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If you’re on the hunt for a great pair of washable pants for work, check out these nice looking stretch ponte trousers from Nordstrom, on sale for $75. NYDJ is renowned for having a bit of “lift tuck” shaping technology built into their clothes, and it’s great to find basic colors, on sale, in washable fabrics. These navy trousers are almost entirely sold out in the petite, but there are lots of sizes left in regular — and there are lots of sizes of both left in the gray. NYDJ ‘Michelle’ Stretch Ponte Trousers
Looking for other washable workwear? See all of our recent recommendations for washable clothes for work, or check out our overview of the best brands for washable workwear.
(L-all)
Sales of note for 9.10.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Extra 40% off sale styles
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- Zappos – 26,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
- Old Navy – 40% off everything
- Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- The concept of “backup care” is so stupid…
- I need tips on managing employees in BigLaw who have to leave for daycare pickup…
- I’m thinking of leaning out to spend more time with my family – how can I find the perfect job for that?
- I’m now a SAHM and my husband needs to step up…
- How can I change my thinking to better recognize some of my husband’s contributions as important, like organizing the shed?
- What are your tips to having a good weekend with kids, especially with little kids? Do you have a set routine or plan?
mascot says
Wearing these in black today. I love them. They seem to run about a 1/2 size big so I am going to size down for the next pair. Yay for sales!
Pogo says
Do they pill?
That’s my biggest complaint about ponte – even a very thick ponte blazer from Nordstrom I have is pilling (granted, its lived a long, full life and probably needs to be retired, but they stopped making it!!)
mascot says
The only place I have noticed pilling is just below the crotch (not shocking, my thighs like to snuggle). Otherwise, they are holding up. I don’t pay full price for ponte though for that very reason.
Mrs. Jones says
Great pick! I am always interested in washable work pants, esp. in navy or gray.
Betty says
3 Year Olds. Ugh. My daughter seems to reserve her worst behavior for me. It feels like 50-75% of the time that I am with her, she is throwing a tantrum, crying or whining. We have a lot going on in our family right now. Her older brother was just diagnosed with Crohn’s and has many many appointments right now. I try to spend extra time with her (mommy-daughter dates) when I can. Our au pair says that my daughter doesn’t behave this way with her. Have I somehow taught my daughter that this is how to communicate with me, get attention from me or inadvertently reinforced the behavior? I have a vague recollection of my son going through a similar phase, but I had a newborn when he was this age, so not the clearest of memories/time frame.
NewMomAnon says
Hugs. I doubt it. I think my daughter reserves her worst behavior for the people she is most comfortable with – me and her dad. But mostly me. Daycare says she is a great listener, easygoing, plays well with others and shares everything. At home….not so much. I think we’ve also solidly entered threenager stage when it’s not “fun” anymore to be helpful. *sigh*
A few concrete suggestions, if you want to try to make some changes to your interactions. The first is something that people suggested here – time ins. If your daughter is acting up while you’re trying to do other things, stop the other things, spend 10-15 minutes focused just on playing with her, and then ask for her help finishing up the things you were doing. I’ve even started setting timers; I’m going to do X thing until the timer goes off, and then I’ll spend 10 minutes with you, and then I want your help doing Y thing for 5 minutes. Rinse and repeat.
The second is bedtime; you have a lot going on, is it possible that her bedtime has slipped a little later in the shuffle? My daughter is so much better behaved when she gets enough sleep.
And hugs. This too shall pass. You’re doing a great job.
Anonymous says
Kids act out most with the people they feel safest with. She trusts that you’ll be there for her even when she’s not on her best behavior. It sounds like she’s jealous of big brother getting attention.
My boys are 2 but they love being up on my back in the Ergo when I’m making supper. Maybe you could try something like that? Increase physical contact so she can ‘feel’ your presence/attention?
I also find that really focused quality time – even 15 minutes is much more impactful that when I’m doing something else and they only have half my attention. Maybe your husband can occupy older brother so she can get some focused time in the evenings.
Pogo says
Just wanted to say hugs about your son’s diagnosis – my husband has UC. It is no fun, but he manages, and the drugs are only getting better. If he’s school age, the CCFA has really good resources for coming up with IEPs for Crohn’s kids who may need it (due to missing school for appointments, or having to leave tests if they’re ill).
Anon says
My daughter has days like that. Some days she’s totally chill and easygoing. Other days it’s like she’s been abducted and replaced by an evil twin who lives to whine and tantrum. I know I should be flattered that she feels comfortable enough to act like a psycho around me, but I don’t. It’s just really grating– I’m just being honest here since every time I read that I should be flattered I’m hit with waves of guilt. I’m just not that zen.
