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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
CPA Lady says
I’m making a gift basket for my friend who is going to be having her first kid in a couple of weeks. I’m looking for suggestions of what to put in the basket… my memory of the newborn period is a little hazy. I want these to be things for her.
So far this is what I have:
-bottle of wine
-cookies (she has GD)
-lotion
-fuzzy socks
-bubble bath
-lanolin
-a big cup with a straw
Any other ideas? Should I skip any of these ^?
GCA says
Will she need any of those enormous maxi pads for post-delivery bleeding? If she is planning to bf, a comfy nursing tank or nursing pads?
CPA Lady says
I actually used the “fancy” kind of Depends for postpartum bleeding and was considering adding a box of those… but I wasn’t sure if it would be too weird.
p.s. word to the wise– if you ever buy Depends at Target you will get coupons for them every single time you shop there for the rest of the following year. Fun times.
Anon in NOVA says
For a first kid gift basket, I’d add some practical stuff like the maxi pads mentioned, nursing pads, etc. For me, just the acknowledgement from another woman that these things were needed would make me feel more comfortable opening up to them after I had a baby. Kind of like “wait a minute, she knew I would need giant pads, she’s been here before. Maybe I can call her to talk about my gross b00b leakage” etc.
I think this is a cute idea, you’re a good friend :)
BKDC says
High protein snacks she can eat one-handed.
PinkKeyboard says
numbing spray!
Anonymous says
Maybe a Camelbak or similar water bottle? I would have had a lot of spills with a cup with a straw :)
Kelly C. says
I would suggest:
-Comfortable pants (like yoga or sweat or pajama pants)
-Nursing tank if she will nurse
-Earth Mama N*pple Butter if she will nurse
-Take out or delivery menus from nearby restaurants with a note “It’s on me if you have a night you need something, just text.”
I would skip the lotion unless you know her taste, I was super sensitive to smells while nursing. Also consider post-partum bath herbs from Earth Mama or another brand instead of bubble bath. And add a personal note that shares some of your own experience. I remember someone telling me that it took 9 months to make the baby, and that it would take at least that long for me to build my new self as a mother. That really helped when I was surrounded by a society that seemed to think that I would go back to the old me just like that. I also wish I had listened the Longest Shortest Time podcast series on s*x for parents after a baby soon after having my baby, but not sure if you know here well enough to suggest she listen to that.
NewMomAnon says
Epsom salts would be a less messy alternative to the bath herbs (at least, the bath herbs I got needed to be “steeped” in a big cheesecloth, which I didn’t do so instead there were little leaves floating in my bathtub for weeks). That’s what my doctor recommend postpartum, and it was very helpful.
LSC says
A black bath towel.
EB0220 says
This is the best.
Anon in NOVA says
haha yessssss. black sheets. black pants. everything.
Anonymous says
AMAZING suggestion and hilariously accurate.
Penelope says
With a three week old, I’m feeling qualified to answer this question. I’ve been eating at least one kind breakfast bar per day. I like the honey oat and peanut butter variety. Tons of protein and fiber and helpful in the middle of the night when you are starving after nursing. I have also enjoyed packets of trail mix with chocolate, almonds, dried fruit (cherries, apricot). Also, fancy moisturizing hand soap or cream. I wash my hands a ton and they are already dry in the winter. Yes to fuzzy socks…did not expect my feet to swell so much after baby’s birth and I couldn’t get my regular slippers on. You are a good friend!
jlg says
yes — or slipper socks. something stretchy that won’t make you fall down the stairs while your legs are swollen so bad that you wonder what word is for the knee version of cankles.
more of the stretchy disposable underwear that the hospital gives out.
high waisted all-cotton granny panties if she is having a C (for after the disposable stage but before it is comfortable to have a waistband near the incision).
gift card to the appropriate appstore for her phone or for music/audiobook purchases.
stereo bluetooth headset if she doesn’t have one so she can talk on the phone or listen to music while nursing/feeding baby.
robe with pockets (in a dark color!)
nursing pjs or nightgowns if she will be BFing — i loved these, esp the nightgowns (much better for C section than pj pants) and also no need for sleep bra with these: http://nursinggowns.com/
bamboobies nursing pads (regular & overnight)
i would prob skip the wine in favor of sweets if she had GD — it was a long time PP before if felt like drinking, but you know her best.
