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I like this maternity dress from ASOS for a few reasons. First, the tortoiseshell buttons all the way down the front are oversized and play with proportions a bit to add some interest. Next, I like how it’s full coverage — full sleeves, midi length, with a collar. Also, I personally love the army green/khaki color, which I think is universally flattering. In the little video of it on the site, it looks like it has a nice drape and flow to it. This dress is $56, is eligible for free shipping and returns, and is available in sizes 2–16. Midi Shirt Dress with Buttons Building a maternity wardrobe for work? Check out our page with more suggestions along both classic and trendy/seasonal lines. This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!Sales of note for 3.28.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anonymous says
My 2.5 year old is such a bad sleeper. Always has been. As a baby, she’d be up 2-3x/night until idk, like 15 months. We had to do CIO for naps and bedtime several times, and until about age 2 she still cried/screamed/fussed herself to sleep- even when she transitioned to a bed.
Now, she’s trying to drop her nap. BuT in like my older kiddo, when this one doesn’t nap, she doesn’t/can’t go to bed much earlier or sleep later. So she’ll skip the nap and go to bed at 7:30 instead of 8, but is DONE by 6:30 and just a train wreck until she finally crashes at 7:30.
And, she’s now started to have nightmares/night terrors and gets up ~1am screaming OR needing to pee. No matter why she wakes up, she cannot get back to sleep. Her bed, our bed, her bed with DH or me in bed or on the floor near her, doesn’t matter. She just stares at the ceiling and every 20-30 minutes cries out that it’s “just to tricky to go back to sleep.”
Is it one to see a sleep specialist? My oldest was nothing like this and my 3rd has normal-for-a-baby sleep habits.
Other ideas?
AwayEmily says
No specific advice but if I were in your shoes I probably would see a specialist, mostly because it would mean that someone else would tell me what to do and I wouldn’t have to devote the time/mental effort to trying to figure it all out. Especially since your other kids have pretty normal sleep habits, it’s definitely not something you’re doing wrong and probably doesn’t have a simple fix. And I suspect at this point you’ve probably tried everything! So for what it’s worth I think it could be worth seeing a specialist less because this seems like something “serious” (whatever that means) and more because it seems like it must be a huge drain on you mentally and physically and so why not outsource it if you can afford to. Good luck!
anon says
Yes! Great advice!
Anonymous says
‘Trying’ to fall asleep usually makes it harder to actually fall asleep. Around that age I had success with telling my kids it was okay if they couldn’t sleep, but they had to rest their bodies and that meant they had to lie in bed with their eyes closed. Lying in bed with one’s eyes closed tends to naturally help with falling asleep. Being told that they had to lie in bed with their eyes closed to rest their eyes and bodies, but that it was okay if they didn’t fall asleep seemed to take the pressure off and help them be able to fall asleep.
Does she have a lovey like a blanket or stuffie to cuddle with? My middle kid has like 5 stuffies he sleeps with but I don’t care because they comfort him at night.
Anonymous says
To add: Things we have tried in no particular order along the way:
– snuggly lovey (no interest in anything- animal, blanket, mommy pillow…)
– OK to wake clock (oh also she used to wake up at 4:45 for the day from 15-22 months)
– white noise
– snacks
– waking her intentionally at our bedtime to pee so she won’t wake herself up
– diaper/pull-up overnight (and not)
– sleeping upside down/ on the floor/ in a different room or bed
– music
– putting books next to her to read if she couldn’t sleep
– starry nightlight thing
– regular night light
– no night light
– rest / quiet time when she won’t nap
– relaxing vs sleeping (she cannot do this)
She hated being held/rocked to sleep as a baby after ~5 months so not surprisingly she still isn’t wild on that.
She never took a paci and is too old to start, but we did try that back in the day. Also a sippie of water in her crib/beds.
Last night she went to bed at 7:30 after no nap all day, woke up screaming with a nightmare ~11:30 and we got her calmed down and back to sleep by 12. Then she was up at 3 and didn’t get back to sleep until 5(!). And was up for the day at 6:30. And she tried the whole time to sleep, just laying pathetically staring at the ceiling.
Anon says
Our daughter never got to quite that level, but she has always had trouble falling asleep, including falling back to sleep in the middle of the night. As you probably already know, night terrors are triggered by sleep deficits – it’s a vicious cycle.
The thing that has worked best for her has been sleep stories. We currently use the ones in the Moshi Twilight app, but have also used the free podcast Be Calm on Ahway Island in the past. It’s not a magic bullet, but it’s made a real difference. It helps her turn off her brain and actually relax, which in turn helps her go to sleep.
Anon says
And to be clear – music was a resounding failure for her. She really needs a narrative to listen to. She’s now in early elementary and has an ADHD diagnosis and anxiety symptoms that manifest in other areas, and I think her sleep difficulties are related. We started the sleep stories when she was 3.5, so I’m not sure whether they would have worked at 2.5. Worth a shot, though.
Anonymous says
You have probably already tried, but have you looked at increasing her physical activity during the day? Anecdotally, I had a lot of trouble falling asleep/staying asleep as a child (probably not as significant as your daughter) and was not a particularly active child. When I was more active (swim team, later jogging) it got way easier to sleep. With my current preschooler, we literally have him run laps in the driveway or go jogging (intervals of run/walk). He gets very emotionally tired by preschool since he stopped napping around 2.5, but sometimes still needs more physical activity to actually sleep.
Fellowsleepdeprivedmom says
We had a similar experience with our 2nd child. In desperation, and after reading some sleep book (Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child maybe?), we started putting her to bed freakishly early (before the sleep exhaustion kicked in) with great success. For months, we’d put her to bed at about 6:00. Everyone thought we were weird, but she got the sleep she needed, her night terrors ended, she was more pleasant during the day, and EVERYONE was happier.
westernisland says
I’m in a similar boat except that my child will go back to sleep after night waking. If she did not, I would consult a specialist. I feel for you. Child #2 has totally different sleep habits than child #1. She refuses to nap, but can’t keep it together until bedtime and she wakes up about 5 a.m. every day. For my own sanity, I have back peddled on a bunch of habits we swore we’d never allow – like laying with her in bed until she falls asleep and allowing her into our bed when she wakes at night – and have just decided that this too shall pass. But being wide awake in the middle of the night would definitely put me over the edge. I hope you find a solution!
Anonymous says
I long since backpedaled. We cannot figure anything out. The only thing I haven’t backpeddled on is straight up drugging her (melatonin, Benadryl…whiskey…j/k).
I keep telling myself omits a phase and then as soon as one phase is over another sh*t sleep one starts. She’s nearing three and I can probably count on my hands the number of easy bedtimes followed by 11-12 hours of straight sleep. Meanwhile, my 5 y/o logs 7:30-7:30 and has since she dropped her nap at 2.5, and my infant sleeps 7:30-7:30 with +/- a wake up unless she’s sick. I know they’re on the easy side of the sleep spectrum but I just know how bad the other side of normal is here. I do feel like being awake for 3 hours in the dead of night is not normal!
Legally Brunette says
For a sleep specialist, I highly recommend Dr. Erin Evans of Baby Sleep Science. Consults are all over the phone, so you can be anywhere. She’s amazing.
foldingstroller says
Does anyone have a light folding stroller they recommend to keep in the car?
Anonymous says
mountain buggy nano
Anonanonanon says
seconding moutain buggy nano. I had never heard of it but decided I was going to physically go to the store and test strollers when it came to my compact/lightweight “always in the car” stroller and this was by far the winner.
Anonymous says
Thirding mountain buggy nano. Sturdy, one-handed push, and also travels well (fits in overhead bin so you don’t have to wait for it plane side). You can lay it almost completely flat so you can put an infant seat in it. And we also put our convertible seat in it for travel through airport.
rosie says
Summer Infant 3D Lite. It doesn’t fold quite as compactly, but it’s less expensive while still having a basket, canopy, and recline. I lusted after Zoe strollers to use as our light/travel option, but couldn’t justify the cost to myself given the strollers we already have.
anon says
My son is 4 now, but we used this and loved it. It’s great for vacations too.
rosie says
Oh, and we can usually get the Cosco Scenera Next convertible seat, which we use for travel, perched into the stroller when it’s reclined, then pile stuff on top for getting through airports.
Anon says
We keep the Summer Infant 3D Lite in my husband’s car (and use it for travel). You can usually get it on sale for around $75ish.
Anonymous says
Zoe strollers are light and easy to fold and have great sunshades. Not exceptionally cheap, but you can get open-box ones that are in perfect condition for a discount.
KateMiddletown says
maclaren
Anonparent says
Hey , just wanted to pop back and thank whoever recommended How to Talk So Your Kids Will Listen… in response to my parenting issues with Difficult Child last week. I am halfway through the book, and it is so, so helpful. I would probably never have picked it up on my own.
Redux says
We have this on our shelf and just ordered “How to talk so LITTLE kids will listen”– geared toward ages 2-7. I will report back!
KC says
Thank you for the recommendation for “How to talk so LITTLE kids will listen.” I have “How to Talk So Your Kids Will Listen…” but haven’t read it because my kid is only 2 and we’re having a bear of a time getting him to listen.
Anon says
Read it anyway. Gives a lot of good foundational practices that you can still apply to toddlers. I read both.
soanon4this says
Anyone who has gone through a divorce and can share their experiences with how bad it was emotionally, financially and in terms of kids custody?
So Anon says
I filed for divorce on Friday, and my soon-to-be-ex moved out of our marital home on Saturday. We reached agreement on everything prior to filing, so I was able to attach our Marital Separation, Property Agreement and Parenting Plan to the divorce complaint. The result should be that we are now just awaiting the final hearing to be set and the sixty days to pass (required in our jurisdiction).
There is a long backstory for our divorce (isn’t there always), but the result of soon-to-be -ex’s behavior was that the children have primary residence with me, he sees them every other weekend during the day (they will return to me every night), and I make the decisions regarding childcare, setting appointments, etc.
