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Budget Thursday: Metallic Leather Shopper

Recent Recs

I used to have a bag like this when I first moved into the city. I used it so much the handles ended up separating from the bag itself, but it was amazing while it lasted. It was nice enough to bring to work, it held anything and everything, and I stuffed it full on a daily basis. When I came across this bag, I immediately thought it would also be great for hauling everything my toddler needs during an outing, while still looking nice and somewhat put-together. I love the long double handles and the deconstructed, soft leather. My preference in metallics is gold, so that’s another box to check in the pro-ordering column. I’d love to own this bag (again)! It is $89.90 at Zara. Metallic Leather Shopper

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Sales of Note…

(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)

Kid/Family Sales

  • J.Crew – Up to 50% off kids’ camp styles; extra 50% off select sale
  • Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
  • Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off summer pajamas; up to 50% off all baby styles (semi-annual baby event!)
  • Carter’s – Summer deals from $5; up to 60% off swim
  • Old Navy – 30% off your order; kid/toddler/baby tees $4
  • Target – Kids’ swim from $8; summer accessories from $10

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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!

About April

April is a working mom, a longtime reader of CorporetteMoms, and wrote our morning fashion advice for working moms from April 2018 to October 2020. She has one child (born 2/17!) and she’s a public interest lawyer in NYC.

Comments

  1. Clementine says

    Today I told my kid that I’m not going to respond unless he treats me with kindness. I’m just… not gonna respond unless he can be kind and respectful.

    (Confession: sometimes I just give the kid what he asks for because it’s easier or I’m a sucker or I’m on a call or I don’t want more yelling or a dozen other reasons. Today, no more ‘I NEED WATER.’ It’s ‘May I please have some water, Mommy?’ with patient waiting or the highway.)

    May the odds be ever in my favor.

    • Cb says

      We did the same last night. We don’t deliver things unless ‘Please, can I have some milk?’ Going to hold the line for a week and see how it goes. He’s good at thank you but crap at please.

    • Anon says

      Good luck! My attempts with this rule have resulted in my 3yo saying “GIVE ME MILK, please” which is a step ahead of “GIVE ME MILK!!” but not quite what I was going for…

    • EP-er says

      Hahahaha — he’ll catch on quickly. Here are my canned responses:

      I NEED WATER! –> “That’s interesting.”
      GIVE ME WATER! –> “No.” Sometimes I prompt “Try asking nicely.”
      I WANT WATER –> “Huh. What are you going to do about that?”
      May I have water, please? –> Sure, let me get you a cup!

      Good luck — at this age, manners are teachable, and adorable when they get the hang of it.

      • Spirograph says

        Similar in my house. They still default to I WANT WATER when they don’t have all their wits about them, but it’s a lot better. We have had so many conversations about how it’s more effective to ask nicely for what you’d like than complain about what you don’t have. Some day, maybe, it will stick.

        May the odds be ever in your favor!

      • Anonanonanon says

        Hahahaha I do this the same
        “I need water” or “I’m thirsty”> Either “OK” with a blank stare or “OK, what should we do about that?” I try to have them actually politely request something than just declare a problem. This is still a problem with my older one sometimes. He’s almost 10 and will still just go “I’m hungry” in between meals and I have to say “OK. Well, what are you going to do about that?”

        “I want more water”> “OK. I need you to say please and ask nicely before I can get it.”

    • Pogo says

      Ours has swung the pendulum way the other way and now incorporates PLEEEEASE MOMMY into his whining.

    • Anon says

      my two year old twins are still getting the hang of this. one of them doesn’t talk that much yet, but one talks a ton. and she doesn’t seem to totally get that when you give something to the other person, they say ‘thank you.’ so she will give something to me or to her sister and before i can chime in (her sister can’t say ‘thank you’ yet), she says ‘thank you’ as she hands it over. it is beyond adorable

    • DLC says

      Yes! We’ve been having this struggle with my 3 year old. The other day, he said, “I NEED THAT!!!!” I can’t even remember what it was. And smart aleck me said, “The only thing you really need is water, shelter and air. You just want it. Please ask nicely.”
      And then later that day, I said to him, “I need you to sit in your chair.”
      And he says, “You don’t need that. You want that.”
      Hoisted by my own petrard.

    • Anonymous says

      We’ve been pretty hardcore on this for a while. It takes time, but kiddo is making good progress with being home, actually. Whether we give into “I need” or “I want” depends a lot on the tone of the request and kiddo’s overall attitude.

  2. Anonymous says

    I like this bag, but I’m putting away all of my leather bags and carrying only machine-washable fabric bags for the foreseeable future.

  3. Frustrated says

    Anyone else starting to make more mistakes at work? I knew when this began that it would be impossible for me to maintain the same quality and volume of work while at home caring for toddlers, but I’m still really frustrated and I feel like I’m torpedoing a reputation that it took me years to build.

    • Anon says

      I’m not making more mistakes, just falling behind. I also have a toddler at home and a spouse who works in healthcare and cannot help with childcare during the day. I have so little motivation to do what I need to do at my job. I am so tired all the time now. When I try to work while my toddler is awake and she isn’t whining for my attention, she destroys the house pulling everything into the floor within only 10 minutes. She’s played with all her toys and books a thousand times. I am so bored and run down by this routine.

      • Anonymous says

        I am also falling behind. I am only getting a full night’s sleep maybe once every third night, so most of the time I’m a total zombie. Stress about not getting work done is just making the insomnia worse.

    • Anonanonanon says

      Yes. I messed up a formula in a spreadsheet that ended up not being a huge deal, but it was embarrassing because I’m the one that never does that sort of thing. My boss seems to think she has already told me certain things (not important things, but “so and so called to say such and such after the meeting” type stuff) and I don’t know if she really has and I’ve forgotten, or if she thinks she has but she told someone else.

      I feel like the area I’m really slacking on is being a good manager. There are a couple of folks I really need to talk to about some performance or attitude issues (that existed pre-COVID) but I just… can’t. I just don’t have the bandwidth for that uncomfortable conversation right now.

      • Clementine says

        OH, same on the ‘having to have uncomfortable performance conversations that have existed since before I was their manager’.

    • No-Face says

      I’m definitely losing steam. My billable hours keep dropping.

      That said, I did yoga in my living room last night even though the kids were about. Even with interruptions, I genuinely felt better. I’m going to do yoga every day now.

    • Anon says

      Yes I’m either letting things fall through the cracks or making more drafting mistakes (lawyer). I usually proofread on paper and without the ability to print or my two monitor set up I just keep making little errors. I think that’s why the stress is hitting me hard. It’s not just that it’s hard to do – it’s the inevitable reputation hit that comes from poor output that I can’t seem to control.

    • Anonymous says

      Yes, I just feel more and more “done.” Both DH and I have gotten busier, so I really can only do work during naps and after baby goes to bed. Essentially I’m working 12-14 hour days every day but only billing 5-7 hours for it.

