and they work with dresses
Anon says
Birkenstock Arizona’s. They aren’t cute but they are sooo comfortable.
Anon says
They are not super cute but I just ordered a pair of Teva Hurricane Drift sandals. They were highly recommended to me. They are completely water proof and my kid loves splash pads.
Anonymous says
Birkenstocks, but try all the styles to find the one that works best for your foot. I love the Mayari but can’t stand the Gizeh and the Arizona won’t stay on my foot. As you can see, others prefer Gizeh or Arizona.
AnonTX says
+1 for the Birks, I love my Mayaris. I also have Arizonas. Our dog has chewed on both of them, but the Arizonas are less worn out so….I guess those are my summer shoe of choice this year. Also in Houston!
I also bought a pair of very cute, trendy Adidas slides in GenZ purple (and I am very Xennial…but trying to me a cool Mom…) ;)
anon says
Someone mentioned a museum sleepover here recently. We have our first one coming up in a couple of weeks, if you’ve done one, can you please share what it was like? I just looked at the schedule and it’s insane! Lights out is at 10:45pm! And the morning wake up time is at 6:30am for breakfast and an imax movie! My kiddo has a soccer game that morning but I’m guessing we’re going to need to skip it.
Anonymous says
Horrible. No sleep for anyone. Some kids get scared. Everyone will be a wreck the next day.
Anne-on says
This. We did one at the Aquarium – my kid loved it. BUT there were a bunch of kids who got scared at the shadows/weird noises/unfamiliar space and one crying upset kid begets other crying and upset kids. Assume there will be very little sleep, the floor will be hard and uncomfortable, and you’ll all be cranky zombies the next day. I swear I should have take that Monday off to recover.
Anon says
I did it as a kid several times with my CampFire group. I don’t remember specifics of the schedule and that doesn’t sound like enough sleep (I think we went to bed super late but also slept in pretty late), but I remember it being SO MUCH FUN. I know it was probably tiring for the parents but they’re some of my fondest childhood memories. Your kiddo will have a blast!
Anonymous says
I mean, I think they are just being realistic – do you kids actually sleep at sleepovers? And they probably need to clear the space in the AM before they can open to the public.
jz says
a follow up from yesterday – was initially planning a trip to baha mar but since sept is not a good time…what would be a good laid back trip with a 3 yo in September or October from NYC?
Anonanonanon says
Bermuda is a short direct flight from NYC. For some reason it was years before I realized that.
NYCer says
We have been to Bermuda in September, and it was fantastic. October runs the risk of being slightly cooler. But the convenience from NYC cannot be beat!
Anon says
Bermuda is in the hurricane belt too, although since it’s farther north the impact may be milder. The ABC islands (Aruba, Bonaire, Curacao) are generally considered the lowest risk Caribbean islands for hurricanes.
Bonnets says
Looking for feedback on bonnets for sleeping. One of my daughters has curly hair that tangles very easily. We’re white and my friend, who is Black, recommended a bonnet to help while she’s sleeping. This is new for me, but I’m game to try it to avoid the morning tangles and battles. Any recommendations for child size bonnets? Any issues with your kids wearing a bonnet to sleep? Thanks!
JTM says
Black mama here – both of my girls have worn bonnets to bed since they were very little. If they are the right size (smaller for their little heads) then you shouldn’t have any issues with it sliding off. Generally you can find child size bonnets in any beauty supply store, even Sally’s Beauty or Target. Also if she’s struggling with tangles, I suggest doing some large braids before putting the bonnet on, to help her hair stay tangle free.
My daughters currently wear this one to bed – https://www.target.com/p/camryn-s-bff-satin-bonnet-1ct/-/A-52654336?ref=tgt_adv_XS000000&AFID=google_pla_df&fndsrc=tgtao&DFA=71700000012510706&CPNG=PLA_Beauty%2BPersonal+Care%2BShopping%7CBeauty_Ecomm_Beauty&adgroup=SC_Health%2BBeauty&LID=700000001170770pgs&LNM=PRODUCT_GROUP&network=g&device=c&location=9010960&targetid=aud-1453399007736:pla-894573305499&ds_rl=1246978&ds_rl=1248099&gclid=CjwKCAjwopWSBhB6EiwAjxmqDblEqLh9JImwc68xf4fD0ysHyknEScWJc8xWoW3BFGV58u1ARf418hoCAosQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds
Anonymous says
If your daughter is white and has longer curly hair, braiding before bed also works really well. I had nightmare knots and snags as a kid because my non-curly haired mom didn’t know to put it in a loose braid. It’s so much easier to manage by daughter’s hair when it has been braided overnight.
Anonymous says
My girls don’t have curly hair but they have long thick hair and I second this approach. We wash and dry it at night then do a loose braid or loosely braided pigtails. Undo and run a comb though in the AM. Otherwise it is a total rat nest with many tears.
