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I almost never buy my kids toys for the holidays — we have very generous friends and family who are more than happy to fill the Santa role. My kids are nearly five years apart, and one challenge for the Santas in our lives is finding a toy that the kids can enjoy together.
Post-holidays, the Tencoz Musical Piano Mat has emerged as a favorite of both kids: The toddler likes stepping on and pushing the large keys, while his big sister uses the recording function to share her “compositions.” It has five selection modes (demo, one-click annotation, play, playback, and record) and eight sounds.
I like that it rolls up for easy storage, isn’t annoyingly loud, and wipes down.
The mat is on sale for $19.99 at Amazon. Musical Piano Mat
Sales of Note…
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Nordstrom – 2,100+ new markdowns!
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off all sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything; extra 30% off orders $100+
- Eloquii – $39 select styles; 50% off select styles
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- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything; 50% off women’s dresses; extra 60% off clearance
- Loft – 60% off sale styles
- Lands’ End – Up to 40% off your order
- Talbots – Semi-Annual Red Door Sale: Extra 50% off markdowns
- Zappos – 26,000+ sale items (for women)! Check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kid shoe brands on sale.
Kid/Family Sales
- J.Crew – 25-40% off kids’ styles; extra 50% off select sale
- Lands’ End – Up to 40% off your order
- Hanna Andersson – 30% off all kids’ & baby clothing; PJs on sale from $25; up to 75% off clearance
- Carter’s – Rule the School Sale: Up to 50% off; up to 40% off baby essentials
- Old Navy – 50% off back-to-school styles; 30% off your order, even clearance
- Target – Backpacks from $7.99; toddler & kids’ uniforms on sale from $5
- Pottery Barn Baby – Summer sale: up to 50% off
- Nordstrom – Limited time sales on brands like Maxi-Cosi and Bugaboo.
- Strolleria – Free infant seat car adapter with any Thule stroller; 30% off all Peg-Perego gear in our exclusive Incanto Collection
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Momofthree says
We’re considering getting a bunk bed with stairs for our almost 5 year old and toddler. We don’t think they could handle going up and down a ladder, especially if they need to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. We’ve read that the stairs can be steep and we don’t feel comfortable going into a store right now to test them out.
Does anyone have recommendations for a stair bunk bed for younger kids? Are the stairs super steep?
Lily says
No real advice, but there are some adorable pottery barn bunk beds (well, not really bunk beds, but more like a lofted bed with stairs and the option to put another bed underneath) where the stairs appear (from the website, haven’t seen in person) to be wide and manageable. Even then, I have read that you shouldn’t use them with a kid under 5. I’d be concerned about the 2-year old trying to climb up to the top bunk.
anne-on says
We’ve had those types in a number of rental houses (I think you can fit a full below, and a twin above in a lot of them) and the steps are MUCH safer/wider than the old school ladder. That being said I still wouldn’t use it with kids under 4-5.
Anonymous says
You know you kids best, but just as anecdata, my 5 year olds could sleep-walk up and down our bunk bed ladder safely.
We looked at versions with stairs, and I didn’t think any of them were overly steep. Certainly not anything a 5 year old would have trouble clambering up and down. I was concerned they would encourage unsafe jumping though. The stairs were an inviting height to jump from, and misgauge the distance *out* that you needed to jump and it’s an injury waiting to happen. The stairs also have a large footprint, and I’d definitely look at ones that have drawers built in if you go that route, unless your kids’ room is huge.
Anonymous says
The stairs are so huge that I’m skeptical that a stair bunk takes up any less space than two twins.
Io says
Have you considered the Kura with a floor bed combo? It’s a half-height bunk with a ladder. I think it’s safer even than a staircase bunk.
Honestly, how often does your kid go to the bathroom at night? Mine only does in the first hour after bedtime.
Anonymous says
Room and Board makes a pricier low bunk bed too.
Katala says
We have a Kura, 5 yo on top bunk and he’s 100% fine going up and down (he jumps off the top rung now but it’s fine). Younger was 3.5 when we put him on the bottom. He climbs up and down just fine, but is more cautious which is surprising because he’s more of the daredevil generally. I like Kura to start since it’s lower and relatively inexpensive, plus there are multiple ways to use it if you decide a bunk setup isn’t working out.
anon says
+1 My kids started in the top bunk of a Kura at 3.5 and could do the ladder in the dark within a week. There are also hacks that use the solid wood trofasts as steps up the kura, which would give you steps plus storage.
anon says
For younger kids I might do a twin with a trundle for now. You could even choose a twin that would accept a bunk bed later, so you could build up when you trust the kids with a ladder.
Nonnymouse says
You may have looked into this but we use the Ikea Kura Loft bed as a bunk bed. We added a tent to the top and 4 year old loves sleeping there/has not attempted to jump off. The little one is still in a mini-crib but once he starts to climb out, we’ll put him on the floor mattress and get like the toddlelock or DIY similar way to block the ladder. The Kura is 4 feet off the ground so much lower than typical bunks. You could also go the trundle approach.
Anon says
I have the “Bedz King” stairway bunk bed. Full on the bottom, twin on top, twin trundle underneath. There are large stairs, and each stair doubles as a large drawer. It has railings. My 4 year old (who has significant gross motor struggles) has no problem getting up or down.
It is also wonderful for guests in non-pandemic times. I’ve had families of four share it (parents on full, kid up top and on trundles). Great for sleepovers.
SC says
We have a bunk bed for my 5 year old, who is and has always been behind his peers in gross motor skills, balance, and proprioception, and has worked on it with an OT and PT. We got the bunk bed when he was 4, and he quickly learned how to use it. Now, he scales and drops from the side of the bed like a little monkey and doesn’t even bother with the ladder. He’s perfectly capable of getting up in the middle of the night and does so often. Our 3-year-old niece is also entirely capable of climbing up the ladder and climbing to the top multiple ways.
Momofthree says
This is good to hear- thank you! My oldest son is also in OT for all the reasons you’ve listed above, so I was a bit worried.
