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I’ve been on the hunt for a “night” bag — something I can wear out to dinners or to “adult” places where I’m not hauling diapers, snacks, and sippy cups. I want it to be purposefully small, as if to say “I CAN’T hold kid stuff even if I wanted to!” I also definitely want it to be a crossbody style. My dream bag is this one, but until I have a few extra hundred dollars lying around or have a milestone birthday, I’m on the lookout for an alternate. I really love this one by Vasic. This isn’t a brand I’m familiar with, but I love the size and the design. At $370, it’s not a purchase I would make on a whim, but it definitely is a suitable placeholder until my lotto numbers hit. The bag is available at Bloomingdale’s. Mini Mini Leather Shoulder Bag Here are two more affordable options: from Rebecca Minkoff for $198, and from AllSaints for $148, both at Nordstrom. This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!Sales of note for 9.10.24
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Kid/Family Sales
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- The concept of “backup care” is so stupid…
- I need tips on managing employees in BigLaw who have to leave for daycare pickup…
- I’m thinking of leaning out to spend more time with my family – how can I find the perfect job for that?
- I’m now a SAHM and my husband needs to step up…
- How can I change my thinking to better recognize some of my husband’s contributions as important, like organizing the shed?
- What are your tips to having a good weekend with kids, especially with little kids? Do you have a set routine or plan?
Cb says
This is lovely. I was eyeing up something similar in the window of the Cambridge Satchel Company recently – a lower price point but still very nice quality.
octagon says
I recently got an AllSaints bag similar to this and I love it. It came with two straps – one leather and one metal chain to up the look.
Minat says
Do any of you all feel like the abundance of kids’ parties and events focused on a particular season can dilute/ruin its specialness?
I felt this last year with respect to Halloween — our kids’ school had a Halloween party where all the kids wore costumes, then we went to a party at a local museum where again they wore costumes and got candy, then we went to a church event “trunk or treat” on the weekend before Halloween, and we went to another Halloween event with games and costumes. By the time we got to Halloween night, they were Halloween-ed out, and it didn’t feel nearly as special!
I know the obvious answer is, go to fewer things, but in some cases, we’ve already paid for them, or they’re a benefit to go with certain memberships we have, so my cheapness says to take advantage! Maybe having the kids wear more like “dress up” costumes to the ancillary events and wear their “real” Halloween costume to the main event would keep trick-or-treat night special?
Anon says
Personally, I would be elated if my kids didn’t want to actually go trick-or-treating ;) We live in the Midwest and it’s frequently freezing and/or snowing by the end of October. I think the point of Halloween is to see your kids in adorable costumes and see their excitement about the holiday. If they get through a school carnival or a church event and skip the actual door-to-door on Oct. 31 is it that big a deal?
Anonymous says
I don’t think a second set of costumes will make the door to door trick or treating more special. Just do less events. School costume day and door to door trick or treating is enough.
We’re pretty big on keeping holiday stuff simple. We’ve avoided the other ancillary events but pretty much every musuem/kids science centre in the city has some type of halloween event. And our church also does a trunk or treat.
Anon says
+1
Anonymous says
Idk what solution you are looking for. Just don’t go to all these events if you think they’re ruining the real thing
Lyssa says
I sort of see what you’re saying, but, at the same time, I really love that kids get more then one chance to wear their costumes. I just seems so wasteful to get the whole thing together for only one night. So, I guess I’m coming down on the pro side of more Halloween events.
Anonymous says
If you and the kids enjoy the ancillary events, I’d just keep doing them and then go with the flow on Halloween. If the kids don’t feel like trick or treating, you can still enjoy handing out candy as a family. It’s not like they are rejecting Thanksgiving dinner or the observance of a religious holiday.
My general rule for holidays is to do what seems most enjoyable, not necessarily what we “should” do. Whenever we follow this rule, everyone has a much better time.
Anonymous says
See, I feel exactly the opposite about Halloween. I love all the events and frankly just love fall. And I really enjoy that my kids get 3-4 wearings out of their costumes. More bang for the buck.
SC says
I’m a bit of a Halloween grinch, and I don’t mind trick-or-treating on Halloween but feel like the extra Halloween costume/trick-or-treating events are unnecessary. But I love fall! So I’m trying to focus on fall-themed stuff or just events to get us outside if/when the weather cools down. I have on my list a couple of festivals (beignet fest, a classic car/plane show, and Ren Faire), kids’ or family days at local state or federal parks, and a few local farms with hay rides, pumpkin patches, etc.
anon says
Yep, same. We don’t do trunk or treat events, or the costume party at the zoo, or any of that stuff. However, we’ll visit the pumpkin patch several times and maybe a fall festival. My daughter’s daycare does an extra trick-or-treating session around the neighboring businesses, which I’m fine with, but I totally hold the line on other Halloween events because it does make Halloween night feel less special.