ANP says
Witch hazel pads
Absorbent br3ast pads
Disposable undies if you can find them
(was) due in june says
YESSSS to the disposable undies, particularly if your friend is having a C like I did. My hospital’s maternity store had them, or you can slow-ship them from Amazon for not as good a price.
CPA Lady says
Thank you all for all the great suggestions!
Anonymous says
I would skip the bubble bath, I was not allowed to take baths for a while after giving birth.
AI says
*1
H says
Does she have a kindle? What about an amazon gift card? I read a ton while I was nursing and was always looking for books to read. Although more awkward, I read actual books too, so if you have a favorite, that might be appreciated. Or maybe a movie to watch while nursing?
Frozen Peach says
A huge pack of paper plates.
I need a handle... says
If she’s going to be nursing, vitamin d supplements for her and the baby? I really liked the vitamin d drops (like the baby d drops)-so much easier than the 1 mL of liquid that the traditional supplements are. Definitely witch hazel/Tucks. I liked the motherlove n!pple butter for nursing and the medala lanolin for pumping. If you get pads, I personally found the old-school thick cottony ones to be way better than the newer thinner absorbent materials, something I wouldn’t have expected going in. And definitely yes to one-handed snacks. Luna makes high protein bars that sustained me for the first few weeks. Other ideas would be colace, prune juice, bran muffins… All key in those first few days!
PhilanthropyGirl says
+1 to the vitamin d drops i think the Baby D drops are made by Carlson.
Katala says
+1 to the old-school thick, cottony pads. They didn’t hurt my stitches and make the best padsicles. So a huge pack of those + bottle of witch hazel with instructions (i.e., partner to open a bunch of pads, pour witch hazel on them, stack in freezer, bring to mom every couple of hours).
ChiLaw says
When I was nursing my husband smashed up a big block of very dark chocolate and mixed it with salted roasted almonds and put it in a bowl next to me — made me so so happy.
FTMinFL says
I lived in the Jessica Simpson nursing cardigan that my mom gifted to me for my entire maternity leave. It was both nursing- and postpartum-belly-friendly. Nursing tank + cardigan + leggings = instantly looking put together when I so was not!
TK says
Mom Tip
Little TK has recently discovered a love of books on tape / CD. I bought him some of the old-school books with cassette tapes at Goodwill on a whim last month, and have been surprised by how much he’s enjoyed them.
Now, rather than fighting me to get into his car seat, he’s been eagerly climbing in so he can start listening to “How do Dinosaurs Go to School” while following along in his book. He really gets a kick out of ‘turning the page’ when the bells chime, and he can listen to the same story over and over again. Makes our commute home in traffic much more pleasant for both of us.
NewMomAnon says
This is a great tip, but in case you don’t have a cassette player – I used the ClearRecord app on my phone to record myself reading some favorite books (complete with a little bell to indicate turning the page). I can play them through my car stereo using BlueTooth or USB, and kiddo follows along.
(was) due in june says
My mind is blown by your level of Mom Skills. Brilliant.
NewMomAnon says
My Grandma used to record cassette tapes of herself reading and singing, and then send them to me as a birthday present. Since cassettes aren’t a thing anymore, I went on a hunt to figure out how to recreate that with modern technology. The system works well, although I wish I could find an easier delivery vehicle so my daughter could navigate it without help….
Meg Murry says
Along the same lines, my mom got the recordable storybooks from Hallmark, and had her mother record them – one book for my kids, and one for my cousin who has kids (and I think she’s gotten more as people had babies). We got “The Night Before Christmas” and my kids *love* listening to my Grandma read to them – especially since we put it away every year after Christmas, so it’s a special thing every year.
The books aren’t cheap, but I’m really happy to have it, especially now that my Grandma is sick and I’m not sure how many more Christmas’s we’ll have with her. I’m thinking I should probably make a recording of it too, in case something ever happens to the book.
Anonymous says
Woah this is GENIUS, newmomanon!
Anon in NOVA says
This.is.genius.
Anonymous says
We love audiobooks – the Frances series is fantastic and read by the Mary Poppins mom. Also love Knuffle Bunny and Edwina the Dinosaur who Thought She Was Extinct.
In House Lobbyist says
My kids have some record storybooks that I had as a kid and they love them. So I have also bought the CD versions for them and we have some books on CDs for the car. The Bernstain Bears ones saved us on a road trip this summer.