Anon says
+1 DD has long curly hair with annie level curls and I braid it before bed every night. She likes to wear it down so she takes the braid out in the morning (and it’s still damp) and it works great. Then it gets braided again after bathtime that night.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
South Asian with curly haired woman here. My hair tangles SO easily – my curly stylist said curly hair is like basically putting headphones in a pocket. I myself have been recommended the bonnet/silk scarf approach by other Black friends for years and haven’t tried it YET…generally any hair tips by my Black friends are great ones, I’m just lazy. Here is what I do recommend:
1. Silk pillowcase
2. Tangle Teezer and/or Wet Dry Brush
3. Always brush out tangles by wetting hair/tangly area
4. And yes, the classic South Asian approach – braid before bed if you can. Also look at other protective styles like the pineapple (which I do since my Mom was a A+ hair braider and I never learned….)
Anonymous says
A lot of boys get referred for gifted program testing because they act out in the classroom. Yet with girls, the first response is “hold her back a year.” Hmmm.
Anonymous says
Meant as a response to the kindergarten question above.
Anonymous says
The response was not hold her back. It was discuss it. Hmmmm.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I know this was meant for above but I’ve seen the opposite actually – it’s boys who tend to be recommended to be held back or redshirted because, again as a total generalization, they tend to mature a bit after girls and K expectations are high.
Anon says
+1. I don’t agree with this post at all. “Just hold them back” is a far more common attitude for boys.
I’m also not sure it’s appropriate to refer for gifted testing just because a kid is acting out. Maybe OP’s kid is way ahead academically and would benefit from testing, but the idea that every kid is acting out because they’re just sooooo smart is ridiculous. I’m pretty sure the teacher is making calls like this to a number of parents (especially with pandemic-era social issues) and there can’t be that many gifted kids in one class. Also sorry to be that person, but I have an IQ over 150 and I never had behavioral issues in school. Being gifted isn’t an excuse for poor behavior. You need to learn to treat classmates and teacher with respect even if you’re brilliant.
Anon says
Yes, I don’t really understand how giftedness came up. I do think that when there’s an issue at school, it’s a good idea to consider whether school is actually in the right or not, whether the child’s needs are being met, etc. But there are so many reasons why school may not be going well for a child other than giftedness!
Anonanonanon says
“Being gifted isn’t an excuse for poor behavior”
This. My parents always said “A 150 IQ and a quarter still only gets you a cup of coffee” as in you still have to work and be likable if you want to get anywhere. If a kid is that gifted, they have to learn how to deal with being bored.
It’s tough before they can read, but the usual approach is to let a kid read a book when they’re done with their work. It’s a classic for a reason!
Anon says
And if a kid is that bored, skipping one grade isn’t going to fix the boredom problem. I went to college with a lot of gifted kids, many of whom now have gifted kids themselves. The general consensus is grade skipping is worthless because it causes social issues without fixing academic issues, since you can’t realistically skip enough grades to meet a gifted kid’s academic needs.
Also being bored in K has much more to do with preschool/home preparation than raw IQ. That doesn’t mean a kid who is bored in K is not gifted, but you really can’t read too much into it at that age.
Anon says
There’s a big difference between “high IQ” and “2e” though.
If the giftedness comes with actual social deficits, school isn’t going to help with either. And the idea that it’s helpful to “learn to deal with being bored” is not great. We recognize it as neglect and abuse when a child who isn’t gifted has their need for engagement and appropriate education denied.
Anon says
“We recognize it as neglect and abuse when a child who isn’t gifted has their need for engagement and appropriate education denied.”
I don’t think this is true at all. Virtually every person is bored at some point during their education. For a kid who really struggles with academics, it might be boredom in a special class like PE or art, but it happens to pretty much everyone and isn’t abuse or neglect.
I’m not suggesting gifted kids’ needs should be ignored. But I think 1) the vast majority of kids who are ahead of the class academically in K aren’t gifted, just well-prepared for school, 2) most kids who act out in school aren’t gifted, and 3) even if a child IS gifted, it’s not an excuse for bad behavior, and learning to cope with occasional boredom is part of life. Their needs should be addressed, but also if a child is gifted, it’s basically impossible for them to never to be bored in traditional K-12 school and learning appropriate coping mechanisms for that boredom is both possible and necessary.
Anon says
Dude, learning how to deal with boredom is part of life, not neglect and abuse. Come on. Yes, kids need appropriate education and enrichment (all kids do) but they also need to learn how to deal with being bored.
Anon says
Also lots of life is boring? I don’t love doing my taxes or the dishes or watching Daniel Tiger. Welcome to life, kids. (OBVIOUSLY kids shouldn’t be bored all/most of the time but we all need to learn how to cope with boredom.)