In terms of the emotions of it, even though I can see that this is absolutely the right course for me and our children, it is still devastating. I am still grieving the loss, even though that does not mean that I want to go back to the relationship. I seem to bounce between being elated and crying, often within an hour or day. It has made me bizarrely distracted: I locked myself out of the house, forgot my wallet while buying groceries and then left my wallet at home a second time — all before noon yesterday. My kids seem to be holding up ok. He was physically present in their lives sometimes, but rarely present for them in any other way. I think this will bring stability in their lives that has been lacking. We (ok the talk was all me) explained that the divorce was an adult solution to an adult problem, it wasn’t their fault and they could fix it, and the divorce would help mommy and daddy be better parents to both of them.
Financially, I think I will come out fine. He is buying me out of the house, and I am going to use that equity to buy a house that I like/want. It can become expensive if you need to litigate. Soon-to-be-ex was not financially responsible, so I think that any hit I take financially will be quickly made up by not having to bail out his bad decisions. The biggest hit I have taken so far is installing a home security system because soon-to-be-ex is not stable.
If you are thinking about divorce, I can recommend a few resources: The Optimist’s Guide to Divorce, the Divorce Hacker’s Guide to Untying the Knot, and It’s Called a Breakup Because its Broken are great books. The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast is a great podcast.
Anonymous says
I can only speak as the child of divorced parents- they divorced when I was 6. Emotionally- the divorce is the only thing my mom is bitter about. She is a normally very positive and energetic person but thinking about her ex husband brings on a dark cloud. She doesn’t regret the divorce, she regrets marrying him. To this day we don’t talk to him and rarely speak about him. Financial- my dad never paid his child support and my mom didn’t want to fight him over it. She was doing fine financially without him and then remarried and my step dad was doing well financially too, so she didn’t think it was worth the fight. Custody-She got custody no problem because he was a bit of a deadbeat.
Anonanonanon says
Emotionally- best thing that ever happened to me. I was so done by that point that it was just a relief.
Financially- His financial infidelity/mismanagement of money/doing everything he could to prevent me from having an income (he didn’t think his wife “should” work) was a contributing factor… so we each left with the car we came with, split up the furniture by what made sense, and were renting our apartment. I surrendered any right to his military retirement benefits etc. I initially had to get an hourly job at around $17.50/hr (in the DC area, so that doesn’t go very far) and I was MUCH more financially stable than we ever were on his $90K salary. Now I make in the six figures which would not have been possible married to him. I will say this for him, he does pay child support on time.
Custody- We did everything in mediation initially (because, broke) and I was much too generous. I was terrified we’d end up with a 50/50 time split (which was/is NOT in the interest of our child) so I gave in more than I should have. I was able to go back and reduce it eventually, but it was difficult, because you can’t just be like “nope this isn’t working” in the court system, you have to prove a material change in circumstances to warrant it.
In general, I wish I had seen someone else’s divorce agreement or something beforehand, to give me an idea of what I should be prepared to discuss in mediation. For example, when it’s acceptable to introduce a partner to the child, when that partner can be around overnight or on trips with the child, “right of first refusal” if you’re using a babysitter (can one of you get a sitter without offering the other the chance to have the children? Our compromised centered around the time of day and the length of time we’d use a sitter. What’s less clear legally now is, is my new husband a “sitter”?), You still have to agree on what happens to your child if you both die, etc.
It is VERY expensive and time-consuming to address even small issues through the court system. And certain things HAVE to be addressed through the courts (for example, I assumed responsibility for insuring my child at my request because my husband kept letting it lapse. He agreed outside of court, but we still had to go to court and enter a motion and have a judge approve it, even though we both agreed. So, thousands of dollars right there)
Anonymous says
Do you pay a nanny who isn’t able to come to work because of winter weather? I’d normally be inclined to, except the weather really isn’t that bad (it snowed a few inches yesterday, but we’re in the Midwest and have ~10 snowfalls a year, roads seem completely fine today). She drives herself and doesn’t live in an especially rural area, I really don’t see why she can’t get to work. This is her second month on the job and she’s already used several (paid) sick days, so I feel like I’m already seeing a bit of a pattern. I definitely don’t want to set a precedent that she can take a random paid long weekend with minimal notice whenever she feels like it. DH is out of town and I had to cancel a meeting and burn a vacation day to stay home, so it’s pretty inconvenient.
Spirograph says
Are elementary schools closed in your area? It might be a good idea to tie snow days to some kind of external marker. (Although, I do a hard eyeroll at most school closures in my area, so ymmv.) I would be inclined to pay for extraordinary snowfall where many schools and businesses are closed for the weather or a weather emergency is declared, but that doesn’t sound like what you’re describing.
Anonymous says
Nope, schools are open. And I tend to think they close at the drop of a hat.
Anonymous says
+1 to tying to an external marker. I’m in DC and use OPM (not schools). It’s clear cut and objective.
Anonanonanon says
I would suggest linking it to the operating status of your LOCAL government wherever you live. If they delay or close, she can too. If they are expecting local government employees to drive to work, the roads are navigable.
Anonymous says
Could you ask her to come in late? Does she have kids home to watch due to snow days?
K says
It’s sounds like you’re feeling taken advantage of, and it’s often wise to listen to your instincts in these situations. Several paid sick days within the first two months of work seems unreasonable to me. Were her references good?
rosie says
In DC, our contract says we go by OPM for weather, but in reality I would pay my nanny if she couldn’t come in due to weather even if OPM didn’t agree. Her commute involves walking & bus, and I’d rather not have care for a bad weather day than for weeks because she’s slipped and hurt herself trying to get in (plus I obviously don’t want her to get hurt in general!). And I totally trust that she will not take advantage (we’ve over a year in to the arrangement, so have seen it play out fine).
How were this nanny’s references? It’s hard when you don’t have your own experience to go on yet. But my general philosophy is that if I trust a person to take care of my child, I am also going to trust that they not lying about about needing sick- or weather-related absences when they say they do).
Anonymous says
I would pay her and look for a new nanny. This won’t get better.
Anon says
Why would you pay her if you plan to look for a new nanny anyway? The only reason I see for paying her is if you’re trying to maintain goodwill/don’t want her to quit.
anon says
Because you want good care for your children in the meantime, and you aren’t around to supervise.
Anonymous says
Would your answer be the same if the nanny has no paid vacation days of her choosing? We are out of town 4 weeks/year and give her paid time off then, but she has no separate paid vacation leave. To me, if schools are closed then it’s a snow day. But if public school is open but nanny doesn’t want to come in, then that should be an unpaid vacation day.
anon says
I (anon at 12:43) was responding to the “why would you pay her if you plan to look for a new nanny.” I don’t think it’s unreasonable to keep a nanny happy with you while you seek a replacement.
On the other hand, I have two comments. One, I’d be annoyed with OP’s nanny and do think there is a pattern of possible abuse here. Two, IMO you should give your nanny some sort of time off of her choosing. If schools are open and she decides not to come in, that should burn a vacation day, but I think she should have a few to burn. Perhaps not many, but some. Or some combined sick time/vacation time to use at her discretion. I also think nanny’s should be paid a living wage, FWIW, so we may not align on household employee pay in general.
anon says
oops – nannies not nanny’s
Anonymous says
My nanny is paid $20/hour, which is definitely a living wage in our part of the country. I’m not sure why you’d jump to the idea that I’m not paying a living wage. From what I could tell when we interviewed and made offers, 2 weeks of paid vacation is standard. (Sadly, this is true at many 9-5 office jobs too). We travel a lot ourselves, so we’re willing to offer much more than that (4 weeks), but in exchange it was all at times of our choosing. Any time off beyond that would be unpaid, and it was made clear that unpaid time was to be limited to events out of her control (family weddings, funerals, etc). Regular vacations were to be taken during our vacations. Our nanny seemed very eager to work for us, so I can only assume it was a competitive offer.
anon says
I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to judge (though I think I did). I have seen lots of families pay less than a living wage and justify it because the nanny “doesn’t have X, Y, or Z qualification” or “that’s what their chosen profession is so they have to just deal with the low pay” and sadly don’t think that paying below a living wage is unusual for household help.
I can understand your position that you are giving more time off than is standard (four weeks versus two) but I do think (my opinion only, though) you should give her some vacation time of her choosing. It is between you/you and your spouse and her but I have been on the other side and think that if you are employing someone full time, you should give them some time off that they get to choose when to take.
As for whether your offer is competitive, it probably was (depends on the market, obviously). But I wouldn’t assume from your nanny’s eagerness to work for you that the offer was competitive. However, her continued good performance and reaction to raises/bonuses would be valuable insight. Those who are paid at the lower end of the spectrum often have little to no emergency funding and can’t go long at all between jobs so it can be much more valuable to have a job today than to have a better job in three weeks. There is also a power discrepancy to be aware of.
All of this is said with good intentions, not to shame you (at all, I promise). I generally can’t (don’t want to?) openly share these opinions in real life because I either don’t want to reveal that I used to count on nannying for substantial part of my income (I am an attorney) or don’t want to alienate a friend for seeming to judge their decisions. I also live in a red state, so my opinions in this area often don’t align with my friends’ opinions. That said, I think having been on the other side and socializing with career nannies that I have some valuable insight to share. They work hard to take care of your children (and sometimes you and your household tasks). Emotional value (thanks and kindness expressed) is great, but at the end of the day many of us will base value on how we are compensated.
I am 100% not assuming “malintent” on your part, but do think many/most/all of us could be better about putting ourselves in the shoes of those who help us everyday.
Anonymous says
I had this issue with our nanny — who was great at caring for my son, when she showed up. I kept paying her for those days, even if I was skeptical of them, but in retrospect, that would not have been how I handle it with any nanny in the future. Best to tie it to something very concrete, like school closures or OPM, and then use her sick/vacation time for any days that don’t conform to it. I wanted to be the flexible, understanding employer, but all it led to was her taking more and more advantage. If your sick/vacation time is reasonable enough to begin with, it should work out fine.
Cb says
Another buggy question. We have a hand-me-down McClaren umbrella stroller which I thought would be great for air travel (folds with a shoulder strap) but t is awful in comparison to our CityMini GT. Are there better umbrella strollers out there or is everything going to feel rickety in comparison to the CityMini behemoth?
