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Sales of note for 12.5.23…
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Nordstrom – Holiday sale up to 50% off; 5x the points on beauty for a limited time
- Ann Taylor – 40% off your purchase & extra 15% off sweaters
- Banana Republic – Up to 40% off select styles; up to 40% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything & extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – Extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off your purchase with code
- Lands’ End – Up to 70% off everything; free shipping (readers love the cashmere)
- Loft – 50% off your purchase with code (ends 12/5)
- Summersalt – Up to 60% off select styles & free scarf with orders $125+ (this reader-favorite sweater blazer is down to $75)
- Talbots – 40% off your regular-price purchase; extra 50% off all markdowns
- Zappos – 34,000+ women’s sale items! Check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kid shoe brands on sale.
Kid/Family Sales
- Crate&kids – Free shipping sitewide; up to 50% off toy + gift event; free monogramming for a limited time only (order by 12/15)
- J.Crew Crewcuts – 40% off your purchase with code
- Pottery Barn Kids – Up to 50% off toys, furniture & gifts
- Graco – Holiday savings up to 35% off; sign up for texts for 20% off full-price item
- Walmart – Up to 25% off top baby gifts; big savings on Delta, Graco, VTech, Fisher-Price & more
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anon says
I thought the conversation yesterday on the main page about European v. US children was interesting but lacked nuances. (I.e. not all American kids are obnoxious brats and not all European kids are angels with perfect manners) In your opinion, what differences do you see and why? For my own decidedly American kids, I really try not to lead a kid centric life, but it’s hard not to. I don’t take my kids to fancy restaurants mainly because it’s expensive, and if I am going to go I want to enjoy that time with other adults.
Anon says
We’re American and go to Europe 1-2 times/year and I honestly don’t see much difference in kid behavior. I realize it’s a stereotype that European kids are angels and American kids are monsters but that hasn’t been my experience.
I take my kids to fancy-ish restaurants. I wouldn’t take toddlers to a place with a seven course tasting menu because that’s not fair to them or other patrons, but I definitely think there’s value in teaching kids how to sit still through a nicer meal.
Cb says
Agreed, I have a long comment in mod but having spent a lot of time with French and Belgium pre-schoolers, I don’t really see a difference.
Anonymous says
A huge point totally glossed over in the conversation, at least when I read it, is that when Europeans see American children, the children are on vacation. They’re likely jet lagged, wound up, and totally out of sorts. It really isn’t fair to compare them side-by-side with a European child who’s at the moment, living their normal life.
Anon says
I actually made that point yesterday but it got lost in the shuffle. I agree with you, obviously. The correct comparison isn’t American kids in Paris vs Parisian kids in Paris, it’s American kids in Paris vs Parisian kids in NYC. And I don’t believe there’s any significant difference there.
Pogo says
I didn’t read the convo yesterday, but I think this point is huge. I’ve worked in Germany and France pretty extensively, and commuted by metro like a regular person in Paris (as opposed to vacationing and visiting touristy spots). Kids are kids. I saw bratty kids, well behaved kids, and everything in between. Kids on vacation at touristy spots are 1000x more likely to be Not in A Good Mood.
I did see a young boy, maybe 8, out to dinner at 10pm at a club in St Tropez once. That was pretty bananas, since literally the next table over a girl was dancing on the table with a bottle of champagne with sparklers in it. He seemed totally unfazed, and fell asleep in his chair at some point despite the booming music.
Cb says
Oh gosh, my eyes rolled out of my head about the perfect French children. A friend has a baby in Paris and she finds it miserable – super unfriendly to parents and children. I lived with a family in France and volunteered 2x in a nursery school and the kids there were just as naughty as the American kids I babysat at home. The brattiest child I’ve ever met was French – he may have eaten stinky cheeses and used ‘vous’ for adults, but he also spit in my face when I asked him to do something. I wasn’t around as many kids when I lived in Eastern Europe but they seemed like normal kids to me. Weather is also weather, kids in Europe go out in all weathers. I remember bundling up toddlers in -3C in Belgium.
When we were in Berlin, I was struck for exactly how kid-centric places were, nice but not fancy restaurants had kids menus, everyone was friendly about the existence of children, German prams are the size of small cars so my umbrella stroller was welcome in cafes and shops. The playparks were also amazing and plentiful – lots of families with wine, lunch, watching the kids run wild. Porto was also incredibly welcoming to children – lots of smiles and headpats for my toddler, everyone seemed tolerant and accepting of children.
I’m in the UK now so a narrower cultural divide but I do notice some things. Childhood is less medicalized – there is definitely care if you need it but I don’t have a paediatrician and sports are for fun rather for scholarships. It’s less milestone focused which I find refreshing. I do think there is a lot of judgement about kids in public spaces, particularly on public transport, which can sometimes make you feel uncomfortable. Dogs are more welcome than kids in some spaces.
Lana Del Raygun says
Wait, do kids not have regular well visits in the UK? From what age? Or do you just mean they don’t have one specific doctor they always see?
Cb says
You see a doctor at 6 weeks, and a public health nurse for vaccinations. We have health visitors (nurse with additional training in infant health) who come to the house at intervals until pre-school. They check in on development, do ages and stages, talk about oral health, nutrition. Babies under 1 can also go to the weigh-in clinic, where a health visitor is available to answer any questions.
If you have concerns, you can take them to the GP and from there, get referrals for a paediatrician, nutritionist, therapies etc.
Anon says
Vaccines and ages and stages are pretty much all pediatricians do at well checks in the US, so it sounds like your health visitors do the same thing as our peds but they come to you. Lucky!
Lana Del Raygun says
Ahh that makes a lot of sense, thank you! Would you be referred to peds for something like an ear infection, or would the GP handle it?
Cb says
Nope, pediatrician is just for specialist stuff (ie. If you suspected autism or a child wasn’t walking etc). With ear infections etc, you can see the GP but we’ve always had it happen overnight or the weekend where we went to the out of hours at the hospital and for simple stuff, they have a pediatric nurse.
Clementine says
The one observation my husband and I have made is much more about the adults, not the children themselves. In Europe, we have noticed that people kind of… expect kids to be kids?? Multiple times we as parents started apologizing for our child doing what are fairly normal little kid things. Think: not respecting the personal space of others when walking, banging a spoon on a table, laughing and clapping. In the US, we got a lot of dirty looks. In Europe, specifically in France/Germany/Austria, people literally looked at us and said something to the effect of, ‘it’s what kids do!’ and chuckled cheerily. I almost feel like it’s a ‘thing’ in the US to hate kids.
We tend to parent more hands-off than many other parents and that was much more ‘normal’. At the playground, the kids were sitting on benches while the kids played (and occasionally disagreed) as opposed to my local playground where parents tend to stay within an arms’ reach of their kids.
Anonymous says
+1 I think people def have insane expectations of kids in the US.
anon says
Totally agree.
