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To me, the hardest type of weather to dress for is when it is raining but still warm out. You want to wear a jacket to keep your outfit dry, but you don’t want to sweat inside the coat. Another complication is that I often have to wear a blazer because I am going to court, and adding a raincoat on top makes me feel like I am boiling inside. This jacket from L.L.Bean is mesh lined, so it seems to be only a light waterproof layer that keeps the rain out but does not keep heat in. I also like that for a waterproof layer, it can pass for more professional looking, unlike most raincoats that make people look like they’re walking around base camp at Mount Everest. This jacket is $179, comes in black, navy blue, and khaki, has many positive reviews, and is machine washable and dryer friendly. Mesh-Lined H2OFF Raincoat
For plus sizes, L.L.Bean has a similar option.
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Sales of note for 12.5.23…
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Nordstrom – Holiday sale up to 50% off; 5x the points on beauty for a limited time
- Ann Taylor – 40% off your purchase & extra 15% off sweaters
- Banana Republic – Up to 40% off select styles; up to 40% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything & extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – Extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off your purchase with code
- Lands’ End – Up to 70% off everything; free shipping (readers love the cashmere)
- Loft – 50% off your purchase with code (ends 12/5)
- Summersalt – Up to 60% off select styles & free scarf with orders $125+ (this reader-favorite sweater blazer is down to $75)
- Talbots – 40% off your regular-price purchase; extra 50% off all markdowns
- Zappos – 34,000+ women’s sale items! Check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kid shoe brands on sale.
Kid/Family Sales
- Crate&kids – Free shipping sitewide; up to 50% off toy + gift event; free monogramming for a limited time only (order by 12/15)
- J.Crew Crewcuts – 40% off your purchase with code
- Pottery Barn Kids – Up to 50% off toys, furniture & gifts
- Graco – Holiday savings up to 35% off; sign up for texts for 20% off full-price item
- Walmart – Up to 25% off top baby gifts; big savings on Delta, Graco, VTech, Fisher-Price & more
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anonymous says
Between the color and the cut of this coat, I don’t like it at all.
anon says
I agree. Either go for a trenchcoat or a raincoat… this is too in between.
AnonMom says
I don’t think the model’s hair is helping – it just looks unkempt which makes the outfit and jacket look like they were meant for disheveled Saturday mornings walking the dog. I actually think the raincoat is a solid basic. Color isn’t good on my skin tone, but probably works for some. Plus, it comes in black and other colors. I have practically the same thing in black from Northface and I wear it like crazy in the winter and it works with suits and can be washed if my toddler grabs me with messy hands.
Anonymous says
I just want to say how grateful I am for this non-judgy community. I was mom-shamed by a stranger for the first time yesterday. I combo feed and was giving my daughter a bottle of formula when a woman gave me judgy eyes and made a comment about how breastmill is best. I don’t have a choice about using formula, but even if I did it’s a perfectly valid one to make and I don’t know why people need to criticize everything moms do. It was frustrating, but made me even more appreciative of this place!
Anonymous says
That is nuts, seriously. A stranger!? I mean, I know in theory these things happen, but wtf. I hope you had a snappy comeback (I would have thought of a great one… three hours later).
Anonymous says
Also, I appreciated this recent NYT article on the subject. https://www.nytimes.com/2018/09/24/smarter-living/what-to-say-when-someone-asks-why-you-arent-breast-feeding.html
Anonymous says
That’s an interesting article and I’m glad it was written. It did, however, disturb me how many times the advised response to unwanted feedback regarding breastfeeding was to thank the person and change the subject such as “I’d rather not talk about it, but thank you.” Personally, I am not thanking anyone who makes comments like that. Why not just say “I’d rather not talk about it” and change the subject from there. This is a little nitpicky because it was a good article overall, but it bugged me.
Anonymama says
What a rude thing to say! (also how to respond: “I’m sure you mean well, but that’s a terribly rude thing to say to a stranger.”)
Cb says
That’s horrible! You’re doing great and that judgy woman should be ashamed of herself!
Boston Legal Eagle says
Ugh, sorry you had to deal with that. I really hate how strangers think it’s ok to comment on women’s bodies as soon as the pregnancy is showing, and then again when babies are tiny and we’re just doing the best we can to take care of them. Not to mention all the hormones we’re already dealing with then! I’ve learned that it’s best to say something nice or say nothing at all. Why the judginess?
rosie says
Ugh that is terrible. She should’ve kept her (lousy) opinion to herself.
AnotherAnon says
I’m really thankful for this community too. Also, WOW. I’m so sorry that happened to you. We adopted our son after fostering him for 17 months. I was basically a mama bear the entire time I formula fed him: If anyone had even so much as given me the side eye about it, I would have gone postal on them. You never know what circumstances other people are going through – don’t judge!
Anonymous says
Yup. I had a close friend who was diagnosed with breast cancer during her pregnancy and absolutely could not breastfeed. Imagine shaming some poor woman who was in the midst of chemo, radiation, and recovering from a preemie birth/NICU nightmare?
Mrs. Jones says
That is horrible.
AnonMom says
Oh gosh. I think combo feeding was ideal for our family. EBF would have just meant all-mommy, no-daddy, no easy iron/vitamin D supplementation, worse professional performance by me, additional hassle for daycare…and I could go on. I’d love to give her a piece of my mind.
BPS says
First of all, how you didn’t verbally slap that woman is beyond me. Good for you for biting your tongue!
Have basically almost EBFed for 10.5 months now (going to post something below actually about dropping sessions!), supplementing here and there with formula at 6 months, and may I say IT IS FOR THE BIRDS. Especially if you work outside of the home, but in general. W.T.F. My mom EBFed me for a year, but she always reminds me that it was easy because she couldn’t work (Dad was waiting on green card) and she was home FT with me. No bottles. No pumping.
Next time (and I hope there is a next time), I’ll definitely a) not fear the beautiful miracle that is formula; and b) combo feed. I don’t know what’s worse – the late night feeds post-maternity leave, or the pumping at work/before bed. In addition to pumping, for me, I’m definitely holding ON to weight because of BF, which apparently is really normal (Serena Williams apparently had the same issue…so I comfort myself with that). Needless to say, I have qualms of sending some formula to daycare now when needed, like when I came back from pumping and dumping after a week away from baby and supply was a bit low. Formula is a freaking miraculous invention that keeps babies healthy and we should respect. I feel like #normalizeBF should really be #normalizeformulafeeding.
End rant – I just want to clock that judgy lady for OP!
BPS says
Oh, and AnonMom, you just bulleted out exactly what pumping/BF challenges there can be for working mums beautifully. Meant to write that, too :)
rosie says
When I’m trying to be on top of things and make an appointment for my toddler to get her flu shot in advance of her 18-month check up next month, but the pediatrician’s office forgot to turn off night mode on their phones…I guess it’ll be that kind of day.