Anonymous says
I’m not familiar with the big fancy strollers (we’ve never owned one) but we have a Summer Infant 3-D Lite and we travel with it a lot, and it’s very manageable.
rosie says
Posted above about the Summer Infant one. It’s lower and a little more rickety than our UppaBaby Cruz (and more rickety after going through a muddy field, whoops), but definitely gets the job done and is convenient. We put ours in a gate check bag (just a generic one from Amazon) for plane travel). & see my comment above about piling it with the Cosco seat, if you also use that for travel.
Anonymous says
We have a Zoe for travel and a City Mini GT for everyday and the Zoe definitely feels less sturdy than the City Mini, but I wouldn’t describe it as rickety and I don’t think twice about using it for an all-day trip. (My main complaint is that the handlebars are adjustable and the wheels are smaller, so it’s a little more work to push and doesn’t deal with uneven pavement as well.) Maybe see if you can test out some other strollers in person?
Anonymous says
Another vote for the Summer Infant 3-D Lite. It’s traveled well for us for more than two years, and handles pretty well in most situations (gotten through cobblestones on international travel and dirt trails). Pretty light and easy to carry when folded up, with a strap. And the fact that it is reclines has been really helpful both for the kid and for carrying other things. Definitely worth its reasonable cost, and although it is more rickety than our usual around town stroller, it’s more than doable.
anon says
Yes. I had a McLaren (that I used for about 8 years until it fell apart and I ran out of kids anyway), and it definitely felt flimsier compared to my City Mini, but it was also our primary stroller for a long time, and it definitely lasted. (It was a little warped towards the end, but we got a ton of use out of it) .
Anonymous says
So, this doesn’t really answer your question, but I always feel the need to put my opinion out there when people start talking about the CityMini GT and Summer Infant 3DLite. We have the CityMini GT, also. We got a Summer Infant 3DLite for travel, and really disliked it. We gave it away. My problem was that even though the 3DLite was technically lighter and folded somewhat smaller than the CityMini GT, it just didn’t feel like enough of a difference to make sense to have both it and the CityMini GT. And it definitely felt inferior to the CityMini GT. If I want a good stroller, I take the CityMini and deal with the fact that it is a little bigger. When we want something light, we have one of the $20 Cosco umbrella strollers with a canopy. It is significantly lighter and smaller than the CityMini GT. One big consideration for us – our child really hates being in the stroller, so it’s hard to justify the cost of a very nice, expensive umbrella stroller for something that she won’t sit in unless we force it.
Ms B says
+1 to nothing comparing to our CityMini GT. We loved it so much when The Kid was small and decided it was worth the inconvenience to gate check it (in a bag that folded into the back of the seat) when we traveled just to have our “faithful steed” with us. The only time when we did not use it was fairs and festivals with uneven ground; for those we had a Bob Revo that a friend handed down to us. The Bob is a beast in terms of size and weight (and you need an SUV to lug the thing) and I never would have paid for it, but nothing is better on a bumpy field or off-sidewalk in a big park.
Anon says
I just went to sign my 1.5 year old up for a music class, but I realized it doesn’t make sense because we’re out of town for 6 of the 10 weekends the class is held. I knew we traveled a lot, but I didn’t realize it was quite that much. Can anyone with older kids tell me if this much travel is going to be a problem when we have a preschooler? I don’t want to force my kid to miss a ton of birthday parties and stuff like that (and she’ll be in a class of 20 beginning around age 3, so I would imagine there will be a lot of them?) but I’m also not excited about slowing down the travel dramatically. We have a lot of long distance friends and family and it’s important to me to maintain those relationships, since we don’t have close local friends and my daughter is likely to be an only child.
Anonymous says
Family/friend Travel > preschool age birthday parties.
I spent SO MUCH time and effort buying gifts, arranging allergy friendly food options and cutting into my weekend down time so that my oldest could attend all the parties. She had fun in the moment but barely remembers most of those kids now. Don’t skip every party but being out of town is a perfectly acceptable reason to miss a party.
Anonymous says
I generally agree, although I do note that preschool birthday parties are a good way to make local grownup friends :)
avocado says
+1 re. preschool birthday parties. A good way for you to meet local people, not as important for your kid in the long run.
When your child hits elementary school, though, you will have to make a decision between extracurriculars and frequent family travel. For the first year or two, you might be able to get away with hiring a nanny who can take your child to activities on weeknights, keeping weekends free. Eventually, though, the kid will get to the point where weekend practices, games, competitions, rehearsals, etc. are unavoidable. You just have to decide which experience you value more for your child: high-level participation in an activity, or frequent weekend travel. And be prepared for your child to resent you for the rest of her life if you deny her the activity. I speak from personal experience–I have never really forgiven my parents for making me give up dance and gymnastics when it came time to get serious, even though I can understand why they made the choice they did.
Anonymous says
“And be prepared for your child to resent you for the rest of her life if you deny her the activity.”
This seems a bit dramatic and mom shame-y. I couldn’t participate in a sport I wanted to at the level I wanted to because my parents wouldn’t let me miss school for events. I don’t resent them for it at all, in fact I think it was the correct decision. You need school to set you up for the rest of you life, very very few athletes will make it to the Olympics and even if you do, being an Olympian isn’t exactly a lifelong career.
Also don’t most sports have seasons? And even year-round sports surely don’t require your child to be doing the activity 52 weekends/year, until they’re in an elite/pre-Olympic track, which would come much later than early elementary school. If you get the schedule in advance and do your best to work around it, I don’t see how a competitive spot is incompatible with regular travel.
avocado says
My kid is not on the elite track in her sport, just the track that will allow her to compete at the club level until she graduates high school, and there is literally no club that does not have weekend practices for the entire school year. Same for dance–when you get to middle school, you are going to be taking class on Saturday mornings during the school year. If your kid plays an orchestral instrument, her youth orchestra will rehearse on Saturday mornings. Piano is just about the only thing I can think of that does not have regularly scheduled weekend commitments, just because it is so individual.
Anonymous says
Maybe grow up? Srsly?
Anonymous says
I think this can depend on if it is a workplace daycare or not. I found that I haven’t kept in touch with the parents I met through daycare because they live all over the city whereas we have great relationships with elementary school parents that live in the same neighborhood as the school.
Mama Llama says
In my experience, birthday parties and play dates happen on the weekends, so I think it’s going to be tougher to make close local friends for both you and your child if you keep up that travel schedule. Whether that’s a problem for you is totally up to you.
EB0220 says
We used to travel like that on the weekends and did end up cutting it down. It happened naturally as the kids started doing activities on the weekends. Also, as they make friends there are certain birthday parties that are really important to them. So the ramping down of travel happened naturally for us. I’d say we do a weekend trip maybe once a month at this point, plus 2-3 longer trips.
CPA Lady says
“We have a lot of long distance friends and family and it’s important to me to maintain those relationships, since we don’t have close local friends and my daughter is likely to be an only child.”
The birthday party circuit is how I made local parent friends. That and signing my kid up for the same activities her friends are signed up for, so I had more one on one time with the other parents while we are waiting for our kids.
I wouldn’t necessarily make huge changes now, but once your kid is older, you might want to if you’re planning on staying in your current area.
DLC says
for reference, my kid is now seven. We declined our fair share of birthday parties- some for “out of town” reasons and some for merely “I have no idea who this person is, my kid doesn’t even play with them at school.” (I personally did not love going to birthday parties and when the drop off party became a thing, angels sang). Despite refusing about half the party invites we got, we still get invites on a regular basis. For families/ friends that I or my child genuinely are interested in being friends with, if I have to decline a birthday party invite, I often will say, “Sorry, we can’t come, but are you free ——? Let’s get the kids together then!” Sometimes it is a weekend meet up at the park, sometime it is low key pizza at our place on a Thursday night. I find the one on one play date is a better experience towards building a friendship than a birthday party. My daughter goes to a different elementary school than all her preschool friends, but the friends we still see on a regular basis are the ones whom we made the effort to see outside of birthday parties.
K says
Social activities for a 1.5 year old are not that important in terms of her memory or experience. What’s important at this point is that YOU build a local community, and she will then have friends to grow up with who are the kids of the friends you make through those connections. But you do have to invest time in those relationships, and it’s time you can’t get back. Family will always be family, even if you only see them a few times a year. But someone local who you can swap babysitting nights with, go see a movie at the last minute, meet up at the playground with, or have over for dinner on a weeknight — those are relationships you have to work to cultivate, and it’s good for your kiddo that you do so.
anon says
This is a really important point.
Anonymous says
OP here. Just to clarify that a big chunk of this travel is to visit each set of grandparents, aunts and uncles and cousins just once a year. They’re all on the opposite coast (but mostly different locations), so we usually try to go for a week to each set and it kills two weekends. I’m not sure that I agree that “family will always be family” if you only see them once every few years. That was my situation growing up, and I have no relationship with anyone outside my immediate family now. Not because there’s any animosity, just because we never saw each other enough to develop real bonds. I can only speak for myself, but personally I’m not sure I agree that having a local village is more important than having close relationships with grandparents and cousins. I can definitely see the practical upsides of emergency childcare, but I would much rather my daughter is very close to her cousins – who will hopefully be in her life forever – than that she makes a close friend here that she’ll likely never see again after she starts kindergarten (daycare kids are all over the city, elem school is just our neighborhood). I definitely don’t want her to hate me or resent me, and when she’s old enough to discuss this with me I’ll give her opinions some weight. But speaking for myself, I would rather invest in the family relationships.
anon says
OK, then there’s your answer!
anon says
It may not be a problem when kiddo is in preschool/daycare (and I think you have a good answer for yourself in that situation [ family > local preschool friends/birthday parties ] ) but it will be more of an issue once kiddo is in K and absences are tracked. A friend of mine used to take regular and frequent vacations, often just taking a Friday and Monday to drive to a city four hours away where her parents and sister live (husband would fly in Saturday and out Sunday), and eventually got a “your child has missed X days of school this year and won’t be eligible for promotion to the next grade if he misses X more days” note from the school district. I don’t think it warrants any change in travel patterns now, but it is something to keep in mind as your kid gets older and you evaluate where you want to live for the long haul.
