This post may contain affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
This bracelet from Miansai has been on my wish list for a long time. I love that it looks like a weighty piece, but also minimalist at the same time. The way it screws onto your wrist reminds me a little bit of the Cartier Love bracelet, though MUCH more affordable. The screw also looks like something fun to play with while talking on the phone or calling into a conference call — a fashionable version of a fidget spinner. Haha. The design and cuff style would work with any type of outfit. I see it “toughening up” something on the girly side, and complimenting a tailored outfit. This cuff is $200 and available at Shopbop. Modern Screw Cuff For more affordable options, these two sellers on Etsy have similar bracelets that are under $50. This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
See some of our latest articles on CorporetteMoms:
Click here to see our top posts!
And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anonymous says
I think this item is a “no” for those of us whose work involves criminal courts.
Anonymous says
My first thought was that it looked like a handcuff. I don’t think I’d wear it to work anywhere.
Anonymous says
I find I just can’t do bracelets because I’m at a computer all day. Too much jingling while typing and I always take them off. Too bad.
KateMiddletown says
Same! I used to be able to do the stretchy one that “helped with carpal tunnel” but not even that anymore.
Anonymous says
How early is too soon to start training my maternity leave replacement? Due end of year, and I’ll be taking 3 months. My company will be using a temp (part time secondment from law firm). I chose the person, but I have only worked with him on a couple of matters. This is my third baby and for the two prior, we used an attorney from another office of the same firm, but she left that firm. The biggest learning curve for her wasn’t the law, it was learning our company policies and procedures which are many. Also, I don’t recall when we started training her, but I delivered 3 weeks early and all I remember was that there wasn’t much of a transition and my lean team of 3 was struggling, my husband was in job transition, so I ended up coming back a month early on a work from home arrangement.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I’d suggest creating a list of current and known future projects now, and sharing it with him, while updating periodically (easier to do if you have a predictable, seasonal schedule). Share this with your team as well, so they know what they will be responsible for and what they can delegate. I’ve found that it takes around 9 months-1 year to fully learn a job so the temp will clearly not be able to do as good a job as you and figure out all the company policies in that short time. The best they can do is help with the concrete tasks (i.e. draft this filing, draft these resolutions, etc.), while the rest of your team will know more about the company-specific tweaks.
Also, I know your circumstances were unique last time, but really try to resist coming back early. If your team is struggling, that’s on your company for not having enough back-up, not you.
Anonymous says
Replacement? You mean not everyone at law firms just returns to the same work only 3 months behind? Mind blown.
lawsuited says
Hear hear.
KateMiddletown says
Can you ask your replacement when they’d like to start being trained? You can tell them “I might deliver a month early so I want to have this done by 36w” and they can decide when they are ready to start taking on the duties.
anonymous says
Any ideas on how to get preschooler to go on walks or bike? I solo parent most of the time, and baby and I love walks, but 5 year old whines anytime we go (it’s too hot, too cold, her legs hurt, etc). I would love to make it part of our routine to go outside for a bit of time in the evening or morning!
I know bribing would work (you can watch a show when you get home), but I hate hate going that route, and try to avoid it as much as possible! Having a fun destination works too, but sadly we don’t have any fun destinations walking distance from our house.
octagon says
Now that the days are getting shorter, would a flashlight be a fun incentive? My kiddo LOVES flashlight walks. We got a tiny one that fits just right in his hand.
Anonanonanon says
I also recommend a glowstick necklace or bracelet. You can get packs of 10 or so for $1 at some of the dollar stores, or they’re pretty cheap on amazon if you don’t want to drag kiddos to the store
AIMS says
Can you make your own fun destination? My daughter loves to go feed the birds with stale bread, or to go look for squirrels, ladybugs or ‘imaginary’ animals like skunks or foxes.
Anonymous says
Double stroller? Scooter? I have the opposite problem with my 3 year old. If we do something like this, she must walk or will get very upset. If I had to chose, I would rather it be this way, but it is also a little difficult sometimes.
avocado says
Offering to let her ride her scooter usually works with my kid.
Anonymous says
Does she have a scooter?
Sarabeth says
Yes, my kid will complain about walking or biking, but is much better on her scooter. Also, most trips are to a playground and back, which helps.
EB0220 says
My kids also love flashlight walks. Also, sometimes she prefers riding her scooter to walking which works out OK for us.
Anonymous says
Is it whining to get out the door, or whining while on the walk? In my case, it’s the former, and I’ve gotten to be sort of a drill sergeant about getting out of the house, because they end up enjoying the actual walk very much.
Anonymous says
Also, for fun destinations, now that it’s October, you can go hunting for cool Halloween decorations! Then shortly thereafter, Christmas lights!
anon says
Crunching leaves
anon says
“Pumpkin hunts” are a favorite in our house!
DLC says
My 6 year kid will whine too, and honestly, I tell her that the family is going on a walk and we just leave. When she realizes that she will be left behind, she will run to catch up (or scooter- she is always given the scooter option- agree with others that the scooter is often a goo way to get kids outside). When she does catch up, I will often let her choose the route, or I will say, “We are going to go two blocks then if you still don’t want to walk, we will turn around.” It’s a fine line, because I don’t want her to think she can, through whining, dictate what the family does, but at the same time, I want her to know that she can also periodically have a say in our activities and that I hear her.
AK says
We bring a ball for him to kick (but we walk in the road as there are no sidewalks, so he has plenty of room to kick). He also likes bubbles (this slows down his pace, maybe not ideal), a mini-frisbee, or bike/scooter as others suggested.
Additionally, he will drag himself (complain about ALL THE THINGS) for about 200′ within the first two minutes of walking. We usually don’t engage and just tell him to keep walking and he gets over it. Additionally, challenging him with a race to the next mailbox/tree/sign works, too.
anon. says
Second scavenger hunt idea. You can even make a list for her to read and glue things next to when you get back.