FVNC says
If it makes you feel any better, your post reminded me I needed to make an appt for my daughter’s annual physical. So, thank you!
rosie says
Glad it helped! I was prompted to call about getting the flu shot early by a post on another online forum :)
HSAL says
Recommendations for a sports bra that has a similar fit to the Bravado Body Silk or Cake nursing bras? That seems like the logical successor but I’ve been wearing those for four months and they’re so comfortable while offering enough support to leave the house (and I’m a 36j right now) without too much uniboob. I know one of them converts to a regular bra and I’m willing to buy more, but thought I’d crowdsource other options.
KateMiddletown says
Moving Comfort by brooks (velcro straps) or the knock off SYROKAN Women’s Bounce Control Wirefree High Impact Maximum Support Sports Bra
Anonymous says
+1 these are my go-tos!
Anon says
As a 38H, the moving comfort was too small for me even in the XL. I just bought some sports bras to fit my only nursing once a day self, but they are very much the uni. I am still in my Cake Cotton Candy even though I only nurse in the morning. As transition, I am using a couple of Chantelle and Panache underwire nursing ones – I feel like because they are nursing they have more give, but they are also more structured than the Cake. Knowing we want to start trying for #2 in 2-3 months, I am loathe to buy new bras now when the nursing underwire ones fit OK.
anon says
Brooks Juno was my sports/running bra while BFing.
AwayEmily says
Parents with experiences with allergies, advice? My 8-month-old just had a reaction at daycare to (we assume) the mixed nut butter the oatmeal I packed for him…he had the same nut butter a month or so ago without issue but I guess things changed? Swollen/red eyes but no other symptoms, no trouble breathing, etc. By the time I got to him about 40 minutes after the incident, he looked completely fine and was happy and smiling. Pediatrician said that given it had been an hour and he was fine, he was ok to leave at daycare.
What are next steps? His checkup is in three weeks, I guess just wait until then to talk to the doctor? I’m also having major guilt about leaving him at daycare…my husband is out of town for work and I have to teach a graduate class at 1. But he seemed fine? Ugh, I don’t know.
Anonymous says
As an allergy mom – don’t worry, he’s fine to leave at daycare. And I wouldn’t jump to the conclusion that it was the oatmeal. Pretty unusual for a food allergy to cause swollen eyes but no other symptoms at all. That sounds more like an environmental allergy reaction (perfume? cats? from a worker?), or maybe pink eye.
Anonymous says
I’m not an MD, but swollen red eyes without other symptoms doesn’t sound like it’s definitively a nut allergy to me (especially if this wasn’t his first time having the food). Do you have any pollen in your area right now? Or were there any animals at daycare that day?
Anonymous says
If it were me, I’d do two things: 1)make an appt with a pediatric allergist to get tested just in case and 2)buy some children’s benadryl to have on hand in case there is another incident. It doesn’t sound like a food allergy reaction (not an MD, but have a kid with food allergies) but it does sound like an allergic reaction to something. And while I like our pediatrician, their training is just not in the allergic realm. Also, daycare is great for kids. Please do not feel guilty. It teaches them wonderful life and social skills. You are doing great!!!
anne-on says
+1 – our kid with food allergies is also SUPER reactive to pollen/outdoor environmental allergies and this sounds a lot more like a reaction to that. Regardless, I’d make sure the daycare has (and will administer) benadryl to him, and that you have some on hand as well.
Our son was allergy tested (skin test) at about 5 months and found positive for egg/dairy allergies so you can definitely test young. I’d also try to find an allergist who will agree to food challenges early on (once you have a blood test). There is lots of compelling research that food exposure early and often (in a clinical setting) can help overcome allergies sooner.
Ella says
Definitely fine to leave him in daycare but you need a scipt for an epipen asap. Don’t wait for your appointment — bring him in for a sick visit and get it, show the teachers how to use it, and get two sets one for home and one for school. Then follow up with an allergist (it may take months to get an appt, which is fine as long as you carry an epipen with you at all times). Our daughter has severe food allergies and we have had great experiences in daycare.
Redux says
I would call your pediatrician’s office before following this advice. If this was a food allergy, it was very mild, and benadryl seems like a better choice than an epipen if it happens again.
We have had a mild food allergy present a couple of times with a face rash but no trouble breathing and were advised to use benadryl for now and made an appointment with a pediatric allergist for an evaluation. We got an appointment within a week, so it may not be the case that you will have to wait months for an appointment.
Anon says
We have an egg allergy with only mild reactions (rash on contact, no breathing issues, skin prick test was a pretty mild reaction too) and our allergist told us an epipen was not medically necessary, but if we were more comfortable with it (knowing that past reactions are no guarantee of future reactions, even if they are the best predictor), he was willing to prescribe. My LO isn’t in daycare, so it wasn’t an issue to get one to keep at home, but he seemed to be intimating that the daycare hassle probably wasn’t worth it for our case and to just keep benadryl.
Knope says
My son has food allergies, and the reaction you describe is not what he experienced at all. But if you are concerned I highly recommend seeing an allergist and not just your general pediatrician. My ped is great for routine sicknesses and well visits, but she is on the older side and gave us pretty outdated advice regarding my son’s allergies.
AwayEmily says
Thank you so much to those of you who’ve responded. I feel a lot better — less guilty and more certain about next steps. I’ll start looking into pediatric allergists in the area. And anne-on, I appreciate the specific advice about food challenges; I would feel very comfortable doing that in a supervised setting and it’s good to know that not all places are willing to do it.
I agree that the reaction seems out of character for a food allergy but it did happen as she started feeding him the oatmeal (and ceased soon after he stopped eating it) which makes me think there’s probably some connection.
Anonymous says
Since he’s 8 months, I assume someone was feeding him the oatmeal? I think it’s more likely a reaction to that person (perfume, a pet s/he has at home, thirdhand smoke on the clothes if s/he smokes etc) than the oatmeal. Food allergies don’t normally come and go that fast. But no harm in getting a follow-up with an allergist.
anon says
My kids sometimes got weird reactions like that when they were babies. I would follow up, of course, but you might never figure out what caused it.
Anon says
FWIW, my daughter’s mild egg allergy causes a rash upon eating (around the mouth, no where else, pretty much only on contact (e.g., at a cake smash, the egg white in the frosting resulted in a striped rash where the frosting was smeared)), and it disappears within 20-3o minutes of the food. Definitely recommend the allergist route.
ER says
I strongly agree with Anne-on to push for a food challenge rather than a skin prick test. In addition to the point she made about early exposure to foods, you should know that the skin prick test has a 50% false positive rate.
Anonymous says
We had a similar thing with our kiddo when he was around 15 months. He’d eaten peanuts with no issues a few times, but then got a small rash on his chin. No other issues, no problems breathing. I was nervous, because peanut allergies can be so severe, but it ended up not being anything.
