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Sales of note for 9.10.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Extra 40% off sale styles
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- Zappos – 26,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
- Old Navy – 40% off everything
- Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- The concept of “backup care” is so stupid…
- I need tips on managing employees in BigLaw who have to leave for daycare pickup…
- I’m thinking of leaning out to spend more time with my family – how can I find the perfect job for that?
- I’m now a SAHM and my husband needs to step up…
- How can I change my thinking to better recognize some of my husband’s contributions as important, like organizing the shed?
- What are your tips to having a good weekend with kids, especially with little kids? Do you have a set routine or plan?
shortperson says
i posted a few weeks ago looking for non hideous light up shoes. after too much internet research i found pop shoes, which i got on sale at maisonette. my daughter is very happy with them.
Anonanonanon says
Thanks for following up! I’ve thought about that a few times since you posted. We aren’t there yet, but it’s good to hear that there are some non-hideous options for when the time comes!
Pubis Symphysis Recovery says
Has anyone dealt with pubis symphysis (separated pubic bones) after giving birth? Would love to hear how your recovery went. I gave birth 2 months ago and since then have been doing physical therapy twice a week, wearing a brace 24/7 and also have been to a chiropractor. In the first month I saw great progress (right after I gave birth I had significant pain getting out of bed, putting on clothes, and with stairs and walking), but I feel that I have plateaued in the past few weeks (and possibly gotten a bit worse). I’m starting to see an acupuncturist and a friend recommended that I try pilates as well (with an instructor familiar with this injury of course). Would love to hear encouraging feedback from those who have recovered from this – I worry that I will have chronic pain going forward.
Anonymous says
Oh no I’m so sorry. I haven’t but my friend who does just sticks with PT. I had another friend who found that swimming helped a lot (super easy to find time with a 2 month old right??) Is it possible you’ve been doing too much activity? I get this during pregnancy and know how painful it is so I’m sorry.
K. says
I highly recommend either the One Strong Mama or Restore Your Core programs. They are kind of pricey, but I love them. I would do this in addition to PT though–PT is probably the most helpful thing you can do. I am so sorry you are experiencing this.
2 Cents says
Can I ask how you were diagnosed? I think I have pubic symphysis and am having a hard time getting a diagnosis from my obgyn. (I feel like this started during week 20 of my pregnancy. My baby is now 16 months old.) I think PT, at the very least, would help, but need a direction!
Pubis Symphysis Recovery says
When I got home from the hospital, I called my OB and described the pain I was experiencing. It was pretty classic symptoms of pubic symphysis, and she got me in to see an orthopedist who then took an x-ray. My symptoms definitely began during my pregnancy (I think also around 20 weeks). I wish that I had paid more attention then – I just chalked it up to general pregnancy discomfort, but looking back, I should have said something about the pain that I was in. My two cents to anyone currently pregnant – tell your OB about any discomfort that you’re experiencing, as it may be treatable and also might be something that will only get worse.
Anonanonanon says
Hello! Yes, I had it horribly thanks to laboring for 3 days (long story) with a 10 lb breech baby!
If it’s any consolation, it’s been 18 months and I can’t remember exactly when I got better, but I’m now in the best shape I’ve been in in a very long time. I was DEFINITELY still hurting 2 months out, though. 8 weeks is really not a long time at all, so please don’t let yourself be too worried. The only chronic pain I still have is my tailbone, if I feel my tailbone it is definitely pointing in a different way than it used to be, and I can NOT sit in a chair for a long time, much less a stationary bike for even a minute, without days of pretty intense pain. BUT everything else is great. Like I said, I don’t remember the exact timeline, but I want to say it took about a year before I was no longer worried about sudden shooting pelvic pain while exercising.
Other than physical therapy, I started going to the gym at about 10 months PP and started out with very gentle yoga and went from there. I highly recommend Melissa Wood Health workouts for at-home, she has a lot of post-partum friendly workouts. Her workouts are kind of a yoga-meets-pilates philosophy.
Anon says
If you are interviewing for an internal role, do you still wear a full suit? Post baby I only have separates that I can sort of “make” into a suit. I definitely wouldn’t wear to an external interview, but these are people who see me every day in business casual wear. I suppose I should just bite the bullet and buy a new suit that fits?
Clementine says
I may be the voice of dissent, but I look and feel more like myself in a dress + coordinating blazer. I now interview wearing that. My dream style inspo is the Good Wife and they do a lot of fitted blazers over a tailored sheath dress.
In my (fairly formal) corner of the world, dress + coordinating blazer + formal accessories reads as a suit. I personally like to rock a solid darker color dress with a tweedy collarless blazer.
anon says
I agree with this. I would be dressier than my usual business casual, but not necessarily in a full-on suit. Not to say that it’s wrong to wear a suit but I don’t think it’s strictly necessary.
NYCer says
I agree. I wore a navy blue Theory sheath dress and blazer when I interviewed at my current firm and felt completely appropriate (and got the job). This was several years ago, but I would wear something similar if I were interviewing today.
OP says
This is what I have in fact – solid navy sheath + tailored collarless blazer – and what I wore when c-suite people were last in town.
NYCer says
I think this sounds 100% fine. That is in fact exactly what I wore to my interview. Good luck!
Anonymous says
I think it’s better than fine, it’s perfect for interviewing for a senior role. A skirt suit reads more junior than a blazer with matching sheath dress.
NYCer says
Sorry, fine was the wrong word! I agree that it is perfect (and said above that is actually what I wear to interview).
EB0220 says
I agree. I think if it’s internal and normal dress is business casual, what you described is completely fine.
Laboring Oar says
Absolutely buy a suit that fits. TJ Maxx will have some for $50-60 in decent brands (Calvin Klein, etc.). After getting a nasty email from an interviewer about my too-casual interview attire, I always wear a suit. Better to be overdressed than underdressed IMO.
rosie says
I think for an internal position, what OP described in her later comment sounds appropriate. I have a post-partum suit from TJ Maxx, and I think the quality is visibly not great. If OP has nicely tailored, better pieces, I wouldn’t encourage her to go with an inexpensive suit instead.
Out of curiosity, what were you wearing that prompted the interviewer’s email? What geographic area & type of employment?
Redux says
Oh no, what did the email say??
Anonymous says
Um, what? No interviewer is going to send you a nasty e-mail about your attire, they just won’t hire you. And no $50-60 suit will actually fit anyone without a ton of expensive tailoring, or is appropriate for anything but an entry-level interview.
OP says
Yeah, I was contemplating going w/ a Red Fleece from BrooksBro suit, not a TJMaxx. I suspect my body isn’t going to change too much after subsequent potential babies, but at the same time, if I don’t have to buy it right now, I don’t want to. Thanks all for the feedback! I posted earlier about being nervous to apply to this because I’m TTC my next kiddo and you ladies gave me the confidence to go for it!
Anon says
I’m dying to know more about this interviewer email. Why on earth would they do anything other than just not hire you?
Laboring Oar says
To all the above asking for more detail: This was in college, for a receptionist position at a nonprofit. I had worked at similar places in high school. To be fair, my interview attire was WILDLY inappropriate–a black tank top and cargo skirt. I think the interviewer was trying to help me, honestly. He emailed me afterward and said something like, “In the future, I recommend that for any interview, you wear a suit,” or something along those lines. And, of course, did not hire me. But I was 20 years old and had honestly never been told that you need to wear a suit for ANY office job interview, even one as a receptionist making $8/hour. So, in a way, he actually did help me. (Though at the time of course I was a brat about it and fired back some nasty email about how I thought HIS email was inappropriate.)
Redux says
Well, that doesn’t sound like a “nasty” email at all! And one I might write myself in an effort to help someone who is new to the workforce. I try to be extra sensitive to that kind of thing since some people have more privilege in this area than others.
Anonymous says
Ok so that’s not relevant at all here. She’s not suggesting wildly inappropriate
Anon says
It’s probably industry dependent. I wore a suit for my higher-ed admin job interview and my now-boss (then interviewer) burst out laughing when he saw me. My coworker interviewed in jeans. In a law firm, I would say probably spring for a full suit unless your separates are really dressy. But it is possible to be overdressed for a job interview, IMO.
Anon says
Wow, that’s so rude! I can’t believe he did that when you were obviously trying to be conscientious.
Anon says
He’s super nice, it was definitely a “wow I feel so bad for you that you thought you had to wear a suit” laugh. It wasn’t mean-spirited, I promise!
Anon says
I agree it is industry dependent. In biglaw, I would wear a suit, which would probably be a dress suit for me. In government, I would wear a professional dress, and a nonmatching jacket. And, if I was in tech, I would probably go with something more causal.
Io says
PreK commute question!