    • Anonymous says

      I’m not making more mistakes (that I’ve noticed, yet), but I can’t get anything done efficiently. Literally, I am typing this right now because I need to craft a diplomatic email, but I’m listening to my husband yell over my 1st grader’s tantrum about school work and can’t possibly think straight. They’re having a protracted argument about my son’s inability to sit through a boring 9 minute math video. Husband thinks son’s inability to deal with this is indicative of inability to survive real life because he can’t just take care of his responsibilities and deal with being bored without bursting into tears, and it making this an existential crisis. Son hates online school, likes being yelled at even less, and is sobbing and screaming about how life isn’t fair. If I go out there, my husband will be angry at me for undermining his message and remind me that he’s doing this so I can get my work done, and I’m welcome to take over if I think I can do it better. I’ve talked to DH a million times (out of earshot of the kids for the sake of united front) about how these are extraordinary circumstances and we need to pick our battles and worry more about mental health and family harmony than completing first grade school work. Plus, this background noise sure as #$(*& isn’t conducive to me getting anything more than mindless formatting tasks done. I can’t string more than 10 minutes together without interruption during “normal business hours,” and I miss having focus and flow. I have given up on doing any of my budget-related work before 9pm, because I know I will make mistakes. End vent, so it goes.

      • Anon says

        +1 to missing having focus and flow. Even when I’m not the parent on duty, I find having the kids in the house incredibly distracting.

        • SC says

          +1. I started going back to the office a few afternoons per week. My state is opening up, and my boss is going to make us all come in for good within a couple of weeks anyways. After seeing my April billables, I figure I should do what I can to have a good May.

    • KatieWolf says

      Yes! My brain isn’t working at full speed. I’m also blaming third trimester, though. :)

    • Anon. E. Mouse says

      I just feel fuzzy and everything is taking twice as long. I was really busy for a while, but now I have two productive days a week, and then the other three are just treading water.

      We do have someone as of this week coming to watch the 5 year old for 5 hours a day. That has been awesome, and I’m less stressed, but my efficiency hasn’t gone up, in part because I am so burnt out from the last 7? weeks. I keep reminding myself this is a marathon, not a sprint, but that’s even more exhausting to think about!

  4. anon says

    For those planning to send your kids back to school in the fall, what are your childcare plans?

    The federal government is not developing the testing and contract tracing we need, and my state government is just as bad. My county government and school district can only do so much by themselves, and obviously the county has a giant budget deficit. I am expecting my kids classroom/school to have to shut down constantly over the next few years.

    If the classroom closes because potential covid exposure, I can’t really rely on grandparent care like I do now. Is the answer just switching off sick days with DH? Hunting down any SAHPs with kids in the same class and pay them for days off? Just looking for ideas ahead of time.

    • Anonymous says

      I think making plans like this now is just silly. My plan is to send my kids to school. If it gets shut down I’ll figure it out.

      • Anon says

        Yeah, I’ll get way too anxious if I try to think through all the contingency plans right now. August/September is a long ways away.

      • Anonymous says

        Contingency planning isn’t silly. It’s realistic and reduces stress.

        • Anon456 says

          Fair, but this situation is rapidly evolving. Today’s contingency plan for September could be meaningless come July.

          That said, I really think that in 2-3 weeks time we’ll be able to see how the early-to-open states spread or maybe didn’t, and that will be a big signal to everyone else, rightly or wrongly, about what to do next. I’ve decided to not make any big decisions or spend already precious mental energy on contingency planning until June 1.

        • Anonymous says

          For me, it isn’t realistic and doesn’t reduce stress. I just have no idea what the fall will look like. Kid’s school shuts down two weeks for a local outbreak? I’ll work from home and figure it out. Shuts down for months? I’ll have to hire someone or quarantine for two weeks and move in with my dad. So much depends on what happens with my job that it doesn’t feel like rational contingency planning so much as feeding my anxiety. I’m not putting a nanny on retainer just in case!

        • Anon says

          This is how I normally approach my life but I don’t find contingency planning to be that helpful in this scenario. The situation is just so rapidly developing that it’s impossible for me to get to the level of contingency planning that brings me comfort. I had back up plans on backup plans on backup plans and they all were utterly unhelpful/useless to deal with the current situation so planning for what I think may happen doesn’t bring me much comfort because I literally have no idea what may actually happen

          • Anonymous says

            I agree. I am a huge planner (it’s even a big part of my job). And I don’t see the point right now. I am planning for smaller things that are more controllable (like a possible road trip to in-laws) but I am not bothering with the huge issues where the situation is likely to be outside of the realm of possibility (which is how I would have described what is happening right now a few months ago).

        • Anonanonanon says

          I think this is different for everyone. I’m definitely one of the people who finds it reduces my stress to have plans A-E in place for every scenario I can think of, but other people I know definitely don’t function that way.

      • Spirograph says

        I feel like I can’t contingency plan for this. If school is closed and we’re under a stay at home order, it will be a repeat of what we’re doing now. If school is closed but life in general is at least partly open, my company/manager will allow wfh as needed. I can definitely cover being a responsible adult in the house with children who are not in school; what I can NOT do is play teacher at the same time. Parent co-op vs nanny vs throw up my hands is going to need to be a gametime decision based on current public health reality.

    • Anonymous says

      I feel like we plan and the universe laughs at us. Right before this, we were dealing with lice. There is always something. For the whole time I have been a parent, I’ve had nothing but sudden bouts of WFH (stomach bug, lice, some random virus, suspected chicken pox even though kiddo had had the shot(s), power out at school, water leak at daycare, random fever, it never ends). I just always keep several reams of paper at home and bring home anything urgent for the week every night for the times I’ve been in the office.

      It helps me a lot that I live very close to work and can run in periodically for supplies, big print jobs, etc. if I really have to or it becomes extended WFH.

      We have no local family and our street only has babies on it, so no SAH moms really would want my kids during the day.

    • Lyssa says

      My husband stays home, but we had previously considered him going back to work after both are in school (the youngest will start in fall). We had already been thinking that wasn’t a great option because of the usual school closings, but that’s definitely off the table for the foreseeable future now. Oh, well.

    • Anon says

      I do not think we will have constant school shut downs next year. A lot of progress will be made in the next three months for testing, PPE, new safety procedures, treatments and a possible vaccine. It has been a disaster so far but the stakes are high and necessity is the mother of invention. States will sabotage their economies into an even deeper hole if they close school permanently, and this is simply not sustainable. So they will have to make more nuanced and detailed plans to protect vulnerable populations rather than shutting everything down. That is my hope anyway.

      • Anonymous says

        This is wishful thinking. The deliberate strategy appears to be to let the situation get so bad that we all just give up and accept that hundreds of thousands of people are going to die so that the government doesn’t have to bother to implement testing and contact tracing. I predict that the entire country will look like NY did a few weeks ago, schools will remain open, and people will just say, “welp, too bad so sad.”