Irish Midori says
Same.
Pigpen's Mama says
I’d just limit the number of events, or have them help you hand out candy on the day of.
I adore Halloween, so keep that in mind. In the last few years we had 3-4 different Halloween events before the 31st — school party, work parties (2), and a friend party. My daughter wore a different costume from her dress-up box to each — she has hand-me down costumes as well as some princess dresses and Melissa and Doug costumes she got as gifts. I loved it because it helped with the costume indecision and let her wear costumes that would otherwise be hard to trick or treat in. I think the different costumes kept it fresh for her, but she also loves Halloween.
anon says
I hear ya. DH and I love Halloween, and it can feel like a lot even for us. It can be a week-long celebration depending on what day it falls on during the week. My particular struggle is that our family also celebrates Diwali and it is usually around the same time, this year it is on Oct 27. It totally gets drowned out by Halloween. How can it even compete with costumes! pumpkins! and CANDY!
govtattymom says
Any suggestions for how to get to National Airport without a carseat? We are going to Disney in a few months, and we won’t need a carseat because we will take Disney transport to and from the airport. But how do we get to the airport? We are about a mile from the metro, but I can’t imagine dragging our bags and daughter on a mile walk. Thanks so much!
Anonymous says
Have one parent drop off daughter and other parent at the metro, take car back home. Parent and daughter enjoy fun trip on metro (my kids love it), other parent and bags take a lyft to the airport and meet them there.
Anonymous says
^ This is probably the best solution, but depending on how many bags/how big they are (and the weather), the walk might not be terrible? If you’re taking an umbrella stroller with you anyway, put kid in the stroller and parents trade off pushing it and wheeling the luggage.
govtattymom says
This is perfect. Thank you!
Anonymous says
Uber Family?
Anonymous says
I don’t think DC has it?
Anon says
Yep, DC does. Scroll down when you select your car and you’ll see Uber Car seat at a variety of levels (UberX, Black, Black SUV)
I will say, it’s a bit of a risk for quality of car seat and installation (I did it once and am in no rush to use it again). If I were you I would use one of the options listed above, but uber is an option.
govtattymom says
Good to know! Thank you!
Pigpen's Mama says
Just as a warning, I tried to use it once (years ago) and after waiting 30+ minutes for a ride that was “10 minutes away” the car was canceled on me and I frantically drove to DCA and just parked there.
We usually park at the airport for trips that are less than a week. It’s expensive, but it’s so much easier coming home if we can just get into the car and go — usually one parent goes to get the car while the other waits with the kid and bag, and do the reverse on departure.
Also, consider just asking a friend to drive you, this is advice I don’t take, because I HATE asking for favors, but I’m usually happy to help if the timing works out. I figure if we all started asking for a little help here or there,and offering a little help here or there, things like getting to the airport with a kid in a car seat, or running a kid-free errand when you don’t have another parent around, get a little easier.
Anonymous says
Are you bringing a stroller? Could one person push kiddo and the other bring the bags? Otherwise, I’d suggest one parent drive to the metro station, drop off other parent + kid + luggage, go home to drop off the car, and then walk back.
We’ve solved this problem by only flying out of BWI since having kids, since parking there is pretty cheap. We used to transit to DCA to save on parking, but with 2 little kids it’s not worth schlepping them on the metro (especially since we do bring carseats so we end up with a ridiculous amount of luggage).
anne-on says
I love the mifold for this. It’s perfect for short little trips/taxi rides of this sort.
Anonymous says
That’s a booster though isn’t it? Or do they have a car seat version now?
anne-on says
No, you’re right, I missed the booster part of the question!
Anonymous says
Is there a bus to the metro?
octagon says
+1, take bus to metro if that’s an option. Or we’ve asked a friend to shuttle us in our car to and from the metro.
Coming home, have one person Lyft from the airport as soon as you land to go get the car, then have the other parent wait with bags and kids.
Lala says
One option could be to ask a neighbor if they drive your car and drop you all off at the airport, then take the car back home. Also in DC, and our retired neighbor has done this for us (I’ve also paid a babysitter to do something similar). And BWI Long Term Parking is the way to go for long term flights ($8 per day).
anne-on says
+1 – there are a number of “I drive your car” services in our major NE suburb, I can’t imagine DC wouldn’t have something similar. I’d also call a corporate black car service. I use one for work that we also use for personal travel and they will put a car seat in their cars.
rosie says
I don’t think it’s at DCA, but Jourve from BWI is great. It’s basically valet, and I think they have changed their pricing, but it used to be a little cheaper per day than the long-term offsite lots plus a flat fee for the service, so more than parking offsite, but less than using the garage at BWI depending on how long you were parking.