Anon says
We moved to a suburban, wealthy neighborhood after years of living in the city. I have not met any other women who work outside of the home. I’m irrationally jealous of my neighbors. They chat amiably at the bus stop, volunteer at the schools, have girls days outs, and just enjoy life with their children. (And I don’t think it’s an act – they really seem happy and lovely.) On the other hand, I’m a GC in a male dominated company. Everyone’s nice, but they are big on face time. I feel a lot of pressure to perform and that other women in the company look to me to break down barriers (and that’s fair given my role has the sole women in leadership). I get no free and easy time. I had to schedule being the ‘special reader’ to my kids’ kindergarten class 2 months in advance. Every minute of my day is scheduled, so I can work, raise kids and keep my house in relative order. It’s all joy and no fun. I’m just overwhelmed, and I feel like I’m missing everything. At the same time…I need to get paid. The kids enjoy eating and having a roof over their heads :)
Anonymous says
You rock! And you know it! If you want a different job go for it but wouldn’t you rather be busy and engaged and productive?
Anonymous says
Do you have a partner? It sounds like you’re doing a lot.
That said, I feel you. My daughter started K this year and I’ve never wanted to be a SAHM more. It was much easier in daycare, because all the other moms worked and my daughter wasn’t the weird outlier. But she’s one of only 2 kids in her class with two working parents and has already started whining about all the stuff we can’t do because we work. This morning it was walking her to school (the school’s a mile from our house, but we have to drive because we have to head to work immediately afterwards and don’t have time to walk home and then drive into work). It’s been really really hard, even though I generally like my job and definitely like earning money.
Anonymous says
Wow! That’s really tough. I’ve never been more grateful for my kid’s school. 28 kids in the class, only two parents who don’t work (one SAHM, one SAHD). Although, some of the other moms do work part time (e.g. yoga teacher).
On the walking to school – DH and trade off doing that once a week. I can swing walking to school every second Friday, I’m just a few minutes later on that day. DH bikes with her so the ‘walking to school’ takes less time. She has after school care at the school so we just put her bike in the car when we drive home.
Anonymous says
Drop off is really late in our area – 8:45. And I can’t walk a mile in my work clothes, so I’d have to walk home, change into work clothes, and then commute 20 minutes into the office. I probably wouldn’t get there til close to 10, which wouldn’t be acceptable in my office without using PTO. The bike suggestion is a good one though, DH might do that.
Anonymous says
I get totally get it. My kid just started kindergarten and I wasn’t prepared for this. I agree daycare was easier in this regard. One thing that motivates me when I feel like this: In addition to setting an example for the women in your company, look at what a model you are for your kids by being a bas*ss. My little boy asked me the other day if boys could grow up to be lawyers too, or if only girls could. Kind of cool ;)
I think you’re probably not really looking for advice, but you might also consider whether it’s possible to move parts of your worklife around to be able to do more of the kid stuff during the day. It sounds like you’ve got a good grasp of how your calendar needs to work, but I am reading Laura Vandercam’s “I Know How She Does It” (based on recs from this s*te), and it’s really making me think about optimizing my schedule to get more family time (or more out of family time) without working less. Also file under: setting an example for the women at your company trying to figure out how to make this all work.
Anon says
amazing that your son asked you if he can be a lawyer too :-)
OP – do you have a partner who works? I always wonder in these wealthy suburbs how people can afford to have a stay at home parent and live in the wealthy suburb and afford all of the typical things that families in wealthy suburbs do (after school activities, camps, vacations, yoga classes, blow outs, manicures, etc.). The working spouse really has to be an incredibly high earner to be able to afford this lifestyle while saving
Anonymous says
I think the “while saving” is the key part here. You’d be amazed how many 6 figure earners don’t have much in savings – the income is high, but goes directly to mortgage/car/country club/kids activities with very little left over for the bank.
anne-on says
I think you’re also underestimating the amount of family money that gets passed down among the upper middle class/upper class. We were astounded at the amount of families that ‘gave’ houses to their kids once they retired, gave large gifts for their children’s mortgages, or fully/partially funded private school fees for grandchildren on top of often fully funding their own children’s college fees.
OP says
Thank you all for the support. I really needed it today. I do have a partner who works. And he does his fair share, but it still is just a lot of work for both of us.
I think that together we make what other people make in the neighborhood. We live near a lot of business owners, CEOs, executives, etc. I am a GC but I’m not make super duper crazy money or anything. (I mean I am, relatively speaking, just not in relation to the neighborhood.)
I think the transition from having a day care kid to a school aged kid is just harder than I thought.
anon says
OP, I feel you! It is a rough transition. I was shocked by the “second wave” of SAHMs that suddenly appeared in my ‘hood when their kids started school. Even people who worked full-time while their kids were ages 0-5 suddenly cut waaaay back or dropped out of the workforce altogether. I’ve found working motherhood to be a lonely gig during the school-age years. I don’t know what the solution is, but you’re not alone!
KateMiddletown says
I hear ya. But there probably ARE working moms, they just don’t hang out at the bus stop. Sometimes it takes a while for them to come out of the woodwork, but volunteer when you can, and don’t feel guilty about writing the check vs setting up the class party. I’m grateful for the SAHMs in my area but it takes all kinds of parents to make everything work!
Anon. says
As one of those younger women who’s probably looking up to you as she starts her family – thank you for still being here. It means SO MUCH to have ‘mom mentors’ at work who are killing it at their jobs while also managing kiddos and a working spouse. And at least where I work – there aren’t many of those examples.
And something that I was thinking about just this weekend for myself: take the long view of what this means for your family. My father and my father-in-law are in the same profession and have had very, very similar career tracks. My mother has almost always had a career outside the home (she stayed home for a few years after I was born and was able to jump back in); my mother-in-law was always SAHM. The financial position our two sets of parents are in now that they are approaching retirement is drastically different. This is despite generally similar opinions about saving/frugality etc. I’m glad my mom worked for any number of reasons and I’m super proud of her, but I’m also pretty relieved to know that they are well set for hopefully a long and comfortable retirement.
Anon says
+1 to your first paragraph. I work somewhere where there are no visible examples of female leadership. I would LOVE to have someone like you in my workplace to look up to and learn from. You are likely inspiring and impacting people without even knowing it.
anne-on says
Solidarity sister. I am one of 2.5 sets of working parents in our son’s 1st grade class (one of the mom’s teaches a class or two part time). It stinks having to schedule SO far out, AND to say no to SO many after school ‘pop by our club to swim, lets meet up at the beach, lets plan a play date on this rando day off’ requests. It helps A TON that our au pair is able to take him to a lot of those activities so I don’t feel like I’m missing out, but yeah, sometimes it really stinks that I have nobody IRL I can vent to about work/life balance.
I also like my job, can’t imagine ‘retiring’ at my age to be a SAHM of a school age kid, and I know my income is a big part of achieving our financial goals sooner…but yeah, still stinks sometimes. I do take heart in setting a good example for my kid AND other women my age at my company with school age kids. I also try to be really proactive about what I can do at school – do I make every activity? nope! but I’m super responsive to the class emails, initiate Friday night/weekend playdates, send emails to the other parents with fun local activities and ask if they want to meet up with us, make plans for adult nights out, etc. All of this helps me feel more involved, and my son has some really close relationships with kids in his class (and we do with the parents as well!).
avocado says
I hear you. I never had any thought of being a SAHM until my daughter started public school. I don’t know any working moms with normal, full-time non-teaching jobs whose husbands aren’t SAHDs or teachers. (The one exception is a doctor mom whose husband is also a doctor but in a cushy specialty where he can set his own hours and is only on call one night every few months. And they have multiple nannies.) I have a huge amount of guilt over relying on a kind SAHM to give my kid a ride to sports practice, missing daytime school functions, sending my kid to some subpar after-school and summer programs, and not having the energy to work on test prep and academic enrichment at home in the evenings. My husband pitches in with the housework and kid transportation, but he has no idea how just how much time and mental bandwidth I spend trying to keep our household running and parent our child while also holding down a demanding full-time job with travel. The only thing that keeps me going is the thought of one day being able to pay my daughter’s college tuition.
