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OK, I know this is very expensive (at least to me) for a scarf, but I love, love, love mine, which I got (hinted at for weeks) from my husband as a gift. These scarves are beautiful — sheer but warm, oversized, and bright. I basically wear mine nonstop during the spring and fall, and I use it on every flight. It immediately takes your outfit to another level and makes you just feel luxe. I picked out a bright pinkish/purple-ish/berry color, and it goes with my gray/black/denim wardrobe. The tassels are my favorite part and set it apart from less expensive scarves. If you travel frequently, are cold in your office, or want to take your wardrobe to the next level, I highly recommend this investment piece! The pictured colors are $193, and other colors are available with different materials/price points. They also have a sale section on their site (including these fall 2018 colors for $135 each) and a brick-and-mortar store in Soho. Dupatta EssenzaSales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Stay or Go? says
I posted something similar over on the main site, but I think you ladies are a better audience. I need advice! I’m a mom of two little kids, 1 and 3. Husband is in big law and travels a lot. I’m an in house attorney, and my job is a total joke. My boss is in another state and doesn’t care about face time. I come and go as I please. I honestly barely work, but I am so, so bored. I was just offered an amazing opportunity with big pharma. Lots more money, but obviously, a real job now. I’m afraid of trading my cush but boring gig but also I feel almost like I’ve been standing still professionally for so long that I’ve lost my “edge”. Any advice? I feel like if I don’t take the job, I’ll regret it 2 years from now, but I’m also worried about losing such awesome flexibility/ability to see my kids so often. Side note – there are talks of my current company being sold, so my future here is uncertain, but even if it was sold, I think I’d be able to ride it out here for a few more years before being laid off.
anon says
your post was stuck in moderation for a LONG time. you might try to post again tomorrow
shortperson says
where do you think you’ll wnat to be in four years? in all seriousness. if working part time or not at all appeals to you and your husband is sticking it out in biglaw, then stay. i agree with you that if you want to be in it for a career, making a move now makes sense.
GCA says
I may be reading too much into this, but it sounds like you are bored and partway out the door already. In your shoes, personally I would go for the more interesting job. What’s the worst that could happen? You leave that role in a couple of years to scale back a bit. In the boring-but-cushy-and-flexible job scenario, boring and cushy is nice, but I feel like the worst that could happen is your company is sold, you are pushed out relatively soon in favor of someone cheaper, and you have to look for a new position all over again anyway. Plus I am always in the I-like-learning-new-things camp.
Anonymous says
Are there other ways you can find mental stimulation and keep current on legal issues while keeping your current job? I am also in house, mom of a 3 yo and 1.5 yo. I would kill for your job. My regret is being in a position with a heavy workload. The responsiveness that is required means that I’m not mentally “there” for my kids even when I’m with them. I’m just mentally exhausted. I feel that you may regret not taking the big job two years from now but you may regret more not spending time with your kids twenty years from now. All that matters in the end is the relationships you have with those you love. If you think you could take the big job and still be satisfied with the amount of time and attention with your family, then it may be workable for you.
avocado says
I have had the Dupatta in mauve for several years. It is beautiful, but the color ran when I hand-washed it and now the tassels are a bit faded.
AwayEmily says
We need a new bed (not mattress, actual bed). Anyone have a brand or model they recommend? Also, my husband and I are in disagreement about the height of the bed (I like the look of the more modern, platform-y ones, he says they remind him of “college beds”) and upholstered headboards — are they comfy/cozy or a potential bedbug nesting spot?
Anonymous says
I have an upholstered headboard and love it. I guess if you had bedbugs it would be an issue but I don’t really consider it since throwing out a 300$ headboard would honestly be the least of my issues with that and the odds seem pretty slim? On the other hand, it is super cozy for reading/sitting up in bed and it’s great for having kids snuggle with you and not worrying about head bumps. Ours is from World Market and looks much pricier than it is
AIMS says
I have an upholstered headboard and love it. I guess if you had bedbugs it would be an issue but I don’t really consider it since throwing out a 300$ headboard would honestly be the least of my issues with that and the odds seem pretty slim? On the other hand, it is super cozy for reading/sitting up in bed and it’s great for having kids snuggle with you and not worrying about head bumps. Ours is from World Market and looks much pricier than it is; really ties the room together. We paired it with a regular metal bed frame and simple white bed skirt. As for height, our bed is pretty high and I wish it was shorter because my kids like to sleep with us sometimes and I do worry about them falling. But it sort of just ended up that way.
Anonymous says
Height is a matter of person preference in my opinion. Our experience with fabric headboards is that they’re not practical for us. DH has an oily head (is that a thing?) and we opted for a wood headboard this time. We also have a brass headboard but I’m not a fan as it’s a bit squeaky.
Anon says
We have an upholstered headboard and when we got bedbugs (from a hotel) it was no big deal. They steam treated our entire bedroom and that took care of the bugs. We didn’t have to throw out or specially clean our headboard. I will suggest getting a dark color. Our is cream and has some stains from me leaning against it with wet hair.
FVNC says
I have nothing helpful to add except, I love the look of upholstered headboards! We wound up with a wood bed, which I also like, but it definitely doesn’t have the same cozy feel as upholstered.
My husband refused to buy a bed with what he referred to as “shin-killers” — beds with foot boards that are shin-high. I was annoyed at first because it really limited our options, but now that we have a bed with a hip-height foot board, I’m glad. Not something I would have thought of myself, so thought I’d share. Ours is Drexel Heritage which I think skews toward traditional, but I’ve been happy with the quality after ~9 yrs.
Anon says
I am anti upholstered headboards because I feel like they are hard to keep clean and dust free – do you vacuum them, regular dust them, etc.? I feel the same way about lampshades as well (and this is why we have washable drapes). My husband is allergic to dust and pollen, so maybe if you have fewer allergies it’s less of an issue. We solve the problem with a lot (8, to be exact) pillows so we create our own (washable) headboard essentially.