My little one is going to have about a fifteen minute (balance) bike ride to school. It’d be a 20+ minute walk for her (maybe even 30 minutes?) Can she ride her bike on rainy days? Do we just leave way earlier? (She’s got a Muddy Buddy, so I’m not worried about her getting wet.) I always took the bus to school and it didn’t rain where I grew up, so I don’t really know the standard drill.
TIA!
Clementine says
A couple sprinkles? Balance bike it. Full on downpour? If driving or transit aren’t options, I would go with a stroller with a rain cover over it.
Io says
I’d be stuck with a wet stroller on a crowded subway and at work all day.
I guess we could take an Uber…
Anonymous says
Are there other options? I’d drive in the rain or use a stroller
GCA says
My 4.5yo bike commutes to daycare (less than half a mile, ha) while one of us sprints along with the baby in the stroller. On rainy days for safety reasons – he goes too fast on pedal bike – we stick him in the stroller and the baby in the carrier. For extremely stormy days, we’ve actually, embarrassingly, driven that half mile.
On a balance bike your kid isn’t as likely to wipe out, but this is a know your kid thing, she might be reluctant to ride in the rain even with a rain suit. Either way, you definitely want some sort of alternative transport arrangement. Also:
– Where will she put her bike at school?
– Has she practiced the route a few times? (Kid 1 knows to stop at driveways and wait for us, for example.)
Io says
Yeah it looks like Uber is our back-up.
1) It’s an elementary school, so there is a bike rack. (Need a lock that works for a balance bike!)
2) She’s biked to a nearby park a few times and we’ll be rehearsing the full route the week between when daycare closes and school starts.
AwayEmily says
What about getting a beater stroller (like a $10 umbrella stroller from a garage sale) and locking it to the bike rack when you get there (you’d need a chain). It would get wet, but that’s not the end of the world if you’re only using it a few times a year.
NYCer says
Has your daughter ever used the balance bike in the rain? She may be apprehensive to go riding in the rain even with her rain suit (for example, I know that I do not enjoy bike riding in the rain).
Can you drive or take public transport on super rainy days? I tend to agree with an earlier poster who said the bike might be fine in sprinkles, but I would hesitate to rely on it on a truly rainy day. If driving or some other form of transport isn’t an option, I would probably just leave way earlier and walk.
Blueberries says
I don’t have an answer, but I suggest teaching kiddo to use front and rear lights and wearing bright colors (if possible) on rainy days. I have a theory that if I teach my kids to always do all the safety things at a young age, it’ll be habit by the time they’re going out without me. My kids are still little, so I don’t have any anecdata on whether it really works.
Io says
She has a safety vest and we have helmet lights for morning winter commutes. I totally agree about safety!
Coach Laura says
I have a Burley Bee – you could get one and leave it locked to a rack at school. I got mine used on craigslist for $75. Can you get a bicycle tag-along (also called trail-a-bike) and leave it at the school locked to a bike rack? Both of these can be quickly disconnected.
Can you get an extracycle and have her ride on that? I love extracycles! Saw a mom with three little kids on the back last week and all four had huge grins on their faces.
I’ve bike commuted in the rain but think it would be hard for a little kid without much choice in the matter.
Clementine says
…Apparently I always go into Mod on the main page. Let me try this again!
I am going with family to a popular Florida rodent-themed destination. Looking over my wardrobe choices, I realized I somehow am missing tops that aren’t athleisure but aren’t work tops. I have a few pair of JCrew 4′ chino shorts in green, grey, and mint and a few lululemon running skorts. I apparently normally wear these with either workout shirts or the 2 non-workout shirts that I have. (Which makes sense because I’m usually in work clothes and rarely have to dress vacation-casual more than 2 days in a row).
I’m 5’8, size 8 with a long torso, and look best in jewel tones or other saturated colors.
EB0220 says
I have this problem too! I’m 5’8″ as well but size 10-12. Honestly I usually just wear my Lululemon short sleeved Swiftly shirt on trips like this, especially when it’s going to be hot and I’ll be outside all day.
Cb says
I might do a lightweight linen-y top. I wore popover styles from Gap and OldNavy on a recent warm weather trip and it was nice to keep the sun off my skin. But honestly, I’d imagine althleisure would be totally fine for the MM.
AwayEmily says
Do you have time for a Target trip? Between the “a new day” and universal thread lines I can almost always find a few t-shirts that fit (universal thread tend to be a bit more casual, new day a bit nicer, but both would work with the bottoms you are talking about).
And they have a decent selection of jewel tones right now — I am currently wearing a deep orangey-brown Target t-shirt (sounds hideous but looks super cute).
Anonymous says
+1 I tend to buy 4-5 tee shirts from a new day at target and these are my casual shirts. Fit well and price is right. Now I’ll have to check for that orange top! Love orange and look good in it but it’s a hard color to find.
Anonymous says
You can and should wear athleisure tops to the House of the Mouse. It will be HOT. The two non-workout tops should be enough if you want something a bit nicer for a non-park activity such as shopping or dinner.
We did the other big FL theme park a couple of summers ago and the Mouse’s cruise this summer. I never had the chance to wear any of my cute vacation tops on either trip. On the cruise it was swimsuits and dinner dresses only, and at the park it was just gross and sweaty all the time.
Pogo says
+1 Especially as some of the tops from athlete, for example, are so well-made and classy looking. I often wear them w/ jean shorts for vacation activities/sightseeing, and appreciate the wicking/tech fabric in the heat.
I would probably bring a few sundresses for dinner/non-park activities. But in the park I would not worry about winning any fashion awards – I feel like comfort is key.
Irish Midori says
+1 again. Athleisure tops are actually perfect for theme parks. You’ll be in the sun, sweating, and possibly get wet, so the fabric in athletic gear is ideal for this kind of day. But also yes to the Target suggestion for non-athletic casual shirts.
Anonymous says
Either wear the athleisure or go to target or old navy and grab a few T-shirts.
Anon says
I get my t-shirts at Old Navy. They’re good quality for the price and look cute.
Anon. says
My go to for this would be some basic tee shirts from the red big box or ON. I like the relaxed fit v-neck t’s by A New Day and generally wear a large at 5’6/180 with a very long torso. You can spend roughly $5-10 per shirt in a couple colors. I wouldn’t want to spend a lot because obviously, it is not a wardrobe need you normally have. And if you end up with an entire ice cream come on the front or a space mountain vomit disaster, no hard feelings.
Clementine says
Thank you all!
And – Duh. Buy some t-shirts at Target. It makes so much sense. I think I’ve tried to be so aware of ‘fast fashion’ and buy things intentionally that I’ve forgotten that yeah, sometimes you just need a t-shirt from Target.
The other thing is that I’m working on being in more pictures. I don’t have enough candid, fun pictures of myself with my spouse and/or kids. I have posed pictures, but I often am so self conscious of my body/appearance that I think I want to feel okay with how I look so I’m happy with how the pictures turn out.
Anonymous says
I love Once Upon a T Shirt for Disney.
rosie says
Similar height & long torso, I recommend the luxe t-shirts and tank tops from ON. However I suspect your current shirts would also be fine.
Anon says
If you have a Uniqlo near you, I really like their Pima Cotton t-shirts. They are very comfortable and breathe really well. I wore them almost every day on my last vacation.
Anonymous says
Not fashion related, but are you able to bring your current foster kiddo on this sort of trip? Once of the things that makes us a little concerned about becoming foster parents (which is something we do want to do!) is hearing about how it’s really hard to get permission to leave the state.
Clementine says
Our current situation is more complicated so it’s still TBD; however, many people DO bring their foster kiddos along. We have taken kids on vacation in the past and will in the future!
(As a note: some foster families just… leave the kids behind and take a vacation with their ‘real’ family… which is just so wrong to me on so many levels. I’m not talking not an issue with permissions or anything, just that the foster family doesn’t want the kid to come. That is messed up to me and I 100% object. Honestly… it depends on the parents, the caseworker, and the jurisdiction. I’ve only ever had issues with one parent and one worker in being able to bring the kid on vacation. Most parents are happy for their kid to have cool experiences, especially those that they might not be able to swing financially.)
Anonymous says
Thanks for the response!
And yeah, I’ve heard “just leave them behind” as a response and that’s crazy to me. (I hope I didn’t accidentally imply I thought you might do that–what I actually meant was that I wasn’t sure if you were between placements or not.)
Anonymous says
Ugh, that’s really upsetting that some get the “you’re not one of us” treatment. I only personally know one family fostering right now, and foster kid gets all the same treatment and does the same things (trips, etc) as their bio-kid. And that’s the way it should be. I hope yours is able to join you!