I don’t know if this will help you or not, but we have a saying in our house that I think comes from that How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk book: “Permissive with feelings, strict with behavior. ” So she is allowed to be sad or angry and we don’t tell her to cheer up or not be angry. However, if she wants to have a rip roaring tantrum and scream her head off and kick and flail, she needs to go do that in the privacy of her own room. When the tantrum starts, she gets carried to her room and left there with the door open. When she is done, we are there to hug her and tell her its okay and that we love her. This is based on her own personality, though. If I try to hold her or hug her through a tantrum or distract her, it just makes it worse and she gets more hysterical. You know your kid best. Mine sometimes just has this build up of feelings and she just has to get them out.
Another phrase we recently introduced is “asked and answered” for when she repeats the same question over and over again in an increasingly whiny and hysterical tone. As in “you asked the question once, and now it has been answered. The answer will not change.” We’re still practicing that one.
Spirograph says
Hugs, this is tough. I agree with what everyone else has said. I also have a threenager at home who is apparently a delight at daycare, so it is not just you, or just the situation. I think you just can’t win with this age.
I highly recommend (re)reading How to Talk So Kids Will Listen…. Active listening without offering solutions or advice and acknowledging Big Feelings has been really helpful to me. I also calmly repeat “I want to listen to you, but I can’t understand you when you scream/whine. Please use your normal voice so I can listen. If you need a few minutes to calm down, you can sit on your bed or go outside” and basically refuse to respond to anything until I hear it in a normal tone. I don’t think it prevents tantrums or whining, but it does seem to shorten their duration.
Also, I know this is really hard, but another thing that has helped me is building in extra time around any tasks for my 3 year old. Like, I know it should only take him 5 minutes to get dressed, but if I just plan for it taking 10-15 minutes instead, I don’t mind if he admires his socks or messes with buttons or whatever, and he is happy because he gets to accomplish the whole task without “help” (parent gets fed up and jams kiddo’s feet in his shoes because we’re late and need to leave right. now.). Same with cleaning up, getting ready for bed, etc. It makes a virtuous cycle of cooperation and pleasantness once we get it started (which is often easier said than done). It’s not ok to dawdle forever, but expecting a 3 year old to complete tasks with maximum efficiency is just not realistic, and mine definitely gets spun up and feeds off of any parental frustration or impatience.
Anon says
Poll for the hive mamas! My son’s 2 year birthday party is Saturday afternoon at my house. Do I serve adult beverages (for the parents, duh)? Would you expect one if you were going to a toddler birthday party in the afternoon? I was only planning on water for the kiddos and I’ll probably pick up a carafe of coffee from Starbucks so we have a warm drink.
NewMomAnon says
I would not expect it; soda and water is all I’d expect, and coffee would be a lovely surprise.
PhilanthropyGirl says
+1
Em says
It depends on the guests – are they drinkers? Our friend group are all drinkers so all of the kid birthday parties have alcohol, even during the afternoon.
Pogo says
+1 same, our family always serves booze even at a toddler afternoon party. No one gets crazy but all the moms have wine and the dads have beer.
Katala says
Yep, we’ve only had a 1st birthday and it was really more of a family get-together since we were in town for the first time. But there was absolutely booze, I would have thought I stepped into an alternate reality otherwise. But that’s my family – not sure what it will be like when we do kid parties. I’d partake if it were available, but probably wouldn’t even think about it if it weren’t.
Maddie Ross says
I would not expect it, but I’ll be honest, it’s a nice surprise when there is beer and wine for the parents at these type of events. Especially when it’s really an event with your friends who bring their kids. Not as much expected when the party is inhabited entirely by your child’s daycare class.
Anonymous says
Not usually expected in my circle, but beer/wine/prosecco would be nice. Depends on how toddler-focused the party is, I suppose. I’ve only ever seen alcohol served at a friend’s house when they had a party for their kids’ birthday that was just as much a grown-up get-together. Coffee is also not expected, but also nice.
anne-on says
I wouldn’t expect it, but it would be a nice surprise (especially if this is more of a friend/family party). We do our son’s ‘friend’ parties at gym type places, and a family/neighbor/close friend party at our home, and we do generally serve beer and wine at our home (along with coffee/sodas/juice/etc).