Anonymous says
We have an upholstered headboard and it’s been fine with DH’s dust allergy. We vaccum it once a month. But we also have hardwood floors throughout the house and no fabric window coverings/lampshades on the upper floor and mattress is encased in a dustmite proof cover and minimal pillows (one each) so I don’t think it’s that different from a carpeted house with a wood headboard. YMMV but I don’t think dust allergy necessarily means you can’t do an upholstered headboard, it’s just a bit more work with the vaccumming.
Bon says
I prefer a higher bed because we need the storage space. We got this one and attached a wood headbord. https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B006MIVR06/ref=oh_aui_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1 I love the look of upholstered headboards but it was not practical for us because we have cats.
AwayEmily says
Thanks all! You brought up lots of factors I hadn’t even considered; this is super useful.
HSAL says
Any specific recommendations for the foamnasium-type climbing blocks? I’m thinking of getting a set for the playroom.
Batgirl says
I posted about this a while back, but am still struggling with it so I’m trying again with some updated info. My almost-3 year old has started to have real issues with separation anxiety, particularly at night. It started with a trip to Grandma’s where he insisted (and his grandma complied, don’t get me started) that we sit on the floor for a bit until he fell asleep. We tried to stop that cold turkey (after 1-2 nights of obliging, we would stand in the hall and check in every 5-10 min) — he was HYSTERICAL. Sobbing uncontrollably and screaming for 90 minutes. He is still in the crib and wearing a sleepsack and, for the first time, almost successfully climbed out of the crib, which is when we stopped the CIO exercise and went back in.
We managed to “graduate” from sitting on the bed in his room to sitting in the hallway. Every 5-10 min, he’ll quietly call out “Mama?” or “Dada?” and we have to say “it’s ok, we’re here, go to sleep” or he loses his mind again. It’s taking 30-45 min for him to fall asleep and, suffice it to say, has gotten REALLY old. The worst part, though, is that he will wake at least once during the night now (after 2.5 years of reliably sleeping through) and cry out hysterically for us. We don’t feel like we can do CIO because he is seriously distraught and clearly very afraid to be alone. We basically have to go in there and sit on the bed (or more accurately, pass out in his bad) until he falls asleep.
It’s all just getting to be too much. Especially because we have a 9 month old in the room right next to his. Any advice for how to talk through this issue with him? Any special books for him to read…or for us to read?
Thanks so much!
Anonymous says
Being specific about what we were doing was helpful at this age. So staying that kids have to go to bed at kid bedtime and that Mom will be getting a shower and Dad will be cleaning the kitchen and will check back later. Then, check back in a half hour and explain the next activity you are doing if kid is still awake – folding laundry, packing lunches etc. This also emphasizes that it’s not a grown up party after kids are in bed. And don’t worry about being loud. My 7 year old actually told me a couple weeks ago that she likes it when she can hear us after she goes to bed. I think it reassures her that we are there. So I tend to leave doors open and not worry about making noise (except tv noise, I avoid that).
Sleep says
It’s annoying but so very common based on my convos with other parents. Path of least resistance has to be to let kids sleep on my floor in this situation. It was getting to be too much to do the long night time routing and middle of the night scream fests
And also, sleep trained around 6 months, slept reliably through the night for 2.5 yrs before this hit. I figure this will end sometime before college and this way I maximize my sleep
Sleep says
*has been to, not has to be. As with all things sleep and kids , no one solution!
So Anon says
This is what I do too. I set up a cot (actual cot from amazon that collapses very easily) with a sleeping bag next to the bed. Deal is that kiddo can get up from her bed (not in a crib) and tuck herself into the sleeping bag and cot as long as she doesn’t wake me up. She goes to sleep in her room with no problem, and if she wakes up, she has an option that does not involve middle of the night parenting. I did the same for my older son who now sleeps all night in his bed.
OP says
Thank you, this is helpful!
Anonymous says
So a few thoughts, in case any work: maybe it’s time for a real bed? Is he too old for a sleep sack? What’s the toy situation in bed- books tucked in with him? Can a special stuffed animal live there only at bedtime? Does he need a brighter nightlight, or a cool one that displays stars on the ceiling to watch?
I don’t think one night at grandmas broke him. He’s just growing up and this is a new phase.
OP says
Well, ironically, we were about to switch him to the bed, but are holding off now in hopes that we can get this sorted out before compounding things with such a big change. That said, he’s been asking to move to the bed. And yes, he’s old for the sleepsack, but we thought we’d keep him trapped in the crib a bit longer that way. (We moved the mattress all the way to the floor since he tried to escape.) .
In terms of the toy situation, he has like ten stuffed animals all tucked in with him there. I like the idea of the starts on the ceiling thing — that could help.
And you’re right about Grandma, but what an attractive scapegoat she makes! :)
Thank you for the advice!
Anonymous says
If he’s asking to move to a bed then that’s your key. I switched my 4 year old twins to their big boy beds last fall but first they have to prove they were ready to have big boy beds by not fussing at bedtime and staying in bed unless they had to potty or had a nightmare. We did a sticker chart to keep track. Also told them that the cribs were just being stored in the basement for now and would have to come back upstairs if they didn’t continue the good bedtime behavior after they got their new beds.
Anonymous says
We had something similar happen around 3. Less fear but wanting us to stay. It was taking longer and longer and longer to fall asleep and I just about lost my kind. Then we realized it was nap days that were leading to those 60+ minute bedtimes. (Naps were only happening about 3 days/week— so on nap day he’d be up super late and clingy, then exhausted and clingy the next day from not sleeping enough at night.). We unilaterally decided no more naps allowed, and time to fall asleep decreased to 5-10 minutes. We decided lying down with him for 5-10 minutes was fine; still doing it a year later. I guess if that time lengthens again we can reassess. With a baby in the house too, we are trying to give him attention where he really seems to need it, otherwise he acts out at school.
Anonanonanon says
Has anyone tried any of the mail order mattresses? (Purple, Casper, etc.) Feedback?
Background: We live in a small row home in the DC area and currently have a Queen-sized bed. We can’t do it anymore. My husbnad is 6’3″ and large and I’m a sprawled out sleeper. He’s starting to end up on the couch at least 2 times a week because we’re both tossing and turning. We understand a King-sized bed will look a bit silly in our 11’6″-wide bedroom, but don’t care. We’ll get tiny nightstands and a sleek headboard. We just can’t live like this.