Anonymous says
Make it a scavenger hunt! Come up with a list of things for her to look for on your walks. If she finds 5/10/all of them, maybe there will be a small prize (like extra 30 minutes before bedtime or a new book?).
Anonymous says
Random – but when you make play dates with a child with a nanny, i.e., kid will be with nanny at the time of the play date, do you communicate with the mom, the nanny, or both? I work from home a few days a week and we have a neighbor child who stays home with a nanny. Nanny and I see each other at the playground and will sometimes make a tentative play date for the future. This is with mom’s blessing, obviously. But then if I want to confirm the time or cancel, do I text them both? Just nanny? Just mom? TIA!
Anonymous says
DH is a SAHD, and one of Kiddo’s best friends has a nanny. DH usually makes a soft plan with the friend’s mom, then works on details with the nanny.
IHeartBacon says
I would get the mom’s number and text her a hello and let her know that you are coordinating a play date with the nanny and that you hope to meet/see the mom soon. This way the mom knows it’s happening, but she doesn’t have to be the intermediary.
RR says
If I know the other parent (e.g., a neighbor), then it makes the most sense for her to set up play dates with the nanny directly. I just want to generally know where my kids are going to be when, not be responsible for every detail of the play date. Now, if it’s someone I don’t know, then I’d like to have a little contact with the mom or dad first.
Anon says
I know this has been posted about before, but a little too overwhelmed to search. My mom just had to have surgery and I am going to be flying home to visit her, but I am currently pumping – what do I need to know about bringing breastmilk on the plane? Are there certain types of ice packs you can fly with? Do I need extra time to go through security? Any specific things that I need to have with me? Thanks!
Leatty says
I’d recommend skipping the ice packs. Just take a gallon ziploc bag and a lunchbox. Once you go through security, you can get ice from a restaurant.
When you go through security, let them know that you are traveling with breastmilk. It might take a few extra minutes if they want to test every bag, but otherwise shouldn’t be a problem.
dc anon says
In my experience every airport, even every TSA agent seems to handle it differently. Usually, if the bags are frozen solid they don’t have to test it. I would also skip ice packs and just get ice from the airport. If you have unthawed milk, they usually have you open the bottles (or bags) and do a couple of tests. I have never had a bad experience, they have all just been very different. All this is to say, be flexible and make sure to leave some extra time to avoid any stress.
Anon says
OP here – thanks! The bags will be unthawed so that is good to know.
Pogo says
Be as friendly and calm to the agents as possible. They are sick of people being combative all day and a smile goes really far ime. I say this as a native New Yorker, so it’s not natural for me AT ALL lol.
Open the freezer pack/lunchbox, make sure any liquid or freezer pack is visible so they don’t have to open your bags. Tell the first agent who is sheparding your stuff into the scanner that you have a pump, freezer pack and breastmilk. Then wait while the others in line for extra screening get screened. When they ask “Whose is this?” tell them it’s your pump and breastmilk. I found the more I communicated and the more matter of fact I was, the less they cared.
Mamava pods are your friend.
AwayEmily says
I’m sure others will give you great advice but here is some reassurance since this is probably a pretty stressful time: I have flown with breastmilk probably 30 times over the past three years (big airports and small ones) and never once had any problems. Restaurants are super nice about giving ice, TSA agents are understanding and efficient, flight attendants are happy to let me use the bathroom on the plane as long as I need, and nobody has even given me a dirty look for pumping at an empty gate once when I couldn’t deal with the family bathrooms.
Very much agreed with Leatty to avoid the ice packs and just use the ice-in-a-ziplock method. Flight attendants will also be happy to give you ice.
Anonymous says
I recommend printing the TSA regulations regarding breastmilk and carrying them with you. That way if you do have any issues, you can refer to the rules. I’ve done that for medications over the liquid limit. I had no issues, but it eased my mind to know I had the rules with me if I needed them.
Katarina says
I used regular ice packs, all the way frozen. It did not take much longer than normal, maybe an extra five minutes. I did not take anything special with me. My first trip away from a nursing baby was an emergency medical situation, so I had no time to think or plan, and everything generally went smoothly. I did end up dumping some milk (about half), but I had a good freezer stash.
If you will be spending a lot of time at the hospital, they will probably be able to provide to with a reasonable place to pump and a refrigerator to temporarily store the milk.
rosie says
Hope your mom is ok!
I would recommend freezing the bags if possible, should make it much smoother to go through security (as in, tell them it’s frozen, they take a quick peek, and you’re done). Plus if the milk is frozen, it’ll take a long time to thaw so it won’t be a concern if your travel takes longer than you expect. I would suggest bringing some blue ice packs–they’ll be fine to go through security if frozen solid. I also throw in empty ziploc bags just in case I end up needing ice from a restaurant or on the flight but I’ve never had an issue with the ice packs (one time I did get ice from a flight attendant when I had fresh milk and our flight was diverted so it took way longer than expected–but she actually gave me a bag).
If you cannot freeze milk, leave yourself a little extra time in case TSA needs to scan each bag. I always requested they change their gloves before touching my cooler. I would not let them open bags–in my experience they always can fit the bags into a scanner.
They might also swipe your hands and give you extra screening (once I got a pat down).
As someone recommended already, I would print out the TSA webpages about flying with breastmilk. There is something about how you don’t have to be traveling with your baby to have the milk, make sure you include that. Just in case.
And don’t hesitate to ask at the hospital for what you need–boiling water, a place to wash pump parts, etc.
IHeartBacon says
Question for moms with two kids close in age:
I’m attending a joint bday party for a 3 year old girl and her 2 year old brother. Would you recommend that I get them a joint gift like a play doh set, or individual gifts?
Anonymous says
Individual gifts definitely.
Anon says
Personally I think individual as they are two individual people.