GCA says
We have a junior loft bed with a ladder, so not as high as a normal bunk bed. When we got it, kid 1 was almost 4 and he was going up and down the ladder with no problem, including to the bathroom in the middle of the night. I don’t think he ever had an accident either of the falling variety or the potty variety. Our one hard and fast rule is no standing / jumping on the top bunk. Kid 2 (now 2.5) alarmed me by deciding she could go up and down the ladder at 20 months, but has so far slipped only once and then was a lot more cautious about descending. We have a small apartment so I like that the ladder doesn’t take up much room or pose a tripping hazard.
Anon says
We have a bunk bed with an angled ladder. My 5 year old has no problem going up and down. We set a rule early on that only one kid can be on the ladder at a time, and only one kid can be on the top bunk at any time. To us, the danger was more in the roughhousing between the two kids than being able to climb safely.
Agreed with others above that stair bunk beds take up too much room (we specifically got bunks for space reasons), and also seem like more of a hazard than a ladder.
Momofthree says
Thanks for all of the comments, everyone!
Definitely a lot to think about in terms of safety (I hadn’t even thought about them trying to jump off the stairs & misjudging the distance- this definitely sounds like something my boys would do).
We’re going with bunk beds for space reasons, so we’ll definitely look carefully at measurements. As others mentioned, one of the benefits of the stairs is that they come with storage, which we were anticipating being a space saver.
One other concern- we’d like these to be our kids beds long term which is why I was tending away from the low bunks- are those of you with low bunks planning on having those be your kids beds long term?
anon says
I’m one of the Kura bunk bed people above and we’re not necessarily planning on keeping them for the long term. We figure it will work for at least 6 or 7 years until our twins turn 10, and then we might need to re-evaluate. But by that point we don’t know if we’ll have moved to a new house, added a bedroom in the basement, etc so for us it didn’t seem worth planning something that would work from ages 3 to 18.
Coach Laura says
Blogger lawyer/mom Lag Liv got bunk bed with stairs for her girls and I don’t think it looks unsafe at all. Very nice looking. In the comments to this post she tells where she got it. http://lagliv.blogspot.com/2018/05/bunk-beds-and-book-battles.html
Coach Laura says
Blogger lawyer/mom Lag Liv got bunk bed with stairs for her girls and I don’t think it looks unsafe at all. Very nice looking. In the comments to this post she tells where she got it. In mod for the link but google lag liv.blogspot bunk beds for the 5/25/2018 post.
Anonymous says
Anyone have kids far apart in age and can share how that’s gone for you as a parent? I have a 5 year old from my first marriage and my new husband and I are considering whether to try to add another kid. They would be 6-7 years apart, perhaps even 8 as we’re not too eager to get going on this project quite yet (enjoying the “newlywed with a 5 year old” lifestyle). My kid is very extroverted and would enjoy a playmate but I’m not sure how much she would enjoy having a baby around. Also, we would not be able to afford a place with separate rooms for them at least until the younger one is out of daycare, but could potentially switch bedrooms and split the bigger bedroom up with some sort of room divider if needed (baby would share the room with us until around 1 or sleep trained or something like that). Everyone I know with multiple kids has them share a room, but they are all pretty close in age.
Anon says
I’m pregnant with #2 now and my kids will be 6.5 years apart. The vast majority of people I know spaced their kids 2 or at most 3 years apart so I do feel a little alone at times, but I’ve heard a lot of positive things about this age gap. Kids may be less likely to be close buddies in childhood but there’s also less sibling rivalry and less stress for parents, and there’s no reason they can’t be close as adults (30 and 36 has no meaningful difference from 30 and 32 or whatever).
My kids are full siblings though. I think half siblings come with a whole set of issues besides the age gap, like whether your kid(s) from first marriage will feel replaced. I would be especially sensitive to it when the first child is an only and your new spouse doesn’t have kids.
Anonymous says
My nephews are 7 years apart and they have a great relationship. My colleague’s kids have a 6 year gap and they also get on well.
My sense is the bigger age gap usually involves less sibling fights as they are not playing with the same toys and the older kid usually goes to bed later so they still get some of the one on one time they are used to.
For any room sharing – you will definitely need to do the bigger bedroom with a room divider. IKEA catalogues often have great ideas for options on how to do this.
Anonymous says
I have a much younger sibling (14 years) and love it. She is wise beyond her years, maybe from having such older siblings, and so much fun. (Frankly we get along much better than I do with the sibling who’s two years younger.) She also has a very different relationship with my parents, which I think is useful for everyone involved.
I’m sure you’ll have issues with room sharing, etc. I certainly resented having all my stuff kicked down to the basement the second I left for college. But in the long-run I think bigger age gaps can be really wonderful.
AwayEmily says
My half sister is six years older than me! We get along wonderfully and I adored her as a kid (she was with us about half the time and with her mom the other half). We are still very close, and my sister is also very close with my mom (her stepmom) even though she and my dad divorced over a decade ago. We always shared a room (with bunk beds).
Anon says
My kids are 6.5 years apart (almost 7, and 6 months) and the almost-7 year old LOVES being a sibling after years of being an only. They can’t really play together yet, but he loves being able to read to her and to make her laugh. It’s been super helpful to have him be mostly self-sufficient and able to entertain himself for blocks of time – I don’t know how I would have managed two high-needs kids, no daycare, and working from home full time.
They have separate rooms, but he’s very protective of her, and during her 4-month sleep regression he would regularly sneak into her room after we put him to bed and sleep on her floor, so he could give her back her pacifier when she woke up and got upset. It was very sweet.
OP says
Your second paragraph is so sweet it made me tear up!
fallen says
My kids are 5 years apart. I think it has pros and cons. Biggest con is that you are in the little kid phase forever and they may not be as close (when young, I hear it’s less of an issue when older and in fact people that I know tend to be closer to siblings farther apart when older). But also I don’t think I could have done the two little kid thing – it sounds so hard and I am the kind of person that gets overwhelmed by chaos and have a lot of other hobbies/a career that takes a lot of time. I also really enjoyed the babyhood of my second (in fact, a lot more than my first bc I know what I am doing/am less anxious/and I know it’s my last so I am savoring) – I don’t know that would have been the case if they were closer together. There’s also zero competition between them/jealousy/etc.