Laboring Oar says
Anyone up for sharing some recent tales of woe re: emotional labor? As I was putting together end-of-year teacher gifts last night (including a handwritten card, gift card, candy, photos of my child), it occurred to me — this is something not only would my husband never do, it would never occur to him to do. And if I also didn’t do it, what would be the harm? Would my kids be negatively impacted, which is my primary concern? Probably not.
I love these teachers, and I do want to show them appreciation, and I’m happy/proud to have found a way to do so. But it also took up a good hour of my night. And again, at the end of the day: why?
Anonymous says
Seriously – I appreciate all that teachers do and they are mostly woefully underpaid. But my mom worked FT with 3 kids and never had time for this stuff. Sometimes you just have to figure out what’s actually necessary and this falls under unnecessary for me.
Anon says
You can give teacher gifts that involve more money but less emotional labor. I guarantee you teachers will be thrilled with a gift card and a brief handwritten note. You really don’t have to spend an hour assembling the gifts. I care about my kids’ teachers and want to thank them, but I’m also cognizant that not everything has to be Pinterest-y.
Clementine says
My kids ‘write’ all their own thank you notes.
I literally write, ‘Dear Whoever,’ and ‘Love, Child’ and let them scribble in crayon or put stickers on or use stamps. Honestly, It’s a total cop out but people are amused.
(Note: One fun side effect of having them ‘write’ their messages is that sometimes they’re learning letters but can only write two – let’s say T and O. And then they just write those two letters over and over and over.)
Laboring Oar says
Very cute — though isn’t it sometimes a pain to remember to get the kids to sit down and do it? Half the time when it occurs to me to get them involved, they’re upstairs playing quietly, and I don’t want to interrupt, so it’s easier to just do it myself…
Cb says
We have crayons on the dining table and often my son will ask to draw after dinner / while we’re finishing ours. This is how I get thank you notes done.
IHeartBacon says
I keep a stash of my LO’s artwork in a cabinet. When it’s time to give someone a card from LO, I just pull one of the drawings/paintings out and write the recipient’s name on it. Done and done.
Anonymous says
FWIW my husband is a teacher and we do not do gifts for our son’s teachers beyond participating in $$$ class gifts. A thank you note would be more than sufficient.
Cb says
So true! I’m an over-researcher and when I’m panicking over some sort of developmental thing or must-do, I remind myself that my parents didn’t do this and I’m not intellectually or emotionally stunted as a result.
Laboring Oar says
Haha, totally agree. The What Fresh Hell podcast always has hilarious takes along these lines. They had an episode about “conversation starters with your kids” and they took a step back and were like, and by the way, moms fifty years ago would have though we were INSANE for debating what conversation topics are best to bring up with your kids. Too true.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
+1. My immigrant parents didn’t have time for over-thinking/researching and I turned out fine. There were some places they had blind spots (e.g. understanding certain U.S. cultural things), and that’s where I think I can do a better job.
Anonymous says
Exactly. Why? What’s holding you up from valuing your own time? Why are you taking on made up “responsibilities “? Send a calendar alert to your husband for this time next year “buy teachers a gift card” and move on. We all have to fight this tendency in ourselves!
Laboring Oar says
I like it! Though I’m laughing because I’m just picturing the email coming back “Declined: Buy Teachers a Gift Card.”
Cate says
This made me laugh at my desk. V true.
Anonymous says
My mom is a teacher and doesn’t like getting “stuff”. A nice card and gift card if you want is plenty.
Laboring Oar says
I totally get this, which is why I always go with a consumable, usually candy. Completely understand that any teacher has enough mugs and candles and wine glasses to last several lifetimes!
Anonymous says
Personally husband and I both work and we hate dong this stuff and find people who do to be super obnoxious about it (look at me!! Baking cookies with my kid that the teacher will throw out and making a ceramic mug with pictures of my kid that teacher will not want).
Why on earth would this person want pictures of your kid? Give her a bottle of wine or a gift card for a decent restaurant and move on with life.
Laboring Oar says
Snort! My husband and I both work, too, for the record (obv, why else would I be here).
And, I don’t know, the pictures of my kid also had the teachers in them — if they’re the type to keep a couple 4 x 6 photos of their former students, then they’ve got them. If not, they were $.10 and can throw them away. I also got prints made for my kid to keep, so it took really no additional time to have two copies printed instead of one.
Also — a bottle of wine is a terrible gift IMO as someone who doesn’t drink alcohol. And for someone who is really into wine, whatever bottle I pick out probably wouldn’t be up to their standards or their specific taste. Better to give a cash-equivalent gift card like Amazon or Target and let them buy what they want.
Anonymous says
Ok. Knock yourself out spending an hour on this then. But know it’s because this is how you choose to spend your time not because it is in any way necessary
Anon says
Thank you! I know some teachers, and none of them want or keep pictures of their individual students. They have a class pictures, that some of them keep. Why would they want individual pictures of the 20+ students they have this year, and then again next year, and then again the following year … I understand the idea of a picture of my kid for a nanny, but never understand why it is suggested for a teacher.
Although, based on the timing, I’m assuming this is daycare, so at least they would get less pictures each year.
Anonymous says
Teachers are professionals just like lawyers and dentists and professors. They don’t want stuff that you would get for mother’s day.
Do not give them pictures of your kid, stuff your kid has helped bake, stuff with handprints, stuff that says teacher on it etc. This is a professional who works with your kid. Not you.
Just give them a gift card to a restaurant or amazon if you must and move on with life. And a bottle of wine is a fine gift even if someone doesn’t drink (because how would you know if the teacher doesn’t drink). They can cook with it, regift it, use it in their bath or throw it out.
Think basically – what would be a normal gift for a client to give me and do that to the teacher.
Anonymous says
I don’t know whether it’s a strength or a weakness, but I do not do this stuff. My mom was a single working mom and she definitely did not have time or energy to put towards this kind of stuff and I guess that rubbed off on me. I give a short note in a thank you card I already have a box of in my house and a gift card and call it a day. It’s fine!
Laboring Oar says
Even a thank you card and a gift card is way more than any dad would do, though! You say a thank you card and a gift card like that makes you a slacker — that’s totally thoughtful and requires emotional labor too!
Anon says
I disagree, I know lots of dads who would get teachers thank you gifts of the less personal variety, eg., gift cards- which is exactly what I do, for the record. Not all men are thoughtless and not all women believe we need to bake the teacher 5 dozen cookies. Let’s back away from the sexist stereotypes.
Laboring Oar says
When you say they “would” — do you know any who have actually done so?
FVNC says
Um, yeah, actually my husband coordinates all (daycare) teacher gifts. He inputs their birthdays into his calendar. I tend to write the actual cards because I like to write longer, more personalized notes than he would…but otherwise, he does all the emotional labor around this.
Anon says
Yeah I know quite a few dads who do including my husband. Our parent council is about half men and they do a lot of teacher appreciation stuff, obviously. I think that’s basically the entire point of the parent council since the school has a great director and doesn’t really need a lot of parental input to run smoothly.
Anon says
I would mentally reframe this a little bit. To me, emotional labor is mandatory things like making kids’ doctor’s appointments, sending thank you notes to family members who mailed birthday gifts, signing kids up for activities they want to do, etc. I don’t think teacher gifts are mandatory. I genuinely enjoy giving gifts to my kids’ wonderful teachers and want to do this to show my appreciation, and I find it fun to see their reaction. If/when it ceases to be fun for me, I won’t do it. But because it’s something I’m doing solely because I want to, it’s not something I can reasonably expect DH to participate in. Whereas I can reasonably expect him to participate in the true emotional labor necessary to keep the household going. Reframing it this way has helped me. And fwiw, I don’t spend a lot of time on teacher gifts. Card + giftcard are my go-tos and if I have a photo of my kid with them I will usually email it to them, but not make it part of the official “gift.”
Anonymous says
This is correct.
This is a thing this woman wants to do. She is not required to do it and it’s not even required by social convention.
If she can afford to do it and wants to do it she should go ahead and do it. Why her husband needs to get involved is beyond me.
This is not the same as registering your kid for school or taking the kid to the doctor.
Anonymous says
Any advice on distinguishing mastitis from normal engorgement? 3 weeks PP. DS hasn’t been sleeping longer than normal and I’m EBF, but got really full on one side last night for no reason and now have a fair amount of pain. No fever or illness symptoms but I have redness which could also just be engorgement. I pumped that side after feeding but it still hurts. We’ve had a lot of doctors appts for him so I really don’t want to go to one for myself unnecessarily…
Anon says
Sounds like a clog but not full blown mastitis yet. Can you feel around to see if there’s one part that’s much harder than the other? When you’re nursing or pumping, massage that part moving your fingers towards the n*pple. There’s lots of advice on Kelly Mom about getting rid of clogged ducts.