NewMomAnon says
So, bedtime help needed. My daughter never wants to be left alone. She is used to me staying in her room while she falls asleep at night, which isn’t a problem when she falls asleep in 15 minutes. But the last month or two, it’s been taking her 60-90 minutes, and she often isn’t fully “asleep” until 9 pm or later.
Last night, I tried to re-institute falling asleep on her own – with holiday travel coming, I don’t want to be stuck in her room for 2 hours instead of spending time with family and friends. We talked about it in advance, and agreed that I would stay with her “for a few minutes.” We did normal bedtime, lights out by 7:15, I rubbed her back and counted down the minutes until I left, and then I left. And all h*ll broke loose for the next hour. Screaming, crying, climbing on top of her headboard and falling off, concluding in her tearing the child gate out of the wall (wall anchors and all) and mashing her foot in the process.
I periodically checked on her and calmly brought her back to bed each time, until she tore down the gate, at which point she was completely out of control. She screamed that she was scared, and when I asked why, she said, “I scared I going to lose my mommy.” And then she fell asleep with me in the room with her, and woke up four times during the night.
Is this normal 3 year old bedtime shenanigans? Should I keep trying to let her fall asleep alone, or stop until I can talk it through with her pediatrician? It feels like a bigger issue about separation anxiety or something, but I also know the holidays do strange things to my ability to rationally respond to parenting angst…..
Meg Murry says
Has she been watching a Disney movie and it finally “clicked” to her that Elsa and Anna’s parents died and aren’t coming back? (or Bambi, or any number of Disney movies)? Or perhaps she had a bad dream where she couldn’t find you?
Perhaps you could edge your way out of the room? Sit with her for a few minutes, then move to sitting in the hallway outside her door so she could call to you (but you could at least read a book/Kindle/watch a show on the iPad with one earbud in, etc). Then you could institute some kind of rule about how she’s allowed to call out to you if she’s scared but she has to stay in bed.
I know it seems crazy, but I think this might be one of the cases where the crazy attachment parents are kind of right – if you respond to her quickly when she *does* call for you, she’ll (hopefully) start calling for you less if she knows that you do answer when she calls.
Marilla says
No experience with this (my little one is just 12 months) but is this something where the Sleep Lady Shuffle could work? Mommy sits next to the bed – then mommy sits a little further away next night – until you are at the door and then out the door and out of sight?
Anonymous says
Imho, if she regularly isn’t falling asleep for 60-90 minutes, you may need to give in and aim for a later bedtime. 7:15 would be too early for my kiddo (age 4). We have given in to this (after lots of bedtime battles) and don’t put him to bed until around 8:30 to 9 pm. (He wakes up around 7:30 am.) The one thing we have done that helps is if kiddo isn’t tired we tell him it’s okay not to go to sleep, and that he can just lie in bed and listen to lullabies. We downloaded lullabies album by andrew holdsworth and let him listen on his sounds machine on repeat (using old iPod shuffle). We’ll switch it off when he asks, or once he’s asleep.
ANP says
Also, this. My 3 year old (he’ll be 4 in January) takes a 90-minute nap every school day and goes down to bed around 8/8:30. He sleeps through the night and pops up pretty reliably in the 6:00AM hour. Might be worth considering a later bedtime depending on whether she naps during the day.
AnonMN says
+1 to a later bed time helping us with this. It was like a switch went off and my son’s sleep needs changed. I’m not sure how old your daughter is, but a 3-5 year old only needs 10-13 hours per day. So an early bedtime would get her all of these hours without a nap. If she’s taking a nap, she needs less at night.
On the weekend we dropped his nap and he still falls asleep early. For weekdays where he takes a 2 hour daycare nap we moved his bedtime back to 8:30/9. It’s harder as it cuts into our evening “me” time, but if I feel like I need some time I just do whatever I would have done while he was sleeping (dishes, reading, etc) while he is playing.
ANP says
I am a regular reader and infrequent commenter, but I think I’ve seen you post before about sleep challenges with your daughter. Huge, huge hugs to you mama.
You’re right in that holidays are tough — you’re in unfamiliar places with weird routines. This may be a tough time to overcome her sleep fears because you won’t be “in the groove” as much. I will say that I have not had any of my kids get freaked out at bedtime to this degree, although we’ve hard our fair share of sleep issues. I agree with Meg Murry in that your daughter’s fear seems real and that it would be alleviated by you making yourself more (not less) available.