        This op-ed summarizes the conclusion I’d already come to:
        https://www.nytimes.com/2020/05/05/opinion/coronavirus-deaths.html

        • Realist says

          Sadly, I agree with anonymous at 10:30. We’re still pretending we live in a country with leadership that cares about us. We do not. Everyday that is more and more clear. I don’t know where the point of no return is, but we are certainly closer to it everyday (if not already past it). The American experiment is possibly coming to an end.

        • Anonymous says

          I read that op ed a couple days ago and found it sadly on point. Combined with the data coming out that the disease is disproportionately impacting minority and poorer populations ( due to long-standing, systemic issues with access to good nutrition and healthcare, plus occupational health impacts), I just don’t see the rich white men in power seeing this as their problem to solve, and it sucks. The right-wing PR machine has gotten so good at brainwashing people to act against their own self-interest because LIBERTY! BOOTSTRAPS! that I’m not sure those in power will be held to account over it. Or I’ll be totally wrong and there will be a big populist uprising.

          • Realist says

            I’m worried about civil unrest, and I am seeing others (that I don’t consider to be paranoid or fearmongering) voicing the same. I can’t tell what might happen, but all of human history can tell you that it is a bad idea to leave a significant portion of the population starving, without access to adequate resources for life. We’re entering dangerous territory. And populist uprising is a danger to many on this board. It is easier to turn around the people in your location that appear “rich” (think bankers, local successful business people) than it is to go after the true bad actors. You can already see it in the vitriol cast against landlords on social media, which is ridiculous because most people have more interests in common with their landlord than they do the billionaire and political class.

          • Anonymous says

            The administration also subscribes to the “prosperity gospel.” The gist is that you get what you deserve. If you’re rich (or don’t die of COVID), it is because you are deserving and God has favored you. If you are poor (or die of COVID), it’s because you are wicked and deserve to suffer. This was apparent in the early rhetoric about the virus’s not being a problem because it only killed the old and fat and sick.

        • anon says

          My state is NOT ramping up testing. My state is NOT hiring a giant team of contact tracers. The white men who run my firm do NOT care if all their working mom employees quit and are replaced by men. My state has already “reopened” though our cases have not dropped. My state’s strategy is to open and let people get the virus. This is my reality.

          If I’m in trial but my kid’s classroom is closed, I can’t just work from home. I need to have back up beyond just my husband. This is why I’m asking what others are thinking.

          • Anonymous says

            Your governor wants you, and all other working moms, to solve this by quitting your job.

          • Anon says

            You know what would be beautiful? Is if we as a society called their bluff by all of the dads quitting their jobs so it was 80% women in the workforce. I suspect they would start coming up with new plans.

          • Realist says

            I love Anon’s idea, but it just isn’t feasible. On the most part, the dads make more money. And not all men are dads. But women spend 80% of the money. We need to shut that down. I’m trying not to consume more than necessary for a lot of reasons, but a general protest against all the things is one of them.

    • Anon says

      What I am more worried about – in the absence of a vaccine – is we will likely live in a world where if ANYONE is sick AT ALL they will have to stay home until they are 100% better. I don’t know about you all, but our schools in pre-COVID world would let kids come in with minor colds etc. Now, that will likely not be allowed? I mean, my kids can take WEEKS to fully get over a cold.

      I don’t have an answer here & don’t mean to throw more anxiety in, but that is what I think the real realistic risk is rather than opining about the COVID shut down path.

      • Anon says

        (Same poster as above) Maybe we can get tested at the Walgreens a few days in to a cold though and show proof we are fine though…. I guess even this is too early to opine on.

        • Different Anon says

          I feel like that would just mean that everyone needs to get tested a handful of times a year, though, right, if you think about how many colds an average kid gets over the winter? I can’t see how that’s at all feasible, when you figure that I live in a “good” state in terms of testing capacity…and that means we have enough tests for 1 in 12 people.

          • Anonymous says

            I read about one strategy to control the virus by testing everyone regularly

  5. BF question says

    Did anyone bre@stfeed and not buy a pump before giving birth? I have a long maternity leave, and am thinking I’ll switch to formula before going back to work. Wondering if I really do need a pump or not. Thanks!

    • Cb says

      I didn’t buy it until I headed back, I was waiting for a sale. I would recommend a couple Haakaa silicone pumps though, in case of being too full or leakage. It’s a great way to collect a bit of milk which you can use for getting baby used to the bottle / getting out of the house.

      • asdf says

        If you’re in the US one pump is covered by insurance (although the accessories are not).

    • GCA says

      I rarely pumped while on maternity leave, but there might be a few reasons you need one:
      – Feel a clog and it’s not time for baby to eat? Massage and pump to prevent mastitis.
      – Balance the load: have partner give baby a bottle, especially on their part of the night shift.
      If you plan to taper off and transition to formula, also, definitely make sure baby takes a bottle!
      – It might not apply if you’re due in the next few weeks, but if you wanted to go somewhere*, you could pump and leave a bottle with caregiver. I wanted to attend a public talk on a university campus when my second was 5 weeks old and didn’t want to bring her to a crowded space with scarce changing tables, so I left her at home with husband and a bottle.

      * remember going places?…that was nice… /weeps

    • asdf says

      I’d get a pump, but in your case I would suggest a small, portable pump. I’m suggesting mostly for your comfort because a long time between nursing sessions can be a bit uncomfortable. For example, sometimes an unexpectedly long nap will cause pressure build up. Also, if you ever want to leave your baby for more than ~3 hours you may want to be able to pump on the road (again, to relieve pressure).

    • Anon456 says

      DD was born with bad jaundice. They used formula to help flush her system. I had to use a pump from basically hour one on to ensure my supply would come in and maintain while we were doing the alternating BF/formula game for about 10 days after birth. I’d strongly having one on hand and also having it sterylized/boiled so it’s ready to go when you get home should you need it. There’s nothing quite like coming home in the midst of a bad physical recovery, with a jaundice newborn, and having to crack open the pump box and figure out what the heck all of the pieces did… oh and then sterilize them and wait for dry/cool down before you can actually use.

      • Pogo says

        posted below… SAME. I remember getting home from the ped in tears on our first day home from the hospital and reading the pump instructions in my room alone.

      • Anonymous says

        That is horrible. The hospital I delivered at sold pumps in its baby store, and the nurses taught me how to use it before leaving.

      • Anonymous says

        Same for me–had to overnight one from Amazon after our first pediatrician appointment post-hospital, b/c baby was jaundiced and had lost too much weight. It was so stressful to have to navigate the many different pump options while simultaneously figuring out how formula works. This is definitely something to buy in advance.

    • TheElms says

      I did pump on leave, but I had supply issues and wanted to build a stash for when I returned to work and wanted to continue breastfeeding and had anticipated work travel. If I had been in your shoes I would have gotten a hakka (good for catching let down on the side you aren’t nursing on that can be the basis of a future bottle that your partner could give), a manual pump (good for relieving pressure or if you decided you wanted to pump once in a while to have a bottle around or a couple bottles in the freezer so you could get a longer stretch of sleep at night, etc.), and the phone number of a good local lactation consultant doing tele-visits that also rents hospital grade pumps. That way if you decided you needed a pump you have the number of the person to call. The first two items together are less than $50.