Anonymous says
It’s probably a clogged duct, which can lead to mastitis & is caused by engorgement. You do want to break up the clog soon (in my repeated experience, w/in 24 hours) so that you don’t end up with mastitis. There are lots of tips and tricks for doing so once you google it. I wouldn’t go to a doctor yet.
Anonymous says
It isn’t unnecessary you’re in pain!!
Anon says
Nah, clogged ducts can be intensely painful but don’t necessitate a doctor’s visit. My OB typically doesn’t want to see you until you have actual mastitis (flu-like symptoms). There’s nothing they can really do for a clog.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I had a lot of clogged ducts/engorgement issues with both my kids, and had mastitis twice. I could tell it was mastitis because I felt like I had the flu – very lethargic, chills, fever, etc. With engorgement, it definitely hurt, but none of the other symptoms. Definitely call your OB if you think it’s serious or just to tell them your symptoms, they’ve heard it all and can tell you if you need to come in or prescribe antibiotics. The first time I had mastitis, my OB prescribed antibiotics over the phone after hearing my symptoms so I didn’t have to go in.
Good luck – engorgement is so unfun. The only way I could get rid of any clogged ducts was repeated nursing – pumping didn’t really help.
Pogo says
+1 The main symptom for me was throbbing redness that was warm to the touch. Just regular old engorgement/clogs was a painful mass but nothing else.
That said, it wouldn’t hurt to call the nurse’s line. When I had it the first time the lovely nurse said “Yeah, that sounds like mastitis, I know you have a newborn, so I’m having the doctor call in a prescription for you right now. No need to come in.”
One other time I went to urgent care because I was at my in-laws, and yet another time it was an infected cyst so I ended up scheduling w/ my OB. Urgent care is probably also a good option – if you know of one nearby w/ short wait times, you should be in and out in 15min.
Anonymous says
+1 When I had mastitis I KNEW it. My temperature rose a degree every hour and I felt like I had been hit by a bus. Major flu symptoms. It was miserable– one of the worst illnesses I’ve ever had, maybe the worst.
Anonymous says
If it’s mastitis, you’ll know. I couldn’t move. I laid on the couch with six week old on my chest where she thankfully proceeded to take the longest nap ever because I literally could not move. The idea of getting in the car to drive to get antibiotics was more than I could handle. I remember calling my husband crying and begging him to come home early to get them for me (thank god he did). Which all is to say – clogged ducts hurt like the dickens, but mastitis is like another level.
Anon says
Submerge your breast in a bowl of water that’s as hot as you can possibly stand, lean over the bowl so your breast is pointing at the floor and massage it as hard as you can. I had really stubborn clogged ducts when my DD was little and once I found myself in rural Maine with no pump and a baby who wasn’t that interested in nursing. I tried all the standard clog remedies and that was the only one that worked (I think it was a tip from here so thank you to whoever said it!)
Anonymous says
So this may work for you, but if it does not ICE ICE ICE your breast and then pump or hand express while massaging the painful clogged area. I had bad engorgement and clogs and the heat trick actually exacerbated it for me because I was swollen and the milk could not get out. Icing and ibuprofen brought down the swelling and allowed me to break up the clog and get it out. I would say try both because everyone is different.
Pogo says
Yup – and search the archives, there have been tons of good info on how to help w/ clogs, esp if kiddo won’t nurse/is nursing less/you’re away from kiddo for work/etc. For me it was hand pump, hand express/massage, and electric toothbrush pressed right on the clog (or other ahem vibrating item you may have). I truly think everyone is different in what it takes to get those things out. Godspeed.
Anon says
There are different kind of clogs too. If milk is at your nip and can’t come out, that’s a different kind than a clog further back in your breast that that is preventing milk from reaching the nip. I think I heard that you may have to “pop” the former kind the way you do a pimple? I don’t know because I only ever had the latter kind. Dangle pumping was always helpful for me when I had a pump with me (couldn’t dangle nurse because it freaked my kid out). Good luck. I loved nursing but dealing with the clogs was absolutely miserable.
Pogo says
Yep! Milk blebs. So fun. Had those too.
anon says
yes! all my clogs were this! warm wash cloth and sometimes tweezers to pull off the clog. also massaging the breast while nursing/pumping helps a ton with all sorts of bf issues
Anon says
Sounds like a bad clog but you’ll know once it’s mastitis and I don’t think you are there yet. Last time I had mastitis I knew what it was immediately (had had it before) once I was in bed under a pile of covers shivering (looks like flu). So watch for that type of symptom but address this now! It’s all tough!
rosie says
Try taking lecithin to help with clogs (I used sunflower lecithin powder and added to oatmeal or smoothies). I had some luck submerging in the bathtub and using a wide tooth comb over the clog.
Like others have said, if you have mastitis you will know — flu like symptoms (fever, chills, etc.) on top of the localized pain. My OB was fine to call in an rx when I described my symptoms over the phone — but even if they do want to see you, please do prioritize your health, I know it’s hard with a newborn. I read that coming home with a newborn is like recovering from being in a car accident yourself while also having to care for another person who was in the car accident.
Anon says
I would ask your ped about lecithin before you take it. I struggled a lot with clogs and really wanted to take it, but my pediatrician said she couldn’t recommend a nursing mother take it because there are no studies about its effects on the baby. Probably overcautious, but that was my experience.
Anonymous says
Sure, ask your ped, but many peds are uninformed about breastfeeding and medicine / supplement safety so fall back on saying don’t do it. Infant Risk and Dr Hale are experts in this area and he says it’s fine: https://www.infantrisk.com/forum/forum/medications-and-breastfeeding-mothers/vitamins/637-lecithin
Anonymous says
OP here – thanks for the advice! I’ve been trying to feed SO frequently today plus pumping and it feels a little better. I just don’t know why I’m engorged when we haven’t skipped feedings and I haven’t been like supplemental pumping or anything. Bfing is so hard at the beginning!
Anon says
Not to be a downer, but I struggled with bad clogs throughout my years of nursing, it wasn’t just at the beginning. It can definitely happen even if you’re on a fairly regular feeding schedule and haven’t missed a feeding. For me, the most identifiable cause of clogs was anything tight or putting pressure on my breasts. I got a terrible one once on vacation when I wore a sports bra-like bathing suit top.
You’ll feel a little relief after each feeding at that breast (because you’re draining free-flowing milk that was putting pressure on the clog), but you won’t feel true relief until the clog clears. I don’t know how to describe it except to say when the clog finally clears you will definitely know, it’s an unmistakable feeling. If you haven’t felt that yet, I would keep using the clog remedies to try to avoid mastitis. I never got mastitis despite having dozens of incredibly painful clogged ducts.
Anonymous says
I nursed DD for 14 months and didn’t have any issues (minus initial engorgement when milk came in). But yeh I know the whole process can be a struggle!
Boston Legal Eagle says
Yep, my clogged ducts were persistent (just had one last week and I’m weaning) and not just at the beginning. I think some people just have a natural oversupply and it’s not always related to whether you skipped a feeding (although often is).
LSC says
I had NO luck with any of the traditional massage advice for getting rid of clogs. Eventually my lactation consultant told me to stop irritating the area by rubbing it, and instead nurse often, take ibuprofen to reduce swelling, and put a cabbage leaf over the affected area. It worked for me multiple times, and I got to stop torturing myself with ineffective pummeling!
Cb says
How do I know if my son is colour-blind? All his friends seem to know their colours but he is wildly inconsistent when asked to name colours. It isn’t a language thing – kid just turned 2 and has hundreds of words, can count objects to 10 etc. Vision seems great – he’s our early warning system of an approaching emergency vehicle, can spot my husband halfway down the road but the colours just aren’t there.
In the UK so I don’t have a regular paediatrician appointment and they will most definitely laugh me off the phone if I can to ask about this so I’m crowd-sourcing and they
Anon says
I was wondering the same. My kiddo isn’t as expressively verbal as yours (about 30 words at 18 months) but she understands almost everything her dad and I say and will learn a new word (receptively) after we tell it to her just once or twice, so I don’t know why we’ve been so unsuccessful at teaching her colors. She thinks everything is blue. I asked my doctor about it and she said that it’s normal for color vision to develop a little later but if she’s still having this problem at 2 then we may need a refer to an eye doctor.
Anonymous says
Srsly she’s 18 months stop worrying. The standard is naming colors at 3. Chill.
Anon says
Whoa, that was kind of snarky. I never said I was worried. I’m just saying I suspect my kid also can’t see colors that well because if you say “What do you want for breakfast today?” she can say “ga-ga” (grapes) or “waf” (waffle). But if you say “point to the blue ball” she’ll point to a pink ball. She clearly has the receptive language to understand what we’re asking but she doesn’t seem to be able to distinguish different colors so I’m assume it’s a vision issue.