GRR says
Vent: Last night, babysitter was supposed to arrive around 6 so we could grab dinner before a 7:30 show. Actual arrival, 6:45. No time for dinner, but still a chance we could get to the show on time. The traffic lights were against us and traffic was awful, culminating with being about 25 cars back from an accident that shut down the road. Needless to say, we were almost a half hour late, and very hungry, so we skipped the performance entirely ($150 down the drain), and just had dinner. Then we came home to find dirty dishes from the kids’ dinner in the sink (we have a dishwasher!!! just put them there!), and the leftover mac and cheese congealing in the pot. FFS. Not how our anniversary celebration was supposed to go.
Anonymous says
Slow friday, can we start a thread of fun/cute things our kids did? Mine is I got my kids matching halloween pajamas- so unnecessary, but my god I love watching them bop around in them. Also my daughter has recently started imitating our conversations- yesterday she asked my husband how his day was, and it was the cutest thing ever.
Spirograph says
The other day, a random cat showed up in our yard. It had a collar, looked clean, and was friendly, so my 6yo son was petting it. 5-10 min later, I heard screams — the cat had apparently gotten spooked when a helicopter flew by (or for some other reason, who knows) and scratched my son’s arm. While I took him inside to wash the scratches, he gasped in between wails, “THIS IS WHY I HATE HELICOPTERS!!!!” (point of order: he, like most other little boys, loves helicopters; they fly by our house frequently).
Anon says
For background, I’m a lawyer (husband is not), and my husband is a coffee aficionado, while I’m just an occasional drinker. We were in DC recently and visited the Supreme Court. They’ve got a nice exhibit there about the first women to gain court admission. I explained to my 4 year old daughter that people used to think that girls couldn’t be lawyers, wasn’t that silly, because girls can do anything boys can do.
She agreed enthusiastically, and pointed out that I can do anything that Daddy can do, then added “You can even make coffee, just like Daddy can!”
Pigpen's Mama says
Hah!
I was reading Scott Kelly’s book about becoming an astronaut to my 5 year old, and we discussed how the Mercury Seven were all men. I told her women weren’t allowed to be astronauts back then, and she said “That’s RUDE!”
Emily S. says
My girls ask to sing Let It Go at bedtime, so we’re all piled in a rocking chair, singing. The oldest one says “test the lemons” instead of limits, and the youngest can only say “Let it Go,” so we’re hilariously off-sync and off-key, but it’s the best.
Boston Legal Eagle says
We were all having dinner last night and my husband and I were disagreeing about what our 3.5 year old said (Jill/jail) and then the 3.5 year old said “Guys GUYS, stop fighting between you two” like he was our mediator. It was so hilariously random because my husband and I don’t fight or disagree much and I bet he heard this from preschool. He then made the baby laugh hysterically, while husband and I can only get a smirk out of him.
This makes it sound like there’s a lot of arguments in our family but there really aren’t, which makes his statement even more hilarious.
Anon. says
My two year old gave me permission to leave the dinner table to go play with his toys last night:
S: Mama, you done?
M: Yes, mama’s food is all gone.
S: You can go play with my dumptruck in living room.
Katy says
We were reading “twas the night before christmas” this morning (as one does in October…):
1. As the sleigh lands on the roof you flip the page and finally see Santa. The LO cries out: “SANTA!” like he is genuinely surprised at who landed on the roof. What luck!
2. He hasn’t quite figured out the St. Nicholas = Santa, so he kept asking where his cousin “went” and when he would be back in the story. (Cousin’s name is Nikolas and separately on page 2 LO decided that the little boy in “nestled snug in his bed” was Nicolas and the female child was his other cousin Alex.)
We also visited a bunch of friends on the other side of the country (which LO deemed a “party” all weekend long), and he has been retelling all the fun stuff we did, including a detailed description of who to play fetch with a dog. “He eats it, then he puts it down, i pick it up, and hold it, then THROW it.”
Anon says
DH’s allergies are acting up something fierce (or he has his third cold in as many months, I’m rooting for the former) and is an obnoxiously loud nose blower (seriously, I thought elephants were trumpeting through our house all night long). This morning while he was blowing his nose, toddler covered her nose with her hand and starting making similar noises. The mimicry was on point, and I nearly fell off the bed laughing.
Anonymous says
We were doing some driving last weekend and get my 4 year old the ipad with headphones. Her incredibly loud, off-tune singing without a care in the world, without being able to hear herself, was the best.