The catch is a king mattress literally cannot fit up our stairs because of how narrow they are and the angle of the turns (this has been confirmed by all of our neighbors as well), so we basically have to get a mattress that is delivered in a box. We probably aren’t moving in the next 2-3 years and even if we do I’ll take a chainsaw to it if that’s what it takes to remove it from my house, I just want sleep.
HSAL says
As an alternative, what about two twins? They make connecting strips to make it pretty seamless. I slept in a friend’s bed who did that and I had no idea until she told me later.
Anon says
+1 to two twins. Same size as a king, you will each (kinda) have your own bed, but you will be physically close.
Anonymous says
Two twins and use a memory foam or similarly thick king size mattress cover. You won’t notice the difference from a king sized bed.
EB0220 says
We like our Tuft & Needle bed. It took maybe 6 months to break in but now we love it. And the box ours came in would definitely fit up a small flight of stairs.
Anonanonanon says
Oh interesting! I hadn’t heard of this one yet, but I’m loving the price point from my quick google search! Will definitely read reviews.
How did you choose? It’s hard to tell which reviews are legitimate.
EB0220 says
Honestly we liked the price point too so figured we’d try it out and return it in the 30 days if we didn’t like it. But no complaints.
Anon says
We also like ours! On the firm side, which suits our preferences.
Anon says
Do it! We got a king sized and I don’t know how we ever slept without it. We got an Avocado, which we love. It was delivered in a box and I don’t think there would’ve been any issues getting it up a narrow stairway.
Anonanonanon says
I hadn’t heard of that one before now! Did you get it because of the organic/vegan considerations, or was that a coincidence?
Anon says
I’m not vegan but I liked that it was organic/non-toxic and the company appealed to me. It’s also turned out to be a really great mattress!
shortperson says
we got an avocado mattress for our daugher’s room becuase it’s organic etc and we were moving her off of her organic crib mattresss. hers is the most comfortable bed in the house. and our mattress was pretty fancy.
ElisaR says
this is exactly the problem i have. My movers folded our king mattress in half to get it up and I think they may have ruined it so now I’m thinking box.
KateMiddletown says
Hi ladies. You may remember I’m on a quest to wear a uniform every day. I am searching for a great white shirt to wear under my gray blazer with my gray blazer black pants combo.I’d really like to not spend a ton of money because I know white shirts need to be replaced pretty frequently. I am not the type of person who is always going to wash my whites separately. I need something that’s not too sheer but not too thick. I’d prefer short sleeves. I really like a V-neck because I usually wear it with a blazer But maybe I am off-base with that and I need a crewneck to make it look better.I have a very large bust especially since I am breast-feeding/nursing right now. I’ve tried Merona, Amazon, daily ritual which is an Amazon brand, and BR. Any suggestions for a great white tee?
Anonymous says
Everlane? I haven’t tried them, but I’ve heard/read good things about their white shirts.
Anonanonanon says
Lavender Hill Clothing. Yes, I ordered one because Meghan Markle wore one under a blazer, but I’ve been very happy with it and plan to order a few more. I can’t remember which neckline it’s called but mine is somewhere between a scoop and a crew? It’s thick enough to wear without another shirt under it and fits well enough to wear with a blazer.
KateMiddletown says
Ooh love these. In your experience, is an XL the equivalent of a L in US?
Em says
Black House White Market! They have amazing V-neck shirts that look nice and are fairly resistant to those annoying tiny holes that shirts get around the waist area. They also have a silky detail on the neckline that make them look a little nicer than a basic t-shirt. I bought about 15 different t-shirts on my quest for a work uniform and these are the ones I settled on – I currently own 7 of them. I will link them in a reply.
Em says
https://www.whitehouseblackmarket.com/store/product/ultraluxe+soft+tee/570240462?color=2257&catId=cat210001
Anonymous says
This one is on the pricier end, but the quality is high. https://mmlafleur.com/shop/peggy-ivory
IHeartBacon says
Land’s End supine cotton tees: https://www.landsend.com/products/womens-supima-cotton-short-sleeve-t-shirt—relaxed-v-neck/id_234879_59?sku_0=::WHI&dysku=3454426
Anonymous says
Has anyone used the Mutu workout system? Any personal experiences to share? I am about 9m postpartum, and while I could stand to lose a few pounds, a lot of it feels like my stomach muscles have just given out. I don’t have diastis recti (PT confirmed) but I do feel like my muscles are shot after two big babies.
K. says
I have Mutu and it is okay, but I also have Restore Your Core and love it 100 times more. The cost between the two are similar, but Restore Your Core has more material, clearer instructions and I just enjoy it more.
OP says
Great, I’ll check that out. Thanks!
Anonymous says
Tell me more about Restore Your Core. Is it all normal core strength work without kegel-type exercises? How similar is it to yoga or Pilates? Does it really make jumping and running leak-free?
Rdc says
Very late to this, but love MommaStrong(dot)com. Five dollars and month, 15 minutes a day, all exercises for overall strengthening and recovering from giving birth.
Anonymous says
Internet friends, I’m really hating being a working parent today. Kiddo (3) is working her way back to feeling better from a bug. She stayed home from daycare/school yesterday, but hasn’t had a fever since Sunday. She definitely had some good energy after naptime yesterday. We sent her to school today but she was very sad about it, saying she didn’t feel well and didn’t want to go. She was a mess at drop off. When she is feeling well, she loves school and drop off is no problem. I feel so guilty that I can’t just have her at home today giving her all the cuddles. Words of encouragement? It’s been a rough 4ish months that I won’t get into, but I just need a break. And grandparent help, but they’re all blissfully snowbirding thousands of miles away (another vent for another day…). Not that it would really matter if they were home in our state, though (*eye roll*).
Anonymous says
She’s fine! You’re fine! You gotta work, she gotta day care, end of story.