Lana Del Raygun says
Just wrt Bringing Up Bebe, I think it’s important to note that Druckerman was only comparing fairly high-SES families. None of her chic French friends seemed to be living paycheck to paycheck or even doing shift work of any status level, and none of her intensive American friends did either. And there are important structural differences between the economic environments of France and the US that I think are particularly influential for UMC parenting. College admissions work totally differently in France, for instance, so the US motivation to parent intensively so you kid can have fifty high-status extracurriculars and get into the “right” kind of college in 10-15 years just isn’t there. And I suspect that there’s less economic angst at all class levels in a country where health insurance isn’t tied to employment, although that’s more speculative.
Anon says
I traveled widely pre-kid but the only place in Europe my husband and I have gone with our now-toddler is Paris. We found Paris super baby-unfriendly. Restaurants don’t have high chairs and people glared at us when we walked into a restaurant with our smiling, quiet baby – that wasn’t about our kid’s behavior at all, they just did not want a baby there under any circumstances. We did not see a child under the age of about 16 dining in a restaurant the entire time we were there. My husband’s and my takeaway from that trip was that kids in France aren’t any better behaved, they’re just less likely to disturb a meal because they aren’t AT the meal in the first place. My (childless) French friend also said people there spank a lot more, so perhaps they do get better behavior, but it comes at a price.
I’ve heard Germany/Spain/Italy are way more baby-friendly so I look forward to going and comparing.
Cb says
That’s what I hear from a friend, she’s got a 9 month old and is miserable in Paris! There are loads of baby-friendly cities in Europe, I just don’t think Paris is one of them.
Anonymous says
Add Portugal to your list. We were there this summer with a preschooler and toddler and were blown away by how kid-friendly everywhere we went was. We even went to a very nice restaurant, underestimating how quiet and fancy it was, and were treated wonderfully even when the kids started losing it (we did take them out of the restaurant when that happened). Would definitely recommend for parents with young kids– although Lisbon’s sidewalks are no joke with a stroller.
Anon says
Thanks for the tip! I’ve heard that about Portugal and it’s definitely on our list, but probably for a few years from now because we heard it was tough w/a stroller and we have a giant toddler so babywearing isn’t comfortable for us. :)
Jocelyn says
Italy is super baby/child friendly! We went with our son when he was 10 months old and people were genuinely delighted to see him. We were at a restaurant and he started crying and when I got up to take him out and apologized to our waitress she looked at us like we were crazy and said, “he’s a baby!”
Anon says
Aw, that’s sweet! Yes I’ve heard Italy is very baby-friendly. I think France (and probably Paris) is probably the least baby-friendly, especially as far as restaurants go. Honestly, we enjoyed our trip there, we just had to accept that we’d get dirty looks every time we went to a restaurant. And that happens to us sometimes in the US too, so it wasn’t that big a deal.
Anon says
I found Brittany to be super baby-friendly, though Paris was tough with a baby. I wouldn’t write off France as a whole for babies—I think even French people find Parisians to be difficult.
NYCer says
My husband is French and his sister still lives in France with her husband and kids. Her kids are slightly older than ours, but they all (our “American” kids and his sister’s European kids) behave about the same. Truly I see zero difference. Maybe our kids are just exceptionally well behaved for Americans though (ha ha ha)… ;)
AIMS says
So I agree it’s not black and white, but to answer your question as to what differences I see, for me the biggest one has to do with parents and not kids. In Europe, it feels like parents are still just people, for the most part, whereas in the US I feel much more like I am constantly struggling with a “mom” box. This then spills over into everything else. So e.g., in Europe there are lots of places for kids to run around while grown ups have a drink and a snack outside whereas here (with the exception of some parts of Brooklyn and the like), the idea of an after work drink for parents in the summer while kids play in an open outdoor space is just not the norm. Same with restaurants. A friend was just over in Eastern Europe and so impressed with how almost every restaurant had a playroom or the like for kids to go be kids so that adults could eat in peace. Obviously, our legal system is part of why that wouldn’t work here but it ends up producing a different result for both kids and parents. And that’s without even getting into the social program stuff.
Anonymous says
When you say “our legal system” is preventing parents from kicking back while their kids play, so you mean that restaurants are afraid of tort liability or parents are afraid of CPS? The former is a red herring and plays into the hands of big businesses and tort “reformers” that want to advantage businesses at the expense of safety. “The legal system” and “lawyers” do not actually encourage frivolous lawsuits. Tort law is there to discourage negligence and intentional malsfeasance. It is actually a pretty inefficient way of enforcing safety standards, but since we as a nation are unwilling to regulate adequately tort law is just all we have to protect us. The idea that a restaurant won’t have a play area because it’s afraid a kid will get hurt and a parent will sue is silly. If the play area comports with ordinary safety standards, the restaurant is not going to be liable.
AIMS says
I don’t disagree with you. But it is also a fact that the risk for any one independent restaurant to have a playroom so kids can play while adults eat is different here vs. in, say, Vilnius. There are pros and cons to it. I am not passing judgment on it one way or the other, just commenting on the effect. A lot of those restaurants that I am talking about also had, e.g., trampolines, which my friends’ kids loved. I know plenty of people on this board – never mind insurance companies — wouldn’t let their kids near a trampoline. Again, it’s a decision with trade offs. But even if an area is otherwise “safe” – someone has to watch it, and restaurants and their insurers are going to be nervous about the risk involved. I fully get the value provided by our tort laws, but I am not oblivious to their effect on society, and this includes the choices that people make — and forego making — based on their perception of the system.
And it’s part, not the whole thing. Most of it is still cultural. There is nothing preventing there being a little outdoor bar from being set up somewhere next to a park where the kids could run around in a square while the adults have a beer. But that’s the larger attitude toward parenting I was talking about, not tort law specific.
Anon says
In my city, at least in my part of town, it is totally the norm for nicerish restaurants to have playgrounds (ie, places DH and I actually would like to go to, not just McDonald). We frequently meet up with other friends who have children and are able to sit and chat while the kids run around and play.
I read Bringing Up Bebe when I was pregnant and I found it really helpful just to keep some of her ideas in mind in order to keep my life from becoming completely kid-centric. My life totally revolves around my child, but I try and figure out things we can all enjoy as a family as opposed to simply taking LO to an indoor playground.
Anon says
Aren’t smaller families common in Europe also? If you have only one or two kids, it’s easier for a parent to remove children at the first hint of a meltdown, which can give off the impression that the children are better-behaved even if they’re not.
Emma says
My two cents as someone who grew up in Europe (France, specifically) and still goes back a lot. French kids aren’t perfect, and French parents aren’t perfect either. I do think there are some difference due to the way the system is structured – for example, the fact that almost everyone eats at school/daycare and that these meals follow pretty strict guidelines does mean that French kids are, in my experience, less picky eaters (in general – there definitely are picky eaters everywhere). I also think the culture is more geared towards protecting the identity of the parents as individuals and not just as parents, which I think is nice in general, but I also appreciate the US’s focus on being more kid-centric to some extent (again, this is obviously a very broad generalization on both sides).