I know this isn’t for everyone but is there any way you could have her sleep in your bed with you at least through the holidays? My husband and I always laugh about how much better our kids sleep in our bed whether one of us is in there or not! There’s something comforting, I think, about your parent’s bed. I also realize that this doesn’t always mean restful sleep for all parties.
I love our ped but I know he’s not helpful with stuff like this. If you need the name of a baby sleep person, I highly recommend http://www.sleepandwellnesscoach.com.
NewMomAnon says
I wish she would sleep in my bed! It’s really, really exciting to sleep in mom’s bed, so it turns into a giant adventure and neither of us sleep.
Thanks to you and Meg Murry for the advice on availability. Leaning in to parenting has been one of the hardest challenges for me…it seems like the more space I’m needing for me (holiday stress, busy season at work, peak anxiety time, etc), the more I need reminders to stay in the moment with my kiddo.
Meg Murry says
Big hugs to you, I 100% understand the “I just want to have 30 minutes of quiet and alone why won’t you just stay in your bed and SLEEP!” feeling. My husband and I are able to trade off when one of us is ready to throttle a kid at bedtime, and one week of solo parenting always leaves me drained, so I have so much respect for you doing it every night.
ANP says
Blerg. Yes, the more time I need to myself the harder it is to lean into parenting. I totally, totally empathize with you. Can you by any chance take a half personal day at work to deal with some of what you have going on? (long shot during this crazy busy time, I realize.)
Momata says
Man, you’ve been through the wringer with sleep issues! First of all, I think you’ve said that you and your kid’s dad handle bedtime very differently. If you can, I think you guys need to coparent the sh!t out of this issue. Consistency is key.
Second – because consistency is key, this is going to be very, very difficult to deal with during the holidays. I think I might try something like bedtime music on a timer that you can take with you when you travel. My daughter’s baby monitor has a music button and the music stops after maybe five minutes? It seems to help transition her to sleep. Or you could use one of those glowy seahorses that kids can restart by squeezing. Plus you could use it to help calibrate expectations on when you are going to leave – we’ll lie here in the dark and listen to the music, and then when it’s over Mommy is going to go sleep in her own bed.
as for the “losing mommy” issue – do you have a talk function on your monitor? Maybe you could use that to talk to her without actually going back in there (before the full stage freakout).
NewMomAnon says
I don’t have a monitor, but that’s a brilliant idea – she often drifts out of sleep just enough to check if I’m still there, and if I’m in the room and say, “It’s ok, shhh,” she’ll go back to sleep. Will have to look into that.
NOVA Anon says
I have a younger LO (just 2) but one tip on the talking on the monitor function – practice it during the day, in a low stress situation first. We (stupidly) tried it for the first time when we were trying to settle him down one night, and he FREAKED out, was very scared by it, and still talks to me two weeks later about how much it scared him when mommy talked to him on the monitor and asks me not to do it again. Might work better with an older LO; I know many families with older kids who successfully use the talk function.
NewMomAnon says
OMG, I know it wasn’t funny at the time, but this made me laugh out loud at my desk. I can only imagine how terrifying it would be to have the Voice Of Mom speaking while you know you are alone in your dark bedroom.
SoCalAtty says
Or what if you did a reverse monitor thingy? Put the camera on you and the monitor near her, so she can se you’re just in the other room washing the dishes or whatever?
Anonymous says
So, my step-son was dealing with some of this, and he’s older than your daughter. Finally, I came across a tip that if Daddy puts his undershirt (that he’s worn all day) on step-son’s pillowcase, step-son will go to bed pretty calmly. If you can, slip your pillowcase or an undershirt on her pillow. It needs to be “fresh” with your smell each night she goes to bed with it, which makes an undershirt ideal, but the effect on her subconscious will be incredibly calming. And as a formerly-single mom, HUGE hugs, I know how hard this is.
Meg Murry says
This sounds like a tip that should belong in the “everything I know about parenting I learned from training my puppy” book another commenter was joking she should write. And I think it’s probably true that a lot of the same stuff (like this) that works for puppies can also help kids.