Batgirl says
I feel you — I often feel the same way. Some days are just rougher than others. Remember, you’re doing the best you can. Would you actually like to work less or be home more? If so, and if it’s possible for you, then maybe start taking steps to doing that. Good luck!
lsw says
I’m sorry. I understand totally. Can you call daycare and check in? Maybe learning she’s having fun will help? (I’ve never done that so can’t say whether it helps or harms, but sometimes our imagination is worse than reality)
Remember that she loves school so she is likely having a great time! And you were able to stay home with her yesterday, which is awesome. Can you pick her up early and do something fun? Or get something fun for dinner that she loves? Plan something fun and different for the weekend?
Also, can you take that break for yourself soon?
Anonymous says
Hugs. On days like these I’ve sometimes left an hour or two earlier, let kid snuggle on the sofa and watch TV while I finished up on the laptop at home. At age 3 often they’ll watch tv for an hour or so without issue. Or if she’s tired she may sleep a bit.
anne-on says
Commiseration. I’ve been traveling more now and feeling really really sad/guilty everytime my kiddo mentions how much he misses me or how he doesn’t like when I’m gone. But, I really value my job, I am getting great facetime with senior people, and it was the right move for me personally/professionally. Its hard. You can’t win at everything. I think it’s ok to feel a bit sad but also accept that this is not going to be the end of the world for your child, and be gentle with yourself too.
Anonymous says
I’ve posted before about wanting to be a SAHM. I’ve generally felt the desire to stay home since I went back to work when my DD was 3 months old, but it’s only intensified as she’s gotten older. On the advice of people here and others, I told myself I would stick it out at work for a year and the year is almost up. My day to day life is very manageable and quite happy and I know I’m lucky in many regards (I only work 40 hours, DH does his share, we can afford to outsource many chores so when we’re not working, we’re spending quality time with DD, and DD is a great sleeper so we are well-rested and have time to ourselves). And yet, I just want to stay home. I spend a lot of time with her on evenings and weekends, but I don’t feel like it’s enough. When I think about all the fun things we could be doing together during the week if I stayed home, I feel really sad (more for myself than for her, I know she’s too young to remember). I thought this feeling would go away as I settled into the working mom thing, but it hasn’t.
I’m wondering now about timing – if I feel sure that I want to be home does it make sense to just take the plunge now or try to stick it out for another year or so? On the one hand, I know I’ll never get the baby/toddler years back if I keep working now. But I’ve heard a lot of friends talk about how hard ages 2 and 3 can be. I don’t want to leave now and then in a few months realize that I don’t really want to be home full-time with a 2 year old. Right now, leaving for work is miserable and I don’t feel any relief at getting a break from childcare but I guess I’m worried that might change.
Anonymous says
Can you do a trial run? Take a week off work and try being a SAHM. Work out your SAHM budget and what lifestyle changes that will entail. It’s not the same as being home for weeks on end but it may give you an idea as you haven’t been home full time in a year so it’s quiet different than the early days when they nap all the time.
Another way to trial it would be to see if your job would approve leave without pay for a year so you can go back if you don’t like being home. If you plan to work again at some point, I would develop your re-entry plan to some extent before you leave. Of course it will likely change but try to figure out if this is a 2 year change or a 12 year change for you.
OP says
Thanks for the thoughts. I actually recently did a one week trial run and it was great and really affirmed that I want to be home. We currently pay more for childcare than I earn, so there won’t be any immediate lifestyle changes required and my husband is supportive of keeping our cleaning service, etc. (he and I agree a stay at home parent’s job is parenting, not keeping house, especially when the kids are very young). I think I will definitely want to start earning some income again, especially once my child(ren) are in preschool and I have some more time on my hands, but I’m not sure I ever see myself returning to a 9-5 office job. Freelance work is an option in my field, and long-term, I think that’s what I’d like to do. It’s easier said than done though, I know.
Anonymous says
Can you establish yourself doing freelance work now? Presumably toddler takes a big 2 hour nap in the afternoon? That would give you a block of time. It’s much easier to ramp up hours if you have kept a foot in the door. Around age 3 a preschool for three mornings a week might be a good balance.
For the financial piece, don’t just look at current childcare costs but also other costs like impact on vacations, education savings and retirement savings. Even if your freelance work in the next couple years is just paying for vacations or retirement savings, it may be worthwhile.
OP says
Unfortunately my employer basically prohibits “side gigs” that are at all related to my work, so I don’t think I can establish any kind of freelance career until after I leave. I would definitely be more comfortable leaving if I already had some small side projects, even if the pay was minimal, but I don’t think that’s a possibility.
HSAL says
Honestly, taking all that into account, I’d do it. But as another alternative, how is your flexibility at work? I have zero desire to be home with my kids all day, but I use a combination of flex time, PTO, and working from home to carve a few more hours out of the week. What if you tried some of that to do a fun activity with your daughter once a week?
FVNC says
I’d probably go for it, in your situation. You’ve tried it out, you know you’ll enjoy it, and you have an option for reentry to paying work. My daughter never had the terrible twos or threenager years, and I have enjoyed being around her the older she gets. TBD for my son, who is not yet two. Being a stay at home mom is not for me, but I can definitely see the appeal of soaking up all the sweetness while they’re still young and really love being with a parent. Good luck with your decision!
Anon says
13-18 months was an angelic period in our lives. At 18 months, my moderately difficult but still angelic cute almost toddler turned into a crying, screaming, tantruming and emotional mess with ALL THE FEELINGS, all the independence and none of the words. I love her a lot, but I breathe a sigh of relief when I walk out the door in the mornings (knowing of course I’ll come home to her at night and I can handle smaller chunks of time). So if I were you, I would maybe give it another 6 months. Toddlers are so different.
OP says
Yeah, this is basically exactly what I’m worried about. Thanks for the data point.
Anonanonanon says
Alternative viewpoint on the 2-year-old age range, I was a SAHM when my first was that age (not necessarily by choice?) and honestly that was a much easier age than when he was an infant! Yes, they’re more difficult at home at that age, but there are so many places to go during the day during the week that aren’t as crowded as weekends. They can be worn out at the pool, at the park, playgroups, etc. I did have a network of other SAHMs and it was nice in the winter to go to each other’s houses and let the kids play and have coffee and chat. The kids (and moms) were just happy to be out of the house! A 2-year-old is difficult, yes, but the experience is much less monotonous than with an infant. There are all sorts of library story times, rec center classes, etc. that can easily fill your days. Again, this is coming from someone who was miserable being a SAHM, so it’s probably much easier to find things to do if you’re enjoying it!