Em says
My 3 1/2 year old is obsessed with talking about smoke alarms (where they are, what they do, what noise they make, why we have them, etc.). Before bed the other night he was talking to me about them and told me they go “wooooo wooooo wooo!” and they “hurt his feelings”. I asked him what he meant about it hurting his feelings and he repeated, “yea, it hurts my feelings”. I asked him what his feelings were and he pointed to his ears. I told him, through hysterical laughing, that those were his ears, not his feelings and he was completely astounded and incredulously asked what his feelings were then.
anon says
this literally made me lol.
Anonymous says
Well, technically it feels painful, so I can see where he’s coming from!
FVNC says
I adore all these comments.
My first grader’s parent teacher conference was yesterday, and we learned that her only issue is that she’s sometimes “a little argumentative.” The teacher gave us an example, saying that kiddo got upset when teacher told her not to interrupt teacher (who was working with a small group) with “questions” unless she’d already asked three other friends. My daughter insisted that she didn’t have a “question,” and therefore the guidance to “ask friends” was, essentially, not applicable. Of course we told the teacher we’d work with her on it, but I have to admit, my (internal) reaction was: she’s not wrong! And of course, as the kid of two lawyers, she comes by this trait honestly.
Katy says
I love this!
Anonymous says
DD is 2.5 and offering us things kindly like “mama would you like some peanut butter?” It’s adorable. She’s also doing crafts at preschool and is SO excited to show daddy her artwork when we get home.
So Anon says
As many know, my little family has been through a tough year. I was driving with my 8 year old son back from one of his many appointments (OT? maybe), and we were talking about how well our family dog has adjusted to the changes: she has lost weight, has the energy of a puppy, loves her new doggie friends in the neighborhood, and has even adjusted well to being the sole protector of the family (ex took one dog and I took the other). My son, who has had a tough time with the divorce, responded, “Yeah, [Dog] is doing really well. It was really tough at first, but all these changes, they have been really good for everyone. We are all so much better now.” My jaw hit the floor. It has been a tough year, which is not over yet, but to know that my son thinks this was a good move, I’m holding on to that thought.
Anonymous says
Awww, how wonderful! Hang in there.
AwayEmily says
I teared up a little at this. Really wonderful.
FVNC says
+3. Beyond being incredibly strong to get through the tough year you’ve had, this shows what an amazing parent you are, to raise a child who 1) feels this way, 2) can articulate those feelings, and 3) wants to share them with his mom.
Spirograph says
Yes, all of this. Good for you, and I hope things keep getting better!
IHeartBacon says
+Infinity
Anon says
Love this! My toddler has recently been going “mmmm” and smiling when she eats something especially good. Also, she is in a really big singing phase – I can’t tell if they are totally made up or songs she learned at daycare that I don’t know but either way it’s cute!
Anonymous says
Mine wanted to wear socks over his footy pjamas.
Hiking says
Does anyone have a frame hiking backpack for your little one that you love? I am having a little bit of sticker shock at the highly rated ones. We usually go on 3-5 mile hikes, nothing crazy, but would like something for the stage where that’s too tough for kiddo.
Anonymous says
This is something that is pretty easy to get used in my area. Granted I live in NYC so population density helps, but they are durable and have a short lifespan because kids grow so fast.
Anonymous says
I tested them all and the only one I could stand was the Deuter Kid Comfort. I waited and bought it at REI with one of the 25% off coupons they offer about twice a year. The Kelty models, while cheaper, are terrible. The kid’s center of mass is so high and far away from your body that the Kelltys feel unsafe and compromise your balance and agility.
Unless you are an experienced backpacker used to carrying heavy loads for long distances, 3-5 miles with a kid in a backpack can actually seem pretty long.
Anonymous says
+1 to the Deuter Kid Comfort. You can look for a second hand one as they wear like iron and they hold their value. I think I bought second hand at like $150 and resold at like $100.
Spirograph says
We got a Chicco one secondhand for about $25 (Craigslist, iirc) that was fine for as much as we used it. TBH, I found the ergo pouch just as comfortable for short hikes, albeit without the convenience of keeping the kid contained while off your body.
Anonymous says
If you are going on hikes of only 3-5 miles I strongly suggest a kinderpack or lillebaby instead. Kinderpack at least has a toddler size (and a preschooler size…). We had a very large (tall/heavy) toddler and could never find a framed carrier that would let us carry him that distance comfortably- but we could comfortably carry him 3 miles when he was a 40lb 3 year old in our toddler kinderpack. It’s well padded and I think what makes it easier is that the weight is lower down on your body. It allowed us to do some pretty decent hikes, since by that age he could walk a couple miles and then be carried for a few miles.
rosie says
We picked one up for $50 from CL (an Osprey barely used), definitely look on CL and fb marketplace — this is an item that many people buy aspirationally and has a limited period of use anyways. We kind of gave up on finding one that me and my husband can both comfortably carry, just a warning, but I’m not going to complain about him doing the majority of the kid carrying when we hike (he likes Osprey packs).