Anonymous says
Oh no we won’t pull her out of school once she’s in kindergarten and up. DH and I are both in compete agreement about that. School is paramount. Once she’s in school, our weeklong trips will be spring break, winter break and summer break only. The only thing we’d do during the school year would be a weekend trip if we could fit it into Friday night – Sunday evening (and even then, probably not, because of activities).
anon says
Just to clarify, I didn’t mean to judge! Just wanted to point out that parental decisions about travel get overruled by school policies once kids start K. In the case I described, it was “only” K so my friend just hadn’t put much value into making sure her kiddo was in school all day every day (within the bounds of healthy, of course) until the school district pointed it out. It was a harmless “oops, time to adjust my weekend travel habits” moment for her.
Katarina says
I think this is more an issue when your child is school age, and then you will be limited to school breaks, so your child will probably not be missing as many activities. FWIW we were not invited to many birthday parties in the preschool years, and did not put much emphasis into forming friendships with the other parents, but have done much more of both since my oldest started elementary school. My kids have enjoyed the birthday parties we have gone to, because they are usually at fun locations (bouncy house, chuck e cheese) but did not feel like he has been missing out if they had to miss one. The elementary school kids will be together for a long time, and tend to live much closer. My son has not had any birthday parties yet, but likely will have his first real birthday party for his sixth birthday, which school friends and some friends from other activities. Like you, my husband and myself prioritize our out of town family relationships over local friendships, although only my family is a plane ride away.
Anon says
I agree with you, OP. Family is top priority, period. (Even more than school, really…that doesn’t mean I’ll pull my kids out of school willy-nilly, but if homework or school nonsense causes a severe issue with family time, then family time wins, particularly in elementary school.) Extra curriculars and birthday parties are nuts these days with the demands on your time – even rec leagues meet 3-4 times per week! My husband and I are/plan to be very, very intentional with our kids activities, because it’s easy to let yourself get swept up with the Joneses. I really think that long term, our kids will appreciate and value close family relationships. Best advice I’ve heard is to determine your family’s priorities, and be sure that every major decision aligns with them.
Anonymous says
Birthday parties for a three year old do not matter at all. It will be a real issue if you get them into competitive sports so live your lives until then.
Anonymous says
I’m 18 weeks pregnant and my skin has gone crazy. Itchy all over, some eczema patches, and my face is dry and flaky. Any suggestions? I took an oatmeal bath last night, which helped the itching some.
Anonymous says
Cerave cream (in the tub) or eucerine all over. Cortisone 1% for the eczema. I get insanely dry skin while pregnant as well and actually have to go to the derm this time cause it has wrecked my face. I’m 19 weeks
Anonymous says
Oh also…make sure it’s not a PUPPS rash which you’ll need to see the doctor for.
Redux says
How do you handle social invites that are a notch above what your kids can handle? E.g., dinner at a friends house that bumps into the kids’ bedtime. Have you changed the way you invite people over if they have kids? Do you have people to dinner?
My 5-year old and 2-year old are delightful creatures, but this weekend were a lot to handle at a friend’s house for dinner and had me wondering if we should have declined/ proposed something different. We ate dinner about an hour after our normal dining time and left at what is our normal bedtime, meaning they went to bed an hour later than usual. We did all the things I could think of– later nap for the little one, heavy snacks for both of them. But they were… not good at the dinner table. The 2-year especially. Not having a high chair he was up and down and up and down, he refused to eat, then knocked his cup over and spilled, then swiped his hand across his plate and sent food flying. I mean, he’s TWO, so no one was particularly surprised, but it did make me wonder if we are just in a time where we decline dinner invitations with our kids. We’re big on inviting people over to brunch, which is a definite shift for us after having kids. I miss having people to dinner, but this weekend reminded me why we’ve changed our habits.
K says
If going outside your kids’ bedtimes makes it so the events aren’t fun, then either ask to move it earlier or just say, unfortunately Henry has to be in bed by 8 or none of us are going to have a good time, so we’re going to have to pass this time around. Or, yes, have people over to your house, and put the 2 year old to bed at the normal time (if he or she will go down with people in the house), then you can resume your adult conversation/visiting once one of the parents has taken a few minutes to settle the kiddo. It’s totally normal that your activities and timing of said activities will have to adjust to accommodate what your kids can realistically handle.
anon says
My father is notorious for serving dinner super late. When my LO was younger, we actually left without eating dinner once (there were appetizers so we didn’t go hungry). I think that got the message across and he made an effort to serve dinner later. But yes, I was always telling people that we were on a toddler’s schedule so naptime in the middle of the day and an earlier bedtime. If we have friends over, we try to get dinner on the table by 6pm. That way people can leave early if they need to.
Now that my son is a little older, he’s kind of a nightowl like his parents so I’m not too worried about keeping him out a little later.
anon says
We’ve done a combination of things, depending on how much energy we’ve had.
– Invite people over on your schedule/timeline.
– Suggest earlier times, using the language K described.
– If your kid will sleep in a pack-and-play, bring it and put him/her to bed at a normal time. (This is really kid-dependent, but when it works, it’s great.)
Luckily, most of our friends were in the same position, so that helped. But we spent more time with the families who were sort of in the same rhythm as us, and much less time with families whose kids had virtually no bedtime and looked at us weird for putting our kids to bed.
Pigpen's Mama says
My kid is fairly flexible about bedtime and dinner time, but we make sure she’s gotten some snacks if food will be later and will bring her PJs and toothbrush with us, get her ready for bed there, and then she falls asleep on the way home if our drive is more than 15 minutes and we have been known to drive around for a little longer until she’s been asleep for 10-15 minutes so the transition to her bed is easier…
Anonymous says
Was your friend mad? This is what I expect when I invite a toddler over. Next time, try saying “we’d love to come but would it be possible to move it up an hour? I know it’s super early but the kids are a disaster if they get off schedule.” I wouldn’t mind doing that.
Redux says
Oh no, she wasn’t mad. They have two slightly older kids– elementary school age– so this is all a recent memory for her. But it was such a stark contrast to her kids who are big on table manners and made me think that we should have declined for reasons of enjoyment. It’s hard not to feel embarrassed/frustrated in these situations, even when the host is not mad.
Boston Legal Eagle says
They have good table manners because they are older! I totally get the embarrassment and frustration – we don’t really take our toddler anywhere adult-oriented because it’s just not enjoyable for us or for him. We didn’t have a huge social life before but now it’s even smaller and we mostly just spend any non-family time with friends who are in the same stages of having little kids.
Spirograph says
You’ve gotten some good suggestions about making your typical schedule known and requesting reasonable accommodation, and I will add picnics are a good option if you are hosting. We don’t have room for a kids’ table, so often put a big quilt on the floor in the TV room and let the kids have a picnic and watch a movie (use spill-proof cups!) while grownups enjoy dinner.
It’s hard not to feel embarrassed, but take people at their word when they say the kids aren’t bothering them (unless body language makes it very clear that’s not true). Every parent has been there, and probably has lower expectations for your kids than you do. If I invite a friend with kids under 5 over, I’m prepared for everything from tears and tantrums to food on the walls to a kid sitting in parent’s lap all through dinner. Is it the best time ever if those things happen? No. But I’m not judging my friend for how their kids act, because kids are kids, and toddler/preschooler behavior at dinnertime varies wildly based on how the rest of the day has gone.
ElisaR says
cute idea – i need to remember this!
anon says
Seconding the second paragraph! I don’t even have kids and feel this way. If I know your kids are going to be around (and I usually assume they are unless told otherwise), I expect typical kid behavior, and often think it’s a small price to pay for getting to see my friends’ kids. That said, I understand why it wasn’t fun for you and why you’d want to adjust going forward.
Anonymous says
We have dinner with our toddler parent friends at 5:30. There are three 2-year-olds involved so there’s not always a lot of substantial adult conversation and more reminding the kids how to behave properly, but I look at it as starting to instill good table manners so that when they’re older we can all enjoy it more.
Anonymous says
Since kids our social schedule has drastically reduced for this very reason. Especially having toddlers is really what kills the eating outside the home events. Have you read Happiest Toddler on the Block? Literally eating with a neanderthal. Throws foods, throws tantrums, is an absolute delight two minutes later. Cute but not to most of our friends who don’t appreciate the art of wiping yogurt off the wall like we do. We mostly have people over now. Or if we go over to friends houses it is to peoples homes who are very flexible. And we ourselves are very flexible. If friends are over and a child wants to have a nap at our place that’s fine. If their child throws applesauce everywhere, that’s fine. We are used to it. All events are typically wrapped up before 7pm. This is a season.
H13 says
I am a huge advocate for the 4:30pm drinks, snacks, and playing. We host families this way nearly every weekend in winter with a now 2 and 5 yo. The adults get some social time, the kids an play, there is enough food so it can be dinner but doesn’t have to be, and everyone can still be on their way to bedtime routines by about 7pm. This is what has gotten me through long, snowy winters for the last several years.
Whenever we get invited to dinners it is always just a disaster and I never enjoy it.
Anonanonanon says
I do NOT find enjoyment in most out-of-the-house meals where my children are brought along. I just don’t. It always feels like more trouble than enjoyment. When I had an older child, I always went to people with smaller children. Now that I have a baby, I ask people to come to me, on my timeline. Or, I try to be clear about the time that will work for us. Brunch-time works well with the baby’s nap schedule, so I just tell people that. Dinner just does not work for this season of our lives, and that is OK.
Alternatively, I get a sitter.
Seafinch says
Brunch is our our solution. I absolutely cannot handle the stress of my kids misbehaving at other people’s house. So we host and we host midday with very few exceptions. I am a slave to routine and it works so much better.