That being said, I call BS on books like Bringing up Bebe – as someone mentioned, it’s a very small glimpse into a very Parisian upper-class experience. The French and the Europeans in general aren’t all sitting around guzzling champagne while their maids handle their angelic well-dressed kids. My French friends who are moms (and dads) deeply love their children, do their best to ensure they have a happy life, and deal with stress, work-life balance, tantrums and all the other issues my friends in the US deal with too.
Preschoolers gonna preschool says
I was in Europe for two weeks recently and, seriously, kids are kids. I rode the Ferris wheel by the Louvre with a mom and her 5-year old daughter, both from Northern France. She was being a preschooler like any US kid. She wasn’t ill behaved, per se, but she sure wasn’t sitting smiling and greeting me with formal French like I think some people assume European kids do. She was dodging all over the car, making faces when her mom asked her to “Please, just smile for this photo, please!” And generally preschooling out.
I was also walking along a side street and came upon a little kid on the ground kicking and screaming “JE DETESTE JE DETESTE JE DETESTE.” Kids are going to be kids; I was standing in front of a French family with 3 kids under 7 in line for the Eiffel Tower and big brother and little sister got in a fight in French, little sister stabbed toddler brother with a barrette in the forehead, and big brother pulled hair. They were not perfectly behaved French children waiting patiently in line, they were kids being kids waiting in line.
anon says
A good friend of mine lived in Italy for a couple of years for her husband’s job and traveled extensively across Europe with a small child. Her observation was that she would prefer to live in northern Europe with kids and vacation in southern Europe with kids. The north is a lot more strict and judgy and the south is a lot more permissive and hands-off.
Some of her observations about Italian kids/Italian parenting culture in general:
– they LOVE kids and are very permissive with them, like give them candy when they cry because they don’t want them to be sad
– they are babied for a long time. It was not out of the ordinary to see a 3 or 4 year old kid with a pacifier or bottle, or being pushed around in a stroller
– kids are out in public with their families a lot, even late at night. half the restaurants have TVs, so the kid would just be watching tv til 10 pm or whenever the hours-long dinner was over
– traditional gender norms are reinforced in activities. the girls do ballet and the boys play soccer
– boys are encouraged to be physically rough with each other. my friend had another expat friend who put her son in Italian preschool, and the teachers were concerned because he wasn’t rough enough with the other boys.
– the kids are given a lot of freedom. it would not be unusual to see a roaming band of 10 year old boys acting like hooligans in public with no adult supervision.
Kids are kids. But what each culture defines as appropriate is different.
Lana Del Raygun says
Daycare advice — how do you feel about a daycare with noncompliances on their state report? Obviously it’s a bigger deal if they’re letting babies sleep in swings than if they just didn’t have whatever certificate displayed at the right height, but how important do you think it is that they Follow The Rules as such? What would you look for when you visit that would or wouldn’t reassure you?
Also, is asking for parents of currently enrolled kids as references a thing for daycares?
Anonymous says
Can you read full inspection reports? Big safety issues are a gimme, and repeat offenses show me that the center didn’t take feedback seriously. Stuff like missing paperwork didn’t bother me, and honestly neither did things like outlets not being covered (mine aren’t all covered at my house).
Lana Del Raygun says
I can see findings and status at the level of “Inspector found whole milk being served to all children” or “Infants observed napping in bouncer.” The status is always “corrected.” All the places I’ve looked at have only had routine annual inspections, which I guess is a good sign? I’m not super fussed about paperwork except maybe medical forms (there are some anti-vaxxers in my area, but I don’t think they’re sending their kids to daycare or at least not in my price range, lol. There are also a fair number of immigrants who may come from countries with worse or better vaccine coverage, I have no idea).
Anonymous says
Heh, the “whole milk being served to all children” is an amusing non-compliance to me. We asked our daycare to keep serving whole milk to our low percentile kids even after they turned 2 (and thus should have been served 1% according to state regulations) and never signed any forms to that effect, so it probably would have been a violation if an inspector had showed up.
rosie says
No idea, but I assumed that meant whole milk was given to younger kids who should be on formula or bmilk. I guess if that’s all the report says, no way to know.
Anon says
Yeah I interpreted it as giving children younger than 12 months cow’s milk. I thought peds recommended whole milk until age 5 so I don’t know how that could be a violation.
Lana Del Raygun says
No, it was giving older kids whole instead of 2% or 1% or whatever (1% is gross and I haven’t touched it since I graduated from WIC).
Daysy says
To be honest, this isn’t even something I looked at when researching day cares. I basically just went with whether I got a good vibe when I went to a place, and whether my children seemed to be happy and thriving once we went there. I think your gut can tell you a lot. I toured one place where the teachers were visibly on their phones and they were serving popcorn to under-twos. That was an obvious “no.” The day cares I ended up choosing were warm, respectful, bright, with children in attendance who generally seemed calm and content.
rakma says
Our preschool had some ‘noncompliance’ issues mid-year, that effectively boiled down to ‘parents need to label every item in the lunchbox’. Notes were sent home, lunchboxes were checked, everyone moved on.
The communication was, in my mind, more important than the issue of following the rules or not.
Anon says
I totally missed the memo that sleeping swings is unsafe. I even asked my pediatrician and she said it was fine. Makes me wonder what else I am overlooking that others consider to be common knowledge. I’ve read tons of infant care and parenting books, so you’d think I’d know these things!
I didn’t do such intense scrutiny of my daycare. But I did sit in the daycare with my baby for an hour or two to observe before she started there, and that let me see how things worked and get to know the teachers better.
I also talked to someone who had kids there and someone who worked there (who I was put in touch with through a friend) to get their impressions, which reassured me.
Pogo says
I asked the state inspector for her opinion on the level of noncompliance, because she sees it all. The inspector and their contact info should be listed on the report- can you call and speak with them? I asked her to tell me all the noncompliances and how bad they really are in the scheme of things. To me, the noncompliances (which were all corrected) were minor enough that I was OK with it. No place is perfect (it would also concern me that the inspectors aren’t being careful enough).
Obviously if it is something like letting babies sleep in a swing and that concerns you, it would give me pause and I would speak with the director. Sometimes the issues are a good reminder – like if the inspector finds an outlet uncovered, or a cleaning spray left on the counter – to the staff to replace all dangerous items after their use and not be lazy.
I absolutely would speak with parents of current and/or former kids at the daycare. That’s the best way to get honest feedback.
Lana Del Raygun says
That didn’t even occur to me, thank you! Did you already know the other parents or did you get in touch with them through the daycare?
Pogo says
I asked and they gave me names/phone #s (parents had pre-agreed to serve as references). Although one place (that we didn’t end up using) I heard about from a friend, so I had her personal reference.
Anon says
I didn’t even think to look at it when I was researching daycares. I definitely would take a look now if we wanted to switch, but I don’t think all violations are created equal. Did the teacher give the wrong bm to a baby? If I were looking at infant rooms, this would absolutely be a factor. For a 3 year old, not so much. Did the violations occur 3 years ago? May not be an issue now. My biggest concern would be repeated, recent violations, especially if they were specific to my child’s age group. My state says what they are, although it doesn’t go into a lot of detail.