Anonymous says
I’m not a SAHM but I greatly prefer the 2-3 year age range to the baby range. So many more activities, they’re easier in that they’re a little more independent (less floppy!) and so fun.
Anonymous says
No one thinks she’ll wind up skipping 10-15 critical career building years only to wind up with her husband leaving her, needing to get a job, and having to take something very low level because finding a job is so hard. But it happens all the time. Your set up is great. Making taking care of children and cleaning house and cooking and ironing his shirts your life’s work is risky.
Eek says
This is … unnecessary. Also I don’t know what her current job is, but if I consider writing briefs and reviewing documents “my life’s work” it’s rather depressing as well. And no one said anything about ironing her husband’s shirts.
Govtattymom says
Here’s my 2 cents for whatever it is worth! I don’t think you should write off being a SAHM because other people advise against it. If you do a thorough analysis of the financial and emotional factors and decide being a SAHM is the best choice, you should go for it! My daughter did get considerably harder to parent around two, so perhaps consider whether you can envision yourself enjoying mostly smooth days that are interrupted by multiple tantrums and potty accidents. I would also note that an easy baby does not mean an easy toddler!
Anonanonanon says
Honestly, this board is going to be skewed against being a SAHM because we’ve all made a different choice. However, as someone who did it for 2 years and found IT WAS NOT FOR ME AT ALL, I think it sounds like it might be for you. And that’s OK! It sounds like you are in a situation where it won’t involve a lot of financial sacrifices, which is great. I think you should go for it. If you didn’t work in a field where you could freelance I’d caution you a bit more, but it sounds like the opportunity to maintain employability is there, which I think is really important (no one thinks their husband will suddenly run off or drop dead, but it happens).
Definitely work to maintain your professional network and try to do a bit of freelancing while you’re home so that you maintain employability, but I honestly think you should go for it. You are right, you don’t get these years back.
AwayEmily says
+1 on this. I would not want to be a SAHM but you know yourself and it sounds like you’ve really thought carefully about the pros and cons. And for what it’s worth I found toddlers way easier/more fun to parent than babies.
Anon says
You’ll get so many opinions on this, but IMO this is a situation when your own gut/heart should win out over other people’s logic and reason. Definitely keep an eye towards the future and be smart about your choices (keep putting something away for retirement, for example, but don’t panic if you can’t max out everything), but I wasn’t willing to sacrifice the desire and happiness of my present self for a hypothetical future self. I am a SAHM to two and have not regretted it for a second. In some ways I think your patience for your kids actually grows the more time you spend with them, and toddlers can have moments of toughness but they are outweighed by so many other moments during a day (I’m also a big believer in what the NYTimes op-Ed section called “the myth of quality time”, and spending quantity time with my kids has been great.) Could you take on a very light freelance project right away to keep your foot in the door? And for the record, I have never once ironed my husband’s clothes and he still makes dinner most nights…
Anonymous says
Current stay at home mom here – I started staying at home when my daughter was 15 months and honestly I’ve loved age 1-2!! Yes there’s stressful moments or days as she’s working on boundaries, opinions, etc…but I don’t regret having to “deal” with her behavior. I actually do feel sad about all the stuff I missed out on for her first year and I’m super glad I’ll be home with the next baby arriving in July. Kids get more interesting as they get older and I love witnessing her learning every day. I’ve also built way more of a “village” then I ever had as a working mom.
Anonymous says
I wanted to add…my advice is to do yourself a favor and join a moms group if you do stay at home. If you’re in an urban or semi-urban area you can find them on FB or g**gle. It’s been a godsend for me and my daughter enjoys seeing the same kids all the time. For example – this week I’m pregnant, have the flu, and my daughter has the flu. Everyone stepped up to bring us dinner this week (which is very common in our group). I don’t have local family so it’s essential. I also have to be much more outgoing about talking to other parents at the library/playground but I’ve successfully made friends this way!!
Anonymous says
I’d do it sooner rather than later. If you don’t, then I think you’ll fall into the trap of “Well kiddo only has two years left before kindergarten…since I already missed the first three years and want to work while kiddo’s in school, it just doesn’t make sense to leave anymore.” I agree with keeping your foot in the door somewhere if you can…whether be it freelance or part-time.
anon says
I think only you can answer this for yourself, but I’ll offer my perspective. I could’ve written this post a year ago (maybe I did) and I will say now that we’re in toddlerhood, I’m happy with my decision to work. I still get the blues on mondays and I don’t love coming to work, but I find the weekends exhausting with a toddler and I’m always impressed by what DD learns at daycare. It also sounds like you want to have at least another kid. I think taking pregnancy and having a newborn with a toddler is something to take into account. You’ve considered this and sound thoughtful about it so only you can answer it, but I just thought I’d chime in that for some those feelings never go away but the analysis changes as you go along.
Anonymous says
As a SAHM I would say that being able to be at home during the first trimester was a HUGE perk of my “job.” I napped during my daughter’s naptime every day which made all the difference in the world. So really I find it easier than working and commuting through my first pregnancy. I’m scared of the newborn plus toddler phase, but we’d have a newborn and a toddler even if I was still working.
Anonymous says
I’m a semi SAHM. Meaning I’m more SAH than working. I’m definately the default parent.
That said, I work 10-15 hours a week and I would likerally go crazy if I didn’t. I have 3 5& under. The 5 y/o isn’t yet in kindergarten.
What I’ve observed is that most full time SAH parents are itching to do *something* outside the house by the time the kids are in preschool. So, my advice is to think about some kind of “side hustle” (I hate that term) you could do while not working full time. Not MLM but maybe you would want to get into real estate or do consulting (what I do), or hang a shingle part time. Not to replace your FT income, but so that as family you have a sustainable plan going forward. Once kids are in elementary school, the day is 9-3 not 8-5 like in the daycare world.