    • Lyssa says

      I bought a pump, but never even opened the box and wound up re-selling it. If pumping works for you, that’s great, but personally, I never saw a good reason to do it, as opposed to switching to formula before returning to work.

    • Anonymous says

      I had to EP for the first six weeks until the baby decided she wanted to nurse. I came home from the hospital with a rented pump.

    • Pogo says

      I started pumping on like, day 3 of baby’s life. Baby had jaundice and weight loss and while we did supplement, the ped suggested pumping as a way to make sure we knew how much LO was getting (and confirm my milk was actually coming in). I would be nervous not to have a pump unless you’re fine being like, F it, let’s go full formula in the case of any BFing or baby issues. Plus as others say, it was nice to have DH give LO a bottle so I could get a break (although again, if you want to just use formula for that it is also an option, but depending on your supply that could end up drying you up earlier than if you pumped).

    • Anonymous says

      I had a hand me down from a friend and was very glad I did as my son ended up in the NICU for a week, so I needed up pump some while we were separated to establish my supply. I’m sure I could have gotten one quickly but it was nice not having to worry about it. My insurance would not cover a pump – this was 7 years ago and it was grandfathered in due to arcane rules – but the used pump worked fine for me for the year I needed it.

    • Anon says

      I got it for free through insurance, but I didn’t order it until the baby was here, and I didn’t pump until right before going back. (I supplemented with formula early but my baby was primarily breastfed.)

    • anon says

      Do not recommend. I had no intention of pumping on leave, but then baby decided on our fifth day home that he just was not going to nurse on one side for three days. Why? Who knows. My milk was already in and at high tide, as it were. If it weren’t for the pump, I would have been in a lot of pain and potentially headed for clogs/infection. When you are painfully engorging is not the time you need to be buying/shipping/assembling a new pump.

    • Knope says

      I didn’t get a pump before giving birth and I deeply regretted it. I had low supply and from out of the gate the lactation consultant at the hospital urged me to pump. Had to use a manual pump at home and I barely got anything from it.

    • SC says

      My son was born prematurely, before the insurance-covered pump shipped. I had to nurse/pump/bottle feed for several weeks (honestly, it’s all a blur). I rented a pump from the hospital for 3 months to help stimulate supply during that time. (But PSA–don’t use a hospital pump to build a stash because it’s really strong and can lead to oversupply.)

    • Boston Legal Eagle says

      Your insurance should cover a pump (including the highly recommended Spectra) so I’d suggest getting one just in case. I didn’t have to order one ahead of time, I just got one at the hospital when the person came around. I pumped on leave whenever I wanted to leave the house or whenever I had too much pressure.

      • Anon says

        My insurance didn’t cover the Spectra. It really varies what your insurance will cover.

        • anon says

          +1, I was a fed under BCBS and they only covered the crappy Ameda Purely yours, which all my coworkers told me not to even bother getting, and just pay for a spectra OOP. It was super annoying.

    • Anonymous says

      I had a year off and EBF for the first four months, then got a pump so I cold go out more in the evenings but I super hated pumping.

      You can just wait and see if you need it. At least in my area, almost all the 24 hour pharmacies sell or rent pumps so you can pick one up pretty much anytime you need one. I’m in a small cdn city so I’m assuming that’s likely available in most larger places too.

    • Anon says

      I would definitely recommend getting a pump. At the very least the insurance provided one. There is no downside to having it. Everyone’s experience is different, but:
      1) I started pumping in the mornings a few weeks after having my babies (in addition to breastfeeding them full time) to start building supply for when I went back to work (or generally needed excess supply for anything). I found I always had a ton of supply in the mornings, and this incremental pump helped me keep my supply really healthy for awhile. While you might think you won’t need this if you go to formula when you go back to work, both my babies had issues transitioning to formula right away and I had to slowly introduce it over a couple of weeks by mixing them, say, 1/5 formula 4/5 breastmilk, then 2/5 formula 3/5 breastmilk etc. until they got to the full formula bottle.
      2) The advice I always give is, look into the exact recs these days, but I think you are not supposed to give a breastfed baby a bottle for a few weeks ideally (nipple confusion), but in my opinion you want to start giving them a bottle somewhat regularly soon after that so they stay used to it. I think we would give ours one every day or every other day (with pumped milk), with my husband giving it. As some babies get older they become more stubborn about not taking a bottle, which adds a whole new level of stress when going back to work (or needing to do anything away from your baby). Obviously as evidenced by the posts here this won’t happen for every baby, but I do know many it did happen to and the moms were soooo stressed out about it.

      • Katy says

        +1. I pumped starting at ~ 1 mo and my hubby did 1 bottle a day. Then hubby starting working until 10 pm + and we gave it up for a few weeks AND WE COULDN’T GET THE KIDDO BACK ON THE BOTTLE. He would literally scream for 2 hours rather than take a bottle. Obviously we did something wrong.

        He did eventually figure it out after a week in daycare where they spoonfed him milk.

    • stogie says

      I had a pump but ended up preferring to hand express (look up the Marmet technique). It was just as productive for me as pumping, and I didn’t need to carry so much stuff around and wash the parts. I wish I had known to try it before buying the pump.

    • Anonymous says

      I didn’t buy it until a few days after kiddo was born. Our hospital had a shop that sold them, and they pretty strongly were unwilling to sell them until kiddo was born, but they did the insurance paperwork in advance if you wanted. Their reasoning was that the warranties for most pumps are one year from the date of purchase, so if you buy them much in advance, you’ll lose a bunch of warranty while it just sits in the box.

    • AnonLaywer says

      My baby wouldn’t latch and I ended up exclusively pumping for the first six weeks. You could probably rent one from the hospital if you had to, but honestly it just seems easier to go through the insurance process in advance (assuming you’re in the U.S.). It was a minor pain, but I ended up being able to order one online pretty easily.

    • Anonymous says

      With my first, he had jaundice and I came home with a hospital pump (and extra formula at the hospital). That’s because my insurance at the time wouldn’t let you order a pump till after delivery (currently insurance gives you one a couple months ahead of time). Second child I knew I loathed pumping and never used my electronic pump – I did use a hand pump when i needed to try to increase supply or to relieve pressure. I also liberally supplemented with formula from early on. I’d really recommend at least a hand pump though.

    • Patricia Gardiner says

      If you are unsure, I would suggest at least getting a small manual pump. I found it much easier/quicker in the beginning especially for when I wasn’t sure how long baby would nap, until I went back to work and figured out the whole double pumping with nursing bra thing. It was useful to have a way to store a bottle for if I wanted to go out or have a drink!