Anon says
This honestly didn’t occur to me to even check when I was researching daycares. I just looked up our amazing, expensive daycare which has the state’s highest quality rating and where we’ve been beyond thrilled with the quality of care, and the website said they had 4 critical health and safety violations. The violations are not things I would consider super important (a damaged ceiling tile, Aquaphor was found in a child’s cubby, etc.) but suffice it to say that having a few violations, even “critical” ones, doesn’t bother me. I’m sure if these people inspected my home they would absolutely horrified!
Anonymous says
My rule was that if it was something I could see myself doing, I wouldn’t hold it against them. Our center had some mild violations like a kid present who wasn’t signed in (I forget to sign mine in sometimes). I don’t overlook serious ones like blocked fire exits, missing door lock, etc.
Anon says
I think whether it’s a red flag for your family is highly personal.
I definitely looked at the reports and I called the inspector or talked with the director about them. I think they’re a just data point. In my area, licensing isn’t great—they sometimes interpret rules in ways that are actively detrimental to children in a top-notch program.
I’m not worried about corrected deficiencies as a general rule, but I do think it’s important to have a discussion with the director if I’m concerned. A director who won’t talk openly and frankly is a red flag. I don’t care that a parent forgot to sign their kid in or that licensing thinks that giving kids developmentally appropriate independence is terrible.
ANON says
Thanks for the recommendation. Will have to try. I already use Aerie’s lace hipster underwear which I find very comfortable. I tried Soma’s no visible line panties, and I have to say I don’t like it. Mainly, the sticky rubber thing and the elastics that dig into skin, instead of seamlessly staying on.
Anonymous says
Want to thank everyone who chimes in yesterday about mastitis / clogged duct. I did end up having mastitis. I got rapidly Sick last night with a high fever, like in the course of an hour, and called the OB right away who called in antibiotics. I cannot believe how sick I felt/feel!
Anon says
Oh no, sorry! Glad you’re on the mend though.
EB0220 says
Mastitis is the WORST. Hope you feel better soon.
Anonymous says
+1 – hit me like a ton of bricks
rosie says
Hope you feel better soon! I could not believe how quickly I felt so bad when I had it.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I’m sorry to hear that. It really is an awful feeling, especially when you still also have to take care of a newborn. Call in any family or babysitters nearby who can help with the baby while you heal.
Cate says
Oh nooo! I’m so sorry! Hopefully our comments helped you identify it immediately! In my experience I improved rapidly once on meds so getting that prescription ASAP was key!
Pogo says
So glad you got the antibiotics! I also remember feeling much better once they kicked in. I believe I set an alarm on my phone to remember to take them – it’s easy to fall off your schedule with a tiny newborn around, and the key to getting over the infection is taking the full, scheduled course of antibiotics.
Tylenol for the fever also really helped. Hang in there!
GCA says
Ugh, mastitis is awful! I’ve had it twice. Hope you feel better soon! If you still need to get the clog out, do all the things (warm water, hot compress etc), and if you find yourself clog-prone, try lecithin.
anon says
I’m so sorry! Mastitis is the worst. I hope you feel better soon.
anon says
one of my young colleagues works retail part-time at a store with a bit of a cult following. she was working there full-time before joining our office. i once showed her a picture of my kids in an outfit by that brand and then today she showed up with matching dresses for them. i really want to give them back to her or pay her for them but she won’t let me. we are not in a field where you earn a lot of money and it is making me kind of uncomfortable. she is not one of my direct reports, but i dont really know how to handle this. any ideas?
Anon says
I would assume she got them on huge discount if she works there, so I think it’s weird to offer to pay full retail price. Anyway, if you’ve offered and she declined the I think there’s nothing to do except accept the gift gracefully, and make sure your kids/you (depending on age) write a nice thank you note.
I have to say, as someone who also works in a field where you don’t earn a lot of money, it would be a bit insulting to me if someone implied I couldn’t afford a gift I gave them. I may not be a millionaire but I’m perfectly comfortable and financially savvy and I don’t buy gifts for people that would strain my budget.
anon says
OP. thank you for the suggestion. my kids are 1, so not able to write thank you notes quite yet. i most certainly did not suggest to my colleague that she couldn’t afford it, more like it was totally unnecessary, but very thoughtful, for her to randomly buy a gift for my children whom she has never met.
Lana Del Raygun says
I like the idea someone had in the thread about teacher gifts where you write “Dear Jane” at the top and “Yours, Alex” at the bottom and then just let the kid scribble whatever they want in the middle.
Clementine says
That’s my version of a thank you note!
Alternately, this sounds like somebody who would love a piece of your kid’s art that you pawned off on her… I MEAN shared their creativity with.
Anon says
Refusing to accept the gift implies she can’t afford it. Just accept it, say thank you and move on.
Anonymous says
Say thank you and move on. She’s allowed to do a nice thing and probs got a great discount.
EB0220 says
I think that’s super sweet. Say thank you and show her a picture of your kids in the clothes.
ElisaR says
exactly.
AIMS says
Sibling help please. My 3.5 yr old has been acting up recently, maybe because she’s bored. But I would love some ideas on how to deal. Her younger brother is 1.5 and she is just very rough with him. Either she’ll hug him really hard to the point of squeezing and then have a meltdown because we’re saying not to, or she will provoke him into pulling her hair (she’ll just get in his face and “tickle” him with her hair until he tries to swat her away), or she’ll just come over to where he’s playing and knock him over, take away his toys, etc. I feel like this will pass but meantime how to deal? We try talking, setting rules, separating them but none of it seems to change much. Ideas? Scripts?
Anonymous says
Time out. Stern voice. Consistently.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Solidarity. Our younger one just started crawling and has been getting into all of big brother’s toys, which makes DS1 not happy. He gets time outs for hitting or anything physical, and when the baby hits him, we tell the baby that hitting is against the rules (obv can’t do time outs with the baby) so that the 3 year gets the message again. I think it’s just repeating this over and over, separating them and waiting it out?
Maybe the French have some better solution ;)
Anon says
haha to your last sentence!
Anon says
Honestly, I’d take it seriously but also… this won’t necessarily pass. My kids looove each other but they also give each other violent hugs where one ends up crying hourly, and they are 4.5 and 3. So I’d definitely interfere where safety is an issue or if you feel like 1.5 yo needs it. And no hitting obviously. But siblings will wrestle and hurt each other and it’s something they will have to work out between themselves over the years too. 1.5 is little, but so is 3.5. It’s a marathon not a sprint.
Sorry that’s maybe not a helpful answer, but when you said “I know this will pass” my first reaction was “still waiting unfortunately…” It’s more than a phase, it’s siblings!
AIMS says
Haha, I think I was envisioning it passing a little later so I am going to remain optimistic. At some point my younger one will probably be bigger than his sister so that will hopefully be somewhat of a deterrent for her.