GCA says
If this is a close friend you can do it either way: say ‘Thing 1 and Thing 2 are absolute gremlins after 6pm, why don’t you guys come over instead?’ OR take them at their word that they don’t mind Thing 1 and Thing 2 being overtired gremlins (and bring PJs and be prepared to leave at the drop of a hat if it’s all going pear-shaped). If these really are close friends and parents themselves, they will not judge. The worst are the people who both have unrealistic expectations of small children and will judge you/ your children for normal tired-kid behavior.
When we host, it’s usually sort of a 3.30pm to 6.30pm deal with kid and grownup snacks/ drinks, dinner at 5.30. Unless the restaurant is extremely kid-friendly, we don’t go out, and if we do, it’s at 5pm, armed to the teeth with toys and snacks.
Anon says
With kids roughly the same ages, I love inviting folks with young kids over after nap (we text to coordinate when all naps are all done) and early dinner (eating by 5:30). We have time to even go for a walk and have dessert and have everyone gone by 7. If we invite people to come over at 5:30, everything tends to get shifted too late (and I let schedules slide because it’s fun to hang with other parents) and it’s not good.
I decline events that are too far outside our comfort zone (kids’ party at indoor playspace two towns over that’s 5:30-7:30? Nope, dinner will be too late and kid, who needs his bedtime routine, will be home after bedtime). I try to accept invitations that are just a bit outside our comfort zone (dinner slightly late, but in the neighborhood, and still home for bedtime routine).
Anonymous says
Can you share some tips about vasectomies (not your own obviously but as perhaps the wife that had to schedule this for her husband). DH and I have decided on this and he is freaking out. He wants me to schedule it and doesn’t want to think about it. Do you need a referral? Is the surgery actually only 15-30 min? His work involves a lot of driving but no manual labor, he’s mostly sitting. Do i need to account for downtime?
Anonymous says
Omg this is not an answer to your question but I really think your husband can do this himself. My husband can’t manage to schedule his own dental appointments and has been wearing glasses since Christmas when he ran out of contacts but he figured out how to book a vasectomy.
I figured out how to get myself to all my pregnancy appointments.
Anonymous says
lol I hear you. And he doesn’t schedule his own dental appointments either… once when I was at the dentist, I talked to the receptionist and found out he hadn’t been in a year. So the receptionist now has “a note on his account”, I’m not sure what it says but he has been going regularly ever since. The receptionist must specialize in corralling husbands.
Lana Del Raygun says
It sounds to me like he doesn’t really want to do it, tbh.
Anonymous says
This.
Anonymous says
This. I can’t speak to the scheduling of appts & referrals because my husband handled that himself, but you need to plan on driving him home and he needs to plan on at least 2 days of downtime afterward, and limited activity for another week or two. He’ll probably need to do a consult first, you can’t just go straight to snipping. The procedure itself is short, but it’s still a few hours in the office/surgical center for intake, pre-op, etc
Anonymous says
Does he have any friends who have had one? That seemed to help my husband to talk to other guys about it and get a referral for a doctor who someone else had seen. The surgery is pretty quick. I’d say the true downtime is 24-48 hours where they want to lay around with their frozen peas and generally take it easy. He could still work, drive, etc, but he didn’t exercise or do yard work for a week or so.
Anonymous says
No it’s super easy he’s being a massive baby. Tell him you’re using condoms every time until he figures it out.
Anonymous says
This might not work. My husband would have much rather used condoms every time vs getting snipped. But I wasn’t comfortable with that, because we were sure we were done having children and condoms have a pretty high failure rate.
Anonymous says
No they don’t. Not used correctly every time.
Anon says
Even assuming perfect use, the condom failure rate is ~2%. Vasectomy is .15%. That’s a 13 fold difference. It’s reasonable to feel that a vasectomy is a lot safer than using condoms, even if you use a condom correctly every time.
FVNC says
Need for referral will be specific to insurance. My husband’s insurance did require a referral, but lots probably don’t. My husband’s procedure was a bit longer than I anticipated — I think he was back there closer to an hour. But, his was done at a teaching hospital so he had an audience (how fun for him) and that may have slowed things down a tad. IIRC husband’s procedure was done on a Friday, he rested that day and felt fine the next, although he probably took it easy in terms of physical activity (no weight-lifting or running, e.g.). Normally I’d be of the mind that this is your husband’s problem and he can book the dang appointment, but honestly I love not having to worry about BC so in your shoes I’d probably do it for him (still grumbling a bit, because it’s really not a big deal).
Mrs. Jones says
+1
Anon says
I don’t think your husband is being a baby. Medical procedures are scary. Medical procedures involving the sensitive “jewels” are even scarier. Maybe I’m sympathetic because I deal with some health anxieties. My husband handled a lot of the scheduling around our fertility procedures and getting everything set us so that I could just show up and be prodded and not stress as much. I’d have no problem doing the same for him when the time comes. People prone to anxiety like to avoid looking stuff up otherwise you find yourself down a rabbit hole of horror stories 3 hours later.
anon says
This. I think it’s kind of you to help your husband. If he is like this in other areas of “taking care of business” then it may be a larger issue to address but perhaps not starting with this procedure.
Anon says
I’m also a bit more sympathetic than some of the posters above. My husband is the opposite of a man-baby, but he is very queasy about medical stuff. He fainted while I was delivering our second baby. It’s a totally involuntary reaction. He found it difficult to talk about the process of getting the vasectomy, even though he was in total agreement that it was the best option for our family planning. He would get light headed just thinking about it.
He made the pre-op appointment himself, but I went with him, and was glad I did – again, he barely made it through without passing out. The doctor recommended that he get sedated for the procedure, which he did. The sedation was harder to recover from than the procedure itself, but I don’t think he really had much of an option – I don’t think they would operate on someone who’d just fainted!
Anyway, he made it through and it was entirely worth it. But some people really don’t deal well with the thought of surgery, particular in such a sensitive area, and I don’t think that’s a character flaw.
Anonymous says
My family doc who delivered my 3rd and last child is in a practice with the most popular v surgeon (doc? I don’t even consider it a real surgery) in town. I had spoken with friends who had this done and knew that they required an initial consult before scheduling the v. So on my way out of my 6-week check-up, I made the appointment for my husband. He had about 10 months to get used to the idea (i.e., from the surprise positive pregnancy test through my 6-week appt). So he went to the consult, got all his questions answered (he didn’t let me go with him), and scheduled it for a Friday. He drove himself but had me pick him up. He was limping and sore for a bit longer than we thought (maybe 2 weeks), and he insisted for a year afterwards that it “just wasn’t the same” during gardening. But I’m sure it was all in his head (and he agrees) and 2 years later he’s fine about it and encourages other guys to just do it. But I totally admit I thought and think he was a big baby because this is NOTHING compared to what I went through during 3 relatively easy pregnancies and deliveries, not to mention YEARS of hormonal birth control.
Prenatal vitamins? says
Anyone have recommendations for prenatal vitamins that go down easily? With my first, I felt like I spent a lot of time either gagging or vomiting up those huge horse pills that seem to be standard, so looking for a better option this time around. Bonus if I can order them online.
AwayEmily says
I love the gummy prenatals because they taste like candy. The Target brand ones are my favorite.
Anonymous says
+1 I tried the Rainbow Light ones, but they’re like the horse pills you describe. The only way i could get myself compliant was the prenatal gummies.
Anon says
I like the NatureMade ones with the DHA in, so it’s just one pill. It is a horse pill, but the coating is smooth so it goes down pretty easily (I say as someone who vomited until the day she delivered – the pill never induced vomiting). You can get them online from costco, target, walgreens, etc. My top trick is to take them at night right before you go to bed – that way if they do increase nausea, you aren’t awake for it.
NYCer says
I take Rainbow Light Prenatal One. They are big (probably could be classified as a horse pill), but they don’t make me sick. I take them at night.
farrleybear says
I took these as well, usually after dinner. Never had an issue with upset stomach with them.
Patty Mayonnaise says
I really like Rainbow Light “Prenatal One”
anon says
Question for parents of older kids: How much do you push your child to participate in extracurricular activities? To be clear, I’m talking about the recreational level and not anything intense.
My oldest kid is 9 and over the past year has completely lost interest in doing sports, Scouts, or any structured activity. He wants to be at home doing his own thing — but then complains about being bored. It’s been great for my schedule as a working parent, but I am concerned that he’s cutting himself off from potential interests, enjoying an activity with his peers, and just learning how to be coachable. We haven’t forced him into any particular activity — I’m cool with whatever interests him, really!
I think there are two things driving this. 1) Academics are fairly easy for him, so in some ways, he’s not used to his skills being challenged. 2) At the same time, he has ADHD, which has made structured activities really difficult for him. Especially if they fall during the evening hours when his medication has worn off. Following directions and paying attention is a struggle for him always, but especially when he’s not medicated. So, I imagine he is not having as much fun as most kids.
I don’t know what to do — force him to participate in something, or just let it go. Activities are supposed to be a godsend for kids with ADHD, but that hasn’t been our experience. Parent coaches have no idea how to deal with someone who needs extra reminders and coaching, and some of the professionals haven’t been much better. Without consistent practice and participation, I feel like any activity is going to get progressively harder and out of reach. I thought he was doing really well with swimming, but he tells me that he “hates it” because he gets too tired. (Little dude, that’s partly the point!)
In lieu of participating in a sport, we’re a pretty active family — lots of bike rides, walks and swimming when the weather is nice. But there is so much resistance (and whining) from him at the outset that it’s miserable for everyone. Eventually, he enjoys himself and benefits from being active, but my goodness, the resistance is soul-sucking at times.
Anonymous says
Have you tried martial arts?
ElisaR says
that was my first thought
Ms B says
+1, or ninja class. The Kid is on the “exceedingly” side of high energy and ninja class fulfills the need for an activity that can be done on weekend mornings or afternoons and allows him to be active. Bonus: they rotate stations every 15 minutes, so The Kid remains engaged the whole time. He likes it so much that he sometimes asks to go to an extra session for open gym, which is a win, especially when we do not have other activities to do or it is too cold to go to the park.