OP says
I don’t want to reply to everyone and clutter up the thread but I really appreciate the many thoughtful comments! It’s given me a lot to think about as I continue working through this decision.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Is part time work at your current job at all an option for you? It sounds like it would be ideal for you and give you more time with your daughter, while keeping your foot in the door of the (paid) working world. As for toddler life, I have found my first son’s age 2 to be pretty hard – I don’t know if it’s his particular personality or if this is just how toddlers are, but I am exhausted just spending an hour with him at night. Especially now that I have two, I find being home with a baby, especially an immobile one, a lot easier even though it is pretty monotonous. That’s just me though! Some people love the toddler years. You’re right that you won’t get these years back but you also won’t get them back to earn money and keep your skills up at work.
Also, as someone mentioned upthread, yes this site is full of working moms so most of the responses may be skewed one way, but there is something to be said for being able to fully support yourself and your children financially and having that independence from your husband and ability to have a say in household decisions. I’m sure your husband is a great person but money is power and he will have more power in your relationship if you stay home. That might look like cutting back on the cleaning service if he feels like you don’t make enough, it might mean living in a less desirable neighborhood, it might mean a move to a different state (or country) for his career. Some people might not care about giving up that power, but to me, having an equal stake in my marriage is very important. I don’t want to be home with my kids all day but if I did, I’d likely consider some of these factors in addition to whether I actually want to be home.
Anonymous says
If she earns less than the cost of childcare, she can’t fully support herself and her child currently. I don’t disagree with your point that money is power, but her husband already has the financial power in the marriage. I suspect it would be much less of an adjustment for their marriage than for a woman earning six figures who suddenly quit to stay home with kids.
Anonymous says
I really have to disagree with this. Yes, we would move for my husbands job but that’s not a huge issue for me. Otherwise I still have equal financial say in our manage. And frankly, I handle our household bills and finances since it’s part of my “job” of managing our household. I can’t imagine my husband trying to pull his weight saying he brings in money and I don’t. So really this depends on your marriage.
anon says
I totally disagree with this. We consider our take home pay joint, and would even if I stayed at home. This is just not how my marriage works (although I guess it’s good to have this all laid out on the table before you decide to stay at home?)
Anon says
I also disagree with this. All money is joint money and all expenses involve joint decisions in our house. I stayed home for several years and my husband never would have dreamed of telling me we had to cancel our cleaning service or move to a different city. He might have suggested something as a possibility to discuss, but he never would have pulled the “I earn the money, this is my decision” card. If you have a spouse who believes SAHPs don’t contribute to the household and don’t get a say in financial decisions, then don’t stay home. But it’s a know-your-spouse thing. I can’t imagine being married to someone who felt that way, even if I always planned to work, because being involuntarily out of work for an extended period of time is always a possibility (lay-off, etc.).
fallen says
I am interviewing nannies for our kiddos and was wondering if anyone had any advice on questions I should ask to both nannies and references I screen (mostly for 1 year old but also for 6 year old). I have gotten a bunch of messages from nannies who are interested after I posted on a local facebook group and I am overwhelmed about how to start screening them.
Also, do you ask nannies to help with anything other than childcare (e.g., meals for kids? laundry for kids?)? I am thinking negotiating some of these things might be nice, but at the same time I don’t want this to take anything away from the quality of care.
Anonymous says
Park Slope Parents has great nanny hiring advice
Anonymous says
Our nanny said she would do laundry, etc. but hasn’t. I wouldn’t get your hopes too high on that point.
avocado says
The summer program for middle school kids that we use just announced that they are converting to an elementary-age program. Now I have to scramble to find care with transportation to and from sports practice. And the kid is 100% opposed to a temporary nanny, for which I really can’t blame her. Ugh, ugh, ugh. Summers are the thing I hate most about being a working mom.
Anonanonanon says
Summers are awful and expensive as a working mom, agreed.
Just out of curiosity (because I know your daughter is a few years ahead of my son and there aren’t many mothers with older children on the board), why is she against a nanny for the Summer?
avocado says
Since we wouldn’t be hiring for the entire summer (kiddo will be out of town or doing other activities at various points during the summer), we wouldn’t be able to hire one consistent person. We’d have to go through an agency that sends whoever they have available. They try for consistency, but that’s not always possible. Kiddo doesn’t like being left alone all day with someone she has just met, which I can understand. I would find that overwhelming too.
She also doesn’t like the general idea of having a “babysitter.” The middle school summer program made her feel grown-up and independent because they gave the kids a lot of freedom to choose activities. Somehow, being picked up and dropped off by the camp van instead of by a family member or sitter also made her feel as if she was getting herself places on her own, which she really liked.
I don’t think a tween would be quite so opposed to a nanny if you were dealing with a consistent nanny who was a known quantity, if you had a kid who was less fiercely independent (this one is pretty high up there on the “I do it myself!” scale), and/or if there were siblings in the picture.
RR says
Why do you have to hire through that agency? Have you tried looking on care.com for one person for the summer? I’ve never had an issue finding what I want on care.com, whether it’s a full-time nanny, a part-time nanny, emergency care for a day or two, etc.
I do think you are right about the siblings. We also have a younger child, so my tweens get that the care is partly that they are not old enough to be responsible for her as well as themselves.
Anonymous says
This is so hard. I would do everything I could to find the care my daughter wanted, also. But (since it sounds like your daughter is mature), I don’t think having a conversation with her about the reality of finding everything she wants is out of the question. “Yes, I understand you’d prefer a group camp, but it is actually very difficult to find group care that provides transportation to practice. If you want to continue with summer practice, you’ll likely need to have a summer nanny. But, all the positives of the nanny are…”
Anon says
Can you call it something other than a “nanny” or “babysitter”? “Driver” seems to swing a little bit too far the other way – but I’m wondering if it’s just the word/idea that she’s reacting to rather than the actual reality of what it would entail.
Anonymous says
That seems kind of ridiculous. A 12 year old knows what a babysitter is and trying to insist it’s something else it just seems really condescending.
Anon says
My point was that if you’re just looking for someone to drive her to practices, that isn’t really the same as a nanny or babysitter.