I say go for it as long as you are okay doing the little kid thing again for 3 years or so.
anon says
+1 to all of this. My kids ended up being 5 years apart. We wanted them closer, but it didn’t happen that way (thanks, secondary infertility). And I have to say in hindsight — it was probably for the best. I think I would’ve been a very overwhelmed parent had they been itty-bitty at the same time. I literally don’t know how people with babies + a toddler do it. I am easily overstimulated and don’t love chaos.
A few things to think about …
– Until both of my kids were in elementary school, they really didn’t fight that much. Now that the younger one has a voice and can stick up for herself, they fight a LOT more.
– They’ve never really been playmates, per se, because they’re on such different levels.
– At times, it can be hard to find family activities that work for both kids. It’s less of an issue now, but when the age gap was like age 3 and age 8, we did a lot of dividing and conquering.
– I do think each kiddo gets more individual one-on-one time than they would if they were closer in age.
– You will be in the little-kid phase for what feels like forever. That’s both a good thing, and a hard thing.
– I REALLY loved my second kiddo’s baby phase. I was an experienced parent and was truly able to appreciate being back in that stage again. Overall, I am enjoying those small moments a lot, even now that she’s older, because I have a different perspective on how fleeting they are.
– This can be an older sibling problem in general, but we are currently having a LOT of struggles with getting our oldest to understand that he is NOT another parent to his sister. We have to remind him OFTEN that he does not have the authority to tell her what to do and call out her misbehavior; that’s our job. Especially when we’re standing right there. YOU ARE NOT THE PARENT is a phrase that is repeated a lot in our house.
– I like that it’s easier for people like family members, teachers, whatever to treat them both as individuals. They don’t seem as subject to comparisons as siblings who are closer in age.
I am hopeful that they will be close as adults. I have three siblings, and I’m closest to the one who is five years younger than me.
Anonymous says
Same situation – 2nd marriage – and now have an almost 9 year old and a 6 month old. Both girls. It’s fabulous. 9 year old is a mini mom. I don’t ask her to be – she just is. She reads parenting app (!), helps bathe and feed the baby, plays with her, reads to her, loves setting up various baby gear, etc. It’s seriously the sweetest thing. My older daughter does spend about 40% of her time with her dad, so she’s not around baby all the time. It’s almost like having 2 only children in a way – I’m not chasing a toddler and get to enjoy newborn/baby time. They do share a room for now – only have 2 bedrooms upstairs – but I don’t know that they will forever. My older daughter likes having her in the room with her and will get her sister out of bed in the morning to snuggle for a bit sometimes.
Ifiknew says
My sister and I are six years apart. We get along great but we are not close as kkds or as adults. I disagree with the poster above that 32 and 38 are the same. I think it’s wonderful to have a sibling even far apart in age for the supporting parents as older etc. But we both feel like two only children. I also resented my parents a lot for my sisters level of activity being the lowest common demoninator of what we could do. My kids are two years apart and that has its own set of challenges for sure but I wouldn’t have another child for a playmate for your oldest. That’s unlikely at 5+ years IMO
Cb says
Ugh, gender norms start early folks. I told my toddler son “You’re so beautiful!” and he replied “I’m a he, not a she, I’m not beautiful!” We use beautiful as a gender neutral descriptor in our house, but no matter what you do, it seeps in, huh?
Lyssa says
I’m constantly amazed at how much my daughter (5) has absorbed the concepts of “boy stuff” and “girl stuff.” All the media I see these days seems to take pains to avoid this, and she has an older brother (who has never seemed at all worried about gender stereotypes) and a stay at home dad – I had expected she would be the biggest tomboy around, but she is definitely not. But at the same time, she assumes that it’s common for moms to have careers and girls/women to both wear dresses and be tough, so I can’t complain.
Anon Lawyer says
I’ve been thinking lately about how we (in general but I am guilty too) start talking to girls and boys differently at birth, if not before. Like, everyone calls my 1-year-old “sweetie” and every 1-year-old boy “buddy.” They’re such sharp little sponges – I don’t think they miss the implications of subtle distinctions like that.
I definitely don’t have a solution; it just makes me sad.
Mae says
Eh, I was raised in a *very* liberal environment and found a lot of that insistence that gender was meaningless stuff unfair as a kid tbh. My thought is – if we’re going to have gender as a construct in society, and place obvious importance on it, then you have to let kids fill in what that means — it can’t be important and meaningless, that’s just illogical to a kid so you have to let kids have gender mean something for as long as we still have gender (if that makes any sense . . . ).
Anonymous says
This. It reminds me of the debate on the main page a few days ago about grooming. I thought the posters who said the parents should just wait until the kid mentioned the unibrow, without offering her any support or options until then, were horribly cruel. No matter how woke you try to raise them, kids have to live in the world. Most of us came to our ideas about gender and beauty and grooming on our own, as adults. I rebelled against my conservative parents by becoming a bleeding-heart liberal feminist who does social justice work. Do you want your kid to rebel against your rejection of gender norms by fully embracing those norms?
“Beautiful” and “handsome” do have different meanings that aren’t specifically feminine and masculine, but nobody seems to know that anymore.
Anonymous says
Yeah I was thinking about this too. I want my daughter to be more aware of the issues women face than I was before blindly walking into them like I did, but I also don’t want to reinforce gender stereotypes.
The way I approach is it to talk about “many women have long hair, but some women have short hair and some men have long hair. so even though most women you see have long hair and men have short hair, you can’t tell from length of hair if someone is a man or a woman, and either a man or a woman could decide to have long or short hair.” But slower and more age appropriate. If possible we come up with examples.
Anonymous says
This reminds me of the time a 3-year-old pointed to my pixie cut and asked incredulously, “You a GIRL?”