Mama Llama says
I think I’m an outlier, but I would not push a kid to do any activities if he really didn’t want to. I would put strict limits on screen time, support anything he shows an interest in (Eg, is he into dinosaurs? Then let’s go to the library and look for dinosaur books, to the museum to see the bones, to a park where you can see a fossilized footprint, etc.), and push unstructured outdoor time as much as possible.
Anon says
Let it go. I would not push a child to do anything they don’t want to do. I wouldn’t be cool with my kid not getting any exercise at all, but since you’re an active family that takes care of that issue.
So Anon says
Can you talk to your pediatrician or specialist about activities that would be beneficial for your kiddo, preferably in the presence of kiddo? I have found that a doctor delivering the message (e.g. screen time, eating varied veggies, being involved in something) really helps. I wouldn’t necessarily push “sports,” but a rule that I grew up with that I will include for my kids is that they have to be involved in something. That something need not be sports and can be whatever holds their interest. Once they sign up for it, they have to stick with it for the season/month/whatever. Martial arts can be wonderful, and there is one in our area that specializes in kids with ASD/ADHD. What about a nature program, swim or running club?
SC says
My husband has ADHD, and things really are SO hard for him when his medicine wears off. When his medicine does wear off, he’s really hungry because he doesn’t eat much on medication, and really tired from the focused effort of the time with medication. You say your son doesn’t have the energy to participate in structured activities when he’s not medicated–I think you need to accept that and let him use the afternoons and evenings to recover. If he’s on an extended release medication that lasts 12 hours, that’s a long day for anyone!
anon says
This is a helpful perspective — thank you. I already feel some guilt that he’s in an after-school program that extends his day (instead of being at home), so I probably need to let go a bit.
Anon says
Fellow ADHD person, with an ADHD child here – I’ve found that my elementary-aged kid can only realistically do extracurriculars if they are done by 6 pm. She’s not even on meds at the moment, though may be in the future – she’s just DONE with the day by that point, and I don’t blame her. Currently she’s in dance 2x/week, Saturday mornings and Wednesday afternoons. We hired a babysitter to take her and a friend to the Wednesday dance classes, which run 4:30-5:15.
This rules out certain activities. If she still wants to dance in a few years, we may need to find a new studio, since the classes for older kids are later in the evening. We’ll cross that bridge when we get there. I do hope to keep her involved in something active. But evenings are just not a time when she can focus at all.
ElisaR says
i have several ADHD members of my family…..I had to chuckle a little about the being hungry comment. That definitely sets things off on a whole other level for the ADHD adults I know!
Anonanonanon says
My son is not diagnosed with ADHD, but I was, and I think he definitely exhibits a lot of the same symptoms/behaviors.
That being said, cross country was a great sport for him. We found a youth club in our area that does it with elementary schoolers. He likes it because he can “think about whatever he wants” while he runs. It’s more of an individual sport than a team sport so there’s less pressure, but he has the team to practice with etc. It still helps him work on listening to the coach during warmups and stretches etc., but that’s only a short portion of the time. The rest of the time is literal running.
Also, I’m a high-strung person and was constantly worrying/fretting over if my son was paying attention etc., and in cross country you can’t see them, so that’s kind of a nice reprieve. Plus, cross country parents are just very chill people in general, even those who take it seriously. That’s something I really appreciated. It was definitely less stress than other sports.
Anonymous says
This. Cross country running was very helpful for my cousin who had ADHD
Rock climbing is also supposed to be good for ADHD kids.
Definitely avoid team sports like soccer, hockey etc.
Anon says
I posted above, but my ADHD kid also loves rock-climbing with her dad. There aren’t organized groups for kids around here, so she only does it about once/week (on the weekend), but it suits her really well. She started out bouldering when she was 5, and now does top-roped climbing as well.
anon says
Rock climbing would be cool. One of the YMCAs has a climbing wall that we could check out together.
I agree that team sports are not great, at least they haven’t been so far.
anon says
What about trying something with a friend?
RR says
My 11-year-old son has ADHD, and we’ve been through some similar issues. Group sports are an absolute nightmare for us. What has been great though are individual sports (that still allow him to interact with other kids). So, we’ve seen success with karate, swimming, and dance. He’s also really interested in music now, and he has voluntarily joined the school band and asked for piano lessons. I make my kids be involved in at least one extracurricular, so we just tried a lot of things.
We also struggled with the evening activities and meds wearing off. Talking to his pediatrician, we upped him a step in dosage to get him a little more time in the early evenings. (He’s fairly low dose to start with.) That gets him through the 7:30 end of the latest class, but it isn’t enough to impact his sleep.
Anonymous says
I push my kids to finish what they beg for/sign up for. We have Long Talks about how mom (and dad) doesn’t enjoy sitting in the dance studio or in the cold on the soccer sidelines (ugh or worse, coaching) or in the stinky indoor gym, but I do it because Kiddo likes it. And when we sign her (them- my younger ones are getting into it now) up, she’s part of a team / group and that’s a commitment. She can quit at the end of the season/session.
Erin says
Question for those who are/have bfed your babies: Any experiences with domperidone to increase your milk supply? The lactation consultant with whom I am working suggested I go on it for a variety of reasons. I have looked into it online, but I thought I would survey this wonderfully helpful community as well.
Anon says
I would not take anything unless it was approved by my child’s pediatrician (because what you take, baby takes). In my experience, lactation consultants tend to be very “woo woo” and suggest some sketchy, not necessarily medically-advised things. One insisted to me that Orajel was fine for a teething infant. Domperidone is not an FDA-approved drug, so I’d be incredibly skeptical. Formula is completely safe and if you’re nursing some and feeding formula some, your baby is getting the vast majority of the benefits of breastfeeding – all the good antibodies and whatnot. There’s actually some evidence that combo-feeding gives a more nutritionally complete diet, because formula is fortified with iron and Vitamin D, which breastmilk doesn’t have very much of. I don’t see the upside to using a potential risky medicine just to avoid a small amount of formula.
Sarah says
I agree on your point about lactation consultants being into “woo woo” advice. One suggested that I take something, and when I asked her if it was safe for babies, she sent me a link to a blog post that included no medical studies or anything super legit. That’s where she was getting her information? And this was an IBCLC that had been practicing for decades.
Anonymous says
I took domperidone for over a year. It worked really well for me. I had lab work done before I started to make sure prolactin was a problem for me – it will only change your prolactin levels so if your problem is not prolactin, then it probably isn’t worth it. Look up Jack Newman – he is the MD expert on the subject and his protocols are publicly available online.
As far as the risk, only you can make that choice for yourself. I don’t have family history of heart problems and there have been no documented cases of heart problems stemming from women taking the dosage orally for lactation. The only cases of problems stem from IV dosage in hospitals (with already-ill people). Some women will get EKGs done pre- and post- starting dom to verify they’re reacting OK. I didn’t do this, but it is an option if you are worried.
Regarding it getting into your milk, again, no evidence that the level in milk is problematic for infants, especially healthy full-term babies. Donor banks won’t allow it because the recipients of public donor milk are high-risk babies and so they don’t allow any medication at all. But infantrisk says it’s OK.
Happy to answer more questions if you have them. I don’t regret my choice at all. If you do go for it, there is a great domperidone support group on FB that can answer more questions (or help you think about it now). Some women gain weight on it which bothers them. This wasn’t a problem for me. I am weaning off now and have some anxiety which is a common side effect, so you have to be careful to wean off slowly.
Lastly, I ordered from inhouse so I could have standard packaging from known producers. It’s more expensive than the alternative which you can order from Suffice. Either way, you want to make sure you always have enough to maintain your dose and/or wean off slowly. Stopping cold turkey is not recommended for the anxiety reasons mentioned above.
Also, I would just say to trust your gut on your LC. Of course there are some that take things too far, but my IBCLC was so great. She was very well-versed in peer-reviewed literature and the standards of practice. I found her advice to be incredibly trustworthy. You may want to talk to your midwife or OB for a second opinion about domperidone if you trust them more, but some know more than others on the subject, like anything else.
Anonymous says
I took it in 2014 and it was helpful. I didn’t need it on my first but I didn’t make enough milk on the twins. My BFF also took it on her first in 2011. My sister was also on it with her first (but did not need it for her second) as well as 2/10 other friends who had babies in the last five years.
FWIW I’m in Canada and it’s super common for doctors to prescribe this for supply issues.
Prenatal vitamins and snacks says
Anyone have recommendations for a prenatal vitamin that isn’t the standard horse pill that you have to swallow? With my first baby I felt like between a sensitive gag reflex and then vomiting the vitamins up, I never really got the vitamins down half the time, so looking for something that goes a little more easily this time around. I’ve looked into gummies, but am overwhelmed by the choices.
Also- what are some go to first trimester snacks? I’m craving a lot of sugar and carbs, but hoping to make healthier snacking choices when I’m constantly simultaneously hungry and nauseous.
Anon says
Be gentle on yourself and don’t worry too much about eating healthy. There’s lots of time for that later. If you’re craving sugar and carbs, eat sugar and carbs until the craving passed. I lived on super buttery Eggos my first trimester.
Anon says
This – commented above, but with my vomiting my doctor just wanted me to eat something, anything that would stay. For breakfast I used to eat an apple with peanut butter as a way to avoid carbs at least in the morning.
Anonymous says
+1 I eat mostly carbs my first trimester. I can’t stand vegetables until later in my second trimester. Baby is getting what they need from your body. I think I also have the vita fusion brand and then switch to the horse pills later since the gummies don’t gave iron in them.
rosie says
Gummy vitamins, I bought Vitafusion brand, Target brand, and CVS brand. WF carries some that don’t have gelatin in them (I try to avoid but not a dealbreaker for meds for me), but I didn’t like them.
Try saltines or other crackers w/peanut butter for a snack. Salty/carb + protein will hopefully help with nausea.
OP says
Damn… Sorry for the double post. Accidentally hit refresh!
SC says
I took the gummy vitamins. Even when I’m not pregnant, I can’t swallow large pills (which seems to be an inherited trait from my mom and grandmother). When I was pregnant and nauseous all the time, there was no chance of getting a prenatal vitamin down. I only ate carbs my first trimester, but I was so sick, I kept basically nothing down and lost 10 lbs my first trimester.