IHeartBacon says
Glad I asked! I genuinely thought the parents would appreciate one gift because it would be less stuff around their house. Thanks for the advice!
Anonymous says
They might, but that’s so sad for the kids!
Redux says
Counter-point: My kiddo is 5 and we have yet to be to a bday party where they opened gifts at the party.
And, she has never expressed sadness about not getting a gift. Same for my 2-yo who legitimately has no real idea what gifts are. As a parent I would love a joint gift, myself.
Anonymous says
I give individual gifts when invited to a double birthday party, even for siblings. Often, though, I give gifts that could be enjoyed together–books, outdoor toys (if weather appropriate), 2 smaller play doh sets, etc.
anon says
I would do individual gifts because of their age, or at least two separately wrapped things. I’ve done one bigger gift and one smaller gift that are meant to be shared. (I think at that age, the ability to unwrap a gift might be more important than the gift itself.) . But I do think as they get older that could change. I am going to a joint sibling party this weekend for an 8 and 10 year old, and (at my kids’ suggestion) I am getting them one gift (a Nintendo Switch game).
Anonymous says
This is probably stupid question, but how do you wash bottles and pump parts in a hotel? At home we use a dishwasher and we’ve visited friends w/o one and just boiled everything in a big pot at the end of the day but neither of those will work in a hotel. Just wash with soap and water? Do you bring your own soap? Hotels usually give you bar soap that doesn’t foam very well.
Anonymous says
You can usually ask the hotel for dish soap and they’ll give you a small thing, and I used that.
Anon says
They make these awesome paper towels that are infused with Dawn dish soap. I usually brought a couple of those with me for washing bottles/pump parts. I think they are the Bounty brand. You can just fold them up in a ziploc and they take up basically no room.
Anon2 says
OMG! Would have loved these a few weeks ago – took a weekish international trip with DH sans bebe where I pumped and dumped, and also just tossed the flanges and bottles upon return because they grew…mildew from never being washed/dried properly. Noting!
Annie says
I had a medela microwave sterilizer bag that I used in hotels with microwaves (the time depends on the strength of the microwave so leave some time the first day to figure that out). I would bring my own brush and buys dish soap at a drugstore nearby, wash them in the sink and then use the bag to sterilize then dry on a clean towel.
Anonanonanon says
^I love these and they’re what we use at home too. Medela makes wipes for on-the-go cleaning that I would use right after, then sterilize at night.
Anonymous says
Dish soap and then the Medela microwave bag.
EB0220 says
I brought a small bottle of dish soap, a bottle brush and the Medela pump parts wipes. I figured between those three it was good. Although the Dawn towels Anon mentioned sound awesome.
AwayEmily says
You guys are dedicated! I used the tiny bottle of shampoo and a sinkful of hot water.
Anonymous says
I don’t… I just keep everything in the room’s mini fridge. Milk is good in the fridge for up to 6 days and I’ve never had a hotel stay longer than that. I do the same during the workweek.
Anonymous says
Bottles aren’t good for 6 days once they’ve gone on a baby’s mouth though. Maybe 1 day if that.
Anonymous says
Ah, makes sense. I was conflating this with the “pumping while traveling” post above, and just thinking of storing pump parts and the bottles that attach to them. Yes, if I were feeding my baby, I would wash them!
Anonymous says
I just bring dish soap in the way I would bring any other liquid (e.g., in one of those 3-oz bottles). I don’t sterilize my baby’s bottles at home, so I figure using dish soap in a hotel sink is good enough. (I would treat this differently if he were really little or immune compromised.)
anon says
Stored parts in fridge plus Medela pump wipes as needed.
Anonymous says
I had to wash pump parts in the hospital when my 1 day old son was in the NICU, and the nurses just said to use hand soap and water in the bathroom.
Anon says
I bring a small nalgene travel bottle of dawn, the dr brown’s brush, and usually pick up a roll of paper towels from a drug store for them to air dry on for purposes of bottles and sippy cups; I wouldn’t treat pump parts any different. When I was in the hospital for my gallbladder removal at 6 weeks PP, the nurses just washed the pump parts with soap in the room sink for me and we let them air dry on paper towels; I figured good enough for them at 6 weeks, good enough for me.
rosie says
I really like the Oxo travel drying rack & brush if you’ll be doing a lot of travel. I also like to have a large container (have used the hotel ice bucket) to soak dirty stuff in as well. And then I bring a little travel bottle w/dish soap. I did not sterilize regularly at home, but I think the microwave bags would be good if you wanted to have the option.
Anonymous says
Seconding the OXO travel drying rack, since it comes with a bottle brush and nipple brush plus a place to dry the bottles. We brought a tiny bottle of dish soap that fit inside the rack (a repurposed 1 oz bottle of baby soap we got from the NICU) so the whole thing was one convenient bottle washing station that we could just throw in the suitcase. We didn’t sterilize at home, so didn’t on vacation.
Pogo says
My SOP was:
Middle of the night pumps – store in fridge.
Wake up for the day, pump. Rinse immediately, Medela wipe, and sterilize in microwave.
During the day: pump and store parts as normal in the fridge.
Evening: pump, rinse, Medela wipe & sterilize again.
It’s interesting the different methods everyone has!
IHeartBacon says
If your little one is older than a newborn, I would just bring a little bit of dish soap and bottle brush and wash them in the bathroom sink. Dry them upside down on a towel. I brought the dish soap inside a spare 6 ounce bottle that had a cap. Hotel water from the faucet gets very hot.
Willow Pump / Freemie says
Has anyone used either of these and what did you think? I love the handsfree idea, especially the Willow which doesn’t have external tubes, but $$$. Do you think the ability to fit the whole pump inside your bra and move around while pumping is useful enough that it’s worth it?