Anonymous says
I don’t think anyone is saying that gender is meaningless, just that the stereotyping of boy stuff vs girl stuff and boy names vs girl names (like sweetie vs buddy) is sad. My daughter is a girl and I have no interest in erasing her gender, but I would also be very disappointed if she told us a certain toy was for boys.
Anon says
Why? You could have a conversation about it and help reframe her perception. Kids are trying to make sense of the world and constantly categorizing and testing boundaries. And yes, in general boys and girls tend to gravitate towards different types of toys from very young ages, so maybe what she’s saying is “I’m not interested in that toy.”
My boys said the “that’s a girl toy” while looking through Xmas catalogs and I just told them all toys are for all kids, though they may not be interested in those particular ones right now.
Anonymous says
Obviously I would have a conversation about it. That’s not mutually exclusive with also being disappointed that our society imposes gender stereotypes on kids at such a young age. Every individual is unique and people don’t all like the same things, but there’s no reason boys and girls as groups gravitate toward different toys except our societal stereotyping. There’s no innate biological mechanism that creates a preference for different toys.
Anon Lawyer says
Part of the reason (maybe the entire reason) boys and girls gravitate towards different toys is because of messages about what toys are for and not for girls and boys. The messaging is present from the time they’re born. If there are biological differences in what toys boys and girls generally like we definitely haven’t isolated that from the effects of socialization. (And there didn’t used to be, like, special legos for girls – that’s a relatively recent marketing innovation; toys used to be marketed as more gender neutral than they are now).
Of course it’s an opportunity for conversation but yes, many of us would be a bit sad if the only way our kids knew to express disinterest was “that’s not for me; that’s for boys/girls.” If that’s what it is; I think most kids can actually just say “I don’t like it” if that’s all they mean.
Anon says
I agree toys are being differentiated now to a greater degree (and to the detriment of children), but since they were infants my boys gravitated towards balls and vehicles. I wasn’t pushing that – I grew up with only sisters, fully steeped in “girl” culture, and made sure to have a variety of toys around. I think boys are innately attracted to motion. I’m not saying this holds true for EVERY kid, but I also disagree that biological sex has no impact on behavior and interests.
Anon says
The idea that boys and girls brains are different in this way is dangerous pseudoscience that has been thoroughly debunked. But if you believe boys have a genetic preference for balls and trucks, it’s obvious where your children got that message even if they were too young to hear it from TV or classmates.
Anonymous says
Anon at 12:58, the word for what you believe is neurosexism and it’s been used to oppress women and deny them opportunities for centuries. Please examine your internalized misogyny.
https://www.nature.com/articles/d41586-019-00677-x
Anon Lawyer says
Even if boys DO have a genetic predisposition to motion, what does it serve anyone to introduce that to child? We all know many girls ALSO love balls and sports and motion – should Megan Rapinoe have been told “well, that’s really for boys but I guess it’s ok if you want to be into it”? (I’m sure she was told that but fortunately not enough to discourage her.) Just give every kid everything and if your kids happen to conform to gender stereotypes in their interests (I mostly do, personally) than that’s fine and if they don’t, they don’t have to feel bad about it. But if you’re going to be like “well MY kids conform to gender stereotypes in their interest so that must be biologically innate; I’m just being honest” that’s going to send the message to everyone about what a given kid SHOULD be into despite the fact there’s no actual scientific evidence that that’s the case.
Boston Legal Eagle says
FWIW I have two boys – one likes the stereotypical “boy” things like cars and trucks and being in motion and the other is more drawn to his tea set and dolls/stuffies. I have a big problem with all the “genderization” of toys, like why make all your dolls pink and in the “girl” section – that to me just reinforces the idea that only girls/women are the caretakers. I grew up with parents who didn’t fit their gender stereotypes in terms of interests, so maybe I’m more skeptical about all of this “boy brain” and “girl brain” stuff. People are people and have their own unique interests. That doesn’t make them any less boy/girl.
Anon says
This conversation reminds me of the fact that a (now former) friend suggested that my then 3 year old daughter might be trans-gender because her favorite color was blue and she was obsessed with vehicles and Legos. The idea that a girl or woman who likes trucks or legos (or, later on down the line, sports or engineering) has a “male brain” is profoundly offensive to me as the daughter and granddaughter of women with PhDs in math.
Anonymous says
Isn’t categorization developmentally normal at that age?
GCA says
The categorisation seems developmentally normal and I think toddler-style categorisation peaks around 3ish. IIRC kid 1 did a bit of that at the same age, but simultaneously also was very happy to wear ‘superhero dresses’ (a hand-me-down Batgirl dress), request nail polish and makeup, etc. We try hard to intentionally normalise counterstereotypical behaviour and ideas, so when I get nail polish, he gets nail polish, dad gets nail polish, etc; we read all kinds of books, including books about trucks and books about princesses (see https://shannonhale.tumblr.com/post/171419839125/were-ready-a-post-for-kidlitwomen); we also normalise that dads have care responsibilities too, no big deal about it.
My hope is that in our liberal urban environment, by the time he gets to middle or high school, the gender binary will be less of A Thing, and hopefully certainly less of a lens to interacting with others. Also, from the accounts of friends who are L, G, T, or NB, having the unconditional love and support of their family was huge in ensuring they grew up happy and well-adjusted, so that’s important to me too.
Pogo says
The toys and TV probably reenforce this the most. It’s interesting though that my son is super into traditional ‘boy’ toys (trucks, trains) but he doesn’t make these kind of gender-specific comments and will switch around the gender on his toys sometimes (like some days the bulldozer is a ‘he’ and some days a ‘she’). They’re definitely still learning language quite a bit at this age, too, so that’s certainly part of it. I wouldn’t let one comment worry you that he’s going to be gender stereotyping forever!
fallen says
how much TV are your kids watching on the weekends these days? we used to be so good about having minimal TV but with young kids (2 & 7) I feel like my 2 year old is spending 2-3 hours on weekends watching TV and my seven year old probably closer to 3-4. It’s just so hard to keep them entertained otherwise with winter and covid, and we always have so much to do because work is busier that it’s nice to have that time.
Anonymous says
If that amount of screen time doesn’t turn them into monsters, I say go for it.