Pigpen's Mama says
+1
This reminds me to post the barely-used backpack carrier we have (which we bought after the one we bought used was ruined when bleach spilled all over it).
blueberries says
I recommend posting on Nextdoor to see if anyone has one they want to sell. It’s so easy to buy one new if you hiked a lot before kids and then rarely use it.
EB0220 says
We got the Deuter KidComfort II and it was great but didn’t last that long. Honestly those things are so darn heavy that I just used a soft structured carrier (Kinderpack) for most hikes.
RR says
We had and loved an Osprey Pogo, although I feel you on the sticker shock. I will say that the resale was pretty good for it, so we made back some of the money.
Anonymous says
We have a Phil and Ted one that is sooooo comfortable on my short frame. I waited so long to buy it because I was hesitant about the price and I wish I hadn’t.
anon says
My DH has been working some unavoidable, insane hours lately, even on the weekends, and I’m feeling really tired and worn out from solo parenting. The grandparents aren’t particularly helpful (a whole other story) and I don’t have a huge stable of babysitters at the ready. I’m seriously considering taking them to a drop-in daycare place for a few hours tomorrow, just to get some peace and quiet and take a nap. Is that terrible of me, after they’ve been in daycare and school all week? Are there any other creative ideas that I’m not thinking of? My efforts to even find a neighbor kid/mother’s helper for this busy period has completely bombed … everyone is just so freaking busy with kid activities of every kind. I feel like I’m crying out for help and NOBODY IS THERE. It takes me a long time to get to the point where I even ask, so when I do, it feels extra crappy when I don’t receive it.
anne-on says
Is there a nanny agency that does short term care by you? We have 2-3 in our town that allow you to pre-register (for a fee) and then you can book short-term nannies for anywhere from 4hours to days. If not, YES, put your own oxygen mask on first! And truly, let the standards slip as much as you can. Skip kid classes. Let them sleep in tomorrow’s clothing, baths 1-2x/week, dinner from Trader Joes/pre-bagged raw veggies/bananas/easy fruit/frozen section.
I’m sorry, solo parenting is rough, doing it for an extended period with no help is even harder.
Anonymous says
Nope it’s a great idea! They will be fine and you are very much not fine right now.
Anonymous says
Do the drop-in tomorrow. You need to take care of yourself too.
Longer term – try contacting the local colleges with childcare related programs – early childhood education, education, psych, nursing etc. They usually have job boards for their students. Also ask your daycare teachers if they know anyone looking for extra hours. Many childcare workers know other people in the industry.
Leatty says
Don’t feel guilty for dropping your kids off at daycare tomorrow. I’m sure they will have a great time, and you very much need to take care of yourself. DH and I get a babysitter every Sunday afternoon for a few hours so we can have a much needed break for ourselves. Sometimes we do fun things together, sometimes we do chores, and sometimes we just relax and do absolutely nothing. We have a membership to a local babysitting service (not care.com) that arranges qualified and trustworthy sitters for us (although we pay the sitters directly). Is there anything like that in your area?
anon says
you should totally do this. i know i would. i bet your kids will have fun!
Anon says
Do it — my H just had two back-to-back 5 day trips, and I had a babysitter for two nights, one night of which I just sat at Starbucks so someone else could put my kid to bed.
Also, check daycare for babysitters, our most reliable babysitters have been daycare teachers.
So Anon says
Do it! Solo parenting is really tough and wearing. Take a few hours to yourself: take a nap, luxuriate in silence, go for a walk, whatever fills your bucket. Please don’t feel guilty for taking care of yourself. If you take a few hours to take care of your needs, it is more likely that you will be ready for your kids, be a more present parent and spouse later in the day. In fact, I would extend this by a few hours: can you get take-out on paper plates tomorrow night? When you have solo time tomorrow, grab your favorite dessert and stash it away for after bedtime tomorrow night. Give yourself a day or weekend to take every short cut that gives you a chance to breathe.
Anon says
Another idea if you’re on Facebook, find your town’s mom’s group. Then ask if they know the best way to find a mothers helper for a few hours on the weekend. My town has a separate babysitter group where babysitters are constantly looking for a non-regular couple hour gig to make extra money. But you also may get some leads on your moms group. I found one of my most reliable sitters because a teacher friend saw my post and connected me with a retired-teacher now-substitute teacher who didn’t mind picking up a few hours on a weekend.
anon says
+1, my smallish city has this and it’s been super useful for finding short term sitters.