KateMiddletown says
I seriously don’t believe the claim that the pump fits inside the bra. I’m on the large chested side, and I like more structured bras, and that thing looks huge. Plus “its so easy you can do it at work and no one notices” – that’s BS. I would totally notice if someone had essentially 3-4″ of plastic inside their shirt. Maybe if you’re WFH all the time, but then why not just do a bustier? That plus the cost make me leery.
I Used the Freemie During My Long Car Commute says
Correct. It is noticeable. I found it fitting in my bra not to be an issue. I loved it, and I wish I had gotten it sooner than I did.
OP says
Oh yes– I totally get that it’s noticeable. I wouldn’t walk around in public with it in my shirt. I’m thinking about the practical benefits for being able to move around the house, hold a baby, or move around my office with the door closed.
I Used the Freemie During My Long Car Commute says
Yes!
HSAL says
No personal experience with the Willow but a friend used it for over a year and absolutely loved it. She doesn’t think she’d have made it that long with a regular pump.
Anon pumper says
I am on the larger side and loved using Freemies versus the traditional Medela system. It was still pumping, which sucks, but a whole lot better. I would definitely recommend Freemies over a more traditional horns system. Willow came out after I was well underway with pumping with my second, but I would have looked into it more if it came out earlier.
Freemie Pros:
-not having to get undressed in the office (typically, nursing friendly work clothes, like wrap dresses, also worked for pumping). This was huge to me—I really didn’t want to be naked in the office. I hated the feeling of being half dressed with horns on—I felt too much like a cow.
-having more room to type while I pumped than if I had bottles hanging down
Cons:
-It was definitely noticeable, though I twice had folks open my office door to say something quick and they didn’t seem to notice the tubes coming out of my shirt. The space between my desk and door was fairly long and only super clueless about pumping people would open my door.
-Anecdotally, I’ve heard that it may not be the greatest if you have significant supply issues. I didn’t, and I didn’t mind if my kids had to have some formula in addition from time to time, so this wasn’t a problem for me.
Spirograph says
Eh, I tried the Freemie and didn’t love it. You have to pour pretty carefully, vs just screwing the lids on the bottles, the suction isn’t quite as good, and I just didn’t find that I needed to move around while pumping enough that it was a huge bonus for me. I used pumping as an excuse to watch TV or read, or scroll through my phone, etc.
anon says
Moms of kids with higher-than-average behavioral/social concerns … what do you do for after-school care? Son with ADHD is really struggling in his YMCA program, which is housed at his school. I would’ve pulled him out weeks ago, except I don’t know where to send him instead! I’ve called around to several programs in our city, and none sound like a very good fit for him. DH is stubbornly digging in his heels and hoping to make the current program work for our son, but frankly, I think it’s a fool’s errand. There are too many kids, and DS is struggling hard with following the rules. The lack of consistency between the staff members doesn’t help matters. Also, they don’t tell us when stuff isn’t going well — they wait until son has some big, huge problem and then say, oh, he’s been having trouble all week. WTF, people. I’m not so sure they aren’t building a case to kick him out, honestly.
What do I do? Kid isn’t a bad kid, but this setting is making his impulse-control issues worse. I’ve thought about asking for an alternative work schedule so I can be home after school, but I also am realistic enough to realize that it may not be sustainable. And as someone in a leadership position, I’m concerned about how it’ll look.
Basically, I’m sucking at my job right now because I’m preoccupied with getting my kid help. And I’m sucking at parenting, because I’m continuing to send my kid to an after-care program that is so obviously the wrong fit because I don’t have many other options.
I’m so freaking overwhelmed, and frankly angry at the whole situation. If you don’t have the perfect angel child, WHTA DO YOU DO, realistically, when you have to work?
Anonymous says
We wound up with a nanny. My kid just can’t keep it together for a full school day and then after care right now.
anon says
I think that’s where we headed, provided we can find a nanny. I don’t know how to convince my husband that’s the way to go; he’s just being incredibly hard-headed about this and thinks we can find a solution to help DS succeed. And I just don’t think it’s realistic at all, and even his therapist has said as much. Of course, DH wasn’t at that session … grrrr. I shouldn’t complain, because DH is definitely pulling his weight in dealing with teacher emails, medication changes, and other stuff related to son’s ADHD. In a lot of ways, he’s the better parent in this situation because he doesn’t get as emotional as I do and can actually come up with solutions for caregivers on the spot. But I’m still really frustrated that he can’t *see* it.
Anonanonanon says
Just some things to consider. I’m not sure how you currently address this (I’m assuming through your YMCA program, though) but how will you approach snow days/teacher work days/early release days etc. if you use a Nanny?
lawsuited says
Talk more with your husband and tease out what he thinks that “solution to help DS succeed” might be. Maybe that discussion will reveal that he has concrete ideas that your family could try, or maybe it will reveal that he doesn’t in which case you can suggest pursuing your proposed solution in the meantime. I know this feels like an emergency to you, but if this problem isn’t resolved today or this week, that’s okay. It’s important that you and your husband get on the same page, and your husband’s processing speed may be slower so he’s not there yet. It’s hard getting “bad” news about your kid and recalibrating your life to accommodate that news, so it’s not unreasonable that it might take him more time to come to terms with that.
Nanny says
So in our house, if someone is digging in their heels, it’s usually fear based. I.e., if we don’t make him figure out how to navigate after care, how will he ever manage college? or high school? or a job?
If your husband is generally a pro-active, helpful parent and is realistic about son’s needs, then reassure him a nanny isn’t even a permanent solution — but you have to calm the situation, then work on long term solutions, before the situation escalates.
Anonymous says
You’re not sucking at parenting, you’re doing your best in a tough situation. I agree that after school nanny is the best route.
You might end up with a college student 3 days a week and a high school student 2 days a week or other combo arrangement to make it work but you will find someone.
Bonus is the nanny can make sure his homework is done, let kid have some outside free play time and maybe fold/put away kid laundry.