Related, since you had the awesome mom-hack of audiobooks above, what if you put a small music player of some kind in her room and let her pick what to listen to as long as she stays in bed? I found out my one kid’s teacher played a certain classical CD every day at naptime and now anything by that composer is like an instant calming device for him. Perhaps she would feel less lonely if she had something/someone to listen to while she was in her room, and it could be a treat that was allowed as long as she stays in her bed? In the same daycare, when my kids got older and started napping less (but were still required to lay down) the teacher switched to audiobooks on CD, and to this day all the kids from that class can recite almost the entirety of “Horton Hears a Who” and a half dozen other Dr. Seuss books.
Can't remember what name I used says
That was me with the puppy book idea! It’s so true!
For OP – if I remember correctly, you are a divorced parent. Did dad move out after she went to bed one night? Was she old enough to remember it?
Did someone come stay with you after the divorce and then abruptly leave?
NewMomAnon says
Nope, there haven’t been any night-time departures – dad left in the morning with kiddo sitting in his suitcase as he packed around her (which somehow still makes me cry?). She was only 8 months old and that was more than 2 years ago now, and there haven’t been any temporary house guests afterward.
I’m pretty sure she’s responding to me sneaking out of her room after she goes to sleep at night (which I do every night, if I can). But thinking back on the last few weeks, some of it is probably a reaction to the general disruption of having her mom suddenly pulled in a million directions at once and unable to focus on anything very well. Time for some yoga….
Can't remember what name I used says
That story is so sad. I just teared up too. Glad she can’t remember it.
Sam says
I think I remember reading that a dog’s mental abilities (vocab understanding etc.) equal to a two year old so this is very apt.
TBK says
No idea if this would work for her, but my 2 yos get 15-20 min to “read” at bedtime. We do books, songs (with dancing these days), bedtime songs, and then they hang out in their cribs with their books for 15 min or so with the light on. Then I come in and turn it off and say good night. It’s pretty much stopped all bedtime screaming. But then that’s just my kids.
Anonymous says
Is she still napping? Sleep was really tricky for us when our oldest couldn’t sleep at night if she had a nap but was super grumpy if she didn’t.
If you can, try outside time before supper – even if just running around in the backyard/on the deck with bubbles.
You mentioned that you recorded storybooks for her. Could you record yourself singing some nighttime songs and she could fall asleep listening to that? Then she might feel like you were still present.
Anonymous says
My 3 year old did exactly what your kid is doing OP. He started wanting company at night, someone to sleep with him or at least fall asleep with him. I’m not opposed to kids sleeping with parents generally but that is simply not sustainable in our lives (I’m not a single parent, but both my husband and I have to log back into work after kids are down and night time is my only me/sanity time too).
We ended up having to lock him in his room, which he promptly destroyed, just like your kid did too. I think it’s age appropriate behavior, even if it’s crappy to deal with. We stuck with it, and things improved quickly. Here’s a general list of what has worked at our house, and for a number of my friends in this exact situation:
1. Door lock, door knob childproof cover, door monkey thingy, chain lock up high or similar. Some people prefer the chain lock because the door can open a bit so it feels to them like it’s different from full locking with closed door as complete barrier… maybe you buy that, maybe it’s all a locked door to you and you pick what works best with least damage to door. Child proof room.
2. Monitor with two-way functionality. Kid knows kid is always heard – demonstrate it when kid is awake – and kid can hear you when you choose. Walk talkies would work too. Be responsive, so kid knows you’re still around, just not in the room. Fine line between being responsive and giving in to stalling techniques though… consistency here is key but hard when you’re tired and you know giving in would be easier.
3. Projecting night light kid can control – ours projects stars. I bought this in store because waiting 2 days for Amazon was too long.
4. Stuffed animal (or real animal if you have one and you trust the two to get along), blanket, a shirt of yours, whatever is important to kid.
5. Limiting or skipping nap, no matter how much kid seems to need to sleep/stay asleep at nap time. Experiment to find the right time/schedule and remember it will change as time goes on (we were every other day for not more than an hour for a while).
Consistency is key. We cannot have “special nights” where he gets company or else he regresses. We are sure to still give cuddles and snuggles, but whomever is handling bedtime always leave before he’s asleep. It’s hard, because I totally understand where he’s coming from and think it’s a reasonable request. In a different life, one or both of us would stay for as many hours, nights, months, years as he needed. But we don’t live that life. This is what we need to do, and he’s turning out fine.