Anonymous says
You’ve gotten some great advice, but I would also gently suggest to try and tear down these walls between us working moms and SAHs. I have really made an effort (via local moms group) and I think it’s been helpful in that I at least see both sides.
It’s not 100% universal, but many single-working-parents in my area do have a lower standard of living than we do because we both work. I noticed this in posts in the moms group about vacations or restaurants. Because we both work, we can take kiddo to Europe or California and it’s not a big deal. We can drop $100 on sushi for a random date night.
I know it’s not the same as being there for kiddo at their class parties every week, but I guess I’m trying to say that I wouldn’t have thought of the “pros” of working parenthood until I saw the legitimate struggles from the other side. Even when the SAHMs in my group get a rare chance to say, accompany DH to a conference, they fret and worry themselves sick because they have never left their child with another caregiver, even at 2 years old. As working moms, this was a Band-Aid we had to rip off early and I think ultimately it’s better for mom and kids.
avocado says
+1 to this. I am shocked at how many of my daughter’s friends still, at age 11/12, have never been on a plane, been to sleepaway camp, or done any number of other things independently. The ones with (semi-)working moms generally have much more life experience. If I didn’t work, we could get by, but we would not be able to send our daughter to space camp, take her on cool vacations, or sustain her sushi habit.
Anonymous says
This is definitely true for our family – that my income allows us a lot of luxuries we couldn’t afford if I stayed home- but all the SAHMs in my area also send their kids to space camp, eat sushi and take amazing vacations. I’m not sure if it’s family money or not prioritizing savings or what (probably a mix). But there are definitely lots of families out there living large on one income.
avocado says
I think a lot of people out there don’t save the way many people who post here seem to. There also seems to be a lot of grandparent help with specific kid-related and vacation expenses. A lot of my kids’ friends go on family vacations where the grandparents rent a beach house for everyone to stay in.
Anon for This says
My parents didn’t buy us a house and aren’t paying for the kids college in full, but they do give us annual contributions for college and pay for our entire family to take a really nice vacation with them each year – I’m talking about places like Galapagos and South Africa, where a trip for a family of 4 could easily be $10k+. I feel a bit guilty and kind of spoiled for accepting this stuff. But it really makes my parents happy to have us with them and we couldn’t afford to go on our own, so I’m doing them a kindness letting them buy our way on these trips.
KateMiddletown says
THIS – sooo many people I talk to (financial planning industry) who live in wealthy zip codes and have jumbo mortgages DO NOT save anywhere near some of the folks on this board (I’m looking at you, main $ite.)
AnonMom says
Cosign on plenty of these people having worse finances than you think. Would add that you need to talk to some ladies in their 50s and 60s and consider your life as the kids get older. Yeah, it would be nice to stay home for a few years, esp in elementary, but the kids grow and then what’s your purpose / contribution to society / relevance? I work with a kickass 50-something mother of college age kids, and we talk a lot about how a lot of her SAM friends have no life outside of a pretty trivial social/volunteer sphere. Also, I’d seriously consider moving out of that neighborhood – what’s the point? You could pay less and be around more interesting people.
OP says
Yeahhhh…..we made a mistake. But don’t misunderstand – I am throwing no shade on these SAHMs. They’re living their life and not bothering anybody. But my life is very different.
anne-on says
It is also early in the school year (and it sounds like full time elementary school is new to you as well). You may still find your ‘tribe’, so I’d encourage you to give it time and try to socialize with the parents when you can and figure out who you like – then be shameless about reaching out to ask for playdates or to spend time with them. The SAHM’s are an amazing resource in our class because they are generally available to do the ‘in school’ activities and have been awesome about offering to pick my kid up from after school things/drop him off at parties/host him for play dates/etc. These are also the moms that I immediately hit up for playdates on those random days off – they’re already home! kids are happiest with other kids, so win win!
Sarabeth says
If you really feel like you made a mistake….I would move. Not immediately, I’d give some time to make sure that it’s not just the stress of the transition. But I have to say, I live in an area where most moms work outside the home, and I really appreciate having that be the standard.
Don’t get me wrong – I’m also very grateful to the SAHMs in our neighborhood who chaperone school trips, organize class parties, etc. They provide an important social glue that helps sustain the whole community by performing all sorts of tasks that working moms don’t have the time for. But I’m very very glad that they aren’t the norm, and that my kid is not the only one of her friends in the onsite aftercare until 5:30 pm.
stroller help says
Moms – help me figure out what do do about a stroller for kid #2. Kid #1 will be 2 1/2 when the baby comes. We live in DC and drive very rarely so the stroller is used all the time. Right now our everyday stroller is a summer infant 3d lite and we have a citi mini for longer walks. We have a chicco keyfit carseat we’d like to reuse if possible. I assume we’ll baby wear a lot but want a way to get around with both kids somehow using the stroller. Do I buy the carseat adapater and standing board for the citimini? Buy a sit and stand stroller (which one?)? Go full on double stroller? Something else?
Knope says
The citimini should fit a carseat and a second regular seat, no? That seems to be the most obvious solution. It will be bulky to navigate but I’m not sure there’s a better option.
Anonymous says
No, the City Mini is just a single stroller, though you can get a double-wide version. You’re probably thinking of the City Select.
OP, how much walking does the 2.5 year old do? If you’re anticipating long walks where Kid #1 needs a ride, I’d go with the double stroller. Otherwise, get the ride on board for the City Mini and plan that Kid #1 stands or you wear the new baby, depending on the outing. You don’t actually need the carseat adapter–the seat reclines flat so you can put newborns directly in it.
OP says
Kid #1 is not great at walking as of now but I’m hoping that she’ll get better over the next few months before the baby comes. She generally prefers to ride in the stroller.
Cb says
I bought the bassinet attachment for the citymini – it made it parent facing for the first 5-6 months and seemed less exposed than just knocking around in the main compartment. I’ve heard that the bugaboo nest will also work with the citymini if that’s a better option.
shortperson says
uppa vista. i would def spring for this if you get around by foot a lot. when 2.5 gets bigger you can make it a single with a stand up board if you want. also, dont count on your kid being more willing to walk when baby comes. my 4 yo is fine walking anywhere by herself, but if baby sister is in the stroller she will not walk unless there is serious motivation involved.
Legally Brunette says
Also in DC, also rarely drive, kids similarly spaced, and we love our Vista (still going strong several years later). In truth, I didn’t use it as a double stroller all that long, BUT my 5.5 year old continues to stand on the board on back while my 3 year old sits in the seat. And the basket below is enormous, so you can pile all of your groceries, library books, etc. as you’re running errands. Wheels are also very sturdy in case of snow.