Anon says
I didn’t mean to be ridiculous, I was just throwing an idea out there. My experience with kids that age is that sometimes they don’t want their friends to think they have a nanny, but they’d be ok with a housekeeper that also drives them to practice. It sounds like that isn’t the case in OPs situation, and maybe it was a dumb suggestion, but if you’re going to attack other people’s ideas when they’re just trying to help, at least suggest something yourself.
Anon says
Although I just realized you’re probably the same anonymous above. In which case you already did suggest something. Gah sorry. I give up.
avocado says
It is the actual reality–we’ve done it before and she didn’t like it. But we have already started to have that mature conversation about tradeoffs (if you want to go to daytime practice, someone has to get you there).
There is some possibility of having kiddo be a “mother’s helper” for her adult cousin while she’s not at practice, which she likes a lot better than the idea of a nanny. Before our child care fell through, cousin had already asked kiddo if she’d like to do this for a week. I know cousin needs more than one week’s worth of help with the baby, so we might be able to work something out for the few weeks where we need coverage.
Anonymous says
Oh do this!! I was reading this thinking I’d have hated a nanny in middle school- I was already mothers helpering at that hage! But I would have also hated staying home 8-5 alone all summer.
Anonymous says
This reminds me of Sound of Music, when Liesel says “I’m 16 and I don’t need a governess!” and Maria says “thank you for telling me, we’ll just be good friends.” Which I think is actually a good way to handle it, I’m not trying to ridicule at all.
+1 to the suggestion downthread of a high school or college kid, no matter what you call the position.
RR says
My almost middle schoolers love their nanny–love. I don’t know that they thought they would. So at some point, I think you make the best decision for the family and see if it’s as bad as she thinks. The nanny can take them to activities, take them to hang out at the pool, etc.
TheElms says
What about a high school who wants to supplement a part time job or is doing summer school who can drive or a college student doing summer courses but not an internship? Would they be cooler than a nanny?
Anonymous says
This. After age 10 or so we always had a high school student summer babysitter for pick up from camp or the occasional week of full time care. Usually high school students have some plans but not a totally full summer so they may be happy to work with your schedule if you don’t need full time care every week all summer.
Anon says
Got on the scale this morning for the first time in a month or two and confirmed in fact that in the 6 months or so since I cut back nursing and eventually weaned, I have gained back 20 pounds, putting me back now at 5 pounds less than my pre-pregnancy weight (which was high). Sigh. I’m sure some of it is muscle since I regularly toss around my 30 pound toddler, but my pants suggest that not all of it is. Momming is hard, that is all.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Sending love and empathy. This is so hard!!!! 15 months in, weaned at 12 months, and for me, I’m just now starting to see (very slow) progress on the scale. I wish I could say it’s the more regular (although SO much quicker than pre-baby) workouts I’m doing, but I think it’s because I have seriously been portion controlling as much as reasonably possible, especially during the work week.
Our bodies work so differently, but are so incredible – you birthed and fed a tiny human with yours!
Anon says
Ugh I’m with you. I haven’t weaned yet but I’m terrrified that I’m going to gain so much weight when I do. I’ve gotten used to those extra calories (and I can’t seem to find time to workout regularly)
Anonymous says
Here here. My waistline is a generously spilling over muffin top currently. I tried to convince myself it was all baby but that ended when I only lost 15 lbs post partum… not the 50 I had gained poooooo!!
ElisaR says
sorry i’m right there with you.
Milk supply says
Has anyone had luck turning around supply issues while breastfeeding with an older(ish) baby? My LO is 6 months old and I never had any supply issues until the last month or so, but all of a sudden I can’t seem to pump enough. I’ve been relying on my freezer stash but that’s not an infinite solution.
(I know I can supplement with formula and there’s nothing wrong with that but I’m looking for other options.) I replaced my pump valves and backflow protectors but no luck.
lsw says
Yes. It was a combination of things, but one that I didn’t realize was that he was being fed more and more breastmilk by bottle, which meant he was taking less from the breast, which meant my supply was tanking. We did a drastic cut back on the milk he was getting while I was at work (which was terrifying, but 100% fine basically immediately) and I did some power pumping to get back up. I have no idea if that is your situation at all but my caregiver did not realize that his amount of milk could remain static – I forget the age range but it was something like they don’t actually need more milk by ounce after six months or something. I did this all with the help of our breastfeeding center that is attached to our pediatrician’s office. I’m happy to forward you some resources I have from this time if you think that might be what is going on.
Anonymous says
+1 even with pumping 3x/day my supply lowered around 6 months, so we slowly supplemented more with formula. Breastfed for 13 months but by the end it was just one feeding in the morning. Now if it drastically lowered over the course of a day or two it could be your period returning if it hasn’t already. You could always add in another pumping session before leaving for work in the morning, but that sounded miserable to me.
GCA says
Has your supply / pumped amount actually fallen, or is it that baby is taking more and more milk?
If it’s the former – the usual suspects are period or other hormonal changes.
If it’s the latter, make sure you’ve ruled out overfeeding & that caregiver is familiar with paced feeding for a baby who’s at all breastfed. Or baby may be becoming mobile (crawling? rolling more?) or going through a growth spurt, and increased intake is normal and temporary.
I’m sorry this is a little stressful! Which is so ironic, right – stress can affect your pumping. In your shoes, if baby has started solids and is healthy, I would think of formula as just another type of food in baby’s diet, which is my plan when I travel for work in a few weeks (my 2nd will be 8.5 months).
Milk supply says
This is a good point, thanks. It’s a combination problem – his intake has gone up about a 1/2 ounce, but mostly I’m just pumping less milk. I got my period back when he was 4 months old (despite EBR, go figure) so I don’t think it’s that. Definitely not pregnant.
I’m not ruling out formula, I just wish I could figure this out. I thought for sure it was because my pumps parts hadn’t been replaced, but I tried that and it didn’t make a significant difference.
Anonymous says
Did you replace the tubing, too? I did that at some point in the first year and it helped a lot.
Milk supply says
Oh I didn’t know that could make a difference! I will try it, thanks.
1:16 Anon says
Yeah, I think mine just got a little worn out from constantly being packed up and more abused than they should have.