Eager Beaver says
This worked well for us: http://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2015/09/18/441492810/the-bedtime-pass-helps-parents-and-kids-skip-the-sleep-struggles.
Running Numbers says
This is so timely! I just bought a wrap for an upcoming conference and I am stumped on how I wear a wrap without looking like I forgot to leave my blanket in bed. Does anyone have guidance on how to make this work? I have tried Pinterest but need to look professional, not trendy. Thank you!
Anon in NOVA says
No help, but I was going to ask the same question. I always worry I look like I’m trying to be professor trelawney from harry potter with a wrap :(
Pogo says
I just wear mine like a giant scarf. I find it really useful when travelling because on a plane it unfolds into a blanket, essentially.
H says
This is what I do. Awhile back, Nordstrom had a video about different ways to wrap scarves.
TBK says
New au pair arriving tomorrow night and current au pair leaving Wednesday. :( Any last minute advice? (I posted about this before, but still anxious about it.) We’re planning to bring the kids with us when we drop off K, the current au pair. They have no clue what’s coming, but I hope that the whole production of driving to the airport might help. They’ve been on planes before and know that, for example, we have to ride on a plane to go see Grammy and G’pa so maybe they’ll get that they won’t see K all the time anymore? Also, it’s hard because K really doesn’t want to go. And I know she’s a little upset about C literally taking her place in the family, right down to taking over her room, her sheets, her towels, her cell phone, her seat at the dinner table. So we probably haven’t talked to the boys about her leaving as much as we should have. Meanwhile, I know that C is really excited to begin her year with us and I want to be sure we’re as welcoming as we can be. I admire these young people who hop on a plane to a foreign country to live with strangers for a whole year. I wasn’t up for that when I was 22 so I feel it’s important to make the transition as easy as possible. Ugh. This is the price for having an amazing au pair — no one wants her to go.
Betty says
Being an au pair really is a leap of faith and a brave thing to do! We have told our current au pair and kids as much.
No real advice but please do let us know how it goes! I dread the day when our current au pair leaves!
Pogo says
What does the agency suggest – this must be fairly common since they only stay a year?
When I left for college, the family I nannyed for made sure that LO understood it was because I was going off into the world! I was all grown up! And she was growing up too, and isn’t it fun to have new friends when you grow up? I think the family came to my graduation party, and before I left we took a picture so LO and I could each have a copy of it of us together – I probably needed it as much as her! Although I guess now with phones your kids probably have a million pictures of the au pair, but at the time I think the picture helped her remember that I was just somewhere else and I still existed.
blueberries says
Yeti and the Bird might be a helpful book. Yeti makes a friend who has to go away. Yeti then makes new friends and the old friend comes back sometimes for a visit.
Betty says
Because there isn’t enough going on right now… my boss just announced he is retiring at the end of next year. They are going to start the search in Q2, and they are looking internally and externally. There is only one other lawyer in our subsidiary. My brain cannot process: (1) this change, and (2) whether to throw my hat in the ring. At least it has been a distraction from the big scary appointment for my son’s Crohn’s this afternoon?
Butter says
So LO is 10 months old and I’m dropping my pumps at work down from 2 to 1 (I went from 3 to 2 around 8 months). We supplement with formula for daycare bottles but I also have a small freezer stash, as my possibly irrational line of thinking is that I’d like to have some bm in his bottles as long as possible this winter to get us through flu and cold season.
On one hand I’m psyched to start to lay off the pump. On the other I’m panicked that once I start to back off that the whole thing will snowball and I’ll be done nursing before I’m ready – I’m assuming sometime between 12-15 months. Any words of wisdom or advice?
H says
Maybe don’t drop a session just yet? It sounds like you might not totally be ready. Wait a couple weeks and then see how you feel?
Anon says
I had the same fears about the whole thing snowballing, but the good news is that I stopped pumping at work (transitioned from 3x a day to 0x time a day) two months ago (when LO was 7 months old) and am still able to nurse at home in the morning and before bed.
AnonMN says
I just made the transition from 2 to 1 last week (my son will be 10 months this weekend). My once per day pump session yields a good amount and I still seem to have plenty for him to drink morning and night. On Tuesday I panicked because my supply was suddenly really low, then my period started yesterday and all is back to normal today.
With my first I was down to one pump by this time, no pumping at 11 months, and I continued to nurse him until 12/13 months when I decided to be done (not related to supply issues, just me ready to be done and him seeming okay with it).