Anonymous says
It’s not though. That’s why the standard is three not 18 months. Language is complicated. Describing a color is harder than identifying “ball” or “dog.” I just feel like there’s so much to actually worry about with a kid why dwell I made up worries?
Anon says
Her language skills are much more advanced than simply knowing the words “ball” and “dog” (see, responding correctly to an open-ended question about what she wants to eat). My ped was confident this was a vision issue, so I’ll take her opinion over yours, thanks.
Anon says
My son also calls all things blue (23 months) and I have heard the same from many other parents. All blue! Must be easy or fun to say? Don’t worry about it now.
Anonymous says
If your husband is not colorblind, it is basically impossible that your daughter is. Colorblindness in girls is very, very rare.
Anonymous says
Can he identify colors without saying the words? “Show me the blue crayon” etc.
Anonymous says
Nah they don’t worry about naming colors until 3. Unless there is a family history of color blindness, in which case it probably is worth a doctor call, you don’t need to worry about this.
Pogo says
I’ve wondered this too, as everything is either Blue or Yellow to my son. I decided that even if he is color blind, there isn’t anything to do about it for now, so I’m going to wait until he is old enough to take the actual screening tests. Developmentally I don’t think you can really count on their color-naming until later, even if they have complex sentences and tons of other words.
Cate says
Almost every parent I know has been convinced their kid was color blind. I genuinely thought my son was. If he isn’t distinguishing them at 3 maybe? But this is super common and a funny thing we talk about actually, I wouldn’t worry!
Cb says
Maybe they are all just messing with us by naming colours at random?
LadyNFS says
I actually just asked my ped this question at my daughter’s recent 2 year old check-up. I was convinced that because she is a prolific speaker, can count, knows the alphabet, etc. etc. but constantly gets her colors “wrong” that she could not discern colors. Without doing testing, Ped shrugged it off. She told me to try to practice with plain pieces of construction paper to isolate the color (apparently it can be confusing as to whether an object is “blue” or a “ball”) and that we’d reassess at her next appointment, in 6 months, and then at 3. Throwing this out there in case it helps quell anyone else’s anxiety.
AwayEmily says
My first mixed up colors regularly until she was three. My second is 18 months and has them all down perfectly. I think like most kid things there’s just a wide range of when it clicks. I also found this really interesting:
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/why-johnny-name-colors/
Anonymous says
My 3 (almost 4) year old is great at colors…but went through a phase where she called everything “orange” because she thought it was the most hilarious word she’d ever said. She went through this phase around 2 years old and it easily lasted 4-6 weeks. It could be something like that for the kids who are talking.
ElisaR says
in her defense, orange IS a funny word.
Anon says
My friend’s 2 year old says orange in the funniest way. It comes out sounding more like orangutang and it’s the cutest.
anon says
My 5 yo was still mixing up red and green when she started kindergarten. She can see fine. Something about remembering colors is tricky for some kids.
Anon says
I had a similar experience with my DD, who is now 2.5. Searching the interwebs at the time, I found an article that addressed my concerns and made me feel much better. Search “Why Johnny Can’t Name His Colors” which was published in Scientific American. FWIW, my husband and I did change how we talked about colors (as mentioned in the article), and at 2.5, DD is quite proficient with naming many colors.
Anonymous says
I just went and read this article as a lunchtime diversion and it makes so much sense.
Anonymous says
My kid called everything blue for a long time. She eventually figured it out.
Anonymous says
First of all, are any men in your family color blind? Color blindness is a s3x-linked trait passed down to boys only from the mother. If no men in your family are color blind, it is extremely, extremely unlikely that your son is. If color blindness runs in both parents’ families, then girls can end up colorblind, too.
My brother is colorblind (so my mom definitely carried the gene for it, and there is a 50% chance she passed it to me), and my husband is colorblind (100% chance he passed the gene to my daughter, so her future sons have a 50% chance of being colorblind). My older two kids definitely are not, jury is still out on the 3 year old.
You don’t really know until they’re old enough to do the colorblindness circles. They see A color, it’s just that they see it differently than you do. There are also lots of different kinds of colorblindness, so, naming colors is not really the best way to tell.
Stacey says
I asked my ped about this because I have color blindness in my family (maternal grandfather) and there is a chance my son got the gene. My doctor said they typically test around ages four or five. She pulled out a very old book with illustration plates that test for several different types of color blindness. You can find samples if you google “Ishihara color plate test.” One of the hard things about diagnosing is that people with color blindness may see colors differently than is typical, but still be able to distinguish between two colors. My son is 2 so I don’t know anything definite yet. However, the test is very simple so I will probably get him tested when he’s older at one of his regular check ups.
Sarabeth says
I know you have tons of answers already but: I thought my kid might be colourblind at 2. She had a crazy advanced vocabulary, but couldn’t ID colours remotely reliably. We took her in to our ped, who referred us to an opthamologist…who basically laughed at us (nicely) at our appointment. It is very very common for colours to come after other vocab that seems comparable, in part because colours are actually ranges on a spectrum and it takes kids awhile to figure out the conventions for breaking them down into the standard colours.
Now she’s 6 and definitely not colourblind.
Weaning Blues says
Did anyone feel tired, irritable, moody, etc when they started to wean? I am doing that slowly with my 11.5 month old. I’ve been having trouble sleeping and get hot in bed, am tired during the day, and just generally feel out of sorts. I’d love to hear about others’ experiences.
Anon says
Yes, I did, and it’s very very common.
Cb says
I was a hot mess once I had weaned. I don’t think I felt normal until 3 months or so post-weaning.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Yes, I’m in the process of weaning or at least almost weaning beyond a few morning sessions and I definitely felt my hormones all out of whack. I felt irritable, anxious and generally more teary. I feel better now – I think my body has gotten used to the lower hormone levels, but imagine I’ll get this again when I wean fully. Very very common. I told my husband how I was feeling and he took on more of the toddler duties (which he’s done a lot of anyway since baby #2 came into the picture) because I just can’t deal with toddler meltdowns right now.
Anonymous says
Yes. I felt off for a while…I went in and had my thyroid checked and all that. Everything came back great, and over time I just felt more like myself. It was pretty gradual until one day I was going about my day and realized I felt a lot like my old self.
H13 says
I was an absolute mess when my oldest weaned. I felt rage-y and weepy and it was awful. Once we were done, those feelings eased and I was back to my version of normal. It was much easier with my second. Much less rage.
Anon says
I didn’t, but I weaned gradually and had gotten my period back while I was still nursing quite a bit. Many of my friends had post-weaning depression and it seemed worse in those who weaned suddenly or those whose periods had been entirely suppressed while weaning. In the latter group, they all said the depression went away the day they got their first postpartum period.
Anonymous says
I feel like I had a different gradual weaning experience, but I had also had my period back for quite a while. I felt like gradually weaning just gradually dragged out the symptoms. My body was constantly adjusting. That said, I wouldn’t wean any differently if there is a next time.
Anon says
Weaning is an emotional roller coaster for me, except without the highs—just normal and lows.
lsw says
YES. I had such scary rage I booked an appointment with my OBGYN. Apparently it’s really common, which I wish I had known! It took a few menstrual cycles to ease off. I ended up taking Ativan on an as-needed basis (1-2 a month) which helped a lot and I wish I had done it sooner. I was really scared, especially since I had weaned so gradually.
shortperson says
yes. of course i weaned by leaving for a six-week trial so there were multiple causes of my rage.
So Anon says
Does anyone have any experience or resources on co-parenting with an addict? I learned last week that my ex is drinking again. Our parenting agreement clearly spells out that he is not to drink or use any controlled substance not prescribed by a MD 8 hours before or while he has the children. While he is adhering to the letter of the agreement now, I know that the shoe will drop sooner rather than later. In addition, his personality disorder makes his behavior unreliable and very much like an addict (even if he weren’t drinking again). I am trying to wrap my head around how to talk to my kids about this, his unreliability and how to move my and my kid’s lives forward.
Anon says
No advice, but all the hugs.
Anonymous says
Are you working with a family therapist? I think that would be a good place to start. Does your parenting plan include an enforcement mechanism? (Some in my jurisdiction require reporting to a social worker before going to Court for example). I think you keep it simple with the kids. Daddy is sick, so sometimes he can’t take care of you. If you are ever at Daddy’s house and don’t feel safe call me /911 immediately.
Anon says
+1 on telling kids what to do if they feel unsafe. And empowering the kids, so they have the courage to call 911 if necessary. As a kid, I had to ask a police officer to help me insist that I not get in the car with my noncustodial parent’s drunk partner as a driver. The police officer kindly helped me. I’m so proud of little me for doing that, because it’s really, really hard to do.