Anonymous says
this happened to me too around 6 months (LO is now 9 months). it wasn’t my period. I did the following all at the same time, so I’m not sure what was the exact reason my supply went up, or if it was the combo: eating a full breakfast and lunch 30-60 minutes before first 2 pumps, fenugreek pills (9 per day), eating a lactation bar/cookie, remembering to take my calcium supplement daily, and adding an extra (UGH…hate this) pump session at 9:30 pm.
Elle says
You’ve tried most of the things I’d suggest. You could try adding calcium/magnesium during your cycle (look it up on Kellymom). Make sure you’re drinking enough/increase your water intake. That said, I do a quick 10 minute or so pump in the evening a few hours after baby has gone to bed to get an extra 2-4 ounces (depends on the day and how long since he last nursed) usually around 9-10 so I’m not sacrificing sleep or anything but I’m no longer getting enough during the day. It’s not awesome but it’s getting us where we need to go and it’s the choice I’ve made.
KateMiddletown says
I really like the company Legendairy Milk. Their instagram is chock full of helpful tips. They make supplements, which I have tried, but I probably won’t repurchase b/c they’re expensive and I didn’t really notice an increase. The biggest thing for me is just increasing the # of times/day we feed or pump (LCs recommend 6-8 for EP moms… I can’t make that happen unless I do a middle of the night pump which I don’t regularly do.)
Anonymous says
Yeah, at 6 months my LO had a growth spurt and started drinking like 2 oz more at every bottle feed and without LO breastfeeding during the day to stimulate my supply I was never able to make up the difference (even with me adding extra pumping sessions during the work day to the point of ridiculousness). We supplemented with formula. I fell in love with the feeling of LO not being completely reliant on me for sustenance and weaned shortly after.
anon says
just saw someone i know from college post their 62nd!!!!! monthly pic of their child. i know this was discussed recently on this board, but just had to share…
Mrs. Jones says
That’s one of the top 10 reasons I quit Facebook. :)
Anonymous says
OMG.
Anon says
Is it literally labeled “Month 62”? That is some serious commitment there.
anon says
OP here. Yup, it says 62 Months. This person is a full-time working attorney. A part of me things it is being absurd, but a part of me admires the dedication and wishes I was motivated/organized enough to do this because I’m sure it would be nice to have one day. I wonder when she will stop…
Anon says
That is so funny to me. Usually I’m team “live and let live” especially with social media stuff, but this one would make even me laugh.
On one hand, maybe it’d be nice to have some day – but on the other, it’s almost too much! I can’t imagine trying to arrange that many photos into anything work keeping.
Anon says
+1 I think this is hilarious. I like that Chrissy Teigan had an Instagram post a few weeks back listing John Legends some-hundred month “birthday” and listing out his likes and dislikes.
I’m live and let live but I still find this chuckle worthy.
Anonymous says
Once I have to start doing math to figure out how old a kid is rather than intuitively being able to associate months to developmental milestones…
Rainbow Hair says
Haaa if it helps, I initially read this as her posting the 62nd picture of her kid THIS month, and I was like “hmm, I wonder if [my friend] has that beat.”
Redux says
Haha, I posted that comment a couple of weeks ago and someone replied to say their friend had posted weekly for 102 weeks! WEEKS!
lawsuited says
I hope she’s posting ironically and trolling you?
H13 says
I need recommendations for books to read with a five-year-old. A friend recently brought over her teenage daughter’s Skippyjon Jones books and they were a hit. Anything else out there that are fun to read, a bit silly, and have some meat to them?
We had been reading a lot of Ninjago and Star Wars early readers and I think we both enjoy the Skippyjon Jones more. We’ve done Magic School Bus which we like. I adore Elephant and Piggy but we need things that are longer and a bit more complicated.
DLC says
Robert Munsch stories are a huge hit with my kid!
Other favorite books:
Bear on Broadway
Ballet Cat
Z is for moose
The Ling and Ting series (bonus for featuring a set of Asian protagonists)
Oliver Jeffer’s An Alphabet of Stories.
Anonymous says
Ivy and Bean!
FVNC says
My 5 yr old daughter cannot get enough of Ivy and Bean — I credit that series for teaching her to read :)
Anonymous says
OMG my kindergartner keeps checking out those Ninjago and Star Wars early readers (which *I* end up reading to my kids) from the school library. I hate them so much, but they love them. It is torture.
Redux says
For early chapter books (short chapters, lots of pictures, and a bit more complex narrative without being overwhelming) we’ve had lots of success with Judy Moody. My kid also likes the Fancy Nancy chapter books and Junie B. Jones. Friends just gave us some Magic Tree House and Ivy & Bean books, but we haven’t read them yet.
Redux says
Plus Princess in Black!
Anonymous says
Check out the book selections on Read Aloud dot org. They are broken down my age group. Our public library also does a concierge service the librarian can make a recommendation for you.
Staceyi says
I really like the book lists at the blog What We Do All Day. That’s where we found Mercy Watson, Princess in Black, and a ton of others.
Anonymous says
I’m 17 weeks pregnant and have not told work yet… Seems like it’s time. In BigLaw — do I tell my supervising partner first? The managing partner? The HR person? Help! Thank you!
Anon says
Probably office culture (and we’re not super hierarchical and a small office), but I told the partners with whom I had active deals first, followed by the head of our practice group (who I also work with regularly), others in my practice group, followed by others in the office, followed by HR.
Anonymous says
Supervising partner, definitely. But then tell others on your team immediately. Word will spread fast.
Anonymous says
This. I actually looked at the calendars of my 5 key people to tell, figured out a time when they were all in the office and not booked for meetings then started telling in person. Made me more relaxed to know that all my key people found out pretty close together vs leaving someone out of the loop to find out from an assistant.
Anonymous says
Different Anon here. I would add that you can definitely say “I’d like to tell some other folks I work with and/or am close to myself. Would you please hold off until tomorrow before you tell anyone?” I did this with my boss (for like 4 weeks, though…I had some pretty awful nausea that affected my work performance so decided to just let my boss know early because we have a good relationship…pretty much everyone figured it out in the meantime, but such is life).