Anonanonanon says
My son is not ADHD and we do not have too many behavioral struggles, but we did have a long search for a program with some consistency due to other reasons.
We found a daycare that does before/after school care. They bus them to/from school and have structured activities in the afternoon they can participate in (arts and crafts, etc.) or they can play outside or with toys. They do some things I’m not the biggest fan of, such as cake for peoples’ birthdays (like there’s not enough of that at school), they allow them to play games on a computer in shifts, sometimes there’s movies… BUT he’s been there about 3 years now and the staff is consistent. We asked every place we talked to about how long staff had been there/generally stay, because that was very important to us.
I have ADHD, and as a child I can say that having an after school program at my school would have affected my behavior during school. If I had been in a program that allowed me to play in the school after/roam/act wild… I would have started associating the school building with a place I was allowed to do that. It also would have had me VERY wound-up after school, because OHMYGODIGETTOPLAYATSCHOOLWHEREYOURENOTSUPPOSEDTODOTHAT!! I realize this is anecdotal, but maybe it’s a point towards an option that’s not located in the school?
In terms of the short-term, can you ask about temporarily taking PTO to leave early while this gets sorted out? Sometimes the optics of burning PTO are better than of altering your work schedule if those you manage would not be allowed to alter theirs in a similar situation. I know burning PTO as a parent is not ideal, though.
I’m sorry. Childcare issues are so stressful and all-consuming. I hope you are able to find a solution that works.
anon says
This is actually a really good point; I hadn’t thought about the fact that he’s on site might be making things worse. (Too bad, because it’s super convenient for us.) You’re probably right that burning PTO is the way to go — unfortunately, this is our busy season and the work still has to get done. :/
Em says
Have you looked into in-home daycares in the neighborhood? My son’s daycare provider watches school-aged kids during the summer and occasionally after school. She is a young grandma who has run a daycare for 20 years, and is super loving but also very firm, which we have found to be a good fit for our spirited child. Our son was kicked out of his last daycare for biting and hitting (not an “above average” behavioral concern since it was age-appropriate, but the staff was inexperienced, and they had a lot of turnover, and they didn’t know how to property address it), and when we interviewed the in-home provider, she assured us she had seen all kinds of behavioral issues in the past and had no concerns about her ability to properly address it. You would also have the benefit of a structured routine (hopefully), and the same caregiver every day.
anon says
We tried the in-home provider route a few years ago and it was a disaster. She was inexperienced (I think) and ended up asking us to leave. :(
anne-on says
Au pair, after school nanny (if you can find one who’ll take the short amount of hours) or college/high school sitter. There is SUCH a lack of good, reliable after school options in this country, and those then all go to pieces for sick days/days off/summer breaks. We love our au pair for the flexibility but that is a BIG committment.
mascot says
Maybe re-frame this as what can we do to help our son succeed right now- in this semester/school year? That way it doesn’t feel like a life sentence of he can never do this type of program. This setting isn’t working for him right now and sets him up for frustration and failure. Our after school program is a bit of a free for all so I totally understand the frustration. Our kid also has sports practice several days a week that starts at 5:30 and asking him to keep his focus/behavior in check for 10-11 hours straight in such a high stimulus environment was tough. We’ve started bringing him home right after school a few days a week so he can get his homework done and have some quiet down time before he has to go to practice (my husband WFH and kid is old enough to not bother him). The other days he stays the whole time at after care. Breaking it up like this seems to help- maybe you could try an after school nanny/sitter a couple of times and see if that works.
anon says
We have an au pair for our behavior challenged DD. The au pair walks up to school with little sister, picks DD up, walks home, they have a snack, and then play, play, play. It’s super chill and just about all my DD can handle after a long day. My DD considers our au pair a member of the family and loves the one-on-one attention (plus little sister), so I have zero guilt about being at work. It’s the best childcare arrangement that we’ve had thus far.
anon says
Thank you for the reminder to think about the now, not jumping ahead to a set conclusion. I agree with your assessment — 10-11 hours is way too long for kiddo to stay focused and behave. If we can give him a break even a few days a week, that’s better than nothing. In this case, we may need to settle for a partial solution for awhile and see if that helps take the edge off. I do have concerns about dropping the Y program entirely, simply because it has set, reliable hours.
SG says
Our town has a number of martial arts studios that pick up from school in a van, drive to studio for lessons and have you pickup at studio. Maybe that paired with YMCA or nanny/college student?
avocado says
This is a big thing with martial arts studios in our area, and there is an indoor soccer facility that does it too. We found the soccer program to be much more laid-back and active, and hence much less stressful for our kid, than a standard after-school program. Regular after-school programs (day care, Y, etc.) are just too loud, chaotic, and restrictive for even a neurotypical child to handle after a long day of school.
RR says
BTDT. We had a daycare for years that my son had been at since he was 1, and even then it was constant policing of problems. We ended up with a nanny for after school. She’s fantastic. We were lucky enough to find someone who is an intervention specialist with local schools (so the schedule works out great too), and she’s just wonderful at working with him. I’ve been amazed by the quality of candidates on care.com. We had a fill-in nanny who was a school psychologist.
Anonymous says
Posted late yesterday and got some helpful responses, so re-posting again for more eyeballs:
Do any of you have an au pair without having a separate, private suite for them? Trying to decide if having the au pair in our guest room on the first floor (where s/he would be using the only bathroom on that floor) would give everyone involved enough space and privacy. We are introverts, but trying to decide if we can get over it, given all the pros of having an au pair in our situation. Tell me your success stories and/or tips!
Anonymous says
Yes. In fact, she has a bedroom and uses the main upstairs bathroom with the kids (we have a master). I think this is all about fit/expectation. Our AP is just like an older cousin/family member for the kids. Would my 21 y/onbeice like her own suite? Sure! But we don’t have one.