I just wish I knew more about what drunk/high looked like. I probably got in the car many times with an unsafe driver and just didn’t know that the driver was drunk/high. The normal for many addicts is drunk/high and kids don’t have a refined sense of sober or not.
Anonymous says
Oh and also AlAnon has lots of resources about this.
Irish Midori says
Depending on your kids’ ages, “if you ever feel unsafe, call me right away” is probably the best and only script you should have with the kids. Don’t know about other states, but mine includes a standard non-disparagement clause in the parenting plan, so even if it WERE a good idea to say “daddy might be drunk sometimes because he is like that,” you can bring ire of the court back on you for planting that seed.
If you ever get wind of him drinking with the kids around or violating the order, though, talk to your lawyer. Where I’m from, that’s grounds to modify the agreement.
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this.
anon for this says
My stepchild’s mom’s partner drinks too much and we have told stepchild to call us anytime, no questions ask, if stepchild ever feels unsafe for any reason. It’s hard.
Anonanonanon says
Just out of curiosity (from one divorced woman to another), how are you supposed to know if he’s been drinking within 8 hours of getting the kids??
Night Training says
I need help understanding how night potty training works, please. Kiddo is 3 (4 in October). She is day trained and rarely (knock on wood) has accidents. She’s been that way for a little over 10 months. She wears a diaper at night and diapers are very full in the morning. She uses a diaper plus a Sposie. She is now in a regular bed, not a crib. The last few nights, she has been having a hard time falling asleep and wanting to go potty about 20-30 minutes after she goes down. I think she’s mostly stalling, but I don’t want to discourage her from going potty if she has to. This morning when I went in to wake her up she told me she didn’t need to go potty because she went in her diaper and was awake when she went in her diaper. So I think she’s starting to make connections about waking up to go potty, but I also think “stay in your bed/crib” is so ingrained in her sweet little brain. Ideally, I think I’d start putting her in a pull-up style diaper at night so that she can more easily get up and go potty. But (1) I’m worried they’ll consistently leak and (2) I’m worried she’ll start waking up a lot earlier for the day. How do other people handle this training period? I have no problem making it a rule that she goes back into her room to rest or read or whatever until wake-up time. But it would just be so helpful to get an idea of what people really do to night train kiddos. Thank you!
PS – we are in no rush at all – I know it will happen when it happens. But I also think she is starting to show signs of readiness and want to do whatever is developmentally appropriate at this time.
Anonymous says
I think at this stage def move to pull ups and start encouraging her to get out of bed and use the potty. Leaks are helpful as a learning tool. We put down a rubber sheet and it didn’t take long.
Anon says
Anyone dealt with this with an older kid? Mine is almost 7, and no closer to night training than when he was 2. He just sleeps so hard, I really don’t think he can help it. Whenever we’ve done the rubber sheet thing, he just sleeps right through it and wakes up in a puddle at the normal time. So far the ped has always said to chill, it’s okay till he’s like 7 or 8… but he’s getting kinda close to that now.
Anonymous says
Not in a kid as old as 7 but my second slept like the dead. It took a couple months but we basically just let it happen- she was dry 3/7 nights then eventually 5/7 and eventually 6/7 and 7/7. My first basically night trained after 1 accident at 2.5 but this kiddo took a while too really figure out wake up/pee.
CCLA says
Pull-ups for sure. Also make sure the potty is accessible, ideally in a way they can use it without needing to call for help to do their business. And if kiddo has it ingrained that they stay in room in bed (mine did, too), it will probably require some repetition and explanation of it being okay to get up for this.
cbg says
the Oh Crap! book says to really limit fluids late in the day and 2 hours before bed, then you have to put a potty chair by her bed, and start by putting her on it like twice a night to pee 10pm and 2am, then adjust times and move toward once a night as her muscles learn to hold it. ( she doesn’t wear a diaper or underwear, just commando) We tried for 2 nights and gave up bc out DH is 25 months and still in a crib, and slept right through peeing herself twice. But we’ll try again as soon as she’s moved to a bed, with the above method.
Anonymous says
This sounds absolutely miserable for everyone, especially the parents. It wouldn’t be worth it to me. We just left our kid in pull-ups at night until she was obviously staying dry all night and then going in the pull-up after she woke up.
Elle says
Just going to put it out there that my ped said absolutely do not do this. Night time is a biological process that is different than day time and water before bed or waking them up isn’t going to change it. If they are ready, that may work, but if they aren’t already ready, that is not going to change and you’re just making them and you tired by waking up unnecessarily.
RNMP says
We did the Oh Cr*p method but I’m not sure how it would work for an older one. We did it when my daughter was 2 1/2 and we had to get up in the middle of the night for about two months (not fun) but now I’m glad it’s over and she’s dry all night. That said, you don’t actually wake up the child, you lift them up like wet spaghettis and sit them on the potty. At 28lbs that was fine but bigger than that would probably be considered weight lifting…
Anonymous says
My now 4 year old had a super wet night pull-up (they make these specifically for kids this size) plus added pad every single night until after he turned 4. Sometimes I think he peed while waking up or just after waking but we just didn’t care about that. One day he just started waking up to pee in the middle of the night and was never wet again. In your shoes I would just wait!
Anonymous says
Adding that after kid woke up at 4 am to pee and wandered the house a few times, we started taking him to pee before we go to sleep – he barely wakes up and then sleeps through till his usual wake up time.
Anonymous says
So yesterday dear husband let toddler take my mothers wedding and engagement rings (a combined value of somewhere around $40k) to daycare. They were mixed in with a ton of costume jewellery and super low cost real jewellery (basically a handful of sparkly stuff). The child brought this to daycare with a bag of snakes. I got very upset about this when I found out at daycare pickup. Husband feels like it was my fault since toddler could access jewellery (in a jewellery case inside a nightstand). I feel it’s husbands fault for toddler being allowed to take my jewellery to daycare. I mean this was a big handful of stuff (mixed in with the snakes). Thoughts?!
Anonymous says
I think you and your husband are both scared and sad and defensive. He should apologize. You should store expensive precious things more carefully. Life is hard, you love each other, and luckily they weren’t lost.
Anon says
Yup.
Anonymous says
+2 I had my engagement ring on the night stand at my in laws, my MIL was not supervising my DD (who was young enough she needed watched like a hawk, especially cause there were stairs nearby) and she hid my engagement ring. DH and I were snapping at each other the entire time and we luckily found it after 45 mins. He was mad at me for putting it there, I was mad at him because I was in the shower while it happened. Really we were both just scared it was lost. Put any valuable jewelry out of reach and frankly it should be in a safe if your house.
Frodo says
Everything else is in the safe! Haha I had these two in the nightstand and yeah it just sucked.
Anonymous says
Sigh. The bridge-dwellers from the main page have found us here.
Anonymous says
Huh?
Anonymous says
She’s calling me a troll because apparently she’s having a bad morning.
Anonymous says
No, because your story is full of typos and obviously made up to be provocative.
Anonymous says
Aww you have a nice day hun.
Anonymous says
Well it could be worse I guess. You could have married someone like the person who made this comment.
Anon says
Seriously! I hate how people often call others trolls on this page. So rude.
GCA says
That’s the trouble with bridge-dwellers – their appearance, however infrequent, sows suspicion and ultimately destroys a community.
To me the classic troll-sign around the ‘r3tte community would include:
– Disingenuous/ appears outwardly sincere
– Says things designed to attract predictable responses
– Provokes utterly futile argument
– Exploits tensions within feminism itself around freedom of expression
This one’s too wacky and not sufficiently harmful to come from under the darkest bridge. OP – that’s what safe deposit boxes are for!
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
+1. I posted something last week under a different/Anon name and was called a troll. :)
SC says
Honestly, I think it was just a mistake and nobody’s fault and part of learning to live with a toddler. Your husband is right, and toddlers are going to play with absolutely everything they have access to, and any valuables, sentimental items, and dangerous items (not just jewelry) should be placed up high or locked up. You’re right that you can’t just let a toddler walk off with a handful of stuff without checking because they walk around the house picking up all sorts of random stuff, and there could be something valuable or sentimental or dangerous in there.
RR says
Both of you? I probably wouldn’t keep a $40K wedding set in a place that was accessible to my child, but I also wouldn’t let my child take jewelry to daycare (no toys actually–daycares usually don’t like it, and it’s a recipe for problems). That said, why does it matter? Nothing happened, and you can both learn and move on. No good comes of finger pointing.
rosie says
Agree. No harm, no foul. You both learn your lessons and move on.
Frodo says
I’ve calmed down about the whole situation, people thought it was hysterical at work that my kid rolled in with a bucket of snakes and bling.
Will drop off a nice thank you for the daycare ladies.