      • Anon says

        Second this. I used the manual pump the first 3 months at home, and then added the mechanical pump 2 sessions a week to start building up a bit of a stash before I went back to work at 5 months (but my insurance shipped the mechanical pump once I was 2 weeks away from my due date). Either way, if you’re going back to work baby is going to need to get used to a bottle, and my LC recommended at least 1 bottle a week (preferably a couple of times a week) starting at around 4 weeks to make sure kiddo learned how to drink from it before stubbornness set in. If you’re not going to use formula (perfectly fine to do that) you’re going to need a pump of some kind to make that bottle happen.

  6. Snoo? says

    Does anyone have a Snoo? It seems crazy expensive, but also seems like a lot of people REALLY like it and swear by its ability to soothe baby back to sleep (and get parents more sleep as a result). We’re expecting our first so we know nothing.

    • Anonymous says

      I loved it and so have most of my friends. None of us bought them though! One had a generous MIL, a couple rented, and a few of us found them on Craigslist. I bought mine for $400 and just resold it for $350.

    • Snoo Enthusiast says

      Get the Snoo. Bought ours used last year for our first (~600) and it was the best baby purchase of all. It ultimately taught baby to self-soothe and get back to sleep on his own. We just transitioned to crib at 5.5 months with only one rough week. If you have read/plan to read Happiest Baby on The Block, you’ll definitely appreciate the Snoo. I wish I had double-swaddled sooner; once we did he slept through the night at 2 months.

      RE: Cost, yes, pricey, but resale on it is good. We tried to offset the cost by buying stroller (CityMini GT2) used, received tons of hand me down clothes and gear, gifted crib, consigned for other ‘gear’. Ultimately, it is crazy how short of a time they use most of this stuff, but the value of sleep is unmatched!

    • Realist says

      My baby was pre-Snoo, but I did not have a good sleeper. I remember many nights bouncing the baby, and thinking “I would empty my retirement account out right now if someone showed up and promised me 8 hours of sleep. Possibly even 3 hours of sleep would be worth tens of thousands of dollars.” So, I would say go for it if it works as well as they say and you can swing the finances. And going used or renting seems great.

    • ifiknew says

      I’m in the very minority here and among my friends that did not love it. I hated having to clip in my kid and he always woke up while I was trying to do that and the crazy high moving and noise agitated him even more. It worked well literally until he was about 5 days old then it was useless. I ended up paying for a night nurse a few times a week for a few weeks and it was the ebst money spent ever. However, it was my second kid and I had a toddler to take care of during the day so there was no “napping while the baby sleeps” Definitely rent though, it’s so clean and great

    • Anon says

      Depending on your budget, it seems like a lot of money to invest before you know if you’ll need it. I got blessed with 2 easy sleepers, so would have definitely felt like it was a complete waste of money, though I know friends who loved theirs. Maybe figure out rental options so you can get one if it seems necessary for your kid?

  7. BF Question says

    Sorry if this is a double post, looks my first one didn’t go through…did any bre@stfeed and not buy a pump? I have a long maternity leave and am planning to switch to formula before I go back to work, so I’m not sure if I really need one. Is there any reason not to wait until after the baby is born and buy one then if I decide I would like to have one?

    • Anon says

      In today’s world, maybe! I breastfed and then introduced formula but still found the pump useful for things like pumping a bottle so I could go on a date with my husband or pumping so I could sleep one night and get my husband to give the bottle.

  8. Random stuff says

    School-aged kids at home.

    One kid seems to talk 24/7 (including in her sleep). Is she like this at school? Teachers have never mentioned this.

    Kids’ bathroom trashcan has 1 million dixie cups in it every day. Do they each do shots of water throughout the day? This wasn’t previously a thing (e.g., weekends, before every day became Groundhog Day).

    • Realist says

      I remember doing so many “experiments” with Dixie cups in the bathroom as a kid. (You know, mixing magical potions with toothpaste and whatever other bathroom products were in reach.) They are most likely using the Dixie cups for play. Possibly you could get them some reusable cups or those silicone muffin cups or little bowls to play with.

      • anne-on says

        Omg I am SO moving the silicone ‘pinch’ bowls to my kiddos bathroom. He currently uses medicine measuring cups(?1?) and washing them every week is kind of gross…

    • Anon says

      We have metal shot glasses in the kids’ bathroom that are basically the same size/shape as the Dixie cups, but reusable. They get washed when they look dirty, otherwise we just let the kids reuse them…

    • Anonymous says

      I’m just amazed at how quickly our bathrooms become filthy. I have three boys and a husband who just doesn’t seem to notice, so this shouldn’t really have come as such a surprise…

      • anne-on says

        Train the boys NOW. My 8 year old is (unhappily, but still doing) basic chores – dusting his bedroom/toy room, vacuuming, making his bed, etc. He is MUCH more aware of the mess he makes now that he knows screen time goes away until stuff is moderately neat.

  9. Pogo says

    Has anyone moved to a fully or 90% digital filing system at home? We are redoing our office setup and downsizing the desk/filing system. We will certainly be shredding a bunch of old stuff that is not relevant, but going forward I would love to keep less paper.

    If you have, did you buy a scanner and organize all files yourself (seems easiest) or buy one of those things like “Neatdesk”? What do you still keep as paper? Do you store on one of your normal cloud services (@pple, g00gle, etc), buy something different, or just store a hard copy on an external drive? We have actually been audited a few times in recent years and needed to provide files, but I think even the supporting document submission for the audits were digital (DH does the taxes).

    At work I’m like 99% digital, but my company of course has a very robust cloud infrastructure and I’m not liable if something gets lost (for the most part). Curious what others do!

    • Anonymous says

      We store everything on the hard drive of our family computer and back up regularly to two external hard drives. I won’t put personal files in the cloud–too cumbersome and risky.

    • Anonymous says

      I HATE paper and keep as much as possible in digital. I use my phone as a scanner, using an app to scan and then to upload to a cloud service. Some cloud services have built-in scanners. It took a long time to digitize old things and the scanner might be worth it for that process, but now it is not so bad to keep up on maintenance and it is definitely easier to just use my phone to scan in a few pages at a time. Just plan on a few minutes once a week or a bit more time if you do it less often (schedule it, or it doesn’t get done). We use two different cloud services so that hopefully we aren’t going to lose anything crucial. I was sort of forced into this system after a mold problem in a prior house that gave me huge allergy problems to basically all of our stored paper. But now I like having a mostly digital system.

  10. DLC says

    Anyone have tips/ tricks for teaching your kid to rinse and spit? Our dentist suggested we move to flouride toothpaste once our 3 year old learns to spit, but so far no luck. He keeps swallowing the water and then there is nothing left for him to spit out.

    • Anonymous says

      Huh, I was under the impression that the amount of flouride in toothpaste is not really a cause for concern, so while I’ve always tried to get my kids to spit, I’m pretty sure they’ve swallowed their fair share. It’s Toms though so it doesn’t have other weird chemicals? If he’s three, I think he should be able to get it. Maybe make it into a game and practice with water for a while as an “activity” one day?

    • Anonymous says

      Our doctor and dentist has had us using a tiny bit of fluoride toothpaste from the beginning. Older kiddo didn’t really learn to spit till 4. But their advice has also been not to rinse the fluoride off, and to use only a rice grain size amount.