I’ll also take a moment to sing the praises of the cheap drink dispenser we got prior to Thanksgiving. I made infused water and it was so nice to have a self-serve water option that didn’t use disposable water bottles or have people trying to get water from our fridge door all day long.
https://www.amazon.com/CreativeWare-BEV08-Beverage-Dispenser-3-Gallon/dp/B002AUW4WA/ref=sr_1_3?s=kitchen&ie=UTF8&qid=1480525188&sr=1-3&keywords=drink%2Bdispenser&th=1
Momata says
My circle does expect it, but my circle finds any excuse for a party.
EB0220 says
I could not wine, beer, etc. but would be happy to see it. And also think I wanted to be your friend, if we didn’t already know each other.
EB0220 says
I would not *expect*…
TK says
Would not expect it, would certainly welcome it.
Mrs. Jones says
I’m always disappointed if there’s no adult beverages for a kid birthday party at someone’s house, although of course I wouldn’t make a scene about it.
Cb says
I emailed my yoga studio today and was told the studio’s policy was no yoga for the first three months of pregnancy. I’m at 6 weeks. It doesn’t sound like a big deal but I’m finishing up my PhD ‘(in the next 8 weeks) and have a chronic illness that ups my pain levels and yoga was the only thing that was working for stress and pain management. I’m neutral on at home yoga but I guess I’m going to have to make it work. Or attend yoga in funny glasses and a mustache?
Anonymous says
Honestly, if you cleared your yoga with your physician, I’m not sure why you even said anything to the studio about it. The studio is just covering their butt.
Pogo says
Eh, most teachers are very vocal about you communicating every minor ache and pain so they know why you might be modifying or not doing a particular pose, and can help you if needed. It was my first instinct to tell my teacher, starting when I was going through IVF.
Cb says
I don’t know what would have happened if I would have showed up and spoke to the teacher? Would they have sent me home?. I emailed b/c I sometimes run into students or colleagues in class and didn’t want to be like, “Hey, baby on board…” but slightly regretting it now.
Pogo says
That is SO weird. I just told my yoga teacher Monday (5w1d), and she was totally supportive! We actually have one other woman in the class who just delivered, and she took yoga up until the bitter end (like, probably 35 weeks!). My teacher recommended I take a private class with her to learn all the necessary modifications and safety precautions, which the other woman in the class did around week 14-16.
The only thing she told me to worry about now was falling – so don’t try any balance or inversion that I’m not sure of. That seems fair – a fall could harm an early pregnancy.
I would ask if you could do something similar – get a private class to teach you the things to avoid? Maybe it’s a liability thing, since miscarriage is so much more prevalent in early pregnancy. But you already sign a waiver at a yoga studio. I wonder if they had a bad experience where someone blamed a miscarriage on them??
Cb says
It’s quite a strict ashtanga studio. I normally do the vinyasa and yin classes they offer on the side, as I’d die of boredom doing the exact same routine every day. Maybe that makes a difference? I wonder if another studio that’s more fitness yoga might be more chill? I can’t even say that my doctor said it was okay b/c I won’t see the midwife until 12 weeks (where I also need to get them to tell my husband that I can eat eggs that aren’t burnt to a crisp)
Also, Pogo, I love that we’re week buddies.
Pogo says
Hm I could see more strict ashtanga being like that. I think it could even be related to the energy flow – hard core ashtanga people don’t practice during their period.
So fun that we’re buddies!
Sarabeth says
Yeah, this an ashtanga thing. No basis in medical reality, but this is a practice style that doesn’t practice on full moons, so there’s not exactly a hard core commitment to science going on in general. I love the practice, but eye-roll a lot of that stuff. I didn’t tell my teachers I was pregnant until I was in the 2nd tri because I knew they were going to tell me not to practice, and I also knew there was no actual reason for that advice.
DC Yogi says
Will also confirm that this is a strict ashtanga thing. I practice mysore, and took the first three months off…. mostly because I was so exhausted.
You could try another studio, most places are open to a pregnant practitioner – you’d just want to avoid deep twists and inversions (unless you have a strong inversion practice already). I also teach, and you should definitely tell the teacher you’re expecting – it will change how adjustments are given, in what poses, etc.
NewMomAnon says
Will they even know you’re pregnant? Honestly, I would just go and know that you’re not going to get any direction from the staff regarding modifications. Do your own research, but my memory is that most of the pregnancy related yoga restrictions (other than falling) kick in during the second trimester (don’t lay on your back or tummy, careful with cat-cow and cobra to protect your lower back, and maybe a few others that I don’t remember).
And if you want a dvd with maternity yoga sequences to do at home, try this: http://www.blooma.com/dvds/
Mrs. Jones says
That is ridiculous. I practiced yoga from beginning of pregnancy until 10 days before giving birth.