We did set up her room to be a bit of a retreat- has a mini fridge, tv, and good WiFi reception. We got her a bath caddy so she didn’t have to store all her bathroom products with the kids (but she’s welcome to).
anon says
This is exactly our set up. Our au pair has a first floor bedroom off of the living room. She uses a shared first floor bathroom that doubles as our powder room. (No one else showers there, as we have full baths upstairs.) It works for us. We have the upstairs to ourselves unless she on duty and is with the kids in their rooms. She closes her door if she needs privacy and we have taught our kids to respect that.
She uses her room like we used our dorm rooms in college–mostly lounging on her bed on her laptop. She does not have a separate TV, but she’s never asked for one. If we go out of town on a weekend, she often has friends over. We are fine with this since she makes sure everything is cleaned up before we get back. In the evenings, she often goes to the gym or Starbucks or the movies with friends. She’s rarely home all evening.
Travel Bottles? says
The dishsoap thing got me thinking…what do you use for your liquids when you travel? I’ve used lots of things from the expensive Toobs you get at Container Store to the cheap bottles from Target. At one time or another, they’ve all leaked. What do you use?
Anonymous says
cheap bottles from Target/Walmart, and lots of Ziplocs to contain messes
Anonymous says
+1 same.
Anon says
Nalgene travel bottles (purchased from the container store I think). They have never in 5 years of travel leaked, and I like that some are fat and wide jars (ideal for say scooping out a smidge of conditioner) vs. tall and skinny bottles. Also come in handy for traveling with things like dish soap, a little lingerie laundry detergent (which shockingly took grease stains out of my LO’s onesie while traveling and washed in the hotel sink, thank goodness)
Anonymous says
+1 and will also say that you probably need a much smaller container than you think. I travel with ALL OF THE THINGS, but use small containers so it still fits in a quart-sized bag.
Marshmallow says
I’ve gotten maniacal about bringing as few liquids as possible (shampoo bars, etc.). For anything that MUST be liquid, I tend to refill the travel-size bottles from the product manufacturer. Maybe I’m lucky but have never had a giant explosion, just minor leaking inside the clear plastic TSA bag that is easily wiped clean. I really only bring face wash and face lotion, though, everything else is some kind of stick or bar.
Coach Laura says
Try expelling a little air before putting the cap on tightly. When you go up in the air, things can expand (because there’s less air pressure at altitude) and expelling air and not overfilling bottles helps. I’ve never had any leaks, or so rarely I can’t remember the last time I did.
BigLaw Sr Assoc says
Travel sizes I get for free when I buy other stuff or from hotels I stayed at previously. Or I buy travel sizes.
In House Lobbyist says
Contact lens cases work perfect for most things. I have tons of skin care products since I follow the Korean skin care routine and contact cases hold a surprising amount.
avocado says
Somebody is playing a banjo in the office right now. This place is officially insane.
Anonymous says
I used to work for a guy who would start strolling down the hall singing and playing his guitar.
GCA says
I used to work in a large open-plan office and one guy would whizz around on a Razor scooter, obnoxiously. The office wasn’t that big, you could walk across the space in a few minutes.
anon says
I actually think that is kind of awesome. More offices need character! Mine is so quiet sometimes it drives me nuts.
anon says
This is different because my kids are multiples (twins), but I try very hard to always get them individual cards, cakes, and gifts, and I appreciate when others do as well.
anon says
as a new mom of multiples – when kiddos were little and they each received a gift, but you were the one writing thank you notes – did you also write two thank you notes? i also want people to treat my kids as individuals, and if they are going to go to the trouble of giving two gifts, i feel like i should write two notes? i didn’t for their newborn gifts bc I barely had time to write one note and some gifts were bigger things for both of them, but is this something i should do going forward?
ElisaR says
i feel like 1 TY note is acceptable. Once the kids are older and they are writing the notes then they should each do one.
on another note I received a baby gift with a card from a friend that said “the 2nd part of my gift is that you are NOT to write me a TY note. I will be mad if you do. you have too much going on. I know you like my gift.”
it was great.
Anon says
Honestly, for my twins, I most often wrote zero thank you notes for double gifts. :) Not proud of it, but that’s the truth. Really, most people just want a text/ email of the kids wearing or in the vicinity of the gift.
anon says
Oh gosh, it didn’t even occur to me to write two notes. Maybe because, despite what I wrote above, most people still give one gift (or two of the exact same thing). I agree with what ElisaR wrote above.
IHeartBacon says
I agree with ElisaR. One thank you note from you and when the kids are old enough to write their own notes, they each do one. Currently, the thank you note is really from you (as opposed to being from your kids). You are thanking the gift-giver for giving your children gifts, so a single note should suffice.
IHeartBacon says
Yes, if the two kids were twins, I would absolutely give them their own gifts.
KateMiddletown says
I just have travel sizes of anything I need. I haven’t done the travelling with pumping supplies thing before, but you can grab a 3oz dish soap in the travel section at Target if you need it. I have what feels like a lifetime supply of beauty samples and I just can’t be bothered to do all the refilling and cleaning out the reusable bottle to switch out a different product (also I hate packing so it’s so much easier just to pull something out of my bathroom drawer and shove it in a quart size bag.)
Anonymous says
For travel bottles above.
Anonymous says
For some reason, the containers sold as travel sizes filled with product seem to leak much less than containers sold empty.
GCA says
Agree – for bottles during travel, I use bottle brush + travel size Dr Bronner’s + microwave sterilizer bags. Soap in its own ziploc so even if it leaks it’s not catastrophic.
anon says
As a cute story, on the way to school this morning, we passed twin babies in their stroller. My 2 yo looked at the mom and said “Two babies… Twins! One from Mommy’s tummy and one from Daddy’s tummy. Which one came from Daddy’s tummy?” The other mother and I just about peed herself laughing. I have no idea where she came up with that.
anon says
*ourselves
AIMS says
My kid thought that she and her brother came from my ‘tummy’ and the dog came from daddy’s. We went through a brief period after her brother was born where she thought it was essential to share that with as many people as possible.