HSAL says
Do any of the gummies but you’ll likely need an additional iron supplement since the gummies don’t have them.
Anonymous says
Or not. It’s worth talking to your OB about whether you need an iron supplement. I’ve taken the gummies with two pregnancies now, and my OB has never recommended an iron supplement. She actually steered me away from one because my iron levels were fine, and iron supplements can wreak havoc on your digestive system.
rosie says
+1. I started an iron supplement on my OB’s rec based on my bw probably early third tri. I took one that is iron + Vit C, since I think that helps w/absorption (and calcium interferes with it, so if you take your prenatal vit w/a meal that has calcium, you’d want to take the iron at a different time). No reason to add an iron supplement to the list of things that are making you constipated unless your OB says to do so.
Anon says
I liked Rainbow Prenatal One. There are somewhat large but not huge like some prenatal. And they are the only ones that didn’t upset my stomach.
Anonymous says
+1 to Rainbow Prenatal One. These were recommended by my OB/GYN.
NYCer says
Same here. I added a separate DHA prenatal supplement as well.
Lana Del Raygun says
You’re craving sugar because it gets your blood sugar up quickly and complex carbs because they keep it up. Nausea is caused by low blood sugar. Just eat the carbs. :)
I got the CVS prenatals, which seemed to be constantly on BOGO50%. If you get gummies you should get your iron checked or take a separate iron supplement.
Lily says
I am not sure what kind of vitamin you’d get, but did you know, you can ask your ob to prescribe you prenatal vitamin? With insurance I pay about 3 bucks. I took them for almost two years, during pregnancy and during breastfeeding.
GCA says
I second the gummy prenatals, maybe plus iron if your doctor recommends it. On the snacks, listen to your body – those cravings are important information. Your body is trying to tell you something about what it needs to grow a human! I joke that my kids are made from sour patch kids (that sour tang helps kick the nausea, too), oranges, cheese, and Trader Joe’s sesame crackers, which was all I could stomach in first trimester. But also, you can always consider the Unisom/B6 combo for nausea, as well as ginger pills/ chews.
Anon says
My just turned four DD is very attached to me, and I’m getting pretty late in my third tri. My husband went out of town for four nights and just got back last night and this morning she was straight up mean to him. Agh. Tips on reorienting her towards him, especially given new baby coming? (We have a 2.5 year old DS too, but he’s not an issue in the same way)
OP says
Also meant to clarify that he travels some for work but is a very present and involved parent otherwise. Drives carpool three days a week (I never drive carpool), does bath every night, etc. We’re really 50/50 except she demands me so much that I tend to take her on more when she’s upset and such, which is probably what we need to break the habit of…
Anonymous says
I have the same issue with my two year old and am also pregnant! DH is a very involved father but she’s always been a mommy’s girl and will reject him whenever I’m around. She’s totallt fine if I’m not in the house.
anon says
Exactly! And it’s always been that way… it’s hard on both of us!
Anonymous says
Can dad work to create special daddy/daughter traditions? My kids fight each other to go to The Tool Store with daddy on weekend mornings (90% because they get donuts but hey.). Dad is the one that takes them hiking in the woods near our house- they have all kinds of secret stuff they do there (hunt for Fairies, make messages out of acorns, leave snacks for squirells etc).
They are also working on all kinds of projects together. DH has a woodshop and they build treasure chests and then paint them, etc. they have a special weekend breakfast they make.
Anyway, long/short- don’t have DH try and be you. Have him work on new and fun things. Secrets/special stuff are especially good.
Lily says
Music class for 1.5 year old? I have a 13 month old and have no idea about activities and when to start them. Can others chime in on when you started your kids on which activities? P.s. I didn’t grow up in the US… so a bit unaware of what people usually do with their kids.
Anon says
I’m the OP of that thread and I definitely don’t think classes are developmentally necessary at that age, especially if your child is in daycare. My daughter just really seems to enjoy singing and dancing and DH and I are very non-musical, so I thought this would be a fun thing for her to do, as well as a way to meet families who live closer to us (as I said, daycare classmates are all over the city, but the classes are very close to our house and I think probably attract a more local crowd).
rosie says
Check out Music Together for classes in your area, we’ve been happy so far. The ones we do are mixed age, birth through 5 years, and have been good for my kid since she we started at 6 months. Also check out story & music classes at your local library — we don’t follow the age recommendations that strictly, although do be aware that if something is truly for babies, it may not be great to have an older kid walking/dancing in the middle of the circle.
Mama Llama says
+1 for Music Together. Fun and very low pressure.
Blueridge29 says
Both of my kids loved Music Together. It is very low pressure and a fun way to expose kids to music. We were also fans of library story time.
Anon says
Another vote for Music Together. We started with my daughter shortly after her first birthday and she LOVES it.
Mama Llama says
There’s no reason to do it unless you want to. For us, we liked having something to do outside of the house in bad weather with the kiddo so we started a baby music class at like 9 months. In the toddler/preschool years we have also done soccer, Little Gym, art, swimming, and a toddler dance class at various point, never more than one at a time. It’s just for fun* and to expose her to different things – we are not assuming that we are cultivating great talent or anything, and she has always been in fulltime daycare so there wasn’t a need for socialization or learning to work with teachers. *The exception to this is swimming lessons, which we do every summer for safety reasons.
SC says
We started swim lessons around 9 months and kept them up most months until Kiddo was 3. He learned to swim last summer but isn’t a strong swimmer yet. We haven’t continued the swim lessons over the fall and winter but may pick it up again this spring or summer.
Our kid had a nanny from 12 weeks to 16 months, and she didn’t take him to any specific classes. She developed her own routine where she had music time, story time, walk/playground time, etc.
I took baby Kiddo to a mom-and-baby yoga class on Saturdays until he started crawling. That class incorporated the babies into a few poses and then had about 5-10 minutes of songs and activities with the babies. But really, I went to that class for me–my husband was working Saturdays, and I had a nice morning routine of yoga class, visiting a family member nearby, and picking up quiche from a local bakery for dinner.
Once Kiddo started daycare, I figured he would get the music, stories, etc. he needed there. Around 2, Kiddo started a soccer class that comes to the daycare in the afternoon once a week. It’s a bit of extra money, but not too much, and it’s during daycare hours. Our library system’s classes and events for babies through preschoolers are mostly Mon-Fri during work hours.
ElisaR says
we started swim classes at 6 months for my first son, and 15 months for my second son (sorry second kid, life is harder now!). That’s really our only activity because we need to get out of the house sometimes and I want them to know how to swim. That being said, we miss classes all the time because saturdays are our only day to do things!
Anonymous says
It just depends on your kids interests and your desire/energy/financial ability to take them. Mine was very active so we did gymnastics starting when he could walk. But then got busy so now he doesn’t do extra curricular classes, he just goes to daycare. Other parents I know do swimming or music classes. There’s also mommy and me yoga and things like that.
Ms B says
We started swimming and around 16 months and then soccer at two. The Kid did both of those until around 4 and then we took a break before starting ninjas at 5. We did not do music classes because they meet on weekday mornings in our neck of the woods and that does not work for us. However, The Kid did have yoga at his first preschool and music and art through his PK4 and PK curricula.
Do what works for you and enjoy the time before your whole household is scheduled up to your eyeballs. The Kid now does three sports a year, plus ninjas and Scouts year round, and we are BUSY (other than mid-July to the start of school in August, when most things where we are take “summer break”).
anon in nyc says
NYC Schools, why did you make the call to close last night until seeing how things looked early this morning? I do not understand!
Also yesterday was my last day of nursing. Made it a whole year!
Anonymous says
I think they are trying to call them earlier to give parents more time to plan. But no one is ever happy with these calls. (Except my husband the teacher, who was sleeping comfortably when I left for work).
AwayEmily says
woohooo congrats on being done with nursing!!
anon says
Does anyone have the Double Zoe stroller? How does it maneuver on city streets (nyc, philly, dc, etc.?)? Would you recommend it as a travel stroller?
Anonymous says
We have the double-wide one (XL2 v2) as our travel stroller and love it! We’ve used it in DC, Paris, and rural Maine and while it’s not as easy to push as our main stroller, it dealt just fine with the gravel paths in Paris. I dont think it would be up to cobblestones, but your average city streets are no problem. I love that it has big sun shades and reclining seats, so my kids can nap in it when we’re out and about, and the seats also sit pretty upright, so it’s easy for them to see. The included snack cup is also a bonus.
It does take two hands to fold, but it’s an easy fold, and it’s so light that it’s easy to carry around, especially if you attach a shoulder strap.
Anonymous says
No personal experience, but my twin fb group evangelizes about this stroller and says it’s currently on sale for $199.
Jury Duty?! says
Does anyone have experience with grand juries in Baltimore County, MD? I got a jury summons. I actually would have thought it would be kind of interesting, but it’s 2 days a week for 4 months starting in May. I just had a baby 2.5 weeks ago, and this would start when baby is 11 weeks old. I really don’t want to a) cut my 12 week maternity leave short for jury duty, b) miss 2/5 of my workweek for 4 months right after being gone on maternity leave for 12 weeks, and c) drive halfway across Baltimore County twice a week when I’m sleep deprived.
When I called Friday I was told they don’t do postponements for grand juries and the only way to get out of it is to get a doctor’s note. But I don’t know that an OB would be able to say I shouldn’t serve at 11 weeks. Lots of people go back to work before that! Would the fact that I’m still on FMLA leave at the beginning get me anywhere?
And not that the courts would care about this, but the last few weeks have been been rough – I had HELLP Syndrome and had to be induced at 34.5 weeks, spent extra time in the hospital making sure I was recovering, baby spent 10 days in the NICU… We’re all home and doing fine now, but ugh. Can’t I do jury duty some other time?!
Anonymous says
I would definitely at least ask your OB for a note. The worst they can do is say no, and I bet they’ll say yes.
Anonymous says
Call back, explain that you are the primary caregiver for a nursing infant, and ask what to do.