So in my experience, you should be fine. But, I get the crazy anxiety surrounding feeding your baby and not wanting the nursing to suddenly end. I have 300 ounces still in the freezer that we use to supplement his bottles after I start dropping pump sessions. I still freak out that I might run out sometimes, and my husband reminds me that this thinking is crazy. Maybe it’s a hormonal thing??
ChiLaw says
I dropped a session (from 2 to 1) around the same time, but continued nursing her at wakeup and to go to sleep, then eventually dropped the wakeup nursing, and she nursed to sleep — and that was it — until about 15 months. She dropped that last session on her own, very gently. First it was nursing for a few minutes then cuddling, then it was just for a second or two, and then she just wanted to cuddle. She’s almost two now and cuddling her to sleep is still my job. Sharing that to give you some optimism about how this could play out.
Anon says
With my son, I dropped to two times a day around 10 months and then stopped pumping at 12 months. He nursed until he was 2 years old in the morning, at night, and on weekends. With my daughter, I was only pumping once a day by around 9 months (long story–she would not take a bottle) and then stopped pumping by 10 months. She nursed until she was 3 years old whenever I was home with her. But I was so happy to retire the pump!
SC says
I dropped a pump (from 3 to 2) when LO was 4-5 months old… and the whole thing snowballed, and I was “done” bfing around 5-6 months. It may not happen to you since you’ve been bfing longer, and presumably you’ve already dropped some nursing sessions. But it might. So if you’re really not ready, I would wait a few more weeks and see how you feel about the possibility of that happening.
lsw says
I am trying not to stress about this, but I am worrying about losing baby weight. At 2 weeks post-partum, I had lost 22 pounds. From then until now (nearly 5 months PP), I have not lost a single pound. I have about 20 pounds to lose. I am nursing/pumping without supplementing, and it’s been hard to keep my supply up so I’m afraid of fooling around with my diet too much. In the past I’ve been able to lose weight best by controlling diet, but I’m worried about it affecting my supply adversely. I am trying to eat healthier and not eat all the food all the time, but I am honestly SO HUNGRY. Earlier this week we had pasta, salad, and steak for dinner and I made myself wait an hour, but then I ate a cup of greek yogurt, an apple, and an ice cream sandwich (at least it was a mini one) before feeling not even full but just not hungry. It’s hard to keep up with healthy food at work when I’m trying to eat well but also not spend money because I feel so broke after my maternity leave (unpaid) plus the holidays. I have not been exercising, but 1) I don’t know how I’ll make time for it and 2) I’m sort of afraid of becoming MORE hungry because I’d be burning more calories. And of course we’re in the midst of the four month sleep regression so I’m feeling even more overwhelmed because I don’t have good sleep, which always makes everything seem so insurmountable. Advice from the other side?
TBK says
I haven’t lost the baby weight almost 3 yrs pp, so maybe I’m not the person you want to hear from, but honestly your baby is only 4 months old. And you’re not sleeping. And you’re making all the food for another rapidly growing human being. And you work. And it’s the holidays. Give yourself a break. The weight will still be there in a year if you want to work on losing it then. I don’t think this is the time to go around hungry.
mascot says
+100. All of this. Cut yourself some slack. You are doing great.
Anonymous says
+100. I only stopped being upset about not losing the baby weight once I gave in and bought new EVERYTHING (gradually, and as cheaply as I could — thredup and target) in larger sizes. I stopped BFing and the weight just went from my b00bs to my tummy, so now I’m a solidly pear-shaped size 8-10, whereas pre-preg, I was a narrow 2-4. My LO is not quite 3 years old and I’m still on my PPD meds. I happen to LOVE my life and I’m thrilled to pieces that I have the family I’ve always wanted, and I focus on gratitude for a body that works, is not currently sick, and can hold my baby for hours.
EB0220 says
Oh mama. Exercise if you can but don’t even think about your diet until you’re done nursing. Hormones and thus, weight, are super weird postpartum until you stop breastfeeding in my experience. Try not to stress!
AnonMN says
I’m two kids in now (second is 10 months), both exclusively breast fed until 1 year (and still going for the second). As hard as it is, I don’t put pressure on myself to start loosing weight until they fully weaned. When it starts to creep up i remind my self that I am taking care of a little baby and working full time, and that is enough.