NewMomAnon says
Ok, I should stop posting today but I had to share – every year, it seems like someone asks about matching family pajamas. I found a website last night that listed a bunch of different sources, and wanted to share the ones I found:
Hanna Andersson (all knit)
The Company Store (expensive – some super cute flannel, some knit)
Macy’s (cheap!!! One variety of flannel, the rest are knits)
Leveret (knits)
Lands End (I found this hard to navigate, but I think you can do matching flannels)
Target (again, hard to navigate but I think you can get matching knits)
I ended up with 8 pairs of matching flannel pjs for my entire family for less than $170 in total from Macy’s. They might not be the highest quality, but it will hopefully be adorable anyway.
Cb says
Aww, I secretly love matching. I have pink converse, my husband has blue, and I can’t wait to get some for the baby Cb.
NewMomAnon says
I always wanted to do matching as a kid, and my mom was not into it. As an adult, I’m inclined toward “meh” but my daughter LOVES wearing clothes that look like mine, so I thought it would be fun for everyone to share that with her! And the baby converse sneakers are so cute. My daughter has had a few pairs….(check out the book Pete the Cat I Love My White Shoes – it’s about converse-like sneakers).
Pogo says
The Company Store pjs are incredibly comfy and well made imo. It would cost you a small fortune to outfit the entire family.
PajamaGram advertises on our NPR station, though they are similarly pricey. They do have both dog AND cat pjs though. If you need the feline in your life to match (I really want to know how they get them to pose!!)
Anon says
I got Burt’s Bees ones from Target this year. Their website is insanely difficult to navigate and get all the right matching sizes, but it was a decent price. They just arrived and feel very soft, but haven’t actually worn them yet.
Em says
I seriously contemplated getting matching pajamas from Hanna Anderson for myself, my husband, our baby, and both our 100+ pound dogs (just for a photo, not for them to actually wear), but then I realized I wasn’t willing to drop $70 on pajamas for my dogs.
Spirograph says
Thank you!
party pooper? says
without getting into the merits of whether parents should be bringing an invitee’s siblings to a child’s 4th birthday party, what are your thoughts on providing favors for the sibs? favors will be no-tie shoelaces (cuter than it sounds, i promise, with colors and tags to match the theme) they aren’t expensive but they aren’t free, esp with potentially 8-10 siblings now added to the list. my thought was that the babies (under 1? under 2?) don’t need favors esp ones that aren’t really useful or appropriate for their age. i don’t really feel obligated to provide age-appropriate favors for kids who weren’t actually invited, but maybe i’m being grinchy. there are also a couple of families bringing older sibs (6-7 year olds). do i get favors for those kids? or is it ok for me to just draw the line at getting favors only for the kids i actually invited?
your thoughts are appreciated — please be gentle and thanks in advance!
EB0220 says
I’d give them only to the actual invitees and would be super annoyed at +1 siblings (unless the sibling is a baby or the child’s parent is a single parent). There’s one kid in my daughter’s class whose older brother always comes to the birthday party. Older brother just hangs out with mom/does homework and doesn’t participate in the actual party.
party pooper? says
to add to the dilemma, i have 6 kids with no response (RSVP date is today). so theoretically i am looking at 14-16 extra favors if i want to cover every single potential attendee. maybe i hedge and get a certain # extra that can go to late responders and, if there are leftover, to the older sibs who attend?
GCA says
I’d give only to the invitees; get the # for potential attendees, and priority goes to those kids who were actually invited. Baby siblings – I assume they’re there because they’re attached to a parent – definitely don’t need non-age-appropriate favors. Older kids – leave it to the parent to assuage the disappointment (?) at not receiving a favor. (If I were in your shoes they would not get favors but would be welcome to party snacks, I guess.)
Anglophile says
I think it would be nice (but definitely not mandatory) to have something for the older/younger kids but it can be something different (i.e., less expensive). For our son’s 1st birthday party we found some spectacular super cheap favors on Amazon – e.g., plastic & foam rocket sets (which were just as big a hit with adults), little on theme notepads/pencils, stamps, space shaped crayons, and stickers (I will reply with some links). Although our son was too young for most of it at the time, he recently stumbled across one of the rocket sets and now loves it! I totally get not wanting to spend a lot on kids you didn’t invite, but you can probably find something small and inexpensive and it will be greatly appreciated by parents that then do not have kids fighting over favors. I would also suggest considering some kind of name tag or labeled favor bags (etsy was a great source for cute/cheap on theme bags) on the no-tie shoelaces for invited kids so it is clear who they are for and then maybe a free for all bin for other kids/adults. Good luck!