I think what makes me the saddest about it all is the baby seems sort of resigned to it now – like he doesn’t even cry, he just tries to get out of her way. Which is part of my call to action. I don’t want him to think it’s normal. I think the advice about consistency is probably key. Unfortunately, we have a lot of different caregivers involved which has its pluses, but structure and consistent discipline is not one of them.
AwayEmily says
We have kids the same age (3.5 and 18mo). I will tell you what has worked for us with the caveat that I suspect personality plays a HUGE role, and we kind of lucked into a big sister who is pretty chill.
1) Blanket rules: all toys belong to both kids. Nobody is allowed to take a toy from someone else, you have to wait until the other person is done. We are very consistent about both of these things (so, for instance, if the 18mo grabs a toy that the 3yo got for her birthday off the shelf, the 3yo isn’t allowed to complain “but that’s miiiiine”). If a kid does take a toy, we immediately pay attention to the “victim” rather than to the perpetrator.
2) We do so, so, so much praising good behavior. At night before we go to bed, we will often recap how proud we are of specific nice things she did for her brother “you made the baby so happy when you helped him with that puzzle!” We also really emphasize that she is modeling behavior for him (“Look how patient your big sister is being while you finish playing with that toy. Can you be like that?”).
3) We give her a fair amount of “responsibility” regarding her baby brother. So, if i have to run to the bathroom i’ll say “Can you keep your brother safe for a minute? Don’t let him stand on the couch.” She LOVES bossing him around and also loves being “in charge” (note: I would not actually leave her in charge!). We’ll also ask her to show him how to do things, etc.
4) In terms of wrestling/being over-physical we emphasize that the baby doesn’t always know how to explicitly say stop so she has to listen to what he’s saying with his body and with his voice. So if she’s crawling on him and he’s going “eehhhhh” then we say “It sounds like he’s saying stop” and then intervene immediately. I will note we do the same if HE crawls all over her.
If I had to say which one of these made the biggest difference, I think it’s probably #2. At this point she’s pretty invested in being a good big sister — she spontaneously said the other day “brothers and sisters take care of each other,” which made my heart explode. Sometimes the amount of positive reinforcement we give seems almost over-the-top but she just eats it up.
Oh and one more thing: when she does start to get too physical or whiny or whatever, we’ll often ask “do you need some one-on-one time?” and frequently her answer is yes. I think she tends to act out towards him when she’s feeling a little neglected, so often the answer is just separating them for a bit.
Anon says
Try to be physically present with them as much as possible while they’re playing/together, so you can head off the bad behavior before it escalates. I know it’s annoying because you want to use playtime to do other things, but it’s really the best way to show them how to behave with each other, give them language they can use in real time to express frustration and needs, and help cultivate their relationship for the future. Maybe set them up with activities in different rooms if you can’t be present with them. In 3-6 months they should be much better able to play alone together (for short periods).
Anonymous says
Thank you for posting a lovely beach image instead of NSFW undies!
Anon says
Yes, thanks!
Spirograph says
+1, thank you!
anon says
except if you click on the link, suddenly the ads on the side of the page are all for aerie underwear with huge flashing pictures of brightly colored undies.. lol.
anon says
has anyone kept their kid home with a nanny (with the nanny taking the kid to play groups, classes, etc.) and waited for formal pre school until age 3? the only pre schools we’ve looked at are play based, but back in the day i feel like people didn’t start formalized schooling so early and is it truly necessary?
Anon says
I don’t think it’s “necessary.” A lot of women in my area are SAHMs and many of them are not starting preschool until age 3ish.
I will say that daycare has done so much for my daughter (who is an only child). She has come out of her shell and is way less shy around strangers, she had both physical and verbal explosions after starting daycare, and honestly she just has so much fun there. When we had a nanny, she didn’t seem unhappy, but she would always run to me and DH as soon as we got home and cling to us like a barnacle. Now that she’s in school she’s so much more independent and when we show up to pick her up she will come over and give us a hug but then wants to go back to playing with her friends (“with” used loosely, she’s 18 months so it’s mostly parallel play). I definitely agree about avoiding a focus on academics before K, but I think play-based preschool is super fun for infants and young toddlers and can do a lot of good for their development. Our daycare is not academic at all and I would never say my daughter has started formalized schooling.
ElisaR says
i agree with this statement entirely…. I am surprised by how happy I am that my boys are in daycare vs. an alternative situation.
Anonymous says
Yeah of course! I’m not looking to double pay! My SAHM just looked after me until pre school at 3. It’s a think that’s fine but not necessary at all.
Anon says
My husband is a SAHD and we will not be sending our kiddo to preschool until she’s 3. We thought about starting her this fall at 2, but the school I really want her in only has a 2.5 class and she misses the cutoff by a lot. The reasons we thought about starting “early” were her barnacle-level separation anxiety and that she’s a bit behind on her expressive language, but we talked it though with the ped who suggested more playdates and more babysitters could accomplish the same thing, and that she’s making progress on the talking (and communicates very directly without words) so if we still wanted to wait until 3 it was fine. I am very much an advocate for play-based preschools (in an area where there is a lot of focus on academic-style preschools).
anon says
We started my DD in preschool at 2.25 and are happy we did. She really loved preschool last year and now, at 3.25, she has several close friends. It was a great social experience for her. Even though it was only two mornings a week, she really learned how to make friends and how to be a friend in 2’s preschool.
My older DD’s best friend is someone she met in her 2’s class and they are still really close a 6, even though they haven’t been in the same school for 2 years now. She’s still friends with a couple of other kids from her 2’s class, as well. Those friendships are really important to her–much more so than the friendships from kindergarten last year. She really values them as friends.
Anon says
My daughter will be 2 soon and she’s been home with a nanny since she was born. We’re not planning on starting real drop-off preschool until next fall, when she’s closer to 3. We are doing a “mommy & me” preschool program this fall at the school where she’ll ultimately go next year, but it’s only 90-minutes one day a week. Our nanny is also really great about thinking of and executing educational developmental activities for them to do together, which I’m thankful for (since I don’t have time for that!).
I do try to find a few activities and classes for her every week (mostly to keep her busy, get her out of the house, and give her some socialization with other kids). Our nanny takes her to library story time every week. They do a weekly Gymboree class as well. I also take her to a toddler mommy & me dance class once a week. We also regularly go to the park and try to have semi-regularly playdates with friends with kids close in age so she can have that socialization and interaction.
AwayEmily says
Definitely not necessary! Do whatever is best for your family and work schedule.
Anonymous says
Can anyone speak to sizing of aerie underwear? I’m looking for a new go-to, but I thought aerie was more teen-oriented. I’m a 12/14 or L/XL depending on brand
Anon says
I’m a similar size, and no idea about aerie, but my personal favorite is gap cotton – what I switched to when I had to size up in underwear post-pregnancy once I realized my hip expansion was permanent.
Anonymous says
I wear size 10 pants, occasionally an 8, and am happy with my size L aerie undies. I don’t want tight underwear.
anon says
I wear a size 8-10 in pants and went with a medium in Aerie. I wear a small in the few pairs VS undies I still have. Probably could have gone with a small in aerie but the mediums fit nicely, especially the lace ones. The more nylon type materials (think their Real me material) feel a little looser.