IHeartBacon says
It’s a great idea. You’ll be rejuvenated and they’ll benefit from it. I’d rather spend 1 hour having an amazing, fun time with a loved one over 12 hours with a loved one who is in a terrible mood because she’s overworked, overwhelmed, and exhausted. There are a lot of hours in a weekend. Taking them to day care for “a few hours” still leaves a lot of hours for you and them to spend together.
Anonymous says
Where do you buy dresses for yourself for daytime non-work dress-up occasions? I recently joined a church choir and need to come up with a church outfit nearly every week. I much prefer dresses to pants or skirt + sweater. The dress must go under a choir robe and also be church-appropriate without the robe. My work dresses are too structured, and all the pretty soft dresses from Reformation and the like are totally inappropriate for this purpose. Over the summer I’ve been getting by with Lilly Pulitzer, but that won’t work for fall and winter. To make things even more challenging, I am super long-waisted so everything needs to be alterable or available in tall (but also small) sizes. Where should I be looking, and for what types of styles?
Anonymous says
Following. I think what I want are sheath dresses/shifts with 3/4 sleeves. But the “dressier than casual but not professional or formal” is hard. I need outfits both for church and for dress down days at work (which is otherwise all suits).
GCA says
Consider the cost per wear and how much you’ll be wearing them – I get my ‘dressy-ish’ non-work dresses from Modcloth or Loft, and it’s fine that they’re not super high-quality because I wear them so rarely that they don’t wear out.
Anonymous says
I love Boden’s day dresses, and Nordstrom has some decent options, too. Target sometimes has decent finds, but I usually lack the patience to look for them. My office is fairly casual, so I can throw on a blazer and wear the silhouettes for work as church and justify a bit better quality.
Also, how do you feel about skirts? I’m also fairly long-waisted, and skirt + sweater doesn’t usually require the tailoring a dress might.
NYCer says
J. McLaughlin, Madewell, Amour Vert, Sezane, J. Crew.
anne-on says
The long sleeved or 3/4 sleeved Boden ponte dresses would be perfect for this. I think they’re a bit casual for work (so I won’t wear them for meetings) but they’d fit this need perfectly – there are a bunch on sale now.
AwayEmily says
You have to search a little to find the ones that are not too “sporty,” but I’ve often found great “non-work” dresses from Eddie Bauer/Title 9/etc. Super comfortable and often good for travel, too.
You might also want to check out Uniqlo.
Anonymous says
Banana Republic has wrap dresses that come in tall.
rosie says
I’d look at Lands End and Old Navy — both should have tall options. I’m 5’8” and long-waisted and have some tall, some regular LE dresses — the tall are more modest but I don’t think the regular are scandalously short or anything. I haven’t actually tried the ON sheath dresses, but have heard good things, and I like the other dresses I have from them.
IHeartBacon says
You should check out Nordstrom’s Trunk Club. You can tell your stylist exactly what you wrote in your post about what your criteria is for dresses and they will pull 10-12 dresses for you to try on at home. You’ll get to preview the trunk before they send it and veto things so you’ll have a chance to see if your stylist is on the right track. I’ve always had really good success finding specific outfits to wear for events this way.
IHeartBacon says
Also, check out the Gal Meets Glam collection. It has a lot of dresses that look church-appropriate: https://m.shop.nordstrom.com/brands/gal-meets-glam-collection–18476?origin=productBrandLink
Anon says
Sorry to write about such a serious topic on a Friday afternoon, but does anyone else have a spouse with depression? My husband has been depressed probably since childhood. He sees both a psychologist for counseling, and a psychiatrist for meds. He journals, works out, pursues hobbies, and does every other kind of self care he’s supposed to. He’s still probably operating at a 4 out of 10 pretty much all the time where a non depressed person would be at a 7. A normal day for him feels like what a pretty cr@ppy day at work feels like for the rest of us. We had a really nice day once a few days ago, nothing spectacular, but just like a nice day. Later he was like “wow, that was amazing!” I explained gently that every day was more or less like that for me. Does anyone have any suggestions for coping? I see a therapist myself, mostly for figuring out how to deal with my husband. When he’s doing slightly better, which is maybe 2 or 3 days a month, he’s amazing. He’s smart, funny, caring, thoughtful, a great listener, adventurous, and wonderful. But the slog of all those other days is getting to me. It hurts me to see him so down on himself all the time. And it’s exhausting to have to build him up all the time to just keep him close to an even keel. I’ve come to realize that most of the time I don’t enjoy being with him. I love him. I’m not going anywhere. But I don’t look forward to spending time together most of the time. He’s miles better than he was five years ago when he started aggressively treating his depression, and it’s been four years since a major depressive episode (thank God) which I think is largely due to his hard work re wiring his bad brain pathways. So there’s hope it could get better still. But I’m just getting worn out.