Mrs. Jones says
+1.
AnotherAnon says
+2 from someone who was very pearl clutchy about screen time pre-pandemic.
Anonymous says
Pre-COVID we were at one movie per weekend day; now we’re at two or two plus a TV episode. So about 3 hours each weekend day, kids 3 and 5 years old— basically from 3:30-4 until dinner. Sometimes the 5 year old will get a bit more while 3 year old naps, but with new Christmas toys in the rotation, we’ve been able to hold out until they’re both awake.
Anon says
My 3 year old watches about an hour per weekend on average, but she still takes long naps at home. If she weren’t napping it would be more.
Cb says
We are pretty much the same weekdays and weekends, TV time from 3:00-4:30 or so. My kid turns into a gremlin with TV in the morning though.
Io says
We’re the opposite! We’ve got to get out and do something to reset post-TV. Late afternoon TV leads to disaster after disaster through dinner and bedtime.
Clementine says
Enough TV time that I’m embarrassed to tell you…
Weekdays, older kid frequently gets an hour (while I’m on conference calls because there’s no after care) and then I’ll often turn on a 20 minute show for everyone while I make dinner or clean up.
Weekends… it used to be very minimal because we would have soccer and swimming and playdates at the museum and grocery shopping as an activity and the gym or the park and family and all of that. Now… it’s dark and it’s cold and COVID. I have given myself permission to let them watch more TV than I want because… it’s their escape too.
CPA Lady says
Pre-covid we limited it.
Post covid it’s basically so unlimited that she’s gotten sick of it. She doesn’t watch nearly as much on the weekends because DH and I are more available to play with. She is an only child and has never enjoyed playing by herself. She’ll do it if I force her to, but there’s no way I’m going to be forcing her to play by herself for 8 hours a day every day for a year+. So she sits in my work from home office with me after she finishes her online school and watches unlimited TV every weekday. Do I feel like a monster? Yes. But I also know lots of people who grew up watching unlimited TV who are competent not brain damaged professionals, and it’s a global pandemic, so whatever. If she had a sibling to play with, I assume she’d be watching a lot less. I didn’t really plan for 2020 when making my life choices.
SC says
My 5 year old has unlimited screen time, including TV and a couple of video games we let him play. We take it away/turn it off if it’s causing issues, but we’re long past the point of bothering him if he’s happily, quietly watching a show or playing on the iPad. A couple of months ago, he had about an hour of screentime on weekdays and 2-3 hours, or more, on weekend days.
Now, he’s down to practically no TV/video games during weekdays, and maybe 1-2 hours each weekend day. He’s bored with TV/screentime and howled “Nooooooo” at me when I suggested a TV show to him the other day. I’m sure, like everything, the iPad will cycle back in favor soon.
anon says
Another vote for so much that I’m embarrassed to say. We’ve stayed pretty consistent with about 30 minutes to an hour before bed at night but the weekends are just brutal right now with the winter and lack of things to do.
Anonymous says
My 3 (almost 4yo) watches 1-2hrs a day, seven days a week during the toddlers nap. No other tv. She’s only in morning preschool
Spirograph says
For us, it’s not TV so much as computers. My kids have all gotten super into Minecraft and I just did not gaf over winter break. There were a couple rainy days that they probably spent the majority of their waking hours on the computer. Our normal rules are no screens weekends between 10 am and 5pm (and then only until dinnertime unless we do an after dinner show or movie as a family), but if they’re all happily building together in their creative world and the weather is gross and we have nowhere to go, I’ve let it go until lunchtime.
I used to care a lot about limiting screen time, but 2020 + winter beat me down.
Pogo says
I used to try and limit it, and I still do if we have a hike in the morning, so he watches 1-2 hours in the afternoon (actually similar on weekdays, though just depends on whether he asks for it. Weekends I put it on because he doesn’t nap and I need a break).
Last weekend though he just wanted to snuggle and watch TV and I probably let him watch 4 hours. I think we also had no outdoor activity (snowing and cold), and it was the end of 10+ days of being homebound with nothing to do, so I really let it all go.
Until we can start having playdates and going to museums or the aquarium or whatever, I’m going to allow myself to have those kind of days with 4 hours of TV. It’s just a lot to be ON so much.
Boston Legal Eagle says
My kids (4.5 and 2) watch 1 hour of TV in the mornings and about half an hour in the evening after dinner on weekdays. Weekends – that 1.5 hour is still there, and then the older one has at least 1 hour of additional TV time in the afternoon while younger one naps, and the younger one might catch a bit of the end of that.
For anyone who makes you feel bad about TV (ever, but particularly now), I’d like for them to remember a time of when they parented in a pandemic while also working and being restricted on the weekends… yeah, that’s never happened in the last century. FWIW, I watched a lot of TV as a kid.
Anonymous says
My twin 5.5 year olds watch about 2-3 hours of morning TV after breakfast while my husband and I get work done, workout, and shower. Then we have lunch and spend the afternoon playing, getting outside, riding bikes, etc. we may or may not watch a movie or two more episodes from 5 pm to dinner – it depends. We watched less when we had more options and activities we could do as a family. I really miss looking for fun activities that weren’t necessarily outside and socially distant. now someone needs to give me a park ranger badge.
Name game says
Let’s play the name game. What are you best ideas/favorite names for a girl that do not end in the letter “a” or the sound “ah” (so not Louisa, Maria, etc.)? Bonus points if it includes the letter “z” (not necessarily at the start or end). I tend to like names of Sanskrit, Hebrew, Jewish, Middle Eastern origin but am open to any and all thoughts …
Strollerstrike says
I have been loving Muriel. I had a friend growing up with that name and re-discovered it when learning that the current DC Mayor has that name :)
Anonymous says
Ha that makes me think of Chandler Muriel Bing. I know a Mariel and I think that’s a prettier version.
OtterMom says
No Z but lovely: Evangeline
With a Z: Suzanne, Hazel, Ezra (becoming more gender-neutral these days)
Anon says
I feel like a lot of Hebrew and Arabic girls names end in “a” sounds. I love Hazel too. I think Zoe/Zoey is cute but also pretty popular (there are 2 in my daughters class).