Anonymous says
Don’t be me! I didn’t want to buy a double stroller thinking I could get by with a 2 year old and an infant in DC. SO I struggled for months and eventually caved and just bought a darn double stroller after 8? months. WORTH IT. We got the city mini double and don’t regret it for one minute. We ended up using it for almost 4 years. Even after #1 was able to walk it was good to have for cargo and for the inevitable return home from the zoo or whatever when everyone was tired and cranky. So just do it!
anon says
I agree with this. If she doesn’t like to walk now, she won’t after the baby comes and the baby gets to ride. We had a city mini double too, and it was really nice, very easy to steer. It’s big and bulky, but as a stroller, it’s really great. I had a joovy caboose ultralight before that, and I hated it, so when my third was born, I sprung for the city mini. (Because I have lazy kids, my 2 and 4 year old kids would often ride while I carried the baby.)
grey falcon says
Similar situation. We had baby in carrier for most of the first 5+ months, but when #2 got too heavy for that to be viable (and I wasn’t ready to give up the stroller nap), we got a Zoe XL2 Best. It’s great. I would highly recommend it. Small (for a double) and easy to maneuver in an urban environment; light; folds easily. We continue to use car seat + City Mini GT when it’s just the little one, but the double has been a lifesaver for longer outings.
Anonymous says
What’s your older one like? When I had my second, my oldest was 2.9 and loved to walk, and would do so responsibly. We got the Jooovy Sit and Stand and it was perfect.
Then my 3rd came along and my 2nd was just over 2. She did not want to walk, did not want the “back seat” or to stand in the sit and stand, and would run away at all opportunities. We bought a britax b agile double open box on amazon and it was the best $160 i’d spent in a long time. Now the kids are 1,3,6 and we usually only have an umbrella stroller but will occasionally use the sit and stand.
Blueberries says
Get a double stroller that’s comfortable for both kids, especially if one parent will ever be solo with both kids. For mine, sometimes they’re both resisting a nap and we go out in the double stroller and 1) they’ll both chill and 2) generally one will nap.
I regret waiting a month or two after #2 was born to get a double stroller. There was one particularly tough day, a couple weeks postpartum, where I had the newborn in the soft structured carrier and the 2.5 year old was flipping out and behaving unsafely after a walk to a sweets shop, so I had to carry him home too. When I was still under medical restriction for how much weight I could carry. It was awful.
Sarabeth says
Full on double stroller. Just bite the bullet. Everyone in my city has one of the Phil & Ted ones – the Vibe is the nicest, I think, and probably work the extra $. I was a big babywearer with both my kids, but you can’t do it 100% of the time. And if you really have a walking lifestyle, you need to be able to get places faster than your bigger kid will walk, if they are even willing to do so. We kicked our older kid out of the stroller when she started K, because that was a 2 block walk instead of a 10 block walk. And even then, we broke the double out for daylong adventures for another year or so.
Knope says
Hopefully fun thread: What should I dress my 19-month-old as for Halloween? Open to buying a costume or “assembling” one out of separately-ordered stuff, but am not open to spending more than 20 minutes creating anything :)
Anonymous says
My 8 month old is going to be a lobster. We bought a lobster costume online and are going to stick her in a big pot (if she fits…I’m actually not sure about this now). She’s too young for trick or treating so we’ll just be handing out candy at home together.
Anonymous says
We’re going with some thing animal themed for our 19 month twins, since they’re obsessed with all animals. Haven’t decided what, though.
Cb says
I bought a cute grey hat with ears for my baby last year and paired it with a grey sleepsuit and he was a teddy bear. I think I might buy the hat and fox tail this year (14 months)
Anonymous says
I bought skeleton glow in the dark jammies from Old Navy for my two year old – so he will be a skeleton! Easy enough and like $12.
Emily says
Olivia the pig! Gymboree had a line a few years ago; you could probably pick up the dress and leggings second-hand, or buy a red s/s dress and black leggings from Primary, and add a few touches. (DD #1 was Olivia when she was about this age.) This year, my 14-month old is going to be Madeline — blue dress and white peter pan collar bodysuit from Primary, hat from Amazon. Primary.com has great ideas, but Carter’s and Target seem to running crazy sales on costumes now if you just can’t handcraft.
AnonMom says
Pottery Barn has the cutest if you want to splurge. I did last year. My favorite handmade costumes from the last few years were Elvis and RBG.
COtoNY says
Our baby is going to be winnie the pooh (yellow body suit with red shirt over it from Primary, yellow beanie) and our dog is going to be a pot of honey (brown t-shirt with “hunny” written on it). It’s our first kid halloween (she’s going to be 2 months) and I’m really excited!
Dc anon says
Halloween help! My 4 year daughter wants to be a princess for Halloween. She is deep into a princess phase. I don’t love it bc it reinforces gender norms, impossible beauty standards, etc, so my stance is to not encourage or discourage and wait till it passes. So, how do I handle Halloween?! I would be ok with getting her a princess costume, but I know that she’s going to want to wear it every day till it falls apart.
Anonymous says
Let her be a princess.
Mrs. Jones says
+1
AnotherAnon says
+1
Anonymous says
+1. When I was in elementary school, I wanted to wear my tutu and be a ballet dancer for Halloween one year. But then for some reason I felt I had to be different from all the other little girls and decided to be a …. stop sign. It was a cool and different costume but I still feel a little sad that I couldn’t just allow myself to be girly and feminine. I still have trouble with this. I don’t blame my mother at all, but my point is, let her be what she wants to be and wear it constantly, and have faith that she will also take in all of the other messages you are giving her about gender, beauty, etc.
Anon. says
Nothing to add, but I was also a stop sign one year for Halloween.
Anony says
So was I!
Anonymous says
Now I can’t even say I was different! (But really, I’m glad to hear i was part of a stop sign girl gang)
NYCer says
+100)00. In my mind, reinforcing gender norms would be *forcing* her to be a princess if she wanted to dress up as something else that is typical “boy”. If she is 4 and really into princesses, just go with it!
anon says
+1
Anonymous says
Maybe dress up as Meghan in a pantsuit and tiara?
AwayEmily says
I think it is totally fine to say no to this request if it runs counter to your family’s values, in the same way that some families wouldn’t want their kid to dress up like a violent character. I would say something like “A princess costume is not an option for this Halloween, but let’s think together of other ideas.” Write them all on a big list, make it a super fun activity, and I bet she’ll latch on to something else. If she’s having trouble getting excited about that, maybe you could google “animal costumes” and look at different options that come up.
AwayEmily says
(btw I say this as someone whose mom had a very strong anti-Barbie stance for similar reasons. When I was little and asked for Barbies like my friends had she just said “we don’t have Barbies in this house” without much explanation, then when I was old enough (I think around 6 or 7) she explained the reasons. Looking back now I think it was a really formative experience for me in terms of body image and in terms of becoming aware of how marketing plays on insecurities).