Anonymous says
You are not alone. You have just pretty much summed up my life. What’s really frustrating is the way it affects the rest of the family. A nice day that he doesn’t ruin by complaining about the cost or the effort is so rare that even the kids notice and comment on how amazing it is. Another part of your post that really resonates with me is having to build him up all the time. There is so much listening and walking the fine line of encouraging without patronizing or appearing to problem-solve. There have been times when I’ve had to protect him from triggers by turning off the news, fixing things around the house before he knew they were broken, etc. You are absolutely right that it is exhausting. And you are never allowed to have a hard time with anything yourself. It’s your job to support him–he has no capacity to support you.
One thing that helps is to protect some time away from him, both for yourself and for the kids. I take the kids with me to do errands on weekends, the kids participate in time-consuming sports and activities, and I take a lot of workout classes and participate in community activities that allow me to get out of the house on my own. If he can travel alone to see family or friends once in a while, that will give you an amazing break.
OP says
“Protecting him from triggers”. YES. “ You are never allowed to have a hard time with anything yourself.” YES YES.
anon says
I’m your spouse in my relationship, so I’m not sure I am qualified to give advice, but I just wanted to say that I bet your husband appreciates your support and love so much more than you know. Before I met my DH, I had multiple partners bring up my depression/anxiety as a reason for why they couldn’t stay/be with me (which I completely understand and respect – I know it’s not for everyone). My DH has never once made me feel like a lesser or defective person (which some of these exes did, and that part really hurt) and your post reminded me of how hard it must be to be with me sometimes. I would just say take time to care of yourself, however that is. for my DH it’s working out and hanging out one on one with some of his guy friends. You sound like a really good spouse and your husband is lucky to have you. :)
OP says
Thanks. Oftentimes his depression manifests as being (1) hyper sensitive; (2) hyper critical; and (3) dissatisfied with everyone and every thing, me very much included. Those are the hardest times. I hope I’m a good spouse. I try, but it’s not always easy.
Anonymous says
Try discussing with your therapist about specific strategies to address recurring situations. My DH doesn’t have mental health issues but he can be very negative when he doesn’t agree with something. I have had to draw a hard boundary on certain situations. Basically he has been told that you don’t have to come along but if you come then you don’t have to enjoy it but you do have to refrain from complaining about it. If you cannot do that, then you cannot come. Tell your DH that if he needs to address his tendency to criticize with his therapist.
Complaints about legitimate problems can exist in a marriage but just being critical of your partner can become really unhealthy – Gottman has this labelled as one of the four horsemen of divorce – https://www.gottman.com/blog/c-is-for-contempt-criticism/
Anonymous says
When was his medication last adjusted? Sounds like he should be discussing this with his psychiatrist.
OP says
Recently and constantly. :( He recently said he’s going to ask about electro conducive therapy. He’s pretty worn out being down all the time, especially since he know realizes it’s not reality and other people don’t feel this way. I think it seems not serious because he’s fully functional. He’s a talented lawyer, has a family, and seems successful. It’s not the intensity but the relentlessness that makes it actually quite serious in terms of impacting his life. I’d take periodic major depression over this any day. We’ve done that, too. It’s scary as hell, but it passes. Assuming no one dies, you can just grit your teeth and get through it (he’s never been dangerous but there were times I was afraid he’d hurt himself. Those were scary, scary times.). But you can have an action plan for that. The daily stuff though? There’s nothing to do but get through today and then tomorrow.
Anonymous says
Has he looked into TMS? ECT is … major.
Anonymous says
All the hugs. Not sure how old your kids are but I would encourage you to make it a regular practice to take a solo vacation a couple times a year – even if it’s just a three day weekend. You need time to reset where you are able to think only of yourself and your own needs. Our oldest child has special needs but DH and I have both found it very helpful to take a solo long weekend vacation to get a complete break from ‘caring’ for anyone but ourselves. Being a mental health caregiver is not less demanding than being a physical caregiver. If your husband had a physical impairment and needed regular assistance from you, you wouldn’t hesitate to schedule breaks from that role. Please think of mental health caregiving in the same way.
OP says
I wish. But our kids both have special needs, not major, but definitely a thing. It’s highly unlikely my husband would be up for a weekend solo with them. I also have a homesick au pair who frequently comes to me when she’s feeling lonely. I’m everyone’s support.
Anonymous says
Hi OP
– not sure if you are still reading but when DH and I take an overnight we always do a weeknight as my parents can handle supper and bedtime but not full time all day. So we drop the kids at daycare and then head out of town, my parents pick up after daycare, do bedtime and drop them back to daycare the next morning and then we pick up from daycare at the end of the day.
If your DH needed a break I bet you would find a way to make it work – try to treat yourself as kindly as you treat others.