BTW I bought mine on a 10 for $30 deal on a whim and have been super pleased so far with them. Fun styles that have held up really well.
ElisaR says
speaking of undies – i’m wearing the Tommy John’s I got at the nordy anni sale and I’m loving them!! Pricey though.
Anon says
My DH loves, loves, loves his.
Baby names says
can we talk baby names? We are expecting a surprise third and are tapped out for baby names and need inspiration. Husband likes nice solid Catholic names. I like unique names that are a little old fashioned (like when I google my kids’ names, I get pictures of pioneer settlers). Any thoughts? Other musings:
– what were your favorite inspirations for choosing a name- good websites, books, etc.? (I just discovered a website called Swizzle that I spent all night reading)
– what factors did you weigh when choosing a name? Also- does picking a name that can work in different cultures and languages factor in? (I wanted something that wasn’t in the top 100 on the Social Seurity list. And I had a specific nickname I liked for my first. Also- my parents are Chinese and I wanted to make sure I picked a name they would be comfortable pronouncing)
– if you feel like sharing- what are your favorite names that you didn’t/ won’t use? (I love the name Beatrix, but my husband is a solid no on that one.)
Anonymous says
It sounds like you’re interested in girls names. I have two boys so never got to use Althea.
We may use it someday but I wouldn’t be hurt if you used it ;)
Anonymous says
OMG, I was going to say Althea! It was the name of a very dear family friend. We have a son so didn’t use it.
Anon says
My top considerations (expecting mom here):
Pronounceable, spell-able, and works at different life stages (eg not just “cute for a little girl,” but would also be totally appropriate with “for Congress” after it).
I also like names that have options, so, eg, I prefer James (James, Jim, Jimmy) to John (er… John).
If your husband wants a solid Catholic name and you like old-fashioned ones, look through the list of Catholic saints for inspiration. You can modify the names to be more modern – Adela can be Adele.
Just remember that your kid has to live with the name. I have a rather ethnic name that doesn’t really reflect my cultural heritage (no one else in my family does), and… it gets tiring.
Pogo says
+1 to Catholic list of saints for inspiration.
We have a long last name, so I wanted short (2 syllables or less). Our last name also ends in an “eee” sound so I didn’t really want the names to rhyme (like “Mary Berry” or something) so I steered away from names that ended in y or ie. I wanted something that was more traditional in my cultural heritage, because our last name is my husband’s. And I also vetoed anything overly Slavic in the first name because I didn’t want our kid to sound like a Russian spy from a James Bond film.
Anonymous says
Check out (or write into) the Name Nerd column on LaineyGossip. The author also wrote a book called the Name Therapist.
anon says
My number one priority was to pick a name that could only be said one way and with only one spelling.
My name is always, always said wrong and misspelled even more often. It’s miserable.
Anon says
I like the names Marjorie, Harriet, Margaret, Camille, Agnes, Eileen, Edith, and Cecilia.
For a boy I really liked Ronan.
Anonymous says
This. We have a “must always be spelled” last name, so one of the reasons my husband likes our frontrunner first name (baby due in January) is because it’s got one spelling and you’d be hard-pressed to mistake it for something else when hearing it out loud (while also being a totally conventional name).
Anon says
There’s actually a Catholic baby name blog called Sancta Nomina :) Appellation Mountain, Namerology, and British Baby Names are other good ones. (Not that I’ve been reading these for years and years or anything…)
Behindthename dot com is really useful for researching etymology.
OP says
I’ll have to check out Sancta Nomina! That’s awesome!
I love baby name blogs too – there was one called “you can’t call it “it”” that I loved, but I think it’s not being updated anymore.
Anon says
I have a relatively unusual name and always hated it. Nobody could ever pronounce or spell my name and multiple people have asked me if my parents made up my name, called me a similar but more common name or asked where I’m “from” (I’m a third generation American and my name is definitely a real name, it’s not something my parents made up). My daughter has one of those cliche super-popular girls names (Emma, Sophia, Olivia, etc.) DH and I did really like the name, but also we wanted her to have a name that was easy to say and spell and wasn’t unusual. I would rather she be one of three Emmas in her class than be the only person with her name that most people have met.
Anonymous says
I think it’s so interesting how people tend to want the opposite of what they have. My name is very traditional with a million nicknames and my husband’s is a cultural name that is uncommon, even within his culture. I wanted a “unique” name and he was insistent that she have something that “white people can pronounce.” We ended up choosing one that isn’t common, but easy enough to pronounce because it’s 4 letters/ 2 syllables.
I wanted Harper after Harper Lee, but apparently so did many other women who had kids around the same time!
anon says
Totally this! I am multiracial and apparently do not look like what people expect when they hear my name. I hated it as a kid. For our kids, who are also multiracial (obviously as they have a multiracial parent, but also their second parent has a different heritage than either of mine), we picked names that are common across racial and ethnic groups, like “Michael” (not our son’s name, but you get the idea).
Anon says
As someone with a common name I will also add that a nice bonus of not having a unique name means I’m not as easy to find on a internet search. In today’s digital world we wanted to give our kids that gift as well.
Anonymous says
My naming parameters:
– Easy to spell (only one spelling, or overwhelmingly common spelling) and pronounce
– Gender-specific & typical eg, I was not going to name my son Lauren.
– First names only. eg, no Jackson
– Common nicknames that I also like
– Nothing that rhymes with Aiden (no offense to anyone who has kids named Aiden, it was just SO popular in the years before my oldest was born and I was tired of it)
– Matches our cultural and ethnic heritage (WASP American or Slavic).
My favorite girl’s names I won’t get to use are Victoria, Catherine, and Josephine. I’m out of boys names.
Favorite name book was Baby Name Wizard
Boston Legal Eagle says
+1 to all of these (even the Aiden one! No offense either, I just don’t like that family of names).
My two boys have names that were probably #1 and #2 in like 1950. I like traditional, easy to say and spell names. My spare names, which are a little less traditional, are Ethan, Noah, Natalie and Claire, which we probably won’t end up using (unless there’s a surprise 3rd down the road!)
CapHillAnon says
Names I love but didn’t get to use on my three kiddos (and I share your tendency to like traditional Catholic names):
Boys: Thomas, Jasper, Martin, Peter
Girls: Ruth, Rosa, Robin, Theresa (Tessa)
Good luck! Naming is hard.
Io says
The BEST baby name book is the Everything Baby Name book. Thousands of names, but grouped around a “root” name with alternate spellings and related names right there. Pages of popular names by decade, by religion, by country, celebrity names etc. It’s like all of the baby name blogs, but a book.
anon says
i personally do not like names that come with nicknames, particularly if it changes the spelling/adds letters. So like Jacob –> Jake I do not like, Matthew –> Matt I am more ok with but generally prefer names without nick names. The girls names I won’t get to use are Erica, Jenna and Raylea. And the boys names I won’t get to use are Seth and Eric. I generally do not like when people choose a unique spelling for their kid’s name just for the sake of being unique – if there is a family reason, then great, but otherwise i think it is silly, like Lindsy
like all things, names are a matter of opinion and preference and there is generally no right or wrong. if you want a good laugh, look at this:
https://thestir.cafemom.com/pregnancy/196854/14_baby_names_voted_the/159560/aliviyah/3
Anon says
I have two daughters but the girls names I didn’t get to use were Eliana, Talia, Layla and Violet(te) because my husband vetoed all of them.