Anonymous says
But I think Barbie is different. There is more than one way to be a princess. My 6 year old son is into Nella the Princess Knight.
Anonymous says
I also think Barbie is very different than princesses. I have a lot of problems with Barbie – the weird, hypersexualized body with hugely unrealistic boobs and feet that only fit in high heels is very problematic for young girls. But what’s wrong with a princess? It’s girly, maybe, and a bit cliche for a young girl to want to be, but it’s not sexual, has nothing to do with appearance or body type, and it’s not contrary to the idea that the girls can be and do anything they want to do.
AwayEmily says
I don’t think there is anything objectively wrong with Barbie OR with princesses and I am all for parents embracing the princess culture in a way that meshes with their family priorities. I guess I was more trying to illustrate that the saying to a child “no, this isn’t what we do in our family” is a very powerful experience and one that can be used to communicate important values. And since Dc anon has this value, it seems like it might be a good teaching opportunity.
Anonymous says
That’s absurd. Rethink your values then.
Pigpen's Mama says
+1
And maybe read The Paperbag Princess and the Princess in Black series to her/with her.
I realize the princess culture is different than it was 25-30+ years ago when we were little, but I insisted on wearing pink and long dresses when I was 6 and still went on to do things that women don’t typically do. And I have to remind myself of that when my 4 year old insists on wearing a dress and wanting to look pretty, even though I do talk about how working hard and being kind is more important than being pretty.
Pigpen's Mama says
this was suppose to be in response to letting her dress up as a princess
mascot says
I have a boy so disregard or differentiate as you see fit. The dress up years are pretty short in the scheme of things so give her a couple of options for dress up clothes- balance out that princess gear with a firefighter costume and a doctor’s set or what have you. I’d let her wear what she wants for Halloween. There aren’t a lot of things that kids dress up as for Halloween that I’d actually want them to become (pirates? creepy clowns? professional football player? zombie?).
avocado says
We were very opposed to princess culture, so we encouraged our daughter’s interest in more positive role models such as Mulan, Rapunzel (we called her a “self-rescuing princess”), and Princess Pea (I hated that show SO MUCH, but at least she was a superhero who also loved reading). We did a lot of critical reading of princess stories. She owned two princess dresses. She is now a little mini-feminist tween.
avocado says
Oh, and we also talked about how in real life being a princess is an actual job doing charity work, visiting sick children to make them feel special, etc.
IHeartBacon says
I was going to say the same thing about being princess being an actual job. If the OP decides to allow her daughter to dress up as a princess, perhaps the OP can use the opportunity to explain that princesses work, too, and that the job is a demanding and very public one.
Another comment I have about the OP’s concerns about gender norms and beauty standards, is that not all princesses are princesses because they married. Some princesses are born with that title.
My vote is that the OP let her daughter dress like a princess if the daughter really wants to, but to help her daughter expand her understanding of what it means to be a princess.
Betty says
My daughter was/is into the princess scene. I reframe it with her dressing up to be a queen, who is a leader of her people (currently a flock of small plastic animals) that she rules benevolently. We ask what kind of rules she would have, what would be important to her people and whether she would also have to follow the rules.
Anon says
+1. Princess Elena of Avalor is a good role model in this regard – she’s a princess but she is working hard to be a queen (the first episode of the show is “Ready to Rule” where she thinks she can be queen right away). So I let my now 5yo DD dress up as princesses whenever she wants (regardless of Elena or Cinderella or any others), and she will do things like make up rules for her “kingdom” and fight bad guys and make rules for her “guards”.
I also made a HUGE deal about Princess Meghan getting married, and showed her pictures of Princess Kate and Meghan in pants, and talked about what they do to help others. Princess Sirivannanavari won a gold medal in the Olympics.
Basically I do what I can to combat the image of princess as helpless blond girl in a tower waiting to be rescued – I want to encourage princess as a ruler-in-training who fights for her people, as that’s a pretty awesome dream.
IHeartBacon says
Ditto re: “princess as a ruler-in-training.”
anon says
You could read her the Princess in Black series, which is perfect for that age group. My DD went as Princess Magnolia a few years ago–a sort of mix between a super hero and a princess.
D!sneyphile says
Does she want to be a generic princess, or would she be receptive to specific princess suggestions?
Ideas:
-I’ve never watched it, but I keep seeing ads for a D!sney show called Princess Knight or something similar
-Vanellope von Schweetz would be a super fun costume, plus Ralph Breaks the Internet is coming out in November
-Merida is not girly at all, she’s very independent and shoots a bow and arrow and doesn’t have a love interest
-Tiana is responsible and hard-working and builds her own business
-Anna and Elsa are both strong and their story doesn’t revolve around romance
Anonymous says
Nella the princess knight. Costume is at target. Sword and shield are extra.
It was my daughter’s second choice- she’s going as Violet from the Incredibles. Other girls are going as a bee (2.5 y/o just wanted to wear tap shoes..) and a turtle (she’s only 6 months so didn’t get a say).
Anonymous says
Pick a cool princess. We love moana. Plus, the costume fun to play in. Or Elsa (technically a queen) or Ana or Merida (may not be recognized?)
Or get a generic mermaid costume- bam, she’s Ariel.
Green fairy = tinkerbelle
ChiAnon says
We just went through this. We ended up getting the Citi mini kickboard so we have the option for a sit-and-stand. we also got the Zoe XL2 as our double stroller. I don’t think you can use it right when the baby is born, because it doesn’t recline all the way, but when the baby was really little, we mostly used a carrier for him anyway. If you think you can wait a little bit to have them in the double, I really recommend the Zoe. I did a ton of research and this was by far the best in terms of weight, maneuverability, cost, etc. And we also use our strollers a ton (NYC).
Good luck and congrats!
stroller help says
Thanks!
Anon says
Have you traveled with the Zoe yet? Trying to determine whether I should get the Zoe or a more traditional umbrella stroller? I read that some people have issues with the maneuverability of the Zoe double – sounds like that hasnt really been an issue for you?
Anonymous says
Not the OP but we love our Zoe! It’s not as easy to push one-handed as our double City Mini, but it is still quite maneuverable and the basket holds a reasonable amount. We took it to Paris when our twins were 13 months and had no issues pushing it around the city, including over cobblestones and on dirt paths around the Champs de Mars. I will add the caveat that we haven’t tested it with more than 20 lbs of weight in each seat, so it may get harder to maneuver with bigger kids.
Also, like any double-wide stroller it doesn’t fit through the x-ray machine so you have to get it hand-inspected in airports, but the backpack case is amazing.
Anonymous says
Oh, and we have the XL2 v2 mentioned above, not the inline tandem. Inline strollers are often harder to turn, so that may be where some of the comments are coming from.
ChiAnon says
We haven’t traveled with the Zoe, but have had no complaints with maneuverability. Another bonus: although it’s a double, it has fit through all the single doors I’ve ever had to get through. The only real downside I’ve noticed is the basket doesn’t hold a ton.
Bahamas Rec says
Family-friendly (2 adults + 10 month old) resort in Bahamas that is not Atlantis and preferably not Nassau in February/March?