p.s. Would love to see the no-tie shoelaces if you could provide a link?
party pooper? says
thanks for your thoughts.
i would consider an alternative for the little kids, like stickers or pouch snacks, but my thought is if the older kids think the favor is boring too bad. my approach to favors is only to buy things that either are quickly consumable or that i know i wouldn’t immediately throw out if my kid received them (obvs thats a personal opinion, and other parents may differ). my other concern with providing alternative favors is what happens when some of the invitees decide they want the little kids favors?
its less about the $ and more about buying unnecessary stuff that people may not even take home, spending the time to match and make tags for the items, as well as generally how far i have to go in accommodating these extra guests beyond already providing sufficient food and including them in the entertainment (which thankfully isn’t a per-kid cost).
these are the no-tie shoelaces i’m getting. i will be breaking up the matched pairs to make character-themed mismatched sets. there are fancier versions (silicone, bungee-clipped — check out Amazon) but these seem useful enough and come in an array of colors and aren’t too expensive.
[Ed. note: Link was deleted because it was broken, sorry!]
Maddie Ross says
The laces look cool and I think are a good, useful favor, but frankly because they are not immediately something to eat (like candy) or something annoying to play with in the car on the way home (like bubbles or silly putty or something), I’d be less worried about giving favors to all the non-specifically-invited attendees. Just label the ones for the invitees; offer the non-invitees cake or other snacks when served and let it go.
party pooper? says
thx — for context we will be serving early dinner (hoagies, hot pasta/meatballs) plus cupcakes and will def make sure there is plenty for all the kids who eat solids (and for parents to at least have some though maybe not a heavy meal — last year we thought we underbought and had tons of leftovers). also we do the no gifts thing (this is the norm at our school and is generally respected, with a few kids bringing a token item or a card/balloon).
Pogo says
+1 I agree there is less potential for sibling rivalry around something that is not candy nor a cool toy to be used immediately.
Anglophile says
Totally get it – our party was really for our friends and their kids so we did not have the sibling party crasher issues, which could get super annoying. I agree on the pointlessness of throw away items. I tried to focus on things I wouldn’t mind having (e.g., pencil, little notepad) or something that would be fun in the moment even if thrown away (rocket sets). I have a long post in moderation with links to what we used. By the way, could people please stop giving out candy favor bags to the 5 and under set, is that really necessary?
For the invited kids favors, I would suggest handing them out individually or labeling to prevent someone who shouldn’t take one from stealing a favor.
Also, what the he!! with the non-RSVPs? Why are people so rude and inconsiderate!?
The shoelaces are adorable.
Anglophile says
To be fair, I was probably more excited about the favors than any of the guests… below are links:
Rocket Sets: https://www.amazon.com/Rhode-Island-Novelty-Rocket-Launcher/dp/B002ALOUBM/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1480530714&sr=8-1&keywords=rocket+favors
Space Stickers: https://www.amazon.com/Space-Stickers-100-Pack-Paper/dp/B007OLK6QG/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1480530762&sr=8-3&keywords=space+stickers
Space Stamps: https://www.amazon.com/Make-Spaceship-Stampers-Teacher-Resources/dp/B007OLK0MQ/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1480530789&sr=8-2&keywords=space+stamps
Space Notebooks: https://www.amazon.com/Outer-Space-Design-Notebooks-favors/dp/B016CZNDKA/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1480530828&sr=8-1&keywords=space+favor+notebook
Star Crayons: https://www.amazon.com/ALEX-Jr-Tots-First-Crayons/dp/B00HZH8RB0/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1480530868&sr=8-1&keywords=shape+crayons
Space Pencils: https://www.amazon.com/12-Outer-Space-Pencils-Eraser/dp/B002XSH1RC/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1480531026&sr=8-1&keywords=space+pencils
Etsy shop for favor bags: https://www.etsy.com/shop/MadHatterPartyBox?ref=l2-shopheader-name
NOVA Anon says
I’d probably just get the extras. No need to have extras for the under one crowd, but I’d have extras for the rest. Makes you look like a nice person, avoids hurt feelings, and avoids angst. But I tend to err on the side of being overly polite when I’m hosting (to my husband’s ire sometimes) and always end up with extra food, etc.
Mrs. Jones says
Failing to RSVP is probably my all-time number one pet peeve. I mean, how hard is it to respond yes or no??