ER says
Hahahaha I would not have discouraged this!
lsw says
Instant classic!!
lawsuited says
This story got me thinking, I’m expecting my second when my first will be 21 months. I assumed he would not understand any part of me having a baby/where baby came from, but your 2 year old seems to get it (except with twins!). Should I be explaining to my first? And if so, how?
Boston Legal Eagle says
My son is a little older than yours so that might make a difference (he’ll be 2.5 when baby is born) but we’ve been telling him that baby brother is in my belly and when we ask him where baby/baby brother/name we’ve chosen is, he points to my belly. So he’s at least aware of that. Not sure if he’s put together that this means there’s a real-life baby coming soon, but we’ll see!
Anonymous says
Mommy’s growing a baby in her tummy! He will notice the belly.
lawsuited says
He has noticed the belly and wants to pat it and look at it a lot. I didn’t know if saying “there’s a baby in mummy’s belly” or “your baby sister is in there” would be freaky for him.
Anonymous says
Yep. My middle was 23 months when my 3rd was born. She totally got that there was a baby in there. I think she more or less got the idea that the baby came out and didn’t ask too many specifics. My 5 y/o wanted specifics because *of course* I didn’t poop it out. I used a slide metaphor (once you start going down the slide you can’t stop- that’s how the baby comes out! She’ll come out between my legs, because that’s how things leave the body- pee and poop all leave through holes, there’s a special spot where a baby leaves from. That worked more or less.
I’m glad we talked about it because my kids ended up seeing me in Labor for a bit because my water broke before they left for school one morning!
Anonymous says
Lol, my 3-year-old son said to me the other day about his baby brother, “So, remember when [baby brother] came out of your p*nis?” My husband and I about lost it.
GCA says
Ha! Classic. I explained to my 3yo where the baby was growing and how she would come out (mommy’s v*gina or the doctors would make a small cut in mommy’s tummy). He then gleefully announced this factoid to visiting friends/ relatives.
Katarina says
My 5 year old, who knows that I am pregnant, asked me why my tummy is so big. I am only 10 weeks, and while my tummy is bigger than normal, it is not that big. FWIW he did not seem to notice when I was pregnant with his brother, I gave birth just before he was 2.5.
Pogo says
Ha! I love it. When we first told niece (3 at the time) that I was pregnant, she asked if there was a baby in Uncle Pogo’s tummy too.
BigLaw Sr Assoc says
My then 3 year old child pointed at a man at a shopping mall and loudly proclaimed “he’s pregnant, look mom!”
anon says
These stories are fantastic. My almost 4 year old has been sleeping with his stuffed bear under his shirt ever since my SIL started really showing, which was back in July.
Family Pictures says
I have family pictures next week. Yikes! I could really use some inspiration for my outfit. I was kind of thinking about a casual dress in a trendy fall color or chambray, but am struggling to find something. The family is my husband, three year old daughter, and me. Any suggestions for me or anyone else are appreciated!
AIMS says
Old navy has a ton of cute fall dresses, including chambray.
OP says
Coming from a person who wears 90% Old Navy for non-work purposes…all their dresses right now scream “Hi, I came from Old Navy” to me.
Redux says
Ha, what gives it away? Coming from someone who doesn’t have an ON nearby but definitely used to own a sweatshirt emblazoned with OLD NAVY, so takes that characterization quite literally!
OP says
The cut of their dresses doesn’t change over time. In addition, they use the same material over and over again from season to season and throughout their lines.
OP says
Material with very distinct patterns.
BPS says
Mango! Lots of cute stuff at a reasonable price.
Anonymous says
I’d do something like this.
Mom: https://www.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=1008446&pcid=13658&vid=1&pid=357843022 in burgundy stripe, plus a denim jacket and booties
Toddler: https://www.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=1025372&pcid=6436&vid=1&pid=356483012 in yellow print, plus https://oldnavy.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=71656&pcid=62284&vid=1&pid=285189002 in cream
Dad: https://www.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=1086736&pcid=5180&vid=1&pid=316033042 and jeans
OP says
Ooooh, love these! Thank you!
Anonymous says
Reply with lots of links in moderation.
KateMiddletown says
So I haven’t been paying attention to anything induction-related since one of my drs said he would probably let me go at least a week over EDD, but today I got the blessing for induction next week! They’ll start with Pitocin, and dr thinks I’ll be a good candidate for quick delivery after. (This is all assuming I don’t go naturally beforehand, anyway.)
My mind is spiraling now knowing that I have some control over when I actually go into the hospital. Any tips on prepping mentally for the induction, or things you wish you had known/done before yours?
Anonymous says
I was somewhat unprepared for how quickly I would transition from mild contractions to intense-contractions-ready-to-push-where-t-f-is-my-epidural. Not sure if this is the norm, but I didn’t consider it. Good luck — almost there!
BPS says
I was induced with DS, and feel fortunate because it really wasn’t as bad. I spoke with a good friend (who had also got induced) beforehand, and she was sooo right when said “be prepared to wait…a lot.” So, cue up the streaming services and bring whatever you can to drink – since you can’t eat once there for induction, I brought Sprite and Coconut water, and then drank broth and had Popsicles at the hospital as I wanted to keep calories/strength up to push (it worked but…I also threw up, so…). They also had to use the balloon thingy (pitocin wasn’t working) to get me to dilate, and they put in the epidural during the procedure so I was…numb for a while. No complaints there. Like poster above said, once labor started it was ON and fast. We got to hospital Friday night, and DS showed up Sunday morning after 2-3 hours of active labor.