That being said, with both kids I noticed a huge shift in weight loss around 6-9 months. My hips shifted back to normal and I steadily start loosing weight (not a ton, just like .5lbs a week or so). Then there is always a stopping point (right now I have been at the same weight for 3 weeks) until I fully wean. Then after the hormones finally leave (takes a couple of weeks) I am able to start focusing on eating health and working out (with the drop in pumping I have time at work to exercise a bit). With my first I lost the majority of my weight by the time he was 18 months.
So all of that to say, seriously don’t worry about it right now. You are doing awesome!
BTanon says
Please cut yourself some slack! I’m with TBK on this one – do your best to mentally table this issue until a significantly later date, such as when you stop nursing and/or your baby is at least a year old. I definitely held onto ~15 lbs until I stopped nursing (like you, I just felt so hungry all the time), the baby was sleeping better, I got more comfortable being back at work, etc. At that point, if the weight is still hanging around, you can decide if/how to address it. YMMV of course, but for me those last 15 came off without me having to think much about it, even though it took longer than I had anticipated.
Anon in NYC says
That is a lot. You need to cut yourself some slack here. It’s the holidays, you’re nursing, you’re sleep deprived, and you’re stressed… all of those together is basically the perfect storm for not losing weight. FWIW, I notice a difference in weight/bloating when I have adequate sleep and I’m also not stressed, even if nothing else about my food or exercise changes.
So, I think you should do a few things.
First, acknowledge that this is just a phase of life that is hard. Good but hard. Sort of mentally surrender to that instead of fighting it, and it will feel easier.
Second, try upping your calories with healthy foods. Like, add nuts to your oatmeal, or add chia or flax seeds to your morning smoothie. Try to snack more frequently. Maybe half a PB&J sandwich as a morning snack, and a portioned out serving of nuts and dried fruit as an afternoon snack. Add avocado as a side to scrambled eggs. Eat an obscene quantity of vegetables (for me, salads don’t really cut it unless it’s enormous. I need roughly 2 cups of roasted veg at a meal to feel satisfied). That may help keep you satisfied for a longer period of time and you may find that you’re eating less overall.
Third, please don’t beat yourself up about having not lost all of the baby weight or not being perfect at “healthy living.” At 18 months pp I’m still carrying about 10-15 lbs of baby weight, and yeah, I don’t feel the best about my body and my old clothes don’t fit as comfortably as I would like, but also… I’m a busy mom with a full time job, a toddler, a spouse, and a dog, bills to pay and too little money, and I’m still trying to make time for girlfriends, and exercise, and pre-baby interests. I imagine your life looks fairly similar. That’s a lot for one person. I’m choosing to be kind to myself – kindness that I would absolutely give a friend – because hating myself and feeling like a failure over this doesn’t get me closer to where I want to be.
I hope some of that helps.
SC says
When I was bfing, I found that I needed to eat as often as LO ate. I wasn’t hungry at exactly the same time I was nursing/pumping, maybe 45 minutes later, but I definitely needed calories as often as I asked my body to make more food for LO. Like Anon in NYC said, I focused on high-protein snacks and healthy fats. Also, if you’re still waking up in the middle of the night to nurse, grab a handful of granola or almonds or pumpkin seeds on your way back to bed.
Anonymous says
Thanks for your encouragement, everyone. I needed the pep talk.
Meg Murry says
Along with what everyone else has said (please be kind to yourself!) – treat yourself to some clothes that you like that fit *now*, not 5-10-15-20 lbs from now. Take advantage of all the sales going on to get a few articles of clothing that fit your current body and that you feel confident in, and that will make a lot more difference than what the scale says.
And for the negative news – even if you did get back to the pre-pregnancy weight really quickly all of a sudden, there is a good chance your body shape will not necessarily be the same (at the minimum you’d possibly still have larger b00bs, chances are your waist/hips/butt proportions would also be different). So don’t beat yourself up trying to force yourself back into your previous clothes – they might not fit quite the same as before, and/or by the time you get back to them you may realize that some of the styles are more dated than you remember. After my first son was born I had some medical issues that made it impossible to lose the weight, and when I finally got back to my pre-pregnancy scale weight and was able to zip myself back into my previous favorite jeans and shirts I realized that they had been a couple of years old before my son was born and now screamed “I am a trend from 5 years ago!”