AwayEmily says
I love this line of thinking…my daughter’s name does not end in an A. We chose that intentionally, partly because I’m a college professor and am always amazed at how prevalent the -a names are in the classes I teach. Olivia, Ella, Maia, Clara, Sophia, Bella, etc etc. They are all beautiful names but I started getting overwhelmed by them.
Anonymous says
All those names have non-a versions, too! My daughter had an Olive in her class, which is cute even if it reminds me of Popeye.
I really liked Helen (and the nickname Hallie) but my husband vetoed that. Josephine / Josie was high on our list too, and a z sound if not the actual letter. Naomi, Ruth, Elizabeth. There are tons of Arabic names with z, but not as many that don’t end in an a sound, since that’s the feminine marker for a lot of them. Still, Zaynab, Yazmin you could spell with a z, Fayrouz…
Anonymous says
Miriam
Anonymous says
Mariam (Name used for Mary in the Quran I think? Also common in Europe) and Maren (Latin for ocean I think?) are two of my favs.
Zaren (variation on Zara so real name but has made up name vibes I think)
Anon says
Tamar (Hebrew)
AnotherAnon says
I like Muriel. Also Dorothy (nickname Dot), Helen, Evangeline. I guess I like old names. Isn’t there a Tirzah in the bible? DH really likes Aaliyah, which is Arabic (not Aliyah, which is Hebrew), but I don’t like it. We’re also not Arab so it feels weird. We already have an A name kid and I don’t want them to all have the same initials. Nor will I be doing A name, B name, C name…not that there’s anything wrong with that…
Strollerstrike says
Do people in real life do the A,B,C name thing? I saw it in Bridgerton but never IRL
Anonymous says
I don’t think I’ve seen A B C, but I have a family of cousins with all J names, and another family with all B names.
Our last name begins with M, and our oldest’s first name begins with A. I categorically vetoed any names beginning with P for our second child because I didn’t want to have AM and PM.
Anon says
I haven’t seen ABC but I’ve seen a lot of people give their kids all names that start with the same letter or even sound. My BFF kids’ names all have the same first syllable.
Clementine says
I know one family that did this but only the third kid was on purpose.
First kid they liked an ‘A’ name, second kid they liked a ‘B’ name… this was pointed out and they had a few ‘C’ names that they liked and used that one. They’re fun people and now joke it was the ‘master plan all along, of course!’ but really it was only one kid they thought about it with.
anne-on says
I love old-fashioned girls names, our top ones that would meet your criteria were Analiese, Adeline, Isabelle, Emerson, and Sylvie.
Anonymous says
We have an Adeline. We get a lot of compliments on her name.
Anonymous says
I went to HS with an Adeline and always loved her name. She’s now a tenure-track professor in a social science discipline, which is like a unicorn thing to be, and while it has nothing to do with her name I always think of someone named Adeline as smart and accomplished.
Anonymous says
Aw that’s nice! There are a lot of social science professors in our family, funnily enough ;) It’s the name of one of my favorite high school teachers and when I announced the name at work my then-boss (who I really admire) told me it was also the name of his beloved grandmother, so we have lots of positive associations with it.
DLC says
My favorite name I never used was Beatrix. I saw the variation Beatriz somewhere lately and thought it was lovely.
Anonymous says
Beatriz is just Spanish for Beatrix.
EB0220 says
Well since I’m done with kids, the name I couldn’t talk my husband into was Hazel Elizabeth. :)
Anon says
I know a Hazel Jane, I love Hazel.
anon says
Hebrew/Jewish but does end in a: Elisheva.
Anon says
My favorite Hebrew name ends in “a” also, Talia. We couldn’t use it because a very close family member has the male form of that name. I also love the name Rose, especially as a middle name, but again was out because of a family member. I’m jealous of everyone who isn’t Ashkenazi and can use the names of living relatives. I also love Eliana. No family members with that one, but my husband hated it.
Anonymous says
Hebrew options (many of these would maybe be a little weird if you are not culturally Jewish): Pazit (pah-ZEET, golden); zipporah /tzippora or short version Tzipa (song, usual nickname Tzipi gets around the A ending). Zohar – would definitely be weird if you’re not Jewish since it’s the name of a book of mysticism, but it’s a neat name. Zahava (gold) ends in A.
If a V sound is of interest, Aviel (we have a neighbor with this name) or Avigail (Hebrew version of Abigail).
Anonymous says
Bird, not song, for Tzipporah. I have no idea why I typed that.
Anon says
How about flower names, Iris, Rose, Violet? I too didn’t want an a or ah sound, or list included those and lots of old traditional names (Jane, Anne, Frances). Or if you want a Jewish-inspired name, Danielle?
Coach Laura says
Rozlyn or Rozalyn . Roz for a nick-name. I had a great-aunt with that name and a 20something friend just named her baby that.
Jazmin or Yazmin or Yasmine.
Anonymous says
Esther, Rachel, Naomi, Allison, Alice, Abigail, Ariel, Ruth, Eve
It ends with an a, but Alieza has a z.
anon. says
Tamar
Orli
Tavi
Miriam/ Miri
Abigail
Ariel/ Arielle
With the AH sound: Talia (my favorite but couldn’t talk my husband into it), Noa
Anonymous says
Baby #2 is due to arrive next week. If you’ve had a pandemic baby and have older kids, how did you handle the baby’s arrival in terms of older kid school attendance? We’ve kept our toddler home since Thanksgiving to avoid a positive COVID test at the hospital, but we’re all starting to go a bit crazy and would like to send him back pretty soon after the birth.
OtterMom says
I’m lucky enough that my mother is retired and lives about a2.5 hour drive away. While I haven’t been in this situation (trying for #2 but haven’t succeeded yet) our plan (pandemic or not) would be for her to come down and stay with us for a while, get used to our DD’s schedule and practice bedtime, etc., and be there for the birth to take care of our DD. In pandemic (if still going on if we have #2) we would have her self-quarantine for 2 weeks before coming down, and maybe have her come down and stay early. We are lucky enough to have a guest room and devoted guest bath though, so YMMV depending on how well you/your spouse would get along with having a long term houseguest. I’m also lucky that my mom likes alone time to sit and read, etc by herself in the evenings, so my husband and I would still have alone time with the house to ourselves (and our guest space is two floors away from our bedroom).