    • Pogo says

      There is an Elmo tooth brushing song/video where he has a specific pause for you to spit your toothpaste. My kid is still in training toothpaste but I’ve talked to him about how big kids spit their toothpaste out like Elmo does in the video. Maybe worth a shot? It even features Bruno Mars! lol

    • CCLA says

      Like others, we have (on dentist advice) used a smear of fluoride toothpaste and just allowed swallowing from about ages 1-3. At 3 we started working on spitting. We practiced with elaborate demonstrations by us using water. We let her pause as often as she needs to spit – early on she’d do it after like 15 seconds, but now can go most of a full 2min brush cycle. So – demonstrate, be prepared for a mess as it dribbles everywhere (we used a tucked in baby washcloth like a bib).

  11. Flora says

    Give me anecdotes about weaning an older toddler. My 26-month old still nurses in the morning after waking up – normally just for 15-20 minutes. She recently gave up a 2nd daily session (post-afternoon-nap), and rarely asks for it at other times of the day (and if she does ask, she accepts “no” without protesting). I’m not terribly anxious to quit, since a single session in the morning isn’t an inconvenience, even at non-quarantine times. (My husband, however, loves to remind me that I said pre-kid that I wanted to be done nursing by the time the baby could verbally ask for it – but he does understand that he doesn’t have a say here). I would like to be done by the time she’s 3, but I don’t want to have to fight her on it. Give me stories of your kids just deciding one day to be done?

    • Anonymous says

      Not my story, but my friends daughter was an eager nursing until 2.5. They tied it to her getting a big girl bed (I’m not a proponent of a bed that early but do what works for you). There were a lot of discussions about how there would be no more nursing once she got the bed. The girl stopped the day her bed arrived. FWIW – I think a lot of people pre-kid say they won’t nurse when a kid asks for it but then change their mind…and also don’t realize how early a kid can talk. I also think this is an antiquated saying from the 80s/90s when breastfeeding rates in the US were low and nursing to 6 months was a long time. My only advice is that nursing is a relationship so if it stops working for one of you then it doesn’t work for both of you.

    • Anonymous says

      My son didn’t decide, but when I announced to him we were done around age 2, he was totally fine with it. He was only nursing as part of the bedtime routine at that point. I explained we would do songs and snuggles instead in the morning. That night, he asked once and I reminded him we were not doing that anymore and he was not upset at all. YMMV because he’s not that strong-willed in general, but I was very pleasantly surprised. I really thought it meant a lot to him.

    • Anon says

      No advice, but I love that you’ve nursed her this long. I know some people can be judgy about it, but I think extended BFing is awesome. (My DD basically self-weaned at 18 months and I was very sad about it, although it was nice that it was a painless process for her.)

      • LadyNFS says

        Late reply so may not help but I weaned my DD at 30 ish months. I hadn’t planned to nurse that long but I also didn’t want it to be a fight or a battle to stop because it was otherwise a beautiful relationship and something I was proud of. I was down to 1-2 sessions a day. I ended up reading a book called “Loving comfort: a toddler weaning story” to my daughter that was actually a beautiful book but also helped her understand how she would no longer be nursing. It took a few weeks and then all of a sudden I realized that she hadn’t asked for it in a few days, which turned into weeks and months. She really seemed to internalize the message and for that time period it was her favorite book that she asked for constantly, so I give the book all the credit. Good luck!

  12. Anonymous says

    Does anyone know how getting tests at LabCorp works? I looked on their website, but it seemed confusing. I’d like to get the Covid-19 antibody test, as I think I had Covid but wasn’t eligible for testing. Do I have to include my doctor, or do they handle ordering the test? Do they work with insurance? I know I should just call my local facility and ask, but I was hoping for some idea of what to expect before I call. Has anyone heard how reliable their test is?

    • Anon says

      I was just on a call yesterday with a doctor that said antibody testing currently has a 20% false negative rate. I did not get a chance to ask about false positives.

    • Anon says

      I work in science (although not virology) and the consensus from everyone I know is that these tests are worthless due to the high false positive rate and the fact that it’s not really known if antibodies make you immune or how long that immunity would last. A lot of experts seem to believe it could wane relatively quickly, so even if I have antibodies now I’m not necessarily going to have immunity in 3 months.

      • Anonymous says

        Why do experts believe it would wane? I understand that if the virus mutates the antibodies may not be relevant anymore. But it doesn’t seem common for virus antibodies/immunity to just wane without other factors. What makes this different?

        • Anon says

          Yes, it is common for virus immunity to wane. You are not always immune to a virus for life, although there are some like measles that are known to give you lifelong immunity. It really varies how long immunity lasts. One well-known example is norovirus (stomach flu), which only gives survivors immunity for a few months. For SARS there were studies showing survivors experience a significant drop-off in antibody levels two years after infection, so immunity might not last much longer than that.

          I can see how psychologically it would be comforting to know you’ve survived the disease though, since if you’ve survived it once and had a mild case, you’re unlikely to get seriously ill from it in the future. Since OP clarified that she’s using this more for her own comfort level (eg., deciding on sending kid back to daycare) it makes sense to me. I would not feel comfortable going to visit elderly relatives just because I’d had a positive antibody test though.

          • Anonymous says

            Interesting. I didn’t know that about norovirus. I assumed it was one that mutates a lot like colds and flus.

            I haven’t read that if you survived it once with a mild case, you’re unlikely to get seriously ill form it in the future. Is that widely believed and/or published?

            Genuine questions and comments here – thanks for answering.

          • Anon says

            You’re right that there are a ton of norovirus strains, so the fact that you get stomach flu twice doesn’t mean you got the same strain twice. But reinfection with the same strain is possible on a much shorter time frame than many other viruses.

            There’s two separate reasons why a mild COVID case would predict mild illness in the future: 1) even if your antibody levels wane enough that you can get reinfected, you would likely still have some low-level antibodies that would offer some protection and make the clinical course more mild than your first infection; 2) there are a lot of factors in who gets seriously ill from COVID with age being the biggest one (and sex and certain underlying conditions also being important) but genetics is also a big factor. Immune systems are super complex and the mechanisms of why and when they overreact are not fully understood, but some immune systems just seem to go haywire and overreact, which can cause more damage than the virus itself. If you had it once and didn’t get seriously ill, you presumably don’t have one of those immune systems. Of course, if it mutates into a more lethal virus, than someone who had mild illness previously could still die, but this seems very unlikely at this point. It is mutating relatively slowly compared to most viruses, and so far none of the mutations appear to change the severity of the disease. To the extent it mutates in a way that affects severity, it would be more likely to go the other way. Since someone who is mildly ill can infect more people than someone who is dying, it’s to a virus’ advantage not to kill its host.

    • anon says

      It does not require a doctor and is not run through insurance. Price a friend paid was $119. Reliability is suspect, though. The advice I heard was to take it with other people in your household who you think may also have been exposed, that way if you all get negative or positive you can be pretty sure it is right.