Anon says
Snakes? Like what kind of snakes? I’m assuming you’re talking about a toy?
Anonymous says
Yeah plastic snakes.
Anonymous says
Oh, that’s disappointing. I was hoping this was Hogwarts day care and all the kids were supposed to bring in a bag of snakes for a class project.
Irish Midori says
I would probably hit the ceiling in the moment, too. In retrospect, though (since it turned out okay), you have to admit it’s pretty funny.
AwayEmily says
I have no opinion on the trolliness or not of this post but now I kind of want to order a bucket of snakes from Amazon, so maybe this is just a clever product placement from Snakes Incorporated.
Frodo says
Personally after having a kid if I had to give a small kid a gift I would 100% give them a bucket of something. Because kids love stuff and they love hauling stuff in a bucket.
Artemis says
Cross-posting from main site . . . Any lawyer moms here with insurance designations which you think have helped your career? Any opinions about which ones are worth it/actually help if I’m going to put in the time?
I was in insurance litigation, moved into government, and am trying to move back out to insurance roles, either as in-house counsel or claims management level. A CPCU might be a little much for me right now, and maybe not necessary given my prior experience? I’m looking at the designations like AIM/AINS/AIC.
Anon says
I decided to take a few months off of work while I job search. I just couldn’t manage job searching while also keeping up with parenting and my very intense biglaw job. Anyway, this means that I am letting our nanny go. I already helped her find a new job which she will start right after she finishes up with us. She was a great nanny and I will be sad to see her go. I want to give her a gift on her last day (cash). How much would you give? I don’t think I can afford a super large sum (I am still paying off law school loans so I am not one of the biglaw people with loads of money), but I want it to seem nice and show that I appreciated the care she gave to my daughter. Would $250 be enough?
Anonymous says
Yes.
CCLA says
A lot of factors here. Honestly that seems low if she’s been with you for more than a few months. If it’s a matter of not being able to afford it, sure, do what you can and call it good enough with a card. But if you can, I would do a prorated version of what you would have given her at the end of the year/holiday (typically the advice for that is a week’s pay).
NYCer says
I mostly agree with this. I would probably give her a full week’s pay (not prorated) if she had been with us for several years.
rosie says
I agree with this. It seems unlikely her new job will give her a full holiday bonus this first year, so I would try to give a little more considering that.
Anon says
I think $250 is plenty. But, full disclosure, I didn’t give my nanny any cash when we said goodbye to her. I’m in a small Midwestern city and from talking to people I don’t think holiday and goodbye bonuses are as standard here as they are in places like NYC. I also wasn’t super enthusiastic about her. If I’d been more enthusiastic about her I can see myself giving her $100-200 but not more than that.
ElisaR says
i think that’s very nice.
Anon says
When did you do a first haircut for toddler girls? My 17 month old has got a lot of hair but it’s mostly kind of scraggly and I think it might look a lot better with a professional haircut. But she hates both strangers and people touching her head, so I can’t imagine a professional haircut is going to be anything but a disaster. Fwiw, she has long straight bangs (I trim them, but apparently not short enough for her daycare teachers, who always send her home with the bangs clipped back), the hair at the front sides is straight-ish and sort of flips out at the bottom and the hair in the back is super curly and seems to be growing out more than down. I know I shouldn’t feel this way but I’m one of the least girly women I know and I feel like I’m already failing my daughter by not styling her hair in a cute way every day. I feel bad when I see that the daycare teachers have ‘done’ her hair, even though I know they probably enjoy doing it.
Anonymous says
Just start clipping it back every morning?
Laboring Oar says
My girls got their first haircuts around age 3.
Anonymous says
I think this totally depends on the kid. I know friends who have had to do a haircut before the first birthday because their kid had so much hair. On the other hand, my daughter still just had a small amount of short, wispy hair when she turned one. It sounds like you think it’s time for a haircut. Why not try it? Do you have a place that specializes in kid’s cuts near you? Around me there are places with TVs for little ones to watch and get their minds off of the cut. I think that’s an excellent use of screen time.
As far as worrying about your daughter’s hair styling– please don’t! She’s 17 months. Your only job is to make sure her hair doesn’t get in the way of her playing and maybe use grooming as some bonding time if she likes it. It sounds like her daycare teachers are doing both of those things too, which is great! She is so well cared for by the adults in her life; you’re not failing in any way!
Boston Legal Eagle says
I have boys and we took our first son for a professional haircut at around 15 months but you are not failing her by not styling her hair! My mom is not into hair or fashion or anything like that and I legit had a mullet for my early years… luckily there was no social media at the time, but I’m truly ok and don’t feel failed.
This is just my outside opinion, but I think just pulling the hair back in some way so that it’s out of their faces lets girls run around and play easier. I don’t know if you need anything fancier beyond that, unless you want to style it.
RR says
Totally depends on the kid. My first daughter–probably around 2? My second daughter got her first haircut at 5 because she took forever to grow much hair.
RR says
At that age, I loved the little ponytail on top of the head. Gets it out of their face, looks cute on all kids, super easy to do.
Anon says
No advice – just solidarity. My 20-month old daughter has very similar hair and I can’t do anything with it. She won’t really even let me do anything besides comb it, because she screams and cries whenever I attempt to do a ponytail or pull her bangs back. Occasionally I can get her to wear a bow headband to keep it off her face, but that usually only lasts a few hours. I’ve been contemplating a haircut but her stranger danger is pretty bad and I can’t imagine it would go over well. I’m a fairly “put together” mom as well and her wild hair makes me worry sometimes that other moms or people are judging me for her lack of a “hairstyle”.
AwayEmily says
We took our daughter to a kids hair place at 15 months to get bangs because I really didn’t want her hair in her face and was nervous about her choking on clips/hair ties (she’s a mouther). She is now 3.5 and still has bangs/a bob — bangs are pretty low-maintenance; we get a trim every few months. I like the look of no-bangs but it requires a commitment to clips and/or a tolerance for hair being in the kid’s face a lot, so: bangs it is and will be for the forseeable future!
The only hairstyles we do are pigtail maybe once a week (whenever she requests it) and otherwise nothing. Sometimes she comes back from daycare with elaborate braids, but I think the teachers just like to do that sometime.
Lana Del Raygun says
You are not failing your daughter by not styling her hair!! My father used to part my hair by blowing on my forehead really hard and I turned out just fine. ;)
shortperson says
my 1 year old hates these things too but she does ok sitting on my lap. we talk about it before janet lansbury style and there is also a daniel tiger episode on haircuts. the professional styling really does clean her up. i cannot do braids or anything fancy for my four year old. i think shes come to terms with the fact that her mom is not a hair person.
govtattymom says
Vacation help! My husband and I traveled to three out of town weddings this summer, so we did not take a traditional summer vacation with our 3 yo daughter. We would love to take a family trip in September or October. Any suggestions for a place somewhat near DC that is fun for a 3 yr old? Maybe a city with a good children’s museum? A resort with nice playgrounds and activities? Thank you in advance!
Anonymous says
Bermuda? Weather will be gorgeous and it’s a quick flight
Anon says
Richmond might be nice – the Children’s museum is wonderful, Maymont would be a fun park that time of year (the summer is too hot for me), increasingly good food scene, etc. If it were me though (having grown up in Richmond), I would go to Charlottesville if I wanted a weekend away and let kiddo run around outside at wineries, etc., up and down the downtown mall with a stop for ice cream, go applepicking, etc. We’re actually going in November for our anniversary. If you want a resort, Homestead and the Greenbriar are lovely and fairly kid-friendly in my opinion.
NYCer says
I second the rec for Bermuda if you want a beach vacation.
For a closer to DC option, I think Charlottesville is a pretty nice place to go with kids. Lots of parks, the Virginia Discovery Museum can be fun for kids, the wineries there are generally kid friendly.
A few other thoughts:
Boston
Kiawah, SC
The Greenbrier
Anonymous says
How about Williamsburg? There’s the historic area, Jamestown settlement, the Kidsburg playground, and the Sesame Street area at Busch Gardens.
Anon says
Have you been to Philly? We have family there and there’s a lot for preschoolers (Franklin Institute, zoo, Please Touch museum, Camden aquarium, etc.) We also have family in NYC and my kid likes Philly better (so do I honestly, ha).
Anonymous says
Massanutten? Would be gorgeous in October.
IP Attorney says
Third Bermuda. We just got back from a trip there with our 2 year old and she LOVED it. We stayed at the Fairmont Southampton which is incredibly kid friendly (kids eat free, toddler playroom, kid pool with slide and separate wading pool for the littles with fountains!). Two hour flight from the east coast. Not cheap though.
Anonanonanon says
Seconding (thirding?) Philly.