Anon says
I guess I think “learning to deal with being bored” is really different from “learning to deal with being trapped in third grade when you have the academic abilities of an eighth grade student.” This isn’t a line at the DMV: it’s the majority of every day all school year.
Anon says
But if a third grader is at an eighth grade level, moving them to fourth grade isn’t going to do anything. That’s my point. Moving a gifted kid up one grade gets you all of the social issues of grade-skipping with virtually none of the academic benefits. There really aren’t a lot of great options unless you’re lucky to live near a magnet program for gifted kids or you’re willing to homeschool (which has its own issues), so for many gifted kids the best solution is a combination of differentiated work in the classroom as much as possible, enrichment with extracurriculars and summer programs, and some level of boredom.
Anon says
A third grader with the academic ability of an 8th grader is kind of an extreme situation. I always feel like there’s a lot of goalpost shifting in these conversations about gifted kids. Generally differentiated work can give a lot of gifted kids the ability to work above grade level while staying with same age peers. The kids who genuinely need to graduate high school at 11 are few and far between.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
My very bright, thoughtful, sweet nephew, now 14 and thriving, went through a lot of behavioral stuff from preschool through grade school, and still has bumps in the road. My SIL did all the things – therapy, doctor’s visits, testing, etc. and finally landed on medication for his ADHD and an IEP. He did at one point test as “gifted” but he still really struggled socially. After reading on this board and my own very light searches, he’s probably a 2e but again, I could be wrong. I do wonder – again not my place – but if the fact they lived in smaller/rural towns impacted the resources they could access.
DH’s family (not my SIL, but others) would be like “He’s just SO smart”, “He’s BORED”, “He’s TOO smart”, which was odd to me, because he is very smart about areas of his interest because he reads a ton and self-educates, but he wasn’t the traditional straight-A student, and in fact complains how he doesn’t like X subject, and thus doesn’t do well in it but passes. He was (and is) a bright kid that was more introverted (he LOVED remote learning when schools were closed – he flew through the work and then could go play video games), needed help socially – and still does sometimes.
Anonymous says
Being gifted is not an excuse for poor behavior, but it is historically a Thing that boys are referred for testing at a higher rate than girls because they act out and are assumed to be bored.
Anon says
I know boys are referred for gifted testing (and gifted programs that don’t require testing) at higher rates than girls, but is it really related to acting out in the classroom? In general boys are just assumed by everyone around them to be smarter. I read a book once that said parents search “Is my son smart” much more than “is my daughter smart” and “is my daughter beautiful?” much more than “is my son handsome?” So depressing. But in this case I think it’s a big leap to giftedness and the commenters who were suggesting the OP’s kid repeat the grade weren’t being sexist and would have answered the same way for a boy.
Anonanonanon says
Agree, I hear it much more commonly with boys.
Anne-on says
I’m on ADHD/ASD tiktok and a few doctors/therapists/teachers have mentioned that this is the time of year when testing appointment/IEP meetings spike because parents/teachers have tried everything they could in their toolboxes and people realize it’s maybe time to test for other things that might be going on.
Fwiw, I was a ‘gifted’ kid who only got diagnosed with ADHD late in life and omg things would have been so much easier on me if someone had gotten me tested in grade school…
Anonymous says
Yep, my dad was a school psychologist and basically spring break until July 1st (when the budgets re-set) was his busiest time of year. Followed by the beginning of the school year. Lots of teacher are just so kind and optimistic and really believe that a break-through is just around the corner.
Anon says
My experience as the parent of a very smart, very ahead, young for grade student is that she didn’t need advanced work in K-2, but she *did* need less seat time. She was happy to review the grade-appropriate content quickly, but then she was ready to go and play. More advanced work didn’t make her behavior better at all.
If I’d had unlimited resources I would have looked for a private school with more play-based and imaginative learning.
Anon says
Don’t all kids need more play time in K-2? I feel like regardless of where your kid is academically there’s way too much b*tt in seat time in most schools in K.
Anon says
I posted about this above, but it’s obscene the amount of time kids are in classrooms. I had four recesses a day until fifth grade and my first grader has one.
Anon says
Oh wow. I don’t think I ever had more than two recesses a day in elementary. Four is a lot! I hated recess as a kid (was not physically coordinated and didn’t especially like being outside) but I would loved more free time in the classroom to play pretend or look at books.
anon says
There are kids who really do need the time in kindergarten to learn their letters or practice counting.
If you have a kid reading chapter books and doing double digit addition in kindergarten, they may be fine to review letter sounds and counting for an hour a day–and may even get something out of it to fill in gaps–but then they’re ready to engage their imagination. They don’t want to be doing third grade work, nor do most have the attention span to sit and focus on that level of content in a crowded classroom.