Our boys name, which we didn’t get to use, was Isaac and I like Benjamin and Aaron too.
Ashley says
Something I didn’t see mentioned above… the meaning of the name was important to me.
octagon says
I really wanted something old-fashioned and sounded like a saint but we ended up in a different direction. I was pushing hard for Felicity, though. Also a big fan of Agnes, Perpetua, Willa and Emmeline.
For boys, I liked Xavier and Clement.
avocado says
I am trying to book a family ski weekend at a small-ish ski area on the east coast. Everywhere I look, rooms are $450 and up per night for what appears to be nothing special. If I wanted to pay those prices, I’d just go to Colorado or Utah. I’m happy to stay at a regular hotel and drive to the slopes instead of staying on the mountain, but there don’t seem to be any regular hotels near any of these places. Is this normal? Is there some trick or strategy I’m missing here, or some place with less insane pricing? Or am I just spoiled from my previous life where I could drive half an hour and ski for the day at the local cheapo ski hill?
Anon says
At our local ski place, if you want to be ski in ski out that sounds normal. Fortunately, they have places that are a little cheaper with a short drive or shuttle (but still on the mountain and part of the resort). Don’t get me started on lift ticket prices that rival out west too. Not sure where you are, but Snowshoe, WV is the best in my opinion in the mid-Atlantic area and if you’re going further north, Smuggler’s Notch, VT, and Whiteface/Lake Placid area are excellent – and Lake Placid has more options for staying “in town” so to speak, but I also think the prices are high because of all the Olympics.
Anon says
You might need to look at different ski areas.
Anon says
In mod, but short answer, yes IME. Try Sm*gglers Notch or Wh*tef*ce if you’re going north or Snowsh*e if you’re in the VA or DC area.
avocado says
Those are actually some of the ones that are showing up at $450+!
Anon says
So, at least for the WV one, try looking at something not in the Village – rates are cheaper in some of the older buildings. You could also stay in Cass and drive up, but I think that would be a pain. Otherwise we used to try for non-holiday weekends and particularly in the early or late season.
Anonymous says
We went to Snowshoe last winter and I’m pretty sure we did not pay $450/night. We were in the Treetop condos, if I remember correctly. It was a 5-10 minute walk to the village, and worked out really well.
Anon says
Also try VR*O! But sometimes the resort is a better deal because they’ll give you a good discount on lift passes if you go through them.
Pogo says
Whenever we ski in VT or NH, we stay at a friends’ ski house or rent a condo. My understanding is that hotels/resorts are $250 on a good night (mid-week, not school vacation etc) and $400+ any other time.
For upstate NY you are definitely not going to find say, a Hampton Inn, because there are no major cities in the Adirondacks. In VT you might be able to find a ‘regular’ hotel in White River Junction or Burlington and drive from there.
anne-on says
Have you looked at Okemo? Smaller mountain, less nice town, but still reasonable to stay on the mountain in a 1 bedroom apt. or studio. Most of the “cheaper” options are VRBO or airbnb though, not directly through the mountain itself. Smugglers notch is so $$ because of the kids program – swimming, camp stuff, etc.
avocado says
Thanks, everyone, for the ideas. Smuggs and the VT places look more reasonable than the mid-Atlantic places, but that would require a flight for us. I am thinking I should abandon the quick weekend ski getaway idea for this winter and plan for a big ski week in a future year.
Anonymous says
i don’t know where you live, but we used to do 2-3 hour each way day trips growing up to ski for a day
Anonymous says
Have you looked at any of the Berkshires mountains, like Butternut? It’s not going to be the same experience as NH/VT but very family friendly, and cute towns with restaurant options. We’ve done AirBNB and local hotels, and never paid more than $200 night. There are both a Holiday Inn and a Fairfield Inn and Suites nearby, as well as more upscale boutique places. We like Cranwell Resort, but they are under construction and rumored to be less family-friendly when the renovation is done.
Anon says
I used to live in Boston and do ski weekends in Vermont and Maine and yeah the resorts in New England are crazy expensive! I don’t think they’re appreciably cheaper than the Rocky Mountain resorts. I would just scrap the weekend plans and plan a real ski vacation out west later on.
Anonymous says
This is based on absolutely zero personal experience, but is it possible it is cheaper to book last minute – do rates come down based on availability?
Patty Mayonnaise says
Anyone have tips for a baby that is refusing a bottle? We started around 4 weeks with it and she did just fine, then around 9 weeks, she just started refusing and seeming like she didn’t know what to do with it? We’ve tried the usual tips – I leave the house, different nipples, etc. Anyone have any brilliant ideas? I’m stressed enough about going back to work in a while and this just makes me feel like she’s telling me not to leave her ?
Anonymous says
Different bottles? Have u tried dr Browns (regular not wide mouth). Or the top that just pops on the Medela bottles? This is one reason I miss babies r us they sent me so many samples of stuff so I have like 8 diff types of bottles available. I think if she’s hungry enough when you’re out of the house she’ll eat…which sounds awful. FWIW with your next one we introduce bottles/pacis sparingly before the 3-4 week guideline and we’ve never had an issue with ni**le confusion. And the pediatricians agree
Anon says
Aww hugs. My daughter took bottles in her first few weeks of life but then we stopped offering them because we stopped supplementing with formula. When I went back to work at 14 weeks she cried hysterically all day and refused the bottle (despite my husband trying all the standard advice online), eventually passing out from exhaustion after being awake for over 7 hours without eating anything. We called the ped, who basically said “you just let her cry and eventually she will get over it and accept the bottle.” That seemed too hard on our baby (and my husband!) because she is the most stubborn kid ever and we envisioned days or weeks of non-stop crying and no napping. So my husband decided to feed her with a syringe, which sounds really inefficient but actually worked great for him (it was slower in the beginning but eventually took him about 10-15 minutes to give her an ~8 oz bottle with a syringe). One day when she was about 6 or 7 months old she picked up a bottle and started drinking from it and that was that. My husband was actually really sad that the syringing days were over, it was their special thing just like nursing was our special thing, haha.
I think daycare teachers are pros at getting kids to take bottles, but know that even if she won’t there are options. I’ve heard of people spoon-feeding too.
Anon says
I’m sorry! This happened to me too. So tough! Just know that this is very common. My daycare director said she had seen it a million times. After trying the standard advice and having mixed success with lots of continued refusal, we took our daughter to daycare and let them have at it. The first day I only left her there five hours and she did not take a bottle. The second day she took a bottle and it improved from there. They tried giving her a bottle in a bouncy seat since she seemed to protest the process while being held. Good luck! Try not to worry too much.