      • OP says

        That’s helpful. We, and our doctors, are pretty confident my husband and I had it. I’d really like to get all three of us in my house tested (DH, me, 4.5 year old daughter). In many ways so I can feel less guilty about sending kiddo back to daycare in a few weeks when our state reopens in order to regain some sanity.

  13. Sending out a SOS says

    Wanted to thank you all for your feedback yesterday. It meant a lot. DH and I hit a turning point yesterday and had a break-the-glass level conversation on things we had been holding back. I realized in almost 10 years of being together we had NEVER had a conversation like that.

    In short, he’s had a lot of resentment build over the years and some revisionist history; the news of a second kid he was always on the fence about put him over the edge. I’m not perfect, but I stood my ground and brought receipts to and challenged some of his memories/past perceptions. We both agreed we have work to do to on our partnership (and agreed that…certainly COVID-19 hitting 2 months after moving to a new city while both working remotely in a 700 sq foot short-term rental flat with toddler and puppy underfoot isn’t helping), and I am looking into virtual couple’s therapy, which I hope leads HIM to his own therapy, or at least a space where I can bring it up organically. Recommendations welcome. He’s still making some cranky comments like “There goes the vacation home in southern France”, but then also asked me this morning “Do you think it’s a girl?”, so as many of you said, it’s setting in (but his reaction was…not okay).

    And I’m hoping and praying for a healthy pregnancy – getting scanned next week! Please send all good vibes my way, and again, thank you all. Very grateful for this community.

    • AnotherAnon says

      All the good vibes. Proud of you for having a hard conversation. I’ve found Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work helpful. Full disclosure, there is a LOT of homework.

    • Anon says

      I thought he overreacted and would back it up eventually, but wow, it was a lot for you to handle.

  14. IHeartBacon says

    Paging Anonymous anonymous who starts her day at 4 pm from yesterday’s post:

    Did I write that post? (Was I sleep-typing???) What is happening in your house is exactly what is going on in mine. Every day is a battle in my house about time and childcare because we each know that whoever has to give the most time to childcare is taking a hit to their career/work reputation. I have so much despair about this whole thing. I am so angry about how everyone is ignoring the big elephant in the room about how when everyone is supposed to return to work, but there is still no childcare, a lot of women are going to have to leave the workforce (permanently, temporarily, it doesn’t matter). Not everyone can afford a nanny, which is what everyone is just expecting families to do once it’s allowed. (In full candor, my family can afford a nanny, which we have, but we pay her nearly $70k a year w/overtime. How many families can actually afford that??? And if you can afford that, it’s usually because you work in a job that demands so much of your time, hence the viscous time-childcare spiral I’m currently in.) So when employers start telling families to return to work, and the unemployment office tells families that they’re stopping unemployment because they have work available to them, and the childcare is still not open, what are families going to do? They’re most likely going to ask themselves who makes less, and that person will have to sacrifice the work. I know I’m going to get some responses commenting on how their husband is the one who would end up staying at home, but a couple exceptions here and there are exactly that: exceptions. Across the board, it will be the women that we lose from the workforce, and a part of society (even if just a small part) will be happy for it. Everyone knows it, but no one is willing to say it. The whole thing makes me so distraught.

    • anon says

      I agree that this is going to set back women immensely. One of the people I supervise told me, flat out yesterday, that her family was prioritizing her husband’s job because they have to. And believe me, I get it. I know he’s the breadwinner; my husband is, too. But it breaks my heart that this is what it’s coming too. Bright women WILL be leaving the workforce. It’s inevitable.

    • CCLA says

      I feel this so hard. I worry what the workforce and glass ceilings will look like when my young daughters get older. I’m one of the exceptions – DH would be the one to step back if needed. But we’re not the norm, I see it with my coworkers and friends, I see it in the ignorance from firm management when thinking about (a) going remote to start and (b) reopening, and I’m sad and angry (I speak up internally, but it’s a small firm and this is an issue for the entire workforce of our nation). No solutions, lots of commiseration.

    • Boston Legal Eagle says

      Yes, you’re 100% right, and it makes me angry and sad too. My family is one of those exceptions that you mention but overall I do see more women leaving the workforce, or taking a career hit and then making less money, continuing this vicious cycle. It was hard enough before with daycare being so expensive and not subsidized by the government, and now that’s not even an option for most of us. McConnell couldn’t have planned this better if he tried. All I can do now is continue to fight by staying in the workforce full time and being one of the few in management who is aware of the value of caregiving and hope that others one day will value it too.

      • IHeartBacon says

        “All I can do now is continue to fight by staying in the workforce full time and being one of the few in management who is aware of the value of caregiving and hope that others one day will value it too” Yes!

    • Anonymous anonymous says

      Just so angry and sad. If the election even happens in November, women especially have the most to lose if it isn’t fair. We all need to vote and we need to be prepared to be in the streets to enforce the results. We can either get back or lose 50 years of progress over the next few months.

      • Anon says

        i am so so petrified of the election. i don’t know if i can handle another 4 years of this nonsense. i also unfortunately live in a state (TX) where our governor is as bad as our president. note – we are not native Texans and if i could leave TX i would, but i don’t think we will anytime soon. I wish our governor would just let my city (Houston) do what it wants. it is truly scary to live here. there are no repercussions for businesses not complying with social distancing measures

        • More Sleep Would Be Nice says

          Hi! Native Texan and Houstonian here. Couldn’t agree more – the cities (Houston, Dallas, etc.) should have been allowed to do what was needed; they really rolled out interventions early and have saved so many folks. My heart hurts every time I see the Mayor or County Judge at press conferences or doing interviews since this terrible call from the Governor came out. Mayor Turner was on Wolf Blitzer’s show yesterday and legit said “It’s a too soon for me”. The tough part is the folks who are going to the restaurants are probably the ones that never took this seriously in the first place and yet will cause the second spike.

    • LittleBigLaw says

      Yep. The silence around this issue is deafening. By now, it seems really, perfectly clear that many leaders (business and government) have decided to sacrifice women’s progress in the labor market as an acceptable casualty of this pandemic. If we ever doubted that the system wasn’t made for us…. I think what really angers me the most is thinking about how the same businesses who’ve been competing to provide the flashiest benefits to moms (like long maternity leaves, shipped breastmilk, etc.) in recent years are largely doing nothing to address this issue. Being on a “Friendliest for Working Moms” list doesn’t mean much if you hang those same moms out to dry when it really counts.

    • Anon says

      Yes, this is hitting women so much harder than men and it’s so frustrating. My employer is going to start ordering people back on July 1 (which admittedly is some time after our state “reopened”) but our on-s1te childcare (which my kids attend) is closed “indefinitely.” Like…do you not see the irony in this!? You are literally ordering your employees to work while also telling them they can’t have any childcare. My husband makes 3x what I do and we can live comfortably on his salary but not on mine, so financially I will have to be the one to step back if it comes to that. But I hate that we are being put in this position. We both wanted to work! We are both good at our jobs! We both add value to our employer and society. Ugh.