I would not provide favors for anyone you didn’t invite.
party pooper? says
thanks everyone for your input :)
pockets says
I think it’s kind of super grinchy to not get them for the siblings. I don’t know the entire context here – were you clear about no siblings and people ignored you? is it common in your circle that siblings are invited, so people just assumed? – but if I were the parent in your situation, I’d be really annoyed if my 4 year old got a gift and I now had to deal with an irate 6 year old who didn’t get a gift. Some people may say that’s called “parenting” but I kind of hate it when people force me to “parent.” Not everything has to be a teachable moment for my kid.
jlg says
to clarify — i was mainly taken by surprise with the older sibs thing. each invite had the name of one child on it and was placed in the child’s cubby at school. my child has never met the older sibs that are coming. i did not say “no siblings” b/c i’ve never had anyone ask to bring any sib other than a babe-in-arms or very young toddler (who neither eat much nor expect a favor). i’m not mad about it, just trying to plan appropriately.
perhaps part of my thought process is that i’ve asked people not to bring gifts, so i’m not even sure why they should expect to receive them (invited or not) in addition to receiving food and entertainment at my expense. maybe that’s unfair or ungracious and i need to rethink. obviously next year i will have to consider this phenomenon in making the invite list and choosing a venue.
pockets says
I think you’re being a little ungracious tbh. The no RSVP thing, I am completely on your side – that is just rude. But you decided to throw a party and specify no gifts, so you can’t be annoyed that people are now coming to your party, eating and drinking, and not giving you a gift.
You’re certainly not obligated to provide favors, but if you’re going to then I think you should provide them for every kid (others obviously disagree with me), otherwise you’re just creating a headache for the parents. I also think it could be awkward. Are you handing these out? Because then you’re handing one kid a gift but not another. Will there be a table with the gifts? Because I can virtually guarantee that one kid who wasn’t supposed to get a gift will take one, leading to chaos. It just seems easier to get everyone the same thing.
Party pooper? says
I am not opposed to getting additional favors. That’s why I asked here. I think you misread or misunderstood. I don’t want gifts. I’m thrilled if people don’t bring gifts. We are inundated with gifts from thanksgiving to New Years for a variety of reasons. I’m happy to bring gifts to other kids parties and even enjoy selecting gifts for other kids.
But I do feel like at some point the expectation of bringing additional kids to a party who don’t know the honoree and expecting that they receive food, entertainment, and gifts is a bit much. I know a lot of parents who would have just said no to the sibling requests (some weren’t really requests). Perhaps that’s what I should have done and now I have to suck it up. But I’m not mad at all about not receiving gifts and truly hope that no one brings one regardless of how many favors I buy.
Sam says
For younger sibs, I’ve in the past kept a bowl with small playdoh boxes (the teeny sized ones) and while the kids were walking out, have offered the bowl to the sib to pick a playdoh color. Adding my vote to the “consider a cheaper option” category. I’d also be a naysayer and say I don’t love the laces. What if the kid has shoes that don’t lace up? (My kids only wear velcro ones). Kids aren’t going to love those. In fact, they may prefer playdoh or something that’s a real toy.
Party pooper? says
I appreciate your points about the laces and have considered them in choosing this item. The kids are right at that age/size where it is getting hard to find non-laced shoes. I’m not that concerned about the kids – most of them went nuts over socks the year before. If the parents and kids don’t like them that’s fine. I’ve at least tried to give something useful. i think opinions and approaches to favors vary, and I’m not going to please everyone no matter what.
Huh says
I think you’re being grinchy and ungracious. I would buy something small and practical for the older kids (pencils/markers). Those children should not be blamed because their parents did not RSVP or are bringing them along without an invitation. Whenever I host, I err on the side of being overly generous. People will appreciate it.
Party pooper? says
Interesting point about not punishing the kids (though you certainly could have made it without the name calling). I agree it’s not their fault. I’m on the fence though about a) whether it’s really punishment and b) how I feel about doing this mostly so the parents don’t have to deal with the fallout, despite it being their decision (some told, rather than asked, me that they’d be bringing multiple sibs). Kindof leaves me feeling like an enabler. Also given that this isn’t just cake and chips and I have to buy several other extras for these add ons to make sure they feel included during the party, I guess my question is where does generosity/flexibility end and doormat begin? This isn’t to say you are wrong, I am just trying to figure out what my comfort level is.
Huh says
Huh? You used the word grinchy. I’m parroting your own words.
Honestly, life is too short to be resentful about people not RSVP’ing and bringing uninvited kids. It’s a birthday party, a joyful event, and what is most important is that friends and family are coming together to celebrate your child. Just pony up the extra $20, if that, and buy the other kids favors. It strikes me as extremely poor form to give favors to some kids and not to others.