Anon says
I just had a baby and have kept my toddler in daycare the whole time. Young kids haven’t been shown to get or spread covid easily, but my partner works in healthcare, so we aren’t quarantined anyway.
Anonymous says
+1. I had a baby this fall and kept both siblings (3, 5) in daycare before and right after birth. DH and I were and are both fully WFH, otherwise very COVID-careful, and daycare is our only real exposure point.
Pogo says
+1 Yeah sorry I could not handle preschooler home with new baby. However I had mine at a lull in the pandemic, so I wasn’t really worried.
Katala says
Following as #3 is due in June and our 4-year-old is in daycare and really needs to be. 5-year-old is in virtual K but handles less interaction much better than his brother. We had both home for months at the beginning of quarantine and it really affected the younger one. We’re still sort of waiting to see how things look in June. Main issues are who we can have care for the older 2 while I’m in the hospital and daycare for the younger. Having a grandparent come stay isn’t a great answer for us (older so higher risk and may not really but up for 24+ hours alone with both boys) but likely the best we can do. Previously we’d considered looking for a reliable sitter who would be willing to stay overnight during the birth but that’s complicated and probably not feasible with COVID. It’s especially tough if the hospital rules still say DH can’t come back in once he leaves. I’m fine being alone in the hospital for several hours at a time but I can’t see packing up and leaving by myself 24 hours after delivery. Ugh.
Anonymous says
I think having a sitter stay overnight while you and DH at the hospital makes perfect sense. I haven’t been in your shoes but of all the different COVID scenarios, that seems to fit everyone’s needs best.
Pogo says
If the grandparents are older, shouldn’t they have the vaccine by then? I guess it depends heavily on the state, but I would hope by June older, high risk individuals will be vaccinated.
Also our rules were originally 24 hours they kicked you out but they let us stay 36 because 24 would have been right at an evening shift change. So maybe you’ll get lucky with something like that?
Anonymous says
Yeah, even if the rollout continues at the current glacial speed, most older people should be vaccinated by June. It’s only 15% of the country to vaccinate everyone over 60 and not everyone that age will want it. If we can’t hit that by June, something has gone really, really wrong.
Anon says
I had a baby in April. We pulled our toddler from preschool at the advice of our pediatrician, but we have a nanny so that gap of childcare was filled. I think it really depends on case counts in your area. Our ped advised us to be exceedingly cautious until our baby was around 6 months old, but this was also back when we knew less about the virus than we do today.
So Anon says
How is everyone feeling about housecleaners these days re: COVID? I am desperate for help on the home front. I’ve been doing it all myself, but really need to outsource something, anything. (We already do purple carrot for meal services.)
Anon says
We’ve had our cleaners back since the stay at home order was lifted in May and I’m completely comfortable with it. They wear masks at all times and we stay on different floors than them. It seems less risky than going to the grocery store, with much more benefit to us.
Anon says
Also adding that my 70 year old parents have their cleaners too and it doesn’t worry me at all. And my parents are taking the virus incredibly seriously, they don’t even go into the grocery store or into restaurants for takeout and only see my family if we do a 10 day quarantine.
anon says
+1. We are barely interacting and masks are worn at all times. It’s been fine.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Same here – since May. They wear masks and we wear masks if we’re near them, but husband and I are usually in a different closed room. Both kids in daycare (or if home sick, then we take them outside for those two hours).
I feel comfortable with this risk and the benefits are huge.
Leatty says
Our cleaners started back in July, and I have zero misgivings. They wear masks while cleaning, and we WFH in other rooms.
Anon says
If they are masked the whole time? No problem. You can always crack the windows to freshen the air and take the hit on the heating costs.
Anonymous says
This is what we do, we wear our masks as well while they are here. I will also add our cleaners gave us a very emotional thank and gift in December for still supporting them this year throughout the pandemic.
Anonymous says
Totally fine.
Spirograph says
Our housecleaner came back once the stay-at-home order was lifted last summer and I still think this is the best investment I make in my mental health. I’m the only one home during the day when she comes, she wears a mask, and I close my office door and wear a mask if I’m going through the space where she’s working. If the kids get home before she is done, they just stay on a different floor. When the weather permitted, I would open all the windows the day she came and turn on ceiling fans, but even without that, I feel totally fine about it.
TheElms says
We’ve had ours back since July or August doing a modified cleaning. I just couldn’t do everything. We use a service and the service takes their temperature each morning (when they pick up the day’s keys), they are masked the whole time, cleaning with solvents that would kill coronavirus, and wear and change gloves between houses. We stay on a different floor from the cleaners and wear a mask while they are here.
ElisaR says
i haven’t had ours back since March but I want to bring her back soon. the main problem is kids are now home w/ nanny and we are both WFH so there’s so many humans in the house i’m not sure we could stay out of her way for her to clean. but i’m losing my mind so it’s going to happen soon. i am a little worried bc my cleaner could qualify as insane (when i spoke to her she told me she won’t get the covid vaccine bc they are going to put a microchip in her arm if she gets it,……. um yeah)
Anonymous says
Ours have been back since the summer. At that point, DH and I worked from separate rooms and moved as needed. Now that community spread is higher, we leave the house while they are here— work from the car or DH will go to his empty office for that day.
Anonymous says
My cleaners are here right now actually. Like others said, I think the risk is really minimal if they wear a mask and you stay out of their way. In the beginning of the pandemic we would try to wipe down faucets and light switches and stuff like that after they left, but we no longer do that now that we have more information about how the virus spreads and how well masks work.
Pogo says
+1 I stopped with that right about the same time we stopped wiping down groceries.