      • Pogo says

        That’s awful in so many ways. I feel so lucky we’re not being “ordered” back to work! We’re doing our own phased approach and as it stands I will be one of the last phases (and this has to be AFTER our local government starts reopening). I will more than likely not go back into the office before #2 is born based on the estimated timeline I heard today on a call. I am weirdly very sad about it, but glad my company is taking this super seriously.

        • Anon says

          It is a phased reopening and I’m not in the first phase that has to go back July 1 either. And our government started opening May 1, so from a public health standpoint, I feel like it’s not unreasonable. But it’s not reasonable to ask *anyone* (even janitors and people like that who clearly can’t do their jobs from home) to come back to work without childcare.

          • Pogo says

            Ah OK. Yeah we aren’t asking anybody to go back anywhere yet where there’s no school/childcare (as of right now).

    • lawsuited says

      Yeah, if my family is forced to choose who will keep working outside the home and who will take care of our 2 toddlers, I will be the one who keeps working outside the home because I earn more. But forcing my husband to confront the fact that he earns less than me, making a full-time caregiver gig neither of us wants the consequence for losing the “who makes more” contest, and generally unearthing the expectations toxic masculinity has for both our gender roles, will at best create an angry, resentful home environment for the whole family and at worst end my marriage. So, there are no winners here.

      • IHeartBacon says

        Yep, and this is a whole other issue (and so well-said). I suspect another thing that will pressure a lot of women to make the work sacrifice is the exact dynamic you’re talking about. We can all pretend we’re super evolved, but I worry a lot of relationships just won’t survive “making a full-time caregiver gig neither of us wants the consequence for losing the ‘who makes more’ contest.” So well said.

  15. anon says

    A fun question for everyone — I’d like to get my favorite mom friends a small Mother’s Day token. It’s not something I do normally, but I designed a funny card because I figured that everyone can use some cheering up for now. What should I do? Booze? Candles? Chocolate? I’m looking at spending no more than $10-15.

    • AnotherAnon says

      Per the rec of Cb yesterday, I’m going to send my mom friends a Polish Pottery mug each. I really enjoyed picking a pattern that fits each of their personalities.

      • Realist says

        So lovely. I spent 15 minutes just appreciating all the patterns yesterday. If anyone knows an Etsy site or somewhere reliable that offers gift cards for Polish Pottery, I’m open to it. The sites that offered gift cards looked too difficult to navigate for my mother.

    • Anon says

      I sent my mom a pretty face mask : ) Necessary, no one probably has enough for the future, and you can find them for $10-15 easily

    • Anonymous says

      On the main site there’s a comment linking to Johnny Was masks. They are actually lovely! Wouldn’t arrive by mother’s day, but this would be a fun gift to receive — fun and a bit frivolous but actually useful.

  16. Anon says

    Primary is making face masks for toddlers and kids in their signature rainbow stripe. I thought it was a joke when I first read it but it’s real. I’m simultaneously happy and sad that this is a thing.

    • Boston Legal Eagle says

      My 4 year old will love this – rainbow is his favorite color. I guess it’s time to build his collection of facemasks…

    • AnotherAnon says

      This is sweet and sad. Slight TJ; will you send your kid to day care/school in a mask when it opens? I honestly hadn’t even thought of this but I’m being “strongly encouraged” to wear a mask when I return to work. And let’s be honest I touch my face about 10% as often as my kiddo does. Ok 50% less often.

      • Anon says

        I won’t. DD is only 2 so I don’t think it will be required, and I think she would be constantly taking it off and playing with it so it might do more harm than good. I figure if any kids in her class get sick she’ll get it anyway. If she were a year or two older I might try to get her wearing one though.

  17. CPA Lady says

    I think those of us who are forced back into the workplace should bring our children with us to the office if childcare is not open. (I don’t necessarily REALLY think that, but… I kind of do. If it were massive, sustained, and annoying enough it would make a heck of a great protest.)

    • CPA Lady says

      I will add that I’m in a state that is rushing to open and my workplace is expecting all employees back in the office by the end of the month. It makes me so, so angry.

    • Anon says

      Yes! It would be good for my kid too, to see some humans who are not her mom and dad. LOL.

    • lawsuited says

      This is a great idea! I have a colleague whose toddler sits on her lap through video calls and it’s a great visual reminder of the reality many of us are working in.

    • AnotherAnon says

      My husband joke-suggested this. I’m tempted to do it, as my 20-somethings male colleagues all get along swimmingly with my 3 y/o boy. I have to say that even though my org is being ridiculous, my boss is being very flexible and I don’t think it will come to that. Day care is supposed to open May 18.

  18. anon says

    Supposedly, our daycare is reopening May 18, although I’ll be surprised if it happens that soon. I am desperate for child care, but do I really want my kiddo back in a group setting? I’m not worried about her getting sick, but having in her in group care pretty much means we’re choosing daycare instead of seeing grandparents for the next however many months. (They aren’t seeing each other currently, but right now, my kids are highly unlikely to be vectors since they haven’t been ANYWHERE.) This just really, really s*cks. We chose to live close to our families for a reason, you know?

    I don’t know how much longer I can stand WFH without some extra help. If daycare reopens, we will start getting charged for our spot again. The other thought is to pull DD out of daycare/preschool completely because she starts kindergarten in the fall. That would mean finding a sitter … and who would that be, exactly?

    • Anon says

      Do they live close enough to provide childcare? That seems relatively safe if you’re all otherwise self-isolating. Otherwise are they close enough that social distanced outdoor visits are possible? Like you all meet up for the day at a park or playground and you talk and they watch her play, but you try to not have physical contact. A 4 or 5 year old should be able to understand she can’t hug them. I feel you though, it’s a hard choice. My parents (close enough to drive, but not close enough to visit without spending the night) are visiting us for 2 weeks starting this weekend, in anticipation of our toddler going back to daycare in June. After that we probably won’t see them in person for months. We need childcare and I believe my kid needs socialization with other kids more than she needs in-person contact with her grandparents. But if they were close enough to provide childcare we might have made a different decision. We Skype them every day currently and hope to keep that up even once she’s back in daycare.

    • Anon says

      in your case i might choose no daycare, and depending on the health/risk levels of the grandparents – can they provide some childcare. could you expand your ‘germ circle’ to include them?

    • anon says

      Unfortunately, they are not good candidates for child care. Both have serious mobility issues and can only manage 1-2 hours of care at a time. They are high-risk for COVID due to preexisting conditions.

    • Anonymous says

      Not seeing grandparents makes me so sad. My in-laws are in good health but are also ultra-cautious, so I really can’t predict when we’ll see them again. I could see them deciding “what the heck” like tomorrow and visiting for the weekend. I could also see them emerging from their home once every 2-3 weeks for essentials indefinitely. My mom is high risk but also ready to get on with her life. I could see her visiting if we’ve been isolating first. The problem is that I don’t know if that will truly work with timing since daycare will be an option for us in a few weeks.

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