Anon says
Wow, that sounds so difficult. Hugs! Seriously, do what you can to recharge, and good for you for getting support in therapy.
anon says
Hi all,
Hope this isn’t too late for some responses. I’m 21 weeks pregnant with my first and just had my Level II (~20 week) ultrasound today. I had the ultrasound somewhere other than my OB’s office so I won’t go back to this place until birth, assuming everything goes well.
I opted not to do any of the genetic testing. I’m in my 20s and the results wouldn’t impact my decision about the pregnancy.
But during my ultrasound the nurse said the baby had a thick neck and asked if we had testing done. I said no and she said no problem, that’s perfectly normal and moved on. When the doctor was reviewing the results with me afterward she also said everything looked normal and confirmed that we didn’t get any testing done. I did not ask her about the thick neck because I was upset by that point and tend to clam up when I’m upset.
So, of course, I do a little googling and a thick neck is one of the signs that the baby possibly has down syndrome but it also occurs in a small chunk of normal pregnancies. I have an OB appointment with my regular OB next week and I will ask her about the neck.
Just looking for some encouraging words, I guess. Did anyone have a pregnancy where the baby had a thick neck but did not have down syndrome? If the baby does have down’s, I’ll get over it of course, it is just a little jarring to hear for the first time.
Thank you.
Anon says
Ask your OB about it; just call up and leave a message.
A lot of babies with a thick nuchal fold are completely healthy. I would encourage you to consider the variety of testing options available: there are inexpensive blood tests (maternal serum screening) that measure for factors associated with genetic abnormalities. The cell free DNA test is inexpensive if you do cash pay (almost exactly $250 through Natera), which will tell you almost definitively whether or not your child has genetic abnormalities, as well as do gender testing if you are interested in that. Your insurance may cover these tests if the nuchal fold is thicker than normal, or may only cover the amnio.
My husband and I opted to cash-pay for the cell free DNA test; I’m almost 40, and although we would keep our baby no matter what, we wanted to know ahead of time. We also thought that since the amnio has some risks and the cell free DNA has almost no risk, it was worth paying out of pocket for the test that has no risks.
Anonymous says
I’m sorry the ultrasound tech said that to you, it was thoughtless of her. She should have mentioned it privately to the doctor, and the doctor could have made the decision whether the images warranted asking about additional testing. My ultrasound techs only chatted about inane things with me or pointed out baby body parts during my scans, and I appreciate that they didn’t give me anything to stew over, because you can’t help it once someone puts the thought in your head! I have a bicornuate uterus, which I did not learn until my first prenatal ultrasound, and the u/s tech just excused herself for a minute and went and got the doctor.
I know it’s easier said than done, but I would not worry about this while you wait for your next OB appointment. Likely the tech *did* mention your baby’s neck to the doctor, and if the doctor didn’t discuss it with you, she must have thought it wasn’t an issue.
Anonymous says
The director of our daycare has a daughter with Down syndrome. She is a lovely girl but Down syndrome does come with health challenges. They chose to have testing down not because they would consider terminating but because they wanted to be prepared to deal with the associated medical issues
Anon says
I would call back and ask to talk to the doctor or at least sent him/get a message! My guess is that if the doctor didn’t mention it to you, everything is fine, but there’s no reason to worry until your next appointment!
Anon says
There are usually other markers for Downs, and my guess is your baby doesn’t have them and so your doctor didn’t feel the need to investigate further (missing nasal bone, heart abnormality, etc). Do you know if your baby’s neck is on the thick end of average, or above average? I did have the nuchal screening done and my baby had a “thick but still in the range of normal” neck. Combined with my bloodwork, I was told he had a 1 in 7 chance of having Downs. I wouldn’t have terminated, but did have more testing done for peace of mine. He does not have Down’s and is totally healthy. (But because of the tests I had to have lots of scans through the rest of pregnancy…so all this extra testing can lead to more hassle.)
Anon says
A friend had the same US result and did the Harmony test for peace of mind. It came back low risk and her child does not have Down’s. Personally, I would do that test. I think it’s something like 98% accurate, so it can give you a much more definitive answer. It only costs a few hundred dollars if your insurance won’t cover it.
Anonymous says
You probably won’t see this, but I am pretty opposed to extra testing. We opted out of a lot of things but did get the genetic testing (trisomy test?) that tells you if your baby will have one of those variants that would lead to death right after birth and it also included the downs test. I got it for two reasons:
1) the only reason I would have terminated would be if the baby would be born on to live a short, painful life so I wanted to know if that was possible/likely and
2) my friend has a child with Down’s and highly recommended finding out because she found it much easier to research treatment, care options, etc. without a tiny baby to take care of too. That made a lot of sense to me (as someone who would also research the crap out of that stuff).