Colonial Williamsburg was a huge disappointment for us. We greatly preferred Jamestown settlement. Also, you could do Great Wolf Lodge in williamsburg (indoor waterpark in the resort) and do Jamestown settlement as well if it’s not cold.
Anon says
For those of you with two kids and a nanny, how much did you increase their pay when going from one kid to two under their care? Our oldest will be going to preschool a few days/week for a few hours a day, but she’ll definitely be home with our nanny part of the time and we will need help preschool pick ups or dropoffs.
Also, I get 4 months of maternity leave, so I’m not planning on giving her this raise until I go back to work since I’ll be home to share the load with her. Does this sound right, or should I give her raise immediately once our second is born?
CCLA says
I’d give her the raise immediately, because there is a reasonable possibility that she will end up watching both kids even though you’ll be home (I took advantage of that time to take out older DD once in awhile while nanny watched baby, to take a few naps, get a run in, etc.). If you are really certain you’ll be attached at the hip to the baby you could wait and see, but if it ends up being more than a very occasional thing that she watches both even while you’re on leave, I’d offer the raise ASAP. I’d also have discussions with her around expectations – will she be doing more tasks immediately like baby laundry, bottle washing, etc.
Leatty says
I don’t have a nanny, but a friend of mine does. She just had a baby a few days ago and has a 2 year-old who just started preschool part-time. She plans to increase the nanny’s hourly rate by $1 once she goes back to work at 12 weeks. We are in a MCOL, so that only brings her hourly rate up to $16/hr.
Anonymous says
My friends who nanny get really annoyed when they haven’t gotten a raise yet because their boss is still on mat leave but they end up getting asked to do things that involve watching baby.
Favoraite Water Bottles for 5 year old? says
Looking for good water bottles to buy for my 5 year old to take to kindergarten. Strong preference for metal or glass. Even stronger preference for something that doesn’t leak all over the place and is relatively sturdy. We have a Pura water bottle for him now and the cap always slips off, and somehow he has managed to deform the bottom so it wobbles. TIA!
Redux says
We are huge fans of the Klean Kanteen kids’ size with the pop top. We’ve have one for each kid for years and they wear like iron (well, steel, I guess!). I would not send glass to school on the chance that it takes a tumble on those hard floors.
Redux says
Also, my kids have deformed the bases of these bottles, too. It’s annoying, but I’m not sure there is a non-deformable option that isn’t plastic or glass. My solution has been to put the bottles into a coozy. It keeps the bottles upright plus has the added benefits of making it easy to recognize and keeping my kiddo’s hands dry.
K. says
I just bought the one on A mazon and spent forever looking for one that did all the things you listed. So far it was worked great–so leaks. It is titled “Kids Water Bottle, Double Wall Vacuum Insulated Stainless Steel Bottle for 24 hrs Cooling & 12 hrs Keep Warm, 9oz” It is made by the company Sprouts. Link to follow.
K. says
Try this one! We love it–no leaks so far! https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B073YR1Z7X/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o00_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1
SG says
Contigo kids stainless – our target has different colors, always in stock
https://www.target.com/p/contigo-10oz-stainless-steel-striker-chill-water-bottle/-/A-77427332?preselect=77353673#lnk=sametab
Anonymous says
My 2 year old uses a small Swell bottle with the sport lid. He’s able to open/close the lid himself using his thumb and all his might, and once closed it doesn’t leak at all.
anon says
Help — I need hair styling tips for my preschool-age daughter. Her hair is fine-textured, but there’s a lot of it. It’s a couple inches below the shoulder. She rarely wears it down, otherwise it’s constantly falling in her face. Her default style is wearing the top section in a ponytail or “Elsa braid.” BUT, during the summer, the bottom section gets so gross and tangly from sunscreen and sweat. Problem is, I cannot get this poor child’s hair to STAY in a regular ponytail. I think the weight/slippery texture of her hair eventually loosens the whole style, causing the front pieces to start falling out. If the ponytail feels like it’s “falling,” she just rips the whole thing out because it’s not comfortable.
I have tried several types of fabric-covered holders and the stretchy plastic-y ones. It doesn’t seem to make much difference.
WHAT AM I MISSING? I have a pixie cut, in part because I have no hairstyling skills. Like, even braids are hard for me. Daughter’s hair looked so cute in slightly angled bob (and it was so much easier to care for), but she is adamant that she doesn’t want a haircut.
Anonymous says
Braided ponytail! Elastic at the top and bottom.
Anonymous says
+1 We call this the “Elsa Braid” in our house because it is a single braid. My child’s hair would never stay in a true Elsa braid. Pig tails aren’t bad for us either.
Anonymous says
How much does school lunch cost for your elementary schooler? How often do you get it? Does s/he like it or hate it?
Anon says
It costs $2.85 ($3.75 for adults who join). I don’t have answers to the other questions because my kindergartner is intimidated by the school lunch line and wanted to bring her own so that’s what we’ve been doing so far.
CHL says
I don’t know how much ours costs off hand but my kindergartner (now 1st grader!) would look at the printed out calendar and decide when he wanted it. Generally turned out to be one day a week and he had a couple (non-healthy) favorites and some other things that he tried and then didn’t like. I liked that it encouraged agency for him to read the chart, pick what he wanted and communicate a choice in a low-stakes situation.
mascot says
$5 for hot lunch for kids in 1-4, included in tuition for 3K-K. Private school that contracts with local catering company, fwiw. My kid eats school lunches probably 80% of the time. I hate packing lunches and turns out he likes most of what is offered. It’s also exposed him to stuff we don’t make at home (sloppy joes come to mind) and sometimes he decides he wants the salad bar. We review the published menu weekly.
Anonymous says
In our experience, private school lunches are vastly superior to public school lunches.
EP-er says
Hot Lunch is $2.40 & 35 cents for milk. They always have an entree and salad bar to choose from. My husband likes it because it is one less thing when he gets the kids off to school in the morning. :) My oldest likes it and we allow him to get it 2x/week. My younger didn’t really get into it until the end of first grade. The line is overwhelming & it reduces the already short amount of time they have to eat. I would guess she gets it once every other week.
Anonanonanon says
I don’t know offhand how much it costs (you put money in an account and ours automatically reloads when it’s running low) but we started doing it every day a couple of years ago. I was anti school lunch (for no good reason, but my mom packed my lunch growing up and I felt like that’s what I was supposed to do) but my son wanted to try it. We started by having him buy lunch on the days they had something he really liked. However, he kept forgetting he brought lunch with him on the days we packed lunch and would buy a lunch anyway out of habit, so I stopped making it and he started buying. We’re in a public school district and they are not the lunches of my youth. For example, his favorite day is orange chicken and rice.
The drawback is my son is a chatter and the lines are long, so if he gets caught up talking he doesn’t eat a lot.
Anonymous says
Breakfast and lunch are free for everyone in NYC, but my son is really picky and we generally only do it on pizza and taco days.
EB0220 says
I think ours is around $2.65. My kids aren’t picky and would eat it every day if I let them. I think it’s gross but I don’t care enough to fight them on it.
Ugh says
It may be too late in the day, but how do you handle self-evaluations when you haven’t been at your best at work? I was out on maternity leave this year and while I think the quality of my work has been good – honestly even better than it was pre-baby in many ways – the quantity of hours has been poor and my level of participation in the community, biz development, etc has been basically zero. Is an honest approach best or am I shooting myself in the foot?
Anonymous says
Oh no no. You give yourself a GLOWING review. The quality of your work has been excellent. Focus on the positive.
NYCer says
+1. I would probably not even mention the low hours.
Anon says
I definitely believe self-evaluations are a chance for bragging, not honesty. Focus on what you did well! The quality of your work was great, talk about that.
Ugh says
Thanks. Deep down I know it’s right that I shouldn’t undersell myself. I’m just not sure how to handle the specific questions about things I really haven’t done this past year.
IHeartBacon says
You don’t need to mention the low hours. They will already be aware of it. I won’t say that you should give yourself a “glowing” review because I don’t think that is an accurate descriptor of what I am about to say. I think you should re-direct their attention to all the good things you are doing. For example, on the issue of biz development, instead of admitting that you haven’t done any biz development since returning from leave, tell them that you have focused your energy on making sure existing clients are being fully serviced. I said this during my evaluation after I returned from leave and hadn’t done much more than the minimum requirements. I then tacked on the following line at the end: “Because we can all agree that new clients are great, but we have to make sure to also keep the clients we already have.” I got a room full of nods in response. Redirection accomplished!
Anon says
I once read that women tend to be harder on ourselves in self evaluations and depending on how much that plays into comp etc we get unfairly dinged for it. Just some food for thought. Review yourself like a man would! :)
Anon says
Yep, this.