Anonymous says
No Bahamas-specific advice, but with a 10 month old, I wouldn’t necessarily focus on “family-friendly.” Obviously you can’t go to an adults only property, but you don’t need all the kids clubs, waterslides, etc. and you generally pay a premium for those. We did Beaches T&C when our daughter was 10 months and it was fun but it also felt like we were paying for so much stuff we couldn’t use. With a kid that young, I think you’re better off just looking for a quieter oceanfront hotel or resort with minimal stuff going on.
OP says
Thanks and great point. I think that’s what I meant but didn’t articulate – not family friendly, but 10-month-old friendly.
Anonymous says
Our nanny is starting next month – her salary plus all the taxes we have to pay is more than my post-tax salary. When you factor in my benefits like health insurance, I probably break even, but I’m not taking anything home. I know rationally this is the right decision for our family and this is a temporary thing – we are planning to use the nanny for only 12-18 months and then move our daughter into daycare (which will be 1/3 the cost!), but it’s so hard to feel like I’m working for free. Anyone been here and can offer reassurance that this is worth it?
Blueberries says
1) Assuming you have a partner, making sure child is cared for is a shared responsibility so the right comparison number is your combined salaries.
2) It’s so, so hard to get back on track with many careers, particularly with interesting/engaging work that has upward mobility. The cost of stepping out is more than just a year or two of lost salary.
3) If you stay home, think about how parenting responsibilities shift and how that will affect your partnership and parenting patterns long term.
Anon says
No advice, just commiseration. We are going to be shifting from cheap family childcare to a proper nanny soon and my entire income (six-figure salary + five figure bonus) will be going to pay for childcare and cover our year-end tax bill. I feel like the right thing is for me to continue working, but there are days (see: today) when I get overwhelmed by it all and I just want to stay home versus trying to balance everything, being stressed out all of the time, and not having anything (at least financially) to show for my efforts.
Anonymous says
Totally worth it.
My mentor (former SC clerk) actually lost money on her job for the first year back because she had a unicorn part-time position that she wanted to hang onto. So by breaking even you’re ahead of that. She doesn’t regret it at all and it positioned her for another great opportunity. Sheryl Sandberg in ‘Lean In’ also talks about the value of working even if you’re breaking even. It advances your career and health benefits are a very real financial benefit especially if anyone ever has a serious illness.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Yep, it’s a joint expense so should be thought of accordingly, not just the impact to one of your salaries. You are also contributing to your retirement, paying taxes (= win for society) and generally insuring against something happening to your spouse. You and your spouse are using your skills at your particular jobs while also creating a job for someone else to use their specific skills (childcare), so it’s really a win win.
Anon says
Yup, we are breaking even or potentially paying for me to go to work. Sometimes it just makes me feel bad about myself that as a highly educated person I am “worth” so little and at moments effects my confidence/self esteem. For me right now my feelings have less to do with that I would rather stay home, but more to do with feeling bad/guilty that I don’t earn more and don’t contribute more financially to our household (this is all coming from me, DH is supportive) I try to remind myself that I would go insane if I stayed home all day with infants (I might feel differently once they are older, but for now it is not for me), staying in the workforce tends to lead to better advancement/higher earning potential later on, and that other benefits, like health insurance, 401(k) matching, etc. are still important.
Anonymous says
Consider that it may be best for your relationship with your children as well. I think it’s a valid mental health choice for moms to continue working–see point above about it being a shared responsibility, not just yours. I wish my mom would have felt the freedom to go back to work sooner than she did. It would have benefited our household income and I think made her more confident in her parenting.
I don’t feel like my first paragraph is terrifically clear, but the point I’m trying to make is that there are benefits beyond the financial. Don’t forget to consider what those benefits might be for you and your family.
Anon says
Building on the princess question above, I’m making a specific effort to educate my (preschool/kindergarten) kids about advertising and marketing and the effects. So far, that just involves things like commenting on commercials during Team Umizoomi. We’ve talked about how ads are designed to make you want to buy something, so they only show the good things and none of the bad things. We demonstrated it by buying one of those awful “Wubble Bubbles” and talking explicitly about how it wasn’t that fun after about 10 minutes of playing, and how it popped the next day, but the commercial made it look so much more fun than that.
What else can we do? Are there resources that we could use? We’re just starting with toy ads to try to set a foundation, and as they get older I’d love to expand into body image and gender roles and whatever else, but I’m kind of winging it based on what I remember from marketing classes in college. Any tips?
shortperson says
“the princess problem” talks about how to make your kids media savvy
KateMiddletown says
My biggest tip is keep having the conversation. It’s kind of two different conversations though – consumerism and gender roles. I felt like we hit the gender roles thing out of the park when my daughter signed up for cheerleading and noticed how unfair it was that the cheerleaders gave treats to the football players and not vice versa. (Yes, this is 100% true and antiquated and that was the only year she did cheer, of her own volition.) I think she’s absorbed that lesson, but she’s young (8) and the societal pressures only get worse for girls, IMO.
The consumerism thing is a constant struggle especially with Claires and Justice and birthday party crap, but also with the friggin’ book fair at school. (We are constantly negging the book fair at school because they #1 don’t raise much $ for the school and #2 promote the heck out of the diaries and pens and stuffed animals instead of promoting literacy. My husband used to organize the school book fair when he was in education.) To be fair, consumerism is a constant struggle for ANYONE in the age of Amazon, so we definitely try to watch ourselves. We try to have the needs vs wants conversation and point out all the toys that were so awesome at the time and now sit untouched, but it’s hard.
Anonymous says
Thank you for letting her sign up! My parents (my mother, mostly) made all of those decisions for me (she didn’t consider me to be girly so any girly activity was off the table–cheer, dance, sorority later, even volleyball). She had good points about the negatives of each activity but there is a lot of value in learning it on your own. I still maintain that I would have made similar decisions but not resented her in the process. Point being, keep letting her make her own way :)–you’re doing great!
As for consumerism, I haven’t gone down the rabbit hole yet, but a friend is reading/read Zero Waste Home and she is much more aware of her consumerism as part of the process of reducing waste. Maybe a different angle to take that would fun for kids?
Anonymous says
Sorry for a super gross question, but how solid should an 8 month old’s poop be? She’s eating some solids but still mostly breastmilk. I’ve seen conflicting things online – some people say it’s only constipation if it’s dry and pellet-like (which it’s not) but some other things say it’s too solid if it’s formed enough that you could pick it up off the diaper (which I could). She eats prunes every single day (to take a vitamin supplement) and has water with most meals, and we avoid constipating foods so it seems hard to believe that she’s constipated, but maybe she is.
lsw says
I can’t remember consistency but I do remember my son got constipated a few times around that time – their bodies are working hard to switch from milk to solids. My ped suggested trying pear juice (my son hated, did not work) and prunes (which he loved and your kid is already eating). I’d check with your ped but would assure you that changes in consistency and frequency are to b e expected at this point.