Moms Solo says
Probably too late for you to see this but after conquering ;) my second bottle refuser thought I’d share our story. Both of my kiddos took a bottle early on and then went bonkers around the same age yours is. I went back at 7 weeks with my first and he refused for probably two weeks. We tried ALL the bottles but he finally started taking fast flow Kindee. I was adamant my second would be a champion bottle taker because that period, while oh so short in retrospect, was SO stressful, and dadgumit this one did the same thing. Took Kindee bottle and then went on refusal around 7 weeks. I started trying a bottle at the same time everyday (Kindee fast flow) but this one wouldn’t take one until I tried the Mimijumi. Once he took that I offered every day and when he was consistently taking it, switched back to Kindee because I like the system better. Pumping is a PITA, as you know, so I use the Haaka to collect for practice bottles which was more bearable.
Whole milk? says
As a tangent from above, I’m now curious: does your daycare/preschool serve whole milk to kids over 2?
In Maryland, whole milk is only for kids 12-23 months and then kids over 2 are supposed to have 1% or skim. (There’s a weird transition period of 24-25 months where they’re technically allowed to have 2% to get them used to going from whole to low-fat). In my experience, this means that daycares that only start at age 2 only have 1% milk in the building, so if you want your kid to have anything different you have to pack it in their lunch each day.
Anon says
The standard at our daycare is whole milk between 12 and 24 months and then 2% after that. I imagine you can have something else served to your kid if you ask. My kid is tall and chunky, so my ped (who I honestly think is a bit judgy) said we could start serving skim after her first birthday, but I haven’t bothered to file a special request with daycare because 1) my kid doesn’t drink that much milk and 2) there are good studies that BMI at age 1-2 isn’t correlated to BMI later in life. I don’t want to set my kid up for lifelong bad eating habits by feeding her soda and juice all the time, but I don’t think when we make the transition to skim milk really matters. We offer skim at home but she drinks essentially no milk at home (only drinks it at daycare because of peer pressure).
Anon says
My kiddo is also tall and chunky, but our ped didn’t even bring up the switch at our 2 YO visit (I assume since kiddo is still perfectly proportional). I plan to keep her on whole milk until she starts eating things other than simple carbs (definitely in the white and brown foods only phase of toddlerhood right now, so milk is the most nutritious thing she will eat some days – in her defense I was drinking close to a gallon of (2%) milk daily myself when I was pregnant because it was the only thing that I could reliably keep down – oh HG).
ElisaR says
my daycare doesn’t provide milk so I can’t speak to that. But I have read that skim milk strips out the fat leaving sugar water behind. Anyone have any insights on that? I am under the impression that whole milk is actually less processed and “healthier” although that word is open to interpretation. I briefly spoke to my ped about it and she semi-rolled her eyes at me and said “fine you can keep serving them whole milk”. (relationship with her is a whole other topic).
Ashley says
I have the same impression that whole milk is less processed and “healthier.” My understanding is the low fat milk craze is linked to the idea that fat in food makes people unhealthy. Lately I have seen more info (haven’t looked for formal research) that added sugar is really the culprit, not fat.
Anon says
Fat is so demonized in American culture. I’m pretty sure the current nutritional thinking (not necessarily what is given by peds..) is everyone should have full fat dairy. It’s more satiating and yes, less processed. We buy whole yogurt for the family (or 2% at least, since not as much is made with whole!), full-fat cheese, and my kids drink whole milk (I personally hate drinking milk). Also, we use lots of Kerrygold butter! I actually noticed my body changing, in a good way, when I switched away from nonfat dairy.
Anonymous says
Agree with all of the above.
Anonymous says
I mean, she’s rolling her eyes for a reason. All skim milk is, is milk with the fat removed. That’s the only difference. Your whole sugar water thing is silly.
ElisaR says
i see you’re back with your nasty comments again. welcome back i was worried you’d disappeared!
Anonymous says
Sigh. Idk who decided we all have to be pretend fake supportive of people sharing things that are just factually wrong and silly
anonymous too says
You’re just rude Anonymous.
Anonymous says
It is my understanding that sugars are added to replace the flavor lost when you remove the fat.
Anon says
No. All they do is remove fat.
Anon. says
That is often true in other ‘fat free’ foods (cookies, salad dressing etc). Not true in milk.
Anonymous says
Nope. That is not at all a thing that happens with milk.
Lana Del Raygun says
Skim milk does strip out the fat (if you leave unhomogenized milk to sit, the cream/fat rises to the top and you can skim it off) but what’s left contains protein and micronutrients like calcium as well as natural milk sugar (lactose). But whole milk is not really less processed because it’s homogenized (to keep it from separating) and also pasteurized (which is good! please don’t give your kids raw milk).
Anonymous says
Pretty sure our preschool (12 mo to pre k) does whole milk for everyone and as it is regulated up the wazoo I assume this is not a regulated issue in our state. We do 1% at home for the 4 year old but I don’t care if he has one cup of whole milk a day at lunch!
Anonymous says
In the Midwest. I’m sure we could request it, and they would comply. We serve whole at home. I figure having whole dairy at home and the 1% they serve at daycare/school is an okay mix. Our ped asks about dairy intake but has never questioned what we’re doing. Kiddo is almost 4.
Anon. says
My kiddo just moved up to the two’s room at daycare in Illinois and is still getting whole milk. No idea if/when that changes. We moved from whole milk to 2% at home when he turned two – he’s clearly growing fine and my husband and I would prefer to drink 2% (or less). This was our compromise as we didn’t want to have multiple milks in the house.
Anonymous says
Am I the only one who basically had no idea what my child ate at daycare? This is admittedly partly because my husband did pick up.
Anonymous says
I only know because it’s printed on the weekly menus.
SC says
I have no idea what kind of milk my kid’s daycare serves. Admittedly, I’m pretty relaxed about my kid’s diet. He’s healthy and active and eats a variety of foods.
Spirograph says
Nope, you’re not the only one. Our daycares have always served snacks and lunch and I never bother to look at the menus. It has never occurred to me to ask what kind of milk they serve. I gave my oldest whole milk for a hot second, when he graduated from formula, then decided I didn’t want to keep 2 kinds of milk in the house. We drink skim at home because I prefer the taste, although we do eat plenty of whole milk yogurt and cheese.
Anon says
I only know what kind of milk they serve because it’s mentioned prominently on their website (no idea why…) We get daily updates about what she ate, but it just says “milk” and doesn’t specify what kind. I do look at the menus in advance because my kiddo is picky and I want to make sure I give her a hearty breakfast before school if it doesn’t look like there’s much she’ll eat that day.
Anonymous says
What are these menus of which you speak? We used a small “in-home” center that had neither menus or website. Information was on a need to know basis!
Blueridge29 says
This is why we have stayed with whole milk for my kids. One of my kids is quite thin and likes cereal, so I use milk to sneak in extra calories. We do lower fat yogurt and cheese.