Anon says
Strikes me as poor form to assume that your entire 2-parent, multi-kid family is invited to a preschoolers birthday held outside the home. But to each his own. More importantly the OPs responses have mostly been framed as questions, not statements that she is resentful. Take a deep breath and think about whether beating up on someone who asked for advice qualifies as gracious.
Huh says
I agree that it’s poor form to bring other non-invited kids along, but it happens. Not sure why the kid should be punished for their parents’ thoughtlessness. I like the idea of playdoh or something small for the older kids.
Beth says
Is this at your house? If not, and it’s at a venue where edge kids = extra fee, SEVEN siblings (other than backpack babies/tiny toddlers) seems absurd.
I had ONE older sibling at my last kids party, and actually, the parent declined saying she was solo parenting that weekend. I had room and was under the minimum for the place anyway, so it cost me $0 to have her and my kid’s good friend got to come. They were incredibly gracious and did not expect a goody bag for older sis (party was for 3 y/o, sib is 4, all kids go to the same preschool but different classes). I had a bunch of extra goody bags so gave one to the sib and unloaded the rest to the tiny toddlers (they had fruit snacks, a puzzle game thing, tattoos, and stickers).
Jlg says
Thankfully the venue does not charge per kid or have a strict limit or I would have had to handle things differently re siblings. Obvs I have learned something about how explicit I need to be or how I need to game plan for an invite list in the future. I will have to include some extra food and make extra pieces for various activities. Honestly considering no favors at all since it is apparently a divisive issue for attendees and their parents.
Party pooper? says
Thankfully the venue does not charge per kid or have a strict limit or I would have had to handle things differently re siblings. Obvs I have learned something about how explicit I need to be or how I need to game plan for an invite list in the future. I will have to include some extra food and make extra pieces for various activities. Honestly considering no favors at all since it is apparently a divisive issue for attendees and their parents.
Party pooper? says
Sorry for the double post. And thanks again to all who weighed in.
Anonymous says
I brought my 2-yr-old to her step-brother’s friend’s 5th birthday party. When they had a favor for my daughter, it MADE HER DAY. I think if she were the older sibling, she would understand that she doesn’t get a favor. If you’re able to do the same favors for everyone, I would, just because then you don’t have to think about what the “lesser” favor should be. I think it’s fine to only have favors for the invited kids, especially if there are a good number of siblings (i.e., more than one).
Anon says
Has anyone let someone else set up a 529 for your kids? They need the kid’s SSN to do it, and I’m a little hesitant to share that but can’t really articulate why. Plus, if they set one up, is it theirs to control? What if I want to set one up myself later? Am I stuck contributing to theirs? Can it hurt my kids to have someone else control “their” money when it comes to FAFSA time? I don’t know how to organize my thoughts on this – what else should I be considering?
NewMomAnon says
My parents set up a 529 for my daughter with the assistance of our family’s financial advisor. At the time, they said it was for financial aid purposes to keep it off the FAFSA. I don’t know whether they have my kiddo’s social security number, or if they set it up in their own name with an eye to transferring it later. The FAFSA seems so far away that I don’t even know if that arrangement will hold up by the time kiddo is looking at college.
FWIW, I eventually learned they actually did it that way to keep control over it if kiddo’s dad and I split up (as we did). I didn’t have to list it on any of the divorce forms because I don’t have any control over it. They do have total control over it; unless they give me admin powers, I can’t make changes or even contributions.
I don’t think you’re stuck contributing to theirs, but I think there are annual limits for each child to get the tax benefits, so you’ll need to coordinate your contributions with theirs. I would check with a tax accountant.
Anon in NYC says
My mom just set up a 529 for my daughter on her own (my husband and I have one). She did it because she gets a tax write-off that she otherwise wouldn’t receive if she gave me money to contribute to the existing one that is already open. I don’t know if she had any sort of divorce motives, but certainly another thing to consider!
jlg says
my inlaws set up a separate 529 b/c we chose to do credits but they wanted to do investment-based. as far as i know anyone can put $ in to either ours or theirs.
Anon says
Thanks for this. I looked it up, and it looks like (under current FAFSA) it’s way better to have a student or parent owned 529 than for someone else to own it. I anticipate that it’s probably related to wanting the tax write-offs, but I don’t think they’d want that to penalize my kids later on.
http://www.reuters.com/article/us-column-feldman-idUSBRE93S0LZ20130429
And thanks to everyone for your thoughts. I think I can articulate my concern as a lack of control over both the SSN and the asset allocation. (These are grandparents who don’t understand how to factcheck FB articles, so I’m concerned about their ability to protect sensitive info.) And we have 4 sets of grandparents thanks to divorces, so I like the idea of setting up my own and then just sharing the contribution info with everyone.