AnonMom says
I also remember constipation being an on-again, off-again problem around that age. I think it has to do with the fact that they are adjusting to new foods. Encourage water and milk. If you haven’t used a suppository, I HIGHLY recommend them – they are easy and painless, although it’s kinda terrifying to give one to your baby the first time. I listened to a pharmacist who told me to do it and he was totally right. I used less that one box during my baby’s entire first two years – but it was good to get a poop out before constipation became worse. https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/infant-and-toddler-health/expert-answers/infant-constipation/faq-20058519
Potty Training says
We started potty training my second a couple weeks ago and she’s done so, so great. She’s 100% trained for pee. Every once in a while she’ll not quite make it to the toilet in time (majority still makes it in), but she’s otherwise really on the ball.
She will not/cannot/does not (not sure which) poop in the toilet. When we first started, she was equally successful/not successful with pee and poop. But then, she just seemed to forget what “having to poop” feels like and never, ever goes in the toilet.
I have tried sitting her on the toilet when I know she has to go. She’s done it watching AN HOUR of tv. She got off, and in 2 minutes pooped in her underwear. We can’t seem to make the poop feeling = the pee feeling in terms of “mom I need to go potty!” This is falling to us as a home problem because she tends to have one BM a day, in the evenings. I suspect it’s the squatting that helps- when she goes, it’s always crouched down. We keep an eagle-eye on her but to no avail. She’ll be playing a game crouched down then all of a sudden poop and we can’t get her to the toilet in time.
Ideas? We had the exact opposite issue with my older one– she had one poop accident EVER but it took her months to get to the toilet in time to pee.
Anonymous says
Poop accidents are why we backed off and tried again in 6 months. They are no joke.
Anonymous says
We don’t want to back off because she’s totally got it for pee. Putting her back in diapers would be a big step back, I think. Pull ups were a consideration but I think they might prolong the issue. DH and I figure we’ll give it another week and if she’s still 0 progresss we’ll reconsider pull ups.
Anonymous says
It might be a different issue than you have but the author of Oh Crap! was on a podcast episode that addresses poop potty training specifically. Might be a place to start? Or some sort of squatty-potty for toddlers?
AnotherAnon says
For those of you in two parent working homes who send your kid to Montessori, what do you do when they have days off that you do not? Like such as Columbus Day? I know I should have planned better but here we are so I could use some advice/tips.
EB0220 says
Assuming you mean a baby/toddler/preschooler, one of us typically takes the day off or we both work from home and split kid duty. Occasionally we have hired a babysitter if the local schools are also out or had grandma watch them. (FWIW I don’t think this is a Montessori specific problem….all of the daycares we’ve been to have had random days off.)
BPS says
Our daycare observes all federal holidays (DC Area) and closes those days.
We’re sending DS to backup child care – nice perk my DH has onsite. I think the fact that it’s Bright Horizons and onsite also makes us comfortable. Will see how it goes this first time…
JTM says
My company has a backup daycare option we can use, but most of the time one of us just WFH on that day. We both have flexible jobs that make that possible.
BPS says
Someone sound the airhorns – I’m going to start the weaning process. DS is about 10 months and some change.
Thinking to drop my before bed (~11 PM) pumping session after next week, and then shorten and eventually drop the two at-work others across after that month, and eventually just stop the morning/before bed feeds and give cow’s milk once he’s ready. Don’t really have any desire to go beyond his first birthday around Thanksgiving but open for extending a 1-2 weeks if needed. I figure by the time my girl’s weekend comes around in early December, he’ll be fully weaned/there will be no milk left by the time I come back.
Anyone have any tips or things to watch out for?
OP says
…whoa. Was typing too fast. Let me know if I need to clarify anything.
AnonMom says
I went from pumping about 15-18 oz a day to nothing in about a week. I was just done and I think my body was too. No particular advice. Baby definitely didn’t care. Are you worried about you or the baby?
BPS says
Ha! Worried about myself. :) Good to know. My mom had the same experience on weaning both of her kids (she didn’t pump, but she said her body adjusted well). Did you reduce/drop sessions or stop cold turkey?
I think DS will be fine — he loves his solids, bottles at daycare, and sippy for water. Plus…those teeth are now giving me a touch of anxiety!
SP
photo maintenance stress says
Does anyone have a good strategy for organizing their digital photos? Now that we have kids, I feel a huge sense of anxiety about the fact that our digital photos are a mess — most are on my phone, some are on my husband’s phone, and some (from vacations and other big events) are on a memory card on my husband’s nice camera.
Husband and I both use iCloud for backup, so I know they are safely backed up, but they are not organized in any way across these three sources. All of the pics that have me in the photo are taken by my husband, and I often never see them again, so I feel like I need a system for transferring the “keepers” from his phone or the digital camera that would allow us to merge the photos from all three sources and make albums.
I also feel a little overwhelmed by the sheer number of photos we take. I’ve been trying to delete the less good shots and just keep 1 or 2 that capture the moment, soon after taking them, because once too much time passes and they are buried in my camera roll, I am less likely to deal with it.
Would love to hear about how other families manage this, because it is really starting to stress me out. Thanks!
HSAL says
We both back up to the same google photos account. I try to do what you do – delete before we backup – but my husband was not so I end up doing a lot of cleaning in the photos account. There used to be an easy way to upload them to Shutterfly for prints, but I think they took that away. You can make photo books from google photos but not prints, so that’s my downfall.
Boston Legal Eagle says
We have various albums set up on Google photos, which we can share with each other and family members. I have an iPhone and husband has a Samsung and we were both able to add the Google photos app to our phones to allow for easy uploads. Our nice camera is also synced so we can add from there as well. The albums are generally organized by theme (i.e. vacation to so-and-so, June 2018, son 12-18 months, etc.) and we can both add photos to these.
We also create physical albums on Shutterfly so at the end of the year, we transfer our favorite photos on there and create the year’s album. This takes some time, so if you are more organized, you can create an ongoing album for “Best Photos” that you add to (and delete) throughout the year.
Anon says
+1. We auto-sync to Google Photos, and have a “Best Photos 2018” album that we both add to during the year. We end up with a curated set of ~200 pics that feature all of the family. (Yes, I talked to my DH about being mindful about making sure I’m in the album, and HIM making a conscious effort to take and add pictures that include me.)
We make a Shutterfly “yearbook” from that album each year – we just let it auto-create the book from the folder, and we do a quick run through to make sure no heads are cut off – and it’s become our favorite New Years tradition to flip through prior books as a family.
EB0220 says
We use google photos, so I’m not sure how it works in iCloud. But my husband shared his entire backup library with me so I can access all of his photos. It’s still not super organized but Google’s UI and search are so good that I can usually find what I want.
ER says
I don’t have any suggestions, but thanks for asking the question —- this is my #1 cause of anxiety, too!
Diana says
If you are looking for a raincoat, Costco has really nice little trench coats for $30 that are perfect. With the collar unsnapped the top looks a lot like the featured one here, only a lot smoother and more tailored looking.
https://www.costco.com/Kirkland-Signature-Ladies-Trench-Rain-Jacket.product.100289441.html
(Costco is my unsung hero for work clothes – check the catalog not just the stores.)