Anon says
We are interviewing cleaners (was looking to change our then cleaners pre-COVID anyways, so it accelerated a natural breakup). Had yet another blow-out fight with DH about cleaning and cooking this weekend and that was kind of the last straw. We are high risk, our parents in our bubble are high risk, but the incremental risk of having masked housekeepers and staying out of their way is not worth all of the extra conflict in my marriage (or the exhaustion that is starting to significantly negatively affect my life) when we can easily outsource it (and did pre-COVID).
I’m also looking to alternate Hello Fresh with Freshly so literally on those weeks all he has to do is press a microwave button to get dinner on the table (DH absolutely detests cooking and repeated leftovers and I cannot live on a diet of constant takeout and love cooking but do not have time to cook during the week).
DLC says
Ours has been back since September. I had talked to her about us being in separate rooms with the kids while she cleaned and she offered to come before school starts and clean the basement first so we could set up down there for class. So she comes at 8am, I take the kids for a walk for the time it takes her to clean the basement, and we come back in through the basement door in time for school and stay on separate floors from her the whole time.
I think it is definitely worth it. With us being home so much, the mess was piling up much faster getting overwhelming.
Anon says
We have this you and it is not a hit with our kids (2 and 4).
Pogo says
ha, same. We have another brand that in-laws got my kids for Christmas. It may just get donated….
Anonymous says
My theory is that kids are just not impressed by these things because they don’t harbor secret fantasies of re-enacting the FAO Schwartz scene from Big.
Momofthree says
We got this as well for the holidays. It’s been used very little and suspect (as others do) it will get donated/ trashed in the next few montsh.
Boston Legal Eagle says
This is totally random but the discussion above brought this up for me – does anyone else just not use “terms of endearment” when calling their kids – I’m thinking buddy, sweetie, honey (a slightly less gendered one), etc.? I just call my kids by their names, same as I’ve always done for my husband (i.e. no “babes” over here) but I wonder if this makes me seem cold somehow? Or is this actually better to not reinforce gendered terms? Just curious.
Anon says
I’ve never called my husband or any boyfriend “babe” or anything like that. It’s completely gross to me. I call my daughter honey on occasion. I feel like I’m especially likely to do it when I’m reprimanding her, maybe because it feels like it takes the edge off the criticism (e.g., “don’t stand on the chair, honey”) but I mostly call her by her name or her nickname, a common diminutive of her full name. My husband called her “little buddy” when she was an infant, I think at least partially to counteract the gender stereotyping haha. Now he just calls her by her name though.
I don’t think my mom ever called me anything except my name and I don’t think of her as cold at all – she’s one of the warmest and most loving people I’ve ever met. So I wouldn’t worry at all about your kids thinking you’re cold.
Anonymous says
I call mine “monsters” endearingly a lot. And I use “buddy” for all of them occasionally, even my daughter. But otherwise it’s names and nicknames. I don’t think it’s odd either way, though. My husband has started calling my daughter “sweet pea” and does not use that for my sons.
Anon says
Interesting. I call my kids by a million names, and I also do that with my dog and my husband. We had the dog before kids, and even then I’d call him Maximillian, Maxinator, Mackinak, Maxaroo, my sweetie baby honey cup. I’m sure it’s annoying to everyone who isn’t me, but names are fun. I guess I see it as a way to be playful and say I love you without using those words.
I see others who don’t do it as more mature than I am, or more polished. Not cold, I just assume they express their love in different ways than I do. Although I’m really curious what that looks like behind closed doors. Do they hug more? Acts of service? Is this sort of like a love languages thing?
Anonymous says
We have a million and one nicknames for our dog, but I’ve never used pet names with my husband or kids for some reason.
Anonymous says
Ha, same! Cutesy nicknames are for pets, not humans. But I don’t like to cuddle with humans, either, only the dog.
Anon says
I have a million names for my two boys (almost 2, and 5). Over the years I have called them butter cup, cutie pie, sweetie, love, honey, honey pie… so many names! Now my 5 year old and I joke that he can pick a name he wants to be for that day!
avocado says
I swore up and down that I’d never use cutesy names, but I often call my daughter the same cutesy name my mom used to call me, without even really intending to. Eh, whatever. In the long run, most of these things are never such a big deal as they seem when kids are tiny. What really matters is that you are consistent about teaching them that both boys and girls can do and enjoy many different things.
I don’t call other people’s kids “buddy” or “sweetie,” though.
Anon says
I typically use honey for DH and he does the same for me (mixed in with our actual names often). For some reason, DH uses “buddy” and I use “bud” pretty frequently with DD – it drives my mother crazy because she considers it a boy term of endearment. We didn’t consciously decide to use it, it just happened organically and seems to have stuck. As an infant we called her gremlin because she had colic that sprang up once it turned dark, but DH pointed out that wasn’t super flattering and so we’ve tried to transition away from it now she’s old enough to actually respond to her name.
mascot says
The dogs have a million nicknames. For everyone else, we are in the middle. We used one for our son when he was little, but not much anymore. Terms of endearment get used in greeting (hey babe) or for comfort (honey, sweetheart), but cutesy nicknames aren’t our thing. I do use “hey pal” or similar if I’m asking another kid that I don’t know well to do something (hey pal, please stop running at my kid with a stick). We’ve got a British dad on my son’s soccer team who always yells “good lad!” when a kid makes a good play and that’s sweet.
Anonymous says
I call all three of my sons sweetie or honey mostly when I think I am in danger of mixing up their names. I always call my husband by his name.
Anonymous says
Hahaha the opposite, almost entirely terms of endearment and nicknames. Kids are buddy, little buddy, sweetie, lovey, lovebug,snug a bug, snugapuppy, etc. My partner is almost always sweetie. My parents ALWAYS called me by endearments or a nickname and it’s still jarring to me at almost 40 to be called by my name- I honestly ask my partner not to! He calls me sweetie or honey unless we’re in a crowd or I can’t hear him or something.
Anonymous says
Editing to add, both the kids are boys . I call them buddy but picked that up from a friend who has girls – wasn’t a term my family used when I was a kid. But I call them sweetie and lovey just as much as buddy.