Anonymous says
Idk about your county but you can 100% get a drs note in mine. I got summoned 5 months PP and my OB wrote a note saying I was breastfeeding. Here in MA thats a legit excuse as long as you have a drs note for a year PP.
Ask your doc.
Anonymous says
Elsewhere in MD I was successfully getting a postponement due to being the primary caregiver for a nursing infant, so I second that recommendation.
Jury Duty OP says
I tried to play the breastfeeding card when I called Friday and was told that there’s a pumping room so breastfeeding doesn’t get me out of it. Stay at home parents can be excused, but I’m going back to work at 12 weeks so I’m not a SAHP. I will try talking to my OB.
Anonymous says
You’re a stay at home parent now, when you are responding. And you don’t pump yet.
Anonymous says
Total BS that SAHPs get excused and not working parents. We. are. all. parents. dammit.
Anon says
Meh I sort of get this. Stay at home parents presumably don’t have any child care in place during the work day, and at least where I live there are pretty much zero reasonable short-term options available for during the day care.
I do think nursing (or being on maternity leave) should excuse you though.
Anon says
I have no knowledge of that court, but in addition to the fact that you’re primary caregiver and breastfeeding an infant, it’s relevant to mention that your baby is a preeemie, spent time in the NICU, and will be too young for most vaccines at that point.
Maybe get a note from the pediatrician on top of the OB note or have the OB mention the baby’s health? Courts have tons of people coming through, who can’t always easily postpone, so I imagine that they’re pretty germy. I would imagine that the pediatrician wouldn’t want you regularly in a germy place you don’t want to be.
EB says
Law firm bonus question – does the typical 1/3 formula take a bonus into account or not? Seems to me it shouldn’t, but my current firm “brings you up to market” with your bonus and I have been offered other positions that do the same. Except the bonus that “brings you up to market” salary is based on billing over the original base so shouldn’t it top you off and bring you up to market on the actual amount of hours you have billed? I am curious whether my expectations are off!
Anonymous says
I’ve always heard that the 1/3 rule is before bonus.
anon says
Two things, (1) as contrasted to poster at 1:31 (and I may be in the wrong here versus her), I thought it was after bonus but flexed up to 1/2 versus capped at 1/3, and (2) I always understood it to be 1/3 to 1/2 of your collections, not your billable rate * hours billed. I figured the flex between 1/2 and 1/3 was there to accommodate other, non-collectible work like speaking, writing articles, being the office specialist on the topic, or whatever else is valuable to the firm but not in terms of strict collections.
anon says
One more thing, except in a very lock-step situation (BigLaw or similar) I would expect my salary to be increased at some point so that it wasn’t all bonus compensating me for hard work throughout the year. Maybe not after the first year of high billables/collections, but once a pattern has been established (unless it’s industry standard, like sales), IMO they shouldn’t be waiting until bonus time to pay you fairly for the work you do.
Anon says
What is the 1/3 rule? (Is that a stupid question?) At a law firm but I’ve never heard of this.
anon says
I’m anon at 2:04 and 2:06. I heard of it initially in non-law professional service industries (engineering, particularly) but later learned it is pretty common in certain legal markets as well. The basic idea is that you should be paid in salary (or salary and bonus, apparently) what you bring in. So, let’s say your collections for 2018 were $240k. Your salary (or salary and bonus) should be $80k to $120k (1/3 to 1/2 of your collections). The $80k to $120k should NOT be your salary plus your overhead. Your overhead (insurance, benefits, support staff, office space) should be part of the 1/2 to 2/3 that the firm keeps out of your collections.
You can also back into a reasonable salary range this way. So your billable rate is $250 and your hours requirement is 1200 for a total billed of $300k. Take some out (a percentage, usually) for non-collectible billing (either write downs in your time by partners, or contested by clients, or certain clients with negotiated lower rates or flat fees), and take some out for not hitting your hours (your fault or not) (which would be unusual at only 1200 hrs/year but less so at at 2000 hr requirement) and you end up with an approximate collections number, which leads you into a salary range from which to negotiate. This is all assuming you are still at the associate level and that it is expected for your firm to make a profit on you during your most valuable years (3ish to 10ish years?).
Anon says
Your receivables should go 1/3 to the firm for overhead, 1/3 to the partnership and 1/3 to you. So, if you make $100,000, your receivables should be $300,000. If you bring in $400,000, you should be bonused 1/3rd of that.
Anon says
I want to order blank cards with a picture of my kids on the front to use as thank you cards, etc. Mpix is pretty pricey. Has anyone had any luck with other websites? I want the picture quality to be reasonably nice.
TIA!
Anonymous says
Costco?
anon says
Walgreens, Shutterfly, Snapfish, Paperless Post
anon says
Vistaprint? I’ve never done one with a picture of my kids, but I’ve done other images, and with deals they can be pretty cheap.
Lily says
The wife of a colleague at work was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. Fortunately, it’s treatable but it is an incredibly difficult time for them. This is the second time she’s going through treatment. The colleague is someone I have been working with for a while although he and I are located in opposite coastsfor and go back a decade. They were even nice enough to send me baby gifts when I was soon was born and his first Christmas. I have already offered to help out at work, but what else can I do to support them, let them know that I am thinking of them? Send flowers?
Lana Del Raygun says
I’d send food/takeout gift cards.
anon says
Speaking as someone who’s been the patient: food in some form or another (takeout GCs, grocery delivery with an easy prep meal, snack box, cookie delivery), flowers, other self-care type gifts (lotions, candles), coffee GCs. I wouldn’t hesitate to send something more than once, either. I got a ton of flowers all at once when I got home from the hospital but few friends were supportive months later, even though the going was still very tough. Examples of occasions: in the hospital, home from hospital, chemo started/done, radiation started/done, one year cancer free anniversary (or whatever she celebrates, if you know it), surgery days, procedure days. Finally, thank you for taking care of your friend/colleague. All of the well wishes were very much appreciated even when I didn’t have the energy to express my thanks.
Lana Del Raygun says
POSTPARTUM HAIR LOSS AAAAUUUHHHHGGGGGG
That is all.
Mama Llama says
I am right there with you.
Signed,
Practically Bald
GCA says
This too shall pass! I felt like 4-6 months was the worst for pp hair loss.
lsw says
I’m with you.
Sincerely,
Pixie cut since 6m pp
Anonymous says
Do.not.chop.it. Resist the urge. It will pass.
lsw says
I’ve personally never looked back from the chop! But I’ve had hair shorter than shoulder length most of my life.
PinkKeyboard says
It’s horrible. Mine is growing back in now so I have weird 3-4 inch baby hairs all over my hairline. I look like a frantic renaissance painting.
Anon says
Reposting because I put it in the wrong place…
When did your kid(s) drop to only one nap, and how much sleep did they need at that age? My daughter just turned one, and seems to have pretty high sleep needs. She sleeps 12 hours at night and still takes two solid 1-1.5 hour naps for a total of 14-15 hours per day. She’s home with a nanny currently but is supposed to start daycare soon. The daycare just does one afternoon nap and it’s a pretty short one (<2 hours). They say they'll let her continue napping if she wants to, but I doubt she'll be able to if the room isn't dark and quiet. I'm also not sure how the schedule will work, since she'll have to be awake before 8 am to get there in time, and she won't be napping until after noon. She currently goes down for her morning nap no more than two hours after waking up and trying to lengthen that interval has not been successful (she "faceplants into her yogurt" as our nanny puts it). I guess I'm wondering if anyone has stories about kids who need this much sleep successfully adapting to a one nap daycare schedule at this age, or whether we should maybe consider finding another nanny and delaying daycare. I have a background in neuroscience so I'm probably extra cautious about this, because I'm well aware of the effects of even slight sleep deprivation. It's more important to me that my daughter sleep well than that she eat well or exercise well, honestly.
Anonymous says
My 16 month old, after a couple-week regression last month, is now sleeping about 11-12 hours at night, and 45m-2 hour nap during the day. She’s been kind of a mess since dropping her morning nap, TBH.
Anon says
My 19 MO is right between 1 and 2 naps. On weekends with me she typically takes 1 longer nap (close to 2 hours); during the week she usually takes an hour nap mid-day and then maybe a short 45 minute nap again early evening. She currently sleeps around 10ish hours at night, give or take, but she’s always been on the lower end of sleep needs. On one nap days, we definitely put her to bed earlier, and on the two nap days, if the second nap is late, she usually is up an hour later. We’re not a firmly scheduled family, so we just roll with what her sleep needs for the day are and put her to bed when she is a mess or starts rubbing her eyes.
Anna says
My LO moved to one afternoon nap at 11m at daycare. She wasn’t ready and she was a bit of a basket case. I’d say she was ready for that when she was 15m. At 2.5 she now sleeps 11hours at night and takes either a 1-2 hour nap at daycare or a 3-4 hour nap at home on the weekends.
Anonymous says
My older son was sleeping 7:30-7 at night plus two 1.5+ hour naps until 17 months; we then made him switch to one nap because he was about to start a daycare/preschool that did one nap. He was totally fine after a short cranky period where he would fall asleep in the car at 11 am. He really did stay asleep for a long time despite the not perfectly ideal nap conditions. I really didn’t think he was ready, but nevertheless am planning to send my current baby to the same daycare at 12 months because the plusses of the place really outweigh the one nap thing. They had them napping in pack-n-plays in the 1-2 room. Don’t get me started on what happened to nap when they moved them to cots/mats in the 2-3 room.
Seafinch says
Textbook response is 15-18 months to drop to one nap. My three were all high end of the spectrum sleepers and it was close to 18 months. At that time, they slept 8:00 p.m. to 7 or 8 a.m. My three year old still sleeps 2+ hours a day but we are noticing if it runs too late it is keeping her up so we are being more disciplined about clawing it back to make sure she is up before 2:00 p.m. and putting her down early. My five year old napped until one year ago. To be honest, the forced reduction of sleep is a huge factor why we have never done daycare. I can’t cope with forcing them off their natural schedule when it is good and healthy.