BPS says
I mean, it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. As my doctor said “Well, regardless of how you deliver, labor is no walk in the park!” ;)
KW says
I was just induced last week and my experience was similar to BPS’. We got to the hospital early morning and because I was not dilated at all, they started with the v@ginal suppository, which means I then just had to wait for 4 hours. After the 4 hours, they used the balloon thing on me as well, which dilates the cervix physically as opposed to chemically through the meds. Then they started Pitocin and I got an epidural. Active labor only lasted about 30 min, but this was not my first baby. All in all, it took about 12 hours.
KateMiddletown says
Were you able to move during the vaginal suppository and balloon portions? I’m 100% effaced/softened but v little dilation, but I’m hoping I’ll be able to be somewhat mobile.
Anonymous says
I was induced with cytotec. I think they wanted me to lie down for maybe 1 hour, then I could move. I had to take my IV pole with me though (at my hospital they give you fluids via IV before the induction).
Anonymous says
I *think* cytotec was what I had. I was not very dilated at all to begin with. I was free to roam the halls of L&D for many hours until things really got moving. They didn’t give me an IV until things were ready to go (or maybe not ever? the last part was a blur, unsurprisingly)
BPS says
Ah, you are so right – Pitocin isn’t what they give to cause dilation, it’s some other med. My mistake, forgot the name already!
lsw says
I was induced naturally by the midwives because my water broke (at a Mexican restaurant) and I didn’t go into active labor in the next 12 hours. I really, really appreciated the ability to think, “Wow, I’ll have a baby in the next 24 hours.” I don’t know – it was really helpful to frame it in that way. Because I like to plan.
Good luck! Congrats!
rosie says
Induced w/pitocin due to low fluid levels (I was given ~3 hrs to get to the hospital after my appt where that was discovered). My water broke naturally after about 8-9 hrs on the drip, and things got much more intense after that. Had an epidural 4-5 hrs after water breaking that really helped me relax and get the rest of the way there–fell asleep then woke up basically ready to push. Baby born about 26 hrs after pitocin started.
I knew in advance my hospital didn’t have wireless monitors, so I expected that I’d get an epidural sooner if I was induced because my movement would be limited with the constant monitoring (and I was ok w/that, not sure how you feel about pain relief, but something to consider/mentally prep for). Bring stuff to do & clear liquids you like (coconut water, veggie broth–my hospital only had chicken and I don’t eat meat). My doula was awesome at helping me change positions once the epidural was in.
Anonymous says
I think I nailed some interviews last week. I was told I was in the final two before that round, and in my last interview the person asked me twice, “What questions can I answer to get you to take this job?” So I’m feeling pretty confident….? And maybe trying not to so that I don’t get totally down in the dumps if it doesn’t work out.
In the meantime, any tips for helping me calm the F down and concentrate on my actual job? I am being a terrible employee this week. I was told Friday I’d hear this or next week. I am basically not able to concentrate on a darn thing.
Anonymous says
First of all congrats! I find the pomodoro method helps when I am having a hard time focusing. Maybe some mindfulness meditations could also help you calm down. Good luck– fingers crossed for good news soon!
Anonymous says
Thanks!! I have been thinking about adding meditation (my doctor’s recommendation) and maybe this is an especially good time to do it. Ha. I hope to have good news to report!
SC says
My 3.5-year-old wants to be a ghost for Halloween. I don’t think he’ll wear a lot of the ready-to-buy costumes out there, especially at school–I don’t want to buy anything covering up his face or hands, or anything too hot (it’s still 85 degrees here and will still be warm on Halloween). I’m thinking white sweat pants + white long-sleeve t-shirt + white cape + white cotton hat, with maybe some makeup for trick-or-treating. Will people see that and get “ghost”? Or is it too KKK or white superhero? (I don’t want to go that direction, obviously.) Will it help if he spends the whole day shouting “BOO!” because I’m pretty sure that’s his plan?
Anonymous says
Maybe the shirt can be a ghost face? Like this costume set: https://www.hannaandersson.com/costume-ghost/
Anonymous says
Could you do a face on his shirt, like this?
https://www.potterybarnkids.com/products/toddler-ghost-costume/
I think that would distinguish a “ghost” from all-white clothes.
Anonymous says
We did a ghost for my daughter last year. I* used some fabric glue with felt to make a face on a white Old Navy dress. I think if you make sure to put a face somewhere and possibly skip the hat, you’re fine.
*hubby because I suck so, so, so much at crafts, but I like to take the credit (I did plan the whole thing…I just can’t execute)
Anonymous says
Could you make a poncho like this? https://www.etsy.com/listing/625375669/ghost-boo-halloween-poncho-ghost-poncho?gpla=1&gao=1&&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=shopping_us_halloween_Clothing&utm_custom1=bf4b15ba-a100-42cb-a00b-6c1920c9e07f&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIz_r919Po3QIVDY9pCh11YQxCEAkYDCABEgKILvD_BwE
I think adding a face would help make it a bit clearer what you’re going for.
Tfor22 says
I’ve always thought the costumes in this slide show were cute, I think this is the link to the ghost one
https://www.parenting.com/gallery/no-sew-halloween-costumes-for-kids?page=15
Tfor22 says
Nope, it is the whole thing. Costume 16 of 33 is the ghost
SC says
This would be perfect! Thank you! It’s so practical but still looks like a ghost.
AK says
Thanks for this! I want to make the scuba diver one for kiddo!
Anonymous says
I think you’ll have better luck with white shirt/pants/hat and drawing black eyes on the shirt.
Becoming a mom - recommended reading says
I’m expecting my first baby at the end of next month and I’m feeling quite sentimental. Anyone have recommendations about essays/short stories/books on becoming a mother? I’ve done my fair share of practical reading– looking for something that speaks to the emotional experience rather than a how-to guide.
Anonymous says
Mama Tried by Emily Flake
Tfor22 says
I really loved Operating Instructions by Anne Lamott.