Meg Murry says
I’m assuming they are going to have some kind of financial professional set up the 529s (perhaps whoever does their taxes)? Or are they just going to sign up online themselves?
If they are having a financial professional set up the 529 for them, could you talk to that person about the advantages/disadvantages of who officially owns the 529? If their accountant/CPA/money manager/whoever is someone you trust, is there any way you can give the SSN directly to that person, not to your parents as an intermediary? Or would the SSN wind up on the setup documents that your parents would get a copy of?
My parents set up a 529 for us, and I’ll admit I thought for a few seconds about whether to give them the SSNs, but then I decided that:
1) I trust my parents to keep that info safe enough
2) If I didn’t give them the SSN my parents’ financial guy would suggest another tax advantaged way to use that money instead and it probably wouldn’t be for my kids. So I decided some free(ish) money that has some grandparent strings attached is better than no money.
But another question for them to ask: if the fund is setup under the Grandparents and one (or both) of them wind up outliving their other assets and need to go into a nursing home or hospital under Medicaid, will that money be subject to their state asset test?
According to this s!te, in some states the 529 may go to pay the Grandparent’s nursing home bill before Medicaid kicks in:
http://www.savingforcollege.com/grandparents/answer.php?grandparent_faq_id=8
I’ve had the experience of having to help sell/auction off more than one person’s assets and spend down their money to get under the Medicaid/Medicare threshold, so that would be frustrating if all the money was taken by that sometime before your child turns 18.
Meg Murry says
Oh that sounded money grubbing and terrible, I didn’t mean it that way.
The pro for the grandparent controlling the account:
-they could withdraw the money themselves if they needed it for medical care, etc (but pay a tax penalty)
-the grandparent gets the tax deduction if their state offers it
The con for the grandparent controlling the account:
-They could withdraw the money themselves (or possibly taken by end of life hospital bills?), so you can’t count on it until your kid turns 18.
The pro/con for parents controlling the account:
-The parent gets the tax deduction (if the state has it) not the grandparent
-The parent controls where the money goes, how it’s invested, etc
-It counts as a gift toward the parents, so is subject to a gift tax if it’s over a certain amount or could limit gifts the grandparents could give to the parents (currently $14,000 per year).
MSJ says
It’s fairly quickly to set up a 529 and fund it with a nominal amount. Can you set it up and then direct them how they can contribute? This way you’ll have the asset allocation set and full visibility
Anononymous says
Set one up yourself and give the other person the information to contribute. If they ask why, say other people wanted to contribute and this makes it easier.
blueberries says
It’s easy to set up a 529 yourself and have others contribute. I’d be uncomfortable letting anyone have my kid’s SSN. Data breaches happen. I figure the more places where personal details are kept, the more likely those details may be subject to a data breach (whether online or someone accessing papers at a home).
CPA Lady says
Yeah, agreed. During the annual required CPE on ethics they always go over ethical abuse horror stories, and there are always ones about a family member stealing a child’s SSN and using it to set up a bunch of credit cards and stuff like that. Not saying your parents would do that, but I think the fewer people who have access to the SSN, the better.
Katala says
No info about 529s to share, but I would never give out kiddo’s SSN, so you’re not crazy to feel uncomfortable about that. My mom had (has?) all her kids’ SSNs memorized and feels completely justified in using them as she sees fit. Particularly to sign up for “business opportunities” (which usually don’t require that info, thank goodness, but she wouldn’t hesitate). You never know what people will do with private info, so I err on the side of keeping it private.
Em says
I set up a 529 for my niece and all of her gifts for the first couple years of her life (from me, as well as some other relatives) were contributions to her 529. The other relatives gave me cash or checks and I made the transfer into the account. I did it because I knew my sister and her husband were never going to get around to doing it. I did need her social security number to do it, which my sister didn’t have an issue giving me, but we are really close and I am an attorney, so I am guessing she trusted me to be responsible with it. I wouldn’t give it to someone unless they were a close relative who I absolutely trusted.
ChiLaw says
Unless there is a reason for you not to set it up yourself, I would set it up yourself. My understanding is that if you own the account you can use it for purposes other than this child’s education: if you have another child, if you yourself want to go back to school, etc. If I were you, I would want that decision-making power in my hands, not someone else’s. (Also, I set one up through scholarshare and it was really easy.)
ChiLaw says
Oh the thing I meant to say is that it’s also super easy for my parents to put money in the 529 regularly. So it’s not like they have to set up their own to contribute to her college.